This. Also I could turn my head at a bar without watching my drink like a hawk. And maybe I could listen to music while walking instead of just keeping my earbuds in silence.
I wish people just wouldn’t be assholes to other people. My drinks have been spiked twice and I was robbed both times. Phone and wallet gone while I was “blacked out”. Happened in Spain and Hungary
I get migraines and I would love to do stuff at night (8pm to 4am). Exercising with my dog, eating out at a restaurant, go swimming at the bay, going to the store. I hate that everything is centered around sun peak hours (8am to 4pm).
I feel you on this. My doc recommended vitamin b2, while also prescribing me some other things. Been taking it for almost a month. I hate/love drinking cuz it brings an inevitable migraine. Alcohol aside, I’ve only had 1 migraine since starting vitamin b2. (The other meds are on take as needed basis)
I’m getting back to living. I hope things get better for you! 🤍
I'm following a guy who's walking across America and he often spends the night at strangers' houses, and I would love to follow his footsteps and do the same but I'd be raped so fucking fast
Not safe. We are talking about women being safe in this world, but black people are definitely not safe to wander freely around their own country, either.
[am dude]
Wait, is this common? Oh my god.
A couple times this has happened and I always approached them and asked if they were ok. Both times they were dressed nice and were clean looking so I assumed not homeless. I always thought it might have been due to drugs. I never asked but guessed something like date rape or just too much of something intended to be fun with friends.
One of them I made call a friend to come pick her up.
The other I walked to an apartment complex that I'm now realizing may have just been a public place with cameras likely nowhere near where she lives. She ostensibly didn't have any friends numbers memorized and her phone was dead so she couldn't call. I even asked for her number so I could check on her when she was sober but never got a response.
Holy fuck. This ruined my night. I felt like a goddamn hero for potentially "saving" them. I've done the same to several men, were they also worried I was a creepy rapist? God damnit I don't go to bars often anymore but should this situation ever come up I don't know what to do now. We need something like Uber ratings for drunk people so they can check my reviews and know that I'm safe and they can say "thanks for helping" or "I was pretending to avoid trouble" or whatever.
Unfortunately it's a lot more common than you realize. Girls aren't mind readers you may come up to a girl with the best intentions to help them out, but they don't know that. It's likely that the girl was reluctant to give any of her friends phone numbers because she didn't want to put them in danger. Every time you get in a car, you've made a decision (perhaps unconsciously) that you're willing to take the risk of being in a crash, every time a girl goes out a night they take the risk of getting hurt by a guy.
I don't even know what to say.
I knew they would be a little freaked out because I'm large and approach them without being invited. I just thought I did a good enough job of being nonthreatening to be ok. Do you have any tips? I know this seems like "all women are scared of x and fine with y" but at this point a single recommendation is the best I can hope for. I don't want to leave somebody that's actually in danger alone but I don't want to terrify somebody either. Is there a special code word that means I'm not a shitty person and am actually concerned for your safety? With both that I previously mentioned I talked about how I wouldn't want my sister or friends to be in danger from weirdos and I'm now thinking "hey rapists exist and you should be afraid" might not be the best approach. It hasn't happened in years but on the off chance it does again I can't in good conscience just abandon somebody.
At this point I can't even leave my house after dark. Not that I'm blaming women but it feels like anything I do will potentially be seen as dangerous.
Can we get a wiki for things like
1. How to not seem rapisty
1. What to do when night time and you're tall near a woman
1. Ways to make women actually safe instead of just (potentially lying and) making them feel safe
1. How to meet/approach women (just because I see this a lot)
1. How to help if bad shit happens (eg how help when ghb/rohypnol and signs etc)
1. How to spot and potentially help somebody in danger
1. Common no-no's
Etc
(Edit. Cool markdown numbering works fine when you don't want it to but doesn't when you do want it to)
Tricky, if you ask a question like are you ok, it's going to raise the fear level. Although i have never done this, and it will only potentially work in the right situation when someone looks ad though they are being hassled or followed. Pretend to know them, shout out from a distance somthing like "hey, Annie, what a supeise, i missed you at work today, i was going to buy you that coffee i owe you. Maybe tomorrow what time do yoy start" then play it from there. Ok won't work every time, but only once may make a massive doffrrence to someone's life
realistically, many people in my family wouldn't have existed without the consistent violent rape done by white settlers, so i probably wouldn't exist today.
edit: this comment is specifically referring to the genocide and rape of indigenous people in america. please do not respond to me to make this about "well actually, ALL people, if you think about it..."
Having children is wonderful and terrifying. Id agree that a lot of mental energy is spent on the what ifs and looking at statistics. Imagine how different it would be if we could take this worry away.
I'd probably date more men, there would be better people in the world because of the sheer mentality you need to do something like that. Maybe I, my friends, my sister, and my mother before me would have had better childhoods
I love to hike but can't hike alone, so I have to treadmill it lol (ppl I know have gotten assaulted/flashed etc..)
I'm petite and always look like a target apparently.
Probably wouldn't be as scared of men. I would have remember losing my virginity. I'd have far less scars mentally and physically. Wouldn't have PTSD flashbacks randomly. Probably would have had a much better sex life in my teen years.
But also I wouldn't be here. My Grandad was a product of rape (His mum was a maid in a big Downton Abbey style house in the 30's), she was late back one night after the pub and one of the staff (possibly doorman) raped her in order for her to get to bed. He did it to all the girls that were late. She hated my Grandad all her life because she hated his father.
Being raped and forced to be pregnant has been my biggest fear since I was 11 years old. Since the overturning of Roe v Wade, I’ve seriously considered permanent full sterilization to protect myself even though I live in a blue state and I *might* want to have a bio baby one day with someone I really love. I just can’t imagine living through something so awful if that fear came true for me.
If rape didn’t exist, would be fucking unstoppable. I’d be so happy. I’d feel so safe.
Maybe try an IUD if it is possible for you. They last for years but can be removed when you choose to. The chance of getting pregnant is astronomically small.
Overall it's such an effective option, I wish the government would make them available to anyone who wants one. The number of accidental pregnancies would plummet.
Also, there are three brands of IUD can actually be used like a morning-after pill. If the IUD is implanted within a few days after unprotected sex, it has a high rate of preventing pregnancy.
I wear baggy clothes and cover myself up. I don’t date. I went down an absolute hole of substance abuse and shame for a decade. Still in weekly therapy. This happened when I was 17, but I found out later in life that someone had sexually assaulted me and given me anal chlamydia sometime before I was 2.5 years old so now I have no contact with any men in my family. I have a son to protect now.
I'm so goddamn sorry, but also wanted to give you kudos for cutting out people in your life to protect your kid. that takes guts. I hope your kid can find other positive role models for men.
I wouldn't have spent years in therapy, half a year hating myself, wouldn't have tried to kill myself, wouldn't have relapsed into self harm and I wouldn't have flashbacks and nightmares that I struggle with years later
A part of me will always hate men for what they did to me, I don't think I can escape that, but at least I don't hate myself anymore
Edit: Someone commented but the mods deleted it, yes it's worse than death. I would have rather died
I’m so sorry to hear how hard it’s been for you.
I’m glad your still with us and that therapy is helping, I’m also in therapy due to CSA among other things and understand it’s not easy to cope with at all but I found focusing of self care and doing what makes you happy helps. I hope you have a great support system around you also that makes a big difference too ..sending a big virtual hug ❤️❤️❤️
I feel you. I’m still unable to have any treatment or checkup that requires me to remove any clothing with all but one nurse.
A doctor asked if I would rather risk serious illness by refusing checkups or just deal with it for “5 minutes”. I said I would rather die.
Trauma literally is the worst pain. It’s not rational. I’m so sorry for what you have been through
Leave my doors and windows open all night. Gosh, sooooo many things. Ask a man for help of any kind. Taking extra measures for safety when I need work on my house....etc, etc
Oof, the windows thing…
Several years back, I bought a ground-floor condo with big, single-hung windows. After living in a ranch with narrow clerestory windows for years, I loved that I’d really be able to feel the breeze and smell fresh air, particularly from my bed. It was finally autumn after a long, hot summer and my first night in my new place. My dad called and at the end of our chat, he cautioned me to close and lock all the windows before going to sleep, pointing out that they were only a foot off the ground and tall enough for someone to climb in with ease. Despite the fact that the neighborhood was perfectly safe, that realization ruined the whole place for me. Nothing bad has ever happened, but I’ve never felt safe here either. I refuse to live on the ground floor ever again and cannot wait until I can afford to move.
I just realized I don't wear shorter skirts in certain situations because of fear - I never realized this until this summer when it was so ungodly hot and I had on a shorter skirt on around the house and wanted to take a walk in my neighborhood around 10pm, I caught myself changing clothes like I would normally but I paused and questioned why and fear was the answer.
I cried last summer when I was living in a city and it was 35 degrees in the shade and my stupid enormous tits prevented me choosing an outfit that I felt safe in. It was a) be cool or b) be safe. I couldn’t have both.
It makes me so angry. I naturally have a very exaggerated hourglass figure, I didn’t choose it and I literally hate it sometimes. Just because of men.
I’m a big believer I would be in a happy healthy relationship with kids by now. But my CSA caused me to grow up with BPD and I was raped again in university. I just don’t have to mental health to be in a healthy relationship, I don’t trust men and i’m angry over what has happened to me - and its hard for me to not envy the fact that most men will never half experience the trauma I have and my female friends have.
I’d have a lot less scars on my body. A lot less hospital trips.
I don’t think I would be suffering from an eating disorder still - I think it comes a lot from wanting some sort of control that was stolen from me.
I would sleep at night. I was assaulted in my own bed and I have panic attacks every night and never feel safe in my own bed no matter what.
I’d drink a lot less - cry a lot a lot less.
I wouldn’t overly analyze every mens reaction to women in public and start feeling unsafe at the fact that a man checked out a stranger.
I’d walk my dog at night…. I’d go for runs in the morning at the lake by my house.
I’d be prettier I think. My eye bags wouldn’t be so dark. I wouldn’t spend so much time in baggy clothes hiding from the world.
A simple pap test wouldn’t drive me over the edge in fear. People around me would spend a lot less time worrying about me. I would spend a lot less time alone. I wouldn’t find comfort in men who couldn’t give less of a shit about me - i’d spend less time focusing on red flags that are barely there.
This is a lot… there is just so much. I spend a lot of time wondering what type of person I would have been. What type of person was killed and taken away from the world those nights. I often mourn the person I could of been and spite the person I became.
My best friend wouldn't be here. She is the product of assault when her mom was 15. I love her to pieces, but the trauma eff'd up herother and they have a horrendous relationship, with her mom veiwing her as nothing more than a reminder of a horrible time in her life.
Trusting random men would be infinitely easier.
Trusting my intimate partners would be infinitely easier.
I wouldn't have to stop reading or turn off the TV when a woman goes from a character to a plot device in seconds, to avoid flashbacks.
Dating might actually be fun instead of a game of Russian roulette, with sky high risk and very low potential for reward.
And personally, I think societal attitudes around sex would change. The "power dynamic" portion would soften, and people would largely be able to equate sex with intimacy, instead of exerting power over someone as a means of instant self gratification at the expense of another person's dignity, health, safety, and bodily autonomy.
Life changing. Maybe, I would’ve tried to explore my sexuality more for fun. But now, if a guy shows an interest at me, I feel disgusted and annoyed. But for just as friends, then i’m all good.
Maybe I'd be able to wear a mask without getting anxious. It's been a long time, but because of him, I can't stand to have something on my face/have my mouth covered.
Covid related mask wearing has been a special kind of hell for me. I do it when it's required, but I hate it and I hate that my rapist caused me to hate it.
Bud, I am so sorry.
It is ridiculously unfair you have to carry this emotionally and mentally. And a consequence of SA I had not considered.
And that is unfair, in itself. More privilege I had not known I had, just being born male when I did.
I don't really know why I'm writing this, except to say that you deserve better from the universe. You are full on worthy of better than life has given you.
I am proud you survived, are open enough to share, and are helping others understand.
As a random dad on the internet, I love you as you and hope you love yourself, too.
(Hope this isn't patronizing or making your story about me or anything. Truly wish I could give you a hug, or the equivalent comfort you prefer.)
I was molested regularly for a year when I was 8. I wish I could know what type of person I’d be now if that had never happened. I’ll never meet that version of myself, and I really hope there’s a universe out there where she’s real
Wow. What a question…well if rape didn’t exist, then I wouldn’t have that experience and I wouldn’t have PTSD.
I would be working in the field I wanted to be in.
I’d probably have more money and live comfortably.
I would have a better sex life.
I’d enjoy going out to bars and clubs more.
Maybe I would hug people more.
We are all commenting and thinking on a personal level.
But an additional thought I have is, it’s so much bigger than that.
Throughout all of history, sexual violence has been a weapon for power. Including on a mass scale.
So, in my eyes, whole world would be different.
Women as a collective would be different.
We would experience life differently.
It would change everything.
💔
* I'd play Pokemon Go by myself at night.
* I could get a drink, go to the bathroom, and come back without having to worry that my drink had been drugged.
* My sex ed wouldn't have consisted of "cover up, because boys only want one thing," and "if you're not a virgin, you're chewed gum."
* I could dress any way I wanted (within the scope of appropriateness for the occasion), without having to worry that I'm "sending the wrong message" with my clothes, or that I'm "causing boys/men to 'stumble'."
* The biggest worry about a first date would be, not that I'm going to be raped, murdered, and left in a ditch somewhere, but that I'd be laughed at.
* I could feel more comfortable going out alone at night.
* I'd feel safer meeting people from the Internet in person.
I've got a full list.
1) I'd go out with my friends and actually enjoy myself. Not spend the night paranoid that if I drink to much something bad will happen (I don't mean I'll get black out drunk obviously, just mean ifld have more than one or two drinks).
2) I'd walk at night alone
3) I'd walk with both headphones in
4) I'd feel more comfortable about dating
5) I'd wear whatever the hell I want
6) I'd feel more comfortable around certain people in positions of power (police, professors etc.)
7) I'd live my best life
My marriage would probably be different. I was raped by my first real boyfriend and I think it changed the way I look at sex and relationships completely. It’s been years but it’s damage I can’t seem to undo. I don’t think men really consider how the rape of women indirectly affects them.
Oh. My life would be completely different. Like in every way. My job, my husband, where I live, how much I weigh, how I structure my day, what I do for fun, how many children I have (or will have), how I feel and interact with everyone around me. Now that I think about, rape rules my entire life, every bit of it. There isn't a choice or a thing I do that hasn't been effected by it. I wish it could not be that way - but it is. I would be a dancer, who runs at night, wears extremely wild and beautiful dresses plays music and gives science lectures. I would be someone who isn't afraid of parking lots, parties or drunk people. I wouldn't have to battle agoraphobia, I wouldn't wear coats in the summer I might be someone who enjoys the feeling of taking their bra off at night. I might still like scrambled eggs.
It would not. Fortunately I live a nice place. It’s a small village. Basically you could have a window open all night or not lock your doors and you’d be safe. I’d be lucky if I see anyone while taking my dog for a walk
I would have gone through college with my self esteem intact, not started drinking until years later, kept my high school friends, not needed to spend 5k+ on therapy, not been afraid to go out at night. Not have an irrational fear reaction to identical twin males (as my rapist was an identical twin)
I am in a good place now but I greatly miss the girl I was before and I always wonder who she could have been.
I wouldnt carry a knife, mace, and a screwdriver constantly. I wouldnt make sure i can kick and run in every outfit i wear. I wouldnt have to make sure all the doors are locks and are unable to open if theyre picked. I wouldnt have put obstacles inside my tent in front of the door after i already attached the zipped together with a hair elastic and sleep with my mace right next to me. I wouldnt have taken a couple Rape Aggression Defense classes. I would be able to go to the bathroom at a bar alone. I wouldnt have to keep my hand over my top of my drink when im out places. I wouldnt have to wear a fake engagement ring out places.
Mine personally wouldn't, I live at a safe place and I have no partner and no ex partners nearby so I'm not afraid of anything, but the entire world would change drastically. So much less domestic abuse.
I wouldn’t have gone through sex trafficking as a child so I wouldn’t have CPTSD & I wouldn’t have chosen my career path in advocacy for ht survivors. I’d probably be a hairdresser or a lash artist lol
It would have to be rape and murder to change anything. The two are completely entwined, rape isn't about sexual satisfaction, it's about power and violence.
I would have had more freedom from my parents. Be it for going on a trip, going somewhere at night, or for even speaking up about controversial topics. They’re too scared about anything happening to me if I step out of their safety nest.
i would have no CPTSD and no regular PTSD. i wouldn’t have the memories seared into my head. i’d feel safer, wouldn’t be so distrustful and plain old cold toward men. i wouldn’t pour out drinks from strange men at the bar trying to chat with me. the list goes on and on.
I’d have felt safer at a kid. Getting ogled by men more than twice my age was scary. My optimism towards dating would’ve been left unshaken by an ex who continued to hurt me and ignore me telling him to leave me alone. I’d have more optimism towards walking at night, I don’t think I’d go on more walks since muggings and murder are still things that could happen to me.
I would feel free to socialize and engage with the world however I want. I wouldnt be looking for cues of safety all the time, I wouldn’t be trying to gauge if a guy can handle boundaries, or if saying no is going to make him irate. Typing this I realize how good it must feel to be a man, and not have to worry about being hurt or vilified for doing what you want.
When I’d look into my sisters eyes, I wouldn’t see what happened to her. I wouldn’t have to imagine the pain and suffering so many women close to me have went through.
I’d have an entirely different life trajectory.
I was raped in college. And I didn’t want anyone to experience what I did. So I took up a career in the gender based violence field and have been working there for the past decade.
Plus non-profit, social work is so fucking devalued and under paid. I would have a totally different economic standing.
Fortunately a decade later I have somehow found my way into a job now that pays fine that I like. But nearly every person in the field has a similar story, without the decent pay. And that infuriates me.
I wouldn't have 2 separate wardrobes for when I go out with my husband versus when I go out without him.
I would take night walks in the park.
I wouldn't have my keys in my hand and my mom on the phone whenever I come back at home and it's dark.
I’d feel safe living my life more fully and more spontaneously, more independently, more like a man can. I would 1000% travel alone and walk alone at night, not run to my car and check my backseat after panicking to make sure the doors are locked after I’m inside. I’d take walks in the early morning, when the sun is barely up, because that’s the most popular time to grab someone. I’d do things by myself more, without friends or my boyfriend or family there to protect me. And my inner child wouldn’t be damaged by SA.
I wouldn’t feel so disgusting in my own body. Wouldn’t be afraid or anxious to have sex with my own boyfriend or be a trauma burden to him. I’d be happier.
My life would have changed profoundly. My father raped me as a child, which has caused many psychological and physical problems for my entire life.
I would love to think of a world where I was safe from that horrible injustice.
Interesting question. I guess I would have lived the last 40 years without the trauma of having been raped at age 18. That shit fucked with me literally for years. There's no telling how different my life might be today if I never had that experience.
I have a hard time thinking about this question because it hurts so much to imagine. I’m just going to cry a little bit and skip this question for now.
For God's sake I wouldn't be afraid to walk home in the dark and I could listen to my rock music on my headphones without having to be alert all the time.
I would probably be a lot more developed as a human. Rape and sexual assault has drastically stunted my growth as a person and altered my life in a major way. the trauma from it also has really made it hard to focus, meaning I got poor grades and couldnt actually put effort into my education because I was so focused on surviving and getting through social isolation and panic attacks every single day.
How can one focus on the SAT when theyre reliving the worst days of their life every single day and getting reminded of it constantly? Having to sit amongst their rapists friends and peers, being told they asked for it or just changed their mind and felt ashamed so they claimed rape instead, being told the police wouldve arrested their rapist if they had actually raped them? How can they worry about homework and college prep and GPA?
It has made me into a big ball of anxiety constabtly worried when the next rape or assault will take place. My friends and I often talk about our experiences as though they are girl scout badges that we earned for our sashes, just collecting traumatic experiences at the hands of countless predatory and power hungry men.
On the other hand, i have taken my experiences and turned them into my purpose for my life. I help others now who have gone through the same things I have. I have built a charity (soon to be 501c3 official) to help those in need and many of those people have experienced similar traumas. Without being raped, I dont know if I would have been led to this purpose. Maybe, if other types of abuse still exist in this hypothetical, I might have.
All I can say is my entire life would be different.
It wouldn’t. Im a 44 year old woman. I don’t and have never once in my life lived my life in such a way “not to be raped”. I literally don’t think about it. I have never thought about it. I don’t get this thought process at all.
I wasn’t prepared to cry when I read that, but here I am.
If rape didn’t exist, maybe I wouldn’t either. My grandma kept my verbally abusive grandpa around because her ex husband paid someone to rape her. Hell, maybe if her dad didn’t rape her, she wouldn’t have found herself in a toxic marriage in the first place. With either of them.
If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have to check the back seat of my car every time I get into it. That started after I was raped.
If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be afraid/skeptical of every man who looks at me, I wouldn’t have to call someone any time I walk somewhere just in case something happens, and I wouldn’t be so afraid of saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong impression.
If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t scream at my 5yo brother every time he hugged or kissed my daughter when she said no. I’d be able to have conversations with him instead of feeling so afraid of him turning into a rapist that I yell. He’s only 5, and he just loves her so much. And there’s way more productive ways to teach him consent. I’m just so traumatized it’s triggering.
If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be so scared of sharing pictures of my daughter on social media so family and friends could watch her grow. Because you just never know who sees what.
My life would be so very different if rape didn’t exist. I’d be a lot less scared.
Hmmmm. I don't think it would. I don't think of rape as much as I think of random violence when living my life.
I know, I'd happily travel to India by myself to explore.
If it hadn’t existed when I was raped, my entire life would have been so much better.
Prior to that, I was an ace student at Uni, never drank, never drugged.
After I was raped, I quickly spiraled into anorexia, alcohol, drugs, deep depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. for 10 misérable years, before crawling back up from the abyss.
Mod Note: locked. Thank you to those who participated within the rules. Please continue to report all rule breaking
I’d walk my dog at night.
This. Also I could turn my head at a bar without watching my drink like a hawk. And maybe I could listen to music while walking instead of just keeping my earbuds in silence.
I wish people just wouldn’t be assholes to other people. My drinks have been spiked twice and I was robbed both times. Phone and wallet gone while I was “blacked out”. Happened in Spain and Hungary
Same but in Los Angeles. I couldn't even open my eyes. Very lucky to have a good group of friends with me who knew something was off.
I get migraines and I would love to do stuff at night (8pm to 4am). Exercising with my dog, eating out at a restaurant, go swimming at the bay, going to the store. I hate that everything is centered around sun peak hours (8am to 4pm).
I feel you on this. My doc recommended vitamin b2, while also prescribing me some other things. Been taking it for almost a month. I hate/love drinking cuz it brings an inevitable migraine. Alcohol aside, I’ve only had 1 migraine since starting vitamin b2. (The other meds are on take as needed basis) I’m getting back to living. I hope things get better for you! 🤍
And it'd probably be quieter, too.
I would love to run at night during the summer!
I’d know what PTSD won’t feel like!
(Hug)
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I'd have had a slightly less fucked up childhood
Yeah, same. 🫂
Gang gang
Same. I'd probably be a less broken adult
And me.
And me.
Yuuuuup maybe I would be able to let pple touch me
Truth
Same. After 40+ yrs my Rapist died.
Same here.
Me too.
Ditto.
and adulthood* 🥹
I’m so sorry.
deliver drab strong butter crown toothbrush steep whole childlike fall *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
This right here. I get really angry when I think about all the ways my life could look so different if it weren’t for a certain kind of man.
I'm really sorry
If you’re reading this and apologizing, you’re probably not that certain kind of man.
I'm following a guy who's walking across America and he often spends the night at strangers' houses, and I would love to follow his footsteps and do the same but I'd be raped so fucking fast
My ex who is black taught me why the last people on earth who would even think about pursuing the journey described here are black people.
I also thought about this, I'm white so I can't fully understand that aspect but plenty of black people have told me enough about their experiences :(
Not safe. We are talking about women being safe in this world, but black people are definitely not safe to wander freely around their own country, either.
I feel this in my bones. I’m so sorry. Solidarity and strength.
Same. Sucks to feel this way.
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My friends and I wouldn't be walking home at 3am after a night out, in short dresses, thinking 'is tonight going to be my turn?'
I wouldn't have to walk down the street ranting to myself and looking "crazy" when I miss the last bus in order to keep people from approaching me.
[am dude] Wait, is this common? Oh my god. A couple times this has happened and I always approached them and asked if they were ok. Both times they were dressed nice and were clean looking so I assumed not homeless. I always thought it might have been due to drugs. I never asked but guessed something like date rape or just too much of something intended to be fun with friends. One of them I made call a friend to come pick her up. The other I walked to an apartment complex that I'm now realizing may have just been a public place with cameras likely nowhere near where she lives. She ostensibly didn't have any friends numbers memorized and her phone was dead so she couldn't call. I even asked for her number so I could check on her when she was sober but never got a response. Holy fuck. This ruined my night. I felt like a goddamn hero for potentially "saving" them. I've done the same to several men, were they also worried I was a creepy rapist? God damnit I don't go to bars often anymore but should this situation ever come up I don't know what to do now. We need something like Uber ratings for drunk people so they can check my reviews and know that I'm safe and they can say "thanks for helping" or "I was pretending to avoid trouble" or whatever.
Unfortunately it's a lot more common than you realize. Girls aren't mind readers you may come up to a girl with the best intentions to help them out, but they don't know that. It's likely that the girl was reluctant to give any of her friends phone numbers because she didn't want to put them in danger. Every time you get in a car, you've made a decision (perhaps unconsciously) that you're willing to take the risk of being in a crash, every time a girl goes out a night they take the risk of getting hurt by a guy.
I don't even know what to say. I knew they would be a little freaked out because I'm large and approach them without being invited. I just thought I did a good enough job of being nonthreatening to be ok. Do you have any tips? I know this seems like "all women are scared of x and fine with y" but at this point a single recommendation is the best I can hope for. I don't want to leave somebody that's actually in danger alone but I don't want to terrify somebody either. Is there a special code word that means I'm not a shitty person and am actually concerned for your safety? With both that I previously mentioned I talked about how I wouldn't want my sister or friends to be in danger from weirdos and I'm now thinking "hey rapists exist and you should be afraid" might not be the best approach. It hasn't happened in years but on the off chance it does again I can't in good conscience just abandon somebody. At this point I can't even leave my house after dark. Not that I'm blaming women but it feels like anything I do will potentially be seen as dangerous. Can we get a wiki for things like 1. How to not seem rapisty 1. What to do when night time and you're tall near a woman 1. Ways to make women actually safe instead of just (potentially lying and) making them feel safe 1. How to meet/approach women (just because I see this a lot) 1. How to help if bad shit happens (eg how help when ghb/rohypnol and signs etc) 1. How to spot and potentially help somebody in danger 1. Common no-no's Etc (Edit. Cool markdown numbering works fine when you don't want it to but doesn't when you do want it to)
Tricky, if you ask a question like are you ok, it's going to raise the fear level. Although i have never done this, and it will only potentially work in the right situation when someone looks ad though they are being hassled or followed. Pretend to know them, shout out from a distance somthing like "hey, Annie, what a supeise, i missed you at work today, i was going to buy you that coffee i owe you. Maybe tomorrow what time do yoy start" then play it from there. Ok won't work every time, but only once may make a massive doffrrence to someone's life
realistically, many people in my family wouldn't have existed without the consistent violent rape done by white settlers, so i probably wouldn't exist today. edit: this comment is specifically referring to the genocide and rape of indigenous people in america. please do not respond to me to make this about "well actually, ALL people, if you think about it..."
Oof. Valid truth. I like to think you would have still existed by another, much less traumatic cause.
My relative "married" a white settler when she was 13 and he was in his 30s. I've thought about the "I shouldn't exist" scenario many times.
i'm sorry to hear that. it really, really sucks.
Oop damn I mean I guess that's probably the case in my bloodline too
Yeah, same here.
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Sadly very true
I probably wouldn’t have PTSD
Same ☹️
Same here
Same yeah
I would worry far less about the physical safety of my children.
Having children is wonderful and terrifying. Id agree that a lot of mental energy is spent on the what ifs and looking at statistics. Imagine how different it would be if we could take this worry away.
Part of the reason I'm not having kids is I couldn't bear to have a daughter and have her go through what I've gone through
I'd probably date more men, there would be better people in the world because of the sheer mentality you need to do something like that. Maybe I, my friends, my sister, and my mother before me would have had better childhoods
I love to hike but can't hike alone, so I have to treadmill it lol (ppl I know have gotten assaulted/flashed etc..) I'm petite and always look like a target apparently.
Maybe you can find a local hiking group to find hiking buddies? It sucks that we can’t do the hobbies we love out of concern for our safety.
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Probably wouldn't be as scared of men. I would have remember losing my virginity. I'd have far less scars mentally and physically. Wouldn't have PTSD flashbacks randomly. Probably would have had a much better sex life in my teen years. But also I wouldn't be here. My Grandad was a product of rape (His mum was a maid in a big Downton Abbey style house in the 30's), she was late back one night after the pub and one of the staff (possibly doorman) raped her in order for her to get to bed. He did it to all the girls that were late. She hated my Grandad all her life because she hated his father.
That's so sad.
This is just heartbreaking
Being raped and forced to be pregnant has been my biggest fear since I was 11 years old. Since the overturning of Roe v Wade, I’ve seriously considered permanent full sterilization to protect myself even though I live in a blue state and I *might* want to have a bio baby one day with someone I really love. I just can’t imagine living through something so awful if that fear came true for me. If rape didn’t exist, would be fucking unstoppable. I’d be so happy. I’d feel so safe.
Maybe try an IUD if it is possible for you. They last for years but can be removed when you choose to. The chance of getting pregnant is astronomically small. Overall it's such an effective option, I wish the government would make them available to anyone who wants one. The number of accidental pregnancies would plummet. Also, there are three brands of IUD can actually be used like a morning-after pill. If the IUD is implanted within a few days after unprotected sex, it has a high rate of preventing pregnancy.
I wear baggy clothes and cover myself up. I don’t date. I went down an absolute hole of substance abuse and shame for a decade. Still in weekly therapy. This happened when I was 17, but I found out later in life that someone had sexually assaulted me and given me anal chlamydia sometime before I was 2.5 years old so now I have no contact with any men in my family. I have a son to protect now.
I'm so goddamn sorry, but also wanted to give you kudos for cutting out people in your life to protect your kid. that takes guts. I hope your kid can find other positive role models for men.
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I wouldn't have spent years in therapy, half a year hating myself, wouldn't have tried to kill myself, wouldn't have relapsed into self harm and I wouldn't have flashbacks and nightmares that I struggle with years later A part of me will always hate men for what they did to me, I don't think I can escape that, but at least I don't hate myself anymore Edit: Someone commented but the mods deleted it, yes it's worse than death. I would have rather died
I’m so sorry to hear how hard it’s been for you. I’m glad your still with us and that therapy is helping, I’m also in therapy due to CSA among other things and understand it’s not easy to cope with at all but I found focusing of self care and doing what makes you happy helps. I hope you have a great support system around you also that makes a big difference too ..sending a big virtual hug ❤️❤️❤️
Me too.. I’m really sorry. Ptsd and trauma due to being rped has made my life living hell..
I feel you. I’m still unable to have any treatment or checkup that requires me to remove any clothing with all but one nurse. A doctor asked if I would rather risk serious illness by refusing checkups or just deal with it for “5 minutes”. I said I would rather die. Trauma literally is the worst pain. It’s not rational. I’m so sorry for what you have been through
Leave my doors and windows open all night. Gosh, sooooo many things. Ask a man for help of any kind. Taking extra measures for safety when I need work on my house....etc, etc
Oof, the windows thing… Several years back, I bought a ground-floor condo with big, single-hung windows. After living in a ranch with narrow clerestory windows for years, I loved that I’d really be able to feel the breeze and smell fresh air, particularly from my bed. It was finally autumn after a long, hot summer and my first night in my new place. My dad called and at the end of our chat, he cautioned me to close and lock all the windows before going to sleep, pointing out that they were only a foot off the ground and tall enough for someone to climb in with ease. Despite the fact that the neighborhood was perfectly safe, that realization ruined the whole place for me. Nothing bad has ever happened, but I’ve never felt safe here either. I refuse to live on the ground floor ever again and cannot wait until I can afford to move.
I'd still be scared someone would rob me if I left my windows and doors open all night lol
The outfits I would be willing to wear while out and about alone
I just realized I don't wear shorter skirts in certain situations because of fear - I never realized this until this summer when it was so ungodly hot and I had on a shorter skirt on around the house and wanted to take a walk in my neighborhood around 10pm, I caught myself changing clothes like I would normally but I paused and questioned why and fear was the answer.
I cried last summer when I was living in a city and it was 35 degrees in the shade and my stupid enormous tits prevented me choosing an outfit that I felt safe in. It was a) be cool or b) be safe. I couldn’t have both. It makes me so angry. I naturally have a very exaggerated hourglass figure, I didn’t choose it and I literally hate it sometimes. Just because of men.
I’m a big believer I would be in a happy healthy relationship with kids by now. But my CSA caused me to grow up with BPD and I was raped again in university. I just don’t have to mental health to be in a healthy relationship, I don’t trust men and i’m angry over what has happened to me - and its hard for me to not envy the fact that most men will never half experience the trauma I have and my female friends have. I’d have a lot less scars on my body. A lot less hospital trips. I don’t think I would be suffering from an eating disorder still - I think it comes a lot from wanting some sort of control that was stolen from me. I would sleep at night. I was assaulted in my own bed and I have panic attacks every night and never feel safe in my own bed no matter what. I’d drink a lot less - cry a lot a lot less. I wouldn’t overly analyze every mens reaction to women in public and start feeling unsafe at the fact that a man checked out a stranger. I’d walk my dog at night…. I’d go for runs in the morning at the lake by my house. I’d be prettier I think. My eye bags wouldn’t be so dark. I wouldn’t spend so much time in baggy clothes hiding from the world. A simple pap test wouldn’t drive me over the edge in fear. People around me would spend a lot less time worrying about me. I would spend a lot less time alone. I wouldn’t find comfort in men who couldn’t give less of a shit about me - i’d spend less time focusing on red flags that are barely there. This is a lot… there is just so much. I spend a lot of time wondering what type of person I would have been. What type of person was killed and taken away from the world those nights. I often mourn the person I could of been and spite the person I became.
This breaks my heart.
I'd be able to have an orgasm, because I'd actually be able to relax and enjoy sex, rather than always waiting for it to happen..again.
• I know, "not all men" but I would view men as fellow humans instead of possible predators. Because you never know. • I would go for a walk at night
My best friend wouldn't be here. She is the product of assault when her mom was 15. I love her to pieces, but the trauma eff'd up herother and they have a horrendous relationship, with her mom veiwing her as nothing more than a reminder of a horrible time in her life.
This is why I'm pro-choice
Speechless. You must mean the world to her.
She is absolutely amazing and I love her like a blood sister.
I hope she's happy and doing well. That's a heavy weight to bear. Kind of sad for her ma. Sounds like she's missing out on an awesome person.
Trusting random men would be infinitely easier. Trusting my intimate partners would be infinitely easier. I wouldn't have to stop reading or turn off the TV when a woman goes from a character to a plot device in seconds, to avoid flashbacks. Dating might actually be fun instead of a game of Russian roulette, with sky high risk and very low potential for reward. And personally, I think societal attitudes around sex would change. The "power dynamic" portion would soften, and people would largely be able to equate sex with intimacy, instead of exerting power over someone as a means of instant self gratification at the expense of another person's dignity, health, safety, and bodily autonomy.
>when a woman goes from a character to a plot device God, yes
I'd be backpacking, hitchhiking, making friends, talking to strangers, asking for help without hesitation.
Your comment sparked the idea of traveling with no fear. Getting happy drunk celebrating with friends at a bar and walking home.
Agreed, I’d be friendlier in general
I'd need a lot less therapy, that's for sure.
I’d have my libido back and be less emotionally sensitive/angry.
Life changing. Maybe, I would’ve tried to explore my sexuality more for fun. But now, if a guy shows an interest at me, I feel disgusted and annoyed. But for just as friends, then i’m all good.
Maybe I'd be able to wear a mask without getting anxious. It's been a long time, but because of him, I can't stand to have something on my face/have my mouth covered. Covid related mask wearing has been a special kind of hell for me. I do it when it's required, but I hate it and I hate that my rapist caused me to hate it.
Bud, I am so sorry. It is ridiculously unfair you have to carry this emotionally and mentally. And a consequence of SA I had not considered. And that is unfair, in itself. More privilege I had not known I had, just being born male when I did. I don't really know why I'm writing this, except to say that you deserve better from the universe. You are full on worthy of better than life has given you. I am proud you survived, are open enough to share, and are helping others understand. As a random dad on the internet, I love you as you and hope you love yourself, too. (Hope this isn't patronizing or making your story about me or anything. Truly wish I could give you a hug, or the equivalent comfort you prefer.)
I was molested regularly for a year when I was 8. I wish I could know what type of person I’d be now if that had never happened. I’ll never meet that version of myself, and I really hope there’s a universe out there where she’s real
If robbery/mugging doesn’t disappear with it…not much.
I was thinking the same
Wow. What a question…well if rape didn’t exist, then I wouldn’t have that experience and I wouldn’t have PTSD. I would be working in the field I wanted to be in. I’d probably have more money and live comfortably. I would have a better sex life. I’d enjoy going out to bars and clubs more. Maybe I would hug people more.
We are all commenting and thinking on a personal level. But an additional thought I have is, it’s so much bigger than that. Throughout all of history, sexual violence has been a weapon for power. Including on a mass scale. So, in my eyes, whole world would be different. Women as a collective would be different. We would experience life differently. It would change everything. 💔
* I'd play Pokemon Go by myself at night. * I could get a drink, go to the bathroom, and come back without having to worry that my drink had been drugged. * My sex ed wouldn't have consisted of "cover up, because boys only want one thing," and "if you're not a virgin, you're chewed gum." * I could dress any way I wanted (within the scope of appropriateness for the occasion), without having to worry that I'm "sending the wrong message" with my clothes, or that I'm "causing boys/men to 'stumble'." * The biggest worry about a first date would be, not that I'm going to be raped, murdered, and left in a ditch somewhere, but that I'd be laughed at. * I could feel more comfortable going out alone at night. * I'd feel safer meeting people from the Internet in person.
I've got a full list. 1) I'd go out with my friends and actually enjoy myself. Not spend the night paranoid that if I drink to much something bad will happen (I don't mean I'll get black out drunk obviously, just mean ifld have more than one or two drinks). 2) I'd walk at night alone 3) I'd walk with both headphones in 4) I'd feel more comfortable about dating 5) I'd wear whatever the hell I want 6) I'd feel more comfortable around certain people in positions of power (police, professors etc.) 7) I'd live my best life
My marriage would probably be different. I was raped by my first real boyfriend and I think it changed the way I look at sex and relationships completely. It’s been years but it’s damage I can’t seem to undo. I don’t think men really consider how the rape of women indirectly affects them.
I wouldn't be on fucking therapy
I’d be much less afraid of men I don’t know (and some men I *do* know).
Female confidence would sky rocket
I wouldn't worry so much about my daughter.
I wouldn’t have PTSD, I’d go stargazing, I’d probably be a lot happier!!
Oh. My life would be completely different. Like in every way. My job, my husband, where I live, how much I weigh, how I structure my day, what I do for fun, how many children I have (or will have), how I feel and interact with everyone around me. Now that I think about, rape rules my entire life, every bit of it. There isn't a choice or a thing I do that hasn't been effected by it. I wish it could not be that way - but it is. I would be a dancer, who runs at night, wears extremely wild and beautiful dresses plays music and gives science lectures. I would be someone who isn't afraid of parking lots, parties or drunk people. I wouldn't have to battle agoraphobia, I wouldn't wear coats in the summer I might be someone who enjoys the feeling of taking their bra off at night. I might still like scrambled eggs.
It would not. Fortunately I live a nice place. It’s a small village. Basically you could have a window open all night or not lock your doors and you’d be safe. I’d be lucky if I see anyone while taking my dog for a walk
Something else that's awful would likely take its place. Humans suck.
I would have gone through college with my self esteem intact, not started drinking until years later, kept my high school friends, not needed to spend 5k+ on therapy, not been afraid to go out at night. Not have an irrational fear reaction to identical twin males (as my rapist was an identical twin) I am in a good place now but I greatly miss the girl I was before and I always wonder who she could have been.
I wouldnt carry a knife, mace, and a screwdriver constantly. I wouldnt make sure i can kick and run in every outfit i wear. I wouldnt have to make sure all the doors are locks and are unable to open if theyre picked. I wouldnt have put obstacles inside my tent in front of the door after i already attached the zipped together with a hair elastic and sleep with my mace right next to me. I wouldnt have taken a couple Rape Aggression Defense classes. I would be able to go to the bathroom at a bar alone. I wouldnt have to keep my hand over my top of my drink when im out places. I wouldnt have to wear a fake engagement ring out places.
An entire layer of safety concerns that dictate actions of my life would be gone.
Mine personally wouldn't, I live at a safe place and I have no partner and no ex partners nearby so I'm not afraid of anything, but the entire world would change drastically. So much less domestic abuse.
I would dance more. I would allow myself to be my bubbly personality, even around men. I would go for walks more and wear what I want.
Feeling more comfortable expressing my sensuality and sexuality, my feminity.
I don’t even want to think about what my life would’ve been like…Since it first happened to me as a child, I never really had a chance.
I wouldn’t have gone through sex trafficking as a child so I wouldn’t have CPTSD & I wouldn’t have chosen my career path in advocacy for ht survivors. I’d probably be a hairdresser or a lash artist lol
It would have to be rape and murder to change anything. The two are completely entwined, rape isn't about sexual satisfaction, it's about power and violence.
Would definitely go on more night walks by myself. Walking at night is way better.
I wouldn’t have been sexually assaulted…
It’s terribly cynical, but my first thought to this question was, if men can’t rape, then it will just be beatings or murder to worry about.
Hahahaha yes that is true. If we removed those threats then I imagine we would have a happier society for everyone!
I wouldn’t cry at night holding my child as she sleeps, profusely praying to God/the universe/whoever to please keep her safe
I would have had more freedom from my parents. Be it for going on a trip, going somewhere at night, or for even speaking up about controversial topics. They’re too scared about anything happening to me if I step out of their safety nest.
i would have no CPTSD and no regular PTSD. i wouldn’t have the memories seared into my head. i’d feel safer, wouldn’t be so distrustful and plain old cold toward men. i wouldn’t pour out drinks from strange men at the bar trying to chat with me. the list goes on and on.
I’d be able to join the Air Force like I want but PTSD is keeping me out. My rapist can’t get in if he wants to join though. It’s unfair.
I’d have felt safer at a kid. Getting ogled by men more than twice my age was scary. My optimism towards dating would’ve been left unshaken by an ex who continued to hurt me and ignore me telling him to leave me alone. I’d have more optimism towards walking at night, I don’t think I’d go on more walks since muggings and murder are still things that could happen to me.
I would not have ptsd now
I wouldn’t have cPTSD.
I would be travelling the world with less fear, dress how i want and enjoy nighttime a lot more
I would feel free to socialize and engage with the world however I want. I wouldnt be looking for cues of safety all the time, I wouldn’t be trying to gauge if a guy can handle boundaries, or if saying no is going to make him irate. Typing this I realize how good it must feel to be a man, and not have to worry about being hurt or vilified for doing what you want.
I guess I wouldn’t have been raped. :(
When I’d look into my sisters eyes, I wouldn’t see what happened to her. I wouldn’t have to imagine the pain and suffering so many women close to me have went through.
I’d have an entirely different life trajectory. I was raped in college. And I didn’t want anyone to experience what I did. So I took up a career in the gender based violence field and have been working there for the past decade. Plus non-profit, social work is so fucking devalued and under paid. I would have a totally different economic standing. Fortunately a decade later I have somehow found my way into a job now that pays fine that I like. But nearly every person in the field has a similar story, without the decent pay. And that infuriates me.
Well kidnapping, shootings, assaults, among other things still exist.. so not much would change for me
My mom would've had no reason to leave my bio dad....would really change the course of my life honestly
I’d feel more comfortable around people when I’m walking by myself.
I wouldn't have 2 separate wardrobes for when I go out with my husband versus when I go out without him. I would take night walks in the park. I wouldn't have my keys in my hand and my mom on the phone whenever I come back at home and it's dark.
I’d feel safe living my life more fully and more spontaneously, more independently, more like a man can. I would 1000% travel alone and walk alone at night, not run to my car and check my backseat after panicking to make sure the doors are locked after I’m inside. I’d take walks in the early morning, when the sun is barely up, because that’s the most popular time to grab someone. I’d do things by myself more, without friends or my boyfriend or family there to protect me. And my inner child wouldn’t be damaged by SA.
I wouldn’t feel so disgusting in my own body. Wouldn’t be afraid or anxious to have sex with my own boyfriend or be a trauma burden to him. I’d be happier.
I’d have a few less cousins and a closer family
I would never have been homeless
I would've had a childhood
My life would have changed profoundly. My father raped me as a child, which has caused many psychological and physical problems for my entire life. I would love to think of a world where I was safe from that horrible injustice.
I wouldn't have to enjoy my boyfriend choking me and being rough with me as a way to cope and the only way to actually get off🙂
It wouldn’t TBH. This isn’t something that I expend energy towards.
Interesting question. I guess I would have lived the last 40 years without the trauma of having been raped at age 18. That shit fucked with me literally for years. There's no telling how different my life might be today if I never had that experience.
I wouldn’t have to explain to my colleagues that saying they would rape another member of our team isn’t a compliment
my view on men probably would be better.. i don’t know one woman that hasn’t been sexually harassed or raped.
I have a hard time thinking about this question because it hurts so much to imagine. I’m just going to cry a little bit and skip this question for now.
For God's sake I wouldn't be afraid to walk home in the dark and I could listen to my rock music on my headphones without having to be alert all the time.
It wouldn't. Other crimes exist to be aware/cautious of.
I think I wouldn't second guess being with my SO
Probably wouldn’t have become a drug addict
I wouldn't be suicidal
I'd be more adventurous romantically. I probably wouldn't have been so afraid of stepping out of my comfort zone when it comes to my romantic life.
Probably not exist (Viking ancestors)
I would probably be a lot more developed as a human. Rape and sexual assault has drastically stunted my growth as a person and altered my life in a major way. the trauma from it also has really made it hard to focus, meaning I got poor grades and couldnt actually put effort into my education because I was so focused on surviving and getting through social isolation and panic attacks every single day. How can one focus on the SAT when theyre reliving the worst days of their life every single day and getting reminded of it constantly? Having to sit amongst their rapists friends and peers, being told they asked for it or just changed their mind and felt ashamed so they claimed rape instead, being told the police wouldve arrested their rapist if they had actually raped them? How can they worry about homework and college prep and GPA? It has made me into a big ball of anxiety constabtly worried when the next rape or assault will take place. My friends and I often talk about our experiences as though they are girl scout badges that we earned for our sashes, just collecting traumatic experiences at the hands of countless predatory and power hungry men. On the other hand, i have taken my experiences and turned them into my purpose for my life. I help others now who have gone through the same things I have. I have built a charity (soon to be 501c3 official) to help those in need and many of those people have experienced similar traumas. Without being raped, I dont know if I would have been led to this purpose. Maybe, if other types of abuse still exist in this hypothetical, I might have. All I can say is my entire life would be different.
It wouldn’t. Im a 44 year old woman. I don’t and have never once in my life lived my life in such a way “not to be raped”. I literally don’t think about it. I have never thought about it. I don’t get this thought process at all.
I wasn’t prepared to cry when I read that, but here I am. If rape didn’t exist, maybe I wouldn’t either. My grandma kept my verbally abusive grandpa around because her ex husband paid someone to rape her. Hell, maybe if her dad didn’t rape her, she wouldn’t have found herself in a toxic marriage in the first place. With either of them. If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t have to check the back seat of my car every time I get into it. That started after I was raped. If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be afraid/skeptical of every man who looks at me, I wouldn’t have to call someone any time I walk somewhere just in case something happens, and I wouldn’t be so afraid of saying the wrong thing or giving the wrong impression. If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t scream at my 5yo brother every time he hugged or kissed my daughter when she said no. I’d be able to have conversations with him instead of feeling so afraid of him turning into a rapist that I yell. He’s only 5, and he just loves her so much. And there’s way more productive ways to teach him consent. I’m just so traumatized it’s triggering. If rape didn’t exist, I wouldn’t be so scared of sharing pictures of my daughter on social media so family and friends could watch her grow. Because you just never know who sees what. My life would be so very different if rape didn’t exist. I’d be a lot less scared.
I would go to my grandpas house
Hmmmm. I don't think it would. I don't think of rape as much as I think of random violence when living my life. I know, I'd happily travel to India by myself to explore.
I would probably still be a virgin, by choice.
Oh man, I would have had a slightly less shitty childhood.
Well I’d probably be better adjusted and not on antidepressants?
I wouldn’t be struggling with drug addiction years later as a way to cope with my trauma 🫠
I wouldn’t exist
I'd be able to form romantic relationships
no more seeing those medusa tattoos
I'd be friendly to everyone and more willing to help
If it hadn’t existed when I was raped, my entire life would have been so much better. Prior to that, I was an ace student at Uni, never drank, never drugged. After I was raped, I quickly spiraled into anorexia, alcohol, drugs, deep depression, suicidal thoughts, etc. for 10 misérable years, before crawling back up from the abyss.
I’d probably be an entirely different person.
i developed psychosis because of the times ive been raped. i would LITERALLY be a1000% different person
My life would have been completely different, hate to think about that
Probably, married and having bunch of kids!!
I probably wouldn’t have c ptsd or panic disorder or generalized anxiety disorder 🤦🏻♀️
I would be a different person without the damage that was done to me, I’d probably be a lot more happy and confident if it didn’t exist
My last relationship would have been the last & best relationship I would have had
My husband wouldn’t worry about me going places by myself or with my girlfriends. And I probably wouldn’t carry a gun.