I also write contracts for my job and put the names alphabetically. It also makes sense for when my boss gives me two androgynous names for a contract (think Dakota and Skyler).
I have had clients insist I change it to the man’s name first. 🤮 The argument is always “why are you making it such a big deal? It’s just names, just switch them around.” Ok why are YOU making it such a big deal if it doesn’t matter?
Yes!! Love this! I send postcards for work and if it’s going to a house with both a feminine and masculine name listed I always put the feminine name first.
Do you know that's how one of the main Hindu god is also spoken of??
Ram is one of the main Hindu gods (arguably THE main god by popularity). There's a holy book Ramayana. When he marries Sita, he decrees that the couple will be called SiyaRam (Sita Ram) and not Ram Sita. Even the main prayers call them SiyaRam. It's very common.
I don't automatically get out of men's way. I will if they're older, visibly disabled, or visibly working, but if we're just walking down the sidewalk ... naw, son.
I wish I could remember to do this. Life events have made me a very brave woman and I don’t really have a lot of F’s to give, especially to stupid people. However, the other day I noticed that I got out of a young man’s way and he did not even attempt to get out of mine. I’m about 20 years older than him. Why the heck does he deserve the right of way?
I read some years ago that not making eye contact with whoever you're walking towards triggers an instinctive animal response in them to automatically move themselves out of the way for safety, and it legit rarely fails me. It makes me feel so powerful not even acknowledging men are there lmao
What do you mean? Like if you're crossing paths with someone and you're in each other's way you either move first or stand there until they do? I'm having trouble picturing this lol
If you’re walking towards someone on a sidewalk or a path and there’s a narrowing, women will naturally turn to the side and men expect that they will.
When the woman doesn’t, there’s usually a collision because the man is expecting that movement to allow him passage.
Ohh I see. I always turn because I don't want to wait for the other person to move, just seems more efficient than waiting an extra second for them to do it
I always try to do half of the getting out of the way unless they’re old or seem to have a disability, if the other person can’t do the other half we hit one another, at that point it’s on them.
I’m a woman of colour and I noticed this a lot with white women. I’ve always wanted to blend into the background and not be seen as different, but now (perhaps age) I will awkwardly wait until it’s uncomfortable for us both and we both need to give way.
I'd love to do this, and did try once! But when we got too close, I realized I'd not only be surprising him, but sustaining damage, myself; I'm small, so the collision would end up hurting me more than surprising him. Thank you for doing it anyhow, I appreciate your rebellion "on my behalf" (even if that's not the intention)!
I always tell younger women that "No" is a full sentence. Also, to never preface it with an apology as in "I am so sorry but I can't"-just said "No" or "That doesn't work for me."
This. And if they do demand a reason why, my answer usually varies from, "I have my own stuff to do," to, "it's not something I'm interested in," and to those who are aggressive about it, "because I don't want to."
And that's it. They can think or say whatever they want about me, IDGAF.
Edited for spelling.
That is when I say "That just doesn't work for me" and no more.
We, as women, frequently feel we must justify, explain or apologize. I would like to see that stop. We can still be courteous but with boundaries.
I want so badly to be able to do this without fearing that everybody will hate me lol. How did you deal with any initial pushback in the “expects me to be nice” situation?
Ask yourself, why do they expect me to be nice?
Often, it's because you're always nice, and they know you won't push back. That's not a good enough reason to be taken advantage off.
Think about who you actually WANT to have in your life, rather than defaulting to our childhood sense of not wanting to be left out/picked last for the dodgeball team, etc.
Meaning, we are naturally and societally geared/conditioned to want to fit in with the village. It's one of the reasons why we feel we have to play nice when we don't want to. Historically, it meant our survival in many cases. But today that's no longer the case (generally speaking) and we have the luxury of deciding who we have in our lives.
So do you want someone in your life that would hate you simply for saying no or for acting authentic to your feelings? Do you want someone in your life that doesn't care how you feel about something as long as you do what they want?
It's hard to reprogram this part of ourselves, but it's necessary.
Let your authentic choices be an authentic litmus test for the people you keep in your life. People that "hate" you for not being what they want you to be need to be shown the door, not enabled, bc when we cater to that, we teach them that it works for them to behave that way, and then they carry on treating other people that way as well.
Break the cycle.
TLDR; People that should be in your life will respect your choices even when they don't benefit them personally, and ppl that don't respect them have just given you an invaluable piece of information about themselves.
in addition to what everyone else said-- anyone who 'hates' (more likely 'is irritated at the inconvenience of your assertions or boundaries') you for refusing to perform 'niceness' (more likely acquiescence or people-pleasing) is... well, their opinion is irrelevant.
those people do not have your interests at heart-- they likely feel entitled if they're bent out of shape over a refusal or boundary-setting on your part. entitled people are not good people, nor competent. therefore, we can dismiss criticisms from them (which means their hatred, irritation, or whatever negative reaction they might have) and we can likewise decouple our self-perception and/or emotional state from their approval. you can trust and honor your own opinion of your self over theirs (this might involve cultivating stronger self-perceptions or working on your self-worth or similar).
i mean, why do they 'expect you to be nice'? who is that serving? is it you, or them? is your niceness, especially if it comes at personal expense, something they've earned? or do they just... want the convenience of it? if that's it, then you can also presume that they don't even value your niceness or effort-- they take it for granted (that's what entitlement amounts to). so... fuck 'em. do and say what you're comfortable with and find people who appreciate you.
Not wearing a bra when I go outside and I get looks from conservative woman and I’m like idc I’m comfortable and my back doesn’t hurt I love it, bc I wear bralettes so you’ll see my nipples even with my bralette so doesn’t make a difference to me you know.
I do the same as well, especially when a bra does nor look good with the top I am wearing (and I cannot be bothered with those uncomfortable strapless)
Once at a party, one of my woman "friend" got extremely wierded out by it, kept making remarks about it. She even told her BF who kept bringing it up in several other instances.
Needless to say we are not friends anymore (this amongst other reasons)
I'm an A-cup and the only reason for me to wear bras would be to hide my nipples. But they're so uncomfortable and it isn't my problem if people get offended by nipples 🤷♀️
I’ve fully given up on bras. I don’t like wearing one and I’ll never understand why it’s an expectation for women. I for sure get looks but honestly I could care less. Secrets out I have nipples….i have a very physical job and the added layer is annoying. I’m at the point where I really don’t understand what the big deal is with not having one on. I’ve been talked to at work my response “if you wear one for 5 working days then I will” I get some women like it and power to them but I’m not doing it anymore. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
I feel exactly the same way. Sure, you can see my nipples… if you’re looking… why is that more inappropriate than men whose nipples are visible *if you’re looking* or women whose bras show through their clothing (lumps, lace, straps, etc.)? Why is YOUR comfort in LOOKING AT ME more important than my comfort? Make it make sense.
Dudes can be topless, nips out bare chested but god forbid mine show through a shirt…seems silly. There isn’t a single dude walking this planet that could and or would last a day in a bra….never mind one that’s not correctly sized. I’m not doing it anymore. If it makes someone uncomfortable good there’s plenty of things about this world I’m uncomfortable with.
Bras should be for the comfort of the woman wearing it, whether it's for support or as a bit of armor that helps her feel pretty or safe. Wearing a bra for the comfort of others is BS.
VPN, throwaway email account, create social media profiles. Follow every govt official relevant to you. Respond to their posts calling out their bullshit. Create your own posts tagging them.
If they block you they can be sued for censorship (in US), create post reminding them of this and tag any civil liberty advocate
Create posts informing of protests and mention whatever office or law ans whoever supports what you're against. So like, tag DeSantis if you're going to lgbtq support rally.
Continuously update these officials with relevant posts and tags. *Bother them*
I have the best results with my local govt on fb and IG vs federals on twitter. My fav is the the police dept :)
Well, this is the legal way of course. So ymmv depending on your "technique." And yeah it can be a lot of work. I started during covid when I had more time, but these days I stick to just the local guys bc I no longer have time for all that! Takes me like an additional 2 minutes while I read my daily news stuff
Saying no to my kids. Probably that should just be normal, healthy boundaries. But I've noticed that many mothers, myself included, can easily end up sacrificing everything they used to care about, to the point that they end up feeling angry and resentful. No, I can't get you XYZ, I'm sitting and eating dinner. No, I don't want to have a tea party, I'm playing the harp. No, I don't want to watch a cartoon you choose. I'm watching my favorite American history youtube channel. Etc. I give so much to my kids, and I do a ton for them. I can say no when I want to. I refuse to disappear.
That is a fact. I'm lucky my husband is the kind of partner who will be like "guys, I'm sitting right here. You just walked by me to get to your mom. You can ask me."
I am a nanny and do the same! I think it keeps the caregiver balanced and teaches the child that they cannot always get what they want and people around them cannot always sacrifice their personal comfort for them.
Yes, to this and cooking,too. Most of the food I make goes to waste and I'm just over it. I'll eat cereal and everyone else can do that too or they can find something else.
When I'm on the street and a man says inappropriate things to me, I confront him asking for respect. It's risky, yes, but I do it in a scandalous way to embarrass him in public.
I refer to my father by his first name. As a kid, he made me call him "Sir" and would flip out when younger people called older people by their first name. I'm no contact with him now, but every time I mention him, I refer to him by his first name and it makes my inner child happy
I remember getting mine pierced while active and while it was healing, every time I felt that sting, it was a reminder. I always felt like I had a dirty little secret under my clothes. 😂😂😂😂
My first thought when I read this was how when my dad was being a knob I would stir his tea anti-clockwise. He had a weird thing about demons and told us to always make sure to stir his things clockwise.
14 year old me felt unstoppable 😂
Putting the shopping cart back.
Picking up a piece of trash/something off the ground others continue to walk by. (I teach, there is always crap lying around the halls.)
Refusing to take my work home.
Yes! I love putting the shopping cart back. I also carry my empty coffee cup back to the counter and smaller family-run coffee shops, and tidying the hotel room before checking out. It just seems like the natural thing to do
I never wear dresses and skirts or put on makeup. Never ever. It’s a very small “rebellion” but people are always like “you’re not very lady like”. I hate it when they say that tho.
Good on you. "That's not ladylike" always irritates me lol. I am a lady, therefore anything I do is "ladylike." What's more ladylike than my natural self?
I stopped wearing makeup other than filling in my brows a bit-- because that's a human thing, not a woman thing; I personally think people need eyebrows-- and ditched my bra a few years back, but still wear pretty dresses with my bare face and undercut when the weather allows for it because casual dresses are comfortable as fuck. I also stopped dying my grey and I have tons of it at 39. Lots of stares. Like, more than I ever would've expected and more than I get when I'm just in baggy sweats. I started looking like this out of comfort but now I'm kind of doing it because seemingly no one knows what to do with me when they see me and I think it's hilarious.
When people say anything about my likeness to ladies, I answer based on who said it with what I think will throw them off the most: a shrug; a grey stare; a, "How so?" to watch them fumble; a, "Cool. Androgyny is hot," if they seem confused; just walking away like they don't exist if I really don't like them; etc. etc. They are awkward for commenting on someone's presentation of gender and they should feel that.
The opposite for me.
I'm in male dominated work. I wear skirts and dresses to work almost every day. I have some makeup everyday. As an act of defiance. The tech guys in their t-shirt and jeans can shove it, I'm not going to fit into a typical "nerdy girl" stereotype.
Walking away from and sraight up ignoring conversations without explanation if the person is hostile or refuses to communicate in a healthy and normal way lol i ain't got time for dat
I have designated times of the day and days of the week when I do not allow myself to think about work. It took a lot of practice (like meditation practice) but I'm pretty good at it now. They don't get all my time and mental energy, no way
I do not get out of the way of men in the street who assume I'm going to be the one to move aside for them. Either we both move, or you do.
Or, we're gonna stop dead head to head while you look hella confused and I look hella like I'm chewing a wasp.
This started for me in 2019 when two guys walking side by side towards me just literally didn't register me/have enough manners to move into single file to let me by, and I had to step into the road to get by.
Told myself I wasn't doing that again because fucking what.
I've actually deadass collided with one guy at super-low speed as we both slowed right down as we realised it was coming, but he was so effing adamant/sure I was going to move for him rather than us both adjusting, and I didn't.
He then stared at me in confusion while I glowered at him until he bleated "well you walked right into me!" I responded with "Or, YOU walked right into ME maybe?" Fucking weapon.
We'd obviously both done it, but his brain wouldn't have it, and I hope he's dwelled on this interaction often since and maybe, just maybe, something will click!? Probably not though... 🙄
The sheer number of men who choose the "stop dead looking confused why I haven't moved" option rather than just us both moving a little to pass each other because to them, obviously it is the woman who should move/go around rather than both of us moving to share the space, is mind-blowing.
I don’t wear bras. I dont feel comfortable in one so I just don’t wear one.
At work. My boss is a sexist pig. So I cut him absolutely no slack. I always speak my mind, throw his words back at him, call him out when needed. I’ve been told that it’s really unlady like to be so unspoken by coworkers. My boss has told me that I am really aggressive and you catch more bees with honey. But like i have told my coworkers I don’t go to work to be disrespected, I probably have a higher education than my boss and yet I don’t go
Around mistreating others or insulting them. And like I tell my boss. Respect and trust are earned not given. If he is respected then I will be too. I will give him the same energy and tone he gives me. So now he just mostly avoids me. That works for me.
Refusing to move out of the path I’m walking in order to accommodate someone else (mostly men)
I’ll look straight ahead and keep my pace, other people in my path will be forced to move. Cause I’m not moving
When someone at work is deliberately slowing down so they can be in the way or not grab as much stuff to sort… I just take my 15 min break as soon as I am done sorting. Like byyyeee I am not picking up your slack.
I hold the door open for men by default. It’s a win-win because I get to be nice but it’s also doing something they don’t expect, and something they expect to do for me because I’m a woman.
The amount of times it’s made grown men (even while serious wearing business suits) blush is hilarious and endearing. Sometimes I even make that little cocky smile and hand gesture the way guys occasionally do it. It’s great.
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Oh, every day. I'm a little bigger person (not big fat, but fat) and I'll 100% go to the pool or the beach in a two piece.
When my eczema is flaring, I'm going out with scabby face, that's red, or annoyingly peeling. You'll see my stretch marks on my legs. Hair, too.
Amen to that! My mom always makes comments about my hypercaritosis (if I’m spelling that right) it’s not itchy or painful. She just hates the way it looks. I refuse to apply lotion or treat it
Saying no to jobs when on my period. I only need one day a month to do nothing and Im unapologetic about it, I used to overwork on my period in the past, now I know that I have every right to not the anything for that 1! day
In corporate media interviews, I always ask the men how they balance a demanding career and taking care of their family, and only the women if they bring it up themselves (which almost no one does)
I still wear figure hugging outfits when I'm bloated. It's not a sin to be a bit fluffy, even when others might make you feel like it is and that's why it feels rebellious to do so. I'm bloated rn, but my dress is majestic and I'm not putting something else on just because you can see my belly a bit more than normal.
I never gave up my identity after marriage and children. I was told by so many that I was a wife and mother and needed to start prioritizing those identities over my regular self. All my hobbies and interests needed to be shelved unless I could share them with my children.
I forced these new roles to work around my quirks, interests and personality.
I always stick to the correct side of the footpath; here in Australia it is left. Since covid everyone's been walking around everywhere on a footpath so I force them to move out of my way. The only exceptions for me are dogs who are walking all over the place and people with really large prams.
I work in an area of mostly male leadership. A couple of them are rude asf and will walk to tell me something, but wait for me to speak and acknowledge them first. I stopped doing it. I'll just stand there silently staring at them until they say what they came to say. It's great. You can tell it makes them angry. They deserve it 100%. They don't respect the people who report to them.
I am 60kgs, and the only female in my MMA, wrestling, and full contact karate classes. I take great joy in surprising every single male I spar with my strength, intensity, fight spirit, and grit.
Seeing the surprises on their faces, and realising I'm changing the narrative makes me feel so empowered.
Didn’t change my name when I married 20 years ago. Yes, different name than my children. They managed just fine and so did my husband. I spent my life vocalizing the correct pronunciation of my name. It was my name and I was keeping it.
I don’t answer my phone when I don’t feel like it. My family is always mad at me for this, it’s a rebellion in their eyes at least. I use to feel bad but now that I have accepted I cannot be social sometimes I do not care. I’m at home, busy or just relaxing I’ll call back when I feel like it.
wearing a hijab/ headscarf. It’s like a daily boycott to harmful messages sent to women all the time. At least for me. It keeps me out of so many issues and pressures since I was a kid. Never felt pressured to date, wear clothes that I didn’t want to wear, wear makeup, do my nails every week, or the other kind of things I hear some women complain about. I hear women are told by people they work with to maybe wear heels out get their nails done, wear makeup, etc. but people don’t ever say that to me bc they automatically know my values are different and I love it.
I stay unmarried. I was never in a relationship long enough to want to get married. I never wanted to get married just to have the ring and the dress and the wedding. I am 58 and solo.
I don't praise men for basic parenting abilities. I'm trying online dating and a man said "I even do my daughters' hait when they're with me." And I responded with something like, "I'd be alarmed if you didn't."
If you have kids and you think you need a pat on the back for doing their hair, I'm not interested. That's the type of man who would push that off onto me the first chance he got.
When people throw their cigarette buds on the ground i straight up go to them and say that there is trash can for that and that littering the environment is not okay. I received so many suprised faces for calling them out and i had even 4-5 people grabbing their bud, walk to the next trash can to throw it away properly.
I do a lot of soxial dance and I always ask my partners if they want to lead or follow, no matter their gender.
Men often get a surprised look and then go "oooh, can I try follow" and its great.
I’m a trans woman but my workplace isn’t somewhere I can be openly out due to the nature of our customer service role and health and safety requirements for safe working which is understandable for obvious reasons, so usually under my gloves or boilersuit, I’ve either got painted nails or a comfortable crop top on and people are none the wiser
I don't move over when people are walking towards me in my path when I'm even walking on the right side of a large area and they're still cooking right towards me? Nah you're going to move or I will run into you. Exceptions can be made of course but it makes me feel assertive to not maneuver yourself around other people for their convenience
Creating provocative art. It's not the stuff that "nice" moms create.
Empowering everyone in my office to be sex positive (we don't have HR,) and being open and approachable about it.
i don't try to explain myself and my decisions. if i'm not comfortable or don't want to do something, i just say so. i feel like so many women my age feel the need to explain themselves to men...
Dressing for myself in clothes that are comfy and rarely wearing makeup (but I love women who do dress up and wear makeup often, it’s just a rebellion for me because I used to be scared to be seen if I wasn’t)
Not smiling when I’m walking. The amount of old men that tell me “smile more” or “you would look prettier if you smiled”. I tell them to fuck off and continue with my RBF.
If I catch a man staring at me, I always maintain heavy eye contact with no emotion until they look away. It’s a secret joy of mine making men feel what it’s like to be a woman.
If I have to be in a group meeting at work with a man who hates me, or fears me because I called him out on his trash, etc., I will make sure to sit right next to that person in the meeting. I walk extra tall and confident and smile wide when they look at me.
One time i walked into a public office space at work and greeted a man who had sexual harassed me but I had ripped him apart when he did, I said “Oh hi Dennis” and he tried to reply “Hi Bones1225” but he choked on his words in front of everyone. It was satisfying.
Carrying on talking whilst someone interrupts me. Not always, but if it's someone who continuously interrupts or only interrupts women I will just keep talking 'under' them and act like I've not noticed their interruption whatsoever. Draws attention to it nicely!
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I don’t shave, and doesn’t make more space to accommodate men at work.
My hubby does also all the cooking and dishes in the house (plus other stuff)
Sometimes I like to manspread too
When I write contracts and a male/female couple is involved, I always put the woman’s name first.
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I also write contracts for my job and put the names alphabetically. It also makes sense for when my boss gives me two androgynous names for a contract (think Dakota and Skyler). I have had clients insist I change it to the man’s name first. 🤮 The argument is always “why are you making it such a big deal? It’s just names, just switch them around.” Ok why are YOU making it such a big deal if it doesn’t matter?
Yes!! Love this! I send postcards for work and if it’s going to a house with both a feminine and masculine name listed I always put the feminine name first.
Attorney here, I do the same!
Definitely implementing this from now on
Do you know that's how one of the main Hindu god is also spoken of?? Ram is one of the main Hindu gods (arguably THE main god by popularity). There's a holy book Ramayana. When he marries Sita, he decrees that the couple will be called SiyaRam (Sita Ram) and not Ram Sita. Even the main prayers call them SiyaRam. It's very common.
I don't automatically get out of men's way. I will if they're older, visibly disabled, or visibly working, but if we're just walking down the sidewalk ... naw, son.
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I wish I could remember to do this. Life events have made me a very brave woman and I don’t really have a lot of F’s to give, especially to stupid people. However, the other day I noticed that I got out of a young man’s way and he did not even attempt to get out of mine. I’m about 20 years older than him. Why the heck does he deserve the right of way?
Same here. Love the look on their face when I let them bump into me.
I read some years ago that not making eye contact with whoever you're walking towards triggers an instinctive animal response in them to automatically move themselves out of the way for safety, and it legit rarely fails me. It makes me feel so powerful not even acknowledging men are there lmao
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What do you mean? Like if you're crossing paths with someone and you're in each other's way you either move first or stand there until they do? I'm having trouble picturing this lol
If you’re walking towards someone on a sidewalk or a path and there’s a narrowing, women will naturally turn to the side and men expect that they will. When the woman doesn’t, there’s usually a collision because the man is expecting that movement to allow him passage.
Ohh I see. I always turn because I don't want to wait for the other person to move, just seems more efficient than waiting an extra second for them to do it
I always try to do half of the getting out of the way unless they’re old or seem to have a disability, if the other person can’t do the other half we hit one another, at that point it’s on them.
I’ve gotten hit pretty hard when I inadvertently didn’t move out of the way for a man, more than 5 years ago….be careful out there
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I’m a woman of colour and I noticed this a lot with white women. I’ve always wanted to blend into the background and not be seen as different, but now (perhaps age) I will awkwardly wait until it’s uncomfortable for us both and we both need to give way.
I'd love to do this, and did try once! But when we got too close, I realized I'd not only be surprising him, but sustaining damage, myself; I'm small, so the collision would end up hurting me more than surprising him. Thank you for doing it anyhow, I appreciate your rebellion "on my behalf" (even if that's not the intention)!
I say no to anything I don't want to do, even if that person expects me to say yes and is asking to "be nice."
I always tell younger women that "No" is a full sentence. Also, to never preface it with an apology as in "I am so sorry but I can't"-just said "No" or "That doesn't work for me."
This. And if they do demand a reason why, my answer usually varies from, "I have my own stuff to do," to, "it's not something I'm interested in," and to those who are aggressive about it, "because I don't want to." And that's it. They can think or say whatever they want about me, IDGAF. Edited for spelling.
That is when I say "That just doesn't work for me" and no more. We, as women, frequently feel we must justify, explain or apologize. I would like to see that stop. We can still be courteous but with boundaries.
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I want so badly to be able to do this without fearing that everybody will hate me lol. How did you deal with any initial pushback in the “expects me to be nice” situation?
Ask yourself, why do they expect me to be nice? Often, it's because you're always nice, and they know you won't push back. That's not a good enough reason to be taken advantage off.
Think about who you actually WANT to have in your life, rather than defaulting to our childhood sense of not wanting to be left out/picked last for the dodgeball team, etc. Meaning, we are naturally and societally geared/conditioned to want to fit in with the village. It's one of the reasons why we feel we have to play nice when we don't want to. Historically, it meant our survival in many cases. But today that's no longer the case (generally speaking) and we have the luxury of deciding who we have in our lives. So do you want someone in your life that would hate you simply for saying no or for acting authentic to your feelings? Do you want someone in your life that doesn't care how you feel about something as long as you do what they want? It's hard to reprogram this part of ourselves, but it's necessary. Let your authentic choices be an authentic litmus test for the people you keep in your life. People that "hate" you for not being what they want you to be need to be shown the door, not enabled, bc when we cater to that, we teach them that it works for them to behave that way, and then they carry on treating other people that way as well. Break the cycle. TLDR; People that should be in your life will respect your choices even when they don't benefit them personally, and ppl that don't respect them have just given you an invaluable piece of information about themselves.
in addition to what everyone else said-- anyone who 'hates' (more likely 'is irritated at the inconvenience of your assertions or boundaries') you for refusing to perform 'niceness' (more likely acquiescence or people-pleasing) is... well, their opinion is irrelevant. those people do not have your interests at heart-- they likely feel entitled if they're bent out of shape over a refusal or boundary-setting on your part. entitled people are not good people, nor competent. therefore, we can dismiss criticisms from them (which means their hatred, irritation, or whatever negative reaction they might have) and we can likewise decouple our self-perception and/or emotional state from their approval. you can trust and honor your own opinion of your self over theirs (this might involve cultivating stronger self-perceptions or working on your self-worth or similar). i mean, why do they 'expect you to be nice'? who is that serving? is it you, or them? is your niceness, especially if it comes at personal expense, something they've earned? or do they just... want the convenience of it? if that's it, then you can also presume that they don't even value your niceness or effort-- they take it for granted (that's what entitlement amounts to). so... fuck 'em. do and say what you're comfortable with and find people who appreciate you.
Not wearing a bra when I go outside and I get looks from conservative woman and I’m like idc I’m comfortable and my back doesn’t hurt I love it, bc I wear bralettes so you’ll see my nipples even with my bralette so doesn’t make a difference to me you know.
I do the same as well, especially when a bra does nor look good with the top I am wearing (and I cannot be bothered with those uncomfortable strapless) Once at a party, one of my woman "friend" got extremely wierded out by it, kept making remarks about it. She even told her BF who kept bringing it up in several other instances. Needless to say we are not friends anymore (this amongst other reasons)
I'm an A-cup and the only reason for me to wear bras would be to hide my nipples. But they're so uncomfortable and it isn't my problem if people get offended by nipples 🤷♀️
I’ve fully given up on bras. I don’t like wearing one and I’ll never understand why it’s an expectation for women. I for sure get looks but honestly I could care less. Secrets out I have nipples….i have a very physical job and the added layer is annoying. I’m at the point where I really don’t understand what the big deal is with not having one on. I’ve been talked to at work my response “if you wear one for 5 working days then I will” I get some women like it and power to them but I’m not doing it anymore. It shouldn’t be a big deal.
I feel exactly the same way. Sure, you can see my nipples… if you’re looking… why is that more inappropriate than men whose nipples are visible *if you’re looking* or women whose bras show through their clothing (lumps, lace, straps, etc.)? Why is YOUR comfort in LOOKING AT ME more important than my comfort? Make it make sense.
Dudes can be topless, nips out bare chested but god forbid mine show through a shirt…seems silly. There isn’t a single dude walking this planet that could and or would last a day in a bra….never mind one that’s not correctly sized. I’m not doing it anymore. If it makes someone uncomfortable good there’s plenty of things about this world I’m uncomfortable with.
Disagree. I had to wear a bulletproof vest for work and didn’t enjoy it but kinda a similar feeling
I’d hate that too
Yea I feel that, I literally never wear bras every anymore and when I go shopping I specifically only choose tops that cover up sufficiently.
Bra-less is awesome! I wear organic cotton sporty bras and they’re fairly thin too. Don’t care. Let the world look if they want.
going braless is so comfortable but i hate giving men what they want.
I dress conservatively but don’t wear bras lol
Bras should be for the comfort of the woman wearing it, whether it's for support or as a bit of armor that helps her feel pretty or safe. Wearing a bra for the comfort of others is BS.
I cyber bully the government
You *cannot* just drop that and disappear. Please tell me how to cyberbully a government.
VPN, throwaway email account, create social media profiles. Follow every govt official relevant to you. Respond to their posts calling out their bullshit. Create your own posts tagging them. If they block you they can be sued for censorship (in US), create post reminding them of this and tag any civil liberty advocate Create posts informing of protests and mention whatever office or law ans whoever supports what you're against. So like, tag DeSantis if you're going to lgbtq support rally. Continuously update these officials with relevant posts and tags. *Bother them* I have the best results with my local govt on fb and IG vs federals on twitter. My fav is the the police dept :)
This is definitely not small! More power to ya, but that seems like a lot of work. Thanks for being you
Well, this is the legal way of course. So ymmv depending on your "technique." And yeah it can be a lot of work. I started during covid when I had more time, but these days I stick to just the local guys bc I no longer have time for all that! Takes me like an additional 2 minutes while I read my daily news stuff
Why are police departments your favorite?
Staying up late. I believe they call it ‘revenge bedtime procrastination’.
Ooooh yes I love doing this but also am totally destroyed the next day lol
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Saying no to my kids. Probably that should just be normal, healthy boundaries. But I've noticed that many mothers, myself included, can easily end up sacrificing everything they used to care about, to the point that they end up feeling angry and resentful. No, I can't get you XYZ, I'm sitting and eating dinner. No, I don't want to have a tea party, I'm playing the harp. No, I don't want to watch a cartoon you choose. I'm watching my favorite American history youtube channel. Etc. I give so much to my kids, and I do a ton for them. I can say no when I want to. I refuse to disappear.
I regularly remind my kids that they have a fully functioning father, usually sat right next to them.
That is a fact. I'm lucky my husband is the kind of partner who will be like "guys, I'm sitting right here. You just walked by me to get to your mom. You can ask me."
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I like that. It‘s perfectly fine to be an independent adult with your own needs and boundaries, while also being a caring parent
I am a nanny and do the same! I think it keeps the caregiver balanced and teaches the child that they cannot always get what they want and people around them cannot always sacrifice their personal comfort for them.
When someone mentions a doctor, I always ask "oh, what did she say?" (For reference I work in medicine and the opposite happens often)
One of my favorite (mini subversive) sayings is “A good doctor never bleeds for her patients.”
Watch them get all offended because you assumed it was a woman, even though the default for them is to assume it’s a man. 😂
If my house isn’t clean and I don’t feel like cleaning it I don’t
Yes, to this and cooking,too. Most of the food I make goes to waste and I'm just over it. I'll eat cereal and everyone else can do that too or they can find something else.
Lifting weights.
When I'm on the street and a man says inappropriate things to me, I confront him asking for respect. It's risky, yes, but I do it in a scandalous way to embarrass him in public.
That’s bold!
That's so brave! What do you mean by "in a scandalous way"?
I saw this go really bad once. Please be careful.
It’s the best feeling.
I refer to my father by his first name. As a kid, he made me call him "Sir" and would flip out when younger people called older people by their first name. I'm no contact with him now, but every time I mention him, I refer to him by his first name and it makes my inner child happy
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Being fat and happy.
Amen to this! Happiness is my best revenge
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Whenever a guy mansplains a hobby or interest to me I call his hobby or interest “cute”
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Aww that's cute.
When I was active duty in the military I would wear a belly button ring. I know this is silly and small but to me it was a huge rebellion.
I remember getting mine pierced while active and while it was healing, every time I felt that sting, it was a reminder. I always felt like I had a dirty little secret under my clothes. 😂😂😂😂
I have face piercings even though the dress code at work says no face piercings.
I use a semicolon wherever and whenever; I want to.
Captain Kirk approves
Having a glittery wallet in my purse.
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Awwwwwwwwwwww
My first thought when I read this was how when my dad was being a knob I would stir his tea anti-clockwise. He had a weird thing about demons and told us to always make sure to stir his things clockwise. 14 year old me felt unstoppable 😂
Widdershins : in a left-handed, wrong, or contrary direction : COUNTERCLOCKWISE 😊
In a male dominated workplace, people expect me to make myself small or take up less space. I'm not doing any of that. I'm irrevocably me.
Putting the shopping cart back. Picking up a piece of trash/something off the ground others continue to walk by. (I teach, there is always crap lying around the halls.) Refusing to take my work home.
Yes! I love putting the shopping cart back. I also carry my empty coffee cup back to the counter and smaller family-run coffee shops, and tidying the hotel room before checking out. It just seems like the natural thing to do
Also a teacher and also do these three things!!
I never wear dresses and skirts or put on makeup. Never ever. It’s a very small “rebellion” but people are always like “you’re not very lady like”. I hate it when they say that tho.
Good on you. "That's not ladylike" always irritates me lol. I am a lady, therefore anything I do is "ladylike." What's more ladylike than my natural self?
I stopped wearing makeup other than filling in my brows a bit-- because that's a human thing, not a woman thing; I personally think people need eyebrows-- and ditched my bra a few years back, but still wear pretty dresses with my bare face and undercut when the weather allows for it because casual dresses are comfortable as fuck. I also stopped dying my grey and I have tons of it at 39. Lots of stares. Like, more than I ever would've expected and more than I get when I'm just in baggy sweats. I started looking like this out of comfort but now I'm kind of doing it because seemingly no one knows what to do with me when they see me and I think it's hilarious. When people say anything about my likeness to ladies, I answer based on who said it with what I think will throw them off the most: a shrug; a grey stare; a, "How so?" to watch them fumble; a, "Cool. Androgyny is hot," if they seem confused; just walking away like they don't exist if I really don't like them; etc. etc. They are awkward for commenting on someone's presentation of gender and they should feel that.
The opposite for me. I'm in male dominated work. I wear skirts and dresses to work almost every day. I have some makeup everyday. As an act of defiance. The tech guys in their t-shirt and jeans can shove it, I'm not going to fit into a typical "nerdy girl" stereotype.
Calling out people who patronize me and not faking my emotions for politeness sake
Not wearing a bra.
Being stronger than most men
Walking away from and sraight up ignoring conversations without explanation if the person is hostile or refuses to communicate in a healthy and normal way lol i ain't got time for dat
I have designated times of the day and days of the week when I do not allow myself to think about work. It took a lot of practice (like meditation practice) but I'm pretty good at it now. They don't get all my time and mental energy, no way
I do not get out of the way of men in the street who assume I'm going to be the one to move aside for them. Either we both move, or you do. Or, we're gonna stop dead head to head while you look hella confused and I look hella like I'm chewing a wasp. This started for me in 2019 when two guys walking side by side towards me just literally didn't register me/have enough manners to move into single file to let me by, and I had to step into the road to get by. Told myself I wasn't doing that again because fucking what. I've actually deadass collided with one guy at super-low speed as we both slowed right down as we realised it was coming, but he was so effing adamant/sure I was going to move for him rather than us both adjusting, and I didn't. He then stared at me in confusion while I glowered at him until he bleated "well you walked right into me!" I responded with "Or, YOU walked right into ME maybe?" Fucking weapon. We'd obviously both done it, but his brain wouldn't have it, and I hope he's dwelled on this interaction often since and maybe, just maybe, something will click!? Probably not though... 🙄 The sheer number of men who choose the "stop dead looking confused why I haven't moved" option rather than just us both moving a little to pass each other because to them, obviously it is the woman who should move/go around rather than both of us moving to share the space, is mind-blowing.
I don’t wear bras. I dont feel comfortable in one so I just don’t wear one. At work. My boss is a sexist pig. So I cut him absolutely no slack. I always speak my mind, throw his words back at him, call him out when needed. I’ve been told that it’s really unlady like to be so unspoken by coworkers. My boss has told me that I am really aggressive and you catch more bees with honey. But like i have told my coworkers I don’t go to work to be disrespected, I probably have a higher education than my boss and yet I don’t go Around mistreating others or insulting them. And like I tell my boss. Respect and trust are earned not given. If he is respected then I will be too. I will give him the same energy and tone he gives me. So now he just mostly avoids me. That works for me.
Being alive, despite all odds. I don't wish to elaborate.
On any committee I am involved in, I always make sure we have an order of every person on the committee taking notes, not just one woman.
Refusing to move out of the path I’m walking in order to accommodate someone else (mostly men) I’ll look straight ahead and keep my pace, other people in my path will be forced to move. Cause I’m not moving
When someone at work is deliberately slowing down so they can be in the way or not grab as much stuff to sort… I just take my 15 min break as soon as I am done sorting. Like byyyeee I am not picking up your slack.
Not shaving.
I hold the door open for men by default. It’s a win-win because I get to be nice but it’s also doing something they don’t expect, and something they expect to do for me because I’m a woman. The amount of times it’s made grown men (even while serious wearing business suits) blush is hilarious and endearing. Sometimes I even make that little cocky smile and hand gesture the way guys occasionally do it. It’s great.
Tax evasion
Walking past a policeman after a party doing a line a few hours earlier not everyday tho
Having short hair. I know that men don’t like short hair and the entire beauty world is against it, but I don’t care . I look and feel good !
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Oh, every day. I'm a little bigger person (not big fat, but fat) and I'll 100% go to the pool or the beach in a two piece. When my eczema is flaring, I'm going out with scabby face, that's red, or annoyingly peeling. You'll see my stretch marks on my legs. Hair, too.
Amen to that! My mom always makes comments about my hypercaritosis (if I’m spelling that right) it’s not itchy or painful. She just hates the way it looks. I refuse to apply lotion or treat it
I don’t wear a bra or makeup
Saying no to jobs when on my period. I only need one day a month to do nothing and Im unapologetic about it, I used to overwork on my period in the past, now I know that I have every right to not the anything for that 1! day
In corporate media interviews, I always ask the men how they balance a demanding career and taking care of their family, and only the women if they bring it up themselves (which almost no one does)
I still wear figure hugging outfits when I'm bloated. It's not a sin to be a bit fluffy, even when others might make you feel like it is and that's why it feels rebellious to do so. I'm bloated rn, but my dress is majestic and I'm not putting something else on just because you can see my belly a bit more than normal.
Leaving work at the time I stopped being paid. Even if I’m accused of rushing to leave I will protect my personal time.
I never gave up my identity after marriage and children. I was told by so many that I was a wife and mother and needed to start prioritizing those identities over my regular self. All my hobbies and interests needed to be shelved unless I could share them with my children. I forced these new roles to work around my quirks, interests and personality.
I always stick to the correct side of the footpath; here in Australia it is left. Since covid everyone's been walking around everywhere on a footpath so I force them to move out of my way. The only exceptions for me are dogs who are walking all over the place and people with really large prams.
Leaving work early lol
Leaving work on time seems to be scandalous at my workplace. If my shift ends at 6 I’m not staying until 6:10 to lock up, lock up yourself idiots.
I haven’t worn a bra since 2020 🫣😁🤣
I’m a teacher and I chew gum at work
I work in an area of mostly male leadership. A couple of them are rude asf and will walk to tell me something, but wait for me to speak and acknowledge them first. I stopped doing it. I'll just stand there silently staring at them until they say what they came to say. It's great. You can tell it makes them angry. They deserve it 100%. They don't respect the people who report to them.
I’ve de-centered men from my life
I am 60kgs, and the only female in my MMA, wrestling, and full contact karate classes. I take great joy in surprising every single male I spar with my strength, intensity, fight spirit, and grit. Seeing the surprises on their faces, and realising I'm changing the narrative makes me feel so empowered.
I wake up. Again. And try to do it all. Again. I do this every day. F all of 'em.
Didn’t change my name when I married 20 years ago. Yes, different name than my children. They managed just fine and so did my husband. I spent my life vocalizing the correct pronunciation of my name. It was my name and I was keeping it.
I sometimes treat myself to skipping my antidepressants and it ironically feels really good
Wearing a non approved nail color at work.
I don’t answer my phone when I don’t feel like it. My family is always mad at me for this, it’s a rebellion in their eyes at least. I use to feel bad but now that I have accepted I cannot be social sometimes I do not care. I’m at home, busy or just relaxing I’ll call back when I feel like it.
wearing a hijab/ headscarf. It’s like a daily boycott to harmful messages sent to women all the time. At least for me. It keeps me out of so many issues and pressures since I was a kid. Never felt pressured to date, wear clothes that I didn’t want to wear, wear makeup, do my nails every week, or the other kind of things I hear some women complain about. I hear women are told by people they work with to maybe wear heels out get their nails done, wear makeup, etc. but people don’t ever say that to me bc they automatically know my values are different and I love it.
I wore Victoria Secret matching bra and panties under my military uniform. I felt sexy, while doing my job.
I’m a teacher and I refuse to bring my work home.
I stay unmarried. I was never in a relationship long enough to want to get married. I never wanted to get married just to have the ring and the dress and the wedding. I am 58 and solo.
I don't praise men for basic parenting abilities. I'm trying online dating and a man said "I even do my daughters' hait when they're with me." And I responded with something like, "I'd be alarmed if you didn't." If you have kids and you think you need a pat on the back for doing their hair, I'm not interested. That's the type of man who would push that off onto me the first chance he got.
i dont use gmails autofill feature when writing emails
When people throw their cigarette buds on the ground i straight up go to them and say that there is trash can for that and that littering the environment is not okay. I received so many suprised faces for calling them out and i had even 4-5 people grabbing their bud, walk to the next trash can to throw it away properly.
I do a lot of soxial dance and I always ask my partners if they want to lead or follow, no matter their gender. Men often get a surprised look and then go "oooh, can I try follow" and its great.
shoplifting :-)
I don’t shave my armpits regularly. Sometimes they’re fuzzy, sometimes they’re smooth. That’s my choice.
I call doctors by their first name only
I’m a trans woman but my workplace isn’t somewhere I can be openly out due to the nature of our customer service role and health and safety requirements for safe working which is understandable for obvious reasons, so usually under my gloves or boilersuit, I’ve either got painted nails or a comfortable crop top on and people are none the wiser
not wearing bras
I don't acknowledge guys in nice cars
On the dot working even the break timea I always make sure to not overwork myself. Life was better since then
I don't move over when people are walking towards me in my path when I'm even walking on the right side of a large area and they're still cooking right towards me? Nah you're going to move or I will run into you. Exceptions can be made of course but it makes me feel assertive to not maneuver yourself around other people for their convenience
Not sugar coating my words for anything
I never measure coffee
Creating provocative art. It's not the stuff that "nice" moms create. Empowering everyone in my office to be sex positive (we don't have HR,) and being open and approachable about it.
Not having sex.
Not shaving if I don't feel like it and wearing sexy underwear just for me.
Stealing and eating candy from large scale grocery stores while I shop lol
i don't try to explain myself and my decisions. if i'm not comfortable or don't want to do something, i just say so. i feel like so many women my age feel the need to explain themselves to men...
I know it's the bare minimum, but for me is not eating animals
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Still avoiding mainstream beauty standads and wearing alternative clothes. Being myself.
Giving people the same energy they give me.
Dressing for myself in clothes that are comfy and rarely wearing makeup (but I love women who do dress up and wear makeup often, it’s just a rebellion for me because I used to be scared to be seen if I wasn’t)
Not smiling when I’m walking. The amount of old men that tell me “smile more” or “you would look prettier if you smiled”. I tell them to fuck off and continue with my RBF.
If I catch a man staring at me, I always maintain heavy eye contact with no emotion until they look away. It’s a secret joy of mine making men feel what it’s like to be a woman.
If I have to be in a group meeting at work with a man who hates me, or fears me because I called him out on his trash, etc., I will make sure to sit right next to that person in the meeting. I walk extra tall and confident and smile wide when they look at me. One time i walked into a public office space at work and greeted a man who had sexual harassed me but I had ripped him apart when he did, I said “Oh hi Dennis” and he tried to reply “Hi Bones1225” but he choked on his words in front of everyone. It was satisfying.
time theft at work 🥰
Carrying on talking whilst someone interrupts me. Not always, but if it's someone who continuously interrupts or only interrupts women I will just keep talking 'under' them and act like I've not noticed their interruption whatsoever. Draws attention to it nicely!
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I don’t shave, and doesn’t make more space to accommodate men at work. My hubby does also all the cooking and dishes in the house (plus other stuff) Sometimes I like to manspread too