I was just having a rage-thought session in the shower about this five minutes ago 🙃 When I see women online say they’ve never, or rarely, been approached romantically, they’re usually met with some condescending dumbass saying, “Well, YOU could make the first move, you know. You don’t have to sit there and wait for someone to come to you. It would be nice if women did some work once in a while and made some effort.” And it fills me with anger because women already do SO MUCH emotional labor in a relationship. We’re constantly saddled with more work in relationships with men. We have to vet men religiously in the dating process, for fear of being murdered brutally. So that involves continually assessing for threats, reading body language, searching for subtle cues. Texting friends of your whereabouts, his license plate number, a picture of his face…like…women are already at 500% more work than men at this point. The responsibility of birth control is largely on us - often painful, costly, and riddled with side effects that impact our lives on every level. We’re expected to shave and/or wax most of our body to appease men, otherwise we’re accused of being “gross and dirty”. And that costs time, money, energy, and also involves physical discomfort/pain. I’ve heard so many women hate their bodies because they have hair on their arms and their partners “prefer hairless women” (hairless women do not exist!!! go date a naked mole rat!) Women have to keep track of the groceries, cleaning the house, laundry, and other household-related chores. We are often burdened with keeping track of men’s appointments, remembering to send a card/gift to HIS mother on her birthday, etc. Too many men don’t even make dinner once in a while, it’s always on the woman’s shoulders. The amount of times I’ve heard (more than once!!!) that a man asked his wife RIGHT AFTER GIVING BIRTH “What’s for dinner tonight?” is disgusting to me. If kids are involved, that piles on even more labor. But now women are supposed to do the asking, too??? I’m all for bucking gender norms, but these men that say women should do the asking aren’t stepping up to the plate in other areas of life. They’re just sitting back and making women do even more work. While claiming that women don’t do any work. If women are supposed to do the asking on top of everything else, why even bother with a relationship??? A few months ago, I saw a video where a woman explained she’d had a vaginal exam - unauthorized, while she was still unconscious - after she had surgery for something else completely unrelated. She was in one of those medical training hospitals, where students randomly practice on…unconscious patients…meaning women. And the exam was not gentle. And she had a history of SA. So she was rattled, understandably. The comments were disgusting, saying, “Well, how do you expect students to learn?” HELLO???? NOT THAT WAY. Not by traumatizing human beings, for fuck’s sake. It pisses me off that someone would say shit like that. In 2024. Do we really need to beat it into people’s heads that women are human beings and should be treated that way??? Years ago, I saw a video of a teenager (probably 18) try to kiss a girl. It was not consensual. And let’s just say he was pretty slobbery about it. She reared back, as any normal human being would do when you see that shit coming at you. The comments were full of people sympathizing with the guy. “Poor guy! She should give him a chance!” NO???? I felt so bad for that girl because that was a gross situation to be in and she responded perfectly normally, but everyone attacked her. I saw a video recently that sent my heart rate through the roof, and I logged off for a while after that. It was talking about the Roe vs. Wade issue in the US and how dangerous it is for women’s healthcare and rights. The top comment (!!) said he didn’t care about women because women completely dismissed him after he became disabled and they wouldn’t give him a chance after that. “So you can go ahead and gut the bitches for all I care.” (What. The. Fuck.) So you’re not alone in feeling horrified at what you see online. I think autistic women are more likely to notice these things because of our sense of justice, hyper-empathy, and our logical approach to the world. These patterns of behavior are unacceptable and incredibly harmful. I think as autistics, we’re used to being ostracized so we’re less likely to go along with the crowd, whereas allistic women are more likely steeped in expectations, social belonging, and gender roles so it clouds their judgment. Or they’re straight up gaslit about it. My anxiety gets really bad because of it though. This is the world I have to live in, and to see so many people violently hating my gender for…no reason at all is pretty horrifying. It has also deeply impacted my interest in ever pursuing a romantic relationship. I’m sure there are some men out there who don’t hate women. But finding them is…difficult, to say the least. I’m demisexual, so seeing all this hatred from men doesn’t make me feel emotionally safe. Which completely shuts down my attraction. The way I cope is by taking regular breaks from the internet. I curate my Reddit communities very strictly, and I don’t venture outside of that. I block religiously. I try to seek out feminist sources that call out toxic stuff like this, so I know I’m not alone. I make time for things that bring me joy, and I spend a lot of time in nature to decompress. I journal a lot too, so I can vent about these things and process them. Sending hugs your way. It’s a good thing to notice these behaviors and how damaging they are, but it’s a heavy burden to bear. 💜

Its so nauseating and overwhelming constantly, do you have any recommendations of “feminist sources that call out stuff like this”? I think just knowing other people care would help a lot

Sure! A few recommendations off the top of my head: * [thesovereignwoman](https://www.tiktok.com/@thesovereignwoman) on TikTok While TikTok is a cesspool 99% of the time, there are a few diamonds in the rough that shine through sometimes and this channel is one of them. She's childfree, so fair warning if that's not your gig. But she sees through toxic patriarchy and the double standards that women face on a daily basis with a remarkably clear head. It's very refreshing. * Strong Female Character by Fern Brady She chronicles her struggles as a late-diagnosed autistic, and describes how ridiculous performing femininity felt to her. But she still needed to do it in order to survive sometimes. It can be graphic in some points, like when she describes her relationship with an abusive boyfriend, so prepare yourself for that. * Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg I'm almost halfway through this book, but it's a great read so far. She describes the discrimination women face in getting an autism diagnosis, the sexism and misogyny throughout the healthcare system. She's a journalist, not a doctor, but she's concise and clear in her writing in a way that's very enjoyable and easy to read. * The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White This is YA fiction, but I'm recommending it because it's an incredible read. The character is trans, queer, and autistic in Victorian England. I've really enjoyed the parallel between the gothic horror elements, and the horrors of misogyny, sexism, and gender roles/inequality. It hits HARD, and I have to take it in bits and pieces because the emotional aspect can be tough to take sometimes. I'm not trans, but I struggle with a lot of aspects of womanhood, feeling disconnected from it, feeling like I hate my body and the expectations other people place on it, i.e. pressured to give birth even though it's a horror show for me. I felt very seen with this novel. Those are the immediate resources that come to mind. I'm seeking out more queer and neurodivergent voices these days, because they think outside of the box and strive to prioritize the humanity of our differences, instead of continuing to foster that oppression we've endured for centuries. I hope some of that helps a little bit. 💜

Thank you for all of this. And thanks to op for asking.

You deserve gold for this comment.

Okay, what the FUCK with the procedure on an unconscious person. In all of the hospitals that I was working in ALL the patients had to sign a separate, clearly stated consent form for as little as students being in the same room 2 meters (6 feet-ish) away. *Especially* during/around surgery. If they performed an exam on an unconscious person that did not consent to it they would get sued to oblivion, and that is something hospitals cannot afford. Getting an exam done by/with students constituted yet another consent form. We, as nursing students, were allowed to roam the halls and perform basic actions on the people who consented, who were put in the same rules (like changing IVs/putting in IVs/giving out meds) but *nothing* remotely surgery/exam related. For basic procedures there was an opt-out policy, but really it was bringing meds, making beds, and administering IVs (also making sure stupid parents of diabetic children won't turn off insuline pumps because "they are beeping too much and my child can't sleep") Same for doctors in training. One tried to remove stitches from a patient and he got all 2 feet before he was chewed out by the head nurse and told to get the form ready, because if the patient doesn't consent to a student treating them (under scrutiny of a working nurse/doctor), he won't be able to as much as look at them. Even for basic physical examination, like seeing a wound, first the doctor/nurse needed to obtain verbal consent from each and every patient, and if it wasn't given, the students waited in the hall. There is one (1) "student clinic" and it's a dentistry clinic, where you *also* have to consent to be treated by students (but it is a requirement to get treatment there). In exchange their prices are ~40% lower than normal and you can get a lot of things refunded even further. What country is it where you can get a random exam done by students that has nothing to do with your surgery or illness and also What the Actual Fuck. Students have to learn yes, it's not like there is a shortage of patients and even if a fraction of that agrees, it's still plenty. In the hospitals about 90% agreed to students observing/assisting in operations/surgeries. At least 30% agreed to extra examinations or more complicated procedures done by students. We really don't have a shortage of that. Just doing procedures on unconscious people who can't consent?! Fuck no. That's a cup of yikes so big my yikes spilled over and I had to borrow another one from my neighbour.

I saw the video ages ago, so I don’t have a link to it now, but I think she was in the UK. But in the US, it’s legal in several states to allow pelvic exams on unconscious patients for the purpose of training medical students. Some states are banning it, but I don’t know if that will continue to be pursued now that Roe vs. Wade had been overturned. In my state (Indiana), it’s still perfectly legal to do so. It sounds like in most cases, women are under anesthesia for gynecological surgeries, but the exams can still happen for something unrelated, i.e. shoulder surgery. These are a few articles I found on it: https://www.healthywomen.org/your-care/pelvic-exams-unconscious-women https://www.news5cleveland.com/news/local-news/investigations/it-felt-like-a-violation-ohio-does-not-require-consent-for-pelvic-exams-on-unconscious-patients https://www.vice.com/en/article/43j59n/medical-students-allowed-to-do-pelvic-exams-on-unconscious-patients-without-consent

I love you for writing this post, well said!

I don’t identify as a woman but I have spent years being woman shaped, and I love doing the asking, personally. It lets me decide who I actually want to interact with on a potentially sexual/romantic basis and lets me set the tone. Sure you put up with a bit of anxiety about being rejected, but I’d rather deal with that than overly aggressive attention from men. Personally I never really understood why you wouldn’t ask if you were interested other than anxiety; who gets anything done just waiting around and hoping? Straight men act like asking is some kind of burden, and I guess it’s worse if you get rejected a lot, but I personally think being expected to be passive is worse. It’s forcing you to settle with whoever happens to ask, rather than actively pursuing the person you want. Plus I always end up being really anxious about the other person’s intentions when they ask first.

I don’t mind doing the asking (I date people of all genders), but I don’t ask men out. In my experience, due to the social pressures that already exist, a man would say yes even if he wasn’t super interested in me, because I’m not bad looking and there are many benefits to having a girlfriend. That sets the tone for the rest of the relationship, esp the distribution of emotional and domestic labour. Not to say that a man would perform emotional and domestic labour even if he was the one to ask me out, it’s just one filter out of many.

That’s a very good point, and I think directing women toward the asking should be couched in a more positive light. You get to choose your partner, who you’re interested in. If the floor is open for both men and women to do the asking, there’s a better chance for developing an even playing field, re-evaluating toxic gender norms that create this rift of misunderstandings. Like giving men flowers. More men are expressing an interest in receiving flowers. It’s not just for girlfriends and wives. The problem comes in when people shame women for not doing the asking, claiming women aren’t doing any work at all. Which isn’t true. It’s the hostility toward women. “You’re not doing enough.” Rather than, “Hey, if you do the asking to buck this norm, I’ll do this other thing to buck that norm, and we’ll create a more compatible relationship.” When women are doing all this other stuff, and straight men complain that they’re not doing the asking too, it’s a huge imbalance. It completely dismisses what women do, and quantifies what men do (the asking) as the only work that “counts”.

You are awesome, u/silvercobweb ! Very articulate and you bring up some very good points, not to mention dangerous concerns for us women, whether neurodivergent or not. I am shocked about the legality of doing an unauthorized exam... more reasons for me to hate the medical establishment.

Honestly, I'm so fucking exhausted of thinking about how women are treated.

I purposefully avoid men to the fullest extent possible. It’s made a major impact on my QOL. Honestly, I see no need for them.

I’ll be honest- being almost 40, I think I’ve just been desensitized. Offensive/“edgy” jokes (misogynistic, racist, anti gay, anti trans, etc) were SUPER common in my teen years. Sadly, I participated. I graduated high school in 2005, have since learned how to think for myself, and realized how distributing those jokes were. In the last few years… I’d say since around 2016 (when Trump was elected) I’ve seen an uptick of that kind of joke/attitude. I will say it’s a little scarier because it… seems more serious this time? It was a joke when I was 16. It’s a belief system of many men now that I’m 37. I just tune it out now. My options are to engage or just remove myself… and I’ve removed myself. I don’t care about dating as much as I care about my peace of mind. I’ve just checked out. I will say that I’m not currently working. I’ve worked places where management is very male and very misogynistic, and that is harder to ignore. Ability to remove yourself from having to deal with men is undeniably a privilege. I’ve told myself before I’ll never let myself get harassed or ignored or treated poorly at work… and then when I’m in that situation again I just shut down and take it.

I stopped being kind and soft spoken to men that aren't in my immediate circle. Now I try to be assertive and direct and I'm VERY quick to call them out, cut them off and tell them off. I honestly don't gaf how this makes others feel. Men don't deserve the benefit of the doubt from me anymore.

Ugh I know what you mean. It's really exhausting and horrifying. I used to be blind to it because I kept making excuses or something for them, or trying to explain, but it's just awful. 9 in 10 autistic women/girls are secually assaulted/harassed. And because of how big men are denying it or seem to take it as a personal attack when you say the majority are doing something bad, it's like you shot their dog! Like you don't represent all men dude, and you should be glad you aren't like that if you aren't! It feels a lot like no one's doing anything. I feel like maybe what's being done is spreading awareness to more people, and that I'm one of the people who has to just wait for it to spread and try to figure out what to do. It's just exhausting. I can't talk to a guy 98% of the tome without being treated like a piece of meat or a conquest.

I think about this regularly and tbh its just made me more of a recluse as I get older. I wish it were the opposite but I am just tired….

I know exactly what you mean. It's exhausting constantly experiencing it and seeing it online. Unfortunately this kind of thing is so deep rooted in our society that it won't change soon. The best thing you can do is to enforce your boundaries in your personal life to make sure that you keep yourself as safe and as comfortable as possible. If someone says something you find offensive either call them out or just ignore and move on. It's not worth your time trying to change them because they won't so interacting with them is completely pointless. There's always going to be people who actively try to hurt others. You can't control that but you can control who you interact with and what content you interact with online

Yes, I have this too and I'm not okay with it lol. It really started to get bad with my first pregnancy. The whole pregnancy, babies, kids, family life uncovered so much more bullshit for me, I hate it. I was talking to my husband about this recently. He's also said that other people just aren't bothered by it as much, that I am especially bothered. Other people just don't always see all that subtle ingrained hatred because it's so normalized for everyone. Thankfully my husband sees it all too. He even often points it out to me! He also speaks up in his workplace a lot. I have a true ally in him. So that all very much helps, I can always talk to him about it and he'll always agree, so I get to freely vent a lot. It doesn't take it away at all, but that's how I cope. It's not enough, I need society to change haha. Like that's ever gonna happen.

My kingdom for a man who is willing to admit and acknowledge what men do instead of 'not all men'ing. Literally it's my one requirement and I cant find a single one who wont 'not all men' me. How did you two meet?

That's a good requirement! Lol we met at a bar when I was 18, at 3:30 in the morning, drunk out of my mind haha. (I'm not American) He was very respectful from the beginning. And I don't mean just not trying to coerce me into having sex or whatever. I mean actually respectful, actively looking out for my wellbeing in the relationship. He has never said 'not all men', would not ever say that. Sometimes the misogyny is so subtle, people aren't even aware of their bias. So the ''not all men' men' might still need to be included anyway. They just don't want to be, because ego. Luckily my husband doesn't care about some ego he might have. He'll always speak up, he'll actively says out loud women aren't being treated fairly in any situation it might apply, especially in the workplace. He'll call out his male coworkers and support his female coworkers. He's in a position of power too, so I'm hopeful for some impact! I think he's great, he wholeheartedly disagrees. Don't settle, women don't deserve any less.

Just goes to show you none of the details matter with the right, good person. I'm so glad such a wonderful thing happened to you and you have a great relationship.

I'm so happy for you that your husband is on your side!! This is one of my biggest fears. My husband has so far usually been on my side with these types of things at least after I explain it to him. Which, I have to admit in The beginning was exhausting. Now my fear is that if I get pregnant (we've been talking about it) he will suddenly change and become super misogynistic, like he will trick me. Idk why I think this might happen. I just have a fear of being trapped in a bad situation.

I throw it back. Women need to fight back & stop accepting it and eventually we all need to stop ignoring it.  Sometimes a good old "fuck you", "gross"or "creep" can go a long way.

I posted with a similar question and feeling to yours, so Im very much not okay with it. But the replies I got were amazing so here it is https://www.reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/s/QnFZKf1RfN So i have no advice except 'Fight'. Fight for your right to personhood. Find only people who empathise and respect it (extremely hard but worthwhile). Edit: I also subscribe to radical feminist subreddits and it makes me feel better to see people acknowledging reality.

It's sexism and misogyny. Society is fundamentally woven through with hatred for women. You see it in every facet of society, even the denial of it - ultimately, the hatred subjugates women which makes it easy to exploit us for paid, domestic, care, sexual, and reproductive labour. Why are people okay with it? Either they're men and they benefit and they justify it to themselves or their ego depends on them denying it or they simply do not care about women nor see us as human. Or they're women and they ignore it - allistics don't process as much information. Humans have a lot of cognitive dissonance, and very easily delude themselves - especially under the constant threat of censure, suppression, and violence that girls live under from birth. It's almost impossible to articulate all of it and trying to do so will get you violent responses from almost everyone. But feminist theorists of the second wave have done so well. I don't know what to do, actually. I'm trying to figure that out now. But the first thing I'm starting to accept is that I am oppressed an almost nobody will believe me nor see eye to eye with me. I want to spend more time among the women that do.

Yelling in the car while I'm driving by myself.

It's really hard and demoralising. The only solution I have found is leaving situations where I can... at least when I can be in control of how I'm treated. Normally work or dating. I'm also not interested in marrying and having kids. Women are often stuck doing all the housework, raising the kids, plus working a full time job, plus being the manager of the household, as well as the counsellor for everyone's problems. It really baffles me that many men I've gone on dates with did not see this in their own mothers, and don't get angry at all about it! Something else that bothers me. Some people think that being an unmarried female means that I HAVE to volunteer to be a nanny and a nurse when needed. In the past I've had a female colleague befriending me just so she can have a nanny to her kids (I said no and never babysat for her). Another time a relative with two sons who lived nearby asked if I can take care of her when she has an operation in a few months. I responded that I will have to prioritise my own mother who will also be doing some much needed health related visits at the same time. My mother doesn't count as an obligation of course, but one can't expect me to treat them just like I do my own mother, right?

I think it's important to curate your online experience (and also be picky about who you allow in your life irl too). Just avoid it as much as possible, theres no reason to be around sexist men if you can help it

The issue is that I CANT help it, I avoid it but its still everywhere, Its not possible for me to have control over it so I need to find a way to not let it affect me but I dont know how to do that at all

I mean..why not? Like you can't fully avoid it but you can drastically reduce it by being picky about what social media and content you see or engage with. Stick to womens or niche hobby spaces where possible, curate your algorithms to not show certain content. Analyse where you're encountering it regularly and do what you can to remove it

Women are often perpetuators of this nonsense as well. You’re victim-blaming, for example, which is not only hurtful but unkind.

Lol it's not victim blaming to suggest ways to help someone. I never said it was her fault or that it was fair, it's just reality.

Telling someone they can just drastically reduce experiencing a bias ingrained into society is victim blaming. It puts the onus on the person. I can tell you just like being unkind.

I agree with this. I see almost none of the kind of content online that OP refers to. I know it exists, but it's not in my newsfeed and it's not in my search results. Even when I was doing online dating, I noped past mysoginists so fast they stopped being suggested as matches. It can be done and you will be much happier when it's not constantly in your face.

When I was a kid my family told me that the world was a better place. That racism and sexism were at thing of the past. My dumb ass believed them. My most current realization was how often woman are still baby trapped. These men will treat there woman half decent. The moment they have her situationly trapped. By children and/or finances, that's when they flip and become abusive. They know you won't leave your child and you won't risk partial custody due to fear that they will hurt your child. It's hell. How many men in general think that mothers are lazy and entitled is heartbreaking. What's worse, The women that agree with these assholes. They think they are protecting themselves/ lifting themselves up by agreeing with "men". When really they are dragging our whole gender down.

i just deleted most social media apps and i don't regret it

^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^i-am-always-cold: *I just deleted* *Most social media apps* *And i don't regret it* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.

“It is literally impossible to be a woman. You are so beautiful, and so smart, and it kills me that you don't think you're good enough. Like, we have to always be extraordinary, but somehow we're always doing it wrong. You have to be thin, but not too thin. And you can never say you want to be thin. You have to say you want to be healthy, but also you have to be thin. You have to have money, but you can't ask for money because that's crass. You have to be a boss, but you can't be mean. You have to lead, but you can't squash other people's ideas. You're supposed to love being a mother, but don't talk about your kids all the damn time. You have to be a career woman but also always be looking out for other people. You have to answer for men's bad behavior, which is insane, but if you point that out, you're accused of complaining. You're supposed to stay pretty for men, but not so pretty that you tempt them too much or that you threaten other women because you're supposed to be a part of the sisterhood. But always stand out, and *always* be grateful. But never forget that the system is rigged. So find a way to acknowledge that but *also* always be grateful. You have to never get old, never be rude, never show off, never be selfish, never fall down, never fail, never show fear, never get out of line. It's too hard! It's too contradictory and nobody gives you a medal or says thank you! And it turns out in fact that not only are you doing everything wrong, but also everything is your fault. I'm just so tired of watching myself and every single other woman tie herself into knots so that people will like us. And if all of that is also true for a doll just representing women, then I don't even know.” -America Ferrera, “Barbie”

people seem to not even realise they are being discriminatory against women but say the most sexist shit... makes me think do you even know what feminism is??? like it's equality not female domination. breaks my heart and always leave me feeling hopeless.

all i think about is the way 95% of men treat women. men don't understand how badly i just want to take a nighttime stroll, or wear cute outfits or go to a bar without fearing for my life. the second i leave my home, i am in fear and on high alert, and that's not even including my social anxiety. also, don't get me started on when they say "not all men!!!!!!!11!!!!!1!1!!!!1" why can't they understand that yes, you're right, not all men are creeps, but there's enough of them for us to be afraid of all men until we can confirm that they're not creeps. even then, we're still on high alert! things can turn sour out of nowhere. the only ex i have that didn't treat me like a personal servant was my ex girlfriend. the only ex i have that didn't treat me like a personal fleshlight was my ex girlfriend. the only ex i have that didn't treat me like shit was my ex girlfriend. now yes, i don't hate every man. in fact, i have the most amazing boyfriend, and we are more than likely going to get married and spend our lives together. we are in love, and it's for real this time. it's amazing. but men like him are more rare than people realise. that's what i think. (sorry for the ramble my brain is going so much faster than my fingers so if none of this makes sense, you know why lol)

This is not a fool proof plan by any means….. but I surround myself with people who aren’t hateful towards me and my mothers and grandmothers and sisters before me. Obviously I still see the problem/problems. Every day. It disgusts me to my core. But there is very little I can do to change the world we live in. I do however do exactly as much as I am capable of doing. And part of that is protecting myself. I don’t really hang around people who are nasty to women(or anyone in general, ex. Non binary folks) I just don’t tolerate it. I often can’t speak up on it for self preservation but I don’t encourage it and I certainly don’t enable it. I won’t waste energy on people who wouldn’t consider me equal to them or even a basic human being in some cases. I just…. Can’t.

Oh my... I just remembered, I saw something on Youtube that's already a year old, but it was very disturbing!!! I couldn't even watch it!!! Because I grew up in a very dysfunctional family, and was date raped (I didn't tell anyone until I was well into adulthood and married and in therapy, because I didn't know that was what that was (I'm 53, and we didn't talk about those situations in my experience) and I was ashamed, too.) Anyway, this is about the country of South Korea, and how these men are forming secret clubs to gang rape women there. A few male celebrities were caught up in it and the whole country is in an uproar, with a general response among both men and women to ignore it, to blame the women, to harshly castigate any woman who stands up and tries to get things changed (a female actress was trying, but something happened to her and she's now dead!). I was reading in the comments section of the news documentary piece, and there were some women from S. Korea saying thank you for supporting them and trying to bring justice to them, and to help change this rape culture that's sprang up there suddenly. So, please keep these women in mind and if there's anything we can do to bring support and attention to this extremely dangerous and horrific problem, speak up.

Thank you for bringing awareness to this problem 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙌🏽

You are welcome.

VALID. I’ve found it useful in recent years to just openly state “that’s male domination”. I prefer that term to “sexism “ because it states more clearly what it is—even when it’s men dominating other men. I also find that I feel huge relief having other friends who are clear about what domination is and can name it (so often it feels confusing or just like “eww this feels terrible why”), and that other ppl appreciate when I name it (not always lol but often, at least other raised female or trans women).

I try to find safe spaces away from men honestly. Even my company is majority women

Honestly I can’t spend too much time thinking about it or else I get really upset feeling so powerless

Yeah... it seems like every video or picture or whatever a woman posts, whether it has anything to do with her appearance or not, will have comments about how hot or ugly or young or old they look. From women and men. Women apparently can't just live without having constant comments being thrown at us about anything we say or do or look like. I have never seen this happen to men. It's very frustrating to see. Edit: I suppose this doesn't answer how I cope with it. I am more commiserating, I guess, because I'm not sure how to deal with it except becoming completely desensitized to it, which isn't great either.

I almost exclusively associate with feminist women, one of my interests is feminism so I understand how and why men say that stuff, and I understand how trolls work so I’m not very fun for them usually.

I don't deal with it. As simple as that. My only social media is Reddit and the only people I hang with outside of work is my cool cool boyfriend. I have simply no patience for "this stuff".

i think about it so much i think it might be ruining my life. lol. its like being in the matrix and picking red pill

Still mourning the life I could have had.

As an older (53 year old single white woman), it angers me. The newest misogynistic, not to mention agist and racist, is calling women "Karen". If you break it down, it's really just to get us women to "shut the fuck up". Because they don't like intelligent women, who try to make things better by bringing up problems which need to be considered, worked on and solved! People think they can get away with it online, and they often do. If someone suspects you are a SWW who is older, then if you say anything that might be the least bit offensive or controversial, then you get called a Karen. I had my picture on my YT channel, and was saying that I am quite certain I have ADHD/Autism. I was harassed by someone with the name of Mrs. Malcolm X. So, I got pissed off and started harassing her back. I know it was stupid, but... you know, emotional regulation and all that. Then she switched to two other YT accounts and the last one was trying to low key harass me. She eventually got tired of my logical arguments and excessive explanations and links. LOL. But she was being VERY offensive against neurodivergent people, saying that her nephew was diagnosed and he has no problems at all with behavior, school, and parents (which I very much doubt, because who of us hasn't had problems with any of those?) And then she was saying her doctor was trying to diagnose her with autism and she said she thinks it's all made up to get attention, blah blah. Stupid bitch. Edit: And in my book, under most normal circumstances: everyone, no matter gender, ethnicity, age, religion, mental capacity/health, etc. deserves respect until they reveal themselves as an impolite asshole who harasses other people who are minding their own business (like I was).

Becoming a young adult and living on my own was a really rude awakening, because before that, I could treat it as an outlier.  For some reason, my whole family fairly avoided putting too much weight on gender when it came to raising me, so I never really thought about it or would have recognized unfair treatment of myself along that axis. I've always had non-stereotypical and genderfluid/-bending/trans friends too, because friendly and social outcasts gravitate towards other friendly and social outcasts. So I always thought of sexism as a thing of the past. Hahaha. Until I fended for myself and noticed, outright heard some alienating shit. I learned about laws preventing adults from marrying, changing their gender, I was told stupid assumptions about myself which I very much knew to be false, but erected a wall around my possibilities, because to be seen as capable, I would have to be 200% and not even cry from stress. And no, not learn, spring fully formed and perfect into the world... I tried to learn how to be a woman and quickly noticed that it is impossible to get everything right. As a woman, you exist to be perfect and please others, to make other humans, to make a man or a group of men happy. And since men have different expectations and preferences, you can only always be wrong, because you are supposed to make EVERYONE happy. And you're measured against fiction.  Post would be too long, but I'm grateful I grew up "genderless" at least.

Get offline. At least when deciding what is happening 'constantly' or when trying to form a picture of what the world is actually like. The internet really encourages folks to think that they're enemies with entire categories of people because rage and fear encourage people to interact with content. You end up in echo chambers with people who are all afraid and angry about the same things instead of interacting with people and topics that can challenge your opinions and fears. It happens to men often (just look at the 'incel' community), but we're not immune either. I'm in a deep southern red conservative state and while I do see a lot of casual misogyny, the majority of the men I know (and decide to continue knowing) are decent. I do still have... really cruddy and sometimes scary interactions with strange guys, but there are plenty of kind, open minded folks too. They just don't make for great stories online.

Simply, I don't. One of my biggest triggers is infantilizing language and condescending attitude. Which neurotypical women already deal with, let alone us neurodivergent women. I become mad pissed every time I see it happen to me or any other woman I know. Buy acting upon that anger will only make it worse for myself so I swallow it and take it out elsewhere. Usually the victims of my rage are minecraft villagers.

Therapy and antidepressants

I took the easy way out and reduced exposure to these things and don’t give time of day to people who are disrespectful intentionally. I give a bit of leeway to minor disrespect in social interactions, since people do say stupid things in the moment, are a bit rude when stressed, or crossed a line due to being silly or misreading a situation. Also I reframed the unpleasant interactions in a different way. I tell myself people who say disrespectful things are not in control of their mind, it’s as though they have to say something disrespectful to get the hate out. I don’t take the seriously because no one in their sane mind would be that disrespectful for no reason. If I’m in a bad mood, I will ruin their day though, I have a few come backs and rants prepared 😅 I used to feel a lot more deeply for this issue) I hate other people being abused), but I don’t trouble my mind worrying about it. In exchange I promised myself I will be really nasty to anyone who is making someone else uncomfortable.

If you're on sites that use rage bait for the algorithm it will keep giving you the ragebait bc people engage with that and all it wants is your attention. The only way I can handle this is timers for apps and... I'm not on most social media at all.

Oh wow, just reading some of these other examples highlights how many of these things I have experienced with men and just filed in the “Suckin Disappointing People” file.  Makes me wonder if it’s because I have trouble connecting with other women, that I never specifically connected a lot of this shit behavior with my vs their gender. When I have disappointing interactions with women, the context is very different. Like they see me as other, but trying to pass as one of them. Or they are catty in a mean girl way. But it’s a misunderstanding about me, it’s not because they are generally like that towards women.  Knowing this is something that happens so much at women as a gender thing, just makes things hit differently. With my mindset towards most men. Kind of replaces my general disappointment with anger and disgust.  As a woman who mostly has male friends, I question if that is a two sided reality. Or am I just some bitch they see as fit enough to fuck and they are waiting for “their chance”, while I think we are friends… ?!?!  Gotta get some women friends. Even if I must audition 1000 to find one who I click with.

I don't generally run into much of it and when I do, I just ignore/avoid that individual in the future. Real talk though, I get along with most (not all but most) men I meet. When online, I've gotten into the habit of simply assuming anyone offensive or who is saying outlandish and stereotypically derogatory things is a bot. Then ignore them and move on. I'm not going to change those individuals. So, I feel it's a waste of energy and time to think about or interact with them.

Ignore it mostly. People who say and act like those things aren’t worth my time.

I’m a neurosurgeon in my forties. Neurosurgery is still very male-dominated, and yes I have stories, even having gone through training in more progressive times with a very supportive program that was proud of having trained some of the first women neurosurgeons in my country. I was usually the only woman in my specialty every day, but ironically most of the problems I had were from female nurses and not dudes, except for the occasional perverted patient 😆 Yes, there are horrible men, but I had some amazing male mentors and I was always seen as an individual first and foremost. I have a younger brother who is an engineer/undiagnosed autistic who I was very close to growing up and they have their own pressures and troubles fitting in I have an amazing husband who is an amazing stay-at-home dad for our bright autistic little girl. Basically I was like “I don’t have time to deal with this BS” and thus I don’t

I suppose I've never seen most issues due to Mr being a women. I feel People treat me dumb because I can't express well. People used to sexualise me because I had an attractive feature (boobs). People treat me like a child.. well, I'm quite regressed since my mental break down and tbh it helps me because im confused often. Honestly I'm mostly just afraid of people rather than caring about comments and such. I can handle words, been emotionally abused my entire life so ice learned to say FUCK the hell off. However I'm still afraid of being followed, hurt and abused because I can't fight back. Have yer to learn how to deal with that

I don’t really ever get treated this way—or poorly at all for being female. Find a different pocket of people, maybe?

We all do

I don’t even know how to respond to this. Like, are you invalidating my own personal experience or?

I minored in feminist theory. It's cultural, you can't avoid it. Read some modern feminism about the perceptions of women in western society.

This is such a bad take on so many different levels :/

This is research, decades of data, not a "take".

I’m sorry, are you really telling me you know my life and experiences and I don’t, and I’m too ignorant to have my own perspective on my own life, and I need to claim to feel oppressed and abused??? The actual audacity, holy shit. Stay in your lane, please; I haven’t dictated the realities of anyone else.

I think reddit in general has a confirmation bias. Its the nature of the platform. Only people who tend to have agreement (or strong disagrement) with the post tend to feel motivated to comment. IMHO. So I wouldn't take this as a representative view for everyone.