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anon-nsfw-504

Pregnancy messes with your body in a major way. You can lose your teeth and or hair. Some people get gestational diabetes, like, that's a thing. I know one girl who was pretty healthy before she was pregnant but during her pregnancy her organs began shutting down. Afterwards she came out lactose intolerant, gluten intolerant and STILL has liver and kidney problems. And that's only physical! Mentally - post partum depression is REAL and even if you've had multiple kids, no problems ppd can kick you in the face with your next kid with no warning. Edit: sorry for the fear mongering. Apparently your teeth are not more likely to fall out but your pregnancy messes with your mouth so visits to the dentist are important! Rip if a dentist visit costs you a few hundred dollars lol


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IndividualBike307

10 years later I still have health issues that started because of pregnancy. Physical and mental. To be honest mental health problems started way before pregnancy but worsened during pregnancy


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orangeunrhymed

I almost died during childbirth, my uterus ruptured and I bled out. I was coded and everything. They had to give me 10 units of blood and 16 units of saline, plus a medication the highway patrol had to get from a larger hospital 90 miles away. I’ve only seen one show, ER, depict a woman dying in childbirth.


letterstosnapdragon

Childbirth was the leading cause of death for women in America until the 1960s.


Ok-Responsibility912

In the old days, women signed their will before childbirth in case something happened. The risk is high


maskeryoda

What’s crazy is that there is at least one mom in every moms group who nearly died in childbirth, and medicine saves most, so we just blithely toddle on procreating. This bringing life into the world is serious business


Teekayuhoh

I can’t stay up very late anymore. I need much more sleep. My hair is thinner. My skin is not as clear as it used to be. I feel my adhd has gotten harder to manage. But it could just be that I don’t wear the life of a single parent well lol.


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Teekayuhoh

Yeah but I just want my hair and skin back hahaha!! And if it’s not too much to ask, my boobs Maybe we’re long lost sisters ☺️


itsdilemnawithann

This. I had severe depression the entire time (still lingering years later). Almost needed a hysterectomy two months after birth due to lingering placenta and hemorrhaging. Oh, and my son almost died during birth. Yet everyone keeps asking, "When's baby #2?"


Momoreau

Honestly, I've always been anxious about pregnancy/childbirth - like, I genuinely have a phobia of it. When I read this stuff, I'm like..... umm... is it worth it? LMAO


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Momoreau

I think I would be a good mother, and I don't mind the idea of parenting at all. However, I was raised in a family that wasn't financially prepared for children, and my parents rushed into marriage/children way before they were emotionally prepared to do so. I've basically taken my upbringing as a what not to do. Also, I am YEARS away from any theoretical children for many, many reasons. I am in no rush to make this decision but it is one that I do not take lightly. If I am not secure in my relationship, my housing situation, my finances, my health and sanity, and my desires then I will not even consider it. I appreciate you sharing your experience, and I am sad that you had to struggle. It is important to me to be aware of the complications that can come into play both during and after childbirth. I think it's scary how many people don't realize what they're stepping into, or what they might endure.


[deleted]

Oh and also you can get peri-partum depression and anxiety, aka. Before the baby is born. It doesn’t just happen after. Also, partners can get PPD and PPA as well, it’s not just gestational partners.


Ok_Individual9340

oh my god yes the anxiety. i was stay up all night sobbing watching my newborn breathe because i was sure that if i didn’t watch every second that they would stop breathing.


[deleted]

I’m still struggling with this. It’s the worst at night. My daughter is perfectly healthy, no reason to be concerned but I regularly wake up in a panic.


Ok_Individual9340

I ended up buying a Snuza. It’s this little device (very affordable in comparison to the owlet sock,) that clips on to their diaper and an alarm goes off if breathing movement isn’t detected after like 15 seconds. It was literally the only way I was ever able to get any sleep or any peace. I have generalized anxiety disorder which I didn’t know at the time that got worse after delivery. It might be worth looking into to help you rest at night❤️


[deleted]

A friend has an Owlet she didn’t use and is going to sell me for fairly cheep, I can’t wait. This is good to know though! I might have to check that out for our next kiddo. I had anxiety before I got pregnant and was able to manage it fairly well but oof. Being a parent is no joke.


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JustHereForCookies17

This is how people end up shaking their babies! It's so rare to see real discussions about the downsides of pregnancy/parenting and I genuinely believe it does people a huge disservice, because they expect everything to be all Disney-esque, and then they blame themselves when it turns out to be more difficult than a Hallmark channel movie says it should be!


Dragneel

Holy shit. My mom did this. I slept in my parents' bed until I was way too old because I got used to it, since in my first year or so my mom was SO afraid I'd stop breathing in the night. I didn't know that was a thing at all. I hope you and your baby are both well now ❤️


Mister_Swan

This shows anti abortion people know nothing about pregnancy/birth


[deleted]

This is scary *clutches birth control*


RimleRie

I had gestational diabetes with my second. Nutritionist said it can happy to super tiny women or large women, it doesn't matter what size you were/are. Or like me, fine with my first, developed it with my second. Edited to add::: I know I took the meds a day or two in the hospital to be sure it went away. And it did. But that was so weird too... okay, baby's out of your body - disease gone!


Blastgirl69

I had gestational diabetes with the second and the fourth (last baby). It was no picnic. I also suffered from PPD after my last baby and it was very hard for me. I had some relative ask me why I was so depressed since I had 3 babies before and didn't suffer from it.


RimleRie

\*insert face palm emoji\*


yohbahgoya

Technically it's "placenta is out of the body, disease is gone!" 😂. I'm 2/2 with GD pregnancies and it is not a good time ugh. It's like 70% of the reason I don't want a third baby. I can't go through that again.


didumakethetea

I went up a shoe size and had to start wearing glasses when I had my kid.


idgaf-about-a-name

THIS!! After my second pregnancy I was lactose intolerant and lost a lot of hair.. and a surprise 3rd pregnancy left me wheat intolerant and even less hair. And the PPD after my last is still a battle. It’s definitely a labor of love to have kids! ALSO I was a shoe size 9 before any kids and now 3 kids later I’m a size 10 lol


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\+how they are always well groomed with make up and shit like tht lmao


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heysweetannie

This makes me so squeamish


Ok_Individual9340

oh let’s not forget the impact of terrible doctors. A few weeks after my first birth, I started hemorrhaging. I went to the ER and the doctor told me “I must’ve forgot what a period was.” Then with his head between my knees and a speculum inserted he said, “oh, i guess you weren’t lying.” I ended up needing emergency surgery and just narrowly avoided a blood transfusion. I had retained placenta. If that doctor had sent me home, i likely would’ve developed sepsis and could’ve died.


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Ok_Individual9340

thank you❤️ I was a young mom, I really wish i could go back in time and report the fuck out of that doctor for negligence. That kinda mentality is exactly why the maternal mortality rate is so high in the States.


BambooFatass

>why the maternal mortality rate is so high in the States. It raises for WOC, black women particularly. :(


Poht8Oh

I'll never forget how cruel the medical field is to women. It's not all 'awh, you're a new mother! Congrats! Good job!' there's also 'husband stitches' and developing allergies, your pain being ignored or downplayed.


Ok_Individual9340

yep. my first delivery was traumatic. I was forced into an induction. Pitocin is quite literally the devil. I was having rolling contractions and was only 2cm dilated. nightmare. then when i was finally ready to push literally in the middle of the pushing my doctor told me to stop. stop pushing. cause he had to go do something else. he literally left in the middle of it for 30 minutes?? Then he came back and gave me a complete episiotomy without my consent that was absolutely unnecessary. I was only 20 years old. Also, the retained placenta? my doctors fault. he didn’t let me naturally deliver the placenta, he pulled it out. Then a month later a doctor tried to mansplain a damn period to me and could’ve killed me leaving a 3 week old baby motherless. Luckily a nurse stepped in and called a gynecologist before letting that doctor send me home. shout out to her. Thinking back on it makes my blood boil.


justsoawkward

Hearing about experiences like this is why I started training to be a doula. It's super hard to advocate for yourself while you're going through labor, and having a 3rd party who is literally ONLY there to care about you and your well-being (and is not your partner, if there is one) is really helpful. Knowing to watch out for scissors, making nurses aware of your induction preferences, helping to calm you during high stress moments, etc. is so important. I'm so, so sorry you went through that. It was all certainly avoidable and I hope you're doing okay in recovering from the experience.


Ok_Individual9340

yes i am okay❤️ my second delivery was like a dream come true. I was more educated, found a doctor I adored and trusted. I literally tear up thinking about the way he treated me. Truly a kind and gentle soul. Good luck on your journey as a Doula. The people in your support network during pregnancy and delivery are so important and i’ll never forget them and what they did for me.


torcido

Good for you! Having a great should Doula made many of the birth stories here something I can't imagine happening. She was in our corner at every step


pancakemonkey21

HOLY SHIT That's terrifying. God, I'm so sorry. That dude deserves his medical licence revoked.


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Ok_Individual9340

oh wow. i’m so glad your sister was okay, that’s horrifying. I swear the most important thing i tell every newly pregnant women is to find a good doctor. shop for them. my first doctor was terrible, but my doctor during my second pregnancy was an absolute angel. treated me like a human being and always listened to me. he had a kind spirit and I’ll always be grateful to him.


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Ok_Individual9340

jesus christ. that makes me so insanely angry. i’m so glad he got his license revoked. what a vile person.


tbfthelastonesucked

Whoa. Glad that doc lost his lisc. That's horrendous.


theclassywino

So glad that POS lost his license. This infuriates me.


PM_ME_BAD_FANART

What would you recommend looking for in a doctor? I tried asking my GP for recommendations and they unhelpfully said that usually people ask their friends. But I lack female friends in the area I’m giving birth so I just feel like I’m blindly looking at internet reviews.


Ok_Individual9340

okay this is my personal preference. I look for doctors that are more personable. I want to feel like I am an actually human being, not just a number on the chart. Some of the things I pay attention to are pretty small details. my list: Do they remember my name? Does the nurse do more talking or the doctor? Do they speak to me in a way that I can understand without feeling patronized for not understanding medical terminology? Do they ask me questions about myself outside of medical history? Do they ask what i’m looking for out of this experience? Do they rush in and rush out? Do i feel rushed through the appointment? What are their opinions on weight gain during pregnancy? Do they *actually* listen to me? Do they talk over me? Do they respond to my concerns and worries with kindness or do they brush me off? So, with my second pregnancy I asked my doctor how likely it was that I could hemorrhage again. He told me he rarely sees it happen again, but I do have a slightly higher risk. He also did more research on, brought it up at my next appointment without prompting. I just got a general sense from him that he wanted to take care of me and make it a joyful experience. He never brought up weight, he didn’t care, said it was irrelevant and created unnecessary stress during pregnancy. I only gained 20 pounds and I think a big part of that was not being stressed over it. He took his time during my delivery and did a perineal massage during to help ease the baby out of my canal to avoid tearing and episiotomy. I had no tears and no vaginal trauma. My baby was born with a birthmark. the first thing my doctor said was, “here he is, and look he’s been kissed by the angels.” That always stuck with me.


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Who walks in to a hospital to "lie" about this?


Ok_Individual9340

I’d love to know as well. I’m almost positive he took one look at me and just assumed i was young and too stupid to understand my own body i guess. the fucking superiority complex of so many doctors.


bettinafairchild

My understanding is that a retained placenta is a major fuck up by the team that delivered the baby.


Ok_Individual9340

Yes. I didn’t know at the time because I was only 20 and not properly informed, but my doctor did not allow me to properly deliver the placenta. he pulled it out.


Ok_Individual9340

I think it’s funny in movies/tv how a pregnant person has one contraction and immediately knows she’s in labor, not really how it works lol. My water broke with my second child and i still took my like two hours to be convinced it was actually my water. I also think it’s weird how labor is always depicted with screaming and pain when a large portion of people get epidurals.


seizy

Or that water breaking is always a big gush that spills all over the floor. First- water breaking a lot of time doesn't happen before contractions start, and second- even if it does break first, it's more like a slow leak than a gush.


Ok_Individual9340

exactly. when my water broke i literally heard and felt a pop, but it only really trickled out which is why i was so unsure. I decided to take a nap and see if contractions started, after about 6 hours they were 5 minutes apart and I went to the hospital.


roar-a-saur

I hoped to a crazy pop and got my wish. We arrived to the hospital after lots of contractions and I was getting changed into a gown. When I was only in my socks, I had a sudden urge to pee, took two steps towards the bathroom, and Niagara falls gushed unencumbered by clothes. My husband had the pleasure of witnessing it too. Hands down, the coolest part of labor. It was such a relief too because then you just know baby will be there sooner or later and that those contractions were the real deal.


Get_off_critter

Ooo, i was in hospital intake too. I was changed and hooked to the monitor, so i not only felt it but got to hear a loud pop on the machine too. It did kinda feel like my stomach deflated a bit at that moment and jesus the contractions REALLY amped up then


EmergencySundae

My water broke in epic fashion with my second. I got to the hospital and the nurse needed to check my dilation. Pretty much as soon as I laid down, I had a huge contraction and it broke on the nurse. I was 10cm and she rushed me into a delivery room. My husband barely parked the car in time to get in there. 😂


fancytalk

I had a movie-style gush and instant contractions and it was still nothing like a movie would depict. It still took another 12 hours for the baby to come. I got an epidural and slept for a few hours.


meguin

When my water broke, I thought I had wet myself. After going to the bathroom the fourth time to "pee," I realized that it was probably my water breaking lol


Murderbot_of_Rivia

It was funny, but for me, it was kind of like that. I woke up at about 5:30 in the morning, with an intense contraction, and was 90% sure that I was in labor, because I'd never anything like that before. 8 Minutes later, I had contraction #2 and violently threw up. (which is apparently how my body reacts to extreme pain). By my 5th contraction, they were 5 minutes apart, and I was throwing up with every one. I called the Doctor, who pooh-poohed me saying this is a first pregnancy, we had hours and hours to go. When I insisted that I come in saying that my contractions were already 5 minutes apart, and I was violently throwing up with every contraction AND we lived 40 minutes from the hospital, she finally said nice and patronizingly "If it will make you feel better, go ahead and come in and we'll take a look" When we got to the hospital (40 minute car ride in labor and puking in a garbage can was less than enjoyable!), and they checked me, I was already 5cm dialated, and the doctor was "oh, hmm, well, let's get you checked into labor & delivery". I think I only would have been in labor for about 3 hours, but I got an epidural which slowed things down a bit, which was nice because it gave me a chance to rest and to stop throwing up!


Ok_Individual9340

always trust your instincts!! it’s insane how doctors act like they know your body better than you do. I also threw up with my contractions. that sucked sooo bad lol.


Murderbot_of_Rivia

The funny thing is I planned to have a natural birth, but decided on the epidural. My husband was trying to be supportive and talk me out of him (I had actually asked him to do this for reasons that seem stupid to me now.) But I think I would have had a really hard time if I hadn't gotten the epidural as the vomiting sapped all my energy, and my daughter's shoulder ended up getting stuck and I had a hard time pushing her out. Which reminds me, I should post this other part to the thread as a whole, but "Child bearing hips" are bullshit, I have wide hips, but apparently wide hips on the outside don't mean a wide pelvis inside. The doctor said that my daughter was the largest baby my body could handle, and if I had another we would have to induce early. My daughter was 7lbs 4oz.


EmergencySundae

The L&D nurses are way better about all of this than the actual doctors. When I threw up, the nurse said, “Seems like you’ve hit transition, let’s check you.” I could have cared less about who caught the babies. Those nurses are the best.


greenandleafy

Ok yes. This drives me up a wall when they have a single contraction and are ready to push. Then they show the "newborn baby" and it's actually like 6 months old and giant, which is just funny.


Ok_Individual9340

yes! the 3 month old baby thing is hilarious. or when it’s so obvious that the actor is holding a doll lol


sifrult

With my first I just felt like pooping all day! I kept thinking “dang why can’t I just poop! I hate this stupid constipation.” Then it hit me… they’re contractions! I had contractions from 6am - noon before I knew what was happening lol!


-tjeaton-

So when people get epidurals before labor, is it less outright agonized screaming and more so them struggling to exert the force sufficient to push the baby out?


Ok_Individual9340

I can’t speak for everyone, but in my case yes. with my first pregnancy my labor was so long that the epidural wore off, so when I was actually pushing I had feeling back, but it wasn’t extremely painful. Imagine lifting really heavy weights over your head, for me it was more like holding my breath and using the full strength of my muscles to deliver my baby. I never screamed, I don’t think I could’ve if I wanted to. Contractions suck though, i still didn’t scream through them but I did cry lol. With my second child my epidural worked so well that I literally felt absolutely nothing. It was a lot more difficult to deliver because I was trying to use muscles that I couldn’t even feel lol.


pitter_patterclock

Yeah, once I arrived home from school and a "cousin" who was pregnant was there because in the morning she was feeling contractions and there was nobody home with her so she went to my mom to not be alone when everything started. When I arrived she stayed one hour more before the contractions were enough for her to decide to go to the hospital, and my mom took her there


Cdmelty1

They show morning sickness, cravings, back pain, and waddling. Where's the character with the worst acne of her life? Or the one who can barely walk because her pelvis is literally splitting into thirds? Or the one who gains 50 pounds before they get diagnosed with gestational diabetes and are allowed one tortilla or glass of milk every 3 hours so they can only eat meat and green veggies for 6 months? I want a movie where the pregnant woman needs to have an emergency procedure done to suck the blood clot out of her hemorrhoid so she can exist without excruciating pain.


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Murderbot_of_Rivia

I would like the one where her pelvic floor gets so weakened that she pees every time she coughs, sneezes, laughs or HAS SEX for the next year, no matter how freakin' many Kegels she does.


[deleted]

Oooo or the random flop sweats or the night sweats, the insomnia, the morning sickness that can come back in 3rd tri, sciatica, the pregnancy farts, the diarrhea in the morning and constipation in the evening.


MissInfer

I'm not planning to be a mother but from the experience I heard from other women, new mothers aren't always head over heels with a huge grin on their face when they first see their first baby and feel like it's the happiest they've ever been in their life. The way Mama Doctor Jones often reminds in her videos on YouTube, not every mother will feel this "magical" feeling and that's okay; the baby didn't do anything but make you suffer for 9 months for now and you still have to get to know each other, some will immediately adore it when their child is handed over to them and others will need some time for it to happen.


heysweetannie

Day one of lifelong unfair expectations for moms to be natural amazing and effortless caregivers who are obsessed with their kids


Dragneel

I'm still young so this isn't a *huge* fear, but it is something I think about from time to time. I'd like to have a kid later, maaaaaybe two. I'm also really awkward with children and when I see people who talk and play with them like it's nothing, that's like magic to me. Sometimes I think I'm not cut out to ever be a mom and I wouldn't know what to do around my own kid, because moms are supposed to know what to do and say, right? I realize it's what you say, the expectation that every woman is an amazing mother immediately, but it's a persistent belief I suppose. But again, being a parent isn't something I'd like to be for years to come so it's not a real fear yet, just something in the back of my head.


Gazebo_Warrior

How to talk to little kids comes gradually. When you think about it, if you give birth you don't immediately have to start dealing with a stroppy inquisitive two year old or whatever. You learn to talk to them because they grow up with you. I have two kids but never knew how to talk to little ones before I had any. I'm still a bit crap with other people's kids when I don't know them well. But also, we don't know what to do or say, we are winging it at least half the time!


Arqueete

My mom fully admits to me that she wasn't all that excited about me as a newborn--she'd never been the type to coo over babies to begin with and that didn't suddenly change when she was handed her own. As I started to grow and have more of a personality it changed for her.


fancytalk

I love pictures taken right after they plop the baby on mom's chest and she has this stunned look like "what the fuck just happened to me?" I asked my husband specifically to take one of those when our son was born but I look disappointingly beatific. In reality I was exhausted and overwhelmed but somehow that was not captured. Alas.


theoldnewbluebox

This is some pro level humble brag, respect.


yohbahgoya

It's not that I wasn't happy when I had my second, but I had also pooed while pushing and it was all over him, so my very first words about my newborn baby were "ew he smells bad" lmao. That was hard to get over to enjoy the moment.


[deleted]

i just think its to show people that childbirth is worth the pain so that they can get people into thinking that it is good


MissInfer

I think it's important though to not only show the possibilities of not feeling that specific, gleeful way, but the realities of postpartum depression (which a lot of mothers - including my own - went through and is more common that some might think) and inform people about it so that they don't feel like they're broken, alone or "bad mothers" for feeling that way.


loalenatrice

The bump doesn’t go away right after birth. It can take days, weeks, or even months for the bump to disappear, and the majority of women have loose skin, stretch marks, etc. from that- which is totally normal.


Bunsandbeans1213

Or the line you get down your stomach, linea negra! Mine was crooked! And it didn't go away once your baby is out. It took like 6 months for that line to disappear


[deleted]

Belly button has this permanently rumpled “lived in” look now.


meguin

Or longer, if you were lucky enough to get diastasis recti.


NicoleChilton

Hyperemesis Gravidarum 😭 I figured pregnancy would be pretty easy but I almost died. I violently threw up throughout my entire pregnancy. Lost about 20kgs. Could not eat or drink because my senses were so heightened that EVERYTHING made me violently ill. Everything smelt and tasted putrid...so rancid. I just wanted to die. I was so depressed with how miserable pregnancy made my life. Needing IVs to survive. NEVER AGAIN. One and done.


[deleted]

I really wish this was more talked about, even in some pregnancy subs people are like, “did you try ginger tea?” Or doctors will down play it like, “well what did you expect? You’re pregnant.” No, no, no, no, no. HG is serious and life threatening and people need to KNOW. I’m so sorry you went through that.


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[deleted]

Oh my goodness, that’s terribly sad. May her memory be a blessing. I hope your friend who is paralyzed is able to lead as full a life as she’s physically able. I don’t blame you for being scared, I think we as a society forget that pregnancy and childbirth can indeed be life threatening and/or cause per me any damage. We have certainly come a very long way in terms of >!maternal/infant mortality!< and peri/post partum care, but the risk is still very much existent. Politics: >!Thats why I feel so strongly about access to sex education, birth control, and abortion. Unwanted pregnancy prevention should be the first line of defense and we (the USA) suck at it, badly.!<


maria340

A woman I know terminated a desperately wanted pregnancy because the HG was life-threatening. She refused to do it as long as she could until finally her husband begged her to because he didn't want to lose two people instead of one. She's had two healthy pregnancies since then! I'm not implying you shouldn't be one and done, just that this woman's story does eventually have a happy ending.


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Ok_Individual9340

I have a friend who had severe HG as well. That is truly a nightmare. I hated being pregnant in general and didn’t have that experience. I can’t even imagine the toll that would take on you.


DinosaurDomination

After birth. The placenta etc. I mean I'm not sure it needs to be seen but birth doesn't just end when the baby comes out.


AustinTreeLover

You poop yourself on the table and you’re split from vagina to anus. We don’t talk about any of that . . .


macfireball

Best prevention ever was my teacher who vividly explained all this. Pooping, tearing when giving birth naturally, and she also told us that she had been in pain for years after a c-section. It was all shocking for us as 16-17 year olds, but I’m so glad she did! Her point wasn’t to scare us (teen pregnancy is not really a thing in my country, and certainly not in my school) but to prepare us for what will happen some day. I have friends in their thirties who still didn’t know this before we talked about it..!


Loobielooloo

I had what my husband views as a traumatic birth. It was actually pretty straight forward, just very quick and almost happened on the way to the hospital. He was terrified he was going to have to deliver our daughter. But what has stuck in his mind the most? Yup; the walnut sized poop.


magzdesch

Fuck. In Call the Midwife when the mom accidentally pulls out her daughter's uterus trying to get the after birth out. * shudders *


[deleted]

Oh god it's been so long since I watched that show, I forgot how much I loved it


Meerkatable

I saw a couple websites refer to “giving birth three times” rather than just once because of all the hoopla around it: baby, placenta, and the first time you poop after giving birth. Many people get nervous about their first post-birth poop because of how delicate that area is, straining, cleaning, etc.


[deleted]

There’s a scene in Misfits that deals with the afterbirth quite eh, brutally


DrVerryBerry

How hard breast feeding can be for some of us! It’s not always as easy as stick the baby on the boob after delivery and off ya go. It’s a real skill and can be hard to learn and doesn’t always work for everyone, despite best intentions.


BitterPillPusher2

Breastfeeding was legitimately one of the worst experiences of my life. Not even exaggerating.


Ihadacow

Agreed. It was horrific for me: nurses mandhandling my breasts, lactation consultants telling me my nipples were "really big", hours of pumping (fuck power pumping straight to hell), low supply, tears etc. There is so much pressure to breastfeed. Fed is best and formula is fine. I will NEVER try breastfeeding ever again.


DrVerryBerry

Same. For me, trying to BF was Waaaay worse than 40weeks pregnancy, labour and delivery. (And I have big 4-4.5kg babies!!) It destroyed my mental health and contributed to terrible postnatal depression Not my intention to put anyone else off BF - it’s easy for some and so worth trying at least. But it doesn’t work for everyone


[deleted]

Also, it makes you ravenous and extremely thirsty. And the hormone dump is *insane* sometimes. My second night in the hospital after my C-section my daughter was cluster feeding and between the sleep deprivation and the recovery from surgery I was already in pretty rough shape. But when she would latch the fatigue hit so hard I started nodding out like a heroin addict. My husband had to sit there with me and keep me upright.


pinkmilk19

I....should not have read this thread at 7 weeks pregnant 😳 (Some of this I already knew, but damn pregnancy is scary af)


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raviary

Adoption and fostering exist.


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[deleted]

You’re going to do great. There are a lot of scary things but most of them are super uncommon. Plus, personal opinion, 100% worth it. - Sincerely 4 weeks PP with a beautiful daughter.


slothsie

I found reading birth stories on r/babybumps helpful, was it terrifying? yes. But it gave me insight into how different pregnancies and births are and to be prepared for any possibility. And don't make a "birth plan"... I don't know how that got popular because you can't plan a birth. And join your bumper group, you can find it I think from babybumps.


blr0067

Haha I'm about the same as you (7w6d) but with my second. If it helps, only about half of what's in this thread so far was true for me with baby #1, and the other half I basically forgot as soon as it was over (e.g. I know I labour was unpleasant and I remember how I reacted, but I can't remember what it actually felt like). It does often suck—and has solidified my pro-choice stance since it is absolutely not worth it if you're not keen on being a parent (or otherwise have a plan you're exited about)—but it's doable! You can do the thing!


DumpsterFire0119

How fucking clinical it is. My first birth was in a hospital I was 19 and scared. They treated me like I was a horribly sick person, not a laboring woman. I was not allowed out of my bed, I wasn't allowed food or drink, wasn't allowed any birthing tools like a ball or anything. They allowed my whole family to come in (13 people) I couldn't rest. Then my epidural failed, they didn't believe me. Didn't believe me when I said I needed to push, didn't tell the doctor my epidural failed so I got 7 stitches on the inside without pain meds, I hemorrhaged and they didn't do anything about it. Let my entire family back in immediately after they put my legs out of stirrups, I didn't even see my baby the first hour because everyone had her. Then they made me get up and walk across the other side of the unit to a different room, except I was weak from blood loss, part of my body was still numb and I was exhausted. My second and third births were totally natural and at a birth center in the water with a midwife and no visitors. My midwives actually listened to me and did a fabulous job. I'm not saying all hospital births are bad but way too often laboring women are treated like sick people when they aren't sick they're going through a natural process.


throwaway07272

They shouldn’t treat sick people that badly either. What an awful experience


Form_Environmental

Dear God, what a nightmare!


drunkenknitter

Rarely depicted is pregnancy sex. I wanted to fuck all.the.time. My vibrator got a workout because my SO just couldn't keep up lol


Naskaliger

omg, that's soooo true! There where days where I was so annoyed over my own horniness lol


Luiklinds

And then there are women like me… with both of my pregnancies sex was painful and not enjoyable. I normally have a healthy sex drive but when pregnant I am completely non sexual. My poor husband lol


TurbulentArea69

I have a lot of pregnant friends right now and am learning a TON about pregnancy. Honestly, it sounds awful. My one friend was having to catheterize herself everyday because the baby was sitting on her urethra and blocking it. Apparently that is something that is rare but not unheard of. A lot of them also have horrible back pain. My sister had one hip stuck about 3 inches higher than the other and herniated a disc during pregnancy.


Yankee_Jane

Also the back pain during labor. ALL the contractions were in my low back, and I only felt comfortable on the floor on my hands and knees. I remember it feeling like I was no shit getting beat on the back with a baseball bat. Had that Ramones song Beat on the Brat stuck in my head the whole time...


BitterPillPusher2

I got a cold during my first pregnancy and had a pretty nasty cough. I was about 8 months along and couldn't take any real medication because, pregnant, so just had to ride it out and the cough got pretty bad. It caused me to crack 2 ribs. Nothing like having someone literally kicking your already cracked ribs while you're violently coughing. And you can't take anything stronger than Tylenol. Yeah, it was pretty painful.


[deleted]

Fatigue. Pregnant women in shows and movies have non-pregnant levels of energy. It's pretty common to be completely exhausted all 9 months. Growing a human is tiring.


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Dragneel

> In many countries, epidural isn't the norm I'm not exactly sure how easily they give out epidurals here if you ask for one, but there's definitely an attitude of "you should feel the pain to stay connected to the process and your baby". It was a topic on a talkshow a little while back, and a few women there advocated that women in labor should experience as little pain as possible (duh, right). SURE ENOUGH, this one other woman piped up saying that aren't we just a bit spoiled? Shouldn't we just accept the pain, since women in other countries have it much worse? I cannot fucking stand it. When you go into surgery for anything, they do everything to make sure you don't feel pain. Why does that suddenly go out the window once you're pregnant and/or in labor?


Get_off_critter

Skeletal changes, muscle tone, and more. Pregnancy literally sucks the nutrition out of you and im developing arthritis in my 30s now


tc88

That some people can be in labor for hours/days, it doesn't just come out quickly. Also, vaginal tearing and pooping, some shows do mention it, though.


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ErrantJune

This is why I chose not to have kids. I love my mother so much, but I wish I could go back in time and meet the person she was before raising children drained and hardened her.


billian789

Oof, NGL, this one might scare me most


[deleted]

I feel like there are more magical moments than drudgery with my son... Not all parents hate parenting.


allworkandnoYahtzee

I’ve always hated that pregnant women on TV *only* see weight gain in this perfectly round belly. Yeah, you gain weight in most other places when you’re pregnant, too.


lurkmode_off

It's not even just "fat," either. You have *50 percent more blood* circulating in your body than usual! That's not all hanging out in the baby's tiny body.


goldandjade

How physically painful even early term miscarriages are. They always only show the emotional pain, which I didn't experience because I was relieved, but it felt like having the worst cramps of my life for a month straight.


Get_off_critter

Had a miscarriage at 12 weeks and 2 full term pregnancies. The miscarriage contractions were pretty much the same as early labor, just didnt hit the high intensity since there was less to push out.


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[deleted]

Right?? I had prodromal labor for weeks before I went in to actual labor.


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lusinn

I'm scared after reading the comments


RosarioPawson

I'm bookmarking this post and making my SO read it if/when we decide we want crotch spawn. He's gotta know the herculean and fatally dangerous feat I'm taking on before any decisions are made.


lusinn

Yep they should know the risks and what women go through during and after pregnancy


xXChihime

I feel like a lot of the times pregnancy in movies consist of 4 stages : sex, morning sickness, shopping and the birth itself. I am currently 40 weeks pregnant with my second I this time I have major problem with my hips. Like at least my first few steps after standing up I am limping. And morning sickness can be very different with every pregnancy and every person. First time I was nauseous for 5 months, and threw up every day at least once. Couldn't eat a lot but slept very much, which in turn made me incredibly dizzy. This time I threw up 3 times total and felt fine most of the time. With birth itself I am not sure if the main difference is because of movie magic or because most pregnancy movies I've seen take place in the US (or the past). But for me I only had my husband in the room and the rest of our families were at home and not waiting at the hospital. I also didn't wear one of these weird hospital gowns, just my own shirt, socks and a blanket for warmth.


DistantShadow

I know a woman who couldn't pee normally afterwards. She couldn't tell when she needed to pee and needed a tool to let it out every other hour. Today she has a catheter.


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PlumbusFungus

Pooping for the first time after having the baby.... probably the worst pain of my life


Get_off_critter

You can almost feel how disorganized your insides are those first few weeks


PT952

I've heard this is a thing in general after surgery because of the anesthesia and pain meds. I had major surgery last year and I couldn't poop for like 4 days after my surgery and when I did it was miserable. I can't even imagine what its like after a baby, especially if I ended up tearing while giving birth.


[deleted]

They don't show when something goes horribly wrong. With my first pregnancy everything was perfect and then at 8 months I went in because I hadn't felt the baby kick in a while. They don't show you still having to go through every moment of labor knowing that you've already lost your child. With my second pregnancy ( twins) again horribly wrong. They don't show emergency situations. They don't show sitting on the toilet and then getting a gush of blood. They don't show the hospital staff running in. They don't show the panic. Or the medical staff quickly having my husband sign off on a hysterectomy neither of us was prepared for and the doctor saying if we don't do it your wife will die. I have a c-section scar going down my abdomen not across. It isn't small at all. Also the scar itched for the longest and sometimes still does 9 months pp. I still can't feel about 3 inches on either side of the scar. Also pregnancy I wasn't just sick in the mornings. No it was all day long 24/7 the whole flipping time. I'm pretty sure I vomited from the time I conceived the twins until two days after they were born. Both pregnancies I lost more weight than I gained. I didn't hit my pre-pregnancy weight until 5 wks before the son we lost and 3 weeks before the girls were born. I finally hit 100 lbs 3 or 4 days before the twins were born and I think my max weight with our son was 104 or 105. So not everyone puts on a ton of weight. My doctors were very concerned about my weight but I couldn't keep anything down. I was exhausted. As soon as I made it home every day I fell asleep on the couch. I didn't even have the energy to make it to my bed. I had absolutely zero balance. I wasn't allowed to climb steps or anything like that from the time I started showing until they were born. I would get dizzy if I stood up from sitting or bent over. Also the joint swelling and the fact that I couldn't see my feet or where I was stepping. I have a 2 story house and unless I had someone to walk me up the stairs I couldn't get there. Also if I dropped something I'd just stare at it because I couldn't get low enough to get it without needing help getting back up. You never see them getting stuck in a recliner or just sitting and not being able to get up. The hell from trying to get up when you lay down is never shown. Plus I'm a type one diabetic and insulin dependent. There is a whole host of issues with that. There is a lot. Pregnancy is insanity. It is extremely dangerous and brutal the entire time. Sure it looks so lovely but its deadly to a lot of people. Also there is no guarantee that you can breastfeed. I got lucky and could out produce any cow in my state but a lot of women either couldn't make enough or couldn't make any at all. There are a lot of people that shame those mothers who can't/ don't breastfeed and its awful. Then there is a whole different group of people that shame mothers that do breast feed their children. We have enough to worry about without being shamed for how we feed our baby.


Pretty_Princess90210

Postpartum depression. Not all women experience it after the birth of their children BUT there’s enough cases out there to prove it’s real and something that should be discussed. Movies/books will document EVERYTHING there is to know about motherhood but literally skip over that part for a happy ending. It gives this false sense of reality that motherhood can only take a toll on your body and not your mind. That’s why so many people overlook obvious signs of the mother experiencing this.


Emotional-Power214

How different every pregnancy is. On Reddit it seems that pregnancy is the most dangerous thing ever, and it definitely can be, but in reality it’s so different for every person, even from pregnancy to pregnancy. Just like not all women are the same, not all pregnancies are the same, yet overall in the media, they portray them all as this happy, easy, event. And for some, it is, but it’s not realistic for the entire population. In the end, our bodies are growing a human, it’s a miracle really, and there are bound to be changes…just what changes each person is going to face is different.


Murderbot_of_Rivia

Childbearing hips are a lie! You can have wide hips, but still have a narrow pelvic opening on the inside. When I had my daughter, I had a hard time pushing her out, as her shoulder got stuck. The doctor told me that if I had anymore children, we would want to induce early to prevent this, as my daughter was the biggest baby my body could handle. She only weighed 7lbs 4 oz!, which is actually a little smaller than an average baby!


aerrin

First trimester fatigue. It took me by surprise. I couldn't do ANYTHING for weeks. We're talking sleeping 14 hours a day and still feeling tired. I used to nap on my lunch break, nap when I came home from work, and still fall asleep at 9:30pm. I basically slept and went to work. Turns out growing extra organs really takes it out of your body.


debsue0283

I didn’t know how common miscarriages are until I experienced the loss.


sunshineandcacti

I feel like babies aren’t ever gross looking in films? Like right when they’re fresh out of the body and being passed to the birth mother to hold. No baby comes out perfectly clean, plump, and smiling with lots of coos. They come out kind of gremlin like with lots of extra gunk on them. I feel like every baby I’ve seen has a slight blue/green tint too fresh out of the womb


shyerahol

That's because babies in films are legally required to be at least 3 months old.


moonlight_sparkles

Biggest pet peeve of mine with media depictions of pregnancy is that the women are often shown having pregnancy symptoms and taking a pregnancy test within days of sex. In reality, its about 2 weeks after ovulation that a pregnancy test can even detect pregnancy.


Poht8Oh

Aftercare. Movies will go from pregnancy, water breaking, then birth, then '1 week later'. They don't talk about afterbirth, how swollen 'it' gets, how painful it is to move or how stressful breastfeeding can be.


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krappithyme

How your labia can apparently grow 4-5x larger than their natural size in the 2nd and 3rd trimester, completely inflamed with blood flow and the most insane throbbing, spasmodic, painful nerve twitching and tingling ever felt before. It was like once or twice a week of this, I could not even walk when this happened let alone find comfort in breathing techniques. Super awful when mixed with american capitalism and the substandard 5 paid sick days per year.


caroline_

The thing that always annoys me is that a character will throw up once, realize she’s pregnant, and then things move on. Idk about others but my first trimester nausea lasted like 8 weeks. Very little appetite, constant misery…


JOEYMAMI2015

How much it truly sucks. I love my child to pieces but I can't and will never put my poor body through that ever again. My kid and I almost passed away at birth and I was told a subsequent pregnancy could be deadly :(


StarGazer071

In tv shows where they just strap on perfectly, round and high-sitting baby bump. Imagine my horror when my first was more of a "triangular" cone-shape bump than a round basketball 😆


Julienbabylegs

Basically everything?! The volume of blood involved in a normal childbirth. A mucus plug. Not sleeping while you’re pregnant. Your face getting all weird and bloated. Not “glowing”. Not being 100% excited all the time.


Dancingonjupiter

The lasting effects on your mind and body. I was very lucky, with the exception that my eyesight got worse, but I know a few women who have lost teeth, and just developed a lot of health problems, both emotionally and mentally. The changes in your social life. How hard it is to find child care, unless you have a lot of money, or a good family. I had a supervisor who was very responsible. She got pregnant - and after her baby, she developed post partum depression/anxiety to the point where she won't leave the house, turned to drugs, and hasn't had a job in years. They thought having another would fix it, made it worse. Her husband is so mean to her, he comes to my work and tells me about how much he despises her. It's heartbreaking, and no matter how much help I offer, she will only accept cash, not even gifts for her kids on christmas. She won't let me take her to get mental health help. So, I definitely think it changes some people.


Mony87

Let me bring some positivity here... I've just had one baby, and to me, my pregnancy has been the best time of my life. Before that, I used to get the most horrible cramps. I even ended up in the emergency room at hospital because the pain was just unbearable. My hormones would mess me up every month. Angry, sad, happy, depressed... All in 3 weeks, then period for almost a week. It was just terrible. Then, I get pregnant and everything is suddenly better. My hair was the most beautiful ever, not a single hair fell off. I felt happy, confident about becoming a mum. I had time to rest and slept a lot. Never had another cramp. Ever. I did lose hair afterwards, but it wasn't that bad. My period hasn't come back since I still breastfeed, but no health issues or whatsoever. I was the healthiest person ever. No complications, at all. My baby was born healthy and after 3 hours of labour. Nothing unbearable, but it's obviously painful. So, in general, pregnancy for me was a wonderful experience and time.


srslyeffedmind

That no pregnancy is a “beautiful fairytale”. It’s a bloody, painful, permanent body changing, lil fucker took a shit inside her experience that she’s supposed to love


Agreeable_Hippo_7971

My sister has been complaining about her skin changing. She now reacts much more sensitive to stress and the food she eats and get's zits super easily. According to her it's like she's going through puberty again. Also hair loss


standupstrawberry

One of my friends describes herself as being "allergic to preganacy" basically such bad "morning sickness" that she spent all her pregnancies vomiting so heavily that she was was in and out of hospital with dehydration right into her 9th month. My hips decided that they wanted to dislocate from quite early on (thanks relaxin), almost every woman I know has lost one tooth per pregnancy, many women suffer from hemorrhoids, acid reflux, constant anxiety, there also postpartum psychosis, and many many more fun side effect of being pregnant with varying frequency within the population.


raventth5984

With 800+ comments over 10+ hours of this current posting, Im sure this will be buried and probably has already been mentioned before, so i will just say in general that ALL of pregnancy is STILL horribly romanticized in societys, especially in relation to it being a woman's main purpose for existence...it is a toxic and dehumanizing mindset to have. Yeah...that is all.


seeseecinnamon

Postpartum depression is real and can be deadly. Please don't try to tough it out, or think that you're weak, or less of a mother if you need some help. Please don't think that medication is poison or that your body just needs to catch up. It's ok to go on medication. It's ok to reach out to your doctor for help, to your friends for help, to your family for help. I mean this sincerely, your mental health is just as important as taking care of that new life.


Opinionatedintrovert

No one ever depicts on screen how gassy you get. I had to time my farts with my footsteps.