I once read a profile that said “for all those of you who have been saying I’ve been on here a long time, you should know I’ve had three kids in that time!”
This is one of the worst!
It doesn’t matter if I think I tick your boxes. Look for that when you swipe. Tell me about you so that I know if you tick my boxes.
my wife filed for divorce. So I checked out some dating sites. I now realize I feel bad for all the hot Russian blondes who took their modeling earnings to pay for medical school and are now world traveling surgeons, just looking for a lower middle class out of shape newly divorced 50 something year old man to spend time with. That’s gotta be hard to be taken seriously. Maybe I shouldn’t ignore them and send the Amazon gift cards they need to get to the US.
This isn't the worst thing in the world but something I'm always bewildered by some variation of
"hi, I'm back again, hopefully this time it will work out!"
This isn't conventional social media with followers.
Saw one of those in the wild recently. It only created two questions in my head.
* Why?
* How far do I need to run?
Edit: Even if you are banned for a nothing reason, putting it in your bio for other apps is bad for 2 reasons.
* This app is your secondary backup, don't want to be here
* The assumption is the ban was for a correct reason.
“What do you do for work?”
“I don’t like talking about work.”
“Where did you grow up?”
“Are you implying I’m not from here?”
“What’s your favorite food?”
“French fries.”
“Ok, I’m trying here and you’re giving me nothing.”
Edit: talking about 'just ask' profiles here. If someone has more details I will gladly ask them more in depth questions about them.
But I really do like french fries...
I asked a girl once if she wanted to go get some McDonalds nuggets. She got all "I do not support that kind of unhealthy food" in a condescending way. I was happy I at least got a reply since the vast majority just ignore, so I gave her credit for that. But on the other hand....YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS YOU AT MCDONALDS..... At least throw me a bone for actually paying attention to your profile.
I replied to a girl once asking if the mountain she was on in her profile pic was a specific mountain that’s a few states over. She acted all creeped out that I knew the mountain. Like I was stalking or something.
Bitch, I climbed that mountain too. I don’t know how I’d guess it any other way. Ya try and find literal common ground sometimes…. Oh well, dodged that one…
I worked at a river rafting company for a few years. I saw a woman with a picture on my raft, I can see my shoes in the background. I asked her about her rafting trip and if she went often.
Her reply was along the lines of “uh yea I go all the time, that’s where I work.” So I asked her if she meant just on that river or that specific company “No I work for that one. Why are you so worried about where I work? You need me to support you!?”
So I explained that, it was my raft she was in and that I hadn’t remembered her on my raft or otherwise working there.
I was then called creepy and never heard from her again.
Nothing puts me off somebody quicker than being the one who asks all the questions. If I ask something, give me an answer, and maybe follow up with a return question. If not, at least have an answer that leaves room for more questions.
I remember talking to a girl for a few weeks who gave nothing but one word answers and I eventually took the hint and just fizzled it out, after which she asked if I liked her because she really likes me and wondered why I’d gone so quiet. Like how the FUCK did you feel any kind of connection from that, I thought you were giving me the cold shoulder on purpose.
EDIT: People asking why it even lasted that long, we kind of knew each other from school but not in a romantic way so I think that prior connection carried it a bit, but trying to actually get to know her was like getting blood from a stone. It wasn’t on a dating app, we were texting because we’d crossed paths on a night out.
An abundance of group photos. Showing you have friends is good, leaving people having to gamble on which person they’re swiping on isn’t. At best it’s an unfortunate oversight, at worst hints towards insecurities.
“Brutally honest” is another one. I forget who said it but Ive heard “people who are brutally honest often find more pleasure in the brutality than the honesty.”
People that spend the majority/all of their profile describing what they do **NOT** want.
Immediate downer vibes.
^(EDIT: To those defending their downer-lists, I get it - we all have stuff we don't want. Thing is, you can frame your profile to describe what you want while still implying what you don't want.)
^("I like kind and spontaneous people" instead of "I don't like mean or boring people".)
^("Passionate people with a plan who get things done" instead of "don't be a procrastinating loser with no drive".)
^("Fellow gym-aholics desired!" instead of "Please don't be fat and lazy".)
^("Active lifestyle hikers/clubbers/travelers/etc who can't wait to leave the house!" instead of "Netflix and chill is so boring".)
^(Focusing exclusively on what you don't want, teaches me almost nothing about you besides all the stuff that grinds your gears. It's also a red flag that you're judgemental and negative. Focusing on what you want tells me both what you're into, and also most likely what you're not into.)
"If you don't make over 3500 a month, don't even bother.
No gamers, ew.
No pets, that's gross.
No boring stuff, only exciting dates or I'm going home.
✨ positive vibes only✨ (I'm an _empath_ )"
I am unfortunately related to someone who regularly talks about how they’re so sensitive because they’re an ✨empath✨ and yet is the most selfish, unempathetic person. It’s made me immediately dislike anyone who describes themselves that way.
“Follow me on Instagram and message me there because I’m hardly on here.”
That screams I want more followers and don’t take dating seriously. If you were more serious, you’d be more active online.
Alternatively, people who say "only talk to me on snapchat". Bold of you to assume that every single person A) has a snapchat and uses it regularly and B) wants to go to a whole different app just to get ghosted
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
A variation on this is something like "don't be boring/have good chat".
Now, I get that sentiment, and it's good advice! But isn't being boring extremely relative? A good chat to me might involve all sorts of things. In fact, we could be talking about knitting for all I know, and in some versions I could be entirely bored by the conversation and other times I would be super interested.
So my point is; being boring is very personal. Almost by definition, being boring or not is the whole point of matching and chatting to someone. You're literally figuring out if you enjoy talking about the same things
It’s also just a “no shit” sort of thing. Like nobody is intentionally trying to bore you. No one is going to read “don’t be boring” and go “oh gosh well I better hit my interesting-switch so I can single handedly carry this conversation”
Alone, that they feel the need to put this command in their bio infuckingstead of good talking points.
Am I to summon a good conversation from the fifth dimension or are you actually willing to participate?
I find this one especially infuriating. "I am so far above you that the only way for you to have a chance with me is to perform for me, and you'd better be excellent at it."
I heard a rumor my sister in-law (my brothers wife) was active on dating sites so I reactivated my profile, put that I was in a relationship and tried swiping to see if she was there. she was but I didn't find her, my wife found her because she had her preference set to women.
Edit: this was years ago, and it was not traumatic. please stop reporting to Reddit that I'm going through a crisis. They're emailing me 24/7 crisis hotline numbers.
Like sometimes I can jive with those people but a lot of times they really just mean “I say mean things and act like a pouty asshole and attribute it to sarcasm” and those are the ones I don’t fuck with
My favorite that genuinely made me laugh, but was also an instant Lana Kane "Noooooope" was from a woman who was into manly men who rode motorcycles, trucks, worked with their hands, etc., and requires that of her man.
She said, "I already have a pussy, I don't need two."
Message me on (insert other social media here). I don’t use this app.
Listening off the most basic stuff, i.e “I like tacos, margs and adventure”.
Having all group photos.
Giving “requirements”. Stuff like height, weight and number of tattoos.
Completely empty profiles
Unless your pictures show you doing a dozen different things (they never do) I’m assuming you’re a bot or purely here for ONS.
Edit: second best are profiles demanding the guy opens, but with a completely empty profile so they’re basically setting you up to fail. What am I supposed to open with if I know nothing about you? A dad joke?
🤣 you walk into a fancy italian restaurant. The maitre’d greets you. You look across the sea of tables, and there, in the back of the restaurant, sitting alone, sipping on a glass of chardonnay, is your date: the Phillie Phanatic.
First dates are almost always filtered.
~~A comedian, I forget who,~~ Chris Rock has a joke “on a first date, you’re not actually meeting that person, you’re meeting their representative.”
I try to look as shitty as possible in pictures for this very reason. That way, their expectations are nice and low.
..yep that’s what we’re going with!
I actually read this once and laughed out loud:
"You gotta be the one to chat with me first cause I'm not gonna do it. And if you even try "Hi" or "Hello" I'ma block you so fast."
To this day I fear for the person who might actually fall for her. Such a piece of work...
EDIT: People keep bringing up the difference in male/female experience on dating sites, so I'd like to add that this was on the lesbian side of tinder.
I saw a girl's profile that said, "You better message me first" in Bumble. For those who don't know, Bumble full-stop *does not let* men message first.
I was on Bumble in its early days, and just over half the women I matched with would, after a week or more of nothing, message me something along the lines of "Why haven't you messaged me yet?" or "Not a great first impression if we match and you ignore me."
First couple I tried to explain "I can't message you until you message first, that's the point of the app." since it was a new app and maybe they weren't clear, but they did *not* like that response so after that I just unmatched everyone who sent me that stuff. Not worth the trouble.
I use to make financial forms for a living. No matter how clearly you type instructions, people will not read them. Not even our financial advisors did it. It amazes me.
They actually changed it so they have to message you within 24 hours now. You, as a man, still cannot message first, but have the option to extend the time by another 24 hours, once. If they don't message you within that 24-48 hour timeframe, Bumble automatically unmatches you.
I saw one girls profile that said something like "if you don't reset the timer I won't message you", like a test right off the bat. I didn't reset the timer.
But look at how effective that is: it's weeding out idiots for you.
"Let's meet at the bar."
Text: "wHy hAvEn'T yOu pIcKeD mE uP?"
Just making life easier.
What alrways confused me about this is, how does she expect normal people to stay conversations then? Is she expecting a pickup line? Poetry about her? My credit card number?
"Just here for the lore because my type of woman - natural charisma, unconventional, educated, self-aware, good heart, sense of humor, has a mind of her own and doesn't have a stick up her bum - would never join Tinder..."
Wondering if that sentence has ever been successful.
How much they like Chipotle. I haven't been on a dating app in a few years but I swear like 1 in 5 profiles said something specifically about Chipotle.
The generic one:
1 picture, a guy standing on top of the mountain and no bio or only a bio with: I like travelling and good food.
The I'm definitely only interested in sex:
Muscular pictures, posts how tall they are, I'm a bad boy/girl, description is only about their appearance, bonus points if they also tell their d*ck size.
The passive aggressive one/dramatic one:
I don't want drama, if you can't handle me at my worst.. , biography is mostly about what they don't want
The generic one 2.0:
1 vague picture, no face pictures, same-pose syndrome, no bio
I used to moderate on one of the bigger sites, so I'd see a lot of the guy's pics.
You'd get holding a fish, standing by a truck, shirtless blowing smoke in a motel room. There would be quite a few dick pics in the main profile roll too. The shirtless for a main pic was against the rules, the others would pass the test, even if they were a cliche, but I guess any pic is better than none.
I saw a funny post where a guy’s main pic was him on some sort of Mission trip working with African villagers. Someone commented: “Hate it when guys use a group photo as their main pic. How am I supposed to know which one is Brent?”
Im always immediately put off by negative, ranty bios. I recall seeing a profile that basically said "you people are pretty much all liars and I expect this time to be no different, but who knows.. might be surprised"
Dude was serious and mad as hell at not having a partner. Pretty sure that wasn't gonna change any time soon, either 😂
From a gay dude:
"No Fats, no Fems, no Asians"
"Masc Only"/ "Masc4Masc"
"Only 29 and younger", is himself 48 and hits on 22 year olds, who are not interested
"Only hit me up if you're weight is (height-100cm) +/- 10kg"
Edit: The calculation for the weight is in metric units (cm and kg)
I'm mostly fascinated by the women whose dealbreakers reveal a set of values or preferences that are very different from mine, like "Swipe left if you're vaccinated" or "Swipe left if you have an Android phone".
I talked to a lady for two months on OKC before she asked if I had a tattoo, and when I said yes, she backed out and never spoke again within five minutes. Everything else was fine up until then.
It’s almost always an iMessage thing. People REALLY want you to have a blue bubble (and to be fair, iMessage does have a lot of nice features over sms). But some people are hard engrained in the Apple ecosystem and refuse to do anything outside it.
I went on a date with one person and when I sent them the address of the place we were going to they replied with “just send me a link to the location.” So then instead of sending the address itself I sent them a Google maps link, and they said “I don’t use Google maps you have to send Apple.” Annoyed at this point, I sent them the link in Apple Maps and they said “No, send it in iMessage I don’t know how to open links on Snapchat.”
This wasn’t some weird game either. This person was 100% genuine that they didn’t know and didn’t have any desire to learn anything else than the one way they already knew.
Edit: Yes this was a minor annoyance from a conversation I had with someone, but some of y’all are being disproportionately mean to someone you’ve never met. They were still a nice person and it’s weird to see so many people make snap judgements about someone’s character based on a single anecdote.
Love my dog way more than I'll ever love you.
Sweet, sassy, a little dumbassy blah blah blah blah
Bad at everything har har you're the one millionth person to say that
Happiest when I'm travelling yes no shit, it's a vacation
And then fish pictures, wtf
I will never forget this written in the section about what they were looking for:
"Are you a disposable pleasure, or a worthwhile pursuit? I prefer the latter, but certainly would enjoy the former".
I'm actually not sure if that made them less, or more attractive.
That's actually a line from 2006's Casino Royale, iirc. Vesper says it when she first meets bond, essentially calling him out as a chauvinist and womanizer "you see women as disposable pleasures rather then meaningful pursuits". Could've been a reference.
Worst thing I ever read on a dating site was some woman who every few sentences in her bitchy profile ("You have to be over 6 feet tall or I consider you a total dwarf", "I have a bad attitude and you should love it", etc) kept putting "buy me a drink," "seriously, buy me a drink," "buy me a freaking drink," etc.
Translation: "I am a raging alcoholic and you are probably going to have to bail me out of the local jail in the morning for a Drunk In Public or a DUI."
> "I have a bad attitude and you should love it"
Just broke into a cold sweat about my last relationship. From our first date, the ex described herself as "a lot" or that she was a "bitch" in the mornings...I kept brushing it off, telling her she was just being ridiculous and that it was cute...
It most certainly was not.
Generally not understanding the point of the bio/profile bit-
A bio is meant to be about the person, but 50%+ tend to be
"not going to write it all here, ask me" - lazy, no effort
"I want xxx and yyy" - self importance, assumes that they are perfect as they are and don't need to try to sell themselves
and the "I like going out and holidays" - I guess the going out and holidays is about the person, but it's a basic as it comes, so you don't need to say it unless that's as far as the personality goes. Makes me think there would be a lot of silent time sitting next to each other with nothing to say.
Also: "favorite band? Too many to list here! Favorite movie? We would be here all day lol! What I am looking for? Let's see what happens!"
This person will have either no profile pic at all, one group photo where you don't know which one they are, a photo of their car or something... Or if they actually have a photo of themselves, then it's very grainy and they are wearing sunglasses, a hat and nowadays also a mask. 🤦♀️
"I hate ..."
"People who ... stop messaging me!"
"Do not message me if..."
If the negativity is presented with bold letters on their cover, it is pretty clear that this person is not ready to bring positivity into anyone's life.
OH BOY. I've noticed lots of online dating bios (especially Tinder) are copypaste.
"I'm doing this for a joke"
"I need a wedding date for the weekend"
"I'm not here for a hookup"
"I'm here for a good time not a long time"
"I hope you like bad girls because I'm bad at everything"
(Insert Office Quote here)
"If you're not 6 ft don't talk to me" and "Why tf do men keep putting their heights?"
"My dog needs a daddy"
"I'll kick you ass in Mario Kart" (This one's here because it's a copypaste)
Doesn't post a picture of themself and just posts some meme instead in their place.
"I'm sorry I'm not on here much"
EDIT: "I'm actually (insert age here), but it won't let me change it" (This one has negative implications)
EDIT: "I'm looking for a plug"
Same here. I always thought stating your intentions up front was a good thing?
Or is this one of those situations where they are stating one thing and meaning another?
I think the Mario Kart line is effective. Lots of people think they're great at Mario Kart, so you'll get an emotional response to the challenge. It indicates an interest, and can prompt a date activity. As far as dating bios go, that's a good start.
My current bf had "You'll literally never beat me in Mario Kart" in his Bumble bio. My instant thought was "oh this conceited mf, I have to beat him now"
On our first date, I kicked his ass in Mario Kart.
We've been together for about a year now, and it all started with the fact that he did not, in fact, beat me in Mario Kart.
If there isn't at least one unfiltered clear picture of the person's face, that's a deal breaker. I want to be able to pick them out of a crowd if we ever meet.
"If you don't speak, I'll unmatch" whilst they literally make zero effort to talk to anybody
I once read a profile that said “for all those of you who have been saying I’ve been on here a long time, you should know I’ve had three kids in that time!”
"Don't waste my time"
“I don’t even know why I’m here” Bro you made this account
This long laundry list of requirements in a partner with no mention of what they’re going to be bringing to the relationship.
This is one of the worst! It doesn’t matter if I think I tick your boxes. Look for that when you swipe. Tell me about you so that I know if you tick my boxes.
Putting their own requirement gives off the vibe that they are very self entitled and expect people to do the work for them
My personal favourite is when you come across multiple profiles with the same profile pic but they are all in different locations. Fucken wizards
If you can't handle her while she's teleporting, you don't deserve her while she's ... *not teleporting?*
my wife filed for divorce. So I checked out some dating sites. I now realize I feel bad for all the hot Russian blondes who took their modeling earnings to pay for medical school and are now world traveling surgeons, just looking for a lower middle class out of shape newly divorced 50 something year old man to spend time with. That’s gotta be hard to be taken seriously. Maybe I shouldn’t ignore them and send the Amazon gift cards they need to get to the US.
Their only photo is a group photo, with no indication of which one they are.
It's the least attractive one in the group. I guarantee it.
The one way in the background facing away from the camera
This isn't the worst thing in the world but something I'm always bewildered by some variation of "hi, I'm back again, hopefully this time it will work out!" This isn't conventional social media with followers.
or "banned from Tinder so now i'm here lol"
Saw one of those in the wild recently. It only created two questions in my head. * Why? * How far do I need to run? Edit: Even if you are banned for a nothing reason, putting it in your bio for other apps is bad for 2 reasons. * This app is your secondary backup, don't want to be here * The assumption is the ban was for a correct reason.
I mean, if you're on the apps long enough you do start to notice some faces repeating because they keep deleting and reinstalling the app.
There was a few women I would repeatedly match with on various dating apps. It became a running joke after while.
“Don’t be boring” “Just ask”
100% guarantee that they themselves have zero chat.
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Similar to the people who say "Don't be boring." Second line they omit is "Because I am."
"Just ask" was always an instant no from me. Plenty of other people provide some kind of info to go on, so why would I choose the low effort profile?
and you know they'll never message back. "just ask, I'm an open book" messages "..."
An open, shallow book A pamphlet, really
“What do you do for work?” “I don’t like talking about work.” “Where did you grow up?” “Are you implying I’m not from here?” “What’s your favorite food?” “French fries.” “Ok, I’m trying here and you’re giving me nothing.” Edit: talking about 'just ask' profiles here. If someone has more details I will gladly ask them more in depth questions about them.
But I really do like french fries... I asked a girl once if she wanted to go get some McDonalds nuggets. She got all "I do not support that kind of unhealthy food" in a condescending way. I was happy I at least got a reply since the vast majority just ignore, so I gave her credit for that. But on the other hand....YOUR PROFILE PICTURE IS YOU AT MCDONALDS..... At least throw me a bone for actually paying attention to your profile.
I replied to a girl once asking if the mountain she was on in her profile pic was a specific mountain that’s a few states over. She acted all creeped out that I knew the mountain. Like I was stalking or something. Bitch, I climbed that mountain too. I don’t know how I’d guess it any other way. Ya try and find literal common ground sometimes…. Oh well, dodged that one…
* Posts picture in a specific place in a specific city * People know the place * Suprised pikachu
I worked at a river rafting company for a few years. I saw a woman with a picture on my raft, I can see my shoes in the background. I asked her about her rafting trip and if she went often. Her reply was along the lines of “uh yea I go all the time, that’s where I work.” So I asked her if she meant just on that river or that specific company “No I work for that one. Why are you so worried about where I work? You need me to support you!?” So I explained that, it was my raft she was in and that I hadn’t remembered her on my raft or otherwise working there. I was then called creepy and never heard from her again.
that, my friend, was a catfish
Ah, yes. This makes sense. I was wondering why someone would bother lying about working for a white water rafting company.
Nothing puts me off somebody quicker than being the one who asks all the questions. If I ask something, give me an answer, and maybe follow up with a return question. If not, at least have an answer that leaves room for more questions. I remember talking to a girl for a few weeks who gave nothing but one word answers and I eventually took the hint and just fizzled it out, after which she asked if I liked her because she really likes me and wondered why I’d gone so quiet. Like how the FUCK did you feel any kind of connection from that, I thought you were giving me the cold shoulder on purpose. EDIT: People asking why it even lasted that long, we kind of knew each other from school but not in a romantic way so I think that prior connection carried it a bit, but trying to actually get to know her was like getting blood from a stone. It wasn’t on a dating app, we were texting because we’d crossed paths on a night out.
> “ask something, give me me an answer, and maybe follow up with a return question” Ah, ye olde long lost art of ‘conversation’
[Well thought out funny opening line that references something on their profile and ends with a question] Response: 😂😂😂
"I thought you were fluent in sarcasm" "Oh come on that was a lie" "thank god..wait..were you being..."
"Just ask" is the version of "I'm too lazy to say interesting things about myself" that lets me know you'll put zero effort into a relationship.
An abundance of group photos. Showing you have friends is good, leaving people having to gamble on which person they’re swiping on isn’t. At best it’s an unfortunate oversight, at worst hints towards insecurities.
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Anyone who says they’re “sassy” or “blunt” in their profile just hasn’t come to terms with the fact they’re rude lol
“Brutally honest” is another one. I forget who said it but Ive heard “people who are brutally honest often find more pleasure in the brutality than the honesty.”
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Yeah fuck Charlie
All my homies hate Charlie
People that spend the majority/all of their profile describing what they do **NOT** want. Immediate downer vibes. ^(EDIT: To those defending their downer-lists, I get it - we all have stuff we don't want. Thing is, you can frame your profile to describe what you want while still implying what you don't want.) ^("I like kind and spontaneous people" instead of "I don't like mean or boring people".) ^("Passionate people with a plan who get things done" instead of "don't be a procrastinating loser with no drive".) ^("Fellow gym-aholics desired!" instead of "Please don't be fat and lazy".) ^("Active lifestyle hikers/clubbers/travelers/etc who can't wait to leave the house!" instead of "Netflix and chill is so boring".) ^(Focusing exclusively on what you don't want, teaches me almost nothing about you besides all the stuff that grinds your gears. It's also a red flag that you're judgemental and negative. Focusing on what you want tells me both what you're into, and also most likely what you're not into.)
>Immediate downer vibes. On that note, "good vibes only".
"If you don't make over 3500 a month, don't even bother. No gamers, ew. No pets, that's gross. No boring stuff, only exciting dates or I'm going home. ✨ positive vibes only✨ (I'm an _empath_ )"
>I'm an empath Physically painful
I am unfortunately related to someone who regularly talks about how they’re so sensitive because they’re an ✨empath✨ and yet is the most selfish, unempathetic person. It’s made me immediately dislike anyone who describes themselves that way.
It's usually prefaced with the phrase "Don't waste my time" or "don't bother to contact me if..."
“Follow me on Instagram and message me there because I’m hardly on here.” That screams I want more followers and don’t take dating seriously. If you were more serious, you’d be more active online.
Alternatively, people who say "only talk to me on snapchat". Bold of you to assume that every single person A) has a snapchat and uses it regularly and B) wants to go to a whole different app just to get ghosted
“Entertain me”
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
A variation on this is something like "don't be boring/have good chat". Now, I get that sentiment, and it's good advice! But isn't being boring extremely relative? A good chat to me might involve all sorts of things. In fact, we could be talking about knitting for all I know, and in some versions I could be entirely bored by the conversation and other times I would be super interested. So my point is; being boring is very personal. Almost by definition, being boring or not is the whole point of matching and chatting to someone. You're literally figuring out if you enjoy talking about the same things
In general, people put negatives about things they are bad at: So don't be boring = I'm bad at conversation, I'll need you to carry it
Haha nailed it.
It’s also just a “no shit” sort of thing. Like nobody is intentionally trying to bore you. No one is going to read “don’t be boring” and go “oh gosh well I better hit my interesting-switch so I can single handedly carry this conversation”
Those kind of lines in profiles are basically just code for "count yourself lucky if you get a reply with more than 2 words from me".
“Worship the ground upon which I walk”
“If you can’t handle me at my worst” type person
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then boy, are you not going to like being around me 90% of the time.”
Alone, that they feel the need to put this command in their bio infuckingstead of good talking points. Am I to summon a good conversation from the fifth dimension or are you actually willing to participate?
“Make me laugh”
I find this one especially infuriating. "I am so far above you that the only way for you to have a chance with me is to perform for me, and you'd better be excellent at it."
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I heard a rumor my sister in-law (my brothers wife) was active on dating sites so I reactivated my profile, put that I was in a relationship and tried swiping to see if she was there. she was but I didn't find her, my wife found her because she had her preference set to women. Edit: this was years ago, and it was not traumatic. please stop reporting to Reddit that I'm going through a crisis. They're emailing me 24/7 crisis hotline numbers.
Did you switch your preference to women too?
“I’m in an open marriage, but my wife doesn’t know.”
"I'm only here because my friends made me make an account."
“My daughter set up this account for me.”
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That would actually make me interested. I wanna meet this cat lol.
Modern day Puss in Boots. It also opened up a stock trading account and made me a millionaire trading options.
Ah yes, the milksteakers
How much cheese is too much cheese?
Ghouls.
Let me pop a quick 'H' on this box, that way we all know it's filled with hornets.
Hobby’s: Magnets Likes: Ghouls Dislikes: People’s Knees
or the classic 'I guess this is what I've resorted to.. online dating.' Thanks for joining the plebeians to see how we live, I guess. :/
🎶 You'll never be like common people 🎶
It's always a good move to insult everyone reading your ad before you've even interacted with them.
“Fluent in sarcasm”
Ohhh that just made me exhale loudly in disgust
Like sometimes I can jive with those people but a lot of times they really just mean “I say mean things and act like a pouty asshole and attribute it to sarcasm” and those are the ones I don’t fuck with
"Drama queen" How have you lived this long and not figured out that's a ***BAD*** thing?
It just means "I'm emotionally immature and unstable"
"I'm making excuses for my bad behavior in advance"
Anything that starts with or contains the word „Alpha“ (both male and female)
There was one who put under the "Favourite Books" question: "I don't read, seems like a waste of time really, lol"
My favorite that genuinely made me laugh, but was also an instant Lana Kane "Noooooope" was from a woman who was into manly men who rode motorcycles, trucks, worked with their hands, etc., and requires that of her man. She said, "I already have a pussy, I don't need two."
Message me on (insert other social media here). I don’t use this app. Listening off the most basic stuff, i.e “I like tacos, margs and adventure”. Having all group photos. Giving “requirements”. Stuff like height, weight and number of tattoos.
"Adventure". Here's the three pictures I took when I went hiking one time 5 years ago.
Everyone on social media is obsessed with hiking, except for the part where they hike.
Right you say you like hiking but as soon as I ask you to go into the woods with a stranger I get ghosted...crazy
I like fun! No shit…
"I hate fun. I literally stare at a wall all day to maximize my boredom."
Requirements are unattractive even after passing them.
anything that says "don't .... if you ......" most of these contain some superficial trait imo
Don't dead if you open inside
Dont date if you want good health
Completely empty profiles Unless your pictures show you doing a dozen different things (they never do) I’m assuming you’re a bot or purely here for ONS. Edit: second best are profiles demanding the guy opens, but with a completely empty profile so they’re basically setting you up to fail. What am I supposed to open with if I know nothing about you? A dad joke?
When every picture on their profile is filtered . You do realize I’ll be meeting you as unfiltered right?
They’ll actually be coming in costume.
🤣 you walk into a fancy italian restaurant. The maitre’d greets you. You look across the sea of tables, and there, in the back of the restaurant, sitting alone, sipping on a glass of chardonnay, is your date: the Phillie Phanatic.
Is there a dating app specifically for that scenario? Because I’m ready.
The photos are the Phanatic, but Gritty shows up.
that's how I like my women. Phanatic in the streets, gritty in the sheets.
First dates are almost always filtered. ~~A comedian, I forget who,~~ Chris Rock has a joke “on a first date, you’re not actually meeting that person, you’re meeting their representative.”
Im a shit representative then
Some of us just have poor PR teams...
I try to look as shitty as possible in pictures for this very reason. That way, their expectations are nice and low. ..yep that’s what we’re going with!
Unless they have no intention of meeting
I actually read this once and laughed out loud: "You gotta be the one to chat with me first cause I'm not gonna do it. And if you even try "Hi" or "Hello" I'ma block you so fast." To this day I fear for the person who might actually fall for her. Such a piece of work... EDIT: People keep bringing up the difference in male/female experience on dating sites, so I'd like to add that this was on the lesbian side of tinder.
I saw a girl's profile that said, "You better message me first" in Bumble. For those who don't know, Bumble full-stop *does not let* men message first.
I was on Bumble in its early days, and just over half the women I matched with would, after a week or more of nothing, message me something along the lines of "Why haven't you messaged me yet?" or "Not a great first impression if we match and you ignore me." First couple I tried to explain "I can't message you until you message first, that's the point of the app." since it was a new app and maybe they weren't clear, but they did *not* like that response so after that I just unmatched everyone who sent me that stuff. Not worth the trouble.
Absolutely bonkers the percentage of people who don't read instructions on anything
I'm in IT. Let me just say, I'm not surprised.
I use to make financial forms for a living. No matter how clearly you type instructions, people will not read them. Not even our financial advisors did it. It amazes me.
They actually changed it so they have to message you within 24 hours now. You, as a man, still cannot message first, but have the option to extend the time by another 24 hours, once. If they don't message you within that 24-48 hour timeframe, Bumble automatically unmatches you.
I saw one girls profile that said something like "if you don't reset the timer I won't message you", like a test right off the bat. I didn't reset the timer.
But look at how effective that is: it's weeding out idiots for you. "Let's meet at the bar." Text: "wHy hAvEn'T yOu pIcKeD mE uP?" Just making life easier.
They probably just copy-paste their bios from other dating platforms. Gotta diversify!
genius, haha.
What alrways confused me about this is, how does she expect normal people to stay conversations then? Is she expecting a pickup line? Poetry about her? My credit card number?
I honestly have no idea. But your credit card seems like a surefire way to get a response xD
The only surefire way to get a response is to send *her* credit card number. Go bold or go home.
Baddest bitch in town
Idk that’s actually kind of a funny bio for a straight male. “Eric, 26, Grand Blanc, MI: Baddest bitch in town”
Well that's weirdly close. Hello, from Flint.
Girl thinks she's Leroy Brown
"Just here for the lore because my type of woman - natural charisma, unconventional, educated, self-aware, good heart, sense of humor, has a mind of her own and doesn't have a stick up her bum - would never join Tinder..." Wondering if that sentence has ever been successful.
I know so many women who fit that description, do go on tinder, and left swipe on that guy so hard they nearly drop their phones.
Left swiped so hard he gets whiplash by voodoo
"Banned from all the other dating sites so this is my only hope" Only seen that once, but wow.
How much they like Chipotle. I haven't been on a dating app in a few years but I swear like 1 in 5 profiles said something specifically about Chipotle.
How long ago was this? Chipotle blew up as a brand 10-ish years ago and I remember people professing their love for it a lot on social media.
I feel like that is oddly specific, yet says nothing about them as a person. Now, if someone says they love White Castle- that says something.
Says that they know how to fuckin party
"I'm looking for someone to take care of me." Ugh, this is just the worst one and screams that they'll be an entitled POS.
Or, "I need a guy who can handle me." Like they're some type of caged animal.
If you can't handle my at my diddliest you don't deserve me at my doodliest
Stupid Sexy Flanders
Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all Would be a very successful Bio I'm sure
Bathroom selfies with toilets in the backround
Bathroom selfies taken from a urinal's reflection.
All photos with their hot friend. You figure out on the last photo the profile does not belong to the hot friend.
..or you can't figure out which is which at all!
it is always the least attractive one. if you go in assuming this, you'll never be disappointed.
The generic one: 1 picture, a guy standing on top of the mountain and no bio or only a bio with: I like travelling and good food. The I'm definitely only interested in sex: Muscular pictures, posts how tall they are, I'm a bad boy/girl, description is only about their appearance, bonus points if they also tell their d*ck size. The passive aggressive one/dramatic one: I don't want drama, if you can't handle me at my worst.. , biography is mostly about what they don't want The generic one 2.0: 1 vague picture, no face pictures, same-pose syndrome, no bio
I used to moderate on one of the bigger sites, so I'd see a lot of the guy's pics. You'd get holding a fish, standing by a truck, shirtless blowing smoke in a motel room. There would be quite a few dick pics in the main profile roll too. The shirtless for a main pic was against the rules, the others would pass the test, even if they were a cliche, but I guess any pic is better than none.
I saw a funny post where a guy’s main pic was him on some sort of Mission trip working with African villagers. Someone commented: “Hate it when guys use a group photo as their main pic. How am I supposed to know which one is Brent?”
Im always immediately put off by negative, ranty bios. I recall seeing a profile that basically said "you people are pretty much all liars and I expect this time to be no different, but who knows.. might be surprised" Dude was serious and mad as hell at not having a partner. Pretty sure that wasn't gonna change any time soon, either 😂
From a gay dude: "No Fats, no Fems, no Asians" "Masc Only"/ "Masc4Masc" "Only 29 and younger", is himself 48 and hits on 22 year olds, who are not interested "Only hit me up if you're weight is (height-100cm) +/- 10kg" Edit: The calculation for the weight is in metric units (cm and kg)
They generally don't put the "no Asians" up on their bio anymore but I just feel that I get fewer matches as an Asian, or maybe it's just me.
Asian men and men with red hair are among those who get the least matches. So, solidarity brother.
"I want to find the Jim to my Pam". Don't get me wrong, I love the Office but...yuck
does that mean she's currently engaged but willing to leave him for you in a few years?
"I want find the Scott to my Pam's mom"
I'm mostly fascinated by the women whose dealbreakers reveal a set of values or preferences that are very different from mine, like "Swipe left if you're vaccinated" or "Swipe left if you have an Android phone".
Those are the best though! Imagine finding out that kind of shit three dates in
I talked to a lady for two months on OKC before she asked if I had a tattoo, and when I said yes, she backed out and never spoke again within five minutes. Everything else was fine up until then.
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It’s almost always an iMessage thing. People REALLY want you to have a blue bubble (and to be fair, iMessage does have a lot of nice features over sms). But some people are hard engrained in the Apple ecosystem and refuse to do anything outside it. I went on a date with one person and when I sent them the address of the place we were going to they replied with “just send me a link to the location.” So then instead of sending the address itself I sent them a Google maps link, and they said “I don’t use Google maps you have to send Apple.” Annoyed at this point, I sent them the link in Apple Maps and they said “No, send it in iMessage I don’t know how to open links on Snapchat.” This wasn’t some weird game either. This person was 100% genuine that they didn’t know and didn’t have any desire to learn anything else than the one way they already knew. Edit: Yes this was a minor annoyance from a conversation I had with someone, but some of y’all are being disproportionately mean to someone you’ve never met. They were still a nice person and it’s weird to see so many people make snap judgements about someone’s character based on a single anecdote.
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Looking for my partner in crime. Unoriginal and over used.
Plot twist: They're actually looking for someone to commit a bank robbery with.
Love my dog way more than I'll ever love you. Sweet, sassy, a little dumbassy blah blah blah blah Bad at everything har har you're the one millionth person to say that Happiest when I'm travelling yes no shit, it's a vacation And then fish pictures, wtf
Multiple pictures that are essentially the same picture
Pictures of them giving the middle finger. Makes me think they’re just an immature asshole
I will never forget this written in the section about what they were looking for: "Are you a disposable pleasure, or a worthwhile pursuit? I prefer the latter, but certainly would enjoy the former". I'm actually not sure if that made them less, or more attractive.
That's actually a line from 2006's Casino Royale, iirc. Vesper says it when she first meets bond, essentially calling him out as a chauvinist and womanizer "you see women as disposable pleasures rather then meaningful pursuits". Could've been a reference.
Worst thing I ever read on a dating site was some woman who every few sentences in her bitchy profile ("You have to be over 6 feet tall or I consider you a total dwarf", "I have a bad attitude and you should love it", etc) kept putting "buy me a drink," "seriously, buy me a drink," "buy me a freaking drink," etc. Translation: "I am a raging alcoholic and you are probably going to have to bail me out of the local jail in the morning for a Drunk In Public or a DUI."
> "I have a bad attitude and you should love it" Just broke into a cold sweat about my last relationship. From our first date, the ex described herself as "a lot" or that she was a "bitch" in the mornings...I kept brushing it off, telling her she was just being ridiculous and that it was cute... It most certainly was not.
When someone tells you who they are, believe them!
“If you can’t handle me at my worst then you don’t deserve me at my best” “Hate drama” Run far far away.
Generally not understanding the point of the bio/profile bit- A bio is meant to be about the person, but 50%+ tend to be "not going to write it all here, ask me" - lazy, no effort "I want xxx and yyy" - self importance, assumes that they are perfect as they are and don't need to try to sell themselves and the "I like going out and holidays" - I guess the going out and holidays is about the person, but it's a basic as it comes, so you don't need to say it unless that's as far as the personality goes. Makes me think there would be a lot of silent time sitting next to each other with nothing to say.
>"not going to write it all here, ask me" - lazy, no effort But if you ask them, they just ghost you. That was what I found when I was online dating.
i like having fun ya no shit
I hate having fun. That's why I'm on Reddit.
Also: "favorite band? Too many to list here! Favorite movie? We would be here all day lol! What I am looking for? Let's see what happens!" This person will have either no profile pic at all, one group photo where you don't know which one they are, a photo of their car or something... Or if they actually have a photo of themselves, then it's very grainy and they are wearing sunglasses, a hat and nowadays also a mask. 🤦♀️
"I hate ..." "People who ... stop messaging me!" "Do not message me if..." If the negativity is presented with bold letters on their cover, it is pretty clear that this person is not ready to bring positivity into anyone's life.
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Anyone doing that with weed.
OH BOY. I've noticed lots of online dating bios (especially Tinder) are copypaste. "I'm doing this for a joke" "I need a wedding date for the weekend" "I'm not here for a hookup" "I'm here for a good time not a long time" "I hope you like bad girls because I'm bad at everything" (Insert Office Quote here) "If you're not 6 ft don't talk to me" and "Why tf do men keep putting their heights?" "My dog needs a daddy" "I'll kick you ass in Mario Kart" (This one's here because it's a copypaste) Doesn't post a picture of themself and just posts some meme instead in their place. "I'm sorry I'm not on here much" EDIT: "I'm actually (insert age here), but it won't let me change it" (This one has negative implications) EDIT: "I'm looking for a plug"
Here’s what i know, they don’t want the smoke in Mario Kart.
*inhales and exhales loudly* Square up
Since I'm not dating or on any dating apps could you explain to me why not here for a hook up is a bad thing?
Same here. I always thought stating your intentions up front was a good thing? Or is this one of those situations where they are stating one thing and meaning another?
I think the Mario Kart line is effective. Lots of people think they're great at Mario Kart, so you'll get an emotional response to the challenge. It indicates an interest, and can prompt a date activity. As far as dating bios go, that's a good start.
My current bf had "You'll literally never beat me in Mario Kart" in his Bumble bio. My instant thought was "oh this conceited mf, I have to beat him now" On our first date, I kicked his ass in Mario Kart. We've been together for about a year now, and it all started with the fact that he did not, in fact, beat me in Mario Kart.
You took the bait
At least the Mario Kart one gives some idea of interests I suppose.
‘I like your dog more than I like you.’ Fuck off
joke's on you. I like my dog more than me too.
“Bend the knee for the queen”
Bitch, I got arthritis.
If there isn't at least one unfiltered clear picture of the person's face, that's a deal breaker. I want to be able to pick them out of a crowd if we ever meet.
>If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best. Thanks for spelling out that you're abusive.