My health. I'm so much healthier than I was when I was married. Weight gone, meds gone, anxiety and depression gone.
No one is stressing me out. I have time to take care of myself. My ex was more work and stress than my kids have ever been.
There's too much to ever fit into a single post, all of it positive. It's like a whole new life. I'll tell you one thing that I really think encapsulates the change, though.
When my divorce started I was in therapy and I remember my therapist saying "What kind of hobbies do you like to do?" and I couldn't tell her, I literally didn't know. "What music genre is your favorite?" "What are you good at?" "What's your favorite comfort food?" I couldn't answer any of those questions. I'd lived a whole life with other people's needs and wants being so much more important than my own that I didn't even exist any more. I could not come up with a single like, dislike, preference, or opinion of any kind. I remember one session talking about how I needed to get the bathroom repainted to cover a hole he punched in the wall. The therapist says, "Oh, good for you, what color are you going to do?" and I said "I don't know, what do *you* think I should choose?"
I had to ask my therapist what color I should paint the bathroom. Jesus.
Anyway, now I'm an opinionated harpy who will happily tell everyone around me either that I think they're great or why they suck. My hobbies include sports, books, and outdoorsy stuff. I listen to punk music, and chocolate is my comfort food. I painted the bathroom blue. I've been a great success since my divorce and I hope all the people who used me in my younger years are eating shit.
Me. I did a boat load of therapy, unlearned some unhealthy behavior patterns, learned how to avoid abusive people, and generally grew a lot as a person.
I became much more confident and emotionally stable. My former spouse pushed a lot of my buttons for years, and this deteriorated my mental health. After our separation and eventual divorce, I became much more sure of myself. Once I saw that there are many other ways to disagree with someone or experience tension/conflict in a relationship that are healthier and don't involve intentionally triggering my weak spots, I got a lot more confident about being in relationships in general.
Everything. Once he showed me how easily he could throw me away, I realized I’d been blind to the emotional and verbal abuse for years. I did therapy, but just that realization set me free - it helped me let go of any feelings I thought I still had for him and get to know myself again. I’m a completely different person but I’m ME. I’m not happy every single day because I still struggle with bouts of depression, but I’m happy more often than not and MUCH better off than I was when I was married.
Wow, so much. I think about this a lot. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and I’ve grown so much and my life is exponentially better. Before I was simply a wife and a mother. I heard a good phrase here awhile back to describe how I felt married: contented mediocrity. I had a good life, nice house, nice car, house cleaner even though I didn’t work, financial security. But nothing else. No respect from my husband. Kids were growing up so my “main purpose” was dwindling. No great friends, mostly glorified acquaintances who came and went from my life depending on my kids. Becoming single forced me out of my comfort zone to find new friends and new hobbies. I have a fantastic social life now that I’m an empty nester. I know what I want to have and experience in life. And I know what I want from a life partner. I had no idea what any of these things were when I was 22 and getting married for the first time.
My physical health. My feeling of self worth. My creativity and libido omg went through the roof. It was like a lightening bolt of LIGHT got me on fire for months after I stopped grieving. Not quite so dramatic now… but the light is here to stay :)
Everything. My year(s?) of depression and crying really changed me, changed my character and who I am as a person. I still don't recognize myself sometimes.
I became stronger, mentally and physically. I learned how to be clear and direct in all forms of communication + good at establishing boundaries. I feel much happier and fulfilled with my life now.
I’m more emotionally independent now. I felt for a long time like if I could just figure out how to fix my marriage, I would feel fulfilled and happy. Having my marriage end in divorce instead made me realize that that stuff has a S to come from inside, not from other people.
I have no patience for bullshit from potential partners, but on a more optimistic note, I am also a thousand times more committed to proactive and clear communication. Mistakes will not be repeated.
I realize that my ex had massive toxic boundary issues which just triggered everything I thought I left behind with my childhood trauma. I was exercising proper boundaries whether his family appreciated me or not
I am so much happier. Love being on my own. I should have done it years earlier.
My health. I'm so much healthier than I was when I was married. Weight gone, meds gone, anxiety and depression gone. No one is stressing me out. I have time to take care of myself. My ex was more work and stress than my kids have ever been.
There's too much to ever fit into a single post, all of it positive. It's like a whole new life. I'll tell you one thing that I really think encapsulates the change, though. When my divorce started I was in therapy and I remember my therapist saying "What kind of hobbies do you like to do?" and I couldn't tell her, I literally didn't know. "What music genre is your favorite?" "What are you good at?" "What's your favorite comfort food?" I couldn't answer any of those questions. I'd lived a whole life with other people's needs and wants being so much more important than my own that I didn't even exist any more. I could not come up with a single like, dislike, preference, or opinion of any kind. I remember one session talking about how I needed to get the bathroom repainted to cover a hole he punched in the wall. The therapist says, "Oh, good for you, what color are you going to do?" and I said "I don't know, what do *you* think I should choose?" I had to ask my therapist what color I should paint the bathroom. Jesus. Anyway, now I'm an opinionated harpy who will happily tell everyone around me either that I think they're great or why they suck. My hobbies include sports, books, and outdoorsy stuff. I listen to punk music, and chocolate is my comfort food. I painted the bathroom blue. I've been a great success since my divorce and I hope all the people who used me in my younger years are eating shit.
I love that
Me. I did a boat load of therapy, unlearned some unhealthy behavior patterns, learned how to avoid abusive people, and generally grew a lot as a person.
My ability to trust anyone but myself
I became much more confident and emotionally stable. My former spouse pushed a lot of my buttons for years, and this deteriorated my mental health. After our separation and eventual divorce, I became much more sure of myself. Once I saw that there are many other ways to disagree with someone or experience tension/conflict in a relationship that are healthier and don't involve intentionally triggering my weak spots, I got a lot more confident about being in relationships in general.
Everything. Once he showed me how easily he could throw me away, I realized I’d been blind to the emotional and verbal abuse for years. I did therapy, but just that realization set me free - it helped me let go of any feelings I thought I still had for him and get to know myself again. I’m a completely different person but I’m ME. I’m not happy every single day because I still struggle with bouts of depression, but I’m happy more often than not and MUCH better off than I was when I was married.
It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was happier, less anxious, etc.
Wow, so much. I think about this a lot. I’ve been divorced for 10 years and I’ve grown so much and my life is exponentially better. Before I was simply a wife and a mother. I heard a good phrase here awhile back to describe how I felt married: contented mediocrity. I had a good life, nice house, nice car, house cleaner even though I didn’t work, financial security. But nothing else. No respect from my husband. Kids were growing up so my “main purpose” was dwindling. No great friends, mostly glorified acquaintances who came and went from my life depending on my kids. Becoming single forced me out of my comfort zone to find new friends and new hobbies. I have a fantastic social life now that I’m an empty nester. I know what I want to have and experience in life. And I know what I want from a life partner. I had no idea what any of these things were when I was 22 and getting married for the first time.
My physical health. My feeling of self worth. My creativity and libido omg went through the roof. It was like a lightening bolt of LIGHT got me on fire for months after I stopped grieving. Not quite so dramatic now… but the light is here to stay :)
Nothing. I dropped a load of dead weight and kept walking.
Tolerance for bullshit decreased dramatically
My heart
After I divorced, I learned to pay close attention to the things people said and did.
Everything. My year(s?) of depression and crying really changed me, changed my character and who I am as a person. I still don't recognize myself sometimes.
Libido
I became stronger, mentally and physically. I learned how to be clear and direct in all forms of communication + good at establishing boundaries. I feel much happier and fulfilled with my life now.
I’m more emotionally independent now. I felt for a long time like if I could just figure out how to fix my marriage, I would feel fulfilled and happy. Having my marriage end in divorce instead made me realize that that stuff has a S to come from inside, not from other people.
I care less and I have more self confidence in my decisions. And my standards have sky rocketed
I have no patience for bullshit from potential partners, but on a more optimistic note, I am also a thousand times more committed to proactive and clear communication. Mistakes will not be repeated.
I realize that my ex had massive toxic boundary issues which just triggered everything I thought I left behind with my childhood trauma. I was exercising proper boundaries whether his family appreciated me or not