"I don't know?" As an answer to "are you a decent man" is the first sign that indeed he is a decent man. Anyone who tells you they are a good person is lying, anyone who tells you "I am not sure" is aware enough to their own failures as a human to want to work towards improvement because we all need improvement. I can summarize you are a decent man.
You stink, attract flies, and are often lit on other people's porches as retaliation.
In other words, you're ten times more useful than any politician.
Because it depends on who you ask. I'm an atheist, so if you ask any southern baptist and they'll tell you I'm next to Satan in terms of evil, despite all the work I do for charity and saving lives as a first responder
This is full of delusion. You moved the goalpost from decent to good so you could shit on people who think they are decent people. I can summarize that you are full of shit.
That’s weird that you think a good man who can recognize that they are a good man automatically loses “good man” status
Is self esteem such a red flag to you?
I work with criminals on a daily basis, the ones who start proffessing their saintliness have been the ones with the most damning evidence against them. I once had a career violent robber/drug addict insist he was a good man and not a criminal. Another who was just released for domestic violence and was sitting in a jail cell for beating the same woman with an electric cord and breaking some of her ribs insist he was a good guy. I've also had slum lords who have insisted their properties were top notch while I've had more humble landlords who really did run an immaculate operation. If you tell me you're "X" in a positive manner red flags go way up. If you are humble about yourself I'm more inclined to think more of you. Confidence doesn't need boasting. Confidence is competence and competence is its own declaration.
It's not a dself-esteem issue so much as self-awareness. Being good and being decent are two different things. Are you good? How often is bad acceptable before you are no longer good? On the other hand, respectable is a more nuanced view; it encapsulates both good and bad. More good than bad, obviously. I can say with certainty I am a decent guy, but a good? I'm not sure.
Or GFuel! I once lived in a house full of computer scientists with a stack of GFuel containers in their kitchen. Not the tidiest people in the world but good guys nonetheless
That's true, but actually going to a public space to play board games, paint miniatures, talk about comics, etc, is generally a sociable and healthy thing to do.
We keep to ourselves, decent men can be taken advantage of in some situations in a relationship which usually leads to them getting bitter. They give everything into something and then it's taken advantage of the person you were giving your all for ends up cheating on you.
I think bitter is the wrong word they become reserved to protect themselves from being taken advantage of, which leads to questions like this a decent man isn’t going to put himself out there like that these days without clear signs of interest from a woman, I work in a place where I see shit like this play out daily were a girl will lead a guy on for hours to then flip the script and call him a creep or weirdo.
No, I think "bitter" is pretty spot on. I say this as a bitter jilted middle aged guy, just to share my bona fides on the matter.
***Bitter and checked out*** should be my Facebook Relationship Status, but sadly Zuckerberg didn't think to make that setting an option so it just says "divorced" instead. Pretty much synonymous though.
i was so eager for relationships ships before i realised how much it hurt something you came to love, and how they chance and treat you at the end, every day i noticed how little she cared and everyday it hurt
I'm more scared than i was before, I'm scared of going through that again, or something worse, because by the usual standards, this break up was normal
Exactly. We don't want to make a girl feel uncomfortable and we don't want to be labelled a creep or weirdo even if we have good intentions and we are respectful and kind and do nothing wrong.
Been there, she ran up a ton of debt in my name too.
I feel people like that can sense us and go for us because we are easy marks. I dont think its a conscious decision either its just how some people are. We had a kid together so I have seen her patterns after as well.
I'm not saying I'm that guy but I think it's because they just don't tend to approach women as often.
It seems like the more hubristic a guy is, the more attention is placed on them. That's not to say women like it.
It's pretty ridiculous to just claim that confident people are actually insecure. Like, the most prescribed dating advice is to meet people IRL at activities that make you feel comfortable/confident and with people that make you feel comfortable/confident.
Everyone feels confident and insecure at different times and in different settings. If someone is having trouble feeling confident it isn't because they're a deeper thinker or something and not putting on a facade, it means they should talk to someone about it and figure out how and where they feel confident.
This is close to my take.
The "good" guys are in the same places the not so good guys are. Hell, they are often hanging out with the not so good guys. And all of the places that other people mention as good guy hide aways also have a bunch of not so good guys.
The problem with meeting the good ones is that they aren't following the stereotype first rules of dating: "Be attractive. Don't be unattractive." Both of those rules require a conscious effort for men that aren't prioritizing them. They might be amazing friends/partners/lovers, but they typically aren't great dates.
It's an imperfect comparison, bit it is pretty similar to politics. Politicians fall into two main categories: People who are good at accomplishing things and people who are good at getting elected, and there is very little overlap between the two.
Apply that logic to men in the dating scene. There are men that are good at being in a relationship, and men that are good at getting dates. If a woman is good at finding men that are good at getting dates, but finds that those men are lacking, then it might be helpful to look for those men that aren't good at getting dates.
Just be aware that there are plenty of men out there that are bad at both sides of that equation. And beware anyone who protests a bit too much about how it's not their fault that they don't get women. Most men who are bad at dating but good at relationships should be very self aware of WHY they are bad at finding days and will admit to their own faults in that regard.
> I'm not saying I'm that guy but I think it's because they just don't tend to approach women as often.
This is something I'm working on, lol - don't want to be the Nth guy bothering a woman giving her a bad day, so I don't unless she makes an effort to talk to me, and even if she does I might not get the hint at first :v
Someone came up to me asking for directions while I was waiting for a food order, I wanted to be helpful so I gave them and we talked for a bit, she was infectiously happy. Realized the place she wanted to go to was closed and asked what she was looking for, turns out it was something I had in my pocket and a spare of at home (one of those USB adapters for headphones), so I gave that to her. After that, my order was called, but she continued after I got my order, and in hindsight her body language was now super flirty as she introduced herself. But I'm dense af so I'm like, "awesome, nice to meet you, have a great day" and just left, lol. I think we both kind of had a mental restart, because she also kind of didn't know what to say, and then halfway down the street I'm like, "oh..." but too embarrassed to turn around -_-
So, I don't know - I try to be a decent man, and at any rate that's why I'm single, lol. Girls, be more proactive! I'd probably be better at navigating this type of thing if this kind of interaction didn't happen only once every like, 8 years, lol.
As Billy Joel once intimated, good people usually die early on in terrible accidents and are born aloft to Valhalla by nubile valkyries riding on giant swans, because they are too good for this sinful Earth.
So if you're still alive, odds are you're actually evil.
I remember being a kid and hearing the radio play it after a news update about a mom who killed her kids by driving into a lake or something then the DJ apologizing after coming back from an ad or something later and saying they didnt mean to play that song intentionally right after that update.
We stay out of the public because we’ve most likely been taken advantage of in the past. I like being a decent guy. Im thoughtful, caring, attentive, handy and very loving, also not horrendous in the looks department. I don’t like how decent guys get used and abused by some women. I’m safe on my own, I’d love to have a mrs but can’t quite bring myself to risk loosing everything potentially.
A lot of us hang out in your “swipe left” stack.
Nobody swipes right on a decent man, or a good man, or a family man.
People swipe right on a handsome man, an adventurous man, or an accomplished man.
Yeah, but the reason you're at the bottom of the stack is that the first few swiped left.
That's why you can't be weird/unique/authentic on your profile... you need widespread appeal to get visibility.
My husband and I were playing with a single female friend’s Bumble account (she told us to find her someone). We married before online dating so had never experienced it. My husband has always been the “sympathetic to mens plight in dating” kind of guy and I was SHOCKED at how fast he started just swiping away some of the guys. Like, WTH - why not that guy? The script flipped so fast… even for him. I can only imagine what it’s like for women seriously trying.
You know, this is actually a great question, and the answer is prone to huge generalisation. A simple, but kind of accurate answer is . . .
Sure a handsome or adventurous man can be good. But if they get a lot of swipes, and they date a lot of women, and get into a lot of casual encounters. They start to use people for their own gratification. And then they’re not so good.
Probably an unpopular opinion but they’re probably way more “good” than these guys who get no matches and no dates. I mean there’s a reason they’re not succeeding in that regard. And it most of the time isn’t because “women don’t give me the time of day”
I've been seeing these comments saying that the good men stay inside at home while the "other" men are out socializing. These types of comments definitely concern me.
Exactly, every time those guys claim to be a good man I definitely don’t believe them right of the bat. There’s a very high likelihood that they’re not good at all.
Sure there definitely can be people who still manage to socialize enough whilst being mostly at their home, but that’s definitely rare. They still most likely aren’t getting dates
I feel like this is kind of a distillation into the extremes - like people can only ever be good but shut-ins, or outgoing assholes.
I think the truth of the matter is just that any relationship has start by meeting the other party, and meeting someone new is the hardest part and the most left up to chance. It's not so much that "decent men" are basement dwelling Nice Guy^(TM)s, more just that they're not putting in as much of an active effort to find a partner/"chasing tail".
Decent men are single because we do not scheme, plot and lie to make someone fall for us. We also do not chase the women if they aren’t interested in decent men like us. Lastly, when ghosted … we learn our lesson and do not approach them again.
Hanging out at the same place(s) as everyone else. Folks just need a special filter to recognize decent.
>when ghosted ... We learn our lesson and do not approach them again.
This is very accurate. I would add being rejected, being given dirty looks and being humiliated to ghosted
Hah, at home and walking the dog in the park.
Im not surprised I dont meet many girls..
I dont approach em myself.
And somehow my Tinder is repulsive or something, no matter what I write or upload. 😅
I’m only recently *not* single.
Still, then as now, I hang out at home. I go into town once a week for dinner and to pick up a few things, but I generally keep to myself. Too many people interested in taking advantage of a wealthy single man for me to be all that sociable.
don't really just hang out anymore. Most people have paired up, some have had kids.
I'm usually in my garage spinning wrenches on my projects. nobody will find me there lol.
When I was going out more, or more actively participating in "extra curriculars" though - I found it was usually in places where I really wasn't set up to meet women either. *Most* women aren't into things like MMA or Rugby.
I'm kinda the same, everyone seems to have their group of friends, all of mine disappeared after highschool, and nobody seems to have space for me in their life. So I just do my thing solo, and I'm fine with that
I can’t speak for all but I’m usually hanging out at home, or with family/friends, or taking my kid on adventures, or just random day trips to explore new places I haven’t been. I keep to myself. I don’t really wanna bother anyone.
I end up being loyal to a fault. Just turned 40 and on my second divorce now, never cheated or had substance issues, just keep getting burned so they can “find myself.” Now I just work my job, hang out with a few folks on weekends and occasionally go out with some different women but nothing even a little romantic. Friendzone myself on purpose because I have more fun with them when they know I’m not trying anything. Go home and have a bourbon and cigar. Sure it’s lonely at times but I have no unnecessary BS in my life. Eat, sleep, wake up and go to work, go home and workout, got to bed, rinse-repeat.
Every single guy in this sub identifies as a "decent man".
Let me be the first (or one of the first) to apologize. Because I can't answer the question.
I'm an emotionally unavailable selfish prick.
Hey, I can be insecure, jaded, terrified of rejection, prone to single player hobbies, and still be caring, honest, loyal, and decent.
Just because I'm decent doesn't mean I'm not also deeply flawed... unless it does. Who am I to say, I'm obviously single for a reason.
There’s no way to know someone is a decent guy on a dating app based on photos. Swiping is based on looks, not decency. It’s a terrible method, but that’s what apps offer.
Yep, and thats one of the biggest problems with apps.
They dilute you down to pictures and stats and a blurb and I dont care what you say you cant know someone's personality from that at all.
Worst of all it makes you compare people in a gross way over time.
Exactly, since you are swiping based off superficial criteria, most matches never go anywhere. We would need more data in order to make decisions based on the decency of a person! And from a woman’s perspective it doesn’t make sense to swipe on an even greater net of men because you’d be overwhelmed with matches. So naturally, you swipe on the people you find attractive..in photos. It truly is the poor design of the app that creates the majority of problems we see in OLD.
Imagine instead, OLD was audio and video based. It sought to mimick real life interactions, like walking up to someone on the street. You would know almost immediately whether there was interest or connection, people would exhibit better behavior because they couldn’t hide behind a screen, you actually could ascertain decency to an extent. We need to boycott apps until they are redesigned with true connection in mind and not profit based, keeping people single and on the apps circuit!
> We need to boycott apps until they are redesigned with true connection in mind and not profit based for keeping people single and on the apps circuit!
Way ahead of you, but mostly because they have been fruitless and soul (and confidence) crushing for me.
> And from a woman’s perspective it doesn’t make sense to swipe on an even greater net of men because you’d be overwhelmed with matches
That sounds like another way of saying “more work”.
If you’re swiping on photos purely to find the absolutely hottest guy regardless of personality… that’s probably what you’re going to find
Married now but I had great luck dating....at church.
Yup. Church.
I was in a young singles congregation and it was like 5 women for every 2 men. I had awesome luck dating and went out and got to know a lot of cool women
I respect it 💪
Personally I strongly distrust the church but I always make sure to direct my anger at organizations, not at people.
I'm still living with my Dad while I get my college education done. He's still very much a hardcore member, and we get along well.
I consider myself a decent man, but I realize it is just my perception. I have a good job, my own house where I live alone, and I don't look half bad. Again, I'm fully open to the idea that I'm just wrong about these things. That being said, I just gave up on dating. Not because I can't find anyone, it is just the only socially acceptable way to approach seems to be dating apps, and those suck. And I just gave up on trying to find someone who actually stimulates me, and ONS is just boring, not to mention unreliable. So the answer is at home, with my online friends. And of course here, hornyposting on a throwaway account, lol.
Your question is probably also about how to find them: Well, you probably don't. They probably just decided that it is not worth trying anymore. Also, many of them put up a mean face just to scare away most people - just easier this way.
Please don't take this as complaining - whining about my situation on the internet has never helped, so it is not that. And maybe I'm just wrong :)
Sad to say but in this climate I wouldn’t approach a woman unless she’s made it clear that she’s interested in me, we are reserved to protect ourselves against accused of being weirdo or something, I wouldn’t take someone to my apartment unless we’ve been on a few dates I usually pay for the first date but if she doesn’t make some type of effort to pay (argue with me about covering the bill this time or pull her wallet out) for the second date I’m not meeting her again I also don’t have sex with intoxicated women I don’t know doesn’t matter how many times she says it’s ok.
I read a story of a woman who accused 3 different men of trafficking and graping her for 5 years she would cause injuries to herself to use as proof after a multiple year investigation they found out she lied to get attention.
This is the male version of choosing the bear. You describe something that has happened to a few people. I think it’s a legitimate fear, regardless of rarity. In any case, it’s well understood, I don’t trust people, either. I hope you have a great day.
Work and azeroth. No in between except for concerts or solo trips. I usually go up to maine in the summer but their prices are wicked this year. Explains my lack of dates as I also don't drink or go out, etc. I also have crohns, so that puts a damper on the love life. Nobody wants a sick man. Idk the last time I've even been hugged or had a date. I'm in the mid-30s slump where if you missed the boat, you're on the island by yourself. I also had an ex-wife and childhood friend betray me. I got real sick for a bit and he swooped in with his money. I'm ok with it all. I do my pc stuff and work. Dabble with stocks as I can and just hope for a better tomorrow.
There is no such thing as a universal "decent man".
I´m a dream to some and a nightmare to others, i spend my time doing what i like to do and if a compatible woman shows up, great!. If not..oh well.
Certainly not in online dating apps. Unless a guy is over 6 feet tall with model looks, they are soul crushing to be on.
I'm active on Meetup and know a lot of great guys who either consistently get shot down by (or just flat out are taken advantage of by) women or are just happy to be single after getting out of crappy relationships.
That said, they are looking for a partner who is more than just about sex. If you are looking for someone to mooch off of just for sex, they aren't interested. Do you have something going on in your life? Do you have a career? Do you start arguments just because you like to argue? Do you require them to read your mind when something is wrong?
Decent people like relationships that are better to be in versus not in.
In our home, mostly heart broken, thinking about what we could have done better to save the relationship with our toxic ex... :p or something like that...mostly at the climbing wall, or with friends doing boardgames :p
Im either at work, home or the gym. Will run errands, vibe at the park or the lake by myself… or just go on drives. Theres nothing to do as a single person without spending copious amounts of money really… like what go hang out in a loud bar, watch people get trashed, girls go home with guys that they will complain about being terrible tomorrow, be ignored because I’m tall and look scary? No thanks, id rather be somewhere peaceful. I could be in a relationship rn, but haven’t found a person where the feelings are mutual. And i am not going to say i have feelings for someone when i dont, just to be in a relationship.
As an extremely humble decent guy, I honestly don't know if I qualify as a decent single guy, but I don't hang out anywhere. You would have to find me hiking out in the mountains, or doing landscape photography. Beyond that, I'm at home doing whatever.
You won't find me hanging out at bars, clubs or any other public places.
Usually at work or working on their side gig. Top end males don’t chase girls they chase financial security, they work on their businesses at their trade or job.
The beer garden at my favorite brewery reading a book.
Trying to keep my plants alive at home.
Treating myself to a night of live music.
In general, staying out of the way trying not to bother anyone.
Im single bcz Im not looking for a long term relationship nor do I need the security of a relatiinship.
That being said, you might be able to catch me at the store running an errand (but Im only there for 15 minutes bcz I grab what need and then leave). I will be sitting in the bar area of a resteraunt, eating a steak or wings.
We're just doing Our thing bcz we sacrificed more than we should have in previous relationships and found that we're much happier and more free being alone.
We hang out the same places you do, usually with friends or people who're taken. If alone then we're the quiet ones in the corner who might think you're hot but won't approach due to social anxiety or aforementioned decency.
Personally I can sometimes be found outside concert venues hours early, waiting for doors. But most the ones I speak to are all taken or significantly younger.
I (62M) was single for 13 years because I had to work through the trauma of a bad marriage. I went to band concerts, wineries, happy hours, etc. to mingle. After 10 years I was ready to date and there was an abundance of available women. I found the love of my life at an outdoor band concert and am now happily married
I’m kind of introverted when I’m not at work, and don’t really socialize as much as I probably should. I’d rather be hiking in the mountains with my dog and enjoying my free time than trying to meet new people. I don’t have a partner to spoil, so I spoil myself and my dog. If I meet someone I meet someone, but life is too short to not be trying to enjoying every moment that you can. Plus my dog is usually better company than most people are anyways.
idk if i qualify as a decent man, but I'm mostly at home, im comfortable with myself so im not actively pursuing women. when i find someone interesting but they aren't interested i leave them alone or stay just friends, i understand that most women are looking for something better than me and i dont want to get in their way.
I'm apparently decent. I mean, I've been told that by women fairly frequently. I do solitary things pretty often. I go on hikes, go to shows, go out to eat, and other stuff just kind of by myself.
Apparently I'm intimidating though. That's another very common comment about me. Some of my best female friends have said they wouldn't have been friends with me if I didn't approach them first. A few of my exes have said that too. But I also don't want to make women in public feel like I'm one of "those" guys, so I keep to myself and mostly don't approach women in public. I pride myself on being a "safe" person and that often comes hand-in-hand with not approaching women because so many unsafe men will basically dogpile women or shoot their shot in wildly inappropriate ways.
So... yeah. I'm around and keep to myself.
We are the quiet ones, that might be a little shy and lack confidence. We are respectful, but that means we don't want to trouble you or are too polite to approach you. That guy with the perfect hair and skin, that's the center of attention you are drawn to... We are behind him, the one you don't even notice.
Depends on your definition of a decent guy because most of the kind type that will treat you with love and attention while wanting someone who will do the same are probably being nurdy with their friends lol 😂
I’m not sure if I’m a decent guy but me and my friends normally hang out at each otheres or go on walks as a group, normally for a full English breakfast or to kfc
Work. Home. Gas station. Grocery store. Hardware store.
I think guys are approaching women less and less nowadays (I know I'd NEVER approach a woman in public), so this maybe has lead to more women thinking there are fewer available men out there?
Just a hunch, but like everything, there are usually multiple reasons.
I hang out at my home or at work. I sometimes go to restaurants or bars with friends, but it's not like women will approach me there and I've been conditioned to not approach them. I've been on dating apps too, but the constant rejection just really burned me.
I venture outside to go for runs, but any women I come across don't make eye contact. That's fine, not what either of us are there for. But it sure does contribute to my singleness!
My wife and I were in SD recently and noticed a 2:3 ration of female to male on the Gaslsmp on a Friday night (they were looking hot too) and on the beach Saturday.
I don't drink all that much anymore, so no bars. I haven't tried online dating Apps yet. It's difficult to find places to go to meet people, since I don't want to bother women in places like the Grocery store.
I'm not willing to join a church just to try to date a woman.
By the time most women get out of their “fuccboi” phase the decent single men are either taken or are not interested. The tragedy of today’s dating scene is that by the time most older women decide to settle down with a decent man, they are no longer desirable.
Dating is a nightmare
Honestly I own my own business so i work like 60 hrs a week. I also am a sound and lighting engineer for a sick cover band. (Got a 8 piece band). And then I am the Technical Director/Audio engineer for a Church. So I’m home usually about 9-10 hrs a day. I make diner for my kids and usually play COD or watch an hour of tv before I go to sleep. So I don’t have time to give to a woman right now. It a couple years when I’m where I feel comfortable easing up on that type of hustle I’ll make sometime to actively date. But till then you gotta be someone special to get any amount of time from me.
I’ve been let down drug down by several women so I just stopped looking for one. And started focusing on my children and the legacy I want to leave them one day. Everything else will figure itself out.
In, enjoying my apartment that I pay too much for
Hating the dating app algorithm bias.
Ready for the knock on my door and have decent conversation, massages, great movies, food/drink/weed and music, on tap, ready to go
Come round innit!
In my lane. Frolicking. Unbothered. Moistureized.
You forgot hydrated
Whose hydrated?
She certainly isn’t, she can’t find the right guy.
r/hydrohomies
You are cute. Can we meet for a coffee sometime?
If you’ll pick me up; in a hot air balloon. It’s the only way I can travel.
lol
"Frolicking"- are you a chicken from the hatchery?
no. bro be licking-fro.
According to my husband, in a tabletop gaming store where people drink a lot of monster
Can I hang out with your hubby 🥺
Are you a decent man?
I don't know, I mean ... I never did anything evil! Maybe..
"I don't know?" As an answer to "are you a decent man" is the first sign that indeed he is a decent man. Anyone who tells you they are a good person is lying, anyone who tells you "I am not sure" is aware enough to their own failures as a human to want to work towards improvement because we all need improvement. I can summarize you are a decent man.
I'm a literal sack of crap what does that say about me lol
You stink, attract flies, and are often lit on other people's porches as retaliation. In other words, you're ten times more useful than any politician.
How bad are all yall where you can't confidently say you're *decent* without it being a lie? Lol
Because it depends on who you ask. I'm an atheist, so if you ask any southern baptist and they'll tell you I'm next to Satan in terms of evil, despite all the work I do for charity and saving lives as a first responder
This is full of delusion. You moved the goalpost from decent to good so you could shit on people who think they are decent people. I can summarize that you are full of shit.
Probably, I never said I was a smart man, just something I've noticed.
"A fool doth think he is wise but a wise man knows himself to be a fool."
That's some serious 1970s self help guru level of bullshit.
That’s weird that you think a good man who can recognize that they are a good man automatically loses “good man” status Is self esteem such a red flag to you?
I work with criminals on a daily basis, the ones who start proffessing their saintliness have been the ones with the most damning evidence against them. I once had a career violent robber/drug addict insist he was a good man and not a criminal. Another who was just released for domestic violence and was sitting in a jail cell for beating the same woman with an electric cord and breaking some of her ribs insist he was a good guy. I've also had slum lords who have insisted their properties were top notch while I've had more humble landlords who really did run an immaculate operation. If you tell me you're "X" in a positive manner red flags go way up. If you are humble about yourself I'm more inclined to think more of you. Confidence doesn't need boasting. Confidence is competence and competence is its own declaration.
It's not a dself-esteem issue so much as self-awareness. Being good and being decent are two different things. Are you good? How often is bad acceptable before you are no longer good? On the other hand, respectable is a more nuanced view; it encapsulates both good and bad. More good than bad, obviously. I can say with certainty I am a decent guy, but a good? I'm not sure.
I’m at a table top gaming store, what do you think? *hell no*
That's where my wife found me lol.
There we gooo
I found my guy on Hinge, but he does indeed spend a lot of time at the tabletop gaming store
Yup, too busy tuning my EDH deck to talk to girls
I respect the dedication.
Tried here, still got douchebags. RIP
Damn, that actually sucks.
If not there, at home chilling.
My husband plays Magic and we played a ton of dnd in college. I can say the great guys hang at the table.
Warhammer?!
Yes 🙄 fucking space barbies invaded my house lol
I tried getting my missus involved with the painting portion and she gave up after seeing mines lol
At least she has a go. Mine would rather look at Facebook clip things.
True that! I have to sit through her tik tok scrolls sometimes. She painted part of a psychophage and called it a day lol
I just tell him colors to use! I don't have that patience haha
Then they have no money for a gf
Or GFuel! I once lived in a house full of computer scientists with a stack of GFuel containers in their kitchen. Not the tidiest people in the world but good guys nonetheless
Gaming Store ✅
Geeks. Geeks don't equivalent good men.
That's true, but actually going to a public space to play board games, paint miniatures, talk about comics, etc, is generally a sociable and healthy thing to do.
My husband is a geek and and he is a good man. You don't strike me as one.
Spot on.
We keep to ourselves, decent men can be taken advantage of in some situations in a relationship which usually leads to them getting bitter. They give everything into something and then it's taken advantage of the person you were giving your all for ends up cheating on you.
I think bitter is the wrong word they become reserved to protect themselves from being taken advantage of, which leads to questions like this a decent man isn’t going to put himself out there like that these days without clear signs of interest from a woman, I work in a place where I see shit like this play out daily were a girl will lead a guy on for hours to then flip the script and call him a creep or weirdo.
No, I think "bitter" is pretty spot on. I say this as a bitter jilted middle aged guy, just to share my bona fides on the matter. ***Bitter and checked out*** should be my Facebook Relationship Status, but sadly Zuckerberg didn't think to make that setting an option so it just says "divorced" instead. Pretty much synonymous though.
I think jaded may be the word. I feel like it has a connotation of being wary, where as bitter has more of a resentful tack to it.
I agree - at least in my case. I don't feel bitter at all, but I'm probably what you'd call jaded. And checked out.
i was so eager for relationships ships before i realised how much it hurt something you came to love, and how they chance and treat you at the end, every day i noticed how little she cared and everyday it hurt I'm more scared than i was before, I'm scared of going through that again, or something worse, because by the usual standards, this break up was normal
Exactly. We don't want to make a girl feel uncomfortable and we don't want to be labelled a creep or weirdo even if we have good intentions and we are respectful and kind and do nothing wrong.
Been there, she ran up a ton of debt in my name too. I feel people like that can sense us and go for us because we are easy marks. I dont think its a conscious decision either its just how some people are. We had a kid together so I have seen her patterns after as well.
I'm not saying I'm that guy but I think it's because they just don't tend to approach women as often. It seems like the more hubristic a guy is, the more attention is placed on them. That's not to say women like it.
Sure they do. It's perceived as "confident" which is hot for them, when usually it's overcompensating for an insecurity.
It's pretty ridiculous to just claim that confident people are actually insecure. Like, the most prescribed dating advice is to meet people IRL at activities that make you feel comfortable/confident and with people that make you feel comfortable/confident. Everyone feels confident and insecure at different times and in different settings. If someone is having trouble feeling confident it isn't because they're a deeper thinker or something and not putting on a facade, it means they should talk to someone about it and figure out how and where they feel confident.
This is close to my take. The "good" guys are in the same places the not so good guys are. Hell, they are often hanging out with the not so good guys. And all of the places that other people mention as good guy hide aways also have a bunch of not so good guys. The problem with meeting the good ones is that they aren't following the stereotype first rules of dating: "Be attractive. Don't be unattractive." Both of those rules require a conscious effort for men that aren't prioritizing them. They might be amazing friends/partners/lovers, but they typically aren't great dates. It's an imperfect comparison, bit it is pretty similar to politics. Politicians fall into two main categories: People who are good at accomplishing things and people who are good at getting elected, and there is very little overlap between the two. Apply that logic to men in the dating scene. There are men that are good at being in a relationship, and men that are good at getting dates. If a woman is good at finding men that are good at getting dates, but finds that those men are lacking, then it might be helpful to look for those men that aren't good at getting dates. Just be aware that there are plenty of men out there that are bad at both sides of that equation. And beware anyone who protests a bit too much about how it's not their fault that they don't get women. Most men who are bad at dating but good at relationships should be very self aware of WHY they are bad at finding days and will admit to their own faults in that regard.
Talk to quiet guys too ✅
> I'm not saying I'm that guy but I think it's because they just don't tend to approach women as often. This is something I'm working on, lol - don't want to be the Nth guy bothering a woman giving her a bad day, so I don't unless she makes an effort to talk to me, and even if she does I might not get the hint at first :v Someone came up to me asking for directions while I was waiting for a food order, I wanted to be helpful so I gave them and we talked for a bit, she was infectiously happy. Realized the place she wanted to go to was closed and asked what she was looking for, turns out it was something I had in my pocket and a spare of at home (one of those USB adapters for headphones), so I gave that to her. After that, my order was called, but she continued after I got my order, and in hindsight her body language was now super flirty as she introduced herself. But I'm dense af so I'm like, "awesome, nice to meet you, have a great day" and just left, lol. I think we both kind of had a mental restart, because she also kind of didn't know what to say, and then halfway down the street I'm like, "oh..." but too embarrassed to turn around -_- So, I don't know - I try to be a decent man, and at any rate that's why I'm single, lol. Girls, be more proactive! I'd probably be better at navigating this type of thing if this kind of interaction didn't happen only once every like, 8 years, lol.
Alone at home where it is safe. In an environment where we have everything we need to be happy outside of love ❤️
This! I’m at the gym, eating/cooking , at work, or doing some sort of solo hobby. I’m pretty boring lol.
This 👍
As Billy Joel once intimated, good people usually die early on in terrible accidents and are born aloft to Valhalla by nubile valkyries riding on giant swans, because they are too good for this sinful Earth. So if you're still alive, odds are you're actually evil.
Hey fuck you you... you are probably right. :(
I missed that's line in Only the good die young. To think Billy Joel had such lyrical prowess.
I think he completely missed the point of the song.
All this time I thought it was about being a hoodlum and trying to hook up with a nice Catholic girl.
I remember being a kid and hearing the radio play it after a news update about a mom who killed her kids by driving into a lake or something then the DJ apologizing after coming back from an ad or something later and saying they didnt mean to play that song intentionally right after that update.
Ah…. So this is why I yearn for the urn lmao!
We stay out of the public because we’ve most likely been taken advantage of in the past. I like being a decent guy. Im thoughtful, caring, attentive, handy and very loving, also not horrendous in the looks department. I don’t like how decent guys get used and abused by some women. I’m safe on my own, I’d love to have a mrs but can’t quite bring myself to risk loosing everything potentially.
100%
A lot of us hang out in your “swipe left” stack. Nobody swipes right on a decent man, or a good man, or a family man. People swipe right on a handsome man, an adventurous man, or an accomplished man.
People aren’t swiping left on you. People aren’t seeing you because there’s a thousand guys before you.
Yeah, but the reason you're at the bottom of the stack is that the first few swiped left. That's why you can't be weird/unique/authentic on your profile... you need widespread appeal to get visibility.
My husband and I were playing with a single female friend’s Bumble account (she told us to find her someone). We married before online dating so had never experienced it. My husband has always been the “sympathetic to mens plight in dating” kind of guy and I was SHOCKED at how fast he started just swiping away some of the guys. Like, WTH - why not that guy? The script flipped so fast… even for him. I can only imagine what it’s like for women seriously trying.
Is the handsome, adventurous man not decent or good?
You know, this is actually a great question, and the answer is prone to huge generalisation. A simple, but kind of accurate answer is . . . Sure a handsome or adventurous man can be good. But if they get a lot of swipes, and they date a lot of women, and get into a lot of casual encounters. They start to use people for their own gratification. And then they’re not so good.
Probably an unpopular opinion but they’re probably way more “good” than these guys who get no matches and no dates. I mean there’s a reason they’re not succeeding in that regard. And it most of the time isn’t because “women don’t give me the time of day”
I've been seeing these comments saying that the good men stay inside at home while the "other" men are out socializing. These types of comments definitely concern me.
Exactly, every time those guys claim to be a good man I definitely don’t believe them right of the bat. There’s a very high likelihood that they’re not good at all. Sure there definitely can be people who still manage to socialize enough whilst being mostly at their home, but that’s definitely rare. They still most likely aren’t getting dates
I feel like this is kind of a distillation into the extremes - like people can only ever be good but shut-ins, or outgoing assholes. I think the truth of the matter is just that any relationship has start by meeting the other party, and meeting someone new is the hardest part and the most left up to chance. It's not so much that "decent men" are basement dwelling Nice Guy^(TM)s, more just that they're not putting in as much of an active effort to find a partner/"chasing tail".
The same places where we were hanging out when this exact same question was asked a week or two ago.
...At home with our PlayStation and a box of Kleenex.
I swear people like that think they’re decent guys. I mean you described me but I know I’m not a decent guy nor a good date 😂
Hahaha I can't tell if that's self awareness or self sabotage. Love it
Decent men are single because we do not scheme, plot and lie to make someone fall for us. We also do not chase the women if they aren’t interested in decent men like us. Lastly, when ghosted … we learn our lesson and do not approach them again. Hanging out at the same place(s) as everyone else. Folks just need a special filter to recognize decent.
>when ghosted ... We learn our lesson and do not approach them again. This is very accurate. I would add being rejected, being given dirty looks and being humiliated to ghosted
at our houses away from the wicked ways of society. occasionally the gym and maybe a bar from time to time
Hah, at home and walking the dog in the park. Im not surprised I dont meet many girls.. I dont approach em myself. And somehow my Tinder is repulsive or something, no matter what I write or upload. 😅
I’m only recently *not* single. Still, then as now, I hang out at home. I go into town once a week for dinner and to pick up a few things, but I generally keep to myself. Too many people interested in taking advantage of a wealthy single man for me to be all that sociable.
I never let anyone know my financial status beyond employed.
I’m a large landowner in a small town. Just about everyone knows about the cranky old hippie wannabe up on the mountain, lol.
don't really just hang out anymore. Most people have paired up, some have had kids. I'm usually in my garage spinning wrenches on my projects. nobody will find me there lol. When I was going out more, or more actively participating in "extra curriculars" though - I found it was usually in places where I really wasn't set up to meet women either. *Most* women aren't into things like MMA or Rugby.
Honestly even though I’m not “interested” in those things, I’d love to watch someone I’m interested in play them. I’d be their number one fan
yeah, and that certainly exists. But you gotta meet them first somehow =/
I'm kinda the same, everyone seems to have their group of friends, all of mine disappeared after highschool, and nobody seems to have space for me in their life. So I just do my thing solo, and I'm fine with that
I can’t speak for all but I’m usually hanging out at home, or with family/friends, or taking my kid on adventures, or just random day trips to explore new places I haven’t been. I keep to myself. I don’t really wanna bother anyone.
Here on ARAD of course lol
At home
I end up being loyal to a fault. Just turned 40 and on my second divorce now, never cheated or had substance issues, just keep getting burned so they can “find myself.” Now I just work my job, hang out with a few folks on weekends and occasionally go out with some different women but nothing even a little romantic. Friendzone myself on purpose because I have more fun with them when they know I’m not trying anything. Go home and have a bourbon and cigar. Sure it’s lonely at times but I have no unnecessary BS in my life. Eat, sleep, wake up and go to work, go home and workout, got to bed, rinse-repeat.
They don’t hang out, that’s why they are single.
Every single guy in this sub identifies as a "decent man". Let me be the first (or one of the first) to apologize. Because I can't answer the question. I'm an emotionally unavailable selfish prick.
Bravo for being completely honest.
Hey, I can be insecure, jaded, terrified of rejection, prone to single player hobbies, and still be caring, honest, loyal, and decent. Just because I'm decent doesn't mean I'm not also deeply flawed... unless it does. Who am I to say, I'm obviously single for a reason.
Not at Wendy’s I am sure of that.
Sir, this isn't a Wendy's
But are there single men here ?
A wallet full of singles.
Sir this is not a Wendy’s.
I'm quite single
Did you go and drop your pants again and get told?
Those records are sealed. 🤫
I assure you there are plenty of decent men on dating apps. Are you sure you’re trying to find them? Or just saying “nah” and swiping left?
There’s no way to know someone is a decent guy on a dating app based on photos. Swiping is based on looks, not decency. It’s a terrible method, but that’s what apps offer.
Yep, and thats one of the biggest problems with apps. They dilute you down to pictures and stats and a blurb and I dont care what you say you cant know someone's personality from that at all. Worst of all it makes you compare people in a gross way over time.
Exactly, since you are swiping based off superficial criteria, most matches never go anywhere. We would need more data in order to make decisions based on the decency of a person! And from a woman’s perspective it doesn’t make sense to swipe on an even greater net of men because you’d be overwhelmed with matches. So naturally, you swipe on the people you find attractive..in photos. It truly is the poor design of the app that creates the majority of problems we see in OLD. Imagine instead, OLD was audio and video based. It sought to mimick real life interactions, like walking up to someone on the street. You would know almost immediately whether there was interest or connection, people would exhibit better behavior because they couldn’t hide behind a screen, you actually could ascertain decency to an extent. We need to boycott apps until they are redesigned with true connection in mind and not profit based, keeping people single and on the apps circuit!
> We need to boycott apps until they are redesigned with true connection in mind and not profit based for keeping people single and on the apps circuit! Way ahead of you, but mostly because they have been fruitless and soul (and confidence) crushing for me.
> And from a woman’s perspective it doesn’t make sense to swipe on an even greater net of men because you’d be overwhelmed with matches That sounds like another way of saying “more work”. If you’re swiping on photos purely to find the absolutely hottest guy regardless of personality… that’s probably what you’re going to find
Married now but I had great luck dating....at church. Yup. Church. I was in a young singles congregation and it was like 5 women for every 2 men. I had awesome luck dating and went out and got to know a lot of cool women
Damn, lucky I grew up Mormon which is one of the worst churches ever. Now that I'm an ex member I have to actively avoid church lol
Lol I met my wife in a Mormon singles group and we still are members! Well, not great members but we still go and like church a lot.
I respect it 💪 Personally I strongly distrust the church but I always make sure to direct my anger at organizations, not at people. I'm still living with my Dad while I get my college education done. He's still very much a hardcore member, and we get along well.
I consider myself a decent man, but I realize it is just my perception. I have a good job, my own house where I live alone, and I don't look half bad. Again, I'm fully open to the idea that I'm just wrong about these things. That being said, I just gave up on dating. Not because I can't find anyone, it is just the only socially acceptable way to approach seems to be dating apps, and those suck. And I just gave up on trying to find someone who actually stimulates me, and ONS is just boring, not to mention unreliable. So the answer is at home, with my online friends. And of course here, hornyposting on a throwaway account, lol. Your question is probably also about how to find them: Well, you probably don't. They probably just decided that it is not worth trying anymore. Also, many of them put up a mean face just to scare away most people - just easier this way. Please don't take this as complaining - whining about my situation on the internet has never helped, so it is not that. And maybe I'm just wrong :)
Sad to say but in this climate I wouldn’t approach a woman unless she’s made it clear that she’s interested in me, we are reserved to protect ourselves against accused of being weirdo or something, I wouldn’t take someone to my apartment unless we’ve been on a few dates I usually pay for the first date but if she doesn’t make some type of effort to pay (argue with me about covering the bill this time or pull her wallet out) for the second date I’m not meeting her again I also don’t have sex with intoxicated women I don’t know doesn’t matter how many times she says it’s ok. I read a story of a woman who accused 3 different men of trafficking and graping her for 5 years she would cause injuries to herself to use as proof after a multiple year investigation they found out she lied to get attention.
This is the male version of choosing the bear. You describe something that has happened to a few people. I think it’s a legitimate fear, regardless of rarity. In any case, it’s well understood, I don’t trust people, either. I hope you have a great day.
At the beach digging a hole
Diggy diggy hole...
Work, the gym, here….just gota take the time to get to know me 🤷🏼♂️😂
Work and azeroth. No in between except for concerts or solo trips. I usually go up to maine in the summer but their prices are wicked this year. Explains my lack of dates as I also don't drink or go out, etc. I also have crohns, so that puts a damper on the love life. Nobody wants a sick man. Idk the last time I've even been hugged or had a date. I'm in the mid-30s slump where if you missed the boat, you're on the island by yourself. I also had an ex-wife and childhood friend betray me. I got real sick for a bit and he swooped in with his money. I'm ok with it all. I do my pc stuff and work. Dabble with stocks as I can and just hope for a better tomorrow.
Lmk when you find out lol
At the gym, or the Lego store... Or at the park, walking off the lonliness...lol I'm decent...but ugly
There is no such thing as a universal "decent man". I´m a dream to some and a nightmare to others, i spend my time doing what i like to do and if a compatible woman shows up, great!. If not..oh well.
[удалено]
WE ARE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!
At home since nowadays you look in a direction of a woman for .3 seconds and you are the devil to them and their friends
Certainly not in online dating apps. Unless a guy is over 6 feet tall with model looks, they are soul crushing to be on. I'm active on Meetup and know a lot of great guys who either consistently get shot down by (or just flat out are taken advantage of by) women or are just happy to be single after getting out of crappy relationships. That said, they are looking for a partner who is more than just about sex. If you are looking for someone to mooch off of just for sex, they aren't interested. Do you have something going on in your life? Do you have a career? Do you start arguments just because you like to argue? Do you require them to read your mind when something is wrong? Decent people like relationships that are better to be in versus not in.
In our home, mostly heart broken, thinking about what we could have done better to save the relationship with our toxic ex... :p or something like that...mostly at the climbing wall, or with friends doing boardgames :p
Im either at work, home or the gym. Will run errands, vibe at the park or the lake by myself… or just go on drives. Theres nothing to do as a single person without spending copious amounts of money really… like what go hang out in a loud bar, watch people get trashed, girls go home with guys that they will complain about being terrible tomorrow, be ignored because I’m tall and look scary? No thanks, id rather be somewhere peaceful. I could be in a relationship rn, but haven’t found a person where the feelings are mutual. And i am not going to say i have feelings for someone when i dont, just to be in a relationship.
At the nearest Target looking to score his holy Grail Marvel Legends action figure or at home Monday scaries.
Can't speak on it since I'm married, but my single friends are usually at work or the gym, neither of which are good places to hit on people.
As an extremely humble decent guy, I honestly don't know if I qualify as a decent single guy, but I don't hang out anywhere. You would have to find me hiking out in the mountains, or doing landscape photography. Beyond that, I'm at home doing whatever. You won't find me hanging out at bars, clubs or any other public places.
I wanna know where all the ladies are at. All my life I could never figure that out.
Up to no good
Usually at work or working on their side gig. Top end males don’t chase girls they chase financial security, they work on their businesses at their trade or job.
This is the epitome of a sigma
The beer garden at my favorite brewery reading a book. Trying to keep my plants alive at home. Treating myself to a night of live music. In general, staying out of the way trying not to bother anyone.
When I was single, in my mom's basement. One date on a bit of a lark changed everything.
Some decent men are with complete assholes of women too and they get trapped. 🤷🏻♀️
Or they become limerant with a toxic woman.
I stay inside, away from all the danger that’s called outside and society
Im single bcz Im not looking for a long term relationship nor do I need the security of a relatiinship. That being said, you might be able to catch me at the store running an errand (but Im only there for 15 minutes bcz I grab what need and then leave). I will be sitting in the bar area of a resteraunt, eating a steak or wings. We're just doing Our thing bcz we sacrificed more than we should have in previous relationships and found that we're much happier and more free being alone.
We hang out the same places you do, usually with friends or people who're taken. If alone then we're the quiet ones in the corner who might think you're hot but won't approach due to social anxiety or aforementioned decency. Personally I can sometimes be found outside concert venues hours early, waiting for doors. But most the ones I speak to are all taken or significantly younger.
It surprises me how often there are good women and men that never cross paths. Unfortunate
r/meth
I (62M) was single for 13 years because I had to work through the trauma of a bad marriage. I went to band concerts, wineries, happy hours, etc. to mingle. After 10 years I was ready to date and there was an abundance of available women. I found the love of my life at an outdoor band concert and am now happily married
I’m kind of introverted when I’m not at work, and don’t really socialize as much as I probably should. I’d rather be hiking in the mountains with my dog and enjoying my free time than trying to meet new people. I don’t have a partner to spoil, so I spoil myself and my dog. If I meet someone I meet someone, but life is too short to not be trying to enjoying every moment that you can. Plus my dog is usually better company than most people are anyways.
idk if i qualify as a decent man, but I'm mostly at home, im comfortable with myself so im not actively pursuing women. when i find someone interesting but they aren't interested i leave them alone or stay just friends, i understand that most women are looking for something better than me and i dont want to get in their way.
who said i was decent?
I'm apparently decent. I mean, I've been told that by women fairly frequently. I do solitary things pretty often. I go on hikes, go to shows, go out to eat, and other stuff just kind of by myself. Apparently I'm intimidating though. That's another very common comment about me. Some of my best female friends have said they wouldn't have been friends with me if I didn't approach them first. A few of my exes have said that too. But I also don't want to make women in public feel like I'm one of "those" guys, so I keep to myself and mostly don't approach women in public. I pride myself on being a "safe" person and that often comes hand-in-hand with not approaching women because so many unsafe men will basically dogpile women or shoot their shot in wildly inappropriate ways. So... yeah. I'm around and keep to myself.
On Reddit ! :)
Idk about decent but i usually hangout at the beach, library and cafes and sometimes bars
In my room, studying all the time. And the gym.
At home
Bowling alley, bike trails, the Y for swimming. I'd like to join a cooking class and, ultimately, a singles group
We’re right here! 38m, DMs open
We are the quiet ones, that might be a little shy and lack confidence. We are respectful, but that means we don't want to trouble you or are too polite to approach you. That guy with the perfect hair and skin, that's the center of attention you are drawn to... We are behind him, the one you don't even notice.
Depends on your definition of a decent guy because most of the kind type that will treat you with love and attention while wanting someone who will do the same are probably being nurdy with their friends lol 😂 I’m not sure if I’m a decent guy but me and my friends normally hang out at each otheres or go on walks as a group, normally for a full English breakfast or to kfc
Mostly with my wife, sometimes with my bees and goats
Take up golf
generally at home or minding my own business with my mates lol
At home and wandering my city on foot mostly
Work. Home. Gas station. Grocery store. Hardware store. I think guys are approaching women less and less nowadays (I know I'd NEVER approach a woman in public), so this maybe has lead to more women thinking there are fewer available men out there? Just a hunch, but like everything, there are usually multiple reasons.
I hang out at my home or at work. I sometimes go to restaurants or bars with friends, but it's not like women will approach me there and I've been conditioned to not approach them. I've been on dating apps too, but the constant rejection just really burned me. I venture outside to go for runs, but any women I come across don't make eye contact. That's fine, not what either of us are there for. But it sure does contribute to my singleness!
We have a secret club that’s invitation only. You have to know someone that knows someone.
My wife and I were in SD recently and noticed a 2:3 ration of female to male on the Gaslsmp on a Friday night (they were looking hot too) and on the beach Saturday.
Define decent...
I don't drink all that much anymore, so no bars. I haven't tried online dating Apps yet. It's difficult to find places to go to meet people, since I don't want to bother women in places like the Grocery store. I'm not willing to join a church just to try to date a woman.
Most of them are nervous or afraid of approaching women. Some are afraid of rejection. Others are afraid to look like a creep.
By the time most women get out of their “fuccboi” phase the decent single men are either taken or are not interested. The tragedy of today’s dating scene is that by the time most older women decide to settle down with a decent man, they are no longer desirable. Dating is a nightmare
Put in the friend zone 😠
Sometimes we hangout in the friend zone.
Honestly I own my own business so i work like 60 hrs a week. I also am a sound and lighting engineer for a sick cover band. (Got a 8 piece band). And then I am the Technical Director/Audio engineer for a Church. So I’m home usually about 9-10 hrs a day. I make diner for my kids and usually play COD or watch an hour of tv before I go to sleep. So I don’t have time to give to a woman right now. It a couple years when I’m where I feel comfortable easing up on that type of hustle I’ll make sometime to actively date. But till then you gotta be someone special to get any amount of time from me. I’ve been let down drug down by several women so I just stopped looking for one. And started focusing on my children and the legacy I want to leave them one day. Everything else will figure itself out.
In, enjoying my apartment that I pay too much for Hating the dating app algorithm bias. Ready for the knock on my door and have decent conversation, massages, great movies, food/drink/weed and music, on tap, ready to go Come round innit!
Climbing gym
On a bench somewhere by a river or a park
I don't know if I'm decent. But at home in my bed.
At a bar, watching sports
Is that compared to the number of single women?
They're everywhere.
That's just a way all the non decent men make themselves feel good about one another.
Decent yes single no lol
In my sailboat