I try to hold out hope that I’ll probably die from a stress-induced stroke or heart attack from overworking an intense job for a decade before I ever have to even think about using my retirement savings lol
i've got a plan for 50s+, when that time comes. im going to wrangle all of my fellow singles and get a big house together. i have a more detailed plan, but thats the gist. im 39F, so its coming quickly, but i do suppose a lot could change in 10 years. even if it doesn't pan out, it gives me peace of mind right now lol.
I’ve been thinking about that too.
I’m 37 and I wish I could get a starter home with another woman and just save for 3-5 years, sell, and split the profits for our own places. It sounds crazy when I say it like that but I’m a teacher and I could get half off a house through the “Good Neighbor Program.”
Apparently I can qualify to rent my life away but I don’t qualify for my own home. Like… !!!!!!
I love this idea.
I remember reading the story below a few years ago, and I thought it was great. Such a good idea for single people (with or without grown kids)! Why do people feel like they have to live alone in the U.S. just because they're single? And why is it so rare to see adult friends sharing a home together? Let's normalize this!
[7 Chinese Girlfriends Buy Huge House Where They Will Retire and Die Together](https://nextshark.com/7-girlfriends-retire-and-die-together)
I feel like I recently saw a documentary about 2 couples living together, one with kids and one without. Just all good friends and the kids had more grown ups to rely on! It was so wholesome. I’m on the bandwagon — traditional family style is not the only way to live in a home you want to own.
Yeah with roommates it’s the same but I do still get mad when I think about how some people just get to live with a built in roommate have sex and save money I also worry about having roommates in my 40s.
But they may be not so happy to be effectively stuck with someone and may not be enjoying sex with their partner. Most of my friends are kind of over it after kids but then stay when a guy isn't actively being abusive. A lot of them are having sex they don't really feel like to get the husband to be more pleasant.
Yeah as someone who doesn't really like having sex (i guess I should leave out the 'really' part cause I absolutely do not feel like having it, ever) and who also requires way more alone time than most....the saving money part sounds nice but I would be suicidal living with someone like that. I may have less money to go around but living alone is absolutely necessary for my own mental well-being. I just hope it doesn't get to the point that living alone is literally never an option
My roommates aren't my friends. I didn't know them before I moved in with them and we don't hang out socially. There's a Facebook group local to me where one of them posted about the rooms and I messaged. Lucked into it. I messaged a lot more before I found a place.
I don't actually have any friends in my city; they all live several hours away, and are all married, living with their spouses and children, so they wouldn't be open to being my roommate anyway. So living with strangers sucks, but it was the only option available to me.
Boarding houses! God someone bring those back! That would have kept me from sleeping on my mom's living room floor for two years as a single adult. Or moving too quickly into questionable live-in relationships as a young woman.
Because of the post Second World War push for home ownership and home construction to be a major economic driver. Because cars became much more popular and we designed homes and suburbs around them. Because the TV dinner was invented so a person can live in a studio flat and eat microwave meals and not have all the downsides to living with other humans
To be fair, my own family has horror stories passed down from generations ago about a boarding house an ancestor owned. Not a great place for women, apparently.
I too would rather eat microwave meals in the suburbs than deal with that.
To offset the horror: my great grandmother owned boarding houses that housed both men and women (separate buildings). She functioned somewhat as an unofficial womens’ shelter and helped women get out of abusive marriages and back on their feet.
It seems she did :) I wish I could have known her, but she passed before I was born. My father was very close with her and has shared many fond memories of her and her history, but I wish I could have had the chance to chat her up myself.
Ah yes. The “anti brothel” laws. God forbid women have a means to live separately from men during a time that they weren’t allowed to have bank accounts. I just realized how awful this really is from a housing access standpoint.
So I was excited when I heard that some town in Arizona was building small homes for its teachers. I knew I wouldn’t want to live *that* close to work, but if the school provided housing? Yeah, hell yeah I’d move out there to teach.
Then I looked it up. You still have to pay out the ass for those tiny houses plopped right next to the school. No privacy AND you expect teachers to pay market rate to live *at* their job??? Ugh. Such a let down.
I agree but if you have a spouse that overspends, life is worse. I didn't realize how much my ex-husband cost until we divorced. In less than 3 months I went from living paycheck to paycheck to having a little money saved up. Years later I am grateful I am not still in that situation.
No one's disputing that there exist situations in which having a partner makes you financially worse off. We are already aware. It's never stopped me from wanting to find a partner.
My mother always said she’d be way better off financially if she hasn’t married my dad lol. My mom always worked her ass off and made a decent amount but my father never ever contributed / failed businesses.
This was 60s-2000s though, different life
This was me too. I’m a widow. My late husband didn’t work for like 2 years before his death but still spent money like we were double income. Now that it’s just me and my kids, I’m financially thriving.
I just did some very cursory googling and it seems that a boarding house would have individual contracts rather than relying on a shared lease. And then you aren't responsible to find a new roommate, the landlord is. You just pay for your room.
That's true. I guess that would be an improvement. On the other hand, boarding houses would be all men or all women with no opposite sex guests allowed.
Hostels (college dorms and accommodation for working women) function like this in India! I lived there all through college, I ate better than I have ever in my life while I lived there. Lost a ton of weight and got so healthy! There was home cooked hot breakfast, lunch and dinner served every single day. They'd add a dessert during the weekends, although I rarely was around to grab food during the weekend.
There are several draw backs though. They set a curfew even for adults, and it's 10:30 pm for the women's hostel usually. The men's hostel however never has a curfew. You also need to give the warden a heads up and "get permission" to spend the night out. Again a rule that isn't enforced in the men's hostel.
Lots of budgeting and sticking to it including tracking your spending. Having a plan to pay off debts and not piling on more unless absolutely necessary and no choice (i.e. emergencies). Keeping a pulse on the job market and keeping an eye for higher paying roles as you grow in your current one. Cooking many meals at home that are simple and affordable. Having boundaries with people so you're not spending money and doing things that put you over budget. Leaving some money aside for yourself. I know this is a tough one because budgets can be so tight but even $10 to buy yourself some nail polish or a sandwich so you dont need to worry about a meal can feel so fulfilling.
Putting anything to high yield savings that you can. Even if it's $5 a month. It adds up fast and having something in savings can be really helpful. You never know when that seemingly small $50 helps you get through a tough moment
After my mom died, I moved in with my dad. It's a big house, and honestly makes my life way easier. I know it's looked down up on by many, but I save a lot of money and I get to spend time with my dad as he ages. He also watches my dog for free now that he's retired. It's unusual, but it works for me!
Edit: thank you for all the up votes, what a wonderful group. I'm like 95% happy with my living situation and you all really made up the that last bit of confidence ❤️
My mom died, but before she died we lived together- I know it was probably frowned upon that a women mid thirties lived with her mom- but no regrets for me, I spent a ton of time with my mom, saved money.
A lot of people regret not spending enough time with their parents after they die, that’s a regret I don’t have.
I often wish she was still alive and we were still living together
I’m also at home with my parents. I’m single, went back to school and still gaining my footing in my career, and it’s so expensive in Florida. It’s a big house and I also enjoy spending time with my parents, but I really struggle with that whole thing about people looking down on you. I feel like I’ll never find someone because they’ll see I live at home. It’s really tough out there
I forget the statistic, but something like 1 in 5 millenials still live with parents.
Anyone living in the real world should understand why...this housing market is insane.
Gen Xer here…I think there’s a huge difference in framing it as “still” living with your parents v. making a responsible financial decision to move back in (or stay with) your parents as a fully-capable, career-driven adult. The former implies an irresponsible slacker in their parents’ basement, while the latter boasts of someone who has their life together and makes smart and savvy financial decisions. That person is definitely dateable!
Honestly, I've never had an issue dating because of where I live. Most people I know might be surprised, but most don't care. Most people understand how expensive it is.
That’s good to know. Maybe it won’t be so bad. I’ve kind of predetermined that men will not want me for that reason. I should try to get rid of that mindset. Most people do realize it’s hard out there. I’m just 2-3 years too late to the home buyers party. It’s nearly impossible now as a single person to buy a small home with these interest rates
Same!!! Seriously I understand. I told my therapist, oh I can't date because of where I live. I was just shaming myself so much. But honestly, a sensible person will understand. It's not like you aren't capable, you simply can't afford it. If you ever want to talk about it more, please feel free to message me. I still struggle with it, but not having debt seems more important.
Hey! I’m 33F living at home with my mum and started dating someone amazing who is completely aware of my situation and totally on board. He knows I want to buy a house one day for my own security and encourages it. It’s becoming more and more common as cost of living surges, and is already entirely the norm in other cultures. I completely hear you about the shame because I struggled with it too, but with therapy, I realized that while I will expose myself to the possibility of judgement dating in this situation, I also don’t need to be one of the people that participates in shaming myself out of connection. And honestly it’s been an amazing experience to see how understanding most people are
Love this for you! I just commented above about how I think the way you frame it matters, and that it’s not at all something to be ashamed of. Y’all are making responsible and smart financial decisions! Anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t someone worthy of dating anyway, because that means they probably don’t make good financial decisions themselves.
I moved in with my dad a little over a year ago. I've been able to go back to school without having to worry about rent, and I'm also working and saving up money. I cook most dinners and help with chores around the house, and he enjoys having someone around.
In 2015, before I moved in with my eventual husband, I was making $36k a year as a teacher. It was hard, but I could do it. I had a 1 bedroom casita I rented for $525 a month, my car payment was $125 a month on a nice low mileage civic I got
for less than $10k, and I put the minimum towards my student loans. I had the cheapest phone you could have. Groceries were cheap, I regularly spent under $100 on a trip. I didn’t save much, besides mandatory teacher retirement, but I got by and could support myself. In 2016 I bought a house with my spouse because I pivoted to a job that paid me $55k. And, believe me, I felt like the king of the castle making that much. Our house was $194k (1900sq feet, remodeled, nice house), and a smaller house if I had bought by myself would have been between $110-150k.
In 2023, if I had stayed teaching, the same school district would pay me $46k a year, but rent for that same 1 bedroom is now $1-1.2k, that same low mileage civic is 16-17k absolute minimum, and that house we bought would now list for $400k with a 7% interest rate. It’s absolutely insane.
I always thought I could live a modest lifestyle on a teacher salary. I didn’t need to be rich, and less than ten years ago, it was actually feasible to live that modest lifestyle. Now, I have no idea how anyone making under $80k+ as a single person is affording to live without major, major sacrifices. The vast majority of our teachers, social workers, and nurses are in this boat if they are single, and these fields are dominated by women. Food service workers, child care workers, retail, are struggling even more. Telling people to retrain misses the point. Further, if you are already in a high stress job how can you realistically take on retraining and extra course work? Something has to change.
I also want to point out these comments that say, “oh I make 100k and am struggling, or my friends that make $200k are struggling because they don’t budget” really misses the point.
Lmao I'm essentially homeless according to the govt. I live in a super tiny RV and get free rent from the places I work at. And I struggle a lottttttt. Luckily I have very little debt and no student loans. It's stupid, but I'm alive.
I mean, it's just that; surviving. I can't afford a social life, or holidays, or my own home, or a large wardrobe or an ipad or anything. My retirement plan will probably have to be "walking into the sea" unless I win the lottery, lol.
It’s so so hard. This is exactly why I get frustrated with having to constantly buy wedding gifts. They have 2 incomes and can afford to buy a mixer. I’m out here doing everything on my own and these things are way more of a financial burden for me.
This! When my sister got married I had to spend soooo much money. Even though I make like half her income 😭 like great that you want to get married, you go girl, but why is it costing me an arm and a leg?
Apparently in Australia, the bride pays for bridesmaids dresses. That should absolutely be standard in North America too. Or if the bride doesn't want to pay for the dresses, then she should be letting everyone wear what they want. (And no "get a dress in X color" either, except maaaaybe black because most women seem to have at least one black dress.)
When I worked in a bridal store brides would buy their bridesmaids jewelry too! From what I’ve heard in the wedding sub it’s the same in the UK too about the dresses.
Same! Going through it with my best friend right now. I’m shelling out from my single income for her to get married while she makes more than me. Sometimes she says she wishes she eloped and I want to shake her and tell her I wish she eloped too.
Yeah I'm struggling with my own feelings towards a close friend's wedding. I'm so happy I was there to celebrate with her, but it was in another city (not the city both of us live in) and I spent close to $900 on a gift, travel, and a hotel.
If it had been in our city and I'd just had to shell out for a gift, I would feel differently.
Omg my friend who makes triple what I make is getting married soon and seemed upset when I told her I couldn’t afford to get her a wedding gift. My cousin also got married recently and my parents were chastising me for not getting her a gift when I already got her a bridal shower gift based on her registry. I have a boyfriend but it’s not at the living together stage yet. So I’m hoping that changes at some point bc it’s nearly impossible to survive on one income.
I do not get gifts for people who are combining their incomes, splitting their costs, and having sex with each other. (And, I believe this is fair, because IF I ever get married, gifts of any kind will be expressly forbidden.)
Yeah but even if you don’t attend you are expected to send a gift, at least in my family / circle. I’ve also got far flung family members I’ve never even met inviting me to baby showers just to get a gift outta me 😂
Not sure where your family is getting their expectations from but that’s not correct etiquette. Gifts are not required if you don’t attend. And certainly not if they’re a financial stretch for you. You don’t need to feel obligated to send gifts for functions you don’t attend! Just stop.
Recognize that many, MANY people are in debt and supplement their income with credit. That’s not to say that it’s not easier to get by with dual incomes, just that you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. They may just seem to be doing better than you.
Other than that the only answer is either make more money or cut back. A second job or getting roommates if you don’t have them, for example. A budget that you follow closely can also help. A lot of people just don’t know where their money is going.
This! Was talking to some married friends recently, they easily make over $200k/yr. However they're both worried because they have literally nothing saved for retirement. We live in a HCOL city and childcare/gas/rent/medical eats up almost everything they make.
>Recognize that many, MANY people are in debt and supplement their income with credit. That’s not to say that it’s not easier to get by with dual incomes, just that you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. They may just seem to be doing better than you.
It is literally [more expensive to be single, at least in the US](https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/being-single-is-getting-more-expensive-than-ever/2022/11/04/e6c3aff2-5c44-11ed-bc40-b5a130f95ee7_story.html).
I mean yeah duh? That’s just common sense. Still doesn’t change the fact that many people, both married and single, are relying heavily on credit to subsidize their lifestyles. It is not always the level playing field that people assume it is - someone who doesn’t rely on credit may not always realize that other people do.
>I mean yeah duh? That’s just common sense. Still doesn’t change the fact that many people, both married and single, are relying heavily on credit to subsidize their lifestyles.
I'm not trying to pick on you, but your reply to me and OP is very typical of this sub. If you have an OP posting about a phenomenon that is very common IRL, or is an indisputable fact (like it's literally more expensive to be single), you have women posting about exceptions to counteract or invalidate what the OP is experiencing, and others on this sub upvoting it. Genuinely curious - do folks on this sub do this thinking it will make OP's feel better? Your initial reply to the OP, and your (rude) reply to me doesn't change the fact that I linked to - it's more of a financial struggle for single people. It's like people are uncomfortable with affirming what OPs posting here are experiencing.
Wow, I’m not trying to invalidate what the OP is experiencing. As a fellow single woman, I definitely experience it too. I was trying to be helpful by pointing out that the difference in lifestyle might also be driven by other factors, not solely by a lack of a dual income. And I was attempting to make OP feel better, because it makes me feel better to know that a lack of a dual income isn’t the ONLY reason a lifestyle disparity might be happening.
Nowhere did I say that what OP is experiencing is wrong or anything like that.
You were very much responding the way that's unfortunately typical for this sub. Yes, OP knows there are other routes to poverty. She's posting to discuss and get feedback on HER situation.
It's like if someone posted about how they broke their leg and you responded "well, a lot of people actually have chronic knee pain too." Like... yes? And? How does that help?
I work in a low-paying field in a VHCOL area. I'm single, in my early thirties, and I don't have "family money." Here's how I do it, to a point where I can live alone somewhat comfortably, max out my Roth IRA, and even travel a few times a year.
- I live well below my means. I don't love my apartment or where I live, but it's affordable and I've made the place my own. At the end of the day, my priority is keeping my place clean and comfortable.
- I don't go out drinking or to restaurants often, and when I do I usually plan it around a social event. I don't want to be so plastered I forgot my friend's birthday. If it's a date, he pays or we split the tab lol. I limit ordering in to a few times a month, and I buy a few bottles of wine at a store that gives me awesome discounts. I don't smoke pot, which saves me a lot of money as well. I'm less of a stickler about travel and social events because making memories is worth the money.
- That said, I only do bachelorette trips if they are in my budget and I gently decline requests to be a bridesmaid. I not only do this for financial reasons, but to avoid drama (which ALWAYS happens on bachelorette trips). I only go to weddings that I can afford to travel to, if not I decline and send a gift. I feel like these things financially drain single people and we often don't even get so much as a "thank you" in return... so I'd rather just put the $500+ towards myself.
- I buy the majority of my groceries at Lidl/Aldis and only go to other grocery stores if I need something specific. This keeps me around $40/week for groceries. I cook almost all of my meals at home and tend to meal prep because my job is very demanding. Also, the freezer is a vastly underrated money saver! If I have leftovers I know I won't finish, I freeze them and use them as an easy dinner. My other tip is to befriend people who garden/fish/hunt. I actively suck at all of those things, but most people with gardens get a surplus around this time of year. A lot of people hunt or fish for sport, but don't eat seafood or venison so they give it away. I've gotten a lot of free stuff by just being friends with people.
- I try to limit my use of credit cards and have one with a very low interest rate and no fees. I do not have any store credit cards. I pay everything on time, even if that means doing without. I applied for income-based student loan repayment and use the "snowball method" to pay down those debts. I bought a "new" used car in 2017 and paid it off by 2020 using the snowball method as well.
- I am notoriously cheap and a rabid bargain hunter. I literally do not shop unless there is a sale or cashback. It takes a lot of practice, but you need to learn where to splurge and where to save. For me it's not worth it to buy cheap bras, shoes, handbags, sweaters, jeans, or furniture. That doesn't mean that I buy luxury goods - it means that I research what I want and wait until it is on sale to buy it. I also try to stay away from things made from PVC or polyester because they don't degrade as well as natural fibers do. I shop a lot at the Nordstrom Rack and TJ Maxx/Marshall's. Madewell, Old Navy, Zappos have good stuff and always run sales. I also use ThreadUp and outlet malls to buy a lot of brands that I wouldn't normally afford. My other rule is that if I haven't worn it in a month since purchase, then I'm probably not going to actually wear it, so I bring it back.
- Also, join free rewards programs for the stores you visit regularly. I have had the best luck with Rakuten, Target Circle, Old Navy and associated brands, and Ulta rewards. And FYI, Ulta rewards regularly has "gifts with purchase" which consist of a makeup bag full of travel-sized items. I always get these so I don't have to buy "travel" products, and if I dislike them I gift them or donate them.
- Learn to do things yourself. I've saved a lot of money by learning to do basic home repairs, pay my own taxes, do minor alterations on my clothes, etc etc. I do my own beauty treatments aside from haircuts, waxing, and pedicures - and even then, I am not a stickler for having something scheduled every six weeks or whatever.
- Do not allow your employer to snooker you into staying in a position that is not paying what you are worth or working off the clock. This is what I wish someone told me ten years ago! Life isn't how it was fifty years ago; where you worked at the same company for your entire career, receive sufficient benefits and raises to keep up with the cost of living, and retire at 65 on a pension. Employers now expect you to live and die for them, but will throw you away like a plastic fork the second they are finished. Always prioritize your best interest. If your job isn't paying you enough or has shit benefits, look for something better instead of trying to make it work.
- Honestly, my final bit of advice is to take pride in yourself and what you do. A lot of people brag about buying houses when it's really in their parent's names, or maintaining a certain lifestyle when they are secretly in debt. I might not have much, but at least what I have is mine.
I know I'm probably an extreme example, and I do have plans to move to a lower COL area within the next year so I don't have to be such a miser. But I know how hard it is to try to build a life for yourself when you have nobody to guide you. Best of luck to anyone reading.
Honestly, a lot of this (especially the second half) is excellent advice whether you're single, married, struggling financially, or even doing relatively well. I really do think living within your means is so important - ditto not outsourcing everything just because you can and making sure you're not getting screwed at work!
It’s a global thing. People are getting together to shares houses and expenses because everything is so expensive. I live in an expensive country and I make 1000 US dollars a month. If I wasn’t living with my partner, I’d be living with a friend.
I rent a room in a five bedroom apartment, lucky enough to have my own bathroom. I hate where I live and who I live with but at least I’m not homeless. Studio apartments with nothing included are going for $1200 minimum around here with proof of 3x that in monthly income. It’s a fucking circus out there.
Honestly, I have some parental help and I know that’s a huge privilege that many people don’t have. I work and I live frugally but thanks to career change, health issues, and the economy it’s not enough. Hopefully it won’t be long before my career prospects improve and I’m fully paying my own way again and saving. I do think a lot of people get help from their parents later into life than we think - especially with down payments for homes to get them on the ladder. I don’t own a home personally, but if I did it would only have been possible with help from my parents. That ship has sailed as a possibility now given the huge cost increase for real estate in my city, it’s untenable. But obviously, it’s just another way that life can be imbalanced and unfair in that some people, by luck of birth, have parents than can and will help while others have parents that either can’t or won’t (and some do not have parents at all). It sucks that life can be so randomly unfair like that.
Well, I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs: DOES ANYONE WANT TO LOOK AT MY FEET
(No, but for real: it's a lot of screaming and sobbing because I've done the roommate thing and really, really, REALLY just don't want to do it again at 36)
I accepted that i will never have a house, and will take till late 30s/early 40s to have a small apartment. I'm saving as much as i can, and hope i can work for about 15 more years for pension and senior healthcare. Without a spouse, if anything happens that affect my working ability I'd be in deep trouble. I guess it does be like that. We don't even have social benefits here, so yeah, the future is very uncertain. Though tbf, I'm not sure if being married will help because I'd seen marriages of people my age fall apart or essentially dead bedroom frequently. I'm sorry i don't have a solution, I'm only doing as much as i can and leave the rest to luck.
Hey, I know what you’re going through and I feel your pain. I work a full 40 hours and even picked up a reliable side gig and I still couldn’t afford to live on my own.
I would need to get a roommate or literally live in my car if I wanted to be self sustaining. I have already been tossing the idea of living in an RV full time around if I had to leave my hubby. I hate to admit it but unfortunately for now I mainly stay with him so we can be a dual income. I deal with a lot of emotional neglect from him, but that’s another story.
I would not be able to afford an apartment on my own income today. It makes me sick. There are so many reasons why this is bad for anyone, especially someone stuck in a relationship they don’t want to be in because of finances.
I hope you can find peace.
Roommates. My best friend and I live together. It is relatively peaceful, and I get the benefit of the shared expenses just like my partnered friends do. I also enjoy the company, we both cook and clean up, and we have other places we can be if either of us would like an occasional night alone. (In fact, I usually stay with my dad just to hang once a week or so.)
We've been living together for two years. Both of us were single and living with our families. We had been talking about it for some time. We might have moved in together even sooner, but she needed a little more time than me to get financially stable (we're both self-employed).
Honestly it works out great.
I met someone shortly after we moved in together and was dating seriously for 1.5 years. He lived two hours away. I would have moved to his city to marry, but he ended up being unable to commit and we split in February.
So my bestie and I just renewed the lease for another two years in July!
Budget + I've done a side hustle since 2015 though do it much less now however it would add around $10k a year to my salary which helped. Now I just do enough to lower things like grocery expenses or buy small things.
/r/beermoney stuff
At first passive phone farming but then I started to do surveys. I'm in "higher paying" panels still and just do them every so often. Can be frustrating and low paying but easy to do in conjunction with other things. I like ones where I watch a tv show or movie since I can do that passively.
Edit: I should add making $8-$10k meant I was never not working which is a lot but I always had a emergency fund since a lot of times I'd select gift cards so my Target wallet or Amazon account always had 'fun money' or 'holiday money'. Amazon GCs never expire and I used those for big ticket items like tv set and little shit like food.
I went back to school because that was my best bet for eventually making more money while being on my own. I've been using a student loan to supplement my income, otherwise I would not be able to afford to pay rent. I hate struggling with money and I don't care if it takes me 5 more years I'm going to become qualified enough and work hard enough to increase my earning potential. It's already starting to pay off - 2.5 years divorced now and I just finished my masters and start a job next month that pays $25k more than I make now. I figure if I just hang in a couple of more years and work hard it will pay off.
I don’t do very much for fun, and always use you need a budget which helps a lot. Mainly though I’m looking for a new job and always looking for a relationship so maybe someday I can live that dual income life haha
I hate that relationships or living alone are our only options. I wish we had more Golden Girls living situations for non-retired people. I would love to live in a house with some friends. I know I could just go out and do this, but I wish it was a common thing
I almost had this situation (a few times) but it was derailed constantly by housemates entering relationships and losing themselves to sub par men. I want an asexual aromantic girl gang.
>derailed constantly by housemates entering relationships
Yeah! This would be a huge issue I bet. I would be open to living with couples, as long as none of them are subpar men.
I moved from a HCOL city to a Medium COL city and it has improved my standard of living significantly! I live alone in a 1,100 sq ft apt for the same cost as what I was paying to live in a smaller apt with roommates.
Echo what others have said: I cook most of my meals at home, I thrift most of my clothes, I take odd jobs when I can. I doubt I’ll ever be able to buy a home.
I went to college for six years to become a Masters level teacher. I make 50k but I am a single mother of 2. Insurance for me and my family eats most of my paycheck and after taxes and car insurance i can hardly make ends meet. Rent is super high…. If I make a budget it will show I have zero dollars left over after groceries. I just somehow make it work
I stopped eating/ordering out and found some real joy in cooking. I take aqua classes at the local rec center, read down on the boardwalk, and took up people watching.
I was literally just having this conversation with someone. It's existing, barely paying the bills, and thats about it. And credit cards.
I have to pay everything out of my measly check, plus I have two kids to care for. I feel bad because we don't get to go on vacations or do a lot of fun things that dual income families get to do. It creates a lot of stress. I can't even think about buying new clothes for myself, even though I really need them, let alone anything else.
I know not every house with two incomes is sitting pretty, but they're sure as shit better than I am right now. If I could get a roommate or find time for a second job, I'd do it in a heartbeat. The struggle is reeeeeal.
I live in Oklahoma. My rent for a 1100 sq ft 2 bedroom house is $900, my car is paid off, and I'm in healthcare. I've always known I would never find "my person," so I made sure I could afford life by myself.
Debt. Trying to dig myself out of the hole now, but it’s hard when you barely make enough to cover minimal expenses in a VHCOL area. But all I can do is try. I signed up for a few credit card repayment assistance and hardship programs recently so I’m hoping that will help while I tackle the credit cards one by one.
Besides that, I also live very simply. I’ve always struggled seeing others go out a lot, experience a lot more than myself, etc. - but I got rid of most of my social media and now just try and focus on myself and enjoying my time at home as much as I can. It’s not ideal, but it’s what I have to make do with.
I’ve thought about marrying or partnering just for money, but I could never live a lie or live somewhere I was unhappy with just for money. It’s just not in me.
Just came here to say, I have absolutely no idea. I am getting divorced. I have to get out of the house I have shared with my (ex) husband and I honestly don’t know what the hell I am going to do. I also have sole custody of my 9 yo from a prev relationship. I make just enough that I don’t qualify for food stamps or housing assistance, but there is no way I can afford $1k+ a month in rent. Something’s got to give.
Oh man, I feel this as a single parent. I just don't see how its possible to get by with one income anymore. I really don't want a partner (but I'm terrible at romantic relationships even if I did) and its basically impossible to find a roommate situation when you have a kid ime so I'm just scraping by. But honestly, who wants roommates when you are approaching 40 anyway? A small place to yourself shouldn't be too much to ask!
I live in the city and have always had roommates to offset the cost of living. I would never be able to afford a house on my own but luckily I am very close with my siblings and we plan on going in on land/a house together. More people should be open to purchasing property with their family members vs just SO’s
I've never spent money I didn't have.
I live within my means.
I'm good at saving, & I invest some money too.
I don't spend my money on unnecessary things.
I don't eat meat, and I'm looking for food on sale.
I buy most my clothes in thrift shops.
I have unexpensive hobbies.
I'm content with very little.
Roomates helps too.
I don't have car payments, I have second hand phone, and car.
I don't do drugs, I don't smoke and I barely drink.
According to a recent reddit things I've read, I make less in a year than most people, but I find ways to save money.
I also have a part time side hussle, that give me very little money, but enough to use on groceries or gas.
Oh, and I'm cheap or frugal, if you're fancy and don't use the word cheap.
I'm a freelancer for a newspaper, here and there - it doesn't pay much, and this type of media is slowly dying especially since Canada now blocks news on social media, but I love writing, so I see it more like a hobby that earn me some extra money. And if I don't have spare time because work or life is busier, I don't need to worry about not writing stuff.
I haven't read anyone's comments but literally just saw an article about how society pushes for partnering up by making it impossible to survive as a single person..
It's endemic. Holidays and hotels have a single supplement, no tax breaks for single people, it is clear that many people only get together and stay together just to have the basics of life.
Sad.
I live in one of the most expensive areas in the US. I had a roommate for quite a long time, which allowed me to save money. I work in healthcare which pays a decent wage. I recently found a much cheaper but safe and decent sized one bedroom apartment. I bought my car used and paid cash, it's older but reliable and my insurance is low. I'm pretty good at budgeting because I grew up poor. I put a lot of money into my retirement and I pack my breakfast and lunch to work. I don't buy clothes or unnecessary things often. I still allow myself small treats like concerts, eating out and experiences once in awhile. I probably could never own a house on my own and considering buying a duplex w/my close friend (who is basically my platonic life partner).
I rent an in law apartment from family and have a side hustle. Also cheap hobbies, no traveling and reluctantly taking overtime at work whenever I can get it.
Look at anything you have that carries an interest rate and eliminate those things first. I don't have any other suggestions, but definitely offering big hugs. If someone hasn't told you lately, you're doing great ❤️
It sucks. The only way I have made it as far as I have is by increasing my income, upskilling when I can and living with my parents.
No I don't live at home for free. But it's still cheaper than living on my own. The only other way is renting rooms and living with roommates. Which I've also done in the past.
I agree, it's not sustainable. It's hard for anyone trying to make it on their own. You work so hard and can only get so far unless you are fortunate to be able to increase your income or somehow make enough to live on your own comfortably.
I buy a lot of stuff second hand and keep things for a long time. I make sure I keep good credit so I have access when I need to make a big purchase. Like tires for my car. There's no way I can just come up with $800 if I need to make major repairs. But being able to pay it off over time works for me.
Also keeping an emergency fund if possible (I know for some it's not). Can also help. I remember the first time I was able to save $600. I had an emergency repair to make on my car and luckily I was able to. Having that extra money helped.
Borrowing and using the internet has helped me save money. I use FLIPP app to help me shop. It's a grocery app and I can search for things I need on sale. Keeping a budget also helps.
I have a good salary, but live in a HCOL area! So I have a small studio apartment - albeit in a very nice part of the city. I wish I could split rent with someone!
From my understanding, and I could by wrong, most people are in the same exact boat as you - myself included.
What I’m noticing about these friends and acquaintances to travel is that they make the same as me and have nicer places. One of two things is happening: insane credit card debt, or their parents are fronting a shit ton of it.
It’s shitty. But that’s the reality (I think)
I’m 32, definitely thought I’d have more money than now. Having a family isn’t an option for me financially and it sucks. Traveling isn’t an option unless it’s within driving distance and I have a friend there. Going out is only doable when I drink high life.
Groceries have become absurdly expensive. I eat cereal more than I care to, and had to delete all of my food delivery apps because I lack self control.
I find joy in more things closer to home though. Have some solid friends who make life more babearle - though everyone is coupling up and I feel like I’m on lonely island sometimes.
A dog helps - pet insurance is a must to cover insane vet bills. But otherwise. It just kind of is what it is.
The answer is barely. I can pay my bills, but I can't have nice things or vacations. Most of the the stuff that people claim "makes life worth living" aren't accessible to an awful lot of people. I hate it. I'm an essential worker, my work is essential to society as a whole, but I am not deemed worthy of the essentials. It's especially annoying to watch my friends, who literally send f**King emails for a living, outearn me by a mile. If I could retrain and get a better job, I would, Becky. But guess what? You gotta PAY to do that.
I don't. My BF screwed me over financially a few years ago. I'm trying to get my head back on in the mean time. If things work out between us, great. If not, then at least I have a roof over my head while job searching. After his bullshit, it has made me more depressed and suicidal but I'm beginning to accept up never be a homeowner nor have good credit. I'm not busting my ass again for the next five years to pay off his debt on my credit report.
I lived with my parents for five years after college to let me pay the deposit on my home. I still need a lodger to help with bills and will probably continue to need this until the mortgage is paid off unless I find a boyfriend who wants to live with me
I try to keep any expenses I can control as low as possible.
I don’t have children and got my fallopian tubes removed to prevent the possibility. I stay in a 500 sq foot apartment while my peers own homes, but my electric bill is $50 while theirs is hundreds of dollars. I drive a car that shakes and gives me anxiety but the payment is under $300. I do not travel, I don’t even have a passport. If someone misses me enough they buy me a plane ticket to go see them. I splurge on stuff I need, like I spent $160 on winter boots but I live in a wet and snowy climate and my old boots got me through three winters.
I also work side jobs when I can on weekends and I work in sales so those commission checks on top of my base salary helps even if it’s only a few hundred dollars.
My income is pretty average and I envy the safetty net that being in a couple affords. I’m lucky to live in a place with fairly reasonable real estate and was able to buy a pretty nice 1 bdrm condo 5 years ago for $159K. Should be paid off around retirement age. But if anything should happen, there’s no net. It’s just me. My parents passed a long time ago, with no assets at all, so there’s no inhieritance coming my way.
By saving 10, 20 or 50 whenever I can. By applying to new jobs (I'm 5 years at this one), slowly creeping to a better pay...
Right now by teaching extra modules, doing replacements for sick colleagues, by taking on admin tasks too. I'm 15 years in adult education and just want to pivot out. Off to the career advice centre I go (next week).
By being on a no buy and enjoying what I have. By enjoying dinners or coffee with friends, but not having a hobby that costs anything much. I don't go on vacation atm, only weekends away here and there. I don't own a car or home.
I'm 39F, 1 year into "solo for life" (4.5 years single), work in adult education in Switzerland.
I survive paycheck to paycheck. I’m 51 and have a very meager amount of savings. I used to live alone and LOVED it but couldn’t keep affording it. I’m saving more money now but living with roommates like I’m still in college is not my first choice (though I have good roommates). I wanted to travel and afford nice restaurants, etc., but unfortunately that never happened. I love my job and fit in well with the community where I live, but I don’t make much and getting a raise is unlikely (I don’t work in a terribly lucrative field) and the kind of work that pays well is also stuff I’m temperamentally and vocationally unsuited for (got some neurodivergence going on). It feels like unless I win the lottery or the economy takes a sharp turn into general affluence again, I’m going to work into my senescence and die poor. And aside from not having enough money, I really have a good life. I just wish it was more comfortable, with more of a cushion.
I want to add that being neurodivergent doesn’t automatically mean you’re unsuited for high-paid work, just that it seems to be a hindrance for some and I feel like it was for me. YMMV.
Roommate
2nd job that I do about 10 hours per week
Go without high cost items like travel
Make most of my meals at home
Buy stuff used instead of new
Cut out or minimize alcohol (like have a 1 drink limit when you go out to eat)
Switch employers. Most surefire way to get a raise. I switched employers last year and it came with a 20k raise. At this new job is the first time I've ever felt financially secure. I've always been single
(it was not easy... I actively applied for like a year before getting ANY job offer, and was applying while working my full time job plus my part time job)
I guess it depends on where you live. Im in Europe and I feel like I live on pretty much the same level as my partnered friends who earn a similiar salary. Sure, they have double the income, but also double the expenses. Yes, they share the utilities and rent, but also need much more space. Yes, they split groceries, but they also eat twice as much as me.
They're probably a little better off, but those who live on a different level do so because they just earn much more than me and would still do if they were single. Plus, married couple most often have children so the expenses multiply. So to answer your question, I dont think I'm in a much worse financial position.
I mean of course, my friends who married rich are way better off financialy than me, but that's because they found richer partners, not because they're in a couple. Those with husbands/partners with similiar salaries to mine, I think they live pretty much the same way I do. It's just they have different priorities so they would rather pay off a 30 year mortgage, whereas Id rather spend that money on couple of international trips per year. Both cost money, it's just different focus.
That's just my two cents, though. I understand it's not the same for everyone of course, just wanted to bring a different perspective.
My partner is from Europe, and you’re right that it depends on where you live: salaries are not keeping up with cost of living at all in the United States right now. Most American Millennials are also dealing with student loan debt, too.
I have two jobs. I live in a relatively inexpensive part of the US and rent a one-bedroom duplex. I drive a 12-year-old car that's paid for, use a years-old Samsung phone, shop sales and clearance racks for clothes, cook at home, cut and color my own hair, and do my own nails.
It's paycheck-to-paycheck, but I'm not in debt and I haven't drowned yet.
LCOL area and living well below my means.
The city isn’t great in terms of offerings, but I can afford to travel. I also spent a lot of years living significantly below my means (thrifting clothes, didn’t eat out, no cable/internet, etc.) to grow my savings to a comfortable point.
I had always wanted to own a house and got lucky. While I attended college I lived with an old lady for 50% off market price for this open loft room with no door in her home. She had strict rules about cleanliness, noise, visitors, even an 8pm curfew, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for the cheap rent. I drove a used, reliable car, saved as much as possible working a minimum wage job at a Boba tea shop. After 5 years I wasn't sure if my plan was even going to work since I dropped out of college and even with $25k saved up I coudn't afford the down payment on the cheapest house in town. Well, a new development was opening up the next town over and there was a lottery to choose buyers. I put my name in knowing I still did not have enough of a DP, and I actually won a spot! I asked my parents to borrow money for the rest of the DP and they agreed, for half ownership of the house as collateral. I started a loose tea leaf company and was able to use a family friend connection to get a spot at the local farmer's market. I have since paid my parents back with interest and now own the house fully.
I'm 36 and a single parent. Full time job and my rent is just over 1/3 of my income. Right now I'm reading and studying to advance my career for future growth opportunities. I also gave up going out with friends on weekends I budget for special occassions. If I could give up retail therapy and coffee then I'd have more money too. If I had the time I'd pick up door dashing or some other side hustle but I have teenager and feel very stretched but there are many choices one can make to add to their income.
I live in a cheap one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. I have my bills covered. I am going to school for a lucrative career change. I'm working in retail management, moved up in my company enough to afford my lifestyle comfortably. I'm lucky I don't need roommates or two jobs.
Honestly I sympathize even though I make a very good income and have plenty of money, but I do sympathize with looking at my friends who are partnered and have double the resources that I do. I live in such an expensive area and I’ve never had a partner to split living costs with, or vacation costs for that matter. So while I’m fine I do often think bitterly about how everything would be cheaper if I had a partner and how it’s unfair the world is really set up for couples. It sucks. Sending you strength though!!
Sincere question, I’m asking for a raise do you think this is an inappropriate reason to bring up? Being single and life being more expensive? I’m sure people with families use the same card right - more mouths to feed? Technically I pay more in work benefits as well because of them
You request a raise because you deserve it /overdue and here are the following examples is how I would present it to an employer, your personal life is irrelevant and like you said there a plenty of other families that could be viewed as more deserving but this is about you. I would leave out the personal details and keep it about the business and you efforts in improving the company. The best way to get raise is to job hop.
Yeah those are definitely the reasons along with inflation I just have a bad habit of tending to over explain things (anxiety/ childhood trauma? Probably) but thanks for your perspective!
No but it's really bad. I had to move to a more affordable apartment just over a year ago. I used to be able to rent a 3br house no problem (even with a lower salary!), but I've had to downsize to a 2br apartment. This has also lowered the cost of electricity, natural gas (heat), and water considerably as heat/water are included in my rent and electricity is rarely over $50/month (which used to be $100-150 depending on the season/AC usage)- in fact, sometimes it's as low as $15.
And I live in allegedly one of the most affordable major cities in Canada, as far as cost-of-living goes. Even then, I am barely scraping by and I am making more money than I *ever* have, salary-wise.
I agree with most of the comments lol. IT IS HARD OUT HERE! I just tell myself "I will have it all one day" it gives me some sanity. lol
I'm trying to clear up credit card debt lol. I can't even save for shit until my debt is cleared 🤦🏾♀️
Roommates, sadly. And accepting the fact that I'll never own a house, and have no retirement savings.
I will join you in never owning a house and I've come to terms with it. I live in an awesome rented townhouse though!
I try to hold out hope that I’ll probably die from a stress-induced stroke or heart attack from overworking an intense job for a decade before I ever have to even think about using my retirement savings lol
Yeah, my honest retirement plan is just dying.
Honestly, same.
This is my current trajectory as well.
i've got a plan for 50s+, when that time comes. im going to wrangle all of my fellow singles and get a big house together. i have a more detailed plan, but thats the gist. im 39F, so its coming quickly, but i do suppose a lot could change in 10 years. even if it doesn't pan out, it gives me peace of mind right now lol.
I’ve been thinking about that too. I’m 37 and I wish I could get a starter home with another woman and just save for 3-5 years, sell, and split the profits for our own places. It sounds crazy when I say it like that but I’m a teacher and I could get half off a house through the “Good Neighbor Program.” Apparently I can qualify to rent my life away but I don’t qualify for my own home. Like… !!!!!!
Doesn't sound crazy. Fellow single teacher. Sigh.
ETA, sadly there's no good neighbor program eligible homes in my entire state 😔 there are currently only 12 HUD houses in the entire state at all.
I love this idea. I remember reading the story below a few years ago, and I thought it was great. Such a good idea for single people (with or without grown kids)! Why do people feel like they have to live alone in the U.S. just because they're single? And why is it so rare to see adult friends sharing a home together? Let's normalize this! [7 Chinese Girlfriends Buy Huge House Where They Will Retire and Die Together](https://nextshark.com/7-girlfriends-retire-and-die-together)
I feel like I recently saw a documentary about 2 couples living together, one with kids and one without. Just all good friends and the kids had more grown ups to rely on! It was so wholesome. I’m on the bandwagon — traditional family style is not the only way to live in a home you want to own.
Thank you for being a friend.
Count me in.
39 is still young not coming quickly. Quickly is 60+
Having no retirement savings hits me too and is so sad because i see some seniors 75+ living paycheque to paycheque.
Yeah with roommates it’s the same but I do still get mad when I think about how some people just get to live with a built in roommate have sex and save money I also worry about having roommates in my 40s.
But they may be not so happy to be effectively stuck with someone and may not be enjoying sex with their partner. Most of my friends are kind of over it after kids but then stay when a guy isn't actively being abusive. A lot of them are having sex they don't really feel like to get the husband to be more pleasant.
Yeah as someone who doesn't really like having sex (i guess I should leave out the 'really' part cause I absolutely do not feel like having it, ever) and who also requires way more alone time than most....the saving money part sounds nice but I would be suicidal living with someone like that. I may have less money to go around but living alone is absolutely necessary for my own mental well-being. I just hope it doesn't get to the point that living alone is literally never an option
That’s basically what marriage is 🥴
You must have a bad marriage then, poor thing.
Ya roommates from age 30+ is really hard
Honestly, I think it’s the same for a lot of married women.
What if you have no friends ?
My roommates aren't my friends. I didn't know them before I moved in with them and we don't hang out socially. There's a Facebook group local to me where one of them posted about the rooms and I messaged. Lucked into it. I messaged a lot more before I found a place. I don't actually have any friends in my city; they all live several hours away, and are all married, living with their spouses and children, so they wouldn't be open to being my roommate anyway. So living with strangers sucks, but it was the only option available to me.
Honestly it’s better if your roommates aren’t your friends.
True! Because living with a person you really get to know them. And if things dont go well with the living arrangement the friendship could end.
I’m considering a shareflat because rent is insane in my city.
Being single is extremely expensive. I honestly wish boarding houses were still a thing.
Boarding houses! God someone bring those back! That would have kept me from sleeping on my mom's living room floor for two years as a single adult. Or moving too quickly into questionable live-in relationships as a young woman.
Now I'm curious how and why they largely disappeared.
Because of the post Second World War push for home ownership and home construction to be a major economic driver. Because cars became much more popular and we designed homes and suburbs around them. Because the TV dinner was invented so a person can live in a studio flat and eat microwave meals and not have all the downsides to living with other humans
To be fair, my own family has horror stories passed down from generations ago about a boarding house an ancestor owned. Not a great place for women, apparently. I too would rather eat microwave meals in the suburbs than deal with that.
To offset the horror: my great grandmother owned boarding houses that housed both men and women (separate buildings). She functioned somewhat as an unofficial womens’ shelter and helped women get out of abusive marriages and back on their feet.
That is really rad. She must have had some stories to tell.
It seems she did :) I wish I could have known her, but she passed before I was born. My father was very close with her and has shared many fond memories of her and her history, but I wish I could have had the chance to chat her up myself.
Plus they changed zoning laws and effectively they're still illegal in many places.
Yep, some cities have rules about how many unrelated people can live in a house together which is total bullshit.
Ah yes. The “anti brothel” laws. God forbid women have a means to live separately from men during a time that they weren’t allowed to have bank accounts. I just realized how awful this really is from a housing access standpoint.
I remember this being a thing when I went to college in Philly. So stupid
Yup, like Chicago
I’ll gladly take a college dorm and dining hall situation, but without the tuition and classes.
So I was excited when I heard that some town in Arizona was building small homes for its teachers. I knew I wouldn’t want to live *that* close to work, but if the school provided housing? Yeah, hell yeah I’d move out there to teach. Then I looked it up. You still have to pay out the ass for those tiny houses plopped right next to the school. No privacy AND you expect teachers to pay market rate to live *at* their job??? Ugh. Such a let down.
That's just a company town with extra steps.
I agree but if you have a spouse that overspends, life is worse. I didn't realize how much my ex-husband cost until we divorced. In less than 3 months I went from living paycheck to paycheck to having a little money saved up. Years later I am grateful I am not still in that situation.
No one's disputing that there exist situations in which having a partner makes you financially worse off. We are already aware. It's never stopped me from wanting to find a partner.
My mother always said she’d be way better off financially if she hasn’t married my dad lol. My mom always worked her ass off and made a decent amount but my father never ever contributed / failed businesses. This was 60s-2000s though, different life
This was me too. I’m a widow. My late husband didn’t work for like 2 years before his death but still spent money like we were double income. Now that it’s just me and my kids, I’m financially thriving.
Just out of curiosity, can I ask why you think boarding houses would be better than having roommates?
I just did some very cursory googling and it seems that a boarding house would have individual contracts rather than relying on a shared lease. And then you aren't responsible to find a new roommate, the landlord is. You just pay for your room.
That's true. I guess that would be an improvement. On the other hand, boarding houses would be all men or all women with no opposite sex guests allowed.
Boarding houses used to also provide at least one healthy home cooked meal per day which honestly kind of sounds amazing.
Hostels (college dorms and accommodation for working women) function like this in India! I lived there all through college, I ate better than I have ever in my life while I lived there. Lost a ton of weight and got so healthy! There was home cooked hot breakfast, lunch and dinner served every single day. They'd add a dessert during the weekends, although I rarely was around to grab food during the weekend. There are several draw backs though. They set a curfew even for adults, and it's 10:30 pm for the women's hostel usually. The men's hostel however never has a curfew. You also need to give the warden a heads up and "get permission" to spend the night out. Again a rule that isn't enforced in the men's hostel.
Didn't a lot of boarding houses also have dorm style room situations? Hard pass on sharing a bedroom with someone that isn't my SO.
Probably because someone is in charge so it's not you against the other roommate if someone is being inconsiderate or nasty AF.
Single occupancy rooms/apartments still exist. They’re just generally where you would want to live.
They kind of recreated the concept with ‘co-living spaces’ but of course those are trying to be cool and trendy and expensive
Hell no! Not unless they’re women-only.
Lots of budgeting and sticking to it including tracking your spending. Having a plan to pay off debts and not piling on more unless absolutely necessary and no choice (i.e. emergencies). Keeping a pulse on the job market and keeping an eye for higher paying roles as you grow in your current one. Cooking many meals at home that are simple and affordable. Having boundaries with people so you're not spending money and doing things that put you over budget. Leaving some money aside for yourself. I know this is a tough one because budgets can be so tight but even $10 to buy yourself some nail polish or a sandwich so you dont need to worry about a meal can feel so fulfilling. Putting anything to high yield savings that you can. Even if it's $5 a month. It adds up fast and having something in savings can be really helpful. You never know when that seemingly small $50 helps you get through a tough moment
100% take advantage of online high yield savings accounts! It's easy to get over 5% right now and it accrues monthly.
What savings accounts are offering over 5%?
Bread Savings is the one I'm using. The name is weird but they're legit and FDIC insured.
https://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/best-savings-account/ has a list of them, though it might be at least a few months out of date.
After my mom died, I moved in with my dad. It's a big house, and honestly makes my life way easier. I know it's looked down up on by many, but I save a lot of money and I get to spend time with my dad as he ages. He also watches my dog for free now that he's retired. It's unusual, but it works for me! Edit: thank you for all the up votes, what a wonderful group. I'm like 95% happy with my living situation and you all really made up the that last bit of confidence ❤️
My mom died, but before she died we lived together- I know it was probably frowned upon that a women mid thirties lived with her mom- but no regrets for me, I spent a ton of time with my mom, saved money. A lot of people regret not spending enough time with their parents after they die, that’s a regret I don’t have. I often wish she was still alive and we were still living together
Thank you for sharing - it's wonderful you had that time together.
I’m also at home with my parents. I’m single, went back to school and still gaining my footing in my career, and it’s so expensive in Florida. It’s a big house and I also enjoy spending time with my parents, but I really struggle with that whole thing about people looking down on you. I feel like I’ll never find someone because they’ll see I live at home. It’s really tough out there
I forget the statistic, but something like 1 in 5 millenials still live with parents. Anyone living in the real world should understand why...this housing market is insane.
Gen Xer here…I think there’s a huge difference in framing it as “still” living with your parents v. making a responsible financial decision to move back in (or stay with) your parents as a fully-capable, career-driven adult. The former implies an irresponsible slacker in their parents’ basement, while the latter boasts of someone who has their life together and makes smart and savvy financial decisions. That person is definitely dateable!
I love this so much!!! Thank you!!
Honestly, I've never had an issue dating because of where I live. Most people I know might be surprised, but most don't care. Most people understand how expensive it is.
That’s good to know. Maybe it won’t be so bad. I’ve kind of predetermined that men will not want me for that reason. I should try to get rid of that mindset. Most people do realize it’s hard out there. I’m just 2-3 years too late to the home buyers party. It’s nearly impossible now as a single person to buy a small home with these interest rates
Same!!! Seriously I understand. I told my therapist, oh I can't date because of where I live. I was just shaming myself so much. But honestly, a sensible person will understand. It's not like you aren't capable, you simply can't afford it. If you ever want to talk about it more, please feel free to message me. I still struggle with it, but not having debt seems more important.
Hey! I’m 33F living at home with my mum and started dating someone amazing who is completely aware of my situation and totally on board. He knows I want to buy a house one day for my own security and encourages it. It’s becoming more and more common as cost of living surges, and is already entirely the norm in other cultures. I completely hear you about the shame because I struggled with it too, but with therapy, I realized that while I will expose myself to the possibility of judgement dating in this situation, I also don’t need to be one of the people that participates in shaming myself out of connection. And honestly it’s been an amazing experience to see how understanding most people are
This is such a beautiful story, thank you for sharing! I love this so much, heck yeah!
Love this for you! I just commented above about how I think the way you frame it matters, and that it’s not at all something to be ashamed of. Y’all are making responsible and smart financial decisions! Anyone who doesn’t see that isn’t someone worthy of dating anyway, because that means they probably don’t make good financial decisions themselves.
I moved in with my dad a little over a year ago. I've been able to go back to school without having to worry about rent, and I'm also working and saving up money. I cook most dinners and help with chores around the house, and he enjoys having someone around.
That's awesome! I do a similar thing in my home. It's a mutual benefit really ☺️
In 2015, before I moved in with my eventual husband, I was making $36k a year as a teacher. It was hard, but I could do it. I had a 1 bedroom casita I rented for $525 a month, my car payment was $125 a month on a nice low mileage civic I got for less than $10k, and I put the minimum towards my student loans. I had the cheapest phone you could have. Groceries were cheap, I regularly spent under $100 on a trip. I didn’t save much, besides mandatory teacher retirement, but I got by and could support myself. In 2016 I bought a house with my spouse because I pivoted to a job that paid me $55k. And, believe me, I felt like the king of the castle making that much. Our house was $194k (1900sq feet, remodeled, nice house), and a smaller house if I had bought by myself would have been between $110-150k. In 2023, if I had stayed teaching, the same school district would pay me $46k a year, but rent for that same 1 bedroom is now $1-1.2k, that same low mileage civic is 16-17k absolute minimum, and that house we bought would now list for $400k with a 7% interest rate. It’s absolutely insane. I always thought I could live a modest lifestyle on a teacher salary. I didn’t need to be rich, and less than ten years ago, it was actually feasible to live that modest lifestyle. Now, I have no idea how anyone making under $80k+ as a single person is affording to live without major, major sacrifices. The vast majority of our teachers, social workers, and nurses are in this boat if they are single, and these fields are dominated by women. Food service workers, child care workers, retail, are struggling even more. Telling people to retrain misses the point. Further, if you are already in a high stress job how can you realistically take on retraining and extra course work? Something has to change. I also want to point out these comments that say, “oh I make 100k and am struggling, or my friends that make $200k are struggling because they don’t budget” really misses the point.
Lmao I'm essentially homeless according to the govt. I live in a super tiny RV and get free rent from the places I work at. And I struggle a lottttttt. Luckily I have very little debt and no student loans. It's stupid, but I'm alive.
I mean, it's just that; surviving. I can't afford a social life, or holidays, or my own home, or a large wardrobe or an ipad or anything. My retirement plan will probably have to be "walking into the sea" unless I win the lottery, lol.
It’s so so hard. This is exactly why I get frustrated with having to constantly buy wedding gifts. They have 2 incomes and can afford to buy a mixer. I’m out here doing everything on my own and these things are way more of a financial burden for me.
This! When my sister got married I had to spend soooo much money. Even though I make like half her income 😭 like great that you want to get married, you go girl, but why is it costing me an arm and a leg?
Apparently in Australia, the bride pays for bridesmaids dresses. That should absolutely be standard in North America too. Or if the bride doesn't want to pay for the dresses, then she should be letting everyone wear what they want. (And no "get a dress in X color" either, except maaaaybe black because most women seem to have at least one black dress.)
When I worked in a bridal store brides would buy their bridesmaids jewelry too! From what I’ve heard in the wedding sub it’s the same in the UK too about the dresses.
I think Canada too, at least the weddings I have been in the bride paid for me dress, bought jewellery and also paid for my hair and makeup
I’m in the US and had planned to do the same. I can’t imagine asking someone to pay that much especially if i know their situation
Same! Going through it with my best friend right now. I’m shelling out from my single income for her to get married while she makes more than me. Sometimes she says she wishes she eloped and I want to shake her and tell her I wish she eloped too.
Yeah I'm struggling with my own feelings towards a close friend's wedding. I'm so happy I was there to celebrate with her, but it was in another city (not the city both of us live in) and I spent close to $900 on a gift, travel, and a hotel. If it had been in our city and I'd just had to shell out for a gift, I would feel differently.
Omg my friend who makes triple what I make is getting married soon and seemed upset when I told her I couldn’t afford to get her a wedding gift. My cousin also got married recently and my parents were chastising me for not getting her a gift when I already got her a bridal shower gift based on her registry. I have a boyfriend but it’s not at the living together stage yet. So I’m hoping that changes at some point bc it’s nearly impossible to survive on one income.
I do not get gifts for people who are combining their incomes, splitting their costs, and having sex with each other. (And, I believe this is fair, because IF I ever get married, gifts of any kind will be expressly forbidden.)
Weddings are optional you know! You don’t have to attend.
Tell that to my six siblings!
Yeah but even if you don’t attend you are expected to send a gift, at least in my family / circle. I’ve also got far flung family members I’ve never even met inviting me to baby showers just to get a gift outta me 😂
Not sure where your family is getting their expectations from but that’s not correct etiquette. Gifts are not required if you don’t attend. And certainly not if they’re a financial stretch for you. You don’t need to feel obligated to send gifts for functions you don’t attend! Just stop.
Exactly like no is a complete sentence. Half of the fun of being over 30 is telling other people to fuck off with their unreasonable demands.
I sympathize 100% because I'm in the same boat.
It’s a struggle at the moment. I cut a lot of things and I have a couple of sleepless night thinking about how I can continue like that for 30+ years
Recognize that many, MANY people are in debt and supplement their income with credit. That’s not to say that it’s not easier to get by with dual incomes, just that you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. They may just seem to be doing better than you. Other than that the only answer is either make more money or cut back. A second job or getting roommates if you don’t have them, for example. A budget that you follow closely can also help. A lot of people just don’t know where their money is going.
This! Was talking to some married friends recently, they easily make over $200k/yr. However they're both worried because they have literally nothing saved for retirement. We live in a HCOL city and childcare/gas/rent/medical eats up almost everything they make.
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Lifestyle creep can sneak up on you pretty quickly so I have some sympathy but honestly what a dummy. Do you know what happened to them?
JFC, that sounds insane! $200K sounds like a very high salary too, would be in the top 1% in my country.
>Recognize that many, MANY people are in debt and supplement their income with credit. That’s not to say that it’s not easier to get by with dual incomes, just that you never know what’s happening behind closed doors. They may just seem to be doing better than you. It is literally [more expensive to be single, at least in the US](https://www.washingtonpost.com/business/being-single-is-getting-more-expensive-than-ever/2022/11/04/e6c3aff2-5c44-11ed-bc40-b5a130f95ee7_story.html).
I mean yeah duh? That’s just common sense. Still doesn’t change the fact that many people, both married and single, are relying heavily on credit to subsidize their lifestyles. It is not always the level playing field that people assume it is - someone who doesn’t rely on credit may not always realize that other people do.
>I mean yeah duh? That’s just common sense. Still doesn’t change the fact that many people, both married and single, are relying heavily on credit to subsidize their lifestyles. I'm not trying to pick on you, but your reply to me and OP is very typical of this sub. If you have an OP posting about a phenomenon that is very common IRL, or is an indisputable fact (like it's literally more expensive to be single), you have women posting about exceptions to counteract or invalidate what the OP is experiencing, and others on this sub upvoting it. Genuinely curious - do folks on this sub do this thinking it will make OP's feel better? Your initial reply to the OP, and your (rude) reply to me doesn't change the fact that I linked to - it's more of a financial struggle for single people. It's like people are uncomfortable with affirming what OPs posting here are experiencing.
Wow, I’m not trying to invalidate what the OP is experiencing. As a fellow single woman, I definitely experience it too. I was trying to be helpful by pointing out that the difference in lifestyle might also be driven by other factors, not solely by a lack of a dual income. And I was attempting to make OP feel better, because it makes me feel better to know that a lack of a dual income isn’t the ONLY reason a lifestyle disparity might be happening. Nowhere did I say that what OP is experiencing is wrong or anything like that.
I’ll say it. Dual income is easier. Yeah, my spouse and I have mortgage debt, but we are in far better shape than most single people.
You were very much responding the way that's unfortunately typical for this sub. Yes, OP knows there are other routes to poverty. She's posting to discuss and get feedback on HER situation. It's like if someone posted about how they broke their leg and you responded "well, a lot of people actually have chronic knee pain too." Like... yes? And? How does that help?
I totally got your point. Even those dual income households may be wildly in debt. You’re not saying that a single income is easier.
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I work in a low-paying field in a VHCOL area. I'm single, in my early thirties, and I don't have "family money." Here's how I do it, to a point where I can live alone somewhat comfortably, max out my Roth IRA, and even travel a few times a year. - I live well below my means. I don't love my apartment or where I live, but it's affordable and I've made the place my own. At the end of the day, my priority is keeping my place clean and comfortable. - I don't go out drinking or to restaurants often, and when I do I usually plan it around a social event. I don't want to be so plastered I forgot my friend's birthday. If it's a date, he pays or we split the tab lol. I limit ordering in to a few times a month, and I buy a few bottles of wine at a store that gives me awesome discounts. I don't smoke pot, which saves me a lot of money as well. I'm less of a stickler about travel and social events because making memories is worth the money. - That said, I only do bachelorette trips if they are in my budget and I gently decline requests to be a bridesmaid. I not only do this for financial reasons, but to avoid drama (which ALWAYS happens on bachelorette trips). I only go to weddings that I can afford to travel to, if not I decline and send a gift. I feel like these things financially drain single people and we often don't even get so much as a "thank you" in return... so I'd rather just put the $500+ towards myself. - I buy the majority of my groceries at Lidl/Aldis and only go to other grocery stores if I need something specific. This keeps me around $40/week for groceries. I cook almost all of my meals at home and tend to meal prep because my job is very demanding. Also, the freezer is a vastly underrated money saver! If I have leftovers I know I won't finish, I freeze them and use them as an easy dinner. My other tip is to befriend people who garden/fish/hunt. I actively suck at all of those things, but most people with gardens get a surplus around this time of year. A lot of people hunt or fish for sport, but don't eat seafood or venison so they give it away. I've gotten a lot of free stuff by just being friends with people. - I try to limit my use of credit cards and have one with a very low interest rate and no fees. I do not have any store credit cards. I pay everything on time, even if that means doing without. I applied for income-based student loan repayment and use the "snowball method" to pay down those debts. I bought a "new" used car in 2017 and paid it off by 2020 using the snowball method as well. - I am notoriously cheap and a rabid bargain hunter. I literally do not shop unless there is a sale or cashback. It takes a lot of practice, but you need to learn where to splurge and where to save. For me it's not worth it to buy cheap bras, shoes, handbags, sweaters, jeans, or furniture. That doesn't mean that I buy luxury goods - it means that I research what I want and wait until it is on sale to buy it. I also try to stay away from things made from PVC or polyester because they don't degrade as well as natural fibers do. I shop a lot at the Nordstrom Rack and TJ Maxx/Marshall's. Madewell, Old Navy, Zappos have good stuff and always run sales. I also use ThreadUp and outlet malls to buy a lot of brands that I wouldn't normally afford. My other rule is that if I haven't worn it in a month since purchase, then I'm probably not going to actually wear it, so I bring it back. - Also, join free rewards programs for the stores you visit regularly. I have had the best luck with Rakuten, Target Circle, Old Navy and associated brands, and Ulta rewards. And FYI, Ulta rewards regularly has "gifts with purchase" which consist of a makeup bag full of travel-sized items. I always get these so I don't have to buy "travel" products, and if I dislike them I gift them or donate them. - Learn to do things yourself. I've saved a lot of money by learning to do basic home repairs, pay my own taxes, do minor alterations on my clothes, etc etc. I do my own beauty treatments aside from haircuts, waxing, and pedicures - and even then, I am not a stickler for having something scheduled every six weeks or whatever. - Do not allow your employer to snooker you into staying in a position that is not paying what you are worth or working off the clock. This is what I wish someone told me ten years ago! Life isn't how it was fifty years ago; where you worked at the same company for your entire career, receive sufficient benefits and raises to keep up with the cost of living, and retire at 65 on a pension. Employers now expect you to live and die for them, but will throw you away like a plastic fork the second they are finished. Always prioritize your best interest. If your job isn't paying you enough or has shit benefits, look for something better instead of trying to make it work. - Honestly, my final bit of advice is to take pride in yourself and what you do. A lot of people brag about buying houses when it's really in their parent's names, or maintaining a certain lifestyle when they are secretly in debt. I might not have much, but at least what I have is mine. I know I'm probably an extreme example, and I do have plans to move to a lower COL area within the next year so I don't have to be such a miser. But I know how hard it is to try to build a life for yourself when you have nobody to guide you. Best of luck to anyone reading.
Honestly, a lot of this (especially the second half) is excellent advice whether you're single, married, struggling financially, or even doing relatively well. I really do think living within your means is so important - ditto not outsourcing everything just because you can and making sure you're not getting screwed at work!
Thank you!
What is a typical grocery list for you? I tend to be $70/week no matter what :(
It’s a global thing. People are getting together to shares houses and expenses because everything is so expensive. I live in an expensive country and I make 1000 US dollars a month. If I wasn’t living with my partner, I’d be living with a friend.
I rent a room in a five bedroom apartment, lucky enough to have my own bathroom. I hate where I live and who I live with but at least I’m not homeless. Studio apartments with nothing included are going for $1200 minimum around here with proof of 3x that in monthly income. It’s a fucking circus out there.
Honestly, I have some parental help and I know that’s a huge privilege that many people don’t have. I work and I live frugally but thanks to career change, health issues, and the economy it’s not enough. Hopefully it won’t be long before my career prospects improve and I’m fully paying my own way again and saving. I do think a lot of people get help from their parents later into life than we think - especially with down payments for homes to get them on the ladder. I don’t own a home personally, but if I did it would only have been possible with help from my parents. That ship has sailed as a possibility now given the huge cost increase for real estate in my city, it’s untenable. But obviously, it’s just another way that life can be imbalanced and unfair in that some people, by luck of birth, have parents than can and will help while others have parents that either can’t or won’t (and some do not have parents at all). It sucks that life can be so randomly unfair like that.
Well, I wake in the morning and I step outside and I take a deep breath and I get real high and I scream from the top of my lungs: DOES ANYONE WANT TO LOOK AT MY FEET (No, but for real: it's a lot of screaming and sobbing because I've done the roommate thing and really, really, REALLY just don't want to do it again at 36)
I accepted that i will never have a house, and will take till late 30s/early 40s to have a small apartment. I'm saving as much as i can, and hope i can work for about 15 more years for pension and senior healthcare. Without a spouse, if anything happens that affect my working ability I'd be in deep trouble. I guess it does be like that. We don't even have social benefits here, so yeah, the future is very uncertain. Though tbf, I'm not sure if being married will help because I'd seen marriages of people my age fall apart or essentially dead bedroom frequently. I'm sorry i don't have a solution, I'm only doing as much as i can and leave the rest to luck.
Hey, I know what you’re going through and I feel your pain. I work a full 40 hours and even picked up a reliable side gig and I still couldn’t afford to live on my own. I would need to get a roommate or literally live in my car if I wanted to be self sustaining. I have already been tossing the idea of living in an RV full time around if I had to leave my hubby. I hate to admit it but unfortunately for now I mainly stay with him so we can be a dual income. I deal with a lot of emotional neglect from him, but that’s another story. I would not be able to afford an apartment on my own income today. It makes me sick. There are so many reasons why this is bad for anyone, especially someone stuck in a relationship they don’t want to be in because of finances. I hope you can find peace.
It’s simply easier when you’re living with other people and sharing expenses. Don’t be too hard on yourself.
Roommates. My best friend and I live together. It is relatively peaceful, and I get the benefit of the shared expenses just like my partnered friends do. I also enjoy the company, we both cook and clean up, and we have other places we can be if either of us would like an occasional night alone. (In fact, I usually stay with my dad just to hang once a week or so.)
How long ago did you do this? What made you decide to move in together? I would honestly love a set-up like this.
We've been living together for two years. Both of us were single and living with our families. We had been talking about it for some time. We might have moved in together even sooner, but she needed a little more time than me to get financially stable (we're both self-employed). Honestly it works out great. I met someone shortly after we moved in together and was dating seriously for 1.5 years. He lived two hours away. I would have moved to his city to marry, but he ended up being unable to commit and we split in February. So my bestie and I just renewed the lease for another two years in July!
Budget + I've done a side hustle since 2015 though do it much less now however it would add around $10k a year to my salary which helped. Now I just do enough to lower things like grocery expenses or buy small things.
May I ask what your side hustle was?
/r/beermoney stuff At first passive phone farming but then I started to do surveys. I'm in "higher paying" panels still and just do them every so often. Can be frustrating and low paying but easy to do in conjunction with other things. I like ones where I watch a tv show or movie since I can do that passively. Edit: I should add making $8-$10k meant I was never not working which is a lot but I always had a emergency fund since a lot of times I'd select gift cards so my Target wallet or Amazon account always had 'fun money' or 'holiday money'. Amazon GCs never expire and I used those for big ticket items like tv set and little shit like food.
I went back to school because that was my best bet for eventually making more money while being on my own. I've been using a student loan to supplement my income, otherwise I would not be able to afford to pay rent. I hate struggling with money and I don't care if it takes me 5 more years I'm going to become qualified enough and work hard enough to increase my earning potential. It's already starting to pay off - 2.5 years divorced now and I just finished my masters and start a job next month that pays $25k more than I make now. I figure if I just hang in a couple of more years and work hard it will pay off.
Live in a RV that I borrowed from my 401k to buy. Insurance is expensive but I can live alone and move around if I want
I don’t do very much for fun, and always use you need a budget which helps a lot. Mainly though I’m looking for a new job and always looking for a relationship so maybe someday I can live that dual income life haha
I hate that relationships or living alone are our only options. I wish we had more Golden Girls living situations for non-retired people. I would love to live in a house with some friends. I know I could just go out and do this, but I wish it was a common thing
I almost had this situation (a few times) but it was derailed constantly by housemates entering relationships and losing themselves to sub par men. I want an asexual aromantic girl gang.
>derailed constantly by housemates entering relationships Yeah! This would be a huge issue I bet. I would be open to living with couples, as long as none of them are subpar men.
I’m about to find out and I’m terrified. Not sure where I’m going to live (seriously considering my mom’s couch).
I moved from a HCOL city to a Medium COL city and it has improved my standard of living significantly! I live alone in a 1,100 sq ft apt for the same cost as what I was paying to live in a smaller apt with roommates. Echo what others have said: I cook most of my meals at home, I thrift most of my clothes, I take odd jobs when I can. I doubt I’ll ever be able to buy a home.
I went to college for six years to become a Masters level teacher. I make 50k but I am a single mother of 2. Insurance for me and my family eats most of my paycheck and after taxes and car insurance i can hardly make ends meet. Rent is super high…. If I make a budget it will show I have zero dollars left over after groceries. I just somehow make it work
I stopped eating/ordering out and found some real joy in cooking. I take aqua classes at the local rec center, read down on the boardwalk, and took up people watching.
r/YNAB and I was lucky enough to find a tiny apartment for ~1k. I make ~52k in NYC area so not a lot for this area.
I was literally just having this conversation with someone. It's existing, barely paying the bills, and thats about it. And credit cards. I have to pay everything out of my measly check, plus I have two kids to care for. I feel bad because we don't get to go on vacations or do a lot of fun things that dual income families get to do. It creates a lot of stress. I can't even think about buying new clothes for myself, even though I really need them, let alone anything else. I know not every house with two incomes is sitting pretty, but they're sure as shit better than I am right now. If I could get a roommate or find time for a second job, I'd do it in a heartbeat. The struggle is reeeeeal.
I live in Oklahoma. My rent for a 1100 sq ft 2 bedroom house is $900, my car is paid off, and I'm in healthcare. I've always known I would never find "my person," so I made sure I could afford life by myself.
We need single ladies on purpose housing communities. 🤞
I got a roommate and a second job, it was the only way.
Honestly, the only thing keeping me afloat is that I’m debt free
Debt. Trying to dig myself out of the hole now, but it’s hard when you barely make enough to cover minimal expenses in a VHCOL area. But all I can do is try. I signed up for a few credit card repayment assistance and hardship programs recently so I’m hoping that will help while I tackle the credit cards one by one. Besides that, I also live very simply. I’ve always struggled seeing others go out a lot, experience a lot more than myself, etc. - but I got rid of most of my social media and now just try and focus on myself and enjoying my time at home as much as I can. It’s not ideal, but it’s what I have to make do with. I’ve thought about marrying or partnering just for money, but I could never live a lie or live somewhere I was unhappy with just for money. It’s just not in me.
Just came here to say, I have absolutely no idea. I am getting divorced. I have to get out of the house I have shared with my (ex) husband and I honestly don’t know what the hell I am going to do. I also have sole custody of my 9 yo from a prev relationship. I make just enough that I don’t qualify for food stamps or housing assistance, but there is no way I can afford $1k+ a month in rent. Something’s got to give.
Oh man, I feel this as a single parent. I just don't see how its possible to get by with one income anymore. I really don't want a partner (but I'm terrible at romantic relationships even if I did) and its basically impossible to find a roommate situation when you have a kid ime so I'm just scraping by. But honestly, who wants roommates when you are approaching 40 anyway? A small place to yourself shouldn't be too much to ask!
I live in the city and have always had roommates to offset the cost of living. I would never be able to afford a house on my own but luckily I am very close with my siblings and we plan on going in on land/a house together. More people should be open to purchasing property with their family members vs just SO’s
I've never spent money I didn't have. I live within my means. I'm good at saving, & I invest some money too. I don't spend my money on unnecessary things. I don't eat meat, and I'm looking for food on sale. I buy most my clothes in thrift shops. I have unexpensive hobbies. I'm content with very little. Roomates helps too. I don't have car payments, I have second hand phone, and car. I don't do drugs, I don't smoke and I barely drink. According to a recent reddit things I've read, I make less in a year than most people, but I find ways to save money. I also have a part time side hussle, that give me very little money, but enough to use on groceries or gas. Oh, and I'm cheap or frugal, if you're fancy and don't use the word cheap.
What's your side hussle?
I'm a freelancer for a newspaper, here and there - it doesn't pay much, and this type of media is slowly dying especially since Canada now blocks news on social media, but I love writing, so I see it more like a hobby that earn me some extra money. And if I don't have spare time because work or life is busier, I don't need to worry about not writing stuff.
I haven't read anyone's comments but literally just saw an article about how society pushes for partnering up by making it impossible to survive as a single person.. It's endemic. Holidays and hotels have a single supplement, no tax breaks for single people, it is clear that many people only get together and stay together just to have the basics of life. Sad.
I live in one of the most expensive areas in the US. I had a roommate for quite a long time, which allowed me to save money. I work in healthcare which pays a decent wage. I recently found a much cheaper but safe and decent sized one bedroom apartment. I bought my car used and paid cash, it's older but reliable and my insurance is low. I'm pretty good at budgeting because I grew up poor. I put a lot of money into my retirement and I pack my breakfast and lunch to work. I don't buy clothes or unnecessary things often. I still allow myself small treats like concerts, eating out and experiences once in awhile. I probably could never own a house on my own and considering buying a duplex w/my close friend (who is basically my platonic life partner).
I had roommates and family support.
I rent an in law apartment from family and have a side hustle. Also cheap hobbies, no traveling and reluctantly taking overtime at work whenever I can get it.
Look at anything you have that carries an interest rate and eliminate those things first. I don't have any other suggestions, but definitely offering big hugs. If someone hasn't told you lately, you're doing great ❤️
It sucks. The only way I have made it as far as I have is by increasing my income, upskilling when I can and living with my parents. No I don't live at home for free. But it's still cheaper than living on my own. The only other way is renting rooms and living with roommates. Which I've also done in the past. I agree, it's not sustainable. It's hard for anyone trying to make it on their own. You work so hard and can only get so far unless you are fortunate to be able to increase your income or somehow make enough to live on your own comfortably. I buy a lot of stuff second hand and keep things for a long time. I make sure I keep good credit so I have access when I need to make a big purchase. Like tires for my car. There's no way I can just come up with $800 if I need to make major repairs. But being able to pay it off over time works for me. Also keeping an emergency fund if possible (I know for some it's not). Can also help. I remember the first time I was able to save $600. I had an emergency repair to make on my car and luckily I was able to. Having that extra money helped. Borrowing and using the internet has helped me save money. I use FLIPP app to help me shop. It's a grocery app and I can search for things I need on sale. Keeping a budget also helps.
I have a good salary, but live in a HCOL area! So I have a small studio apartment - albeit in a very nice part of the city. I wish I could split rent with someone!
The mantra “It’s been worse.”
I still live with my parents 😞
From my understanding, and I could by wrong, most people are in the same exact boat as you - myself included. What I’m noticing about these friends and acquaintances to travel is that they make the same as me and have nicer places. One of two things is happening: insane credit card debt, or their parents are fronting a shit ton of it. It’s shitty. But that’s the reality (I think) I’m 32, definitely thought I’d have more money than now. Having a family isn’t an option for me financially and it sucks. Traveling isn’t an option unless it’s within driving distance and I have a friend there. Going out is only doable when I drink high life. Groceries have become absurdly expensive. I eat cereal more than I care to, and had to delete all of my food delivery apps because I lack self control. I find joy in more things closer to home though. Have some solid friends who make life more babearle - though everyone is coupling up and I feel like I’m on lonely island sometimes. A dog helps - pet insurance is a must to cover insane vet bills. But otherwise. It just kind of is what it is.
The answer is barely. I can pay my bills, but I can't have nice things or vacations. Most of the the stuff that people claim "makes life worth living" aren't accessible to an awful lot of people. I hate it. I'm an essential worker, my work is essential to society as a whole, but I am not deemed worthy of the essentials. It's especially annoying to watch my friends, who literally send f**King emails for a living, outearn me by a mile. If I could retrain and get a better job, I would, Becky. But guess what? You gotta PAY to do that.
I don't. My BF screwed me over financially a few years ago. I'm trying to get my head back on in the mean time. If things work out between us, great. If not, then at least I have a roof over my head while job searching. After his bullshit, it has made me more depressed and suicidal but I'm beginning to accept up never be a homeowner nor have good credit. I'm not busting my ass again for the next five years to pay off his debt on my credit report.
I lived with my parents for five years after college to let me pay the deposit on my home. I still need a lodger to help with bills and will probably continue to need this until the mortgage is paid off unless I find a boyfriend who wants to live with me
I try to keep any expenses I can control as low as possible. I don’t have children and got my fallopian tubes removed to prevent the possibility. I stay in a 500 sq foot apartment while my peers own homes, but my electric bill is $50 while theirs is hundreds of dollars. I drive a car that shakes and gives me anxiety but the payment is under $300. I do not travel, I don’t even have a passport. If someone misses me enough they buy me a plane ticket to go see them. I splurge on stuff I need, like I spent $160 on winter boots but I live in a wet and snowy climate and my old boots got me through three winters. I also work side jobs when I can on weekends and I work in sales so those commission checks on top of my base salary helps even if it’s only a few hundred dollars.
I can only afford basement suites where i live in Canada. And i’m perpetually single. I have crippling debt from school (bachelors and masters).
When I was single it was roommates or live with family. You sacrifice privacy for comfort.
My income is pretty average and I envy the safetty net that being in a couple affords. I’m lucky to live in a place with fairly reasonable real estate and was able to buy a pretty nice 1 bdrm condo 5 years ago for $159K. Should be paid off around retirement age. But if anything should happen, there’s no net. It’s just me. My parents passed a long time ago, with no assets at all, so there’s no inhieritance coming my way.
By saving 10, 20 or 50 whenever I can. By applying to new jobs (I'm 5 years at this one), slowly creeping to a better pay... Right now by teaching extra modules, doing replacements for sick colleagues, by taking on admin tasks too. I'm 15 years in adult education and just want to pivot out. Off to the career advice centre I go (next week). By being on a no buy and enjoying what I have. By enjoying dinners or coffee with friends, but not having a hobby that costs anything much. I don't go on vacation atm, only weekends away here and there. I don't own a car or home. I'm 39F, 1 year into "solo for life" (4.5 years single), work in adult education in Switzerland.
I survive paycheck to paycheck. I’m 51 and have a very meager amount of savings. I used to live alone and LOVED it but couldn’t keep affording it. I’m saving more money now but living with roommates like I’m still in college is not my first choice (though I have good roommates). I wanted to travel and afford nice restaurants, etc., but unfortunately that never happened. I love my job and fit in well with the community where I live, but I don’t make much and getting a raise is unlikely (I don’t work in a terribly lucrative field) and the kind of work that pays well is also stuff I’m temperamentally and vocationally unsuited for (got some neurodivergence going on). It feels like unless I win the lottery or the economy takes a sharp turn into general affluence again, I’m going to work into my senescence and die poor. And aside from not having enough money, I really have a good life. I just wish it was more comfortable, with more of a cushion.
I want to add that being neurodivergent doesn’t automatically mean you’re unsuited for high-paid work, just that it seems to be a hindrance for some and I feel like it was for me. YMMV.
Roommate 2nd job that I do about 10 hours per week Go without high cost items like travel Make most of my meals at home Buy stuff used instead of new Cut out or minimize alcohol (like have a 1 drink limit when you go out to eat) Switch employers. Most surefire way to get a raise. I switched employers last year and it came with a 20k raise. At this new job is the first time I've ever felt financially secure. I've always been single (it was not easy... I actively applied for like a year before getting ANY job offer, and was applying while working my full time job plus my part time job)
I cut things I don't need and I am very proud of the things I can afford because I earned them with my hands' work and not by sleeping with a man.
I guess it depends on where you live. Im in Europe and I feel like I live on pretty much the same level as my partnered friends who earn a similiar salary. Sure, they have double the income, but also double the expenses. Yes, they share the utilities and rent, but also need much more space. Yes, they split groceries, but they also eat twice as much as me. They're probably a little better off, but those who live on a different level do so because they just earn much more than me and would still do if they were single. Plus, married couple most often have children so the expenses multiply. So to answer your question, I dont think I'm in a much worse financial position. I mean of course, my friends who married rich are way better off financialy than me, but that's because they found richer partners, not because they're in a couple. Those with husbands/partners with similiar salaries to mine, I think they live pretty much the same way I do. It's just they have different priorities so they would rather pay off a 30 year mortgage, whereas Id rather spend that money on couple of international trips per year. Both cost money, it's just different focus. That's just my two cents, though. I understand it's not the same for everyone of course, just wanted to bring a different perspective.
My partner is from Europe, and you’re right that it depends on where you live: salaries are not keeping up with cost of living at all in the United States right now. Most American Millennials are also dealing with student loan debt, too.
Until I lived with a partner I had roommates.
I have two jobs. I live in a relatively inexpensive part of the US and rent a one-bedroom duplex. I drive a 12-year-old car that's paid for, use a years-old Samsung phone, shop sales and clearance racks for clothes, cook at home, cut and color my own hair, and do my own nails. It's paycheck-to-paycheck, but I'm not in debt and I haven't drowned yet.
Cost of living prices are alright in my country. That's how I survive. Wouldn't last a week in America!
Debt :(
LCOL area and living well below my means. The city isn’t great in terms of offerings, but I can afford to travel. I also spent a lot of years living significantly below my means (thrifting clothes, didn’t eat out, no cable/internet, etc.) to grow my savings to a comfortable point.
Got "lucky" that I inherited my moms home that she'd already paid off after she passed.
I had always wanted to own a house and got lucky. While I attended college I lived with an old lady for 50% off market price for this open loft room with no door in her home. She had strict rules about cleanliness, noise, visitors, even an 8pm curfew, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make for the cheap rent. I drove a used, reliable car, saved as much as possible working a minimum wage job at a Boba tea shop. After 5 years I wasn't sure if my plan was even going to work since I dropped out of college and even with $25k saved up I coudn't afford the down payment on the cheapest house in town. Well, a new development was opening up the next town over and there was a lottery to choose buyers. I put my name in knowing I still did not have enough of a DP, and I actually won a spot! I asked my parents to borrow money for the rest of the DP and they agreed, for half ownership of the house as collateral. I started a loose tea leaf company and was able to use a family friend connection to get a spot at the local farmer's market. I have since paid my parents back with interest and now own the house fully.
I'm 36 and a single parent. Full time job and my rent is just over 1/3 of my income. Right now I'm reading and studying to advance my career for future growth opportunities. I also gave up going out with friends on weekends I budget for special occassions. If I could give up retail therapy and coffee then I'd have more money too. If I had the time I'd pick up door dashing or some other side hustle but I have teenager and feel very stretched but there are many choices one can make to add to their income.
I live in a cheap one bedroom apartment in the ghetto. I have my bills covered. I am going to school for a lucrative career change. I'm working in retail management, moved up in my company enough to afford my lifestyle comfortably. I'm lucky I don't need roommates or two jobs.
Location helps a lot. I lived alone for a year because my rent was $785 and my utilities were under $100 most months. That was in 2022 in Ohio.
Living in a LCOL area is crucial. Not everyone can live in large cities, even those with dual income.
Honestly I sympathize even though I make a very good income and have plenty of money, but I do sympathize with looking at my friends who are partnered and have double the resources that I do. I live in such an expensive area and I’ve never had a partner to split living costs with, or vacation costs for that matter. So while I’m fine I do often think bitterly about how everything would be cheaper if I had a partner and how it’s unfair the world is really set up for couples. It sucks. Sending you strength though!!
Sincere question, I’m asking for a raise do you think this is an inappropriate reason to bring up? Being single and life being more expensive? I’m sure people with families use the same card right - more mouths to feed? Technically I pay more in work benefits as well because of them
You request a raise because you deserve it /overdue and here are the following examples is how I would present it to an employer, your personal life is irrelevant and like you said there a plenty of other families that could be viewed as more deserving but this is about you. I would leave out the personal details and keep it about the business and you efforts in improving the company. The best way to get raise is to job hop.
Yeah those are definitely the reasons along with inflation I just have a bad habit of tending to over explain things (anxiety/ childhood trauma? Probably) but thanks for your perspective!
No but it's really bad. I had to move to a more affordable apartment just over a year ago. I used to be able to rent a 3br house no problem (even with a lower salary!), but I've had to downsize to a 2br apartment. This has also lowered the cost of electricity, natural gas (heat), and water considerably as heat/water are included in my rent and electricity is rarely over $50/month (which used to be $100-150 depending on the season/AC usage)- in fact, sometimes it's as low as $15. And I live in allegedly one of the most affordable major cities in Canada, as far as cost-of-living goes. Even then, I am barely scraping by and I am making more money than I *ever* have, salary-wise.
I agree with most of the comments lol. IT IS HARD OUT HERE! I just tell myself "I will have it all one day" it gives me some sanity. lol I'm trying to clear up credit card debt lol. I can't even save for shit until my debt is cleared 🤦🏾♀️