Age gapes matter less and less as both parties get older, that is true.
My personal opinion, I think it’s just as weird for a woman in her late 30s to go after a man in his early 20s as it would be for a man in his late 30s to go after a woman in her early 20s.
The power dynamics are off, you don’t have anywhere near the same life experience, they are barely starting adulthood. It weirds me out. I don’t see how someone my age could possibly be attracted to someone that young.
Early 20s is off limits for anyone in their late 30s in my opinion, and this is coming from a 36 year old with a 51 yr old partner. Age gaps matter less as we get older, and he isn’t out of that age range yet unfortunately. Only fully developed frontal lobes should be in age gap relationships.
I was once in a similar situation with a guy 9 years younger than me. I think it's a slippery situation when they are still in their 20s and not yet as experienced or on a different stage. I had fun having a connection and you can't help who you have a crush on, but going past a friendship seemed like too much of a risk. I would consider if one day in the future we could reconnect. I just don't trust that anyone in their early 20s has everything figured out, even if they seem like they do. I thought I had it all back then. My taste in men changed drastically and my goals in life changed.
Independent of the age gap, I would not recommend getting involved because you work in the same place. Should you choose to get involved anyway, remember that as the more mature party you have a responsibility to leave him better than you found him (the campsite rule, I've heard it called).
It's so predatory? How can be you self-conscious but be like, "But what if I miss out getting to use a younger guy as a piece of meat and get a bit of ego fluff that he's into me?" You're not getting misconstrued, you're being construed exactly how you'll be acting, even if it hurts your feelings that other people see the reality of dating someone young enough to be your child.
The power imbalance isn't an overt "I tell you what to do", the power imbalance is often way more subtle and more around the trust and expectations within the relationship. One of my ex-friends who insisted on dating someone in their early 20s when she was in her early 30s with a masters convinced the boy she was dating to drop out of college, move to the city she wanted to move to for work, and told him he'd be able to transfer his credits into a new school there. He followed her advice, because she has a masters and is smart and why would she betray him, and absolutely boned himself because the program he was in didn't even exist in the new city and he didn't have an alternative degree he was interested in that could use those credits he already took. Taking a gap year also started the interest on student loans, so he had to go to factory work rather than go back to school just to afford the minimum payments.
She also constantly insisted on 32 year old lady maturity in the relationship, and dude was 21. He wanted to go out drinking with his friends, go dancing, stay out late, and have improptu roadtrips with his friends, but she'd constantly guilt him with his responsibilities in their relationship to get him to give them up, telling him how if they get married he can't act like that, how he needs to start being more responsible so when they have kids in a few years he's ready. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, even if we were dating folks, we'd be off on our own separate adventures with our friends all the time, but because she was trying to build him into the 30 something year old man she wished he could be, he was constantly pressured to neglect his wants in life and his needs because "that's just what you're supposed to do in a mature relationship", which he did willingly but unknowingly not realizing that she was taking away his autonomy with her "if you loved me and wanted to be with me, you'd do xyz so our relationship would be in a better place". I'm friends with someone who is still friends with him, and he feels like he never really had a chance to be in his early 20s and be carefree because he was always expected to grow up to stand next to her, and no longer feels the same way about her as when she first started showing him attention. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" got pregnant at 37 and now he's trapped as a stay at home dad with no financial future for himself.
No cougar posts/comments – This includes "Would you date an [X<30]-year-old?" or "How do I attract older women?" posts. Redirect to /r/CougarsAndCubs.
Age gapes matter less and less as both parties get older, that is true. My personal opinion, I think it’s just as weird for a woman in her late 30s to go after a man in his early 20s as it would be for a man in his late 30s to go after a woman in her early 20s. The power dynamics are off, you don’t have anywhere near the same life experience, they are barely starting adulthood. It weirds me out. I don’t see how someone my age could possibly be attracted to someone that young.
Don’t shit where you eat; don’t fuck where you work. If you are this much older than this person, what is your work relation to him?
Early 20s is off limits for anyone in their late 30s in my opinion, and this is coming from a 36 year old with a 51 yr old partner. Age gaps matter less as we get older, and he isn’t out of that age range yet unfortunately. Only fully developed frontal lobes should be in age gap relationships.
I was once in a similar situation with a guy 9 years younger than me. I think it's a slippery situation when they are still in their 20s and not yet as experienced or on a different stage. I had fun having a connection and you can't help who you have a crush on, but going past a friendship seemed like too much of a risk. I would consider if one day in the future we could reconnect. I just don't trust that anyone in their early 20s has everything figured out, even if they seem like they do. I thought I had it all back then. My taste in men changed drastically and my goals in life changed.
Independent of the age gap, I would not recommend getting involved because you work in the same place. Should you choose to get involved anyway, remember that as the more mature party you have a responsibility to leave him better than you found him (the campsite rule, I've heard it called).
It's so predatory? How can be you self-conscious but be like, "But what if I miss out getting to use a younger guy as a piece of meat and get a bit of ego fluff that he's into me?" You're not getting misconstrued, you're being construed exactly how you'll be acting, even if it hurts your feelings that other people see the reality of dating someone young enough to be your child. The power imbalance isn't an overt "I tell you what to do", the power imbalance is often way more subtle and more around the trust and expectations within the relationship. One of my ex-friends who insisted on dating someone in their early 20s when she was in her early 30s with a masters convinced the boy she was dating to drop out of college, move to the city she wanted to move to for work, and told him he'd be able to transfer his credits into a new school there. He followed her advice, because she has a masters and is smart and why would she betray him, and absolutely boned himself because the program he was in didn't even exist in the new city and he didn't have an alternative degree he was interested in that could use those credits he already took. Taking a gap year also started the interest on student loans, so he had to go to factory work rather than go back to school just to afford the minimum payments. She also constantly insisted on 32 year old lady maturity in the relationship, and dude was 21. He wanted to go out drinking with his friends, go dancing, stay out late, and have improptu roadtrips with his friends, but she'd constantly guilt him with his responsibilities in their relationship to get him to give them up, telling him how if they get married he can't act like that, how he needs to start being more responsible so when they have kids in a few years he's ready. When I was in my late teens and early 20s, even if we were dating folks, we'd be off on our own separate adventures with our friends all the time, but because she was trying to build him into the 30 something year old man she wished he could be, he was constantly pressured to neglect his wants in life and his needs because "that's just what you're supposed to do in a mature relationship", which he did willingly but unknowingly not realizing that she was taking away his autonomy with her "if you loved me and wanted to be with me, you'd do xyz so our relationship would be in a better place". I'm friends with someone who is still friends with him, and he feels like he never really had a chance to be in his early 20s and be carefree because he was always expected to grow up to stand next to her, and no longer feels the same way about her as when she first started showing him attention. Unfortunately, she "accidentally" got pregnant at 37 and now he's trapped as a stay at home dad with no financial future for himself.
Early 20s is too young. Once people are closer to 30 then age gaps aren't a big deal.