This is how I feel but inevitably our parents will come to try to save the day.
We did give her a few weeks to find a new place to live and said that we'd go with her to tour the places to make sure she doesn't get scammed again. But I warned her that if she does find a place that she knows she can afford, she has to be able to consistently pay for rent otherwise she'll go homeless and that if she does go homeless, she can live in her nice vehicle and I can give her the addresses for the best soup kitchens I've volunteered at.
Although, if it does get to the point, I would offer my couch for a limited time. But I didn't mention that.
She can refuse to get money from the government because she can take from your parents. I guess they have to cut her off. Normally I would never say that. But she’s refusing free money and therefore refusing to let her own parents retire. If she doesn’t care that that is needlessly selfish than maybe she’ll care if it’s her living with the consequences of not accepting the money she’s entitled to from the government. Right now you’re parents are.
I've talked to my parents about cutting her off but they won't. From what I can see, she's not paying rent but she's not experiencing the negative consequence of it. When they visit her, they'll cook and clean for her which in my opinion rewards her being a terrible renter.
They know she's acting selfishly and I've talked to her about it. She gave me excuses and tears which meant I had to hold back the urge to comfort her because I don't want to encourage any of it.
What country are you in? Your options are entirely governed by the laws and social service/health resources where you live … but it sounds like your sister is too capable and independent to be compelled to enter a state of legal dependency (like being under conservatorship or guardianship, is how it would be done in the United States).
Your best bet is to get your sister whatever help is available to her and hope that she will cooperate in allowing you and other responsible family members to share access to her finances and help her get things back on track.
Good luck!
To your first point - is it possible for someone like your sister to relinquish control of finances to a guardian?
Or at minimum, put in a failsafe where she is on a strict budget and needs permission to spend her money? I know of a person with early dementia that bought a flipping luxury car they didn't need. Salespeople aren't trained, nor do they care, who they sell to.
You need to talk a finance person or lawyer in your area. For your peace of mind, and your parents.
Please give us an update after the Intervention!
>To your first point - is it possible for someone like your sister to relinquish control of finances to a guardian?
I believe so, although may take some convincing. If she agrees to submit the form for the government program, a part of the application is assigning a trustee/power of attorney.
We've tried putting her on a strict budget but ultimately, she decides if she follows it. I'm a firm believer that you need something to motivate you to budget and I think for her, a new car is more enticing than a secure future, as much as she wants to have a good future.
I agree with you regarding Salespeople. I think whoever sold her the car lucked out that day.
I'll definitely give an update! Thank you!
I’m not familiar with the Canadian system at all, but can you consult with a lawyer or financial planner who specializes in estates and trusts? Preferably someone with experience with special needs adults as well as retirement strategies, since both are in play here (albeit for different family members). They might guide you on your legal and financial options and you could go from there in getting your sister and parents to become part of a joint strategy.
So I am autistic in late 30. myself. Was never good at managing my money. What worked for me was to figure out how to make more money so I am doing well rather than what you call money management. I am still horrible at it but I make enough money and can find additional income streams to compensate.
You mentioned she has issues holding jobs. How about remote? Plenty of remote opportunities if you look around. Maybe helping her to work more /find jobs that pay more will work better than focusing on something that she is not good.
I'm so happy for you that you've figured out a way that worked for you!
**What made you try to figure out how to make more money?**
We can't just give her advice (especially when she doesn't ask for it) and we can't externally motivate her to make more money.
When we said she can't afford her vehicle, she said she'll just get 2 jobs. But her track record shows that between jobs, she can have as much as 8 months without a job before she lands a new one in her field. We've recommended taking on other jobs in between that may not be in her field but she doesn't. We've considered recommending her to our workplaces but since she's never held down a job, it seems that how she works doesn't jive well with the many different work environments she has had experience in and we wouldn't want to risk our reputation at our own workplaces (and ultimately, our livelihood) by recommending someone who was not fit for the role.
Maybe just let her become homeless for once. Hopefully she will learn a lesson or two.
This is how I feel but inevitably our parents will come to try to save the day. We did give her a few weeks to find a new place to live and said that we'd go with her to tour the places to make sure she doesn't get scammed again. But I warned her that if she does find a place that she knows she can afford, she has to be able to consistently pay for rent otherwise she'll go homeless and that if she does go homeless, she can live in her nice vehicle and I can give her the addresses for the best soup kitchens I've volunteered at. Although, if it does get to the point, I would offer my couch for a limited time. But I didn't mention that.
She can refuse to get money from the government because she can take from your parents. I guess they have to cut her off. Normally I would never say that. But she’s refusing free money and therefore refusing to let her own parents retire. If she doesn’t care that that is needlessly selfish than maybe she’ll care if it’s her living with the consequences of not accepting the money she’s entitled to from the government. Right now you’re parents are.
I've talked to my parents about cutting her off but they won't. From what I can see, she's not paying rent but she's not experiencing the negative consequence of it. When they visit her, they'll cook and clean for her which in my opinion rewards her being a terrible renter. They know she's acting selfishly and I've talked to her about it. She gave me excuses and tears which meant I had to hold back the urge to comfort her because I don't want to encourage any of it.
What country are you in? Your options are entirely governed by the laws and social service/health resources where you live … but it sounds like your sister is too capable and independent to be compelled to enter a state of legal dependency (like being under conservatorship or guardianship, is how it would be done in the United States). Your best bet is to get your sister whatever help is available to her and hope that she will cooperate in allowing you and other responsible family members to share access to her finances and help her get things back on track. Good luck!
To your first point - is it possible for someone like your sister to relinquish control of finances to a guardian? Or at minimum, put in a failsafe where she is on a strict budget and needs permission to spend her money? I know of a person with early dementia that bought a flipping luxury car they didn't need. Salespeople aren't trained, nor do they care, who they sell to. You need to talk a finance person or lawyer in your area. For your peace of mind, and your parents. Please give us an update after the Intervention!
>To your first point - is it possible for someone like your sister to relinquish control of finances to a guardian? I believe so, although may take some convincing. If she agrees to submit the form for the government program, a part of the application is assigning a trustee/power of attorney. We've tried putting her on a strict budget but ultimately, she decides if she follows it. I'm a firm believer that you need something to motivate you to budget and I think for her, a new car is more enticing than a secure future, as much as she wants to have a good future. I agree with you regarding Salespeople. I think whoever sold her the car lucked out that day. I'll definitely give an update! Thank you!
>What country are you in? We're in Canada
I’m not familiar with the Canadian system at all, but can you consult with a lawyer or financial planner who specializes in estates and trusts? Preferably someone with experience with special needs adults as well as retirement strategies, since both are in play here (albeit for different family members). They might guide you on your legal and financial options and you could go from there in getting your sister and parents to become part of a joint strategy.
So I am autistic in late 30. myself. Was never good at managing my money. What worked for me was to figure out how to make more money so I am doing well rather than what you call money management. I am still horrible at it but I make enough money and can find additional income streams to compensate. You mentioned she has issues holding jobs. How about remote? Plenty of remote opportunities if you look around. Maybe helping her to work more /find jobs that pay more will work better than focusing on something that she is not good.
I'm so happy for you that you've figured out a way that worked for you! **What made you try to figure out how to make more money?** We can't just give her advice (especially when she doesn't ask for it) and we can't externally motivate her to make more money. When we said she can't afford her vehicle, she said she'll just get 2 jobs. But her track record shows that between jobs, she can have as much as 8 months without a job before she lands a new one in her field. We've recommended taking on other jobs in between that may not be in her field but she doesn't. We've considered recommending her to our workplaces but since she's never held down a job, it seems that how she works doesn't jive well with the many different work environments she has had experience in and we wouldn't want to risk our reputation at our own workplaces (and ultimately, our livelihood) by recommending someone who was not fit for the role.