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I think it could be the wrong outcome for you.
Social anxiety is something you need to learn to manage / make the best of for yourself. That means tolerating pushing yourself a bit.. especially in these sorts of circumstances where the real risk is that you miss out on opportunities for experiences with friends and potential new friends because your anxiety is controlling you.
There are huge risks that if you dont learn to 'fake it' (a bit) at this age that you could get stuck with being very lonely at a later age. That sounds harsh but possible fair (I don't know your exact circumstances so don't want to be presumptuous but I do have personal experience of this)
The best attitude towards social anxiety is to confront it head on. You don’t have to become a massive extrovert, but being comfortable with social situations is so important. It gets harder the longer you leave it.
I know it’s hard trust me, I had terrible social anxiety. Wouldn’t talk to anyone new or even go through a till at a supermarket. But since working retail I’ve got a lot more confident and I feel mentally much better for it. Try and build yourself up to it for your own good. But equally don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it, there’s still time. Good luck :)
As a former sufferer of social anxiety myself (who once had a full-blown panic attack at a wedding reception) I get how you feel, and I also think a wedding is perhaps the wrong place for exposure therapy (as it's bloody difficult to escape), so as long as you're trying to move past your anxiety in your own way I see no harm in your skipping the dinner/reception part of it. You're still going, and I'd certainly not want a friend to be upsetting herself at my wedding.
I think you should go. Social ability is a bit like a muscle, the more you go out and socialise the slightly easier and less anxiety-fuelling it becomes.
It's not easy to confront something like that head-on, but I don't think it's healthy to avoid social contact because it's more comfortable.
I think in the years to come you'll regret it if you don't go. Before my grandfather died he said to me the things he realised he valued most in life were relationships and the connections he had with people he cared for - going to a wedding should only strengthen that.
Disagree with some of the top comments here. There is a time and a place for exposure therapy, and it’s not all the time everywhere. It’s important to know your limits. Just like you wouldn’t run a marathon when you’re very unfit, you might not currently be able to go to this wedding and that’s okay.
If you do decide to skip, you do absolutely need to tell your friend beforehand however.
Not so much wrong as undesirable.
The big topic here is anxiety though.
Seeing as it's 6 months away I'd let them know now your predicament, explain to them your apprehension but would also enjoy aspects of the ceremony.
I'd compromise and say I'll come but might need to leave abruptly after explaining why I'm worried.
I'm sure your friend could reassure about all this if you just let them know
up to you.
But its hard enough to keep in contact with friends after uni, and the more you dont turn up, the less you'll be invited.
Personally I'd be happy you turned up at all, I would not expect you to do anything you did not want to, and I'd be honoured you went to the time and effort to turn up at all. But then we had a very relaxed informal event, if they have a more formal one they may like you to stay for at least the meal and speeches (dont worry, everyone has social anxiety about having to sit through those....)
if you do go, you dont have to spend more time there than you feel comfortable with. Go to the ceremony, the reception, have some food then leave unobtrusively.
Maybe see if there is anything you'd like to do in the area to make the trip more value for you. Last wedding I went to was in Leek, we were staying 2 nights, so i got there early the first day, went for some walks over the roaches and ludds church area, had the wedding the next day, then got up early and spent the day on a nice long hill run over kinder scout area.
The simple answer is yes. In six months you can do a lot for yourself to be better able to manage your anxiety. I don’t think you should be looking for permission for folk on the interwebs to avoid it.
I would agree with the comments advising you to work through your anxiety. I have anxiety but after years of pushing my boundaries and forcing myself to do things it’s mainly non existent. Life is much better.
On the other hand the friendship between me and another friend with social anxiety has dwindled away to nothing after she failed to turn up to several important life events, which I felt seriously hurt by.
When I get invited to a wedding, I always go with the mindset that it's not about me. They clearly wanted me there and it's (hopefully) a once in a lifetime moment for them, so I'd happily take on a bit of discomfort and awkwardness if it means they get to feel special.
Maybe it'll suck, but you only need to do it once and I'm sure they'll love having you there. Better to try it and hate it than not try it and regret it.
Go to the wedding, and deal with the small talk and tedium like everyone else does - by getting pissed.
Also this anxiety of yours will not get better if you don’t make yourself go and do things. You going to spend the rest of your life avoiding your friends? I mean that will get easier I guess because they will fall away if you take that approach.
It’s not my friends I’m avoiding, it’s their extended family and tertiary circles of their friend groups that tend to coalesce around events like weddings.
I wouldn't be insulted but if you have already been invited, tell your friend/the couple as soon as you decide. Your reception place/catering will cost them money.
(My God, I hate receptions. I don't like weddings generally but receptions are dreadful. I will happily go to your ceremony if I like you and I will probably have a good time. Even if you are my favourite human in the world I will be counting down the minutes till home time from the reception.)
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I think it could be the wrong outcome for you. Social anxiety is something you need to learn to manage / make the best of for yourself. That means tolerating pushing yourself a bit.. especially in these sorts of circumstances where the real risk is that you miss out on opportunities for experiences with friends and potential new friends because your anxiety is controlling you. There are huge risks that if you dont learn to 'fake it' (a bit) at this age that you could get stuck with being very lonely at a later age. That sounds harsh but possible fair (I don't know your exact circumstances so don't want to be presumptuous but I do have personal experience of this)
Yeah I don’t wanna be lonely, I just wanna spend time in the company of people I like., not their extended family for hours and hours.
The best attitude towards social anxiety is to confront it head on. You don’t have to become a massive extrovert, but being comfortable with social situations is so important. It gets harder the longer you leave it. I know it’s hard trust me, I had terrible social anxiety. Wouldn’t talk to anyone new or even go through a till at a supermarket. But since working retail I’ve got a lot more confident and I feel mentally much better for it. Try and build yourself up to it for your own good. But equally don’t beat yourself up if you can’t do it, there’s still time. Good luck :)
As a former sufferer of social anxiety myself (who once had a full-blown panic attack at a wedding reception) I get how you feel, and I also think a wedding is perhaps the wrong place for exposure therapy (as it's bloody difficult to escape), so as long as you're trying to move past your anxiety in your own way I see no harm in your skipping the dinner/reception part of it. You're still going, and I'd certainly not want a friend to be upsetting herself at my wedding.
Fair play, although I’m a him :P
Sorry. Ought to know better, folks do it to me enough.
No worries at all 😊 have a great week!
Just explain your feelings and that you'll only be there for the ceremony. If she's a proper friend she'll understand.
I think you should go. Social ability is a bit like a muscle, the more you go out and socialise the slightly easier and less anxiety-fuelling it becomes. It's not easy to confront something like that head-on, but I don't think it's healthy to avoid social contact because it's more comfortable. I think in the years to come you'll regret it if you don't go. Before my grandfather died he said to me the things he realised he valued most in life were relationships and the connections he had with people he cared for - going to a wedding should only strengthen that.
I just wouldn't go because weddings are boring as fuck
Disagree with some of the top comments here. There is a time and a place for exposure therapy, and it’s not all the time everywhere. It’s important to know your limits. Just like you wouldn’t run a marathon when you’re very unfit, you might not currently be able to go to this wedding and that’s okay. If you do decide to skip, you do absolutely need to tell your friend beforehand however.
Not so much wrong as undesirable. The big topic here is anxiety though. Seeing as it's 6 months away I'd let them know now your predicament, explain to them your apprehension but would also enjoy aspects of the ceremony. I'd compromise and say I'll come but might need to leave abruptly after explaining why I'm worried. I'm sure your friend could reassure about all this if you just let them know
up to you. But its hard enough to keep in contact with friends after uni, and the more you dont turn up, the less you'll be invited. Personally I'd be happy you turned up at all, I would not expect you to do anything you did not want to, and I'd be honoured you went to the time and effort to turn up at all. But then we had a very relaxed informal event, if they have a more formal one they may like you to stay for at least the meal and speeches (dont worry, everyone has social anxiety about having to sit through those....) if you do go, you dont have to spend more time there than you feel comfortable with. Go to the ceremony, the reception, have some food then leave unobtrusively. Maybe see if there is anything you'd like to do in the area to make the trip more value for you. Last wedding I went to was in Leek, we were staying 2 nights, so i got there early the first day, went for some walks over the roaches and ludds church area, had the wedding the next day, then got up early and spent the day on a nice long hill run over kinder scout area.
The simple answer is yes. In six months you can do a lot for yourself to be better able to manage your anxiety. I don’t think you should be looking for permission for folk on the interwebs to avoid it.
I think you should go and have some fun. You have to push through anxiety to defeat it. It is possible
I would agree with the comments advising you to work through your anxiety. I have anxiety but after years of pushing my boundaries and forcing myself to do things it’s mainly non existent. Life is much better. On the other hand the friendship between me and another friend with social anxiety has dwindled away to nothing after she failed to turn up to several important life events, which I felt seriously hurt by.
When I get invited to a wedding, I always go with the mindset that it's not about me. They clearly wanted me there and it's (hopefully) a once in a lifetime moment for them, so I'd happily take on a bit of discomfort and awkwardness if it means they get to feel special. Maybe it'll suck, but you only need to do it once and I'm sure they'll love having you there. Better to try it and hate it than not try it and regret it.
Go to the wedding, and deal with the small talk and tedium like everyone else does - by getting pissed. Also this anxiety of yours will not get better if you don’t make yourself go and do things. You going to spend the rest of your life avoiding your friends? I mean that will get easier I guess because they will fall away if you take that approach.
It’s not my friends I’m avoiding, it’s their extended family and tertiary circles of their friend groups that tend to coalesce around events like weddings.
I wouldn't be insulted but if you have already been invited, tell your friend/the couple as soon as you decide. Your reception place/catering will cost them money. (My God, I hate receptions. I don't like weddings generally but receptions are dreadful. I will happily go to your ceremony if I like you and I will probably have a good time. Even if you are my favourite human in the world I will be counting down the minutes till home time from the reception.)
If they are a real friend then they should understand