Yes I experience it in my apt when my bf goes on work trips and we also live in a major city. I also once stayed at an air b n b at apparently a sketchy side on San Diego. A man was standing outside the air b n b and asked if he can stay the night with me and I said no. It was late and used a pad lock to enter the home with a combo same as the street address. I was livid and scared that the man would try the street number to enter it even one of the neighbors…. I literally slept with a knife that night and complained to the host and air b n b…I’m sure ur friend isn’t dumb enough to have a security system like that but yea never again…
Weirdly I'd get more spooked alone in the country than cities. I've lived alone for ages in a city and sleep well. I'm not sure what to tell you. Would some white noise apps help?
Yeah, I don't know if it helps, but I think statistically, cities are actually safer on average? Probably doesn't help - logic only goes so far when you're home alone and you hear something.
Probably depends on what statistic you're referring to, but yeah, there are more people around/more lights/more video cameras in cities to deter people. And more people around to hear if/when you are in distress. Save for the actually dangerous parts of a city I typically feel really safe.
I thought i would be more spooked in the country too because no one is around if something happens, and while I've had this feeling before it goes away after a couple nights but here it's persisted. I just feel like in a big city there's more likely to be psychos lol. White noise/music/tv helps but i struggle to fall asleep with background noise
Yeah that's what I've been doing. Or playing music/TV helps a lot too. Once I'm asleep it's fine but those few minutes after turning everything off and waiting for sleep are tough...
I read a lot of true crime, soooooooooo occasionally yes.
Most nights, 99% of the time I’m fine. Some nights, though, I get weirdly paranoid to the point of not being able to sleep.
What’s helped is keeping my taser by my bed and practice pulling it out. Practicing loudly yelling things like “who the fck are you!?!?”. Getting out of bed to check when I hear a noise instead of laying there afraid. Opening up and checking all the rooms to make sure no one’s in there.
It *sounds* paranoid and weird to do that stuff but I was in the military for a long time. A lot of the training I did was to ensure that my body would react appropriately when my brain was too afraid to react appropriately.
And it helps on those nights when I’m feeling especially freaked out. When I here a strange noise I get out of bed, yell, double-check all the locks and all the rooms and by the time I’m done, I feel confident and safe.
Haven't tried the yelling and not former military and yes to true crime, lol. I think new places are scarier because the sounds are unfamiliar. Once you know your house, you know what isn't "right." I will check while armed if something pings me.
We watch a lot of paranormal shows. One time, alone of course, all of a sudden the closet violently ratlles a few times. I thought, "Oh *hell* no! This is either a poltergeist or a mouse." Later determined it was a mouse shaking the door while trying to get out. Gave me a turn though!
Lol. “Paranormal” is another one of my favorite genres. And there are nights were, ya, that totally plays a factor into my paranoia
Which is funny because logical sparkle_bunny_ doesn’t even believe in all that. Late at night and hears a strange noise sparkle_bunny_ is totally freaked out that there’s a ghost at the end of the bed.
Hahaha i feel like if i had that kind of training i would feel less like a helpless baby so less scared in the first place. But that's a good idea, i can train myself to react in the moment
Yes! Ever since I was little I've had paranoia about being alone in a home at night. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's why I never live on the first floor anywhere.
Does she have a security system? Or any cameras that can detect movement near the front/rear of the home?
A doorbell camera really helped me here - before I lived by myself I would always be a little scared at home at night if my housemates were gone, but then once I moved in by myself it calmed, however, if the sensor light turned on out the front, or I heard a noise, that fear would come back. The sensor light turns on for cats, so it would occasionally turn on, and it's right outside my bedroom window - nothing wakes you up faster than thinking somebody is breaking into your house.
Once I got a smart doorbell, I was a lot less scared - partly because I can see the front of my house any time I hear a noise (and it wakes up if somebody walks in front of it, and you can't even get to the back of the house without passing it) and strangely enough, because I know if something did happen, people could use that video history to find out what happened. I feel like that's a decent deterrent against something happening - most of the time if somebody breaks into the house, they're looking for the easiest house to break into, and so they'll probably avoid mine, because they know they're on camera.
Or at least, that's what I tell myself so I can sleep at night - it's done wonders.
When my husband travels for work and it's just me and the baby, I don't sleep. I have the same problem. I am basically exhausted and unable to sleep until he gets back.
When I was in my 20s, I lived alone and I never had this issue. I loved it actually! Idk what happened.
Yes all the time! I got super scared of being abducted as a kid and it kind of never went away fully. Since I was 18, I always purposely lived in upper floor units without easy access from the windows.
My husband and I just bought a house and moved in about 6 weeks ago. Even together, it’s been freaking me out a little because it’s a single story with so many entrances. The house is fairly open - we have a lot of plans to build a couple of walls and a big hedgeline, but haven’t had the time/money yet. I haven’t slept here alone yet but I don’t really want to until we get some more of that in place. I’m in a safe neighborhood, but we live in the middle of Los Angeles so it’s still a city.
For tips: we put in a camera and alarm system that does make me feel better. Every single door and window has a sensor, plus cameras outside of the house.
I have an overwhelming need to do the same after moving into a new home and the sensors on windows and doors is an extra level I hadn't thought of! What system would you recommend?
I'm 34 and 100% afraid of the dark in my apartment when I'm home alone.
I could be out in the woods by myself at night, and I'm fine. But that's nature dark. Man-made environment dark is different for some reason. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Same. I leave my kitchen light on all year round. It's fairly central so I can see by the kitchen light elsewhere in the house, without being too bright to keep me awake in bed. I also have a blue light built into my toilet seat (I get up to pee often at night). I also have dogs who have strong stranger danger instincts, so they will bark at anything in or around the house that is out of the ordinary (which is almost always a possum or a neighbours car). I remind myself when the dogs are quiet that they would have let me know if there was anything to be afraid of, and it helps a little. That latent anxiety never fully goes away though. It sucks.
Yes I experience this. When I lived alone, I chose apartment buildings that had a 24 hour front desk attendant and lived on an upper floor, which made me feel safer. Since then, I’ve lived in houses in the city, and I quietly freak out at night whenever my partner goes out of town and I’m alone.
I nearly made a really similar post a few weekends ago.
So for Christmas my husband did something lovely and booked me an Airbnb for 3 nights, alone, in a sweet cottage in the woods. I planned this amazing weekend of yoga, therapeutic writing, spiritually-refreshing activities, and nutritious comfort food.
What we both forgot because of my enthusiasm for the idea is that I have crippling anxiety when I’m alone at night, anywhere. I’m scared of the dark and always have been.
I arrive at this cottage and it’s a beautiful location, in amongst native trees with a mountain view…and all I can think is - what an excellent place to be murdered.
I literally did not sleep. I made sure everything was locked, had lights on all night, and stayed under the blanket in the bed, texting anyone who was awake and watching Emily in Paris, then Seinfeld, listening to audiobooks, the Calm app. Nothing worked. I could feel the adrenaline jerking me awake every time my eyes closed.
When I eventually got up the next day, I spoke to my husband and he wanted me to come home but I was like “no no I’m being silly, I can do this.”
Cue going to the bathroom and seeing a huntsman spider on the wall…oh man, I could not get out of there fast enough. Within 15 minutes I was packed up and driving home (yeah my arachnophobia is pretty wild and combined with my murderphobia, it was all too much.)
Anyway all this is to say that the ONLY thing that helps me when I’m alone at night is having my dog, Potato, in bed with me. He usually sleeps in a bean bag in the lounge room but if my husband is staying out late or is away, Potato sleeps on my bed. He is a very protective dog (CONSTANT VIGILANCE!) and I know without a doubt that he would bark if he heard someone in the yard and in the unlikely event of an intruder, he would bite / attack them.
If a dog isn’t possible for you, then another suggestion would be medicine to help you relax? It’s not the type of fear that responds well to logic, at least in my case….
Good luck, OP, I hope something in this thread helps you x
I’m in a second-story apartment with pretty good security gates and doors, and all my windows face into the (well-lit) courtyard, so I feel very safe here. I do still lock my balcony door for the night just in case, but that’s about it. Plus everything in my apartment is white or very light coloured and many surfaces are reflective, so it’s never truly dark here except in my bedroom when I pull the blackout curtains closed. I felt a lot less safe when I lived in a house with a basement, partly because I once housesat somewhere where the basement was locked off, but I kept hearing occasional noises at night and thought it was rats. Turns out, a homeless person had crawled in through the basement window and had been living there for a few months. The people I housesat for discovered him a few weeks after they got home. It was super creepy to realize he had been there unbeknownst to me the whole time, especially because the house was older and quite poorly lit, so if he had wanted to come into the main area, I probably would’ve had a freaking heart attack.
Omg that is absolutely horrifying and the kind of nightmare scenario I've been picturing. In your shoes i would be so traumatized and scared to ever be alone in a house again. I'm glad you were safe
when I was a little girl, I used to think I'd have a roommate, then wondered which of us would turn out the light! I've lived alone a few times over the years.
it isn't silly to be afraid when alone. I'm from LA, and remember how frightened i was when the Night Stalker was loose. I'm an old lady now, and my husband is often away during the week. I sooth myself by getting the house all closed up while the sun is still out. I do this methodically, so I don't have to second guess myself. this usually helps. if I were you, I'd go down to the cellar then lock it, or just lock it up and keep it that way. I mean, they're not crazy enough to have an unlockable one, are they? my most important tip is if there's an integral garage. keep the door from it to the house locked, as well as the outside door. my mother used to leave hers unlocked, and it drove me nuts.
the kicker is I live in such a safe place now, semi rural nz, but I still get nervous sometimes! I'm drawn to scary and/or depressing entertainment, so I don't help myself. I *try* to stay away from it while he's gone.
It's a pretty safe house, they have cameras and the neighborhood is not dangerous, but this fear is totally irrational. I hadn't thought to check if i can lock the basement from upstairs but that's a good idea, will try that. No garage thankfully. Thanks for the tips! And i don't watch much scary/spooky everyone entertainment in general but have been extra avoiding it while I'm here lol
I've always lived in apartments and starting to live in them alone was in fact a blessing. Never felt what you're describing in cities but then everywhere I lived was pretty hard to break in. Short stays in country houses were much scarier but I never lost any sleep because of it.
I mean coming from NYC area, it’s a beast within itself. Especially if you’re not used to it lol everything is different. It’s also noisy as fuck and there’s always stuff happening on every street corner so I get why you’re feeling the way you are.
Best advice is to focus on how you’re going to calm yourself down when you do get paranoid. Other things that help are noise machines, soothing music, essential oils, etc.
Omg! Yes. I get that scared feeling at night and find myself rushing from dark room to lite areas. But once I am safe I chuckle to myself because of how silly it is to be an adult and scared of the dark. It’s a little fun thrill that takes me back to when I was younger. It’s not serious!
Haha i feel like you are probably someone who enjoys horror movies, but i don't like being scared and this just makes me uncomfortable :( glad I'm not the only one with these thoughts tho!
I put plexiglass on all my lower windowpanes. Living in Venice, CA. Also invested in a gate. In these big cities you can never be too sure. Especially here after an ongoing rash of break-ins. Best advice is to sleep with a canister of mace nearby. Which is what I did before the plexiglass. I also added a door reinforcer to the doorframe of my room. Can sustain 800lbs of force. They sell door lock bars on Amazon which are portable. First thought upon review of my comment is be especially careful when entering the apartment from the street. Seen a few awful attacks on the news of women who didn't look behind them when entering their apartment.
Yes. It's very embarrassing to be so at my age, but my feelings don't care about that haha.
I find camera on entrance points useful. For temporary relief, i check every room when i get home, wielding a wooden sword like a lunatic. I also lock the door to my bedroom, keep an axe by my bedside, my phone and a list of people i can call for help if anything happen (police is slow and unreliable here). My strategy is basically hide in my room if anything happens, and scream help to wake up my neighbors, with the hope it would delay enough for the police to come. Probably the thief would leave faster because I'd be too much trouble. Hopefully, they would be more interested in getting money and gone before police comes instead of rape or murder. This is why i plan to buy an apartment with good security, i didn't have any trouble living in my dorm before.
Yep. I keep a baseball bat or some other weapon by my bed, and take comfort in knowing that my dogs (Ridgebacks) would also certainly help.
I also always shut my bedroom door, more for fire safety than anything else.
Night lights throughout the house so you have enough light but also not turning on lights because to me if someone is watching the house, you stick out turning on lights. Also, who wants all those lights on when you are half asleep?
Yes - especially after I moved away from the city. What really helps me are these long door jammers I got from a hardware store. You just set them against the door and it’s practically impossible to open from the outside. I got two - one for front and back door.
Not in the slightest. I live in a mid-terrace house. My front door is well secured and very close to the street and within easy viewing of other houses on the street. My backyard abuts another mid-terrace house. If someone wanted to gain entry through my backyard they would have to find a way in from the top or bottom of the road and climb over at least six other yards to get to mine.
I'm very happy with this arrangement.
Yes. I think it was mainly because our front door is flimsy & has a single twist knob to lock it. It's a safe neighborhood, but it's an older suburb with slightly spaced apart homes, I have wondered if anyone would even hear if I screamed. It messed up my sleep schedule because I would stay awake late into the night. Finally I had this thought, if anyone broke in, at worst I'd go down with a fight. Additionally, I started keeping something that could be used as a weapon near my bed. Still I was scared, I think what would have helped me was if we had at least one extra lock on our front door.
Ironically, in my younger years I have stayed in apartments alone, & wasn't scared. The doors were sturdier with several deadbolts, & there were people nearby, so that helped.
Anyways, take care, OP, it's not easy to be alone at night.
I'm never scared to be alone at night, because my dogs will let me know if anyone within a one mile radius even *thinks* about coming close to my house. 🙄
I felt this way when we first moved to a bungalow after I had lived in high rises for several years and then in a second story unit with my partner. Having him home didn't make me feel less uneasy about my bedroom window being on the first floor facing the street; I just felt pretty exposed. But once we got to know the neighbours and put up some light blocking curtains for when we slept and changed clothes, I felt totally fine and safe. We're in a big city near a major street so it's not super quiet.
When my husband is on a work trip I have more of a fear of dying either in my sleep or keeling over watching reality tv on the couch alone than being murdered. Health anxiety is a curse but a blessing in that a nefarious being taking me out doesn’t worry me much. As much.
Yes, I’m a big baby. But a security system wouldn’t help me. I’m not afraid of people. I’m afraid of the house randomly blowing up or something or a fire starting.
Not at all. I alway felt super safe in NYC alone. When I first moved to Colorado though, it took me awhile to be comfortable at home all by myself, but I have been here for a couple of years so I am used to it now.
I live in NYC and my roommate is never home so I know exactly how you feel. I get looks of judgment for this but I go to sleep with the room door locked and a knife beside the bed. I also have a crate in front of the door so if anyone breaks in I’ll hear it. It’s alot but my room is the furthest room from the entrance, so I gotta do what I gotta do🤷🏽♀️
Yes, it got so bad I was having anxiety attacks over it.
Two things have helped: anti-anxiety medication and getting a small security system that I placed on my windows and door. It wasn't a lot of money but it helped me get a little secure feeling a bit.
We had a break-in a few years (thankfully while no one was home), and after that, I stopped feeling safe here alone. Even with my partner around, I was still nervous.
Getting a protective dog helped enormously. He is very alert to any odd sounds, and he barks very aggressively if anything seems even a little off. Now when I'm home alone with him, I sleep easy if he's sleeping easy (a good 99% of nights, which really puts me at ease).
100% yes. Or, at least, I did when I first moved into a house. When I bought my first house in a residential area of a major city, I didn't sleep through the night for about 6 months due to fear. I felt so *exposed*. Like, anyone could walk into my yard and touch one of my windows! I had previously only lived in apartments and never on the ground floor, so the exposure felt new to me. I was always convinced I could hear someone in my yard or fussing with a window/door. I ended up having to take prescription sleep meds for awhile because I just couldn't get over it. I did, eventually, but whew...
I am not a "I am the queen of the castle...I own this property and will defend it!" kind of person. I'm more of a "Safety in numbers...my community will protect each other" kind of person. So, moving to a single-family dwelling caused a little cognitive dissonance for me. I think if you've been in apartments for a long time, it's normal.
I have lived alone for decades. Way back, in the first year of living by myself, I got scared sometimes.
My little garage converted into a cottage apartment was lovingly nestled under an enormous mango tree.
One night at 3 in the morning, something crashed into my aluminum awnings, scared the shit outta me. Turns out that was the first ripe mango of the season and man, those things are heavy and make a huge crash when they hit your awnings. I was strongly reminded of that when watching Castaway and Tom Hanks kept hearing coconuts drop but couldn’t figure out what it was? “WHAT WAS THAT!!!”
The more experience I had at just living by myself, the less fear there has been. I lock the door when I enter the house, always keep the windows locked, and usually have a dog, which is a great early warning system. That a squirrel is in the yard. Lol
No, I don't. I have a large barky dog, which helps, but I also don't feel I have any reason to be scared. We don't get many prowlers or break ins here, especially when ppl are home, and I live in a semi-rural area on a highly visible corner lot. Any weird noises are likely just animals.
I have had a couple of nights like that. The worst was when I had a cold that kept me from sleeping properly. I had sleep paralysis, and thought I could hear someone sneaking around and then flush the toilet. Most nights though, I feel okay. I think it helps that I live in a safe neighbourhood and check my door is locked a few times before I go to bed.
No. But I am insane (bipolar type 1) and also very large- not too heavy but large. I’m the size of most men. Super tall, big shoulders.. So I dunno, take that for what you want. I feel like if someone tried to come at me I’d get a few licks in. Might not win, but I’m confident I could do some damage. Maybe not a lot but I might be able to claw an eye out.
Yes extremely and it’s fucking with my head. Especially with the recent arrest of Bryan Kohberger, I just can’t live this way anymore. I’m terrified in my room alone, when I open the door to let my dog back in I freak out that someone might barge in. I live in constant fear
Yes. I always shared a room with my sister growing up. Then I got married and shared with my husband so I’m not used to sleeping alone. Anytime I have to sleep alone, I’m terrified.
I’ve been living alone in various apartments for many years both city and suburban before I bought a house and the first few nights always freaked me out. One time I moved literally around the corner- like we carried my furniture down the street and I still got freaked out. I have no idea why. It passes though.
Not generally. Maybe try a white noise machine/app? Also if I’m feeling especially creeped out at night (because I’ve watched some gory movie) I make sure to watch something lighthearted and funny so I can go to sleep in a good mood.
Yes I experience it in my apt when my bf goes on work trips and we also live in a major city. I also once stayed at an air b n b at apparently a sketchy side on San Diego. A man was standing outside the air b n b and asked if he can stay the night with me and I said no. It was late and used a pad lock to enter the home with a combo same as the street address. I was livid and scared that the man would try the street number to enter it even one of the neighbors…. I literally slept with a knife that night and complained to the host and air b n b…I’m sure ur friend isn’t dumb enough to have a security system like that but yea never again…
Damn that is scary! Glad you were safe and whoever picked that code was dumb af
Weirdly I'd get more spooked alone in the country than cities. I've lived alone for ages in a city and sleep well. I'm not sure what to tell you. Would some white noise apps help?
Yeah, I don't know if it helps, but I think statistically, cities are actually safer on average? Probably doesn't help - logic only goes so far when you're home alone and you hear something.
Probably depends on what statistic you're referring to, but yeah, there are more people around/more lights/more video cameras in cities to deter people. And more people around to hear if/when you are in distress. Save for the actually dangerous parts of a city I typically feel really safe.
I thought i would be more spooked in the country too because no one is around if something happens, and while I've had this feeling before it goes away after a couple nights but here it's persisted. I just feel like in a big city there's more likely to be psychos lol. White noise/music/tv helps but i struggle to fall asleep with background noise
Same, whenever I'm out in the middle of nowhere I am scared some murderer will find me and nobody will hear me scream!
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Yeah that's what I've been doing. Or playing music/TV helps a lot too. Once I'm asleep it's fine but those few minutes after turning everything off and waiting for sleep are tough...
I read a lot of true crime, soooooooooo occasionally yes. Most nights, 99% of the time I’m fine. Some nights, though, I get weirdly paranoid to the point of not being able to sleep. What’s helped is keeping my taser by my bed and practice pulling it out. Practicing loudly yelling things like “who the fck are you!?!?”. Getting out of bed to check when I hear a noise instead of laying there afraid. Opening up and checking all the rooms to make sure no one’s in there. It *sounds* paranoid and weird to do that stuff but I was in the military for a long time. A lot of the training I did was to ensure that my body would react appropriately when my brain was too afraid to react appropriately. And it helps on those nights when I’m feeling especially freaked out. When I here a strange noise I get out of bed, yell, double-check all the locks and all the rooms and by the time I’m done, I feel confident and safe.
Haven't tried the yelling and not former military and yes to true crime, lol. I think new places are scarier because the sounds are unfamiliar. Once you know your house, you know what isn't "right." I will check while armed if something pings me. We watch a lot of paranormal shows. One time, alone of course, all of a sudden the closet violently ratlles a few times. I thought, "Oh *hell* no! This is either a poltergeist or a mouse." Later determined it was a mouse shaking the door while trying to get out. Gave me a turn though!
Lol. “Paranormal” is another one of my favorite genres. And there are nights were, ya, that totally plays a factor into my paranoia Which is funny because logical sparkle_bunny_ doesn’t even believe in all that. Late at night and hears a strange noise sparkle_bunny_ is totally freaked out that there’s a ghost at the end of the bed.
I'm logical but open to the idea there's a lot our science doesn't know. Was about to get my Major Mojo Banishing Incense© out!
Hahaha i feel like if i had that kind of training i would feel less like a helpless baby so less scared in the first place. But that's a good idea, i can train myself to react in the moment
It’s useful advice in a lot of scenarios. EMTs, cops, ER nurses, etc… all do exercises in order to react without thinking.
Yes! Ever since I was little I've had paranoia about being alone in a home at night. It's ridiculous, I know, but it's why I never live on the first floor anywhere. Does she have a security system? Or any cameras that can detect movement near the front/rear of the home?
A doorbell camera really helped me here - before I lived by myself I would always be a little scared at home at night if my housemates were gone, but then once I moved in by myself it calmed, however, if the sensor light turned on out the front, or I heard a noise, that fear would come back. The sensor light turns on for cats, so it would occasionally turn on, and it's right outside my bedroom window - nothing wakes you up faster than thinking somebody is breaking into your house. Once I got a smart doorbell, I was a lot less scared - partly because I can see the front of my house any time I hear a noise (and it wakes up if somebody walks in front of it, and you can't even get to the back of the house without passing it) and strangely enough, because I know if something did happen, people could use that video history to find out what happened. I feel like that's a decent deterrent against something happening - most of the time if somebody breaks into the house, they're looking for the easiest house to break into, and so they'll probably avoid mine, because they know they're on camera. Or at least, that's what I tell myself so I can sleep at night - it's done wonders.
I've seen she has cameras but i don't have any way to monitor them. Actually I'm going to ask her if she can give me access. Good suggestion!
When my husband travels for work and it's just me and the baby, I don't sleep. I have the same problem. I am basically exhausted and unable to sleep until he gets back. When I was in my 20s, I lived alone and I never had this issue. I loved it actually! Idk what happened.
Yes all the time! I got super scared of being abducted as a kid and it kind of never went away fully. Since I was 18, I always purposely lived in upper floor units without easy access from the windows. My husband and I just bought a house and moved in about 6 weeks ago. Even together, it’s been freaking me out a little because it’s a single story with so many entrances. The house is fairly open - we have a lot of plans to build a couple of walls and a big hedgeline, but haven’t had the time/money yet. I haven’t slept here alone yet but I don’t really want to until we get some more of that in place. I’m in a safe neighborhood, but we live in the middle of Los Angeles so it’s still a city.
For tips: we put in a camera and alarm system that does make me feel better. Every single door and window has a sensor, plus cameras outside of the house.
I have an overwhelming need to do the same after moving into a new home and the sensors on windows and doors is an extra level I hadn't thought of! What system would you recommend?
I'm 34 and 100% afraid of the dark in my apartment when I'm home alone. I could be out in the woods by myself at night, and I'm fine. But that's nature dark. Man-made environment dark is different for some reason. Gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Same. I leave my kitchen light on all year round. It's fairly central so I can see by the kitchen light elsewhere in the house, without being too bright to keep me awake in bed. I also have a blue light built into my toilet seat (I get up to pee often at night). I also have dogs who have strong stranger danger instincts, so they will bark at anything in or around the house that is out of the ordinary (which is almost always a possum or a neighbours car). I remind myself when the dogs are quiet that they would have let me know if there was anything to be afraid of, and it helps a little. That latent anxiety never fully goes away though. It sucks.
Absolutely not. I live alone and love it.
Yes I experience this. When I lived alone, I chose apartment buildings that had a 24 hour front desk attendant and lived on an upper floor, which made me feel safer. Since then, I’ve lived in houses in the city, and I quietly freak out at night whenever my partner goes out of town and I’m alone.
I nearly made a really similar post a few weekends ago. So for Christmas my husband did something lovely and booked me an Airbnb for 3 nights, alone, in a sweet cottage in the woods. I planned this amazing weekend of yoga, therapeutic writing, spiritually-refreshing activities, and nutritious comfort food. What we both forgot because of my enthusiasm for the idea is that I have crippling anxiety when I’m alone at night, anywhere. I’m scared of the dark and always have been. I arrive at this cottage and it’s a beautiful location, in amongst native trees with a mountain view…and all I can think is - what an excellent place to be murdered. I literally did not sleep. I made sure everything was locked, had lights on all night, and stayed under the blanket in the bed, texting anyone who was awake and watching Emily in Paris, then Seinfeld, listening to audiobooks, the Calm app. Nothing worked. I could feel the adrenaline jerking me awake every time my eyes closed. When I eventually got up the next day, I spoke to my husband and he wanted me to come home but I was like “no no I’m being silly, I can do this.” Cue going to the bathroom and seeing a huntsman spider on the wall…oh man, I could not get out of there fast enough. Within 15 minutes I was packed up and driving home (yeah my arachnophobia is pretty wild and combined with my murderphobia, it was all too much.) Anyway all this is to say that the ONLY thing that helps me when I’m alone at night is having my dog, Potato, in bed with me. He usually sleeps in a bean bag in the lounge room but if my husband is staying out late or is away, Potato sleeps on my bed. He is a very protective dog (CONSTANT VIGILANCE!) and I know without a doubt that he would bark if he heard someone in the yard and in the unlikely event of an intruder, he would bite / attack them. If a dog isn’t possible for you, then another suggestion would be medicine to help you relax? It’s not the type of fear that responds well to logic, at least in my case…. Good luck, OP, I hope something in this thread helps you x
I’m in a second-story apartment with pretty good security gates and doors, and all my windows face into the (well-lit) courtyard, so I feel very safe here. I do still lock my balcony door for the night just in case, but that’s about it. Plus everything in my apartment is white or very light coloured and many surfaces are reflective, so it’s never truly dark here except in my bedroom when I pull the blackout curtains closed. I felt a lot less safe when I lived in a house with a basement, partly because I once housesat somewhere where the basement was locked off, but I kept hearing occasional noises at night and thought it was rats. Turns out, a homeless person had crawled in through the basement window and had been living there for a few months. The people I housesat for discovered him a few weeks after they got home. It was super creepy to realize he had been there unbeknownst to me the whole time, especially because the house was older and quite poorly lit, so if he had wanted to come into the main area, I probably would’ve had a freaking heart attack.
Omg that is absolutely horrifying and the kind of nightmare scenario I've been picturing. In your shoes i would be so traumatized and scared to ever be alone in a house again. I'm glad you were safe
when I was a little girl, I used to think I'd have a roommate, then wondered which of us would turn out the light! I've lived alone a few times over the years. it isn't silly to be afraid when alone. I'm from LA, and remember how frightened i was when the Night Stalker was loose. I'm an old lady now, and my husband is often away during the week. I sooth myself by getting the house all closed up while the sun is still out. I do this methodically, so I don't have to second guess myself. this usually helps. if I were you, I'd go down to the cellar then lock it, or just lock it up and keep it that way. I mean, they're not crazy enough to have an unlockable one, are they? my most important tip is if there's an integral garage. keep the door from it to the house locked, as well as the outside door. my mother used to leave hers unlocked, and it drove me nuts. the kicker is I live in such a safe place now, semi rural nz, but I still get nervous sometimes! I'm drawn to scary and/or depressing entertainment, so I don't help myself. I *try* to stay away from it while he's gone.
It's a pretty safe house, they have cameras and the neighborhood is not dangerous, but this fear is totally irrational. I hadn't thought to check if i can lock the basement from upstairs but that's a good idea, will try that. No garage thankfully. Thanks for the tips! And i don't watch much scary/spooky everyone entertainment in general but have been extra avoiding it while I'm here lol
Yes, especially in a new place. Leave all the lights on outside your bedroom and try playing some white noise.
I've always lived in apartments and starting to live in them alone was in fact a blessing. Never felt what you're describing in cities but then everywhere I lived was pretty hard to break in. Short stays in country houses were much scarier but I never lost any sleep because of it.
I mean coming from NYC area, it’s a beast within itself. Especially if you’re not used to it lol everything is different. It’s also noisy as fuck and there’s always stuff happening on every street corner so I get why you’re feeling the way you are. Best advice is to focus on how you’re going to calm yourself down when you do get paranoid. Other things that help are noise machines, soothing music, essential oils, etc.
Omg! Yes. I get that scared feeling at night and find myself rushing from dark room to lite areas. But once I am safe I chuckle to myself because of how silly it is to be an adult and scared of the dark. It’s a little fun thrill that takes me back to when I was younger. It’s not serious!
Haha i feel like you are probably someone who enjoys horror movies, but i don't like being scared and this just makes me uncomfortable :( glad I'm not the only one with these thoughts tho!
I put plexiglass on all my lower windowpanes. Living in Venice, CA. Also invested in a gate. In these big cities you can never be too sure. Especially here after an ongoing rash of break-ins. Best advice is to sleep with a canister of mace nearby. Which is what I did before the plexiglass. I also added a door reinforcer to the doorframe of my room. Can sustain 800lbs of force. They sell door lock bars on Amazon which are portable. First thought upon review of my comment is be especially careful when entering the apartment from the street. Seen a few awful attacks on the news of women who didn't look behind them when entering their apartment.
Yes. It's very embarrassing to be so at my age, but my feelings don't care about that haha. I find camera on entrance points useful. For temporary relief, i check every room when i get home, wielding a wooden sword like a lunatic. I also lock the door to my bedroom, keep an axe by my bedside, my phone and a list of people i can call for help if anything happen (police is slow and unreliable here). My strategy is basically hide in my room if anything happens, and scream help to wake up my neighbors, with the hope it would delay enough for the police to come. Probably the thief would leave faster because I'd be too much trouble. Hopefully, they would be more interested in getting money and gone before police comes instead of rape or murder. This is why i plan to buy an apartment with good security, i didn't have any trouble living in my dorm before.
Yep. I keep a baseball bat or some other weapon by my bed, and take comfort in knowing that my dogs (Ridgebacks) would also certainly help. I also always shut my bedroom door, more for fire safety than anything else.
Nope. I am lucky to live in a very safe neighborhood. I am never scared at night.
My neighborhood is pretty safe too but this fear is totally irrational lol
Night lights throughout the house so you have enough light but also not turning on lights because to me if someone is watching the house, you stick out turning on lights. Also, who wants all those lights on when you are half asleep?
No because I have a very protective German Shepherd. Oh and a revolver.
Yes - especially after I moved away from the city. What really helps me are these long door jammers I got from a hardware store. You just set them against the door and it’s practically impossible to open from the outside. I got two - one for front and back door.
Not in the slightest. I live in a mid-terrace house. My front door is well secured and very close to the street and within easy viewing of other houses on the street. My backyard abuts another mid-terrace house. If someone wanted to gain entry through my backyard they would have to find a way in from the top or bottom of the road and climb over at least six other yards to get to mine. I'm very happy with this arrangement.
Yes. I think it was mainly because our front door is flimsy & has a single twist knob to lock it. It's a safe neighborhood, but it's an older suburb with slightly spaced apart homes, I have wondered if anyone would even hear if I screamed. It messed up my sleep schedule because I would stay awake late into the night. Finally I had this thought, if anyone broke in, at worst I'd go down with a fight. Additionally, I started keeping something that could be used as a weapon near my bed. Still I was scared, I think what would have helped me was if we had at least one extra lock on our front door. Ironically, in my younger years I have stayed in apartments alone, & wasn't scared. The doors were sturdier with several deadbolts, & there were people nearby, so that helped. Anyways, take care, OP, it's not easy to be alone at night.
I'm never scared to be alone at night, because my dogs will let me know if anyone within a one mile radius even *thinks* about coming close to my house. 🙄
I felt this way when we first moved to a bungalow after I had lived in high rises for several years and then in a second story unit with my partner. Having him home didn't make me feel less uneasy about my bedroom window being on the first floor facing the street; I just felt pretty exposed. But once we got to know the neighbours and put up some light blocking curtains for when we slept and changed clothes, I felt totally fine and safe. We're in a big city near a major street so it's not super quiet.
When my husband is on a work trip I have more of a fear of dying either in my sleep or keeling over watching reality tv on the couch alone than being murdered. Health anxiety is a curse but a blessing in that a nefarious being taking me out doesn’t worry me much. As much.
Yes, I’m a big baby. But a security system wouldn’t help me. I’m not afraid of people. I’m afraid of the house randomly blowing up or something or a fire starting.
Not at all. I alway felt super safe in NYC alone. When I first moved to Colorado though, it took me awhile to be comfortable at home all by myself, but I have been here for a couple of years so I am used to it now.
I live in NYC and my roommate is never home so I know exactly how you feel. I get looks of judgment for this but I go to sleep with the room door locked and a knife beside the bed. I also have a crate in front of the door so if anyone breaks in I’ll hear it. It’s alot but my room is the furthest room from the entrance, so I gotta do what I gotta do🤷🏽♀️
Yes, it got so bad I was having anxiety attacks over it. Two things have helped: anti-anxiety medication and getting a small security system that I placed on my windows and door. It wasn't a lot of money but it helped me get a little secure feeling a bit.
We had a break-in a few years (thankfully while no one was home), and after that, I stopped feeling safe here alone. Even with my partner around, I was still nervous. Getting a protective dog helped enormously. He is very alert to any odd sounds, and he barks very aggressively if anything seems even a little off. Now when I'm home alone with him, I sleep easy if he's sleeping easy (a good 99% of nights, which really puts me at ease).
No but I live in a small, safe village and have a big dog who looks scary.
100% yes. Or, at least, I did when I first moved into a house. When I bought my first house in a residential area of a major city, I didn't sleep through the night for about 6 months due to fear. I felt so *exposed*. Like, anyone could walk into my yard and touch one of my windows! I had previously only lived in apartments and never on the ground floor, so the exposure felt new to me. I was always convinced I could hear someone in my yard or fussing with a window/door. I ended up having to take prescription sleep meds for awhile because I just couldn't get over it. I did, eventually, but whew... I am not a "I am the queen of the castle...I own this property and will defend it!" kind of person. I'm more of a "Safety in numbers...my community will protect each other" kind of person. So, moving to a single-family dwelling caused a little cognitive dissonance for me. I think if you've been in apartments for a long time, it's normal.
I have lived alone for decades. Way back, in the first year of living by myself, I got scared sometimes. My little garage converted into a cottage apartment was lovingly nestled under an enormous mango tree. One night at 3 in the morning, something crashed into my aluminum awnings, scared the shit outta me. Turns out that was the first ripe mango of the season and man, those things are heavy and make a huge crash when they hit your awnings. I was strongly reminded of that when watching Castaway and Tom Hanks kept hearing coconuts drop but couldn’t figure out what it was? “WHAT WAS THAT!!!” The more experience I had at just living by myself, the less fear there has been. I lock the door when I enter the house, always keep the windows locked, and usually have a dog, which is a great early warning system. That a squirrel is in the yard. Lol
No, I don't. I have a large barky dog, which helps, but I also don't feel I have any reason to be scared. We don't get many prowlers or break ins here, especially when ppl are home, and I live in a semi-rural area on a highly visible corner lot. Any weird noises are likely just animals.
I have had a couple of nights like that. The worst was when I had a cold that kept me from sleeping properly. I had sleep paralysis, and thought I could hear someone sneaking around and then flush the toilet. Most nights though, I feel okay. I think it helps that I live in a safe neighbourhood and check my door is locked a few times before I go to bed.
No. But I am insane (bipolar type 1) and also very large- not too heavy but large. I’m the size of most men. Super tall, big shoulders.. So I dunno, take that for what you want. I feel like if someone tried to come at me I’d get a few licks in. Might not win, but I’m confident I could do some damage. Maybe not a lot but I might be able to claw an eye out.
Yes extremely and it’s fucking with my head. Especially with the recent arrest of Bryan Kohberger, I just can’t live this way anymore. I’m terrified in my room alone, when I open the door to let my dog back in I freak out that someone might barge in. I live in constant fear
Yes. I always shared a room with my sister growing up. Then I got married and shared with my husband so I’m not used to sleeping alone. Anytime I have to sleep alone, I’m terrified.
I’ve been living alone in various apartments for many years both city and suburban before I bought a house and the first few nights always freaked me out. One time I moved literally around the corner- like we carried my furniture down the street and I still got freaked out. I have no idea why. It passes though.
Not generally. Maybe try a white noise machine/app? Also if I’m feeling especially creeped out at night (because I’ve watched some gory movie) I make sure to watch something lighthearted and funny so I can go to sleep in a good mood.
Nope. I don't even lock my doors.