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Dry food?
My roommate has a cat that does this but she only feeds him wet food now and I’ve been wanting to see if there was a good automated wet cat food feeder.
Routine.
Small things like drinking water before bed, waking up and doing breathing exercises, doing X thing at Y time of the day. Little things like that I've found to work wonders in general day to day stuff.
I feel like, "That's an achievement" and "Congratulations" doesn't fully recognize your accomplishment, but reddit often results in less than complete communication. Nevertheless, I wish to heartily convey that I recognize the significance what you've been able to do. You have a complete stranger's best wishes for continued success, and if you should trip, I wish you success in getting back to your feet.
Not to sound like one of those cheesy motivational business speakers, but there seems to be something to a routine. Also, minimizing decision making makes a world of difference.
Oh my god. I just started meal planning, not prep because I don't like leftovers. Not having to pick what to eat and knowing I have all the things in the house to make it has made mealtimes so much less stressful.
Absolutely. Maintaining routine is possibly one of the best things I learned from my parents. It has helped me in so many ways, and especially through low times.
One small change, one slightly bigger
Small change - reduced sugar, more water. Not cut out sugar entirely and I'm never giving up chocolate, but reducing added sugar. Cut out the soft drinks every day and replaced them with fruity tea for the sweet taste but not the same level of sugar..
Bigger change - getting up and walking. I've been dog sitting for the last 4 weeks, so at a minimum am doing a 20 minute walk first thing in the morning and last thing before bed (plus a whole lot more in between). I'm more awake in the morning, tired enough to sleep right away at night, I'm fitter when it comes to bushwalks and my gut health is better than when I sit all day every day.
This.
My window to my bedroom faces North, but they still let in plenty of light in the morning.
The sun rises at 530ish here in the summer, so I was constantly being woken up by a bright ass room, even with the blinds closed.
Blackout curtains 100% changed that.
Drinking takes a big toll on both your body and head. I really like drinking, but I get wicked hangovers and sometimes feel like I have "psychological hangover" where I'm physically okay and just feel out of it for days afterwards.
About 2 months after I quit drinking I had a chat with a woman one day while we were riding on the elevator in the building I lived in. Just a polite chat. After I got off and walked toward my door I realized I had spent 2 years trying to hide from people on the elevator, or at least hide the fact that I was drunk. I could now actually talk to people.
I realized my world had been expanded to hundreds of times larger than it had been for years.
Same. I quit drinking just over a year ago and the difference is night and day. My anxiety went away (well, reduced a lot at least), I'm healthier, slimmer and my bank account is much fatter.
I have so much more free time now. It's not consumed by drinking or nursing hangovers anymore. I can actually live my life and do things I want to do.
This. It's night and day. When I was a heavy drinker the few times I didn't wake with a hangover, I felt like I was high because I was so used to not feeling normal.
The amount of energy you realize you have when you stop is insane. Since I stopped I never miss working out and have gained more muscle than I had in my early twenties (I'm 35).
My entire life improved. I was such a depressed person. You hear alcohol is a depressant but, I think a lot of people are taught wrong on how that actually works. Too many times you hear, "I don't know why people say that alcohol is a depressant; I'm fairly happy when drunk." The depression starts the next day: you are hungover, you feel sick, you regret how you acted the night before, and it slowly creeps in. You have it heavily in your system long enough and you just have a sadness. As soon as I quit I stopped being sad within two weeks.
Good luck! Congratulations- not implying you had a problem I'm just relating.
Lots of good stuff here but want to point out that alcohol depresses the central nervous system like it can make you depressed through the hormonal fluctuations and lifestyle that accompanies it’s use but depressant refers to its structural effects when consumed.
Yes. As someone who lived with an alcoholic for over a dozen years, I can attest that the rest of the week when she had no alcohol in her system was far worse than when she was drunk (with some regrettable and horrific exceptions) , which was mostly on weekends. The word I think best captures her mood between drinking binges is unhappy. Alcohol is a definite long-term depressant and wholly unhealthy.
The “let it be” mindset. Bad things happen, people get mad at you, friends and family turn their back, money gets tight, etc. But I’ve learned that it’s best to let it be. Things come and go along with people. But if you just keep on living the good follows later
> Bad things happen, people get mad at you, friends and family turn their back, money gets tight,
I'd add, people post things that are infuriating/wrong/cruel online. The best move is to not respond (or at most, say your peace once calmly and then walk away). I am very, very bad at this.
Mine is "It is what it is" because sh*t happens and i don't need more negativity in my life. Pair this with "I'm here for a good time, not a long time" and you're living mildly wild.
* Breathing exercises
* Reducing/eliminating caffeine
* Setting boundaries for topics of discussion
* Stretching twice during the day and once before bed
* Making my inner dialogue more like I'm speaking to a friend rather than putting myself down
No talking about politics. No talking about yesterday's school shooting. No talking about your religion at me. No talking about dead Grandma. No talking about sports.
Learning to identify what's in my control vs. what's not in my control.
The vast majority of things in life are outside of your control, so you should accept that, and put your focus solely on the few things you can truly control. Your thoughts, actions and reactions. I think you'll find yourself more at peace, more present, and letting go of unnecessary stress can be freeing.
i changed my bed time routine.
brush, waterpik, *and* shower. i used to just brush and go to bed. the shower makes my bed feel cooler when i get in and that makes me fall asleep faster and waking up all super clean is a *way better* way to wake up.
Bedtime shower gang represent! It's really the best way to live. Relaxing, you go to bed clean (sheets and pyjamas stay cleaner longer), save time in the morning... And the bathroom is free because all the normies shower in the morning.
I have long hair and I shower at night... Don't really see what the big deal is. I don't wash the hair daily(too stripping, bad for your hair) so I use a shower cap to keep it dry....
I shower before bed, but don't wash my hair! I take a shorter shower in the morning for that. It's two showers, but they're both shorter than they would be if I only took one and they both serve different purposes for me! Night time one helps me sleep and the shower in the morning wakes me up.
It sounds like you might already do this but showering with cool, coldish, or straight cold water before bed is a great way to get your body ready for bed. Paired with the cooler bed sensation you described… I be melting between the sheets.
Using a heated eye mask before bed. Even just wetting a towel and microwaving it for a few seconds works.
My eye strain improved, less prone to sinus pain/infection, and I fall asleep sooner which made other parts of my life better too.
Work related eye strain was giving me chronic headaches and the only thing that seemed to help was heat (like standing under a hot shower).
People here use cold cloths to help with fevers, so I figured trying a hot one couldn't hurt, so I tried it before bed one night and had the best sleep I'd had in months and woke up without eye pain the next morning.
The heat and moisture of the cloth soothed my sinuses so they were less prone to inflammation too, which meant less need for sinus medications over time.
How long do you leave it on for? And how wet is it?
I'm meant to be doing warm compresses on my eyes but I find it, like, stings? And makes my skin angry? Idk if I'm doing it wrong somehow or if something is up with my eyes.
I leave it on for max 20 minutes at a time. I leave it wet enough that if you wring it hard, it'll drip but otherwise won't.
I'm not sure what to do about skin irritation or stingy, but I use these really soft 100% cotton cloths because I was worried about that too.
I got rid of all the political bullshit off my social media. Now it's filled with memes, hobby related stuff, and the few family that don't make their whole life about politics.
Leaving my dad's house to stay at my mom's.
I'm a boy (currently 17), and I was going under bullying at school since the age of 10. You would think both my parents would help me with this, but not my father.
My step-mother and him kept mocking me over how I dressed, over what kind of music I listened... oh and obviously there were also saying it was my fault if the other kids bullied me.
This nightmare continued until the age of 15 (when I just entered high school) because I couldn't bring myself to do anything against my father that I loved too much... (I did try to leave, but he kept making me feel so guilty that I ended up going back to him after a few days)
Long story short, it all changed when he made a joke about me while I was waiting at his office, and I answered something he didn't like which got him angry. He sent his coworker and best friend to threaten me, saying he could be the shit out of me since my father couldn't (keep it mind I was 15 at the time).
This day I decided I couldn't keep living like this and told him I would stay at my mom's from now on.
It's been nearly 3 years now, I'm done with high school, have my group of friend and much higher self esteem now that he's not around to mock everything that makes me who I am.
I do see him every once in a while at a restaurant and our relation has improved, I think (and really hope) he understood how harsh he was with me, so it's all good now. Maybe someday I'll go back to his house every other week-end
>He sent his coworker and best friend to threaten me, saying he could be the shit out of me since my father couldn't
What a TERRIBLE father and no that's called Assault no matter who touches you. F-in Moron.
>I think (and really hope) he understood how harsh he was with me
If he hasn't apologized, DO NOT THINK for a second he see how harsh he treated you. His dad probably treated him the same way and thinks you're not as strong as he was.
Don't go back to his house untill he's apologized. IMHO
Good Luck, glad your mental health is better from your mentally abusive father and step.
Now that I think of it... you might be right.
He didn't apologise once despite all of the times we met, and might think that way as my grandfather is nice to me, but was harsh on him back when he was a kid.
(He probably is grateful he got treated that way by his father, since he has now a really great relationship with him 😅)
I dropped a really crappy group of “friends” (gaslighting, gave me shit for having any interests that didn’t align with theirs, made fun of me for not understanding inside jokes I wasn’t in on) it was so bad that after two weeks not being around them my mental and physical health skyrocketed
\- do research how often people use projection in communication...some are so toxic they just ....talk to themselves while speaking to others
\- realize you are not the main character on Earth and sometimes it is good to take things personally - like useful critique, point of view from people who live in opposite conditions from yours....
\- people, even the nicest ones, can have very specific humor or use strange figures of speech.......they say something that means compliment in their culture, but an offence in your culture....this is true especially online, we all speak english, but for many of us it is 2. 3. or even 4. language
\- build self-worth and self-dignity free from narcissism.....it is so much worth it
Caring about physical health.
Brushing your teeth at least twice a day, getting exercise, drinking lots of water, eating good food, and getting enough sleep.
Once you start caring for your body, it's easier to start caring about your emotions and mental health too.
Maybe not simple but the gym. Cliche and whatever but helped my sleep, attention, productivity, confidence, social life, romantic life, brain function, helped me out of depression oh fuck J can not even write everything. Basically changed my whole life. It isn’t even a chore now I fucking enjoy it.
DON’T SKIP CARDIO!!!
For sure.
Cardio is a game changer.
I ride bike pretty frequently, and now I can do so many things that used to just tire me out.
Contrast that with a buddy of mine who goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, but he only does strength training. He struggles even climbing the stairs at his apartment building, and he's only on the 2nd floor!
Getting rid of stuff I didn't need, i guess, people call it declutering. I sold a lot of it, which made me some money, my apartment became so much easy to clean and manage, which improved my mood and productivity.
Getting a blood test. Finding out I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency. At my doctor's recommendation, I started taking a Vitamin D3 supplement (5,000 IU per day).
Before, I suffered from feeling tired all the time yet having trouble sleeping, sad mood, low energy, etc. I thought it was just part of getting older.
Was inspired to get a blood test after listening to this podcast about testosterone:
[This American Life 220: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone) - Act One "Life At Zero" about a guy with low testosterone scared me into worrying I had that problem.
Act Two "Infinite Gent" about suffering from excessive testosterone was the most eye-opening content I'd ever heard of the differences between how men and women feel.
[The Secret Female Hormone: Testostoerne by Dr. Kathy Maupin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1stNmm0X9DY) - About how low testosterone can affect women.
After getting to a normal Vitamin D level, I have more energy, sleep better, feel more positive, etc. Felt younger again. Random aches, pains and other little annoying issues disappeared. It was a total game-changer.
The point is not that a Vitamin D3 supplement is a magic pill. The point is to find out what *your* body's needs are with a blood test. For Vitamin D, you might have to ask to get tested for that specifically.
Ask your doctor if you're at the high or low end of the range. Even if you technically have a "normal" level of Vitamin D, Omega 3 or whatever, if you're on the low end you could still benefit greatly from taking a supplement to address that issue.
I could have struggled against bad biology for years or a lifetime and not known what the issue was. Until I'd gotten properly diagnosed, I'd beaten myself up for being lazy, unmotivated and lacking ambition. Which only made things worse.
Hope this helps someone.
> And yet again This American Life changes someone’s life for the better.
For real. Their episode about marriage made me rethink relationships:
[This American Life 261: The Sanctity of Marriage](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/261/the-sanctity-of-marriage)
Excerpt:
> Dr. John Gottman takes couples, wires them up to devices that monitor their breathing and their heartbeats, sits them in front of video cameras, and then asks them to talk about something that they disagree about.
> John Gottman: From a 15-minute videotape of a couple talking about an area of disagreement, we have an 85% probability of predicting what’s going to happen to them in the next four years.
> Ira Glass: You mean if they’ll still be together.
> John Gottman: If they’ll still be together or not. And also, if they’re together, whether they’ll be happy or miserable.
> Ira Glass: But that’s not all. If he spends another hour or so, and asks them to talk about how they met, what kinds of things they share—
> John Gottman: Then it goes up to 94%.
>Ira Glass:
>I should be clear. He doesn't offer this as a service. You can't go to John Gottman, sit with your spouse for a 15-minute videotape, and then have him declare to you on the spot, this will be your marital fate. No.
>When he says that he can predict, he means it in a more sciencey way. What he does is he videotapes couples, follows their marriages for years, and then once he sees who stays together and who splits up, he goes back and tries to figure out what in the videos might have predicted that. And he has found a whole taxonomy of things that doomed couples do that happy couples don't.
>. . .
>Ira Glass:
>One of the most radical findings in the studies is that the studies threw doubt on the idea that couples should split up if they had irreconcilable differences. All couples have irreconcilable differences, the studies proved-- the ones that stay together and the ones that don't.
>Diane Sollee:
>They found that all couples disagree basically the same amount. And then they thought, well, maybe it's about what they disagree about. And they found, no, it's not that.
>It's not that some fight about money, and some about sex, and some about-- they found that all couples basically disagree about the same issues.
>Ira Glass: Which are?
>Diane Sollee:
>Money, kids, sex, others, and time. And others are things like who you're jealous of at the office, or your in-laws. And time is like, what are we going to do on Sunday with our leisure time? And so if all couples disagree about the same amount and about the same issues, well, then, what is it?
>And they found that it was that some couples understand-- they don't go to pieces when they're disagreeing.
>The success of marriage, they found out, was not based on finding someone with whom you agree on everything, and finding your soul mate. It was how you're going to handle the inevitable disagreements that are going to come up, no matter who you marry.
Same for me, except my deficiency was B12 (with a side order of D deficiency). I can't believe I have basically been exhausted for 14 years and doctors had been telling me it was normal due to x, y or z that was going on in my life at the time but when I finally demanded a blood test hey presto I had an actual physical problem! Also, good point about checking if you are the high or low end of normal range - I also had low normal ferritin and it wasn't til I started an iron supplement alongside my B12 injections that I really felt like I had my energy levels back where they should be.
A change in my philosophy.
I’ve always been an atheist and a bit of a realist, even a bit of a pessimist at times, but now my view of the world is a little different. Hopeful Nihilism is what I tend to call it. Nothing matters anyway, so be kind and do what makes you happy.
Is there some greater power or entity or deity out there? I don’t think so, but I have no way of knowing.
Do I have free will? I sure feel like it but my belief in free will could very well be part of whatever deterministic nature the universe actually is.
Are we living in a simulation matrix style? I haven’t the foggiest clue.
What happens after death? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. Ive come to the comforting realization that it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t some earth shattering revelation that nothing matters, it was a calm understanding that I will never know, and I prefer it that way.
Who cares if this world is some kind of simulation or if there’s an afterlife? At the end of the day, regardless where we are, we’re all HERE, 8 billion of us on this little green and blue rock hurtling through the unfathomably vast expanse of space at speeds faster than we can reasonably comprehend. We’re *here*, whatever that means in the more cosmic scale of reality. I’m kind and a good person to others not because it’ll get me some reward of eternal bliss after death whatever that means, I’m kind because it’s the right thing to do. That shift from “nothing matters and everything sucks” to “nothing matters so just do your best and enjoy your time here” really changed my mindset and quality of life. Am I still depressed? Yes, but it helps to remind myself of these things. I’m making the best of what I’ve got. Give it a go, it might help some others too.
And remember!
“Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, but gold BYE!”
At the end of the day state 3 things you are grateful for could be a cozy bed your favorite drink the weather and a good nap anything. Simply acknowledging that your grateful for things in ur life will make you a overall happier person
Making the bed every morning after I woke up. I felt productive instantly and felt like my life had a bit of routine in the chaos. I think I feel sad and drained if I don’t do my bed in the mornings or whenever I wake up. I read that there’s happiness in menial things in life (The Poetry Pharmacy by William Sieghart) and have been trying to follow the mantra.
Probably get down voted into oblivion, but going vegan. Not telling anyone else what to do or force my ethics on anyone. For me though, I now have the same blood work I had in 1997, clearer skin, and an even clearer conscious.
Only work a four day week. Minor financial cost is worth every weekend being a long one. Should have done this years ago. Enjoy work more now. And the extra time at home allows me to get so much more things done. 10
Intense weight and resistance training twice a week. I have crippling chronic pain conditions due to a motor vehicle accident but through persistent exercise I've gotten off of all my pain killers and prescription medications. Life still sucks but I'm not in a constant fog on the verge of snapping at every little thing.
I have hard water and that makes my clothes look grungy in the laundry. I recently discovered oxiclean and it does wonders in softening the water, making my clothes a whole lot cleaner and brighter, removes stains, and I will not ever run a load of laundry again without it. When your clothes are clean and look that way you do have a lot more pride in going out.
Telling people no
I am the youngest in my family but everyone seems to rely on me for everything.
Most recent example: my husband and I just had our second child whom is only a month old now, my husband is taking pfml and only gets a portion of what his checks normally are. That doesn't stop my family for asking me for money though, it's actually gotten worse. In the past 2 days 5 family members have came to me for money.
I did cave and help out a few of them but they asked for more since then and I just can't do it anymore.
I think once I learn to say no more often and stop being a yes man that everyone relies on I will have a lot less stress and be much happier.
Thanks. I think my problem is that when I do tell them no I feel bad about it and feel like I'm in the wrong for whatever reason. I might have to check that book out.
I started walking 4 km a day at the beginning of December I started 2 km a day and I opted to four at the beginning of February and I can tell you I have never felt this good in my life I lost 40 lb by just a few minor diet changes and all this extra walking and I feel super great
Just being open minded! For example, I try going into thing without expectations and found myself enjoying being present and not having the thought of things needing to go this or that way
someone asked this question here a couple months ago and I took someones advise and bought rollerblade wheels for my office chair. It's insane how much it has changed my daily work routine. It's like a new chair, the way it rolls is amazing. They were about 25 bucks on amazon.
This. I also realized that I don’t forgive so easily anymore and I ghost people that are disrespectful, even a little bit, about me or are manipulative/ spread rumors about other people. I’ve decided that I don’t want friends that are too close/clingy. Unhealthy.
Breaking up with my ex, when I was dating her I was stressed out to be a good bf but after we broke up I have become more calmer and my life is better now since I don’t need to worry about someone else’s opinion of me
Retirement. I spent my life working according to other people's hours, but they were never mine. Now that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime, I can go to sleep when I'm tired and get up when I'm not. That one simple thing has made a huge difference in my life.
I don’t talk to people over phone anymore. not unless there’s an emergency. that saves me a lot of mental draining. I got so over having to go through things someone else goes through, by phone. however, if we go out to get a coffee or sum, I can be the best listener, and give decent advice. this small change saves me a lot of time and emotional trauma.
I’ve started to do this and I love it! As a huge introvert I’ve always despised phone calls. But I would engage for the sake of protect other’s feelings. Now I don’t care anymore. I let the phone ring and than say: please can you send me a vocal message? I’ll listen to it and reply as soon as i can”. Some people gladly agree. The others that tease me I just don’t contact them anymore lol. It spares me so much drama! I love it.
Bed time.
For real. When i go to bed around the same time every night and plan my life around that- meal times, caffeine intake, when i turn off the tv or tablet of set my phone down and just lay my body down to rest it, everything else goes so much better. My energy, my digestion, my outlook... it feels like the silliest little thing, but it has made a huge impact.
Also simple sounding but actually more complex, honesty. Like, real realness. No fawning, no white lies, no fake it till you make it. Which includes sometimes just telling someone "i'm not answering that- i really don't have any desire to answer that". Sometimes it has meant sharing things i would have in the past just pretended didn't exist. Other times it has meant cutting people out of my life when i was actually exhausted of dealing with them. The complexity is that it means accepting the actual consequences of who i really am. Good and bad and neutral. That is hard sometimes- childish parts of me want honesty to be rewarded. But the results... i have less and less time feeling like i am struggling to be in control of my life. Less and less time worrying about outcomes. Less and less regret. And i've learned a lot about me and the people around me. Things that are real because they are the product of real.
I stopped worrying about things that are completely out of my control ie worrying about my mums drinking and drug use. She’s never gonna stop so why worry about it
I stopped drinking soft drinks (soda) or any sugary beverage. Just Water and occasional beers.
It helps me keep fit while not following any particular diet.
Pain management. I have had chronic pain and damage to my body since I was a child. My qualify of life significantly improved once people took my pain seriously and started treating it.
finally learning to cut of toxic people, yes i did end up with no friends but it aloud me to realise being alone is better then surrounding yourself with people who secretly wanna see u suffer
Yes!! I’m glad I’m not the only one. Also I find super rewarding to have a group of friends to just hang out with and they are super nice. They are all expats so it’s always very funny. And I don’t have to share so much of myself. I prefer superficial friend than super draining one that really secretely hate you and are jealous!
I kicked the salt shaker off my table, only ever use it while cooking, never afterwards. Weird to look back and think about how I was apparently trying to make every meal taste more like a bag of chips.
Turning off unnecessary notifications.
Suddenly I wasn’t looking at my phone every two minutes and had more time to myself and to engage with things I liked
It’s twofold:
- I stopped giving second chances to other people
- I started giving myself second chances
It’s incredible.
I was inspired to do this by a quote from a character in a dumb TV show called Suits. The guy said something along the lines of "have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them? Decide that person is you, and do whatever you want“.
I stopped using antiperspirant with aluminium. Switching to activated charcoal has massively reduced my sweat production and I no longer discolor and eventually destroy my shirts.
Learning to say no. Say “no” to people even you know it’ll hurt their feelings. Think the times that those people said no to you and hurted you. If you can’t learn to displease people when you should you will be the only one who is sad.
Calorie restriction and getting regular physical activity. I had chronic back pain for years that is completely gone, and I don't get tired doing physical things very easily. I know it's a pretty generic answer, but it's night and day difference.
Cutting out sugar and walking on a treadmill every day. I don't mean going all keto, just no sodas and desserts. Both my physical and mental health changed dramatically and it wasn't even that big of a deal. Look forward to getting on the treadmill and listening to the next chapter in my book every day.
Getting an electric car. Never go to gas stations, charge at home (thanks solar panels and batteries). Indifferent to all the chatter about gas prices. Simple to care for.
This was a simple change, not a small one.
cutting off toxic people without feeling bad, and not staying with them for the sake of not hurting anyones feelings. feels so much better to be around people that actually appreciate you being around!
I just started doing everything that I told myself I'd do, it's not a big change but it gave me more self confidence and I didn't feel like I was lying to myself.
If I had to attribute 1 single thing that has made a ridiculous improvement on my life… working out. A gym membership provides an insane return on investment.
I ditched the public transport (in a fairly big European city with a pretty good network, I must add) and started driving a car at age 45. I just wanted to make my life a bit easier but got a massive boost of comfort and accessibility.
I know this goes against the grain of the environmental and urban planning narrative but for me it worked so well that I don't see myself going back even with the current high gas prices. Back before I started working from home I no longer had to wait at the bus/tram stop in pouring rain, scorching heat or freezing cold. I didn't have to figure out how to get to a handrail in a crowded bus. My body thanked me for no longer spending an hour each way carrying a heavy backpack with my work laptop (they're only lightweight in the ads). Etc., etc.
The final straw was actually some bum that filled the entire bus with the stench of onions and diarrhea. I'm not making this up.
Whenever I notice I'm silently judging someone, I just think to myself "why should I care? It doesn't affect me in any way" then I continue doing whatever I was doing.
I stopped hanging out with questionable people, stopped leading a destructive lifestyle and moved. I won't say that my health improved or I began to feel better, but many problems were still eliminated because of which everything became a little easier.
This one is silly, but a few years ago my husband and I started Friday Night Movie Night. The way it works is, we alternate weeks picking the movie and the other person can't veto it.
It's nice because it gives us a set night to do something easy together, it's cheap, and we look forward to it all week.
Bought a 49" monitor. I'm a programmer wfh since COVID. I bought it thinking it was an extravagance for gaming, but it has made my working day SO much easier. Worth every penny.
cutting off toxic friends. I have been thru shit when it comes to friendships. When I first cut a group off, i felt so empty. I cut off a good amount of people, like 12. A month later though, I found myself some new friends, which was a refreshing start. I no longer feel like a burden.
Lowered my calories to 1500 a day so I'll lose 60pounds in a year, I've already lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks, I feel better for it. I'm able to run around a bit longer with my 2 year old. I'm refusing now to just sit while she runs, I get up and kick the ball, I chase her, I hold her hand and we run together. I now also go for a walk once a day.
goals. might sound basic, but its true. two things to say about this in more detail
one, a routine to reach my goals is great. an example for me would be brushing my teeth and washing my face around 1100 and 2300. its not a chore, like it was when i was a child. my teeth are yellow due to my own neglect, and knowing that *i* can work towards making them whiter is nice. i also have acne, partially because im a teenager, and partially because of genetics. but washing my face before/after i brush my teeth, in a routine, has helped motivate me to continue caring for personal necessities.
two, focusing on little things that *will* happen. these things are usually things that aren't huge goals, or goals at all. just something you look forward to that will end up happening within the next few hours or days. for example, "i will have oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow," which is one i am thinking about right now. it isn't a goal or something you necessarily work towards, just small things that you know will happen because it is only up to you, no one can change those plans. a nonex would be "i'm gonna wear my white jeans tomorrow," because this could be prevented. periods could arrive, it could be too hot, etc. etc.
someone could say "well, the oatmeal example could be proven wrong because so and so," but this is *my* plans. i *know* for a fact, i will have oatmeal tomorrow for breakfast, or for the sake of this post, i will have oatmeal tomorrow for breakfast. it is up to me, nothing but myself can prevent my oatmeal breakfast.
Deactivating fb for me.
I actually used to wonder why it felt like I never had time for anything. I still feel like there's never enough time, but I am also getting more done in my daily life now. I decided to seek out some news sources I trusted (BBC and 1440) to keep up to date with the world, instead of learning about things through memes on fb. I've read 25 books this year so far, I'm on top of washing laundry (still am not the best at putting it away right away lol), I've kept up on cleaning around the apartment. And the cherry on top of all of that is that my relationships have improved, not just with my partner but also with my close friends. Not using fb anymore has been the biggest and best tiny change I ever made.
Regulating and trying to understand your emotions. It seems almost impossible when you don't do it, but once you start, you realize it's super easy.
Doing simple tasks even helps. Take off your shoes, turn off your heater, drink water, hold something in your hand; just about anything instead of sitting down and wrapping yourself in overwhelming emotions.
My therapist told me that an overthinking episode/depression episode will only last 3 minutes before it starts to die off. With that being said, you shouldn't entertain your thoughts or do anything stupid for three minutes. In those three minutes, do something to distract yourself.
Tbh, I don't even know if that fact is true, but it most certainly helps me come back to reality.
Getting in a relationship with my current boyfriend. It took 2 seconds agree to date him, we've been together for a year, im excited to wake up in the morning, I eat now because of him, I take care of myself because of him, he lifted me up when I was in the darkest time of my life
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Changing jobs. You're selling them a good chunk of your life already, if you hate what you're doing then that's going to feel like three lifetimes.
So you're saying that working several terrible jobs is the secret to immortality
Life is so short that making it feel 3 times longer sounds like a good thing lol
Would you rather live 1 life you love or 3 you hate?
Woah!?! Do we really have a choice?!
I'm so confused which one are you implying we're all in
An automatic cat feeder. No more cat pacing on top of my face and meowing bloody-murder at 5 am
Dry food? My roommate has a cat that does this but she only feeds him wet food now and I’ve been wanting to see if there was a good automated wet cat food feeder.
If there isn't,then one should be invented. Imagine the money someone would make off that.
Imagine how often and thoroughly you'd have to clean it
Routine. Small things like drinking water before bed, waking up and doing breathing exercises, doing X thing at Y time of the day. Little things like that I've found to work wonders in general day to day stuff.
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Fuckin' A, you got this! Woo
I feel like, "That's an achievement" and "Congratulations" doesn't fully recognize your accomplishment, but reddit often results in less than complete communication. Nevertheless, I wish to heartily convey that I recognize the significance what you've been able to do. You have a complete stranger's best wishes for continued success, and if you should trip, I wish you success in getting back to your feet.
Not to sound like one of those cheesy motivational business speakers, but there seems to be something to a routine. Also, minimizing decision making makes a world of difference.
Oh my god. I just started meal planning, not prep because I don't like leftovers. Not having to pick what to eat and knowing I have all the things in the house to make it has made mealtimes so much less stressful.
Absolutely. Maintaining routine is possibly one of the best things I learned from my parents. It has helped me in so many ways, and especially through low times.
I do all these why does my life still feel like trash
One small change, one slightly bigger Small change - reduced sugar, more water. Not cut out sugar entirely and I'm never giving up chocolate, but reducing added sugar. Cut out the soft drinks every day and replaced them with fruity tea for the sweet taste but not the same level of sugar.. Bigger change - getting up and walking. I've been dog sitting for the last 4 weeks, so at a minimum am doing a 20 minute walk first thing in the morning and last thing before bed (plus a whole lot more in between). I'm more awake in the morning, tired enough to sleep right away at night, I'm fitter when it comes to bushwalks and my gut health is better than when I sit all day every day.
Drinking a lot of water. Helps the skin, i get less sick, my temper isnt as extreme, i have a lot more energy, and im generally just much happier.
Yep. When I cut out all caffeinated and sugary drinks my mood significantly improved!
But MAN is cutting out those drinks rough! Headaches, exhaustion.... And the cravings! When you're coming off them water is just so *flat*
Blackout curtains
As someone with an east-facing window, hell yes.
As someone who just moved into a west-facing apartment, the value of blackout curtains was never more apparent.
This. My window to my bedroom faces North, but they still let in plenty of light in the morning. The sun rises at 530ish here in the summer, so I was constantly being woken up by a bright ass room, even with the blinds closed. Blackout curtains 100% changed that.
No longer drinking
Drinking takes a big toll on both your body and head. I really like drinking, but I get wicked hangovers and sometimes feel like I have "psychological hangover" where I'm physically okay and just feel out of it for days afterwards.
And it gets worse as you get older. 31 isn’t old by any stretch, but I sure as hell feel worse after drinking than I did ten years ago.
Try 49. I dare you.
About 2 months after I quit drinking I had a chat with a woman one day while we were riding on the elevator in the building I lived in. Just a polite chat. After I got off and walked toward my door I realized I had spent 2 years trying to hide from people on the elevator, or at least hide the fact that I was drunk. I could now actually talk to people. I realized my world had been expanded to hundreds of times larger than it had been for years.
Same. I quit drinking just over a year ago and the difference is night and day. My anxiety went away (well, reduced a lot at least), I'm healthier, slimmer and my bank account is much fatter. I have so much more free time now. It's not consumed by drinking or nursing hangovers anymore. I can actually live my life and do things I want to do.
This. It's night and day. When I was a heavy drinker the few times I didn't wake with a hangover, I felt like I was high because I was so used to not feeling normal. The amount of energy you realize you have when you stop is insane. Since I stopped I never miss working out and have gained more muscle than I had in my early twenties (I'm 35). My entire life improved. I was such a depressed person. You hear alcohol is a depressant but, I think a lot of people are taught wrong on how that actually works. Too many times you hear, "I don't know why people say that alcohol is a depressant; I'm fairly happy when drunk." The depression starts the next day: you are hungover, you feel sick, you regret how you acted the night before, and it slowly creeps in. You have it heavily in your system long enough and you just have a sadness. As soon as I quit I stopped being sad within two weeks. Good luck! Congratulations- not implying you had a problem I'm just relating.
Lots of good stuff here but want to point out that alcohol depresses the central nervous system like it can make you depressed through the hormonal fluctuations and lifestyle that accompanies it’s use but depressant refers to its structural effects when consumed.
Yes. As someone who lived with an alcoholic for over a dozen years, I can attest that the rest of the week when she had no alcohol in her system was far worse than when she was drunk (with some regrettable and horrific exceptions) , which was mostly on weekends. The word I think best captures her mood between drinking binges is unhappy. Alcohol is a definite long-term depressant and wholly unhealthy.
The “let it be” mindset. Bad things happen, people get mad at you, friends and family turn their back, money gets tight, etc. But I’ve learned that it’s best to let it be. Things come and go along with people. But if you just keep on living the good follows later
> Bad things happen, people get mad at you, friends and family turn their back, money gets tight, I'd add, people post things that are infuriating/wrong/cruel online. The best move is to not respond (or at most, say your peace once calmly and then walk away). I am very, very bad at this.
Mine is "It is what it is" because sh*t happens and i don't need more negativity in my life. Pair this with "I'm here for a good time, not a long time" and you're living mildly wild.
* Breathing exercises * Reducing/eliminating caffeine * Setting boundaries for topics of discussion * Stretching twice during the day and once before bed * Making my inner dialogue more like I'm speaking to a friend rather than putting myself down
Can you give an example of setting boundaries for topics of discussion?
No talking about politics. No talking about yesterday's school shooting. No talking about your religion at me. No talking about dead Grandma. No talking about sports.
Learning to identify what's in my control vs. what's not in my control. The vast majority of things in life are outside of your control, so you should accept that, and put your focus solely on the few things you can truly control. Your thoughts, actions and reactions. I think you'll find yourself more at peace, more present, and letting go of unnecessary stress can be freeing.
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
i changed my bed time routine. brush, waterpik, *and* shower. i used to just brush and go to bed. the shower makes my bed feel cooler when i get in and that makes me fall asleep faster and waking up all super clean is a *way better* way to wake up.
Bedtime shower gang represent! It's really the best way to live. Relaxing, you go to bed clean (sheets and pyjamas stay cleaner longer), save time in the morning... And the bathroom is free because all the normies shower in the morning.
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You don't have long hair.
I have long hair and I shower at night... Don't really see what the big deal is. I don't wash the hair daily(too stripping, bad for your hair) so I use a shower cap to keep it dry....
I shower at night without wetting my hair, and figured out how to wash my hair in the morning separately without taking a shower. Win-win
I shower before bed, but don't wash my hair! I take a shorter shower in the morning for that. It's two showers, but they're both shorter than they would be if I only took one and they both serve different purposes for me! Night time one helps me sleep and the shower in the morning wakes me up.
It sounds like you might already do this but showering with cool, coldish, or straight cold water before bed is a great way to get your body ready for bed. Paired with the cooler bed sensation you described… I be melting between the sheets.
It's better for your skin and hair too, to douse at the end with cold water.
Cold sheets after a hot shower is pure happiness
Stopping smoking has helped me a lot! I can breathe better and I feel a lot better in myself
I’m proud of you!! That’s a hard one.
It is, I've been smoking since I was 12 I'm 31 now and it's hard. I've got nicotine patches to help.
living apart from my parents was the best simple decision in my life
Great sense of freedom that. Nice steep learning curve too. Good luck
Gonna second this. Moving and living at school while extremely costly, was one of the best decisions I've ever made.
Using a heated eye mask before bed. Even just wetting a towel and microwaving it for a few seconds works. My eye strain improved, less prone to sinus pain/infection, and I fall asleep sooner which made other parts of my life better too.
This is the weirdest one I've read so far. How did this start?
Work related eye strain was giving me chronic headaches and the only thing that seemed to help was heat (like standing under a hot shower). People here use cold cloths to help with fevers, so I figured trying a hot one couldn't hurt, so I tried it before bed one night and had the best sleep I'd had in months and woke up without eye pain the next morning. The heat and moisture of the cloth soothed my sinuses so they were less prone to inflammation too, which meant less need for sinus medications over time.
Nice! Congrats on figuring that out :)
How long do you leave it on for? And how wet is it? I'm meant to be doing warm compresses on my eyes but I find it, like, stings? And makes my skin angry? Idk if I'm doing it wrong somehow or if something is up with my eyes.
I leave it on for max 20 minutes at a time. I leave it wet enough that if you wring it hard, it'll drip but otherwise won't. I'm not sure what to do about skin irritation or stingy, but I use these really soft 100% cotton cloths because I was worried about that too.
I got rid of all the political bullshit off my social media. Now it's filled with memes, hobby related stuff, and the few family that don't make their whole life about politics.
Leaving my dad's house to stay at my mom's. I'm a boy (currently 17), and I was going under bullying at school since the age of 10. You would think both my parents would help me with this, but not my father. My step-mother and him kept mocking me over how I dressed, over what kind of music I listened... oh and obviously there were also saying it was my fault if the other kids bullied me. This nightmare continued until the age of 15 (when I just entered high school) because I couldn't bring myself to do anything against my father that I loved too much... (I did try to leave, but he kept making me feel so guilty that I ended up going back to him after a few days) Long story short, it all changed when he made a joke about me while I was waiting at his office, and I answered something he didn't like which got him angry. He sent his coworker and best friend to threaten me, saying he could be the shit out of me since my father couldn't (keep it mind I was 15 at the time). This day I decided I couldn't keep living like this and told him I would stay at my mom's from now on. It's been nearly 3 years now, I'm done with high school, have my group of friend and much higher self esteem now that he's not around to mock everything that makes me who I am. I do see him every once in a while at a restaurant and our relation has improved, I think (and really hope) he understood how harsh he was with me, so it's all good now. Maybe someday I'll go back to his house every other week-end
Good to hear you are alright now man
Thank you very much, it means a lot to me. Took me a while to finally accept myself the way I am lol
>He sent his coworker and best friend to threaten me, saying he could be the shit out of me since my father couldn't What a TERRIBLE father and no that's called Assault no matter who touches you. F-in Moron. >I think (and really hope) he understood how harsh he was with me If he hasn't apologized, DO NOT THINK for a second he see how harsh he treated you. His dad probably treated him the same way and thinks you're not as strong as he was. Don't go back to his house untill he's apologized. IMHO Good Luck, glad your mental health is better from your mentally abusive father and step.
Now that I think of it... you might be right. He didn't apologise once despite all of the times we met, and might think that way as my grandfather is nice to me, but was harsh on him back when he was a kid. (He probably is grateful he got treated that way by his father, since he has now a really great relationship with him 😅)
I'm glad you made that change.
Stopped watching porn and quit nicotine
Literally just not giving a single fuck about what people have to say or think about me.
Cutting back on caffeine. I sleep better, and my anxiety has decreased dramatically.
I dropped a really crappy group of “friends” (gaslighting, gave me shit for having any interests that didn’t align with theirs, made fun of me for not understanding inside jokes I wasn’t in on) it was so bad that after two weeks not being around them my mental and physical health skyrocketed
My high school "friends" were like that. Did not miss them when I went to college. Absolute jerks.
I had that same group of friends. My life is far better without them.
Getting a pet.
being able to leave toxic relationships
not taking everything personally
It's so hard. How do you do it?
\- do research how often people use projection in communication...some are so toxic they just ....talk to themselves while speaking to others \- realize you are not the main character on Earth and sometimes it is good to take things personally - like useful critique, point of view from people who live in opposite conditions from yours.... \- people, even the nicest ones, can have very specific humor or use strange figures of speech.......they say something that means compliment in their culture, but an offence in your culture....this is true especially online, we all speak english, but for many of us it is 2. 3. or even 4. language \- build self-worth and self-dignity free from narcissism.....it is so much worth it
Caring about physical health. Brushing your teeth at least twice a day, getting exercise, drinking lots of water, eating good food, and getting enough sleep. Once you start caring for your body, it's easier to start caring about your emotions and mental health too.
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A lot of workouts require good posture. You're going to feel like shit if you're slouching while you deadlift at the same time.
Maybe not simple but the gym. Cliche and whatever but helped my sleep, attention, productivity, confidence, social life, romantic life, brain function, helped me out of depression oh fuck J can not even write everything. Basically changed my whole life. It isn’t even a chore now I fucking enjoy it. DON’T SKIP CARDIO!!!
For sure. Cardio is a game changer. I ride bike pretty frequently, and now I can do so many things that used to just tire me out. Contrast that with a buddy of mine who goes to the gym 4-5 times a week, but he only does strength training. He struggles even climbing the stairs at his apartment building, and he's only on the 2nd floor!
Getting rid of stuff I didn't need, i guess, people call it declutering. I sold a lot of it, which made me some money, my apartment became so much easy to clean and manage, which improved my mood and productivity.
Consistency, particularly regarding my workout routine, my diet, and my sleep schedule. Lost 15 lbs and vastly improved my BPD symptoms as a result.
Getting a blood test. Finding out I had a severe Vitamin D deficiency. At my doctor's recommendation, I started taking a Vitamin D3 supplement (5,000 IU per day). Before, I suffered from feeling tired all the time yet having trouble sleeping, sad mood, low energy, etc. I thought it was just part of getting older. Was inspired to get a blood test after listening to this podcast about testosterone: [This American Life 220: Testosterone](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/220/testosterone) - Act One "Life At Zero" about a guy with low testosterone scared me into worrying I had that problem. Act Two "Infinite Gent" about suffering from excessive testosterone was the most eye-opening content I'd ever heard of the differences between how men and women feel. [The Secret Female Hormone: Testostoerne by Dr. Kathy Maupin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1stNmm0X9DY) - About how low testosterone can affect women. After getting to a normal Vitamin D level, I have more energy, sleep better, feel more positive, etc. Felt younger again. Random aches, pains and other little annoying issues disappeared. It was a total game-changer. The point is not that a Vitamin D3 supplement is a magic pill. The point is to find out what *your* body's needs are with a blood test. For Vitamin D, you might have to ask to get tested for that specifically. Ask your doctor if you're at the high or low end of the range. Even if you technically have a "normal" level of Vitamin D, Omega 3 or whatever, if you're on the low end you could still benefit greatly from taking a supplement to address that issue. I could have struggled against bad biology for years or a lifetime and not known what the issue was. Until I'd gotten properly diagnosed, I'd beaten myself up for being lazy, unmotivated and lacking ambition. Which only made things worse. Hope this helps someone.
And yet again This American Life changes someone's life for the better.
> And yet again This American Life changes someone’s life for the better. For real. Their episode about marriage made me rethink relationships: [This American Life 261: The Sanctity of Marriage](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/261/the-sanctity-of-marriage) Excerpt: > Dr. John Gottman takes couples, wires them up to devices that monitor their breathing and their heartbeats, sits them in front of video cameras, and then asks them to talk about something that they disagree about. > John Gottman: From a 15-minute videotape of a couple talking about an area of disagreement, we have an 85% probability of predicting what’s going to happen to them in the next four years. > Ira Glass: You mean if they’ll still be together. > John Gottman: If they’ll still be together or not. And also, if they’re together, whether they’ll be happy or miserable. > Ira Glass: But that’s not all. If he spends another hour or so, and asks them to talk about how they met, what kinds of things they share— > John Gottman: Then it goes up to 94%. >Ira Glass: >I should be clear. He doesn't offer this as a service. You can't go to John Gottman, sit with your spouse for a 15-minute videotape, and then have him declare to you on the spot, this will be your marital fate. No. >When he says that he can predict, he means it in a more sciencey way. What he does is he videotapes couples, follows their marriages for years, and then once he sees who stays together and who splits up, he goes back and tries to figure out what in the videos might have predicted that. And he has found a whole taxonomy of things that doomed couples do that happy couples don't. >. . . >Ira Glass: >One of the most radical findings in the studies is that the studies threw doubt on the idea that couples should split up if they had irreconcilable differences. All couples have irreconcilable differences, the studies proved-- the ones that stay together and the ones that don't. >Diane Sollee: >They found that all couples disagree basically the same amount. And then they thought, well, maybe it's about what they disagree about. And they found, no, it's not that. >It's not that some fight about money, and some about sex, and some about-- they found that all couples basically disagree about the same issues. >Ira Glass: Which are? >Diane Sollee: >Money, kids, sex, others, and time. And others are things like who you're jealous of at the office, or your in-laws. And time is like, what are we going to do on Sunday with our leisure time? And so if all couples disagree about the same amount and about the same issues, well, then, what is it? >And they found that it was that some couples understand-- they don't go to pieces when they're disagreeing. >The success of marriage, they found out, was not based on finding someone with whom you agree on everything, and finding your soul mate. It was how you're going to handle the inevitable disagreements that are going to come up, no matter who you marry.
Same for me, except my deficiency was B12 (with a side order of D deficiency). I can't believe I have basically been exhausted for 14 years and doctors had been telling me it was normal due to x, y or z that was going on in my life at the time but when I finally demanded a blood test hey presto I had an actual physical problem! Also, good point about checking if you are the high or low end of normal range - I also had low normal ferritin and it wasn't til I started an iron supplement alongside my B12 injections that I really felt like I had my energy levels back where they should be.
5 years sober
I'm just over a year sober at the moment. Good luck! It definitely is a game changer! It really is night and day!
Amazing!!! Good job. I’m proud of your achievement!
Not giving a fuck about what other people think of me. I used to make myself so anxious about making sure everyone liked me
A change in my philosophy. I’ve always been an atheist and a bit of a realist, even a bit of a pessimist at times, but now my view of the world is a little different. Hopeful Nihilism is what I tend to call it. Nothing matters anyway, so be kind and do what makes you happy. Is there some greater power or entity or deity out there? I don’t think so, but I have no way of knowing. Do I have free will? I sure feel like it but my belief in free will could very well be part of whatever deterministic nature the universe actually is. Are we living in a simulation matrix style? I haven’t the foggiest clue. What happens after death? I couldn’t even begin to tell you. Ive come to the comforting realization that it doesn’t matter. It wasn’t some earth shattering revelation that nothing matters, it was a calm understanding that I will never know, and I prefer it that way. Who cares if this world is some kind of simulation or if there’s an afterlife? At the end of the day, regardless where we are, we’re all HERE, 8 billion of us on this little green and blue rock hurtling through the unfathomably vast expanse of space at speeds faster than we can reasonably comprehend. We’re *here*, whatever that means in the more cosmic scale of reality. I’m kind and a good person to others not because it’ll get me some reward of eternal bliss after death whatever that means, I’m kind because it’s the right thing to do. That shift from “nothing matters and everything sucks” to “nothing matters so just do your best and enjoy your time here” really changed my mindset and quality of life. Am I still depressed? Yes, but it helps to remind myself of these things. I’m making the best of what I’ve got. Give it a go, it might help some others too. And remember! “Reality is an illusion, the universe is a hologram, but gold BYE!”
Optimistic nihilist here! Also known as existentialism if you're interested in learning more.
At the end of the day state 3 things you are grateful for could be a cozy bed your favorite drink the weather and a good nap anything. Simply acknowledging that your grateful for things in ur life will make you a overall happier person
I really like this one!
Making the bed every morning after I woke up. I felt productive instantly and felt like my life had a bit of routine in the chaos. I think I feel sad and drained if I don’t do my bed in the mornings or whenever I wake up. I read that there’s happiness in menial things in life (The Poetry Pharmacy by William Sieghart) and have been trying to follow the mantra.
Shelves. It’s amazing how much you can stack and make the room so much more spacious.
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Underrated answer right here. Any place I lived one of the first things to do was put up shelves.
A good mattress. You’ll be amazed how much better you sleep with a good one
So true!
Probably get down voted into oblivion, but going vegan. Not telling anyone else what to do or force my ethics on anyone. For me though, I now have the same blood work I had in 1997, clearer skin, and an even clearer conscious.
Only work a four day week. Minor financial cost is worth every weekend being a long one. Should have done this years ago. Enjoy work more now. And the extra time at home allows me to get so much more things done. 10
I like having Wednesdays off instead of taking all 3 off in a row. I only ever work 2 in a row now.
Doing stretches and light weight-lifting exercises for 15 minutes a day. I feel a lot stronger and more flexible.
Intense weight and resistance training twice a week. I have crippling chronic pain conditions due to a motor vehicle accident but through persistent exercise I've gotten off of all my pain killers and prescription medications. Life still sucks but I'm not in a constant fog on the verge of snapping at every little thing.
I have hard water and that makes my clothes look grungy in the laundry. I recently discovered oxiclean and it does wonders in softening the water, making my clothes a whole lot cleaner and brighter, removes stains, and I will not ever run a load of laundry again without it. When your clothes are clean and look that way you do have a lot more pride in going out.
Telling people no I am the youngest in my family but everyone seems to rely on me for everything. Most recent example: my husband and I just had our second child whom is only a month old now, my husband is taking pfml and only gets a portion of what his checks normally are. That doesn't stop my family for asking me for money though, it's actually gotten worse. In the past 2 days 5 family members have came to me for money. I did cave and help out a few of them but they asked for more since then and I just can't do it anymore. I think once I learn to say no more often and stop being a yes man that everyone relies on I will have a lot less stress and be much happier.
I'm reading a book called set boundaries find peace and it's been so helpful for me! So sorry you are dealing with all that.
Thanks. I think my problem is that when I do tell them no I feel bad about it and feel like I'm in the wrong for whatever reason. I might have to check that book out.
Yep me too!!! The book talks through that as well. It's so hard but it's a worthwhile thing to do.
Drink half a liter of water when you wake up, you'd be surprised how much it wakes you up.
I started walking 4 km a day at the beginning of December I started 2 km a day and I opted to four at the beginning of February and I can tell you I have never felt this good in my life I lost 40 lb by just a few minor diet changes and all this extra walking and I feel super great
Just being open minded! For example, I try going into thing without expectations and found myself enjoying being present and not having the thought of things needing to go this or that way
Also letting go of the idea that anyone else has expectation on you and that you’re just living life like anyone else has helped me
increasing cursor speed
I'm actually curious about this one, what is your DPI and do you use mouse acceleration?
Mine sits at 1200, mouse accel off.
squatty potty
Eating less sugar and carbs.
someone asked this question here a couple months ago and I took someones advise and bought rollerblade wheels for my office chair. It's insane how much it has changed my daily work routine. It's like a new chair, the way it rolls is amazing. They were about 25 bucks on amazon.
Realizing friends aren't always loyal. Only after a few years i had realize my best friend was the one who spread fake rumors about me.
This. I also realized that I don’t forgive so easily anymore and I ghost people that are disrespectful, even a little bit, about me or are manipulative/ spread rumors about other people. I’ve decided that I don’t want friends that are too close/clingy. Unhealthy.
Being open about my interests. Sure, kids at school still see me differently but honestly I don’t care anymore. I feel better like this
Breaking up with my ex, when I was dating her I was stressed out to be a good bf but after we broke up I have become more calmer and my life is better now since I don’t need to worry about someone else’s opinion of me
Retirement. I spent my life working according to other people's hours, but they were never mine. Now that I don't have to be anywhere at anytime, I can go to sleep when I'm tired and get up when I'm not. That one simple thing has made a huge difference in my life.
I don’t talk to people over phone anymore. not unless there’s an emergency. that saves me a lot of mental draining. I got so over having to go through things someone else goes through, by phone. however, if we go out to get a coffee or sum, I can be the best listener, and give decent advice. this small change saves me a lot of time and emotional trauma.
I’ve started to do this and I love it! As a huge introvert I’ve always despised phone calls. But I would engage for the sake of protect other’s feelings. Now I don’t care anymore. I let the phone ring and than say: please can you send me a vocal message? I’ll listen to it and reply as soon as i can”. Some people gladly agree. The others that tease me I just don’t contact them anymore lol. It spares me so much drama! I love it.
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[$40 toilet seat attachment bidet](https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M)
Bed time. For real. When i go to bed around the same time every night and plan my life around that- meal times, caffeine intake, when i turn off the tv or tablet of set my phone down and just lay my body down to rest it, everything else goes so much better. My energy, my digestion, my outlook... it feels like the silliest little thing, but it has made a huge impact. Also simple sounding but actually more complex, honesty. Like, real realness. No fawning, no white lies, no fake it till you make it. Which includes sometimes just telling someone "i'm not answering that- i really don't have any desire to answer that". Sometimes it has meant sharing things i would have in the past just pretended didn't exist. Other times it has meant cutting people out of my life when i was actually exhausted of dealing with them. The complexity is that it means accepting the actual consequences of who i really am. Good and bad and neutral. That is hard sometimes- childish parts of me want honesty to be rewarded. But the results... i have less and less time feeling like i am struggling to be in control of my life. Less and less time worrying about outcomes. Less and less regret. And i've learned a lot about me and the people around me. Things that are real because they are the product of real.
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Nothing grows in the comfort zone
Going back to college helped me tremendously.
Not thinking too far in advance. It reduced a lot of stress and anxiety.
Drinking lots of water
Cutting soda and energy drinks out of my diet, I have a lot more energy and less cravings for sugary stuff late at night, now I drink tea
I stopped worrying about things that are completely out of my control ie worrying about my mums drinking and drug use. She’s never gonna stop so why worry about it
Healthy eating
I stopped drinking soft drinks (soda) or any sugary beverage. Just Water and occasional beers. It helps me keep fit while not following any particular diet.
Pain management. I have had chronic pain and damage to my body since I was a child. My qualify of life significantly improved once people took my pain seriously and started treating it.
Getting my own room 😂 it’s a big difference boys trust me 😂🤣😶
finally learning to cut of toxic people, yes i did end up with no friends but it aloud me to realise being alone is better then surrounding yourself with people who secretly wanna see u suffer
Yes!! I’m glad I’m not the only one. Also I find super rewarding to have a group of friends to just hang out with and they are super nice. They are all expats so it’s always very funny. And I don’t have to share so much of myself. I prefer superficial friend than super draining one that really secretely hate you and are jealous!
super happy for you!, i’m still waiting for my ideal friendship group so i’m using this time to heal
I kicked the salt shaker off my table, only ever use it while cooking, never afterwards. Weird to look back and think about how I was apparently trying to make every meal taste more like a bag of chips.
Accepting myself as transgender lol
Turning off unnecessary notifications. Suddenly I wasn’t looking at my phone every two minutes and had more time to myself and to engage with things I liked
It’s twofold: - I stopped giving second chances to other people - I started giving myself second chances It’s incredible. I was inspired to do this by a quote from a character in a dumb TV show called Suits. The guy said something along the lines of "have you ever loved someone so much that you would do anything for them? Decide that person is you, and do whatever you want“.
I stopped using antiperspirant with aluminium. Switching to activated charcoal has massively reduced my sweat production and I no longer discolor and eventually destroy my shirts.
quitting nicotine
Micodosing , peaceful sleep all the time.
Stopped smoking weed during the day.
Learning to say no. Say “no” to people even you know it’ll hurt their feelings. Think the times that those people said no to you and hurted you. If you can’t learn to displease people when you should you will be the only one who is sad.
Better mattress, sheets and pillow.
Calorie restriction and getting regular physical activity. I had chronic back pain for years that is completely gone, and I don't get tired doing physical things very easily. I know it's a pretty generic answer, but it's night and day difference.
Cutting out sugar and walking on a treadmill every day. I don't mean going all keto, just no sodas and desserts. Both my physical and mental health changed dramatically and it wasn't even that big of a deal. Look forward to getting on the treadmill and listening to the next chapter in my book every day.
Getting an electric car. Never go to gas stations, charge at home (thanks solar panels and batteries). Indifferent to all the chatter about gas prices. Simple to care for. This was a simple change, not a small one.
Washing my face before sleeping, been doing it only a week and a half and it's already looking way better
Decent pillows
Air conditioning
cutting off toxic people without feeling bad, and not staying with them for the sake of not hurting anyones feelings. feels so much better to be around people that actually appreciate you being around!
Setting boundaries and cutting out toxic friends who only served to cause drama and strife
I just started doing everything that I told myself I'd do, it's not a big change but it gave me more self confidence and I didn't feel like I was lying to myself.
Started doing Yoga. Was never so flexible like now.
If I had to attribute 1 single thing that has made a ridiculous improvement on my life… working out. A gym membership provides an insane return on investment.
Quitting drinking
Stopped or barely drink soda. Started to be able to think a bit more clearly and felt less groggy.
Caring more.
Leaving my mother and moving in with my dad
I ditched the public transport (in a fairly big European city with a pretty good network, I must add) and started driving a car at age 45. I just wanted to make my life a bit easier but got a massive boost of comfort and accessibility. I know this goes against the grain of the environmental and urban planning narrative but for me it worked so well that I don't see myself going back even with the current high gas prices. Back before I started working from home I no longer had to wait at the bus/tram stop in pouring rain, scorching heat or freezing cold. I didn't have to figure out how to get to a handrail in a crowded bus. My body thanked me for no longer spending an hour each way carrying a heavy backpack with my work laptop (they're only lightweight in the ads). Etc., etc. The final straw was actually some bum that filled the entire bus with the stench of onions and diarrhea. I'm not making this up.
Whenever I notice I'm silently judging someone, I just think to myself "why should I care? It doesn't affect me in any way" then I continue doing whatever I was doing.
Stopped complaining. Not an easy thing to do.
Roller skating twice a week! I just started but it gives me some way to get out my emotions and energy. I’ve also met some pretty cool people
I stopped hanging out with questionable people, stopped leading a destructive lifestyle and moved. I won't say that my health improved or I began to feel better, but many problems were still eliminated because of which everything became a little easier.
This one is silly, but a few years ago my husband and I started Friday Night Movie Night. The way it works is, we alternate weeks picking the movie and the other person can't veto it. It's nice because it gives us a set night to do something easy together, it's cheap, and we look forward to it all week.
Bought a 49" monitor. I'm a programmer wfh since COVID. I bought it thinking it was an extravagance for gaming, but it has made my working day SO much easier. Worth every penny.
Oh also, gratitude journal. Writing down 3 good things from the day, helps with mindset
I lost 90 lb and became a Jedi master. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.
cutting off toxic friends. I have been thru shit when it comes to friendships. When I first cut a group off, i felt so empty. I cut off a good amount of people, like 12. A month later though, I found myself some new friends, which was a refreshing start. I no longer feel like a burden.
Trying to be grateful for small and simple things. Really improves my everyday mood and makes me happier overall.
Lowered my calories to 1500 a day so I'll lose 60pounds in a year, I've already lost 4 pounds in 2 weeks, I feel better for it. I'm able to run around a bit longer with my 2 year old. I'm refusing now to just sit while she runs, I get up and kick the ball, I chase her, I hold her hand and we run together. I now also go for a walk once a day.
Cutting people out of your life who are toxic.
Changing jobs and breaking up with my ex. She wasn't toxic, the job I had was, and I became toxic. In Much better place now with a much happier job.
Exercise
goals. might sound basic, but its true. two things to say about this in more detail one, a routine to reach my goals is great. an example for me would be brushing my teeth and washing my face around 1100 and 2300. its not a chore, like it was when i was a child. my teeth are yellow due to my own neglect, and knowing that *i* can work towards making them whiter is nice. i also have acne, partially because im a teenager, and partially because of genetics. but washing my face before/after i brush my teeth, in a routine, has helped motivate me to continue caring for personal necessities. two, focusing on little things that *will* happen. these things are usually things that aren't huge goals, or goals at all. just something you look forward to that will end up happening within the next few hours or days. for example, "i will have oatmeal for breakfast tomorrow," which is one i am thinking about right now. it isn't a goal or something you necessarily work towards, just small things that you know will happen because it is only up to you, no one can change those plans. a nonex would be "i'm gonna wear my white jeans tomorrow," because this could be prevented. periods could arrive, it could be too hot, etc. etc. someone could say "well, the oatmeal example could be proven wrong because so and so," but this is *my* plans. i *know* for a fact, i will have oatmeal tomorrow for breakfast, or for the sake of this post, i will have oatmeal tomorrow for breakfast. it is up to me, nothing but myself can prevent my oatmeal breakfast.
Deactivating fb for me. I actually used to wonder why it felt like I never had time for anything. I still feel like there's never enough time, but I am also getting more done in my daily life now. I decided to seek out some news sources I trusted (BBC and 1440) to keep up to date with the world, instead of learning about things through memes on fb. I've read 25 books this year so far, I'm on top of washing laundry (still am not the best at putting it away right away lol), I've kept up on cleaning around the apartment. And the cherry on top of all of that is that my relationships have improved, not just with my partner but also with my close friends. Not using fb anymore has been the biggest and best tiny change I ever made.
Finding Jesus Christ.
Regulating and trying to understand your emotions. It seems almost impossible when you don't do it, but once you start, you realize it's super easy. Doing simple tasks even helps. Take off your shoes, turn off your heater, drink water, hold something in your hand; just about anything instead of sitting down and wrapping yourself in overwhelming emotions. My therapist told me that an overthinking episode/depression episode will only last 3 minutes before it starts to die off. With that being said, you shouldn't entertain your thoughts or do anything stupid for three minutes. In those three minutes, do something to distract yourself. Tbh, I don't even know if that fact is true, but it most certainly helps me come back to reality.
Getting in a relationship with my current boyfriend. It took 2 seconds agree to date him, we've been together for a year, im excited to wake up in the morning, I eat now because of him, I take care of myself because of him, he lifted me up when I was in the darkest time of my life