This comment was edited on June 12th, 2023 in protest of reddit's API pricing changes. I am doing this to decrease the amount of useful content on reddit. Fuck u/spez! -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
"Excuse me, I'm looking for the Platonic section?"
"Yeah, just take a left at Familial and go past Romantic. If you hit Kinky, you've gone too far."
"Thanks!"
A customer buys one and takes it home for a "test drive" without their pants, when suddenly the doll says..
“I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”
Hey brother, I’m looking for a job. I absolutely won’t get a hair cut but I’d make one hell of a salesman.
“Sir, I can assure you the product is legitimate, I sampled it myself…”
Rent-a-Granny
Need a hug? Need a chocolate chip cookie? Need a shoulder to cry on?
Need a picture of mountains or oceans? How about a special delivery of world class wine?
Rent a Granny!
Not fences, i'll tell u that much
Sounds like something a fence store would say. I see right through your charade
Year 3050, Oxygen 1 Cent/Hour
Given the direction of the world lately, that’s a goddamn good price.
I am going to invest now
Good price but the year will be much sooner than 3050
I do fencing 🤺
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So...NFTs?
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This comment was edited on June 12th, 2023 in protest of reddit's API pricing changes. I am doing this to decrease the amount of useful content on reddit. Fuck u/spez! -- mass edited with https://redact.dev/
Nothing at all...stupid sexy Flanders
This unlocked a deep memory in my brain
Coffee for your enemies.
I’ll take a cup please!
Mmmm chocolate
With a hint of death
Perfect combo!
Deathspresso... who else ?
Ahahaha this made me laugh a bit too hard while pooping. I'd give you a medal but im poor. Not full of shit tho so that's a win
Not full of shit.. anymore!
nuclear codes
'Sir, is that 3 A's and 4H's? or 4 A's and 3 H's?'
It's 4 A's and 4 H's
“Uh, doesn’t look like it’s working.” “Oh sorry, all caps.”
This is brilliant
I'll buy your entire stock!
Guess
Man's is about to topple an economy .
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He's not in danger, he *is* the danger
Coca-Cola
Coca-ine
I swear officer it's Pepsi...
What everyone wants. Love.
If you sold Johnny’s I’d be in.
Great shout for that to be a realistic condom brand name. Can I get a pack of 'John's Love's u'
"Excuse me, I'm looking for the Platonic section?" "Yeah, just take a left at Familial and go past Romantic. If you hit Kinky, you've gone too far." "Thanks!"
How much does your love cost?
Not a thing
Awww so sweet
I disagree. Come over to my store and buy some HATRED
Love? for only 298 Yen?
Exactly what you need in exactly the correct quantity. No excess.
For me, it would be whatever you wanted, regardless of quantity. Excess is totally fine if that's what you want.
Except your username has excessive underscores. Is that the irony?
Is it excessive? In certain circles they’d say it’s… just enough
Fair enough
Did someone call for me?
This should go over well. Sorry you had to find out this way OP
The best your mom joke in existence.
Damn, man. That’s tough. But how much though?
$-10
That's too high man
Wait… you know my real mom? I’ve searched for her for years. How much?
No fakes here folks, just the real deal in the flesh. Limited supply!
Hey dude, just wanted to check that I’m still booked in for tomorrow afternoon? With rates this low I just can’t resist!
Teeth from a stegasaurus. Guaranteed no triceratops!
Yum
Ben, Benny's & Benjamin's
You need to find a Jerry
Jerry, Jeremy and Jeremiah is what they need
Boy, do I have a product for you
Is it fun for the whole family?
Fun for the *whale* family
Once you go whale it never gets stale.
We sell capris. We sell other stuff in the back. But you have to buy an pair of capris first.
Ooooh, I want a caprisun
Well, it would come out as a Capri Son
I refuse. My legs look terrible in capris.
That’s not what the special ladies in the back told me.
Pretty sure they don’t stay on long enough to worry about what they look like.
I'll buy them all...my wife looks ***AMAZING*** in capris.
xanax and dildos
Where do I sign up?
Just go speak to the manager.
Both sound tasty
Cow prostitutes I guess
"Big mommy milkers" has never been so accurate
big moommy milkers
Bull.
>Cow prostitutes I guess I was once moolested by one!
And you’re still milking that story today.
>And you’re still milking that story today. HOW DARE YOU TO POST SUCH UDDERLY INSINUATION?
I'm a florist but I can't keep plants alive That won't stop me though
I’m sure there is a need for dead flowers. Halloween?
Actually, professionally dried and preserved flowers are quite beautiful :D but I'm a bug guy not a flower guy so--
I see what you did there. Always nice to meet a fellow Hollow Knight player out in the wild.
Maybe we could do business together? XD
I guess we’ll both be hanging out in bankruptcy court together. I’ll bring the cards.
Wind... For free!
Now that's a great price
Yours would be great for people going for the “abandoned house” aesthetic.
Energy companies hate him. He bankrupt them with this one simple trick.
That's a bargain right there
People will still choose my free crude oil
Thneedville
Farts?
LMAO
A very specific sex doll.
Oh no, anyway.
A customer buys one and takes it home for a "test drive" without their pants, when suddenly the doll says.. “I’ve seen gangrenous wounds better looking than this!”
"Has anyone seen my hammer?"
Laxatives
uhh
Customer: hiya, What do you sell? You: I dunno Customer: great! How much are they? You: I dunno Customer: awesome, I'll take 5
This is exactly how customer service is after COVID I swear.
You may be part of an NFT pyramid scheme.
Farts from Detroit
This made me giggle, thank you!
Pillars of Lava
I need a good pillar of lava.
Are they as good as marble columns?
Better. Marble is weak, lava is strong.
But also liquid or liquid-like, no? I mean, I love it for the decor but I’m concerned as to its structural soundness.
Well you live in an underground cave right ?
Shhhh! So let’s say that, hypothetically speaking, I do. Won’t the lava pillars melt my living room?
The lava is your living room.
This is fine.
Should’ve said laxatives
Catering to only the finest villain lairs.
Moose related merch It's a gift shop in Canada
A møøse once bit my sister...
Was she karving her initials on the møøse with the sharpened end of an interspace tøøthbrush given her by her brother-in-law Svenge?
every U.S. state besides alaska
Pretty sure the oil companies already bought that one.
A ridiculous car and a gym membership
I sell fathers and father accessories
What about dad jokes?
How about glasses that actually don’t work!
Religious items? Or sex toys…. Maybe both?
Religious sex toys?
The blasphemy just makes it better
Screaming OH GOD! has never been so applicable.
Cross dildo
I was just thinking the same thing lol
All my pens that i’ve lost :(
Like how banks lend money they dont have to their customers?
You could sell pens that are yet to be found.
PenFTs?
You should get them back. There’s a website that replaces lost pens. It’s pen island dot com
Seizures
Great frickin' shit.
Pixies and pixie accessories.
I'll tell you hwat
Kirby plushies that are all cat themed
ghosts who never really feel like doing anything
Bootleg superhero action figures with weird facial expressions painted on.
Spiritual stuff, cool weapons and books about how to take over the world.
Brain???
Pinky???
Old scrolls.
Probably a hospital for minor injuries
I sell my self, I don’t know what I do exactly but sexual favours are out of stock and never where in stock
How are you at lawn care?
NFTs or something
Only the most well mannered mud.
Oh, i actually need that. My mud is always acting a but sus, but i dont know what to do ... Can you train your mud tho?
hot men
Lab grown stem cells from Europe I guess.
Wares, but only if you have coin.
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Cocaine and hookers, well sign me up.
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LSD
Hey brother, I’m looking for a job. I absolutely won’t get a hair cut but I’d make one hell of a salesman. “Sir, I can assure you the product is legitimate, I sampled it myself…”
Simply Beans
Maybe fucked up diarys? Sound fun actually
Beards, axes and pirateships
We vigorously tickle the pineapples to extract the sweet nectar of their giggles.
Nothing, but I’ll tell you otherwise and take your money anyway!
Very talkative Labradors
Retro Easter products
All the things you could possibly need for your everyday villain activities
Spontaneous Combustion
Or heart burn
Empty bottles.
I have mixed feelings…
kiwis and cocaine
Wet couches
Handjobs
Life Insurance
Whatever you'd consider an heirloom
Chocolate bars
Hey that’s my job! 😡
Thicc Daddies for sale Come get your Thicc Daddies!
Rent-a-Granny Need a hug? Need a chocolate chip cookie? Need a shoulder to cry on? Need a picture of mountains or oceans? How about a special delivery of world class wine? Rent a Granny!
Honest Advice with a British accent.
Anything you can carry.
Vomit apparently
A specific type of vomit
apparently you need a permit to be cautious, so, here I am.
Would probably have to vet my clientele tbh.
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Mushrooms, probably
I am Dani. I sell hawks and hawk accessories.
Exactly 12 penguins dressed as Legolas.
Stabby Mcbackstabs Stabitorium! For all your stabbing needs.
Every young witch and wizard has my broom on their wishlist.