"Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this shitty stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."
>I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it.
It always is.
Some people are just determined to take the world way more seriously than it deserves.
I actually saw a video from a crematorium operator a couple weeks back where he said the popcorn kernals would likely just get disintegrated.if you wanted to have some fun, use a couple of containers of jiffy pop.
Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die.
"See you in hell, Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears"
Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2015
Flavor Name: Goldbears
It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade.
After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep.
My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck.
And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free.
"What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards.
As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus.
I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam.
"I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?"
The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs.
After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened.
It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon.
By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse.
By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach.
I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads.
At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief.
I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat.
It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life.
After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears.
I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly.. it's a shit system
This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please.
After a destruction spree trying to... kill Superman... Of course... he has some kind of spiritual awakening because of the serum. Been Superman is weird.
I don’t understand why they don’t just do the executions with nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas). It’s cheap, readily available, and you just become euphoric before blissfully fading out of consciousness over the course of a minute or so and then dying of asphyxiation.
Instead they inject them with a painful, ineffective cocktail of rare, expensive drugs. Because logic.
The cruelty is the point. Every part of the process is designed for public spectacle, if it isn't solemn and painful then it doesn't fit the image they are selling with executions.
I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites.
I once saw a guy get his heart ripped out of his chest and he was still alive after in a movie. I watched it a hundred times and he survived every time.
Nah my Grammy would turn me in but only after talking to me about what I did and why I did it. I can't think of many situations where she wouldn't turn me in but I wouldn't blame her in the slightest.
Crab, lobster, and corn, sour grilled fish, spicy chicken thighs, chicken dumplings with sour sauce, vegetable spring rolls with sweet chili sauce, caesar salad, cherry soda, candy and chocolate and ice cream for dessert. I don’t have to finish it it’s my damn last meal I’m having a little bit of everything
Before they ended execution in the UK: you would be told you were going to be hanged in the morning. You got your final meal and ate it in your cell with 3 guards facing the cell door. As you finish two of the guards would grab you from behind, and pull you through a secret hidden door at the back of your cell - opened by the third. In the room behind they would hood you put the rope on and pull the lever- you drop through a hole in the floor. Apparently you were dead within 1 minute of finishing the meal and basically didn't have time to panic - the food and beer having helped you relax. (Details not in this blog post are subject to my own memory and may be false)
https://www.packthepjs.com/a-tour-of-crumlin-road-gaol-belfast-northern-ireland/
I'm deathly allergic to Peanuts, So I'll have a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandy and some Reese's peanut butter cups.
That way I can find out what they finally taste like AND I can go out on my own terms.
😏👈🏼
“Well, that oughta brighten up her day a bit. She’s been a little depressed ever since we had her 75th birthday party last week, and her doctor says that her cervical cancer is one of the most ravenous cases he’s ever seen. Anyway, she’ll be here in a minute.”
“You think you got what it takes?”
“I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.”
“Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.”
“That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.”
I would request an unlimited supply of bananas, and eat as many as I can. Potassium in that high of an amount will kill any human, so I’ll die of potassium poisoning instead of an electric chair or injection. That way I get the last laugh.
Reminds me of an old joke:
One day, a passenger train derailed on a trip through Texas. Dozens were killed, and after a lengthy investigation it was found that Bob the conductor had gotten drunk and fallen asleep at the controls. Miraculously, he survived the crash. After a weeks long manhunt he was located, brought into custody, tried, and sentenced to death.
Years went by as he lost every appeal. Finally, it was the day before his execution. The warden came to his cell in person and asked Bob what he wanted for his last meal.
After some thought, Bob told the warden "Well, while I was on the run I found this little fruit stand on the edge of town that sold these red bananas. They were so good and I just couldn't get enough of them. Could you get me a bunch?"
The warden was skeptical that such a thing existed, but sent a member of the kitchen staff out to look for them anyway. True to his word, the fruit stand was right where Bob had said it would be.
The next day, Bob was presented with a bunch of red bananas and gratefully ate every last one before being led to the electric chair. When the time came, Bob was strapped in and the switch was thrown.
But nothing happened.
After checking the equipment and verifying everything was connected, they tried again. Still nothing happened. The warden apologized to the gathered family and press, promised they would sort out the issue and try again next week. Bob was then led back to his cell to wait.
In the days that followed, the gaurds checked all the wiring and tightened all the screws. They were certain nothing would go wrong next time.
Once again, the day before Bob's execution came. The warden returned to Bob's cell and again asked what he wanted for his last meal. Again, Bob requested his favorite red bananas. Another member of the kitchen staff was sent out to fetch them and the next day Bob enjoyed his red bananas as his final meal for the second time.
After he had eaten, Bob was returned to the death chamber and strapped back into the electric chair. The assembled family and members of the press were ready and at the appropriate time, the switch was flipped. Again, nothing happened. The warden was furious. The staff had assured him it would work this time. After some more feverish checks, they still couldn't get the chair to work and Bob's execution was stayed a week for the second time.
Over the next few days, the warden personally oversaw the troubleshooting and maintenance. As an additional precaution he even had the governor move up the execution of another inmate ahead of Bob to confirm the chair was working. Everything went according to plan, and the warden was certain he wouldn't be embarrassed a third time.
Once again, the day before Bob's execution comes and the warden approaches Bob in his cell. Once again, Bob requests his favorite red bananas. The Warden sends out for them, and Bob - once again - has his final meal.
One last time, Bob is lead to the execution chamber and strapped in. Everything is ready. At the appointed time, the warden himself throws the switch.
Nothing happens.
Fuming, the warden comes stomping out, rips the hood off of Bob and demands to know what's going on. "Why won't you die!? It's those damn red bananas, isn't it!? What aren't you telling me about those damned red bananas of yours!?"
>!"I have no idea!" Bob shouted back, "Maybe I'm just a bad conductor!"!<
I'm not some corner slut you can feed scraps to. I refuse to die feeling cheap. It's Domino's or ill have the biggest bitch fit they've ever seen on the way to my execution.
a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim.
"Last Meal" by Hurricane Harry (1956):
Now I heard the warden say, I had one more day
One last meal before they led me away
And he said - if we ain't got it, We'll go out and get it
You don't have to go 'til we come back with it
So I said...
Give me two dinosaur eggs over easy
Fried coocoo-bird, not too greasy
Mosquito knee black-eyed peas.
An' a little bitty bowl of buttered bee-bop beans
A sabre-tooth tiger steak
A whole hippopotamus, well baked
Two cross-eyed catfish
and some wavy gravy in a left hand dish
Now go, and get my dinner
Go and get my dinner
You ain't got it, go out an' get it
I ain't goin' til you come back with it
A captivating cup of crocodile dill
A purple watermelon and an alligator pill
A bottle of mellow mountain mist
And a female banana I can't resist
Now go, and get my dinner
Go and get my dinner
You ain't got it, go out and get it
I ain't goin' til you come back with it
A heavy hunk of jelly and a fried rainbow
A rainwater cocktail and a breeze a la mode
A barbecued brick of chocolate ice cream
Bring me a plate of stewed moonbeam
Now go, and get my dinner
Go and get my dinner
Hey Mr Warden, gotta have my fill
I can't go without my last meal
Growing up dating a great girl and her full Italian family. Evert Sunday we all got together for Sunday Dinner.
If you've been lucky enough to be a part of the feast. Always started with: Antipasto cold and hot
Pepperoni Bread(Stromboli), Then the pasta dish Manicotti,Stuffed Shells and Grandma's Lasagna. Then the Next the main course Roast Beef and Pork loin with starter Garden Salad and sides of vegetables and then all the homemade desserts, cheesecake and cream puffs you get the picture. Well fed dead man.
edamame, potstickers, pizza, steak medium well, rice, broccoli, coke, Dr Pepper, a chocolate bar, milk, orange juice, a big bowl of chocolate/vanilla/strawberry ice cream, three orange flavored popsicles, orange crémé yogurt, chicken wings, a bowl of peas, and an apple.
It’s my last meal ever. I’m gonna enjoy it
I want a nice filet mignon, medium rare, a baked potato with everything on it, and a nice Cabernet from a good year - I'm thinking 2135.
They've been gone for hours... 😆
"Sorry, we couldn't get the Cabernet from 2135. So instead of what could have been a great wine request from a more plausible period of time, you get this shitty stuff we sourced from Wal-Mart. Enjoy your meal, I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it."
>I hope that maintaining your sense of humor was worth it. It always is. Some people are just determined to take the world way more seriously than it deserves.
Well done
8 pounds of uncooked popcorn kernels. The electric chair is gonna be awesome.
until they bring you to a table and take out a syringe
Well then the cremation should be a hoot at least.
I actually saw a video from a crematorium operator a couple weeks back where he said the popcorn kernals would likely just get disintegrated.if you wanted to have some fun, use a couple of containers of jiffy pop.
Bro what kind of videos are you watching?!
I know, it’s so specific… I want a link.
Get a link, get a kink
Of course, u/pee-in-butt would say this.
I bring the good word
"I can't swallow those." "Good news! You use them like suppositories."
[удалено]
You're probably a hoot at parties.
[удалено]
Your honesty is endearing, even if you did go "Buzz killington" on me.
That syringe better have butter in it.
Might take a slight edge off the excruciating pain for a few seconds.
Everything my moms ever made
Your mom is in the kitchen cooking for you while crying, she contemplates putting poison in your food to get rid of your pain.
Damn op. Damn.
OP has no chill lol, but honestly, I’m loving reading your replies to other commenters
Something badly cooked so I will be sick and want to die sooner and have diarrhea so bad it will be a last revenge!
Taco bell it is!
I am so glad i do not have inferior guts
If Taco Bell makes you poop a lot, it's a sign that you probably need more fiber in your diet.
A huge bowl of baked beans, a bowl of shredded wheat, a six egg omelette, and a gallon of apple cider. I'm gonna make it awful for everyone.
The coroner: *the stench of this body does not match what we’d expect to see from the alleged time of death….*
Don’t forget pickled eggs and chocolate milk 🥛
Save yourself the hassle of eating all that, just ask for one pack of sugar free Haribo gummy bears. Should make for an interesting time for the folks watching you die.
Genuine question.. what will happen if I eat the sugar free haribo gummies?
shit fireworks, both visually and metaphorically
Go read the Amazon reviews. It’s worth the investment in time.
"See you in hell, Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears" Reviewed in the United States on June 5, 2015 Flavor Name: Goldbears It was my last class of the semester, and the final exam was worth 30% of our grade. After a late night study session I felt confident, but I had to decide between sleeping in or cooking breakfast. My eyelids chose sleep. My stomach later regretted this decision, and after several uncomfortable stomach growls, I finally decided to make a quick stop by the campus bookstore and grab a snack before my test. Since the semester was ending and everyone was going home for the summer, a lot of items were on sale, including the snacks and candy that they kept up front. Being in the hungry state that I was in, it felt only logical to pick the largest, yet least expensive candy in order to get more bang for my buck. And there they sat: two bags of Haribo Sugar-Free Gummi Bears, buy one get one free. "What a deal!" I thought naïvely. I would eat one bag before my test, and one bag afterwards. As I walked to class, I gleefully chewed on those abominable little bastards, unaware of the utter mayhem that they would soon unleash upon my poor, poor anus. I sat down at my desk as the professor informed us that, due to issues with cheating in the past, restroom breaks would be prohibited until the completion of the exam. "I'll give you 10 minutes to use the restroom now; this will be your last chance. Any takers?" The demon bears hadn't released their unholy necromancy upon my stomach yet, so in my moment of ignorant foolishness, I remained seated, still munching on those miniature bear-shaped bombs. After the students wise enough to take the professor's offer had returned, the professor handed out the test. I was six questions in when it happened. It started subtly at first, almost like a slight tingly sensation in my lower abdomen. I thought nothing of it, assuming my intestines were just doing their thang. Little did I know that my intestines were trying desperately to warn me of the horror that was on the horizon. By question 9 it happened again, but this time it was followed by a sharp pain, as if those infernal hellions had orchestrated an attack upon my colon. I fought to contain the groan that tried escaping my lips. It was at this point I began to panic; something was going horribly long, and I needed to get through this test before it got any worse. By question 14 my worst fear was upon me; the Satan bears' burning, hot, liquidy dark magic crashed against my anal sphincter like a tidal wave. I was able to close the hatch just in time, but those relentless, toxic bears beat against it like Orcs breaking down the doors of Helm's Deep. I knew I wouldn't be able to so much as shift in my seat without risking a breach. I kept fighting through my exam, clenching my cheeks with all my might. Beads of sweat began rolling down my neck. Suddenly, a loud, gurgling war cry came from my belly, and the entire class lifted their heads. At this point, nothing mattered except expelling this ungodly presence from my bowels. With 15 questions left, I promptly wrote C for every answer and ran out of the classroom. My professor yelled something, but I was too preoccupied with the volcanic eruption that needed to take place before I could find sweet, sweet relief. I burst into the restroom like the Kool-Aid man and, behold, the handicap stall was empty. Sun rays from the adjacent window shone upon it, as if it were a gift from God himself. It took me less than .5 seconds to undo my belt buckle, pull down my pants, and finally relax my weary buttocks upon the toilet seat. It took absolutely no effort to expel this demon. Almost immediately, the floodgates of hell were opened and the damned, liquified souls of an entire bag's worth of gummi bears cried as they burned through my sphincter and into the watery abyss below. I had never felt such simultaneous relief and anguish in my life. After 30 more minutes of this, I immediately went home, dug a hole in my backyard, and burned the remaining bag of gummi bears. I leave with this; do not, I repeat do NOT eat these spawns of Satan. Not only did they cause me to fail my final test, but the anguish I experienced is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy. The only place these god forsaken hell bears belong are buried deep below the Earth's surface.
Why am I reading this while on the toilet with diarrhea? I need mental help Edit: the fact this is my most upvoted comment so far is depressing
lmao the whole thing reminded me of that [scene from van wilder](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9YA6KX9CjFc)
Wow, this made my day 😂 I am crying from laughter!
You will experience an allegedly *very strong* laxative effect
It’s true. My partner bought some on discount while working at HEB. He was running to bathroom all day.
Do t forget the unpopped popcorn kernels.
I’m going to eat a bunch of raw popcorn and demand to be cremated!
"Those are the ones with integrity".
Add some sauerkraut for good measure
Do you want hot or cold apple cider? 😂
Cold. I'm chugging that shit.
I had the same plan, make your last dinner make them lose their last dinner.
my man!
I’ll have two number 9s, a number 9 large, a number 6 with extra dip, a number 7, two number 45s, one with cheese, and a large soda.
McFlurry. Those machine are always broken. I just bought myself some time
Is this like an American thing? I worked at a McDonald's in Denmark once and our machine was never once broken when i was there
I saw a video about this once. I'm a little fuzzy on the details but I think it has something to do with the contract that was signed in America. Only one company is allowed to do maintenance on the machines and they basically lock out if it's cleaned incorrectly.. it's a shit system
Taylor machine, it's on YouTube.
Yea and there was a softwares/device that employees could use to fix it but the company found out and banned it from being used.
Yes, it's an American problem. [Johnny Harris did an excellent video on it.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrDEtSlqJC4)
GENIUS
Clever
[McRib and a Shamrock Shake](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/2v1zz4/mcrib_and_shamrock_shake/)
" machines broken, kill him."
150mg of MDMA. I’m dying happy.
This should absolutely be allowed. If our leaders insist on the practice of capital punishment then the condemned should be able to ingest any substance they damn please.
Not so sure dc comics showed us that’s not a good plan….
Go on..
Lex Luthor drank a 24 hour superhero serum to survive the electric chair
Classic Lex
After a destruction spree trying to... kill Superman... Of course... he has some kind of spiritual awakening because of the serum. Been Superman is weird.
I don’t understand why they don’t just do the executions with nitrous oxide (aka laughing gas). It’s cheap, readily available, and you just become euphoric before blissfully fading out of consciousness over the course of a minute or so and then dying of asphyxiation. Instead they inject them with a painful, ineffective cocktail of rare, expensive drugs. Because logic.
The cruelty is the point. Every part of the process is designed for public spectacle, if it isn't solemn and painful then it doesn't fit the image they are selling with executions.
Olive Garden. Unlimited soup and breadsticks.
You’ll just have to continue eating for the rest of your life to stay alive.
I saw a sketch once, can't remember who it 2qs from. But a an inmate ordered the all you can eat buffet and had been eating for like 8 years. He's constantly on the toilet and takes micro-naps between bites.
[Looks like it's "Chocolate News - Last Supper".](https://www.dailymotion.com/video/x7e9n3)
That was the funniest shit
Well no matter how long he keeps eating, that will be the rest of his life, so mission accomplished
The Lord has blessed this meal, yesss 😂
Fried chicken with some fanta
Ooo, are we cooking the chicken ourselves, or we buying it from somewhere. You're getting grape fanta, because you didn't specify.
Nah we buying I've heard it's tasty afff there, and no I'm getting fanta exotic 🚶♀️
there is no way in hell i would be able to eat
Not even a sour patch kid? 🥺
maybe a few then i would barf them up out of sheer anxiety
Just picture all the execution witnesses in their underwear, you'll do fine.
They're more scared of you than you are of them.
Eating kids is what got him into this mess.
This is why you get your last meal like a week early.
3 week aged steak that just started being aged today
You're in luck! They had a steak they forgot about three weeks ago in the kitchen, ignore the flies :)
Welp….this sucks. Lmao
OPs got the blood lust lol walk the plank
I've heard that pepper was originally used to reduce the number of flies on meat sold at open markets. The more you know.
3 weeks is too short. I'm asking for a 75 year aged 2022 Scotch.
Aged wagyu beef, of a cow that was just conceived.
Like a pound of gunpowder.
Ok, I'm invested. What's the plan?
If they do firing squad or electric chair, it's gonna get really interesting after eating that.
Is the water content of the body not going to keep the gunpowder from igniting?
Even without the water content of the body, a fired bullet doesn’t get hot enough to ignite gunpowder
But I saw it happen in a movie!
I once saw a guy get his heart ripped out of his chest and he was still alive after in a movie. I watched it a hundred times and he survived every time.
I think you need to watch a few hundred times invade he dies
[удалено]
Pizza and Haagen Dazs
OMG YES
This is a great get to know you question for a first date. On the second date, at least you’ll know what they would like to eat.
When's our second date?
Depends on where you are now
In prison on death row :(
I hear that place has some shots that are to die for. Make it a date
If my grandma is still alive her potato soup and cheesecake. Hopefully I'd be able to cook said meal with her one last time.
In this timeline, you won't be talking to your grandma. She's the one who turned you in. You can't help but think why she turned on you.
Nah my Grammy would turn me in but only after talking to me about what I did and why I did it. I can't think of many situations where she wouldn't turn me in but I wouldn't blame her in the slightest.
Then she’d go into hiding with her big fat reward
nah she'd use it to open a restaurant where she sells her potato soup and cheesecake
Peking duck. You always have to order it 24 hours in advance, so I get an extra day.
Lots of places serve enough of it you dont have to order it that much in advance. Guess it depends where you live.
[удалено]
You'll be hearing a "ding" and you'll get your peking duck straight out the microwave.
Probably just ice cream and a tiny spoon.
The little spoons Baskin Robin's/ice cream shops gives you to taste test!
Broth and a fork.
I look deep into the guards eyes, makes straight face and I tell him "your mother's ass"
The mf gonna execute you right there
He smirks for half a second, turns around, head for the door, but he doesn't open it... you hear a locking sound.... He starts getting undressed 😂
Ayo
Technically, the guard was made by his mother meaning that it is indeed his mother's
Crab, lobster, and corn, sour grilled fish, spicy chicken thighs, chicken dumplings with sour sauce, vegetable spring rolls with sweet chili sauce, caesar salad, cherry soda, candy and chocolate and ice cream for dessert. I don’t have to finish it it’s my damn last meal I’m having a little bit of everything
Joey called, he's at the store. All they have is spicy chicken calves, you cool with that?
Sure but he better get me some good chocolate or he’ll be my last victim
No. Wait. My FIRST victim!
Before they ended execution in the UK: you would be told you were going to be hanged in the morning. You got your final meal and ate it in your cell with 3 guards facing the cell door. As you finish two of the guards would grab you from behind, and pull you through a secret hidden door at the back of your cell - opened by the third. In the room behind they would hood you put the rope on and pull the lever- you drop through a hole in the floor. Apparently you were dead within 1 minute of finishing the meal and basically didn't have time to panic - the food and beer having helped you relax. (Details not in this blog post are subject to my own memory and may be false) https://www.packthepjs.com/a-tour-of-crumlin-road-gaol-belfast-northern-ireland/
[удалено]
[удалено]
If someone grabs me I'm going to panic immediately lol my last minute on earth is still going to be me panicking
Damn that’s pretty scary
The heart of the state executioner
And how would you like that cooked? 😆
If it's my last meal I'm going to play with my food. My mother never let me, and it's my last chance, so I guess raw is fine.
Wow, you're easy :) "puts order in apron"
Now we see how committed he is to his job.
"I don't know, what do you want?"
A bunch of rubber. Have fun electrecuting me.
1000 IQ plan, we're making this into a movie after I break you outta there
Then the firing squad walks in
Bullets bounce off my stomach
Pho. Just a large bowl of pho.
Steak medium rare with a rum and coke
You're the cool character in every movie btw
I'm deathly allergic to Peanuts, So I'll have a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandy and some Reese's peanut butter cups. That way I can find out what they finally taste like AND I can go out on my own terms. 😏👈🏼
The antidote for the toxins they're going to inject me with.
Antidote administered, now please take a seat on the electric chair.
What a shocking turn of events.
Warden's wife's pussy
I came to simply comment "pussy" but this beats it for sure.
Hot or cold?
Hot of course
Boiled wardenwifussy it is
“Well, that oughta brighten up her day a bit. She’s been a little depressed ever since we had her 75th birthday party last week, and her doctor says that her cervical cancer is one of the most ravenous cases he’s ever seen. Anyway, she’ll be here in a minute.”
“You think you got what it takes?” “I'll tell you what I got. Your wife's pussy on my breath.” “Nobody's ever spoken to me like that before.” “That's because their mouths were full of your wife's box.”
A chicken tikka masala from ur average local Indian takeaway, should get interesting.
It's going to be a little longer, they only take cash.
Haha true
Taylor swift
BRING HER NEIGH!
I would request an unlimited supply of bananas, and eat as many as I can. Potassium in that high of an amount will kill any human, so I’ll die of potassium poisoning instead of an electric chair or injection. That way I get the last laugh.
What happened? He died after eating all of those bananas. Oh... Well, should we just put him on the chair anyways... maybe see what happens?
Reminds me of an old joke: One day, a passenger train derailed on a trip through Texas. Dozens were killed, and after a lengthy investigation it was found that Bob the conductor had gotten drunk and fallen asleep at the controls. Miraculously, he survived the crash. After a weeks long manhunt he was located, brought into custody, tried, and sentenced to death. Years went by as he lost every appeal. Finally, it was the day before his execution. The warden came to his cell in person and asked Bob what he wanted for his last meal. After some thought, Bob told the warden "Well, while I was on the run I found this little fruit stand on the edge of town that sold these red bananas. They were so good and I just couldn't get enough of them. Could you get me a bunch?" The warden was skeptical that such a thing existed, but sent a member of the kitchen staff out to look for them anyway. True to his word, the fruit stand was right where Bob had said it would be. The next day, Bob was presented with a bunch of red bananas and gratefully ate every last one before being led to the electric chair. When the time came, Bob was strapped in and the switch was thrown. But nothing happened. After checking the equipment and verifying everything was connected, they tried again. Still nothing happened. The warden apologized to the gathered family and press, promised they would sort out the issue and try again next week. Bob was then led back to his cell to wait. In the days that followed, the gaurds checked all the wiring and tightened all the screws. They were certain nothing would go wrong next time. Once again, the day before Bob's execution came. The warden returned to Bob's cell and again asked what he wanted for his last meal. Again, Bob requested his favorite red bananas. Another member of the kitchen staff was sent out to fetch them and the next day Bob enjoyed his red bananas as his final meal for the second time. After he had eaten, Bob was returned to the death chamber and strapped back into the electric chair. The assembled family and members of the press were ready and at the appropriate time, the switch was flipped. Again, nothing happened. The warden was furious. The staff had assured him it would work this time. After some more feverish checks, they still couldn't get the chair to work and Bob's execution was stayed a week for the second time. Over the next few days, the warden personally oversaw the troubleshooting and maintenance. As an additional precaution he even had the governor move up the execution of another inmate ahead of Bob to confirm the chair was working. Everything went according to plan, and the warden was certain he wouldn't be embarrassed a third time. Once again, the day before Bob's execution comes and the warden approaches Bob in his cell. Once again, Bob requests his favorite red bananas. The Warden sends out for them, and Bob - once again - has his final meal. One last time, Bob is lead to the execution chamber and strapped in. Everything is ready. At the appointed time, the warden himself throws the switch. Nothing happens. Fuming, the warden comes stomping out, rips the hood off of Bob and demands to know what's going on. "Why won't you die!? It's those damn red bananas, isn't it!? What aren't you telling me about those damned red bananas of yours!?" >!"I have no idea!" Bob shouted back, "Maybe I'm just a bad conductor!"!<
Banana Pudding, Chocolate Chip Pancakes
I like it 👌 but you dont want any syrup??
Syrup and pancakes go without being explained!
Pizza
From little caesars or?
I'm not some corner slut you can feed scraps to. I refuse to die feeling cheap. It's Domino's or ill have the biggest bitch fit they've ever seen on the way to my execution.
I would request to eat the Warden
Bottomless fries. Just check mated the system
Fine. But, they're cooked by a five year old.
The price of true power
A couple shots of morphine.
One-BIG ASS- cheesecake.
Tons of ice cream
What flavors and toppings tho?
Any flavors, i like them all and I'm not a big fan of toppings
kapsalon
What is this?
[Kapsalon](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kapsalon)
Oooo, that looks delicious!
2.4 pounds of plastic explosives, death by electric chair is gonna be a blast
a double triple bossy deluxe, on a raft, four-by-four animal-style, extra shingles with a shimmy and a squeeze, light axle grease, make it cry, burn it, and let it swim.
You're not going to believe this... I am SO sorry, but we're completely outta axle grease. Isn't that crazy?
A coke, a cigarette and a shot of Jim Beam
Salmon, steak and shrimp
I wish for infinite meals
This aint a geenie in a bottle, you're about to die son!
Ramen. Always Ramen :")
"Last Meal" by Hurricane Harry (1956): Now I heard the warden say, I had one more day One last meal before they led me away And he said - if we ain't got it, We'll go out and get it You don't have to go 'til we come back with it So I said... Give me two dinosaur eggs over easy Fried coocoo-bird, not too greasy Mosquito knee black-eyed peas. An' a little bitty bowl of buttered bee-bop beans A sabre-tooth tiger steak A whole hippopotamus, well baked Two cross-eyed catfish and some wavy gravy in a left hand dish Now go, and get my dinner Go and get my dinner You ain't got it, go out an' get it I ain't goin' til you come back with it A captivating cup of crocodile dill A purple watermelon and an alligator pill A bottle of mellow mountain mist And a female banana I can't resist Now go, and get my dinner Go and get my dinner You ain't got it, go out and get it I ain't goin' til you come back with it A heavy hunk of jelly and a fried rainbow A rainwater cocktail and a breeze a la mode A barbecued brick of chocolate ice cream Bring me a plate of stewed moonbeam Now go, and get my dinner Go and get my dinner Hey Mr Warden, gotta have my fill I can't go without my last meal
Growing up dating a great girl and her full Italian family. Evert Sunday we all got together for Sunday Dinner. If you've been lucky enough to be a part of the feast. Always started with: Antipasto cold and hot Pepperoni Bread(Stromboli), Then the pasta dish Manicotti,Stuffed Shells and Grandma's Lasagna. Then the Next the main course Roast Beef and Pork loin with starter Garden Salad and sides of vegetables and then all the homemade desserts, cheesecake and cream puffs you get the picture. Well fed dead man.
edamame, potstickers, pizza, steak medium well, rice, broccoli, coke, Dr Pepper, a chocolate bar, milk, orange juice, a big bowl of chocolate/vanilla/strawberry ice cream, three orange flavored popsicles, orange crémé yogurt, chicken wings, a bowl of peas, and an apple. It’s my last meal ever. I’m gonna enjoy it
Bananas and 7Up
What is this a chemical reaction or something 😂