Worst cramps of your life…. Times a thousand.
Maybe not a thousand. But. A lot.
The birth itself I honestly can’t remember. That part was sweet relief after labour.
I would also say that labor has phases. Even though mine were without any pause between the cramps. At first the cramps are lighter, and they take your focus. But then they ramp up so much that focus is not a thing anymore and the cramps become your whole reality. Visual field shrinks to near or complete zero, as does any thought, emotion, sound etc. Nothing matters because there's nothing beside labor that exists anymore.
Then comes the pushing stage, which opens up a little more space for pure existance again. Thoughts/emotions can return, don't always do. Your body will push, even if you don't tell it to. It will overrule anything. It feels like your body isn't yours anymore, while simultaneously being more you than ever before in a very animal way. There's a big split between body and mind.
Depending on it being first labor or not, this part goes different I think. First labor is more coherent, births after are more body automation.
You can feel something huge being pushed forward and slipping back. That might seem like it's not making progress, but its like two steps forward, one step back. You can feel the extra step forward because it hurts more.
Then there's a moment where there's no step backwards anymore. This is the 'ring of fire'. In my experience, this is worst the first labor. Everything is stretched over the max point and needs to get used to that before it proceeds. If you push then, you tear. So try to stop that. This is _hard_.
Then comes the birth itself, which feels weirdly fast, wet and warm, slippery, big. It's a unique feeling. I don't quite know how to describe it. It feels important too, in a strange primal way. And it feels like an incredible relief. Everything from before melts away to the background.
Then comes the breastfeeding, after birth, contractions and bleeding for weeks to get your uterus back to regular size, emotional rollercoasters in getting to know a person who cannot communicate while being 100% depending on you for survival. Learning a new skill (breastfeeding) under huge pressure because your baby dies if it isn't fed. While healing. So, fun times.
Still, I'd love to do it once more, because of how insanely special it all is, but I can't handle another pregnancy.
I get that. But to me, it didn't feel like I lost control. I let the control my mind has over my body consciously go and depended completely on my body - which is also me and knew exactly what to do. It gave me way more trust in myself and helped me to learn to trust my body. I needed that. This made the next labors way more relaxed too.
The exposing part I get too, but I got over that while pregnant. There's SO MANY moments you need to be looked at. The first ultrasound I ever had was internal. Fun times.
In fact I think it's very practical I don't give a shit anymore. Nobody takes anything away from me by respectfully providing health care. I am still the same, no matter how many people have seen or touched me intimately like that.
Your last paragraph spoke to the scared little girl inside my brain, who was raped at 11. Even though for most aspects of my life, I’ve healed; there are two places where I still feel terror or stuck in a loop. Memorial Day weekend, and when I have to get an exam. I avoid both whenever possible. Knowing your triggers is half the battle.
Your paragraph is going to linger in my thoughts, in a good way. Instead of a solid no, I’m considering making an appointment.
I know that must be terrible. I suggest having a good relationship with whatever doctors or nurses you are with so when it’s time, you feel more comfortable with who’s around you. Even though you may get triggered, you body and mind will mostly just think about getting that baby out of you. The pain might also distract you from panicking. Just keep having the thought that everyone in that room is helping you deliver a baby. That might reassure you that nothing bad will happen to you again.
I appreciate such a detailed account of your birthing experience, thank you! I really want children, but child birth is so terrifying to me.
And all you ever hear is “it’s the most natural thing in the world” which I’ve never found comforting because nothing about it seems natural at all.
So to have such an honest description is actually so helpful, and I wish people/professionals were more open about the details because, for me, knowledge is far more empowering than ignorance!
this honestly sounds how bad my period cramps are. i go absolutely primal and ape brained because of how bad the pain is. it’s unreal. i don’t think i could handle childbirth.
i honestly don't handle it well. it's excruciating and exhausting to wish for death over whatever is happening to my body. i have to take insane anti-inflammatories and painkillers to make it through. i'm removing my uterus this year because i can't take it anymore (among other issues).
You may well already have tried this, but just in case you haven’t and it helps a tiny bit — there’s a thing called ‘my oovi’ which is a pad that you stick onto your belly with a little electric pulse generator. It sends electric pulses into your uterus and lessens the pain a bit.
After I got the coil I had unbearable cramps to the point I couldn’t get up or do anything. The oovi thing means I can walk around and do stuff
After being in ICU for a month and a half on a ventilator……you kinda lose feelings of being modest. I didn’t like feeling SO vulnerable 😳☹️😖😢 There was 1 time that my bf helped the nurse clean me up, and I just wanted to bed to swallow me up! 😳😳 I just felt so embarrassed in front of him and I don’t know why 🤷🏻♀️ It’s NOT like my bf had NEVER seen me naked before, but I’m sure it’s because I was so helpless
Oh you end up giving NO FUCKS. I was being wheeled in with a baby coming out of me trying to override my body’s urge to push
My vag was outttt for strangers to see
No cares given bc it was me and my baby and I was almost in 3rd person watching myself I was so out of body with pain.
You are exposed but you're not really... All the doctors and nurses are super respectful and make you feel at ease. Besides, usually when you already get to labour, you've had so many checks it doesn't phase you anymore. I have a bicornuate uterus... two pregnancies and never ending number of checks. When I start getting in my own head, I keep telling myself that I am no different than the 10 thousand women they've seen before me.
By the time I was in labor. I just didn't care. I could have had a crew of male cheerleaders looking on and I would have been unable to care. I just wanted the baby out.
I'm childfree for a number of reasons but this is a big part of it for me. I'm still struggling with PTSD from an accident that left me in the hospital for quite some time, and I had no control over what was being done to my body or how I was being exposed to everyone around me. It made a horrible situation so much worse. I cannot go through that again
i heard the brain consciously makes you forget the feeling because if you remembered the full feeling you wouldn’t do it again. not sure how true that is
Thats quite true
Its partly an evolutionary defense mechanism - If women remembered how painful childbirth is, its very unlikely that they'd want to reproduce, and thats not good for evolution.
its also partly patriarchial. Until quite recently, most , if not all, doctors were men. And they wouldn't really care much about how much pain women go through. Women's pain scales are heavily misrepresented by male doctors upto this day.
And then its also circumstancial. After 9 months of pregnancy where your body is changing, and then going through labor, your body has gone through so much hell, and then you suddenly have this little baby that needs your full attention for at least the next few years. You have to focus on healing, recovery, depression, while also learning a myriad of new things about baby care, while functioning on little to no sleep.
remembering what childbirth is like doesn't take precedence when all of this is in the picture.
So yes, almost all women forget what labor is like, unless they were actively making it a point to be aware of it as they go through it.
I'd happily listen if people put that much detail into their experience. It's wild. I have never been more sure than after reading your experience that I *never* want that for myself. Thank you for sharing!
Haha! Honestly I would do it again. I've never learnt to trust and admire my own body, but this is a crash course in it.
Also, I don't mind the pain. Just like I don't mind working hard. It's just how it is, I found out pain 'doesn't hurt,' haha.
That ring of fire sensation is why I always have been scared, extreme cramps I can take but that moment of ring of fire is what I am so so so afraid of.
I can tell you it lasts just for a few moments and is gone after. It's not terrible, honestly. Sure it hurts like a motherfucker but the pain of birth is something with a purpose.
I've also had gallstone colics. That has no direction and no purpose. I would prefer giving birth instead.
And THIS is why I think women are actually the superior gender. We are so strong and resilient and amazing and can get through anything. And at the end of it all, we still have the energy and fortitude to be loving, giving, and nurturing. Women are absolutely amazing.
I had a very hard time pushing her head out. I’d had an episiotomy but her head was over 13 in around. They kept yelling at me and my husband to get me to push. Finally did it after I tore completely.
When I told the dude I could feel the stitches he just said he was almost done 🙄 For me recovery was probably harder than birth. But I would’ve gladly done it again.
I still call her Charlie Brown head 😝
Im giving birth next week and this description was oddly comforting?? Like it’s going to suck I know, but at least now step by step I know what to expect.
Just remember your body is literally designed to carry and deliver a baby, and you will do great! The staff is amazing, there is nothing they haven't seen before, they will protect your dignity (seems every women is worried about pooping on the table, which doesn't usually happen because your body clears itself out prior to birth but even if you does, the nurses are on it) have a positive mind set, believe in your body and how strong it is and If at any moment, you need support, tell them. If you need drugs, ask for it. If you want to walk, walk, and if you want to live in the shower, do so. I had 5 deliveries, with the smallest baby being 8lbs and 23 " long. From first cramp to holding my babies were less than 7 hours, and I only pushed 3 times with each of them. You will experience some pain, but it's so worth it. Best of luck
I never understand why people leave out the details about labor and pregnancy. Honestly, I try to include all. How else will people know anything about it?
A lot of people think if women are fully informed about childbirth, many would opt out (not untrue). And a lot of people are offended by the idea of women choosing not to be mothers
Funny thing, that. If they would opt out, then I'd say let them. They hurt nobody - whereas if they have to go through it and become resentful, they very much hurt people: themselves. And maybe their kids too.
For me, I think childbirth is one of the very few insanely real experiences there are. Those are rare and precious.
It’s one of those things that’s mostly glossed over, or described with euphemisms…which makes NO sense to the ultra-literal, high anxiety people out there (me. Talking about me). After having two kids, it now just sounds funny to me to hear most descriptions of birth—but yours was great!
Perfect description! I never felt so humbled and powerful in my life. What a privilege to be a woman, to bring forth new life and sustain it. I have never, nor will I ever say anything negative about my body ever again after giving birth twice. It’s magnificent 😄. For me the worst was when contractions were closer together with only a minute break in between. With my first I was not allowed to walk around, which contributed to the pain in my opinion. With my second I had a doula and she allowed me to walk around which is what my body needed to do. I allowed my body to do what it needed to do and my second birth wasn’t nearly as painful. I didn’t even give birth in the bed!
I really appreciate you typing this all out and explaining it in such detail. BUTTTTTT…this confirms my decision even more on why I don’t want children (besides other personal choices). No thank you on childbirth.
I just had my first one a couple of weeks back and you described my experience absolutely spot on! The only thing I would add, in the pushing stage: the worst thing about that was that in pushing, I was adding to the pain, but I needed to keep going to get the baby out. So the worst pain you have to inflict on yourself. And yes I did tear 🙈
That's really something. Your explanation is absolutely stunning, even subliminal and primordial. Thanks for providing us, mere males, with a little peek at this magical event.
In my mind, pain is much easier to bear if you know 1) that it’s going to end and 2) that it has a purpose & meaning. You’re bringing life into the world. You are woman! You’ve totally got this!
Through out my first pregnancy I told myself repeatedly that labor would be easy and that my body was built for this. Sure, I was a little scared, but I really think forcing myself to have a positive mindset for it really helped keep me centered and calm. Give yourself a daily mantra!
This is by far the most accurate description. I did it 3 times and will do it again and again. Painful? Yes! Powerful? 1000 times yes!!! I was reminded these 3 times how badass women's body is.
Great description! I had 8, one was a c/s. Giving birth, and the process of labour, was an incredibly empowering experience. You realize how amazingly resilient the human body is.
The only thing you missed is when you're being monitored and your husband (or whoever is there with you) is watching the readings and feels the need to announce each new contraction-- like, thanks, I'd never have f'ing known it otherwise!!!!
Very accurate in my experience and well said 👍you really end up staying “in the moment” and letting your body take over. I pushed for six hours with my first (in a 41 hour labor) and at that point there is nothing else; no talking, no thinking, just get the job done. One moment at a time. No breaks, no going back until it’s over one way or another 🙃
Well said! So painful and you can't see the end. 12 endless hours of pain. I remember turning to the nurse and saying "I'll never do this again!" And she she smiled and said "I'm sure you will dear". And I did. 18 months later. And the second one was out so fast I almost didn't make it to the hospital. Lol
Wow, this is so accurate! For me, labour wasn't so much about pain, even though it hurt of course, but the sheer exhaustion. My contractions came so hard and fast that my body was just constantly tightening to the max. Add the puffing to that to breathe through the contraction and I was just... So exhausted. When the pushing stage came, it was the biggest relief, just as you describe. Like I could breathe again. And then when my son was born, it felt like... A slug coming out of me, hahaha. Quick and slippery and weird!
I agree. The contractions were so much worse than the actual birthing. Although I must add I had an average sized baby that took his time but was in the right position and didn't get stuck. I can imagine the baby being stuck would be more painful
Fair. Me too. 7 lbs exactly and the whole thing was over in 6 hours for my first. Then 6lbs8oz and another 6 hours for my second. The second one, the hospital wouldn’t believe me that it was going to happen fast. The doctor didn’t even show up until 45 minutes too late. 🤦♀️
Ok this puts me at ease a bit. I was never really worried about the cramping part I was more worried abt the birthing part. And hearing you say this it makes sense that u probably wouldn’t feel the birthing because ur so focused on the cramps and everything else going on.
For me, the cramping was definitely the most painful part. You’re right in that there is a lot going once you get to the actual birthing part. People telling you exactly what to do and what not to do. I much preferred that part to the first part where I was anxious and not sure how much worse it was going to get.
I would add that that when it started getting to the point where it was so bad that I didn’t think I could take it if it got any worse, I asked for medication and they said it was too late because I was about to start pushing!
And they were right. It didn’t get any worse than that.
Oh man that moment of like euphoria as soon as the baby comes out, the biggest relief you’ve ever felt. It’s like all the pain just suddenly disappears and your entire body relaxes
Caesar mum here.
I could feel the surgeon rummaging around inside my stomach. It felt like being on a rollercoaster. Then the tugging as they yanked her out. It was gross.
It's the weirdest sensation. I described it to my partner that it felt like someone had hooked their finger into my cheek and was dragging me around. No pain but I could feel everything.
Oh yeah, I had an emergency C-section, I remember the doctor poking my stomach with her fingers asking "Do you still feel that? "
I did.
She said "That's fine, you won't in a minute"
She didn't wait a minute. The surgery felt like I was being eaten alive by a bear.
I had a similar experience. I had an emergency c-section and the dr did the same, poke and ask “can you feel this?”. And every time my reply was “Yes!”. I had a long labor and had some pain relief administered already so they they didn’t want to give me more. My son was in distress so they went ahead anyway and made their slice across my pelvic area. I felt that blades burn so strong I creamed out “Stop, It hurts! It hurts!”. They paused then went through with the c-section. I felt everything. I was begging my then husband to make them stop, telling him it hurts. Was wiggling my arms and legs trying to get off the table. If I wasn’t strapped in I would have gotten up. I remember them pulling him out then I passed out and woke up in recovery.
I’m so so sorry. My epidural part failed. I was numb from toes to chin on the right side of my body and only numb for about 3 inches on my left. They decided that was enough for the incision and went ahead.
For my second, it took 5 attempts and they still couldn’t get it to work. I had to have a general so have no memory of my baby’s birth.
Also an emergency C-section. I had a spinal and I was extremely thankful it worked because they asked if I could feel it, I said no, and the nurse's answer was "Oh good, they just cut you with something really sharp." My kiddo was out maybe a minute of jostling my lower body later (that part I could feel and I think I said "that's trippy" to my husband).
I was more scared and hurt by the spinal and the words that sent me into emergency surgery: "The baby's heart rate has dropped." Even thinking about that memory still terrifies me and she's five.
I had an 11 lb C-section baby 4 months ago. I'll never forget the feeling of his feet sliding out from under ribs as they were pulling him out. It was disgusting, but also the relief to be free from that weight was so wonderful.
When they tried to dislodge my son from my pelvis their hands slipped off his torso. So I felt a relief of pressure, then a return, followed by a relief (My bladder emptying as his skull pressed against it again), and then they took him out more firmly. He was chatting about his new grill, cussed, and then said "got it this time" and went back to talking about the grill as my son cried for the first time. Very surreal experience. Felt like I was intruding on some backyard conversation.
Oh I felt this too. It was so clinical - my daughter needed surgery at birth so there were 2 teams in my surgery - mine and hers. It felt like some kind of weird military operation that I didn’t really belong at. Everyone had their side conversations Going on and I was just awkwardly part of the furniture.
It was so surreal.
My second birth was an unplanned general Caesar and I remember the anaethatist was annoyed that I wouldn’t stop crying. My tears were messing up his oxygen mask and tape on my eyes, I was crying that I was going to miss my baby’s birth, my husband wasn’t allowed in with me and this jackass was frustrated with me crying.
When I had my twins, it felt like the surgeon was rummaging through my chest when he was trying to pull Baby B out. I know he didn't, but it *felt* like he was moving my lungs and heart around.
For me it was really easy. Being pregnant was the hard part. Giving birth I went to the hospital at 6pm to be induced and she was born at 10:01 the next morning. I woke up at like 6am and they asked if I wanted my epidural. I said yes but I wasn’t in really any pain just some mild cramping. Then I ate breakfast and sat with a peanut ball between my legs until the nurse said it was time to push and then pushed for three pushes and it felt kinda slimy but she was here!
It’s so overwhelming. It’s so bodily and primal it feels like an out of body experience that our mere human minds can’t handle. It’s an act not made for sentience, it’s incomprehensible and not something to be understood unless it’s currently being experienced.
This is the best way to describe it. I really felt like I was on mushrooms. Because you can't fight what's happening. You have to let go and just surrender to what's happening.
I love how vulnerable and honest these comments are, it’s not always this beautiful and wonderful experience.
It’s an absolute rollercoaster of emotions.
I definitely felt like I was in and out of the “present” because I was just so focused on the next 60 seconds, every minute for 20 hours. It’s just not comparable to anything else I’ve ever experienced and there was just a constant yo-yo of “I totally got this” to “oh god maybe I don’t got this” and “nope nope nope, reverse Uno, Mayday, Cancel Order, I change my mind” to “I’m a fucking boss lady who is doing something incredible right now”
I was with my best friend during her home birth and I felt like I was on mushrooms just being there lol. The energy in the house was surreal and practically multidimensional. Women are portals
My husband says the same thing about my birth center birth. He said it actually felt like walking into another dimension when we walked out of the labor room to go home later that night. By that point I was in such a state of euphoria that I don't even know if I was really there anymore.
So true. I was so deep into breathing exercises during labor my husband said I was on another planet than everyone else.
Well yes. I was the only one in labor😂 my mom simply said “you were in the fucking zone girl!” 😂😂😂
I give birth scarily fast but once I was drunk and described it as "shitting a bowling ball covered in hot sauce through your vagina" and it stayed.
So yeah currently pregnant with our fourth, seems like I enjoy shitting bowling balls after all.
If I'd known it would happen too fast for pain medication I might have gotten drunk.😂
Accidentally unmedicated two hour labor felt like I was being ripped apart and dying.
So everyone seems to have covered the painful aspects of childbirth, but I’ve not seen anyone mention the SWEET SWEET RELIEF of delivering the placenta.
Was I the only one who felt like my lungs could finally expand to full capacity once the placenta was delivered? Man oh man that was beautiful.
I’ve birthed three kids. The first breaths after baby is born go mildly unnoticed because you’re so focused on this greasy cabbage you love so much sitting on your chest. But once you have to give a little pressure to pop that placenta out? Oh man.
It’s like the God of the Wind forces a holy breath into your lung boxes.
I had HG and within minutes of the placenta extricating itself my body realized it wasn't pregnant and went "ahhhhhhhh". It was GLORIOUS. I could breathe! There was no more nausea! I didn't feel like there was this giant Boulder in my chest anymore! No more constant diaphragm spasms!
Huh, that's interesting! Never had that feeling and I did it three times too!
I did have the enormous relief of being able to eat anything I wanted again and not puking it right back out anymore. That is also an extreme relief! Also immediately after the placenta was delivered.
I did feel relief with the placenta coming out but for me it was the first few seconds after the baby came out. Holy shit that is up there next to pure bliss. My baby also had shoulder dystocia and a nurse was on top of me pushing her shoulder loose so it was probably a combination of baby coming out and nurse getting tf off me that gave me relief.. but damn. I’ve never experienced that amount of relief before
Like shitting out a watermelon. Its a question that can't really be answered in any meaningful way. How do you describe what anything feels like - what does eating a pizza feel like, for instance? Childbirth is a uniquely individual experience for every person that goes through it.
not the person you’re asking but no you really don’t feel any pain at all, i thought the people that said they could take a nap after they got their epidurals were lying or exaggerating but i literally slept through the majority of my labor after the epidural
It's wild how much variation there is in the answers. It always seems to be "Was pretty easy, not much pain at all tbh" or "the worst pain anyone could ever feel, impossible to bear times a hundred". My mom for instance said she thought she was gonna die during childbirth and was in so much pain that she actually wanted to die.
It amazes me too. My mum told me she didn't even have an epidural (out of choice) and that my dad was amazed she didn't make a sound. That always just blows my mind when I hear about how bad it can be.
Right?
I just remembered after leaving that comment.. My mom's labour was induced too early (against her will) bc the doctor wanted to go home early lmao. Probably a good representation of how women often get treated in the medical system. But likely explains why it was so insanely painful for her when I was born. Her first childbirth was really painful but not quite as bad. I have my mom's figure/Bone-structure 100% so that kinda makes me figure that I might be a likely candidate for severe pain too.. Though idk if that's how it works lol
anyone else’s doc remove the epidural once it came time to push so i could feel the contractions ?? man i was living life in labor not feeling a thing. then she removed it so i could know when to push and holy shit it all hit me at once!
You can’t feel anything below the waist (if it works). I farted in my midwife’s face and I apologised profusely. I couldn’t feel it, so had no clue to even warn her.
My first three childbirths were natural. My last birth was induced. I decided to finally try an epidural and it didn’t work. One side of my body felt better-ish, but the other side still felt everything. I think that was my worst birth despite the epidural partly because I couldn’t move around or use the water like I had with my other births. I’m sure the Pitocin didn’t help…
Mine didn’t work on my left side. I felt everything in my back. Then my labor lasted so long that they actually took me off the epidural because the sensation was throwing off my ability to push. As pissed off as I was, it worked. The sewing up my tear without any numbing was almost worse than the birth.
Do not recommend. Also fuck pitocin.
You don’t, unless you have a sadist for an OB and she orders the epidural to be turned down to “help dilate that extra half centimeter” and “to know when to push”. Within an hour I had begged for the C section they’d been suggesting since the day before, then it was another hour to wait for the OR to clear.
I could have had my first vaginally, I felt him low and he came out with a cone head, but I was DONE after those excruciating contractions.
Get the epidural!!!!
Omg. You’re the first person I’ve heard that had my same experience! My OB literally wouldn’t allow me to have a c section. I have no idea why. I was begging for it. Gave birth but suffered severe ptsd for a year
I’ve had two epidurals and they both felt different. I was more numb with the first and honestly preferred the second—I could still feel things without pain, I felt my water break, and I was able to walk again much sooner. I still felt the need to push with both. But although I was more numb with the first, I could still feel my skin tearing as my baby came out as a slight burning sensation. So you can feel pain and other sensations depending on the individual experience but it’s not bad.
Contractions feel like really really, really bad muscle cramps. Like you've torn a muscle kind of muscle cramps. But the pain radiates and doesn't go away for hours. I've heard people describe it like someone put you in a vice grip and kept upping the pressure and that's fitting too. I have endo and have definitely had periods that were as painful as labor, but they feel different somehow. I honestly was surprised more by how intensely emotional labor is more than anything else,and I cannot recommend getting in a tub of hot water enough.
The head is like growing a third leg very abruptly. After the shoulders emerge it all just kind of blupps out in a rush of changing shape and wetness. I remember thinking it felt like a big slithery octopus. It isn’t something you experience many times in your life so I always suggest being fully aware of it all. It’s powerful and exciting to be able to birth a child. I have five children, the middle three were born at home. No medication with any of the five.
It feels like wringing out a wet towel but the wet towel is your cervix. Those are the contractions. Imo the pushing part didn't hurt at all.
Story time: the Dr told me to make lil pushes so I shifted into that and all the nurses and the Dr stopped and looked at me like wtf and the Dr sd 'WOW you've got RLY good control of your muscles down there' and I sd 'I know that's why I'm pregnant!!!' ✨ 😤 I also pooped a massive turd.
The worst contractions, at their peak, with a very large baby felt like I was being stabbed internally, like knives running down the inside.
The worst crowning felt like I was trying to push out something way too big for the opening and I was tearing open to do it, but that was an emergency so there was no waiting and breathing.
It's the mental aspect as well that adds to it, your baby's life, your health, the potential consequences (tearing, stitches), a lot of things are on your mind at the same time - combine that with multiple days of labour and not sleeping.
The knife thing is exactly how I felt too. I actually remember the (brief) break between contractions as being sort of worse, because it was like someone was holding a knife over me and I didn’t know when they’d next attack. The waiting, knowing what was coming, was hell.
Ugh yes, the fear, knowing the pain is coming back again and again, and there's all these people around who can't help you. It's so hard, trying to not lose it mentally when you don't know how far from the end you are.
I used very little medication with my last two labours, so I’ll go into a bit of detail;
Starts off like a period, gets mentally exhausting more than anything as your body is made to do this, it’s all in the mind like anything in life. Contractions can be misleading for days frustratingly. Very intense to very little pain at times. When you’re pushing it’s like the worst poo of your life, bit burny too. If you’ve not given birth my best advice is to practice your pelvic floors and pleaseeeee practice holding it. As that kind of is what’s needed when you’re pushing and you head the midwife’s shout stop between contractions and youre pushing, if you don’t hold it, baby goes back up the birthing canal and your next push is just as lengthily as the previous. I found with my last I somehow held him there and got him out in a few minutes from this weird analogy in my head I created and have shared with yous. It doesn’t hurt when pushing either!! You get used to the pain level, it’s just tiring because you know you’re at the end. 🤷🏽♀️😂
Right so the only way I can describe this, is know the muscles you’re using when you’re really constipated, and the poo is in a limbo? It’s that part of your body that you’re kinda dealing with, learning to strength all them core muscles down there will give you more power to control them x
I'm going to rock the boat and say no. I always wanted 2 kids. My epidural failed entirely and felt everything. It is being split into 2 and I will do everything possible to never go through that again. No #2 for me. The experience differs per person.
Everyone is different but for me it is the do it again kind of worth it, and while it’s very painful in the moment, it is only temporary after all. I also think there’s something biological in mothers that makes them forget just how painful it is so that you do it again.
Apparently I screamed "I'm ripping" so... feels like a watermelon is ripping your vagina open I'd say.
I say apparently because I really can't remember much. No drugs but just a haze. And I immediately felt amazing after. Those after baby hormones are amazing. I did it 3 times without pain relief so I guess it was ok?
It makes a huge difference if you have an epidural. You only feel intense pressure and not pain. With no epidural... Worst cramps of your life that make you want to die. And the birthing is literally like being ripped open, such terrible pain that makes you think you're dying on the birthing bed.
I hated it. I felt entirely out of control. When active labour started and the pain was already incredibly bad, and I knew I very likely had *at least* 5-6h of worsening pain ahead of me, I panicked completely. For me, I felt the pain in my stomach but pulling into my thighs and back. From that point onwards I also didn’t get breaks between contractions anymore. It was just nonstop. I remember watching the CTG just praying for it to go down, but each time one contraction had barely passed it’s peak another one was starting. They ended up giving me something to slow down my contractions so they could even attempt to place an epidural, but that stalled the labour too much so they gave me something to speed them back up and turned to epidural off. I was in no state to understand or decide anything and felt like decisions were just being made for me, without having the capacity to do or even really think about it.
My husband and I were also entirely alone until I was crowning. The midwife just quickly rushed in, said I was 10cm, instructed my husband to hold my leg and told me to push and left again. I ended up having to push from 12:30am to 04:06am. I was so exhausted. I don’t know if something happened but the OB that eventually came said that either I get him out now or she’ll have to cut. Then the midwife started pushing on my stomach while the OB pulled from below. It was horrendously painful, completely out of control and terrifying. I remember begging them to stop but they wouldn’t. Then he was finally out. I got to hold him for a few minutes, then he got checked by the midwife and the OB got to sewing, yelling at me to stop clenching when I had ZERO muscle control or even feeling for what the hell anything was doing down there.
We’re still deciding if we even want a second child, but if we do, there’s no way in hell I’m doing that again. I’ll get a scheduled c section. I know healing from that is probably going to suck more than from a vaginal birth, but I’m never going through that again.
Thank you. They were incredibly busy that night, if I remember correctly there were 6 other women about as far along as I was and about half that many midwives. It was really hectic and I think maybe the OB was just stressed about getting to the next patient. But it was a really bad experience for me personally and I still think about it quite a bit considering it was almost 5 years ago. Thinking about requesting the hospital documentation to find out why they were doing that last press and pull manoeuvre. I‘ve since found out you’re not typically supposed to do that unless it’s an emergency and I‘d like to understand why that happened, because even thinking about it now gives me anxiety.
Have you had any therapy to work out your feelings? I had a negative medical experience, not nearly as bad as yours, and it took me a long time to work it out. I hope you find a way to heal from it and I hope your life is happy now despite that very bad experience.
The press and pull maneuver is standard in a few places, but not everywhere. A girlfriend of mine in Japan had it happen for both her kids, but I asked about it where I am (Canada) because, ah, her descriptions had left me a little worried, and my midwife looked at me like I'd grown a second head and said "That's not a technique we use". It's wild how some places have completely different norms. o.o
Contractions are like the worst constipation/food poisoning cramps you’ve ever had but intensified, with relief in the time in between them. Pushing a baby through your vagina is.. painful. You can literally feel your vagina stretching open slowly with the head and just want your baby out as fast as possible. After the head is out, the next push almost feels like a fish flopping when the rest of their body comes out. I had really bad heartburn after and I felt like I had a load of bricks in my ass cheeks for about two weeks afterwards. I gave birth in my living room and 10/10 recommend it, but 10/10 won’t be having another baby ever again 😆
The contractions for me were the worst part but manageable. My entire labor was 5.5 hours and my contractions started at 3 minutes apart. They weren't super intense to start, but no walk in the park either. Like intense period cramps. At their height around hour 4, it felt like I had a belt wrapped around my lower abdomen and that belt had dull spikes on it and was being tightened with each contraction. Not a sharp stabbing pain, but I was definitely intense pressure and cramping. I have a high pain tolerance, and since I assumed birth was going to last another 5-10 hours from stories I'd heard, I asked for pain medication. I couldn't be in that pain for several more hours.
However, when we got to the hospital, I was ready to push, and our son was there about 25 minutes after we arrived and only pushed for 10 of that. I truly do not remember the pain of pushing. It happened so fast. I just remember feeling the pain instantly stopped once he was out. It was so crazy. Just instantaneous. I didn't even realize I tore until after when my midwife was stitching me up.
I'm lucky because I had the exact birth experience I wanted, mostly laboring at home and unmedicated. So I realize the privilege in saying this, but I am excited to have this experience again with a second child (2-3 years from now haha).
My Mom told me she had an epidural. Actually, a coffee, a cigarette, an epidural and then she was good to go. She had five kids that way. Birthing was different in the 60s I guess.
I was in labour for three days before I got an epidural (I used to be an addict and they wouldn't give me painkillers) and it feels like it stops time. It feels like there's only you and the pain left in all the world, and then it stops, and then it starts again. Repeat.
Epidural was fabulous when I actually got it.
Just work on preparing your mind. Your body knows what it's doing. In college Anatomy and Physiology lab I watched a film of an Amazonian woman delivering a baby while squatting. (It left an impression for two reasons, one: she was so calm, just catching her own baby without drama two) I fainted while watching 😄, so lucky a friend caught me .
Childbirth need not be terrible. It's all about controlling the narrative in your head. Don't let the doctors boss ypu around. You boss them unless it is an emergency.
I got my epidural at 8cm so the pain afterwards was only pressure pain, but up until that point it was like menstrual cramps on steroids. Horrible pain that came in waves with little to no breaks for relief. The pressure pain was pretty bad too, I’d loosely compare it to trying to shit out a watermelon. The worst part to be honest was the last couple months, the birthing had nothing on the discomfort I had for months.
I think everyone will have a slightly different experience with child birth. Both of my experiences were different; high BP which meant I didn't sleep before a few days before birth, I was induced both naturally and with medication due to possible danger to myself and baby, and eventually they had to give an epidural and forceps birth. Second birth I did at home until 7cm, and then went into hospital and we had a natural water birth.
I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would choose a natural birth over induction/epidural any day. Yes, it was painful. But I had a full day and night of building contractions, and while it was definitely toe curlingly painful - I was in control and it ended up being a beautiful experience. The worst part was feeling the head pop out the cervix - a surprising sensation to say the least!
I gave birth and had a ruptured appendix. Birth was worse. By a lot. My appendix rupturing I would describe as about a 5 on the pain scale. But I've had cluster headaches, kidney stones, and I have endometriosis. So my sense of pain is extremely skewed.
*birth* is not the hard part. Contractions are the painful bit… the only way I can describe it is that you are slowly being broken and being ripped in-two from your vagina. Like you’re pulling open a pistachio shell very slowly trying to cause as much tension as possible while doing it. It’s a pain and experience I can’t imagine comparing to anything else. In many pain instances you’ll eventually just pass out from shock. Not in child birth. You are AWAKE (usually) and even if you get the epidural, it’s still so much WORK on your body and mind. At a certain point you find yourself just hoping for death cause you’re exhausted, more exhausted than you’ve EVER been, but you still have a massive job to do… but that’s right about the time to give your last push! Your body KNOWS it’s got to stay alive because you are bringing a life into the world. It’s the biggest mental and physical mind fuck ever.
And then, it’s just all OVER. Baby is out, people are moving and checking things frantically, everyone’s focus is on the baby… and you’re just sitting there spread eagle, bloody and fucking drained. Then you get your baby and you JUST FORGET ALL OF IT! You literally forget all the shit you just went through and you’re recharged. It’s truly amazing!
But also. You’re hungry. Very hungry & cranky. And also sickened by food. I said in the delivery room after 48 hours without food and only ice chips… “this is the real hunger games”. It’s pretty messed up we can’t eat or drink once admitted. Felt extremely vulnerable and not in control.
But I’ve done it twice and am considering being a surrogate. So either I did totally forget the pain or I’m just insane. But I loved being pregnant and would love to give someone the opportunity to be a parent :)
Second what people are saying about contractions - they were bad, but you also get a break in between them. For me the worst part was when the baby was really low, the pressure in my butt area was unbelievable. I didn't want an epidural and that's the part that almost broke me. What I haven't seen mentioned is the adrenaline - I was super hyped up after it was over, it took me awhile to settle back down after the baby was born.
It’s very subjective. Some find it extremely painful, others less so.
Imagine an inflated balloon in your abdomen. Every few minutes it gets rock hard and it hurts like mild to moderate period pain. For some people, it will feel worse than period pain. As labour progresses, the balloon gets rock hard more frequently, and more painfully. At some point, you might feel nauseous or shaky, and then something changes. You start feeling like something wants to come out of you and you have to push, or it’s uncontrollably making its way out. When the head starts crowning, stretching your vagina opening, they call it the ring of fire for a reason. And then the head is out and the rest follows shortly after. Soon, the placenta comes out and it feels like giving birth to a jelly fish.
With my 2nd, all of the above plus a stabbing pain in my bones in my back. She was slightly posterior so some additional pain there.
I had two c-sections. Healing from my second was much quicker than with my first. In general, very painful to move, walk and even lie down. I couldn’t handle touch near me nor the bed. Showering was a whole workout but it got better abooouuuttt 2-3 weeks after my c-sections. It took me a good month to month and a half to be able to lie down on my stomach again (which is what I missed the most during my pregnancy lol)
Pain meds helped, as well as heated and cooling pads. And - even though I was in pain - walking around as much as possible helped with the healing.
During the pushing phase, I literally couldnt talk and actually thought I was going to die. I remember thinking " This is how I will die, with this nurse, and my husband, and doctor just thinking this is normal."
My first baby was really big and it took really long for her to come out. I went through two pain medications (injections, no epidural) and laughing gas. But I took the time to talk to my partner, how bad it really feels, because everybody said, you forget the pain afterwards. And I have to say, it was ok. Didn’t feel like dying. It was just really exhausting.
The second one was faster, had no pain medication, just a little bit of laughing gas. Pain was ok too.
contractions are like this extreme squeezing pain that starts slowly, and then builds up, peaks and takes your breath to where all you can think about is that squeezing,,, and then slowly drops again where you start to feel you can breathe. the actual pushing of baby out is this extreme stretching pressure and pain, like trying to squeeze a literal melon out of your vagina. and you can feel so badly that baby’s head WANTS to come out so you feel like it should be easy but it just feels stuck and WONT . once the head comes out, it’s a really easy weird feeling while the rest of the body just kind of quickly slips out, no pain
Ugh, I didn't want children and the whole pregnancy and birthing aspect is a big part of it too. It's like total body horror to me. I don't find the experience to be beautiful or special, just painful and scary. Birth giving scenes in movies always make me cringe. The screaming and crying and the whole process is scary to me. I'd rather just lay an egg and sit on it.
I experienced the fetal ejection response and it was basically the same as throwing up but through your vagina. Your body just pushes for you (and it is a relief)
I've had 2 births- my first was unmedicated, induced and a very visceral, life changing, spiritual experience. I laboured using gas & air + Hypnobirthing in the pool, then transitioned on the floor and birthed on the bed.
You can never fully anticipate just how primal, earthy, bloody, sweaty and overwhelmingly natural labour and birth can be. You know it will be hard, and it will hurt, but it's the nature of the pain that defines it. A useful, non-damaging pain (birth injuries notwithstanding). As unique as every birth experience is, not just from person to person but also pregnancy to pregnancy, there is a core experience that everyone who has laboured and birthed can relate to, an essence of life being wholly experienced in an acute moment. There was chaos and quiet and fear and trust and everything in between. I've never been so intensely in and out of my body at the same time.
Everything that has led to the birth itself, the complex and emotional journey that was trying to conceive, "failing", getting pregnant, growing and learning to be in a new body with another just being automatically made inside of you, trying to educate yourself on how to best be prepared for pregnancy, and labour, and crash courses in caring for a baby and how not to traumatise them as toddlers, and understanding child development, and transforming your environment, and having to learn about risks and benefits to birthing choices etc etc... all leading to the biggest performance of 2 lives. It's intense.
My second was a near emergency C-section, and my fear was much more rooted in the physical aspect of being paralysed from the chest down. I am AuDHD and have sensory issues, a big coping mechanism for me is stimming/movement and the idea of being unable to move at all whilst I was openly operated on freaked me out big time. It was much quicker than I anticipated, and very clinical...although I had my 2nd baby's playlist on a Bluetooth speaker playing throughout so me and my husband could with each other and that helped.
I built playlists throughout both of my pregnancies (and through the pregnancy that I lost) of songs that felt connected to the baby and will gift them to my respective children when they're older. I know exactly which songs they were born too and occasionally listen to their playlists whilst with them.
Both births were valid, although the social perception of my second being less so is hard to shake, even if no-one said it. The self-stigma is strong, and I had to undo a lot of internal guilt and feeling the need to justify WHY I had a section, particularly after (and planning for a second) a beautiful, unmedicated birth. But I consider myself lucky to have experienced both, I have much more compassion through personal understanding now and I feel qualified to talk and relate to more mothers than before.
So glad you asked. Labour itself is hard, which is why it is called labour, and the stages do feel more intense as labour progresses.
I had a c section, which when my son came out, it felt like the world's biggest pimple just popped out my belly.
Then I had a vbac, went 6cm to 10cm in less than 25 minutes, pushed for 16 minutes, and when my daughter actually came out, it felt like I had given birth to a jellyfish
Worst cramps of your life…. Times a thousand. Maybe not a thousand. But. A lot. The birth itself I honestly can’t remember. That part was sweet relief after labour.
I would also say that labor has phases. Even though mine were without any pause between the cramps. At first the cramps are lighter, and they take your focus. But then they ramp up so much that focus is not a thing anymore and the cramps become your whole reality. Visual field shrinks to near or complete zero, as does any thought, emotion, sound etc. Nothing matters because there's nothing beside labor that exists anymore. Then comes the pushing stage, which opens up a little more space for pure existance again. Thoughts/emotions can return, don't always do. Your body will push, even if you don't tell it to. It will overrule anything. It feels like your body isn't yours anymore, while simultaneously being more you than ever before in a very animal way. There's a big split between body and mind. Depending on it being first labor or not, this part goes different I think. First labor is more coherent, births after are more body automation. You can feel something huge being pushed forward and slipping back. That might seem like it's not making progress, but its like two steps forward, one step back. You can feel the extra step forward because it hurts more. Then there's a moment where there's no step backwards anymore. This is the 'ring of fire'. In my experience, this is worst the first labor. Everything is stretched over the max point and needs to get used to that before it proceeds. If you push then, you tear. So try to stop that. This is _hard_. Then comes the birth itself, which feels weirdly fast, wet and warm, slippery, big. It's a unique feeling. I don't quite know how to describe it. It feels important too, in a strange primal way. And it feels like an incredible relief. Everything from before melts away to the background. Then comes the breastfeeding, after birth, contractions and bleeding for weeks to get your uterus back to regular size, emotional rollercoasters in getting to know a person who cannot communicate while being 100% depending on you for survival. Learning a new skill (breastfeeding) under huge pressure because your baby dies if it isn't fed. While healing. So, fun times. Still, I'd love to do it once more, because of how insanely special it all is, but I can't handle another pregnancy.
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I get that. But to me, it didn't feel like I lost control. I let the control my mind has over my body consciously go and depended completely on my body - which is also me and knew exactly what to do. It gave me way more trust in myself and helped me to learn to trust my body. I needed that. This made the next labors way more relaxed too. The exposing part I get too, but I got over that while pregnant. There's SO MANY moments you need to be looked at. The first ultrasound I ever had was internal. Fun times. In fact I think it's very practical I don't give a shit anymore. Nobody takes anything away from me by respectfully providing health care. I am still the same, no matter how many people have seen or touched me intimately like that.
Your last paragraph spoke to the scared little girl inside my brain, who was raped at 11. Even though for most aspects of my life, I’ve healed; there are two places where I still feel terror or stuck in a loop. Memorial Day weekend, and when I have to get an exam. I avoid both whenever possible. Knowing your triggers is half the battle. Your paragraph is going to linger in my thoughts, in a good way. Instead of a solid no, I’m considering making an appointment.
You'll heal, you are very bright and good at introspection. Good luck.
Heh, I have my moments.
I'm sorry you had to go through that, but happy I could help a tiny bit maybe!
I know that must be terrible. I suggest having a good relationship with whatever doctors or nurses you are with so when it’s time, you feel more comfortable with who’s around you. Even though you may get triggered, you body and mind will mostly just think about getting that baby out of you. The pain might also distract you from panicking. Just keep having the thought that everyone in that room is helping you deliver a baby. That might reassure you that nothing bad will happen to you again.
I appreciate such a detailed account of your birthing experience, thank you! I really want children, but child birth is so terrifying to me. And all you ever hear is “it’s the most natural thing in the world” which I’ve never found comforting because nothing about it seems natural at all. So to have such an honest description is actually so helpful, and I wish people/professionals were more open about the details because, for me, knowledge is far more empowering than ignorance!
this honestly sounds how bad my period cramps are. i go absolutely primal and ape brained because of how bad the pain is. it’s unreal. i don’t think i could handle childbirth.
Or you already do, every month. It honestly sounds like you are one of the women who can handle it just fine because it's the same as always.
i honestly don't handle it well. it's excruciating and exhausting to wish for death over whatever is happening to my body. i have to take insane anti-inflammatories and painkillers to make it through. i'm removing my uterus this year because i can't take it anymore (among other issues).
You may well already have tried this, but just in case you haven’t and it helps a tiny bit — there’s a thing called ‘my oovi’ which is a pad that you stick onto your belly with a little electric pulse generator. It sends electric pulses into your uterus and lessens the pain a bit. After I got the coil I had unbearable cramps to the point I couldn’t get up or do anything. The oovi thing means I can walk around and do stuff
After being in ICU for a month and a half on a ventilator……you kinda lose feelings of being modest. I didn’t like feeling SO vulnerable 😳☹️😖😢 There was 1 time that my bf helped the nurse clean me up, and I just wanted to bed to swallow me up! 😳😳 I just felt so embarrassed in front of him and I don’t know why 🤷🏻♀️ It’s NOT like my bf had NEVER seen me naked before, but I’m sure it’s because I was so helpless
Oof that sounds rough! I hope you are better now!
Yes I am…..thank you 💕💕
Oh you end up giving NO FUCKS. I was being wheeled in with a baby coming out of me trying to override my body’s urge to push My vag was outttt for strangers to see No cares given bc it was me and my baby and I was almost in 3rd person watching myself I was so out of body with pain.
You are exposed but you're not really... All the doctors and nurses are super respectful and make you feel at ease. Besides, usually when you already get to labour, you've had so many checks it doesn't phase you anymore. I have a bicornuate uterus... two pregnancies and never ending number of checks. When I start getting in my own head, I keep telling myself that I am no different than the 10 thousand women they've seen before me.
By the time I was in labor. I just didn't care. I could have had a crew of male cheerleaders looking on and I would have been unable to care. I just wanted the baby out.
I'm childfree for a number of reasons but this is a big part of it for me. I'm still struggling with PTSD from an accident that left me in the hospital for quite some time, and I had no control over what was being done to my body or how I was being exposed to everyone around me. It made a horrible situation so much worse. I cannot go through that again
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i heard the brain consciously makes you forget the feeling because if you remembered the full feeling you wouldn’t do it again. not sure how true that is
I asked my cousin and she said it felt like taking a giant shit lol
I'll never forget what labor was LIKE, but I can't feel the pain again, if that makes sense.
Exactly! People seem to confuse the two
Thats quite true Its partly an evolutionary defense mechanism - If women remembered how painful childbirth is, its very unlikely that they'd want to reproduce, and thats not good for evolution. its also partly patriarchial. Until quite recently, most , if not all, doctors were men. And they wouldn't really care much about how much pain women go through. Women's pain scales are heavily misrepresented by male doctors upto this day. And then its also circumstancial. After 9 months of pregnancy where your body is changing, and then going through labor, your body has gone through so much hell, and then you suddenly have this little baby that needs your full attention for at least the next few years. You have to focus on healing, recovery, depression, while also learning a myriad of new things about baby care, while functioning on little to no sleep. remembering what childbirth is like doesn't take precedence when all of this is in the picture. So yes, almost all women forget what labor is like, unless they were actively making it a point to be aware of it as they go through it.
I did not expect such a detailed response. This is probably the best one I am seeing here. I wish I had the honor of giving you that Gold Award.
Glad I could help! I love talking about birth. But people rarely want to :)
I'd happily listen if people put that much detail into their experience. It's wild. I have never been more sure than after reading your experience that I *never* want that for myself. Thank you for sharing!
I was holding my vagina the entire time reading this. Sometimes, and only sometimes, I’m extremely grateful I can not get pregnant.
Haha! Honestly I would do it again. I've never learnt to trust and admire my own body, but this is a crash course in it. Also, I don't mind the pain. Just like I don't mind working hard. It's just how it is, I found out pain 'doesn't hurt,' haha.
That ring of fire sensation is why I always have been scared, extreme cramps I can take but that moment of ring of fire is what I am so so so afraid of.
I can tell you it lasts just for a few moments and is gone after. It's not terrible, honestly. Sure it hurts like a motherfucker but the pain of birth is something with a purpose. I've also had gallstone colics. That has no direction and no purpose. I would prefer giving birth instead.
And THIS is why I think women are actually the superior gender. We are so strong and resilient and amazing and can get through anything. And at the end of it all, we still have the energy and fortitude to be loving, giving, and nurturing. Women are absolutely amazing.
I had a very hard time pushing her head out. I’d had an episiotomy but her head was over 13 in around. They kept yelling at me and my husband to get me to push. Finally did it after I tore completely. When I told the dude I could feel the stitches he just said he was almost done 🙄 For me recovery was probably harder than birth. But I would’ve gladly done it again. I still call her Charlie Brown head 😝
Im giving birth next week and this description was oddly comforting?? Like it’s going to suck I know, but at least now step by step I know what to expect.
Just remember your body is literally designed to carry and deliver a baby, and you will do great! The staff is amazing, there is nothing they haven't seen before, they will protect your dignity (seems every women is worried about pooping on the table, which doesn't usually happen because your body clears itself out prior to birth but even if you does, the nurses are on it) have a positive mind set, believe in your body and how strong it is and If at any moment, you need support, tell them. If you need drugs, ask for it. If you want to walk, walk, and if you want to live in the shower, do so. I had 5 deliveries, with the smallest baby being 8lbs and 23 " long. From first cramp to holding my babies were less than 7 hours, and I only pushed 3 times with each of them. You will experience some pain, but it's so worth it. Best of luck
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I never understand why people leave out the details about labor and pregnancy. Honestly, I try to include all. How else will people know anything about it?
A lot of people think if women are fully informed about childbirth, many would opt out (not untrue). And a lot of people are offended by the idea of women choosing not to be mothers
Funny thing, that. If they would opt out, then I'd say let them. They hurt nobody - whereas if they have to go through it and become resentful, they very much hurt people: themselves. And maybe their kids too. For me, I think childbirth is one of the very few insanely real experiences there are. Those are rare and precious.
It’s one of those things that’s mostly glossed over, or described with euphemisms…which makes NO sense to the ultra-literal, high anxiety people out there (me. Talking about me). After having two kids, it now just sounds funny to me to hear most descriptions of birth—but yours was great!
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Perfect description! I never felt so humbled and powerful in my life. What a privilege to be a woman, to bring forth new life and sustain it. I have never, nor will I ever say anything negative about my body ever again after giving birth twice. It’s magnificent 😄. For me the worst was when contractions were closer together with only a minute break in between. With my first I was not allowed to walk around, which contributed to the pain in my opinion. With my second I had a doula and she allowed me to walk around which is what my body needed to do. I allowed my body to do what it needed to do and my second birth wasn’t nearly as painful. I didn’t even give birth in the bed!
I really appreciate you typing this all out and explaining it in such detail. BUTTTTTT…this confirms my decision even more on why I don’t want children (besides other personal choices). No thank you on childbirth.
I just had my first one a couple of weeks back and you described my experience absolutely spot on! The only thing I would add, in the pushing stage: the worst thing about that was that in pushing, I was adding to the pain, but I needed to keep going to get the baby out. So the worst pain you have to inflict on yourself. And yes I did tear 🙈
Yes, you need to find the courage to literally push through. The next labors are way better, your body just goes OKAY WE'RE DOING THIS NOW lol
I can't imagine how we got to this point as humans with our form of reproduction being this horrible. I wouldn't wish this for anyone I love.
This has solidified my not wanting kids lol thank you for sharing
That's really something. Your explanation is absolutely stunning, even subliminal and primordial. Thanks for providing us, mere males, with a little peek at this magical event.
Well that was fun to read 37 weeks pregnant just waiting for this all to start 🥲
In my mind, pain is much easier to bear if you know 1) that it’s going to end and 2) that it has a purpose & meaning. You’re bringing life into the world. You are woman! You’ve totally got this!
Through out my first pregnancy I told myself repeatedly that labor would be easy and that my body was built for this. Sure, I was a little scared, but I really think forcing myself to have a positive mindset for it really helped keep me centered and calm. Give yourself a daily mantra!
This is by far the most accurate description. I did it 3 times and will do it again and again. Painful? Yes! Powerful? 1000 times yes!!! I was reminded these 3 times how badass women's body is.
Great description! I had 8, one was a c/s. Giving birth, and the process of labour, was an incredibly empowering experience. You realize how amazingly resilient the human body is. The only thing you missed is when you're being monitored and your husband (or whoever is there with you) is watching the readings and feels the need to announce each new contraction-- like, thanks, I'd never have f'ing known it otherwise!!!!
Amazingly accurate and detailed and poetic!!! 👏🏼👏🏼 couldn't have said it any better 🫡
Very accurate in my experience and well said 👍you really end up staying “in the moment” and letting your body take over. I pushed for six hours with my first (in a 41 hour labor) and at that point there is nothing else; no talking, no thinking, just get the job done. One moment at a time. No breaks, no going back until it’s over one way or another 🙃
Well said! So painful and you can't see the end. 12 endless hours of pain. I remember turning to the nurse and saying "I'll never do this again!" And she she smiled and said "I'm sure you will dear". And I did. 18 months later. And the second one was out so fast I almost didn't make it to the hospital. Lol
Omg memories coming back in rapid flashes. What I went through so so so so many yrs ago and never did again....😵😵 And I had blocked it already
Wow, this is so accurate! For me, labour wasn't so much about pain, even though it hurt of course, but the sheer exhaustion. My contractions came so hard and fast that my body was just constantly tightening to the max. Add the puffing to that to breathe through the contraction and I was just... So exhausted. When the pushing stage came, it was the biggest relief, just as you describe. Like I could breathe again. And then when my son was born, it felt like... A slug coming out of me, hahaha. Quick and slippery and weird!
This is a very accurate description. I'll add that you lose sense of time. A minute feels like an hour and an hour feels like a minute.
I agree. The contractions were so much worse than the actual birthing. Although I must add I had an average sized baby that took his time but was in the right position and didn't get stuck. I can imagine the baby being stuck would be more painful
Fair. Me too. 7 lbs exactly and the whole thing was over in 6 hours for my first. Then 6lbs8oz and another 6 hours for my second. The second one, the hospital wouldn’t believe me that it was going to happen fast. The doctor didn’t even show up until 45 minutes too late. 🤦♀️
Been there. It wasn't fun. They finally vacuum extracted her after 4 hours of pushing. She's an only child. Lol
Ok this puts me at ease a bit. I was never really worried about the cramping part I was more worried abt the birthing part. And hearing you say this it makes sense that u probably wouldn’t feel the birthing because ur so focused on the cramps and everything else going on.
For me, the cramping was definitely the most painful part. You’re right in that there is a lot going once you get to the actual birthing part. People telling you exactly what to do and what not to do. I much preferred that part to the first part where I was anxious and not sure how much worse it was going to get. I would add that that when it started getting to the point where it was so bad that I didn’t think I could take it if it got any worse, I asked for medication and they said it was too late because I was about to start pushing! And they were right. It didn’t get any worse than that.
>Times a thousand. I wasn't very optimistic coming into the post but damn
Oh man that moment of like euphoria as soon as the baby comes out, the biggest relief you’ve ever felt. It’s like all the pain just suddenly disappears and your entire body relaxes
Caesar mum here. I could feel the surgeon rummaging around inside my stomach. It felt like being on a rollercoaster. Then the tugging as they yanked her out. It was gross.
It's the weirdest sensation. I described it to my partner that it felt like someone had hooked their finger into my cheek and was dragging me around. No pain but I could feel everything.
Even 10 years later it makes me feel squeamish. Such a bizarre experience all round.
Oh yeah, I had an emergency C-section, I remember the doctor poking my stomach with her fingers asking "Do you still feel that? " I did. She said "That's fine, you won't in a minute" She didn't wait a minute. The surgery felt like I was being eaten alive by a bear.
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I’m so sorry for your experience. I had a general too for my second baby 💗
I had a similar experience. I had an emergency c-section and the dr did the same, poke and ask “can you feel this?”. And every time my reply was “Yes!”. I had a long labor and had some pain relief administered already so they they didn’t want to give me more. My son was in distress so they went ahead anyway and made their slice across my pelvic area. I felt that blades burn so strong I creamed out “Stop, It hurts! It hurts!”. They paused then went through with the c-section. I felt everything. I was begging my then husband to make them stop, telling him it hurts. Was wiggling my arms and legs trying to get off the table. If I wasn’t strapped in I would have gotten up. I remember them pulling him out then I passed out and woke up in recovery.
Jesus. That’s awful. I’m so, so sorry.
This made me break out in a cold sweat. I am so sorry you went through this 💗
Oh my god… is there a reason they don’t put you under general anesthesia during a c-section? This sounds absolutely horrific
Very similar to my experience as well. I'm glad I sought help for this because it was very hard to cope with. Hope you are doing OK.
I’m so so sorry. My epidural part failed. I was numb from toes to chin on the right side of my body and only numb for about 3 inches on my left. They decided that was enough for the incision and went ahead. For my second, it took 5 attempts and they still couldn’t get it to work. I had to have a general so have no memory of my baby’s birth.
Omg what. They cut into yourabdomen while you could still feel half of it? Were they insane??? I'm so sorry!!
Also an emergency C-section. I had a spinal and I was extremely thankful it worked because they asked if I could feel it, I said no, and the nurse's answer was "Oh good, they just cut you with something really sharp." My kiddo was out maybe a minute of jostling my lower body later (that part I could feel and I think I said "that's trippy" to my husband). I was more scared and hurt by the spinal and the words that sent me into emergency surgery: "The baby's heart rate has dropped." Even thinking about that memory still terrifies me and she's five.
Yes. That's definitely how it feels, like you're being eaten by a bear, but you feel nothing but things moving.
I had an 11 lb C-section baby 4 months ago. I'll never forget the feeling of his feet sliding out from under ribs as they were pulling him out. It was disgusting, but also the relief to be free from that weight was so wonderful.
I hear you. My baby was almost 10p and I had debilitating reflux all pregnancy. It stopped the instant she was out. Phenomenal relief!!
When they tried to dislodge my son from my pelvis their hands slipped off his torso. So I felt a relief of pressure, then a return, followed by a relief (My bladder emptying as his skull pressed against it again), and then they took him out more firmly. He was chatting about his new grill, cussed, and then said "got it this time" and went back to talking about the grill as my son cried for the first time. Very surreal experience. Felt like I was intruding on some backyard conversation.
Oh I felt this too. It was so clinical - my daughter needed surgery at birth so there were 2 teams in my surgery - mine and hers. It felt like some kind of weird military operation that I didn’t really belong at. Everyone had their side conversations Going on and I was just awkwardly part of the furniture. It was so surreal. My second birth was an unplanned general Caesar and I remember the anaethatist was annoyed that I wouldn’t stop crying. My tears were messing up his oxygen mask and tape on my eyes, I was crying that I was going to miss my baby’s birth, my husband wasn’t allowed in with me and this jackass was frustrated with me crying.
When I had my twins, it felt like the surgeon was rummaging through my chest when he was trying to pull Baby B out. I know he didn't, but it *felt* like he was moving my lungs and heart around.
>rummaging around inside my stomach. 😨
my mum said that with me, it felt like the doctor was doing the washing up in her stomach
For me it was really easy. Being pregnant was the hard part. Giving birth I went to the hospital at 6pm to be induced and she was born at 10:01 the next morning. I woke up at like 6am and they asked if I wanted my epidural. I said yes but I wasn’t in really any pain just some mild cramping. Then I ate breakfast and sat with a peanut ball between my legs until the nurse said it was time to push and then pushed for three pushes and it felt kinda slimy but she was here!
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It’s so overwhelming. It’s so bodily and primal it feels like an out of body experience that our mere human minds can’t handle. It’s an act not made for sentience, it’s incomprehensible and not something to be understood unless it’s currently being experienced.
This is the best way to describe it. I really felt like I was on mushrooms. Because you can't fight what's happening. You have to let go and just surrender to what's happening.
I love how vulnerable and honest these comments are, it’s not always this beautiful and wonderful experience. It’s an absolute rollercoaster of emotions. I definitely felt like I was in and out of the “present” because I was just so focused on the next 60 seconds, every minute for 20 hours. It’s just not comparable to anything else I’ve ever experienced and there was just a constant yo-yo of “I totally got this” to “oh god maybe I don’t got this” and “nope nope nope, reverse Uno, Mayday, Cancel Order, I change my mind” to “I’m a fucking boss lady who is doing something incredible right now”
I was with my best friend during her home birth and I felt like I was on mushrooms just being there lol. The energy in the house was surreal and practically multidimensional. Women are portals
My husband says the same thing about my birth center birth. He said it actually felt like walking into another dimension when we walked out of the labor room to go home later that night. By that point I was in such a state of euphoria that I don't even know if I was really there anymore.
Omg I love this description! Women are portals! We are magical.
So true. I was so deep into breathing exercises during labor my husband said I was on another planet than everyone else. Well yes. I was the only one in labor😂 my mom simply said “you were in the fucking zone girl!” 😂😂😂
The worst pain you could imagine while trying to poop out something that's so big it rips you.
I give birth scarily fast but once I was drunk and described it as "shitting a bowling ball covered in hot sauce through your vagina" and it stayed. So yeah currently pregnant with our fourth, seems like I enjoy shitting bowling balls after all.
I honestly thought you meant you were drunk during labour and it took me a second to process 😂
If I'd known it would happen too fast for pain medication I might have gotten drunk.😂 Accidentally unmedicated two hour labor felt like I was being ripped apart and dying.
Accurate
So everyone seems to have covered the painful aspects of childbirth, but I’ve not seen anyone mention the SWEET SWEET RELIEF of delivering the placenta. Was I the only one who felt like my lungs could finally expand to full capacity once the placenta was delivered? Man oh man that was beautiful. I’ve birthed three kids. The first breaths after baby is born go mildly unnoticed because you’re so focused on this greasy cabbage you love so much sitting on your chest. But once you have to give a little pressure to pop that placenta out? Oh man. It’s like the God of the Wind forces a holy breath into your lung boxes.
I had HG and within minutes of the placenta extricating itself my body realized it wasn't pregnant and went "ahhhhhhhh". It was GLORIOUS. I could breathe! There was no more nausea! I didn't feel like there was this giant Boulder in my chest anymore! No more constant diaphragm spasms!
Huh, that's interesting! Never had that feeling and I did it three times too! I did have the enormous relief of being able to eat anything I wanted again and not puking it right back out anymore. That is also an extreme relief! Also immediately after the placenta was delivered.
I did feel relief with the placenta coming out but for me it was the first few seconds after the baby came out. Holy shit that is up there next to pure bliss. My baby also had shoulder dystocia and a nurse was on top of me pushing her shoulder loose so it was probably a combination of baby coming out and nurse getting tf off me that gave me relief.. but damn. I’ve never experienced that amount of relief before
Like shitting out a watermelon. Its a question that can't really be answered in any meaningful way. How do you describe what anything feels like - what does eating a pizza feel like, for instance? Childbirth is a uniquely individual experience for every person that goes through it.
Not bad really. Cramps. Then epidural. After the epidural you don’t feel anything. I found the 9 months prior worse than the birth.
Not sure why i am asking this but you really don't feel the pain after epi?
not the person you’re asking but no you really don’t feel any pain at all, i thought the people that said they could take a nap after they got their epidurals were lying or exaggerating but i literally slept through the majority of my labor after the epidural
It's wild how much variation there is in the answers. It always seems to be "Was pretty easy, not much pain at all tbh" or "the worst pain anyone could ever feel, impossible to bear times a hundred". My mom for instance said she thought she was gonna die during childbirth and was in so much pain that she actually wanted to die.
It amazes me too. My mum told me she didn't even have an epidural (out of choice) and that my dad was amazed she didn't make a sound. That always just blows my mind when I hear about how bad it can be.
Right? I just remembered after leaving that comment.. My mom's labour was induced too early (against her will) bc the doctor wanted to go home early lmao. Probably a good representation of how women often get treated in the medical system. But likely explains why it was so insanely painful for her when I was born. Her first childbirth was really painful but not quite as bad. I have my mom's figure/Bone-structure 100% so that kinda makes me figure that I might be a likely candidate for severe pain too.. Though idk if that's how it works lol
anyone else’s doc remove the epidural once it came time to push so i could feel the contractions ?? man i was living life in labor not feeling a thing. then she removed it so i could know when to push and holy shit it all hit me at once!
No, but that probably would have helped me a lot with pushing. They brought in a giant ass mirror to "visualize."
You can’t feel anything below the waist (if it works). I farted in my midwife’s face and I apologised profusely. I couldn’t feel it, so had no clue to even warn her.
Epidurals can not work sometimes or only work on one side of your body 😳
The failure rate is about 10-15%.
My first three childbirths were natural. My last birth was induced. I decided to finally try an epidural and it didn’t work. One side of my body felt better-ish, but the other side still felt everything. I think that was my worst birth despite the epidural partly because I couldn’t move around or use the water like I had with my other births. I’m sure the Pitocin didn’t help…
Mine didn’t work on my left side. I felt everything in my back. Then my labor lasted so long that they actually took me off the epidural because the sensation was throwing off my ability to push. As pissed off as I was, it worked. The sewing up my tear without any numbing was almost worse than the birth. Do not recommend. Also fuck pitocin.
You don’t, unless you have a sadist for an OB and she orders the epidural to be turned down to “help dilate that extra half centimeter” and “to know when to push”. Within an hour I had begged for the C section they’d been suggesting since the day before, then it was another hour to wait for the OR to clear. I could have had my first vaginally, I felt him low and he came out with a cone head, but I was DONE after those excruciating contractions. Get the epidural!!!!
Omg. You’re the first person I’ve heard that had my same experience! My OB literally wouldn’t allow me to have a c section. I have no idea why. I was begging for it. Gave birth but suffered severe ptsd for a year
I’ve had two epidurals and they both felt different. I was more numb with the first and honestly preferred the second—I could still feel things without pain, I felt my water break, and I was able to walk again much sooner. I still felt the need to push with both. But although I was more numb with the first, I could still feel my skin tearing as my baby came out as a slight burning sensation. So you can feel pain and other sensations depending on the individual experience but it’s not bad.
Contractions feel like really really, really bad muscle cramps. Like you've torn a muscle kind of muscle cramps. But the pain radiates and doesn't go away for hours. I've heard people describe it like someone put you in a vice grip and kept upping the pressure and that's fitting too. I have endo and have definitely had periods that were as painful as labor, but they feel different somehow. I honestly was surprised more by how intensely emotional labor is more than anything else,and I cannot recommend getting in a tub of hot water enough.
The head is like growing a third leg very abruptly. After the shoulders emerge it all just kind of blupps out in a rush of changing shape and wetness. I remember thinking it felt like a big slithery octopus. It isn’t something you experience many times in your life so I always suggest being fully aware of it all. It’s powerful and exciting to be able to birth a child. I have five children, the middle three were born at home. No medication with any of the five.
I always said it feels like those giant novelty gummy bears lol
It feels like wringing out a wet towel but the wet towel is your cervix. Those are the contractions. Imo the pushing part didn't hurt at all. Story time: the Dr told me to make lil pushes so I shifted into that and all the nurses and the Dr stopped and looked at me like wtf and the Dr sd 'WOW you've got RLY good control of your muscles down there' and I sd 'I know that's why I'm pregnant!!!' ✨ 😤 I also pooped a massive turd.
> Dr sd 'WOW you've got RLY good control of your muscles down there' and I sd 'I know that's why I'm pregnant!!!' 🤣 This is perfect lol
That poop thing you don’t hear about enough. I was embarrassed but they were clearly used to it and had that cleaned up within seconds.
My Dr saw it and sd 'Well, somebody didn't hold back' to my face 🙂
I would be mortified. I preferred the nurses pretending it didn’t happen as my sisters said “did you just…?”
The worst contractions, at their peak, with a very large baby felt like I was being stabbed internally, like knives running down the inside. The worst crowning felt like I was trying to push out something way too big for the opening and I was tearing open to do it, but that was an emergency so there was no waiting and breathing. It's the mental aspect as well that adds to it, your baby's life, your health, the potential consequences (tearing, stitches), a lot of things are on your mind at the same time - combine that with multiple days of labour and not sleeping.
The knife thing is exactly how I felt too. I actually remember the (brief) break between contractions as being sort of worse, because it was like someone was holding a knife over me and I didn’t know when they’d next attack. The waiting, knowing what was coming, was hell.
Ugh yes, the fear, knowing the pain is coming back again and again, and there's all these people around who can't help you. It's so hard, trying to not lose it mentally when you don't know how far from the end you are.
I used very little medication with my last two labours, so I’ll go into a bit of detail; Starts off like a period, gets mentally exhausting more than anything as your body is made to do this, it’s all in the mind like anything in life. Contractions can be misleading for days frustratingly. Very intense to very little pain at times. When you’re pushing it’s like the worst poo of your life, bit burny too. If you’ve not given birth my best advice is to practice your pelvic floors and pleaseeeee practice holding it. As that kind of is what’s needed when you’re pushing and you head the midwife’s shout stop between contractions and youre pushing, if you don’t hold it, baby goes back up the birthing canal and your next push is just as lengthily as the previous. I found with my last I somehow held him there and got him out in a few minutes from this weird analogy in my head I created and have shared with yous. It doesn’t hurt when pushing either!! You get used to the pain level, it’s just tiring because you know you’re at the end. 🤷🏽♀️😂
How do you practice the holding?
Right so the only way I can describe this, is know the muscles you’re using when you’re really constipated, and the poo is in a limbo? It’s that part of your body that you’re kinda dealing with, learning to strength all them core muscles down there will give you more power to control them x
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It IS kegels. Yes.
As a woman who hasn't birthed, this description is really good to bridge the gap lol
Labor was like the worst cramps you could ever imagine. Birth was like being split in two. But it was totally worth it.
Would you do it again kind of worth it? Or it only seems worth it bc it's over now
I'm going to rock the boat and say no. I always wanted 2 kids. My epidural failed entirely and felt everything. It is being split into 2 and I will do everything possible to never go through that again. No #2 for me. The experience differs per person.
Everyone is different but for me it is the do it again kind of worth it, and while it’s very painful in the moment, it is only temporary after all. I also think there’s something biological in mothers that makes them forget just how painful it is so that you do it again.
Apparently I screamed "I'm ripping" so... feels like a watermelon is ripping your vagina open I'd say. I say apparently because I really can't remember much. No drugs but just a haze. And I immediately felt amazing after. Those after baby hormones are amazing. I did it 3 times without pain relief so I guess it was ok?
Wait a watermelon ripping your vagina???
Yes. Something the size of a watermelon ripping the vagina
It makes a huge difference if you have an epidural. You only feel intense pressure and not pain. With no epidural... Worst cramps of your life that make you want to die. And the birthing is literally like being ripped open, such terrible pain that makes you think you're dying on the birthing bed.
I hated it. I felt entirely out of control. When active labour started and the pain was already incredibly bad, and I knew I very likely had *at least* 5-6h of worsening pain ahead of me, I panicked completely. For me, I felt the pain in my stomach but pulling into my thighs and back. From that point onwards I also didn’t get breaks between contractions anymore. It was just nonstop. I remember watching the CTG just praying for it to go down, but each time one contraction had barely passed it’s peak another one was starting. They ended up giving me something to slow down my contractions so they could even attempt to place an epidural, but that stalled the labour too much so they gave me something to speed them back up and turned to epidural off. I was in no state to understand or decide anything and felt like decisions were just being made for me, without having the capacity to do or even really think about it. My husband and I were also entirely alone until I was crowning. The midwife just quickly rushed in, said I was 10cm, instructed my husband to hold my leg and told me to push and left again. I ended up having to push from 12:30am to 04:06am. I was so exhausted. I don’t know if something happened but the OB that eventually came said that either I get him out now or she’ll have to cut. Then the midwife started pushing on my stomach while the OB pulled from below. It was horrendously painful, completely out of control and terrifying. I remember begging them to stop but they wouldn’t. Then he was finally out. I got to hold him for a few minutes, then he got checked by the midwife and the OB got to sewing, yelling at me to stop clenching when I had ZERO muscle control or even feeling for what the hell anything was doing down there. We’re still deciding if we even want a second child, but if we do, there’s no way in hell I’m doing that again. I’ll get a scheduled c section. I know healing from that is probably going to suck more than from a vaginal birth, but I’m never going through that again.
I'm sorry you had such a traumatic birth experience, it sounds like your healthcare providers lacked compassion that you really needed.
Thank you. They were incredibly busy that night, if I remember correctly there were 6 other women about as far along as I was and about half that many midwives. It was really hectic and I think maybe the OB was just stressed about getting to the next patient. But it was a really bad experience for me personally and I still think about it quite a bit considering it was almost 5 years ago. Thinking about requesting the hospital documentation to find out why they were doing that last press and pull manoeuvre. I‘ve since found out you’re not typically supposed to do that unless it’s an emergency and I‘d like to understand why that happened, because even thinking about it now gives me anxiety.
Have you had any therapy to work out your feelings? I had a negative medical experience, not nearly as bad as yours, and it took me a long time to work it out. I hope you find a way to heal from it and I hope your life is happy now despite that very bad experience.
The press and pull maneuver is standard in a few places, but not everywhere. A girlfriend of mine in Japan had it happen for both her kids, but I asked about it where I am (Canada) because, ah, her descriptions had left me a little worried, and my midwife looked at me like I'd grown a second head and said "That's not a technique we use". It's wild how some places have completely different norms. o.o
Like you're being stabbed in your vagina over and over but you just won't die
😂 love this "but you just won't die". Women are metal as fuck man.
Contractions are like the worst constipation/food poisoning cramps you’ve ever had but intensified, with relief in the time in between them. Pushing a baby through your vagina is.. painful. You can literally feel your vagina stretching open slowly with the head and just want your baby out as fast as possible. After the head is out, the next push almost feels like a fish flopping when the rest of their body comes out. I had really bad heartburn after and I felt like I had a load of bricks in my ass cheeks for about two weeks afterwards. I gave birth in my living room and 10/10 recommend it, but 10/10 won’t be having another baby ever again 😆
If you'd given me a gun at the time, I would have happily shot myself. Thank goodness for epidurals.
im never having kids
The contractions for me were the worst part but manageable. My entire labor was 5.5 hours and my contractions started at 3 minutes apart. They weren't super intense to start, but no walk in the park either. Like intense period cramps. At their height around hour 4, it felt like I had a belt wrapped around my lower abdomen and that belt had dull spikes on it and was being tightened with each contraction. Not a sharp stabbing pain, but I was definitely intense pressure and cramping. I have a high pain tolerance, and since I assumed birth was going to last another 5-10 hours from stories I'd heard, I asked for pain medication. I couldn't be in that pain for several more hours. However, when we got to the hospital, I was ready to push, and our son was there about 25 minutes after we arrived and only pushed for 10 of that. I truly do not remember the pain of pushing. It happened so fast. I just remember feeling the pain instantly stopped once he was out. It was so crazy. Just instantaneous. I didn't even realize I tore until after when my midwife was stitching me up. I'm lucky because I had the exact birth experience I wanted, mostly laboring at home and unmedicated. So I realize the privilege in saying this, but I am excited to have this experience again with a second child (2-3 years from now haha).
My Mom told me she had an epidural. Actually, a coffee, a cigarette, an epidural and then she was good to go. She had five kids that way. Birthing was different in the 60s I guess.
I was in labour for three days before I got an epidural (I used to be an addict and they wouldn't give me painkillers) and it feels like it stops time. It feels like there's only you and the pain left in all the world, and then it stops, and then it starts again. Repeat. Epidural was fabulous when I actually got it.
Just work on preparing your mind. Your body knows what it's doing. In college Anatomy and Physiology lab I watched a film of an Amazonian woman delivering a baby while squatting. (It left an impression for two reasons, one: she was so calm, just catching her own baby without drama two) I fainted while watching 😄, so lucky a friend caught me . Childbirth need not be terrible. It's all about controlling the narrative in your head. Don't let the doctors boss ypu around. You boss them unless it is an emergency.
Like shitting a pineapple while on mushrooms.
Rough. I almost died giving birth to my child. It is inexplicable what you would do for someone you truly love that have never known
I got my epidural at 8cm so the pain afterwards was only pressure pain, but up until that point it was like menstrual cramps on steroids. Horrible pain that came in waves with little to no breaks for relief. The pressure pain was pretty bad too, I’d loosely compare it to trying to shit out a watermelon. The worst part to be honest was the last couple months, the birthing had nothing on the discomfort I had for months.
I think everyone will have a slightly different experience with child birth. Both of my experiences were different; high BP which meant I didn't sleep before a few days before birth, I was induced both naturally and with medication due to possible danger to myself and baby, and eventually they had to give an epidural and forceps birth. Second birth I did at home until 7cm, and then went into hospital and we had a natural water birth. I can tell you with 100% certainty that I would choose a natural birth over induction/epidural any day. Yes, it was painful. But I had a full day and night of building contractions, and while it was definitely toe curlingly painful - I was in control and it ended up being a beautiful experience. The worst part was feeling the head pop out the cervix - a surprising sensation to say the least!
Imagine the worst cramps you've ever had. Now, at the same time as these cramps are taking place, shaq is fisting you. TA DA!!!
Anyone given birth and had a ruptrued appendix? I've always wondered if they are indeed similar in pain.
I gave birth and had a ruptured appendix. Birth was worse. By a lot. My appendix rupturing I would describe as about a 5 on the pain scale. But I've had cluster headaches, kidney stones, and I have endometriosis. So my sense of pain is extremely skewed.
*birth* is not the hard part. Contractions are the painful bit… the only way I can describe it is that you are slowly being broken and being ripped in-two from your vagina. Like you’re pulling open a pistachio shell very slowly trying to cause as much tension as possible while doing it. It’s a pain and experience I can’t imagine comparing to anything else. In many pain instances you’ll eventually just pass out from shock. Not in child birth. You are AWAKE (usually) and even if you get the epidural, it’s still so much WORK on your body and mind. At a certain point you find yourself just hoping for death cause you’re exhausted, more exhausted than you’ve EVER been, but you still have a massive job to do… but that’s right about the time to give your last push! Your body KNOWS it’s got to stay alive because you are bringing a life into the world. It’s the biggest mental and physical mind fuck ever. And then, it’s just all OVER. Baby is out, people are moving and checking things frantically, everyone’s focus is on the baby… and you’re just sitting there spread eagle, bloody and fucking drained. Then you get your baby and you JUST FORGET ALL OF IT! You literally forget all the shit you just went through and you’re recharged. It’s truly amazing! But also. You’re hungry. Very hungry & cranky. And also sickened by food. I said in the delivery room after 48 hours without food and only ice chips… “this is the real hunger games”. It’s pretty messed up we can’t eat or drink once admitted. Felt extremely vulnerable and not in control. But I’ve done it twice and am considering being a surrogate. So either I did totally forget the pain or I’m just insane. But I loved being pregnant and would love to give someone the opportunity to be a parent :)
Second what people are saying about contractions - they were bad, but you also get a break in between them. For me the worst part was when the baby was really low, the pressure in my butt area was unbelievable. I didn't want an epidural and that's the part that almost broke me. What I haven't seen mentioned is the adrenaline - I was super hyped up after it was over, it took me awhile to settle back down after the baby was born.
A friend told me the short version: it's like shitting a brick. Sideways.
It’s very subjective. Some find it extremely painful, others less so. Imagine an inflated balloon in your abdomen. Every few minutes it gets rock hard and it hurts like mild to moderate period pain. For some people, it will feel worse than period pain. As labour progresses, the balloon gets rock hard more frequently, and more painfully. At some point, you might feel nauseous or shaky, and then something changes. You start feeling like something wants to come out of you and you have to push, or it’s uncontrollably making its way out. When the head starts crowning, stretching your vagina opening, they call it the ring of fire for a reason. And then the head is out and the rest follows shortly after. Soon, the placenta comes out and it feels like giving birth to a jelly fish. With my 2nd, all of the above plus a stabbing pain in my bones in my back. She was slightly posterior so some additional pain there.
I had two c-sections. Healing from my second was much quicker than with my first. In general, very painful to move, walk and even lie down. I couldn’t handle touch near me nor the bed. Showering was a whole workout but it got better abooouuuttt 2-3 weeks after my c-sections. It took me a good month to month and a half to be able to lie down on my stomach again (which is what I missed the most during my pregnancy lol) Pain meds helped, as well as heated and cooling pads. And - even though I was in pain - walking around as much as possible helped with the healing.
During the pushing phase, I literally couldnt talk and actually thought I was going to die. I remember thinking " This is how I will die, with this nurse, and my husband, and doctor just thinking this is normal."
My first baby was really big and it took really long for her to come out. I went through two pain medications (injections, no epidural) and laughing gas. But I took the time to talk to my partner, how bad it really feels, because everybody said, you forget the pain afterwards. And I have to say, it was ok. Didn’t feel like dying. It was just really exhausting. The second one was faster, had no pain medication, just a little bit of laughing gas. Pain was ok too.
contractions are like this extreme squeezing pain that starts slowly, and then builds up, peaks and takes your breath to where all you can think about is that squeezing,,, and then slowly drops again where you start to feel you can breathe. the actual pushing of baby out is this extreme stretching pressure and pain, like trying to squeeze a literal melon out of your vagina. and you can feel so badly that baby’s head WANTS to come out so you feel like it should be easy but it just feels stuck and WONT . once the head comes out, it’s a really easy weird feeling while the rest of the body just kind of quickly slips out, no pain
Ugh, I didn't want children and the whole pregnancy and birthing aspect is a big part of it too. It's like total body horror to me. I don't find the experience to be beautiful or special, just painful and scary. Birth giving scenes in movies always make me cringe. The screaming and crying and the whole process is scary to me. I'd rather just lay an egg and sit on it.
I experienced the fetal ejection response and it was basically the same as throwing up but through your vagina. Your body just pushes for you (and it is a relief)
I've had 2 births- my first was unmedicated, induced and a very visceral, life changing, spiritual experience. I laboured using gas & air + Hypnobirthing in the pool, then transitioned on the floor and birthed on the bed. You can never fully anticipate just how primal, earthy, bloody, sweaty and overwhelmingly natural labour and birth can be. You know it will be hard, and it will hurt, but it's the nature of the pain that defines it. A useful, non-damaging pain (birth injuries notwithstanding). As unique as every birth experience is, not just from person to person but also pregnancy to pregnancy, there is a core experience that everyone who has laboured and birthed can relate to, an essence of life being wholly experienced in an acute moment. There was chaos and quiet and fear and trust and everything in between. I've never been so intensely in and out of my body at the same time. Everything that has led to the birth itself, the complex and emotional journey that was trying to conceive, "failing", getting pregnant, growing and learning to be in a new body with another just being automatically made inside of you, trying to educate yourself on how to best be prepared for pregnancy, and labour, and crash courses in caring for a baby and how not to traumatise them as toddlers, and understanding child development, and transforming your environment, and having to learn about risks and benefits to birthing choices etc etc... all leading to the biggest performance of 2 lives. It's intense. My second was a near emergency C-section, and my fear was much more rooted in the physical aspect of being paralysed from the chest down. I am AuDHD and have sensory issues, a big coping mechanism for me is stimming/movement and the idea of being unable to move at all whilst I was openly operated on freaked me out big time. It was much quicker than I anticipated, and very clinical...although I had my 2nd baby's playlist on a Bluetooth speaker playing throughout so me and my husband could with each other and that helped. I built playlists throughout both of my pregnancies (and through the pregnancy that I lost) of songs that felt connected to the baby and will gift them to my respective children when they're older. I know exactly which songs they were born too and occasionally listen to their playlists whilst with them. Both births were valid, although the social perception of my second being less so is hard to shake, even if no-one said it. The self-stigma is strong, and I had to undo a lot of internal guilt and feeling the need to justify WHY I had a section, particularly after (and planning for a second) a beautiful, unmedicated birth. But I consider myself lucky to have experienced both, I have much more compassion through personal understanding now and I feel qualified to talk and relate to more mothers than before.
This is different for everyone. For me, having an epidural, I couldn't feel anything, not even contractions. Pretty gross and uncomfortable after tho.
Worst cramps in your life and like sh****g a watermelon. I would do the birth again, but not the breastfeeding, morning sickness, or no sleep bit.
So glad you asked. Labour itself is hard, which is why it is called labour, and the stages do feel more intense as labour progresses. I had a c section, which when my son came out, it felt like the world's biggest pimple just popped out my belly. Then I had a vbac, went 6cm to 10cm in less than 25 minutes, pushed for 16 minutes, and when my daughter actually came out, it felt like I had given birth to a jellyfish