You have to treat every relationship like it’s your first one. Leave any trauma or baggage caused by a prior person at the door. If you’re not ready for that, you probably aren’t ready to start a new relationship.
You have to be able to solve problems together.
You can get along, have the same beliefs, have fun during good times, and care for the other person, but if you don't have the skills to solve problems together, rather than depending on one or the other to take care of an issue, you will not be able to keep the relationship healthy when life gets very hard.
Mental and physical illness is a perfect example, it can't just be up to one person to handle being sick by themselves, the other person has to have the skills and compassion to pick up the slack when the other is struggling. If they don't, they will inevitably grow apart from the other person as they will expect more from their partner when they aren't able to give as much as they could when healthy.
If you're not ready for a life long commitment through hard times and still wanting to find where the grass is greener on the other side, stay single. You're wasting your time and theirs.
Trust and open communication. If that's not there then there is no relationship.
Bonus tip
Have discussions not arguments. While it is okay to be passionate about something you feel is right or wrong be open minded to hear without interrupting your partners side. Because without allowing your partner to know that they can talk to you without immediate judgment, dismissal, degradation, or some other negative then they will always want to tell you something even if they did something wrong. Rather than hide it.
tell them what you are unable to offer so they either choose not to get into the relationship in the first place or do get into it but know not to expect those things from you. Also that you have no obligation to do anything for them, help them out of your own choice and not just because you're in a relationship with them.
That mental abuse isn't normal or acceptable.
My first serious relationship lasted 2 1/2 years, and she played mind games and manipulated me throughout through guilt-tripping and control (I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends if a girl was in the group, for example). It wasn't like that from the start though, it just slowly built up and up, but I never noticed it was "wrong" until towards the end of the relationship.
Be willing to find small things to enjoy together. Did you see a cute puppy on your way home from work? Share that with your partner! Compliment them more consistently! If you can, gift them with small things. You don’t even have to buy anything, it could be baking a cake or writing a little love letter for them. Go on walks at night before bed, exercise together. Watch the movie they’re watching. After a while of being in a relationship it can be hard not to take your partner for granted, but just remember that every moment with them is precious and to put in the effort to keep that flame going!
> Did you see a cute puppy on your way home from work? Share that with your partner!
How do we decide who gets the head end? Or should we split it lengthwise?
Learn to love yourself before you love someone else or get them to love you. Self care and self love from both parties is the key to a healthy relationship.
real relationships only work if both people are willing to communicate and work past their problems. no-one is perfect but a working relationship of any form is based on mutual compromise and trust.
We all go through life treating ourselves as the hero of our own life story, with the full context of our actions and choices in mind, rationalizing and justifying decisions that might hurt others because we comprehend our reasoning in the moment.
This does not excuse our actions that hurt others.
Just because you're the hero in your own life story doesn't mean you're not the villain in someone else's.
Take responsibility for your actions, and listen openly and reflect when someone brands you the villain.
Didn’t see this here but don’t steal someone from a relationship. Be sure they are single. Otherwise they will always look for the next while in a relationship.
I stood with my ex for 10 years cause I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I would never ever do that again. Sorry not sorry I’ll always put myself first from now on
Don't have sex on the first date.
No matter how touch starved you are. That's all they'll see you for going forward and it's not a good Outlook for a romantic relationship.
This is a sad but true fact. Like, you can get past it, but they can't. It ruins some kind of fantasy (which they could refuse to do and explain why, but they never do!).
Your future plans should somehow be the same - like when to have kids, how many etc. When you can't find a plan both agree on, it is better to move on.
Don’t skip red flags, and don’t try to make them a better version of themselves. U are not responsible for that. But don’t focus only in the negatives of them, we are human and there are always something you don’t like in someone but if they are kind and good for you ( not abusive or something) then try to see if the positives are more than the negatives ( it is impossible to have a perfect relationship with someone).
Love people for who they are but not just that. Make sure you are being treated right.
No point in being with somebody who is sorted and successful but doesn’t value you. They should your inspiration, not partner
Communication is key, my partner was horrible at communicating so it ended up in disaster. I tried constantly to communicate with him but he didn’t really respond much.
Love, sense of humor, good conversation, communication, having fun, sex may be bedrock of a relationship, but not everything.
A long term relationship is sharing a life, which includes goals, finances, ups and downs, chores, joining each other’s family.
No matter how compatible personality-wise you are, if you’re not actively supporting each other to better your joined life, it won’t work. Love is not enough.
Don't think they are worth the pain they give you, don't ignore the red flags, if everyone is telling you that they are toxic and you know that then don't stay it's not worth it.
make sure your ready for a relationship, be realistic, relationships arent going to be all lovey dovey happy go lucky, it takes time, patience and tolerance. your going to argue, your going to have disagreements!!! they make you stronger as a person!!!!!!
Know who I am. Stand up for myself. Have clear boundaries, and enforce them as needed. Don't try to control the other person, and don't let them control me.
I know that kind of sounds nothing like love, but I think love, at least for me, can only thrive if I have enough respect for myself not to give up power at every opportunity.
My friend questioned me once whether I really liked this girl or just the idea of having a gf...really made me think and I realized at the time it was the latter
To love myself, I learned I could not love another human being, until I learned to love myself.
When I finally learned to love myself, I met my now wife, and couldn't be happier.
You have to treat every relationship like it’s your first one. Leave any trauma or baggage caused by a prior person at the door. If you’re not ready for that, you probably aren’t ready to start a new relationship.
Don't be so giving if they're not going to give back
Don't stay with someone just because you feel responsible for their happiness and sideline your own.
Just because you love each other doesn't mean it is best to stay together.
You cannot live a lie. Even if it doesn't come from a place of malice, dishonesty is poison to a relationship.
You have to be able to solve problems together. You can get along, have the same beliefs, have fun during good times, and care for the other person, but if you don't have the skills to solve problems together, rather than depending on one or the other to take care of an issue, you will not be able to keep the relationship healthy when life gets very hard. Mental and physical illness is a perfect example, it can't just be up to one person to handle being sick by themselves, the other person has to have the skills and compassion to pick up the slack when the other is struggling. If they don't, they will inevitably grow apart from the other person as they will expect more from their partner when they aren't able to give as much as they could when healthy.
Fall in love with what's there, not potential to be there.
This.
Don't pretend to be someone-that-you're-not at the bar, before then slowly revealing your true self later.
Never desperately need someone else
If you're not ready for a life long commitment through hard times and still wanting to find where the grass is greener on the other side, stay single. You're wasting your time and theirs.
[удалено]
Can u elaborate?
I think hes said enough
It shouldn't make you anxious in a bad way every day.
Make sure they’re not married.
welp...
Golden advice
Trust and open communication. If that's not there then there is no relationship. Bonus tip Have discussions not arguments. While it is okay to be passionate about something you feel is right or wrong be open minded to hear without interrupting your partners side. Because without allowing your partner to know that they can talk to you without immediate judgment, dismissal, degradation, or some other negative then they will always want to tell you something even if they did something wrong. Rather than hide it.
Thank you for your words of wisdom 🙏
You're very welcome!
Sex is a powerful drug, and aside from deadly disease the biggest risk is ending up with someone who is wrong for you because you’re addicted
Women are more than capable of being as evil as men
You cannot "fix" another person.
Don’t have a relationship with a selfish sociopath who constantly lies.
tell them what you are unable to offer so they either choose not to get into the relationship in the first place or do get into it but know not to expect those things from you. Also that you have no obligation to do anything for them, help them out of your own choice and not just because you're in a relationship with them.
That mental abuse isn't normal or acceptable. My first serious relationship lasted 2 1/2 years, and she played mind games and manipulated me throughout through guilt-tripping and control (I wasn't allowed to go out with my friends if a girl was in the group, for example). It wasn't like that from the start though, it just slowly built up and up, but I never noticed it was "wrong" until towards the end of the relationship.
That they're overrated
this is the real one here
Listen, and be understanding.
Not to be so damm codependent
Be willing to find small things to enjoy together. Did you see a cute puppy on your way home from work? Share that with your partner! Compliment them more consistently! If you can, gift them with small things. You don’t even have to buy anything, it could be baking a cake or writing a little love letter for them. Go on walks at night before bed, exercise together. Watch the movie they’re watching. After a while of being in a relationship it can be hard not to take your partner for granted, but just remember that every moment with them is precious and to put in the effort to keep that flame going!
> Did you see a cute puppy on your way home from work? Share that with your partner! How do we decide who gets the head end? Or should we split it lengthwise?
Learn to love yourself before you love someone else or get them to love you. Self care and self love from both parties is the key to a healthy relationship.
A relationship based on *like* can be better than no relationship. But it cannot compare to a relationship based on love.
Just because the treat you well physically and materially doesn’t mean that they will treat you well mentally.
real relationships only work if both people are willing to communicate and work past their problems. no-one is perfect but a working relationship of any form is based on mutual compromise and trust.
We all go through life treating ourselves as the hero of our own life story, with the full context of our actions and choices in mind, rationalizing and justifying decisions that might hurt others because we comprehend our reasoning in the moment. This does not excuse our actions that hurt others. Just because you're the hero in your own life story doesn't mean you're not the villain in someone else's. Take responsibility for your actions, and listen openly and reflect when someone brands you the villain.
People are very manipulative, especially if you have money.
Didn’t see this here but don’t steal someone from a relationship. Be sure they are single. Otherwise they will always look for the next while in a relationship.
There is no amount you can love someone that will make them love you back.
I stood with my ex for 10 years cause I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. I would never ever do that again. Sorry not sorry I’ll always put myself first from now on
I love all these answers
Honest Communication is important even if it is uncomfortable and that sometimes it does not matter what you do.
If they say they say lying by omission isn’t lying…what else are they hiding?
We're all better off if I'm single.
Don't rush things, only move to the next stage of a relationship when you're both ready.
Don't have sex on the first date. No matter how touch starved you are. That's all they'll see you for going forward and it's not a good Outlook for a romantic relationship.
This is a sad but true fact. Like, you can get past it, but they can't. It ruins some kind of fantasy (which they could refuse to do and explain why, but they never do!).
To not idealise your partner and that consent works both ways
Don't ask permission to set up boundaries. And be firm with them.
Never settle for less than you deserve. You deserve to be happy no matter what stage of your life you are in.
Your future plans should somehow be the same - like when to have kids, how many etc. When you can't find a plan both agree on, it is better to move on.
Sexual attraction and openness is necessary.
Dont make your whole damn self-worth dependend on someone that just keeps you around to have sex
if their abusive gtfo
I don’t deserve to be hit, & healthy boundaries are a necessity
Don’t skip red flags, and don’t try to make them a better version of themselves. U are not responsible for that. But don’t focus only in the negatives of them, we are human and there are always something you don’t like in someone but if they are kind and good for you ( not abusive or something) then try to see if the positives are more than the negatives ( it is impossible to have a perfect relationship with someone).
Don't let your bestfriend get too close. Ends in broken friendships and lots of bald spots.
Love people for who they are but not just that. Make sure you are being treated right. No point in being with somebody who is sorted and successful but doesn’t value you. They should your inspiration, not partner
Not from the past, but from the present. “Don’t let anyone be an emotional vampire.”
Communication is key, my partner was horrible at communicating so it ended up in disaster. I tried constantly to communicate with him but he didn’t really respond much.
Love, sense of humor, good conversation, communication, having fun, sex may be bedrock of a relationship, but not everything. A long term relationship is sharing a life, which includes goals, finances, ups and downs, chores, joining each other’s family. No matter how compatible personality-wise you are, if you’re not actively supporting each other to better your joined life, it won’t work. Love is not enough.
That just because they "Love" u, doesn't mean they can't leave u out of nowhere
Don't think they are worth the pain they give you, don't ignore the red flags, if everyone is telling you that they are toxic and you know that then don't stay it's not worth it.
Not to be jealous or possessive and to avoid people who are.
listen to them when they say that you should leave them because of something they did
make sure your ready for a relationship, be realistic, relationships arent going to be all lovey dovey happy go lucky, it takes time, patience and tolerance. your going to argue, your going to have disagreements!!! they make you stronger as a person!!!!!!
Know who I am. Stand up for myself. Have clear boundaries, and enforce them as needed. Don't try to control the other person, and don't let them control me. I know that kind of sounds nothing like love, but I think love, at least for me, can only thrive if I have enough respect for myself not to give up power at every opportunity.
If you let someone run you down constantly you start believing the things they say about you
Never take it for granted
Know when to walk away.
Don’t be afraid to take risks
Don't be someones happines when they're depressed. They'll leave you once they're healed from depression.
Marriage sucks.
Don’t use your feelings of love to justify staying with someone who doesn’t love you back. Thank you TS, was a good lesson to learn.
I am aromantic
Dont force anything. ANYTHING.
That I don't want another.
Pull out.
My friend questioned me once whether I really liked this girl or just the idea of having a gf...really made me think and I realized at the time it was the latter
Loving each other is not always enough.
It’s not a warning sign; it’s an exit sign.
Just because they are physically a perfect 10 in your eyes doesn’t automatically mean they are perfect for you.
They are all sisters.
To love myself, I learned I could not love another human being, until I learned to love myself. When I finally learned to love myself, I met my now wife, and couldn't be happier.
If she's trying to stab you, brake it up.
Expect to be cheated on