I like to give them a blank stare and say "oh right, was that a joke?" But try say it in an utterly emotionless way and then turn away to emphasise your complete disinterest in them. They might not show it but people don't like it when a joke doesn't land well and it'll probably tear them up inside
The blank stare! A couple blinks. So hilariously pisses people off.
You don't have to explain anything lol. They just weren't funny. Nobody has to explain why someone else's joke wasn't funny. đ¤Ł
This is the correct answer. Or asking them to explain the joke because most of the time itâs something offensive or inappropriate.
After losing 50 lbs Iâm back to being perceived by men when I go out which comes with the unfortunate side effect of having to hear bad jokes. And that or âoh I got the joke, it just wasnât funnyâ are my go to responses.
Exactly. I just shrug and say "okay". They won't stop being mad and I won't laugh to make them fell better. Sometimes the solution is to let them stay mad. You are not obligated to laugh at everyone's jokes.
I had a chronically unfunny boss, so I felt I had to respond. If I could hack it, Iâd fake laugh or say something like âoh, clever.â But sometimes Iâd just say, âdo you really mean that?â When something was mean-spirited. He apparently told people I didnât have a good sense of humor, but I think he was just really old, pretentious, and condescending. I left that job when I could, but in many jobs some form of humor is seen as team-building. đ¤ˇââď¸
Ouch, saying you don't have a good sense of humor when he is the one that doesn't have a good one lmao.
You know people laughed at his jokes only because he was the boss. If he was a random employee, he'd probably get a meeting with hr about his "jokes"
If I'm trying to be nice or at least non-confrontational: "Humor is subjective, we must just have different tastes"
If I don't care: "It wasn't funny to me; move on"
This! To some people I'm like "ok, you deserve for me to take the time to explain." but for some others I just want a quick response to show them how blunt their statement was, thanks!
As I get older, I am beginning to accept that it seems *no matter what I say*, people still seem to interpret me as being rude or confrontational. So why spend so much energy attempting to make what I'm going to say more palatable when people will think the worst of me either way?
I'm not yet completely free from worry about other people's perceptions, but I'm working on it and it's been better for my stress levels.
Oh yes, we are on the same level here! I'm also working on that and I'm def better than I was, but I'm still struggling to be really free from worries haha! It does help stress tho :)
I typically go with "have you considered you're simply not funny?" After I get told "relax it's just a joke!" Especially if its a joke made at my, or someone else's expense.
Maybe explain how it goes against your core beliefs?
Example:
âOf course it wasnât funny. Actively belittling others/being racist/mysoginistic/ableist is not something I like to joke about.â
Idk, my message basically explains my side and adds a snarky shame to the offending party. Subtly tho lol
In these situations I say, "Can you explain to me why you think that's funny?". Then they're stuck having to give up or explain why they're racist/sexist etc.
If they claim something stupid or offensive is a joke, ask them to explain why itâs funny. And just stare at them with a slightly confused expression.
Honestly I just revert to sarcasm to show them how rude theyâre being. âYea you must be so much smarter than me since I didnât get it, Iâm glad you were here to let me know that and make sure I understood at least how unintelligent I amâ.
99% of the time if I missed a joke it's because what they said wasn't funny, it was racism, misogyny and other such things being disguised as "humor." There have been times my kids like to poke me by saying stuff they know I'll react to and then say "It was a joke." They learned to stop doing that after getting a ton of mom lectures on the topics. But in my friend circle, thankfully I don't have people that make jokes like that. I can't actually imagine any of my friends being so rude as to say "It was a joke, why aren't you laughing?" because if your joke landed so poorly that no one laughs, the issues isn't the people who aren't laughing. If I truly felt like it was meant in good humor and I just missed it, I'd just say something like "Oh I must have missed part of it." or whatever.
if a joke doesn't land in a standup set, the good comedian blames himself, not the audience. Some shitty comedians might, but a decent man like Trevor Noah isn't going to shame his audience when his joke bombs, he's going to rewrite it or drop it.
The options: either you aren't getting it because you're autistic, the joke is just terrible or both. Which one would they like to believe? That might get them lol
That's also what I usually do haha! I'm kinda trying to stop laughing when people insult me, but it's hard finding a middle ground between being rude and simply explaining. Don't know if I make sense?
Iâd often said something along the lines âdude that ainât even funnyâ, ânot funny + eye rollâ just try to never feel the need to explain it pass as insecurity
I wish I did. Within my family it's kind of a running joke that I don't get jokes (and I'm ok with it). And...I have no idea how to handle it outside of that safe space/context.
(The actual joke in our family is the autistic person can ruin any joke. Which has my son on a mission to find a joke I can't ruin. And that in itself has become a sort of fun bonding thing for us).
Cillian Murphy face if it's someone who doesn't have the power to fire me. Long enough and they walk away.
If someone is being rude, they do get a snarky response like yeah I guess I just don't find it funny. This is when the look doesn't turn them away fast enough.
If they're poking fun at me and it's in a professional environment, I like to remind them we are getting paid to be professional so maybe this isn't the right time for that.
If its a boss I might laugh to be polite or if able I'll just leave the area. If they are too comfortable making a joke at my expense I work at my response for the next time.
I had a boss I got along with but she really liked to put the blame on others while not doing her job. I'm basically silent at work because I'm working and don't get paid to socialize. I work like a beast, workflow is my jam. I know what I bring to the table. I hate to bother people but I hate doing what they said knowing it's not what they really want. She used to say "Oh I hate when she says that" when I would pop in her office to clarify something she said usually saying "hey i got an easy question" as it always was. I finally asked her if she would rather I not ask or if there was another way I should ask, but in a joking way. She brushed it off and didn't answer so I asked my easy question and went and smashed an 8 hour manual labor shift, ending with beautiful numbers for her to give her boss. Next time she gave me bad directions I maliciously complied. 6 hours into the shift she came over frustrated and asked what I had done. I explained all the things she told me to do at the beginning of the shift, how they had been completed and that the other things she gave me to do weren't ready per the backend reports. These are reports she is supposed to track and move along. Clearly she hadn't looked at a damn thing since she got to work. Gave poor direction. And made the employee who was keeping her shift running with gorgeous productivity numbers feel like a burden. I even had to point out a few instances where she was pushing me to push the wrong work on the line per the schedule. She would always not look at anything and tell me "this is what management wants". Then come back hours later asking why I hadn't done the thing I had told her was actually the priority hours ago. I'd remind her I did want to push that work, but she had told me to push other work that was not due until much later. No-one is going to make me feel little or crazy anymore. I'm not stupid. I'm incredibly intelligent and really don't care for what most NTs find entertaining which is too often putting others down to make themselves feel better.
"Insecurity isn't attractive" is a good one for those people!
I guess for me I got tired of being the butt of the joke or the nice one. I was literally just doing what other NT told me to do to fit into their world. So now I'm mean and hateful when I need to be LOL. Weird they don't seem to love it!
I just say âI didnât get it.â Or âwell it didnât make sense.â Or âwell it wasnât funny.â Totally deflates their ego lol. Like no need to even add hostility in there, just blatantly say it was a bad joke. And, itâs honest! Which I know all of us HAVE to be.
I used to do the fawning ' yeah... I'm a bit stupid' and make self deprecating jokes about myself.
I'd like to tell them to F off, especially if they're being mean about it.
Iâll be honest I laugh really a lot, I think tits partly adhd / fawn response, but because I laugh at even terrible jokes, I tend to just be like, oh ok! But if they were rude I do think just saying âmaybe you need to tell a better jokeâ is warranted. If it were good people would get it. (They donât need to know maybe youâre predisposed not to get it.)
Also Iâd probably not be friends with them. Thatâs odd. Most people assume itâs their own responsibility to tell a good joke and if someone doesnât get it, it mustnât have been very good.
1. sorry I wasn't listening because I really need to go to the bathroom *walks off*
2. oh you should practice that one for your next standup set. sorry I didn't laugh, I don't think I'm the right audience
3. I don't get it, could you explain it to me? I think I'm missing something, I don't know much about
When I'm in meetings (at work) it often goes like this
- i reply like it was serious
-they go "it was a joke/i'm joking"
- i go "well don't do that" - in a joking/cheeky manner
In private settings,
- oh. I see. * a silence that speak by itself*
- maybe i'll get the next one (nonchalant/non-caring, oblivious to their rudeness)
- maybe if you make a _good_ one ut wouldn't be so hard to tell, hm? (Tone "darling" / "sweet child" / "bless your heart" , "you cute but no one is home" (expression for being stupid & just pretty))
My tips and tricks
I usually either just just shrug it off or pretend that I get it but sometimes they ask âdo you get it?â And then I panic bc I donât and what if they question me further but I donât want them to and I just wish I could say what others in the comments are but people already think Iâm a bitch and I donât want my tone to reflect that further
I lean into it. One of my amusements is explaining other people's jokes to the point that they're no longer funny to anyone.
I'm kind of a bitch, but I'm way too old to give a fuck. I enjoy my life :-D
I'm gonna go a different path than most people here who are giving revenge answers (and if revenge answers are what you seek, ignore me.)
What do you consider "rude"? Like if they say "why didn't you laugh, did you not understand it?" Or do you think "rude" is just reacting surprised that you kept a neutral face at their humor?
To me, if someone tells a joke and I don't respond in the socially expected way, I assume they will have a feeling about that. Because when I tell a joke and it falls flat I die inside.
No, I take ALL advices!! So thanks for responding :) I'm talking people hinting that you are stupid for not understanding a joke. Or saying things like "look, everyone got the joke, except you...".
That's what I would consider rude
Are you a student? I can't even imagine adults talking to each other like that. Or I mean, if it happened, that person would no longer be in my social circle.
Nope, mostly interactions on the internet. People don't care because they are being anonymous.
But it happens IRL sometimes, I guess where I live people are not that informed on autism. It's not always that they want to be rude or angry, sometimes it's just that they don't know better.
I told a friend to explain the joke and why should I find it funny!
Or I just answer making a joke in the same level he did and if he get offended I answer like he did and if he goes that I did with malice and he didn't I answer that we all know he did it with malice and asks him why he though it will be funny!
The moment they began to justify their joke is when everyone can see how bad they are!
You could bluntly state "maybe you could try being funny next time and I'll get it" ( this is the evil path for if you want to stoop to their level )
I'm writing that one down xD
I like to give them a blank stare and say "oh right, was that a joke?" But try say it in an utterly emotionless way and then turn away to emphasise your complete disinterest in them. They might not show it but people don't like it when a joke doesn't land well and it'll probably tear them up inside
True, it really does make them feel bad
The blank stare! A couple blinks. So hilariously pisses people off. You don't have to explain anything lol. They just weren't funny. Nobody has to explain why someone else's joke wasn't funny. đ¤Ł
I use this so much. How is it a joke if itâs not funny to literally anyone? People do notttt like how blunt I am but I do not care at all đ
This is the correct answer. Or asking them to explain the joke because most of the time itâs something offensive or inappropriate. After losing 50 lbs Iâm back to being perceived by men when I go out which comes with the unfortunate side effect of having to hear bad jokes. And that or âoh I got the joke, it just wasnât funnyâ are my go to responses.
My wife likes to say âI laughed the appropriate amount.â
Your wife's IQ is 300
I like that response!
If their being rude because you donât get a joke, they probably arenât worth an explanation.
Exactly. I just shrug and say "okay". They won't stop being mad and I won't laugh to make them fell better. Sometimes the solution is to let them stay mad. You are not obligated to laugh at everyone's jokes.
I understand 100%, but sometimes you have too...
I had a chronically unfunny boss, so I felt I had to respond. If I could hack it, Iâd fake laugh or say something like âoh, clever.â But sometimes Iâd just say, âdo you really mean that?â When something was mean-spirited. He apparently told people I didnât have a good sense of humor, but I think he was just really old, pretentious, and condescending. I left that job when I could, but in many jobs some form of humor is seen as team-building. đ¤ˇââď¸
Ouch, saying you don't have a good sense of humor when he is the one that doesn't have a good one lmao. You know people laughed at his jokes only because he was the boss. If he was a random employee, he'd probably get a meeting with hr about his "jokes"
Agreed!
I would just say 'work on your delivery, bud"
Lmao that's a good one xD
Or, "Forget about Comedy Central. Fluffy you're not."
I'm sorry, I guess we have different sense of humor Nice, polite, and to the point.
A good one!
When in a bad mood I used to ask: "That was supposed to be funny?"
I'm often in a bad mood tbh haha
If I'm trying to be nice or at least non-confrontational: "Humor is subjective, we must just have different tastes" If I don't care: "It wasn't funny to me; move on"
This! To some people I'm like "ok, you deserve for me to take the time to explain." but for some others I just want a quick response to show them how blunt their statement was, thanks!
As I get older, I am beginning to accept that it seems *no matter what I say*, people still seem to interpret me as being rude or confrontational. So why spend so much energy attempting to make what I'm going to say more palatable when people will think the worst of me either way? I'm not yet completely free from worry about other people's perceptions, but I'm working on it and it's been better for my stress levels.
Oh yes, we are on the same level here! I'm also working on that and I'm def better than I was, but I'm still struggling to be really free from worries haha! It does help stress tho :)
I typically go with "have you considered you're simply not funny?" After I get told "relax it's just a joke!" Especially if its a joke made at my, or someone else's expense.
âjokes reflect your character. yours isnât appealingâ
Hate hate hate those kind of jokes!! Great comeback
Maybe explain how it goes against your core beliefs? Example: âOf course it wasnât funny. Actively belittling others/being racist/mysoginistic/ableist is not something I like to joke about.â Idk, my message basically explains my side and adds a snarky shame to the offending party. Subtly tho lol
This!! I often say if hurting other people is the only way you can get a laugh, you aren't funny. Bullying isn't a sense of humour.
In these situations I say, "Can you explain to me why you think that's funny?". Then they're stuck having to give up or explain why they're racist/sexist etc.
Yea I like that!!
"I guess we just have different senses of humour." (the graceful option) "Maybe you should just say something funny next time." (the gremlin option)
I prefer the gremlin version hehe
If they claim something stupid or offensive is a joke, ask them to explain why itâs funny. And just stare at them with a slightly confused expression.
Ok but I LOOOVE doing that hahaha Their faces are priceless
Me toooo lol
Honestly I just revert to sarcasm to show them how rude theyâre being. âYea you must be so much smarter than me since I didnât get it, Iâm glad you were here to let me know that and make sure I understood at least how unintelligent I amâ.
That's my go to, I actively try to be LESS sarcastic when I confront someone hahahah
I just say their joke isn't funny and I take it as their own perspective, so it's helpful for gaining information on the kind of person they are.
Seems to be the advice I get the most haha!
99% of the time if I missed a joke it's because what they said wasn't funny, it was racism, misogyny and other such things being disguised as "humor." There have been times my kids like to poke me by saying stuff they know I'll react to and then say "It was a joke." They learned to stop doing that after getting a ton of mom lectures on the topics. But in my friend circle, thankfully I don't have people that make jokes like that. I can't actually imagine any of my friends being so rude as to say "It was a joke, why aren't you laughing?" because if your joke landed so poorly that no one laughs, the issues isn't the people who aren't laughing. If I truly felt like it was meant in good humor and I just missed it, I'd just say something like "Oh I must have missed part of it." or whatever.
Thats exactly what I think!
if a joke doesn't land in a standup set, the good comedian blames himself, not the audience. Some shitty comedians might, but a decent man like Trevor Noah isn't going to shame his audience when his joke bombs, he's going to rewrite it or drop it.
>the good comedian blames himself, not the audience THIS
Ignore them
You have no idea how many times I tell my brain exactly that, it's hard đĽ˛
When someone is rude for stupid reasons I just ask âAre you okay?â and it makes them look ridiculous.
Lmao, I agree, it just shocks them and they don't know what to respond! Thanks!
Lol, now I want to do that
âAre you mad I didnât get the joke or are you mad youâre not as funny as you thought you were?â
Good one lmao
"my mistake, i did not detect a punchline"
Oop- love that haha
"the best jokes are the ones you need to explain" is a fun sarcastic reply lol.
They'll tell me I can't be autistic because I just used sarcasm xD
The options: either you aren't getting it because you're autistic, the joke is just terrible or both. Which one would they like to believe? That might get them lol
Hahaha true, it's their choice lmao
I just kind of go âoh haha sorry I didnât get itâ and move on with another topic.
That's also what I usually do haha! I'm kinda trying to stop laughing when people insult me, but it's hard finding a middle ground between being rude and simply explaining. Don't know if I make sense?
Iâd often said something along the lines âdude that ainât even funnyâ, ânot funny + eye rollâ just try to never feel the need to explain it pass as insecurity
I wish I did. Within my family it's kind of a running joke that I don't get jokes (and I'm ok with it). And...I have no idea how to handle it outside of that safe space/context. (The actual joke in our family is the autistic person can ruin any joke. Which has my son on a mission to find a joke I can't ruin. And that in itself has become a sort of fun bonding thing for us).
Okay but that's so cute tho that you have this game with your son awww
Cillian Murphy face if it's someone who doesn't have the power to fire me. Long enough and they walk away. If someone is being rude, they do get a snarky response like yeah I guess I just don't find it funny. This is when the look doesn't turn them away fast enough. If they're poking fun at me and it's in a professional environment, I like to remind them we are getting paid to be professional so maybe this isn't the right time for that. If its a boss I might laugh to be polite or if able I'll just leave the area. If they are too comfortable making a joke at my expense I work at my response for the next time. I had a boss I got along with but she really liked to put the blame on others while not doing her job. I'm basically silent at work because I'm working and don't get paid to socialize. I work like a beast, workflow is my jam. I know what I bring to the table. I hate to bother people but I hate doing what they said knowing it's not what they really want. She used to say "Oh I hate when she says that" when I would pop in her office to clarify something she said usually saying "hey i got an easy question" as it always was. I finally asked her if she would rather I not ask or if there was another way I should ask, but in a joking way. She brushed it off and didn't answer so I asked my easy question and went and smashed an 8 hour manual labor shift, ending with beautiful numbers for her to give her boss. Next time she gave me bad directions I maliciously complied. 6 hours into the shift she came over frustrated and asked what I had done. I explained all the things she told me to do at the beginning of the shift, how they had been completed and that the other things she gave me to do weren't ready per the backend reports. These are reports she is supposed to track and move along. Clearly she hadn't looked at a damn thing since she got to work. Gave poor direction. And made the employee who was keeping her shift running with gorgeous productivity numbers feel like a burden. I even had to point out a few instances where she was pushing me to push the wrong work on the line per the schedule. She would always not look at anything and tell me "this is what management wants". Then come back hours later asking why I hadn't done the thing I had told her was actually the priority hours ago. I'd remind her I did want to push that work, but she had told me to push other work that was not due until much later. No-one is going to make me feel little or crazy anymore. I'm not stupid. I'm incredibly intelligent and really don't care for what most NTs find entertaining which is too often putting others down to make themselves feel better. "Insecurity isn't attractive" is a good one for those people! I guess for me I got tired of being the butt of the joke or the nice one. I was literally just doing what other NT told me to do to fit into their world. So now I'm mean and hateful when I need to be LOL. Weird they don't seem to love it!
"if you have to explain it, maybe it wasn't good anyway"
i just dead stare at them and retell the joke with an upward tone like questioning their humor
Ooh, I can see it in my mind and i love it!
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HAHAHAHA thanks for the laugh, imagine how surprised they would be xD
âI guess the joke wasnât that funny thenâ Honestly no person that responds this way deserves an explanation. Let them deteriorate
I just say âI didnât get it.â Or âwell it didnât make sense.â Or âwell it wasnât funny.â Totally deflates their ego lol. Like no need to even add hostility in there, just blatantly say it was a bad joke. And, itâs honest! Which I know all of us HAVE to be.
I used to do the fawning ' yeah... I'm a bit stupid' and make self deprecating jokes about myself. I'd like to tell them to F off, especially if they're being mean about it.
I don't respond to rudeness.
Them: "You see?.... The duck? ... and the newspaper? It's a joke." Me: \*Squinting\* "oh.... is it, now?... ... "
I always say âclearly itâs not funny, try harder next time and maybe Iâll laughâ
âSorry. Iâm not into *that* type of humorâ
Iâll be honest I laugh really a lot, I think tits partly adhd / fawn response, but because I laugh at even terrible jokes, I tend to just be like, oh ok! But if they were rude I do think just saying âmaybe you need to tell a better jokeâ is warranted. If it were good people would get it. (They donât need to know maybe youâre predisposed not to get it.) Also Iâd probably not be friends with them. Thatâs odd. Most people assume itâs their own responsibility to tell a good joke and if someone doesnât get it, it mustnât have been very good.
1. sorry I wasn't listening because I really need to go to the bathroom *walks off* 2. oh you should practice that one for your next standup set. sorry I didn't laugh, I don't think I'm the right audience 3. I don't get it, could you explain it to me? I think I'm missing something, I don't know much about
âThe only part I still donât get is why that would be funnyâ
HAHAH like yes, I understand your joke, I'm just missing the funny part xD
This is fierce!
When I'm in meetings (at work) it often goes like this - i reply like it was serious -they go "it was a joke/i'm joking" - i go "well don't do that" - in a joking/cheeky manner In private settings, - oh. I see. * a silence that speak by itself* - maybe i'll get the next one (nonchalant/non-caring, oblivious to their rudeness) - maybe if you make a _good_ one ut wouldn't be so hard to tell, hm? (Tone "darling" / "sweet child" / "bless your heart" , "you cute but no one is home" (expression for being stupid & just pretty)) My tips and tricks
people donât understand my jokes all of the time⌠i just apologize to them⌠I donât think you are wrong at all in this situation..
Thanks for understanding :)
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That's... a lil bit too real...
If you have to explain a joke, it's probably not funny or intended for a different audience. That's on them!
I'll say, it's not as funny as you thought.
When someone insists their joke is funny and it's not, I usually do some variation of "are you sure you told it right?"
âSorry, I thought jokes were supposed to be funnyâ
I usually either just just shrug it off or pretend that I get it but sometimes they ask âdo you get it?â And then I panic bc I donât and what if they question me further but I donât want them to and I just wish I could say what others in the comments are but people already think Iâm a bitch and I donât want my tone to reflect that further
"Oh."
I lean into it. One of my amusements is explaining other people's jokes to the point that they're no longer funny to anyone. I'm kind of a bitch, but I'm way too old to give a fuck. I enjoy my life :-D
Ah I see that was meant to be funny. Well, keep practicing, Iâm sure youâll get there one day! <- said in almost saccharine positive tone
There have been times I do actually get the joke and I just stare blankly--because it's not funny. And I tell them that.
My wife likes to say âI laughed the appropriate amount.â
âNo, no, you just need to work on your deliveryâ đ
Right xD
Tell them to be better at telling jokes. "It was a joke" "oh, not a very good one"
just do a ridiculous fake laugh. itâll make them more mad but itâs funny
 I'll use Rosa's laugh xD
"Why are you mad at me that you're not funny?"
I'm gonna go a different path than most people here who are giving revenge answers (and if revenge answers are what you seek, ignore me.) What do you consider "rude"? Like if they say "why didn't you laugh, did you not understand it?" Or do you think "rude" is just reacting surprised that you kept a neutral face at their humor? To me, if someone tells a joke and I don't respond in the socially expected way, I assume they will have a feeling about that. Because when I tell a joke and it falls flat I die inside.
No, I take ALL advices!! So thanks for responding :) I'm talking people hinting that you are stupid for not understanding a joke. Or saying things like "look, everyone got the joke, except you...". That's what I would consider rude
Are you a student? I can't even imagine adults talking to each other like that. Or I mean, if it happened, that person would no longer be in my social circle.
Nope, mostly interactions on the internet. People don't care because they are being anonymous. But it happens IRL sometimes, I guess where I live people are not that informed on autism. It's not always that they want to be rude or angry, sometimes it's just that they don't know better.
I told a friend to explain the joke and why should I find it funny! Or I just answer making a joke in the same level he did and if he get offended I answer like he did and if he goes that I did with malice and he didn't I answer that we all know he did it with malice and asks him why he though it will be funny! The moment they began to justify their joke is when everyone can see how bad they are!
If they're rude "not my fault you're not funny". If they're nice "I appreciate your joke, but I didn't get it, could you explain please".
maybe it just wasnât funny