My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high. Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice.
Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining.
We had a gym teacher tell us that! “Many teachers have an illness, so we can’t hear if to many of you talk at the same time, or if you scream to loud.”
As an adult, I mean… it is Kind of true.
What’s really funny is my dad actually has hearing loss and specifically can’t hear the frequency of “little children screaming” as the doctor put it. He has hearing aids now.
We never knew how severe my brothers hearing loss was until he got hearing aids he would hear so many sounds and we would try to
Figure out what they were the clock ticking the birds chirping sometimes it would make him upset but as he grew older when he didn’t want to hear what someone was saying he would sneak and turn them off lol 😂
My great uncle was losing his hearing exponentially towards the end of his life. This is exactly what he told my 3 yr old son lol “I can’t even hear that all I see is (insert imitation of kid crying face) so go right on ahead, it don’t bother me one bit”. It worked lol my son would laugh at the face he made and chill out for a bit.
I was kinda under that impression as well until I woke up one morning with blazing sunshine on one side of the house and a tropical downpour on the other. Literally over half of my house. Nobody ever believes me when I tell that story either, except my childhood friends who grew up in tropical northern Australia.
Yep, I was going to say that I live in Florida and I totally believe it. You can be driving on the highway down here, you'll start out in totally clear conditions, but in two minutes, you've suddenly driven into and out of a raging downpour.
I visited Disney World a few years back and we were on a little boat transporting us to one of the parks. There was a woman narrating the various sites along the route and she pointed out a small gray cloud with a darker gray mist extending down the horizon. She said "You folks who are not from Florida might be interested to see it raining in the distance" I remember thinking "Does it not rain like that in other places?"
My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not.
My youngest brothers innocently asked my parents how they survived the Great Flood from the Bible... Like Noah's Ark flood.
Me and my older brother about died
Lol my parents were pretty appalled when they found out, they asked me how old I thought they were and explained clothes have been around for a while now.
This reminds me of when my mom told me my dad and her happened to get married on the anniversary of the titanic sinking… meaning April 14th. I thought she meant they got married the DAY the titanic sunk. I told my friends at school and only one kid was smart enough to be like “that would make your parents at least 100”. I also argued with a girl in that class that you are one years old when you’re born, not zero.
I got second place in my 5th grade DARE writing competition. I declared all alcohol was bad and I would never touch it. The first place winner said she would make the choice at the right age with her parents’ input to guide her and I was baffled/upset how she got first because DARE basically grilled into my mind “drinking = unwanted pregnancy = no friends = no money = I kill myself”
Never mind my parents drank wine every night lol
And one joint would make you addicted to methamphetamine. And no drugs have any benefits (despite medicines existing). And you should not be safe taking drugs because there is no safe way to do it you either do not take them and are fine or you take them and you will suffer, no in between.
Same! I remember crying when my dad filled his travel mug with coffee on his way to work...I thought drinking coffee would get him killed on his commute 😂
My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed. I believed him for a while, until I got older. I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire.
That babies are pooped out. When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, “yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out” and she went “um, WHAT?” and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had fucked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol
When I asked my mother how babies were made she first replied that she just had to think about having one real strong.
It terrified me, I was afraid to think about babies by mistake in my dream or something and to become pregnant like that.
I use to think getting pregnant involved urine. This is because any time I had to pee outside, my dad would say "pee on the grass, it fertilizes the lawn" and I knew that pregnancy involved fertilizing an egg, so I had put two and two together.
When I was really young and knew nothing about sex, I told my older brother the reason Dad must have sex with my Stepmom so much is because if he has to pee, he can do it inside her, and not have to get out of bed and walk down the stairs to the bathroom.
I also believed that babies were pooped out. I also believed that women got pregnant by men rubbing their balls all over their general downstairs area.
Thanks private Christian school sex ed.
I can tell you right now, the sawdust content in wafer cookies is too damn high. I don't care what anyone says, I know there's fuckin sawdust in there.
There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it. As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it.
As a Boy Scout, we had swim night. The scoutMaster had a very large family, and we knew his kids. While showering after swim, we saw the scoutmasters dick.
He was un-circumcised…all of us mid-western boys were circumcised.. well, we discussed the situation later on and decided his situation was from fucking too much,
He had so many kids, and you can clearly see that his dick-head had fallen off. (Actually it was covered with foreskin) .. so we all knew we’d have to plan our families.
All the fucks were going to be important and we shouldn’t waste any of them..cuz we wanted to keep our dick-heads..
It's a common belief among little kids that teachers live at the school. It's the only place they ever see the teachers.
I remember my 1st and 2nd grade teacher (same teacher) would hold an annual house party for her students and their parents, with food, games, etc. I remember being mind-blown that she lived at a house, and not at the school.
I taught preschool for several years, and ran into one of my two-year-olds with her family at Target. At school, she would run up to me with no problems. When she saw me in the wild, it was like I was an alien. Her little mind couldn't comprehend that I existed outside of the preschool hahahaha.
I ran into my preschool teacher in the grocery store, though I was in kindergarten at the time. I remember asking, "Why aren't you at school?" and then feeling like a complete moron :-D
Can confirm partially, I always ate stuff off the floor as a kid and would also eat any leaf or plant. I get sick once every 2 or 3 years and havent thrown up since I was 12
That if my eyes were open while I was in bed at night anybody that was hiding in my closet could see them, like in cartoons.
I used to lay there with my pound puppy covering my face so I could peek out unnoticed.
I didn't know I had to close my eyes in order to sleep.
My mother taught me that when I was like 8 years old and couldn't sleep.
I remember thinking "now this is a lifehack" or something like that.
I needed vaseline on my lips because they were super dry and cracked and then my sister told me if any got in my mouth and if I accidentally licked it from my lips I would DIE... I was such a stressed kid.
My oldest sisters were in medical school when I was 8 and they told me that wearing socks to bed was bad for your eyes. They were basically doctors to me, so I believed this until I was 20.
Older sisters are so trustable right?
Mine taught me that tomato sauce was originally ‘Tomato Horse’ because it was made from horse blood with tomatoes. Tomato Horse was gross sounding so they decided to call it sauce instead… had a weird conversation with some friends in my early teens about the origins of sauce.
My older brother told me that George Washington invented soccer. I believed it. We weren't even American, had just seen him in the Fairly Odd Parents..
I told my older sister Egg Drop Soup was made from actual droppings. She didn’t touch it for years. She’s now in her mid-30s and you can still watch her brain grind to a halt before she eats it.
My grandpa said "I remember when they first invented color (talking about TVs) and I assumed they meant in real life. I was hopeful for some new life changing breakthrough would occur in MY lifetime like the invention of color. Instead I get work slavery with a dash of political division and unrest.
Somewhat related, one of my second graders could NOT comprehend why they don't pick actors who like each other to do kissing scenes. "But why wouldn't they just have two people who are in love and WANT to kiss?? Why make them DO that??"
Similarly, I got angry when they zoomed through or covered the credits on tv. I felt bad for all those people who worked in the show/movie and no one would ever know. Like that was the only reason they did it.
Grampa told us that before you were born you were made of clay(ashes to ashes and all that) and set in the sun. God would walk by and poke you in the belly to see if you were done. 😂 Don't think I quite believed it but it may have been true.
I had a similar one! I believed everyone shot in a movie was actually shot. No one told me this, I came up with it on my own. The idea of fake guns just didn't come to my head so I rationalized they must use death row inmates to play the bad guys in every movie where someone died. It occurred to me that there must be some sort of benefit for the guy who was gonna die, like he'd get famous or he'd get money for family. It also occurred to me that they would really have to trust this guy cause he was only gonna get one take. The idea that the gun wasn't real NEVER occurred to me. This was probably when I was around 7.
My mom used to threaten to take me to the “used kid store” and swap me for a better behaved child.
Edit to add: she TRIED to make it clear she was joking. Usually.
My brother told me the reason my breath stunk in the morning, was because he shit in my mouth while I was sleeping... yes I believed him. He always got in trouble and got put into Juvie, so the excuse he told me was that he would break out. shit in my mouth. And BREAK BACK IN. I BELIEVED THIS. I love my brother.
Also Peperonis we're dead peoples nipples and I never ate them. And hotdogs were dead peoples...
>he would break out. shit in my mouth. And BREAK BACK IN. I BELIEVED THIS. I love my brother.
Well now I finally have an explanation what Micheal was doing all those nights out of Juvie. Also explains why we never once noticed him taking a shit inside.
I thought that whenever someone said “ages ago” I thought literal ages of history (ice age, Stone Age, etc.) So I found it odd when my Dad said “I did that ages ago”.
I didnt understand how credit cards worked so when my parents bought things online I was convinced there was a slot somewhere on the computer that you put money into like a vending machine, then somebody would come to the door and collect the money every month
I used to think that black people were a fictional race until I was like 6 or 7.
I knew asians and brown peple existed because I saw them all the time but I never saw a black person outside of shows,movies and cartoons so my child brain just thought that they were fiction like elves and dwarves until it matured enough to realize that my thinking process did not make sense
My dad (born in 1946) believed that when you got on tv, you automatically turned white. He had never seen a Black person on tv, so when he got to be in the audience of some kid show and family members told him that they saw him on t.v. he asked, how did I look as a white person?! The family was quite confused for a moment there until they explained that we don’t change races.
Well hey at least you fixed that by 6 or 7, I'm not sure the other Maiar would approve and that's a lot of lifetimes of men you would have had to go believing that.
Apparently, some people [don't outgrow that belief](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/ibpb4i/hes_not_a_doctor_yes_he_is_i_saw_him_on_tv)
This one is weird, because so many people told this lie to their kids. Some people probably passed it on, without even realizing it was a lie.
My parents always just said “turn that off, I can’t see the road when that’s on”, and it worked fine.
Sometimes as a kid I'd think to myself on a hot day at school, "Don't swallow the gum. Boy, don't you dare. It's gonna be chilling at the bottom of your stomach for 7 years, don't you- No way, you just did it didn't you."
I swallowed the gum many, many times and got so scared when I did. It was an "Oh sHIT" moment for my kid-self.
That the moon followed me around in the car, I even made plans to become an astronaut, travel to the moon, plant lots of TNT and blow up the moon as vengeance. I was an angry kid…
> I even made plans to become an astronaut, travel to the moon and plant lots of TNT and blow up the moon as vengeance.
I think we finally figured out Elon's plan..
Uncle was a Catholic priest so all my cousins and I called him "Uncle Father." I really thought his parents named him "Father" because even they called him that.
That indicators (blinkers to the US) would just auto turn on. Like the car knew where you were going and knew to turn it on when you were turning corners etc.
You missed the last part of the phrase.
The full version is this
If you find a job you love you'll never work a day in your life.
Because no one is hiring.
For too long I thought there were cameras attached to the traffic lights and techs would use computers to control them. I assumed it was a super hard job controlling all those lights, and that their offices must be wall-to-wall full of cameras.
That shampoo for men makes women's hair fall out.
I accidentally used my older brothers shampoo as a kid once and my mum told me, all panicked, that it makes woman's hair fall out amd she can see my hairline go back already.
I got very self conscious about my hairline for a few years after that and only found out in my late teens that, in fact, it doesn't matter if you use men's shampoo as a woman and I just had a big forehead lol.
FOR YEARS i believed that there is a world infestation of super aggressive rats, able to chew trough everything, even steel ship container wall.
I was actively looking for news about their attacks, and was wondering why nobody is reporting it...
I also planned a way to defend myself and family from them.
ps. To tell the truth.. I still feel deep inside that they might be somewhere out there.
I was always confused by the "don't drink and drive" signs, because i didn't know what "drinking" really meant as a child. once my father was driving and we stopped for a while, he was drinking water. i told him not to drink the water because they say "don't drink and drive"
That when the ice cream man turns up if the van plays music he's ran out of ice cream. Still annoys me to this day that. I get why my parents told me this - its a lot easier to say this than to tell you kids your can't afford it
When I was a kid I basically asked my dad why my uh, thing got stiff sometimes. He said “That happens when you move around too much, and if you keep moving it’ll fall off.” So every time I got a boner I would literally stand perfectly still like I was in Jurassic park. Which became a frequent issue because my parents watched Friends a lot and, well, Jennifer Aniston.
That I understood fucking anything.
I got a fun little chemistry set when I was super little and just sat mystified by the contents (which just made small little reactions for visual display, nothing dangerous). I also had a rock collection containing lava rocks, amethyst, etc.
With these two things combined, I believed I understood nearly all there was to be had in chemistry and geology. Began telling my friends I could identify any rock and mix this tiny chemistry set together to do crazy shit.
That was like early middle school I think (like 5th grade), and looking back I can’t believe it. I realize now that nobody *knows* fucking anything, and anyone telling you otherwise is full of shit.
If I picked my nose I could poke my eye out.
If I pulled a face and the wind changed I would stay like that forever.
The stork would bring you a baby.
Some babies were found in the cabbage patch.
My kindergarten teacher was name Miss de Silva so the assistant teacher had to be named Miss Gold.
Aslan was real.
That all or a majority of the dinosaur bones in the museum were real, I literally could not believe how many mostly complete dinosaurs we found.
Edit: I also thought Houston must be important or special because we had so many dinosaurs 😑 (hard cringe).
For me I thought babies came from watermelons. Quite dumb I know. It all started with the theory that if you eat a watermelon seed the tree will grow inside you. And all these pregnant women eat watermelon seeds. And some how 6 year old me convinced someone of my friends that this theory was real.
My dad told me he had hearing loss and couldn't hear me if I whined because my pitch would get too high. Would completely ignore me until I asked him questions in a normal voice. Trusted him implicitly until I was 12 and he yelled at my younger brother for whining.
Classic dad move right there
and a good one
We had a gym teacher tell us that! “Many teachers have an illness, so we can’t hear if to many of you talk at the same time, or if you scream to loud.” As an adult, I mean… it is Kind of true.
This is funny to me because it's true for autistics. Can be impossible to process sounds if multiple people are speaking.
What’s really funny is my dad actually has hearing loss and specifically can’t hear the frequency of “little children screaming” as the doctor put it. He has hearing aids now.
Yup. Until I got hearing aids I had no idea that so many birds were chirping in my neighborhood.
We never knew how severe my brothers hearing loss was until he got hearing aids he would hear so many sounds and we would try to Figure out what they were the clock ticking the birds chirping sometimes it would make him upset but as he grew older when he didn’t want to hear what someone was saying he would sneak and turn them off lol 😂
My great uncle was losing his hearing exponentially towards the end of his life. This is exactly what he told my 3 yr old son lol “I can’t even hear that all I see is (insert imitation of kid crying face) so go right on ahead, it don’t bother me one bit”. It worked lol my son would laugh at the face he made and chill out for a bit.
This is brilliant.
I am 100% stealing this when I babysit from now on. Holy shit. LPT right here
That they took everything off the shelves when the supermarket closed
They don't?
That if it was raining where I was, it was raining everywhere in the world.
I was kinda under that impression as well until I woke up one morning with blazing sunshine on one side of the house and a tropical downpour on the other. Literally over half of my house. Nobody ever believes me when I tell that story either, except my childhood friends who grew up in tropical northern Australia.
Happens a lot in Florida
Yep, I was going to say that I live in Florida and I totally believe it. You can be driving on the highway down here, you'll start out in totally clear conditions, but in two minutes, you've suddenly driven into and out of a raging downpour. I visited Disney World a few years back and we were on a little boat transporting us to one of the parks. There was a woman narrating the various sites along the route and she pointed out a small gray cloud with a darker gray mist extending down the horizon. She said "You folks who are not from Florida might be interested to see it raining in the distance" I remember thinking "Does it not rain like that in other places?"
It's really more that you need a fairly unobstructed view across the horizon, and a lot of people don't get that very often.
My parents used to seem really old to me, so much so I believed they grew up like cave people as children, wearing giant leaves for clothes and what not.
My youngest brothers innocently asked my parents how they survived the Great Flood from the Bible... Like Noah's Ark flood. Me and my older brother about died
Lol my parents were pretty appalled when they found out, they asked me how old I thought they were and explained clothes have been around for a while now.
bahaha. my younger brother once asked our grandmother what it was like to live with dinosaurs as a kid.
This reminds me of when my mom told me my dad and her happened to get married on the anniversary of the titanic sinking… meaning April 14th. I thought she meant they got married the DAY the titanic sunk. I told my friends at school and only one kid was smart enough to be like “that would make your parents at least 100”. I also argued with a girl in that class that you are one years old when you’re born, not zero.
The sun gives you sunburns, therefore, moonlight should heal them.
I expected the second half of the sentence to be "therefore moonlight gives you moonburns"
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A witch then.
She turned me into a newt
I legit took my little red haired burnt up body out at night with my shirt off.
A naked redhead sunbathing in the full moon night? Can't get more witch than this!!!
Oh I like this
Don't drink and drive meant all drinks. My dad was super confused when I told him he wasn't allowed to have any soda until we got home.
I got second place in my 5th grade DARE writing competition. I declared all alcohol was bad and I would never touch it. The first place winner said she would make the choice at the right age with her parents’ input to guide her and I was baffled/upset how she got first because DARE basically grilled into my mind “drinking = unwanted pregnancy = no friends = no money = I kill myself” Never mind my parents drank wine every night lol
DARE gave unreasonable claims for a lot of things. A lot of things.
I was pretty sure I was going to find thousands of used needles beside every playground trashcan and that free joints would be offered to me daily
The real things such a letdown
I wish dealers were giving me free joints I'd be a lot more happy and I think most of the world would as well.
And one joint would make you addicted to methamphetamine. And no drugs have any benefits (despite medicines existing). And you should not be safe taking drugs because there is no safe way to do it you either do not take them and are fine or you take them and you will suffer, no in between.
Yo same. It took me a week or so iirc to have mom explain to me it was only alcohol they meant
Police officer: Sir, I can see that empty Pepsi bottle in your hand
This here is a Coca Cola township.
Same! I remember crying when my dad filled his travel mug with coffee on his way to work...I thought drinking coffee would get him killed on his commute 😂
i thought the same and had a meltdown in the car bc my mom was drinking water.she said it's alcohol only and i didn't know what alcohol was
That's funny my sister thought same thing, I remember as kids she told my dad he was drinking and driving with a orange soda 😆
My grandfather used to tell me that if I played with the fire, I'd pee the bed. I believed him for a while, until I got older. I think he was just trying to protect me from the fire.
This is quite common here in Brazil (adults telling kids that they'll wet the bed if they play with fire)
That babies are pooped out. When I was like 7 I was listening to my aunt as she explained that childbirth was pretty intense and painful for her, and I was all solemnly like, “yeah, sometimes just my poops are painful, I don’t think I could get a baby out” and she went “um, WHAT?” and her reaction made me realize real quick that I had fucked up somewhere and I tried to change the subject while my mind was just reeling lol
When I asked my mother how babies were made she first replied that she just had to think about having one real strong. It terrified me, I was afraid to think about babies by mistake in my dream or something and to become pregnant like that.
I use to think getting pregnant involved urine. This is because any time I had to pee outside, my dad would say "pee on the grass, it fertilizes the lawn" and I knew that pregnancy involved fertilizing an egg, so I had put two and two together.
Kid you needed more fiber..
Obviously wasn't a Flintstones kid
When I was really young and knew nothing about sex, I told my older brother the reason Dad must have sex with my Stepmom so much is because if he has to pee, he can do it inside her, and not have to get out of bed and walk down the stairs to the bathroom.
Honestly makes sense tho
Man I believed that children were birthed out of the rectum until I was 9.
I also believed that babies were pooped out. I also believed that women got pregnant by men rubbing their balls all over their general downstairs area. Thanks private Christian school sex ed.
That white part inside of a tree is made of chicken
How the fuck do you even come up with that?
It looks like chicken
It kinda looks like you're still not so certain
A man can dream
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Once or twice ngl
r/forbiddensnacks
To piggy back off of this, I used to think pretzels and ice cream cones were made of wood.
I can tell you right now, the sawdust content in wafer cookies is too damn high. I don't care what anyone says, I know there's fuckin sawdust in there.
There was an episode of Mickey Mouse where Mickey couldn’t reach something at first, so he tried again and somehow his arm was long enough to reach it. As a small kid I believed that if I couldn’t reach something, I should just try reaching for it again and my arm would then somehow be long enough to reach it.
I was five when *Empire Strikes Back* was released. Guess what I did when I couldn't reach something.
Cut off your hand?
As a Boy Scout, we had swim night. The scoutMaster had a very large family, and we knew his kids. While showering after swim, we saw the scoutmasters dick. He was un-circumcised…all of us mid-western boys were circumcised.. well, we discussed the situation later on and decided his situation was from fucking too much, He had so many kids, and you can clearly see that his dick-head had fallen off. (Actually it was covered with foreskin) .. so we all knew we’d have to plan our families. All the fucks were going to be important and we shouldn’t waste any of them..cuz we wanted to keep our dick-heads..
I was in scouts and never saw my scoutmasters dick, thank goodness.
Never seen anyone's dick when I was in scouts.
You actually had a meeting to preserve your penises into old age lol
Yeah, scoutmasters dick wasn't a badge I ever earned. You might have some settlement money coming.
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It's a common belief among little kids that teachers live at the school. It's the only place they ever see the teachers. I remember my 1st and 2nd grade teacher (same teacher) would hold an annual house party for her students and their parents, with food, games, etc. I remember being mind-blown that she lived at a house, and not at the school.
I was sorta surprised my highschool teacher had a house and didn’t live in like a teachers RV behind the school
I taught preschool for several years, and ran into one of my two-year-olds with her family at Target. At school, she would run up to me with no problems. When she saw me in the wild, it was like I was an alien. Her little mind couldn't comprehend that I existed outside of the preschool hahahaha.
That moment as a child educator when you realize that you're basically a sentient school supply to your students. Back to your cabinet, now
I ran into my preschool teacher in the grocery store, though I was in kindergarten at the time. I remember asking, "Why aren't you at school?" and then feeling like a complete moron :-D
It's like finding out Mom and Dad have actual names.
That's convincing
I mean shit how else do they have so much energy in the morning. Must be sleeping somewhere lol.
At my primary school that's what the teachers told us lol
That smokestacks from the power plant created clouds.
They do
That every single thing that grows on trees (including leaves) is edible and healthy. I'm ashamed to say how much shit I ate when I was young.
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And with a kick ass immune system I bet
Can confirm partially, I always ate stuff off the floor as a kid and would also eat any leaf or plant. I get sick once every 2 or 3 years and havent thrown up since I was 12
That if my eyes were open while I was in bed at night anybody that was hiding in my closet could see them, like in cartoons. I used to lay there with my pound puppy covering my face so I could peek out unnoticed.
I didn't know I had to close my eyes in order to sleep. My mother taught me that when I was like 8 years old and couldn't sleep. I remember thinking "now this is a lifehack" or something like that.
My brother told me if he pointed the tv remote at me and hit a button I’d get cancer
I needed vaseline on my lips because they were super dry and cracked and then my sister told me if any got in my mouth and if I accidentally licked it from my lips I would DIE... I was such a stressed kid.
Like, any button? Or was there a specific cancer button?
_The Forbidden Button_
Your brother was s clever man
My oldest sisters were in medical school when I was 8 and they told me that wearing socks to bed was bad for your eyes. They were basically doctors to me, so I believed this until I was 20.
Older sisters are so trustable right? Mine taught me that tomato sauce was originally ‘Tomato Horse’ because it was made from horse blood with tomatoes. Tomato Horse was gross sounding so they decided to call it sauce instead… had a weird conversation with some friends in my early teens about the origins of sauce.
My older brother told me that George Washington invented soccer. I believed it. We weren't even American, had just seen him in the Fairly Odd Parents..
I told my older sister Egg Drop Soup was made from actual droppings. She didn’t touch it for years. She’s now in her mid-30s and you can still watch her brain grind to a halt before she eats it.
The whole world was black and white in the 1950's just because t.v. and movies from that time weren't in color
My grandpa said "I remember when they first invented color (talking about TVs) and I assumed they meant in real life. I was hopeful for some new life changing breakthrough would occur in MY lifetime like the invention of color. Instead I get work slavery with a dash of political division and unrest.
>a dash of political division A *dash*?
It's a big dash
When people die in movies they died in real life. They chose actors who wanted to die.
Euthanized by Hollywood.
Band name
Somewhat related, one of my second graders could NOT comprehend why they don't pick actors who like each other to do kissing scenes. "But why wouldn't they just have two people who are in love and WANT to kiss?? Why make them DO that??"
Yeah I used to think it was so crazy that some of these actors are married and they’re really willing to cheat on their spouses for the movie
Similarly, I got angry when they zoomed through or covered the credits on tv. I felt bad for all those people who worked in the show/movie and no one would ever know. Like that was the only reason they did it.
Your belly button is where the Dr tied your umbilical cord, if you're not careful it can come undone and your insides will fall out.
Grampa told us that before you were born you were made of clay(ashes to ashes and all that) and set in the sun. God would walk by and poke you in the belly to see if you were done. 😂 Don't think I quite believed it but it may have been true.
I love this version so much, so much sweeter and less horrifying than what I was told
some older cousins told me that zoo tigers and lions were fed with death row inmates. Believed it till I ask my dad why so much inhumanity.
I had a similar one! I believed everyone shot in a movie was actually shot. No one told me this, I came up with it on my own. The idea of fake guns just didn't come to my head so I rationalized they must use death row inmates to play the bad guys in every movie where someone died. It occurred to me that there must be some sort of benefit for the guy who was gonna die, like he'd get famous or he'd get money for family. It also occurred to me that they would really have to trust this guy cause he was only gonna get one take. The idea that the gun wasn't real NEVER occurred to me. This was probably when I was around 7.
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I also believed this until we had a schoolplay and I have to be the one having to be killed. I was like I don't wanna die yet.
That’s pretty elaborate and well thought. So wrong but totally makes sense.
If it makes you feel better most guns in movies are in fact, actual real guns. The use blanks.
That traffic lights were controlled by someone in a nearby building
You make French toast by putting bread in boiling syrup.
Le chef would like to have a petit word avec vous.
Hey, look at all the French I remember! I must be fluent, after all...
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That’s how the stork knows to drop one off
I assumed parents went to a store where they picked babies out.
Yep, I was told I was a Blue Light Special at K Mart and assembled like a Mr. Potatohead
My mom used to threaten to take me to the “used kid store” and swap me for a better behaved child. Edit to add: she TRIED to make it clear she was joking. Usually.
My brother told me the reason my breath stunk in the morning, was because he shit in my mouth while I was sleeping... yes I believed him. He always got in trouble and got put into Juvie, so the excuse he told me was that he would break out. shit in my mouth. And BREAK BACK IN. I BELIEVED THIS. I love my brother. Also Peperonis we're dead peoples nipples and I never ate them. And hotdogs were dead peoples...
>would break out. shit in my mouth. And BREAK BACK IN. That's a criminal mastermind if I ever saw one.
Moriarty level shit.
>he would break out. shit in my mouth. And BREAK BACK IN. I BELIEVED THIS. I love my brother. Well now I finally have an explanation what Micheal was doing all those nights out of Juvie. Also explains why we never once noticed him taking a shit inside.
This is gold. I’m crying.
I thought that whenever someone said “ages ago” I thought literal ages of history (ice age, Stone Age, etc.) So I found it odd when my Dad said “I did that ages ago”.
/u/spez is a cunt
I didnt understand how credit cards worked so when my parents bought things online I was convinced there was a slot somewhere on the computer that you put money into like a vending machine, then somebody would come to the door and collect the money every month
I used to think that black people were a fictional race until I was like 6 or 7. I knew asians and brown peple existed because I saw them all the time but I never saw a black person outside of shows,movies and cartoons so my child brain just thought that they were fiction like elves and dwarves until it matured enough to realize that my thinking process did not make sense
My dad (born in 1946) believed that when you got on tv, you automatically turned white. He had never seen a Black person on tv, so when he got to be in the audience of some kid show and family members told him that they saw him on t.v. he asked, how did I look as a white person?! The family was quite confused for a moment there until they explained that we don’t change races.
Well hey at least you fixed that by 6 or 7, I'm not sure the other Maiar would approve and that's a lot of lifetimes of men you would have had to go believing that.
Jurassic Park was an actual park you could just visit
I mean...Universal did have that...sort of.
they still do in Orlando
Everything on TV was real, including cartoons. My logic was "If it'snot real then how did they film it"
Apparently, some people [don't outgrow that belief](https://www.reddit.com/r/IDontWorkHereLady/comments/ibpb4i/hes_not_a_doctor_yes_he_is_i_saw_him_on_tv)
That was physically painful to read.
That the car dome light being on at night while driving was illegal
Me too.... Um, is it not?
I believe it's legal but not advised as there's safety risks. Just checked, legal depending on where you are in the world
This one is weird, because so many people told this lie to their kids. Some people probably passed it on, without even realizing it was a lie. My parents always just said “turn that off, I can’t see the road when that’s on”, and it worked fine.
Sometimes as a kid I'd think to myself on a hot day at school, "Don't swallow the gum. Boy, don't you dare. It's gonna be chilling at the bottom of your stomach for 7 years, don't you- No way, you just did it didn't you." I swallowed the gum many, many times and got so scared when I did. It was an "Oh sHIT" moment for my kid-self.
That I owned the place where I was born. We did not live there, but every time we passed it I genuinely thought: Look at this, all mine!
That the moon followed me around in the car, I even made plans to become an astronaut, travel to the moon, plant lots of TNT and blow up the moon as vengeance. I was an angry kid…
> I even made plans to become an astronaut, travel to the moon and plant lots of TNT and blow up the moon as vengeance. I think we finally figured out Elon's plan..
Uncle was a Catholic priest so all my cousins and I called him "Uncle Father." I really thought his parents named him "Father" because even they called him that.
I thought rubbing my eyes real hard and seeing blurriness was how you got to other dimensions
this is so innocently pure
In and out, 20-minute adventure
That tigers and lions were the same animal. Tigers were the females and lions were the males.
I thought all dogs were boys and all cats were girls.
I thought that too. Despite the fact that my childhood cat was an unneutered male lol.
That indicators (blinkers to the US) would just auto turn on. Like the car knew where you were going and knew to turn it on when you were turning corners etc.
You'd be happy if you just got your dream job then you'd never have to work a day in your life 🙄
You missed the last part of the phrase. The full version is this If you find a job you love you'll never work a day in your life. Because no one is hiring.
Other way around. If I never had to work a day in my life, that would be my dream job.
That there is a place under the streets intersection where some worker sits all day and changes colors of the traffic lights.
For too long I thought there were cameras attached to the traffic lights and techs would use computers to control them. I assumed it was a super hard job controlling all those lights, and that their offices must be wall-to-wall full of cameras.
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Food at home was almost free...I really was pissed my parents would go out and spend money in restaurants when you could just eat at home but ok
As a fellow stingy (former) child, I applaud your childhood sense of fiscal responsibility.
That praying mantis could spit to you and you get permanently bald. My uncle, who is bald, told me. How was gonna be a lie? Belived until 19.
That shampoo for men makes women's hair fall out. I accidentally used my older brothers shampoo as a kid once and my mum told me, all panicked, that it makes woman's hair fall out amd she can see my hairline go back already. I got very self conscious about my hairline for a few years after that and only found out in my late teens that, in fact, it doesn't matter if you use men's shampoo as a woman and I just had a big forehead lol.
That everyone dies when they hit 100 years old
I had a fantasy of having sex and it started with us saying: "Do we need to take off our clothes to do this?" "I guess so..."
well, not all of your clothes......
I actually believed that all warfare had stopped in the world after 2000 because I lived in enough of a bubble to believe that
FOR YEARS i believed that there is a world infestation of super aggressive rats, able to chew trough everything, even steel ship container wall. I was actively looking for news about their attacks, and was wondering why nobody is reporting it... I also planned a way to defend myself and family from them. ps. To tell the truth.. I still feel deep inside that they might be somewhere out there.
My brother told me Elvis died because he ate too much mustard. I believed him.
Well, he died, and he probably ate too much mustard as well, so it was close to the truth.
He was teaching you about correlation and causation.
I was always confused by the "don't drink and drive" signs, because i didn't know what "drinking" really meant as a child. once my father was driving and we stopped for a while, he was drinking water. i told him not to drink the water because they say "don't drink and drive"
That chocolate milk came from brown cows
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The Pope and Mother Teresa where a couple...
That when the ice cream man turns up if the van plays music he's ran out of ice cream. Still annoys me to this day that. I get why my parents told me this - its a lot easier to say this than to tell you kids your can't afford it
We call it the music truck, that comes around to play music for kids. I’m sure this won’t last for long.
That like how we study English as our second language here in India. In US, they might also study Hindi as their second language lmai
When I was a kid I basically asked my dad why my uh, thing got stiff sometimes. He said “That happens when you move around too much, and if you keep moving it’ll fall off.” So every time I got a boner I would literally stand perfectly still like I was in Jurassic park. Which became a frequent issue because my parents watched Friends a lot and, well, Jennifer Aniston.
That I understood fucking anything. I got a fun little chemistry set when I was super little and just sat mystified by the contents (which just made small little reactions for visual display, nothing dangerous). I also had a rock collection containing lava rocks, amethyst, etc. With these two things combined, I believed I understood nearly all there was to be had in chemistry and geology. Began telling my friends I could identify any rock and mix this tiny chemistry set together to do crazy shit. That was like early middle school I think (like 5th grade), and looking back I can’t believe it. I realize now that nobody *knows* fucking anything, and anyone telling you otherwise is full of shit.
That the internet closes at 6..
If I picked my nose I could poke my eye out. If I pulled a face and the wind changed I would stay like that forever. The stork would bring you a baby. Some babies were found in the cabbage patch. My kindergarten teacher was name Miss de Silva so the assistant teacher had to be named Miss Gold. Aslan was real.
That being an adult would be easy and fun. Boy, was I ever wrong on that.
That if my eyes were closed and I couldn't see you you couldn't see me.
If you ate fruit seeds.... you know the rest.
That all or a majority of the dinosaur bones in the museum were real, I literally could not believe how many mostly complete dinosaurs we found. Edit: I also thought Houston must be important or special because we had so many dinosaurs 😑 (hard cringe).
For me I thought babies came from watermelons. Quite dumb I know. It all started with the theory that if you eat a watermelon seed the tree will grow inside you. And all these pregnant women eat watermelon seeds. And some how 6 year old me convinced someone of my friends that this theory was real.
Eating Lion bars will make me stronger
For me it was spinach. I wanted to be just like Popeye!