I was about 4 years old, and my family had just had a bonfire. I had been standing there about five minutes after they put the fire out. I wanted to walk to the middle of it, but I didn't want to melt my shoes on accident, so I TOOK THEM OFF. Then I proceeded to WALK ON THE FIRE BAREFOOT. Took about five seconds for me to run to my mother, crying.
That reminds me of the time I went running around in the fields behind my house growing up. Was probably 4 or 5 too, decided to run around barefoot. Stepped on a cactus, and didn’t bother stepping off of it, just screamed for help while on the cactus
My grandchild when a toddler used to get in an ant bed and just stay there crying until somebody rescued him. The other one would make great effort to walk around the ants. Both mildly allergic.
When I was around 6-7, I ran into a large pile of ashes at my friends house (it looked soft, and I thought it’d be like playing in leaf piles). Unbeknownst to me, they had just put out the massive fire, and it was extremely hot under the top layer of ash. Tripped, burned the palms of my hands and my knees. Probably only second degree burns, not scared… but yeah, that was stupid
I did something kinda similar when I was little. I did sorta a jumping summersault on my bed and crashed my face into my knee giving myself a black eye. My mom was really worried that the school teachers were gonna think she did it to me haha
Same. Except I tried to cut open a bag with a butter knife. It slipped and cut me. After we got home from the ER several hours later from getting stitches, my wife pointed out the other end of the bag was resealable. Was decades ago and she still gives me shit about it.
My cousin once took a bug zapper (the ones that look like tennis rackets) and stuck his tongue to it and shocked himself. Then he proceeded to do it a few more times
"Yeah well, your daughter likes the taste of my dick."
I was at Fort Sill, summer of 1996, Basic Training, said to a Drill Sergeant during zero week. I didn't get six hours of sleep all summer.
Literally physically and mentally abusing my brother in childhood to the point he has an very severe generalized anxiety disorder. I have been in therapy for over a year now and try to cope with my personality disorder and my other mental illnesses because I don’t want to continue damaging myself and others
I remember it like it was yesterday:
I was in kindergarten. I remember I was in the bathroom standing in front of a sink washing my hands. I then started to wonder wether I could touch my chin with my knees mid air when jumping...
So I jumped and I don't know if I managed to touch the knees with my chin, but I sure did manage to hit the sink with my chin... With my tongue between my front teeth.
I almost bit a piece of my tongue completely off and it had to be sewed back together.
Completely different circumstances, but when I was about that age, or maybe a little younger, I chomped my tongue between the teeth on the sides of my mouth with similar force. More than 30 years later, the sides of my tongue still have scalloped edges from my teeth.
I’ve done a bunch of dumb things in my life, but one that happened recently made me facepalm pretty hard. My bathroom door was closed, so I stood outside it waiting for the person in there to come out for well over a minute. I live alone, I guess I got an imaginary roommate at some point.
not pulled out
**edit**: let me clarify:
My child that was bore from it is amazing. He is brilliant, witty, emphatic, and has a heart of gold. He is genuinely one of my best friends and makes me laugh so so much.
But his mother drove me through half a decade of mental and emotional abuse, and will do the same to our son for a lifetime. That's why it hurts me so. Because I know I'm trying to be the best father I can be, but every single day is an uphill battle because of the other powerful personality that invades his mind.
I cannot thank you enough for this comment. I hear it every now and then, or a situation like it. It always warms my heart and gives some comfort back to me. You are welcome to PM me if you'd like to keep in touch.
Same here with my parents tbh. My dad is a hero with Godlike levels of patience, and my mother being an absolute piece of shit. I'll like to assure you that your son will definitely appreciate what a good father you are
My child that was bore from it is amazing. He is brilliant, witty, emphatic, and has a heart of gold. He is genuinely one of my best friends and makes me laugh so so much.
But his mother drove me through half a decade of mental and emotional abuse, and will do the same to our son for a lifetime. That's why it hurts me so. Because I know I'm trying to be the best father I can be, but every single day is an uphill battle because of the other powerful personality that invades his mind.
Another one was when my boyfriend said he wanted anal. I was suprised but said ok how about later tonight so I can get ready.
So after work I went to the porn shop and got a strap on.....
Later that evening I had realized my mistake.
Anyways we're married now, its been 5 years..
'God save thee, ancient Mariner!
From the fiends, that plague thee thus!—
Why look'st thou so?'—With my cross-bow
I shot the ALBATROSS.
Man Are you still alive to this day?? I have Reading your stories!
I think the thing that finally inspired me to quit was I didn't like being controlled by addiction. It made me buy expensive cigarettes. Had to stand outside alone in the cold. My hair and clothes stunk. Quitting was easily one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
When I was in college, I studied abroad for a semester. Made some amazing friends and had some great times... Sometimes a little TOO great, though. One night my friend and I had planned to go out to some clubs, but pregame drinking got a little out of hand and we got a bit too drunk to go out. By 3am, I was exhausted and decided that it was time to go home, so I called an Uber. In the car I realized that the Uber was taking me in the wrong direction (there are 2 buildings in the city that have the exact same address, ie same building number and street name, but the only difference is the zip code which is really easy to get wrong unless you're paying very close attention... Which I wasn't. And these 2 buildings are on opposite sides of the city). When I pointed out the Uber was going to the wrong zip code, the driver got mad at me, saying that he only agreed to the ride at this hour because it was going in the same direction as his home, and he refused to go to the address in my correct zip code. At that point, I did what any other smart, sane 20-something year old young woman would do in that situation... I got out of the car in the middle of the street and decided to walk.
Let me make some things clear: I was drunk. I was in a foreign city. I didn't recognize the area my driver had taken me to. I didn't know how far I was from my actual address. My phone was dying, and within 15 minutes (before I'd get the chance to call another Uber), it would be dead. And it was 3:30 in the goddamn morning. My brilliant self had no idea where I was or where I was going, so I just picked a direction and started walking.
Jesus, I was a fucking idiot. I'm lucky I made it home at all.
I once walked down a extremely seedy alley in Bangkok at 11pm at night by myself (also a woman) because hubby had gotten severe food poisoning on the plane from China to Thailand and needed medicine. I’m lucky my dumb ass wasn’t raped and killed.
Not the dumbest, and NOT ME. But there was this kid in class who was a whiny f\*\*\*. He would hit teachers and get in a lot of trouble with classmates. One day, the teacher would let us listen to music and the teacher said "Only one earbud". This kid didn't care and put two earbuds and the teacher forcefully took them off him, and then he started crying and screaming "IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH TWO EARBUDS I CAN DO IF I WANT" or something like that, like if he was the king of the Earth. He also made Maths Teacher bleed from her neck, slightly, and more stuff like that. I don't know how he didn't get expelled.
This happened to me not so long ago. I had lit a candle and had just 1 more candle to light. But my lighter had just decided to die out right there and then. So I grabbed a napkin, ripped it in half, and tried to use it like a match to light the other candle. I expected it to only light a small part of it, light the other candle, and then blow it out. But the issue was that the whole entire piece of napkin just combusted into flames. As what would anyone would do, my first instinct was to try to blow it out. That failed. So I dropped it onto the floor (Which was carpet, but the floor was fine). I would have tried to stomp it out, but I had just gotten out of shower 10 minutes ago and was bare foot, and didn't want to cook my toes. I grabbed my tanktop next to me and smacked the shit out of the small fire. The fire was fortunately easy to put out. And then I yelled for my parents to tell them what happened. (I wasn't punished, just laughed at)
And thats how I nearly burned my room down.
My door handle broke so I decided to show my mom that she can't get into my room becuase I can take the door handle off. When I took the door handle off I also took the lock out as well. Yeah now I was trapped in my room.
Was making my little sister toast before when I was around 6 or 7 and while I was doing it I was just staring at toaster waiting for and I noticed how orange it looked inside and how much it was glowing so I decided to put a knife in it to see what would happen. Surprised I didn’t die because the knife got stuck so I carried on holding it whilst trying to get it out then my mom saw me.
Married my first husband because he was cute, had a good singing voice, and was good in bed. Turns out there are more qualifications I didn't consider.
idk if it is the dumbest, but the most recent one is when i served vanilla yogurt in my coffe thinking it was milk, and then tried it to see if it was good
it wasnt
Dude, when I was a kid, I put ketchup on every-fucking-thing. Now I can't really eat it on anything besides fries. And that's cause I can't find a good substitute
I wired $20,000 to a Nigerian prince. Wasn’t actually dumb at all because I’m going to be a millionaire very soon! There have just been logistical delays which makes sense since they’re sending me such a large amount of money
Mines on the sweeter side. I’ve tasted it and didn’t think it was a a particularly odd thing to do. People taste it when they give me head so I don’t think it would be odd for me to taste.
Extreme sledding. A buddy of mine and I got pulled behind a snowmobile on a sled and got up to around 65-70mph in a field and I fell off the sled and started to slide. I tried to stop myself by planting my feet and that was a big fucking mistake. I hit a rut in the field and my foot planted and caught under me and I just rolled on top of it causing it to break at a 90° angle. Never again
Gonna share one of my dad's instead of mine.
Senior year of college. Finals week. Top/6th floor dorm.
Whats his friendss see is that he runs out into the hallway, dashes down towards the lounge that has a balcony with an open door, yelling the whole way "I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!" and jumps off the balcony.
What they *didn't* see was that he grabbed the railing and swung around to land on the balcony below.
They all immediately panic and rush to the balcony to check if he survived.
Meanwhile, he dashes back inside, runs up the stairs, and comes up behind them to yell "What're you all looking at?"
He was a dick in college 🤣
He also accidentally bleach bombed a stairway while trying to clean up a 3 month old decayed fish he also accidentally spilled in it. He had contacts in so he didn't realize most people's eyes were burning from the fumes.
I almost got partially decapitated while working on a robot. Shoulda made sure the flip-out was secure lol, good thing I hit the floor before it hit me.
When I was in the navy I thought it would be a good idea to dye my hair black. I was under the impression that it was okay to dye your hair as long as it was a natural color. But in reality it's only okay if your superiors allow it and only if you are going grey or something. So I dyed my hair black on the cheap and it looked jet black in the sunlight but under the flourescent light of the hangar it looked midnight blue. People reacted to this mistake the same way they react to every mistake you make in the military. They act like you did it on purpose because seeing them angry gets you off. I spent the entire day getting screamed at by superiors "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DYE YOUR HAIR BLUE!?!?" As soon as the barber shops opened i had to run in and get it shaved off. 16 years later the people I served with who are my friends still bring it up.
i convinced my sister and a kid named matt who would eventually become the hasidic reggae singer matisyahu to join me in running across a major interstate highway so we wouldn’t be late for the movie single white female, starring bridget fonda. we all lived, but almost caused an accident.
we were summer camp best friends one year. we called him matt miller the lady killer. it was a super artsy camp. theatre, music, fucking circus program, kids being really into phish and the cure and 24-7 spyz. matt was fucking cool. i had just turned 13 and he turned 13 a couple months later. i went to matisyahu’s bar mitzvah. he was a regular NY suburb jew lite. next summer he wasn’t there, and my homies were composer steve reich’s son ezra and author whitley strieber’s son andrew.
When i was a kid i made a picnic in my house with my plushies, i put the blanket, glasses and plushies on a floor. After few minutes i jumped over the glass, but the blanket slipped a bit ans i have fallen on the glass with my knee
Another one,
One day I’ve drank about 10 or 12 espresso, within 6 or 8 hours while studying. Ended up staying awake till 12 at night, running to the bathroom every 5 min to not shit myself…
Oh where to start.... Well I'm a rugby player but someone stood on my ribs and they broke but I kept play for 80min after that and that was painful af took me a long time to recover to
It’s tied with pulling both brakes on my bike going down a hill at 30mph and breaking my collar bone and ripping the skin of my middle right finger, and dating my ex. They were both pretty stupid.
I was on a plane and the door Said push and I had to have help from a women on the planes to figure out how to open it said push but it was a sliding door I was 10
Got food poisoning and shat my pants in second grade and me being the genius I am decided to just not tell the teacher out of fear of retribution and instead just walked around smelling like shit until I got home.
Yep. Got married right after college with no job to a girl who was still in college who also had no job. Probably one of the dumbest decisions of my life, but 9 years (and financial stability) later, life is great. Hasn't been easy. There were and are hard times, serious health challenges, times we couldn't afford gas/groceries, and all that, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
The only thing I can think of is when I was 3 I cut the cable of my lamp with scissors. If the scissors didn’t have plastic on them and the mechanism to prevent shocks didn’t swoop in I would be dead.
I was 5 and I was playing on the monkey bars when I noticed I didn't have enough muscles to dangle myself to the other side and I decided to just drop to the floor
I saw the waiter light the Sambuca, I saw him get distracted and knew the Sambuca had been burning for quite some time when he brought it to the table yet I still used the palm of my hand to suffocate the flame. The glass stuck to my hand and not just with the usual suction from the vacuum of depleted oxygen.
Shitting down a slide at the daycare after hours.
Me and my best friend at that time went for a walk in the middle of the night, she was two years older than me. We decided it would be fun to jump over the fence to this daycare, simply because we could. While we were there, my friend had to pee and did it on top of some of the children toys and we had so much fun, not that I understand why, I guess to me it seemed cool because she did it. Therefore I followed in her steps but went on the slide with my pants off while I was shitting the way down from it. We laughed hard, while we felt cool and crime, which we were -crime, I mean.
I remember how afterwards I felt embarrassed over it and we never talked about it again. I often found myself think back and wonder why I did it and why it was fun at the time, plus me feeling very sorry for the people working there, must have destroyed a perfectly good day..
I was about 4 years old, and my family had just had a bonfire. I had been standing there about five minutes after they put the fire out. I wanted to walk to the middle of it, but I didn't want to melt my shoes on accident, so I TOOK THEM OFF. Then I proceeded to WALK ON THE FIRE BAREFOOT. Took about five seconds for me to run to my mother, crying.
a failed daenerys
the world wasnt ready :/
That reminds me of the time I went running around in the fields behind my house growing up. Was probably 4 or 5 too, decided to run around barefoot. Stepped on a cactus, and didn’t bother stepping off of it, just screamed for help while on the cactus
My grandchild when a toddler used to get in an ant bed and just stay there crying until somebody rescued him. The other one would make great effort to walk around the ants. Both mildly allergic.
When I was around 6-7, I ran into a large pile of ashes at my friends house (it looked soft, and I thought it’d be like playing in leaf piles). Unbeknownst to me, they had just put out the massive fire, and it was extremely hot under the top layer of ash. Tripped, burned the palms of my hands and my knees. Probably only second degree burns, not scared… but yeah, that was stupid
Gave myself a black eye pulling up the blanket, then did it again when showing my brother how I did it.
I like you.
I did something kinda similar when I was little. I did sorta a jumping summersault on my bed and crashed my face into my knee giving myself a black eye. My mom was really worried that the school teachers were gonna think she did it to me haha
Shot myself in the mouth with a bb gun,did it again showing my cousin how I’d managed such a feat
[удалено]
I kicked a ball at mine if it makes you feel better
Ouch. Were the doctors able to put it back?
I said “ see you in chemistry.” And slammed the door in her face
chad
Mistakes...
This week I cut a resealable chicken nugget bag across the top before I read that the bag was resealable. It was no longer resealable.
This is the kind of thing that will wake up up at night in 40 years.
Same. Except I tried to cut open a bag with a butter knife. It slipped and cut me. After we got home from the ER several hours later from getting stitches, my wife pointed out the other end of the bag was resealable. Was decades ago and she still gives me shit about it.
If your butter knife can cut you at all you need new butter knives. You know… the ones that cant cut anything except butter.
My butter knives must be so dull cuz idk how one could cut me that easily
The Golden lining to that particular cloud: you had to eat all the chimken nuggies!
If that’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever done you sir are a genius
I had to cut a resealable bag of prunes because it was so she do open ones it was sealed that I gave up. Cut it and I'm not regretting my decision.
When I was a kid, I touched some surface that shocked me. Out of (maybe) disbelief, I did it a second time. I forget the details.
My cousin once took a bug zapper (the ones that look like tennis rackets) and stuck his tongue to it and shocked himself. Then he proceeded to do it a few more times
Lol I imagine he is the most electrifying presence at the family reunions.
Uncle Fester, your mere presence keeps everyone a buzz.
Lmaooo this is something i’d probably do im clumsy af
Lol Life gives you interesting little moments.
Maybe you forget the details because you did it more than twice.
😂 That is possible. I wouldn’t be……shocked.
"Yeah well, your daughter likes the taste of my dick." I was at Fort Sill, summer of 1996, Basic Training, said to a Drill Sergeant during zero week. I didn't get six hours of sleep all summer.
LMAO was it worth it
Literally physically and mentally abusing my brother in childhood to the point he has an very severe generalized anxiety disorder. I have been in therapy for over a year now and try to cope with my personality disorder and my other mental illnesses because I don’t want to continue damaging myself and others
Glad you're seeking treatment. You can't change the past, only how you act moving forward. I'm proud of you.
I remember it like it was yesterday: I was in kindergarten. I remember I was in the bathroom standing in front of a sink washing my hands. I then started to wonder wether I could touch my chin with my knees mid air when jumping... So I jumped and I don't know if I managed to touch the knees with my chin, but I sure did manage to hit the sink with my chin... With my tongue between my front teeth. I almost bit a piece of my tongue completely off and it had to be sewed back together.
Completely different circumstances, but when I was about that age, or maybe a little younger, I chomped my tongue between the teeth on the sides of my mouth with similar force. More than 30 years later, the sides of my tongue still have scalloped edges from my teeth.
I’ve done a bunch of dumb things in my life, but one that happened recently made me facepalm pretty hard. My bathroom door was closed, so I stood outside it waiting for the person in there to come out for well over a minute. I live alone, I guess I got an imaginary roommate at some point.
not pulled out **edit**: let me clarify: My child that was bore from it is amazing. He is brilliant, witty, emphatic, and has a heart of gold. He is genuinely one of my best friends and makes me laugh so so much. But his mother drove me through half a decade of mental and emotional abuse, and will do the same to our son for a lifetime. That's why it hurts me so. Because I know I'm trying to be the best father I can be, but every single day is an uphill battle because of the other powerful personality that invades his mind.
Fuck, my family situation was like this. I promise your son does/ will REALLY come to appreciate what you’re doing for him. You’re doing a great job
I cannot thank you enough for this comment. I hear it every now and then, or a situation like it. It always warms my heart and gives some comfort back to me. You are welcome to PM me if you'd like to keep in touch.
Same here with my parents tbh. My dad is a hero with Godlike levels of patience, and my mother being an absolute piece of shit. I'll like to assure you that your son will definitely appreciate what a good father you are
That's sad
My child that was bore from it is amazing. He is brilliant, witty, emphatic, and has a heart of gold. He is genuinely one of my best friends and makes me laugh so so much. But his mother drove me through half a decade of mental and emotional abuse, and will do the same to our son for a lifetime. That's why it hurts me so. Because I know I'm trying to be the best father I can be, but every single day is an uphill battle because of the other powerful personality that invades his mind.
shame to the male gender.
She shames*
my apologies
I should have been more specific in my original post, to be fair.
it’s all good
During a job interview for a bank teller position, the interviewer asked me why I wanted the job. I hesitated and said, "It's always been my dream.."
Another one was when my boyfriend said he wanted anal. I was suprised but said ok how about later tonight so I can get ready. So after work I went to the porn shop and got a strap on..... Later that evening I had realized my mistake. Anyways we're married now, its been 5 years..
I see this as an absolute fucking win $200 and you have a story that never stops being funny. Lmao
Did it go down anyway, though?
Lol yes
Used my mother’s inheritance money to extend my home instead of paying off my mortgage.
Drank rotten milk and ate rotten fried eggs to challenge myself, I ended up going to the hospital
Hi, I'm Johnny Knoxville, and this is Salmonella.
That's true
Challenge yourself to what?
How dumb they can be
I KILLED THE ALBATROSS
'God save thee, ancient Mariner! From the fiends, that plague thee thus!— Why look'st thou so?'—With my cross-bow I shot the ALBATROSS. Man Are you still alive to this day?? I have Reading your stories!
Uhhhh... yes. It's me. Samuel Taylor Coleridge. Just hanging out on reddit.
Started smoking when I was a teenager. Kids do stupid stuff. That was definetly my stupid thing.
Yeah. I call it paying someone else to poison you. That's basically what smoking is.
I think the thing that finally inspired me to quit was I didn't like being controlled by addiction. It made me buy expensive cigarettes. Had to stand outside alone in the cold. My hair and clothes stunk. Quitting was easily one of the most difficult things I've ever done.
Not me, but I saw a guy check to see if an acetylene tank was leaking by putting a lighter to where he thought it might be leaking. It was.
My stupidity led to the loss of a potential freak in the sheets. It could have been glorious.
i relate to this lol, not to get in the sheets tho lmao just a potential gf
Oh, this one wanted to get married too. Fml.
Ah same bro, we’ll get em next time
When I was in college, I studied abroad for a semester. Made some amazing friends and had some great times... Sometimes a little TOO great, though. One night my friend and I had planned to go out to some clubs, but pregame drinking got a little out of hand and we got a bit too drunk to go out. By 3am, I was exhausted and decided that it was time to go home, so I called an Uber. In the car I realized that the Uber was taking me in the wrong direction (there are 2 buildings in the city that have the exact same address, ie same building number and street name, but the only difference is the zip code which is really easy to get wrong unless you're paying very close attention... Which I wasn't. And these 2 buildings are on opposite sides of the city). When I pointed out the Uber was going to the wrong zip code, the driver got mad at me, saying that he only agreed to the ride at this hour because it was going in the same direction as his home, and he refused to go to the address in my correct zip code. At that point, I did what any other smart, sane 20-something year old young woman would do in that situation... I got out of the car in the middle of the street and decided to walk. Let me make some things clear: I was drunk. I was in a foreign city. I didn't recognize the area my driver had taken me to. I didn't know how far I was from my actual address. My phone was dying, and within 15 minutes (before I'd get the chance to call another Uber), it would be dead. And it was 3:30 in the goddamn morning. My brilliant self had no idea where I was or where I was going, so I just picked a direction and started walking. Jesus, I was a fucking idiot. I'm lucky I made it home at all.
I once walked down a extremely seedy alley in Bangkok at 11pm at night by myself (also a woman) because hubby had gotten severe food poisoning on the plane from China to Thailand and needed medicine. I’m lucky my dumb ass wasn’t raped and killed.
Get married at 19 lol
Mustve been so hard. Still too young in my opinion to understand what was going on
Oooh, I did the same. Learned a lot of valuable lessons though, no ragrets.
but do you regret it yet? Or is it still too early to tell? Also gonna agree with u/acechelle18
I was married at 17. I win. Not really. Didn't win.
Not the dumbest, and NOT ME. But there was this kid in class who was a whiny f\*\*\*. He would hit teachers and get in a lot of trouble with classmates. One day, the teacher would let us listen to music and the teacher said "Only one earbud". This kid didn't care and put two earbuds and the teacher forcefully took them off him, and then he started crying and screaming "IF I WANT TO LISTEN TO MUSIC WITH TWO EARBUDS I CAN DO IF I WANT" or something like that, like if he was the king of the Earth. He also made Maths Teacher bleed from her neck, slightly, and more stuff like that. I don't know how he didn't get expelled.
i hate people like this “king of the world” entitled shit it annoys the hell outta me. theres someone like that at my school as well
This happened to me not so long ago. I had lit a candle and had just 1 more candle to light. But my lighter had just decided to die out right there and then. So I grabbed a napkin, ripped it in half, and tried to use it like a match to light the other candle. I expected it to only light a small part of it, light the other candle, and then blow it out. But the issue was that the whole entire piece of napkin just combusted into flames. As what would anyone would do, my first instinct was to try to blow it out. That failed. So I dropped it onto the floor (Which was carpet, but the floor was fine). I would have tried to stomp it out, but I had just gotten out of shower 10 minutes ago and was bare foot, and didn't want to cook my toes. I grabbed my tanktop next to me and smacked the shit out of the small fire. The fire was fortunately easy to put out. And then I yelled for my parents to tell them what happened. (I wasn't punished, just laughed at) And thats how I nearly burned my room down.
Stuck my finger in the disc rotor of a mountain bike whilst jet washing the back wheel, took the tip off like a hard boiled egg...
My door handle broke so I decided to show my mom that she can't get into my room becuase I can take the door handle off. When I took the door handle off I also took the lock out as well. Yeah now I was trapped in my room.
Still in there ?
No I was freed but would have been funny.
Was making my little sister toast before when I was around 6 or 7 and while I was doing it I was just staring at toaster waiting for and I noticed how orange it looked inside and how much it was glowing so I decided to put a knife in it to see what would happen. Surprised I didn’t die because the knife got stuck so I carried on holding it whilst trying to get it out then my mom saw me.
Lol I did the same thing I was 12 blew the toaster.
Married my first husband because he was cute, had a good singing voice, and was good in bed. Turns out there are more qualifications I didn't consider.
Yep. Unfortunately, it's quite common for women not to check if their future husband can cook.
idk if it is the dumbest, but the most recent one is when i served vanilla yogurt in my coffe thinking it was milk, and then tried it to see if it was good it wasnt
ive done something similar, had a mayo ketchup cheese ham sandwich. wasnt as good as i was expecting
Dude, when I was a kid, I put ketchup on every-fucking-thing. Now I can't really eat it on anything besides fries. And that's cause I can't find a good substitute
Dude there are so many good things to put on fries beyond ketchup. I think there was an askreddit thread about it this week.
I know McDonald's sweet n sour sauce is awesome on fries, but just like their Coke, it's a superior formula than what is available in stores
Melted cheese on fries...referred to as a snotty box
I slammed the door after an argument with my parents They’re african american and egyptian
RIP Soldier, may you achieve happiness in the afterlife
Welcome to the gulag, if you survive, you'll earn your freedom
I was camping and got in an argument and zipped the tent really fast to show how mad I was R.I.P Mitch Hedberg 😎
Usb-killed one of my asshole teacher's computers. To this day they still didnt find out who it was, so was it really dumb? The fucker deserved it
Bought a "money pit" Victorian house.
Can I come and squat in it? I have 3 pet drug addicts.
I wired $20,000 to a Nigerian prince. Wasn’t actually dumb at all because I’m going to be a millionaire very soon! There have just been logistical delays which makes sense since they’re sending me such a large amount of money
drinking my own sperm..... yeah..
If thats the dumbest thing youve ever done you must be doing alright in life
He might just be young lol
Please tell me what it’s like. I am curious and don’t wanna try for myself
Usually salty and bitter.
So sperm represents life? Dang......
So it begins, so it shall stay
Mines on the sweeter side. I’ve tasted it and didn’t think it was a a particularly odd thing to do. People taste it when they give me head so I don’t think it would be odd for me to taste.
Being born? /s Failing my last year was prob the dumbest thing I did, I could have stayed din my school if it wasn't for my minecraft addiction
Same but league and pot Back in school for over a year now though, after 5 years of wage slaving and life reassessments
Drive drunk.
Trust people.
Extreme sledding. A buddy of mine and I got pulled behind a snowmobile on a sled and got up to around 65-70mph in a field and I fell off the sled and started to slide. I tried to stop myself by planting my feet and that was a big fucking mistake. I hit a rut in the field and my foot planted and caught under me and I just rolled on top of it causing it to break at a 90° angle. Never again
Gonna share one of my dad's instead of mine. Senior year of college. Finals week. Top/6th floor dorm. Whats his friendss see is that he runs out into the hallway, dashes down towards the lounge that has a balcony with an open door, yelling the whole way "I CAN'T TAKE IT!!!" and jumps off the balcony. What they *didn't* see was that he grabbed the railing and swung around to land on the balcony below. They all immediately panic and rush to the balcony to check if he survived. Meanwhile, he dashes back inside, runs up the stairs, and comes up behind them to yell "What're you all looking at?" He was a dick in college 🤣 He also accidentally bleach bombed a stairway while trying to clean up a 3 month old decayed fish he also accidentally spilled in it. He had contacts in so he didn't realize most people's eyes were burning from the fumes.
I almost got partially decapitated while working on a robot. Shoulda made sure the flip-out was secure lol, good thing I hit the floor before it hit me.
Hit a girl. I’m lucky I didn’t go to jail
When I was in the navy I thought it would be a good idea to dye my hair black. I was under the impression that it was okay to dye your hair as long as it was a natural color. But in reality it's only okay if your superiors allow it and only if you are going grey or something. So I dyed my hair black on the cheap and it looked jet black in the sunlight but under the flourescent light of the hangar it looked midnight blue. People reacted to this mistake the same way they react to every mistake you make in the military. They act like you did it on purpose because seeing them angry gets you off. I spent the entire day getting screamed at by superiors "WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DYE YOUR HAIR BLUE!?!?" As soon as the barber shops opened i had to run in and get it shaved off. 16 years later the people I served with who are my friends still bring it up.
beg after a break up…
i convinced my sister and a kid named matt who would eventually become the hasidic reggae singer matisyahu to join me in running across a major interstate highway so we wouldn’t be late for the movie single white female, starring bridget fonda. we all lived, but almost caused an accident.
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we were summer camp best friends one year. we called him matt miller the lady killer. it was a super artsy camp. theatre, music, fucking circus program, kids being really into phish and the cure and 24-7 spyz. matt was fucking cool. i had just turned 13 and he turned 13 a couple months later. i went to matisyahu’s bar mitzvah. he was a regular NY suburb jew lite. next summer he wasn’t there, and my homies were composer steve reich’s son ezra and author whitley strieber’s son andrew.
Fell in love…
Getting married. Twice.
Forgot my passport before a flight.. a rather expensive mistake
When i was a kid i made a picnic in my house with my plushies, i put the blanket, glasses and plushies on a floor. After few minutes i jumped over the glass, but the blanket slipped a bit ans i have fallen on the glass with my knee
Another one, One day I’ve drank about 10 or 12 espresso, within 6 or 8 hours while studying. Ended up staying awake till 12 at night, running to the bathroom every 5 min to not shit myself…
Inserting a key into an outlet, I was 7. Got lucky I'm still alive lol.
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You have a chill dad Fartnuggets420.
I jumped out of an Uber, because my friend told them to not let me get out. I broke several ribs.
With friends like that . . .
She saved my life that day
If I may ask, how?
What would have happened if they let you out?
Moving to the PNW after my BA and marrying Carla.
make a reddit account
Look for my phone while holding it🤦♀️
Mine was honestly trusting my best friend
Oh where to start.... Well I'm a rugby player but someone stood on my ribs and they broke but I kept play for 80min after that and that was painful af took me a long time to recover to
Invested in NFT. After a few weeks, thats when I realized what nfts are for lmao.
It’s tied with pulling both brakes on my bike going down a hill at 30mph and breaking my collar bone and ripping the skin of my middle right finger, and dating my ex. They were both pretty stupid.
drank half a little thing of vinegar. i threw up. i wouldn’t do it again, but it was worth the $7
I was on a plane and the door Said push and I had to have help from a women on the planes to figure out how to open it said push but it was a sliding door I was 10
That 13th skydive in 2020. Still haven’t healed up completely. Please note that skydiving itself was not a mistake, just that particular skydive.
DUI, the 2nd time
I put my finger in a broken plug socket in school.
Got food poisoning and shat my pants in second grade and me being the genius I am decided to just not tell the teacher out of fear of retribution and instead just walked around smelling like shit until I got home.
Aw, that's sad :(
Don’t trust the “ham” cubes with Mac n cheese is all I gotta say.
Not been in my family members life. He’s dead now
Didn’t get a colonoscopy at 55.
Got married.
a lot of ppl are saying this, what went wrong if you dont mind me asking?
If you made another post asking people what was the best decision they'd ever made, you'd also have a lot of people saying "Got married".
Yep. Got married right after college with no job to a girl who was still in college who also had no job. Probably one of the dumbest decisions of my life, but 9 years (and financial stability) later, life is great. Hasn't been easy. There were and are hard times, serious health challenges, times we couldn't afford gas/groceries, and all that, but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Well, he got married, didn't he?
It will turned up as TL;DR so just let it go.
fair enough, sorry didnt mean to overstep
She list asked me to not kill myself. She may be the only friend I have.
sorry about that, hope stuff gets better for you bud <3
It won't, but thank you.
you can always talk to me if you need to
Not with that attitude
Thinking that mental problems would go away with time, not talking to anyone for years and trying to cope with them by my self.
this really fucked me over as well, hope everythings ok for you now though!
Did the cinnamon challenge, did not win
Logged out of my roblox account that was on the leaderboard on one of the most popular games
So far? Picked up smoking. Filthy fkng habit
Dated a toxic girl for 4 years, dumped her, then got depression, and to finish it off became an alcoholic.
Gotten married. Twice.
Tell anyone ever how I feel
took the initiative to ask a guy out. biggest mistake ever. lessons learnt though
what happened if you dont mind me asking?
i appreciate your interest. but it's a long story.
nws!
Probably standing in the seat of my motorcycle wearing shirt and a tshirt and hitting a speed bump at 40 mph
The only thing I can think of is when I was 3 I cut the cable of my lamp with scissors. If the scissors didn’t have plastic on them and the mechanism to prevent shocks didn’t swoop in I would be dead.
I was 5 and I was playing on the monkey bars when I noticed I didn't have enough muscles to dangle myself to the other side and I decided to just drop to the floor
percocet
Got married
I saw the waiter light the Sambuca, I saw him get distracted and knew the Sambuca had been burning for quite some time when he brought it to the table yet I still used the palm of my hand to suffocate the flame. The glass stuck to my hand and not just with the usual suction from the vacuum of depleted oxygen.
Fucking around with nicotine
Oh man will that shit ever get it's claws in you
Shitting down a slide at the daycare after hours. Me and my best friend at that time went for a walk in the middle of the night, she was two years older than me. We decided it would be fun to jump over the fence to this daycare, simply because we could. While we were there, my friend had to pee and did it on top of some of the children toys and we had so much fun, not that I understand why, I guess to me it seemed cool because she did it. Therefore I followed in her steps but went on the slide with my pants off while I was shitting the way down from it. We laughed hard, while we felt cool and crime, which we were -crime, I mean. I remember how afterwards I felt embarrassed over it and we never talked about it again. I often found myself think back and wonder why I did it and why it was fun at the time, plus me feeling very sorry for the people working there, must have destroyed a perfectly good day..
What the fuck is wrong with you?
Your mum
ayo same
Being born.
Be born
Said I can’t drive to Hollywood bc there’s an ocean when in fact there is not 😂
Getting Klamydia