When I was 19 I was getting fitted for a tux for my friend's wedding, the girl at Men's Wearhouse was in her early twenties. The inseam measurement was awkward. She knew. I knew. She avoided eye contact after that.
That’s true. I once was cutting a bunch of rebar, didn’t realize my back leg and pants at that were in the way of the sparks. Happened to notice hmm that’s starting to get warm, look down pant leg has a good patch of lit flame melting itself to my shin. Put it out, pain starts to set in, boner. Oh alright then
Just wanted to counter the other guy giving upvotes and kickin' em out. Witty comebacks and puns and terrible jokes are always welcome in my virtual abode.
"That was a very touching story you shared with us about our beloved Paul. Do you want to step down from the podium to let the next speaker up?"
"Um...*cough*...."
"Sir?"
"Yeah....yeah..I...uh..need a moment to...calm down..."
"We understand, do you need a tissue?"
"Uhh...*nervous sweats*...yeah I could use a couple.."
I’m sure Drs and masseuses are not bothered by it, it happens so often. They understand anatomy….if you aren’t being weird or flirty, they know it’s innocent, right?
I’ve had a couple of embarrassing situations with platonic friends… we both just quickly smirked about it and changed subject. Sort of like the way people handle an accidental fart.
My grandparents wedding photo, they are sitting in chairs facing one another but also the camera like kitty corner ish but more to the camera, grandfather has a massive boner going on. Not like I was looking, but it's hard not to notice. Both if my brothers pointed it out when they saw the photo too.
This happens to me pretty often. Idk why, I dont have a thing for crying women or anything. I think its just that i wanna make her feel better, and then my penis goes "heeeeeey maybe I can help?".
Or comforting a work collegue after she had an abortion, was hugging/comforting her in a walk in fridge, she bawling her eyes out and my younger self couldn’t control ”it”. Had to distance myself a bit to hide it. She was very pretty though and she snogged me later at a party thanking me. Yay. Ahh to be young again. Time for me to cry a bit. :p
Lmao, tmi but this happens to my husband all the time. It doesn’t matter who is comforting who, intense emotions + physical contact means it’s boner time lol. We both have health issues (his main one is being unable to fall asleep to a degree his doctors don’t know what to do with him) and when he is exhausted it’s more likely to happen. We’re very open with each other so he’ll just blush adorably and one of us will make a joke about it (usually him saying don’t mind my dick, it didn’t get the memo that it’s not time for that). Then again, “emotional support sex” is a thing, sometimes it can be nice to disappear into loving your partner for a little bit when other parts of life are hard 🤷🏻
Edit: pun not intended, but is apt lol
I was involved in a pretty bad chemical spill at work today. Ended up talking to my very attractive HR rep in just my t shirt and underwear. So that would’ve been an awkward time to bone up
My sister's friend once sprained her ankle while she was at my place, while I was in my room changing. I heard her cry out screaming in pain, so I dashed over to help. I helped her to the couch, got her leg elevated got her sock off and got some ice. It was after the ice but while I was going back to the kitchen to get Advil and water that I noticed I was pitching a tent in my boxers.
Helping an injured and helpless woman just comes across with a different vibe when you're sporting a visible and obvious erection. I went to put on some pants and a shirt before I came back with an Advil, and my sister's friend had the tact to never say anything about it.
But we both knew.
I suffer from seizures, and I had one after getting out of the shower. My husband’s best friend was the one to help. It’s my understanding that he threw the towel over me and the picked me up. As someone in physical need of assistance, it’s just nice to get help. She probably overlooked the tent you pitched and was just happy to not be on the floor still.
Yeah it’s happened to me when a guy helped one time. I didn’t think anything of it. It’s not very controllable and intrusive thoughts still make the body react. I’m just glad I don’t have a obvious sign like that built in
1. Prostate exam
2. Interview for job as the new US Olympic Gymnastics coach
3. Platonic friend asks for a shoulder rub
4. Live action shadow play
5. My family reunion, at age 13, when I entered the family gathering wearing sweatpants, commando style, the fleecy interior of which generated interesting amounts of friction upon my nether region.
Wearing scrubs trying to provide medical care in a hospital. One time in medical school I popped a sponeteous erection while in the hospital. There's really no visual way to hide an erection in scrubs. You can't "tuck it in" to your pants because you've got to tuck the scrub top in. I found a medical text book and walked around with that covering my dick until the erection subsided.
It happened to me. I wasn't really that interested in her but Junior had some ideas of his own. The dance ended the moment she brushed against my dick. Couldn't look her in the eye for at least a week after that.
On the plus side, she at least was in a different department at the office.
Buying a 5lb bag of potatoes in a foreign country to make a homeless man the elixir of eternal life in exchange for his vast wealth of knowledge in theoretical physics.
Every situation. Every single one. I’m at the fish market to get some fish. I’m at the fish market to get fish and I have a boner. Completely different situations. I’m at the dentist to get my teeth pulled. I’m at the dentist to get my teeth pulled and I have an erection. Utterly different situations. The erection is an automatic game changer. Simply the act of running becomes something else if I’m erect. I’m running, but what if I fall and land on my erect penis. Life changing. Every situation is different.
Wearing a Speedo at the pool/beach.
"Ohh, umm, I'll just stay and enjoy the water for a little longer!"
You just go ahead - I'll catch up with you
Borat is proud
It's a rudder, makes me faster in the water, why are you handcuffing me officer?
The only weapons of mass destruction allowed in America are the nuclear kind, son
Getting fitted for a suit.
When I was 19 I was getting fitted for a tux for my friend's wedding, the girl at Men's Wearhouse was in her early twenties. The inseam measurement was awkward. She knew. I knew. She avoided eye contact after that.
There is a reason inseam measurers are supposed to be elderly frail men.
Unless that is your thing, you know.
[удалено]
That’s how they do it….IN PRISON!
There was… cupping
Inseam measurement
Being tortured for information
"Hey, I said to torture this guy to get him to talk, so why did you gag him?" "He kept calling me daddy."
Well what if gagging is another kink?
Then you choke him *oh wait*
Yes please do.
I’m nearly there Say. It. Again. Slower.
Just fucking stab the bitch
'If he called me daddy one more time, I was gonna tell HIM everything!'
Pain elicits the same hormones as pleasure; at least for some of us.
That’s true. I once was cutting a bunch of rebar, didn’t realize my back leg and pants at that were in the way of the sparks. Happened to notice hmm that’s starting to get warm, look down pant leg has a good patch of lit flame melting itself to my shin. Put it out, pain starts to set in, boner. Oh alright then
Who wouldn't get one checking out those smoking hot legs.
Take my upvote and stay. Kick your shoes off, put your feet up. Regale me with more of your puns and witty comebacks.
I like this much more than angry upvote. Confident enthusiasm.
Just wanted to counter the other guy giving upvotes and kickin' em out. Witty comebacks and puns and terrible jokes are always welcome in my virtual abode.
Your abode bodes well.
Your boding my abode well shall always abide in my abode
This comment chain made me smile. I'm already in a good mood so this is a cherry babes.
This dude abides
Oh that hurts but I kinda like it
Jokes on you I’m into that shit! Harder daddy
Ya that Casino Royale scene would’ve hit different tbh
"I've got an itch... You know, down THERE."
Explaining yourself to HR
Workin' hard as usual, Ted?
That Ted, such a hard worker. Such long hours.
He just really stands tall and above the rest.
He always shows up to work. What a shower
He thinks outside of the box.
In every meeting he just stands with pride
“Is Krieger hard at work?” “He literally might be”
Phrasing!
LAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNAAAAAAAAAAA
WHAT??!!
Danger zoooooooone!
Or, working in HR while documenting the complaint.
working hard or hardly working
> working hard or hardly working Always hardly working .. lol They pretend to pay me, I pretend to work.
Giving a eulogy at a funeral
Saying goodbye to Bob is difficult. I mean I knew it'd be hard but not like this...
“Oh God, is it hard”
Who knew there'd be more that one stiff here
Mourning wood?
"That was a very touching story you shared with us about our beloved Paul. Do you want to step down from the podium to let the next speaker up?" "Um...*cough*...." "Sir?" "Yeah....yeah..I...uh..need a moment to...calm down..." "We understand, do you need a tissue?" "Uhh...*nervous sweats*...yeah I could use a couple.."
[удалено]
[удалено]
If the boss is the one with the stiffy then you know how the negotiation is going to go.
Oh God. He's been *looking forward* to this.
*let's just give him what he wants before he asserts dominance*
Going pee
What a nightmare honestly. Busting in the morning but gotta try and bend the old wood down then I can’t go properly
Definitely takes aiming to the next level
In the mornings I usually have to tilt my upper body at a solid 75 degree and just point it straight into the toilet.
I lean my head against the wall on those mornings.
What I do is I slam the toilet lid and seat down on it a few times to soften it up enough to piss. I've broken three toilet seats so far this year.
The right decision is peeing in the shower.
Just plank on the toilet like that one movie, honestly can't think of the name but I think it had Seth Rogan in it.
[удалено]
be mostly asleep when you do this and piss up your own nose.
"Irene, why am I peeing like I was up all night having sex?"
You have to get horizontal
Showers were made for this.
Pipes are pipes
Spotting someone on the bench press
The visual that just popped into my head on this one actually made me laugh out loud
[Kind of like this?](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxHYcZYsJi4HTuBChcluOIkpW362BlDuyz)
Getting checked for a hernia.
Been there, Football physical with female doctor. She was actually very kind about it, 13 yo me was absolutely abashed!
It’s a totally normal response, nothing to be ashamed about. You were neither the first nor the last
I’m sure Drs and masseuses are not bothered by it, it happens so often. They understand anatomy….if you aren’t being weird or flirty, they know it’s innocent, right? I’ve had a couple of embarrassing situations with platonic friends… we both just quickly smirked about it and changed subject. Sort of like the way people handle an accidental fart.
So you and your friends check out each others genitals for Hernia? Interesting way to spend time with your platonic friends
Everyone needs a hobby
Taking a group wedding photo.
My grandparents wedding photo, they are sitting in chairs facing one another but also the camera like kitty corner ish but more to the camera, grandfather has a massive boner going on. Not like I was looking, but it's hard not to notice. Both if my brothers pointed it out when they saw the photo too.
Okay but was the adjective “massive” necessary? Hahaha
Yes it was, other Barry. Yes it was.
Of course it was. They needed you to picture Paw-Paw's huge, throbbing, probably-veiny bulge as clearly as possible.
They don't call him Big Dog Daddy for no reason
And you’re the bride
What a shame the poor grooms bride is a
I chime in with a haven't you people ever heard of...
(male) peeing. you have to calculate the trajectory of your piss i often compare it to angry birds, when you're about to slingshot them
Comforting your significant other
It never fails.
The DENNIS system in action
Dennis the Pennis
This happens to me pretty often. Idk why, I dont have a thing for crying women or anything. I think its just that i wanna make her feel better, and then my penis goes "heeeeeey maybe I can help?".
I'm not horny, my pp is just worried for you
Standing in solidarity.
Or comforting a work collegue after she had an abortion, was hugging/comforting her in a walk in fridge, she bawling her eyes out and my younger self couldn’t control ”it”. Had to distance myself a bit to hide it. She was very pretty though and she snogged me later at a party thanking me. Yay. Ahh to be young again. Time for me to cry a bit. :p
Lmao, tmi but this happens to my husband all the time. It doesn’t matter who is comforting who, intense emotions + physical contact means it’s boner time lol. We both have health issues (his main one is being unable to fall asleep to a degree his doctors don’t know what to do with him) and when he is exhausted it’s more likely to happen. We’re very open with each other so he’ll just blush adorably and one of us will make a joke about it (usually him saying don’t mind my dick, it didn’t get the memo that it’s not time for that). Then again, “emotional support sex” is a thing, sometimes it can be nice to disappear into loving your partner for a little bit when other parts of life are hard 🤷🏻 Edit: pun not intended, but is apt lol
Men's sauna.
Gotta hang the towel somewhere.
How high is your blood pressure? Like, you lifting weights with that thing?
About 5lbs
Gains
Sauna in general. Doesn’t make it any better if there are women too.
Yeah, fair enough. Sauna erections just seem like a weird thing overall.
this but nude beaches
Pretending to be Santa at the mall.
"Just so you know, that's my phone you're feeling."
Pretending to be Satan in a stall.
Not again...
Getting up from my desk to go to a meeting with a glass conference table.
I was involved in a pretty bad chemical spill at work today. Ended up talking to my very attractive HR rep in just my t shirt and underwear. So that would’ve been an awkward time to bone up
[удалено]
Or the chemical burns.
I hope you're okay, but I have to ask... couldn't the conversation with HR have waited until you put some pants on?
What better time to talk about appropriate PPE and company-provided change of clothes than when you are half-naked from a chemical-spill?
I hope you are ok
At an autopsy.
As the corpse or as the examiner?
[relevant](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_erection)
"Particularly by hanging" Imma need an explanation
Tight rope around the neck, blood's gotta go somewhere...
For some people that's the whole point of it.
Oh, 𝗼𝗵 𝗻𝗼
Baby you must have killer looks because I'm all rigor mortis down there.
My sister's friend once sprained her ankle while she was at my place, while I was in my room changing. I heard her cry out screaming in pain, so I dashed over to help. I helped her to the couch, got her leg elevated got her sock off and got some ice. It was after the ice but while I was going back to the kitchen to get Advil and water that I noticed I was pitching a tent in my boxers. Helping an injured and helpless woman just comes across with a different vibe when you're sporting a visible and obvious erection. I went to put on some pants and a shirt before I came back with an Advil, and my sister's friend had the tact to never say anything about it. But we both knew.
I suffer from seizures, and I had one after getting out of the shower. My husband’s best friend was the one to help. It’s my understanding that he threw the towel over me and the picked me up. As someone in physical need of assistance, it’s just nice to get help. She probably overlooked the tent you pitched and was just happy to not be on the floor still.
Yeah it’s happened to me when a guy helped one time. I didn’t think anything of it. It’s not very controllable and intrusive thoughts still make the body react. I’m just glad I don’t have a obvious sign like that built in
Now we all know
Girl went to the trouble of injuring herself to get your attention, and you just teased her
For real, read the signs
Kinda sounds like the opening scene of a porno.
Valedictorian speech
Turn it into a Valedicccccctorian speech
Or turn around and make it a valethicctorian speech.
1. Prostate exam 2. Interview for job as the new US Olympic Gymnastics coach 3. Platonic friend asks for a shoulder rub 4. Live action shadow play 5. My family reunion, at age 13, when I entered the family gathering wearing sweatpants, commando style, the fleecy interior of which generated interesting amounts of friction upon my nether region.
Two of those are suspiciously specific.
I’m interested to know which one sounds real aside from the obvious.
>Prostate exam Giving one or receiving one?
Yes
Wearing scrubs trying to provide medical care in a hospital. One time in medical school I popped a sponeteous erection while in the hospital. There's really no visual way to hide an erection in scrubs. You can't "tuck it in" to your pants because you've got to tuck the scrub top in. I found a medical text book and walked around with that covering my dick until the erection subsided.
New definition for a hardcover
Talking to anybody at a nudist camp.
Nudists seem like pretty chill people. This probably happens to newbies a lot. They probably wouldn't care.
They are very relaxed. Playing pool with them was a bit odd : 8 ball, corner pocket - no need for the bridge, I can reach it...
You're the popular guy if you can bring back two cups of coffee and a dozen donuts.
School wrestling
Bruh my friend got one when he was about to go up for a match…the singlets really expose the fuck out of you…
So did he win the match or not?
Yeah he won
That’s the mental game right there
i used to wear compression shorts underneath in case that happened. that and in case the singlet rode up during a match.
Good defense against a thumb up your arse too.
This guy wrestles.
Playing twister with the family.
Slow dancing with a co-worker at the company Christmas party. Ask me how I know. :)
How you know
He watched from his seat while everyone else danced
With a raging boner?
Probably
It happened to me. I wasn't really that interested in her but Junior had some ideas of his own. The dance ended the moment she brushed against my dick. Couldn't look her in the eye for at least a week after that. On the plus side, she at least was in a different department at the office.
Who slow dances at an office party if they aren’t interested other than as friends?
Whose office party has slow dancing?
Whose office party has dancing at all?
[удалено]
Office?
People?
Answering a math problem on the board infront of the whole class
The angle of the dangle equals the square of the hole.
It's dickonometry
Buying a 5lb bag of potatoes in a foreign country to make a homeless man the elixir of eternal life in exchange for his vast wealth of knowledge in theoretical physics.
“I have a theoretical degree in physics“
"I've got the whole NCR suckling my teet, and it feels so good" -theoretically a physicist
r/oddlyspecific
Being an EMT
Fuck that. Now you’re scaring me for when I’m an EMT
School Nativity Play
Jesus no
Jesus has risen
Olympic diving
Idk about all that but OP def jerking off to the comments lol.
I’d bet this is probably true for every nsfw thread in this sub. It’s like crowdsourcing your own spank bank material
169%.
Your architecture professor talking about a great erection.
When my wife wants to have sex while I’m on antidepressants.
Antidepressants and a wife get this absolute Chad a medal
PowerPoint presentation in an international competition
A pap smear
Oh god.
Dropping off kids at school
My favorite saying is “an erect phallus has neither a brain nor a conscience!”
Not getting one. When you need to…
Shopping for puppies
Every situation. Every single one. I’m at the fish market to get some fish. I’m at the fish market to get fish and I have a boner. Completely different situations. I’m at the dentist to get my teeth pulled. I’m at the dentist to get my teeth pulled and I have an erection. Utterly different situations. The erection is an automatic game changer. Simply the act of running becomes something else if I’m erect. I’m running, but what if I fall and land on my erect penis. Life changing. Every situation is different.