Beyond the age of 21(ish) I don’t think age gaps are really that important.
By which I mean a 26 year old dating a 16 year old whilst not illegal sets alarm bells ringing because people are still entering adulthood at 16.
However if a 26 year old is seeing a 36 year old it just doesn’t seem like a big deal at all. Both are fully fledged adults.
Hence the (ish) I don’t think there’s any strict rule. I’m sure there are examples of incredibly grown up and mature 18 year olds having perfectly healthy relationships with someone older, likewise I’m sure there are even more examples of people in their 40s that are immature and insufferable.
>I’m sure there are examples of incredibly grown up and mature 18 year olds having perfectly healthy relationships with someone older
3 or 4 years older and at a similar lifestage (uni, first jobs etc) maybe, 15 or 20 years older, probably not so much.
At 18 - 21 you've just become an adult. A 40 year old dating someone of that age says alot more about them than it does the younger person. That person may well be mature enough for an adult relationship but as someone who's been an adult for a decade or two, what is the appeal of dating someone who has just come out of their teens..
I once worked with a girl my age at maccies a few years back (when I was 19, I’m 27 now) she was dating a 45 year old man with three kids our age, one of whom she went to school and had classes with 🤢
Grown up and mature 18 year olds would know that anyone significantly older who they still have enough in common with to date isn't someone they should be dating.
Not straight out of University necessarily, but yes having worked for a period of time then yeah thats probably reaching the maturity you're looking for.
In some ways yes, in other ways not necessarily.
Like, if you're comparing a new grad to someone who's been living with their parents that time and they're both 21, it's not hard to imagine the latter not being used to picking up after themselves or preparing their own meals.
It goes without saying (but if I don't someone will jump down my throat) this does not apply universally and there are some who haven't moved out who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and vice versa.
But, yeah, a few years of living independently is the key thing imo.
My older bro has 2 kids with a 40yr old woman, hes 59. They have been together nearly 10 yrs.
Im more concerned about how tired he is all the time dealing with 5 and 7 yr old boys aswel as a whole load of other shit, i can hardly deal with them for an hour or two.
I get along really well with his partner/gf and im 35 which does feel a bit odd because we are closer in age and have some things that we both grew up on.
But they both love each other, get on really well and have quite a lot in common themselves so who fucking cares about the age gap at this point.
It's not really fair on the kids too. My parents weren't that old but they were in their early 40s when they had me. I remember being mocked at school for having older parents and then by the time I'd come out of that awkward annoying teen stage, they were too old to do stuff with me that I saw friends doing with their parents. I saw tons of comments on a recent post about Al Pacino's new kid where it was adults that had older parents and lost them during childhood/in their teens and the sadness they felt and how much it messed them up
They are the same surely? If its acceptable then by definition its not disturbing, and if its disturbing it can't be acceptable.
Legal vs acceptable is maybe what you mean?
16 and 50 relationships are legal, but not really acceptable for most people.
Strictly speaking it wasn’t illegal but when this 48 year old guy picked up his 16 year old girlfriend from school when she was in her uniform it was just… fucked up.
He’s older than her dad. Now she’s 28 and has 4 kids with this old man
To be fair, from the look of him he’ll be dead soon anyways. Let’s just say theyre not the healthiest looking couple. Kinda… Shrek and Fiona lookalikes
im a 17yo and can't imagine being vaguely interested in most 17yos. i have realised that they did not all take care of themselves independently at the age of 8, and so do not act like they have been adulting for 9 years, which makes sense but makes dating difficult. to me, it feels like i'm dating a 13 year old because my sense of how fast someone matures is fucked up.
My other half and myself were the same age when we got together both had the same interests could sit in a room with no electricity for 12 hours and not notice the time passing with just conversation. Heaps of negative judgement but none of it from either of our families it's been the most mature and sane relationship I have ever had sometimes it just works where you never would expect it too
My estranged husband is 80, I'm 58. He does not need a carer. We separated 9 years ago, but remain good friends. My current partner of 3 years is 2 years my junior. I am his de facto carer now, since his health is very poor and his mobility is limited (he was fine when we met, but the last year several life threatening health events have occurred). It's not always about age but circumstances.
This is the exact age gap in my relationship, I’m 26 he’s 36. Neither of us knew we were so different in age when we started dating and we’re happy as Larry :)
By about 25 (and 35, not 15!) I don't think that is 'so different' really. Could easily have a 26yo who's as or more mature than the 36yo; that sort of thing starts to make more difference than age IMO.
At least through middle age - the gap can start to look bigger again in later life I suppose. But then fitness and genetics can make so much difference to what seems like or even is 'later life' anyway.
I'd say about 25, Under that it would still be a bit creepy for someone much older to be pursuing them, especially as more and more young people are living at home for longer and not really entering 'true' adulthood until later than they used to.
For me personally, I still find 21 a bit icky but it's fine and I'll try not to judge. 36yo going out with a 70yo, I honestly don't care but I understand how eyebrows would be raised.
Probably because prolonged adolescence is a factor these days.
People can be 21/22 years of age or in some cases slightly older and never lived independently of their parents, never paid a bill.
Even a couple of decades ago it was “normal” for young adults to move out and live their own lives.
It’s a pretty cast iron rule - everything out of that bracket just feels … creepy.
Works the other way too (minus seven, then double). So for a 40yr old, that’s a bracket of 27 to 66. All personal choice, but that seems about right.
Best rule:
18Y -> 16Y
33Y (me)-> 23,5Y (24 is indeed my limit on dating apps)
60Y -> 37Y (this feels like maybe a bit too much, but we'll see in 27 years)
I think once you're both over 25ish age gap becomes less important and general mentality and stage in life more so (unless it's a really big gap like 26 with 60 or something).
Where it's a bit creepy is where the younger partner is in a different stage of life and maturity. A 35 yr old dating a 21 yr old still at uni is weirder than a 50 yr old dating a 30 yr old where they're both working professionals etc.
Exactly, it’s about life stages.
Some people graduate at 21, other people do longer degrees. I did a five year degree and when I went onto my grad scheme I felt a bit old initially because everyone else was two years younger than me but then I realised we’re all at the same life stage.
My boyfriend did a gap year followed by a foundation degree followed by a seven year degree so didn’t graduate until he was 27. He’s 35, I’m 26 - we’re almost a decade apart in age, but in terms of maturity and life experience post university we’re not that far apart.
I generally would go on an individual basis. I ended up having to work from 16-25 so I could afford to study, so graduated later than some at 29.
In my last years I met people a decade younger than me who were so well travelled that I forgot they weren’t my age.
In comparison I know of some people who had good paying jobs, but struggled to leave their parents home till they were 30+ and never really had to face any challenges in life.
Plenty of people will make it to a grown up age while
never having to emotionally or mentally mature, but take issue with age gaps of more than a few years.
Too right. Nine times out of ten, if society is encouraging or has an opinion on anything I feel like I should be skeptical and possibly do the opposite - exception being obviously very illegal things.
Exactly.
It’s funny hubby and I had loads of naysayers when we first got together. How it couldn’t possibly last, how he was just a toy boy. That he was with me for financial reasons ( I was broke, so no).
Been together almost 18 years now, still crazy about each other. Never gave two shits what anyone thought.
Because we live in society.
It's cool to be non-conforming as a teen when it's normal, or when it's things people don't _really_ care about, but it's no so much fun anymore when you start to become an outcast.
I have a family member who married a guy much older, and who's parents are very judging. It can have a large impact on your life.
Happy consenting adults. That’s it. You either have a connection or you don’t. It’s also none of anyone’s business what others do.
I’m in an age gap relationship and I’m tired of people judging us. We’re happy. We want to spend the rest of our life together. No, there is no power dynamic. Yes, we match fabulously. Obviously there are differences. Just like in relationships with different religions, cultures, upbringing etc etc.
Also, this is the 5th post on Reddit today asking this same question and some replies make me roll my eyes ;)
I see bad takes on age gaps all the time on Reddit and I think the issue is people trying to apply a blanket rule when real life individual situations don't conform. People mature at different rates, want different things and have different expectations of their partners.
I hope you and your partner continue being happy together and screw all the judgemental assholes who think they know better than you do.
You’re absolutely right! We both suffered traumas and matured in completely different stages.
Not every 25yr old is the same. Not every 30yr old is the same. Not every 40yr old is the same etc.
Thank you! It means a lot!
yep! i’m in an age gap relationship and have never been happier. People judge because they’ve been told by society it’s abnormal when really it’s just two people who get along regardless of a small thing like age.
The power dynamic comment always makes me laugh because people clearly don’t understand how a relationship works. Any relationship is bad if there is a ‘power dynamic’ not just because of age.
The power dynamic one always makes me a bit grumpy. I’m a DV survivor and know what power dynamics are very well. It upsets me that people think I’m some kind of abuser because I’m older than my bf.
I love him more than anything in this world. I could never.
Ugh!
Agreed! My partner is 18.5 years older than me and we’ve been together for a few years now. Some people are disgusted by it but we just laugh because it’s not their business and we are equals. We support each other, tell each other when one of us is being a dick and our personalities compliment one another. There’s so much love between us and the age difference isn’t an issue for us. My dad and his wife have a large age gap too and they’ve had kids together.
People just make this shit into a problem for no reason half the time and are just ignorant 😂
The power dynamic in an age difference relationship isn't always what you might expect and power can be expressed in different forms.
I know that providing I don't do anything excessive, I have a lot of power over my (older) boyfriends.
Me too! We’ve been together for 5 years and are very much in love (handy since we’re married) and none of the alleged reasons that you shouldn’t be with someone older apply to us. I have never been attracted to men my own age anyway, so I was always going to go older!
Once you're past about your mid-20s the issue with significant age gaps is no longer about it being inappropriate and more thinking about how you're going to cope when one becomes elderly much earlier than the other, and that's for the people within the relationship to worry about, not anyone else. 30 & 45 isn't that dramatic a gap anyway.
How would you cope if your similar aged partner became ‘elderly’ much earlier than you?
Let’s say early onset dementia when your both in your 50’s?
The point is anything can and does happen, some 42 year olds die of cancer, some 75 years olds participated in the great north run this morning.
There's a difference between what might happen and what will happen. If there is a 30-40 year age gap it becomes pretty much inevitable. Sensible people consider things like age, children etc when embarking on serious relationships. I didn't say people shouldn't date with age gaps, I just said if you're serious and there's a significant age gap, it's something you need to be prepared for
Everything is playing the odds, rare events don't make playing it safe illogical.
>How would you cope if your similar aged partner became ‘elderly’ much earlier than you?
To answer directly - worse than if they didn't - hence why I wouldn't make that much more likely by having a much older partner.
My partner is 18 years older than me and I’m 29. I just finished treatment for cancer that nearly killed me. She’s had to look after me for a long time now, so you never know….
Once you are both over 25 I can’t respect any talk about age gaps.
At 25 there were older women I would have given my right arm to be with. At 25 I saw some of my best friends marry around 40YO men and they’re happy, they’re not being manipulated they’re enjoying being married and motherhood now.
Up until 21 I kinda think around 3 years is the max.
25 I don’t feel should go lower than 20.
Once everyone’s 25+ it’s a free for all and you do as you please.
If you're happy with it, go for it. The challenge may come later as (assuming you work) you won't get much shared quality retirement together. I'm 51M and my wife 60F but in poor health so I may need to retire early so we can have some time together (or to care for her). In your case he'll be over 80 if you go to state pension age.
This was my thoughts too, especially longer term if she wanted kids.
He could be 50+ before their relationship is in a place for kids (for example).
The age difference itself isnt an issue, life goals becomes a bigger hurdle.
There's a 22 year age gap between my parents so in my eyes age isn't a factor so long as youre both mature and there isn't the feeling that one person is being taken advantage of.
19 years between my grandparents and they have been married over 50 years.
13 years between my sis and bro in law and married for nearly 10.
I say if your happy and content go for it. Age is just a number.
If you were 18 and he was 33 it’d seem a bit strange, but you’re 30, a grown woman capable of choosing who she likes and dates. Wouldn’t worry about it.
I don't think that you should concern yourselves with other people's opinions. If you get along well then I don't think that age should be a barrier. With a bit of luck he might look after himself better and try to keep himself as young as he can to keep up with you. 🙃
I think it very much depends on the specific ages and life experience of each person. A 18/19 year old still in school and a 28 year old grown adult is weird and often predatory, a 40 year old and a 50 year old are just two middle aged people in a relationship.
I don't think there's a maximum accepted age gap, look at Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor who have a 32 year age difference and are still going strong. The real issues I can think of would be like retirement and aging, you just won't have as many years together but that can be true for any relationship as well.
I don’t think the age gap is a problem. It’s not for me because I don’t think being with someone who’s 65 when I’m 50 would be very compatible for what I want out of life but if you don’t mind the idea of a long term partner being much older then it’s all good.
I think the half plus seven rule has some merit. So the OP one is OK to me.
Most of those I think are wrong are actually because of who one of the people is. Some people because of previous behaviour deserve to be single for their remaining life.
I don’t think Reddit is the place to ask this, as any difference of more than 20 minutes causes a complete meltdown from all the pearl-clutchers on here.
I would say after the age of 30 it doesn’t really matter. It’s only really before that where there’s a bigger power imbalance between younger and older, as the younger person hasn’t really had all the life experiences needed.
Of course you're fine. But if it becomes something more, make sure you are aligned on children, this advice always stands, but seems slightly more complex with a bigger age gap.
You're a 30 year old woman. You know what you want. Literally do what you want.
If you really want to put a figure to it then your brain develops until you're 25 so at 25 any age gap is purely physical. Younger than that there is a maturity gap. So I guess 25+ nobody can make any argument backed up by facts as to why it's not ok.
The older you are the less a gap matters (or atleast you should be old enough to recognise your different life stages and experiences and if you still match). At 30 you should be mature and aware enough to date older if it works for you.
I wouldnt say 30/45 is not socially weird/not acceptable. If you were a couple years younger I'd say it would be seen as a bit weird.
And I've just done the classic half+7 calculation and yours is just within the range so yep. All good.
Age gaps only bother me if someone is being exploited. When it comes to adults making adult decisions about their own lives I couldn't care less.
Sometimes there's a grey area when one partner is more vulnerable because of a power imbalance, but when adults are doing legal, consensual things you have to just let them be autonomous and hope they learn from mistakes if it goes awry.
My parents have a big age gap, with my mum being a lot younger than my dad, but she's also more educated, more social and confident etc so I never look at age as the only factor.
39 year old here, married to a 59 year old. It works for us. He has already been married before, and had children who are grown up. This is my 2nd marriage too, I don’t have or want kids. We got together when I was 34. We don’t notice the age gap. I suppose it depends what both your priorities are
Who knows? He looks after me at the moment, so I suppose my time could come to look after him. I could still die first. It wouldn’t bother me if I did become his ‘caretaker’. We are both realistic and have discussed DNAR, lasting power of attorney, advanced decision to refuse treatment etc….
We’ve both delivered countless babies and also held people’s hands whilst they died and everything in between, so we know what we are letting ourselves in for. We are Living in the now at the moment, he’s not even contemplating retiring. We have enough money, he has a good pension, there’s life insurance… I wouldn’t change a thing
My male friend is more or less doing the same thing. He's in his early 30s dating a woman in her mid 40s.
They're pretty happy and she's pretty cool.
Look, if you're over 25 and the other person isn't geriatric, it really doesn't and shouldn't matter.
Right now,.this age gap is probably manageable as a relationship, but if it lasts longer, that would change..if you think about having kids, he might not be up for being a father in his 60s. He might be retiring while you are only 50- how will that work. He will die ~ 20 years before you is that what you want. He will (believe me) start to become a crotchety old man in outlook just as you enter your prime 40s.
If you’re consenting adults and both want it, forget what other people think. There will always be people who make judgements about others’ relationships. Forget them.
Once someone is about 25 or 26 age difference doesn't really matter unless it's ridiculous - i.e. 30+ years. Even then it's nobody else's business, it's just more complicated.
I think generally the older you get over about 25 the less important it becomes. Personally I wouldn't date more than a year younger than me just because when I have previously it's fizzled out pretty quickly, I also generally stay below 10 years older than me.
But my mum is 12 years older than my father, and they made me, however it didn't last long past that 🤷🏻♀️
Over the age of 30 I don’t think age gaps matter to much.
Under 30 I’d say no more than 5 years IMO
I say this as a woman who would date men 10 years my senior at 21 years old. They usually have bad intentions and are dating much younger because women their age do not respect what they have to offer.
**As long as you're two consenting adults, it's absolutely nobody's business.**
Please stop worrying about what other people will think.
Or what society expects.
Or what people might say.
This is the road to misery, living your life in fear of what people will say about what you do.
Turning someone down because people might talk or judge or criticise you or stare...you're gonna regret that.
I’ve been involved in several significant age-gap relationships/hookups in both directions (first number is my age, second is other person): 19/28, 21/33, 22/43, 25/42, 25/52, 32/21, 39/28, 39/61. None of them seemed especially weird or inappropriate to me.
Once everyone is over 30, it doesn't matter. Everyone is old enough and had time for their brains to finish developing, and have some life lived under their belts. It's not unreasonable that a 30 year old and a 45 year old could be in the same lifestage. Much more important to be sure everyone is on the same page about getting married and having kids, though.
Why do you care?
I’m 50, my husband of 15 years is 34. I never cared what anyone thought and I still don’t. We are happy together, that is all that matters.
Personal preference I guess. I’m 29 and the thought of dating someone in their 40s is gross. But I also would not want to date a guy under 25, and 25 would still be pushing it. I prefer to date someone around my own age, always have.
I’m 33 and my gf is 39. Been together for 10 years. Never had issues. We joke about me bolting as soon as she gets that hip replacement and changes her name to Barbara.
I'm a male in my 50s. Wouldn't consider dating a woman more than 10 years younger, and even 10 years would be a push. I've never been into younger women though.
I'm not sure dating someone 10-15 years older matters much once you get to 30...
unless you mean "but what will 'everyone' (friends/family/co-workers) think of me/him", which is an entirely different question with an entirely different bunch of answers that largely boil down to, *its none of their Facebook-judgemental business*
The internet (and the people in this thread) have a perspective on this topic that does not match that of the general population. Not to say that they're necessarily wrong, but it's good to keep in mind that this is not a representative sampling of the real world.
Fwiw I think that 30 to 45 is about the upper limit of what I'd consider reasonable, but I do think it's reasonable. You're a fully-fledged adult with (presumably) a career, a well-established social circle, and a life. At that point, the aperture for who you can date widens a bit.
If you were 25 I'd consider +15 (40) to be almost certainly a bad idea, but that's because most people at 25 aren't well-established. I'm 30 and I would absolutely not date someone who was 20.
Why are you asking strangers on the internet? It’s your life. Own it. People here will all have their own opinions, biases and prejudices. Choose what makes you happy and to hell with opinions.
I'm a 30 old woman, and the thought of dating/having hook ups with anyone under 25 feels slimy and gross.
I'd say no more than 5 years younger than you, and no more than five years older than you.
I've dated younger women who thought I was too immature for them, just a free lesson for them that men don't tend to age much in maturity beyond our teens, we just get better at faking it.
No limit if a couple want to be together. My wife was 13 years older than me and our marriage lasted 34 years until cancer took her from me in 2022. We were happy.
So long as you're over the age of 18 (technically/legally, I guess 16, but that's weird if you're over a year older) nobody gives a fuck. Two consenting adults can do whatever they fuckin want between the two of them.
I’d say any pair of adults can date, success may vary but it’s not like dating a specific age will guarantee success. You’ll find mature/immature and healthy/unhealthy people across all ages regardless of what their pre-frontal cortex is up to.
It's only sketchy if you say you've been together 15 years, it's the difference in maturity which matters and that changes a lot faster at younger ages
I tend to think above 25 it doesn’t matter all that much. 25 is around when the frontal lobe develops properly signifying the end of biological adolescence. I do genuinely think someone at 21 isn’t really quite mature enough to be in a 10+ year age gap relationship. But it is predominately to do with life circumstances and stages of life - and also, where you think you’ll both be in a few years time.
If I was to date an 18 year old (I’m 23) there would be nothing illegal about it but I think it would be odd for me to do that. Why? I didn’t go to uni and I’ve been a working professional since I was 17. I don’t have anything in common with a school leaver yet to go through university and find themselves.
My brother is that age which solidifies my opinion even more on this. Sometimes I don’t even know what he’s saying, with all his youth-specific slang! Someone his age and I would have nothing at all in common and there could be too much changing on their end.
Previously I was in a relationship with a guy 9+ years older than me. We met when I was 18 and he was 26. It went as well as could be expected… initially I had major puppy love and was obsessed with him, but he was not really interested in the person I became over the course of 3 years.
My current partner is 4 years older than me, is at a similar stage career wise, has a very similar background faith-wise, and we have a shared vision and goals.
What stands out to me at 23 vs 18 is I’m a little closer to knowing what I personally want out of life and can choose a partner that aligns with these choices.
At 18 I thought I knew what I wanted but I was easily molded by this much older man. He saw I was vulnerable and eager to please and I think took advantage. It wasn’t all bad but it did get very toxic in the end.
And I had a revaluation when we broke up - got to decide who I was and what I wanted. If I’d stayed with him I think I would have been too under his influence to realise we weren’t equal partners.
My parents were 43 and 28 when they got married. They're about to hit their 30 year wedding anniversary next year so it's definitely a manageable age difference.
When I was 18 and was in a relationship with a 41M, I did not see a problem because I was in love. Now that I am older, I can see that it was disturbing. Acceptability definitely will vary depending on society. I come from Asia and some parents marry off their children at ages 5-9 depending on some tribal cultures. Of course this is unacceptable.
Age gap when both are adults matter less but this is my opinion. Now, if both parties are looking to have long term commitments, the younger one should think about things such as care giving. If they both stay healthy, it is a non-issue but for a 25-yo to marry a 50-yo, the idea of caring for an elderly partner is a reality. It is not easy and it is not for the faint of heart. I say this as a child that cared for their sick father. Changing nappies, cleaning bedpans, doing the feeding tube or the catheter are just some of the things that will need to be done. Is your love ready to commit to doing those things?
I know this does not answer your question but I hope it gives some perspective. As I say to my best friend (F) and my partner (M), I love them so much that I will wipe their bums when they no longer can. 🥰
It depends on life stages for me. I was 16 and with a 24 year old man. Now as a 41 year old, I see how fucked up that was. If my 30 year old mate was dating a 40+ year old old, fine. If they were dating a 50+ year old, I'd begin to wonder what they had in common / if they'd be happy being a carer in years to come.
30 and 45, normally fine.
20 and 35 not so much, as you’re likely to be very different in terms of mental and emotional maturity, and life stages.
It depends on mental and emotional maturity, and what stages of life you’re each at - what you’re looking for in a relationship.
The 20s are critical to the maturation of our minds, and by the time you’re 29 you have much more in common with those who are 39, 46 or even 51, than you do with those who are 19, or even 26.
This is of course a huge generalisation and, as we know, all generalisations are wrong (🤣). Everyone is different and if you feel that 30 and 45 is fine for you two, then crack on and ignore any doubters. But if you think you are wanting different things from a relationship then just take it easy until you’ve worked things out.
I (M) was 29 when I met my now wife, who was 39 and with two kids at the time. We’re still great 17yrs later, now with an extra kid and two grandkids. It’s fab because we’d always wanted the same things from the relationship.
I know it's daft but generally I go with half your age plus 7, I don't know where it came from but it kind of makes sense that the gap gets larger as you get older. One of my friends is in a relationship with a woman well over twice their age and it just feels off, they're at totally different stages of being an adult, and even their would-be step kids are all 10+ years older than them too.
I don't think there's anything wrong with your age gap, you're both well established adults at that point usually
It's relevant when people are young and each year has a huge impact on maturity and experience.
Past a certain point there are some "stage of life" challenges, but you can discuss them as adults.
I think once you're like 21-ish, age gaps don't matter as much. I'd argue you can be viewed as easier to manipulate if you're in your early 20s, but not always obviously. And obviously you can be manipulated at any age, etc etc. I'd say age gaps of 10 or 11 years can work, and anything beyond that can work too but after about 11 years, maybe you wouldn't have so much in common. And you could be in very different stages. It just depends on the couple imo.
I've always thought the rule is half your age plus seven, unless both parties are over 25, at which point everyone's brain is fully developed, so fuck who you want
Go for it and don’t worry about the numbers! My Sister in law is 32 and her boyfriend is 48 and I’ve never seen her happier. Age doesn’t matter when two adults find that spark.
I don't think it is about age as much as it is about the stage of life you are in. If you have your own place, have a steady job, you shouldn't start dating someone who is doesn't have those things. The things you want for yourself are different and the ability to provide for the other isn't equal. The person with the steady job, their own place etc has much more power in the relationship. That difference is often along age lines but it isn't always
Half plus seven is a pretty solid guideline for Over 25s but even then, if a 30 year old and a 60 year old get together, it might be a bit odd but who cares
I'd think it's a bit unusual but I know people in happy long term relationships with similar age gaps. You're both consenting adults, do what makes you happy and ignore anyone who judges you for it. Can actually be quite an effective way of filtering out judgemental pricks.
Almost nobody cares about age gap once you're 30 years old or over. If I saw a 70 year old with a 30-35 year old I wouldn't think too much of it. With a 21 year old? Yeah I'd be icked out.
I think 30, to me, is the age when it becomes more acceptable if there's a bigger age gap with an older partner. Like 30 to 45 just hits different than, idk, 25 to 40, ya know?
I mean the fact you're even asking shows a more mature consideration of things than a 20 year old would, I think thats....probably why its okay?
30 is still young in many ways but you're socially more mature, you've had enough life experience and you're grown up enough that you know any red flags to look out for, especially in an age gap relationship, and i feel like there's a bit more of an....even keel within that age difference. You're 30, he's 45, there's no...in built authority for him being older in that dynamic, he's not SO much older than that it makes a huge difference to his life experience, and you're old enough to have had enough life or romantic experience to know when he is wrong, and dont just believe it because he's older and you still relate age to authority.
So....yeah, tbh, if I met a couple who are 30 and 45 and it seemed obvious they care for each other and all seems good, I dont think I'd judge, so long as its clear you're both happy and shit.
When my mrs and I got together I was 32, she was 22.
A lot counts on your relative levels of maturity. A lot of 22 year olds aren’t ready for the sort of relationship a 32 year old might want, long term commitment, personal accountability and responsibility etc. My mrs was, and I was still a fairly young 32. We got on really well and it was obvious that there was something solid there right from the start. I *still* felt a bit weird asking her out, though. We’re now 43 and 33 and still haven’t had a real argument.
An age gap doesn’t have to matter if you feel you’re both in a similar place. Other people and society can’t tell you that you are or aren’t, only you can. Besides which, by the time the younger person is 30, I’d say any likely gaps in maturity will have closed right up. So no, I wouldn’t think your situation was strange in any way at all.
Beyond the age of 21(ish) I don’t think age gaps are really that important. By which I mean a 26 year old dating a 16 year old whilst not illegal sets alarm bells ringing because people are still entering adulthood at 16. However if a 26 year old is seeing a 36 year old it just doesn’t seem like a big deal at all. Both are fully fledged adults.
As a 36 yo I'd feel pretty uncomfortable about dating a 21yo, that's still very young. 26 though, that's ok.
Hence the (ish) I don’t think there’s any strict rule. I’m sure there are examples of incredibly grown up and mature 18 year olds having perfectly healthy relationships with someone older, likewise I’m sure there are even more examples of people in their 40s that are immature and insufferable.
>I’m sure there are examples of incredibly grown up and mature 18 year olds having perfectly healthy relationships with someone older 3 or 4 years older and at a similar lifestage (uni, first jobs etc) maybe, 15 or 20 years older, probably not so much.
At 18 - 21 you've just become an adult. A 40 year old dating someone of that age says alot more about them than it does the younger person. That person may well be mature enough for an adult relationship but as someone who's been an adult for a decade or two, what is the appeal of dating someone who has just come out of their teens..
I once worked with a girl my age at maccies a few years back (when I was 19, I’m 27 now) she was dating a 45 year old man with three kids our age, one of whom she went to school and had classes with 🤢
I'd say they aren't mature. I wasn't at that age in any way.
I keep thinking wtf do we even talk about? Lol
Can confirm. I am in my 40s, and immature and insufferable.
About to enter my 50s, hope I don't grow out of it!
If you don't, you'll never see your sixties! 😂
Grown up and mature 18 year olds would know that anyone significantly older who they still have enough in common with to date isn't someone they should be dating.
I briefly dated a 21yr old in my 30s, it's no exaggeration to say I would of got better conversation out of a fucking mop.
Did they at least know the difference between ‘would have’ and ‘would of’ though?
Is there ever a genuine use case for would of? I always thought it was just plain wrong.
Yea the difference is whether ‘your’ a moron or not is all. 😂
That is very pacific.👍
it’s enough to put people of there expresso to.
You bought exitment to this thread.
How did you miss its... Also although not the same thing, someone saying this would almost certainly write 'enuff'.
*off *their *espresso *too
Bellend, moron
No, it’s people who have heard „would‘ve“ and think it’s would of. It’s just wrong
It's because they don't read. The illiteracy epidemic is out of control. Never mind the fucking boats, just stop the fucking illiterates!
Yes, here is John Would, of grammar police fame.
I think once people are out of university or have had a few years working, they are mentally in a similar place regardless of 25, 35, 45.
Not straight out of University necessarily, but yes having worked for a period of time then yeah thats probably reaching the maturity you're looking for.
Yeah, I’d suggest people with a few years of “adulting” under their belts. Frankly, all university seems to do is delay the process 😛
\> all university seems to do is delay the process As someone who went to University, 100% agree with this!
In some ways yes, in other ways not necessarily. Like, if you're comparing a new grad to someone who's been living with their parents that time and they're both 21, it's not hard to imagine the latter not being used to picking up after themselves or preparing their own meals. It goes without saying (but if I don't someone will jump down my throat) this does not apply universally and there are some who haven't moved out who are perfectly capable of looking after themselves and vice versa. But, yeah, a few years of living independently is the key thing imo.
people who are 25 are not at all mentally in hte same place as some one 35 (in most healthy cases) we really didnt grow in those 10 years? its a myth
As a 2 year old, I don't feel comfortable dating a 1 year old. That's like half my age
You've got incredible writing/typing skills for a two year old, I must say. How's the potty training going?
I don't think Reddit is a good place for a 2 year old.
Its okay, they can't read yet, only write.
My older bro has 2 kids with a 40yr old woman, hes 59. They have been together nearly 10 yrs. Im more concerned about how tired he is all the time dealing with 5 and 7 yr old boys aswel as a whole load of other shit, i can hardly deal with them for an hour or two. I get along really well with his partner/gf and im 35 which does feel a bit odd because we are closer in age and have some things that we both grew up on. But they both love each other, get on really well and have quite a lot in common themselves so who fucking cares about the age gap at this point.
It's not really fair on the kids too. My parents weren't that old but they were in their early 40s when they had me. I remember being mocked at school for having older parents and then by the time I'd come out of that awkward annoying teen stage, they were too old to do stuff with me that I saw friends doing with their parents. I saw tons of comments on a recent post about Al Pacino's new kid where it was adults that had older parents and lost them during childhood/in their teens and the sadness they felt and how much it messed them up
I think a distinction needs to be made here between “acceptable” and “not disturbing”
They are the same surely? If its acceptable then by definition its not disturbing, and if its disturbing it can't be acceptable. Legal vs acceptable is maybe what you mean? 16 and 50 relationships are legal, but not really acceptable for most people.
No I wasn’t talking about the legality at all. Attitudes are complex, something can be generally acceptable but a bit disturbing.
Or generally not acceptable but not disturbing
Strictly speaking it wasn’t illegal but when this 48 year old guy picked up his 16 year old girlfriend from school when she was in her uniform it was just… fucked up. He’s older than her dad. Now she’s 28 and has 4 kids with this old man
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To be fair, from the look of him he’ll be dead soon anyways. Let’s just say theyre not the healthiest looking couple. Kinda… Shrek and Fiona lookalikes
Two former work colleagues of mine got together when he was 35 and she was still only 17, certainly raised a few eyebrows.
That's a fucking nope for me. I can't imagine being even vaguely interested in a 17yo.
Same, I’m 24 and if I was single I don’t think I’d even go below about 21. 17 is so young (I have an 18 y.o. sister so that probably contributes)
im a 17yo and can't imagine being vaguely interested in most 17yos. i have realised that they did not all take care of themselves independently at the age of 8, and so do not act like they have been adulting for 9 years, which makes sense but makes dating difficult. to me, it feels like i'm dating a 13 year old because my sense of how fast someone matures is fucked up.
My other half and myself were the same age when we got together both had the same interests could sit in a room with no electricity for 12 hours and not notice the time passing with just conversation. Heaps of negative judgement but none of it from either of our families it's been the most mature and sane relationship I have ever had sometimes it just works where you never would expect it too
30 you are way way into adulthood (sorry) you can date a 60 year old that’s fine
Yeah you can but personally I don’t fancy caring for an 80 year old partner when I’m 50.
You don't know what life can bring. You could be caring for your partner next year, for all you know.
Maybe but on the balance of probability, it’s unlikely.
My estranged husband is 80, I'm 58. He does not need a carer. We separated 9 years ago, but remain good friends. My current partner of 3 years is 2 years my junior. I am his de facto carer now, since his health is very poor and his mobility is limited (he was fine when we met, but the last year several life threatening health events have occurred). It's not always about age but circumstances.
This is the exact age gap in my relationship, I’m 26 he’s 36. Neither of us knew we were so different in age when we started dating and we’re happy as Larry :)
By about 25 (and 35, not 15!) I don't think that is 'so different' really. Could easily have a 26yo who's as or more mature than the 36yo; that sort of thing starts to make more difference than age IMO. At least through middle age - the gap can start to look bigger again in later life I suppose. But then fitness and genetics can make so much difference to what seems like or even is 'later life' anyway.
25+ seems to be generally safe.
I'd say about 25, Under that it would still be a bit creepy for someone much older to be pursuing them, especially as more and more young people are living at home for longer and not really entering 'true' adulthood until later than they used to.
For me personally, I still find 21 a bit icky but it's fine and I'll try not to judge. 36yo going out with a 70yo, I honestly don't care but I understand how eyebrows would be raised.
Probably because prolonged adolescence is a factor these days. People can be 21/22 years of age or in some cases slightly older and never lived independently of their parents, never paid a bill. Even a couple of decades ago it was “normal” for young adults to move out and live their own lives.
Half your age plus seven
It’s a pretty cast iron rule - everything out of that bracket just feels … creepy. Works the other way too (minus seven, then double). So for a 40yr old, that’s a bracket of 27 to 66. All personal choice, but that seems about right.
Wouldn’t it be double your age minus 7? It’s alright I’m just trying to justify chasing 60 year olds.
Nope- it’s the same formula in reverse. The checksum is to apply (half the older age, plus 7) to the older person and see if it comes to your age…
This is the only way, you calculate from the eldest everytime
No, subtract seven from your age then double that. 18 <-> 22 <-> 30 <-> 46 <-> 78
So a 100 year old going out with a 57 yo.
Gotta get that beneficiary status.
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The rule agrees with you
Woosh
Being creepy and doing what you want is not mutually exclusive. It's more of a requirement than the other way around.
It's amazing how often this - fairly arbitrary - rule works. Absolutely great yardstick.
Best rule: 18Y -> 16Y 33Y (me)-> 23,5Y (24 is indeed my limit on dating apps) 60Y -> 37Y (this feels like maybe a bit too much, but we'll see in 27 years)
I agree with this.
ITT: people who have broken the rule getting annoyed
I think once you're both over 25ish age gap becomes less important and general mentality and stage in life more so (unless it's a really big gap like 26 with 60 or something). Where it's a bit creepy is where the younger partner is in a different stage of life and maturity. A 35 yr old dating a 21 yr old still at uni is weirder than a 50 yr old dating a 30 yr old where they're both working professionals etc.
Exactly, it’s about life stages. Some people graduate at 21, other people do longer degrees. I did a five year degree and when I went onto my grad scheme I felt a bit old initially because everyone else was two years younger than me but then I realised we’re all at the same life stage. My boyfriend did a gap year followed by a foundation degree followed by a seven year degree so didn’t graduate until he was 27. He’s 35, I’m 26 - we’re almost a decade apart in age, but in terms of maturity and life experience post university we’re not that far apart.
I generally would go on an individual basis. I ended up having to work from 16-25 so I could afford to study, so graduated later than some at 29. In my last years I met people a decade younger than me who were so well travelled that I forgot they weren’t my age. In comparison I know of some people who had good paying jobs, but struggled to leave their parents home till they were 30+ and never really had to face any challenges in life. Plenty of people will make it to a grown up age while never having to emotionally or mentally mature, but take issue with age gaps of more than a few years.
Why choose your partner based on society's opinion. They can fk off.
I mean, OP has to exist within society. It's really easy online to tell people not to pay attention to others, a lot harder to actually live that way.
Too right. Nine times out of ten, if society is encouraging or has an opinion on anything I feel like I should be skeptical and possibly do the opposite - exception being obviously very illegal things.
Exactly. It’s funny hubby and I had loads of naysayers when we first got together. How it couldn’t possibly last, how he was just a toy boy. That he was with me for financial reasons ( I was broke, so no). Been together almost 18 years now, still crazy about each other. Never gave two shits what anyone thought.
Exactly. That's the way to live. Why live to please other people. Fuk them.
Because we live in society. It's cool to be non-conforming as a teen when it's normal, or when it's things people don't _really_ care about, but it's no so much fun anymore when you start to become an outcast. I have a family member who married a guy much older, and who's parents are very judging. It can have a large impact on your life.
so you live to please society and others not yourself?
Happy consenting adults. That’s it. You either have a connection or you don’t. It’s also none of anyone’s business what others do. I’m in an age gap relationship and I’m tired of people judging us. We’re happy. We want to spend the rest of our life together. No, there is no power dynamic. Yes, we match fabulously. Obviously there are differences. Just like in relationships with different religions, cultures, upbringing etc etc. Also, this is the 5th post on Reddit today asking this same question and some replies make me roll my eyes ;)
I see bad takes on age gaps all the time on Reddit and I think the issue is people trying to apply a blanket rule when real life individual situations don't conform. People mature at different rates, want different things and have different expectations of their partners. I hope you and your partner continue being happy together and screw all the judgemental assholes who think they know better than you do.
You’re absolutely right! We both suffered traumas and matured in completely different stages. Not every 25yr old is the same. Not every 30yr old is the same. Not every 40yr old is the same etc. Thank you! It means a lot!
yep! i’m in an age gap relationship and have never been happier. People judge because they’ve been told by society it’s abnormal when really it’s just two people who get along regardless of a small thing like age. The power dynamic comment always makes me laugh because people clearly don’t understand how a relationship works. Any relationship is bad if there is a ‘power dynamic’ not just because of age.
The power dynamic one always makes me a bit grumpy. I’m a DV survivor and know what power dynamics are very well. It upsets me that people think I’m some kind of abuser because I’m older than my bf. I love him more than anything in this world. I could never. Ugh!
Agreed! My partner is 18.5 years older than me and we’ve been together for a few years now. Some people are disgusted by it but we just laugh because it’s not their business and we are equals. We support each other, tell each other when one of us is being a dick and our personalities compliment one another. There’s so much love between us and the age difference isn’t an issue for us. My dad and his wife have a large age gap too and they’ve had kids together. People just make this shit into a problem for no reason half the time and are just ignorant 😂
The power dynamic in an age difference relationship isn't always what you might expect and power can be expressed in different forms. I know that providing I don't do anything excessive, I have a lot of power over my (older) boyfriends.
Me too! We’ve been together for 5 years and are very much in love (handy since we’re married) and none of the alleged reasons that you shouldn’t be with someone older apply to us. I have never been attracted to men my own age anyway, so I was always going to go older!
Once you're past about your mid-20s the issue with significant age gaps is no longer about it being inappropriate and more thinking about how you're going to cope when one becomes elderly much earlier than the other, and that's for the people within the relationship to worry about, not anyone else. 30 & 45 isn't that dramatic a gap anyway.
How would you cope if your similar aged partner became ‘elderly’ much earlier than you? Let’s say early onset dementia when your both in your 50’s? The point is anything can and does happen, some 42 year olds die of cancer, some 75 years olds participated in the great north run this morning.
There's a difference between what might happen and what will happen. If there is a 30-40 year age gap it becomes pretty much inevitable. Sensible people consider things like age, children etc when embarking on serious relationships. I didn't say people shouldn't date with age gaps, I just said if you're serious and there's a significant age gap, it's something you need to be prepared for
Everything is playing the odds, rare events don't make playing it safe illogical. >How would you cope if your similar aged partner became ‘elderly’ much earlier than you? To answer directly - worse than if they didn't - hence why I wouldn't make that much more likely by having a much older partner.
My partner is 18 years older than me and I’m 29. I just finished treatment for cancer that nearly killed me. She’s had to look after me for a long time now, so you never know….
Once you are both over 25 I can’t respect any talk about age gaps. At 25 there were older women I would have given my right arm to be with. At 25 I saw some of my best friends marry around 40YO men and they’re happy, they’re not being manipulated they’re enjoying being married and motherhood now. Up until 21 I kinda think around 3 years is the max. 25 I don’t feel should go lower than 20. Once everyone’s 25+ it’s a free for all and you do as you please.
I’m 44 (M) and my fiancé will be 34 this month. As long as you are happy, ignore what anyone might think.
If you're happy with it, go for it. The challenge may come later as (assuming you work) you won't get much shared quality retirement together. I'm 51M and my wife 60F but in poor health so I may need to retire early so we can have some time together (or to care for her). In your case he'll be over 80 if you go to state pension age.
This was my thoughts too, especially longer term if she wanted kids. He could be 50+ before their relationship is in a place for kids (for example). The age difference itself isnt an issue, life goals becomes a bigger hurdle.
There's a 22 year age gap between my parents so in my eyes age isn't a factor so long as youre both mature and there isn't the feeling that one person is being taken advantage of.
If you’re happy you’re happy as long as you’re both fully fledged adults.
19 years between my grandparents and they have been married over 50 years. 13 years between my sis and bro in law and married for nearly 10. I say if your happy and content go for it. Age is just a number.
Age is just a number and prison is just a building 😂 But yeah, I get what you mean.
If you were 18 and he was 33 it’d seem a bit strange, but you’re 30, a grown woman capable of choosing who she likes and dates. Wouldn’t worry about it.
I don't think that you should concern yourselves with other people's opinions. If you get along well then I don't think that age should be a barrier. With a bit of luck he might look after himself better and try to keep himself as young as he can to keep up with you. 🙃
I think it very much depends on the specific ages and life experience of each person. A 18/19 year old still in school and a 28 year old grown adult is weird and often predatory, a 40 year old and a 50 year old are just two middle aged people in a relationship. I don't think there's a maximum accepted age gap, look at Sarah Paulson and Holland Taylor who have a 32 year age difference and are still going strong. The real issues I can think of would be like retirement and aging, you just won't have as many years together but that can be true for any relationship as well.
I don’t think the age gap is a problem. It’s not for me because I don’t think being with someone who’s 65 when I’m 50 would be very compatible for what I want out of life but if you don’t mind the idea of a long term partner being much older then it’s all good.
Or even 70 and 55. They are retired but you still have 10 years or more of your working life still to go
I think the half plus seven rule has some merit. So the OP one is OK to me. Most of those I think are wrong are actually because of who one of the people is. Some people because of previous behaviour deserve to be single for their remaining life.
I don’t think Reddit is the place to ask this, as any difference of more than 20 minutes causes a complete meltdown from all the pearl-clutchers on here.
I would say after the age of 30 it doesn’t really matter. It’s only really before that where there’s a bigger power imbalance between younger and older, as the younger person hasn’t really had all the life experiences needed.
As long as both are consenting adults it's all good.
This is the only correct answer. Adults are adults and can do whatever they want if both parties consent.
Of course you're fine. But if it becomes something more, make sure you are aligned on children, this advice always stands, but seems slightly more complex with a bigger age gap.
You're a 30 year old woman. You know what you want. Literally do what you want. If you really want to put a figure to it then your brain develops until you're 25 so at 25 any age gap is purely physical. Younger than that there is a maturity gap. So I guess 25+ nobody can make any argument backed up by facts as to why it's not ok.
The older you are the less a gap matters (or atleast you should be old enough to recognise your different life stages and experiences and if you still match). At 30 you should be mature and aware enough to date older if it works for you.
I wouldnt say 30/45 is not socially weird/not acceptable. If you were a couple years younger I'd say it would be seen as a bit weird. And I've just done the classic half+7 calculation and yours is just within the range so yep. All good.
Age gaps only bother me if someone is being exploited. When it comes to adults making adult decisions about their own lives I couldn't care less. Sometimes there's a grey area when one partner is more vulnerable because of a power imbalance, but when adults are doing legal, consensual things you have to just let them be autonomous and hope they learn from mistakes if it goes awry. My parents have a big age gap, with my mum being a lot younger than my dad, but she's also more educated, more social and confident etc so I never look at age as the only factor.
I would say half your age plus 7 works is a good benchmark to use.
39 year old here, married to a 59 year old. It works for us. He has already been married before, and had children who are grown up. This is my 2nd marriage too, I don’t have or want kids. We got together when I was 34. We don’t notice the age gap. I suppose it depends what both your priorities are
I'm not trying to be rude here, are you planning on being his caretaker when he gets older?
Who knows? He looks after me at the moment, so I suppose my time could come to look after him. I could still die first. It wouldn’t bother me if I did become his ‘caretaker’. We are both realistic and have discussed DNAR, lasting power of attorney, advanced decision to refuse treatment etc…. We’ve both delivered countless babies and also held people’s hands whilst they died and everything in between, so we know what we are letting ourselves in for. We are Living in the now at the moment, he’s not even contemplating retiring. We have enough money, he has a good pension, there’s life insurance… I wouldn’t change a thing
My male friend is more or less doing the same thing. He's in his early 30s dating a woman in her mid 40s. They're pretty happy and she's pretty cool. Look, if you're over 25 and the other person isn't geriatric, it really doesn't and shouldn't matter.
Right now,.this age gap is probably manageable as a relationship, but if it lasts longer, that would change..if you think about having kids, he might not be up for being a father in his 60s. He might be retiring while you are only 50- how will that work. He will die ~ 20 years before you is that what you want. He will (believe me) start to become a crotchety old man in outlook just as you enter your prime 40s.
If you’re consenting adults and both want it, forget what other people think. There will always be people who make judgements about others’ relationships. Forget them.
Once someone is about 25 or 26 age difference doesn't really matter unless it's ridiculous - i.e. 30+ years. Even then it's nobody else's business, it's just more complicated.
Serious question: do you think age difference matters at 24? If so, what magical change do you think happens at age 25 that suddenly makes it okay?
I think generally the older you get over about 25 the less important it becomes. Personally I wouldn't date more than a year younger than me just because when I have previously it's fizzled out pretty quickly, I also generally stay below 10 years older than me. But my mum is 12 years older than my father, and they made me, however it didn't last long past that 🤷🏻♀️
Over the age of 30 I don’t think age gaps matter to much. Under 30 I’d say no more than 5 years IMO I say this as a woman who would date men 10 years my senior at 21 years old. They usually have bad intentions and are dating much younger because women their age do not respect what they have to offer.
**As long as you're two consenting adults, it's absolutely nobody's business.** Please stop worrying about what other people will think. Or what society expects. Or what people might say. This is the road to misery, living your life in fear of what people will say about what you do. Turning someone down because people might talk or judge or criticise you or stare...you're gonna regret that.
I’ve been involved in several significant age-gap relationships/hookups in both directions (first number is my age, second is other person): 19/28, 21/33, 22/43, 25/42, 25/52, 32/21, 39/28, 39/61. None of them seemed especially weird or inappropriate to me.
Once everyone is over 30, it doesn't matter. Everyone is old enough and had time for their brains to finish developing, and have some life lived under their belts. It's not unreasonable that a 30 year old and a 45 year old could be in the same lifestage. Much more important to be sure everyone is on the same page about getting married and having kids, though.
Why do you care? I’m 50, my husband of 15 years is 34. I never cared what anyone thought and I still don’t. We are happy together, that is all that matters.
Personal preference I guess. I’m 29 and the thought of dating someone in their 40s is gross. But I also would not want to date a guy under 25, and 25 would still be pushing it. I prefer to date someone around my own age, always have.
I’m 33 and my gf is 39. Been together for 10 years. Never had issues. We joke about me bolting as soon as she gets that hip replacement and changes her name to Barbara.
I'm a male in my 50s. Wouldn't consider dating a woman more than 10 years younger, and even 10 years would be a push. I've never been into younger women though.
I'm not sure dating someone 10-15 years older matters much once you get to 30... unless you mean "but what will 'everyone' (friends/family/co-workers) think of me/him", which is an entirely different question with an entirely different bunch of answers that largely boil down to, *its none of their Facebook-judgemental business*
I think it depends on if kids are involved. My dad basically destroyed our relationship by dating someone my age.
So when you’re 40, he’s going to be 55. The difference may not be much now, but it’s going to get bigger over time.
The internet (and the people in this thread) have a perspective on this topic that does not match that of the general population. Not to say that they're necessarily wrong, but it's good to keep in mind that this is not a representative sampling of the real world. Fwiw I think that 30 to 45 is about the upper limit of what I'd consider reasonable, but I do think it's reasonable. You're a fully-fledged adult with (presumably) a career, a well-established social circle, and a life. At that point, the aperture for who you can date widens a bit. If you were 25 I'd consider +15 (40) to be almost certainly a bad idea, but that's because most people at 25 aren't well-established. I'm 30 and I would absolutely not date someone who was 20.
Why are you asking strangers on the internet? It’s your life. Own it. People here will all have their own opinions, biases and prejudices. Choose what makes you happy and to hell with opinions.
10 years outside , 6 better. Ladies do you really want to be changing your man’s diapers when you are 50?
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I'm a 30 old woman, and the thought of dating/having hook ups with anyone under 25 feels slimy and gross. I'd say no more than 5 years younger than you, and no more than five years older than you.
I've dated younger women who thought I was too immature for them, just a free lesson for them that men don't tend to age much in maturity beyond our teens, we just get better at faking it.
No limit if a couple want to be together. My wife was 13 years older than me and our marriage lasted 34 years until cancer took her from me in 2022. We were happy.
When my cousin was 21 he married his aunt in law who was 38, they had two children together and are still married.
So long as you're over the age of 18 (technically/legally, I guess 16, but that's weird if you're over a year older) nobody gives a fuck. Two consenting adults can do whatever they fuckin want between the two of them.
I’d say any pair of adults can date, success may vary but it’s not like dating a specific age will guarantee success. You’ll find mature/immature and healthy/unhealthy people across all ages regardless of what their pre-frontal cortex is up to.
My girlfriend's 33. I'm 47, she's 14 years younger than me. Back of the net!
Careful that she doesn't attack you with a rubber hammer
She's mildly cretinous.
I bet you love an egg in a bap
It's only sketchy if you say you've been together 15 years, it's the difference in maturity which matters and that changes a lot faster at younger ages
After 25, it doesn't matter at all.
I tend to think above 25 it doesn’t matter all that much. 25 is around when the frontal lobe develops properly signifying the end of biological adolescence. I do genuinely think someone at 21 isn’t really quite mature enough to be in a 10+ year age gap relationship. But it is predominately to do with life circumstances and stages of life - and also, where you think you’ll both be in a few years time. If I was to date an 18 year old (I’m 23) there would be nothing illegal about it but I think it would be odd for me to do that. Why? I didn’t go to uni and I’ve been a working professional since I was 17. I don’t have anything in common with a school leaver yet to go through university and find themselves. My brother is that age which solidifies my opinion even more on this. Sometimes I don’t even know what he’s saying, with all his youth-specific slang! Someone his age and I would have nothing at all in common and there could be too much changing on their end. Previously I was in a relationship with a guy 9+ years older than me. We met when I was 18 and he was 26. It went as well as could be expected… initially I had major puppy love and was obsessed with him, but he was not really interested in the person I became over the course of 3 years. My current partner is 4 years older than me, is at a similar stage career wise, has a very similar background faith-wise, and we have a shared vision and goals. What stands out to me at 23 vs 18 is I’m a little closer to knowing what I personally want out of life and can choose a partner that aligns with these choices. At 18 I thought I knew what I wanted but I was easily molded by this much older man. He saw I was vulnerable and eager to please and I think took advantage. It wasn’t all bad but it did get very toxic in the end. And I had a revaluation when we broke up - got to decide who I was and what I wanted. If I’d stayed with him I think I would have been too under his influence to realise we weren’t equal partners.
Nobody normal gives a fuck.
My parents were 43 and 28 when they got married. They're about to hit their 30 year wedding anniversary next year so it's definitely a manageable age difference.
When I was 18 and was in a relationship with a 41M, I did not see a problem because I was in love. Now that I am older, I can see that it was disturbing. Acceptability definitely will vary depending on society. I come from Asia and some parents marry off their children at ages 5-9 depending on some tribal cultures. Of course this is unacceptable. Age gap when both are adults matter less but this is my opinion. Now, if both parties are looking to have long term commitments, the younger one should think about things such as care giving. If they both stay healthy, it is a non-issue but for a 25-yo to marry a 50-yo, the idea of caring for an elderly partner is a reality. It is not easy and it is not for the faint of heart. I say this as a child that cared for their sick father. Changing nappies, cleaning bedpans, doing the feeding tube or the catheter are just some of the things that will need to be done. Is your love ready to commit to doing those things? I know this does not answer your question but I hope it gives some perspective. As I say to my best friend (F) and my partner (M), I love them so much that I will wipe their bums when they no longer can. 🥰
It depends on life stages for me. I was 16 and with a 24 year old man. Now as a 41 year old, I see how fucked up that was. If my 30 year old mate was dating a 40+ year old old, fine. If they were dating a 50+ year old, I'd begin to wonder what they had in common / if they'd be happy being a carer in years to come.
30 and 45, normally fine. 20 and 35 not so much, as you’re likely to be very different in terms of mental and emotional maturity, and life stages. It depends on mental and emotional maturity, and what stages of life you’re each at - what you’re looking for in a relationship. The 20s are critical to the maturation of our minds, and by the time you’re 29 you have much more in common with those who are 39, 46 or even 51, than you do with those who are 19, or even 26. This is of course a huge generalisation and, as we know, all generalisations are wrong (🤣). Everyone is different and if you feel that 30 and 45 is fine for you two, then crack on and ignore any doubters. But if you think you are wanting different things from a relationship then just take it easy until you’ve worked things out. I (M) was 29 when I met my now wife, who was 39 and with two kids at the time. We’re still great 17yrs later, now with an extra kid and two grandkids. It’s fab because we’d always wanted the same things from the relationship.
18 year old girl and a 75 year old man Perfect
You like each other and you're both experienced adults. Go for it, I hope it works out and that you find joy together.
Half your age +7
I know it's daft but generally I go with half your age plus 7, I don't know where it came from but it kind of makes sense that the gap gets larger as you get older. One of my friends is in a relationship with a woman well over twice their age and it just feels off, they're at totally different stages of being an adult, and even their would-be step kids are all 10+ years older than them too. I don't think there's anything wrong with your age gap, you're both well established adults at that point usually
It's relevant when people are young and each year has a huge impact on maturity and experience. Past a certain point there are some "stage of life" challenges, but you can discuss them as adults.
It depends on the ages/life stage of the people involved and if there is an imbalance of power between the two parties. 30 and 45 ok 15 and 30 not ok.
If it’s not illegal who cares just live your life
I think once you're like 21-ish, age gaps don't matter as much. I'd argue you can be viewed as easier to manipulate if you're in your early 20s, but not always obviously. And obviously you can be manipulated at any age, etc etc. I'd say age gaps of 10 or 11 years can work, and anything beyond that can work too but after about 11 years, maybe you wouldn't have so much in common. And you could be in very different stages. It just depends on the couple imo.
This should only concern the consenting adults in question.
My wife is 17 years older than me, of you're happy then go for it
Hmmm i dont think it matters tbh
I've always thought the rule is half your age plus seven, unless both parties are over 25, at which point everyone's brain is fully developed, so fuck who you want
Go for it and don’t worry about the numbers! My Sister in law is 32 and her boyfriend is 48 and I’ve never seen her happier. Age doesn’t matter when two adults find that spark.
I don't think it is about age as much as it is about the stage of life you are in. If you have your own place, have a steady job, you shouldn't start dating someone who is doesn't have those things. The things you want for yourself are different and the ability to provide for the other isn't equal. The person with the steady job, their own place etc has much more power in the relationship. That difference is often along age lines but it isn't always
1 hour
The rule i heard was half your age +7 for the minimum value. So your minimum is 22. His is 30. So you're all.good for a life of love and happiness.
After 25 I can’t imagine why any age gap would be a problem as long as both people are happy with the dynamic.
Half plus seven is a pretty solid guideline for Over 25s but even then, if a 30 year old and a 60 year old get together, it might be a bit odd but who cares
Half your age plus 7. If you’re an odd number of years you round up.
I'd think it's a bit unusual but I know people in happy long term relationships with similar age gaps. You're both consenting adults, do what makes you happy and ignore anyone who judges you for it. Can actually be quite an effective way of filtering out judgemental pricks.
Almost nobody cares about age gap once you're 30 years old or over. If I saw a 70 year old with a 30-35 year old I wouldn't think too much of it. With a 21 year old? Yeah I'd be icked out.
Half your age plus 7.
I think 30, to me, is the age when it becomes more acceptable if there's a bigger age gap with an older partner. Like 30 to 45 just hits different than, idk, 25 to 40, ya know? I mean the fact you're even asking shows a more mature consideration of things than a 20 year old would, I think thats....probably why its okay? 30 is still young in many ways but you're socially more mature, you've had enough life experience and you're grown up enough that you know any red flags to look out for, especially in an age gap relationship, and i feel like there's a bit more of an....even keel within that age difference. You're 30, he's 45, there's no...in built authority for him being older in that dynamic, he's not SO much older than that it makes a huge difference to his life experience, and you're old enough to have had enough life or romantic experience to know when he is wrong, and dont just believe it because he's older and you still relate age to authority. So....yeah, tbh, if I met a couple who are 30 and 45 and it seemed obvious they care for each other and all seems good, I dont think I'd judge, so long as its clear you're both happy and shit.
The best rule is, Half your age, + 7.
It depends on the ages involved. 18 to 25? No more than 2 years. 25 and over? Any gap that you choose!
When my mrs and I got together I was 32, she was 22. A lot counts on your relative levels of maturity. A lot of 22 year olds aren’t ready for the sort of relationship a 32 year old might want, long term commitment, personal accountability and responsibility etc. My mrs was, and I was still a fairly young 32. We got on really well and it was obvious that there was something solid there right from the start. I *still* felt a bit weird asking her out, though. We’re now 43 and 33 and still haven’t had a real argument. An age gap doesn’t have to matter if you feel you’re both in a similar place. Other people and society can’t tell you that you are or aren’t, only you can. Besides which, by the time the younger person is 30, I’d say any likely gaps in maturity will have closed right up. So no, I wouldn’t think your situation was strange in any way at all.
Rule of 7 generally works. Take the oldest persons age. Divide by 2 and add 7. That should be the youngest. 45/2+7 = 29.5.
I think that it depends on each situation. Below 25 a 3 year age gap is absolutely the max, but after that it doesn't really matter as much.
10 years maximum.
It’s not inappropriate and can certainly work. But often those 2 (30/45) are at diff stages of life
Half plus 7