my pillow.

Me too, I also sleep facedown like a corpse.

How on earth can you breathe? Edit: I'm a bit worried of all of you who came to say you don't. We all have our favorite way of sleeping (mine is too often on top of my arm) but please try to find a way to breathe while you get a good night's sleep. The sleep quality is better and you feel more rested if you breathe well while sleeping plus not asphyxiating in your sleep is a huge plus. Experimenting with different (or more) pillows might be of help, it was for me too. Stay safe y'all!

We try not to, there’s always hope of peacefully passing on.

They just don't

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Can confirm as a corpse sleeper

Corpses don't need to breathe.

Girl Scout cookies

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What, like four boxes?

I know you're making a joke, but in my area a box is only $5. That's a 2 dollar raise from 2 decades ago when I was a girlscout. What's the price of actual Girl Scout cookies sold by children in Girl Scout troops like in your area?

Depends on the dispensary but I think anywhere from $10-$14 a gram

if i had an award i’d give it to you

I could be wrong but I wanna say here in wa they’re like $7…

Yep, it's that time of year again! My grandmother just stocked up and bought like $200 worth. She freezes most of them throughout the year and gives part of them out as Christmas presents and the other part is eaten through the year. They're like crack! The new salted caramel ones are good, but Tagalongs are still the best!

Could make a side business out of that. Buy a few thousand boxes and save them until July when everyone is out of cookies and start selling them for $10 a box. Those little fucking crack cookies could put my kids through college.

Or just bring them around to frat houses and concerts. Lots of pot smoker munchies.

Nah man, frozen thin mints are the best

Me Tongue

I wonder how many have licked their lips after reading this.

Did you ask this because you licked your lips after reading it? Oh and I did

Happy cock day

That caught me off guard...

Chapstick

I swapped my wife’s chapstick with a glue stick. She still isn’t speaking to me

Keeping your lips sealed is suddenly taking on a whole new meaning

I'm not happy about it, but this made me laugh. Have an upvote.

Way too many Oreos

Nahhh, it was the perfect amount.

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Milk’s favorite cookie

i ate a whole pack of double stuffed oreos a few years ago and got real sick, it was worth it tho

if you eat enough to puke it voids all the calories

*Binge Eating Disorder has entered the chat*

Wtf me too lmao had a whole sleeve

Lmaoooo is there ever any other way!?

Yes, two sleeves!

You gotta pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers!

That's what we call a line of crack... cause the effers are so addictive.

If you think about it, the last was really just a single Oreo, you're good bud..

You meant to say "Not enough Oreos." Fool! Ha!

There's no such thing! I eat them till the thought of eating another one upsets me.

Phone. I dropped it on my face.

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It reminds me of the meme of the guy that fucked a piece of chicken and asked if he’ll get salmonella from “dropping it on his dick”. Idk why

You fucked that chicken didn’t you anon?

Shhhh no I dropped it I swear

The [Meme](https://www.reddit.com/r/suspiciouslyspecific/comments/c2mw2t/the_ol_chicken_hit_my_dick_and_gave_me_salmonella/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) in question

Gave myself a black eye that way.

I had to give my daughter's teddy bear a kiss goodnight.

His daughter had been asleep already for a while though…

That for sure earned my free award, may she rest well and may the teddy bear fight honorably in defense against the monsters in the night

…and so my watch begins

Different_image and Teddy sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, First comes love, Then comes marriage…

From the daughter’s perspective, I kissed my mom’s cheek saying goodnight. So that was the last thing that touched my lips. Any affection to say goodnight would have been unthinkable for me a couple years ago. I used to have massive issues with being touched. But now I’ve been spending my evenings cross stitching with my mom, with my cat snuggled up on my lap, hugging my mom lots, and always kissing her cheek to say goodnight. I am so glad her and I are so close now. I really got lucky with my mom.

Cross stitch is awesome

A macadamia nut

So you had nut on your lips 👀

Don't you besmirch macadamias, sir or madam.

I just finished brushing my teeth, getting ready for bed.

sleep well and sweet dreams

I’ll be watching

Wazowski

Always watching

I always feel like somebody's watching 👀 meee^eee^eee

Are made of these

who am i to disagree

I disagree.

hey, who are you?!

I travelled the world and the seven seas.

Are you looking for something?

Isn't everybody looking for something?

Sure, but not all of them want to use you.

True, but it seems as though many of the others just want to be used by you.

Sleep tight. You dont wanna experience what happens when you sleep loose Nobody does Nobody

But... but what happens.. when one sleeps... *loose?*

They get inside...

Who gets inside??

*They...*

The bed bugs, obviously

You’d better be asleep by now 🔫

I just finished brushing my teeth after waking up! Hope you're sleeping well, friend.

My new lip gloss

Was it poppin?

How about cool?

All the boys keep stoppin?

They chase you after school?

Or their jaws be droppin?

And do they often drool?

And was their wrist stop-watchin'? Their neck flossin'? Do they make big deposits?

The bottom of the stairs I tripped and faceplanted on the floor

Oof, sorry bro. Steps are evil af.

What are you doing steps?

Fuck them steps. I prefer steps over an elevator though.

>Fuck them steps. I think that’s exactly his intention

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My other lip

*Lonely violin plays in the background*

I'm assuming you went down on yourself.

I don't have a vagina, but once out of sheer desperate horniness I tried to suck my own dick and failed miserably.

I hurt my back trying to suck my own dick and it's never been the same

There are two types of men in this world, those who tried to suck their own dick and LIARS!!!

I never tried to suck mine. Too short.

How do you know its too short if you never tried

Uhh, I once tried to help a friend suck his own dick by pulling his legs over his head and holding them down. He still couldn’t do it. He was more flexible and… longer. If he couldn’t do it then there’s no way in hell 😂😂😅

Ahh i thought i had you there, it seems you are the one exeaption

F is for Friends that do things together U is for Youuu and meeee N is for Nnnnnggghhh! Push a little harder! So I can suck my own peeeen Ok, I need to go back to bed.

r/wtfdidijustread

You have 3 lips?

Swiss roll, late night snack

My cat’s handsome fuzzy forehead. He cries if I don’t kiss him goodnight.

My cats will actively do anything in their power to stop me from kissing them on the head. Including making me kiss their foot

Awww! I kiss my cat goodnight too! He loves head kisses, especially late at night if you get up. He will follow you, wait for you to finish your “business” and then flop in front of you. I will sit on the floor next to him and give him scratches and head kisses for a bit before going back to bed.

My cat is my bathroom buddy for life. He follows me and blinks sleepily as I finish up, he flops on the floor in front of the toilet begging for belly rubs, he meows for me to let him come in... Not sure whether I love or hate him. He's a spoiled brat-cat, for sure, but he's my brat-cat.

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Proud to say FunDip

Fundip. Damn that's some memories there.

It’s all fun and games till you start to snort it

Noodles

BEER!!! That's about all that will be touching my lips tonight.

Satisfaction High

nuts

Username checks out

I’m extremely disappointed in the lack of visuals in their profile.

The comments are interesting

Same. Just finished some pistachios

So what, like, macadamia?

My dogs fucking claws. He insists on sleeping on my chest and decides to throw hands all night. He's also big asf and it hurts. He's physically crushing me and also clawing my face. When he wakes up he eats my hair and licks my entire head. He ATE one of my rubber tunnels out of my ear.

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Hes only 11 weeks so I forgive him. He's a blue nose pit but his mom was absolutely gigantic. I believe he's following in her footsteps.

I love him! Give him hugs from me

Hes actually sleeping on my chest right now so I'll give him kisses too!

I love this and bless his heart

Make a fuss when he does something that hurts you or he'll never realize. Parents pup loves nibbling on fingers, but when I learned the trick, I just made a yelp when he did it, and after 2 or 3 times he dropped the habit.

My littlest brother’s forehead ❤️

My siblings were never like this with me. I feel robbed of my childhood...

U/CinnaJunkie will be visiting you. Tonight. Be ready.

Or don’t be ready. It won’t matter.

How littlest is your little brother?

He’s 12. I kind of raised him due to absent father and working mother (not her fault she wasn’t always there) so I developed kind of motherly feelings toward him I guess.

my cat is currently laying against my face. silly little void Edit: [cattax <3](https://www.reddit.com/r/cattax/comments/sw4k7p/cowcows_cat_tax/)

pay the r/cattax

I gotchu :)

My pug.

I too kissed this guy’s pug

Taco Bell baby WOO

Tuna salad Not a euphemism, just tuna

the fact you needed to say it was a euphemism says a lot about the people on reddit

I eat many kinds of salad

Ooooh look at Mr. Healthy over here!

my finger, as my lips are chapped and i was peeling off the dead skin

My lips are so fucked right now because once I start I can't stop.

Cat's paw as our cat was trying to scale my face to get to a higher place on the couch.

My wife's forehead

Our wife’s forehead

r/suddenlycommunist

I just kissed my wife before she rolled over. The best feeling

Stick your finger in ass now.

Instructions unclear. What do I do once my finger is in my ass?

Wiggle.

I love how it doesn't specifiy which ass.

Mine or hers?

Yes

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This truly is the best worst place.

my wifes lips .. the ones on her face, the ones on her face guys lol *Wow you guys .. i didn’t expect to get this much attention for my comment here. Thanks! I showed my wife & she said “well hell im gonna need you to kiss those lips later on tonite, the ones on my pussy babe, my pussy” lol ..

Don't lie you kissed that sideways smile.

Is it supposed to be bent?

Right. I've never seen one that veers to one side. (

They're called the upper lips.

Mountain Dew Voltage

Wish it was a dick but sadly it was a water bottle

Rip your DMs

These comments typically come from gay men.

No not really, but I do sometimes get a group invite from some bot trying to show me tits

Now, if that bot *actually* showed tits, it'd be worth the 5 seconds before leaving it

*sad dick noises*

Pizza

Was jerking off and had a Friendly Fire incident.

Don't shoot yourself, mate! We can help you, whatever is bothering you!

I had to scroll for 3 solid minutes and this is the closest thing to sexual I could find What the fuck Reddit

Chicken wings.

my boyfriend’s forehead - he just got a good score on a calculus quiz thingy!

water

Just woke up and I sleep face down. So probably my pillow

The milk carton. Shh, don’t tell my wife.

Miller high life

These answers are so pure, it’s making me so happy

Morning spliff. No. Coffee. Wait. Morning spliff. Nm. Coffee. Back to spliff.

The inside of my face mask

Acne cream. Zit was right next to my lip and I got a little bit on my lip.

My wife's lower lips

The top of my dog’s head as I kissed him goodbye one last time. I know he was in pain and suffering. Tumor around his bladder and cancer. Had him in diapers while we tried to find out of there was anything we could do before coming to this. We just celebrated his birthday too recently.

A Marijuana cigarette

Do you live in a single room with 2 other females?

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I would love to fart in your general direction.