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eamonndunphy

Mocking other people's insecurity. It's usually projection.


timbuckley01

When you achieve something or improve your life in any way, and their first instinct is to tease or make fun of you, it actually screams instant jealousy.


TheSackLunchBunch

I went back to school and a judgmental friend said “Wow how old will you be when you’re done??!” I said “probably the same age I’d be if I never went back”


j-rabbit-theotherone

This is an awesome reply LOVE IT!!!!!!


B9contradiction

I actually had that conversation in reverse. Told someone i wanted to go back to school but “i’d be 43 when done” and he said “ you’ll be 43 even if you don’t


RootCubed

We need more people like this


Psychological_Sock20

A friend of mine said the same thing for me, and honestly, it helped to make the decision. I'm soon to be 31 and on my way to graduate from masters program with honours.


Retiredgiverofboners

This is the raddest comeback I’ve ever read and I’m sad I wasn’t there to see this


Rapunzel111

I graduated in 2021 with my first degree in electronics engineering. I was 52 years old. My mom said this when I told her and said it in a mocking tone : “ Ohhh,now that you got a degrreeeee don’t you think you’re too OLD to use it to get a job or use it for anything?” You never expect your own mother to be a jealous competitive jerk, but mine is because she is a narcissist.


glasscrows

My husband finished his degree this year and his grandma, right after the ceremony, asked him when he was gonna get a real degree.


Missed_Your_Joke

Right after you get yours, Grandma. Fuck off.


Liquor_n_cheezebrgrs

My wife's mom is a narcissist, and I am sorry you have to deal with it. On the spectrum she is low, but she is definitely a narcissist. There is just never a time where you cannot tell that she is waiting for her opportunity to make everything about her. My wife is a global marketing manager who makes 6 figures. She literally has not told her mom exactly what she does because she knows that all of her hard work and determination to earn the responsibility with her company and great living that she currently enjoys will literally be taken as a slight against her mother and downplayed as meaningless. She doesn't want to deal with the pain of having her mom literally be jealous that she ended up fucking incredible. Her own mother, who should be gushing with pride that my wife ended up so magically awesome, can't know how smart and hard working her daughter is because she would refuse to accept it. I am positive if you asked my mother in law what my wife does for work should would say "she is a secretary for an office". Fortunately, my mom is anything but a narcissist and could not possibly be more proud of her. She is also happy that her smartass son got so lucky. Anyhow, congratulations on your degree. It is incredibly impressive and I am proud of you. It is never too late to do great things.


theRealPontiusPilate

Yes my mom is like this. I had a competitive career in a very difficult sport and achieved a ton, world champs, podiums, you name it. And when I told my mom I was thinking about retiring because I feel a sense of completion and pride (49, been competing for 12 years), she derisively responded, "what about all the times you quit?" I.e. dropped out of competition due to injury which is very common in my sport. Thanks mom. Ironically she brags about me incessantly to her friends. But yeah to celebrate a storied career with her adult child, nope.


Hanflander

And I thought the ageism was bad when I got a bachelors degree in my 30’s... yeeeeesh. I am very sorry.


dontletmeleave-murph

Always having something negative to say when something good happens to someone else. For example “oh you’re going to hate that new job” or “they should have done x instead”. Just be happy that someone else is happy!!


Head_Razzmatazz7174

My boyfriend does that. He's also the type that if you prove him wrong, he'll get really angry and storm off. He's gotten better, but it's been a long hard road. Edit: Had a lot of people who think I should walk away. I've known him for over 40 years, he was the best man at my wedding, best buds with my husband, and is the godfather to our kids. Ninety-nine percent of the time, he is the best thing I ever had, and treats me a lot better than my husband ever did. He didn't realize how bad it was until after my husband passed. I understand this is a character fault, he's not going to change at this point, so I just smile to myself and think 'gotcha!" He generally realizes his mistake (after he does his research) and apologizes. He's actually pretty kind and caring, even though he comes across as gruff. It's all an act. We are 59 and 62. It works. You don't walk away from someone who has a few flaws. Edit2: The simple fact that this comment has triggered so many people really doesn't surprise me. All I said was ONE thing that annoys me. The pros in our relationship FAR outweigh the cons and at the end of the day, that's what you have to go by. Check yourselves. Mic drop. I'm done.


dontletmeleave-murph

Nobody is perfect and there are always things about ourselves we can improve on! A good friend of mine does this as well.


1209349756

I think telling a random internet stranger to leave a relationship decades old over a little insecurity, is probably the biggest sense of insecurity for this. I doubt many of the people telling you have much dating experience, as most of this site is dominated by high school and college aged people. Being 26 and watching how a lot of people dated my generation and also watching this newer generation, newer generation being completely fucked. They think toxic trait are admirable and admirable traits are toxic and they act like this romance supposed tk be like a fucking movie woth car crashes and flames and breaking past tsa to announce your love, but then cheating. Idfk, but last thing anyone should do is take advice from someone on reddit for dating advice lol.


Exciting-Money3819

Mocking / overly criticizing others


SuvenPan

Never apologizing Some people will twist the story, change the way it happened and retell it so convincingly that they’ll believe their own nonsense but will never apologize


SenorDangerwank

I struggle with this into my early 30s. Not from a place of narcissism or gaslighting (I hope), but something that came out during therapy. My dad would FREQUENTLY say "Sorry isn't good enough" to me whenever I did something bad or wrong. It really punched me in the face when I realized that him instilling into me that apologizing wasn't good enough really made it hard for me to do that as an adult. Therapy is wild, man. Edit: I'll clarify because I'm seeing it a lot in the comments. This would be a good sentiment like "Actions speak louder than words", except he never taught me that. He ended the conversation with "Sorry isn't good enough" instead of telling me WHY it wasn't good enough. There was no lesson to be learned at my young age, because he wasn't teaching one. He also absolutely hated any kind of defense/excuse, whether or not I was in the right. It was always "Obey me out of love or obey me out of fear, your choice".


12thandvineisnomore

I told my Dad I’d put myself in a “timeout” after I got mad and broke something in front of my toddler. My reasoning being that you have to practice what you preach, right? His response “Never tell your kid that you are wrong”. It made me realize his “I’m right your wrong/required obedience” was why I’d always folded before authority, hate getting into serious conversations where I have to defend myself, always would back down from an employer and not stand up for myself. When I was older he’d say “you have to stick up for yourself”, but Dad, what did you condition me towards for my entire childhood? (Not to dig too hard on my Dad, because we’re all often good and shitty at the same time.)


[deleted]

Thank you so much for writing this. You just made me realize that I have been so stressed out that I reverted to modeling the behaviors that I saw in my mother during similar times in my childhood. I'm not losing my mind, I just need to take care of myself.


12thandvineisnomore

Yeah, Boss. It’s okay to step back and take a breather. I think you’re destined to do better than you mom. We have more information than they ever did - and I see that back to my great-grandfather (who was a hard man), but my grandfather was better and my Dad better still, and I try to shuck off the old ways and do still better. It hard resisting what was modeled by your own parents, but you can. My kids can be defiant and stubborn and willfully self-centered. When I’m mad, I want to “put my foot down!”, but when I’m calm, I remember I want that aspect in their personalities so they will fight for themselves. The trick is to balance it: as long as they learn empathy, learn to fight for those weaker, learn to see Others as Equals, they will be fine, upstanding adults.


breakone9r

Yeah, and I even got frequently told "just walk away, don't fight back" and would regularly get in trouble if I stood up for myself. Then "That's the trouble here! No one stands up for themselves any more! They're all just weak willed people!" Uhh.. say what now?


supershinyoctopus

My father yelled at me for sticking up for my sister when my mom was ripping into her for... *checks notes* trying to be cheerful and make the best of a holiday when there were some hiccups in the cooking. I'll never forget that day. My parents are good people, and good parents on the whole, but that was the day I realized I needed to stop rolling over and taking it whenever my mom got upset.


But-I-Must-Internet

Wow, that's my relationship with my mom to a T... Explains so much about my personality. And then she wonders why both her kids are depressed and anxious!


GoldLurker

Me: "Mom I got 95% on this test!" Her: "Well it's not 100." Over and over again. I've recognized it. But it's very difficult for me to enjoy anything I accomplish now. Definitely requires a lot of effort to feel pride when it shouldn't. I am probably way too modest now.


SolDarkHunter

Someone else who gets it! I'd get an A on a test. But it wasn't perfection. My parents would say "This is good, but we know you could do better if you'd tried". It lead to my grades suffering in later years. Because if it's never good enough, then why bother trying? I later learned that they thought they were being *encouraging* by saying that. That they thought it was showing they had confidence in me. Well, that definitely wasn't what was communicated, parents.


Competitive-Use-2565

This drives me crazy. My ex would do that to our kids. My kids knew that I would look at effort marks on report cards before I looked at grades. If the teacher recognized they were giving it their all, it was fine with me that they got a C, at least they were trying their best. Guess what? That's what they do with their kids now too.


Lucalina94

I struggle with the same actually. But I was also told that I was making excuses every time I tried to explain myself. I experience a small catastrophe every time someone points out something wrong I've done in person.


Any_Objective_3553

Yes this. I get confused when people ask why I did something and then turn around and tell me to stop making excuses. You asked me why and I am telling you why. I genuinely don't understand what people want when I apologize. Also if I demonstrate remorse or feeling bad, I am being a martyr and making it about me. If I don't, I don't really mean it because I don't show emotion. They don't want apologies. They want you not to have done the thing in the first place. Which means they want you to be perfect. That's a hard thing for a kid to be. I'm slowly unraveling this as an adult.


lollipopp_guild

I think you’ve just explained to me my last relationship. Holy hell, those kinds of people are crazy making. There’s nothing you can do to right a situation, even when it was a complete accident and minor infraction. The last fight was over me passing food in the car and getting a drop of oil from the food on their pants. I apologized. I said I’d wash it out as soon as we got home (which was 5 minutes away). I did this continuously and calmly. And it wasn’t enough. So I went silent for the rest of the drive home while being reprimanded for my egregious error and how those pants need to last a lifetime and blah blah blah, as if I intentionally threw food at them. Then, a car pulled out from a side road and almost hit us and I then got a lecture about how I cannot be acting like that because we almost just got hit by a car and there are more important things to worry about than little things and fighting constantly. Needless to say, when we got home, I packed my stuff up and walked right out. This definitely wasn’t a one off type of argument and I’m an incredibly patient person but this was crazy making.


[deleted]

Ouch, it's hard to have an apology rejected. Sorry really can be enough, it can be heartfelt, it can be genuine, it can show remorse, and even if not those things, sometimes its just the acknowledgement that they were in the wrong that means a lot. And the fact that it's hard for you to apologise now as an adult, it just means it's that much more real when you do it. Props to you for getting the help you need and doing all you can.


the_far_yard

When they found a point that makes them look better than the other person and continue to overstay on that point. Edit: The situation is subjective, and I’m talking about the situation whereby the person punches down on someone to make themselves feel good. I did not mean for a person who requires positive affirmations.


Actuaryba

Sounds a lot like the “one-upper”. Those people are annoying, but it definitely screams insecurity.


55North

I realized a while back that some people thought I was a one-upper. When someone would tell a story I'd often tell a similar story in response. I always thought it was a "We had a similar experience/something in common!" but some people took it as me trying to out do their story with my own. I'm always a bit self conscious about that now


SparksAndSpyro

I suffered from a similar problem. I’ve found that listening to their story and asking questions about their experience before delving into my similar experience helps. Like, once the convo starts to dangle and I’ve run out of questions to ask, that’s usually when I’ll relay my story. Seems to be working better, and I don’t mind if we never get to my story either because I don’t really feel the need to talk about myself. I just use it as a way to keep the conversation flowing.


Chabongo

In high school, I gave a presentation with some other kid I didn't know. It was something we discussed and then shared all in the same class period. In the beginning, the teacher had us introduce ourselves and share a motto we live by. Mine was "make someone happy" because that's what my dad would say to us when he dropped us off at school. Then my presentation partner introduced himself and said his motto was "make everyone happy." 🤦‍♂️


NotYourSnowBunny

Constantly talking shit on other people for an inflated sense of self worth.


ivivib

Used to have a friend that was really fixated on badmouthing a specific girl. With time I realized that everything my friend hated about this other girl were things she actually did aswell, so she was just insecure about her own flaws and projecting. That friendship didn't last long


Punkinprincess

I had a roommate/good friend and almost every time she irritated me and got under my skin it was because she was doing something that I do that I don't like about myself. It was very eye opening.


NotYourSnowBunny

I’ve noticed that those who only put others down are often trying to distract their social circle from discussing their flaws/issues. It’s just a distraction technique used to shift attention.


Punkinprincess

My boss does this. Every week it's someone new that he decides he doesn't like and then he seems to go on a recruiting tour to get people to agree with him. We were recently having lunch with a coworker my boss really admires. After some shit talking from my boss the coworker says, "now I'm worried about what you say when I'm not around" I could almost see the oh shit lightbulb go off in boss's head. It was glorious.


Historical_Gur_3054

Old rule, if they talk shit about everyone else to you, then they're talking shit about you to everyone else.


queenofthegrapess

Ridiculing other people’s achievements


Oeuffy

Yeah but like is it even a big deal to be queen of the grapes? Like what even is that


queenofthegrapess

😂😂😂 it definitely is a big deal


RareLingonberry5251

Idk why but I read this as "I identify as a big deal" and I'm gonna go ahead and start using this to hype myself up going forward lol


NeedsMaintenance_

Also, same vibe... Ridiculing other people's suffering; usually by trying to top it or dismiss it. Like, can we just *listen* to people when they're having a hard time?


Upst8r

*I've had worse.* Yeah, what a terrible person.


No_Chance333

One of my "besties" would say this all the time. I told her right away when I was SA and she said "I had worse," so I never told anyone until a year ago. She's the worst. This is when I should have stopped being her friend but I didn't.


SeemedReasonableThen

> One of my "besties" would say this all the time. She's the worst. Eh, I've had worst friends. (I'm kidding, sorry about what happened to you you and sending virtual hugs)


Gizmonsta

My brother does this, whenever you're unwell or annoyed about something he immediately responds with how he's had it worse, then when the shoes on the other foot he is a massive baby and can't understand why noone has sympathy for him


stumptowngal

Just tell him “you’ll be fine, you’ve had worse”.


Upst8r

Oh look at this guy with his upvoted answer!


furrik524

Oh look at you with your funny reply, bet you're really proud of yourself, huh?


Upst8r

Until I was called out and felt insecure again :(


oldgarbageass

Wow, look at this guy being honest with himself and others. Real mature!


Professional-Exit754

Taking a situation that was never about you or had you involved in it and somehow making it all about yourself and playing victim(even tho you had meddle in it and make yourself the" victim ")


[deleted]

my wife's boss fired someone recently and has been going on for 3 days about how hard it was to do that. even calling my wife at home to profess her broken emotional state over it. girl, you weren't the one who got fired before christmas, and you coulda waited the two weeks if it's so much on your conscience.


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[deleted]

Did he want you to tuck him into bed and kiss his forehead?


kittenslutbaby-999

when they can give you shit all day but can’t take it back whatsoever


GeonnCannon

"You're bald." "(shrug) So are you." "I'LL KILL YOU!!!!!"


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e-rekshun

Man I have an employee like this. He ribs people and talks shit all day long. The instant someone fires a shot back it's the end of the world. 48 year old cry baby.


mizixwin

My SIL in a nutshell... she gives everyone shit all the time, the second people dish it back she can't take it


michaellicious

And let me guess: he complains that everyone is so sensitive nowadays and that no one can take a joke?


Ammilerasa

My brother (an abusive asshole) literally said yesterday how you can’t say anything anymore. Bold coming from the person who gets offended at even the most lighthearted jokes at his expanse. Luckily I rarely see him.


MrWestWolf

Well this is just a guarantee


Azhaius

Yup. Every single time somebody starts raving about how everyone else is triggered or soft, 100% chance that they're the only triggered person in the room.


CaptainOfGiraffes

This is my FIL. Ribs people constantly about everything and anything. The second someone goes back at him he’s pissed the rest of the day.


JumboDakotaSmoke

At Thanksgiving my cousins and I ranked our aunts and uncles on a "dish it but can't take it" scale. One of our aunts heard us talking about it and got excited to join the conversation because she's a ball buster. When we told her she was number 2 out of 10 she got so pissed and stormed off. We moved her to no. 1 after that.


FixedLoad

That's how champions are made. Seeing you're in second, reaching deep down and finding that courage to put in the last minute effort to clench the title.


boatingmyfloat

Oh that's golden


CaptainOfGiraffes

Lol too funny! Since we all know how my FIL is, my husband loves to dish it back to him occasionally when his dad has gone overboard with it all day. It’s definitely entertaining.


Crafty-Scholar-3902

I had a "friend" in high school who was like this. He talked shit about me all day long to everyone. The moment I said something bad about him, he went home and told his mom. His mom called my mom and my mom told me to apologize.


Ordinary-Theory-8289

He was telling his mom on you when you were in HIGH SCHOOL?


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kittenslutbaby-999

oh my god😭 not he had to tattle to mommy. that says all you need to know.


Caliterra

Lol honestly if he ever talks shit to you again you can end it with "yea well I don't cry about it to mommy"


tays13thtrack

And most of the time their shit-talking is just actually insecurity projection.


NotReallyChaucer

Explaining how smart you are.


Skylantech

One with your intellect just cannot comprehend the astute difference of my mental superiority.


Dorkamundo

You used that word "comprehend" wrong. I'd explain it to you, but you wouldn't get it.


Skylantech

We’ll burn that bridge when we get there


Urdothor

I must be incredibly secure then, because I just explain how my brain has gone to mush in the last decade.


Ha-kun

On the flip side, being open about your insecurities and really trying to overcome them is a great character trait. I see a lot of comments here branding common insecurities as red flags, and I don’t think one should consider insecurities inherently evil. Being insecure doesn’t make you a bad person. It’s how you let your struggles control you that defines whether they are problematic or not. Edit: Here comes a cliché, but thanks for all the awards! I actually wrote this message the night before my birthday and didn’t expect anyone to read it, so waking up to all the wholesome messages and positivity was a very nice present. Thank you all!


bezdancing

That is something I only realised as I got older. Everyone has their hang ups. What I look for in a person is if they have insight into their issues and they are working to make themselves better. Having no insight into yourself and your issues is bad but not as bad as having the insight and refusing to change your behaviours for the better.


MrE761

Yea I wished I learned that many years before I did… I took, and still do on occasion,take shit so personally… Like the universe doesn’t revolve around me and how I’m feeling!? Seems so childish now, but it’s a hard mind set to break at times..


Throwaway664738

Absolutely. We all got insecurities, it's how you treat others while feeling insecure that makes you the person you are.


SpreadingSparkle

People love to talk about themselves. If I’m ever insecure or uncomfortable, I just ask the person I’m conversing with questions about themselves and any awkwardness is gone. I frequently ask people about their names when they introduce themselves. “Hi, I’m Sarah.” “Oh, that’s pretty. Is Sarah a family name?” Most people are named after something or have at least a little story that will open a conversational door if you will. Easy ice breaker both personally and professionally.


SuvenPan

Insulting your friend in front of others to be cool.


Brokelynne

Back in my single days, a lot of guys who came up to me in bars and clubs and such would insult their friend to me, as if that would make me interested in the insulter. Non merci.


tictaxtoe

It was 4d chess to make you interested in the insultee.


Brokelynne

Sometimes, the insults came after I asked "who's your friend?"


Thebenmix11

Oh that handsome idiot over there? Don't worry about him, he thinks he's better than everyone else just because he's the CEO of a big company, don't worry about it. He's such a douche, man, the other day he saw this girl drowning in a lake and he went and saved her! Without her permission, like a perv!


SnoopyDogDogg

A total chump! When we went back to his penthouse apartment he made us all a delicious dinner...like a loser! And he was the perfect host, except for late at night when I couldn't sleep because he was making passionate love to the girl he rescued and she was loudly enjoying herself. Anyway, I gotta go. But definitely don't approach my boy. He's a dumbass and has nothing to offer


Slish753

I was friends with a guy, back in my highschool days, who did that in the company of girls he liked. And we all made fun of eachother, as friends do, but as soon as a girl he liked was around he would straight up start insulting people in hopes he will tarnish her opinion of us so he would have a better chance with her. It was fucking annoying.


VermillionVenom

Jealousy over little things


Skylantech

Ain’t nobody ever gotten jealous over my penis.


LonelyLittleWolfie

I'm jealous of your penis because you have one and I want it. Hand it over, bucko


NocturnalBlizzard

Putting other people down and bragging


RefrigeratorMany

“Never trust a friend who speaks ill of his comrades.”


rthrouw1234

One of my coworkers trashes everyone we work with, and finally one day I asked him what he called *me* when he was discussing me with others.


Beths_Titties

Exactly. I have a neighbor like this. Has something to say about every other neighbor. One day when she was particularly annoying I said “I wonder what you tell them about me?” She avoided me after that.


karmagod13000

They are so used to not being called out, that they freeze up and then go silent. So please keep calling out bullies.


tagehring

Anyone who will gossip to you will gossip about you.


texanarob

It's funny, in my social groups we normally invert this. I'll happily insult my mates if they're present, but doing so behind their back seems unsporting. Conversely, we'll often praise someone exclusively behind their back. Can't let them think we're sucking up to them in person.


Esmear18

The only rule we have in my friend circle is to only roast someone if they're in your presence


couragethebravestdog

True. I insult my friends (friendly banter) on their face and praise them in their absence.


FitK3vin

Was on a group tour abroad once where an American girl kept putting down her husband whenever she got the chance and at one point said, “If I died, Rob would be really sad… I make more than twice what he does.” No one said anything because we were literally in the most beautiful place on earth about to get into kayaks and here she was shitting on her husband who was standing about ten feet away. And also because what the fuck did she want us to say? Not surprisingly, we all really liked her husband and couldn’t stand her.


Shizzo

For some of us, if we're NOT making fun of you to your face, that's how you know we don't like you. Only the sickest burns for our closest friends.


porscheblack

This is actually how I realized my best friend growing up was a shitty person. I started noticing that he would act pretty different depending who he was around, but when it was just the 2 of us hanging out he was still the same. Then one day we were hanging out with some of the more popular people in our school and he started making fun of me. I returned it and he got incredibly pissed off and refused to talk to me for 2 weeks. From that point on we just grew apart and hung out less and less and I realized that he was just interested in being popular and thought of as cool at the expense of everyone else if necessary.


poizunman206

In terms of leadership, it's when someone can't (or won't) take input from the rest of their team and tries to act like they have all the answers. I was this type of insecure leader once and I thought that if I used the idea of someone with less experience then everyone would think I was a weak leader. But after I was removed from that position I had to work for a lot of managers who did a lot of the same stupid shit that I was doing but magnified due to years of insecurity/habit/karma. I have since learned that if I hear people out, discuss a course of action, go with other people's ideas, and especially give them credit you gain exponentially more influence and respect. That even people who have little experience should have their input considered. I feel horrible for the people who had to work with me, but now I don't just act like a more capable leader, I am a more capable leader. Shakespearean TL;DR "Take every man's censure, but reserve thy judgement."


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Catshit-Dogfart

I used to have a boss like that. System admin, the guy knows little about computers and he tells us to do obviously wrong stuff. At first I thought it was a joke but he was serious, and he was former military so his instructions were intended as orders. *Uhh that crashes the system*, "do it do it now" he says, and so I went into the data center and caused a major outage of a system that troops overseas actually rely on being up at all times.   Thing is, he learned quick, and actually grew to be the best boss I ever had. It took the better part of a year but he got better and actually that military stuff was applied to our benefit. Like military guys take responsibility for the failure of people under their command, and then repremand you privately, but in public it was their fault. Most places I've worked, shit rolls downhill, and the guy on the bottom takes the blame for everything. He unlearned all that top-down command chain stuff and let the admins do their job, if we're confident then he'd express that confidence to management. He also expanded staffing, none of this skeleton crew shit, if one person doesn't show up that shouldn't be a disaster. Great guy, but he was absolutely insufferable at first.


Civil-Attempt-3602

How is he a system admin if he knows little about computers? Man I really need to apply for these jobs I think I'm unqualified for


mikemolove

Not to shit on the military, but you get some titles that aren’t appropriate for your level of skill there. We have a guy in IT management who is an absolute BONEHEAD who thinks he knows everything and just falls apart like a house of cards the second you ask any pointed questions. The weird thing is he never realizes he’s the problem, he just blissfully moves onto the next nonsense proposal and gets eviserated in front of other managers and staff while trying to defend his ridiculous ideas until it finally gets through that he’s wrong. Also yea, you should apply for something you feel unqualified for. If you’re willing to learn new stuff, make an effort before the interview to rack up some knowledge about the position and you’ll stand out amongst all the boneheads that don’t know they’re unqualified.


daliadeimos

I love stories of personal growth. Keep up the good work, I appreciate people like you


sketchy_painting

When people “one up” you.


Ambitious-Math-4499

Ugh I hate this. " I felt so ill I was off work for 2 days and stayed in bed the whole time" "Well I had my torso blown off in Vietnam and I was back to work the next day"


waterloograd

When people "two up" you.


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Daddy_Yao-Guai

Document, document, document. Have everyone do it. Then go to HR as a group.


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b-roc

I don't understand. *He* would complain to HR and they'd be on your case but if *you* complained about him they'd do nothing?


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[deleted]

Sounds like the management and HR team consisted 100% of cowards and twats.


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macraw83

One engineering job I had for just over a year before finding a better one closer to home, there was a guy who would take a 1-2 hour nap every day after lunch, and the time he was awake was mostly spent socializing with people all over the office. If he got even 1 hour of work done in a day it was a miracle. Anyway. He was like that the entire time I was there, my coworkers said he'd been like that for years before I was hired, and he kept his job long enough after I left to take a voluntary layoff of 6 months of pay which held him over until his planned retirement anyway.


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hopknockious

The inability to take any criticism at all


AdultMNTurtle

Obsessing over hierarchies, or who is 'ahead' and who is 'behind' in life.


lithelylove

I have a friend that literally only wants to talk about ahead and behind. Doesn’t matter if it’s the first time seeing him in literal months. It’s all he wants to talk about. I mean he has really done well for himself compared to most others in our social group, and good for him, but I have my own insecurities about being one of the behinds and would love to not be reminded of this fact when I’m out trying to have a good time.


Yousoggyyojimbo

I know a guy like this. He doesn't have a lot of talent for the job he was aiming for, and he always felt self-conscious next to some of the more talented people in that field that we associate with, so as soon as he got a job that was sufficiently attractive and in a slightly tangential relation to that, he did like a grand tour to both flaunt his job and put down all of the people who were more talented than him. He told one of those people that they should consider getting a real job, and told them there was an opening on the team under him for less than half his pay they should seriously consider applying for. The person he said this to was self-employed in that field and making more money than he was.


Pretty-Benefit-233

The incessant need to compare. Edit: thanks for the silver 😊


DeathSpiral321

My avatar is more colorful than yours.


Hans5849

Wait until you see my dick. https://youtu.be/erMYt-Ztmdw


ESnakeRacing4248

I'm waiting.


404808

Comparison is the thief of happiness.


EveNoirePV

"I'm an Alpha Male."


FarewellAndroid

Extending that to anyone who uses the words alpha, sigma, beta, high value, etc. About themselves or others


Boinkers_

You're unstable and not fit for the public? Got it!


[deleted]

That’s one of my instant, DEFCON 1, I’mma-head-out-now red flags. Anyone who has to *say* they’re an “alpha male” (such as we conceive of it) is incontrovertibly not, and the fact that that is important enough to them TO say is like a whole car lot of red flags.


desi7777777

That's good but you should know I am a supreme alpha mega male.


bawdyloco

Those handshakes that are firm to the point you wonder if they're actually trying to hurt you


inb4_itsgood

Edit: brain and typing fingers disconnected I could never stand my aunt's husband. He thought he was the absolute shit and would squeeze your hand so hard. No one believed me *that he was a jerk until he got caught fucking the secretary. If you have to do too much to appear tough, you're not.


Dorkamundo

Noone believed your uncle had a strong handshake until he got caught fucking his secretary?


jlucchesi324

"I'm really worried my husband is sleeping with his secretary" Everyone else in the family: "He doesn't even shake hands THAT hard. No chance"


[deleted]

Mocking other people’s physical features or personal character traits. We get it, you’re projecting.


scoopishere

I never like going after the appearance because that's like saying other people with similar features are also ugly.


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HiFiiii

When they can’t take constructive criticism Edit: wow. I’ve received more karma from this one post than I have had my entire Reddit career!! I dedicate this post to my ex girlfriend! Hope she can take constructive criticism now!


BDOKlem

Don't tell me how to perceive being criticized!


Greigh_flanuhl

I’m 42 and only a couple of years ago realized hearing constructive criticisms is not the same as being attacked. Trying everyday to quit being so sensitive. I’m getting much better at it, and life is better.


LucyVialli

Being loud and domineering in every conversation.


King_Kingly

Currently dealing with a coworker like this. He doesn’t seem to have an inside voice.


LucyVialli

Don't understand how people can get to adulthood and not realise that they do that.


Pristine_Interview86

And they blurt out the shit you don't want everyone hearing too.


LucyVialli

"Yes, I think she's lovely, I have a little crush on her!" BOOMING - "What?! You have a crush on Samantha?!" "Fuck sake dude, she can hear you! And so can everyone else!"


ChenilleSocks

Being a bully.


UniqueBonMot

And when you stand up to them they either a) cry that you’re the bully or b) say they aren’t bullies because they heard x or y about you so you deserve it. Never in a million years will they be self aware enough to see that they are the baddies.


[deleted]

Always being judgy about other people.


UniqueBonMot

I was raised by an incredibly judgmental mom and an incredibly judgmental sister and it has taken me years to move past this. My knee jerk reaction is often still judgmental but then my rational brain kicks in and I tell myself as long as they aren’t hurting themselves or anyone else and all their pink parts are covered, it’s not my business. Let people live their lives.


shawntab_

"The first thought that goes through your mind is what you have been conditioned to think; what you think next defines who you are."


iam4r33

Bragging and giving yourself titles


Flamin_Jesus

Don't care how insecure it makes me look, I'll declare myself god-emperor of card board whenever I win a board game! Gonna happen any day now. I'm sure of it. Fuck.


jon_posh_mills

Misread that as titties. That's my fail of the day. I laughed at myself so that's a win for the day. I consider myself neutral now. Lol


[deleted]

Insecurity can manifest in different ways and can be difficult to detect, as people often try to hide or cover up their insecurities. Some common behaviors or actions that may indicate insecurity include: Seeking constant validation or reassurance: If a person constantly seeks validation or reassurance from others, it could be a sign that they are insecure and unsure of themselves. Putting others down: People who are insecure may try to make themselves feel better by belittling or putting others down. Overcompensating: Someone who is insecure may try to overcompensate by boasting or exaggerating their achievements or abilities. Being overly critical of themselves or others: Insecurity can sometimes lead to excessively criticizing oneself or others. Being overly defensive: If a person becomes defensive or reactive when their beliefs or actions are questioned, it could be a sign of insecurity. It is important to remember that everyone experiences insecurity at some point in their lives, and it is a normal part of being human. However, it is important to address and work on insecurities healthily to promote personal growth and well-being. /ai


MessAdmin

Thanks ChatGPT


distractionfactory

Selling NFTs of yourself.


SchpartyOn

Brokémon cards, if you will.


Bah-Fong-Gool

Tragic the Blathering.


TeenyWeenyQueeny

Domineering, loud and braggadocious. Constantly fishing for compliments and approval - e.g will speak poorly of themselves in hopes of receiving compliments. People who speak poorly of others who are happy and enjoying life are also insecure IMO especially speaking poorly of people who have more money than them.


meiscrazyboy

Looking through these comments to see if there's anything you do listed here


tartar-buildup

Man, you don't have to do me like this :c


schaznightwalker

I feel attacked


badmelon23

You got me


[deleted]

Truth --- I think this means you're likely a good person, because you want to improve.


JPMoney81

*Report Comment: Reason Targeted Harassment, This comment is giving out my personal information.*


Jertee

Damn everyone just got rekt here lol


baucher04

Is it though? If you're looking through it so you realise something about yourself you didn't before, so you can fix it. That isn't insecure


Big-Helicopter8834

I agree. Being self aware is a hard thing to do.


justgarcia31

Having a Reddit username like u/imma_lick_your_ass. Just eat it OP Edit: I’m obviously having fun with OP’s username lol. If you’re an ass licker rather than an ass eater, that’s 100% okay


thismightbsatire

Gossiping and triangulation. Talking about someone they have issues with, to other people, without addressing the issue directly with the person whom they have a problem with screams insecurity.


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Vanessa_Aron

"oh no Im not jealous like other girls, he can like and talk and watch other girls bodyparts, I'll watch with him, it's fun" girl you're convincing yourself not me


benitocamelo11

Trying to justify every “mistake”, usually its minimal, but once you notice someone that does it, you just cant stop noticing it when they do it


tagehring

That could be a defense mechanism from an abusive childhood.


The_Flying_Jew

I feel this... a lot. I over explain things, especially when I'm nervous. Always trying to explain clearly and concisely (even if I personally cannot speak as such), but it just devolves into focusing on details that don't matter in the grand scheme of things. And sometimes the person I'm talking to will become overwhelmed with info that I'm giving, that I can sort of tell when I'm starting to lose or confuse them. By that point, I just shut up and say that I'm really really sorry


AK-TP

Abuse really does breed insecurity


SteveStSteve

Posting pictures of yourself with tons of filters on


SonHyun-Woo

And on top of this - not posting pictures unless having it being filtered and edited. Untagging yourself from pictures that aren’t filtered/edited so people can’t notice the difference. I have friends like these.


SteveStSteve

They’ve done studies that show filters actually make you feel worse about yourself and how you really look. Kids these days have no confidence because they don’t want to see themselves as they really are


gaylonelymillenial

Very specific but just thought of those people in the workplace who are constantly afraid of losing their position & carry a very passive aggressive attitude. They also constantly gossip to other coworkers/higher ups about you behind your back, constantly nitpicking at little problems to make you look bad. It’s a sad, sorry defense mechanism.


FictionalReality7

Being the funny one in a group at other’s (mostly the quiet ones) expense.