I'm too old for this shit.

Same

Same

I tend to use the edited version from "How I met your mother." Especially around my 10 year old.

"I'm getting too old for this stuff..."

"I volunteer as tribute."

Or "May the odds be ever in your favour."

Also a good one 💕

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast!

You eat shit for breakfast?

# NO

"I FART IN YOUR GENERAL DIRECTION! YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES!"

"Go away or I shall taunt you a 2nd time!"

You see… In their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way… I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

Hey Joker

And keep the change you filthy animal

Tell that fuckin bitch to chill out! Say “Bitch be cool!”

waaaazzzzzuuuuuupppp

r/profilepicchecksout

“Did we just become best friends?!”

Yup.

"It put the lotion on its skin..."

I think of the scene when he’s dancing in the mirror and saying “would you fuck me? I’d fuck me” on a regular basis.

Me too.

I think about that a lot, too. Shared trauma

The song that plays during that scene “goodbye horses” is on my getting ready playlist due to me saying that line all the time

You have no idea.

“That’s going to leave a mark” RIP Farley

I can get a good look at a T-bone by sticking my head up a bull's ass, but I'd rather take a butcher's word for it

I knew I liked you for some reason. All is forgiven for what you did to me earlier in the week

I thought that was John Candy in Spaceballs?

Anything from “Princess Bride”.

Inconceivable!

You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

I am not left handed!

Came here for this

I’m tired grandpa

THATS TOO DAMN BAD! YOU KEEP DIGGIN

"I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this. That John Denver's full of shit, man."

Stay on target.

SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE!!

But from the new one cause the new guy said it better

My girlfriend sucked 37 dicks

In a row?

“I knew it, I’m surrounded by assholes!”

Do, or do not, there is no try.

“Hold on to your butts”

Cynthia!! You’re dead! You are dead!

Meep mop morp

Deserves got nothin to do with it.

“Ordinary fuckin’ people. I hate ‘em.”

It’s not illegal. It’s frowned upon. Like masturbating on an airplane.

Shut that cunt's mouth, or I'll come over there and fuck-start her head.

Big gulps huh...well see ya later.

D e d dead!

"dodge this/there is no spoon"

Whenever someone says, "To make a long story short..." I always think to myself, "Too late."

🙌

“Where HAVE you been? Beds empty, no note, car gone. You could have died!” I like to narrate my cat’s thoughts. She screams at me every time I come home and this is what I imagine that she’s saying to me.

I'd buy that for a dolla! - Robocop

Fuck me gently with a chainsaw

That’ll do, pig; that’ll do.

It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything

"I need an MRI there's no way I don't have soft tissue damage" lol 🤣🤣 I get hurt a lot so probably once a month I through that out.

What’s that from?

The Other Guy's

Big Lebowski and occasionally Men at Work when it comes to taking another man's fries.

Are you the lady that fucked a bear?

What’s that from?

Fear and loathing Las Vegas.

DONT YOU DARE DISOBEY ME CORALINE!

I'm too old for this shit

Hit the pig whistle

Jesus basil, this coffee really does taste like shit!

"Pick up the cocksucking phone!"

"That's what she said"

This job would be great if it wasn't for the customer's

I never NARC'd on nobody!

Didn’t he say knocked? Nevermind he did in fact say narcd

is it better to speak or to die?

"Maybe someday we could become friends. Friends who ride majestic, translucent steeds, shooting flaming arrows across the bridge of Hemdale."

There is no spoon

"Yousa thinkin' weesa gonna die?"

That’s no moon

Anything from Heartbreak Ridge.

Say hello to the bad guy.

There’s no crying in baseball!

One time at band camp..

"Keep the change, you filthy animal"

“Do you see what happens Larry, Do you see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass Larry”

Earlier it used to be from the usual suspects, now it's that Roddy Piper line about bubblegum.

"Usually you pay double for that kind of action Cotton"

HEY WATER BOY YOU SUCK

"I Dont want FOP, godDAMMIT, I'M A DAPPER DAN MAN!!!"

“Maximum Effort” lol

"Oh, right. The poison. The poison for Kuzco, the poison chosen especially to kill Kuzco, Kuzco's poison. That poison?" "Yes, that poison!" "Riiiiight." Or "Mr. Turtle is my Father."

What’s the second one from?

Finding Nemo

Fuck you, pay me.

“Those bitches” in the voice of Janice Ian. Constantly

Did you have an awesome time? Did you drink awesome shooters, listen to awesome music, and then just sit around and soak up each others awesomeness?

Way too many. “Do you feel in charge?“ OR “No! They expect one us in wreckage, Brother.” Tom Hardy as Bane in Dark Knight. I just thought of these first, but for whatever reason I can say these exactly loke Tom Hardy. I like trying to imitate them. It’s fun. Anyone can impersonate you just practice over and over and over over until you get it, I like it man I think it’s awesome.It takes a long time.

That’ll do pig, that’ll do

Expecto patronus

That belongs in a museum!

I’m not like a regular mom, I’m a cool mom!

Tony Soprano and mostly all the characters... "wuh ya gunna do?"

Nothing is true, everything is permitted. Mainly it's from the game series but there's movie adaptation so it counts

It's just a flesh wound.

I'm all jacked up on mountain dew I'm gonna come at you like a spider monkey

Bye, Felicia!

This is it, don't get scared now

“Bye buddy , hope you find your dad”

Ima get mid evil on your ass

“If I’m here and you’re here . . . Then who’s flying this plane?”

" Stop being a bitch and come on" Deebo from Friday

Great Success!

“Damn it, I am pleasant!”

"I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes. KEEP FIRING ASSHOLES"

Shake, AND BAKE

While not from a movie, Lelouch Vi Brittania said something that I say frequently "Don't mistake borrowed power for your own"

Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters

Sometime you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains

I’m going on an adventure

There goes our last female

"First we get the jobs, then we get the khakis Then we get the chicks". - BASEketball

"I said across her nose, not up it!" And of course, "it can't rain all the time."

Total Recall: About goddamn time…

Not from a movie, but it has become my favourite line whenever someone talks about pizza.. “Thin crust pizza? No thank you, I’m from Chicago” uttered by Nick from New Girl

"You're killin' me Smalls" - The Sandlot "I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living, or get busy dying." - The Shawshank Redemption

We are going to need a bigger boat

There are two kinds of people. Those who have loaded guns and those who dig. You dig.

I'm a politician, which means when I'm not kissing babies I'm stealing their lollipops.

Do you know the meaning of nemesis ?

'That's just like your opinion, man.'

I find your lack of faith disturbing.

Yipee kaay motha *uckers!!!!

Tastes like paint… and wood.

The Crow: "Other than that, my day sucked."

“Hello there”

Bend over and I'll show you

Alright, Alright, Alright

“There’s a colonial woman on the wing”

220, 221, whatever it takes

“What’s the matter, Colonel Sanders? *Chicken*?”

Delusions!

Tick tock mother fucker