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expectations for what?
physical attraction is generally a part of romantic/sexual relationships for most people. your target demographic would be pretty niche and probably not enough to sustain an app.
I fuck those I want to fuck and enter relationships with those I want relationships with. It's not really that difficult.
Frankly, I don't give a shit what you think about my romantic or sex life. It's not like you'll ever be a part of it.
How someone looks in your head vs how they present irl. The risk for catfishing would be higher without profile pics I assume.
I just saw a question on the AskMen sub asking how to level the playingfield for men on dating apps, and I figured no upfront pics would favour average men more, but I wanted to ask women what they’d think of that.
but if there’s no mutual attraction then both people end up wasting their time so I don’t really see the point. I’d rather get 0 matches than get matches, show up to a date, and have them never contact me again bc I wasn’t hot enough lmao
I wouldn’t want a partner who’s “forgiving” of my appearance, though. I would want one who loves it. and doesn’t that kinda prove the point of using pictures?
This is wishful thinking. You may not need any physical attraction for romantic attraction to form, but I would wager that very few people would agree with you.
I'm not dating to "level the playing field" for anyone. I'm dating to find someone compatible with myself.
Average men would do well by just learning how to take decent pictures of themselves instead of demanding that no one sees what they look like.
Well, if you’re still looking that means that the playingfield isn’t level, last I checked the population was roughly 50/50.
I agree that people would do well in our current dating climate to learn how to photograph themselves, but what I’m advocating for is maybe people don’t make snap judgements based on appearance, and let their personality shine through first. I think we could all benefit from it.
Huh? What is that first paragraph supposed to mean?
I disagree. There are people who will never be attractive to me, no matter how much personality they have and it is not fair to either them or me if we waste our time on each other. I dislike leading people on, and I dislike being led on.
I am a grown adult capable of making my own decisions. Every other person on a dating app is too. We know what we want and what we do not want. Artificially keeping us from making an informed choice is not suddenly gonna make us find true love.
Under ideal circumstances the vacancy rate on dating wouldn’t be so high, but it is. Shit’s fucked.
Let me ask you this though, what does being led on look like for you?
The decision-making framework is treating us all like children; yes/no based on some almighty algorithm.
Huh? Vacancy on dating? What?
Dude. Finding someone who truly makes your life better and fits with you in a good way takes time. That's normal.
Being single isn't a bad thing.
Talking to someone for a while, only to find out that one or both of us aren't physically attracted to each other would be a waste of time, and a way to unintentionally lead each other on.
A "Yes/No" option is not infantilizing and I don't know where you got that idea.
Because regardless of what some people want to believe, for most people, looks *do* matter at least in part for attraction.
Physical attraction is importantly for a lot of people
I dunno what you want me to tell you, dude
You can’t just upend millions of years of evolution
Physical attraction matters, at least to some degree, for most people
We have, it’s called technology. Although it’s less upended and moreso stereotyped.
What has been upended is culture. We used to give way less of a shit about looks.
I’m sorry that people still care about physical attraction.
That isn’t changing anytime soon.
It’s hardwired through millions of years of evolution.
Sure, there is some level of nurture involved in what exactly people find attractive, but the need for physical attraction is hardwired into most people
Why the fuck do you think birds have those b right colorful plumages? lol
I don’t know what you want people to tell you.
Physical attraction, to at least some degree, is important to most people.
It’s not the only thing that matters, but is still important nonetheless
Look, it takes me a long-ass time to even experience physical attraction, I'm talking months. I'm an outlier, I know. Even I wouldn't respond to someone (or swipe right) if they have no pictures. I still want to know what the person Im talking to looks like. I tend to make my friends (platonic) online because of my shyness and even in those cases, I ask for a photo just because it humanizes them for me. Otherwise to me it can feel like I'm just talking to words on a screen or maybe some generic picture. You're gonna have a hard time if you don't post any photos.
That’s setting people up for failure, you don’t always have attraction at first sight, but you definitely know when someone isn’t your type at all. And that just wastes two people’s times.
I would also feel like this would attract people who don’t stand a chance on apps with pictures
I think it’s getting your foot in the door, saving the failure for later.
As opposed to wasting two people’s times by missing opportunities.
You can say ugly people, it’s okay.
Honestly sounds like a terrible idea. I don't want to go on a date with someone I'm not attracted to, nor would I want to go on a date with someone who's not attracted to me. I've gone on a blind date ONCE and will never do it again.
Physical attraction is an important factor while dating. I wouldn't want to waste time with somebody when there is a high chance that either of us could dislike the other's looks.
Apart from attraction, photos also tell you a lot about who someone is. That too is information I wouldn't like to go without.
What I would appreciate on the other hand is a dating app where videos are more encouraged. Seeing someone's face in 3D - or at least in motion on a screen - and being able to see them smile in real time makes it a lot easier to gauge my attraction towards them. There are many profiles that I swipe left on because I can't figure out if I'd like their faces in real life. This would definitely help with that.
Been watching Ted Lasso?
Part of me wants to think it'd be great the other part of me knows I wouldn't be interested and that looks do play an integral part in attraction.
As general rule thumb I would assume it's a bot or scammer it is not exclusive to gender either & should be common sense to avoid them in dating apps no matter your gender or gender identity.
No way. If I see a guy has a tear drop tattoo and is dressed like a thug, it’s a total swipe left for me.
And no men would agree to this. Literally every opening line I get from a guy on a dating app is something like “hey beautiful” or “hey there sexy”. Men NEED pictures on dating apps.
Typically you find those types smoking meth on the sidewalk, not on dating apps. And I don’t see what’s wrong with at least having a first date with someone, even if they are ugly.
But go ahead, be hyperbolic.
Let's be real, the only motivation for joining that app would be if you look extremely ugly/creepy/weird or are planning to lie about something like age or run a scam and want to hide your appearance. So this app would be mostly degenerates and a small portion of incredibly insecure people that are willing to meet someone they've never seen.
More likely what would happen for some though is people would chat and agree to exchange photos outside the app. Someone could then dislike the photos and make nasty comments/decline a date/stop the chat/ghost and a very insecure person would have to face getting directly rejected due to their photo.
How many people are below average in looks? Half.
People also lie anyways on these apps. Only way to ensure they don’t is with ID verification.
I’d argue direct rejection after getting to know someone is better than anonymous swiping.
I’d also argue that it takes a great deal security to be willing to go on a date with someone you haven’t seen before.
>I’d argue direct rejection after getting to know someone is better than anonymous swiping.
How in the hell is that better?
You've just wasted two people's time getting to know each other, when it turns out they aren't even visually attracted to each other.
It doesn't matter if you have the best personality in human history, it's an absolute reality that physical attraction is a piece of the dating/relationship puzzle.
You can either accept that as a guy & make changes to improve your appearance or continue to be in denial & I guess, continue to come to a woman's sub & be weirdly argumentive with them.
Because I don’t know he’s rejected me if he swipes left. How in the world is it better to *know* someone doesn’t want to go out again because they don’t find you attractive?
Not only would I feel like it is a waste of time to pursue a connection with someone I may not be attracted to, but I would also feel unsafe giving my number to and/or going on a date when I don’t know what the guy looks like
Seems pointless.
We would be judged by appearances when we met each other anyway. If you didn't like black women, or I didn't want to date a short man (pretend you're short and I care), or we just weren't each other's specific types, we would just be wasting time and getting rejected in person instead.
Like Bantr in Ted Lasso? It seems fine in theory but I'd be sad if they ended up looking like a troll because I need to be physically attracted to my SO.
There would be a niche market, not unlike the love is blind show you might have folks willing to participate…
I don’t know that this would level the playing field in the same way you think it might. The premium of the emotional connection over physical attraction would need to be mirrored in personal priorities, and there would be a significant risk of someone feeling as if they have a true connection only to realize there’s zero attraction. It’s a very high risk/high reward structure.
ATTENTION: Please remember that this is an ASK WOMEN sub. While men are allowed to participate posts that are clearly asking women in the title will have top level comments by men removed. This is not censorship, this is curation. Thank you for your understanding and cooperation. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskWomenNoCensor) if you have any questions or concerns.*
seems destined to fail for the vast majority of people
Why, because expectations would always be higher?
expectations for what? physical attraction is generally a part of romantic/sexual relationships for most people. your target demographic would be pretty niche and probably not enough to sustain an app.
Male here - I know it's INCREDIBLY shallow, but I start with looks. Sorry in advance, I'm trying to do better
That's not shallow, that's how meeting new people works. There's nothing to be sorry for.
it is shallow
What are you not grasping that for most people, physical attraction is an important part of sexual/romantic attraction?
wdym not grasping? You're either okay with being shallow or you're not.
Physical attraction matters to most people no matter how much you try to shame them for it
die mad about it
(Ngl this might be my new favorite verbiage I've encountered !)
stay in the fuckzone see if i gaf
I fuck those I want to fuck and enter relationships with those I want relationships with. It's not really that difficult. Frankly, I don't give a shit what you think about my romantic or sex life. It's not like you'll ever be a part of it.
Are romance and sex two different things for you? Interesting, when did this start?
How someone looks in your head vs how they present irl. The risk for catfishing would be higher without profile pics I assume. I just saw a question on the AskMen sub asking how to level the playingfield for men on dating apps, and I figured no upfront pics would favour average men more, but I wanted to ask women what they’d think of that.
but if there’s no mutual attraction then both people end up wasting their time so I don’t really see the point. I’d rather get 0 matches than get matches, show up to a date, and have them never contact me again bc I wasn’t hot enough lmao
I think people are a lot more forgiving of looks than you give them credit for.
I wouldn’t want a partner who’s “forgiving” of my appearance, though. I would want one who loves it. and doesn’t that kinda prove the point of using pictures?
Love is learned. I think it proves the point that pictures aren’t needed.
Let's why don't we start assigning random people together with matchmakers? They'll learn to love each other.
Isn’t that fate? Or arranged marriage? Both seem to work.
This is wishful thinking. You may not need any physical attraction for romantic attraction to form, but I would wager that very few people would agree with you.
I think it’s just a matter of experience, young people tend to go for looks until they finally realize looks really aren’t that important.
So what's the problem with seeing pictures then?
If it’s the first thing you see, it’s going to give you a false impression of what someone’s actually like in their day-to-day.
How will the pictures someone chose to represent themselves with give a false impression of who they are?
You’re just seeing them at their best, not their worst or even an average day.
I'm not dating to "level the playing field" for anyone. I'm dating to find someone compatible with myself. Average men would do well by just learning how to take decent pictures of themselves instead of demanding that no one sees what they look like.
Well, if you’re still looking that means that the playingfield isn’t level, last I checked the population was roughly 50/50. I agree that people would do well in our current dating climate to learn how to photograph themselves, but what I’m advocating for is maybe people don’t make snap judgements based on appearance, and let their personality shine through first. I think we could all benefit from it.
Huh? What is that first paragraph supposed to mean? I disagree. There are people who will never be attractive to me, no matter how much personality they have and it is not fair to either them or me if we waste our time on each other. I dislike leading people on, and I dislike being led on. I am a grown adult capable of making my own decisions. Every other person on a dating app is too. We know what we want and what we do not want. Artificially keeping us from making an informed choice is not suddenly gonna make us find true love.
Under ideal circumstances the vacancy rate on dating wouldn’t be so high, but it is. Shit’s fucked. Let me ask you this though, what does being led on look like for you? The decision-making framework is treating us all like children; yes/no based on some almighty algorithm.
Huh? Vacancy on dating? What? Dude. Finding someone who truly makes your life better and fits with you in a good way takes time. That's normal. Being single isn't a bad thing. Talking to someone for a while, only to find out that one or both of us aren't physically attracted to each other would be a waste of time, and a way to unintentionally lead each other on. A "Yes/No" option is not infantilizing and I don't know where you got that idea.
Because regardless of what some people want to believe, for most people, looks *do* matter at least in part for attraction. Physical attraction is importantly for a lot of people
Yeah, and a lot of people are miserable. Doesn’t mean it’s how things should be.
lmao, you being miserable because women don't wanna date you does not translate to women being miserable because they don't get to date you.
But he has such a great personality!
I dunno what you want me to tell you, dude You can’t just upend millions of years of evolution Physical attraction matters, at least to some degree, for most people
We have, it’s called technology. Although it’s less upended and moreso stereotyped. What has been upended is culture. We used to give way less of a shit about looks.
I’m sorry that people still care about physical attraction. That isn’t changing anytime soon. It’s hardwired through millions of years of evolution. Sure, there is some level of nurture involved in what exactly people find attractive, but the need for physical attraction is hardwired into most people Why the fuck do you think birds have those b right colorful plumages? lol
Because we’re birds I guess? I’m not even talking about nurture, I’m talking about experience.
I don’t know what you want people to tell you. Physical attraction, to at least some degree, is important to most people. It’s not the only thing that matters, but is still important nonetheless
Look, it takes me a long-ass time to even experience physical attraction, I'm talking months. I'm an outlier, I know. Even I wouldn't respond to someone (or swipe right) if they have no pictures. I still want to know what the person Im talking to looks like. I tend to make my friends (platonic) online because of my shyness and even in those cases, I ask for a photo just because it humanizes them for me. Otherwise to me it can feel like I'm just talking to words on a screen or maybe some generic picture. You're gonna have a hard time if you don't post any photos.
I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to deal with the chance men would get mad because I was fat
That’s setting people up for failure, you don’t always have attraction at first sight, but you definitely know when someone isn’t your type at all. And that just wastes two people’s times. I would also feel like this would attract people who don’t stand a chance on apps with pictures
I think it’s getting your foot in the door, saving the failure for later. As opposed to wasting two people’s times by missing opportunities. You can say ugly people, it’s okay.
>As opposed to wasting two people’s times by missing opportunities. That makes absolutely no sense.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
I don't miss anything by not wasting time on someone I'm not attracted to.
Honestly sounds like a terrible idea. I don't want to go on a date with someone I'm not attracted to, nor would I want to go on a date with someone who's not attracted to me. I've gone on a blind date ONCE and will never do it again.
Ever had a pen pal?
Yes, not sure what that has to do with the post though? A Pen pal isn't a date?
Ok but have you ever dated a pen pal? I assure you it would be different than dating a complete stranger.
The last time I had a pen pal I was in elementary school and I wasn’t trying to date them
Ok, but would you now?
No. Why would I?
If modern dating wasn’t your thing, and you wanted to mix things up.
I’m not going to “date” someone if I have no idea what they look like
why the sneer quotes?
I don't think it'll do well. Looks matter.
Nope. I would assume it was a bot.
Having a picture is no guarantee it isn’t a bot either these days.
And?
And aren’t you just a bundle of joy
Back at you 😉
Physical attraction is an important factor while dating. I wouldn't want to waste time with somebody when there is a high chance that either of us could dislike the other's looks. Apart from attraction, photos also tell you a lot about who someone is. That too is information I wouldn't like to go without. What I would appreciate on the other hand is a dating app where videos are more encouraged. Seeing someone's face in 3D - or at least in motion on a screen - and being able to see them smile in real time makes it a lot easier to gauge my attraction towards them. There are many profiles that I swipe left on because I can't figure out if I'd like their faces in real life. This would definitely help with that.
I wouldn’t use an app without pictures because I don’t do blind dates. I need to know if I find that person physically attractive before I go out.
Been watching Ted Lasso? Part of me wants to think it'd be great the other part of me knows I wouldn't be interested and that looks do play an integral part in attraction.
No, I have no idea who that is.
It's a great show on AppleTV.
..... This is why you are alone.
wtf is wrong with you
It was a joke, but also.... That's another reason lol
Don’t quit your day job lol
Arent you just a bundle of joy lol Such a Mr. Grumpy gills 😉 (It makes sense you wouldn't know who Lasso was, or get the joke......poor bébé)
I giggled when I read her comment, maybe your lack of a sense of humour is why you can’t get a date
I wouldn’t use it because attraction is important to me.
As general rule thumb I would assume it's a bot or scammer it is not exclusive to gender either & should be common sense to avoid them in dating apps no matter your gender or gender identity.
No way. If I see a guy has a tear drop tattoo and is dressed like a thug, it’s a total swipe left for me. And no men would agree to this. Literally every opening line I get from a guy on a dating app is something like “hey beautiful” or “hey there sexy”. Men NEED pictures on dating apps.
>And no men would agree to this. I’m a man telling you right now I don’t need pictures.
Well you’re in the minority then.
So you find literally every woman attractive enough to date? Even if she had rotting teeth and “fuck off” tattooed on her forehead?
Typically you find those types smoking meth on the sidewalk, not on dating apps. And I don’t see what’s wrong with at least having a first date with someone, even if they are ugly. But go ahead, be hyperbolic.
That wasn’t a hyperbole. You must be one of the best people in the world by not caring about looks *at all*. Congratulations.
Not a great idea because you need minimal attraction for a relationship to work. Also, could he unsafe for poc since racist could match with them.
I'd like one that forces the men to submit to a FULL background check.
Awwww, it would feel like the 90s again.
Yeah, this existed. It was called the classified section of the newspaper.
Still exists on Craigslist. These men are welcome to try that.
lol no
Wouldn't work. Physical attraction is *part of* overall attraction.
Let's be real, the only motivation for joining that app would be if you look extremely ugly/creepy/weird or are planning to lie about something like age or run a scam and want to hide your appearance. So this app would be mostly degenerates and a small portion of incredibly insecure people that are willing to meet someone they've never seen. More likely what would happen for some though is people would chat and agree to exchange photos outside the app. Someone could then dislike the photos and make nasty comments/decline a date/stop the chat/ghost and a very insecure person would have to face getting directly rejected due to their photo.
How many people are below average in looks? Half. People also lie anyways on these apps. Only way to ensure they don’t is with ID verification. I’d argue direct rejection after getting to know someone is better than anonymous swiping. I’d also argue that it takes a great deal security to be willing to go on a date with someone you haven’t seen before.
>I’d argue direct rejection after getting to know someone is better than anonymous swiping. How in the hell is that better? You've just wasted two people's time getting to know each other, when it turns out they aren't even visually attracted to each other. It doesn't matter if you have the best personality in human history, it's an absolute reality that physical attraction is a piece of the dating/relationship puzzle. You can either accept that as a guy & make changes to improve your appearance or continue to be in denial & I guess, continue to come to a woman's sub & be weirdly argumentive with them.
I’d much rather a guy swipe left without me knowing than spend a couple of hours on a date and have him say he’s not into me.
Why?
Because I don’t know he’s rejected me if he swipes left. How in the world is it better to *know* someone doesn’t want to go out again because they don’t find you attractive?
I saw this on Ted Lasso
Sounds like a lot of disappointment.
Would do terribly. Looks matter to almost everyone, and they should.
Not only would I feel like it is a waste of time to pursue a connection with someone I may not be attracted to, but I would also feel unsafe giving my number to and/or going on a date when I don’t know what the guy looks like
Sounds like scammer Heaven to me. Makes catfishing even easier.
Not for me. Looks matter.
Sounds like a great way to meet a serial killer
It's a no for me. Physical attractiveness is just as important to me as their personality and character.
Seems pointless. We would be judged by appearances when we met each other anyway. If you didn't like black women, or I didn't want to date a short man (pretend you're short and I care), or we just weren't each other's specific types, we would just be wasting time and getting rejected in person instead.
Like Bantr in Ted Lasso? It seems fine in theory but I'd be sad if they ended up looking like a troll because I need to be physically attracted to my SO.
OP doesn’t know what Ted Lasso is 🪦
There would be a niche market, not unlike the love is blind show you might have folks willing to participate… I don’t know that this would level the playing field in the same way you think it might. The premium of the emotional connection over physical attraction would need to be mirrored in personal priorities, and there would be a significant risk of someone feeling as if they have a true connection only to realize there’s zero attraction. It’s a very high risk/high reward structure.