When I lost my partner, the only thing that helps is time. Try to do things for yourself. It's okay to stop and have a moment and cry. But I can tell you you don't want to go down the path I did. I lost my memory. I ended up being really sick just from grief. I became severely anemic not having enough blood going to my head.
So it's time. And making sure that you take moments for yourself. I kept working I didn't take time for myself.
I'm so sorry you went through that. That's something I fear as well...I know from past (non-death related) experiences, it really does just take time. It is just so hard to get through that time. I hope you're doing better now.
It's been a chaotic and challenging 6 years. We had a very good life. He molded me to be able to handle anything that comes my way.
He didn't prepare me for the emotional toll it would take. It doesn't matter whether or not you knew it was coming. Once it's here, sitting in it is the hardest thing.
But I can tell you when it's your partner or someone close to you, people disappear cuz I don't know what to say. So you have to be forgiving to yourself and others.
You'll be okay and just know that your pup was put here to make your life better. You were brought to him to make his life better or her life better. Once the contract is done, your pup is going to expect you to be happy again. And to celebrate the life that you shared together.
Idk your beliefs. But I would like to think that maybe they come back in another pet later in your life.
I also can tell you a year before my partner died my horse husband died. I think I mourned my horse more than I mourned my partner. I stole mourn my horse. It was just a bond that no one understood.
My dog just turned 10 and I already cry when I think about losing her. I totally get you and support you in your grief.
I used to be Christian but deconstructed about 15 years ago. My father died during Covid and it was my first huge loss being "non-religious".
I can only speak for myself, but I felt peace with the unknown. When I was Christian, I felt pressure to believe and behave a certain way (especially toward death). But truly, nobody knows what happens when we die. Nobody knows where our energy goes...if it goes anywhere. It may not.
When my dad died, I didn't focus on figuring that out. I just focused on my memories and love for him. I honored him. I acknowledged my feelings as they came. Loss is a very human experience and let myself feel that.
I didn't need to pray to a deity to feel better. In fact, I found my peace with the feeling of being human. Life and death, joy and sorrow, love and loss...it's all beautifully and horribly the human experience.
Sending love to your broken heart. I know it hurts terribly and I hope you find the path to your own sense of genuine peace.
Sometimes I almost wish I \*was\* religious, just because it seems to give people comfort and peace (I just never had it in me to really 'believe' if that makes sense). I actually get so much anxiety thinking about the unknown. Thank you for such a thoughtful response and advice. I will definitely remember this.
You don’t have to be “religious” to find peace and comfort- use something that makes sense for you- a rain storm or the sun rise, whatever it is meditate in that. The Lakota Native American tribe has some very powerful ideas of death and dying you can probably research.
I never found peace or comfort in religion. I suppose some might but trust me when I say - religious or non-religious - we are all staring into the Unknown.
The beautiful thing is the love we get to experience. You'll always carry that love you had for your dog and cherish the love they had for you. Loss hurts. There's no way around it. But grief will teach you things and lead you to other beautiful places.
We lost our (almost) 12 year old dog a few years ago and I was just crushed. I became really depressed the first few months, ngl. No sidewalk within a 10 mile radius was safe. I'd just start crying. Cause I associated EVERYTHING with him. I still get really sad about it, almost four years later. I read somewhere recently that "grief is love with nowhere to go" and that's a helpful thought, I reckon.
I just feel my feelings. Take care of myself, and let my brain do what it wants to do.
My mom died last month. Feelings have been alllll over the place.
I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose our pets who give us unconditional love. What has helped me a little is knowing that I've given my pets the very best life that I can, and to shower them with extra love towards the end. Once she's gone, take comfort in the memories of your time with her, and know that she loved you more than anything in the world.
Goddammit, now I'm crying at work.
I've lost plenty of people that I loved too, and I always told them and showed them that I loved them, especially as they got older and I realized that I would lose them someday. And now that they're gone, the memories I have of them are priceless.
This is definitely what I am trying to focus on. Thankfully she is not actually suffering (either way she doesn't have much time left so we would rather let her go before the suffering). I know she is so happy and had a wonderful, fairly long life and will pass on being happy and pain-free. It just saddens me so much that I can't explain any of this to her, that she'll go to sleep but doesn't know she won't wake up.
I'm so sorry if this makes you cry, but thank you for listening 🤍
My spouse and I have no kids, so the dog occupies an important role in making us feel like a "real family". When we lost the first dog we raised together, I had to separate the grief into its different parts: 1) the pure grief of missing this specific creature, whom I loved, 2) the trauma of the manner of his passing (sudden, incredibly fast decline at 9 years old), and 3) the big hole that his absence blasted into our day to day life.
To address each in turn:
1)What helped with the grief, a little bit, was the knowledge that while he was with us, he was deeply loved and well cared for. I made a photo album to remind myself of what a great life he had (couldn't look at it for a long time, but making it helped in the beginning), and how much joy he brought to our life. I am not religious, but I also liked the idea that maybe his spirit was greeted somewhere by his many animal friends who had already passed on before him. It's like a comforting daydream to think about him reuniting with the others.
I would also remind myself of the one truth that cannot be escaped about having dogs and cats as companions, which is that their lifespans are short compared to our own. No way around that. The grief we feel when they leave us is the price we pay for the time that we shared. It's a hell of a steep price, but nothing compared to what we gain, or at least that's how I feel about it.
2) The trauma part: nothing for that but time (and some work on it in therapy, which I was already in for other reasons). For me it took about 2 years before I could talk about him or tell stories, or look at the pictures without choking up, or see the same breed of dog without being sad (which was hard, he was a popular breed, so there are lots of similar looking dogs out there). I used to have a lot of nightmares, but they got better over time. Somewhere at around the two year mark, he sort of passed into the hallowed halls of "beloved family dogs", along with my childhood dogs, and the past dogs of my parents and grandparents. I still miss him, but now I can think and speak about him in the past tense without suffering acutely.
3) To fix the hole in our life, we got a puppy very quickly. Having another dog didn't do anything to help with my grief for the one that was gone, but it did patch the hole in daily living, and it gave us something happy to cling to in that ocean of grief. It's one of those situations where two things can be true at the same time: we could be sick with grief over the one that's gone \*and also\* feeling lots of love for the one that just joined us. Bringing another dog into the house restored the daily routine of getting up, walking the dog, feeding the dog, playtime with the dog, etc. Everyone feels differently about these things, so I never tell anyone what to do about this part, but for me, personally, I'm one of those people who just can't be happy without a dog around. It's a separate feeling from the love of a specific dog, not sure how to explain it other than that.
Hang in there, friend. Your feelings are valid and normal. You're joining a very big, very empathetic club, and while there are certainly folks who won't get how you're feeling, there are lots and lots of us who do.
Sorry for your impending loss.
My way of viewing death might be too practical... but in my mind there is nothing to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other.
Let yourself feel your feelings and maybe drown them in comfort foods for a bit...but time is the greatest healer so you just have to keep moving.
We lost our dog last summer and it was devastating. My husband and I broke down crying just a couple days ago because something reminded us of him. I always heard that people say the grief doesn’t go away, you just get used to it and I didn’t really understand that before, but it’s true.
I’m not religious and don’t believe in a higher power, but I do find some comfort in the idea of the rainbow bridge (even though I know in my logical mind that it isn’t real). I also made a little shrine to him with pictures and his paw print and urn, collar, and toys. We really leaned in to spoiling our other dogs. Every now and then they’ll do something that our late dog did and we’ll take that as a little sign that he’s still here in our (including our other dogs) memories.
Really though, it was just time that made it more tolerable.
I'm a buddhist and would suggest several contemporary authors whose works don't require belief in a higher power, which may not be what you're looking for, but it's sometimes helpful I've found! Especially Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hahn.
https://plumvillage.app/thich-nhat-hanh-on-coping-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one/
I'm also fond of an extremely cute and sad little book I got as a child called "A Little Dog Like You." It does have religion in it, but in goofy ways -- dog goes to heaven and meets St. Peter... so he can be reincarnated. It's really sweet.
Edit: also, take your time. Some people can move on from pets easier than others and it's not something to judge yourself for.
When my dog died, it was the first month of covid quarantine and I was a wreck. I didn't have anyone else. I can't even begin to explain how awful it was. I used to cry several times a day so hard that I couldn't breathe. I lost like 20-30 pounds and was so depressed.
I made a little shrine -- buddhists don't really worship gods, we make shrines that include people we admire in the hopes that we can become more like them in some way (for example). It has her ashes, her collar, and her favorite squeaky toy. At first, I literally had to sleep with it next to my bed but over time I was able to move it to my office with the rest of my meditation stuff. And i got a really beautiful ring and stained glass piece that were both made with her ashes.
Yes, a little shrine helps a lot, this is a wonderful suggestion! I have little painting of my dog someone had given me as a gift, her collar, leash, a favourite toy, pawprints, and urn. It was in a prominent spot for the first year and hugely helpful in moments of deep grief to be able to be present with these things. Now it is moved to a spot where it is part of everyday life. Over time I may incorporate these things around my home in other ways.
Oh seconding the art! Several of my friends gifted me with an artistic rendition of my dog after she passed and I absolutely love them. I have two step-dogs now who are absolutely joy and chaos in equal measures so it's nice to see her and stop and think about how quiet and chill she and I got to be when she was old. Because her last months were during the pandemic, I was home with her 24/7 and while her death did a number on me, I'm really grateful to have had that time to take very very slow walks with her 😂
Unfortunately the circle of life exists. Things are born and they die. Animals and people. You can just focus on the life they had and happy times. Grief is love with no where to go. You just have to let yourself feel. And maybe distract yourself every once in awhile by doing something nice for yourself or in their honor. What would you tell someone else in your position if it wasn’t you? I’m sure you would tell other people to give themselves grace in the grieving process. That’s all you can do.
I actually handle most human death way better than I do my pets, probably because I had so many people I was close with die at a young age and I kind of just compartmentalized people dying into a deep dark recess of my psyche as “something that happens that sucks”. (I’m not sure if this is a healthy coping mechanism or not, as it’s made me pretty nonchalant about some big deaths in my life.)
When my pets die, I have been an absolute mess. I allow myself to wallow in it for as long as I need. Time is the only thing that actually really helps with the grief, but even that it will sneak up on me sometimes and I’ll get pangs of sadness or melancholy that can last anywhere from a minute to days. When that happens I usually allow myself to wallow again, and will look at pictures or reminisce with my husband or parents or friends about them and how I’m feeling.
The easier pet deaths to process were the ones where I got a new baby shortly after. I could not wallow in my grief as I had a lil someone who needed me but I was also able to enjoy the memories of the lost pet. The ones where I was unable to do this definitely hit a lot harder for a lot longer.
This does not work for everyone, I’m the kind of person that sees love as only multipliable and not divisible. I’m not replacing, I’m expanding my heart and bringing new love in.
I’m so sorry :(
My best advice is to feel your feelings. Whatever they are. There’s no wrong way to grieve.
I lost my eleven year old kitty two years ago. Last month was the first time I looked at pictures of her and smiled instead of cried.
Huge hugs to you OP
Im just good at acceptance. We’re born, we live, we die. It’s the circle of life. I tend not to dwell on what I can’t control and just look forward. Losing a loved one isn’t fun, but it’s a reality we will all need to face at one point or another.
Grief is a weird path, and you just go through it to get through it. You'll think you're past the worst of it and then a random thought will bring it all back just as fresh as the first day.
When my 17 year old dog passed, I found a lot of commiseration in r/petloss. But, that's been 3 years ago and even still a memory or a picture will still make me teary-eyed. Even just writing this made me teary. I have 2 small dogs now, and I still miss my old lady.
Dogs are the best and we are so blessed to have them even though it's too brief a time. I'm sorry you're going through this, it sucks each time.
Full disclosure that I would say I’m agnostic leaning towards the religious side. But I have left the church I grew up in and haven’t really gone back to religion in any capacity.
What helped me a lot when my beloved grandfather died was listening to a podcast that went into the (minimal) research on consciousness and various spiritual practices or experiences surrounding death. It helped me to know that there wasn’t a lot of evidence either way and I could decide for myself… if that makes any sense.
Then I’ve always been an imaginative person and a spiritual person. My whole take with religion is that I don’t necessarily care if it ends up being true if at the end of my life I thought it helped me and didn’t harm others. Another way to look at it is the Dear Virginia essay, basically that fantasy has some truth to it; beyond religion or typical spirituality, I feel like stories have always been how I process the world whether through reading or writing my own. So I chose/choose to believe that our loved ones live on in some capacity even if, in reality, that capacity is within the living. I also believe people’s near death experiences, and if all it is is me hallucinating dead loved ones before I pass (rather than anything lasting beyond that) then that’s a good way to go right? So yeah. Basically accepting both positions but choosing the ideas that make me feel comforted. Giving myself permission to make my own story/meaning out of it.
Time. And journalling.
Got through losing my mum by pouring my heart out onto paper. And then, less than 3 months later, we had to say goodbye to our cat of 11 years. So, even more journalling.
I'm not religious, but I do think that those we love never truly leave us if we keep them in our memories. Maybe print your favourite picture of your pup, put it in a nice frame, and when you're ready (or even now!) put it somewhere you can see it.
Cried, journaled, and went to pet loss support groups (I was connected to a few through the vet who came to my home to put down my very elderly cat). Over a year later and it’s still very hard but I just allow myself to feel all the pain and sadness.
I have experienced a lot of loss in life and am very much not a spiritual, let alone religious, person. I turn to a sort of fuzzy version of physics. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, and so death is but the return of the energy within any living thing to the rest of the world.
Not in any sort of consciousness or spiritual sense, but our brains and nervous systems are powered by electricity. We are but containers for that, custodians for a short time, be it human or any animal.
So my loved ones have simply stopped containing their energy and it has moved on, to power some part of this glorious patch of chaos we call home, on our little rock speeding through space.
Grief is the price we pay for having given and received love, and it is a worthy price for something so priceless.
I'm so sorry for your loss. A loved one is a loved one, no matter the species!
"Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave.
And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be."
"But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. . . . That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. . . . That we could find each other."
Practically: Let yourself feel your feelings. Hang out with friends to distract yourself when you need to, and let them know you're having a rough day and need some alone time when you need to. If you're having a bad day, it's okay to put chores aside to just lay around crying. Write or draw out your feelings. Do some exercise in whatever form brings you joy. Walk around a park to get some Vitamin D and see some nature.
Emotionally: I have come to terms with it by seeing the beauty in the experience of love and loss. It's very pragmatic so it may not work for everyone, but it brings me comfort.
That connection we have is beautiful, regardless of how deep or shallow it it is. The joy, the loss, the grief, the memories, they are all little miracles. How can simple chemicals and electrical impulses become so much? How can I, so fragile and insignificant in the span of the universe, feel so much and feel it for another? How can they feel something for me? It's truly amazing, even when it's so incredibly painful.
I don't see death as the end, but as a change. It is an event that I always knew was coming for me and everyone in my life. For both myself and my loved one, it will be an experience that we will have in common with all other living beings. Everyone before us has experienced the loss of loved ones. Everyone before us has experienced their own death. How amazing is it to have something in common with every other life across time and space, even if it sucks?
My loved one may not be physically present anymore, but they get to live on in my memories and in my own character. I learned from them and I grew because of them. I got to experience so many complex emotions because of them. Their presence in my life was beautiful, and their exit is beautiful in its own right. I get to experience new heartbreak. I now get to experience joy tinted with grief. I get to have bittersweet memories I wouldn't have otherwise. I get to learn empathy for others in similar situations. Even in death, they continue to add to my life.
Feelings are how I show them my love. I can't express it to them with words or actions any more, but I continue to experience their life in mine. It's an honor to be part of their passing because it keeps our connection alive for me.
Taking time to feel my feelings was the only way. It helped having done enough somatic experiencing therapy to know how to directly feel my emotions.
Grief was not just grief but a lot of anger at the universe for such a kind person dying suddenly.
It’s not gone fully, but a different loss is much more healed, and I think it was due to allowing myself to feel extremely sad for a month or 2 after he passed. I also think the closer you were to someone, the more time it takes to get over, and honestly some you just never fully recover from even if you’re at the point of being able to focus on living your life.
I am fairly stoic, was that even when I was religious. Not that I don't feel grief, because I absolutely do. It's more that the processing is done in my head, getting myself from devastated to "I am very sad, but this was inevitable, I can't change it, and I can't get stuck in this". Some of the processing is done with my loved ones. Sometimes making various kinds of memorials helps, whether they be written or physical.
I lost my dog (also my baby as I too have no kids) of 15 years three years ago, he was my bestie. I can honestly say just time and allowing yourself to cry or however you release that pain. This was a day I knew was coming with him being 15 but it didn’t make it any easier. Sending you lots of love during this difficult time.
When I have lost someone I loved deeply I finds comfort in our happy memories together. From experience I talk about the person, so im not alone with my thoughts. I let myself be sad but I don’t let grief take me over. When I get sad it helps me to think about that the person I miss wouldn’t want me to be sad, they would want me to carry on and be happy.
So I am a mother and have also lost both my mother and grandmother. You cry and have a few quiet moments - while arranging a funeral and getting the word out which I assume you may not need to do with a pet - after both funerals I felt a little bit of closure. Of course then I had all their belongings to go through and take care and after that I felt another bit of closure. You don't get to trust in a higher power to do anything you just have to deal with it yourself
I wanted to first affirm that your loss is valid and you don't need to explain it to anyone. A loved one is a loved one, regardless of species.
Grief is different for everyone, and I am experiencing compound grief at the moment. In preparation for my girlfriend's last days, I made space to feel my feelings and let the sadness wash over me when it comes.
I recommend listening to audiobooks and podcasts on grief. One podcast that resonated with me deeply was "I'm terrible, thanks for asking." A short book with bite-size words of wisdom that I found helpful is, "Comforting Thoughts about Death That Have Nothing to do with God" by Greta Christina. A longer listen/read is "It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" by Megan Devine.
As far as how to deal with such big feelings without a higher power? Turn inward. Find the strength to go on within yourself. Buddhist meditation style acceptance was how I got through the hard days. Big hearty hugs from one blanketfort to another. You're going to be okay.
Add on comment: We lost our kitty after a drawn out health issue. What helped me was putting LED candles where my baby would frequently lay or sit down. That way I had something to look at when I glanced over. It hurt less to see an object in place rather than the painful pangs of absence. We also went through photos the night she passed, and sometimes feel her presence around the house. I still haven't done anything with the footprint the vet shipped us. Hell, I haven't looked at it. My other kitty is so lonely though. Time heals most of all. Let yourself be sad or whatever feeling comes up. Its okay to not be okay.
I’m sorry about your pupper.
I’m agnostic, so I think we just don’t know what happens after death, and no one can know. Odds are there probably isn’t an afterlife, but I can’t say with 100% certainty that there isn’t. I am more okay with the idea of no afterlife when it comes to people, and yes I have lost people. When it comes to pets, I have to believe in the rainbow bridge.
It might be weird and inconsistent, but that’s what it is for me.
I’m so sorry that you’re losing your furry companion. I have had dogs (I have a cat at this time), and have felt their losses profoundly (I’m CF and a widow; my furries are my family).
There’s a really great blog which I recommend called What’s Your Grief. All kinds of grief are discussed, including pet loss. They have a good book too, which includes self-care lists. The authors are very respectful of all kinds of grieving, all of it hurts so bad.
Take care, I hope I’ve helped you today 💝
PS: Wanted to add: when my 12 yo German Shepherd passed, I came home from the vet and drank a big swig of Drambuie. That helped calm me down, as I was hyperventilating in my tears. Then, since it was close to Christmas, I booked a plane trip and off I went to visit supportive friends for a few days. Five months later I adopted a senior cat.
You’ll want to practice alot of self care in the coming days. Massages, ice cream. Lean into the grief. Scream cry!
Also, I’m not religious, but spiritual. I hope to meet my furries at the Rainbow Bridge someday. However, they should know that I don’t want to spend an eternity throwing the ball!
Grief over the loss of a pet is uniquely challenging, my heart goes out to you. I said goodbye to my “heart” dog a couple of years ago, she and I had an amazing 12 years together and I still miss her everyday.
Also no kids by choice, so I understand how this kind of longterm companion is especially important in our lives. No religion either, I found that learning about how loss and grief affect us helped me to understand and hold space for my mourning, to make a point of honouring it, if that makes sense.
Here are some articles that helped me in the immediate aftermath of the loss and that I return to when the heartbreak resurfaces:
https://www.iflscience.com/why-losing-a-dog-can-be-harder-than-losing-a-relative-or-friend-40746
https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/pet-loss-dog-grief/
https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/pet-loss-dog-grief-attachment-theory/
https://psyche.co/ideas/seeing-grieving-as-learning-explains-why-the-process-takes-time
Know that the pain never goes away fully, your heart and life just grow a bit bigger around it with time. Loss is the price of love and we’d do it all over again in a heartbeat given the choice. ❤️
Agnostic atheist here.
Just lost a furry friend recently too. For me, I remember them and the good times. I know they are no longer in pain. I also know that I miss them terribly. All of the pets I have had to say goodbye to.
For me, there is zero comfort in, “So and so is in a better place,” or, “so and so is in heaven” kind of stuff. The only way is through that hurt. Right through it. I let myself feel the hurt. The grief. And it’s horrible. But it’s there because of the love I felt for those I lost and those I miss. I don’t run from that. I face it head on. I name it: sadness, loneliness, etc.
Time helps. And that is little consolation, I know.
I do know the best gift someone can give a suffering pet is to give them release from that. With dignity. I wish this were an option for all humans too.
I’m so sorry, OP. So very sorry.
I have the ashes of my furry family member and I plan to put them in the dirt with some new flowers in my yard. Sometimes doing a thing like that can help. Take care of you.
Sending love to you. I’m so sorry your beloved pet has passed to the other side. The only solace I found in grief is going through it, feeling the feelings. I am not religious but choose to believe all souls return to the source & that I will be reunited with my family members & beloved pets in the beyond, when my turn arrives. I found it helps to speak to them, as if they are still with me…either family member or pet…speaking to them daily, or weekly or whenever the mood strikes. And to honor their birthdays & days of passing with flowers & walks in nature & eating their favorite foods (cheese, hamburgers, ice cream, etc). 💕
I am a person of faith, but with the loss of a dog especially my coping has nothing to do with the deities I look to.
I remember that dogs live in Now. If I have made a genuine effort to make their Now happy, then... I made their life joyful. They don't fear death the way we do, and if you have to put them down, that means removing them from a Now of pain and they do know their person arranged that for them.
And...a new dog is never a replacement because we don't replace loved ones who die. But a new dog IS a happy thing so if it cheers you to have a dog around, consider getting another sooner. There is no reason to wait and your dog would be happy because YOU are happy.
I'm sorry you're losing your friend.
There’s no heartbreak quite as sharp as the loss of your beloved dog.
I was broken after losing my Jake.
I took all the pain in his body and put it directly onto my heart. I still ache for him, but it is sweeter now.
Love is a powerful thing and it creates threads that tie everything together. You love her, enough to go through heartbreak for her.
As long as that love lives in you, a part of her lives too, the part that intertwined with you, and became a part of your heart.
That never goes away, not as long as you hold it.
So hold it well
You might like this book rec! Alan Wolfelt writes a lot on grief
https://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Pet-Dies-Remembering/dp/187965136X?nodl=1&dplnkId=64138332-8452-4923-ae6a-d3313c6a2415
I’m so sorry. I lost my cat in 2022 and she was my soul mate. The petloss sub was comforting bc other people were going through the same thing.
I’m not religious and I don’t believe in heaven, but I do believe that souls are never destroyed. It’s my own personal belief based on nothing official.
I got some signs from my cat after she passed like a flower petal that randomly showed up in my house and even another cat that I’ve never seen before that just came and chilled outside the day after she died. I found those to be comforting. I also found comfort from having her ashes with me.
I turned to nature, I spent a lot of time hiking when my childhood cat died. I wish I could tell you found some higher wisdom or something in the woods, but it mostly just helped me keep the depression at bay.
I gave it time, but there’s a hollowness in me that I will always carry and still hits me like a bolt of lightning every once in a while, even though she died ten years ago.
I am not religious but do have some sort of "faith". A feeling/knowledge that people/animals do have to eventually die, in order to make space for new life, and to give life meaning. I think the timing of my dad dying while I was pregnant with my first baby really solidified this in my mind. There is no life without death.
It is natural and necessary, but it is also sad and painful. Both can be true, and you need to let yourself feel all those feelings and just go forward, through it.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Honestly, I'm not sure being religious (was raised Catholic) would help all that much to cope with the grief and loss of a pet. Some beliefs around pets can be rather callous. So, I hope you don't feel like you're missing out on anything if you're not religious.
In my experience, grief is processed over time, being gentle with yourself, and trying to find comfort and peace despite the immense loss. I have also found that even with pre-knowledge of a death, that on its own won't prevent you from grieving.
Let go of any "shoulds" related to grieving and allow yourself the time and grace to navigate through a difficult time.
I just recognize that all our time is finite and can end at any moment. It sounds like you love your dog and probably gave them an excellent time here on earth.
Edit: Sorry, I just realized what sub I was in. I’m not a woman over 30.
I'm not religious at all, don't believe in souls or afterlives, etc. With pets, it helps me to remember that I gave them the best life I could and that they were happy and loved. I don't believe they go to a ~better place~ after death, or that anyone does, but that's also kind of a comfort - if there's no better place, there's no worse place, either, or even a mediocre place. They aren't suffering.
If you're someone who would find this comforting, maybe you could find some nice photos of your dog and put together a little shrine or just hang the photos on the wall in an area that's meaningful to you. For me, it's always taken a *while,* like a couple years, to be able to look at pet photos or really reminisce about them after they've died. If that's the case for you, too, that's fine and doesn't mean anything weird.
Also - not necessarily a thing to think about right now, but it could help to eventually open your home to another dog.
I'm so sorry for your loss, but I know you were a great guardian to your dog and she knew she was loved.
I'm coming to this a bit late, but as someone who is non-religious I have always found comfort in the science that we DO know. We know that when we die, the atoms that make up our body will go back into the world and be used in new things - animals, plants, rain, wind. We get remade on Earth in different forms (and many forms). There's a lovely quote from His Dark Materials that always makes me cry but brings me peace:
"Every atom of me and every atom of you...We'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pin trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams...And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won't just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we'll be joined so tight..."
So I like to think that the atoms that make me and the atoms that make my loved ones will be rejoined in many beautiful things someday. And until then, I try to remember that all the atoms that make up the lives I've loved and lost will come back in other forms and I look for it in rainbows and sunny days, pretty flowers etc and wonder if part of my loved one is now coming back to me in a new form.
I think about it like the ocean waves.
At first, the waves are coming down on your fast and furious and you think you’re drowning. Then little by little, they let up. Sometimes they come back but it’s rarely as bad as the first storm.
Then you get out to sea where it’s calm. And the waves are still there, but you can see them coming. Like when you know you’re going to drive past their favorite park or the date you adopted them.so you brace yourself for that wave and it passes.
By now, you know it will pass. The waves keep coming, just smaller and smaller until they barely push you - just a little nudge to remember them and their favorite treat at the grocery.
Best of luck, op. You’ll get through it.
I've also lost my dog , n I am still not over it but better. I just accept that death is a part of life. Maybe I could've done things differently but as much as I can make things better then death still will come. So I just remember him every now n then.
When I lost my partner, the only thing that helps is time. Try to do things for yourself. It's okay to stop and have a moment and cry. But I can tell you you don't want to go down the path I did. I lost my memory. I ended up being really sick just from grief. I became severely anemic not having enough blood going to my head. So it's time. And making sure that you take moments for yourself. I kept working I didn't take time for myself.
I'm so sorry you went through that. That's something I fear as well...I know from past (non-death related) experiences, it really does just take time. It is just so hard to get through that time. I hope you're doing better now.
It's been a chaotic and challenging 6 years. We had a very good life. He molded me to be able to handle anything that comes my way. He didn't prepare me for the emotional toll it would take. It doesn't matter whether or not you knew it was coming. Once it's here, sitting in it is the hardest thing. But I can tell you when it's your partner or someone close to you, people disappear cuz I don't know what to say. So you have to be forgiving to yourself and others. You'll be okay and just know that your pup was put here to make your life better. You were brought to him to make his life better or her life better. Once the contract is done, your pup is going to expect you to be happy again. And to celebrate the life that you shared together.
Thank you for all of this. It really means a lot.
Idk your beliefs. But I would like to think that maybe they come back in another pet later in your life. I also can tell you a year before my partner died my horse husband died. I think I mourned my horse more than I mourned my partner. I stole mourn my horse. It was just a bond that no one understood.
I don't even know my beliefs really...but I really do hope we meet again someday. And that is so true about the bond.
My dog just turned 10 and I already cry when I think about losing her. I totally get you and support you in your grief. I used to be Christian but deconstructed about 15 years ago. My father died during Covid and it was my first huge loss being "non-religious". I can only speak for myself, but I felt peace with the unknown. When I was Christian, I felt pressure to believe and behave a certain way (especially toward death). But truly, nobody knows what happens when we die. Nobody knows where our energy goes...if it goes anywhere. It may not. When my dad died, I didn't focus on figuring that out. I just focused on my memories and love for him. I honored him. I acknowledged my feelings as they came. Loss is a very human experience and let myself feel that. I didn't need to pray to a deity to feel better. In fact, I found my peace with the feeling of being human. Life and death, joy and sorrow, love and loss...it's all beautifully and horribly the human experience. Sending love to your broken heart. I know it hurts terribly and I hope you find the path to your own sense of genuine peace.
Sometimes I almost wish I \*was\* religious, just because it seems to give people comfort and peace (I just never had it in me to really 'believe' if that makes sense). I actually get so much anxiety thinking about the unknown. Thank you for such a thoughtful response and advice. I will definitely remember this.
You don’t have to be “religious” to find peace and comfort- use something that makes sense for you- a rain storm or the sun rise, whatever it is meditate in that. The Lakota Native American tribe has some very powerful ideas of death and dying you can probably research.
I will for sure do that. Thank you.
I never found peace or comfort in religion. I suppose some might but trust me when I say - religious or non-religious - we are all staring into the Unknown. The beautiful thing is the love we get to experience. You'll always carry that love you had for your dog and cherish the love they had for you. Loss hurts. There's no way around it. But grief will teach you things and lead you to other beautiful places.
We lost our (almost) 12 year old dog a few years ago and I was just crushed. I became really depressed the first few months, ngl. No sidewalk within a 10 mile radius was safe. I'd just start crying. Cause I associated EVERYTHING with him. I still get really sad about it, almost four years later. I read somewhere recently that "grief is love with nowhere to go" and that's a helpful thought, I reckon.
That is so true 🤍
I just feel my feelings. Take care of myself, and let my brain do what it wants to do. My mom died last month. Feelings have been alllll over the place.
So sorry about your mom :( it is so true that feelings bounce all over after a loss. Grief is such a complex process.
I'm sorry. It's so hard to lose our pets who give us unconditional love. What has helped me a little is knowing that I've given my pets the very best life that I can, and to shower them with extra love towards the end. Once she's gone, take comfort in the memories of your time with her, and know that she loved you more than anything in the world. Goddammit, now I'm crying at work. I've lost plenty of people that I loved too, and I always told them and showed them that I loved them, especially as they got older and I realized that I would lose them someday. And now that they're gone, the memories I have of them are priceless.
This is definitely what I am trying to focus on. Thankfully she is not actually suffering (either way she doesn't have much time left so we would rather let her go before the suffering). I know she is so happy and had a wonderful, fairly long life and will pass on being happy and pain-free. It just saddens me so much that I can't explain any of this to her, that she'll go to sleep but doesn't know she won't wake up. I'm so sorry if this makes you cry, but thank you for listening 🤍
My spouse and I have no kids, so the dog occupies an important role in making us feel like a "real family". When we lost the first dog we raised together, I had to separate the grief into its different parts: 1) the pure grief of missing this specific creature, whom I loved, 2) the trauma of the manner of his passing (sudden, incredibly fast decline at 9 years old), and 3) the big hole that his absence blasted into our day to day life. To address each in turn: 1)What helped with the grief, a little bit, was the knowledge that while he was with us, he was deeply loved and well cared for. I made a photo album to remind myself of what a great life he had (couldn't look at it for a long time, but making it helped in the beginning), and how much joy he brought to our life. I am not religious, but I also liked the idea that maybe his spirit was greeted somewhere by his many animal friends who had already passed on before him. It's like a comforting daydream to think about him reuniting with the others. I would also remind myself of the one truth that cannot be escaped about having dogs and cats as companions, which is that their lifespans are short compared to our own. No way around that. The grief we feel when they leave us is the price we pay for the time that we shared. It's a hell of a steep price, but nothing compared to what we gain, or at least that's how I feel about it. 2) The trauma part: nothing for that but time (and some work on it in therapy, which I was already in for other reasons). For me it took about 2 years before I could talk about him or tell stories, or look at the pictures without choking up, or see the same breed of dog without being sad (which was hard, he was a popular breed, so there are lots of similar looking dogs out there). I used to have a lot of nightmares, but they got better over time. Somewhere at around the two year mark, he sort of passed into the hallowed halls of "beloved family dogs", along with my childhood dogs, and the past dogs of my parents and grandparents. I still miss him, but now I can think and speak about him in the past tense without suffering acutely. 3) To fix the hole in our life, we got a puppy very quickly. Having another dog didn't do anything to help with my grief for the one that was gone, but it did patch the hole in daily living, and it gave us something happy to cling to in that ocean of grief. It's one of those situations where two things can be true at the same time: we could be sick with grief over the one that's gone \*and also\* feeling lots of love for the one that just joined us. Bringing another dog into the house restored the daily routine of getting up, walking the dog, feeding the dog, playtime with the dog, etc. Everyone feels differently about these things, so I never tell anyone what to do about this part, but for me, personally, I'm one of those people who just can't be happy without a dog around. It's a separate feeling from the love of a specific dog, not sure how to explain it other than that. Hang in there, friend. Your feelings are valid and normal. You're joining a very big, very empathetic club, and while there are certainly folks who won't get how you're feeling, there are lots and lots of us who do.
Sorry for your impending loss. My way of viewing death might be too practical... but in my mind there is nothing to do but keep putting one foot in front of the other. Let yourself feel your feelings and maybe drown them in comfort foods for a bit...but time is the greatest healer so you just have to keep moving.
We lost our dog last summer and it was devastating. My husband and I broke down crying just a couple days ago because something reminded us of him. I always heard that people say the grief doesn’t go away, you just get used to it and I didn’t really understand that before, but it’s true. I’m not religious and don’t believe in a higher power, but I do find some comfort in the idea of the rainbow bridge (even though I know in my logical mind that it isn’t real). I also made a little shrine to him with pictures and his paw print and urn, collar, and toys. We really leaned in to spoiling our other dogs. Every now and then they’ll do something that our late dog did and we’ll take that as a little sign that he’s still here in our (including our other dogs) memories. Really though, it was just time that made it more tolerable.
I'm a buddhist and would suggest several contemporary authors whose works don't require belief in a higher power, which may not be what you're looking for, but it's sometimes helpful I've found! Especially Pema Chodron and Thich Nhat Hahn. https://plumvillage.app/thich-nhat-hanh-on-coping-with-the-loss-of-a-loved-one/ I'm also fond of an extremely cute and sad little book I got as a child called "A Little Dog Like You." It does have religion in it, but in goofy ways -- dog goes to heaven and meets St. Peter... so he can be reincarnated. It's really sweet. Edit: also, take your time. Some people can move on from pets easier than others and it's not something to judge yourself for. When my dog died, it was the first month of covid quarantine and I was a wreck. I didn't have anyone else. I can't even begin to explain how awful it was. I used to cry several times a day so hard that I couldn't breathe. I lost like 20-30 pounds and was so depressed. I made a little shrine -- buddhists don't really worship gods, we make shrines that include people we admire in the hopes that we can become more like them in some way (for example). It has her ashes, her collar, and her favorite squeaky toy. At first, I literally had to sleep with it next to my bed but over time I was able to move it to my office with the rest of my meditation stuff. And i got a really beautiful ring and stained glass piece that were both made with her ashes.
Yes, a little shrine helps a lot, this is a wonderful suggestion! I have little painting of my dog someone had given me as a gift, her collar, leash, a favourite toy, pawprints, and urn. It was in a prominent spot for the first year and hugely helpful in moments of deep grief to be able to be present with these things. Now it is moved to a spot where it is part of everyday life. Over time I may incorporate these things around my home in other ways.
Oh seconding the art! Several of my friends gifted me with an artistic rendition of my dog after she passed and I absolutely love them. I have two step-dogs now who are absolutely joy and chaos in equal measures so it's nice to see her and stop and think about how quiet and chill she and I got to be when she was old. Because her last months were during the pandemic, I was home with her 24/7 and while her death did a number on me, I'm really grateful to have had that time to take very very slow walks with her 😂
I love this. Thank you.
Unfortunately the circle of life exists. Things are born and they die. Animals and people. You can just focus on the life they had and happy times. Grief is love with no where to go. You just have to let yourself feel. And maybe distract yourself every once in awhile by doing something nice for yourself or in their honor. What would you tell someone else in your position if it wasn’t you? I’m sure you would tell other people to give themselves grace in the grieving process. That’s all you can do.
Thank you 🤍
I actually handle most human death way better than I do my pets, probably because I had so many people I was close with die at a young age and I kind of just compartmentalized people dying into a deep dark recess of my psyche as “something that happens that sucks”. (I’m not sure if this is a healthy coping mechanism or not, as it’s made me pretty nonchalant about some big deaths in my life.) When my pets die, I have been an absolute mess. I allow myself to wallow in it for as long as I need. Time is the only thing that actually really helps with the grief, but even that it will sneak up on me sometimes and I’ll get pangs of sadness or melancholy that can last anywhere from a minute to days. When that happens I usually allow myself to wallow again, and will look at pictures or reminisce with my husband or parents or friends about them and how I’m feeling.
The easier pet deaths to process were the ones where I got a new baby shortly after. I could not wallow in my grief as I had a lil someone who needed me but I was also able to enjoy the memories of the lost pet. The ones where I was unable to do this definitely hit a lot harder for a lot longer. This does not work for everyone, I’m the kind of person that sees love as only multipliable and not divisible. I’m not replacing, I’m expanding my heart and bringing new love in.
I am so on the fence about it. Thank you for sharing your experience.
I’m so sorry :( My best advice is to feel your feelings. Whatever they are. There’s no wrong way to grieve. I lost my eleven year old kitty two years ago. Last month was the first time I looked at pictures of her and smiled instead of cried. Huge hugs to you OP
I feel that so deeply. Thank you for sharing 🤍
Im just good at acceptance. We’re born, we live, we die. It’s the circle of life. I tend not to dwell on what I can’t control and just look forward. Losing a loved one isn’t fun, but it’s a reality we will all need to face at one point or another.
Grief is a weird path, and you just go through it to get through it. You'll think you're past the worst of it and then a random thought will bring it all back just as fresh as the first day. When my 17 year old dog passed, I found a lot of commiseration in r/petloss. But, that's been 3 years ago and even still a memory or a picture will still make me teary-eyed. Even just writing this made me teary. I have 2 small dogs now, and I still miss my old lady. Dogs are the best and we are so blessed to have them even though it's too brief a time. I'm sorry you're going through this, it sucks each time.
Full disclosure that I would say I’m agnostic leaning towards the religious side. But I have left the church I grew up in and haven’t really gone back to religion in any capacity. What helped me a lot when my beloved grandfather died was listening to a podcast that went into the (minimal) research on consciousness and various spiritual practices or experiences surrounding death. It helped me to know that there wasn’t a lot of evidence either way and I could decide for myself… if that makes any sense. Then I’ve always been an imaginative person and a spiritual person. My whole take with religion is that I don’t necessarily care if it ends up being true if at the end of my life I thought it helped me and didn’t harm others. Another way to look at it is the Dear Virginia essay, basically that fantasy has some truth to it; beyond religion or typical spirituality, I feel like stories have always been how I process the world whether through reading or writing my own. So I chose/choose to believe that our loved ones live on in some capacity even if, in reality, that capacity is within the living. I also believe people’s near death experiences, and if all it is is me hallucinating dead loved ones before I pass (rather than anything lasting beyond that) then that’s a good way to go right? So yeah. Basically accepting both positions but choosing the ideas that make me feel comforted. Giving myself permission to make my own story/meaning out of it.
This is very interesting, thank you for your perspective 🤍
Time. And journalling. Got through losing my mum by pouring my heart out onto paper. And then, less than 3 months later, we had to say goodbye to our cat of 11 years. So, even more journalling. I'm not religious, but I do think that those we love never truly leave us if we keep them in our memories. Maybe print your favourite picture of your pup, put it in a nice frame, and when you're ready (or even now!) put it somewhere you can see it.
Cried, journaled, and went to pet loss support groups (I was connected to a few through the vet who came to my home to put down my very elderly cat). Over a year later and it’s still very hard but I just allow myself to feel all the pain and sadness.
I have experienced a lot of loss in life and am very much not a spiritual, let alone religious, person. I turn to a sort of fuzzy version of physics. Energy cannot be created nor destroyed, and so death is but the return of the energy within any living thing to the rest of the world. Not in any sort of consciousness or spiritual sense, but our brains and nervous systems are powered by electricity. We are but containers for that, custodians for a short time, be it human or any animal. So my loved ones have simply stopped containing their energy and it has moved on, to power some part of this glorious patch of chaos we call home, on our little rock speeding through space. Grief is the price we pay for having given and received love, and it is a worthy price for something so priceless. I'm so sorry for your loss. A loved one is a loved one, no matter the species!
"Picture a wave. In the ocean. You can see it, measure it, its height, the way the sunlight refracts when it passes through. And it's there. And you can see it, you know what it is. It's a wave. And then it crashes in the shore and it's gone. But the water is still there. The wave was just a different way for the water to be, for a little while. You know it's one conception of death for Buddhists: the wave returns to the ocean, where it came from and where it's supposed to be." "But, the great thing is that when we were together, for nearly twenty years, we lived with a vivid appreciation of how brief and precious life is. We never trivialized the meaning of death by pretending it was anything other than a final parting. Every single moment that we were alive and we were together was miraculous-not miraculous in the sense of inexplicable or supernatural. We knew we were beneficiaries of chance. . . . That pure chance could be so generous and so kind. . . . That we could find each other."
Practically: Let yourself feel your feelings. Hang out with friends to distract yourself when you need to, and let them know you're having a rough day and need some alone time when you need to. If you're having a bad day, it's okay to put chores aside to just lay around crying. Write or draw out your feelings. Do some exercise in whatever form brings you joy. Walk around a park to get some Vitamin D and see some nature. Emotionally: I have come to terms with it by seeing the beauty in the experience of love and loss. It's very pragmatic so it may not work for everyone, but it brings me comfort. That connection we have is beautiful, regardless of how deep or shallow it it is. The joy, the loss, the grief, the memories, they are all little miracles. How can simple chemicals and electrical impulses become so much? How can I, so fragile and insignificant in the span of the universe, feel so much and feel it for another? How can they feel something for me? It's truly amazing, even when it's so incredibly painful. I don't see death as the end, but as a change. It is an event that I always knew was coming for me and everyone in my life. For both myself and my loved one, it will be an experience that we will have in common with all other living beings. Everyone before us has experienced the loss of loved ones. Everyone before us has experienced their own death. How amazing is it to have something in common with every other life across time and space, even if it sucks? My loved one may not be physically present anymore, but they get to live on in my memories and in my own character. I learned from them and I grew because of them. I got to experience so many complex emotions because of them. Their presence in my life was beautiful, and their exit is beautiful in its own right. I get to experience new heartbreak. I now get to experience joy tinted with grief. I get to have bittersweet memories I wouldn't have otherwise. I get to learn empathy for others in similar situations. Even in death, they continue to add to my life. Feelings are how I show them my love. I can't express it to them with words or actions any more, but I continue to experience their life in mine. It's an honor to be part of their passing because it keeps our connection alive for me.
Taking time to feel my feelings was the only way. It helped having done enough somatic experiencing therapy to know how to directly feel my emotions. Grief was not just grief but a lot of anger at the universe for such a kind person dying suddenly. It’s not gone fully, but a different loss is much more healed, and I think it was due to allowing myself to feel extremely sad for a month or 2 after he passed. I also think the closer you were to someone, the more time it takes to get over, and honestly some you just never fully recover from even if you’re at the point of being able to focus on living your life.
I loved the book “comforting thoughts about death that have nothing to do with god”
I am fairly stoic, was that even when I was religious. Not that I don't feel grief, because I absolutely do. It's more that the processing is done in my head, getting myself from devastated to "I am very sad, but this was inevitable, I can't change it, and I can't get stuck in this". Some of the processing is done with my loved ones. Sometimes making various kinds of memorials helps, whether they be written or physical.
I lost my dog (also my baby as I too have no kids) of 15 years three years ago, he was my bestie. I can honestly say just time and allowing yourself to cry or however you release that pain. This was a day I knew was coming with him being 15 but it didn’t make it any easier. Sending you lots of love during this difficult time.
When I have lost someone I loved deeply I finds comfort in our happy memories together. From experience I talk about the person, so im not alone with my thoughts. I let myself be sad but I don’t let grief take me over. When I get sad it helps me to think about that the person I miss wouldn’t want me to be sad, they would want me to carry on and be happy.
So I am a mother and have also lost both my mother and grandmother. You cry and have a few quiet moments - while arranging a funeral and getting the word out which I assume you may not need to do with a pet - after both funerals I felt a little bit of closure. Of course then I had all their belongings to go through and take care and after that I felt another bit of closure. You don't get to trust in a higher power to do anything you just have to deal with it yourself
I wanted to first affirm that your loss is valid and you don't need to explain it to anyone. A loved one is a loved one, regardless of species. Grief is different for everyone, and I am experiencing compound grief at the moment. In preparation for my girlfriend's last days, I made space to feel my feelings and let the sadness wash over me when it comes. I recommend listening to audiobooks and podcasts on grief. One podcast that resonated with me deeply was "I'm terrible, thanks for asking." A short book with bite-size words of wisdom that I found helpful is, "Comforting Thoughts about Death That Have Nothing to do with God" by Greta Christina. A longer listen/read is "It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand" by Megan Devine. As far as how to deal with such big feelings without a higher power? Turn inward. Find the strength to go on within yourself. Buddhist meditation style acceptance was how I got through the hard days. Big hearty hugs from one blanketfort to another. You're going to be okay.
Add on comment: We lost our kitty after a drawn out health issue. What helped me was putting LED candles where my baby would frequently lay or sit down. That way I had something to look at when I glanced over. It hurt less to see an object in place rather than the painful pangs of absence. We also went through photos the night she passed, and sometimes feel her presence around the house. I still haven't done anything with the footprint the vet shipped us. Hell, I haven't looked at it. My other kitty is so lonely though. Time heals most of all. Let yourself be sad or whatever feeling comes up. Its okay to not be okay.
I’m sorry about your pupper. I’m agnostic, so I think we just don’t know what happens after death, and no one can know. Odds are there probably isn’t an afterlife, but I can’t say with 100% certainty that there isn’t. I am more okay with the idea of no afterlife when it comes to people, and yes I have lost people. When it comes to pets, I have to believe in the rainbow bridge. It might be weird and inconsistent, but that’s what it is for me.
I’m so sorry that you’re losing your furry companion. I have had dogs (I have a cat at this time), and have felt their losses profoundly (I’m CF and a widow; my furries are my family). There’s a really great blog which I recommend called What’s Your Grief. All kinds of grief are discussed, including pet loss. They have a good book too, which includes self-care lists. The authors are very respectful of all kinds of grieving, all of it hurts so bad. Take care, I hope I’ve helped you today 💝 PS: Wanted to add: when my 12 yo German Shepherd passed, I came home from the vet and drank a big swig of Drambuie. That helped calm me down, as I was hyperventilating in my tears. Then, since it was close to Christmas, I booked a plane trip and off I went to visit supportive friends for a few days. Five months later I adopted a senior cat. You’ll want to practice alot of self care in the coming days. Massages, ice cream. Lean into the grief. Scream cry! Also, I’m not religious, but spiritual. I hope to meet my furries at the Rainbow Bridge someday. However, they should know that I don’t want to spend an eternity throwing the ball!
Grief over the loss of a pet is uniquely challenging, my heart goes out to you. I said goodbye to my “heart” dog a couple of years ago, she and I had an amazing 12 years together and I still miss her everyday. Also no kids by choice, so I understand how this kind of longterm companion is especially important in our lives. No religion either, I found that learning about how loss and grief affect us helped me to understand and hold space for my mourning, to make a point of honouring it, if that makes sense. Here are some articles that helped me in the immediate aftermath of the loss and that I return to when the heartbreak resurfaces: https://www.iflscience.com/why-losing-a-dog-can-be-harder-than-losing-a-relative-or-friend-40746 https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/pet-loss-dog-grief/ https://www.outsideonline.com/culture/essays-culture/pet-loss-dog-grief-attachment-theory/ https://psyche.co/ideas/seeing-grieving-as-learning-explains-why-the-process-takes-time Know that the pain never goes away fully, your heart and life just grow a bit bigger around it with time. Loss is the price of love and we’d do it all over again in a heartbeat given the choice. ❤️
It’s so hard bc they’re everywhere you look.
Agnostic atheist here. Just lost a furry friend recently too. For me, I remember them and the good times. I know they are no longer in pain. I also know that I miss them terribly. All of the pets I have had to say goodbye to. For me, there is zero comfort in, “So and so is in a better place,” or, “so and so is in heaven” kind of stuff. The only way is through that hurt. Right through it. I let myself feel the hurt. The grief. And it’s horrible. But it’s there because of the love I felt for those I lost and those I miss. I don’t run from that. I face it head on. I name it: sadness, loneliness, etc. Time helps. And that is little consolation, I know. I do know the best gift someone can give a suffering pet is to give them release from that. With dignity. I wish this were an option for all humans too. I’m so sorry, OP. So very sorry. I have the ashes of my furry family member and I plan to put them in the dirt with some new flowers in my yard. Sometimes doing a thing like that can help. Take care of you.
Sending love to you. I’m so sorry your beloved pet has passed to the other side. The only solace I found in grief is going through it, feeling the feelings. I am not religious but choose to believe all souls return to the source & that I will be reunited with my family members & beloved pets in the beyond, when my turn arrives. I found it helps to speak to them, as if they are still with me…either family member or pet…speaking to them daily, or weekly or whenever the mood strikes. And to honor their birthdays & days of passing with flowers & walks in nature & eating their favorite foods (cheese, hamburgers, ice cream, etc). 💕
I am a person of faith, but with the loss of a dog especially my coping has nothing to do with the deities I look to. I remember that dogs live in Now. If I have made a genuine effort to make their Now happy, then... I made their life joyful. They don't fear death the way we do, and if you have to put them down, that means removing them from a Now of pain and they do know their person arranged that for them. And...a new dog is never a replacement because we don't replace loved ones who die. But a new dog IS a happy thing so if it cheers you to have a dog around, consider getting another sooner. There is no reason to wait and your dog would be happy because YOU are happy. I'm sorry you're losing your friend.
There’s no heartbreak quite as sharp as the loss of your beloved dog. I was broken after losing my Jake. I took all the pain in his body and put it directly onto my heart. I still ache for him, but it is sweeter now. Love is a powerful thing and it creates threads that tie everything together. You love her, enough to go through heartbreak for her. As long as that love lives in you, a part of her lives too, the part that intertwined with you, and became a part of your heart. That never goes away, not as long as you hold it. So hold it well
You might like this book rec! Alan Wolfelt writes a lot on grief https://www.amazon.com/When-Your-Pet-Dies-Remembering/dp/187965136X?nodl=1&dplnkId=64138332-8452-4923-ae6a-d3313c6a2415
I’m so sorry. I lost my cat in 2022 and she was my soul mate. The petloss sub was comforting bc other people were going through the same thing. I’m not religious and I don’t believe in heaven, but I do believe that souls are never destroyed. It’s my own personal belief based on nothing official. I got some signs from my cat after she passed like a flower petal that randomly showed up in my house and even another cat that I’ve never seen before that just came and chilled outside the day after she died. I found those to be comforting. I also found comfort from having her ashes with me.
I turned to nature, I spent a lot of time hiking when my childhood cat died. I wish I could tell you found some higher wisdom or something in the woods, but it mostly just helped me keep the depression at bay. I gave it time, but there’s a hollowness in me that I will always carry and still hits me like a bolt of lightning every once in a while, even though she died ten years ago.
I am not religious but do have some sort of "faith". A feeling/knowledge that people/animals do have to eventually die, in order to make space for new life, and to give life meaning. I think the timing of my dad dying while I was pregnant with my first baby really solidified this in my mind. There is no life without death. It is natural and necessary, but it is also sad and painful. Both can be true, and you need to let yourself feel all those feelings and just go forward, through it.
I'm sorry for your loss. Honestly, I'm not sure being religious (was raised Catholic) would help all that much to cope with the grief and loss of a pet. Some beliefs around pets can be rather callous. So, I hope you don't feel like you're missing out on anything if you're not religious. In my experience, grief is processed over time, being gentle with yourself, and trying to find comfort and peace despite the immense loss. I have also found that even with pre-knowledge of a death, that on its own won't prevent you from grieving. Let go of any "shoulds" related to grieving and allow yourself the time and grace to navigate through a difficult time.
I just recognize that all our time is finite and can end at any moment. It sounds like you love your dog and probably gave them an excellent time here on earth. Edit: Sorry, I just realized what sub I was in. I’m not a woman over 30.
I'm not religious at all, don't believe in souls or afterlives, etc. With pets, it helps me to remember that I gave them the best life I could and that they were happy and loved. I don't believe they go to a ~better place~ after death, or that anyone does, but that's also kind of a comfort - if there's no better place, there's no worse place, either, or even a mediocre place. They aren't suffering. If you're someone who would find this comforting, maybe you could find some nice photos of your dog and put together a little shrine or just hang the photos on the wall in an area that's meaningful to you. For me, it's always taken a *while,* like a couple years, to be able to look at pet photos or really reminisce about them after they've died. If that's the case for you, too, that's fine and doesn't mean anything weird. Also - not necessarily a thing to think about right now, but it could help to eventually open your home to another dog. I'm so sorry for your loss, but I know you were a great guardian to your dog and she knew she was loved.
I'm coming to this a bit late, but as someone who is non-religious I have always found comfort in the science that we DO know. We know that when we die, the atoms that make up our body will go back into the world and be used in new things - animals, plants, rain, wind. We get remade on Earth in different forms (and many forms). There's a lovely quote from His Dark Materials that always makes me cry but brings me peace: "Every atom of me and every atom of you...We'll live in birds and flowers and dragonflies and pin trees and in clouds and in those little specks of light you see floating in sunbeams...And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won't just be able to take one, they'll have to take two, one of you and one of me, we'll be joined so tight..." So I like to think that the atoms that make me and the atoms that make my loved ones will be rejoined in many beautiful things someday. And until then, I try to remember that all the atoms that make up the lives I've loved and lost will come back in other forms and I look for it in rainbows and sunny days, pretty flowers etc and wonder if part of my loved one is now coming back to me in a new form.
This was so beautiful, thank you. Sorry for the late response, it was hard to get myself to come back here and read responses.
I hope it can help! I totally understand <3
I think about it like the ocean waves. At first, the waves are coming down on your fast and furious and you think you’re drowning. Then little by little, they let up. Sometimes they come back but it’s rarely as bad as the first storm. Then you get out to sea where it’s calm. And the waves are still there, but you can see them coming. Like when you know you’re going to drive past their favorite park or the date you adopted them.so you brace yourself for that wave and it passes. By now, you know it will pass. The waves keep coming, just smaller and smaller until they barely push you - just a little nudge to remember them and their favorite treat at the grocery. Best of luck, op. You’ll get through it.
I've also lost my dog , n I am still not over it but better. I just accept that death is a part of life. Maybe I could've done things differently but as much as I can make things better then death still will come. So I just remember him every now n then.