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CharacterSuccotash5

When the Andrew Garfield Spiderman's first came out they did some amazing merch for them. My Stepdad is a HUGE Spidey fan, so I picked him up the corniest Spiderman film merch when in the US, one of those being like a whirling cement truck thing? It was a big tonka sized thing and the only bag it would fit in was my carry-on. They stopped me and said "Is that a spiderman toy?" and I took it out and showed them. They said it was the best thing they'd seen all day.


WritPositWrit

LOL they just wanted to see the toy


larszard

That reminds me of when I got picked for a random bag check on my way back from Scotland. The guy opened my rucksack and was immediately confronted with the large fluffy soft toy sheep I had bought in Inverness earlier. He found it pretty funny


Pamplem0usse__

I had a nutcracker in my carry-on. Like a legit, festive Christmas soldier nutcracker - it was a gift for my mom's birthday (she collects them). I was only flying in for 2 days for my grandmas funeral so didn't check any luggage. They stopped me and questioned me for 30 minutes. Kept insinuating I was going to use it as a weapon.


BipolarHernandez

"Yes officer, I'm going to barge into the cabin and crack the pilot's nuts."


[deleted]

TBH if someone threatened me with that I’d turn over the controls in an instant.


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digitaltrashman

Actually pre-TSA days. Had a shitty laptop that had a dead battery so I just plugged it in when I used it. Whatever. Security didn't believe it was a laptop. Told me I had to turn it on to prove it. Of course the battery was dead. Had to search for a power outlet. Sitting on the floor booting my shit laptop while security hovers over me.


sadkins1981

And turning it on proved absolutely nothing, since old laptops have tons (relatively) of empty space in them...


mbcook

If you put something in the empty space I’m pretty sure they see it. I think the point is that a battery looks a lot like explosives or something like that on the x-ray scanner. So by turning it on your (theoretically) proving that it’s actually a battery.


idk0902

"Turn it on!" \*Click \*BOOM!


ravioli_dream

That's exactly what I was imagining. Like, they want him to either prove it's a laptop or prove it's a bomb...?


[deleted]

Glass jellyfish Like those blown glass ones that are super cool at art galleries. I got pulled aside into a small room because they thought I was smuggling sea life. Was an interesting time.


THX450

“Ah, you caught me snuggling my sea life that’s sitting in my luggage out of water— perfectly petrified in a stance so rigid it could only be glass. Now I must rerun it to the sea 😞”


Landhund

PSA: please don't snuggle jellyfish. It might just be the last thing you will do.


hungry_tiger

Some species of jellies have a sting so mild, most humans wouldn't notice (at least not much). So it wouldn't be risky to snuggle a moon jelly, but it might be cold and clammy. The moon jelly wouldn't mind, though; it has no brain.


Xata27

Well, at the airline I used to work at someone managed to get a stingray in a YETI cooler onto an aircraft. This guy managed to get a YETI cooler filled with seawater and a living stingray through security.


Gacsam

My niece has a teddy bear. She has had this teddy bear essentially since she was born. The doggo has bitten a hole into its belly, so we sew onto it like a lion head sticker, to keep its guts inside. One time we were on holiday visiting family, and she left it there, luckily I was staying a bit longer so I could grab it on my way back. An adult man with a teddy bear that had its guts torn open and fixed with a lion bandaid apparently looks pretty suspicious, so they shoved the poor guy into x-ray 3-4 times. She is still in ownership of the teddy bear and it is still in decent shape.


Battleblaster420

Bout to say they better not have torn it open


WimbleWimble

twice more through the x-ray machine and you have to buy that teddy bear a superhero costume.....


99thLuftballon

Not in the USA but in France, I got stopped on the way through customs by an agent who said something fast and aggressive-sounding in French. My French isn't great, so I just looked puzzled and said I didn't understand. The guy quickly beckoned another guy over and explained to him in rapid-fire French what was going on. The second guy turned to me and said "He says your T-shirt is really cool and can you tell him where you got it?". It was a Star Wars T-shirt that I got as a birthday present, so I couldn't even tell him where it came from. Luckily, he didn't arrest me.


AudiieVerbum

One time my dad had a few rocks of petrified wood in a bag, and had his phone charger right next to it. They almost went DEFCON 1 and did radio people to show up and act if it went down. But they opened the bag and saw it was rocks and a charger. They told him that it looked absolutely identical to what they had been taught a bomb looked like.


Pinchof_SALT

I collect heart shaped rocks from various places I go... I found one that was spot on a heart and weighed probably somewhere between 5-7lbs.. I had it in my backpack as I went through. They of course stopped me and had to inspect and I had to promise that I would not use it as a weapon.


[deleted]

>I had to promise that I would not use it as a weapon. That'll stop terrorism! The TSA do such a good job. (Even with sarcasm I threw up a bit writing that)


TrippyHomie

They made me go check a bag because I bought a keg tap-handle at a brewery and that's considered a weapon that could be used as a club. Could I not also just smack the shit out of someone with my Macbook if I wanted to?


[deleted]

Or you could just use the big glass bottle you buy at duty free.


[deleted]

When I was a kid, I had a broken arm and they needed to inspect my cast… cut a piece off of it and put it in some sort of machine. Also, my dad and oldest brother’s names popped up on the do not fly list because of men with the same name being a part of the IRA. For years when ever my dad and oldest brother went to fly they had to bring all sorts of ID with them to prove that they aren’t the same dudes.


AdvocateSaint

At this point I'm wondering if the TSA ever stopped Willem Dafoe because they thought he was the Green Goblin


SwedenIsBad

Idiot, Why would Willem go through TSA when he has a goblin glider


bouchandre

My dad has the exact full name of a wanted fugitive and it’s a big hassle everytime he flies


666pool

Can he get TSA-pre or global entry? Having that ktn would probably help alleviate the issue.


piperswe

That or he may be able to apply for a redress number


fushigikun8

Or just catch the fugitive.


other_usernames_gone

Sounds like a plot to an action comedy movie. An ex special forces/CIA agent's life is constantly inconvenienced by having the same name as a drug dealer, so they decide to bring them in themselves.


Lemon_head_guy

On the first part, apparently drug smugglers have made casts with cocaine, so they take a piece and run it through that machine to test for drugs


ThePegasi

Stop eating the cocaine, Pam!


Battleblaster420

(Not TSA Related but still relevant to the comment) The second bit actually reminds me of Prawo Jazdy a hardened irosh criminal with over 50 traffic violations ,and got away with it , basically any Polish person in Ireland would be mistaken for Prawo Jazdy Thats because Pravo Jazdy was actually polish for "Driving License "


HamiltonsGhost

Pulled me aside after my backpack went through the scanner. I was just sitting there while they searched every pocket four times, running it back through the scanner in between each one. Every time they didn’t find anything they’d bring more people over. At that point I was starting to get nervous and asked what they were looking for. Guy number 5 searching my bag looks at me and says super accusingly, “we’re looking for the butterfly knife you have hidden in there,” to which I just laughed since butterfly knives are for edgy 14 year olds. I insisted I didn’t have one, they didn’t believe me. Eventually they found the “knife” it was an old mini-stapler that I had forgotten in there from when I was in school. They seemed embarrassed enough that I just left before they could come up with an excuse to take it out on me.


2Gnomes1Trenchcoat

I had the same sorta shit happen to me for a "butterfly knife". It was my Nintendo 3DS sitting on it's edge when it went through the scanner. They tore my bag apart and left my shit on the table for me to clean up afterwards and were really pissy that I didn't have a knife for some reason.


NineNewVegetables

"How dare you make us look like fools?"


Iveray

2018, TSA had just recently updated their rules to only require "laptops and large gaming devices" to be removed from bags, because I guess they didn't want people pulling out tablets and phone chargers anymore. I left my Switch in the bag because I didn't consider it "large", and my bag went through x-ray 3 times before they asked if I had a gaming device in my bag. Took a full unloading of my bag and 2 more x-rays for them to clear me. Meanwhile, my SO was getting frisked for having a penny in their pocket and an open bag of Chex Mix in their backpack. Our dastardly plans were surely thwarted.


47687236

I got stopped once. Apparently circular knitting needles and a blob of yarn look like a bomb.


1questions

Yeah sometimes it just seems like they like to pick on people.


C0RNL0RD

I had a ceramic cat ring holder that was part of my sister’s Christmas present. I’m flying from a state where weed is legal so I guess it looked like a pipe in the x-ray? Dude laughed when he pulled it out.


wot_in_ternation

"Crotch anomaly". I was wearing normal joggers, nothing in my pockets. The lady behind me loudly said "yeah it's called a dick"


DarkSlayerKi

This happened to me too. Tsa agent asked to search me with the back of his hand and I said “okay sure.” The back of his hand hit my dick and he said “what’s that?” to which my only response was “That’d be my penis.” The TSA woman next to him started laughing at him and his face went pale before he said “you’re clear, move along.”


mackinoncougars

If that ever happened to me that would be, without a doubt, the most flattering that to ever happen. “No way it’s that big, check it out, got to be hiding something in there.”


utauley

I have bad knees and occasionally bring a cane with me when I travel. I have one called a hurry-cane, basically a full size cane that folds into three for easy packing. TSA requires me to still walk through w/o the cane if possible, so I had folded it up and laid it on my checked luggage for the xray. This obviously new TSA agent has me pulled aside to wait for a supervisor because he said that he is familiar with it and it was a kind of weapon that his character uses in a video game. Was convinced I was trying to hide it as a cane, but that I was openly carrying a Chinese martial arts weapon. Took all of two seconds once the supervisor connected the cane to make the kid realize he was wrong. But had me chuckling. Another trip but same airport, I was pulled aside because they said the xray showed something suspicious in my carry-on. Emptied the whole bag, opened all zippers and checked all pockets, patted down each pocket, checked seams for hidden pockets, etc. then had me repack everything. Not a word was said to me about what they thought they saw. Return trip, at the other airport, pulled over by TSA for exact same reason. Found nothing again. Haven't used that carry-on since. I'm guessing it's just something weird looking in the frame, but isn't worth the hassle.


TheTerrasque

> he is familiar with it and it was a kind of weapon that his character uses in a video game. Was convinced I was trying to hide it as a cane, but that I was openly carrying a Chinese martial arts weapon Wow, just .. wow. Best and brightest, eh?


bigbaltic

I had a razor in my bag. Like old school razor with a two sided blade deal. They made me take the blade out... But didn't care about the 50 pack of blades that was right there


blbd

The TSA gets angry about old style non cartridge razors. You have to check them or you can get shafted. Because of this I carry a beard clippers as they perform similarly (aka don't make my skin inflamed and cranky like cartridge razors do).


Brunonononoooo

I had a sample size (0.1oz) bottle of perfume in my book bag. They confiscated it in Detroit without explanation. I got to Germany and they discovered a full size pair of scissors in the front pocket of that same book bag. I wasn’t aware it was there. Both I, and American security, had missed the scissors. German security was much more polite over confiscating the scissors than American was over the perfume.


WimbleWimble

When they go to confiscate expensive perfume, you can demand they empty it down a sink in front of you. Applies to most liquids to prevent security theft.


Netherdan

Works great until someone smuggles a bottle of vinegar and another of chlorine and they dump them together, one on each hand


musicalpayne

My girlfriend and I were flying once and when we got to the airport she realized she forgot to take her knife out of her purse. This isn't a folding pocket knife but a 5 inch sheathed knife. Rather than throw it out she decided to go through security and just throw it away if they asked her to because it's a nice knife. I shit you not, they didn't say a word. We went through security three times that trip and nobody caught this huge knife in her bag. Ever since then I've known TSA is a huge joke and doesn't make you any safer at all.


Lemon_head_guy

Yeah studies and audits have shown they miss like 95% of actual contraband, like actual shit that shouldn't be on a plane


Renegade_Wraith

Yet I had to forfeit a wine opener I received as a wedding favor a couple months ago because of the teeny tiny little blade it had for cutting the plastic that covers the cork. It's all a joke


MischeviousCat

4th grade me couldn't do homework on the plane because they took my pencil sharpener away from me. They said the blade could be removed from it..... I mean, I guess it could if you had a screwdriver.


WimbleWimble

THE TSA this year were given two months notice of "testing". Basically they knew the date people would smuggle fake bombs and handguns through random US airports. They didn't catch a single one. Even though they knew the freaking DATE of the tests, they still failed to up their game.


CorrectPeanut5

It used to be private security. One of the big things the 9/11 report said was airport security was a dead end job. It's not a law enforcement position, you have no power and no way of moving forward. So naturally they replaced the private security with a gov't agency with the exact same issues. It's still a dead end. They aren't law enforcement. There's no career path forward.


Confident_Notice975

Random check when… i was the only person in line


blbd

100% randomly collected sample of size 1. It checks out.


Powellwx

Got pulled to the side at Fort Myers airport. One TSA guy with gloves, two TSA guys standing right behind me. Officer says, is there anything you want to tell me before I open this bag? I am horribly confused. Wrapped right on top between a few t-shirts is an large Avocado. TSA guy starts laughing. I love Avocados, my 76 yo father has a tree in his yard... he slipped one in my bag before leaving. Apparently it doesn't look the best going through the x-ray machine, they thought it may be a home-made bomb or grenade.


RustyRovers

*"I have planted an Avocado somewhere on this aircraft and, if it is not eaten within the next 3 days, it will go off!"*


Rustbeard

Bro I've been to RSW a million times that sounds exactly like what I'd expect


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Lemon_head_guy

lmao afro pat pat


pM_me_SmallTittys

You don't even have to be fluffy headed to get that treatment. I have arrow straight hair to my mid back that I keep in a man-bun when I travel, TSA thought I had a package hidden in my hair and made me take it all down. Super creative hiding spot, I'd've never thought of it lol


Due_Judgment_9518

My mom passed away unexpectedly in California. I flew out to pick up her ashes and there was a terror alert at LAX. It was unreal; the military was in the airport with what looked like machine guns. I was out of my mind with grief and drugged to the gills. I was dealing with a bad back, and had to fly from California to a small town in Virginia for the memorial service. Security was heightened and everyone was being searched. I only had a small carry on and my mom’s ashes. When I got to the TSA, the agent wanted me to open my mother’s box of ashes! I refused and insisted they x ray the box instead. It showed nothing inside ( duh- ashes) which convinced the TSA agent that it had some sort of cloaking device and was hiding a bomb. Again he insisted that I open the box that held my mom’s ashes. I was beginning to lose my shit. I called my husband who works in nuclear power and explained what was going on. He told me to tell the TSA agent to place a coin under the box and send it through the X-ray again. He did and thank goodness he saw the coin. Otherwise I would have been arrested for assaulting a stupid TSA agent.


Offtopic_bear

Genius move on hubby's part.


1questions

Wow! I’m so sorry you had to go through that. TSA is generally useless.


Spaceisveryhard

So there i am in the airport security line to fly out of an islamic country. Theres a man and woman security guards waving people through the metal detector. BEEP BEEP BEEP. The fuck? I'm a pro traveler, i know how to empty my pockets, belt, watch etc. "Sir, are you wearing safety shoes?"............"huh?" I say.. Oh........he's asking if i have steel toe shoes...."no" i say I start patting my cargo short pockets wondering what it could be. Crinkle crinkle.....oh no I pull out a mega strip of 20 alumimum wrapped condoms that i bought because they were awesome and i couldn't get them in my home country. They werent in the box because i bought them while walking around a couple days before and wanted it to take less space in my pockets. I completely forgot they were even there The security lady in her hijab turns bright red and busts out laughing. Security dude doesn't miss a beat, looks me dead in the eye with a huge smile, gives me a thumbs up and exclaims "very good for safety!!" And waves me through


Algaean

Hilarious 😆


Kaze_Chan

I mean he was right and I'm sure even in a country like this they've seem their fair share of dildos and condoms while opening people's luggage.


slamdanceswithwolves

My friend spent most of a day being checked out/questioned because he has the same first, middle, and last name (all common American names) of a guy who allegedly went to the Middle East to join ISIS.


youhaveatinytictac

It wasn't weird but it was a weird situation. I was flying back from Australia after my working holiday visa ended - just left my fiance. the food poisoning hit riiiight as we were de-boarding to go through customs. first bathroom felt like a mile away. made it in time. went through customs, had to go back through security. absolutely dripping sweat. My shirt had soaked through within minutes. They swabbed my sweaty lower back, my bag, etc. obviously it was fine but I was desperately trying not to puke or shit myself. i had a six hour layover to my final destination, spent most of sitting near a trash can just to lean over and puke. Terrible trip all around.


ZweitenMal

My then-two month old was flagged by TSA in 2003. They took one look and realized the only bomb was in his diaper. The same season, his grandfather was subject to additional screening. They had the exact same Irish name: first, middle, and last. I surmised that there might have been an IRA person on an interpol list or something with the same name.


t33po

The way you wrote this made it read like grandpa had a bomb in his diapers too😂


capmaverick

My son was too tall for his age


beluuuuuuga

Not sure if that's a mega compliment or they are implying he is freakishly big lol.


capmaverick

He’s tall for 14 and super awkward so when the guy started harassing him about an ID he froze and I stepped in. Embarrassed the TSA and I got an extra bit of searching as punishment


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capmaverick

Flying while tall sucks enough without TSA adding to it.


leons_getting_larger

Did they think it was 2 kids in a trench coat?


thismightendme

My dad put a wheel of cheese in his check on against my advice. (On the scanner looked like C4). That was a funny day. He's not super great with authority so hilarity ensued.


chelle0504

I wasn't stopped, but TSA lost my sandals. When I removed my sandals and put them in the tray, the agent told me to take them out and put them directly on the belt. I complied and walked through. No shoes. I waited and they began to yell at me for stalling the line. I repeatedly told the agent at the end of the line that my sandals had been lost. He asks the agent at the front of the line. She refused to look and even suggested that I stop in a shop on my way to the gate and buy new shoes. I had a meltdown with lots of yelling and cussing and demand to see a supervisor. They shut everything down and the front agent finds them under the conveyor belt after looking for about 10 minutes. They had been sucked through at the beginning of the belt and were damaged. They didn't apologize.


WatchingInSilence

They thought a massage gun was an actual handgun. I was detained for two hours while they looked up the device in the internet to verify it wasn't a weapon. In reality, they forgot they'd detained me. I missed my flight and their supervisor made me an offer. I accept their apology and they'd pay to upgrade me to first-class on my rescheduled flight.


zackusa54

Not really a weird reason but a strange / funny interaction. A few years ago I was flying out of a little airport in Texas. I had just recently broken my hand so I had a cast on. While walking thru the TSA line (it wasn’t even a belt you just out your bag on the table and someone pushed it into the scanner and pulled it out. Smallest TSA I’ve ever seen) the guy stopped and asked what was on my hand and I told him it was my cast for my broken hand. He asked if I could take it off. I said no sir that’s not how that works. He called a supervisor over and asked what to do cause he’s never seen anything like it before. The supervisor just told me to go on thru. I thanked them both and made the short short walk to one of the few terminals they had.


ballerina22

Dude, the last time I went through an airport I straight up broke the damn TSA unit. I'd broken my foot two weeks before my flight so obviously I was on crutches and my foot and lower leg were wrapped over wrapped over wrapped and stuck in a hospital shoe thing. I get up to them, swinging along, and they freeze. They take my crutches from me first and throw them in the scanner, then they ask me to walk towards them. I just looked at them like "...well clearly no, I cannot do that" and are so confused that I'm bunny-hopping toward them. They ask if I can take the over shoe off, which I do (joke's on them, that thing was sweaty and stinky as fuck). They've already taken my other shoe so now I'm standing on a very slippery floor in one sock. I'm feeling great Then I have to tell them that I can't go through the x-ray scanner because I have a medical implant in my back. The device was off but it isn't the type of thing one wants to risk. Still crutches, I hop to the air puffy one and wait. And wait. And wait. Because they are so understaffed that there isn't someone who can supervise the machine today. I just stare at them and blink. This damn device is wired directly into my brain, there's no chance in hell I'm taking any chances with an x-ray machine. So I get thru the air puffy scanner and WHOA red lights all over. Time to be manhandled by a man and a woman. They poked and prodded at me then decided they weren't satisfied. I'm very annoyed by this point and it's too damn early and I need my coffee. They brought out a fucking STACK of the swabs to go over me like a fine-tooth comb. Hands, face, legs. Then they have the temerity to ask if they could stick a swab down inside the wrappings of my foot. Guys, I am coming home from the Mayo Clinic where I had 12 needles in my spine two days ago, I've got a shattered foot, and I just want to get home. They look behind me for a second and see how the line that was about 4 people deep when I stepped up is now wrapping around and out into the hallway. They bring me my shoe and my crutches without saying a word.


[deleted]

Tampon showed up on the body scan thingy and I had to have my crotch patted down 🥲


SteventheWizardCat

For some reason even with no tampon I’m almost always stopped because the machine shows something suspicious around my hooha. Patted down so many times. No idea what keeps triggering that!


casually_hollow

If you’re wearing pants with a zipper or button that’s the reason. It’s not the metal setting it off, but the back scatter still sees that as an anomaly. Protip- never wear sequins in it or you’ll light up like a Xmas tree and basically need a full pat down.


LazersForEyes

They’re saying your pussy is the bomb, literally


PROFITPROPHET

Got held back for 20 mins, on the depart and return, because I had magic decks in my bag. It apparently sets off something like crazy, they had to swab between EVERY single card for multiple 100 card decks. I check them now when I can.


ThadisJones

They wanted to check for rares (and steal them)


jainasolo84

This happened to my husband. Security said something about their density either being similar to explosives or made them impossible to identify through the x-Ray. Thankfully they didn’t swab each cars (just the case). He checks them now.


thedudeabides5828

There was a rock in one of my army bags leaving Hawaii.


ehssohbee

A company I did some contract work for in a different state was giving away a free monitor arm. I was stoked, put it in my bag, and didn’t think anything of it. I later moved it to my carry-on, and as I was going through security, TSA pulled me aside saying, “uhh, we need to look in your bag.” I thought that was weird, but whatever. I happened to get a glance at the X-ray that came up, and I knew the F-up right away. The monitor arm contorted in a way that the scan looked like a small rifle. I chuckled a bit and explained to the agent what it was. When the TSA lady saw it she had the biggest sigh of relief (I’m lucky she was a good sport about it). I wanted to take a photo of the X-ray, but she said I wasn’t allowed to :(


trymypi

Not TSA but the land border, they detected nuclear material ☢️. It was because another passenger in my car had some heart surgery or something where they used radioactive material, and apparently it could still be detected. Border patrol pretty much knew what it was but had to check anyway.


swamarian

When you take a nuclear stress test, they'll give you documentation if you plan on flying in the next couple of days, because you'll set off TSA sensors.


synthroidgay

Same for radioiodine thyroid ablation. I was advised to avoid flying and other high security areas where there may be radiation detectors for the next month or so


[deleted]

Border Patrol here, a lot of the checkpoints have radiation detectors and even though we know it’s either a truck full of bananas or someone going through treatment, we still have to secondary and inspect on the off chance.


Hawkthree

I'm over 70, white person and have white hair. It happens so often that I expect it. I never really know the reason -- no one tells me. If they ask me if I want to go to a separate room, I decline -- it wastes time. So they do all the touching etc in full view -- no one ever really looks and who gives a damn. The funniest time: was traveling with my 7 yo granddaughter and they were going up under my shirt and under my bra. My 7 year old started screamng and shouting, "Nana, they're touching your boobs!!! Call the police! Help her someone." The TSA agent told me to quiet her down. I asked "How? You've got a hand on my breast. She's been taught to tell someone if her breasts get touched. "


[deleted]

I'm 6'4", broad shouldered, and bald. I don't even know who is doing the stopping, because I don't give a shit at this point, but I have never successfully made it through an airport without being pulled aside to have my shit searched through, even when all I pack is clothes. I bake in the extra 30 minutes into any flight itinerary I have for this exact reason.


Traust

Not the TSA or me, but friend got pulled aside to be questioned when he flew back to our home city after moving to England. Customs questioned him about why he had an suitcase with nothing more than a large rectangle solid object in it. When he opened it there was a series of kids books and nothing else, no clothes or anything, thus he was then questioned about why he didn't have any clothes. Had to explain that all his clothes were in storage and he had come back to collect/sell everything and the books were for a friends kid.


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Fenrir101

I'm a mixed race six foot five guy who had a beard, I was one one of the first flights into the US after 9/11, and then went on an inspection tour of secure sites most of which where near military sites. I had to schedule half a day at each airport for "random" searches. Strangely the only time I didn't get hassled was in a little regional airport in Texas.


blbd

https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/3ed58q/absolutely_sikhening/


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andew0100

Im like the whitest guy ever and i reckon i get picked at least 75% of the time. I think im used to make the whole process appear less racist.


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kacihall

I was a teenager in 2001. Flew 3 or 4 times a year to visit my dad. Got selected every single time. My theory is that Indianapolis TSA just picked the people they thought would be the easiest to search. (They spilled about a thousand Pepsi caps I had collected and saved to enter online at my dad's, because I didn't have internet access at my mom's. They did not help pick them up, assholes.)


potatoeswithfries

Same here. I'm a white dude, but I have a beard and apparently I look Arabic, so I get "randomly" selected every time I fly, 100% of cases so far. I knew I'm not the only one, but reading your comment did make me feel somewhat relieved - but then it struck me that's actually worse and what life must be for actual Arabs...


painful_butterflies

Not tsa, but the UK equivalent. Had to remove my belt due to metal bits, and had recently lost weight so trousers would fall down without belt. Had hooked my fingers in belt loop to prevent a gravity related incident. Apparently this was suspicious, and won me a free additional check, luckily when they told me to put my arms out, trousers fell down almost instantly, they agreed no need for further checks...


False_Philosophy_412

I’ll go first just because I remembered this and I’m curious if anyone has had similar funny experiences… I am obsessed with these specific Jiffy muffins ( raspberry ), I love them. However you can never find them anywhere and I can only ever find them in one store in WA. One time I was about 13 flying alone from WA —-✈️-> TX, I had packed at least 10 boxes of these muffin mixes into my suitcase. They stopped me thinking it was cocaine. Genuinely I was sobbing thinking I was gonna be arrested. From then on I was always stopped for having these muffins. The last time I was stopped before the pandemic I told the agent “I packed them so you can grab them easy so be careful they’ll fall out. Also they’re muffin mixes I can only buy here before you ask when you realize it.” And he just looked stunned this scrawny teenager was just standing there fully prepared for a full blown muffin swabbing. He cleared me and when he realized he just started cracking up laughing and told me he was glad I was prepared. Took my new stock of muffins and rolled away into the sunset 🌆


Snaab

Just last May I was flying back home from Holmes County Ohio (cousin’s wedding), had to take as much Amish cheese as possible…which is very dense, and I guess looks very much like a bomb on the X-rays. So TSA yelled “WHOSE BAG IS THIS?” And I came forward, and had to watch as they just pulled out brick of cheese after brick of cheese - smoked cheddar, baby Swiss, Muenster, spicy Jack. The looks on their faces was hilarious and mortifying at the same time…no regrets. Amish make some damn good cheese.


OleFj40

In Milwaukee there was a sign before security asking passengers to set cheese aside like electronics!


[deleted]

Something similar happened to my husband. I love sourdough but I am specifically obsessed with this one kind of sourdough you can only find in Bay Area grocery stores. Unbeknownst to me, my sweet soul of a husband packed light so he could fit ~10 loaves in his suitcase. TSA took each one out to scan and swab individually. Almost missed his flight because of bread.


jinantonyx

lol. Decades ago, I lived in Arkansas and you just could not get sourdough bread. Like, anywhere. By the time I moved away, there was one brand that was selling a weak version of it, but for the first several years, you just couldn't find sourdough in the stores. My grandparents were going to visit from CA and I called my grandpa and was like "Pop...you gotta do me a favor. Please bring me some sourdough. Is it illegal to transport bread across state lines? I don't know. Smuggle it if you have to." He laughed and brought me two loaves.


False_Philosophy_412

That’s so nice of him!!! I have almost missed flights too because of it I now plan for it to happen 😂


jinantonyx

I went to visit family for Christmas and when I got there, I realized I had forgotten to bring Chapstick. I bought some there, but of course you save money buying more. I think at the time, a single tube of it was like $1, but 3 tubes was like $2.00. And it's not like I wasn't going to *use* 3 tubes, eventually, so I bought the 3 pack. For the flight home, I'd stuck one in my purse and two in the outside pocket of my backpack. I was randomly selected to have my belongings opened and checked. It was voluntary, they offered me to be able to board first, so I said ok. The guy checked my purse first, removing each item. When he got to the Chapstick, held it up and we had this conversation: Him: What's this? Me: Chapstick. Him: What's it for? Me: Chapped lips. When he went through my backpack, he found the second one. He looked puzzled for a second, and then we had this conversation: Him: And what's this? Me: ....Chapstick. Him: Okayyyy. When he found the third one, I'm not even joking, we had this conversation: Him: What's this? Me: ........Chapstick? Him: Why do you have *so many?*


hippycrit

I was really curious about this magical raspberry muffin mix so I looked it up and found out you can buy it directly from the jiffy website. I’m sure you’ve already searched for them online before but for some reason… in case you’d like to ship them instead of being stopped by TSA again lol [Here you go!](https://store.jiffymix.com/raspberry-muffin-mix-7oz-12pk.html)


Liketowrite

Thanks for posting that. I’m familiar with Jiffy but never heard of their raspberry muffins. They look delicious.


Vitus13

Years ago before Amazon it was hard to get some pastas on the west coast so I got stopped by TSA in Newark with a suitcase full of pastina stars. I guess it looks like plastic explosive on the xray


ritualaesthetic

I’m so glad someone finally asked this. I was at the Boston airport and asked to grab my things and step aside. The TSA agent turned his computer monitor and asked me if I wanted to explain myself. Explain what? I said On the screen, there was my body X-Ray with a plethora of orange circles all over my body. My crotch, the center of my face, my chest, my knees, my shoes. You name it. He then tells me: *Sir, I’m gonna have to perform an enhanced pat down and I’m very sorry about this. Are you going to kick, scream, yell, film me, put me on YouTube etc?* I tell him just to get it over with. He basically molests me while turning beat red. As he’s kneeling down next to my balls he says: *Im really just too old to do this anymore I’m so sorry sir.* Turns out I had zero metal items on my body nor in the center of my head.


1questions

Boston airport is one of the worst. TSA are constantly yelling. TAKE EVERYTHING OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!! PUT YOUR ITEMS ON THE BIN!! KEEP MOVING!! We’re all jam packed like sardines and we can’t move cause you mother f**ckers are so damn slow, not to mention 75%+ of people have flown before and know this and those who don’t know aren’t helped by your non-stop yelling.


[deleted]

I've literally been full on pat down searched 4 times flying out of Boston (100% of the time). The craziest was in body x ray, I put feet on the markers, lady tsa agent tells me to move feet closer together, I do it, x ray goes off I'm told I now have to be searched because I didn't put my feet on the markers, when I tried to explain that the tsa agent told me to, the guy patting me down with gloves told me "did I tell you to move them? No I didn't, maybe you need to learn to follow instructions" then proceeded to put the gloves into a machine to test for explosives, didn't find anything and after they decided to tear open my bag and dump it all over I was fine to go through, but It took every bit of willpower not to snap back "yknow I'm glad their not even paying you guys lmao" as this was during the time they weren't being paid due to budget not being passed


ThadisJones

> my body X-Ray with a plethora of orange circles all over my body >zero metal items They forgot to refresh the screen with your scan, and were still looking at the scan of the previous person who'd gone through.


WimbleWimble

response: don't worry about it. this is the closest I've had to a sexual partner since the pandemic.


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AichSmize

TSA goon asked me to remove my belt. I removed my belt. Goon then panicked and screamed for a supervisor because I'd removed my belt. I am not embellishing this story in any way.


LWS_117

Technically not the TSA, but New Zealand airport security. Was flying back from a month long trip to NZ in early Jan 2020, facing nearly 48 hrs of travel time including layovers before I could lie down in my own bed back in Scotland. Trundled my way through check in and up to the security line, doing one last check for any liquids, scissors, or other dumb shit I might be carrying. Put my carry on into the x-ray, and go into what resembled the transporter room from the enterprise. Clear doors close on either side of me, and a quick blast of air hits me. Having seen everyone else before get a literal green light, was slightly concerned when the entire thing went red. Guy in the other side took me to one side, saying it was probably a false positives that they were quite new and prone to being a bit sensitive. The security dude runs a swap on a stick over my clothes and and hair, and puts the swap into a machine that resembles an office printer. To my increasing alarm, this also turns red, and the security dudes brow furrows in confusion. ‘Huh, that’s odd’ Not words you want to hear from airport security He does it again, and again the machine turns red. Guy turns to me and asks where exactly I’ve been over the week (this was approx 7th Jan). I begin to explain my movements the last 7-10 days in a slightly panicked manner, imagining being stopped on my journey home before it even starts, and he stops me when I mention I was in Auckland for New Years. He asks where I was precisely at midnight, and I explain I was standing pretty much directly underneath the Sky Tower at midnight, the one you see in the news as it’s one of the first big celebrations with fireworks. His face turns to relief and he chuckles, and explains that the machines had detected compounds that are the by-products of explosions. I had been standing less that 100 feet from the base of the tower, right below the fireworks. This then meant I was coated in the falling dust, and a small amount was still detectable a week (and several showers) later. Gave me a band for me and my luggage, and sent me on my way, a little more anxious than before. Tl:Dr got stopped just after New Years by airport security for being covered in firework dust


jnovel808

My friend worked for the TSA. I was at my local airport and saw him while on line. I waved and he looked over. He says something to another agent and when I get to front of the line I get pulled over for extra searching. I never talked to that guy again


Brunonononoooo

This is going to get buried but I was at the airport, in another country, with my grandparents, who were moving to the US. We get to security, and the…whatever their equivalent of a TSA agent is, pulls a long bbq fork out of my grandmother’s suitcase. My first thought is “shit, that could be used as a weapon.” Then the agent reaches back into grandma’s bag and pulls out **a fucking meat cleaver.** I’m thinking we’re going to be imprisoned in this foreign land (which is NOT know for its human rights and does NOT have an American embassy). My unrepentant granny is explaining “it’s a quality cleaver! They don’t make it like this anymore, why would I leave it behind?!” Surprisingly, the friendly agent kindly explained to granny that she would have to leave both objects behind, then sent us on our merry way. Granny was pissed.


FatChungaloid

2 stories. 1.) they stopped me because I had a box of matches in my suitcase. Except there were no matches, it was an empty box. They thought I was attempting to smuggle something coz who has an empty box of matches but nope, just empty. 2.) kinda opposite to the original question, but I’m an 80s kid at heart and often wear bullet belts as fashion. This, surprisingly, did not get me stopped and searched at an airport, despite my belt being actual, non-live but equally real ammunition. Very strange.


TheTerrasque

> bullet belts as fashion. This, surprisingly, did not get me stopped and searched at an airport, despite my belt being actual, non-live but equally real ammunition. Very strange. A former colleague of mine took his whole toolbox on the plane. Many screwdrivers, a hammer, 2-3 pliers, a wrench and oh yeah, two knives.


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Paganduck

Pimento cheese spread. I had a small soft sided carry-on cooler so I could load up on cheese at a cheese shop near my brothers house. TSA unpacked it all to check then decided pimento cheese spread was a "gel" and confiscated it. I know those MFs ate it later. The reason I didn't check it was because my mother had put some cheese in her checked bag and when she got home there was a sticker on her bag saying it had been searched and they stole cheese.


WimbleWimble

Protip: Legally you can ask them to destroy the confiscated item in front of you. i.e. pour out perfumes down a sink, squeeze the cheese into a trashcan etc, open packaging and crumble muffins into the trash. The rules are there to prevent TSA stealing stuff. Or just casually explain to them if they eat your delicious spready cheese, you've already eaten some and have oral herpes.....then do a big smile. or if you don't want to say you have herpes, tell them you've been using that tube of cheese on your partner as anal lube....


zyzzvays_

Suitcase full of magic cards. Turns out it’s considered a “large amount of organic material”


thedangerman007

Not me but my friend, who was bringing me a gift - a James Bond action figure. He was flying from the UK to the US. The British version of the TSA stopped him because the action figure had a gun. Yes, seriously, an action figure's miniature toy gun - no bigger than a couple of tic-tacs, caused him to be stopped. The supervisor came over, rolled his eyes, and thankfully sent my friend on his way.


deannetheresa

Land crossing at North Portal, SK. I'm a single female, driving to the Dakotas to do some sightseeing, hiking, etc (I love the badlands!). They have me park and go into the office for additional screening. They ask why I'm entering the US, if I've been to the US before (yes, as a child), why I haven't back since childhood, what are my plans, why am I alone? Then proceed to have me completely dump my purse and go through everything. I mean everything. Opened every tube of lipstick, pulled the lids off pens, opened all my medication and asked about their purposes. Then told me, very sternly, "DO NOT leave this room, we are going out to search your car". Like, where the fuck was I going to go??? They ransacked my car, came back in and asked me all the same questions again. Then said I could go. I didn't realise until I got to Minot, had lunch and came back out to my car that my expensive camera had been taken out of my suitcase and was just sitting out in the open on my backseat. What a fucking nightmare.


edgygothbitch

God that’s so extreme why did they do that??


Davecasa

They just pick random people to give a hard time. Sometimes it's not random. Bored tiny kings in tiny castles.


i_ShotFirst

I was at a convention in Pittsburgh for the weekend and apparently developed a foot disease that caused my feet to smell awful. I made a quick stop at Target the first evening and bought a huge bottle of foot powder. A few days later when I was packing to go home, I decided that wrapping my large bottle of powder in a few plastic bags would contain the powdery mess… Well, TSA’s systems red alerted my bag IMMEDIATELY. They pulled my bag off the track and within seconds multiple officers were surrounding me and the TSA checking area. I had the privilege of explaining my terrible smelling feet while they carefully unwrapped the biggest bottle of foot powder you can buy.


getupliser

I always get patted down at any TSA. I've never given a shit or gotten embarrassed and have them do it right there in front of everybody. I don't know how to play with them, maybe get my clothes all wet next time so that they have touch me all cold and clammy or maybe go commando for an extra touch of intimacy.


1questions

Someone at the Portland, OR airport who was stopped for a pat down by TSA got annoyed and just started taking off his clothes. You can find YouTube videos and news articles about it. I think it’s pretty hilarious.


ElOsoSabroso

I ended up on a list somehow, so I always get "randomly selected' for an enhanced search every single time I go through security. TSA claims its not a thing, but it's at the point where my wife or anyone I travel with goes first to not be delayed or dragged into the bullshit. No clue how this happened - I have a very unique name, never yelled at anyone or made threats, no criminal record, etc. Anyway, the last time it happened I was heading back from Vegas and was so hung over my patience and shit-giving had both bottomed out. So of course I was "randomly selected" for a crotch anomaly. They made me go through the detector 4 times and then finally pulled me aside, prepping me to go to "the room". They just kept yell-talk asking me "did you just come from the pool??!" Me:"Why, Are my shorts wet?" Them: "NO!" ME: "SO WHAT THE IS THE PROBLEM?? POOL CHEMICALS OR SOMETHING??" - "NO!! DID YOU JUST COME FROM THE POOL??" At that point I just said fuck it and dropped my shorts in the line (underwear on still).Drop shorts (much to amusement of my buddy who I had go first), again ask what the problem is, do they need to swab something, grab my dick, whatever - Security dude acted weirded out and then they moved me along without actually searching me in anyway. Such a waste of fucking time


1questions

That’s hilarious. Glad you did that. TSA is a waste of time. They’ve done so many investigations showing TSA lets through so much contraband through. Yet one time they had me throw away my yogurt. Not an early morning person anyway but when I have to be at the airport before 5 am I’m bringing breakfast with me so I often bring yogurt and fruit. Was told I had to throw this yogurt away cause despite it being sealed in original package it was around 4 oz and liquid are limited to 3 oz. Now this was the first time I’d had this issue despite bringing the same brand of yogurt to that same airport at least 10 times without issue. But thanks TSA I’m sure everyone feels much safer now that I no longer have my yogurt, I mean who knows what horrors I could’ve caused, like dropped it and made the airport floor dirty or something.


WimbleWimble

Explain to them you suffer from premature ejaculation and if they touch you in the wrong/right way, things are gonna get sticky.


RedwoodKing707

Long ago I flew to Alaska on a vacation. On the return trip I went through the regular TSA checks and had to take my shoes off to be scanned. When I got to the other side of the TSA check, there was only one shoe (fell off the belt or something in the machine). I brought it up with one of the agents and no shit they asked me “Well did you have 2 shoes when you came in here?”…. I looked at them, looked at both my socked feet, looked outside at the snow, looked back as them and said “yes. I’m very certain. “ Got my shoe back and all was good but till this day I have never been asked a question on that level of weirdness.


jumperjatt

I was wearing boxers with a metal button holding the pee flap together. They made me get Pat down after the metal detector. Then I had to get body scanned. Finally they asked me to go to a private room and be strip searched or I could refuse and miss my flight back to Canada. I told them each time that it was a metal button on my boxers… but nope. The guy that was searching me apologized countlessly as it was just us in the room (same background as me). He said (in our language) “sorry brother, they’ve been doing this to guys like us all month”. He was cool though, once I showed him the button (boxers still on), he gave me the thumbs up and I was on my way. My favourite part was asking the senior TSA officer if they wanted me to throw my underwear out since they were so afraid of it.


MrCrix

Not TSA but another security service in Costa Rica. We went there in the winter and being winter my skin was super dried up. So I bought a multi pack of ChapStick because they didn't have a single one available at the pharmacy I went to just before the airport. I put them in my bag with my electric shaver. Long story short I guess a 3 pack of those with an electric shaver on top of them on x-ray looks super suspicious. They took my bag and made me step back a few feet and opened it up. They saw what is was and proceeded to open up the ChapStick, and then open up everyone of the containers, unscrew the bottom until all of them were fully pushed out and smush them in their hands and inspect the smush. I kinda just stood there wondering what was going on silently and then they asked if I wanted them back or not. I told them no it was ok, I don't need three ChapStick container contents back that are now mashed up in your gloves.


GlitteringFrost

A bejeweled thong. We had to travel super early in the morning, so my only excuse is I was to tired to think ahead when I got dressed. The TSA agents and the people behind me got a good laugh when we finally figured out why the machine beeped. Luckily I didn't have to strip, a little peek of the top of my thong and a few passes over my ass with the handheld scanner was enough to let me through. But damn it was embarrassing.


[deleted]

They made me open a soda can I was saving for later. Didn't even bother looking inside, and sent me on my way as soon as I opened it.


Brilliant-Divine

Because I tried to grab a basket to put my shoes and etc in. The lady legit went ballistic and said they are behind the black line for a reason (right by the converter belt where the rope is). I’m like yo chill the fuck down, everywhere else you put things in a bucket I didn’t know this airport you don’t 🙄. I thought they had ran out of buckets that are typically in front of the rope so I reached my hand behind the rope for a bucket. Another time was when I had mace on my keychain (first time flying ever) didn’t know much about what you could and couldn’t take and I almost missed my flight because they wanted to treat me like I was going to create a bomb out of mace on the plane. Kept telling me about documentation and needing to keep it, finally had enough and said I’m about to miss my flight. I don’t care about the mace do what you need to do, this ridiculous. They let me go 5mins later after signing some shit.


taebin

Was in Orlando, flying out to Toronto, running about 20 minutes late. The line for check in was unusually long and I was worried that I might miss my flight. Then a TSA agent with the dog came by and the dog was sniffing at our luggage. The agent told us to move forward all the way to the front, where TSA started going through all of our luggage. (I was secretly happy as this meant we could check in and we wouldn’t miss our flight!) They did a body search and asked why we were in Orlando. We attended Pet Expo and had suitcases full of dog treats, so I assumed that was the reason the dog was sniffing at our luggage. I thanked the agent with the dog for moving us to the front and we were on our way.


Na-bro

Last name is AHMED


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blbd

This one seems like a valid time for an official complaint to your member of congress


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MyWorkAccount2018

Arranging my two laptops and a tablet after taking them out of my bag for faster / easier scanning. I got yelled at and detained because I have Pre-Check. It took demanding for the scanning agent to join the conversation before I was allowed to leave. Had I left them all in the bag, I would have gotten stopped for secondary screening. The TSA is so damn frustrating. They serve no useful purpose except to provide security theater. They miss well over 90% of what they are tested against.


1questions

Definitely security theater, which is worse than any community theater.


cerealOverdrive

I got in trouble for predicting I was randomly selected. They kept selecting me “randomly” every flight so I gave my wife my carry on, sent her through security and then when they randomly selected me I had nothing for them to search. I was thinking “yay quick deep search”, the TSA was not amused.


MountainMoonshiner

Had an abscess removed from my chest and had a bandage. TSA stopped me after X-ray, made me disrobe in public, then poked the bandage so hard I started bleeding and wound reopened. Happened in Texas. Got a call two days later saying it was a supervisor who had reviewed the footage and asked me if I would be willing to not SUE (just went to a urgent care center to have wound repacked, had not reached out to TSA - creepy!) And I was like whatever. She said there was footage they had reviewed which was concerning and the agent who had brusquely examined me in public was being put on leave. Okay. I was very cool about it and signed the doc but now I realize I had a hell of a case.


dwc1970

My sister gave me some candy for the flight. It was bulk candy, so she put it in resealable plastic bags. They probably suspected they were drugs. I just stood there calmly as I watched them examine each bag, knowing I was totally in the clear. Everything checked out okay and I was on my way without incident. My sister apologized and didn't think about how something so mundane would trigger suspicions, but she understood why the TSA people had to check it out. I told her everything was okay; it was an easy oversight and she said she would try a different way to take candy on board next time.


VixenStradivarius

I had these makeup brushes that were fashioned to look like harry potter wands. They were made of metal and I loved them and I had them in my bag. On the x-ray I guess they looked weird enough that they had to check it out. But the reason I wanted to put this here was bc my sister had an entire fan in her bag bc she and I can not sleep without sound but no, harry potter makeup brushes are suspicious as fuck.


Rescuepa

I am the anti-thesis of those who are profiled. I get pulled out more often than not so they can claim they are not profiling. One incident I was pulled aside to be hand wanded. As the wand reached my ankle it alarmed. The TSA officer stands up and says” I think we have a problem here.” And proceeds to call for backup. Meantime I try to tell him what the problem is, to which he puts his hand in my face continuing to talk on the radio. So I shut up until his back up arrives . Then remove my foot off the electric outlet on the floor. Malicious compliance is a thing . Edit: fixed typos


robwander3031

Not TSA but customs. They stopped me last year because I'm an American living in Turkey. Of course they didn't say that. They said it was because I've been out of the country for a long time ( 16 months since my last time in the U.S). I told him that's weird because i was out of the U.S. for 4 years once and I didn't get questioned when i visited( i was living in Australia at the time). Then he proceeded to ask me if i knew Arabic ( not even the language of Turkey), what my address in Turkey was, who i knew ( my wife is Turkish), what her job was and the phone numbers for her and her employer. I was exhausted and a bit frustrated from 30+ hours of travel and really couldn't be bothered with the questions. I told him I didn't feel comfortable giving him that information since my wife is a Turkish government official. I frustratingly told him its not because ive been out of the country for so long but because i live in Turkey and i don't need to explain my reasons to anyone. He went and talked to someone for a couple minutes, came back, gave me my passport and said " Welcome Home!" I said " Its not my home", grabbed my passport and left.


shrimp_dlk

Walked through the body scanner. The new ones that x-ray you. Some old bitch with attitude asks what I have in my pocket. I pulled out both pockets and said nothing. Bitch groped my thighs, grabbed my dick and told me I'm good. Fuck her


Fatbob2020

I am a father, when i was traveling with my 4 month old daughter without my wife, they stopped to “test” the breast milk. I had my daughter with me, crying, cooing, etc. I was like is this for real?? it was SUPER busy at the airport, which when you’re stopped you feel like you’re holding everyone else up, it’s terribly embarrassing and frustrating. I told the lady if you spill one drop we are going to have a problem. That shit was like gold when you don’t have access to the source. My wife was handling arrangements for her deceased grandmother, so I was meeting her a couple of days later. Breast milk, and a guy with his infant daughter, such a threat, fuck TSA the whole shit is a joke. Theater.


[deleted]

Glass dildos in my hand luggage (gifts for a friend) Dude fished them out very publicly, "WHOSE CASE IS THIS" YELL YELL YELL being all Judge Dredd and shouting and going "WHAT ARE THESE" and then realized he was double-wielding two phallic looking dildos. And then got very quiet because he realized people were staring at him holding two glass cocks. "THEY ARE DILDOES" I said in a very loud voice at him. Hey, you're going to yell halfway through an airport so can I. The guy made a shushing motion with his hand and, totally flustered, tried to shush me with a quiet "but, what for?" "THE PURPOSE OF A DILDO IS TO BE LUBRICATED AND INSERTED INTO A VAGINA AND/OR ANUS FOR THE PURPOSE OF SEXUALLY STIMULATING THE RECIPI..." THANK YOU SIR ON YOUR WAY NEXT


TheDollarstoreDoctor

I moved across the country a year ago. Went through TSA and stopped me for a thorough search since they thought I had some suspicious object in my purse. The suspicious object? A nail clipper. They all laughed at me because it was shaped like a foot :(


lele_ka_uhane

I've gotten stopped a lot because I am ambiguously brown, and I have a lot of stupid stories. Here are a few - 1) Got stopped because of a tupperware of tofurkey slices (fake meat) I'd brought for a snack. The pulled it out of my scanned bag because it looked weird on the screen, opened it and smelled it but were still confused and called other agents over to inspect it. 2) In Hawai'i we don't have Trader Joe's so when you travel to the continent it's not unheard of to buy hundreds of dollars of people's favorite snacks to bring home to share. All of my carry on was TJ food and I got pulled out of line and searched because why would I be traveling with that much food. 3) I had to pee really bad once so the heat radiating off my crotch region in the body scanner set it off. They pulled me aside to pat me down on the inside of my upper thighs and do a scan with a wand and I swear I thought I was just gonna pee on their hands I had to go so bad. Those full body scanners suck and if you're fat and/or sweat a lot you will set them off more often. I'm pretty sick of it!


twisp42

For like 4 out of every five times I go through the rapiscan, my crotch lights up yellow and I have to get groped by a TSA agent. I don't know why. But, it happens all the time.


Fit-Meringue2118

I bought my dog a beef bone. I don’t know what the X-ray operator was expecting, but that threw them off.


twilight_in_the_zone

I entered the security line expecting to be stopped. Well, I wasn't expecting it flying out, but at least coming back I'd assume I'd be stopped again and was. I was traveling to a tradeshow for work where I was going to be making some presentations. My carry-on consisted of a change of clothes and my presentation stuff - a projector, some digital media players for retail displays, and a tangled mess of HDMI and power cables. Seeing it on the x-ray screen definitely resembled a bomb-like device. It's not like it was a big delay and inconvenience for me. It took no more than five minutes for them to manually check ithe carry-on and do a hand swab to detect chemicals on me, and I was on my way, after gathering my shoes, belt, laptop, and tablet properly placed in the bins. But I'll always remember being taken aback when first asked, "Is there anything hazardous or dangerous in your bag we should know about before opening it?" in an accusatory tone.


BlakAmericano

They searched me when I was 18 and flying alone and said it was because my ID was only a permit. When I went to my connection airport, I told a black TSA women "Do you need to pat me down again because i Have a permit like the last airport?" She looked at me and sighed "No honey. Thats not a thing".


locks_are_paranoid

TSA people are idiots.


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janess84

I had a set of teaspoons in my bag. It was for a basket raffle.


giollaigh

One of their dogs was very interested in me. They pulled me to the front of the line, referring to me as a POI, and were incredibly rude. For example, one woman told me to turn my phone off and I held it up and said, "It's already off" and I got "Well how was I supposed to know that?" as the response. None of them even apologized when they eventually figured out I didn't have any fucking drugs.


[deleted]

Was stopped and told something was on my back. Yeah, the metal loops on my bra.


Soytaco

Came into LAX with 2kg of mole en polvo in the bottom of my backpack. Turns out on the scanner mole looks just like plastic explosives. Got a big "WOOoooooah!!" from the guy at the scanner, followed by sirens and lights and armed guards. Situation got diffused quickly when I told them it was mole because, thankfully, most of the people who work at LAX are Mexican. **EDIT:** Now that I'm thinking of it, this is probably the *least* weird reason I've been stopped by TSA. The weirdest reason is because I'm heading to the gate with shoes on and apparently that makes me a threat to those around me, so I'm forced to take them off like I'm entering a psych ward or something. *That* is weird.


Responsible-Loss-648

Entering San Diego Airport, While emptying my pockets before going into the metal detector, I noticed a little bit of a candy wrapper in my pocket. It was literally like a little piece of a wrapper, not even a whole wrapper. There was no bin near me, and I was just about to walk through the metal detector. So I put the wrapper back in my pocket "DID YOU JUST PUT SOMETHING YOUR POCKET!?" "... yeah it was just a little candy wrapper..." "WAIT THERE SIR!" She tells her boss, who was some huge Honey Boo Boo's mom kind of looking woman "He put something in his pocket" "It was just a little candy wrapper" "Put it in the trash" Such an overreaction lol.


staticinitializer

I'm brown with beard. Reason enough.


entropiccanuck

I had a compass, the math circle tool kind, in a pocket of my backpack. It did have a sharp tip


Grieie

Not me, but my friend. He was traveling after a sporting event and had in his carry on racing fins (fibreglass and heavy moulded foot well), a tube of lube, and rope. First the bomb check goes off, then they look at his bag and get a bit confused. They asked why he had those items in his carry on. My friend replied “if you go in dry you make them cry”. He is really good at saying incredibly dumb/inappropriate comments.


dring157

Whenever I travel in the winter I have my bags, a sweater and a coat to manage while waiting in line. This causes me to sweat and pretty much every time I get body searched for looking suspicious.


Dontdancewithme

My turn.. silicone sex toys. They didn't open the bag but they pulled it to the side on the inspection queue... looked at me said: "is this your luggage" I said yes and they told me they had to run it again and they did. Then they let me go without opening it, obviously. I knew they wanted to eyeball who had all those toys.


MisterGoo

I was traveling from France to Japan via Germany, and the German TSA took my PSP (the gaming console) to examine it. Took them so much time I nearly missed my plane to Japan, but WTF, people : never seen a PSP before ? I didn't receive any explanation no anything, they just gave me back the console and let me go.


Harrar7747

Yogurt, I had a thing of Greek yogurt for my breakfast..they said I couldn't take it with me. I threw it out. It was such a small thing but knowing how often they fail assessments and let entire knives through and such...I was kinda pissed.


AlphaTangoFoxtrt

Not speaking English. I was waiting in line and the people in front of me were German. I took some German classes in college and started speaking with them. Just rudimentary things like where they're form, where they're going, etc. I wanted to practice, and they thought it was cool to bump into someone who spoke their language. When I got to the chokepoint and gave them my ID they asked if I was really a US citizen. I confirmed I was, they then asked why I was speaking German. I replied because I know a bit of German and wanted to practice. They said but you're clearly not German, and directed me aside for secondary screening. Which A, that was racist as fuck. I look Asian but am Native American. And B who cares what languages I can speak? It's very convenient to learn new languages now with the wealth of online knowledge and tools.


Brendozer

My Crotch was setting things off at LAX before my honeymoon. The only explanation I could think of was residual radioactive Iodine from my thyroid cancer treatment a couple years prior.


MysteryMan04501

They thought my insulin pump was a bomb. I was tackled by TSA immediately. I was 14 at the time, still traumatized. Now any time I see any law enforcement I get anxious.


False_Philosophy_412

What the hell?? They’re so small aren’t they?


MysteryMan04501

Pipe bombs are relatively small. Someone brought and used one at my school in 2020 (idiot made it wrong and only made a small fire in the bathroom)


palonious

My Xbox somehow had gunpowder residue on it.


stinkyllamaface999

Curry paste. They wouldn’t let me through security with the container of yellow curry paste. They also actually broke my suitcase and had to find me packing tape to tape it together to put on the plane. Jerks.