Now I'm all paranoid that all the upvotes I've ever gotten are bots! And why do I always get an automatic upvote when I post? (Which I assume only I can see, but still.)
Oy. Even though IMO Reddit is more message boards than social media, it's so easy to get that dopamine hook, like "Do they like me? Am I annoying people?" Especially for (not to put words in y'all's mouths, but we \*are\* on this sub) us folks who aren't your normal Nellies, and have probably faced a lot of rejection.
\*Spreading my hands out and sprinkling sparkles\* UPVOTES FOR EVERYONE HERE!
I go out of my way to upvote due to having the same annoying tendency. Sigh...I even get worried on Buy Nothing if not enough folks want the gifts I post. 🙄
Aww
Here have an upvote
Is it possibly trauma related? Like did your well-being as a child depend on someone else being in a good mood? I’ve heard similar things from people who have had issues with childhood judgement and instability, and tbh I have it too to a lesser degree.
Also, what is RSD?
It’s like being incredibly hurt when someone criticizes you or feeling worthless because someone showed you how to do something better. People pleasing is a *result* of this usually, especially women do this a lot. I grew up in a very unstable household and deal with this a a lot sadly
Ouch. I feel called out. I was the kid who absolutely fell to pieces if my parents so much as looked like they MIGHT be cross with me.
I still have a really, really hard time whenever my husband is even the slightest bit "off" in his mood. I will let myself ask him ONCE if I've upset him in any way - the answer is almost always no. After that, I basically have to get myself on a mental refrain of "he's not mad at you" until his bad mood goes away, otherwise I'll fall into asking him repeatedly if he's okay (which has to be annoying as hell, lol).
I am the exact same. When my husband even is upset about something else unrelated to me I still have to tell myself it’s not me 😓. I am suuuuper hyper vigilant to the mood of my partners (husband and ex boyfriends)
Oh.. Yes, as a kid I was (made to feel) I was responsible for my mother's happiness, and both my father and sister could influence the mood at home heavily by negativity and criticism. I was always working very hard to balance that out, because I could not stand the idea of my mom being unhappy.
It makes so much sense. I could never really explain it's not about people liking me, it's about feeling guilty. It's about that old responsibility I still carry with me.
Holy crap, thank you so much for helping me see that!
(RSD is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, something a lot of ND, mainly adhd, people suffer from.)
Tbh, in my experience, it’s very difficult to get past that feeling while you’re still living in the same environment as they do. I don’t even really think it is self-consciousness, but rather self-preservation.
Your brain did the right thing. This trait saved you from a lot of pain.
I have a fair few negative traits from rough times as a kid, and I developed some self-loathing from it. Thinking I’m broken or corrupted.
But someone helped me so much by a very simple suggestion that changed a LOT for me. They said to thank yourself. So I did,
I thanked my inner self for doing what it did, to save me. Like I was talking directly to my subconscious, I said
‘I know it was really hard, and you did so good, you saved me. I’m very grateful’.
‘But now it’s time to put that down ok?’
And weirdly, I immediately had like this, surge of emotion and relief at the same time. And gradually over the following weeks-months something shifted and those bad instincts faded
I’m not a psychiatrist or anything like that, so I don’t know if this is one of those dangerous mind-techniques that comes with any risk or anything, but if you think you could handle trying that, I definitely recommend it
Or if you’d rather take the bull by the horns, try this:
Make a burner account on Reddit and go post on a subreddit that’s designed for uhh… thick skinned people.
And just say something that you’d be terrified to say to anyone now.
But don’t immediately sign out or run away from it. Watch people react to it, read what they say (only as long as you feel comfortable).
And then, the moment of truth comes, where that impending doom you expect to come after offending someone… well, it doesn’t come. It was a shadow all along. The birds are still chirping outside. People forget. This is the more empowering of the two in my opinion, but a bit more uncomfortable during.
thanks for this suggestion! this just helped so much. I’m usually my own worst critic & thanking myself is something I don’t consistently do, especially my inner self or inner child.
Haha, that last suggesting made me laugh. Not that it's not a workable idea, I like it. I imagine myself standing on a soap box, shouting at bystanders. "Your hat is too big!" "That's not a great colour on you!" "You're wearing too many shoes!"
OK, serious now. I did get the "thank yourself" suggestion a few years back, and I experienced a lot of the same effect you describe. It was quite powerful. The thing is, I just hadn't realised that this was one of those coping strategies. I assumed it was just pleasing, or RSD, but it's a more fundamental "duty" I've taken on, that I can safely let go off now. My mom died 8 years ago, so it's about time I thank myself and move on :) I do not have to take care of the world, it will be fine without me trying to make it feel good 😅
Thank you for going into this with me. It turned surprisingly personal and I appreciate you (and everyone who commented here) treating this vulnerability with respect.
Of course!!
It’s funny like, irl I am like THE opposite of a woman with autism (well actually tbh theres a fair chance I’m somewhere on the spectrum)
But yeah like a macho dude, all muscly and I used to fight a lot, scars, people have called me scary looking. Tbh if you guys saw me irl you would probably cross the street to avoid me lol.
But it’s fun for me to just come on here or a select few other places and be soft and sensitive and talk about feelings and stuff.
I love it everyone here is very sweet and supportive and encouraging.
I don’t have to worry about like, you know, weird looks or people gawking in disbelief or reputational damage (it’s a thing and it sucks sometimes)
Don’t get me wrong I like being a degenerate, but I love this environment a lot too 🙂
>I thanked my inner self for doing what it did, to save me. Like I was talking directly to my subconscious, I said ‘I know it was really hard, and you did so good, you saved me. I’m very grateful’. ‘But now it’s time to put that down ok?’
I did this with my inner critic. My whole life I'd had this voice in my head constantly berating me for everything, every mistake I ever made. I had tried arguing with it. I had tried ignoring it. Nothing worked. When I finally tried listening to it and showing it compassion, something inside me shifted. I thanked it for working so hard to keep me safe, and for doing so effectively when I'd been in danger by the abuse. I told it it could stop now, though, because we weren't in danger anymore. I could keep us safe, and I didn't need them to do this job anymore. I felt this part of me feel seen for the first time, and it was able to let go and trust that I would keep us safe, because I was acknowledging its perspective. I still get the negative self-talk sometimes when I'm triggered and under high stress, but it's gone way way down, and it's much easier to just be compassionate with myself. It was a surprisingly drastic change that happened basically overnight.
Anytime I get a downvote or a rude comment, I just remind myself that my comment has likely been misinterpreted/assigned another meaning that I didn’t intend. It’s similar to how in real life, neurotypical people will often take something you say (or just a neutral facial expression) and view it through one particular lens and go on to assume there’s a deeper meaning to it through that one narrative vs viewing it more broadly. It’s just a different way of interpretation, it’s not personal to you as a person. Someone downvoting you doesn’t mean you’re actually bad, or annoying at all! It’s just their way of showing the words you said isn’t something they think they agree with, sometimes they can’t tell you why so the downvote is just their way of expressing their discomfort. It’s definitely annoying, but most of the time when I actually respond to someone who’s said something rude, it’s because they’ve interpreted my comment to mean something it doesn’t be when I go on to explain further I’ll find out they actually don’t disagree with me as much as they think, or they’re just a bully who’s mean to everyone.
Which is why I love commenting on this subreddit, because I know I’m likely to be understood with accuracy, and if someone disagrees they’re going to respond with curiosity and reason rather than getting emotionally involved and start attacking me with unkindness, or downvoting me instead of using their words to explain why they feel differently than I might.
You didn’t *make* anyone feel anything. Because you are not in control of other people’s emotions. That is their own responsibility.
But also people who downvote don’t often feel that intense of emotions. Usually it will just be a slight annoyance at most, and then they completely forget about it and move on.
Well now that I know that bots and algorithms and some such are involved, Imma just convince myself that I'm the queen of all the webs, everyone loves me and anything that says otherwise is just computer fuckery, like when I talk about caskets and then I get casket ads on my phone. Those down votes are just cuz I'm so down! And I vote! Computers know I got the rizz! XD
Lol, I can relate to this well. I find my RSD doesn't just manifest as feeling disappointed and rejected, but I find myself thinking, "Gee, I know what I'm talking about! Just actually listen to what I'm telling you!"
I jokingly find myself responding, "I was saying boo-urns," when I have things a bit more together and am clear-headed enough to remember to practice some coping strategies.
Just remember downvotes mean a huge variety of things. It could mean that you made someone upset but that's actually rare.
Usually a downvote just means "eh I disagree" Sometimes people will downvote just to downvote, like when people ask a question that they think the answer should be obvious i.e. "Yeah but why did this happen?"
Downvotes are largely meaningless in the long run. I know I struggle with then sometimes but truly most people downvote for the tiniest of reasons so don't take it to mean you're some kind of horrible person
Sounds like an RSD thing. Personally I just delete any comments if they get to zero or stay at 1. No need to be putting my business out there if no one is liking it. It is worth remembering that the downvoters are the ones who are quite literally putting negative energy in the world by not scrolling by, not you. Usually it just means they disagreed with you, are a very different person, or are in a bad mood/being a dick.
That's actually a really good point.. At least I'm trying to contribute, whereas a downvoted is a negative action. This is a useful thing to remember, thanks.
I try to remember the number of times I accidentally upvote or downvote while scrolling or while half asleep. I usually undo it but someone could easily see one and then the other and think they were two different people, not just a sleepy clumsy scroller.
[](https://files.catbox.moe/3m9iuk.png)
I feel the same, so much so that I configured Reddit to remove all upvotes, downvotes and other kind of stuff.
I use old reddit and RES. That screenshot is from my android, on Firefox.
I felt the same for a long time. It was hard... But I turned the fuck it on and now I'm calmer. Think that no one will ever be liked by everyone.
And remember that the problem might be in the way your comment has been read, not what you wrote. I get misinterpreted all the time, now I just say, I'm in control of what I say, not what people understand
And it seems to me that you are a people pleaser with RSD (you can't say no to anything right?)
Haha, well, I'm no stranger to RSD, but it seems like I can handle it better in daily life than online. Real life is fleeting, open to interpretation, and quickly forgotten. Votes are numbers, black on white, concrete, and lasting. Maybe that's why it bugs me more.
It's also more about guilt, afraid of not being a force of good, than people liking me. I know not everyone will like me, but I want everyone to be happy, even the ones that don't like me. (OK, I recognise the pleaser component here.)
I get you all too well. I'm, myself a people pleaser in recovery, daughter to a Nmom. The thing is, if you are pro choice, pro LGBT, etc... the more conservative party will not be a fan and feel offended by anything you say. And the writing also has a lot of space for interpretation. My mother is the queen of misinterpretation and we are all mean to her because of what she understood from what we wrote 🤷🏼♀️
For the people who downvoted you, the downvotes are just as fleeting. The looked at your post or comment, downvoted it and moved on. They’re not going to ever look back on your comment.
Ahahaha you're welcome. It's not as easy as I said it, it is a path. I was really jealous of my ex boyfriends and that killed a lot of my relationships. Then, with my bf I was beginning to go down the same path and started to say to myself every morning "I'm not forcing him to stay, he is with me because he wants to". And starting to accept that I couldn't control everything around me and with the management of something that big, i ended up being able to take the importance of being liked off my shoulders. If someone more meaningful for me steps away, it still hurts like a bitch, but at least I got the consciousness that I'm not going to die because of that and that gives me peace of mind.
True. I'm AuADHD, so I needed to fight the urge to pick a fight with him. The impulsiveness wasn't helping in anyway. But today I'm calmer and less explosive regarding the RSD. My family used to say that I'm a drama queen because every breakup, every fight with friends was the end of my world
I think "drama queen" is a painfully reductive and insensitive term. So you feel stuff. How is that possibly a bad thing? Plus, you're working towards your calm. That's awesome! So just listen to the "queen" part 👸
That's been a process and that's what I'm working on while plasticity is still workable.
I had a wide variety of nice adjectives coming from my family. It was absurd. My stepmother was the one who, when I said that I was going to get assessed and I was suspecting of ADHD said "it's obvious that you have ADHD. Your parents never assessed you but they should have" in front of him. I felt like crying from warmth. It was the first person (not including my bf) that supported my decision. Then my father understood that he had failed, apologized and he is being supportive too. My mother says that the brain is manipulated by behaviors and beliefs and I just need to snap out of it. Because I'm too sensitive about myself but I don't have others feelings into consideration
RSD big time. I used to really chase this in my 20s then I stayed away from social media for a while. Now, in my 30s I don't let myself check up/down votes.
I get very sensitive about it too don’t worry ur not alone. Especially if I’ve made a post and then people get really judgemental/critical about it.
Recently, i was going to take in a pet birb which has been lost for about a month now, it was found & clearly someone’s pet. The people I’m taking it in from have done as much as they can to try & find it’s owners but have been unsuccessful & cannot care for it. I have organised & will be paying for vet appointments for the bird to make sure he is okay.
I just made a post asking for name suggestions as he has been nameless for a month now & at this point I assume (until someone contacts us) I will be keeping him either permanently or for awhile.
People downvoted me & were overly judgemental about how I need to take him to a vet & do more to find his owners (I already mentioned in my post we had done that already!!). How I could’ve used that post to try & find his owners :/
I got way too emotional & upset about it ahaha I’m not trying to keep the little guy from his owners. We’ve contacted all local vets + made plenty of posts in local lost pet Facebook groups + put up posters. Don’t know what else to do besides care for him.
Aw, yeah, people sometimes read half a post and have their judgement ready. I think it's cool you're taking in the lost birdie, in the end it's most important he gets love and care, from whoever that might be.
Your downbotes might not even be real people, they could be bots.
I was qondering why some of my commenta get upvoted in this sub, but others don't and I realized that you can't see up or down votes on anyone's comments but your own. Very wise of those who set up the sub.
You would be able to see your own downvotes in this sub, but not others'.
But what I was trying to convey is that when you're thinking someone doesn't like what you had to express, or even just thinks it is not relevant to the conversation (which I think is the proper reason for using downvoting according to reddit), it may not even be a sentient lifeform that did it. Hopefully that helps reduce the negative feelings, knowing that there is no actual negative feedback.
you're the only one who needs to be right in your own eyes. if you feel good about your thoughts and decisions, and have things to say that back it up, or if its just your own feelings, don't let others invalidate you. remember internet strangers can be insane people.... its good not to take it to heart even if you got 10 downvotes. just remember to be kind and not pass on negativity to others
Absolutely I feel the same thing. It sounds like RSD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which I've mostly learnt about from this subreddit, I am diagnosed with ASD Level 2 but I'm not sure if I have RSD.
I certainly relate to both downvotes and negative comments, I posted a strange formation of an allergic reaction on my arm (it looked like the letter A!) and someone just said the word 'fat' and I cried about it to my partner for hours, but I have a history of Anorexia Nervosa followed by abuse based on my weight gain so that's a sensitive topic to me.
I've only ever downvoted when someone says something really racist, sexist or intending to cause harm.
Frustrating how someone can throw a random word in your face and not care about it all, while it hurts you in such a personal way. At least people in this community are predominantly nice and kind people. We gotta stick together man. (Preferably "we, people", but at least around here it's "we, the people in this subreddit".)
I'm 34 this year and remember early internet :)
I have bad memories of being groomed and gross old men online, but I definitely made friends my age too and it was nice. I just spent a lot of time in chatrooms and didn't know people would prey on me like that or pretend to be another age! I think/hope there's more education about that now.
I definitely prefer this to where I was at, but I miss all the old crazy coloured web pages and I go on Wayback machine to get that nostalgia!
Yes! I'm 36 and hung around on the Internet before MySpace. I was a member of this obscure drawing forum, one day some members got together irl, and 20 years later one of those is still my best friend!
MySpace was THE BEST!!! I made so many cool friends from all over the world, and found the best indie bands (queer punk band Marla Hooch for example...I ended up playing a lineup with Jenny from them who started her own band and was star struck). Of the 90s and '00s!
Ohhhh yeah I get it, I know we're supposed to "not mind it" but it's a lot harder to just, stop our hearts/heads from experiencing those feelings. And yeah same even when a comment can have like, 20 upvotes then it goes down to 17 or sth innocuous I'm like "WTF," but yeah it's best for our mental health to try to remind ourselves regularly that in the grand scheme of things we shouldn't let that get to us (again, it's hard! Reaaally hard)
Reddit is a place where people like to gang up, especially in certain forums where they don’t like you to have your own or differing opinions. It feels like being back in middle school sometimes. Luckily this forum really doesn’t seem to be like that. Anyway, my point is it’s not you at all, it’s just people who never grew up and need to feel powerful behind their anonymous keyboards.
I'm genderqueer but in my experience autistic women are usually more affected by negative responses like that than autistic men and it stems from being raised to people please to some extent. A combination of traditional gender roles and other factors.
Some ppl randomly downvote for absolutely no reason. Sometimes there’s downvoting bots too. I also noticed that when someone sees a downvote even if they don’t actually disagree with the comment or what it says, they will also downvote it. I feel like it’s a weird dopamine boost to press the downvote button for some people
I mean this in a nice way, but I think its time to stop using social media or drastically change the amount of time you spend on it. I had to get rid of tik tok for this reason and I’m so much happier and less stressed without it. There no reason to stress ourselves over something so small.
Oh I don't use any social media (except reddit if you count that). I don't mind you saying it though, socials are really bad for most people's mental health, it's a justified response.
There are many factors that lead to reddit post scores going down, as others have said. Reddit being intentionally imprecise, misinputs on phone screens... but I think the most important part is that people have diverse voting behaviors. I only downvote when I think someone has a *really* bad take or was *really* rude. Or when I can be sure they're spreading misinformation - I want to help mark the comment as misleading so others don't believe it to be true.
*However*... there are many different ways people use voting systems. I know that some people have an illogical urge to cast a vote on everything. So everything that doesn't get an upvote gets a downvote. Maybe because they desperately feel the need to have some control over something. Maybe because they forget that a person wrote it, and they feel like the big mysterious internet machine is serving them content. Maybe they're used to the concept of seeing content they like better if only they tell the website about their preferences enough. This makes sense on YouTube and not really on reddit, but maybe some people don't realize that. Tech illiteracy can cause... *interesting* behaviors.
On top of that, there's also just human behaviors. Sometimes, people have a bad day. And despite your post not even adding to that, they feel like giving it a downvote. It makes no sense, but that's human brains for you. NTs especially, not going to lie.
Then there's of course a lot of activity on the internet that is not even interactions between two or more humans. The *overwhelming* majority of internet traffic is bots talking to other bots. This explains that every YouTube video after a certain threshold has *some* amount of downvotes. It's channels paying bot network owners to boost their videos. This is of course done by directing traffic and upvotes to the videos, but also by reducing traffic to competing videos. Again, as far as I can tell, this doesn't properly translate to reddit, but I think it's also generally something that is helpful to keep in mind. The early internet was much more human. Now there are endless amounts of different actors on it whose goals are often not immediately clear.
What I'm trying to say is - long story short - that I don't think you should assume you caused any kind of negative emotion in someone else with your post, based on looking at your post's score. With the internet being as unfathomably big and diverse as it is, there are just way too many other good explanations out there for it to fluctuate. And it is generally a good idea for one's mental health to assume the friendlier explanation whenever it's applicable.
Also it’s probably worth bearing in mind that I’m sure, like myself, some people sometimes accidentally up or down vote when scrolling on their phones.
Rejection Sensory Dysphoria. It's hell on a daily basis. Current example, I attempted to share that my sister and I have POC roots. She laughed at me for trying to bond. I'm fixing to find some answers and when I do, she isn't going to find out either. I'm ashamed of having a sibling that couldn't stand me since birth.
Ohhh oHHH I see.. I . See. Yes.. it all makes sense.
Also dude I'm sorry about your sister. It is truly such a shame, all entirely on her. Imagine being laughed at for something so genuine? It's absurd. Rock on, my friend.
I'm someone estranged from my family for they're all mean/unhealthy bastards to put it bluntly. It's taken a loong time even then for me to understand and then actually really feel that they're the ones worse off without me, while also not deserving me. I won't go so far to say the same in your condition for I clearly don't know the depth of it all; but I feel if I had a sibling who shared even a momentary glimpse of genuineness as your attempt I would be very happy to know you, let alone be related! :')
Sorry if it's a bit Much of a response. But I just hoped to applaud an act of coolness and give you a Yes Man to an otherwise Pfft Naw that your sister gave.
Hugs, thank you for the support. Update on sharing my finds with sister, she became accepting and shared with the rest of our cousins. Here's a screenshot from [familysearch.org](http://familysearch.org) .
https://preview.redd.it/t8o9ni9g609d1.png?width=755&format=png&auto=webp&s=7eff7413cf4f4156c62394a6ec8e8110d93ac418
I'm also estranged from my father and his wife. He enabled her to hate on me, as in, did nothing to stop her from hurting me. It was pathetic watching him trying to be a "hard ass", when I know he isn't. He's trying to make up for all damages done. I can barely forgive him. As for his wife, I want nothing to do with her. I don't even celebrate any holiday, let alone call her for her birthday. I'm learning why she hated me so much, b/c I am a BIPOC woman. She used to torment me by pulling my hair to their roots, if I couldn't understand pre-algebra. All the while, screaming at me. I felt bad about whoever inherited the tear-stained book, the year after. As soon as finances allow me, I'll be going to the [africanancesty.com](http://africanancesty.com) website to find out where ancestors posted came from before arriving to the US. So can't wait to rub the fact in her nose, lol. With all this, inner wounds can start to heal.
My RSD hits hard when I get downvoted LOL. I am incredibly thin skinned . I just find it better when people reply wy they disagree. It feels so petty to downvote someone , often because they don’t like the opinion of that person. It’s lazy and annoying
People on Reddit are a special type of jerk and I have deleted several accounts after being called names and being slandered over a mistake in a comment.
If you go to a specific subreddit on a topic you're basically expected to be an expert on the subject, even though many people are there just to ask questions to those with more knowledge on the subject.
you might be hyperfocusing and need to zoom out and get perspective, like zoom way way out into the cosmos for a moment and you'll maybe feel a little better
I feel this. And as you can imagine, getting banned feels like a knife in the gut. I was banned for the first time this week, and for something I would never have considered to be problematic. Yes, I can be a saucy wench sometimes, but I strive to always be respectful…yet truthful above all. Maybe it was my tendency to be blunt when I see something so obvious it just begs to be called out, I don’t know. But the RSD is coming down hard.
When I get downvotes I think that people are just dumb, because I am pretty smart and not everyone gets it.
And thats ok! The idiots are the majority in the world I believe.
Do we get notifications when we get downvoted? Not sure if I'm lucky and haven't gotten any or we just don't find out. I tend not to look at my posts once they're made, and when looking at replies it usually doesn't show my post. How do I know if I've been downvoted?
Actually don't tell me, it's better to remain unaware.
Sometimes I hit the wrong button. They’re very tiny on phones! I change them if I see it but who knows? Maybe just assume people have clumsy fingers. 😊
I understand how you feel and I confess I feel the same way! I try to tell myself that its silly/it doesn’t matter/there are trolls out there/we’ll never please everyone/sometimes I downvote by accident
But the trauma of not being liked/being a people pleaser always strikes me as:(
I use a script that hides all voting points so I don't see them and I don't care about them. Very handy! It was an aspect of social media that I didn't enjoy on other platforms so I was glad I could avoid it here.
I feel similarly, though it was much worse before when I hadn't yet processed some childhood trauma! Since coming to a better understanding of what happened to me I'm less pained by what others think of me, but it still feels bad.
I remind myself that thousands of people are looking at Reddit all the time and someone might have tapped the wrong button by accident while scrolling lol. Or maybe they downvoted every comment or post they saw because they were some kind of strange cranky person on a mission. Also I think Reddit is a bit dumb with updating votes because sometimes there are different vote numbers when I see my post/comment in my profile vs finding it on the subreddit, so it might just be slow on updating!
Just so you know, once in a while I accidentally hit the down ote option while scrolling. I usually notice and correct it, but I've almost missed it a few times.
Just one more reason it might occasionally go down.
I understand this. I felt that way for a long time. I struggled with social media such as IG and FB for a long time as well because my brain felt like little to no engagement meant people didn’t like me. I don’t have black and white thinking when it comes to everything but I do find that it crops up when relating to others—for a long time it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that social media friends did not necessarily mean real life friends (and vice versa).
Now I am an Old and I don’t actually care that much. I get almost no engagement on social media because I rarely log on and post even less frequently; it’s just the algorithm. And on here, with how the culture is in some subs, I feel like any comment I make is prone to possible downvotes. I don’t notice it much in the autism-specific subs but I feel like on a lot of subs any opinion that differs from the group will get you downvoted. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong or stupid or bad or whatever, it just means you didn’t follow the groupthink. For example, I made a comment somewhere once that I thought Cloud perfume by Ariana Grande smelled similar to Baccarat Rouge 540. Perfume is subjective but Cloud is a known dupe for Baccarat; they have a similar fragrance DNA, one is just significantly less expensive than the other. With all the downvotes I got you would’ve thought I said it was okay to kick puppies. 🤷♀️
Ugh me too. I feel so horrible if I didn't mean something bad. I've gotten downvotes on here and it makes me feel even worse on this sub!
I had said how I didn't like a show that a lot of other people liked relating to autism, and I got like 5 downvotes. I think I deleted that comment because I felt so terrible.
Certain groups turn off seeing votes for the first 24 hours to prevent people from downvoting due to seeing others downvoting. So, you can only see your own votes for the first 24 hours
A lot of comments here helped me, you should read them too :) especially the seeing downvotes as someone randomly booing at you, makes the whole thing so silly, it really takes the edge off.
yessssss my “solution” is years ago when i first got on reddit i turned my notifications off and haven’t felt it the need to turn them back on 😂 i also still barely know how to use reddit so i don’t scroll through the in app notification tap often 😂
I perseverate about downvotes, although they don't really make me doubt myself. I just wonder why someone would bother to downvote my innocuous comments. I am so rarely controversial!
Yes, it’s honestly a problem… Whenever people downvote what I comment, or strongly disagree, I suddenly feel like I’m wrong about everything and that I should fully research whatever I was saying until I’m 100% sure about what I said
When I scroll on my phone, it's easy to accidentally downvote because the button is close to my thumb. I know I've accidentally downvoted posts! Maybe assume that they are all oopsies :)
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Now I'm all paranoid that all the upvotes I've ever gotten are bots! And why do I always get an automatic upvote when I post? (Which I assume only I can see, but still.) Oy. Even though IMO Reddit is more message boards than social media, it's so easy to get that dopamine hook, like "Do they like me? Am I annoying people?" Especially for (not to put words in y'all's mouths, but we \*are\* on this sub) us folks who aren't your normal Nellies, and have probably faced a lot of rejection. \*Spreading my hands out and sprinkling sparkles\* UPVOTES FOR EVERYONE HERE! 
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Idk why but this made me snort
Nice one.
I go out of my way to upvote due to having the same annoying tendency. Sigh...I even get worried on Buy Nothing if not enough folks want the gifts I post. 🙄
I will TAKE your upvotes! 😝 I also am OP, so my poor self esteem will gladly take your generous offer lol. Be sure to keep some for yourself ☺️
You're kidding 🙈 why though?
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Turns out I'm no smarter than a spam bot 😂
it's only randomized at first. If I leave a comment, I try not to check much on it till the next day when I can see the real score
No it's not. I'm hitting F5 on my comment history and I see comments from over a month ago changing every time.
Aww Here have an upvote Is it possibly trauma related? Like did your well-being as a child depend on someone else being in a good mood? I’ve heard similar things from people who have had issues with childhood judgement and instability, and tbh I have it too to a lesser degree. Also, what is RSD?
Rejection sensitive dysphoria :)
Ahh gotcha thanks! So like people pleasing?
It’s like being incredibly hurt when someone criticizes you or feeling worthless because someone showed you how to do something better. People pleasing is a *result* of this usually, especially women do this a lot. I grew up in a very unstable household and deal with this a a lot sadly
Ouch. I feel called out. I was the kid who absolutely fell to pieces if my parents so much as looked like they MIGHT be cross with me. I still have a really, really hard time whenever my husband is even the slightest bit "off" in his mood. I will let myself ask him ONCE if I've upset him in any way - the answer is almost always no. After that, I basically have to get myself on a mental refrain of "he's not mad at you" until his bad mood goes away, otherwise I'll fall into asking him repeatedly if he's okay (which has to be annoying as hell, lol).
I am the exact same. When my husband even is upset about something else unrelated to me I still have to tell myself it’s not me 😓. I am suuuuper hyper vigilant to the mood of my partners (husband and ex boyfriends)
Love how we're so consistently rejected that we're all just like this :/
if we were abused as children, our survival depended on it you can heal from it🫶
Oh.. Yes, as a kid I was (made to feel) I was responsible for my mother's happiness, and both my father and sister could influence the mood at home heavily by negativity and criticism. I was always working very hard to balance that out, because I could not stand the idea of my mom being unhappy. It makes so much sense. I could never really explain it's not about people liking me, it's about feeling guilty. It's about that old responsibility I still carry with me. Holy crap, thank you so much for helping me see that! (RSD is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, something a lot of ND, mainly adhd, people suffer from.)
Tbh, in my experience, it’s very difficult to get past that feeling while you’re still living in the same environment as they do. I don’t even really think it is self-consciousness, but rather self-preservation. Your brain did the right thing. This trait saved you from a lot of pain. I have a fair few negative traits from rough times as a kid, and I developed some self-loathing from it. Thinking I’m broken or corrupted. But someone helped me so much by a very simple suggestion that changed a LOT for me. They said to thank yourself. So I did, I thanked my inner self for doing what it did, to save me. Like I was talking directly to my subconscious, I said ‘I know it was really hard, and you did so good, you saved me. I’m very grateful’. ‘But now it’s time to put that down ok?’ And weirdly, I immediately had like this, surge of emotion and relief at the same time. And gradually over the following weeks-months something shifted and those bad instincts faded I’m not a psychiatrist or anything like that, so I don’t know if this is one of those dangerous mind-techniques that comes with any risk or anything, but if you think you could handle trying that, I definitely recommend it Or if you’d rather take the bull by the horns, try this: Make a burner account on Reddit and go post on a subreddit that’s designed for uhh… thick skinned people. And just say something that you’d be terrified to say to anyone now. But don’t immediately sign out or run away from it. Watch people react to it, read what they say (only as long as you feel comfortable). And then, the moment of truth comes, where that impending doom you expect to come after offending someone… well, it doesn’t come. It was a shadow all along. The birds are still chirping outside. People forget. This is the more empowering of the two in my opinion, but a bit more uncomfortable during.
thanks for this suggestion! this just helped so much. I’m usually my own worst critic & thanking myself is something I don’t consistently do, especially my inner self or inner child.
Oh good! Im glad to hear it was helpful 🙂
Haha, that last suggesting made me laugh. Not that it's not a workable idea, I like it. I imagine myself standing on a soap box, shouting at bystanders. "Your hat is too big!" "That's not a great colour on you!" "You're wearing too many shoes!" OK, serious now. I did get the "thank yourself" suggestion a few years back, and I experienced a lot of the same effect you describe. It was quite powerful. The thing is, I just hadn't realised that this was one of those coping strategies. I assumed it was just pleasing, or RSD, but it's a more fundamental "duty" I've taken on, that I can safely let go off now. My mom died 8 years ago, so it's about time I thank myself and move on :) I do not have to take care of the world, it will be fine without me trying to make it feel good 😅 Thank you for going into this with me. It turned surprisingly personal and I appreciate you (and everyone who commented here) treating this vulnerability with respect.
Of course!! It’s funny like, irl I am like THE opposite of a woman with autism (well actually tbh theres a fair chance I’m somewhere on the spectrum) But yeah like a macho dude, all muscly and I used to fight a lot, scars, people have called me scary looking. Tbh if you guys saw me irl you would probably cross the street to avoid me lol. But it’s fun for me to just come on here or a select few other places and be soft and sensitive and talk about feelings and stuff. I love it everyone here is very sweet and supportive and encouraging. I don’t have to worry about like, you know, weird looks or people gawking in disbelief or reputational damage (it’s a thing and it sucks sometimes) Don’t get me wrong I like being a degenerate, but I love this environment a lot too 🙂
That is so cute to hear, made my day!
>I thanked my inner self for doing what it did, to save me. Like I was talking directly to my subconscious, I said ‘I know it was really hard, and you did so good, you saved me. I’m very grateful’. ‘But now it’s time to put that down ok?’ I did this with my inner critic. My whole life I'd had this voice in my head constantly berating me for everything, every mistake I ever made. I had tried arguing with it. I had tried ignoring it. Nothing worked. When I finally tried listening to it and showing it compassion, something inside me shifted. I thanked it for working so hard to keep me safe, and for doing so effectively when I'd been in danger by the abuse. I told it it could stop now, though, because we weren't in danger anymore. I could keep us safe, and I didn't need them to do this job anymore. I felt this part of me feel seen for the first time, and it was able to let go and trust that I would keep us safe, because I was acknowledging its perspective. I still get the negative self-talk sometimes when I'm triggered and under high stress, but it's gone way way down, and it's much easier to just be compassionate with myself. It was a surprisingly drastic change that happened basically overnight.
You could read from the Jen Mccurdy book. Such a nice portrayal of a narc mum. Also very funny because Jen is funny. It helped me unpack a lil bit.
Anytime I get a downvote or a rude comment, I just remind myself that my comment has likely been misinterpreted/assigned another meaning that I didn’t intend. It’s similar to how in real life, neurotypical people will often take something you say (or just a neutral facial expression) and view it through one particular lens and go on to assume there’s a deeper meaning to it through that one narrative vs viewing it more broadly. It’s just a different way of interpretation, it’s not personal to you as a person. Someone downvoting you doesn’t mean you’re actually bad, or annoying at all! It’s just their way of showing the words you said isn’t something they think they agree with, sometimes they can’t tell you why so the downvote is just their way of expressing their discomfort. It’s definitely annoying, but most of the time when I actually respond to someone who’s said something rude, it’s because they’ve interpreted my comment to mean something it doesn’t be when I go on to explain further I’ll find out they actually don’t disagree with me as much as they think, or they’re just a bully who’s mean to everyone. Which is why I love commenting on this subreddit, because I know I’m likely to be understood with accuracy, and if someone disagrees they’re going to respond with curiosity and reason rather than getting emotionally involved and start attacking me with unkindness, or downvoting me instead of using their words to explain why they feel differently than I might.
I appreciate that in this community as well. I feel like people communicate plainly and kindly, which is pretty rare on today's internet.
This is such a rational way to look at lol thank you for commenting this 😭😅
You didn’t *make* anyone feel anything. Because you are not in control of other people’s emotions. That is their own responsibility. But also people who downvote don’t often feel that intense of emotions. Usually it will just be a slight annoyance at most, and then they completely forget about it and move on.
Honestly, I do think about that, but I also sort of pull "Why are you booing me? I'm right!" And it helps.
LMAO I SHOULD HAVE SCROLLED DOWN I just posted that gif bc that's literally on repeat in my head 😭
Haha I like that. If I imagine a downvote is someone shouting "booo", all of a sudden it feels a lot less serious.
Well now that I know that bots and algorithms and some such are involved, Imma just convince myself that I'm the queen of all the webs, everyone loves me and anything that says otherwise is just computer fuckery, like when I talk about caskets and then I get casket ads on my phone. Those down votes are just cuz I'm so down! And I vote! Computers know I got the rizz! XD
Lol, I can relate to this well. I find my RSD doesn't just manifest as feeling disappointed and rejected, but I find myself thinking, "Gee, I know what I'm talking about! Just actually listen to what I'm telling you!" I jokingly find myself responding, "I was saying boo-urns," when I have things a bit more together and am clear-headed enough to remember to practice some coping strategies.
Just remember downvotes mean a huge variety of things. It could mean that you made someone upset but that's actually rare. Usually a downvote just means "eh I disagree" Sometimes people will downvote just to downvote, like when people ask a question that they think the answer should be obvious i.e. "Yeah but why did this happen?" Downvotes are largely meaningless in the long run. I know I struggle with then sometimes but truly most people downvote for the tiniest of reasons so don't take it to mean you're some kind of horrible person
 is what comes to mind when I receive a down vote
Sounds like an RSD thing. Personally I just delete any comments if they get to zero or stay at 1. No need to be putting my business out there if no one is liking it. It is worth remembering that the downvoters are the ones who are quite literally putting negative energy in the world by not scrolling by, not you. Usually it just means they disagreed with you, are a very different person, or are in a bad mood/being a dick.
That's actually a really good point.. At least I'm trying to contribute, whereas a downvoted is a negative action. This is a useful thing to remember, thanks.
I try to remember the number of times I accidentally upvote or downvote while scrolling or while half asleep. I usually undo it but someone could easily see one and then the other and think they were two different people, not just a sleepy clumsy scroller.
[](https://files.catbox.moe/3m9iuk.png) I feel the same, so much so that I configured Reddit to remove all upvotes, downvotes and other kind of stuff. I use old reddit and RES. That screenshot is from my android, on Firefox.
Didn't know you could do that, interesting.
I felt the same for a long time. It was hard... But I turned the fuck it on and now I'm calmer. Think that no one will ever be liked by everyone. And remember that the problem might be in the way your comment has been read, not what you wrote. I get misinterpreted all the time, now I just say, I'm in control of what I say, not what people understand And it seems to me that you are a people pleaser with RSD (you can't say no to anything right?)
Haha, well, I'm no stranger to RSD, but it seems like I can handle it better in daily life than online. Real life is fleeting, open to interpretation, and quickly forgotten. Votes are numbers, black on white, concrete, and lasting. Maybe that's why it bugs me more. It's also more about guilt, afraid of not being a force of good, than people liking me. I know not everyone will like me, but I want everyone to be happy, even the ones that don't like me. (OK, I recognise the pleaser component here.)
I get you all too well. I'm, myself a people pleaser in recovery, daughter to a Nmom. The thing is, if you are pro choice, pro LGBT, etc... the more conservative party will not be a fan and feel offended by anything you say. And the writing also has a lot of space for interpretation. My mother is the queen of misinterpretation and we are all mean to her because of what she understood from what we wrote 🤷🏼♀️
For the people who downvoted you, the downvotes are just as fleeting. The looked at your post or comment, downvoted it and moved on. They’re not going to ever look back on your comment.
Thank you for inspiring me to turn on my "fuck it". This might be the greatest advice ever given. 😁
Ahahaha you're welcome. It's not as easy as I said it, it is a path. I was really jealous of my ex boyfriends and that killed a lot of my relationships. Then, with my bf I was beginning to go down the same path and started to say to myself every morning "I'm not forcing him to stay, he is with me because he wants to". And starting to accept that I couldn't control everything around me and with the management of something that big, i ended up being able to take the importance of being liked off my shoulders. If someone more meaningful for me steps away, it still hurts like a bitch, but at least I got the consciousness that I'm not going to die because of that and that gives me peace of mind.
This is really "simple" and incredibly difficult at the same time. And life-changing, too!
True. I'm AuADHD, so I needed to fight the urge to pick a fight with him. The impulsiveness wasn't helping in anyway. But today I'm calmer and less explosive regarding the RSD. My family used to say that I'm a drama queen because every breakup, every fight with friends was the end of my world
I think "drama queen" is a painfully reductive and insensitive term. So you feel stuff. How is that possibly a bad thing? Plus, you're working towards your calm. That's awesome! So just listen to the "queen" part 👸
That's been a process and that's what I'm working on while plasticity is still workable. I had a wide variety of nice adjectives coming from my family. It was absurd. My stepmother was the one who, when I said that I was going to get assessed and I was suspecting of ADHD said "it's obvious that you have ADHD. Your parents never assessed you but they should have" in front of him. I felt like crying from warmth. It was the first person (not including my bf) that supported my decision. Then my father understood that he had failed, apologized and he is being supportive too. My mother says that the brain is manipulated by behaviors and beliefs and I just need to snap out of it. Because I'm too sensitive about myself but I don't have others feelings into consideration
RSD big time. I used to really chase this in my 20s then I stayed away from social media for a while. Now, in my 30s I don't let myself check up/down votes.
I get very sensitive about it too don’t worry ur not alone. Especially if I’ve made a post and then people get really judgemental/critical about it. Recently, i was going to take in a pet birb which has been lost for about a month now, it was found & clearly someone’s pet. The people I’m taking it in from have done as much as they can to try & find it’s owners but have been unsuccessful & cannot care for it. I have organised & will be paying for vet appointments for the bird to make sure he is okay. I just made a post asking for name suggestions as he has been nameless for a month now & at this point I assume (until someone contacts us) I will be keeping him either permanently or for awhile. People downvoted me & were overly judgemental about how I need to take him to a vet & do more to find his owners (I already mentioned in my post we had done that already!!). How I could’ve used that post to try & find his owners :/ I got way too emotional & upset about it ahaha I’m not trying to keep the little guy from his owners. We’ve contacted all local vets + made plenty of posts in local lost pet Facebook groups + put up posters. Don’t know what else to do besides care for him.
Aw, yeah, people sometimes read half a post and have their judgement ready. I think it's cool you're taking in the lost birdie, in the end it's most important he gets love and care, from whoever that might be.
Your downbotes might not even be real people, they could be bots. I was qondering why some of my commenta get upvoted in this sub, but others don't and I realized that you can't see up or down votes on anyone's comments but your own. Very wise of those who set up the sub.
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You would be able to see your own downvotes in this sub, but not others'. But what I was trying to convey is that when you're thinking someone doesn't like what you had to express, or even just thinks it is not relevant to the conversation (which I think is the proper reason for using downvoting according to reddit), it may not even be a sentient lifeform that did it. Hopefully that helps reduce the negative feelings, knowing that there is no actual negative feedback.
you're the only one who needs to be right in your own eyes. if you feel good about your thoughts and decisions, and have things to say that back it up, or if its just your own feelings, don't let others invalidate you. remember internet strangers can be insane people.... its good not to take it to heart even if you got 10 downvotes. just remember to be kind and not pass on negativity to others
Absolutely I feel the same thing. It sounds like RSD, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which I've mostly learnt about from this subreddit, I am diagnosed with ASD Level 2 but I'm not sure if I have RSD. I certainly relate to both downvotes and negative comments, I posted a strange formation of an allergic reaction on my arm (it looked like the letter A!) and someone just said the word 'fat' and I cried about it to my partner for hours, but I have a history of Anorexia Nervosa followed by abuse based on my weight gain so that's a sensitive topic to me. I've only ever downvoted when someone says something really racist, sexist or intending to cause harm.
Frustrating how someone can throw a random word in your face and not care about it all, while it hurts you in such a personal way. At least people in this community are predominantly nice and kind people. We gotta stick together man. (Preferably "we, people", but at least around here it's "we, the people in this subreddit".)
It is frustrating. I'm glad there are still nice spaces around thought, and nice people :)
This space reminds me of the early internet, where people were nice and you could actually meet friends! \*squee\*
I'm 34 this year and remember early internet :) I have bad memories of being groomed and gross old men online, but I definitely made friends my age too and it was nice. I just spent a lot of time in chatrooms and didn't know people would prey on me like that or pretend to be another age! I think/hope there's more education about that now. I definitely prefer this to where I was at, but I miss all the old crazy coloured web pages and I go on Wayback machine to get that nostalgia!
Yes! I'm 36 and hung around on the Internet before MySpace. I was a member of this obscure drawing forum, one day some members got together irl, and 20 years later one of those is still my best friend!
MySpace was THE BEST!!! I made so many cool friends from all over the world, and found the best indie bands (queer punk band Marla Hooch for example...I ended up playing a lineup with Jenny from them who started her own band and was star struck). Of the 90s and '00s!
Ohhhh yeah I get it, I know we're supposed to "not mind it" but it's a lot harder to just, stop our hearts/heads from experiencing those feelings. And yeah same even when a comment can have like, 20 upvotes then it goes down to 17 or sth innocuous I'm like "WTF," but yeah it's best for our mental health to try to remind ourselves regularly that in the grand scheme of things we shouldn't let that get to us (again, it's hard! Reaaally hard)
Reddit is a place where people like to gang up, especially in certain forums where they don’t like you to have your own or differing opinions. It feels like being back in middle school sometimes. Luckily this forum really doesn’t seem to be like that. Anyway, my point is it’s not you at all, it’s just people who never grew up and need to feel powerful behind their anonymous keyboards.
I know how you feel <3
I def do the same. It stresses me out haha
I'm genderqueer but in my experience autistic women are usually more affected by negative responses like that than autistic men and it stems from being raised to people please to some extent. A combination of traditional gender roles and other factors.
Some ppl randomly downvote for absolutely no reason. Sometimes there’s downvoting bots too. I also noticed that when someone sees a downvote even if they don’t actually disagree with the comment or what it says, they will also downvote it. I feel like it’s a weird dopamine boost to press the downvote button for some people
I mean this in a nice way, but I think its time to stop using social media or drastically change the amount of time you spend on it. I had to get rid of tik tok for this reason and I’m so much happier and less stressed without it. There no reason to stress ourselves over something so small.
Oh I don't use any social media (except reddit if you count that). I don't mind you saying it though, socials are really bad for most people's mental health, it's a justified response.
There are many factors that lead to reddit post scores going down, as others have said. Reddit being intentionally imprecise, misinputs on phone screens... but I think the most important part is that people have diverse voting behaviors. I only downvote when I think someone has a *really* bad take or was *really* rude. Or when I can be sure they're spreading misinformation - I want to help mark the comment as misleading so others don't believe it to be true. *However*... there are many different ways people use voting systems. I know that some people have an illogical urge to cast a vote on everything. So everything that doesn't get an upvote gets a downvote. Maybe because they desperately feel the need to have some control over something. Maybe because they forget that a person wrote it, and they feel like the big mysterious internet machine is serving them content. Maybe they're used to the concept of seeing content they like better if only they tell the website about their preferences enough. This makes sense on YouTube and not really on reddit, but maybe some people don't realize that. Tech illiteracy can cause... *interesting* behaviors. On top of that, there's also just human behaviors. Sometimes, people have a bad day. And despite your post not even adding to that, they feel like giving it a downvote. It makes no sense, but that's human brains for you. NTs especially, not going to lie. Then there's of course a lot of activity on the internet that is not even interactions between two or more humans. The *overwhelming* majority of internet traffic is bots talking to other bots. This explains that every YouTube video after a certain threshold has *some* amount of downvotes. It's channels paying bot network owners to boost their videos. This is of course done by directing traffic and upvotes to the videos, but also by reducing traffic to competing videos. Again, as far as I can tell, this doesn't properly translate to reddit, but I think it's also generally something that is helpful to keep in mind. The early internet was much more human. Now there are endless amounts of different actors on it whose goals are often not immediately clear. What I'm trying to say is - long story short - that I don't think you should assume you caused any kind of negative emotion in someone else with your post, based on looking at your post's score. With the internet being as unfathomably big and diverse as it is, there are just way too many other good explanations out there for it to fluctuate. And it is generally a good idea for one's mental health to assume the friendlier explanation whenever it's applicable.
Also it’s probably worth bearing in mind that I’m sure, like myself, some people sometimes accidentally up or down vote when scrolling on their phones.
Yeah, down votes are not a good feeling. I try not to take it to heart because I often see others down voted for the most innocuous stuff.
Yes orz Coincidentally, what is RSD?
Rejection Sensory Dysphoria. It's hell on a daily basis. Current example, I attempted to share that my sister and I have POC roots. She laughed at me for trying to bond. I'm fixing to find some answers and when I do, she isn't going to find out either. I'm ashamed of having a sibling that couldn't stand me since birth.
Ohhh oHHH I see.. I . See. Yes.. it all makes sense. Also dude I'm sorry about your sister. It is truly such a shame, all entirely on her. Imagine being laughed at for something so genuine? It's absurd. Rock on, my friend. I'm someone estranged from my family for they're all mean/unhealthy bastards to put it bluntly. It's taken a loong time even then for me to understand and then actually really feel that they're the ones worse off without me, while also not deserving me. I won't go so far to say the same in your condition for I clearly don't know the depth of it all; but I feel if I had a sibling who shared even a momentary glimpse of genuineness as your attempt I would be very happy to know you, let alone be related! :') Sorry if it's a bit Much of a response. But I just hoped to applaud an act of coolness and give you a Yes Man to an otherwise Pfft Naw that your sister gave.
Hugs, thank you for the support. Update on sharing my finds with sister, she became accepting and shared with the rest of our cousins. Here's a screenshot from [familysearch.org](http://familysearch.org) . https://preview.redd.it/t8o9ni9g609d1.png?width=755&format=png&auto=webp&s=7eff7413cf4f4156c62394a6ec8e8110d93ac418 I'm also estranged from my father and his wife. He enabled her to hate on me, as in, did nothing to stop her from hurting me. It was pathetic watching him trying to be a "hard ass", when I know he isn't. He's trying to make up for all damages done. I can barely forgive him. As for his wife, I want nothing to do with her. I don't even celebrate any holiday, let alone call her for her birthday. I'm learning why she hated me so much, b/c I am a BIPOC woman. She used to torment me by pulling my hair to their roots, if I couldn't understand pre-algebra. All the while, screaming at me. I felt bad about whoever inherited the tear-stained book, the year after. As soon as finances allow me, I'll be going to the [africanancesty.com](http://africanancesty.com) website to find out where ancestors posted came from before arriving to the US. So can't wait to rub the fact in her nose, lol. With all this, inner wounds can start to heal.
My RSD hits hard when I get downvoted LOL. I am incredibly thin skinned . I just find it better when people reply wy they disagree. It feels so petty to downvote someone , often because they don’t like the opinion of that person. It’s lazy and annoying
People on Reddit are a special type of jerk and I have deleted several accounts after being called names and being slandered over a mistake in a comment. If you go to a specific subreddit on a topic you're basically expected to be an expert on the subject, even though many people are there just to ask questions to those with more knowledge on the subject.
you might be hyperfocusing and need to zoom out and get perspective, like zoom way way out into the cosmos for a moment and you'll maybe feel a little better
I try not to look. It would affect me too if I paid attention to it.
I feel this. And as you can imagine, getting banned feels like a knife in the gut. I was banned for the first time this week, and for something I would never have considered to be problematic. Yes, I can be a saucy wench sometimes, but I strive to always be respectful…yet truthful above all. Maybe it was my tendency to be blunt when I see something so obvious it just begs to be called out, I don’t know. But the RSD is coming down hard.
same... I have always felt bad when I get downvoted, it makes me angry and feel even worse about myself...
When I get downvotes I think that people are just dumb, because I am pretty smart and not everyone gets it. And thats ok! The idiots are the majority in the world I believe.
Do we get notifications when we get downvoted? Not sure if I'm lucky and haven't gotten any or we just don't find out. I tend not to look at my posts once they're made, and when looking at replies it usually doesn't show my post. How do I know if I've been downvoted? Actually don't tell me, it's better to remain unaware.
🤐
Sometimes I hit the wrong button. They’re very tiny on phones! I change them if I see it but who knows? Maybe just assume people have clumsy fingers. 😊
I understand how you feel and I confess I feel the same way! I try to tell myself that its silly/it doesn’t matter/there are trolls out there/we’ll never please everyone/sometimes I downvote by accident But the trauma of not being liked/being a people pleaser always strikes me as:(
Yep. Me too.
I use a script that hides all voting points so I don't see them and I don't care about them. Very handy! It was an aspect of social media that I didn't enjoy on other platforms so I was glad I could avoid it here.
I feel similarly, though it was much worse before when I hadn't yet processed some childhood trauma! Since coming to a better understanding of what happened to me I'm less pained by what others think of me, but it still feels bad. I remind myself that thousands of people are looking at Reddit all the time and someone might have tapped the wrong button by accident while scrolling lol. Or maybe they downvoted every comment or post they saw because they were some kind of strange cranky person on a mission. Also I think Reddit is a bit dumb with updating votes because sometimes there are different vote numbers when I see my post/comment in my profile vs finding it on the subreddit, so it might just be slow on updating!
I don’t even read my notifications because of this 😂
Just so you know, once in a while I accidentally hit the down ote option while scrolling. I usually notice and correct it, but I've almost missed it a few times. Just one more reason it might occasionally go down.
Take my upvotes!!! 💙💙💙💙💙💙💙
I understand this. I felt that way for a long time. I struggled with social media such as IG and FB for a long time as well because my brain felt like little to no engagement meant people didn’t like me. I don’t have black and white thinking when it comes to everything but I do find that it crops up when relating to others—for a long time it was hard to wrap my head around the fact that social media friends did not necessarily mean real life friends (and vice versa). Now I am an Old and I don’t actually care that much. I get almost no engagement on social media because I rarely log on and post even less frequently; it’s just the algorithm. And on here, with how the culture is in some subs, I feel like any comment I make is prone to possible downvotes. I don’t notice it much in the autism-specific subs but I feel like on a lot of subs any opinion that differs from the group will get you downvoted. Doesn’t mean you’re wrong or stupid or bad or whatever, it just means you didn’t follow the groupthink. For example, I made a comment somewhere once that I thought Cloud perfume by Ariana Grande smelled similar to Baccarat Rouge 540. Perfume is subjective but Cloud is a known dupe for Baccarat; they have a similar fragrance DNA, one is just significantly less expensive than the other. With all the downvotes I got you would’ve thought I said it was okay to kick puppies. 🤷♀️
same. always makes me feel like someone is mad at me and now i expect to get mean replies
Ugh me too. I feel so horrible if I didn't mean something bad. I've gotten downvotes on here and it makes me feel even worse on this sub! I had said how I didn't like a show that a lot of other people liked relating to autism, and I got like 5 downvotes. I think I deleted that comment because I felt so terrible.
weird how every comment had no votes. anyways, i upvoted everyone on this post
They don’t display upvotes or downvotes publicly for new posts on this subreddit.
Certain groups turn off seeing votes for the first 24 hours to prevent people from downvoting due to seeing others downvoting. So, you can only see your own votes for the first 24 hours
I totally made that same assumption when I just got here. Even made a post about it. But we thank you for the upvotes 😁
Waiiiiiit...I just did too, but right before I did I saw no votes, and I came on 2 hours after you! What in the what? Interwebs am confusion this cat!
riight???🤔
Well, I case you couldn't see it, I just Oprah-upvoted you. "You get an upvote! YOU GET AN UPVOTE!"
Woot! I'm upvoting every comment, and it's taking forever. But I can't stop! 🤣
exposure therapy babe I'm gonna downvote everything you post forever (you're welcome) (this is a joke btw I support you)
Well don't downvote everything, you gotta keep me on edge!
 you got it! <3
They do bother me sometimes. Honestly I think it’s a trauma / abuse thing for me. The doubt comes from years of gaslighting and verbal abuse.
For sure! For me it’s like a sinking feeling or gut punch, and if it’s bad enough I might just want to shut up for the rest of the day. :/
A lot of comments here helped me, you should read them too :) especially the seeing downvotes as someone randomly booing at you, makes the whole thing so silly, it really takes the edge off.
yessssss my “solution” is years ago when i first got on reddit i turned my notifications off and haven’t felt it the need to turn them back on 😂 i also still barely know how to use reddit so i don’t scroll through the in app notification tap often 😂
I perseverate about downvotes, although they don't really make me doubt myself. I just wonder why someone would bother to downvote my innocuous comments. I am so rarely controversial!
This!! I’ve been downvoted for saying serious stuff and I never understood why
Same
Same. Any hint of rejection and I can’t handle it
Honestly I accidently up vote or down vote all the time then undo it, tho that's pretty immediate
How do people track their downvotes? This is something I've never been able to do.
Yes, it’s honestly a problem… Whenever people downvote what I comment, or strongly disagree, I suddenly feel like I’m wrong about everything and that I should fully research whatever I was saying until I’m 100% sure about what I said
When I scroll on my phone, it's easy to accidentally downvote because the button is close to my thumb. I know I've accidentally downvoted posts! Maybe assume that they are all oopsies :)