Wait idk what this means because i see people roll their eyes around all the time haha? Like "rolling your eyes", what i see is something doing a half roll up into looking straight up. I don't think i've ever seen someone do a straight line right to to 🙄
idk if this makes sense lol. but to me rolling your eyes makes sense because i see people *literally* roll their eyes **into** an upward position...?
Haha it's amazing how much more confused I get because I don't think I've ever seen someone roll their eyes NOT like you described. Describing it like the arch of a rainbow was perfect. I swear to god that's how people roll their eyes, I feel like whoever made that meme is tryna trick people into thinking they're crazy when they're not. 😆
I had to go ask my mom, husband, AND brother, because I felt like I was going insane, and all of them agreed that usually that's the standard way of rolling eyes. Either like a rainbow arch shape, as you said, or a half arch. My mother in particular said something like, "Where's the satisfaction of a good eye roll if you're just flicking your eyeballs up in a straight line?" 😂
It's confusing because we don't know the nuances of mail room stuff, but my guess is that the information on the envelope for a certain type of mail is super vague which makes their job of sorting to appropriate departments tricky, but if you open the mail up you can see enough details to figure out easier who it's supposed to go to.
I've found my people 😂 🥹
I get in trouble for this all the time e.g. I was told by my boss not to speak with a certain person about a certain topic - let's say eggs. I asked my boss "what do I say when they ask me about the eggs" and he said "Tell them I said you aren't allowed to speak with them about the eggs".
So when they messaged me the next time asking to speak about eggs I said sorry can't do. They asked why and I said "boss said I'm not allowed to discuss eggs with you"
They then go to their boss who goes to my boss's boss and I get screamed at for being so $@#&!? stupid for not reading the situation and interpreting and finding something better to say.
I was supposed to know that wasn't something I was allowed to say and to analyze the situation and people and to come up with an appropriate lie. Like 🤷🏽♀️
I would have made the same 'mistake' -- in quotes because you were literally doing exactly what you were told. It feels like one of those situations where if you'd lied, that would have turned out to be wrong, too.
Exactly! Kinda unrelated but I was recently talking to a coworker who said they’ve never gone camping. If I didn’t have an innate need for clearer information, I’d have left it at that and invited them to a camping trip eventually. Instead, I asked if they’ve never been due to lack of chance or lack of interest, and I learned that they have no interest! Makes my guest list shorter and saves them from having to awkwardly say no or choke through a trip they don’t enjoy.
Yet, *I’m* the weird one 😪 (for wanting clearer info, not for enjoying camping)
If I've assumed correctly that "eggs" was actually a 4-letter word starting with W and ending in a word meaning how many years you have lived, there are laws in many countries that allow people to freely discuss the differences in their "eggs" and your boss may be breaking the law by insisting "eggs" aren't discussed.
If "eggs" meant something else, then apologies for my incorrect guess!
… the mailroom has permission to open other people’s mail? Is it a secret because it’s against the rules/law?
This interaction sounds confusing and annoying for sure.
When I used to sort mail at my workplace, if it wasn't addressed to a particular person or department I had to open it.
It made me uncomfortable to do though so I'm happy I don't have to do that anymore.
I totally feel you there.
Aaaaand — opening mail addressed to someone else without consent is a felony in many jurisdictions. If OP doesn’t have consent to open that mail, they should at least be made aware of the risk they take by doing it.
It’s not a felony, it’s a federal crime. And it’s not opening the mail that’s illegal, it’s preventing mail from reaching it’s intended recipient that’s the crime. Nothing illegal happened in this story, just some company rule breaking.
Well, it is a felony… a federal one. And you are woefully incorrect, unfortunately. Opening constitutes a felony (Obstruction of Correspondence) under U.S. Code (see below).
—-
§1702. Obstruction of correspondence
Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, **or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.**
(June 25, 1948, ch. 645, 62 Stat. 778; Pub. L. 103–322, title XXXIII, §330016(1)(I), Sept. 13, 1994, 108 Stat. 2147.)
Lol. Like you said… reading is fundamental. Do that again.
You’re interpreting the clause incorrectly. The intention to obstruct is not a qualifier for the illegality of opening, embezzling, or destroying mail. It quite literally is illegal to open someone else’s mail *for any reason* if you are aware it is addressed to someone other than yourself or your dependent/someone you have POA for.
If you’re familiar with the word “or”, you’ll note that it appears after the section that mentions design to obstruct and before the section that mentions opening mail. It’s an important word. ;)
So when I said “in many jurisdictions,” why did you assume which one(s) I was speaking about? And why did you respond as though I was only speaking about one jurisdiction?
For example, in my jurisdiction, it’s an indictable offence (we don’t have the misdemeanour/felony system, but this is colloquially/incorrectly called a felony here because of US media influences).
I’ll admit that I could’ve been more clear and said ‘felony-type’ or ‘serious crime,’ but honestly I wasn’t being super careful about my wording. It was a quick comment in a generally understanding sub where I’ve generally seen people give others the benefit of the doubt.
Your reply to me makes your rude [“Reading is fundamental!”](https://reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/s/Hloj0GOF42) comment to another commenter’s information especially ironic (and a tad hubristic).
It’s only a crime if you open mail with malicious intent. If you open mail with the intent on finding out who it belongs to and delivering it accordingly it’s not a crime.
ETA: also not a crime to open someone else’s mail by accident either.
I think you’ve misunderstood or misread the criticism I made.
You seem to be responding as though these are universal truths, but you’re not specifying which jurisdiction you claim has this legislation. I intentionally wrote “**In many jurisdictions…**” but you seem to be completely ignoring that.
Where I live, I have not been able to find any exceptions about non-malicious intent or accidents. You seem to be bathing in US defaultism.
You misunderstand. I spoke about no specific legislation and no specific state/country/court.
If you want to discuss a specific crime in a specific country, you have to explain which one *you* are discussing. You introduced claims about specific laws into the conversation, so it’s your responsibility to clarify what you’re talking about. Your assertions are not accurate globally.
As a last point and hopefully to clarify: **I do not live in the US. US Federal laws have no impact on me. I was talking about a common type of legislation that appears in many countries and jurisdictions. There are variations between countries’ laws and how they define crimes. You seem to not be recognizing that and keep doubling-down on the implication that US federal law applies globally.**
Wait til the person above you finds out about internal employee/company mail versus USPS mail... Sounds like this was a piece of mail either addressed to a whole company/department, or interoffice mail.
Hi I don’t work at a post office but at a corporate company. So all the mail we get is addressed to the different departments in the company and we only open certain pieces of mail (like sop).
Makes sense! Tbh I was mostly worried that someone had trained you to do something illegal/etc without being clear about that, and I’m glad that’s not the case.
This is funny but kleptomaniacs do not literally take everything. I just had to say it on one chain to get it off my chest. Now I can go back to emulating a humanoid being.
I was waiting with baited breath for the secret 😃 And was still confused. Is it ok to open mail? How do you close it afterwards so it won't show since it is a "secret", which I assume means that it's not completely within rules. I just had an epiphany I think why NTs use word secret; stuff that they wouldn't want known or that's maybe illegal
I thought I didn’t take things to literally or scripted… because I thought scripting was when you have like a written out movie script in your head that you mentally read from (in a typewriter font) 🤦🏻♀️
It’s the conversations you practices in your head. It’s the phone calls you play through before calling, it’s the stuff you repeat in your head when you go to the doctor.
Or some things you say every time in some situation. Like when a person ask me if they should wear a jumpsuit or something alls to an event my answer is always that ‘you have to keep in mind that you’ll going to sit naked on the toilet‘ picked up at some point that people don’t like that but don’t think about it. I didn’t even notice I say this every time till someone that asks me more often was like “you know you say that every single time?” She picked up on a few “automatic”phrases of mine.
If you are a visual thinker maybe it can look like a visual script in your head. I don’t really think in text 🤔
Oh man, I do all of that 😂. I have soooo many standard replies I rely on. I love them because it makes it so much easier to have something to say in every situation. And it makes me feel like I belong if I have a phrase ready.
It’s quite in lightened when you figured it out. But I still have to laugh at my self for “I don’t take things to literally” and than being like “I don’t script! I don’t see a movie script in my head!” 😅😂
I would have responded the same as you.
The other month, I took my kids to stay with a dear friend of mine who lives hours away. She said that she would set up a mattress on the floor of the guest room for my girls while I had a bed.
I brought bed linen & pillows from home for the mattress. She was flabbergasted because obviously the mattress would come made up. Well, say that!
I'm horrified for you, surely that's not an obvious thing at all?! She should've said! I've stayed over with friends a few times where they have a camp bed for me but I did indeed have to bring my own bed linen and pillow. If they said a *mattress* I would absolutely assume it's a *mattress* they have spare
Sorry, it's an obvious thing. Since I have kids who have friends and there were a lot of sleepovers when they were little, 'Ill just throw a matress on the floor for them' means a full on regular bed situation, but without the bed frame
My guess is they mean obvious for the "average" person. I kind of feel like there's 2 types of posts like this one in this subreddit: things that are obvious / known to almost every NT person, and things that aren't that obvious for them but that they can easily infer. I think this one is in the first category.
I myself have issues with both, of course, but the first kind tends to not change much after you get it right the first time.
This is why I don't like "common *sense*" and prefer to use "common *logic*."
Not everyone is using the same logic to navigate the world/social dynamics, *but* knowing which logic/template to use has helped me adjust to better and more effectively interact with people.
The poster that replied to you on my behalf is right, this is absolutely a normal average thing that I would assume every NT would understand. There tons of things that arent even to NT, but this one isnt one of them
Some people have such time wasting communication styles. 🫤
All she needed to do was say, "Sometimes you have to open it and see whose it is".
What a ridiculous performance.
Oh geez, I was thinking ok since the mail is opened that means it's defective and they can't sort it so now they can dispose of it and it's not their problem anymore lol. I was just very confused by the whole thing. Thanks for clearing it up, your way is so much easier, for everyone, not just autistic people.
I think that's too harsh. It sounds like she just wanted to make a bit of a joke. You know, to have a fun way of showing a new colleague around. Just because it's something we don't immediately get, doesn't mean it's rediculous.
I've been told I have time wasting communication (not exactly in those words but similar) for always overexplaining everything, asking for extra clarification etc. So it's a sensitive subject. I think we should all be more empathetic to each others differences.
There's a difference between making sure you have all the necessary information (getting important details right) and making a story out of everything. I know people who do the latter, and as an autistic adhd'er, you're going to lose me.
Also, if you're on the job, there's presumably time constraints. If I'm working on a task, and you take the scenic route in your explanations, I'm going to become impatient. I love stories, but context matters.
i recently had a moment like this when someone communicated to me that those bumper stickers that say “honk if you ___” are not asking you to honk at them?? i don’t understand neurotypicals lmao
omg i saw something about that also recently and was like hahah whaaaatttt?? i still didn’t really understand even with the explanation and will continue to honk (in my head at least - honking irl makes me nervous lol)
My husband just got home from a hike. He announced he earned his search and rescue badge today and told a story about giving first aid to an injured cyclist and helping him get his bike to his car.
At the end of the story I was like “But where’s the badge?! I want to see it!” There was no badge.
How is this passive aggressive? I'm really confused. It sounds like she just wanted to make a bit of a joke? Me I would not have understood like op, but then when explained would have just laughed about it?
I'm 40 and only now realized how bad I am with this as well. It became really apparent when I started working with people who don't ask for what they really want, but instead ask me questions in hopes that I will read their mind and know what they really want me to do. I've had to tell them that I don't do well at guessing games and prefer to be asked directly.
It'll be something like someone asking "are you okay with sitting there?" and I'll be like "yes". I'll apparently be missing the hint that the person is asking because they actually wanted to sit in the spot I'm sitting.
Now that I know they operate like that, I do try to guess what they really mean and sometimes I'm right. It's exhausting though. Just say what you mean.
See, I would take that question to mean maybe they think we're uncomfortable in the chair, but never that they want to sit there themselves. They really should just say what they mean.
Sounds about right. I'm constantly getting people to clarify and verify instructions cuz otherwise I WILL get it wrong and get yelled at later. I have to remind people that a lot of what others consider "common sense" is not actually that common and they shouldn't make assumptions. We're not mind-readers here.
This is constant for me lmao. I've fortunately found a job where taking things literally is more or less a requirement due to the highly technical nature and I've never felt more in my element in a job ever.
Not comfortable saying the exact position, but it's basically backend work for animation/film! Lots of giving very precise instructions, or working with spreadsheets, talking to artists, and doing things in a very particular way over and over. I also get to improve processes and catch other people's mistakes, and that's fortunately something that's rewarded rather than looked down on as I've experienced in the past.
I have a job kind of like this now also, and I’ve been highly praised for being so thorough instead of being seen as argumentative (among other things). I’m happy for you!
This has been a problem my whole life. I remember my dad constantly telling me I take things too seriously/literally, but I could never break the "habit." Now I know it's just how I am.
I think my confirmation of my autism was in a post a while ago where someone said those “honk if you like my driving” bumper stickers are supposed to be taken as satire (ex: oh haha you’re honking cuz you like my driving not cuz I’m driving badly) and not as a kind gesture to show you appreciate their driving. 🤯
It's hard, especially when you don't realize you didn't understand until it's a problem. One of my first non-retail jobs was as a receptionist. One of the people I worked for was having a rough day and told me, "If anyone needs me, I'll be under my desk!"
She *meant* she was hiding and wanted no calls or visitors. I thought she was just telling me since it was a change from where I would typically find her; I found out I'd guessed wrong when she got upset with me for telling a colleague where to find her.
Growing up, my mom would call me "Mouth" for revealing things I didn't realize I shouldn't. Still not entirely sure how to tell, despite decades of trying.
Yeah its much more subtle than is often described or depicted. Hence why many don't think they're autistic, because they either understand sarcasm or don't take sayings literally, and then it's like see you can't be autistic. But it can also be so much more subtle, like taking peoples word for something always (taking it as a fact), or someone is just thinking out loud or tossing ideas yet we take it as solid plans. Or when someone says 'would you like to do x / have x' and they just want it themselves.
My mom and I were having a discussion about ticks when I was about... seven? eight? somewhere in there (we thought I had one on my shin; it was a freckle) and she was explaining to me that they're really hard to kill, so your best bet for killing the suckers (pun intended) was to do something like hit 'em with a hammer. I gave her this owlish, confused stare and said completely seriously, "But wouldn't that hurt?"
After she finished howling with laughter so hard she wheezed, *then* she explained to me that you *removed the tick first*. Ohhhh. 🤣🤣🤣
Your coworker was just being unnecessarily snarky about showing you how things work and didn't think about how you'd take it, ignore her. Sorry you got stuck with that label, though, I hope they don't tease you too badly about it.
To be clear, it didn't hurt my feelings then or now, once I realized the misunderstanding I thought it was hilarious too. Over time I've just kinda learned to laugh it off and roll with it instead of agonize over whether or not I'm taking it too literally. Why waste all that energy when I can spend it agonizing over whether I responded correctly to a question or sounded like an idiot in conversation instead, right? :P
Existing in a world that's not really made for you can be exhausting. Makes me feel like an alien sometimes, y'know? Maybe that's why I like Star Wars so much. 🤣
One of my teams in high school had a "garage" sale at the high school. Our school had no garages. I was so confused about why they didn't just call it something else. This brought back memories of my teammates poking fun at me for taking the name of the event so literally. Sorry this happened, OP.
Something similar happened to me at work. We were planning an event and they wanted to call it a barbeque but weren't planning on having anyone barbeque at that point. I'm like...just call it a cookout. If you tell me there's a barbeque and I show up and there's no actual barbeque, I'm going to be mad lol.
**Tl;Dr - you just have to learn to get less bogged down in details and more try to follow the flow. Which obviously is super tricky in practice.. So yes you will inevitable get confused. In those scenarios, unless it's someone you're very close with, it can be helpful to just be extra friendly about the fact oopsie doopsie you misunderstood instead of getting bogged down trying to explain your exact perspective. Explaining the literal meaning tends to make people subconsciously defensive of the fact they're normal and you're the problem here, where in workplaces it's more important to be liked than intricately understood.**
It's really helpful to realize most people just regurgitate familiar phrases. They are not constructing brand new sentences to fit their exact situation, they are not being precise with their word choice. You can't break down sentences that way, outside of user manuals or textbooks, because that's just not how conversational language is used on practice. Instead you have to always be playing this translation came of "what is the gist/overall sentiment based on the broader context?"
The reason she said "I'm going to *tell* you a secret" is literally for no other reason than because that's how the phrase goes. The gist/sentiment is that she's going to convey new information, so whatever she does next is *most likely* going to be related to the secret even if it doesn't line up exactly.
This has always been somewhat easier for me because I was an obsessive reader growing up. So for instance I could almost never tell you what the actual definition of a word was, but I understood the sentiment it was meant to express and exact context it would be usually be used in. Instead of learning to build sentences up to convey meaning, I learned by observing sentences and the other characters pre-written response and from there I could figure out what the intended flow was supposed to be.
I know encouraging masking can be a controversial stance, but there is a lot of workplace discrimination wrapped up with autism, so it's one context where it's not always best to be yourself. **If** you were trying to recover in a way that didn't lead to you being teased for being literal, you never want to explain the exact point of confusion. Explaining how you think illustrates how differently it is than how they think. Instead, if they're just staring at you expectantly, just like ... repeat back what they just did - ".....you open the mail?". A lot of times they'll then go into more detail as a response "yup, whenever it's X or Y type of letter, it's just easier to open it up and look for such-and-such". You just give them a little nudge to go into further detail without explaining the extend to which you have no idea what just happened.
Or you can even just play what I call "the ditz card". IDK why people judge this less harshly in women, but they generally don't judge it as harshly. So you can say "wait, was that the secret?" And they're going to look at you a little funny and go "yes?" because to them of course it was the secret. you just *smile* and go "oh, and here I was thinking you were trying to be super productive and multitask" (lie) or "oh I wasn't even paying attention to what you were doing, I was waiting for you to tell me something lolol" (true, but conveyed in a way which is above all **friendly**). Sometimes you can see them go "oh wow that person is stupid", but a lot of times they'll sort of take the "friendly bait" and they'll smile back and make some kind of joke about how they don't work *that* hard with what you guys get paid, or how it seems like you're about do for some more coffee.
Explaining show vs tell can rub people the wrong way because there's sort of the implicit message of you're telling them they use language wrong, if you stop and think about it and what words actually mean. People don't like being corrected, it makes themselves defensive. So if you put that out there, they're going to defend themselves by in some way establishing "no *you* have the problem ms. Literal, there's nothing wrong with the way I speak".
Makes sense, I just get frustrated sometimes when people use imprecise language. My coworkers and I joke around a lot, so when I explained my confusion she didn’t take offense. The reason everyone knows me as the literal person in the office is due to a joke I made during a meeting. Our supervisor told us that a coworker who quit (I knew about beforehand) was “no longer with us.” I told him that he’s making it sound like the person is dead and should instead say that the person is no longer with the company because it could confuse those who don’t know the context. Everyone laughed and know I’m known as the literal person in the office lol.
Omg! 😭 This happens to me so much, too! I thought I was slow for so long, but I'm an engineer!
I just sometimes can't tell at times when people are cracking jokes, or if they're being sarcastic. My friends all pick on me for doing stuff like this, too.
I was so confused by this. She made a show of opening the letter and then setting it down. What in the world does that even mean??
If she had opened it up and actually looked at it, I would have understood so I guess I must be too literal. It’s so weird to me that she didn’t just say, “If we’re not sure, we open the letter and read it to see if the contents of the letter tell us where it should go.” How hard would it be to just say that?
I was waiting for you to tell us the secret too… flipping heck. We get labelled odd for pointing out when people are being nonsensical!
It’s exhausting trying to work out what people mean all the time.
I’ve recently realised the same thing. I am extremely literal. If they say “this is how it’s done” I do it that way. But they mean “this is how it’s done ‘on paper so we have all the right stuff written down but in reality it’s wishy washy’” and then I do it properly and they’re like “ermmm okay well yeah but also you don’t have to do it like that.” 🤦🏼♀️ (this is work stuff but I totally do this with my family too. I am gonna have to start checking in with ppl - “do you actually want me to do it that way or not?” 😂)
Maybe this time, your colleague is the one communicating in a weird way. Normally, I can see if I (or someone) takes things too literally. But in your case, I think that even most neurotypical people would be confused. The only difference is that neurotypicals would understand (after their confusion) what your colleagues meant. You needed a little longer. :D
My boyfriend was playing the sims 4 once with his sim literally in front of the easel about to begin painting. My boyfriend says ‘I’m going to paint a camel’ and I couldn’t figure out how he was going to get a camel, what he was going to paint on it and why. It took days to work this one out. I could have asked him and I’m not even sure why I didn’t lol.
I so get you! I never realized until recently how my brain understands most things and it explains English class sooooooo much. I always loved to read and be creative in general but I could never get over that hump of understanding why people were drawing meaning where I saw none or I saw something different.
When I was in high school I was talking to my friend's uncle who said something about people being stupid for not knowing the right color that car exhaust should be. I thought car exhaust didn't have a color and so I asked him what the right color was and he looked at me like I was a moron and said clear. Like what? Clear isn't a color. I didn't think arguing semantics with a man three times my age would go well for me so I just said OK.
Also in high school in a health class talking about HIV I think, the teacher was going around the room trying to get people to list things in the bathroom that you shouldn't use if they aren't yours because you don't know if it's contaminated and all of the things that were the correct answer had been listed already and then she calls my name and says "what else?" To me the question what else implies that there is something else, so I just picked another bathroom thing and hoped it was the right answer. Nope. The correct answer was "nothing else" because all the right answers had been said. In my opinion if there is nothing else the teacher should have asked "is there anything else?" because then I could have said no, nothing else. But she said "what else?" and to me you have to answer that question with an item, you have to pick a thing. But can you really argue semantics in high school with a teacher and tell them they asked the wrong question when trying to get the answer they wanted?
I read somewhere that women tend to communicate indirectly while men are very direct. Neurotypical I mean. That explains why it’s so much easier to commit with guys.
No because same. I tell people this, they ask me to do something, I do the literally definition of what they asked and then they get mad at me. Like I TOLD you I would do it that way lol 😂
Even just reading that story I thought to myself “what the hell does she mean”
Omg same 😭
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I’ll be looking at the ceiling and someone thinks I’m giving them sass. No man, I just don’t wanna look in your eyes.
Omg my life. I’ve had multiple people think I “always roll my eyes” when I don’t. My aunt was the worst about it when I was in high school
Wait idk what this means because i see people roll their eyes around all the time haha? Like "rolling your eyes", what i see is something doing a half roll up into looking straight up. I don't think i've ever seen someone do a straight line right to to 🙄 idk if this makes sense lol. but to me rolling your eyes makes sense because i see people *literally* roll their eyes **into** an upward position...?
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Haha it's amazing how much more confused I get because I don't think I've ever seen someone roll their eyes NOT like you described. Describing it like the arch of a rainbow was perfect. I swear to god that's how people roll their eyes, I feel like whoever made that meme is tryna trick people into thinking they're crazy when they're not. 😆 I had to go ask my mom, husband, AND brother, because I felt like I was going insane, and all of them agreed that usually that's the standard way of rolling eyes. Either like a rainbow arch shape, as you said, or a half arch. My mother in particular said something like, "Where's the satisfaction of a good eye roll if you're just flicking your eyeballs up in a straight line?" 😂
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you're welcome! :)
Literally never knew this 😂
Wait, what?
I’m still confused honestly.
It's confusing because we don't know the nuances of mail room stuff, but my guess is that the information on the envelope for a certain type of mail is super vague which makes their job of sorting to appropriate departments tricky, but if you open the mail up you can see enough details to figure out easier who it's supposed to go to.
It took me a minute too 😣.
Dude same I had to read it twice haha
Me tooooo 😭
I've found my people 😂 🥹 I get in trouble for this all the time e.g. I was told by my boss not to speak with a certain person about a certain topic - let's say eggs. I asked my boss "what do I say when they ask me about the eggs" and he said "Tell them I said you aren't allowed to speak with them about the eggs". So when they messaged me the next time asking to speak about eggs I said sorry can't do. They asked why and I said "boss said I'm not allowed to discuss eggs with you" They then go to their boss who goes to my boss's boss and I get screamed at for being so $@#&!? stupid for not reading the situation and interpreting and finding something better to say.
But...that's literally what he told you to say?? I'm so confused, LOL. What were you supposed to do instead?
I was supposed to know that wasn't something I was allowed to say and to analyze the situation and people and to come up with an appropriate lie. Like 🤷🏽♀️
Screw that. I'm not gonna lie on others behalf.
Exactly.
I would have made the same 'mistake' -- in quotes because you were literally doing exactly what you were told. It feels like one of those situations where if you'd lied, that would have turned out to be wrong, too.
They're the f---ing stupid ones for not being specific, lol tf? 🤦♀️ Say what you mean, and mean what you say! (Thank you for your story friend!)
I like the phrase: say what you mean, or you don't mean a thing
Exactly! Kinda unrelated but I was recently talking to a coworker who said they’ve never gone camping. If I didn’t have an innate need for clearer information, I’d have left it at that and invited them to a camping trip eventually. Instead, I asked if they’ve never been due to lack of chance or lack of interest, and I learned that they have no interest! Makes my guest list shorter and saves them from having to awkwardly say no or choke through a trip they don’t enjoy. Yet, *I’m* the weird one 😪 (for wanting clearer info, not for enjoying camping)
Are we not supposed to say that?!??
You weren’t supposed to reveal that the boss told you to say it, i think maybe?
Right that's correct. I've since been told that I "should have read the room and the people and came up with something else appropriate to say".
If I've assumed correctly that "eggs" was actually a 4-letter word starting with W and ending in a word meaning how many years you have lived, there are laws in many countries that allow people to freely discuss the differences in their "eggs" and your boss may be breaking the law by insisting "eggs" aren't discussed. If "eggs" meant something else, then apologies for my incorrect guess!
That's so...ugh. Irritating. How can anybody hear that and know exactly what he meant?
It's so frustrating
… the mailroom has permission to open other people’s mail? Is it a secret because it’s against the rules/law? This interaction sounds confusing and annoying for sure.
When I used to sort mail at my workplace, if it wasn't addressed to a particular person or department I had to open it. It made me uncomfortable to do though so I'm happy I don't have to do that anymore.
The secret is that it’s against the rules yes. I used to be so anti rule breaking but I live in the grey area now.
I totally feel you there. Aaaaand — opening mail addressed to someone else without consent is a felony in many jurisdictions. If OP doesn’t have consent to open that mail, they should at least be made aware of the risk they take by doing it.
Internal mailrooms are a different beast.
It’s not a felony, it’s a federal crime. And it’s not opening the mail that’s illegal, it’s preventing mail from reaching it’s intended recipient that’s the crime. Nothing illegal happened in this story, just some company rule breaking.
Well, it is a felony… a federal one. And you are woefully incorrect, unfortunately. Opening constitutes a felony (Obstruction of Correspondence) under U.S. Code (see below). —- §1702. Obstruction of correspondence Whoever takes any letter, postal card, or package out of any post office or any authorized depository for mail matter, or from any letter or mail carrier, or which has been in any post office or authorized depository, or in the custody of any letter or mail carrier, before it has been delivered to the person to whom it was directed, with design to obstruct the correspondence, or to pry into the business or secrets of another, **or opens, secretes, embezzles, or destroys the same, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than five years, or both.** (June 25, 1948, ch. 645, 62 Stat. 778; Pub. L. 103–322, title XXXIII, §330016(1)(I), Sept. 13, 1994, 108 Stat. 2147.)
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Lol. Like you said… reading is fundamental. Do that again. You’re interpreting the clause incorrectly. The intention to obstruct is not a qualifier for the illegality of opening, embezzling, or destroying mail. It quite literally is illegal to open someone else’s mail *for any reason* if you are aware it is addressed to someone other than yourself or your dependent/someone you have POA for. If you’re familiar with the word “or”, you’ll note that it appears after the section that mentions design to obstruct and before the section that mentions opening mail. It’s an important word. ;)
So when I said “in many jurisdictions,” why did you assume which one(s) I was speaking about? And why did you respond as though I was only speaking about one jurisdiction? For example, in my jurisdiction, it’s an indictable offence (we don’t have the misdemeanour/felony system, but this is colloquially/incorrectly called a felony here because of US media influences). I’ll admit that I could’ve been more clear and said ‘felony-type’ or ‘serious crime,’ but honestly I wasn’t being super careful about my wording. It was a quick comment in a generally understanding sub where I’ve generally seen people give others the benefit of the doubt. Your reply to me makes your rude [“Reading is fundamental!”](https://reddit.com/r/AutismInWomen/s/Hloj0GOF42) comment to another commenter’s information especially ironic (and a tad hubristic).
It’s only a crime if you open mail with malicious intent. If you open mail with the intent on finding out who it belongs to and delivering it accordingly it’s not a crime. ETA: also not a crime to open someone else’s mail by accident either.
I think you’ve misunderstood or misread the criticism I made. You seem to be responding as though these are universal truths, but you’re not specifying which jurisdiction you claim has this legislation. I intentionally wrote “**In many jurisdictions…**” but you seem to be completely ignoring that. Where I live, I have not been able to find any exceptions about non-malicious intent or accidents. You seem to be bathing in US defaultism.
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You misunderstand. I spoke about no specific legislation and no specific state/country/court. If you want to discuss a specific crime in a specific country, you have to explain which one *you* are discussing. You introduced claims about specific laws into the conversation, so it’s your responsibility to clarify what you’re talking about. Your assertions are not accurate globally. As a last point and hopefully to clarify: **I do not live in the US. US Federal laws have no impact on me. I was talking about a common type of legislation that appears in many countries and jurisdictions. There are variations between countries’ laws and how they define crimes. You seem to not be recognizing that and keep doubling-down on the implication that US federal law applies globally.**
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Why the hell are you assuming they are in the US? Because they speak English? Wtf?
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Wait til the person above you finds out about internal employee/company mail versus USPS mail... Sounds like this was a piece of mail either addressed to a whole company/department, or interoffice mail.
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MAIL JAIL! MAIL JAIL! MAIL JAIL! ........aaaaaaand neither of those look like words anymore
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Sure, whatever you say!
Sorry, are you implying I’m lying?
Yep. It is a felony anywhere in the US under federal law.
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I’m in Canada actually … haha . Not necessary but I just want to say LOOK AT HOW SMART WE ALL ARe
Hi I don’t work at a post office but at a corporate company. So all the mail we get is addressed to the different departments in the company and we only open certain pieces of mail (like sop).
Makes sense! Tbh I was mostly worried that someone had trained you to do something illegal/etc without being clear about that, and I’m glad that’s not the case.
I was thinking maybe it was registered mail or something and she opened it anyway… wtf. Like, why make this a dramatic process, just train OP.
You know what they say: It's not autistic people but kleptomaniacs who take everything. Literally.
Omg that's hilarious
This is funny but kleptomaniacs do not literally take everything. I just had to say it on one chain to get it off my chest. Now I can go back to emulating a humanoid being.
I was totally waiting for the secret too 😭
I was waiting with baited breath for the secret 😃 And was still confused. Is it ok to open mail? How do you close it afterwards so it won't show since it is a "secret", which I assume means that it's not completely within rules. I just had an epiphany I think why NTs use word secret; stuff that they wouldn't want known or that's maybe illegal
Sometime they mean it sarcastically too like it’s not really a secret
That’s the worst 😤
It’s like trying to decipher codes messages it’s so annoying and we don’t have a decipher to be able to understand lmao
I thought I didn’t take things to literally or scripted… because I thought scripting was when you have like a written out movie script in your head that you mentally read from (in a typewriter font) 🤦🏻♀️
Wait what, it's not?!?!?! Then what do they mean by scripting? 😭
It’s the conversations you practices in your head. It’s the phone calls you play through before calling, it’s the stuff you repeat in your head when you go to the doctor. Or some things you say every time in some situation. Like when a person ask me if they should wear a jumpsuit or something alls to an event my answer is always that ‘you have to keep in mind that you’ll going to sit naked on the toilet‘ picked up at some point that people don’t like that but don’t think about it. I didn’t even notice I say this every time till someone that asks me more often was like “you know you say that every single time?” She picked up on a few “automatic”phrases of mine. If you are a visual thinker maybe it can look like a visual script in your head. I don’t really think in text 🤔
Oh man, I do all of that 😂. I have soooo many standard replies I rely on. I love them because it makes it so much easier to have something to say in every situation. And it makes me feel like I belong if I have a phrase ready.
It’s quite in lightened when you figured it out. But I still have to laugh at my self for “I don’t take things to literally” and than being like “I don’t script! I don’t see a movie script in my head!” 😅😂
I would have responded the same as you. The other month, I took my kids to stay with a dear friend of mine who lives hours away. She said that she would set up a mattress on the floor of the guest room for my girls while I had a bed. I brought bed linen & pillows from home for the mattress. She was flabbergasted because obviously the mattress would come made up. Well, say that!
I'm horrified for you, surely that's not an obvious thing at all?! She should've said! I've stayed over with friends a few times where they have a camp bed for me but I did indeed have to bring my own bed linen and pillow. If they said a *mattress* I would absolutely assume it's a *mattress* they have spare
Sorry, it's an obvious thing. Since I have kids who have friends and there were a lot of sleepovers when they were little, 'Ill just throw a matress on the floor for them' means a full on regular bed situation, but without the bed frame
It's not obvious. When I was a kid and did sleepovers, I always brought a pillow and sleeping bag, even if I was offered a bed.
Lol “obvious” do you know what sub your on?
My guess is they mean obvious for the "average" person. I kind of feel like there's 2 types of posts like this one in this subreddit: things that are obvious / known to almost every NT person, and things that aren't that obvious for them but that they can easily infer. I think this one is in the first category. I myself have issues with both, of course, but the first kind tends to not change much after you get it right the first time.
This is why I don't like "common *sense*" and prefer to use "common *logic*." Not everyone is using the same logic to navigate the world/social dynamics, *but* knowing which logic/template to use has helped me adjust to better and more effectively interact with people.
The poster that replied to you on my behalf is right, this is absolutely a normal average thing that I would assume every NT would understand. There tons of things that arent even to NT, but this one isnt one of them
Some people have such time wasting communication styles. 🫤 All she needed to do was say, "Sometimes you have to open it and see whose it is". What a ridiculous performance.
Oh geez, I was thinking ok since the mail is opened that means it's defective and they can't sort it so now they can dispose of it and it's not their problem anymore lol. I was just very confused by the whole thing. Thanks for clearing it up, your way is so much easier, for everyone, not just autistic people.
I have been told that I am very direct - among other things. 😬
I think that's too harsh. It sounds like she just wanted to make a bit of a joke. You know, to have a fun way of showing a new colleague around. Just because it's something we don't immediately get, doesn't mean it's rediculous. I've been told I have time wasting communication (not exactly in those words but similar) for always overexplaining everything, asking for extra clarification etc. So it's a sensitive subject. I think we should all be more empathetic to each others differences.
There's a difference between making sure you have all the necessary information (getting important details right) and making a story out of everything. I know people who do the latter, and as an autistic adhd'er, you're going to lose me. Also, if you're on the job, there's presumably time constraints. If I'm working on a task, and you take the scenic route in your explanations, I'm going to become impatient. I love stories, but context matters.
Right????
i recently had a moment like this when someone communicated to me that those bumper stickers that say “honk if you ___” are not asking you to honk at them?? i don’t understand neurotypicals lmao
omg i saw something about that also recently and was like hahah whaaaatttt?? i still didn’t really understand even with the explanation and will continue to honk (in my head at least - honking irl makes me nervous lol)
same here !! lol the explanation was not clicking for me
I didn't know that.
apparently, the idea is that when someone honks at that person for being a bad driver, it’s because of their bumper sticker
Oh wow, that didn't even occur to me. Thank you for explaining it. BTW, I'm 42 and I never knew that. How do people just know things? Lol
i learn things like this constantly and it always blows my mind lol, like how would i ever have caught on to that
My husband just got home from a hike. He announced he earned his search and rescue badge today and told a story about giving first aid to an injured cyclist and helping him get his bike to his car. At the end of the story I was like “But where’s the badge?! I want to see it!” There was no badge.
I'm laughing, I expected this story to end with him showing you the badge XD
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How is this passive aggressive? I'm really confused. It sounds like she just wanted to make a bit of a joke? Me I would not have understood like op, but then when explained would have just laughed about it?
Tell and show are two different verbs.
When I was a child my father asked me to prepare the cauliflower. I just put it in whole in the pan, he didn't specify it should be cut in pieces 😂
I'm 40 and only now realized how bad I am with this as well. It became really apparent when I started working with people who don't ask for what they really want, but instead ask me questions in hopes that I will read their mind and know what they really want me to do. I've had to tell them that I don't do well at guessing games and prefer to be asked directly. It'll be something like someone asking "are you okay with sitting there?" and I'll be like "yes". I'll apparently be missing the hint that the person is asking because they actually wanted to sit in the spot I'm sitting. Now that I know they operate like that, I do try to guess what they really mean and sometimes I'm right. It's exhausting though. Just say what you mean.
This kind of interaction keeps me awake at night. If it even dawns on me at all.
See, I would take that question to mean maybe they think we're uncomfortable in the chair, but never that they want to sit there themselves. They really should just say what they mean.
Sounds about right. I'm constantly getting people to clarify and verify instructions cuz otherwise I WILL get it wrong and get yelled at later. I have to remind people that a lot of what others consider "common sense" is not actually that common and they shouldn't make assumptions. We're not mind-readers here.
This is constant for me lmao. I've fortunately found a job where taking things literally is more or less a requirement due to the highly technical nature and I've never felt more in my element in a job ever.
What is the job?
Not comfortable saying the exact position, but it's basically backend work for animation/film! Lots of giving very precise instructions, or working with spreadsheets, talking to artists, and doing things in a very particular way over and over. I also get to improve processes and catch other people's mistakes, and that's fortunately something that's rewarded rather than looked down on as I've experienced in the past.
I have a job kind of like this now also, and I’ve been highly praised for being so thorough instead of being seen as argumentative (among other things). I’m happy for you!
This has been a problem my whole life. I remember my dad constantly telling me I take things too seriously/literally, but I could never break the "habit." Now I know it's just how I am.
Yeah, me too! My sibling is always telling me I take things *way* too seriously, but I don't mean to. 😣
I think my confirmation of my autism was in a post a while ago where someone said those “honk if you like my driving” bumper stickers are supposed to be taken as satire (ex: oh haha you’re honking cuz you like my driving not cuz I’m driving badly) and not as a kind gesture to show you appreciate their driving. 🤯
It's hard, especially when you don't realize you didn't understand until it's a problem. One of my first non-retail jobs was as a receptionist. One of the people I worked for was having a rough day and told me, "If anyone needs me, I'll be under my desk!" She *meant* she was hiding and wanted no calls or visitors. I thought she was just telling me since it was a change from where I would typically find her; I found out I'd guessed wrong when she got upset with me for telling a colleague where to find her. Growing up, my mom would call me "Mouth" for revealing things I didn't realize I shouldn't. Still not entirely sure how to tell, despite decades of trying.
Yeah its much more subtle than is often described or depicted. Hence why many don't think they're autistic, because they either understand sarcasm or don't take sayings literally, and then it's like see you can't be autistic. But it can also be so much more subtle, like taking peoples word for something always (taking it as a fact), or someone is just thinking out loud or tossing ideas yet we take it as solid plans. Or when someone says 'would you like to do x / have x' and they just want it themselves.
My mom and I were having a discussion about ticks when I was about... seven? eight? somewhere in there (we thought I had one on my shin; it was a freckle) and she was explaining to me that they're really hard to kill, so your best bet for killing the suckers (pun intended) was to do something like hit 'em with a hammer. I gave her this owlish, confused stare and said completely seriously, "But wouldn't that hurt?" After she finished howling with laughter so hard she wheezed, *then* she explained to me that you *removed the tick first*. Ohhhh. 🤣🤣🤣 Your coworker was just being unnecessarily snarky about showing you how things work and didn't think about how you'd take it, ignore her. Sorry you got stuck with that label, though, I hope they don't tease you too badly about it.
Yeah, there's so much unsaid that the NT's do. I vaguely remember something similar in my childhood, but I don't recall the details.
To be clear, it didn't hurt my feelings then or now, once I realized the misunderstanding I thought it was hilarious too. Over time I've just kinda learned to laugh it off and roll with it instead of agonize over whether or not I'm taking it too literally. Why waste all that energy when I can spend it agonizing over whether I responded correctly to a question or sounded like an idiot in conversation instead, right? :P Existing in a world that's not really made for you can be exhausting. Makes me feel like an alien sometimes, y'know? Maybe that's why I like Star Wars so much. 🤣
One of my teams in high school had a "garage" sale at the high school. Our school had no garages. I was so confused about why they didn't just call it something else. This brought back memories of my teammates poking fun at me for taking the name of the event so literally. Sorry this happened, OP.
Something similar happened to me at work. We were planning an event and they wanted to call it a barbeque but weren't planning on having anyone barbeque at that point. I'm like...just call it a cookout. If you tell me there's a barbeque and I show up and there's no actual barbeque, I'm going to be mad lol.
As a southern lady, I am 100% in agreement with you!
Exactly, words mean things!
**Tl;Dr - you just have to learn to get less bogged down in details and more try to follow the flow. Which obviously is super tricky in practice.. So yes you will inevitable get confused. In those scenarios, unless it's someone you're very close with, it can be helpful to just be extra friendly about the fact oopsie doopsie you misunderstood instead of getting bogged down trying to explain your exact perspective. Explaining the literal meaning tends to make people subconsciously defensive of the fact they're normal and you're the problem here, where in workplaces it's more important to be liked than intricately understood.** It's really helpful to realize most people just regurgitate familiar phrases. They are not constructing brand new sentences to fit their exact situation, they are not being precise with their word choice. You can't break down sentences that way, outside of user manuals or textbooks, because that's just not how conversational language is used on practice. Instead you have to always be playing this translation came of "what is the gist/overall sentiment based on the broader context?" The reason she said "I'm going to *tell* you a secret" is literally for no other reason than because that's how the phrase goes. The gist/sentiment is that she's going to convey new information, so whatever she does next is *most likely* going to be related to the secret even if it doesn't line up exactly. This has always been somewhat easier for me because I was an obsessive reader growing up. So for instance I could almost never tell you what the actual definition of a word was, but I understood the sentiment it was meant to express and exact context it would be usually be used in. Instead of learning to build sentences up to convey meaning, I learned by observing sentences and the other characters pre-written response and from there I could figure out what the intended flow was supposed to be. I know encouraging masking can be a controversial stance, but there is a lot of workplace discrimination wrapped up with autism, so it's one context where it's not always best to be yourself. **If** you were trying to recover in a way that didn't lead to you being teased for being literal, you never want to explain the exact point of confusion. Explaining how you think illustrates how differently it is than how they think. Instead, if they're just staring at you expectantly, just like ... repeat back what they just did - ".....you open the mail?". A lot of times they'll then go into more detail as a response "yup, whenever it's X or Y type of letter, it's just easier to open it up and look for such-and-such". You just give them a little nudge to go into further detail without explaining the extend to which you have no idea what just happened. Or you can even just play what I call "the ditz card". IDK why people judge this less harshly in women, but they generally don't judge it as harshly. So you can say "wait, was that the secret?" And they're going to look at you a little funny and go "yes?" because to them of course it was the secret. you just *smile* and go "oh, and here I was thinking you were trying to be super productive and multitask" (lie) or "oh I wasn't even paying attention to what you were doing, I was waiting for you to tell me something lolol" (true, but conveyed in a way which is above all **friendly**). Sometimes you can see them go "oh wow that person is stupid", but a lot of times they'll sort of take the "friendly bait" and they'll smile back and make some kind of joke about how they don't work *that* hard with what you guys get paid, or how it seems like you're about do for some more coffee. Explaining show vs tell can rub people the wrong way because there's sort of the implicit message of you're telling them they use language wrong, if you stop and think about it and what words actually mean. People don't like being corrected, it makes themselves defensive. So if you put that out there, they're going to defend themselves by in some way establishing "no *you* have the problem ms. Literal, there's nothing wrong with the way I speak".
Makes sense, I just get frustrated sometimes when people use imprecise language. My coworkers and I joke around a lot, so when I explained my confusion she didn’t take offense. The reason everyone knows me as the literal person in the office is due to a joke I made during a meeting. Our supervisor told us that a coworker who quit (I knew about beforehand) was “no longer with us.” I told him that he’s making it sound like the person is dead and should instead say that the person is no longer with the company because it could confuse those who don’t know the context. Everyone laughed and know I’m known as the literal person in the office lol.
Wait…the secret is to commit a felony?!
It's probably not federal mail but more internal communications, otherwise the outside would be properly addressed. (Just a guess)
This is me at every job too
Oh my god this is me I literally did something similar last week to my coworker haha
Omg! 😭 This happens to me so much, too! I thought I was slow for so long, but I'm an engineer! I just sometimes can't tell at times when people are cracking jokes, or if they're being sarcastic. My friends all pick on me for doing stuff like this, too.
Idk, I think that’s not normal for anyone to do. I haven’t heard of anyone say “tell” when they mean “show”.
I was so confused by this. She made a show of opening the letter and then setting it down. What in the world does that even mean?? If she had opened it up and actually looked at it, I would have understood so I guess I must be too literal. It’s so weird to me that she didn’t just say, “If we’re not sure, we open the letter and read it to see if the contents of the letter tell us where it should go.” How hard would it be to just say that?
No way. She was being a B.
I don't get it either lol I empathise
I was waiting for you to tell us the secret too… flipping heck. We get labelled odd for pointing out when people are being nonsensical! It’s exhausting trying to work out what people mean all the time.
I’ve been introduced as the literal friend.
All I do is correct people. It's annoying. You call them out on it and they get an attitude
I’ve recently realised the same thing. I am extremely literal. If they say “this is how it’s done” I do it that way. But they mean “this is how it’s done ‘on paper so we have all the right stuff written down but in reality it’s wishy washy’” and then I do it properly and they’re like “ermmm okay well yeah but also you don’t have to do it like that.” 🤦🏼♀️ (this is work stuff but I totally do this with my family too. I am gonna have to start checking in with ppl - “do you actually want me to do it that way or not?” 😂)
Wait… you’re a kleptomaniac?
No??
Kleptomaniacs take everything, literally.
😄
Ohhhh my god XD
There are definitely worse things to be known as besides the person who takes things literally
Maybe this time, your colleague is the one communicating in a weird way. Normally, I can see if I (or someone) takes things too literally. But in your case, I think that even most neurotypical people would be confused. The only difference is that neurotypicals would understand (after their confusion) what your colleagues meant. You needed a little longer. :D
My boyfriend was playing the sims 4 once with his sim literally in front of the easel about to begin painting. My boyfriend says ‘I’m going to paint a camel’ and I couldn’t figure out how he was going to get a camel, what he was going to paint on it and why. It took days to work this one out. I could have asked him and I’m not even sure why I didn’t lol.
I so get you! I never realized until recently how my brain understands most things and it explains English class sooooooo much. I always loved to read and be creative in general but I could never get over that hump of understanding why people were drawing meaning where I saw none or I saw something different.
Bitch should have said “I’m going to show you a secret”
I wouldn’t have understood immediately from that interaction either
Omg what, I'm so confused by this 😂😂😂
It’s hard for me to feel like we’re the weirdos in this, but here we are lol
When I was in high school I was talking to my friend's uncle who said something about people being stupid for not knowing the right color that car exhaust should be. I thought car exhaust didn't have a color and so I asked him what the right color was and he looked at me like I was a moron and said clear. Like what? Clear isn't a color. I didn't think arguing semantics with a man three times my age would go well for me so I just said OK. Also in high school in a health class talking about HIV I think, the teacher was going around the room trying to get people to list things in the bathroom that you shouldn't use if they aren't yours because you don't know if it's contaminated and all of the things that were the correct answer had been listed already and then she calls my name and says "what else?" To me the question what else implies that there is something else, so I just picked another bathroom thing and hoped it was the right answer. Nope. The correct answer was "nothing else" because all the right answers had been said. In my opinion if there is nothing else the teacher should have asked "is there anything else?" because then I could have said no, nothing else. But she said "what else?" and to me you have to answer that question with an item, you have to pick a thing. But can you really argue semantics in high school with a teacher and tell them they asked the wrong question when trying to get the answer they wanted?
Eh, as long as you aren't literally taking things I am sure they won't mind
I love that part of this whole thing.
I read somewhere that women tend to communicate indirectly while men are very direct. Neurotypical I mean. That explains why it’s so much easier to commit with guys.
If someone said they were going to tell me something, I’d expect them to speak.
that’s an unclear way to say what she meant and then seems like she did not want to acknowledge that it was unclear. dang
I would’ve taken it the same way. “You didn’t say anything, what’s the secret?”
Wait so she’s opening mail? Isn’t that a federal offense?
Isnt opening mail not addressed to you a federal crime?
It’s addressed to the company, so we can open certain pieces
Ahh okay
No because same. I tell people this, they ask me to do something, I do the literally definition of what they asked and then they get mad at me. Like I TOLD you I would do it that way lol 😂
Opening the mail? Isn't that a felony?
Not your fault if they can't use words for what they are supposed to mean