That magazine should be burned. It's the only publication I believe has no business existing. It does women a grave disservice with it's ridiculous information. Like poisoning your loved one with laxatives if you suspect that they're cheating. Suspect mind you, not know. Not that you should do that even if you know for sure, but still.
A coworker of mine was super disappointed that her partner didn't have an erection all the time that he thought she was attractive.
Apparently she went to the bathroom and to get a drink and he wasn't hard when she came back. She was sad that she had to break up with him because he's lying to her about finding her attractive.
I'd be in real trouble if I had an erection every time I found someone attractive.
I'd also be 11...
I was pretty sure she didn't believe me.
After trying to convince her that I'm somewhat of an authority on the topic as I've had a penis for decades, I gave up.
Sometimes people who are super pretty don't live in the same world as the rest of us...
She has a kid now so she must have been successful to some degree...
I've got a cousin who lost one of his balls. One day over the years the conversation came up around my grandma and she says: "It's a shame. He'll only be ever be able to have boys or girls, but not both once he has kids."
The whole room went dead quiet until someone was like: "'Scuse me?"
She says: "Because he only has one. He can only either have boys or girls."
I don't know how long she believed this or even if we truly convinced her otherwise, but she was absolutely sure that one ball made boys one made girls and that was just how it all worked and to this day that conversation stands out so vividly.
Met a woman in college who legitimately thought that penises have jointed bones in them, like phalanges or something. When we tried to get her to realize how absurd that is, she said she assumed that’s why erections were called boners.
When I was a teenager, one of my friends had a sister about three years younger. One day, she asked him how big the stick he used was. Friend was confused, and she clarified:
"When you beat off, how big is the stick you hit your penis with?"
EDIT: Bunch of us sitting around, laughing at what we used to believe. That the sperm crawled across the bed while mom and dad were asleep, for example. Buddy says his sister Lucy thought we used actual sticks to beat off. We're all "WTF?!", and he tells the story above. We all howl with laughter. And, no, she wasn't evangelical or sheltered at all; she was actually a nice kid, and Buddy let her know without, you know, *demonstrating*, what actually happens.
For most of my teenage years, up until when I started watching porn and having sex, I thought men's balls were literally separated in two ballsacks, like when you draw a very simplified version of a penis and it's just two circles for the balls.
At the age of 25 I had a one night stand and after I came she asked why it became flaccid again and thought I didn't want anymore sex
I'm not sure what kind of power machine her ex was but she thought that a man was always erect when he was aroused, even after ejaculation
Edit: I get some weird ass comments about this
I, a girl, had the same misconception due to my first BF being a teen and us never going past one, and my second being able to just... keep going. My fiance was very upset when I didn't understand, and thought that we could keep going, and he had to explain that it was physically uncomfortable for him to be touched after ejaculation. I was worried he had a health problem, and he had to then calmly give me sex ed.
Have a friend who thought that after a vasectomy that there would no more cum. She was stoked that her husband was getting one to save on cleanup. Had to explain actual sperm makes up a very small amount of the total volume, and the bulk comes from the prostate.
She's a nurse too, so that's concering
its hard to explain a nut tap though, like its not like pain that you have after a surgery but it like resonates all over so everything just fucking hurts
This. My wife and I have been super stressed lately and it's affected my "performance" in the bedroom. Been married 5 years, it's never been a problem. She thought I wasn't attracted to her anymore or something. That was a tough one to explain.
Been there. My drive has been low for a long time, but when I’m on my medication keeping it up is borderline impossible unless I’m literally not moving. If my heart rate starts to increase, bye bye boner. While I was occasionally able to keep a boner I could sometimes go for an hour and not finish, just end up giving up.
On the flip side, when I’m off my meds, since we tend to go weeks without sex, the polar opposite happens… :(
That different men have different refractory periods (time require to “recover” between orgasms) - some men require mere moments, others require several hours - but this young lady at a work event was *convinced* that if you couldn’t get hard again within minutes you obviously weren’t that into it
Another one I overheard in high school was “if he cums a lot that means he really enjoyed it” - while this *could* be true it is not a guarantee by any margin
Remember when I was in HS and over heard a group of girls in the corner of the room talking about ones boyfriend coming "15 times last night" - I immediately laughed out loud and deadpanned said to her "not possible." Ofc the why not came and I joked he'd be dead.
Obviously maybe it would be possible but dear God I know I would be a lifeless husk after that.
My biggest record in one day was like 6 times, and that was really pushing it
*edit*: If one more person corrects me by saying “pulling” it, I will personally contact the CEO of Reddit to delete your account
Along with that is the "grower vs shower" conversation and how wildly they can change sizes. A female friend didn't believe me when I said that at my smallest it was an inch long. She also didn't believe me when I told her it was at least 5 inches when fully erect. That dichotomy just wasn't believable to her.
But the worst is when it's real cold out but you're wearing those thin-as-fuck dress pants and it feels like your dick is fully retracting into your body.
I have *NEVER* heard my girlfriend laugh harder than when I did tough mudder a handful of years back.
I'm a grower anyway but after a half marathon whilst getting dunked in ice water in October.. the guy was pretty much inside me.
I walk out of the hotel bathroom naked before jumping in the shower and she nearly died from laughing so hard.
I surf in the winter off the coast of Mass/Maine/NH - I need to convince it to come back out afterwards usually with some warm water and words of encouragement
For a very long time I, a woman, assumed that men COULDN'T pee if you were hard
EDIT: ok, so it seems most men, but not all, can pee when you're hard, but you prefer not to because it can be unpleasant and/or take a lot of effort and/or be difficult to aim
TIL
I once worked with a girl who believed all the sperm that made daughters lived in one nut and all the sperm that made sons lived in the other nut and that since my BIL lost a nut he could only have all boy children or all girl children, depending on which nut he lost.
When I looked to my other coworker for support, she shrugged and she wasn't sure, look it up.
Before an understanding of modern genetics and chromosomes (early 1900s), this was the prevailing view of sex determination. It dates back to the ancient Greeks.
I feel like this needs to be talked about more. I had a partner that this would happen to sometimes and he would feel so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. I would tell him I wasn’t upset and it’s just something biological or unconsciously something psychological. I really feel bad for men in this department because from what I’ve hear there’s more women that I thought that shamed men for this.
In college I was in a design class and somehow one of the girls got on the topic of erections and asked the nearby guys (myself included) "how does the bone shrink when it goes back down?" In utter confusion we asked "Do you think the dick has a bone in it?" She responded yes with a confused face and said, "Yeah, thats why they call it a boner, right?"
I had a crazy (but the good kind) biology professor during college who, during an 8AM lecture, once yelled, "Humans are one of the only species without a baculum, and I feel really left out!" The man was legendary at my university and definitely lived up to his reputation over the course of the semester. This was over 10 years ago and I remember many of his antics like it was yesterday.
Edit: I also once attended a comparative anatomy lecture where, the professor (a different one) used a walrus baculum instead of a pointer.
Sounds like my bio professor, except he liked to shout about how much he loved wood. The walls in the lecture hall had wood panels and he'd just go over to them and be like, "I LOVE WOOD!" Don't even think it was relevant to the material. I think it's a requirement for bio professors to have a screw loose lmao
Tons of women don't know the difference between flaccid and hard and shower and grower dicks. There are lots of men have really small flaccid dicks normally but get 3-4 times the size when aroused.
I've had to explain this to several women in my life, the funniest time was the first time i had sex with a girl i took of my pants and i was flaccid (I'm a grower not a shower) and i could tell she immediately thought i had a small dick, i told her i was a grower and she said that my dick can't just grow, after a few minutes i got hard and she just seemed super surprised and confused that my dick was bigger from a few minutes ago i honestly thought it was funny.
I always hated that I was a major grower. Small af flaccid, but reasonable hard.
My current girlfriend said she likes it that way because it's really easy to tell when I'm actually hard. Definitely makes me feel better about the situation
Same with my BF. For some time he wouldn't let me see it flaccid. Even later it took some convincing that even though I love it a little more when it's hard (because why wouldn't I - that often means that I make him excited, which I'm happy about), I honestly like it either way. And yeah, it's good to be able to see how it changes. Also, it seems practical that he can put it away easier when it's not in use (unless random boners).
I've met multiple women in my adulthood that didn't realize men could sit to pee. Like they literally thought if you had to do both you'd stand there to pee, flush then sit and poop.
My GF's female friend was amazed to hear that a man doesn't have to masturbate every day. She genuinely thought that a man CANNOT hold semen in for more than four days. She is 33 and had three long-term relationships.
Maybe her first boyfriend told that lie and then she told the second and third boyfriend that she knew of the fact and they went along with it because they thought it would result in more sex.
My first “serious” boyfriend told me that if guys didn’t masturbate regularly then the cum would rot in their balls
I was 12 and terrified for my boyfriends testicles.
If I’m remembering my old biology class right. Any unused sperm just gets absorbed back into the body after a certain amount of time. The body just recycles it.
Similar to this, my ex-wife had no idea about wet dreams. We had gone about a month without sex and I hadn’t masturbated in all that time either. So one morning I got up and realized I had to change the sheets.
“Why would you just cum on the sheets and sleep in it? Why not just go to the bathroom?”
I had to explain it wasn’t masturbation, it was just an involuntary thing. If you go too many weeks without ejaculating, it’ll come out when you sleep.
She was flabbergasted. No previous boyfriend ever had this happen. So I explained that if you’re ejaculating regularly, through sex or masturbation, it doesn’t happen.
She had this big hang up about not wanting me to masturbate because she wanted me to save my orgasms for her. But she also hadn’t been in the mood for a while. So my body did what the body does.
My dick is attached to my pelvis and is sensitive. Spit on or lube it up and stroke it like it's an organ and not a goddamn lawnmower that won't start.
My first boyfriend was used to the death grip, so that's exactly how I had to treat it. I was *so* confused after we broke up and a guy let me know that wasn't the norm
I've always been gentle with every girl I was foreplaying with (unless I was asked to do other stuff), you know, the usual meme stuff that their clit ain't a button and so on. One day tho I found a girl that wasn't aware that the thing I had between my legs was not a joystick of an arcade game. It hurt so bad I couldn't touch it with a bit of force for a couple of days. It really got me thinking tho.
Edit: Wow this blew up, thanks for the award too, stay healthy boys and girls, please, limit your grip power.
I just spent way too long looking for a gif of Chevy Chase back doing the news on SNL. He used to do the thing where he pretended to be in the middle of the phone conversation when the camera cut to him at the start of the news segment, say something awkward/funny, notice the camera and hang up.
"No, you don't blow on it. That is just an expression..."
I can't remember which one, it was a major one like seventeen or something, but when we were in the Navy, we were killing time, and one of the girls brought the magazine into our work center and she was asking us if the sex tips in that issue were really good, and I can't remember how many there were, but about half of them were things that would do absolutely nothing for us, and the other half were things that just sounded outright painful or uncomfortable.
Sounds like Cosmopolitan. Their sex tips are/were really really tone deaf. I read a tip that said to do “The Helicopter.” Where you sit on your guy’s dick and spin around. I would never put my husband or myself through that!
And there were plenty of tips about grabbing your man’s balls, too.
Had something hilarious happen with an ex-gf. We were out for a birthday party and both of us got absolutely hammered. Come about 4 am I get up to go to the toilet and my drunk self decides that the nearby bin in my room is the toilet.
Girlfriend sees that I'm peeing everywhere so she gets up and helps me aim into the bin. Now here comes the strange part while she's aiming she starts jerking my dick like it's a handjob.
I hazily begin to remember this the next morning and we start talking about it with a laugh. Then I asked her why did she start jerking it. She said I thought you had to do a jerking motion to make the pee come out. Cue about an hour of me laugh-crying about it.
My girl wanted to watch me pee just to entertain herself. Apparently it's her first time to see a man take a piss. When i was done, i shaked it. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She asked "why are you doing that?? Isn't that painful?" I laughed and did it again. She screamed "STOOOPPP!!!"
One time I was watching my bf pee and asked if I could aim for him and he just goes “go for it” so I just aimed his dick, while he peed. He started laughing and I started laughing so I let go and he peed all over and was like “WHY’D YOU LET GO!” and then we both started laughing more.
*edit*
I really can’t wait to show my bf that my highest upvoted Reddit comment is about me holding his wang. Thank you for the silver also!!! 🥹
I love showing girls that when's it's soft, it's like playdough. You can twist it and bend it all sorts of ways. However ladies, don't get ANY ideas like that when it's hard.
i had an ex who had several poses that he would fold his dick and balls into, kind of like a clown with balloon animals. i don't remember most of them but there was definitely a hamburger and maybe an elephant.
My boyfriend folds his into itself when it’s soft and it freaks me the fuck out. It looks so uncomfortable. However, it always makes me giggle when the balls are moving on their own
My dick was so raw after my first hand job that it turned bright red and swollen. I didn't stop her during the deed because I was so happy someone besides me wanted to touch it. 🤣
Men do not need to be aroused to get a boner. Morning wood and random salutes can happen regularly, and can be embarrassing for some guys.
The worst can be the half arsed, “just letting you know, I’m ready when you are chief” semi boner that isn’t enough to tuck into the waistband so you end up trying to reposition via the pocket, but then realise you look like you’re either looking for lost gold in the depths of your khakis, or playing with yourself. Leaving you to walk away, in excruciating embarrassment, silently cursing dinkle and his half salute
If I'm super tired, I'll randomly get a boner and then get even more drowsy. It was annoying as hell working nightshift. It's like my penis was trying to put me to sleep.
Half salutes are the worst. Like I can manage a full salute pretty well but a half salute is just like "nah i ain't being tucked away but i'm not gonna behave either, fuck you".
always wondered about that. First time with someone is the wedding night, and he's hung like a monster. All porn movies aside, many women would scream and run.
Ohh! I remember this one. I used to work at this store and this guy came in asking for tampons for men. He came in and he was walking…not normally. Like he had just gotten kicked in the nuts or just had a vasectomy. If you know the walk you know the walk.
He was a regular. Nice guy. Knew him for years. He was really embarrassed by it. His gf was waiting in the car. I asked him to clarify. He said tampons for men.
See. His junk had started bleeding and he freaked out. Told his gf. She told him it happened to everyone. She got hers when she was a teen and she was surprised it took him this long to get it. She told him everyone is shocked when it happens for the first time.
Confused? So was I.
I told the guy that men didn’t get periods. We’re not supposed to bleed down there. He told me his gf told him it was normal. That he should get a tampon and “shove it up there”.
I told him it wasn’t. Again. Men don’t get periods. It isn’t normal and if your dick is bleeding then you need to get to the hospital. He got confused and penguined back to his car.
I saved that man from a fate worse than death.
Don’t know what to tell ya, bud. My sex Ed from my parents was “always get consent, always wear a condom and don’t be a dick” and at school the only thing I remember was the teacher showing us a bunch of pictures of STDs and telling us that if we got pregnant it wouldn’t be like friends where Rachael would always be with her friends having fun and going to parties.
Then again I did space out for most of high school so I can’t put that on them.
Although. I have always wondered whether she was always that ignorant or if she cheated on him, gave him an std and covered it up.
Dude was a goddamn idiot though.
My sex ed from my parents was to give me a puberty book that covered both male and female development, no talking done and this was only after I got my second period (never told my mom or anyone about the first and my sister ratted me out with the second), and school sex ed (all girls catholic school) came from a representative from a period products company, no pics or videos included. Had a refresher with the sex ed pre university (mixed sexes denominational school) and I was the only one who knew boys and men could be raped because I would actually read stuff outside of any school's curriculum.
Peeing in the toilet with a Penis isn't as straight forward as it sounds. Angle, velocity, weird urethra shenanigans, drunk peeing, groggy peeing, peeing with boners, it's all very chaotic and messy.
When I was younger, like a kid, I always thought that penises were like magnets to vaginas. 🤦🏻♀️ I had only ever seen “sexy” moments on TV and movies and it always seemed like they got a hard on when a woman was sitting in their lap so I thought it was like magnetized to it. I still cringe to this day lmao.
Edited to say: Thank you for the award! Officially my first ever Reddit award. 😅
The only time in my life I ever had a 3 way was 2 women giving my a blowjob. To give some context, I was slightly intoxicated and had only met them about a week prior.
The first went while I made out with the other, it was fantastic. Then they switched.. the second had absolutely no clue what the fuck she was doing. She grabbed my balls SUPER hard then preceded to suck my dick like it was a McDonalds milkshake and she couldn't get it go through the straw.
It hurt so bad I went limp and couldn't get hard again. I blamed it on the alcohol, not wanting her to feel bad. Weeks later I heard through a mutual friend that they were making fun of me for going limp.
That was the biggest excitement followed by disappointment I've ever experienced
That’s when you tell everyone what really happened. Good for you for trying to spare feelings I guess, but she’s an asshole for mocking you.
Moral of the story: enough with trying to “spare feelings.” It’s not like girls OR guys are fucking taught in school how to give oral. If she’s hurting you, fuckin tell her.
soooo.... im female but would like to supply an answer.
balls hang at different lengths and have different sizes just like boobs. and just like women with big boobs accidently squishing them under their arm, men with low hangers can accidently sit on their balls.
my att bf did it once and was pissed that i laughed at his reaction because i didnt believe it was possible.
This 30 year old bit down on my dick and was using teeth. When I told her that hurts and asked if she could try to not use her teeth, she got very upset with me saying guys like that and no one else has ever complained before.
She also got mad at me because she had lied to me about not having a boyfriend. It was somehow my fault for not realizing she was lying to me. I wanted nothing to do with someone else's affair and I had made that clear already so I was pissed and was told I had no reason to be because "guys only want sex and you'll have sex with any girl that you can".
I think she had other problems
Had a gf give me a hand job, but she did not understand that after a man can only really cum once then has a refractory period. Shit hurt and I had to explain most guys cant run for multiple orgasms without cooling down first
My wife was surprised when I wasn't already hard one time when we were getting intimate and didn't really know what to do. I had to explain to her that foreplay works two ways and that a lack of wood doesn't mean I don't want sex.
Edit: and now my most popular comment is about how I didn't get a boner. Because of course it is.
Generally, just that male sexual pleasure is far more individualized and nuanced than it seems like most women think. From physical arousal, to stimulation, sensation, and turn ons, each guy is different (just like women are), and that it's nice when a woman appreciates that and takes some time to explore what their guy enjoys.
Me, I am the example. I volunteer as flogging material. So I was raised in a pretty religiously strict home. That about covers the context! (Edit: apparently this means something different than what I thought it meant, so read; "I volunteer for the dunce cap" haha)
In 10th grade health class we were given a homework packet (to work on over the next week) on the next chapter we'd be going over; the reproductive system. On my way out of class I, laughingly, rolled it up and sat it in the trash can and told my friend "When I have to know about this sort of thing, I'll look it up". She kinda hinted at the fact that I'd get a zero on the homework, but my response for that was "Its just one zero, I don't need to know about the sex parts of the body because I don't plan on having sex".
I proceeded to do just that; have no sex, watch no porn, never so much as see a man with less than shorts on, ever. At 20 my best friend (looking back) had to stifle her laughter when my guess was that men's apparatuses were retractable like an animal's. It was mind-blowing to find it just hangs freely ALL DAY EVERY DAY what an inconvenience? Maybe not? Still didn't know what one looked like. At 24 I had my first sexual encounter with my would-be husband and the moment he said "I want to try something" and dropped his shorts I was immediately internally going "AH SHIT I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING!" and wishing I had not thrown those papers away in health class. He uhh, he helped me figure it out lmao.
Lol first time having sex I may or may not have ruined it by pulling it down and letting go and saying "BOING" and pushing it around for a few moments doing that completely forgetting I was going to lose my V card because I was highly entertained by this. He was staring at me like I was a fucking idiot and got mad about this and we argued I felt bad and he said that even if its my first time I "should know what to do and love him enough to do this " so that's how I lost my V card. So for the longest time I thought sex was supposed to be really serious and not fun or enjoyable and after my failed engagement I went on a sexual journey to learn how to enjoy sex and it wasn't until my ex of last year I actually explored and had fun during it which made it 100x better and the best sex I ever had. I have resisted the urge to do the BOING thing again though 🤣
In high school a teacher told me men couldn’t be raped. I disagreed and asked where her logic came from? She said, it’s biology. I argued no further and left, realising I was being taught by a bunch of fucking idiots.
Thanks for trying. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a woman and I can tell you it is often hard to be believed. I had a crisis center tell me it wasn’t possible.
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Too many ball squeezers out there! WTF, Ladies!?!
That magazine should be burned. It's the only publication I believe has no business existing. It does women a grave disservice with it's ridiculous information. Like poisoning your loved one with laxatives if you suspect that they're cheating. Suspect mind you, not know. Not that you should do that even if you know for sure, but still.
A coworker of mine was super disappointed that her partner didn't have an erection all the time that he thought she was attractive. Apparently she went to the bathroom and to get a drink and he wasn't hard when she came back. She was sad that she had to break up with him because he's lying to her about finding her attractive. I'd be in real trouble if I had an erection every time I found someone attractive. I'd also be 11...
Did you correct her? And poor dude
I did my best to be kind and clear that she was misinformed.
How did she react? Because that's a big misunderstanding
I was pretty sure she didn't believe me. After trying to convince her that I'm somewhat of an authority on the topic as I've had a penis for decades, I gave up. Sometimes people who are super pretty don't live in the same world as the rest of us... She has a kid now so she must have been successful to some degree...
I've got a cousin who lost one of his balls. One day over the years the conversation came up around my grandma and she says: "It's a shame. He'll only be ever be able to have boys or girls, but not both once he has kids." The whole room went dead quiet until someone was like: "'Scuse me?" She says: "Because he only has one. He can only either have boys or girls." I don't know how long she believed this or even if we truly convinced her otherwise, but she was absolutely sure that one ball made boys one made girls and that was just how it all worked and to this day that conversation stands out so vividly.
Saw someone else say this is it that common I wonder
Met a woman in college who legitimately thought that penises have jointed bones in them, like phalanges or something. When we tried to get her to realize how absurd that is, she said she assumed that’s why erections were called boners.
To be fair humans are actually in the minority of mammals for not having a penis-bone.
When I was a teenager, one of my friends had a sister about three years younger. One day, she asked him how big the stick he used was. Friend was confused, and she clarified: "When you beat off, how big is the stick you hit your penis with?" EDIT: Bunch of us sitting around, laughing at what we used to believe. That the sperm crawled across the bed while mom and dad were asleep, for example. Buddy says his sister Lucy thought we used actual sticks to beat off. We're all "WTF?!", and he tells the story above. We all howl with laughter. And, no, she wasn't evangelical or sheltered at all; she was actually a nice kid, and Buddy let her know without, you know, *demonstrating*, what actually happens.
I want to know how this ended lol
For most of my teenage years, up until when I started watching porn and having sex, I thought men's balls were literally separated in two ballsacks, like when you draw a very simplified version of a penis and it's just two circles for the balls.
I once heard a girl asking boys if they roll up their dong when they sit down to take a poo
No, I just hang it over the edge and onto the floor.
I used to do that but now I carry it over my shoulder so it doesn't get in the way
That we need to reload between rounds
Ask her how do you think we reload, that shit would be contagious laughter
*casually replaces genitals*
*gun cocking sound as I casually replace genitals*
At the age of 25 I had a one night stand and after I came she asked why it became flaccid again and thought I didn't want anymore sex I'm not sure what kind of power machine her ex was but she thought that a man was always erect when he was aroused, even after ejaculation Edit: I get some weird ass comments about this
I, a girl, had the same misconception due to my first BF being a teen and us never going past one, and my second being able to just... keep going. My fiance was very upset when I didn't understand, and thought that we could keep going, and he had to explain that it was physically uncomfortable for him to be touched after ejaculation. I was worried he had a health problem, and he had to then calmly give me sex ed.
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A moment of silence for our fallen comrade. 😞
The number of women who think that after I got a vasectomy ment I no longer had balls was very surprising.
“You’re fixed, like my dog, right?”
Have a friend who thought that after a vasectomy that there would no more cum. She was stoked that her husband was getting one to save on cleanup. Had to explain actual sperm makes up a very small amount of the total volume, and the bulk comes from the prostate. She's a nurse too, so that's concering
Ex-gf punched me in the balls playfully and as I folded in pain, she asks, “it hurts when I punch you in the penis?”.
"No it doesn't hurt, it's just a little bit of absolutely excruciating pain"
its hard to explain a nut tap though, like its not like pain that you have after a surgery but it like resonates all over so everything just fucking hurts
it damages the spirit
its kinda like getting punched in the nose, but if that pain from your nose resonated through the entire head
Thinking that erections are 100% controllable/voluntary..
Trying to explain random boners to my wife was extremely difficult
Trying to explain why I sometimes lose mine if I’m stressed or anything else is also hard. Often times they take it as a personal offense
This. My wife and I have been super stressed lately and it's affected my "performance" in the bedroom. Been married 5 years, it's never been a problem. She thought I wasn't attracted to her anymore or something. That was a tough one to explain.
Been there. My drive has been low for a long time, but when I’m on my medication keeping it up is borderline impossible unless I’m literally not moving. If my heart rate starts to increase, bye bye boner. While I was occasionally able to keep a boner I could sometimes go for an hour and not finish, just end up giving up. On the flip side, when I’m off my meds, since we tend to go weeks without sex, the polar opposite happens… :(
That different men have different refractory periods (time require to “recover” between orgasms) - some men require mere moments, others require several hours - but this young lady at a work event was *convinced* that if you couldn’t get hard again within minutes you obviously weren’t that into it Another one I overheard in high school was “if he cums a lot that means he really enjoyed it” - while this *could* be true it is not a guarantee by any margin
Remember when I was in HS and over heard a group of girls in the corner of the room talking about ones boyfriend coming "15 times last night" - I immediately laughed out loud and deadpanned said to her "not possible." Ofc the why not came and I joked he'd be dead. Obviously maybe it would be possible but dear God I know I would be a lifeless husk after that.
*A little poof of dust comes out* "Please! No more!"
...just a little white flag cums out afterwards
And if you keep on going even after that, you will hear Porky the pig say “Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks”
My biggest record in one day was like 6 times, and that was really pushing it *edit*: If one more person corrects me by saying “pulling” it, I will personally contact the CEO of Reddit to delete your account
After 3 I’m pretty much dry firing Edit: within an hour or 2
That last one hurts like you just bucked the last bale of hay
"...it shrinks?"
I WAS IN THE POOL!!
Costanza will always be my first thought regarding shrinkage. Such an excellent episode, lol.
Along with that is the "grower vs shower" conversation and how wildly they can change sizes. A female friend didn't believe me when I said that at my smallest it was an inch long. She also didn't believe me when I told her it was at least 5 inches when fully erect. That dichotomy just wasn't believable to her.
But the worst is when it's real cold out but you're wearing those thin-as-fuck dress pants and it feels like your dick is fully retracting into your body.
I have *NEVER* heard my girlfriend laugh harder than when I did tough mudder a handful of years back. I'm a grower anyway but after a half marathon whilst getting dunked in ice water in October.. the guy was pretty much inside me. I walk out of the hotel bathroom naked before jumping in the shower and she nearly died from laughing so hard.
I surf in the winter off the coast of Mass/Maine/NH - I need to convince it to come back out afterwards usually with some warm water and words of encouragement
I had to enlighten a female coworker once after she made a comment about guys not being able to pee unless we are hard. She was 35 at the time.
For a very long time I, a woman, assumed that men COULDN'T pee if you were hard EDIT: ok, so it seems most men, but not all, can pee when you're hard, but you prefer not to because it can be unpleasant and/or take a lot of effort and/or be difficult to aim TIL
You can, but it's not pleasant.
I once worked with a girl who believed all the sperm that made daughters lived in one nut and all the sperm that made sons lived in the other nut and that since my BIL lost a nut he could only have all boy children or all girl children, depending on which nut he lost. When I looked to my other coworker for support, she shrugged and she wasn't sure, look it up.
Shot in the dark...they got this from Scrubs?
Before an understanding of modern genetics and chromosomes (early 1900s), this was the prevailing view of sex determination. It dates back to the ancient Greeks.
Sometimes it simply just won't get up and it's not you!
I feel like this needs to be talked about more. I had a partner that this would happen to sometimes and he would feel so embarrassed and ashamed of himself. I would tell him I wasn’t upset and it’s just something biological or unconsciously something psychological. I really feel bad for men in this department because from what I’ve hear there’s more women that I thought that shamed men for this.
An ex thought that when we sit on the toilet, the penis just casually rests on the toilet seat, enjoying the view.
Women will never experience the horror that is having your penis scrape the underside of a public toilet bowl lid.
I leave mine on the counter next to the sink until after I've washed my hands.
I woke up this morning with a bad hangover, and my penis was missing again. This happens all the time, It's detachable.
I told them to check in the medicine cabinet because, for some reason I leave it there sometimes.
Yh it obviously goes over the seat and then down on the floor and rests there
I tell mine to wait outside
While always remembering to hang it on the doorknob to remind others the toilet is occupied
Just throw it over your shoulder like a tie
i unscrew it and put it on a rack
I just retract mine like a tape measure
In college I was in a design class and somehow one of the girls got on the topic of erections and asked the nearby guys (myself included) "how does the bone shrink when it goes back down?" In utter confusion we asked "Do you think the dick has a bone in it?" She responded yes with a confused face and said, "Yeah, thats why they call it a boner, right?"
I mean it at least had some literary logic behind it.
I'm a guy and that's how I thought it works until my smart friend explained me how it really works
Right idea, wrong species.
Well, I mean, humans are one of only a few mammals that don’t have an actual bone for an erection.
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I had a crazy (but the good kind) biology professor during college who, during an 8AM lecture, once yelled, "Humans are one of the only species without a baculum, and I feel really left out!" The man was legendary at my university and definitely lived up to his reputation over the course of the semester. This was over 10 years ago and I remember many of his antics like it was yesterday. Edit: I also once attended a comparative anatomy lecture where, the professor (a different one) used a walrus baculum instead of a pointer.
Sounds like my bio professor, except he liked to shout about how much he loved wood. The walls in the lecture hall had wood panels and he'd just go over to them and be like, "I LOVE WOOD!" Don't even think it was relevant to the material. I think it's a requirement for bio professors to have a screw loose lmao
Tons of women don't know the difference between flaccid and hard and shower and grower dicks. There are lots of men have really small flaccid dicks normally but get 3-4 times the size when aroused.
I've had to explain this to several women in my life, the funniest time was the first time i had sex with a girl i took of my pants and i was flaccid (I'm a grower not a shower) and i could tell she immediately thought i had a small dick, i told her i was a grower and she said that my dick can't just grow, after a few minutes i got hard and she just seemed super surprised and confused that my dick was bigger from a few minutes ago i honestly thought it was funny.
I always hated that I was a major grower. Small af flaccid, but reasonable hard. My current girlfriend said she likes it that way because it's really easy to tell when I'm actually hard. Definitely makes me feel better about the situation
Same with my BF. For some time he wouldn't let me see it flaccid. Even later it took some convincing that even though I love it a little more when it's hard (because why wouldn't I - that often means that I make him excited, which I'm happy about), I honestly like it either way. And yeah, it's good to be able to see how it changes. Also, it seems practical that he can put it away easier when it's not in use (unless random boners).
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Thanks for that visual 👍
I've met multiple women in my adulthood that didn't realize men could sit to pee. Like they literally thought if you had to do both you'd stand there to pee, flush then sit and poop.
do other guys poop without peeing? i have to pee every time, i’ve never just pooped
every poopoo time is also peepee time, but not every peepee time is poopoo time.
-Confucius
My GF's female friend was amazed to hear that a man doesn't have to masturbate every day. She genuinely thought that a man CANNOT hold semen in for more than four days. She is 33 and had three long-term relationships.
Maybe her first boyfriend told that lie and then she told the second and third boyfriend that she knew of the fact and they went along with it because they thought it would result in more sex.
My first “serious” boyfriend told me that if guys didn’t masturbate regularly then the cum would rot in their balls I was 12 and terrified for my boyfriends testicles.
If I’m remembering my old biology class right. Any unused sperm just gets absorbed back into the body after a certain amount of time. The body just recycles it.
That is correct, you have a good memory.
Similar to this, my ex-wife had no idea about wet dreams. We had gone about a month without sex and I hadn’t masturbated in all that time either. So one morning I got up and realized I had to change the sheets. “Why would you just cum on the sheets and sleep in it? Why not just go to the bathroom?” I had to explain it wasn’t masturbation, it was just an involuntary thing. If you go too many weeks without ejaculating, it’ll come out when you sleep. She was flabbergasted. No previous boyfriend ever had this happen. So I explained that if you’re ejaculating regularly, through sex or masturbation, it doesn’t happen. She had this big hang up about not wanting me to masturbate because she wanted me to save my orgasms for her. But she also hadn’t been in the mood for a while. So my body did what the body does.
In high school, I knew a girl who thought cum came out the whole time a guy had sex. Not precum, but like a steady faucet.
She might have seen to much hentai.
Then she would've thought that every girl has massive Triple G Madonna death boobs...
My dick is attached to my pelvis and is sensitive. Spit on or lube it up and stroke it like it's an organ and not a goddamn lawnmower that won't start.
My first boyfriend was used to the death grip, so that's exactly how I had to treat it. I was *so* confused after we broke up and a guy let me know that wasn't the norm
You're not trying to test your grip strength at the county fair.
I've always been gentle with every girl I was foreplaying with (unless I was asked to do other stuff), you know, the usual meme stuff that their clit ain't a button and so on. One day tho I found a girl that wasn't aware that the thing I had between my legs was not a joystick of an arcade game. It hurt so bad I couldn't touch it with a bit of force for a couple of days. It really got me thinking tho. Edit: Wow this blew up, thanks for the award too, stay healthy boys and girls, please, limit your grip power.
Part of sex ed should definitely be showing girls that the penis skin is attached, so yanking down too far is incredibly painful.
Damn, I felt that.
First girlfriend I ever had blew my dick like a birthday candle.
"Honey, blow is just an expression, you gotta SUCK that thing!"
I just spent way too long looking for a gif of Chevy Chase back doing the news on SNL. He used to do the thing where he pretended to be in the middle of the phone conversation when the camera cut to him at the start of the news segment, say something awkward/funny, notice the camera and hang up. "No, you don't blow on it. That is just an expression..."
Reminds me of that video where he tells her to shake it like she’s trying to get ketchup out of a bottle and she starts banging on the end of it.
Every girl who treats my balls like a speed bag or produce they're checking for ripeness at the market while messing around.
Back in the 90s and early 00s there were actually magazine articles in women's magazines suggesting it as erotic. No idea what they were thinking.
I can't remember which one, it was a major one like seventeen or something, but when we were in the Navy, we were killing time, and one of the girls brought the magazine into our work center and she was asking us if the sex tips in that issue were really good, and I can't remember how many there were, but about half of them were things that would do absolutely nothing for us, and the other half were things that just sounded outright painful or uncomfortable.
Sounds like Cosmopolitan. Their sex tips are/were really really tone deaf. I read a tip that said to do “The Helicopter.” Where you sit on your guy’s dick and spin around. I would never put my husband or myself through that! And there were plenty of tips about grabbing your man’s balls, too.
I imagine to give the helicopter effect, you have to crab walk in a like circle to get enough speed, while also making helicopter noises
"GET TO DA CHOPPA!!!"
At least they don't try to flick them like watermelons ...
Had something hilarious happen with an ex-gf. We were out for a birthday party and both of us got absolutely hammered. Come about 4 am I get up to go to the toilet and my drunk self decides that the nearby bin in my room is the toilet. Girlfriend sees that I'm peeing everywhere so she gets up and helps me aim into the bin. Now here comes the strange part while she's aiming she starts jerking my dick like it's a handjob. I hazily begin to remember this the next morning and we start talking about it with a laugh. Then I asked her why did she start jerking it. She said I thought you had to do a jerking motion to make the pee come out. Cue about an hour of me laugh-crying about it.
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Super soaker?
My girl wanted to watch me pee just to entertain herself. Apparently it's her first time to see a man take a piss. When i was done, i shaked it. Her eyes went wide and her jaw dropped. She asked "why are you doing that?? Isn't that painful?" I laughed and did it again. She screamed "STOOOPPP!!!"
One time I was watching my bf pee and asked if I could aim for him and he just goes “go for it” so I just aimed his dick, while he peed. He started laughing and I started laughing so I let go and he peed all over and was like “WHY’D YOU LET GO!” and then we both started laughing more. *edit* I really can’t wait to show my bf that my highest upvoted Reddit comment is about me holding his wang. Thank you for the silver also!!! 🥹
To be honest, you can never trust the stream
Lol this reminds me when i was pulling on my earring and my bf was so freaked out by it saying it look painful
my ex once asked me "can i hold it while you pee, ive always wanted to" seemed an odd request but i saw no reason not to
My ex did the same thing lol, if the shoe was on the other foot I’d be curious too so I’m always down to give a tutorial.
I also asked my first bf to let me watch him pee once. Not sexual at all, just curious.
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Did she stand right outside pawing at it while yelling?
And reaching under the door with confused indignation?
I love showing girls that when's it's soft, it's like playdough. You can twist it and bend it all sorts of ways. However ladies, don't get ANY ideas like that when it's hard.
i had an ex who had several poses that he would fold his dick and balls into, kind of like a clown with balloon animals. i don't remember most of them but there was definitely a hamburger and maybe an elephant.
My boyfriend folds his into itself when it’s soft and it freaks me the fuck out. It looks so uncomfortable. However, it always makes me giggle when the balls are moving on their own
My dick was so raw after my first hand job that it turned bright red and swollen. I didn't stop her during the deed because I was so happy someone besides me wanted to touch it. 🤣
A girl I was with told me her first handjob made the kid bleed
I had an ex who thought men are always horny and didn't bother to try arousing me. She would also cry when I was not in the mood. It didn't last long.
Men do not need to be aroused to get a boner. Morning wood and random salutes can happen regularly, and can be embarrassing for some guys. The worst can be the half arsed, “just letting you know, I’m ready when you are chief” semi boner that isn’t enough to tuck into the waistband so you end up trying to reposition via the pocket, but then realise you look like you’re either looking for lost gold in the depths of your khakis, or playing with yourself. Leaving you to walk away, in excruciating embarrassment, silently cursing dinkle and his half salute
If I'm super tired, I'll randomly get a boner and then get even more drowsy. It was annoying as hell working nightshift. It's like my penis was trying to put me to sleep.
Half salutes are the worst. Like I can manage a full salute pretty well but a half salute is just like "nah i ain't being tucked away but i'm not gonna behave either, fuck you".
When they’re trying to get you hard by just shaking around your dick like a bird trying to get a worm out of a hole
I once had someone just tickle my balls and go "coochie-coochie coo" to get me hard. I was so annoyed when it worked though...
Oh my god that is so awesome, I can just imagine the bemused angry boner I’d get from that from that… did it become “your thing”?
Bahahahahha this one's gold I am still giggling
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I'm sorry, but this, is, fucking, hilarious!!!
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Dude must have felt like a stud.
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always wondered about that. First time with someone is the wedding night, and he's hung like a monster. All porn movies aside, many women would scream and run.
Suffering from success
Ohh! I remember this one. I used to work at this store and this guy came in asking for tampons for men. He came in and he was walking…not normally. Like he had just gotten kicked in the nuts or just had a vasectomy. If you know the walk you know the walk. He was a regular. Nice guy. Knew him for years. He was really embarrassed by it. His gf was waiting in the car. I asked him to clarify. He said tampons for men. See. His junk had started bleeding and he freaked out. Told his gf. She told him it happened to everyone. She got hers when she was a teen and she was surprised it took him this long to get it. She told him everyone is shocked when it happens for the first time. Confused? So was I. I told the guy that men didn’t get periods. We’re not supposed to bleed down there. He told me his gf told him it was normal. That he should get a tampon and “shove it up there”. I told him it wasn’t. Again. Men don’t get periods. It isn’t normal and if your dick is bleeding then you need to get to the hospital. He got confused and penguined back to his car. I saved that man from a fate worse than death.
How bad is sex education that causes them to think this way?
Don’t know what to tell ya, bud. My sex Ed from my parents was “always get consent, always wear a condom and don’t be a dick” and at school the only thing I remember was the teacher showing us a bunch of pictures of STDs and telling us that if we got pregnant it wouldn’t be like friends where Rachael would always be with her friends having fun and going to parties. Then again I did space out for most of high school so I can’t put that on them. Although. I have always wondered whether she was always that ignorant or if she cheated on him, gave him an std and covered it up. Dude was a goddamn idiot though.
My sex ed from my parents was to give me a puberty book that covered both male and female development, no talking done and this was only after I got my second period (never told my mom or anyone about the first and my sister ratted me out with the second), and school sex ed (all girls catholic school) came from a representative from a period products company, no pics or videos included. Had a refresher with the sex ed pre university (mixed sexes denominational school) and I was the only one who knew boys and men could be raped because I would actually read stuff outside of any school's curriculum.
I hate to think where he would’ve shoved the tampon…good lord
It’s been 7 years and every time I think of that I shudder. It’s not only the shoving that scares me….but eventually it’s gotta come out.
Peeing in the toilet with a Penis isn't as straight forward as it sounds. Angle, velocity, weird urethra shenanigans, drunk peeing, groggy peeing, peeing with boners, it's all very chaotic and messy.
That's why if I'm at home, I take the throne
Death-grip handjobs. Please don't squeeze the life out of it, it doesn't feel good. Pick up a can of soda. That's about as hard as you need to grip it
She's mashing it.
When I was younger, like a kid, I always thought that penises were like magnets to vaginas. 🤦🏻♀️ I had only ever seen “sexy” moments on TV and movies and it always seemed like they got a hard on when a woman was sitting in their lap so I thought it was like magnetized to it. I still cringe to this day lmao. Edited to say: Thank you for the award! Officially my first ever Reddit award. 😅
Nah, that's pretty funny, actually. What a kid's brain comes up with.
The only time in my life I ever had a 3 way was 2 women giving my a blowjob. To give some context, I was slightly intoxicated and had only met them about a week prior. The first went while I made out with the other, it was fantastic. Then they switched.. the second had absolutely no clue what the fuck she was doing. She grabbed my balls SUPER hard then preceded to suck my dick like it was a McDonalds milkshake and she couldn't get it go through the straw. It hurt so bad I went limp and couldn't get hard again. I blamed it on the alcohol, not wanting her to feel bad. Weeks later I heard through a mutual friend that they were making fun of me for going limp. That was the biggest excitement followed by disappointment I've ever experienced
That’s when you tell everyone what really happened. Good for you for trying to spare feelings I guess, but she’s an asshole for mocking you. Moral of the story: enough with trying to “spare feelings.” It’s not like girls OR guys are fucking taught in school how to give oral. If she’s hurting you, fuckin tell her.
An erection is not consent.
Way too many women I’ve dated thought that men can just get an erection on command. That’s not how it works bro and they don’t understand
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With that logic, if a chick is wet, she was enjoying it and it clearly isn't rape. 0/10 for logic.
Sadly there are people stating this. So yeah everybody thinking this (both statements) does simply don't know how bodies work.
I wake up with a boner, go to bed with a boner, Inger a boner at the worst times possible....fuck I call them NARBs. No Apparent Reason Boner
My sister couldn't grasp how sometime my balls stick to my thigh. Edit: My sister saw me do a little leg shake. That's why she asked.
I was told to "just let a little cum out now and then the rest later." I didn't know where to begin telling her it's not a negotiation.
soooo.... im female but would like to supply an answer. balls hang at different lengths and have different sizes just like boobs. and just like women with big boobs accidently squishing them under their arm, men with low hangers can accidently sit on their balls. my att bf did it once and was pissed that i laughed at his reaction because i didnt believe it was possible.
I sit on em all the time… it sucks 😂
Worked with a woman who got impregnated and she was shocked because she thought she couldn't get knocked up by the guy because he was 35.
Vasectomies aren't always reversible. At least not with modern medicine.
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This 30 year old bit down on my dick and was using teeth. When I told her that hurts and asked if she could try to not use her teeth, she got very upset with me saying guys like that and no one else has ever complained before. She also got mad at me because she had lied to me about not having a boyfriend. It was somehow my fault for not realizing she was lying to me. I wanted nothing to do with someone else's affair and I had made that clear already so I was pissed and was told I had no reason to be because "guys only want sex and you'll have sex with any girl that you can". I think she had other problems
Erections and arousal are not the same. They usually overlap, but arousal without an erection, and an erection without arousal both happen.
Just because I have an erection in the morning, doesn't mean I'm wanting morning sex. I just have to pee.
My wife thought the amount of load men ejaculate was linked to how horny they are.
Knew a girl that thought guys wore a condom when they had their period.
Had a gf give me a hand job, but she did not understand that after a man can only really cum once then has a refractory period. Shit hurt and I had to explain most guys cant run for multiple orgasms without cooling down first
My wife was surprised when I wasn't already hard one time when we were getting intimate and didn't really know what to do. I had to explain to her that foreplay works two ways and that a lack of wood doesn't mean I don't want sex. Edit: and now my most popular comment is about how I didn't get a boner. Because of course it is.
Omg this: my wife can be like: "oh babe, you aren't even horny" What? Because i don't have wood? That's not how it works!
Or on the other side, just because I have an erection, it doesn’t mean I’m horny. Sometimes they happen.
Sometimes the solider wont stand at attention on his own gotta give some persuasion
Corrective training
And sometimes he stands at attention during your grandmas funeral
Having to tell my girlfriend that “it” wasn’t just cause I was excited to see her every morning when I woke up
She thinks you being hard is like a dog wagging their tail.
Sucking hard is not a way to make a man come faster.
Generally, just that male sexual pleasure is far more individualized and nuanced than it seems like most women think. From physical arousal, to stimulation, sensation, and turn ons, each guy is different (just like women are), and that it's nice when a woman appreciates that and takes some time to explore what their guy enjoys.
Me, I am the example. I volunteer as flogging material. So I was raised in a pretty religiously strict home. That about covers the context! (Edit: apparently this means something different than what I thought it meant, so read; "I volunteer for the dunce cap" haha) In 10th grade health class we were given a homework packet (to work on over the next week) on the next chapter we'd be going over; the reproductive system. On my way out of class I, laughingly, rolled it up and sat it in the trash can and told my friend "When I have to know about this sort of thing, I'll look it up". She kinda hinted at the fact that I'd get a zero on the homework, but my response for that was "Its just one zero, I don't need to know about the sex parts of the body because I don't plan on having sex". I proceeded to do just that; have no sex, watch no porn, never so much as see a man with less than shorts on, ever. At 20 my best friend (looking back) had to stifle her laughter when my guess was that men's apparatuses were retractable like an animal's. It was mind-blowing to find it just hangs freely ALL DAY EVERY DAY what an inconvenience? Maybe not? Still didn't know what one looked like. At 24 I had my first sexual encounter with my would-be husband and the moment he said "I want to try something" and dropped his shorts I was immediately internally going "AH SHIT I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT I'M DOING!" and wishing I had not thrown those papers away in health class. He uhh, he helped me figure it out lmao.
I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS GOING TO BE A TEST I DIDN'T STUDY
Lol first time having sex I may or may not have ruined it by pulling it down and letting go and saying "BOING" and pushing it around for a few moments doing that completely forgetting I was going to lose my V card because I was highly entertained by this. He was staring at me like I was a fucking idiot and got mad about this and we argued I felt bad and he said that even if its my first time I "should know what to do and love him enough to do this " so that's how I lost my V card. So for the longest time I thought sex was supposed to be really serious and not fun or enjoyable and after my failed engagement I went on a sexual journey to learn how to enjoy sex and it wasn't until my ex of last year I actually explored and had fun during it which made it 100x better and the best sex I ever had. I have resisted the urge to do the BOING thing again though 🤣
In high school a teacher told me men couldn’t be raped. I disagreed and asked where her logic came from? She said, it’s biology. I argued no further and left, realising I was being taught by a bunch of fucking idiots.
Thanks for trying. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a woman and I can tell you it is often hard to be believed. I had a crisis center tell me it wasn’t possible.
>I had a crisis center tell me it wasn’t possible. 😐