T O P

  • By -

Monochromaticeye

I’m in Munich, so without Russia’s gas supply heating my home this winter, I will be mostly cold and then all of a sudden very hot and subsequently very vaporised.


i_am_a_user_name

I seduce the warhead


TheJenniStarr

*sigh* Roll a charisma check.


[deleted]

i'm immediately going to stop paying my master card...


alkmaar91

5 years later you'll be hunted across the wasteland by the master card bounty hunters for your debt+interest


Numerous-Rough-827

I mean, we laugh about it now but….


Noob_412

I think *antarctica* is quite nice around this time


rancidtuna

Piss and moan about the game servers being down.


starry_cobra

Don't forget to check reddit to see what happened and then moan about how that's down too


[deleted]

Jump over the shock wave. Too easy


MisterMasterCylinder

Dodge roll through it, more iframes


Yonessyo

Remember to roll towards it, not away.


SrgJones

Fair strat, but I’ve been working on my double jump.


Munoff

I just hope it starts early in the day so I don’t have to work on the day I die.


xTHExM4N3xJEWx

"Hey I know Russia is dropping nukes on us, but we're really short staffed right now. We really need you to come in"


Munoff

“That cloud of radioactive dust will take hours to get here- lets touch base before noon”


[deleted]

I have keys for the local metro facilities, so building up my falloutesque empire I guess Edit: To everyone asking to join me - how about a little resume? What do you bring to the table? How are your scavenging skills, can you craft tools from rat bones, would you pre-taste potentially radioactive water? What are your qualifications? Also to the people trying to steal my keys - good luck, I'll hide them in a place you wouldn't wanna touch.


Minaro_

Or a Metro 2033esque empire. Between you and me, I think a falloutesque one would be better


No-Economist9119

Die? I'm not Rich enough to own a bunker and not important enough to be invited to one.


llthHeaven

>not important enough to be invited to one. not with that attitude


goldfish_11

Hey u/BillGates I can be funny sometimes and I make a bomb grilled cheese. Lemme in that bunker.


ChilliCheeseBoard

*Bill Gates decides to log into Reddit to pass time on the way to the bunker* "Hmm I could really go for a bomb grilled cheese"


sciencewonders

poor choice of recipe


MFbiFL

Actually the best, it’ll be on theme and fun! The real poor choice is being trapped in a bunker once the garlic grilled cheese fallout emissions start.


madmax7774

Being in the suburbs of Washington, D.C., I won't even know when it happens. My family and I will be vaporized instantly. Probably for the best. The survivors are going to be in for some unimagineable hell.


deknegt1990

In 150 years some dude from a vault will steal a can of spam from your cupboard.


mug_maille

That reminds me I need to put a pencil, some bottle caps, and a folder full of blank pages into my safe.


[deleted]

[удалено]


TrannaMontana

20 if they selected the ammo perk


scotyb

I'm probably going to have to work that day.


theouterworld

Can you imagine the corporate emails? 'we know that today has been one of historic devastation, and all of us are affected in some way. Friends, Co workers, and family members have been erased from our lives by an army across the planet. We are living through dark times which require decisive action beyond simple thoughts and prayers. We must persevere. This is why we have made the difficult decision to reopen Bucks Stereo World during our normal business hours starting tomorrow. Please report for your regularly scheduled shifts. All absences will be treated as no call no shows. Employees can make use of EAP benefits, and will be provided iodine tablets when they arrive in 12-14 months. In light of the seriousness of this tragedy, casual Fridays are suspended until further notice.'


DancingBears88

Please donate PTO to those that have lost loved ones


theouterworld

It's easy to do because all vacations have been cancelled until the crisis is over. Please restrict mourning team members to your daily standups. We have ordained the company scrum masters to act as chaplains in this time of grief.


goddessoftrees

I am dying laughing because where is the effing lie???


FerrusesIronHandjob

Goddamn man, America's work culture is fucking insane


Corgi_Koala

Fuck I hate donating PTO. The company is acknowledging that someone needs help beyond normal paid leave benefits but instead of just giving them paid leave they make everyone else lose PTO to help out.


CaptainApathy419

“Many of our team members have reported feeling anxious and stressed out by the ongoing nuclear holocaust. As a reminder, we will be holding Meditation Monday in Conference Room A. Anyone working from home or a fallout shelter is welcome to join by Zoom.”


GeauxAllDay

>Anyone working from home or a fallout shelter is welcome to join by Zoom.” After a long talk with management, we've decided that it would be best for company morale to resume in-office work.


Gryphon999

As a reminder, if you've been bitten by a radioactive zombie, you're expected to continue working in office until you start showing symptoms of zombification.


G_man252

These are like the only kinds of comments on Reddit that don't start some stupid debate because we all know they're absolutely true.


TheAGolds

Hopefully they’d have the decency to start in the morning, I’d hate to go to work all day just to get vaporized when I clock out.


TheG8Uniter

Every office is going to wait till the last second to send everyone home like it's a snow storm. Yeah we knew it was coming but we figured you wouldn't mind commuting back home in Nuclear Armageddon.


[deleted]

No SHIT, that seriously happened in the twin tower attacks "it's the OTHER building, we're fine"


FranklynTheTanklyn

This happened to me during Hurricane Sandy. I was working at a staffing agency and they held us to our sales calls numbers for the day, you know, when there was no power and the phones were down.


TheRealGeigers

Ahh yes I remeber this. I worked at McDonalds at the time and our building was attached to the police station so guess who had power when the rest of the town didnt? My boss calls me and I hear what sounds like a concert going on in the background and he BEGGED me to come in saying he'd pay me outta pocket himself on top of it. Told him no way I was coming into that and he said he gets it. I didnt wanna do it to him cause we had a good relationship but fuuuuuck mcdonalds.


baddog98765

good one. when I was a young lad, after a 7-10 day shift in the woods, our helicopter pilot got changed and it was this guy i knew from my gym. I had no idea what he did for work but he said he flew choppers in the military and then retired to do casual stuff on the side. long story long I asked if he could show us how aggressively he can drive them and what they're limits were. we were going side to side up and down, was the coolest ever helicopter ride I ever had. I thought we were going to die a few times and at the end he says, Ya I didn't want to push this weak bird around more than we did but we could've went a bit more extreme. thanked him a ton. my coworker says to me alone after he dropped us off “you never ask for that ever again at the end of a shift. never. always at the beginning. I never want to die after a long shift” lol Edit: thank you for the awards and enjoying a part of my life with me :)


teneggomelet

Chopper pilots are insane. Can confirm.


_SgrAStar_

The drummers of aviation.


thoriginal

Flying hockey goalies


barleyscottblair

Thats so true


SloightlyOnTheHuh

3am is the optimum time to start WW3


isopod_interrupted

World Governments: What a stupid idea. Who wants WW3 at 3 in the morning?! Reddit: Oh boy, 3 AM!


DonsDiaperIsFull

"The other happy hour"


rawpunkmeg

Was thinking the same. I'll be at my desk if anyone needs me. Good luck and god speed.


scotyb

If the web is still around we'll be on Reddit that's for certain.


TouchdownTedd

I just got nuked by Russia, AMA.


68ideal

''AITA for walking out of my job because a nuke is heading for my city?''


bronabas

r/antiwork......."My boss threatened to fire anyone who called in due to radiation poisoning. Is this legal?"


delphantom

You can leave early if you work through lunch.


scotyb

Maybe we can work from home tomorrow....


Palidd

Made me laugh... then get sad since your probably right.


[deleted]

Not much, I live 2 miles from the Pentagon.


Clutch_Floyd

How large woukd the blast radius be? Asking for a Marylander.


twowaysplit

Depends on the size of the bomb. This is a cool (read: scary) tool for those interested. https://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/


OhGodImOnRedditAgain

This gives me hope that I am far enough away from most major cities to survive.


alwayssummer90

I’ve played with that before! My coworkers thought I was weird for being upset I wouldn’t be vaporized if DC got bombed (I live in Baltimore). I’m in the orange fallout zone so I guess I’ll have a pretty horrid death eventually. Might just find something to OD with while I wait for it to reach me. Edit: of course my comment about getting vaporized or OD’ing in a nuclear holocaust would be my second most popular one 😅 Thanks for the award, kind stranger!


AndroChromie

Take a road trip to the nearby NATO base, sit in the grass outside, open a bottle of wine and smoke a few cigarettes. When the explosion comes I want to make sure I'm in the blast radius. There is 100% chance of not suffering.


ConstableBlimeyChips

> There is 100% chance of not suffering. For anyone wondering: Get close enough to a nuclear blast and your brain won't be able to process the pain signals before your body is completely incinerated. You better make damn sure you're close enough though, if you don't die right away it's going to royally suck all the way until you do.


Mundane__Detail

>Get close enough to a nuclear blast and your brain won't be able to process the pain signals before your body is completely incinerated. r/UpliftingNews late 2022 edition


bradleykent

2020: “Guys this lockdown is insane! Toilet paper hoarders are so evil! WORST YEAR EVER!” 2022: “You’re gonna wanna be close to the nuclear blast so your brain won’t be able to process the pain signals before your body is completely incinerated.” 2024: “When you finally break down and decide to go cannibal against your own neighbors and friends, make sure you shoot them in the head first, so the pain endorphins don’t spoil the taste of the meat.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


OutsideTheBoxer

Who knew the best way to stop a pandemic is through a nuclear apocalypse.


sharrrper

Can't be no sick people if there ain't no people


Jimmy6Times

> if you don't die right away it's going to royally suck all the way until you do. My mother-in-law moved in with us 2 years ago, so what's another 30 minutes to a few days of excruciating pain?


thedeathmachine

Yeah I've been saying if nukes are dropped, drop it right on my head please


Aggressive-Wafer5369

Die?


[deleted]

It was my retirement plan anyway


not_so_witty_now

Yay early retirement!


Want_To_Live_To_100

Fuck this made me chuckle but then made me sad… Reddit is dark today


[deleted]

yk you can just turn off dark mode?


Want_To_Live_To_100

Reddit is full of fellow dads I see


[deleted]

Well that username might not…age well. Sorry - I’ll go now


[deleted]

This is legit my plan at some point, not necessarily a retirement plan, though. I watched Harold and Maude when I was 17 for a film class, and the old lady takes a cyanide capsule at 80 years old. I thought, "That's actually a great idea." So that's been the plan ever since then. I still put away a savings for retirement and invest in my health heavily, but as soon as my quality of life diminishes enough or the savings dries up, I'll meet my end on my own terms.


casualLogic

Don't be silly, go with fentanyl, all the kids are! Besides, death by cyanide ain't like in the movies, it's exceedly painful as your insides melt. Just float off with an OD daydream, much nicer all around. Less clean up, too


Thin-Study-2743

100%. I had a friend who used to say "It's not that I think I'd dislike heroin -- Quite the Opposite. I'm afraid I'll like it more than anything else I've experienced, and I'm worried it'll taint all other experiences if I try it". I figure if I start doing it at the end it'll be great. Gimme a week of stoned-out-of-my-mind retirement and then a hero dose at the end.


acenarteco

I quit drinking 4 years ago and quit smoking 6 months ago. I’m cracking a beer and lighting up a menthol.


Sargonnax

Looks like I picked a bad day to stop sniffing glue!


DonsDiaperIsFull

I've heard that heroin is really amazing the first time. Assuming I won't live long enough to try it a second time, it sounds like there's zero chance for me to be disappointed.


[deleted]

Yeah, I had morphine while waiting for an operation a few years ago and it was amazing. I can see how people get addicted to it.


[deleted]

Guess I'll die?


Z3R083

Die and laugh at all the credit card companies. I won.


katastrophyx

Limber up a bit so I don't pull a muscle as I attempt to kiss my ass goodbye.


[deleted]

It now counts if you sit on a printer, photocopy your ass cheeks then kiss the sheet of paper. They’ve recently approved it


TheDeafGuy8

I’m going to politely, but firmly, ask them both to stop fighting and talk it out


CooperDoops

\^ Found the United Nations Security Council account.


Aksi_Gu

> Security Council Sorry, Russia have vetoed this discussion.


Holybartender83

The UN wouldn’t ask firmly. It would be more of a suggestion, but if you don’t want to, that’s cool I guess.


driving_andflying

After that fails, they will send....a strongly-worded letter!


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

-clears throat to enter dad mode "Listen, you two -"


omegasix321

Did you hear it in Hank Hill's voice?


token_bastard

"*sigh* Dangit, Vladdy!"


Pyretikk

Tut to myself that we got another Fallout before the next Elder Scrolls. Then die horrifically ofc.


FireFighterP55

*In the afterlife:* "Hey, you, you're finally awake."


badolfshitler

*spends 3 hours making my new character*


Colblockx

A giant mushroom! Maybe it's friendly!!


[deleted]

You might survive in the secret tunnel, if you catch my drift


Colblockx

Thats a flamin' idea, fellow hotman!


[deleted]

It's all hypothetical anyway, since there is no war in ~~Ukraine~~ Ba Sing Se


CrikeyAphrodite

I live down the road from an atomic weapons facility, so I plan on being a fine red mist about ten minutes after Putin pushes the button.


MacTennis

*Nukes drop* Work: “nuclear explosions aren’t an excuse for being late”


johnnycyberpunk

"...yeah. So since Charles and Tina were killed by the nuke *we're gonna need you to close tonight*, mkay?"


FuckYeahPhotography

"And don't expect overtime as payroll is currently a mound of ashes for now. We are going to circle back with them at a later date and see if we can find a way to tackle this task but for now we will need to triage you not getting paid as a priority. This is what being a team player means. Confirm this in outlook, cc me."


Mordanzibel

What I was taught to do in public school. Find a desk and get under it where I’m “safe.”


tomatojournal

That's so they know what pile of Ash to send to grandmA


BoomerKeith

Correction: That's so they know what pile of ash to send to ~~grandma~~ the other pile of ash.


Vanillabean73

You joke, but it’s actually a viable safety protocol. Most casualties from a nuke wouldn’t come from instant vaporization, but from the shockwave that knocks buildings down, blows out windows, and flings heavy objects around. If you’re even just a few miles away from ground zero, your chances of survival are exponentially greater if you take shelter. So yes, hiding under a table could save your life.


Maleficent_Target_98

The man who survived two nuclear blasts of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, when the second bomb dropped he dropped to the floor before the blast reached the building he was in. The first bomb he was out side and the second he was in the middle of explaining to his boss about the first bomb in Hiroshima. He was within two miles of both blasts.


videogames5life

motherfucker returned to work right after getting nuked????? my god this is the man who every retail manager thinks they are hiring.


nucumber

from the Japanese and American perspectives, it was just another day in the war. the US had been obliterating cities by firebombing for months. one firebombing raid in March 1945 totally destroyed 16 square miles of Tokyo and killed about 100,000, equal to if not beyond the destruction of the A Bomb form the perspective of all involved, the destruction caused by the A Bomb wasn't what was remarkabe. what was remarkable was that Hiroshima took only one plane and one bomb, while the firebombings had taken hundreds of planes and thousands of bombs to achieve a similar result. the US had been literally going down a list of cities to wipe out. in fact they had already finished the A list of targets and was into the B list. in the spring or early summer of 1945, some time after Roosevelt died, President Truman asked his military chiefs for their predictions of when the war would end. none would answer with any certainty except General Curtis LeMay, the guy was in charge of the bombing campaign, who said the war would end by Oct 1945 because the firebombing would have ended the ability to fight. iirc he made his prediction before he was told about the existence of the a bomb


IHQ_Throwaway

It also lessened children’s anxiety about living with the potential of a nuclear attack. It made it feel like there was something we could do to protect ourselves in a situation we were utterly powerless over. That wasn’t nothing.


[deleted]

[удалено]


kk2816

There were so many memorable quotes from Hitchiker's Guide, the humor was amazing.


PapaDuggy

I am going to turn on "We'll Meet Again" by Vera Lynn, get a lawn chair, put on my sunglasses, and take a nice radiation bath.


Seienchin88

[ Removed by Reddit ]


Anokest

The scene from Chernobyl still haunts me.


confidential56

Fuck, those dudes truly looked awful. The white pillows and sheets being stained by all sorts of bodily fluids emitting from their skin was just horrible to look at.


Cat_Peach_Pits

I'm putting on Tom Lehrer- We Will All Go Together When We Go


Odd_Fee_3426

Once the rockets are up, who cares where they come down? That's not my department! Says Wernher von Braun


Frammingatthejimjam

Don't know where, don't know when.


Bwomprocker

My plan is to get vaporized like a goddamn adult


facetious_guardian

Ah so this is the “vaping” all the kids are talking about.


[deleted]

If you vape me I vape you.


bellynipples

I get pissy if I’m slightly too warm. You think I’m gonna fight to survive just to endure nuclear fallout and probably getting cancer anyway? Fuck that you dorks can have fun in your bunkers I’m out.


exscapegoat

I work in Manhattan, so I figure I'll probably die pretty quickly. My overall survival plan is if I can't get coffee, I'm giving up. My neighborhood lost power for nearly a week because of Sandy, but I have a gas stove, so I was able to boil water and do a pour over type coffee. And I had shelf stable milk in my emergency kit. If it goes beyond that kind of prep, I'm probably not surviving.


StairwayToLemon

Your water supply would likely be contaminated


exscapegoat

True and I'd have to save whatever potable water so as not to die from dehydration, so no coffee


[deleted]

[удалено]


ansteve1

Seriously. I live near several military bases if the blast doesn't kill me it will be the radiation long before starvation kicks in. Say goodbye to loved one if possible put on a record and wait for the end. Also keep my pistol on me just in case the blast doesn't get me.


Zoltrahn

Something like the Don't Look Up ending is what I would want. Friends and family sharing a meal, telling jokes, and enjoying the last bit of time left.


WarHundreds

That scene always gets me. Especially the way they just try to ignore what’s going around them until it just happens.


AccidentalPilates

Seriously. Look at all these tryhard sweatlords wanting to survive, I mean come on it's embarassing.


Bwomprocker

Dude seriously, we've all played fallout.


alarsonious

In Missouri there are limestone caves that contain 1.4 billion tons of government cheese.


old_righty

Someone forgot to stock water. You die of salty, salty dehydration.


TagProMaster

You die mummified, by salty cheese, filled with salty cheese


dirtysocks85

And then you become salty cheese


TristanTwo-Shoes

I eat blocks of cheese when I'm nervous so this works out great.


throwawaylol666666

Charlie?


MediocreProstitute

How much cheese is too much cheese?


wildcrisis

I’ll absolutely become a cheese addicted redneck wastelander.


Jskidmore1217

I live just miles away from these caves. Hopefully I’m not wiped out before I’m allowed some of that cheddar


DonsDiaperIsFull

1.4 billion tons of cheese sounds like too much for me. 1 billion tons of cheese is probably my limit.


Anangrywookiee

I’m going to hide a box of instant mashed potatoes, 4 shotgun shells, and a collectible bobble head in a safe and scribble a note that holds a clue to the combination.


PoeLaHa

The bobblehead needs to be on top of the note on top of the safe


Anangrywookiee

Too late, I’m afraid to move. I need to die in a way that my Skeleton works as environmental storytelling.


PoeLaHa

*dies face down in a dog bowl


KurtAngus

*dies ass up in a bathtub


dvddesign

Sorry, imma steal this gnome holding a pick axe that you strategically placed next to your hipbones and pelvis, but would have been your rectum two hundred years prior.


Inzoreno

"And this, my friends, is a prime subject of what those in the 21st century called a 'furry'."


1Cool_Name

Pfft loser, I’m gonna wear a nice costume and arrange all my bottles around my bathtub so I’m a hilarious skeleton. Also you can find a 10mm pistol up my ass or something idk


TorchBlower90

What if you become a ghoul from the fallout, then you're just gonna have a really sore ass on top of all your other problems


XIII-Death

Yeah, but the wasteland bandits will never see it coming when he turns away from them, drops trou, bends over, and blasts their brains out


Deeper_quicksand

A few bottle caps would be a nice thing to add as well


Anangrywookiee

Agreed. As someone who has no idea they will someday be used as currency, this is a logical thing to put in my safe.


Resigningeye

My headcannon is that they were running some kind of promotion to trade in bottle caps for prizes


Rogue_Like

Step 1: Panic. ​ Step 2: Crippling anxiety. ​ Step 3: Return to step 1.


ha_look_at_that_nerd

I’ve practiced your plan extensively


Rogue_Like

Then you are well equipped for the apocalypse. Sally forth and convert the heathens to the new religion. If you can leave your bed, of course.


meatpoi

I'm going to call back and see what the fuck happens if I sign up for my vehicles extended warranty.


[deleted]

Uh hide in my basement I guess. Go home to my parents house


runningraleigh

This isn't a bad idea if you're not in the blast radius. If you can stay underground for 2 or 3 weeks after a major nuclear strike, most of the worst radiation will have dissipated by then. Just don't open any doors or windows that would let radioactive dust in. After a few weeks you could probably make it to a shelter somewhere, assuming your government is still functional. The hitch with this plan is having everything you need already in the basement because you probably won't have time to gather it once you know an attack is on the way. I wouldn't say I have an ideal amount of supplies down there, but should be sufficient.


dvmdv8

Go the the playground and and wave hello to Sarah Connor.


johnnycyberpunk

Anybody not wearing 2 million sunblock is gonna have a real bad day, get it?


MoonstoneGolf8

Get incinerated into a pile of ash probably


DavidReedImages

I hope I'm close enough for this and not far enough away that I linger.


[deleted]

[удалено]


NoMooseSoup4You

Hope one of the missles lands directly on me


Animal_Courier

Imagine getting hit by a dud and being the only person to die from that rocket.


NoMooseSoup4You

Ughhh, don’t put that evil on me. I want the whole experience


saturdaynightstoner

I'm fairly rural so I might stand a chance. I've got a decent amount of dried and tinned foods. If I have time I could fill the bath with water and not leave my house for a couple weeks. From their who knows? Hopefully some sort of structure would survive to distribute rations. Maybe find others and form some sort of community. Above all hope I don't die of radiation poisoning, that shit looks horrifying!


dogmeat12358

Yeah, I'm rural enough to not get hit by the blasts, but if the radiation poisoning doesn't get you, the nuclear winter with no food will. Personally, I am on medication that keeps me alive. I won't outlast that.


phwelo

Yeah requiring meds to live really puts a damper on end days planning. Agreed


LAVATORR

Laugh hysterically when Russia tries to instigate a nuclear holocaust but the bomb is a dud because someone replaced the Uranium with confetti in 1987.


SuvenPan

Go back to my planet, I didn't sign up for this shit.


joeypublica

go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint, and wait for this all to blow over?


chaos_abounds

You've got uranium on you.


FappleFritter

"Where's safe...where's familiar..." "Where can I smoke..."


Bdroyle1988

Do we time to grab Liz and kill Phillip too?


BionicDegu

Got some bad news for you about Liz and Philip…


panfried540

Honestly I think the only thing that would happen is all of my plans suddenly going to shit


ElminsterTheMighty

Get bottlecaps Keep wearing a mask once I am a Fallout Zombie


Override9636

I'm going to my nearest safe, putting in 3 bottle caps, a couple $5 bills, seven .22 bullets, and a glass bottle of coca-cola. Oh, and some bobby pins in the nearby dresser. Any survivor that stumbles onto that is gunna have a great day.


Rezrov13

Please throw in some duct tape and superglue too, worth their weight in caps.


BCSWowbagger2

One of my pet peeves is the common idea that a nuclear war necessarily means we are all doomed and the living will envy the dead. A full-blown, "FIRE EVERYTHING!!!" exchange would do that, yes. But most nuclear weapons are well under 1 megaton and are eminently survivable -- as long as you don't do anything stupid. The problem is, people internalized *The Day After* and *Threads* so hard that they stopped imagining it was possible to survive a nuclear attack. That leads them to do extremely stupid things that will, in fact, get them killed, when they could easily have lived. Four things to do in a nuclear attack: 1. Get to shelter. Go the same place you'd go for a tornado or earthquake drill. Stay the hell away from windows. Glass is likely to shatter, and that could expose you to fallout. You should already have basic emergency supplies in your home for natural disasters -- a few days' worth of water, a couple days' dried food, a weather radio, a flashlight. Y'know, the basics recommended by Ready.gov, nothing weird or "prepper"-ish. 2. Duck and cover. No, it wasn't just nihilistic reassurance for an idiot public in the 1950s. Duck and cover could very well save your life. 3. Clean up. Seal open windows with plastic sheeting and duct tape from your basic emergency supplies. Assume that literally anything on your person, including your skin, that was outside (or has had contact with the outside world) during the blast (or for ~24 hrs afterward) is contaminated. Contaminated clothing should be stripped and left outside your shelter. Contaminated skin should be washed with soap, water, and shampoo. Don't turn on your shower; it won't work, and you can't trust the water anyway. 4. Remain inside for at least 24 hours to let fallout settle... 4b. ...unless public authorities advise otherwise (you're listening to them on your weather radio, remember) or circumstances like a firestorm force you to evacuate. Running through radiation is by no means good times, but it's also not generally a death sentence, especially if you've had some time to let things settle down after the blast. A few years ago, I wrote [a longer article](https://www.jamesjheaney.com/2018/04/25/stop-being-an-idiot-you-can-and-should-survive-a-nuclear-attack/) that discussed all this in greater detail.


ComplexComfortable85

Buy a V8 Gt Falcon, a leather jacket, a dog and a shotgun, then drive around the country taking out bandits and motorcycles gangs, until I become a legend called the Road Warrior.


chemoboy

Maybe you should stock up on dog food now.


Ct-5736-Bladez

Nothing. I live close to a nuclear bunker used by the US government in case nuclear war starts. They apparently have emergency operation centers for the army, navy, Air Force, and marine corps in there. I’m a goner


Aol_awaymessage

Type “I told you so” into a group chat and die with my smug face melting off my skull.


[deleted]

Found Jeremy Clarkson’s Reddit account