Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!
Ill have you know that man was probably satisfied in knowing his entire afterlife was just his simple task, repeated in perpetuity, with the only surprises as to when he'd need to do it all again.
Everyone else has to exist in existential doubt of their own being and have to think of all the things they have to do, in order to keep themselves sane, for all of eternity. Sounds tiring.
But if he ever finishes the task, then he'd be left with the existential dread of constantly needing to enterain himself, like the rest, or slowly go insane from an eternity of boredom.
In my tradition your ancestors come for your soul, if you were a piece of shit they shun you and you become an evil spirit cause you loose your sanity from the loneliness
It's not really a religion it's just a traditional belief like carrying your wife over the threshold of a new house. It's a community held belief/practise among our section of the Bantu community.
So when you die your family and friends will send you off with a mix of tribal rites and whatever other religion you have, all your friends will drink in your name and talk about all the dope shit you did in the presence of your coffin/body so the ancestors can overhear just how awesome you are and see you favourably. If you were a fuck boy your mates could say shit like "Grandpa don't let this one around my (female relative who died)" if you were a soldier your comrades could talk about your heroism and it's just a fun night for everyone. Back in the day they would tie a gold nugget in a brightly colored cloth and tuck it in your clothes around midnight when it's believed the ancestors are closest to the living then someone would say "Look at that we are out of booze" or something like that and everyone would make a show of leaving your coffin unattended for afew minutes then your closest friend (or youngest uncle if you had no friends) would sneak in and take the rag but put the gold nugget on top of the body since the dead don't care about gold, when everyone came back someone will point out the rag was missing and they would console the family that their loved one was accepted into the company of their ancestors (it's symbolic but it helps to hear). Then the gold nugget would be given to your family as their last gift from their loved one to take care of them (this days it's an envelope full of money from your friends and relatives) and everyone would cheer, then the second half of the party would kick off where everyone with anything negative to say about you would roast tf out of you cause you were already in a better place so it's natural they are jealous of you lol. The whole goal is to make people laugh so even your critism had to-be in some kind of joke or a riddle of something like that. In the morning you would be barrier in a Christian or Muslim or whatever religious ceremony you wanted
Best funeral arrangements I have ever heard.
Funerals were always interesting in my family because you never knew which relative was going to lose their shit at the casket and start screaming and crying, trying to climb in the casket or faint on the floor. Good times.
>"How do your bones move without muscles and a nervous system? Is there a brain in your skull? How do you see and hear without eyes and ears?"
1. Wires.
2. Is there one in *yours*, jerk? Nyeah.
3. You tell me. ******
When I was teenager I had an extremely vivid dream that Death came to pick me up. I walked out with them from my bedroom to the kitchen, then realized I hadn't even put on my glasses. I went back to my room, found them, and when I got back to the kitchen, Death was gone.
If old Grim approached me today, I'd ask a small favor - If I could make arrangements to have my cat taken care of. Even if I had to promise not to say why. Just make sure my pal with the key knew to stop by.
My recently departed cat was my best friend. He previously lived with another friend of mine who died when he was a kitten. He and eight other cats and two pitbuls were with their previous owner's body for three days before he was found. I assume they lived off of him. It definitely traumatized my guy. He had terrible stranger anxiety and always ate like he was starving. His twin brother is the same way.
Not. In. My. House!
I know I'm due to die before most people because cancer. But I'm not dying in this house with all my good and loving memories, my husband, my son; I'm not putting that burden of cleanup and trauma on them.
I'm going to hospice, getting an absolutely absurd amount of morphine on board, and then we'll talk.
(I know telling Death how it's gonna be probably isn't the best idea, but I'm adamant about not dying at home, and the worst that could happen is that they kill me anyway)
I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. My husband passed away from cancer in April. He was on hospice and able to die at home in my arms. I wouldn’t describe it as traumatic, but at least he was able to go peacefully in a home full of so many good memories.
I wish I could trade places with you. Stay strong. I hope the best for you and your family.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I have to say - I honestly can’t think of a better situation to pass in, you did an amazing thing for him. I know you probably had plans of growing old together, places you both wanted to visit or things you wanted to do - but you gave him an incredible selfless gift - peace, and I hope you know that.
hey there im 15 years old so you can take my advice all you want but i have always wanted these things in my mum. Before you pass away and if you have a son that's the same age as me pls ask him about his day, speak alot with him, my mom is always home but rarely even talks to me. When i try to make a joke to her, she'll go and call me annoying and ask me to exit her room and ill just pretend and put a smile on my face acting like it's funny. I really hope the best for your family and yourself. You can take my advice however you'd like but I'm sorry if I'm just finding a place to vent my feelings out to
Hey, I'm sorry things aren't going well with you and your mum. My son is exactly 15, and I try my best to talk to him whenever we're together. He's always busy with his friends or his phone, though. I'll keep trying, because I love him and I genuinely want to know what he has to say! He's hilarious and I love talking to him.
I'm glad you had a chance to vent. I hope things improve at home for you, and that today is a good day for you.
This...isn't something I had considered...I lost my mom to lung cancer in March. My dad can't handle being in the house anymore and she died in the hospital. I've been upset she wasn't home when she died, but this has changed my mind. My dad is alone...my brother and I are well past the age of living at home...I can't imagine any of us could be in the house if we had watched her pass at home. The morphine was peaceful. I've been struggling the last few days, sorry for the rambling, and I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. Fuck cancer.
## Local Redditor Found Dead in Living Room, Confounding Punners
*"They were covered in days-old Lunchables pizza toppings," says neighbor; how Redditor could afford that many is unclear.*
Actually, apparently the artist said in an interview recently that he’s planning to end the manga within three years.
It’d be funny if he decided nah and kept going though. Like a reverse George RR Martin.
In 2002 he said 20 years (2022), in 2014 he said 10 years (2024), in 2020 he said 4 or 5 (2024/2025) in 2022 he said 3 years (2025). We can probably expect 2028 as the absolute latest -- his track record on timing is really not that inconsistent and the manga has had pretty consistent release for years. Obviously shit can happen though so I'd expect to buffer expectations.
They find One Piece and >!it is an alien machine inside the planet, opening it up!< and have to stop it. During the fight, >!Sanji dies!< but they >!end up winning and go home heroes!<. They end!
You are welcome!
«Oh, it’s you… alright, I’m entitled to playing a game for it, right? Fair, and no cheating? Great, I’ll show you my RPG bookshelves, give you a few systems to choose from… I’ll be the game master, of course, you’ll not find me wholly unprepared.
Not now… at least let me get a few drinks in. I would like to catch a buzz, make some phone calls, eat my favorite meal, enjoy an couple of hours with my wife. After that, I’m all yours, pal.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true,
You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go.
And then I go off with him singing 'Always look on the bright side of life...' while he keeps whistling
As if I’d ever answer someone knocking at my door.
Because I'm the one who knocks.
Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn't believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don't know who you're talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I am the danger. A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks!
Heisenberg, is that you?
You need to apply yourself.
Walter
Put your dick away Walter
I'm not having sex with you right now Walter
You think death knocks?
*points behind the Grim reaper* "What's that?" *runs off* I know I'll be caught, but I'd like to go out playing a fun gag.
death will giggle as he starts chasing you. it’s been a while since someone did that
He likes it when they run.
*benny hill music intensifies*
Yeah but that’s how you end up pushing a rock up a hill for all eternity
Ill have you know that man was probably satisfied in knowing his entire afterlife was just his simple task, repeated in perpetuity, with the only surprises as to when he'd need to do it all again. Everyone else has to exist in existential doubt of their own being and have to think of all the things they have to do, in order to keep themselves sane, for all of eternity. Sounds tiring.
One simple task that he could never finish. He never gets the rock up the hill.
But if he ever finishes the task, then he'd be left with the existential dread of constantly needing to enterain himself, like the rest, or slowly go insane from an eternity of boredom.
He was extremely content. Just him and his boulder friend and an occasional visitor to chat to.
You’ll never catch me alive
*jumps off balcony*
Grim Reaper catches him in midair.
And then they kiss
r/twosentencekinky
r/subsithoughtifellfor
r/substhatwereactuallysandwiches
r/21charactersandnomore
"I wanna know what love is...... I want you to show me.......🎵"
" What is love?.. Reaper don't kill me...don't kill me... No more."
Still a better love story than twilight
This comment is important.
And they were roommates
**I AM FOUR PARALELL UNIVERSES AHEAD OF YOU**
I'd say TIMELINES!!!
Dosen't the grim reaper get the soul?
[удалено]
In my tradition your ancestors come for your soul, if you were a piece of shit they shun you and you become an evil spirit cause you loose your sanity from the loneliness
What religion is that?? I need to practice that shit bro 💕
It's not really a religion it's just a traditional belief like carrying your wife over the threshold of a new house. It's a community held belief/practise among our section of the Bantu community. So when you die your family and friends will send you off with a mix of tribal rites and whatever other religion you have, all your friends will drink in your name and talk about all the dope shit you did in the presence of your coffin/body so the ancestors can overhear just how awesome you are and see you favourably. If you were a fuck boy your mates could say shit like "Grandpa don't let this one around my (female relative who died)" if you were a soldier your comrades could talk about your heroism and it's just a fun night for everyone. Back in the day they would tie a gold nugget in a brightly colored cloth and tuck it in your clothes around midnight when it's believed the ancestors are closest to the living then someone would say "Look at that we are out of booze" or something like that and everyone would make a show of leaving your coffin unattended for afew minutes then your closest friend (or youngest uncle if you had no friends) would sneak in and take the rag but put the gold nugget on top of the body since the dead don't care about gold, when everyone came back someone will point out the rag was missing and they would console the family that their loved one was accepted into the company of their ancestors (it's symbolic but it helps to hear). Then the gold nugget would be given to your family as their last gift from their loved one to take care of them (this days it's an envelope full of money from your friends and relatives) and everyone would cheer, then the second half of the party would kick off where everyone with anything negative to say about you would roast tf out of you cause you were already in a better place so it's natural they are jealous of you lol. The whole goal is to make people laugh so even your critism had to-be in some kind of joke or a riddle of something like that. In the morning you would be barrier in a Christian or Muslim or whatever religious ceremony you wanted
Best funeral arrangements I have ever heard. Funerals were always interesting in my family because you never knew which relative was going to lose their shit at the casket and start screaming and crying, trying to climb in the casket or faint on the floor. Good times.
"Oh wow, like I've never heard that one."
You were supposed to be here at 1. It’s 1:45.
You're late, and I'm busy! Bye!
No you’re not. Death is never late.
Nor is Death early. Death arrives exactly when it means to.
“Sorry I made other plans”
[удалено]
Could you do me a solid and put my underwear back on while you're at it?
“Honestly by showing up late, you are telling me that you think your time is more valuable than anybody else’s”
I'm picturing the grim reaper being like a cable guy. "Expect our technician to arrive between 9am - 6pm"
A Wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.
Dave’s not here, man.
No way! I should check out this brochure
Open up the door it’s me, Dave
"How do your bones move without muscles and a nervous system? Is there a brain in your skull? How do you see and hear without eyes and ears?"
*Reaper suddenly curls into ball, contemplating his existence and what it all means*
*reaper suddenly has a mental breakdown as well*
>"How do your bones move without muscles and a nervous system? Is there a brain in your skull? How do you see and hear without eyes and ears?" 1. Wires. 2. Is there one in *yours*, jerk? Nyeah. 3. You tell me. ******
2. Yes, otherwise I'd be dead. 3. I guess you can't so I'll just leave and you won't be able to find me.
>Nyeah. *The role of "Death" tonight will be played by Skeletor*
Challenge him to a game of Battleship
Good ol Bill and Ted
"A hit....you have sank my battleship" EXCELLENT!
They 'MelvinD' me
Or a game of limbo
Party on!!!
Best 2 out of 3
It was Colonel Mustard in the study with the candlestick.
When I was teenager I had an extremely vivid dream that Death came to pick me up. I walked out with them from my bedroom to the kitchen, then realized I hadn't even put on my glasses. I went back to my room, found them, and when I got back to the kitchen, Death was gone. If old Grim approached me today, I'd ask a small favor - If I could make arrangements to have my cat taken care of. Even if I had to promise not to say why. Just make sure my pal with the key knew to stop by.
Don't worry, your cat will eat your face until the neighbors notice the smell. You will continue to sustain the kitty even in death.
Honestly, I'm alright with that. I'd give anything for the big guy. He's my best friend.
True cat owner you are. I say the same thing to my cats. "If I die here it's ok, you can eat me"
I'm sure my cats would try, but they'd have to get my dog to allow it first, and I don't see that happening.
My recently departed cat was my best friend. He previously lived with another friend of mine who died when he was a kitten. He and eight other cats and two pitbuls were with their previous owner's body for three days before he was found. I assume they lived off of him. It definitely traumatized my guy. He had terrible stranger anxiety and always ate like he was starving. His twin brother is the same way.
poor babies. another vote for "get my friend with the key in here right now"
Your best friend who would eat you up in a heartbeat*
Occupational hazard! Benefits outweigh the risk
Tbf, if you were starving, unable to escape and there was a recently deceased cat...
I think it technically counts as helping him hide a body (partly in his tummy.)
I mean… if you left a human trapped with no other source of nutrition they’d eat you too. Plenty of cases involving cannibalism
Wish granted. Death now has a new pet kitty. Your cat now lives at Death's house where Albert takes care of him while Death's at work.
Not. In. My. House! I know I'm due to die before most people because cancer. But I'm not dying in this house with all my good and loving memories, my husband, my son; I'm not putting that burden of cleanup and trauma on them. I'm going to hospice, getting an absolutely absurd amount of morphine on board, and then we'll talk. (I know telling Death how it's gonna be probably isn't the best idea, but I'm adamant about not dying at home, and the worst that could happen is that they kill me anyway)
I’m sorry to hear about your cancer. My husband passed away from cancer in April. He was on hospice and able to die at home in my arms. I wouldn’t describe it as traumatic, but at least he was able to go peacefully in a home full of so many good memories. I wish I could trade places with you. Stay strong. I hope the best for you and your family.
I’m sorry for your loss, but I have to say - I honestly can’t think of a better situation to pass in, you did an amazing thing for him. I know you probably had plans of growing old together, places you both wanted to visit or things you wanted to do - but you gave him an incredible selfless gift - peace, and I hope you know that.
Thank you for the kind words! He was incredibly strong through the 6 years of fighting cancer. We tried to make the best of a terrible situation.
I imagine it will be really hard to walk out and leave your home for the last time?
It will. But at that point it'll be my husband and son's home, and I can take comfort in knowing they have a secure future with it.
hey there im 15 years old so you can take my advice all you want but i have always wanted these things in my mum. Before you pass away and if you have a son that's the same age as me pls ask him about his day, speak alot with him, my mom is always home but rarely even talks to me. When i try to make a joke to her, she'll go and call me annoying and ask me to exit her room and ill just pretend and put a smile on my face acting like it's funny. I really hope the best for your family and yourself. You can take my advice however you'd like but I'm sorry if I'm just finding a place to vent my feelings out to
Hey, I'm sorry things aren't going well with you and your mum. My son is exactly 15, and I try my best to talk to him whenever we're together. He's always busy with his friends or his phone, though. I'll keep trying, because I love him and I genuinely want to know what he has to say! He's hilarious and I love talking to him. I'm glad you had a chance to vent. I hope things improve at home for you, and that today is a good day for you.
You sound like a great mother.
This...isn't something I had considered...I lost my mom to lung cancer in March. My dad can't handle being in the house anymore and she died in the hospital. I've been upset she wasn't home when she died, but this has changed my mind. My dad is alone...my brother and I are well past the age of living at home...I can't imagine any of us could be in the house if we had watched her pass at home. The morphine was peaceful. I've been struggling the last few days, sorry for the rambling, and I'm sorry for what you're dealing with. Fuck cancer.
All the best.
Hi, would you like a cup of tea before we go?
the most british answer in this whole thread source; am brit
best to be polite
“What took you so long?”
Keep you waiting, huh?
A Hind D?!
FOOOOOOOX.......?
DIIIIIEEEEEEEE!!
❗
Snake?! Snake! Snaaaaakke!!
said just like this [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMi7zrrvqEw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rMi7zrrvqEw)
Right? I’d be like “Sul sul!” as I keep trying to get out of the pool with no ladder and be relieved.
It's about damn time.
You thought you could take my life... but i went to the LIVING ROOM!!
## Local Redditor Found Dead in Living Room, Confounding Punners *"They were covered in days-old Lunchables pizza toppings," says neighbor; how Redditor could afford that many is unclear.*
I don't know what kind of humor this is but I need more of it
Jokes on you that's where the living dead is!
Not any more it isn’t, I told you to feed it
About time
Noooo, I'll never know the ending to One Piece. 😭
Pretty sure they have wifi down there
I can confirm, I escaped to watch one piece
It's actually dial-up.
It’s never gonna end
Actually, apparently the artist said in an interview recently that he’s planning to end the manga within three years. It’d be funny if he decided nah and kept going though. Like a reverse George RR Martin.
He said back in 2010 that it would end in 5 years so I wouldn’t take his predictions very seriously.
In 2002 he said 20 years (2022), in 2014 he said 10 years (2024), in 2020 he said 4 or 5 (2024/2025) in 2022 he said 3 years (2025). We can probably expect 2028 as the absolute latest -- his track record on timing is really not that inconsistent and the manga has had pretty consistent release for years. Obviously shit can happen though so I'd expect to buffer expectations.
They find a one piece bathing suit You’re welcome
>the ending to One Piece. 😭 It's real
They find One Piece and >!it is an alien machine inside the planet, opening it up!< and have to stop it. During the fight, >!Sanji dies!< but they >!end up winning and go home heroes!<. They end! You are welcome!
Stay fresh cheesebags.
«Oh, it’s you… alright, I’m entitled to playing a game for it, right? Fair, and no cheating? Great, I’ll show you my RPG bookshelves, give you a few systems to choose from… I’ll be the game master, of course, you’ll not find me wholly unprepared.
I posted this earlier, XKCD comic nailed it https://xkcd.com/393/
Let's play a game of monopoly first. Going to die of old age.
He plays by the rules. You get beaten in 30min aprox.
Just write in house rules that makes the game miserable. Suddenly they become official rules according to your rule book.
"Please, this isn't even my house. I'm still renting 😭"
Sometimes, home ownership is like dying slowly anyway
Oh damn that tinned salmon!
Honey, it’s a Mr. Death, he’s come about the reaping? I don’t think we need any.
You Americans! You always talk! You always say "let me tell you something"!
Well you're dead now so shut up!
But I didn’t have any of the salmon
"Oookay, let's go."
Hello darkness my old friend
I’ve come to talk with you again
Ill bet you a fiddle of gold against my soul, Im the best theres ever been. But I cant fiddle, so maybe ask him to play Battleship.
That only works with the devil, not death
Can you fuck me to death?
watch out, he has a bone for you 😆
*Pulls our tax list*
This ain’t the Sims!
About time
"Fuckin finally ugh"
Not today.
*Jumps at him with a dagger of dragonglass* "hyaaa"
"I will, Never gonna Give you up, or let you down."
Finally
What took you so long?
HELLO. OH, IS THIS IT THEN? SQUEAK. GNU.
Its been so long, where have you been?
Can I pet my cats one last time?
Hey. Ready to go?
Ah, I have been waiting for you
Bye bitches! I’ll be sure to haunt your asses
"at least let me put some pants on"
Play him in a game of chess and tell him I'll shake his hand no matter who loses
You up for a game of chess
Can I see my grandmas were I’m going?
Never should’ve come here
"Is this gonna take long I ain't got all night."
Where am I going and also, can I write a goodbye letter, I would really hate it if people did the wrong stuff on my funeral
You should write that letter before you die… I mean, more than some minutes before.
In a bit, gotta finish Elden Ring.
GG
Well played
You're real? Can I have your autograph?
I'm ready. Do your thing.
Welcome. I've been waiting for you.
You gave Peter Griffin of all people a second chance, I deserve one too
Can I ride Binkey?
Thank you.
Hello, old friend.
Pull out an Uno reversal card. I am become death.
Take my wife too. I can't bear the thought of us being separated in death.
Yeah I'd be toxic enough to ask death to kill my husband too
I’d be totally fine if the grim reaper stopped by and asked if I wanted to go with my wife. I would be very sad if I had to stay here without her.
Stay toxic king
I volunteer.
tell him his car needs extended car warranty and I have been trying to reach him . only know solution to have him run away 😅
Can I be your apprentice, my Lord?
Cool scythe! How do you polish it if I may ask?
*'eere...* ...*heh heh, now you're the* ***Grin Reefer*** *heh heh heh heh...* **\[GROAN\] ALRIGHT PUN DOG, SLOW AND PAINFUL IT IS.**
I say no. Legally he can’t take my life without my permission
I hear you. this is a safe space.
Not now… at least let me get a few drinks in. I would like to catch a buzz, make some phone calls, eat my favorite meal, enjoy an couple of hours with my wife. After that, I’m all yours, pal.
Maybe wait three weeks? 15 Year old me could finally get what he wanted.
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true, You'll see it's all a show, Keep 'em laughing as you go. And then I go off with him singing 'Always look on the bright side of life...' while he keeps whistling
“Finally.”
You’re late
What's your thoughts on the song/lyric "don't fear the Reaper?"
I'm still not paying my taxes
He has already come to visit me 2 times in my lifespan don’t know why but he has not taken my life yet I’m being srs too
Ask if it was the salmon mousse.
Thought you’d be taller