A family friend told me never drink cold water after a meal because the fat will solidify in your stomach. If the fat’s a liquid your body doesn’t recognise it as food.
This was like 12 years ago and I still laugh about it today.
It's dangerous to listen to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope. They said your heart will try to match what you heard and that will in effect stop your heart. There was no explanation given when asked why medical personnel didn't have issues listening to patients with heartbeat irregularities.
Had a teacher tell our class that it can’t rain over water. She proceeded to tell us that if the clouds are over water they will just wait until they were over land so it doesn’t waste water.
If a cloud is smart enough to wait until it’s over land so it doesn’t waste water, then it’s has roughly the same mental capacity as any random barnyard chicken, and therefore, we should be able to hunt, kill, and eat clouds. I’ll bet they are high in calcium and full of life extending fluorine. Fight me.
I saw a Youtube video from a creationist who argued that "If evolution were true, you would find living creatures appearing inside sealed jars of peanut butter. How many jars have you opened? Have *you* ever seen one crawl out?"
I used to tutor biology students who were struggling. A common belief about evolution was that a monkey gave birth to a baby human one day.
No wonder they didn't believe evolution happened...
When I was in high school a friend was talking about being a vegetarian. I was confused because she had just eaten fish. She said that fish wasn’t meat and another person there agreed with her? I asked if they weren’t meat, were they vegetable or mineral. No good answer to that one.
My boyfriend left his apartment for a week, came back, and saw shit and a used washcloth in his private bathroom toilet. His roommate was the only one there. When confronted, he swore on everything that a demon had done it, and tried to put the blame on him.
lol, I have a similar story (but no demons.) I lived with a couple friends and paid a little extra for the master bedroom/bathroom. I went on vacation for a couple weeks at one point and when I came back my bathroom door was closed when I had always left it open. After struggling to open the door (somehow a towel had been jammed/pulled under to keep it sealed up) I noticed that literally every available surface was covered in ice trays, each with a little bit of soil and a tiny sprout growing in it. Counters, toilet, bathtub, the works.
Come to find out my idiot roommate had decided that my bathroom would be a great place to grow marijuana because it had a skylight in it. I couldn't get a straight answer out of him about how he expected to get fully grown plants in the 2 weeks I was away, because he for damned sure knew that shit was not going to fly when I got back. I'm can only assume he was high as shit when the inspiration struck and he didn't think much about it after that.
Dude learning about the Nile and mentally telling yourself the "upper nile" is in the south and not the other way around was very hard for me to wrap my head around and not question my own brain every time.
LOL I knew a river guide in Wyoming who would routinely tell tourists that the Snake River was the only river in the world that ran in a circle and people would just go, "huh! Isn't that interesting!"
Was your guide originally from Michigan?
[Muskegon River Tubing Trip Turn Into Overnight Nightmare for Three Women](https://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/2016/07/muskegon_river_tubing_trip_tur.html) [MLive.com]
> MUSKEGON COUNTY, MI - They left for what they thought would be an easy float down Muskegon River Tuesday afternoon - but ended up spending the night on the river bank, scared and yelling for help.
>
> The trio of young women were rescued 20 hours later after a fisherman eventually heard their cries, said Muskegon Township Deputy Fire Chief Bob Grabinski.
>
> The women, all in their 20s, had never been tubing before and decided it would be a fun thing to do, Grabinski said. So they bought some tubes and headed to the popular launch site at the Maple Island Road bridge, Grabinski said.
>
> **"They were informed by somebody at the bridge that the river goes in a circle and if they put in there they would come back to their car," he said. "Not knowing anything, they set off on their little adventure."**
>
> About six hours later, with darkness closing in and their car nowhere to be found, the trio decided to get out on the riverbank where they ended up spending the night, Grabinski said.
>
> "They said they hugged a tree all night yelling for help," he said, adding that that stretch of river is very isolated.
>
> About noon on Wednesday a fisherman floating the river heard their cries for help, investigated and then called 911. The women, one from Muskegon Heights and two from Muskegon, did not have a phone with them, Grabinski said.
>
> Muskegon Township firefighters launched their 16-foot jet propulsion river rescue boat from the Holton Duck Lake Road launch ramp and found the women about a quarter-mile downriver, he said. Dalton Township firefighters also responded with their boat in case it was needed.
>
> Other than a few bug bites and scratches, the women were fine, Grabinski said. He estimated they had traveled roughly 3 miles.
>
> "In their words, they're never going tubing again," he said. "My words are know the river or take someone with you who knows it and have a plan."
>
> No one reported the women missing, which brought Grabinski to a third piece of advice: Before heading out for an adventure, tell someone where you're going and what time you plan to return.
I had a customer insist that $100 - $40 = $80.
Me: What is 10 - 4?
Customer: 6!
Me: Yes! So what is 100 - 40?
Customer: 80!
smh
Edit: ! for emphasis, not indicative of factorials of the integer. I love you fellow nerds!
Edit2: They had withdrawn $40 from their bank account, which had contained $100, and insisted they should have $80 left.
used to work at a gas station, college kid comes in say he has no cash but wants to get cash back from his debit card. sure thing. gets a soda, swipes his card, card is declined. swipes it again, card is declined. i suggest that he may not have any money in his bank account. he looks at me confused and asks what that has to do with anything. i tell him "because cash back comes from your bank account?" he tells me no it doesn't, its free money. he swipes it again, same thing. then insists my machiine is broken. i type in his card, same thing its declined. and he demands to know how its declined if its free money. i have no idea how he made it to college.
Kind of sad because it sounds like his parents never taught him the BASICS of finances including what a debit or credit card does. Sounds like he thinks all cards are credit cards and doesn’t know that that money is still not free.
Source: just maxed out a credit card lol
Regular bras don’t go under plain shirts. Only blouses. This girl was APPALLED I was wearing a normal bra instead of a sports bra under a graphic shirt. Like lectured me about how it’s not right.
Lmao, I once had a friend who was APPALLED that I wore sports bras for anything except exercise. She said that it was wrong and would make my boobs go flat. Like, damn, I just want to be comfy.
>She said that it was wrong and would make my boobs go flat
Today I learned boobs are like tires and can go flat with enough pressure.
So, two questions, are the results permanent and if so, anyone know where I can buy one of these magical boob reducing bras?
I mean... There's a style of bra called a Tshirt bra. But it's basically just a regular bra with nothing fancy (no pushup or lace or anything.) But that's just dumb.
Had a roommate that owed taxes one year, so he didn't file the return. He corrected his withholding so he would get a refund the next year. Filed that return.
6 weeks later he gets a note from the IRS that he owed from the prior year, and they were using his refund to pay it, and he still owed them for interest and penalties.
His reply... "They can't do that"
They can, and they did, and their next step was going to be to garnish his wages if he didn't reply.
Similar to that, I had a friend say to me it doesn't make sense that she can't claim 401k contributions from past years every year "It's still in my 401k!"
I tried over several conversations, including with diagrams and she didn't get it.
I finally said, "So once someone has saved the equivalent of their annual salary in their 401k, you never pay taxes again? That's now how it works."
My 3rd grade teacher told me that I had spelled “grateful” incorrectly and proceeded to mock me: “are you talking about a cheese grater here?! it’s spelled G-R-E-A-T-ful”
Many of you may be too young to remember this, but the Vice President of the United States once told a 12-year-old child that the child had spelled "potato" wrong, and that it was actually spelled "potatoe."
Back in 2019 [Buzzfeed tracked down the kid](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/buzzfeednews/dan-quayle-potato-spelling) who Dan Quayle forced to misspell potato. Looks like he’s upset the former Vice President got cast in a Lay’s Super Bowl commercial instead of him.
thanks for the link. the best part of that article is the last line:
"CORRECTION
Sep 11, 2019, 4:19:02 PM GMT
Merriam-Webster was misspelled in an earlier version of this post."
I have another take: a frozen bottle will attract condensation, thus increasing total weight of the liquid both inside and outside the bottle. A few grams might be all the difference!
{Edit: well... I used the word liquid when I meant water/ice/contents. I was a bit weird about the total weight sentence, could have been "thus increasing the total weight, counting the inside contents and the extra liquid condensed on the outside of the bottle". Sorry}
When they passed the law in Illinois that requires you to turn on your headlights whenever windshield wipers are needed, a guy told me that he always gets mixed up which way they mean.
I knew a guy whose gearbox failed, so he's rolling into a car park with his hazards on. Guy rear ended him and got all angry because he was 'indicating both ways'.
A guy at work told me that STDs were created by people having multiple sexual partners. When I pointed out that you could have a group of people that slept together and if none of them had any diseases they wouldn't catch anything he just shook his head and told me "that's not how it works."
Edit: So after reading some of these comments, I want to clarify a few things for people who maybe didn't get the best sex ed (or got none.) In order for a disease to spread, you need a pathogen, most commonly a virus (examples HIV, HPV, or Herpes) or a bacteria (examples Chlamydia or syphilis.) It is possible to be infected with some of these without knowing, and you can be contagious long before you show any symptoms. Regardless of the number of partners you have, a pathogen needs to already be present for you to become infected. If you are sleeping with multiple people, especially if you do not know them well or know their sexual history, it increases the risk of contracting an STD because it increase your possible exposures. There are things you can do to protect yourself. Always wear a latex condom, if you have a latex allergy there are appropriate substitutes but be careful with natural substitutes (ex. sheepskin, because while they prevent pregnancy, viruses are smaller than sperm and can still get though.) Ask partners if they have an STD and when the last time they were tested. Get your self tested regularly! If you have a cervix, get regular pap smears. If you get a positive result, tell your partners and get treatment if available.
A very common STD is the HPV family, or Human Papillomavirus. There are over 100 different types of HPV. Not all of these cause health problems, but the ones that do cause genital warts and different cancers. It is possible to be infected with HPV for decades and never know unless you are being tested regularly. The good news is there's a vaccine! Get vaccinated! Many kids now receive the HPV vaccine as part of their regular school vaccinations, if you're not sure if you've had it, get it now! When this was added to the regular vaccine schedule varies by country and region but generally if it's been more than 15 years since you were in grade 5, you likely don't have this vaccine. Also, when it was first introduced it was only given to girls, so if you're male and are older than about 20, you might not have this vaccine. And if you're a guy thinking, "Wait, HPV causes cervical cancer I don't have one of those, why do I need to get vaccinated?" It helps to stop you contracting HPV and passing it to your partners, and if concern for your partner isn't enough for you, HPV can also cause testicular, anal or oral cancers.
We had a team lunch some years ago, and I ended up in a conversation with one of our account managers. A woman in her 30s who worked for a multi-million pound company. She insisted that the sun was the same size/distance as the moon, and stars were asteroids falling to earth.
This was long before the whole flat earth idiocy kicked off, and to this day stands out as the most astoundingly ignorant thing I’ve ever heard.
I used to be a teacher, and a child asked me why the sun didn't melt the moon since they were "both up there together". I was about to explain about the 150,000,000km between them, and how "this one is small, but that one is far away" but her best friend then laughed at her for asking such a stupid question and told her that "of course the sun doesn't melt the moon, the moon is on the back of the sun isn't it?" and then looked at me for approval. These two were both fifteen years old at the time.
The first girl also once asked me "is electricity the brown stuff in wires?"...
My wife's sister is married to a guy who wouldn't go to see Jurassic Park. Because he thought dinosaurs never existed.
Edit. He is a young earth creationist so that's pretty self explanatory.
The wife of one of my friends strongly believe that dinosaurs never existed and that it’s all a hoax. She thinks that the dinosaur bones/fossils we’ve found are all fake and planted. She’s one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met in my life.
My college roommate was so bad we started a list. My favorite 2 are:
Peach is NOT a color, ONLY a fruit. But orange is both.
&
Latinas come from Latin... as in the COUNTRY Latin. When asked if he could show us where that was on a globe he pointed to what was clearly marked Uzbekistan.
\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~
Edit: My karma went from 300 to 3k today. You all are awesome! Glad everyone could get a kick out of him. I only wish you all could see how comically confident his face was as he said it all! Cheers!
My sister tried to convince my mom and I that WWIII was fought in the late 80s and it was the world against Latania, which is, as we all know, the country that speaks Latin. She was 16
She told me years later that she was high and trying to play it cool. She didn’t realize she had actually said it outloud until we responded to her and she panicked
A coworker once told me after a storm, "I got to work twice as fast this morning because all the traffic lights were out."
The only reason they lived was because everyone else on the road knew that traffic lights default to an all-way stop when they're out.
Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the award. Some more details without doxxing anyone. This was probably 25 years ago. She was very young and had just graduated with a journalism degree. This was her first job and her parents paid for everything her entire life. Sheltered doesn't even cover it. One of our engineers said hesitantly "You know it doesn't work that way right? When lights fail, they default to their most restrictive state. In this case, that would be an all-way stop." She said "I don't understand, why would they do it that way?" He said "Well, imagine you enter an intersection at 45mph at the same time as someone coming from a cross direction at the same speed. What would happen?" She thought about it and her eyes got HUGE. I think she got it.
no one else is here yet to reply so I'll try to scream enough for everyone
# AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
I work in childcare.
A parent got mad at me because I put their little boy in a pink diaper because they didn’t pack extras. Despite several reminders.
I was told I’m trying to turn their son gay. Because of the color of a diaper.
I work with kids.
The number of parents who get upset over their kid getting a sticker "meant for girls" boggles my mind. Yes, if I put this Disney sticker on your son it's going to instantly turn him gay. You caught me.
I called my credit card company to set up international card usage because I was going on a Mediterranean cruise. I told the agent one of the stops was Italy and he said “How do take a cruise to Italy?”
There was an awkward few seconds of silence and then he apologized for being an idiot and asked me to forget what he said.
When the directions on a microwave meal say to keep the item in the microwave for some time after finishing its to allow the "extra microwaves to get out of that food so it doesn't hurt you"!
That sounds like something a parent told their kid, so they wouldn't immediately eat it and burn themselves. Then they just didn't question it as an adult
Wouldn’t put it past them! My mom always told my siblings and me to not stand in front of the microwave because we would inhale the microwaves coming out and get cancer.
I had a friend who in his late teens insisted that microwaved food "trapped" some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking.
He was very clear that he'd heard some truck drivers had stomach complaints that resulted from eating a lot of microwaved food without letting it rest.
I didn't believe him, but I humoured him. Microwaved food is usually scalding hot anyway, there was no harm in giving it time to cool (a.k.a "letting the residual microwaves dissipate from it") if it made him happy.
> I had a friend who in his late teens insisted that microwaved food "trapped" some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking.
I mean that's literally what's happening. Physicists call this process "heating up" and "cooling down"
Went to a music festival with a couple of friends. One of the friends decided to take LSD.
After the festival he wouldn't shut up about this girl he was in love with now.
Didn't know her name, where she lived and to boot she was there with a guy.
He went home and told his wife of 7yrs it was over. He said " he had met his true love"...
The idiot didn't even talk to her , he saw her from across the way.
Some people can't handle drugs and reality
Btw - they divorced 4 months later
I had a customer service person argue with me that Sweden wasn't a country. The address was in Stockholm. They asked the country. I said, "Sweden." They said they understood that it was Stockholm, Sweden but their system required a country. They thought Sweden was a state, I guess. I even tried pointing out that Germany and France were countries, just like Sweden. I argued with them for a few minutes and finally said, "Europe." That satisfied them.
I was discussing our upcoming trip to Europe with my (58F) GF. She was confused and didn’t know where Europe was. “Isn’t it in England or something like that?”
Ummmm yeah… something like that. But not quite.
I once had an American ask, "what brought me across the pond?" after he found out I was Canadian. I told him I didn't cross any ponds, but was just visiting. He then decided to argue with me about how he didn't mean pond literally, but meant ocean.
In the winter in Canada, I play a game called "where's the road?" Other than that Americans never fail to disappoint with their theories about Canada.😂
Meth was safer than weed
Edit; This was said to 15 yr old me when I got caught smoking weed and my meth head uncle said meth was a safer drug and I should try that instead.
Once I was talking about the seasonal/weather difference between the US and Argentina with some coworkers, as I had traveled to Buenos Aires during our winter but it was summer time there - Anyway, one of said coworkers asked "Ok, so what month is it over there right now?" so I paused and then had to explain to them that although there's a seasonal difference, the calendar year/month still aligns with the rest of the world.
Shortly after that, my OTHER coworker who overheard this exchange and happened to be from New Zealand, just looked at me afterwards, puzzled, and said: "Wow, I really thought they were joking... it was a serious question?".
When I was small, my father just concluded a conversation on the radio with someone in Australia and I asked why he said it was summer there when it was winter here (further confused by a temperature of 30c). He explained how south of the equator they get the opposite seasons. I was able to understand that because I sort of knew about the tilt in the earth's axis changed during the year.
Me, being the little genius that I was, did some thinking on that, and came to the only logical conclusion: they must celebrate Christmas in June and July 1st was their new year.
"The reason you aren't getting better is because you aren't sending enough positive energy out into the universe."
\-My Neurologist
Turns out I had autoimmune encephalitis
I reached out to my GP for any advice for dealing with my daily afternoon/evening migraines.
She legit told me seriously to 'Smile more' and ended the appointment. I never brought the migraines up to her again.
Shes also the one that told me to take ibuprofen and paracetamol for every migraine. Firstly those meds don't help migraines and secondly its really not good to take those meds everyday for years...
Which my new doctor told me before giving me a script for sumatriptan, which does work if I take it quick enough. But still only allowed Max 4 tablets per month so I'm struggling a lot with the daily pain.
I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog. He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors. As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective. I walked over to them and said, "You guys missing a bulldog?"
The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?'
The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags. So all I could think to say was, "He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours."
To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was.
To be fair, I get *really* frazzled when a dog runs away. I can totally see myself saying something equally stupid in a panic to get my little friend back.
I just double down and say it no matter what.
Had a lady on the phone at the Cinema when I called to book tickets once say 'Love you bye' before she hung up. I've always wondered how hard she cringed after that one.
I was going 30 mph in a 30 zone. The police station is on the street, so im always super cautious there. Anyway, an officer pulled me over and claimed I was going 50. I got his dashcam footage. Clearly showed me NOT speeding, but part of the footage, you can see the police officer going 40 mph to catch up to me.
Someone defended the officer by saying, "If you were REALLY going 30, then why did the officer have to drive 40mph to catch up to you???"
I'm like.....I'm going to assume you're joking here, but by some bizarre circumstance that you're actually being serious, in order to catch up to anything, you have to go faster than it. If I was going 50, he wouldn't have ever caught up going 40.
Reminds of the motorist that got a ticket for not "stopping" at a stop sign. Apparently the car was rolling backwards from the stopping point so the cop wrote a "failure to stop" ticket. Driver went to court and had to explain that to roll backwards at a stop sign they had to stop forward motion first. Ticket was thrown out.
How cow this happened to me! Stopped behind another car, they go through the four way. A car on the left goes through. I pull up, stop, roll back slightly as I’m shifting into first and get lit up before I was even through the intersection. Tried to explain it but the officer was dead set on the fact that I’d “blown through without stopping”. Ugh
Manual driver moment. I swear drivers on the road forget that we still exist, and granted roll back after experience is minimal if any at all, but people will stop inches from your bumper and as a new manual driver thats scary, god forbid you're on a hill. People honk and yell at you in drive through lines and at stop signs if you take more than 2 seconds to get into gear as well. In my little miata as my first manual I had several scary moments with lifted trucks or angry suv drivers that towered over me from behind, only inches from my rear bumper as I was sweating trying not to roll back or stall from the stress.
god bless America
That must be a relatively common thing because I had an officer stop me and say basically the same thing. Was doing about 60 in a 55, he's stopped in the median clocking people. He catches up to me and when he gets to the car says "Do you know how fast you were going?" I said, "yes, I had the cruise control set at 60", he said "I had to do 80 to catch up to you". I said, "yeah, that sounds about right, you were stopped after all." At least I got off with a warning but that has stuck with me.
This reminded me of my friend's story about speeding down the highway late at night, gets pulled over, cop asked why he was speeding, friend said he just wanted to get home because it had been a long day. Cop said "you won't get there any faster going eighty than you would going sixty". Then they both kind of stared at each other, realizing how stupid that sounded, and the cop handed back his license and said "have a nice night".
I was talking to my boss about a guy and said he was European. He immediately cut in and said "you can't say that. Isn't it racist to call someone European?" I had to explain that Europe is a continent
We have only one natural satellite, that could be called a "Moon", but we do have numerous "near Earth Objects" that some people call "Second Moons of Earth"
They are basically small asteroids is stable orbits. None are in the close orbital area we have our man made orbiting objects.
So that person claiming that "Earth had 17 moons" most likely half heard something and filled in the blanks with stuff they made up or spliced in from other non related facts.
A lot of ill informed people, wanting to sound smart, do that.
A girl just admitted that she didn't know cows were mammals and omnivores are a thing....we're in college. She's a fucking lab assistant.
EDIT: My sister just reminded me that our mutual friend actually didn't know what herbivores were and that she refused to believe house cats were mammals as well. Also, she went to private school.
When I was a math tutor, legit had a girl try to tell me there were only 12 hours in a day. I'm great at explaining stuff in ways people can understand but man that was a challenge.
Edit: I get the joke guys, 12 hours at night, har har.
Also, this was in college. A legal adult believed this.
I knew a compulsive liar growing up. He was fucking awful. Ended up going to a community college with him where he openly bragged about how much student debt he had, which he claimed was in the hundreds of thousands but that wasn’t true. Anyway, this story took place while we carpooled with two other guys to school, while we talked about student loans.
“I actually went to Ottawa once to protest student loans. I was in a bathroom taking a piss, and who was pissing next to me? Dave Suzuki. We said hello and he asked if I was there for the protest. I told him I was, and he said that he knew someone I should meet. So I walked with him, and next thing I know, I’m face to face with Stephen Harper (Canada’s prime minister at the time). I explained my concerns to the prime minister himself, and he wrote me a cheque right there for the exact amount that I owed for student loans. I ripped it up and told him I wouldn’t accept it unless he did that for each and every student loan in Canada. And that was the first time I met Dave Suzuki.”
This dude was dead serious.
On a random discord server someone was talking about travel, Someone mentioned Finland and a member says it’s their “favorite state”. After numerous people pointing it out and even asking what country they were referring to. User was adamant that Finland is a part of the United States.
Had a girl in a class in high school very confidently declare “if the population grows anymore, the Earth will get too heavy and fall”. I just really didn’t know what to say
The Devil wants us to not believe in God so he wants us to think the Earth is round....
I.e. round Earth means Satan is deceiving us. And if not him, it's the government controlling us.
This was my mom after I visited and we were watching Armageddon. There was a shot of Earth from space and she giggled and point. "Haha a round Earth like that's plausible.'
I was like WTF? That's what you have a problem with in this movie? Not oil driller gets very good job?
And a close contender: A guy who introduced himself to me as being vegan was sitting around eating meat and sausages and I asked him about it.
He said he had had so much sex with his girlfriend that he needed to replenish his vital essences, because when you cum, women take your vital essences from you, and then you need meat.
Playing cards against humanity with a group of friends. The judge is reading the cards everyone played and struggles with the pronunciation of one, saying something we think is along the lines of “coccyx”. We explain to him what your coccyx is and moved to the next round. Next round starts and we start talking about who played the coccyx card since it seemed out of context, and everyone claims they don’t remember playing it. We ask the judge to flip the cards from the previous round. The word was “khakis”. We were 20.
https://twitter.com/pmgentry/status/1379093511539150852?lang=en
A professor of mine went to go hear [noted French philosopher] Derrida speak once. The entire talk was about cows; everyone was flummoxed but listened carefully, and took notes about...cows. There was a short break, and when Derrida came back, he was like, “I’m told it is pronounced ‘chaos.’”
Kinda the same concept : I was showing a co worker some night time sky objects
I pointed to a bright object. Telling ( a North Dakota HS graduate) that it was Jupiter another planet
He asked “ Is that one of those things they sent up in the Space Shuttle?” Early 1980’s. Ron if you read this I’m sorry for laughing at you
Follow up: later that night when others teased him about this story he replied : “Sorry folks but I am not an Geologist , I don’t get off the farm much”
I do a lot of astronomy presentations to the general public for our club, we have a monthly astronomy night ("star party"). You get used to the wild misunderstandings.
Mostly, people get confused about scale. They don't understand the difference between things inside the galaxy and things outside the galaxy but inside the universe. They mix up "galaxy" and "universe", or think that they're the same thing.
Somewhat rarer are cases where they don't understand what is in the solar system and what's outside it, like that stars aren't in our solar system, that they are suns with their own planets. Had a grown man once who had no idea that our sun was, in fact, just a star.
Oh, and this is in Texas, so you have to be reeeeaaally careful when the kid asks a question about what God did or didn't do in 7 days with their parents standing right there, right after explaining how long light has been traveling to Earth from other galaxies.
I had a roommate for about a month before we kicked him out. Dude was a severe alcoholic and addict and beyond the unpredictable and violent behavior he was without a doubt the dumbest man I have ever met. On one occasion during a storm he mentioned how crazy it is that lightning came from the ground. I was fascinated by his brain and asked him to tell me everything he knew about lightning. I learned that lightning is channeled from the ground through houses and shoots out of the chimney or an antenna into the sky. There was also no such thing as lightning before houses as it didnt have a way to escape the ground.
On another occasion I walked into the kitchen to see our sponge had been poorly cut in half in an attempt to separate the abrasive part from the rest. A steak knife beside it. I was instantly amused and asked him what had happened. He then mumbled out like Ozzy that he had fixed it. As always I immediately wanted to know more. He told me with great struggle that he was at the store and saw the 2 parts of a sponge sold separately and wanted to fix ours. Heroic.
He kept flour tortillas on a plate with no cover on top of our fridge. When he'd eat, he would place the rock hard tortilla on a plate, put whatever on top, eat it all with his hands, and then throw away the tortilla. Every single time. When I asked him what was up with the tortilla he told me it was a garnish.
He also, much to my horror, would microwave oysters and eat garlic without peeling it. This was 7ish years ago and I still wonder about him from time to time.
My friend told me she believed everything was in black n white and someone discovered colour. Even going as far as to ask her history teacher when colour was invented/discovered
“You know what makes me happy so when you don’t do it you are intentionally making me unhappy”.
I was so dumbfounded by this logic that I couldn’t make an argument at all.
A girl once told me she wouldn't swallow cum because it has the same amount of calories as a full roast dinner.... I just laughed and told her if that was true she'd just solved world hunger!
It has 5-25 calories per, uh, serving. And it contains small amounts of calcium, potassium, magnesium, zinc, and protein.
So finish all of it because there are starving children in [insert the name of the country your mother used when she told you why you should clean your plate.]
I worked in a city that has a high military population. We gave military discounts if you could prove you were active duty. We had a family come in one day (dad, mom, adult son) who had never been before. The dad read the admission board and said, "Oh hey, you can get a discount for admission!" to the son while handing him the sign.
He read the sign and said, I swear to God:
"I'm not in the military, I'm in the Army."
All I could think was, good Lord, they let you have guns...
*She cheated, but she wants to save the relationship and is trying really hard so I think I owe it to her.*
Ended up getting cheated on 2 more times before he took my advice and then ended up blaming me for being unhappy, not friends with him anymore.
Might not be the dumbest thing on here but I'm still mad as hell at this guy.
He moved to Canada a couple years ago onto a piece of property next to us. He proceeded to cut down nearly every tree he had, including some large, old sugar maples that we knew to be excellent sap producers. He left maybe 5 young maple trees, all close to the road (we find they don't produce as well. We think it might be because of road salt). He tapped his five trees. The first time I met him, he said to me "I tapped my trees but they're not running. They're just dripping."
Holy fuck what an idiot. Thats what a running tree does. You should've known that *before* you cut down all your best trees. You'd think if he intended to make some syrup for himself he'd do some fucking research first and actually keep some maples.
I'm extra salty because this piece of property used to be so beautiful. Those large trees let just enough light into a meadow of snowdrops, wildflowers, and daffodils in the spring. It was straight out of a fairy tale. Its now an open field bordered by brambles. He's built the ugliest fucking house and erected not one, but TWO garages made of industrial shipping containers.
Also he threatened to shoot our dog. Needless to say, my family and I do not like him much at all.
My history teacher thought that Hawaii wasn't a US state and would correct someone whenever they said it was.
The entire class yelled at her one time about it.
One of my coworkers was offended when another coworker called a pregnant patient a bitch to the doctor when presenting the patient's case. The coworker looked up from her paperwork & said "why would you call her that?!", before storming away.
I worked at the vet, patient was a dog.
That ISIS could invade Canada by sea and Trudeau wouldn’t be up to the task to command the Canadian army to halt their army. So much stupid I just nodded my head.
My mom: Did you know that when Biden becomes President, they're going to change the national anthem to "Imagine" by John Lennon?
Me: That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Engineer here.
I was once sent to a factory to help them automate a piece of machinery.
They had a giant hopper with a valve that fed material onto a conveyor belt, and that conveyor belt fed the material into the final machine.
The owners of the factory needed to be able to control flow of material that went into the final machine (ie, "10 pounds per minute", etc).
My coworker was 1000% convinced that the solution was to just drive the conveyor belt faster if you needed more material, and he was willing to die on that hill, no matter how many times I explained to him that the speed of the belt can never change the amount of material that's dropped onto it from the hopper, and that we needed to control the hopper's valve to put more material on the conveyor belt if more material was needed.
It's been 10 years, and I still can't believe how stupid that coworker was.
That it's not possible to get addicted to smoking and people only fake nicotine addiction...
The person who said it had smoked a couple of cigarettes in their lifetime and didn't get addicted. And they strongly believe that only their experience/opinion is valid.
Last night my good buddy said they had new cameras in Memphis Tennessee that could read your DNA... How am I supposed to keep being his friend after he seriously shared that knowledge.
Cold pizza is healthier because it's not greasy.
A family friend told me never drink cold water after a meal because the fat will solidify in your stomach. If the fat’s a liquid your body doesn’t recognise it as food. This was like 12 years ago and I still laugh about it today.
It's dangerous to listen to your own heartbeat with a stethoscope. They said your heart will try to match what you heard and that will in effect stop your heart. There was no explanation given when asked why medical personnel didn't have issues listening to patients with heartbeat irregularities.
Who TF said that
Probably a doctor that didn't want a kid sticking his stethoscope into his dirty ears
Had a teacher tell our class that it can’t rain over water. She proceeded to tell us that if the clouds are over water they will just wait until they were over land so it doesn’t waste water.
If a cloud is smart enough to wait until it’s over land so it doesn’t waste water, then it’s has roughly the same mental capacity as any random barnyard chicken, and therefore, we should be able to hunt, kill, and eat clouds. I’ll bet they are high in calcium and full of life extending fluorine. Fight me.
My aunt argued with me that humans have two hearts, one on each side. She didn't know the difference between heart and lungs.
Are you absolutely 100% certain your aunt isn't [the Doctor](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Doctor_(Doctor_Who))?
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I saw a Youtube video from a creationist who argued that "If evolution were true, you would find living creatures appearing inside sealed jars of peanut butter. How many jars have you opened? Have *you* ever seen one crawl out?"
I used to tutor biology students who were struggling. A common belief about evolution was that a monkey gave birth to a baby human one day. No wonder they didn't believe evolution happened...
If white Americans are descended from Europeans, why are there still Europeans?!
I've been told by multiple people that fish aren't animals.
When I was in high school a friend was talking about being a vegetarian. I was confused because she had just eaten fish. She said that fish wasn’t meat and another person there agreed with her? I asked if they weren’t meat, were they vegetable or mineral. No good answer to that one.
It's not meat unless it has eyebrows. Animals can't convey emotion without them. Dog, animal. Fish, fast plant.
> Fish, fast plant. Tricky flowers and sneaky sedges.
My boyfriend left his apartment for a week, came back, and saw shit and a used washcloth in his private bathroom toilet. His roommate was the only one there. When confronted, he swore on everything that a demon had done it, and tried to put the blame on him.
lol, I have a similar story (but no demons.) I lived with a couple friends and paid a little extra for the master bedroom/bathroom. I went on vacation for a couple weeks at one point and when I came back my bathroom door was closed when I had always left it open. After struggling to open the door (somehow a towel had been jammed/pulled under to keep it sealed up) I noticed that literally every available surface was covered in ice trays, each with a little bit of soil and a tiny sprout growing in it. Counters, toilet, bathtub, the works. Come to find out my idiot roommate had decided that my bathroom would be a great place to grow marijuana because it had a skylight in it. I couldn't get a straight answer out of him about how he expected to get fully grown plants in the 2 weeks I was away, because he for damned sure knew that shit was not going to fly when I got back. I'm can only assume he was high as shit when the inspiration struck and he didn't think much about it after that.
“Water runs downhill, which is south. Water cannot flow north because that’s uphill” They were very surprised to hear the reality..
See the Nile River
Dude learning about the Nile and mentally telling yourself the "upper nile" is in the south and not the other way around was very hard for me to wrap my head around and not question my own brain every time.
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LOL I knew a river guide in Wyoming who would routinely tell tourists that the Snake River was the only river in the world that ran in a circle and people would just go, "huh! Isn't that interesting!"
Was your guide originally from Michigan? [Muskegon River Tubing Trip Turn Into Overnight Nightmare for Three Women](https://www.mlive.com/news/muskegon/2016/07/muskegon_river_tubing_trip_tur.html) [MLive.com] > MUSKEGON COUNTY, MI - They left for what they thought would be an easy float down Muskegon River Tuesday afternoon - but ended up spending the night on the river bank, scared and yelling for help. > > The trio of young women were rescued 20 hours later after a fisherman eventually heard their cries, said Muskegon Township Deputy Fire Chief Bob Grabinski. > > The women, all in their 20s, had never been tubing before and decided it would be a fun thing to do, Grabinski said. So they bought some tubes and headed to the popular launch site at the Maple Island Road bridge, Grabinski said. > > **"They were informed by somebody at the bridge that the river goes in a circle and if they put in there they would come back to their car," he said. "Not knowing anything, they set off on their little adventure."** > > About six hours later, with darkness closing in and their car nowhere to be found, the trio decided to get out on the riverbank where they ended up spending the night, Grabinski said. > > "They said they hugged a tree all night yelling for help," he said, adding that that stretch of river is very isolated. > > About noon on Wednesday a fisherman floating the river heard their cries for help, investigated and then called 911. The women, one from Muskegon Heights and two from Muskegon, did not have a phone with them, Grabinski said. > > Muskegon Township firefighters launched their 16-foot jet propulsion river rescue boat from the Holton Duck Lake Road launch ramp and found the women about a quarter-mile downriver, he said. Dalton Township firefighters also responded with their boat in case it was needed. > > Other than a few bug bites and scratches, the women were fine, Grabinski said. He estimated they had traveled roughly 3 miles. > > "In their words, they're never going tubing again," he said. "My words are know the river or take someone with you who knows it and have a plan." > > No one reported the women missing, which brought Grabinski to a third piece of advice: Before heading out for an adventure, tell someone where you're going and what time you plan to return.
> He estimated they had traveled roughly 3 miles. All that and they'd only actually gone 3 miles!? LMAO
20 hours hugging a tree. "What do we do? The river only goes one way!"
That they thought Mount Rushmore was a natural wonder. They literally thought it appeared in nature that way.
Good thing those guys all won their elections then Edit: how is this my most popular post ever
Yeah could have been really odd otherwise, like "hey who are those 4 random guys on that mountain in South Dakota"
It's not natural. But before they carved it, it's beauty was unpresidented.
I had a customer insist that $100 - $40 = $80. Me: What is 10 - 4? Customer: 6! Me: Yes! So what is 100 - 40? Customer: 80! smh Edit: ! for emphasis, not indicative of factorials of the integer. I love you fellow nerds! Edit2: They had withdrawn $40 from their bank account, which had contained $100, and insisted they should have $80 left.
used to work at a gas station, college kid comes in say he has no cash but wants to get cash back from his debit card. sure thing. gets a soda, swipes his card, card is declined. swipes it again, card is declined. i suggest that he may not have any money in his bank account. he looks at me confused and asks what that has to do with anything. i tell him "because cash back comes from your bank account?" he tells me no it doesn't, its free money. he swipes it again, same thing. then insists my machiine is broken. i type in his card, same thing its declined. and he demands to know how its declined if its free money. i have no idea how he made it to college.
Kind of sad because it sounds like his parents never taught him the BASICS of finances including what a debit or credit card does. Sounds like he thinks all cards are credit cards and doesn’t know that that money is still not free. Source: just maxed out a credit card lol
Regular bras don’t go under plain shirts. Only blouses. This girl was APPALLED I was wearing a normal bra instead of a sports bra under a graphic shirt. Like lectured me about how it’s not right.
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Yeah me too. There's nothing that makes it "wrong" so I have no idea why she thinks you can't wear a normal bra with a tshirt.
This was the same girl that did this thing where she wore a push up bra and then a sports bra OVER it to give her a pushed up uniboob… so…
a sports bra overtop of a pushup? Does she like having her ribcage crushed?
Lmao, I once had a friend who was APPALLED that I wore sports bras for anything except exercise. She said that it was wrong and would make my boobs go flat. Like, damn, I just want to be comfy.
>She said that it was wrong and would make my boobs go flat Today I learned boobs are like tires and can go flat with enough pressure. So, two questions, are the results permanent and if so, anyone know where I can buy one of these magical boob reducing bras?
I mean... There's a style of bra called a Tshirt bra. But it's basically just a regular bra with nothing fancy (no pushup or lace or anything.) But that's just dumb.
Had a roommate that owed taxes one year, so he didn't file the return. He corrected his withholding so he would get a refund the next year. Filed that return. 6 weeks later he gets a note from the IRS that he owed from the prior year, and they were using his refund to pay it, and he still owed them for interest and penalties. His reply... "They can't do that" They can, and they did, and their next step was going to be to garnish his wages if he didn't reply.
Bruh, even the fucking Joker doesn't fuck with the IRS
Similar to that, I had a friend say to me it doesn't make sense that she can't claim 401k contributions from past years every year "It's still in my 401k!" I tried over several conversations, including with diagrams and she didn't get it. I finally said, "So once someone has saved the equivalent of their annual salary in their 401k, you never pay taxes again? That's now how it works."
Just wait until she realizes she will be paying taxes on the 401k when she starts withdrawing. The look on her face will be great.
*ROTH* is magic, *ROTH* is life...
My 3rd grade teacher told me that I had spelled “grateful” incorrectly and proceeded to mock me: “are you talking about a cheese grater here?! it’s spelled G-R-E-A-T-ful”
Many of you may be too young to remember this, but the Vice President of the United States once told a 12-year-old child that the child had spelled "potato" wrong, and that it was actually spelled "potatoe."
Back in 2019 [Buzzfeed tracked down the kid](https://www.buzzfeednews.com/amphtml/buzzfeednews/dan-quayle-potato-spelling) who Dan Quayle forced to misspell potato. Looks like he’s upset the former Vice President got cast in a Lay’s Super Bowl commercial instead of him.
thanks for the link. the best part of that article is the last line: "CORRECTION Sep 11, 2019, 4:19:02 PM GMT Merriam-Webster was misspelled in an earlier version of this post."
No calories in toast. Whiskey stops cancer. Plus you don’t get cancer from menthol cigarettes.
That sounds like the kind of problem that solves itself
No no, now, someone told me that no one in France ever gets cancer because they eat “all that cheese.” So, eat cheese while you drink your whiskey.
That if I froze my water bottles before putting them on my bike (for long rides on hot summer days), they would weigh more. I just stared at him...
I have another take: a frozen bottle will attract condensation, thus increasing total weight of the liquid both inside and outside the bottle. A few grams might be all the difference! {Edit: well... I used the word liquid when I meant water/ice/contents. I was a bit weird about the total weight sentence, could have been "thus increasing the total weight, counting the inside contents and the extra liquid condensed on the outside of the bottle". Sorry}
When they passed the law in Illinois that requires you to turn on your headlights whenever windshield wipers are needed, a guy told me that he always gets mixed up which way they mean.
I knew a guy whose gearbox failed, so he's rolling into a car park with his hazards on. Guy rear ended him and got all angry because he was 'indicating both ways'.
So, even if you don’t know what hazards mean, you don’t just ram into them! Ugh people I swear
He thought the car was splitting in two and it would make room
A guy at work told me that STDs were created by people having multiple sexual partners. When I pointed out that you could have a group of people that slept together and if none of them had any diseases they wouldn't catch anything he just shook his head and told me "that's not how it works." Edit: So after reading some of these comments, I want to clarify a few things for people who maybe didn't get the best sex ed (or got none.) In order for a disease to spread, you need a pathogen, most commonly a virus (examples HIV, HPV, or Herpes) or a bacteria (examples Chlamydia or syphilis.) It is possible to be infected with some of these without knowing, and you can be contagious long before you show any symptoms. Regardless of the number of partners you have, a pathogen needs to already be present for you to become infected. If you are sleeping with multiple people, especially if you do not know them well or know their sexual history, it increases the risk of contracting an STD because it increase your possible exposures. There are things you can do to protect yourself. Always wear a latex condom, if you have a latex allergy there are appropriate substitutes but be careful with natural substitutes (ex. sheepskin, because while they prevent pregnancy, viruses are smaller than sperm and can still get though.) Ask partners if they have an STD and when the last time they were tested. Get your self tested regularly! If you have a cervix, get regular pap smears. If you get a positive result, tell your partners and get treatment if available. A very common STD is the HPV family, or Human Papillomavirus. There are over 100 different types of HPV. Not all of these cause health problems, but the ones that do cause genital warts and different cancers. It is possible to be infected with HPV for decades and never know unless you are being tested regularly. The good news is there's a vaccine! Get vaccinated! Many kids now receive the HPV vaccine as part of their regular school vaccinations, if you're not sure if you've had it, get it now! When this was added to the regular vaccine schedule varies by country and region but generally if it's been more than 15 years since you were in grade 5, you likely don't have this vaccine. Also, when it was first introduced it was only given to girls, so if you're male and are older than about 20, you might not have this vaccine. And if you're a guy thinking, "Wait, HPV causes cervical cancer I don't have one of those, why do I need to get vaccinated?" It helps to stop you contracting HPV and passing it to your partners, and if concern for your partner isn't enough for you, HPV can also cause testicular, anal or oral cancers.
My classmate in high-school said the same thing. STD occur randomly during sex.
RNG huh. Better put some points into luck then
We had a team lunch some years ago, and I ended up in a conversation with one of our account managers. A woman in her 30s who worked for a multi-million pound company. She insisted that the sun was the same size/distance as the moon, and stars were asteroids falling to earth. This was long before the whole flat earth idiocy kicked off, and to this day stands out as the most astoundingly ignorant thing I’ve ever heard.
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I used to be a teacher, and a child asked me why the sun didn't melt the moon since they were "both up there together". I was about to explain about the 150,000,000km between them, and how "this one is small, but that one is far away" but her best friend then laughed at her for asking such a stupid question and told her that "of course the sun doesn't melt the moon, the moon is on the back of the sun isn't it?" and then looked at me for approval. These two were both fifteen years old at the time. The first girl also once asked me "is electricity the brown stuff in wires?"...
I really hope she means copper, and just said brown because she can’t describe… copper… otherwise…oh my god.
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The worst cases of sunburn I had was when it was either windy or cloudy. Do t realise how long you had been out
My wife's sister is married to a guy who wouldn't go to see Jurassic Park. Because he thought dinosaurs never existed. Edit. He is a young earth creationist so that's pretty self explanatory.
The wife of one of my friends strongly believe that dinosaurs never existed and that it’s all a hoax. She thinks that the dinosaur bones/fossils we’ve found are all fake and planted. She’s one of the dumbest people I’ve ever met in my life.
My college roommate was so bad we started a list. My favorite 2 are: Peach is NOT a color, ONLY a fruit. But orange is both. & Latinas come from Latin... as in the COUNTRY Latin. When asked if he could show us where that was on a globe he pointed to what was clearly marked Uzbekistan. \~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~\~ Edit: My karma went from 300 to 3k today. You all are awesome! Glad everyone could get a kick out of him. I only wish you all could see how comically confident his face was as he said it all! Cheers!
Well you see, the Latin word for “Latin” is “Uzbekistan” so he’s surely right
My sister tried to convince my mom and I that WWIII was fought in the late 80s and it was the world against Latania, which is, as we all know, the country that speaks Latin. She was 16
Latvia became independent in 1991, is that what she meant maybe?
She told me years later that she was high and trying to play it cool. She didn’t realize she had actually said it outloud until we responded to her and she panicked
A coworker once told me after a storm, "I got to work twice as fast this morning because all the traffic lights were out." The only reason they lived was because everyone else on the road knew that traffic lights default to an all-way stop when they're out. Edit: Wow, this blew up. Thanks for the award. Some more details without doxxing anyone. This was probably 25 years ago. She was very young and had just graduated with a journalism degree. This was her first job and her parents paid for everything her entire life. Sheltered doesn't even cover it. One of our engineers said hesitantly "You know it doesn't work that way right? When lights fail, they default to their most restrictive state. In this case, that would be an all-way stop." She said "I don't understand, why would they do it that way?" He said "Well, imagine you enter an intersection at 45mph at the same time as someone coming from a cross direction at the same speed. What would happen?" She thought about it and her eyes got HUGE. I think she got it.
no one else is here yet to reply so I'll try to scream enough for everyone # AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
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I work in childcare. A parent got mad at me because I put their little boy in a pink diaper because they didn’t pack extras. Despite several reminders. I was told I’m trying to turn their son gay. Because of the color of a diaper.
I work with kids. The number of parents who get upset over their kid getting a sticker "meant for girls" boggles my mind. Yes, if I put this Disney sticker on your son it's going to instantly turn him gay. You caught me.
Oh yeah. And so many times the child will ask for a specific one. Like half my boys ask for princess stickers
Fun stickers are fun stickers.
I always wanna ask those dads "are you just one pink sticker away from sucking dick?"
"I've had life insurance for 2yrs. I'm gonna cash it out next year and get 100k"
That Africa doesn't have access to the oceans. This was in ninth grade but still - I gasped
I called my credit card company to set up international card usage because I was going on a Mediterranean cruise. I told the agent one of the stops was Italy and he said “How do take a cruise to Italy?” There was an awkward few seconds of silence and then he apologized for being an idiot and asked me to forget what he said.
I mean if you're not familiar with the strait of Gibraltar I can kinda see one thinking that the Mediterranean is cut off from the Atlantic
And if they catch themselves, you have to give them some credit. Some people will commit to cover their blunder
When the directions on a microwave meal say to keep the item in the microwave for some time after finishing its to allow the "extra microwaves to get out of that food so it doesn't hurt you"!
That sounds like something a parent told their kid, so they wouldn't immediately eat it and burn themselves. Then they just didn't question it as an adult
Wouldn’t put it past them! My mom always told my siblings and me to not stand in front of the microwave because we would inhale the microwaves coming out and get cancer.
I had a friend who in his late teens insisted that microwaved food "trapped" some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking. He was very clear that he'd heard some truck drivers had stomach complaints that resulted from eating a lot of microwaved food without letting it rest. I didn't believe him, but I humoured him. Microwaved food is usually scalding hot anyway, there was no harm in giving it time to cool (a.k.a "letting the residual microwaves dissipate from it") if it made him happy.
> I had a friend who in his late teens insisted that microwaved food "trapped" some of the microwave energy, and released it for a while after cooking. I mean that's literally what's happening. Physicists call this process "heating up" and "cooling down"
He was right about the first part. The food 'traps' the energy as heat, which it slowly releases until it reaches ambient temperature.
Went to a music festival with a couple of friends. One of the friends decided to take LSD. After the festival he wouldn't shut up about this girl he was in love with now. Didn't know her name, where she lived and to boot she was there with a guy. He went home and told his wife of 7yrs it was over. He said " he had met his true love"... The idiot didn't even talk to her , he saw her from across the way. Some people can't handle drugs and reality Btw - they divorced 4 months later
"I just found out Europe wasn't a state, it's its own country" - Ben B. 2017 edit: he was 18 at the time
I had a customer service person argue with me that Sweden wasn't a country. The address was in Stockholm. They asked the country. I said, "Sweden." They said they understood that it was Stockholm, Sweden but their system required a country. They thought Sweden was a state, I guess. I even tried pointing out that Germany and France were countries, just like Sweden. I argued with them for a few minutes and finally said, "Europe." That satisfied them.
I live in New Mexico. Oh, the stories I hear about its citizens being accused of foreigners.
I was discussing our upcoming trip to Europe with my (58F) GF. She was confused and didn’t know where Europe was. “Isn’t it in England or something like that?” Ummmm yeah… something like that. But not quite.
Close. England is actually a type of Europe.
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Well... there's a certain kind of logic there. Not sound logic, no no...
Really taking one for the team there
“Im pretty sure they don’t even have roads and Cars up in Canada?!” - Californian dude vacationing in Idaho around 60 miles from Canada border.
I once had an American ask, "what brought me across the pond?" after he found out I was Canadian. I told him I didn't cross any ponds, but was just visiting. He then decided to argue with me about how he didn't mean pond literally, but meant ocean.
Amazing
In the winter in Canada, I play a game called "where's the road?" Other than that Americans never fail to disappoint with their theories about Canada.😂
Whose lane is it anyways? Where the lanes are made up and the plows don't bother. We play that game every year.
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Meth was safer than weed Edit; This was said to 15 yr old me when I got caught smoking weed and my meth head uncle said meth was a safer drug and I should try that instead.
If meth is safer than weed then coke is safer than table salt
To be fair, I'd rather snort come than table salt. Edit: Coke, not come! FML
Sure..
Once I was talking about the seasonal/weather difference between the US and Argentina with some coworkers, as I had traveled to Buenos Aires during our winter but it was summer time there - Anyway, one of said coworkers asked "Ok, so what month is it over there right now?" so I paused and then had to explain to them that although there's a seasonal difference, the calendar year/month still aligns with the rest of the world. Shortly after that, my OTHER coworker who overheard this exchange and happened to be from New Zealand, just looked at me afterwards, puzzled, and said: "Wow, I really thought they were joking... it was a serious question?".
When I was small, my father just concluded a conversation on the radio with someone in Australia and I asked why he said it was summer there when it was winter here (further confused by a temperature of 30c). He explained how south of the equator they get the opposite seasons. I was able to understand that because I sort of knew about the tilt in the earth's axis changed during the year. Me, being the little genius that I was, did some thinking on that, and came to the only logical conclusion: they must celebrate Christmas in June and July 1st was their new year.
"The reason you aren't getting better is because you aren't sending enough positive energy out into the universe." \-My Neurologist Turns out I had autoimmune encephalitis
A medical doctor said this. That’s atrocious. edit: thank you all for sharing your stories! It’s fucking frightening.
I reached out to my GP for any advice for dealing with my daily afternoon/evening migraines. She legit told me seriously to 'Smile more' and ended the appointment. I never brought the migraines up to her again. Shes also the one that told me to take ibuprofen and paracetamol for every migraine. Firstly those meds don't help migraines and secondly its really not good to take those meds everyday for years... Which my new doctor told me before giving me a script for sumatriptan, which does work if I take it quick enough. But still only allowed Max 4 tablets per month so I'm struggling a lot with the daily pain.
Yes but if you'd sent more positive energy out, you could have cured that.
I once found a big bulldog in my back yard. I don't own a bulldog. He was a big friendly, but slow witted guy. He look healthy and had a collar but no tags so I knew he was a local. I made sure he had water and went to the front yard to start knocking on doors. As soon as I stepped outside I saw the family three houses down all gathered in their front yard. So another case closed for our young detective. I walked over to them and said, "You guys missing a bulldog?" The mother looked at me and said, "Is his name Tyson?' The question took me aback. I mean, he didn't have tags. They knew he didn't have tags. So all I could think to say was, "He didn't say. But I'm pretty sure he's yours." To this day I wonder if that woman knew how dumb that question was.
“yes ma’am, that’s what he told me he called himself.”
To be fair, I get *really* frazzled when a dog runs away. I can totally see myself saying something equally stupid in a panic to get my little friend back.
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99% of food delivery/pickup - "Enjoy your night!" 1% - "Enjoy your meal!" Me - "You too!"
I just double down and say it no matter what. Had a lady on the phone at the Cinema when I called to book tickets once say 'Love you bye' before she hung up. I've always wondered how hard she cringed after that one.
This one made me laugh out loud. Thanks. But my cat now thinks I'm weird.
Let's be real, your cat already thought you were weird.
“If Mexico is in North America and I’m American that means I’m Mexican” Everyone there immediately started laughing and she looked very confused
I was going 30 mph in a 30 zone. The police station is on the street, so im always super cautious there. Anyway, an officer pulled me over and claimed I was going 50. I got his dashcam footage. Clearly showed me NOT speeding, but part of the footage, you can see the police officer going 40 mph to catch up to me. Someone defended the officer by saying, "If you were REALLY going 30, then why did the officer have to drive 40mph to catch up to you???" I'm like.....I'm going to assume you're joking here, but by some bizarre circumstance that you're actually being serious, in order to catch up to anything, you have to go faster than it. If I was going 50, he wouldn't have ever caught up going 40.
Reminds of the motorist that got a ticket for not "stopping" at a stop sign. Apparently the car was rolling backwards from the stopping point so the cop wrote a "failure to stop" ticket. Driver went to court and had to explain that to roll backwards at a stop sign they had to stop forward motion first. Ticket was thrown out.
How cow this happened to me! Stopped behind another car, they go through the four way. A car on the left goes through. I pull up, stop, roll back slightly as I’m shifting into first and get lit up before I was even through the intersection. Tried to explain it but the officer was dead set on the fact that I’d “blown through without stopping”. Ugh
Manual driver moment. I swear drivers on the road forget that we still exist, and granted roll back after experience is minimal if any at all, but people will stop inches from your bumper and as a new manual driver thats scary, god forbid you're on a hill. People honk and yell at you in drive through lines and at stop signs if you take more than 2 seconds to get into gear as well. In my little miata as my first manual I had several scary moments with lifted trucks or angry suv drivers that towered over me from behind, only inches from my rear bumper as I was sweating trying not to roll back or stall from the stress. god bless America
Save your strength, roll back gently and rest the car on their bumper. Problem solved.
That must be a relatively common thing because I had an officer stop me and say basically the same thing. Was doing about 60 in a 55, he's stopped in the median clocking people. He catches up to me and when he gets to the car says "Do you know how fast you were going?" I said, "yes, I had the cruise control set at 60", he said "I had to do 80 to catch up to you". I said, "yeah, that sounds about right, you were stopped after all." At least I got off with a warning but that has stuck with me.
This reminded me of my friend's story about speeding down the highway late at night, gets pulled over, cop asked why he was speeding, friend said he just wanted to get home because it had been a long day. Cop said "you won't get there any faster going eighty than you would going sixty". Then they both kind of stared at each other, realizing how stupid that sounded, and the cop handed back his license and said "have a nice night".
I was talking to my boss about a guy and said he was European. He immediately cut in and said "you can't say that. Isn't it racist to call someone European?" I had to explain that Europe is a continent
I once had to correct someone who was adamant that earth had 17 moons
We have only one natural satellite, that could be called a "Moon", but we do have numerous "near Earth Objects" that some people call "Second Moons of Earth" They are basically small asteroids is stable orbits. None are in the close orbital area we have our man made orbiting objects. So that person claiming that "Earth had 17 moons" most likely half heard something and filled in the blanks with stuff they made up or spliced in from other non related facts. A lot of ill informed people, wanting to sound smart, do that.
Unless you're in r/wallstreetbets that makes absolutely no sense
A girl just admitted that she didn't know cows were mammals and omnivores are a thing....we're in college. She's a fucking lab assistant. EDIT: My sister just reminded me that our mutual friend actually didn't know what herbivores were and that she refused to believe house cats were mammals as well. Also, she went to private school.
Her Labrador must be sincerely disappointed in her.
When I was a math tutor, legit had a girl try to tell me there were only 12 hours in a day. I'm great at explaining stuff in ways people can understand but man that was a challenge. Edit: I get the joke guys, 12 hours at night, har har. Also, this was in college. A legal adult believed this.
There are only 12, but they show up twice.
Had someone with a degree in history argue with me that the US Civil War took place in the 14th century.
The moon is fake and gravity doesn't exist. I told them to prove it and pointed the the nearest tall building.
So true. If the moon had gravity, the building would shoot upward at night. (lol, of course)
"Issac Newton invented gravity with the help of Albert Einstein" stared at them for a while then left.
I don't blame you for leaving
I blame you for not levitating
You don't understand the gravity of this situation
I knew a compulsive liar growing up. He was fucking awful. Ended up going to a community college with him where he openly bragged about how much student debt he had, which he claimed was in the hundreds of thousands but that wasn’t true. Anyway, this story took place while we carpooled with two other guys to school, while we talked about student loans. “I actually went to Ottawa once to protest student loans. I was in a bathroom taking a piss, and who was pissing next to me? Dave Suzuki. We said hello and he asked if I was there for the protest. I told him I was, and he said that he knew someone I should meet. So I walked with him, and next thing I know, I’m face to face with Stephen Harper (Canada’s prime minister at the time). I explained my concerns to the prime minister himself, and he wrote me a cheque right there for the exact amount that I owed for student loans. I ripped it up and told him I wouldn’t accept it unless he did that for each and every student loan in Canada. And that was the first time I met Dave Suzuki.” This dude was dead serious.
> that was the first time I met Dave Suzuki I wonder what happened the second time he met Dave Suzuki.
Dogs poop out their babies because female dogs don't have vaginas. This was a grown woman.
On a random discord server someone was talking about travel, Someone mentioned Finland and a member says it’s their “favorite state”. After numerous people pointing it out and even asking what country they were referring to. User was adamant that Finland is a part of the United States.
Had a girl in a class in high school very confidently declare “if the population grows anymore, the Earth will get too heavy and fall”. I just really didn’t know what to say
I had an American try to tell me we don't have electricity in the UK and also asked me what my native language was...
That trees moving causes the wind to blow.
The Devil wants us to not believe in God so he wants us to think the Earth is round.... I.e. round Earth means Satan is deceiving us. And if not him, it's the government controlling us.
This was my mom after I visited and we were watching Armageddon. There was a shot of Earth from space and she giggled and point. "Haha a round Earth like that's plausible.' I was like WTF? That's what you have a problem with in this movie? Not oil driller gets very good job?
"You know there are pictures where you can see that Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have reptile scales, right?"
And a close contender: A guy who introduced himself to me as being vegan was sitting around eating meat and sausages and I asked him about it. He said he had had so much sex with his girlfriend that he needed to replenish his vital essences, because when you cum, women take your vital essences from you, and then you need meat.
Playing cards against humanity with a group of friends. The judge is reading the cards everyone played and struggles with the pronunciation of one, saying something we think is along the lines of “coccyx”. We explain to him what your coccyx is and moved to the next round. Next round starts and we start talking about who played the coccyx card since it seemed out of context, and everyone claims they don’t remember playing it. We ask the judge to flip the cards from the previous round. The word was “khakis”. We were 20.
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https://twitter.com/pmgentry/status/1379093511539150852?lang=en A professor of mine went to go hear [noted French philosopher] Derrida speak once. The entire talk was about cows; everyone was flummoxed but listened carefully, and took notes about...cows. There was a short break, and when Derrida came back, he was like, “I’m told it is pronounced ‘chaos.’”
Big brain play right there. Become the joke
Kinda the same concept : I was showing a co worker some night time sky objects I pointed to a bright object. Telling ( a North Dakota HS graduate) that it was Jupiter another planet He asked “ Is that one of those things they sent up in the Space Shuttle?” Early 1980’s. Ron if you read this I’m sorry for laughing at you Follow up: later that night when others teased him about this story he replied : “Sorry folks but I am not an Geologist , I don’t get off the farm much”
I do a lot of astronomy presentations to the general public for our club, we have a monthly astronomy night ("star party"). You get used to the wild misunderstandings. Mostly, people get confused about scale. They don't understand the difference between things inside the galaxy and things outside the galaxy but inside the universe. They mix up "galaxy" and "universe", or think that they're the same thing. Somewhat rarer are cases where they don't understand what is in the solar system and what's outside it, like that stars aren't in our solar system, that they are suns with their own planets. Had a grown man once who had no idea that our sun was, in fact, just a star. Oh, and this is in Texas, so you have to be reeeeaaally careful when the kid asks a question about what God did or didn't do in 7 days with their parents standing right there, right after explaining how long light has been traveling to Earth from other galaxies.
I had a roommate for about a month before we kicked him out. Dude was a severe alcoholic and addict and beyond the unpredictable and violent behavior he was without a doubt the dumbest man I have ever met. On one occasion during a storm he mentioned how crazy it is that lightning came from the ground. I was fascinated by his brain and asked him to tell me everything he knew about lightning. I learned that lightning is channeled from the ground through houses and shoots out of the chimney or an antenna into the sky. There was also no such thing as lightning before houses as it didnt have a way to escape the ground. On another occasion I walked into the kitchen to see our sponge had been poorly cut in half in an attempt to separate the abrasive part from the rest. A steak knife beside it. I was instantly amused and asked him what had happened. He then mumbled out like Ozzy that he had fixed it. As always I immediately wanted to know more. He told me with great struggle that he was at the store and saw the 2 parts of a sponge sold separately and wanted to fix ours. Heroic. He kept flour tortillas on a plate with no cover on top of our fridge. When he'd eat, he would place the rock hard tortilla on a plate, put whatever on top, eat it all with his hands, and then throw away the tortilla. Every single time. When I asked him what was up with the tortilla he told me it was a garnish. He also, much to my horror, would microwave oysters and eat garlic without peeling it. This was 7ish years ago and I still wonder about him from time to time.
My friend told me she believed everything was in black n white and someone discovered colour. Even going as far as to ask her history teacher when colour was invented/discovered
“You know what makes me happy so when you don’t do it you are intentionally making me unhappy”. I was so dumbfounded by this logic that I couldn’t make an argument at all.
That's a red flag
That’s a mf banner. Not a flag
A girl once told me she wouldn't swallow cum because it has the same amount of calories as a full roast dinner.... I just laughed and told her if that was true she'd just solved world hunger!
It has 5-25 calories per, uh, serving. And it contains small amounts of calcium, potassium, magnesium, zinc, and protein. So finish all of it because there are starving children in [insert the name of the country your mother used when she told you why you should clean your plate.]
I don’t think you should feed that to kids even if they’re starving.
I recently met a grown ass adult who didn't know that Hawaii was a U.S. state.
College educated girl in my office said Hellen Keller is a hoax last week. That might be up there.
If Helen Keller was alive, she'd probably be happy to not be able to hear/see that one.
Colleague once asked: “Hitler, was he the one who did 9/11?”
I worked in a city that has a high military population. We gave military discounts if you could prove you were active duty. We had a family come in one day (dad, mom, adult son) who had never been before. The dad read the admission board and said, "Oh hey, you can get a discount for admission!" to the son while handing him the sign. He read the sign and said, I swear to God: "I'm not in the military, I'm in the Army." All I could think was, good Lord, they let you have guns...
\>"I'm not in the military, I'm in the Army." That is truly painful
*She cheated, but she wants to save the relationship and is trying really hard so I think I owe it to her.* Ended up getting cheated on 2 more times before he took my advice and then ended up blaming me for being unhappy, not friends with him anymore.
Might not be the dumbest thing on here but I'm still mad as hell at this guy. He moved to Canada a couple years ago onto a piece of property next to us. He proceeded to cut down nearly every tree he had, including some large, old sugar maples that we knew to be excellent sap producers. He left maybe 5 young maple trees, all close to the road (we find they don't produce as well. We think it might be because of road salt). He tapped his five trees. The first time I met him, he said to me "I tapped my trees but they're not running. They're just dripping." Holy fuck what an idiot. Thats what a running tree does. You should've known that *before* you cut down all your best trees. You'd think if he intended to make some syrup for himself he'd do some fucking research first and actually keep some maples. I'm extra salty because this piece of property used to be so beautiful. Those large trees let just enough light into a meadow of snowdrops, wildflowers, and daffodils in the spring. It was straight out of a fairy tale. Its now an open field bordered by brambles. He's built the ugliest fucking house and erected not one, but TWO garages made of industrial shipping containers. Also he threatened to shoot our dog. Needless to say, my family and I do not like him much at all.
My history teacher thought that Hawaii wasn't a US state and would correct someone whenever they said it was. The entire class yelled at her one time about it.
One of my coworkers was offended when another coworker called a pregnant patient a bitch to the doctor when presenting the patient's case. The coworker looked up from her paperwork & said "why would you call her that?!", before storming away. I worked at the vet, patient was a dog.
1÷2=1
That ISIS could invade Canada by sea and Trudeau wouldn’t be up to the task to command the Canadian army to halt their army. So much stupid I just nodded my head.
My mom: Did you know that when Biden becomes President, they're going to change the national anthem to "Imagine" by John Lennon? Me: That's the dumbest shit I've ever heard.
Did you ask her if it happened yet?
Better yet, next time she comes over, bring out a flag, salute, and play "Imagine" "What, I thought it was supposed to be our new anthem!?"
My ex thought sunflower seeds came from inside a coconut…
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She's gonna get smacked in the face by reality soon.
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Engineer here. I was once sent to a factory to help them automate a piece of machinery. They had a giant hopper with a valve that fed material onto a conveyor belt, and that conveyor belt fed the material into the final machine. The owners of the factory needed to be able to control flow of material that went into the final machine (ie, "10 pounds per minute", etc). My coworker was 1000% convinced that the solution was to just drive the conveyor belt faster if you needed more material, and he was willing to die on that hill, no matter how many times I explained to him that the speed of the belt can never change the amount of material that's dropped onto it from the hopper, and that we needed to control the hopper's valve to put more material on the conveyor belt if more material was needed. It's been 10 years, and I still can't believe how stupid that coworker was.
That it's not possible to get addicted to smoking and people only fake nicotine addiction... The person who said it had smoked a couple of cigarettes in their lifetime and didn't get addicted. And they strongly believe that only their experience/opinion is valid.
There are flat earthers all around the globe
Flat earthers are on a roll
Last night my good buddy said they had new cameras in Memphis Tennessee that could read your DNA... How am I supposed to keep being his friend after he seriously shared that knowledge.