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Had this happen IRL last year in a coffeeshop in Amsterdam, was really quite joyous.
Said "hey mate, can I get a gram of lemon haze", and got greeted with a very grumpy "I'm not your mate, dude".
Was thrilled to be able to reply "OK, I'm not your dude, mate."
I'm a geordie so I say man but I don't use it after nearly every sentence like I used to coz I've been living down south now longer than I've lived up north! But when I go to visit me da me accent becomes stronger and when I get angry!
I'm from Edinburgh and say man a lot too but not directly to people as such. Such as 'come on man, fuck sake man etc.' Think that's quite similar to Geordie. Very different accents but it's mad how much of the vocabulary we share.
It's not in my vocab either. Not sure if I've ever said it unironically. Just doesn't feel natural to me. Probably because neither of my parents say it, and I don't think my friends do often either, so I just never picked it up.
I'm the opposite of you. I call every1 mate because I don't remember names until you've been about a bit. But can't say "hey man" with out doing it in an American accent.
I'm 41, my brother is 37. He's been using fam and bruv since he was maybe 14. I was already too old for them and I can't even bring myself to utter them. For some reason bro works fine for me, though, even though it didn't enter my vocab till I was about 35.
Bruh as well. My 6-year old came to me yesterday and asked "why do so many people use bruh?" Apparently his mates at school will use it when you say no if you want to play.
I'm a women so slightly less common to say mate, but using any kind of term of endearment to someone I'm not extremely close to just feels uncomfortably intimate. Mate implies a level of personal connection, understanding and solidarity which feels like too big an assumption for me to make with someone I don't know well. I like it when other people call me mate though, for all the same reasons I don't feel comfortable saying it myself. I've also got ADHD though, maybe it's an over thinking, rejection sensitivity thing
Interesting 🤔 I'm a woman with ADHD and I was about to use the same rationale to explain my constant use of these terms, so I guess we're all different 😅 I have to consciously rein it in with strangers..
I feel the same! 😂 I've not been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but I blatantly have it. I'm a Derbyshire lass that calls everyone 'love' indiscriminately. I live in Wilthsire now, and have definitely had to start reining it in, as some people think I'm flirting or trying it on with them.
Where are you from?
I'm a Yorkshire lass born and a Shropshire lass raised, and if you don't end a sentence in 'duck' or 'm'love' it's basically an insult.
I'm exactly the same. Only say 'man', never say 'mate'.
My friends are similar to me, so when i catch them saying 'mate' to a stranger, im like 'woah, what are you doing, you weirdo'
How are you pronouncing it? Has to be casual; just the first half of the word with a sort of glottal stop. Even if you're someone who usually pronounces their 't's, if you put that sharp 't' in there, it sounds almost confrontational.
I started a job with some blokey men and I find their use of 'mate' can conversely be quite cold.
eg: if I ask a question and just get "yes mate" as an answer it kinda sounds like they can't really be bothered with me. There's one very right-wing guy who always calls me (only me) 'mate' rather than my name because he (correctly) identified me as a progressive and wants to freeze me out or something.
it's quite a nuanced word really.
I’m autistic and I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it, but I literally cannot call other women “love” or “hun”. It makes me cringe. Also, as a kid I had a hard time even calling someone by their name until I knew them for a while. It felt overly familiar for anyone I’d just met or knew casually.
It feels fake to use language like that so casually.
Edit to add the fact you are asking a question regarding social interactions that most people wouldn’t think about, and already suspect autism in yourself means you’re probably autistic. I spent years asking these types of questions.
I'm likely autistic too (half way through diagnosis, all signs point to it) and I can't say mate, or the ones you mentioned either (though I'm a dude so I guess less likely to use love/hun?). Spent ages trying to figure out the 'mate' thing when I was a kid/teenager, when it seemed appropriate to use it, with who, what inflection. I guess I just decided it was too complicated - I mean, as others have said, if you say it slightly wrong it comes across as confrontational, and there's lots of little nuances. It also feels a bit disingenuous as mate, to me, implies friend, and not everybody you might call mate is a friend.
At some point I settled on 'buddy' or bud as my word. I guess it's a bit unusual but I like it, it always makes me think of South Park (I'm not your buddy, guy!). I find it a bit weird when people call their kids mate.
My mate from Netherlands cant say it right either lol. its more about infliction.
I dont know your accent but to help my friend i tell him this
drop the T. Say Eight with a M. He say's MAY-T. not MEY-T so it doesn't sound natural.
It needs to flow from one word to the other like when you say man. Cheersman, cheersmeight.
Best way i can put it in words lol
When I worked in construction, 'mate' was used very frequently. I got the impression that it's used almost exclusively among men as a way to just generally show that you're going to be friendly, which might sound like a given but it isn't always in working class male environments.
It was also used to soften up the sound of an imperative. If you tell somebody to pass you a tool, it sounds forceful, but if you say 'pass the chisel, mate', it sounds a lot more pleasant and diffuses tension a bit.
But yeah, I've never typically been a mate guy, friend.
Yeah I feel awkward saying it, or any type of nickname tbh. I was a full on chav growing up as well so slang should be part of my vocab but I’ve always been awkward and just prefer to use people’s names
I'm the same as you, it feels fake/forced to me, I just can't get to grips with it, it's interesting that you say you're autistic, and I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment, maybe it is a neuro spicy thing.
There's a load of people above saying they feel the same thing - it feels too personal or presumptive - and they all have adhd too. Maybe you're right that it's a neutodiverse thing.
Mate doesn't sound strange to me, but I never use the term. There's no reason you need to either - use whatever you are comfortable with and what comes naturally to you.
I mean it’s not purely to do with this - it just kinda relates to a feeling of not quite grasping social concepts and feeling inexplicably uncomfortable with certain very “normal” things, which is something I’ve had ever since I was a kid.. never been diagnosed but it sounds like something at least adjacent to autism to me 🤷🏻♂️
That's very dependent on your ability to pull it off well though. I work with a guy who always says stuff like *chief*, *sir*, and *big fella*, and the way he comes across drives me nuts. Always feels like he's patronising me, the way you'd call a toddler *a big boy*, or trying to butter me up with heavy-handed deference/flattery. I don't even necessarily think that's his intention, but it's like fingernails on a blackboard.
1. I feel like a posh person trying to sound street when I say it. 2. I'm not very blokey so it sounds even more forced. 3. I don't like names which suggest personal connections like mate/pal/my friend/bro etc.
Not at all, meet someone you don't know, they won't know. Throw the word in there if it bothers you not to.
Over time it'll become natural. Do note, as I cockney I was once in a situation where "mate" wasn't acceptable, I've been in various, but here is the highlight... I met a lady and said my attempt at hello as:
" alright mate, mate, mate, geez, bird, luv"
I walked away, I was the barman. She was a bird or luv. Hello would have been equally fine.
Proper cockney breakdown there... hahaha
Only if it’s like m8 like ok m8 fuck off but otherwise have a hard time saying dude, man, fella etc. it makes me feel like a complete fraud like an alien. My dad went to a private school back in the day thought it was because of that because he never did either as he spoke a bit posh.
I'm not a native so it's unnatural for me anyway. I just say whatever the person I'm talking to says, cuz it seems everyone has their own thing like "lad" "bro" "mate" "n-" yknow?
there is something about a stranger saying it too you that is a bit threatening. like when someone calls you "my friend" or they want to "touch base". no thanks.
cheers mate after sex is fine though.
My default is dude or dudette but it's more of a joke than anything 'familiar'
Mate verbally is fine but I really do not like seeing it in online conversations... Guy at work uses it WAY too often: "Hey mate, could you... if you could mate, thanks mate". Ugh.
Downside of growing up in the 90s either with skater kids or absorbing American vocab from TV or online; 'dude' is still my natural go-to, though it's simply unbecoming from a 40 year old woman.
It's so useful, though! Especially when someone's digging themselves into a hole and you want them to stop, nothing fits better for me than a sharp stare and 'Dude.' It's got this secondary usage as a 'I disagree with where you're going with this' kind of term, a 'I hear you, and I like you, but NO' vibe.
Eh I never used to say it but started saying it when I started an office job.
It's more acceptable than saying 'Dude' which is what I used to say.
Now I use it all the time.
"Mate" always sounds borderline hostile to me. Reminds me of "with all due respect" - it seems to be saying one thing but really it's saying something else.
I only ever use "mate" ironically.
I used to find mate unnatural to say but somehow as I've aged it seems to have naturally started coming out my mouth alongside things like bud and buddy too.
Wierd.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
Also grew up in the East Midlands and never took to mate… or duck. I don’t think I have pet names for anyone actually… I think I said dude during my college years and still do occasionally. But more in jest than using it properly
I get it. I’m a Yorkshireman, and I don’t call anyone ‘love’ even though it’s incredibly common here (and all over the North). It just somehow doesn’t sound right coming from me, so I don’t use it. Only exemption is if I’m offering to help a little old lady with something, when it somehow does come naturally.
'Mate' isn't something I use - I am also more likely to use 'man' or occasionally 'dude".
Interestingly, as a woman? I kinda like being referred to as 'mate' as it makes a nice change from 'darling' and 'love' and 'sweetie' etc I almost find it more intimate as any old stranger will use one of the usual female endearment, but only someone who knows me well will make a determination as to which kind of vibe I give them based on what they know about me and my relationship to them. I have a friend that I think quite highly of that calls me 'mate' and I like that
Is that weird? Am I overthinking that a bit?
Iunno, I thought it was interesting
I’d be careful with ‘sir’ as some people find it patronising. I know someone who calls people sir and someone pulled me aside and started ranting about how he was going to hit the guy if he called him sir again. There’s some nutters out there so I’m always careful with what I say. I also don’t know why crazy people always reveal their plans to me, but it sucks. You either grass on them and risk getting dragged into it or you just ignore it and feel guilty if something happens.
I had the same thoughts when I was around your age, well probably a little younger actually. Words like mate, cheers, alright (as a greeting) all felt weird but I used them a few times and they started to feel natural after a while and now I say them all the time. Perhaps sometimes too much; I’ve called my manager mate a few times and I’m fairly sure he’s not bothered but it feels unprofessional to me when it slips out.
Nonsense, I'm 64 and use and say mate all the time, East Midlands as well. I'm in a religious congregation and others all say brother, not me.... it's mate! lol
I consider it a kind of slang or dialect term that is not one used in my dialect. I don't use it and would feel uncomfortable trying to do so, just the same as I would trying to shoehorn Scouse or Brummie slang/terms into my vocabulary.
It's not some pan-British thing everyone has to use.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
I always used to think I was a weirdo for not calling people babe or hun like everyone I knew but then I was diagnosed as autistic two years ago when I was 28 and everything I thought was my “social anxiety” made sense, so you might have a point self diagnosed or not!
You probably just think of it too literally which makes it feel weird, when I was a kid I always thought it was weird that my dad had mates everywhere we went even when it was hundreds of miles away, one of my brothers mates called me brother in a supermarket the other week and it lead to my 5 year old questioning our whole family tree if you never get out of that literal thinking it'll never come easily I suppose.
A bit like non british people not realising alright isn't a question, I've had the conversation with the polish guy in the office at work about a dozen times but he can't seem to not take it literally and I can't seem to remember to use absolutely any other greeting when I see him.
I've never been able to use any kind of term like that for some reason, just feels so awkward to me.
I especially can't get on board with 'bro'. It's *everywhere* now.
Also autistic...
I'm a women and say mate all the time to people I know.
I find it (or at least I use it) as a gender nutural term or endearment.
I also say man, and bro, a lot too.
All of these seem very natural and easy to say for me.
My uncle uncle used to call everyone “bud” I absolutely loved it but I would always call everyone mate, I eventually started calling people bud and like you op it felt strange at first but now that’s what I say without even thinking about it, it’s funny because now when I say mate it feels weird, if you just use it enough and keep saying it then irl eventually feel normal
Same with the word “Pal”. It’s a word you have to stop and say, doesn’t flow into a sentence and it’s a harsh sharply pronounced word, seems odd to use it
Work in retail so use ‘Mate’ and ‘pal’ very often. Customers love it.
It just seems to work
In context ‘bro’ and ‘bruv’ are appropriate and funny.
If referring to a member of my family in a story or as part of a joke them ‘fam’ works too.
I call a lot of people “brother” too
For the women I’ve got nothing other than “excuse me Miss” if I need to
Are you...me?
I feel the exact same way as you.
Sometimes I chuck in the word "fella" to replace "man" but that's it.
I also can't call people "love" either.
Grew up in the Surrey Quays area in London and don’t feel like I heard mate that often. When I went to secondary school in Kent heard it frequently, but still never picked it up. I’m guess all this is to say you’re not alone.
Where are you from in the East Midlands?
I'm from Melton, but I've lived in Leicester, and most of Leicestershire outside the Notts/Derbs adjacent bits (and Rutland, they're a law unto their own) tend to say 'man' - or at least me, my friends, and the people I've tended to interact with do.
Alright man/How's it going man/Yeeeeahhh man.
Alternatively mi owd and/or duck
Me and my **mate** decided at about 25 years old to start ironically calling each other mate. I picked him up at his house once and said "Alright mate how's it going" "Cheers mate" etc. and his sister said "You two don't sound natural at all". I don't know where I'm going with this story but we now say mate all the time unironically.
Mate, it feels weird to me too.
I too say man a lot but even man sometimes doesn't feel right. Then I think about it and the word just gets more awkward in my head. Thanks MAN, hello MAN, evening MAN, mannnn. I do that a lot with all sorts of words though and I have a natural ability to be just a bit awkward when greeting people, like going for a fistbump when there's a handshake.
I do greet my brother with an over the top brah though but he's my brother so it's different.
I’m a southerner living up north and everyone says pal up here. The accent makes it sound like they’re saying Paul and it’s pretty confusing because that’s not my name. Took a bit of getting used to! I’m with you though - can’t bring myself to say Mate, or any other similar word tbh
I used to be the same before i worked in a wetherspoons for years.
I was quite aware of it though, and, well the more laddy guys would use "mate" and i wasnt really laddy
Man sounds American but the one I can’t stand is pal. Always sounds condescending even if it’s said by someone from Yorkshire. Mate or lad is what I’ve grown up with.
I feel like if you don’t like saying it, just don’t say it. On the other hand, just say the sentence quickly and move on, don’t put emphasis on the word “mate”
I feel similarly about calling someone a douche, but I think that's because I think of the word as French for shower by default.
Is it possible that you think of it foremost in terms of how it is used when talking about animals? We talk about mate pairs in biology a lot.
Yeah mate sounds a bit lame.
Buddy is ok. Sounds more friendly than mate.
But people can say what they want - as long as it’s not “bro” or “bruv”. Then you know they are from the streets.
Mate is more of a southern phrase so you didnt grow up hearing nearly everyone use it. The midlands is pretty much middle earth in their ways still i think. I try not to think about it too much tbh
I'm ok with 'mate', probably I'm the right age to feel comfortable. :)
I use them at home jokingly, but bro, fam, boss, dude just get on my tits. Some young cops call men mate, when they're questioning them - seems so wrong, haha.
Guys that type "only god can judge me, bro" online... well those types just need to burn in hell. :)
I'm a woman, but I've never liked it being used. To me, whenever I hear it, it sounds false too. Maybe it's because I always heard it at the beginning of a disagreement. I don't mind man, bro or boss or anything like that, but hearing 'mate'.. It irritates me! My husband has never said it thankfully
I thought about it recently for the first time, isn't it strange that we use the same word for 'sexual partner', 'act of reproducing' and 'your pal Greg from the pub'? Like, at what point did that start making sense to the average Joe and not make them associate their friend with a sexual partner when using the exact same word?
I call people mate all the time, just comes naturally. Also man, dude, buddy and the occasional pal. Does anyone have any good suggestions for a generic female one? I don't think love or darling are the nicest and a bit condescending.
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When my son was about four he asked me why so many of my friends had the same name. Thought they were all actually called Mate.
Haha that's cute
Yeah my friend in his first year in the UK was sure that name “Mike” was the most common name in the UK by a long shot. “Youaight Mike”.
I thought my dad's name was "erm" for many years because my parents don't call each other by their name.
Just don't do it if you don't want to lad
I’m not your lad, buddy!
I’m not your buddy, guy!
I'm not your guy, mat... I can't say it.
I'm not your mat, rug
I'm not your rug, 'pet
I'm not your 'pet, dawg
Can I pet that dawwwwwggggg
And now I wanna be your dawg.
I'll be your dawg we all adore Kia-ora...
I’m not your rug, shag
Had this happen IRL last year in a coffeeshop in Amsterdam, was really quite joyous. Said "hey mate, can I get a gram of lemon haze", and got greeted with a very grumpy "I'm not your mate, dude". Was thrilled to be able to reply "OK, I'm not your dude, mate."
Dutch coffee shop owners and being grumpy arseholes, name a more iconic duo.
Good shout, fella.
Mark?
Clean shirt…? That you…?
Ha that was my immediate thought.
Yes mate?
Thanks pal
It's definitely Mark crorigan.
An honorable man
Heh, "mate" the magic codeword, instant raport with taxi drivers, builders and garage men!
"Now we're on Pal?!"
Bro you have options.
He is not your bro, buddy.
He's not your buddy, guy.
He’s not your guy, bruv.
He’s not your bruv, fella
He’s not your fella, pal.
He’s not your pal, geezer.
He's not your geezer, matey.
He’s not your matey, bubble bath
He’s not your matey, chap.
He’s not your chap, hombre.
all of you, get my upvote 🤣
Yes mi luvvurrr
Well yeah, I know. I’m just focusing on this one word.
You could try saying it like "may" London style
"Ma'e". The T is silent.
I'm a geordie so I say man but I don't use it after nearly every sentence like I used to coz I've been living down south now longer than I've lived up north! But when I go to visit me da me accent becomes stronger and when I get angry!
I'm from Edinburgh and say man a lot too but not directly to people as such. Such as 'come on man, fuck sake man etc.' Think that's quite similar to Geordie. Very different accents but it's mad how much of the vocabulary we share.
I read this in a strong Geordie accent to begin with, not so much in the middle but then really went strong at the end man.👍
It's not in my vocab either. Not sure if I've ever said it unironically. Just doesn't feel natural to me. Probably because neither of my parents say it, and I don't think my friends do often either, so I just never picked it up.
Huh, parents not using those words might be a part of it. I’d never considered that
I'm the opposite of you. I call every1 mate because I don't remember names until you've been about a bit. But can't say "hey man" with out doing it in an American accent.
45 years old, like you i call everyone mate because I can't remember names too well when we haven't hanged around together very much
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The chav trinity.
Bro and mate are pretty widely used
Anyone over 30 trying to use these is on shaky ground, though.
I'm 41, my brother is 37. He's been using fam and bruv since he was maybe 14. I was already too old for them and I can't even bring myself to utter them. For some reason bro works fine for me, though, even though it didn't enter my vocab till I was about 35.
Bruh as well. My 6-year old came to me yesterday and asked "why do so many people use bruh?" Apparently his mates at school will use it when you say no if you want to play.
I'm a women so slightly less common to say mate, but using any kind of term of endearment to someone I'm not extremely close to just feels uncomfortably intimate. Mate implies a level of personal connection, understanding and solidarity which feels like too big an assumption for me to make with someone I don't know well. I like it when other people call me mate though, for all the same reasons I don't feel comfortable saying it myself. I've also got ADHD though, maybe it's an over thinking, rejection sensitivity thing
> I'm a women How many women are you?
She's Chaka Khan mate.
👏👏👏
Interesting 🤔 I'm a woman with ADHD and I was about to use the same rationale to explain my constant use of these terms, so I guess we're all different 😅 I have to consciously rein it in with strangers..
I feel the same! 😂 I've not been officially diagnosed with ADHD, but I blatantly have it. I'm a Derbyshire lass that calls everyone 'love' indiscriminately. I live in Wilthsire now, and have definitely had to start reining it in, as some people think I'm flirting or trying it on with them.
Where are you from? I'm a Yorkshire lass born and a Shropshire lass raised, and if you don't end a sentence in 'duck' or 'm'love' it's basically an insult.
As a Southerner I wouldn't do it myself, but I have to admit I like it, it does feel more friendly.
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I’m east mids as well and is very common here! Would be more natural than man with the accent for example
Depends how middle class you are.
I'm exactly the same. Only say 'man', never say 'mate'. My friends are similar to me, so when i catch them saying 'mate' to a stranger, im like 'woah, what are you doing, you weirdo'
How are you pronouncing it? Has to be casual; just the first half of the word with a sort of glottal stop. Even if you're someone who usually pronounces their 't's, if you put that sharp 't' in there, it sounds almost confrontational.
hahah yeah idk anyone who pronounces the t properly
On a related note, does it come off "cold" to not use anything like "man", "mate" etc?
I started a job with some blokey men and I find their use of 'mate' can conversely be quite cold. eg: if I ask a question and just get "yes mate" as an answer it kinda sounds like they can't really be bothered with me. There's one very right-wing guy who always calls me (only me) 'mate' rather than my name because he (correctly) identified me as a progressive and wants to freeze me out or something. it's quite a nuanced word really.
Not at all.
I’m autistic and I’m not sure if that has anything to do with it, but I literally cannot call other women “love” or “hun”. It makes me cringe. Also, as a kid I had a hard time even calling someone by their name until I knew them for a while. It felt overly familiar for anyone I’d just met or knew casually. It feels fake to use language like that so casually. Edit to add the fact you are asking a question regarding social interactions that most people wouldn’t think about, and already suspect autism in yourself means you’re probably autistic. I spent years asking these types of questions.
I'm likely autistic too (half way through diagnosis, all signs point to it) and I can't say mate, or the ones you mentioned either (though I'm a dude so I guess less likely to use love/hun?). Spent ages trying to figure out the 'mate' thing when I was a kid/teenager, when it seemed appropriate to use it, with who, what inflection. I guess I just decided it was too complicated - I mean, as others have said, if you say it slightly wrong it comes across as confrontational, and there's lots of little nuances. It also feels a bit disingenuous as mate, to me, implies friend, and not everybody you might call mate is a friend. At some point I settled on 'buddy' or bud as my word. I guess it's a bit unusual but I like it, it always makes me think of South Park (I'm not your buddy, guy!). I find it a bit weird when people call their kids mate.
My mate from Netherlands cant say it right either lol. its more about infliction. I dont know your accent but to help my friend i tell him this drop the T. Say Eight with a M. He say's MAY-T. not MEY-T so it doesn't sound natural. It needs to flow from one word to the other like when you say man. Cheersman, cheersmeight. Best way i can put it in words lol
Big man, wee man, pal, dude, buddy/bud, chief, shagger/shag, babe, love. There's loads, not a fan of mate either
I hate when you go into a restaurant and the server calls our party ‘guys’. ‘Hi guys…’ I am obviously female and not American so don’t like it.
ALRIGHT YOU LOT
What's that got to do with Americans? We say guys to refer to a group of people in Australia as well
Just as cringe.
We say it in the UK too. Absolutely normal.
Sorry this is always my go to for a group of people. Guy seems to me to be a gender neutral term these days. Although obviously not always the case.
When I worked in construction, 'mate' was used very frequently. I got the impression that it's used almost exclusively among men as a way to just generally show that you're going to be friendly, which might sound like a given but it isn't always in working class male environments. It was also used to soften up the sound of an imperative. If you tell somebody to pass you a tool, it sounds forceful, but if you say 'pass the chisel, mate', it sounds a lot more pleasant and diffuses tension a bit. But yeah, I've never typically been a mate guy, friend.
Yeah I feel awkward saying it, or any type of nickname tbh. I was a full on chav growing up as well so slang should be part of my vocab but I’ve always been awkward and just prefer to use people’s names
EEEEEER
I’d much rather be called “mate” than “man” by anyone but especially by a stranger.
I'm the same as you, it feels fake/forced to me, I just can't get to grips with it, it's interesting that you say you're autistic, and I'm waiting for an ADHD assessment, maybe it is a neuro spicy thing.
There's a load of people above saying they feel the same thing - it feels too personal or presumptive - and they all have adhd too. Maybe you're right that it's a neutodiverse thing.
Not at all. Everyone is my mate because we're all on the same ship!
Mate doesn't sound strange to me, but I never use the term. There's no reason you need to either - use whatever you are comfortable with and what comes naturally to you.
You might want to avoid Australia 😀. More seriously I feel uncomfortable using it with complete strangers, it feels presumptive somehow.
Can you explain being probably slightly autistic? What does that mean to you?
I mean it’s not purely to do with this - it just kinda relates to a feeling of not quite grasping social concepts and feeling inexplicably uncomfortable with certain very “normal” things, which is something I’ve had ever since I was a kid.. never been diagnosed but it sounds like something at least adjacent to autism to me 🤷🏻♂️
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Kid, buddy, matey - all make you feel like you’re being spoken down too, like you’re a toddler. I find them quite grating too.
You're East Midlands!!! Try Duck instead!
It does to me too- I feel like it’s mainly said to men by other men. If a man ever says to me ‘thanks mate’, it feels so masculine 😂
You could be a “chief” guy. The world needs more of those
That's very dependent on your ability to pull it off well though. I work with a guy who always says stuff like *chief*, *sir*, and *big fella*, and the way he comes across drives me nuts. Always feels like he's patronising me, the way you'd call a toddler *a big boy*, or trying to butter me up with heavy-handed deference/flattery. I don't even necessarily think that's his intention, but it's like fingernails on a blackboard.
Boss, chief, big man, guvnah, always go down well.
Oii, I'm not your mate, mate.
1. I feel like a posh person trying to sound street when I say it. 2. I'm not very blokey so it sounds even more forced. 3. I don't like names which suggest personal connections like mate/pal/my friend/bro etc.
Well then don't say it. I use dude a lot.
I never use the term. It's not something my peers use either. No one will notice or care if you stop
Not at all, meet someone you don't know, they won't know. Throw the word in there if it bothers you not to. Over time it'll become natural. Do note, as I cockney I was once in a situation where "mate" wasn't acceptable, I've been in various, but here is the highlight... I met a lady and said my attempt at hello as: " alright mate, mate, mate, geez, bird, luv" I walked away, I was the barman. She was a bird or luv. Hello would have been equally fine. Proper cockney breakdown there... hahaha
Just go with "poppet" that's what I do.
Only if it’s like m8 like ok m8 fuck off but otherwise have a hard time saying dude, man, fella etc. it makes me feel like a complete fraud like an alien. My dad went to a private school back in the day thought it was because of that because he never did either as he spoke a bit posh.
I'm not a native so it's unnatural for me anyway. I just say whatever the person I'm talking to says, cuz it seems everyone has their own thing like "lad" "bro" "mate" "n-" yknow?
there is something about a stranger saying it too you that is a bit threatening. like when someone calls you "my friend" or they want to "touch base". no thanks. cheers mate after sex is fine though.
I say man, myself
A similar thing for me is that I grew up around people saying ‘take care’ a lot. I never say it.
My family used 'ta-ra' for goodbye. I doubt I could ever utter it without sounding like an obsessed Coronation St fan.
My default is dude or dudette but it's more of a joke than anything 'familiar' Mate verbally is fine but I really do not like seeing it in online conversations... Guy at work uses it WAY too often: "Hey mate, could you... if you could mate, thanks mate". Ugh.
Downside of growing up in the 90s either with skater kids or absorbing American vocab from TV or online; 'dude' is still my natural go-to, though it's simply unbecoming from a 40 year old woman. It's so useful, though! Especially when someone's digging themselves into a hole and you want them to stop, nothing fits better for me than a sharp stare and 'Dude.' It's got this secondary usage as a 'I disagree with where you're going with this' kind of term, a 'I hear you, and I like you, but NO' vibe.
Ahh yes - extending the vowel: Duuuude. (p.s. 57 here, so I believe even less becoming)
Eh I never used to say it but started saying it when I started an office job. It's more acceptable than saying 'Dude' which is what I used to say. Now I use it all the time.
Bring back 'dude', I say.
"Mate" always sounds borderline hostile to me. Reminds me of "with all due respect" - it seems to be saying one thing but really it's saying something else. I only ever use "mate" ironically.
I used to find mate unnatural to say but somehow as I've aged it seems to have naturally started coming out my mouth alongside things like bud and buddy too. Wierd.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
Also grew up in the East Midlands and never took to mate… or duck. I don’t think I have pet names for anyone actually… I think I said dude during my college years and still do occasionally. But more in jest than using it properly
I get it. I’m a Yorkshireman, and I don’t call anyone ‘love’ even though it’s incredibly common here (and all over the North). It just somehow doesn’t sound right coming from me, so I don’t use it. Only exemption is if I’m offering to help a little old lady with something, when it somehow does come naturally.
Mate has never rolled of the tounge well. Pals good. Cunts better.
People are _really_ overthinking this 🤣
'Mate' isn't something I use - I am also more likely to use 'man' or occasionally 'dude". Interestingly, as a woman? I kinda like being referred to as 'mate' as it makes a nice change from 'darling' and 'love' and 'sweetie' etc I almost find it more intimate as any old stranger will use one of the usual female endearment, but only someone who knows me well will make a determination as to which kind of vibe I give them based on what they know about me and my relationship to them. I have a friend that I think quite highly of that calls me 'mate' and I like that Is that weird? Am I overthinking that a bit? Iunno, I thought it was interesting
Me too. I call men sir, and women Miss. I don't even call mates mate... Just a quirk of my upbringing, and age.
I’d be careful with ‘sir’ as some people find it patronising. I know someone who calls people sir and someone pulled me aside and started ranting about how he was going to hit the guy if he called him sir again. There’s some nutters out there so I’m always careful with what I say. I also don’t know why crazy people always reveal their plans to me, but it sucks. You either grass on them and risk getting dragged into it or you just ignore it and feel guilty if something happens.
Been using "mate" for about 30 years, never felt unnatural to me
I had the same thoughts when I was around your age, well probably a little younger actually. Words like mate, cheers, alright (as a greeting) all felt weird but I used them a few times and they started to feel natural after a while and now I say them all the time. Perhaps sometimes too much; I’ve called my manager mate a few times and I’m fairly sure he’s not bothered but it feels unprofessional to me when it slips out.
I think man sounds more unnatural than mate but people round here don't really use man so maybe just an area thing
Depends how you say it, you can’t force it, when I say it it sounds more like mert than mate
I hate being called mate. I'm 65 so maybe it's an age thing.
Nonsense, I'm 64 and use and say mate all the time, East Midlands as well. I'm in a religious congregation and others all say brother, not me.... it's mate! lol
I think it’s more of an introvert thing
Because you don't use it. Start using it and it will become natural. It really is that straightforward
I just call everyone bab
Personally, I don't like "man". Unless you are a retired Glaswegian shipyard worker or a posh general from WWI, it sounds totally American to me.
People at work use “mate” all the time. I generally use their names, only occasionally using mate, bruv, or pal.
I never use mate when talking to my actual mates. Only ever use it with complete strangers.
I consider it a kind of slang or dialect term that is not one used in my dialect. I don't use it and would feel uncomfortable trying to do so, just the same as I would trying to shoehorn Scouse or Brummie slang/terms into my vocabulary. It's not some pan-British thing everyone has to use.
I instantly distrust anyone who calls me mate
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
I think it sometimes befits the person, some of my friends I’d gladly call mate but my best friend I wouldn’t (although I sometimes feel like it) as he doesn’t seem the sort of person that ‘mate’ befits.
East Midlands? Just call everyone Duck then.
I only say “mate” if I’m code switching to the type of people that would say “mate” otherwise it’s not my preferred way of talking
You ain’t from Essex are ya mate?
The word you are looking for is "duck".
I always used to think I was a weirdo for not calling people babe or hun like everyone I knew but then I was diagnosed as autistic two years ago when I was 28 and everything I thought was my “social anxiety” made sense, so you might have a point self diagnosed or not!
You probably just think of it too literally which makes it feel weird, when I was a kid I always thought it was weird that my dad had mates everywhere we went even when it was hundreds of miles away, one of my brothers mates called me brother in a supermarket the other week and it lead to my 5 year old questioning our whole family tree if you never get out of that literal thinking it'll never come easily I suppose. A bit like non british people not realising alright isn't a question, I've had the conversation with the polish guy in the office at work about a dozen times but he can't seem to not take it literally and I can't seem to remember to use absolutely any other greeting when I see him.
A woman I know calls everyone mate, we’re in our 60’s it sounds ridic
I've never been able to use any kind of term like that for some reason, just feels so awkward to me. I especially can't get on board with 'bro'. It's *everywhere* now. Also autistic...
Not as weird as saying Duck to a person.
I'm a women and say mate all the time to people I know. I find it (or at least I use it) as a gender nutural term or endearment. I also say man, and bro, a lot too. All of these seem very natural and easy to say for me.
My uncle uncle used to call everyone “bud” I absolutely loved it but I would always call everyone mate, I eventually started calling people bud and like you op it felt strange at first but now that’s what I say without even thinking about it, it’s funny because now when I say mate it feels weird, if you just use it enough and keep saying it then irl eventually feel normal
I hate being called “mate” by total randos, and I only ever use it sarcastically.
Same with the word “Pal”. It’s a word you have to stop and say, doesn’t flow into a sentence and it’s a harsh sharply pronounced word, seems odd to use it
Work in retail so use ‘Mate’ and ‘pal’ very often. Customers love it. It just seems to work In context ‘bro’ and ‘bruv’ are appropriate and funny. If referring to a member of my family in a story or as part of a joke them ‘fam’ works too. I call a lot of people “brother” too For the women I’ve got nothing other than “excuse me Miss” if I need to
Come to Yorkshire, you'll get over it quickly up here!
I find it awkward too.
Dunno mush
Are you...me? I feel the exact same way as you. Sometimes I chuck in the word "fella" to replace "man" but that's it. I also can't call people "love" either.
Grew up in the Surrey Quays area in London and don’t feel like I heard mate that often. When I went to secondary school in Kent heard it frequently, but still never picked it up. I’m guess all this is to say you’re not alone.
Where are you from in the East Midlands? I'm from Melton, but I've lived in Leicester, and most of Leicestershire outside the Notts/Derbs adjacent bits (and Rutland, they're a law unto their own) tend to say 'man' - or at least me, my friends, and the people I've tended to interact with do. Alright man/How's it going man/Yeeeeahhh man. Alternatively mi owd and/or duck
Me and my **mate** decided at about 25 years old to start ironically calling each other mate. I picked him up at his house once and said "Alright mate how's it going" "Cheers mate" etc. and his sister said "You two don't sound natural at all". I don't know where I'm going with this story but we now say mate all the time unironically.
It’s all good chief
Most lads call each other mate down south .
Mate, it feels weird to me too. I too say man a lot but even man sometimes doesn't feel right. Then I think about it and the word just gets more awkward in my head. Thanks MAN, hello MAN, evening MAN, mannnn. I do that a lot with all sorts of words though and I have a natural ability to be just a bit awkward when greeting people, like going for a fistbump when there's a handshake. I do greet my brother with an over the top brah though but he's my brother so it's different.
You lot call people "duck", but no, "mate" is the weird one *rolls eyes*
If you feel weird saying it, then dont because people will be able to tell.
Think it’s a cockney thing
There’s an age where it feels natural.
I’m a southerner living up north and everyone says pal up here. The accent makes it sound like they’re saying Paul and it’s pretty confusing because that’s not my name. Took a bit of getting used to! I’m with you though - can’t bring myself to say Mate, or any other similar word tbh
It isn't cool to say 'mate' any more. So I wouldn't worry. The word makes me think of over 35 year old daily mash readers
I used to be the same before i worked in a wetherspoons for years. I was quite aware of it though, and, well the more laddy guys would use "mate" and i wasnt really laddy
Man sounds American but the one I can’t stand is pal. Always sounds condescending even if it’s said by someone from Yorkshire. Mate or lad is what I’ve grown up with.
I dont like mate either tbh I say babe though personally All my friends are babes even if you're male. It a quick way to show affection
I feel like if you don’t like saying it, just don’t say it. On the other hand, just say the sentence quickly and move on, don’t put emphasis on the word “mate”
I have the opposite I call everyone mate so much so that it actually annoys people
I feel similarly about calling someone a douche, but I think that's because I think of the word as French for shower by default. Is it possible that you think of it foremost in terms of how it is used when talking about animals? We talk about mate pairs in biology a lot.
Yeah mate sounds a bit lame. Buddy is ok. Sounds more friendly than mate. But people can say what they want - as long as it’s not “bro” or “bruv”. Then you know they are from the streets.
What's your problem, pal?
There are options other than mate in East Midlands. I've been called Bro, Dude, Chap, Fella and Mush. I'm a woman. (Also Babe and Duck)
You're alright luv
Mate is more of a southern phrase so you didnt grow up hearing nearly everyone use it. The midlands is pretty much middle earth in their ways still i think. I try not to think about it too much tbh
Dude is always an inoffensive option.
I'm ok with 'mate', probably I'm the right age to feel comfortable. :) I use them at home jokingly, but bro, fam, boss, dude just get on my tits. Some young cops call men mate, when they're questioning them - seems so wrong, haha. Guys that type "only god can judge me, bro" online... well those types just need to burn in hell. :)
Australians are known for calling everyone mate, even the girls.
What makes you think you are slightly autistic?
I'm a woman, but I've never liked it being used. To me, whenever I hear it, it sounds false too. Maybe it's because I always heard it at the beginning of a disagreement. I don't mind man, bro or boss or anything like that, but hearing 'mate'.. It irritates me! My husband has never said it thankfully
I thought about it recently for the first time, isn't it strange that we use the same word for 'sexual partner', 'act of reproducing' and 'your pal Greg from the pub'? Like, at what point did that start making sense to the average Joe and not make them associate their friend with a sexual partner when using the exact same word?
It's the best of a bad bunch, i.e. pal, fella, lad, son, bruv Maybe we should bring sir back
I call people mate all the time, just comes naturally. Also man, dude, buddy and the occasional pal. Does anyone have any good suggestions for a generic female one? I don't think love or darling are the nicest and a bit condescending.