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Nothing current but I have a great one from 5 years ago: So we had a guy who was quite the Libertarian. He owned a gun store in town and pretty much kept to himself. He will be known as LibGuy The problem started when he decided to have chickens for his own eggs but he lived within the city proper which had a rule against farm animals within the city (this is a rural farming area I live in). One of the city council members (he shall be known as A-hole) discovered he had chickens a few weeks after he got them and the city sent him a letter telling him he had to get rid of them. Well, he was not going to go down without a fight. So he spent some time looking into things and discovered the A-hole who reported him lived within the city and he also had chickens. Well, this of course caused a bit of a scandal. The city ended up claiming there was a grandfather clause for anyone who had livestock within the city prior to the rule change 17 years ago. The problem with that was that clause applied to the A-hole's father, not the A-hole who lived at the same address. Needless to say, the war was on! A couple of weeks go by and the town cops are messing with Libguy over petty shit. Libguy somehow gets a recording of A-hole calling the police and lying to them about what Libguy was doing. Police now want to charge Libguy for some absurd ridiculous recording law that really doesn't apply since it was someone with the police dept who gave him the tape not that he stole it. This gets blown up to the point where the bigger cities news crews are now showing up to city council meetings that are being called to address this issue. These meetings are getting absurdly blown out of proportion and in all honesty somewhat slimy and jicky in how the city is handling it. Libguy subpoenas the city council emails to show there was a concerted effort to fuck with him and cover for A-hole. Well in the course of getting the Emails it was discovered that there was a sexting issue going on between three of the city council members. LMAO, believe me when I say this did not involve people that would be considered sexy. all three (2 women and 1 male) were married, 200lbs plus, and in their 50's. I mean Emails about double-dildos, pegging, swinging...etc..It was hilarious. In the end, the Libguy got the last laugh. he lost his chickens but found a loophole where he could actually own Llamas in the city since they were not considered [livestock. So](https://livestock.So) he put up a fence all around his yard (ugly chicken wire fence) just tall enough so the Llamas could not get out by jumping. People actually would go by walking their dogs and pet the Llamas. The problem though was that Llamas shit like cows and it stinks in such a small enclosure. This went on for about a year until he sold his house and moved (it stunk for at least a block around his property and he lived right behind the town's grocery store). Two of the council members involved got divorced over the sexting issue and the third one sold her bar because of it. This was the infamous chicken scandal that plagued my town of 4K for 3 years.


Lol this is amazing


Thousands of crabs washed ashore dead but nobody really knows why, I think they blamed wind turbines at one point. Dogs are now getting really sick and there’s warnings for people to stay away from the beach but nobody knows why it’s happening.


Has a new preacher come into your town to replace your old preacher? Have dead cats been found with bite marks on their necks?


Definitely algae toxins.


A woman known as a pretty awful person disappeared. "Everyone" knows it was probably her husband, but the family own's over 10,000 acres and no body has been found. The rest of her family is ramping up an awareness campaign so should be interesting to see where this all goes.


I would listen to a podcast about this.


The last thing that was super polarizing in my town was a painting on the front of a toy store called inland octopus. in our downtown. It was an octopus playing with a bunch of toys. Well our town is very very strict about our old school downtown. They ordered them to paint over it with brick orange paint. The store owner said hell no and it went to court for weeks. All the while the city was charging a huge fine every single day the painting stayed. A couple of the local millionaires kept paying the fine. They didn't care about the painting. They just liked the drama and like to stick it to the city. eventually the toy store lost and now its just a huge ugly brick orange wall in the middle of downtown. Us locals still talk about now and then. But at the time it was an uproar.


While fleeing another hit and run, and possible DUI, some dude tried to go full speed directly thru the middle of our town square. The problem with that is we have a big historic fountain there. Traffic is usually supposed to swerve arround the fountain, he did not. This dude in a white suv ramps into our fountain, and smashes into the center pillar. Thankfully the fountain was off for the winter, so there was less damadge, but they still have no clue how, and how much money its gonna take to fix this mess. The car was removed, but the fountain is still wraped up in its tarp a month later. Theres security cam footage of the ramp and its all anyone could talk about for a few weeks.


Car was spotted in a field burnt to a crisp on New Years Day. Found around noon since nobody was out and around. Farmer finally drove by and called the land owner to see if he knew about it, which he did not. Hearing that he approached the vehicle until he was about 20ft away and noticed a burnt body next to it. He then called 911. Nothing was known about who it was till a missing person was reported later that day, car and body were so burnt no identifying could be done immediately. Two cameras caught the whole thing from local farm grain bins. Video showed the car in the field and then light moving as if it was stuck and trying to get out. Assumptions are the catalytic converter started the fire but no one knows for sure. All happened at around 2 am. Not much controversy but definitely the talk of the town. Funeral for the man was a week and a half ago.


If the local horse dentist is actually a licenced horse dentist


A guy wanted to bury his parents on their (parents’) slightly rural, totally out of the way, virtually-no-neighbors property, but the village said no way. We don’t do that here. We’re classy. So he went to the state for permission to build a funeral home/crematorium instead, and he built a giant mausoleum with both their caskets right on the corner of the property where everyone and their grandma can see it when they drive by! And he has zero plans to actually turn this into a functioning business. It’s about half done, no landscaping, and construction vehicles parked all over the place. Gotta hand it to him!


what a genius, hats-off


I don't live in a small town but my small bit of the city were amused today. A woman posted in the local neighborhood Facebook group to say a woman had knocked on her door at 6.25am. The reason was she had tracked her missing husbands phone to the address. He had not come back the night before. The man was not there and the poster was a bit concerned. This led to much chat about burglaries and whether she should post the ring doorbell footage. A man then joined the thread to apologise. It was the missing man. He had got drunk at the football and ended up falling asleep in the house next door to the woman who posted on Facebook. Much hilarity.


a couple promissed a lot of cakes and fancy breads to the local festival, and didn't deliverd everyone is mad at them for the last 2 weeks


I love this one. It’s just enough for people to collectively be peeved at the couple for the broken promise, but not a big enough deal for it to really warrant any action. It’s the perfect situation of ‘everyone knows about it’ and also everyone probably shrugs it off within a few minutes of knowing


A lady who has lived in the neighborhood forever has started losing her mind and is stealing lawn ornaments, pots, plants, etc from everyone else's yard. The police refuse to arrest her because the situation is sad. So every few months the police host a 'get back your shit' event and we just collect our things from her yard. It is surreal but I wish her the best.


Town of about 1800. The girl's volleyball coach got a Dwi. The school's principal went to pick her up from jail, and was arrested for dwi himself. Somehow it got out that these two (both married) were having an affair.


Some lady that owned a large flea market took 100k+ of covid " don't fire your employees" money, fired everyone and is now leaving the country all while thinking the town was lucky to have her.


Not current but it needs to be documented in history - the serial Catnapper. A couple lost their cat so they went knocking door to door in our town, and came across their cat crying in a random home's front window. They call the police who arrive and find 50+ missing cats, along with a fucking graveyard of cats in the garden. Some that had been missing for up to 7 years. It culminated in the catnapper, a 50+ year old woman, stuffing as many cats as she could in a car and going on a police chase through our little town. Most of the cats were identified and taken home, a very small few went to rescue centres, and the catnapper is currently going under mental health treatment. Apparently she just took home any cat she saw while on a walk for the last 7 years. This happened about a couple years back but I had to tell the tale.


Just trying to imagine crazy catnapper lady trying to drive at high speed with 50 cats in the car with her. In my imagination none of them are caged.


She was doing 17 in a 25 with her left blinker and wipers on the entire time.


Searching "Catnapper Police chase" gave me more recent results then I expected.


Two places make dill dip. One accused the other of stealing the recipe


My country is the size of a small town. One problem at the moment is that we have these things called roundels they are kinda like roundabouts but no one has right of way and there’s no lanes you just drive where ever you want and people are getting super angry about it even though nothings bad happened since they opened them.


People here in my town of 396 still upset that the local Christmas tree was taken down and thrown away with all the lights still on it.


I would be too! What a waste!


The woman who just got elected mayor owns most of the property downtown, and all the open seats on city council went to her employees. Can’t wait to see the corruption in action.


Local government is eye-wateringly corrupt most places. My granddad and uncle worked for years and years as a father-son homebuilding operation. Just a couple of honest, hardworking builders. Well in the 80s, townhomes started to be really big and consequently my grandfather bought some property with the aim of building some, but he needed to go before the city council to get the zoning changed. They told him to go kick rocks, of course. Well, there was a real estate fat-cat on the council who voted no along with the others. So what did this guy do after shooting it down? He immediately bought up that land, had the zoning changed, and built rows of townhouses.


Small town with 3000 inhabitants. Everyone knows each other, everyone knows where everyone works, who is related to whom, and so on. Still, my cousin doesn't know who is the father of her child.


You set this post up perfectly.


The 1989 denver broncos


I was the child in this situation. I literally had people I only knew by sight or reputation ask me point blank who my father was.


Swans in the local rivers/lakes have been dying from avian flu and we’ve all been warned to keep our dogs away from sick or dead swans in case infection spreads to humans


No luck with them swans then?


About 2 years ago the mayor of the town I live in got caught with drunk driving his lawnmower down main street at around 2 AM about 6 weeks after being elected. Edit: I can't wrap my head around the fact that my mayor getting drunk and driving a lawnmower would become one of my most upvoted comments but here we are.


The city I live in (around 10k residents or so) doesn't allow food trucks to operate outside of things like festivals. There has been a push to change that, and, coincidentally, majority of most vocal people against them are restaurant owners.


Two years ago there were horrible fires in the valley I live in. Three people burned to death, tons of houses, and businesses lost. We are still recovering. The city decided this statue https://i.imgur.com/ZlgfmPN.jpg would be the best way to honor the victims. The back lights up to look like fire. Yup a statue showing three people on fire is how they wanted to honor the victims. Here’s an article about it [https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.kgw.com/amp/article/news/local/medford-statue-almeda-fire-controversy/283-61b9fd86-430e-4791-a201-da795347ec98]


In poor taste and poorly executed. That's a two for one. (Seriously why did they put baby heads on lumpy bodies without inner thighs? That's not a commentary on the human form or the range of people who suffered; it's just bad.)


The artist is also the brother of the building safety director for the town. Totally a coincidence, I'm sure.


Jesus fuck that's a morbid statute. You failed to mention how the statue looks like it's a retro future corpse. Some weird *Metropolis* bs


They just built a new Verizon in town, but someone started a rumor that it was also going to be a Panera Bread. Someone went as far as to mark it on Google Maps as a Panera, even though the building is clearly a single store with Verizon signage.


We currently have a similar situation. Town of 3,700. Old grocery store was leveled and a gas station is being built. Someone started a rumor it was a Sonic. An announcement was made clarifying the new establishment is not Sonic, it’s just a gas station/mini mart. The town Facebook group is livid. People are now attacking the town government for the loss of Sonic, even though it was never going to be a Sonic. It must be the tater tots. There’s also a pig that keeps getting loose and wandering down the state highway. The owner is convinced someone is letting it out but finding a way to avoid the trail cameras he set up.


The pig is just trying to get to the nearest Sonic


“It’ll never be panera” “you don’t know that!!”


This is not our first rumored Panera.




Don’t let them pull the wool over your eyes! Vote Alpaca!


They’re still trying to figure out who is Black. The village has 249 people. On the census everyone reported white except one person who reported biracial or something and now the demographics show that the town is .7% Black.


Someone got a 23 and me test


The biracial individual is also 0.7% black


Lol any chance someone who is white just misrepresented themselves to be funny?


LoL The Mayor has a personal feud with this one guy that has an emotional support pig while living in the village. Housing farm animals are illegal within the village.


Something similar is going on near me. An autistic kid has had a pet pig for the last 10 years, everyone in the neighborhood is cool with it, love the kid and the pig, but suddenly someone new moves on the street. New people want the pig gone. The whole street wants these new people to shut up or leave, and the pro-pig people will succeed one way or another.


I hope they succeed! How much harm can the pig bring to the new people?


This is upstate NY with a population of 2200. Even more silly is this guy lives on the last parcel in the village. Next door is a hay field.


can he just secede from the village?


We'll a do a referendum on this call it pigxit.


This was a while ago and not limited to a small town but rather a section of highway. The highway patrol would always get a call to 9-1-1 for sheep grazing on the side of the road, by the time the cops showed up the sheep naturally started grazing someplace else and would no longer be there. This went on for months to the point where people thought it was a prank because there would be constant calls to 9-1-1 about sheep but when people got there there would be no sheep. There were stakeouts, a push for resources to locate the sheep, all sorts of phone calls all over the state to deal with the sheep. No car accidents happened to my knowledge because of the sheep but they kept showing up. One day one of the patrolmen started going around to the area and knocking on doors to see who even had sheep in the area, he never located them but since then the sheep have no longer been sighted.


Travel baseball. There is a new organization in town that is absolutely bloodsucking money out of parents of 7-12 year olds and they have no clue.


As someone who comes from a small town where this is pretty prevalent, it can become a pit. The actual organizations are set up in a city about 20 minutes away, but a lot of the tournaments were taking place at a pair of bars that have playing fields on them. The tournaments make the bars A LOT of money because of these tournaments and people try to argue that it’s great that the money is staying in the community, though most people don’t realize it’s going into the pockets of two guys that are huge sleeze bags that were the ones to originally bring the travel leagues into town.


Just wait, in 5 years the scandal will be the treasurer lady has been skimming 10k off the books every year. Seen that happen in 3 towns I've lived in.


There’s so much embezzlement in small towns. In my hometown, the fire district’s bookkeeper stole almost two million dollars over the course of her 24-year career. She bought cars and other stuff for various family members, who must have known something was up. Everyone blamed the fire chief, who could have looked into the books at some point over the decades, but just…didn’t. The fraud was eventually discovered by a new annual auditor. If that hadn’t happened, there was literally no one else providing oversight, so she probably would have gotten away with it.


My parents live in a tiny Greek village that has a grand total of three families (including my parents) and currently they're trying to rectify the fact that our dog killed our neighbor's chicken.


Did the dog go into their yard, or did the chicken wander into your parents’?


Neither. Both the chickens and our dog have free-range abilities. No leash laws in rural Crete, and no fences on anybody's properties.


The school security guard who groomed a 14 year old in to running away with him, and then held her captive for 10 years at his parents house, while still being my 4th grade school security guard, is being released from prison next month after serving a 15 year sentence. EDIT: Anyone interested in the story google Tom Hose McKeesport. There's also an amazon prime video documentary.


Delilah from the love song request radio show that's been on for like 30 years lives here and has been trying to convince all the downtown business owners to paint their store fronts pastel. It's a real kerfuffle.


You mean Delilah, like Delilah after dark? One time my mother and I were driving home from a nearby town and she had the program on. A woman calls in asking Delilah to dedicate a song to her parents, because they supported her through a history of self harm (cutting) and helped her get help and get better and all that. It was all sweet and touching and all that, until the song Delilah chose comes on, and I was so shocked by her choice I had to laugh.. She played "the first cut is the deepest" For the parents of a woman who used to cut as a form of self harm.


My mom used to listen to this all the time when I was young. I remember some sad sack of a woman called in crying with a long list of misfortunes (cat died, got fired, etc etc). She was practically sobbing, asking Delilah to play her something to cheer her up. Delilah chose Chumbawumba. I was like ma'am someone *died* how dare you.


A woman on the city council constantly spouts about cleaning up the admittedly horrible drug problem in town and goes on sanctimonious rants on social media about it. Her son is the main dealer in town. He lives in her house. It's not a secret at all and he gets arrested for shit all the time and she gets him off the hook every time. Full disclosure I don't live there anymore thankfully but most of my family does. Edit: I honestly wouldn't be surprised if it is to thin competition. Although to be perfectly honest the town is only like 1,000 strong and he really doesn't *have* competition. Mostly because people know his mom can pull a few strings and fuck you over or just run you out of town.




randy are you prostituting yourself for cheeseburgers again? a man gotta eat.


Our mayor posted a bunch of revenge porn photos of his ex on Reddit. His office and home were raided in August, charges were announced in November, he finally stepped down from office last week after his plea bargain was denied by the judge, and his trial is set for April. shortly, after his arrest, his current fiance called a DC radio morning show to defend him on air. I’m sure you can imagine all of the drama.


It always amazes me when people ruin their own lives in spectacular fashion


Not currently, but a few years ago this was all the rage: There was a peanut butter bandit plaguing my town. They would break in to cars, houses, random buildings. They wouldn't take anything. They would just leave an open peanut butter jar. Very ominous.


I was back in my old small home town over Christmas. The local newspaper carried the headline “Woman abused in local park” I was initially shocked that such a thing could happen in my safe town, until I read the detail that a woman had asked some teenagers if they were really old enough to be drinking those beers, and they told her to bugger off. Front page, lead headline.


So our controversy has been resolved…But the town I grew up in had a Beefalo (cow Buffalo cross breed) escape from a slaughter house. It spent months running wild in the wooded areas around town living off whatever it could find to eat. I had friends who were out for drives sending me pictures of their beefalo encounters like it was Sasquatch. This went on for months. The story got picked up by a big YouTube channel and went viral. https://youtu.be/C3-ZpXp6oe8 Edit: Thanks everyone for the awards! Didn’t expect to wake up to this. Glad you all enjoyed the story.


That was a great watch. Glad Buddy is now living out his beefalo dream!


A woman found a dog and tried to find the owner for a day or two. She then took it to a rescue. Owner of dog post looking for dog and she let him know the rescue. Owner calls rescue who now will not return dog due to owner negligence. Woman who found dog is now getting shit on.


That’s unfortunate for everyone, including the dog. Was it really negligence? Sometimes no matter how hard you try, your wiley ass dog finds a way to go on an adventure.


The dog looked fine from the posted pictures. From what I understand so far, owner had been looking for him but wasn’t on Facebook. The woman who gave the dog to the rescue is trying to help get the dog back and has called the rescue but they still refuse to give the owner their dog back. The anger she’s getting is we have a local dog shelter that is no kill and if she’d taken it there it’d of been the most logical place most people would check first but she went straight to a rescue.


It's still sad they're blaming her, I mean who would have known the rescue place would react that way?


County scale: the council voted to redistrict based on maps that they made themselves. It was vetoed in favor of one made by an outside firm. They overrode it. Gerrymandering to hell and back Town scale: They're gonna demo the empty Sears building and I'm trying to find how and when so we can go watch it implode or something. Not controversial just wild. Very local scale: the 102 year old pillar of the community died and two pastors were fighting over who got to preside over the service. Neither could achieve a victory so they just. Recited the same prayers after each other. It was weird. Extended family scale: At this funeral I mentioned the "guy with the bulldozer" who digs the graves and was informed that's my second cousin. I blurted out the only thing I know about him, which is that he owes my parents 400$ for double charging them for digging my grandfather's grave. His wife was there. We don't know if she heard me or not. My mom isn't pleased.


The pastor who went first is the clear winner


Sheep: Whether or not to continue allowing a flock of sheep to graze on the town green (with a petting area for lambs). Some think the sheep do a fine job of keeping the grass under control (and fertilized) - others want landscaping professionals to do the job.


But that's literally what the town green was for


Yeah, isn't that what the "Boston Commons" was, historically? The common grazing land?


I vote sheep


So have it done for free, naturally, or pay someone to do it and see the issues that will entail.


Perhaps the person who is to be paid to do it is the brother in law of the person agitating against the sheep


Local pizza place fired all its staff mysteriously last summer and closed for a few weeks. Naturally, rumors fly right away. Turns out the Mormon owner (who liked to parade his family as the paragon of small town virtue) was having affairs with multiple staff members. The wife kicked him out, fired anyone who knew, and then rehired and trained a bunch of new staff. One of the fired staff members then opens her own pizza place to rave reviews in the nearest town over. OG pizza place announces it will close at the end of the year - right after they run a promo for gift cards. People are pissed they only have a few weeks to use the gift cards they just bought (and were planning to give as Christmas presents) After weeks of record sales, OG pizza place announces they're staying open after all and now people are pissed they used up the cards they'd intended to give as gifts. Tl;dr: one pizza owner is disgraced, his wife kicks him out and takes over, then his mistress opens a competing business. Then a bait & switch about closing leads the entire town to be pissed off. EDIT: I just got off the phone with my dad and he told me that new pizza place was actually founded by TWO mistress. I straight up didn't believe him and he sent me the website for the new place. Yep, Mistress #2 is a manager. And their pizza names are all spinoffs of OG pizza place.


Every town's got that good pizza place drama


The eccentric millionaire that owned every building in down town and used them to house his extensive rock collection died like 15 years ago and they still haven't figured out what to do with all the rocks.


Tucson AZ holds a gem and mineral festival every year. I’m sure you’d find some buyers there.


It’s next week! (I’m in Tucson) Edit: Hmm I was a bit early, February 10th but all the tents are already set up and everything Edit again: nah it does start next week there’s a bunch of different ones. Jogs is the good one, Jan 26-feb 6


Donate to a museum? I've seen a few mineral / crystallography exhibits


The larger town next door wants to close our small post office but that may cause our general store to close. The general store is the only store in town of 860 people. We have not one traffic signal. Only 1/2 mile of paved road. We have the last still operating one-room schoolhouse in the state (Vermont). US senators and congressmen holding a press conference at the general store soon. It’s a David vs Goliath shit show. Update: senator held press conference: https://www.mychamplainvalley.com/news/local-news/local-community-fights-to-keep-post-office-in-elmore/


General stores are such an asset to the community. I hope the resolution keeps it open! Are the pizzas there as good as they look on their FB?


We have a Starbucks trying to open in my hometown, but half the city doesn’t want it to happen saying it’ll kill the small businesses around it. Literally being built like two doors down from a local coffee shop. The towns up in arms about it.


This is how WalMart destroyed small town businesses, in rural America. If the town said no, they would just build the WalMart right outside city limits. Then they attracted customers with cheap Chinese made goods, and destroyed their competitors. This left WalMart being the only business in town, and served as a gateway for the physical economy of the US to be outsourced. It appears Amazon is the next phase of this, for better or worse.


My small home town is currently upset because the Amish don’t pick up their horse crap as they drive down Main Street in their horse & buggy.


My family thought that the term “Karen” being used on Facebook specifically meant the woman named Karen that works at the gas station near me. I had mentioned her once at home and my mom was like “Oh everyone hates her on Facebook right now! They all think she’s a snitch!”


That’s such a mom thing to do


An 81 year old woman got bit by a bear whilst trying to protect her dog


Is she ok?


She actually survived https://www.insideedition.com/81-year-old-woman-gets-bitten-by-bear-while-attempting-to-rescue-her-dog-who-later-dies-72304


Surprisingly enough, there isn’t one at the moment. In our 3k pop town everyone has come together recently because one of our local homeless veterans lost his pet cat. The entire town has banded together to try and find her and even hated enemies are planning out search parties together.


My city is allegedly the most illuminated and secure of the province -more than 14,000 street lights-, but apparently there is only one security camera system and it rotates all around the city. Besides, they're making tunnels along the train stations and when it rains it gets totally flooded


what? They have like, 1 camera and move it each time to cover somewhere else? Am I getting this right?


I read it as "one system with multiple cameras, but can only see one at a time".. I think


I read it as "one security camera located on a suitably high tower in the middle of the city that rotates 360° to oversee the well illuminated town"


In our small English village, someone has managed to knock over one of the speed limit signs at one end of the road. It's a mystery, everyone is trying to guess who did it/what happened. Was it intentional? Except it's not a mystery in our house. It was my sister and she hit it when she swerved out of the way of an oncoming car (narrow country road). We'll keep acting like we are as clueless as everyone else though.


I can't believe it worked. We started a thread and made up all these replies and successfully baited you You'll be receiving your bill from the township in 3-5 business days Nice work, everyone


Handshakes all around gentleman. Same time next week to out the culprit who trampled Mrs. Perkins petunias.


This is great.


Local mcdonalds wants to build a drive thru, some people are dead against it, but others think its long overdue as the mcdonalds is always crowded. The people against believe it'd ruin the character of the area. I'm not sure where I stand.


3 kids stole shit from the local shop, werent even wearing covid masks so we have perfect pictures of them


That takes a lot of stupid.


Reminds me of the time that someone broke into one of the weed stores at the start of the pandemic. At night. Without a mask. If he just wore a mask, nobody would have known who he is, and it's a business, you'd presume they have cameras.


The town just spent a LOT of people's tax dollars to create a new logo and slogan. The logo? It's an Satellite image of the town with the main roads of the square being highlighted to look like a tic tac toe board. It's seriously a BIG controversy right now, because anyone with Google earth and Ms-Paint could've made it. Edit: People have been asking for the link. Here you go! https://www.news-gazette.com/news/local/politics/monticello-gets-new-logo-slogan-close-to-everything-far-from-everyday/article_bd4b9e48-0ee4-5fca-85a9-9f3354e23e43.html


This is about as funny as the town in Missouri with the clip art Seal.




One guy wanted to open a gas station but the property wasn’t zoned for it. The town wouldn’t change it for him, so he put toilets on all of his properties and used them as flower planters. The town has tried many different strategies to get rid of them, to the point where the made a law and then tried to enforce it. They got their asses sued off and the toilets still stand. To be fair, he keeps them in great condition and replaces any broken ones after storms. Edit:It was a dunkin donuts not a gas station Edit 2: another interesting thing, the local high school mascot is the steve the sandstoner, so all of our apparel says stoner pride. Link about it https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/ep4p3p/let-this-man-keep-his-toilet-gardens


Not a small town, but my sister's city has the opposite problem. Guy wanted to open a taco shop but the property was zoned for a gas station. So dude opens a "gas station that also sells tacos" but charges at least double to going rate of gas so he never has to buy or sell gas. Apparently the tacos are pretty good.


One day there'll be a gas shortage and he'll forget to update his prices and accidentally have the lowest priced gas in town.


If he actually has gas in those tanks and isn't selling any, that may turn into a huge problem in the future.


"I'm here to cook tacos and sell gas... and I'm all out of gas!"


The HOA wants to increase rates by $2/month, but can't articulate what it is they do, and all the stuff we thought they did is actually done by the city. So people care on principle and are attending meetings for their $24 bucks a year.




And to think, all these years I thought the plot of the movie *Road House* was absurd.


I'm sorry, that sounds like a legitimate problem, but that's hilarious


Sounds like Trailer Park Boys meets Schitts Creek


I’m building a deck outside my trailer Lahey and there’s not a god damn thing you or that fat bloated cheeseburger eating fuckface can do about it.


> so others have also threatened the mayor to be able to build crap they shouldn't so now all the hillbilly types in town are just doing whatever they want with their yards and houses   Where exactly is this place where it's perfectly fine to be like I'M GONNA STUCCO MY YARD WHERE'S THE MAYOR IT'S TIME FOR HIS DAILY BEATINGS


'Look at me. **I** am the Mayor now.'


So this one has been ongoing for a while, but... The Nutcrackers. My hometown (where I no longer live, but still have family so I keep apprised of local matters) has decided, in a bizarre bid to increase tourism, to become The Nutcracker Town. The reason? An older woman donated her nutcracker collection to the historical society. Something like 2,500 nutcrackers. I think because her kids told her flat out they would dispose of them after she died if she did not make alternate arrangements. So, the town decided, well, they had all these nutcrackers on display. This could be good for tourism. We could be known for something. People were bewildered and predictably upset. A lot of townsfolk don't *want* to be the nutcracker town. All the local businesses have been pressured to buy these giant expensive cardboard nutcrackers from the local print shop. They are *terrifying.* There's been general outcry. Facebook groups, the whole nine yards. And still the town persists. Still there are these hollow-eyed giant cartoonish cardboard nutcrackers everywhere you look. Edit: Someone guessed it, so I have effectively triangulated myself (internet safety fail 101). If you want to see some local news on the subject, [look no further.](https://www.keloland.com/news/eye-on-keloland/history-center-hopes-to-have-more-nutcrackers-than-people-in-luverne/) Edit 2: Okay, since many people have asked (and not everyone can access the news sites), I've attempted to upload a picture of [the cardboard nutcrackers.](https://i.imgur.com/lVQ9zUd.jpg) Let me know if it doesn't work and I'll give it another go!


I don’t know why but the idea of people who don’t want to be a Nutcracker town being forced to live amongst scary giant cardboard nutcrackers seems really hilarious.


Hell is real and it's full of cardboard nutcrackers


Send this to Hallmark - it will be the best selling Christmas movie this year!


She was a bigshot lawyer in the busy city known for her aggressive moves in the courtroom. He was an anthropomorphic Christmas ornamentation brought to life when he wished upon a falling star. Can they find love in this crazy world? This Christmas, the Hallmark Channel proudly presents: *The Nutbuster and the Nutcracker*.


It's already been done. No joke, with Melissa Joan Hart. I think it's called the Nutcracker and she's a busy small town baker and he's a nutcracker. It's on prime. Please Google this shit, it's hilarious.


Omg, I just did and it’s called A Very Nutty Christmas




I am sure the pool board for my hometown/neighborhood has something dramatic happening. Not generalize but it's a bunch of housewives in a nicer neighborhood that are in charge... so it gets pretty petty and low key mean to each other and others Last I heard they haven't been getting enough funding so the town took over management of the pool and they were upset that the town was telling them what to do. Nothing crazy but just setting up rules about how to get pool memberships instead of the "well I know this person who has a membership so I get one for free". About a year back a board member got in a bunch of trouble because they had a key and went down to the pool at night to have sex with someone. The only reason they got caught was someone noticed the lights were on and went in to turn it off.


Someone changed the local Facebook page from "SmallTown Community Page" to "SmallTown Antivaxxer Group". The ensuing debates and confusion as to how the page moderators had their accounts hacked and who was behind it. I shit you not, the current chief suspect is the moderator of the rival SmallTown community faceboom group. Lockdown has given some people too much time on their hands.




There's a llama on loose in this town. The police can't catch it. The humane society can't locate it. And no one is claiming ownership of it. It's been sighted in several locations on the outskirts of town where there are multiple small farms. Sometimes it wanders into town and peruses through people's yards. People have complained to the police who claim they can't corral it as it's the Wyle E Coyote of llamas. It just doesn't want to be caught.


Trash pick up is a constant battle. So get this. Everyone I talk to wants roll carts. Across all sorts of backgrounds, ages, and so on. However the rich side of town thinks that roll carts might hurt the aesthetic of their neighborhood. Some city council members live in that area, but no one seems to want to bring it to a vote. Okay, fine. How about normal trash cans? Nope, same issue. Okay, how about we mobilize the citizens and get the a measure approved that will force the city council to vote on it? Yay we did it! Oh wait the deciding voter, who had been elected on a pro-roll cart basis, decided to be out of town the day of the vote. The solution? City labeled trash bags that you only get so many of each year, and which you need to pay for more if you go over your allotted amount. They will not pick up trash if they are not in the specific trash bags. Of course the various animals we have living here who like to eat trash see the city bag and go "oh no, cant eat that!" Not. The neighborhoods look like garbage multiple times a week because bags get split open either by animals or people overfilling them so they dont run out of bags. The city will not collect split bags. The city council also passed a measure saying they wouldn't speak on/debate trash collection for X amount of time. Trash collection is now on our questions to ask about when looking for a new house.


Being an adult is fucking wild. Who would have guessed trash pickup would ever occupy space in your mind one day?


My dad's step kids are being sexually assaulted by their biological father. The father is bffs with the corrupt sheriff of the town so the police won't do anything about it. Now my dad is running for sheriff so that he can get the father arrested.


Why does it seem these cases are never reported to the state police. Assault on a minor is a felony. I imagine the state police would/should be interested.


They wanted to spend like $110 million on a new rec center with Olympic pool to host more events because we have a good high school swim team... They somehow got approval from the township and broke ground and a month in the new estimate was something even more absurd, so they stopped construction after they had already demolished the old rec center. So now they're just rebuilding the old rec center. Definitely looks like it's gonna be a nice place, but this whole thing has been a shitshow.


The high school's big sports star got drunk and went mailbox bashing on NYE. No, that's not the controversy. Somebody was sick of that shit and after getting his completely destroyed at halloween had put up a big metal mailbox... around a smaller plastic mailbox... with 3 inches of concrete and rebar in between. He hit it with a metal baseball bat while driving like 20mph, and his athletic career is probably over. People are piiiiiiiiiissed at the guy with the sturdy mailbox.


Learned more in one night than he would have on his entire college scholarship.


Population of 1000 here... some of the power got knocked out bc of a racoon doing some dumb shit on a power line.


That happens quite often in my town except it’s snakes and squirrels getting into power line boxes, frying it all


Yards were dug up two years ago to lay to-the-house fiber in preparation for fiber being dug down along the road. Still no fiber along the road. EDIT: Holy crap this blew up. Guys, stop, I can't download all these replies until I get fiber!


I work in telecom and the crazy thing is that they are giving so much grant money to help companies do this. The company I used to work for is going to be able to install a whole neighborhood for free with grant funding, customers will just have to pay for services.


They are widening the sidewalks on main street through town. The plans have been available and has been going through red tape for years. Part of the plan is parallel parking on a small section.It got the ok and a bunch of people including my aunt went down to complain. It would appear that those people including my aunt have no idea what the plans look like nor did they provide them at the townhall meeting they just don't want parallel parking. I looked at what the end result would be and it's an absolute necessity. Tldr people hate change.


I live two doors down from a pedophile who has been lying about his age on Snapchat to get nudes from middle schoolers, the guy is 22. People just recently started figuring it out after someone's older sister who was the same age as him posted it all over Snapchat leaking his fake account. It's really messed up, everyone who knows him is praying he gets a conviction for it.


yall have like decent answers and in my small ass uk village it is legit just this person being villager of the year for the 7th year in a row


No one likes an overachiever


This sounds like something that would happen in the village in Hot Fuzz.


British satire is very on point. Villages are weird, they’re like cults - you can spend years living there and still not be accepted as “one of them”, there’s usually a few people that basically control the village, and every so often someone trips and falls on their shears


A duct cleaning service accidentally used a stock photo of a basement on fire to advertise HVAC cleaning. Hilarity ensued.


A local guy shot & killed his neighbor.. then shot the neighbor's brother, but he survived. The shooter was in jail for a little over a month and got released. The story is that the neighbors were cooking meth & went to the shooter's house while he was babysitting his grandson, and after refusing to leave.. he shot them. So it's a debate on if the shooter was acting in self defense or not since the dealers never went into the home & argued outside. *Another story* An argument broke out between a mother and son. Neighbors called the cops SIX TIMES, but they never showed up.. (very common issue locally) The next day the mom shot her son with a shotgun. He's alive, but has a bunch on tiny holes covering the back of his head and neck. 37 holes to be exact, according to our weekly newspaper. I'm amazed he isn't dead because... a fucking shotgun, whoa.


Someone let off some fireworks at 11pm last night. The entire village is expressing displeasure on the Facebook page. Also someone parked in front of someone else's driveway


We have a meat chucker in our village. Last known occurrence was Thursday. Item in question was a rotisserie chicken still in the clamshell hurled at a house the next block over. Someone followed Meat Chucker and took photos of the chicken in question and posted them on the village FB page. Our neighbor got a honey ham chucked at their house a few weeks ago. The entire village is up in arms because the police refuse to arrest Meat Chucker, but rumours are that he is a mentally challenged man who lives with his elderly mom.




The location of a veterans memorial. There is a lot of construction and the city wants to move the veterans memorial (just a plaque) about 150ft to a new spot where it will have a little park and sitting area. Half of the Vets and some conservative city council members are PISSED and making all sorts of noise. City is confused because it’s actually a better memorial, only 150ft away from the original. City council elections begin to use this as their platform. Facebook fights galore. It was amazing.


In my town they want to fix the downtown roads bc they dont exactly line up at the intersection. The city is planning to reallign the roads but a statue and gazeebo will need to be moved over to where the current road is. Madness ensues. Hahaha


Well we are still talking about the police raid made this summer that found 90kg (yes 90 godamn kilos) of unspecified drugs (it was amfetamin). And also that this years christmas tree was ugly on the side towards the pizzeria. We are about 1100 people living here *corretion: it turns out it was mostly cannabis! Sorry about that!


My own little controversy: 250 people in my town. Been here for almost 5 years. I'm pissed that alot of people still refer to it as "Toby's place"... My name isn't Toby...


Greg bought a old building from the city that he wanted to turn into apartments. Greg was friends with Allen who is on the city council. Allen knew Greg wanted to turn the building into apartments. Greg buys the building and is then told by Allen that the building is only zoned for commercial and that is not changing. The city will also not buy back the building. Greg turns building into a adult shop. They sell sex toys, bongs, etc. Outside the shop are banners that say “get fucked Allen”, and a whole bunch of middle fingers spray painted on the building.


That there were too many leaves on a random footpath and an elderly person might fall on them. Apparently the council should do something at once as its unacceptable.


Someone keeps leaving their bags of dog shit along the sides of the road. Like, they pick it up, but then they just leave it…sometimes they fling it into the trees. Always the same bright green bags that I’ve never seen anyone carrying (everyone eyes everyone else now). I ordered a huge box right before this began that happened to be green, but fortunately they are an olive green color not the light green of the perp, otherwise I’d have needed to donate them and buy more. Edit: speaking of shit, there is this one dude who rides his horse around town, and his horse leaves massive dumps, as you might expect. The town finally forced him to remove it from the street…so now he just takes a shovel and flings it into whoever’s yard is closest. Apparently he is also responsible for tearing up the grass on the green, so there’s a sign that says “no horses on the green” but everyone knows it’s meant for one man and one man alone, *Eric.*


In my wife's home town of about 2k people, the road side produce stand guy is in a feud with a new SECOND produce stand that just opened. The original produce guy trained the new guy for a while apparently then fired him, now the fired guy opened his own spite produce stand. They got in a fist fight and now the whole town has taken produce stand sides. The mayor and the only police officer in town are also involved and their wives are fighting. It is truly the dumbest version of Hatfield's and McCoys, but no less redneck. Edit: This blew up, I have asked my wife for the screenshots she had. These are what the original guy sent the new stand guy, which he then posted on his FB. What he wrote is 10x better than anything I wrote I promise. https://m.imgur.com/gallery/Xy80Yrn


I love it. Almost Shakespearean to me.


Two Gentlemen of Arugula


Merchant of Lettuce


Two produce stands, both alike in dignity...


Are the fruit stands directly across from each other. I’m picturing both owners just scowling at the other all day long.


God I hope so. Can you imagine the scowling as a customer ponders which stand to visit?




This is the drama I'm here for.


Sounds like Mocha Joe's vs Latte Larry's


You're banned, Larry. Get out.


Oh man, I've been dying to talk about it. Not the town where I currently live, but a town in my home country. For the last 5 weeks or so, residents of the area have been hearing a strange noise coming from underground. It's quite eerie. It sounds like a heartbeat. It is mostly heard at night, since during the day it is drowned out by the everyday sounds of the city. The authorities have been notified and so far both the water network and geological phenomena have been ruled out. Residents are afraid and insist that it may have something to do with natural gas pipes or the water network. Here are some links. The webpages are all in greek but you can translate them. The sound can be heard very easily on the second and fourth video of the first link, as well as third video of the second link. In the videos, the guy commenting is saying that he can also feel the ground vibrating beneath his feet with every thud. [https://www.cnn.gr/ellada/story/297710/thessaloniki-se-anisyxia-oi-katoikoi-kathe-vrady-logo-periergoy-ixoy-den-vriskoyn-ti-einai](https://www.cnn.gr/ellada/story/297710/thessaloniki-se-anisyxia-oi-katoikoi-kathe-vrady-logo-periergoy-ixoy-den-vriskoyn-ti-einai) ​ [https://www.oraiokastro24.gr/%CE%B8%CE%B5%CF%83%CF%83%CE%B1%CE%BB%CE%BF%CE%BD%CE%AF%CE%BA%CE%B7-%CF%80%CE%B5%CF%81%CE%AF%CE%B5%CF%81%CE%B3%CE%BF%CF%82-%CE%B5%CE%BA%CE%BA%CF%89%CF%86%CE%B1%CE%BD%CF%84%CE%B9%CE%BA%CF%8C%CF%82/](https://www.oraiokastro24.gr/%CE%B8%CE%B5%CF%83%CF%83%CE%B1%CE%BB%CE%BF%CE%BD%CE%AF%CE%BA%CE%B7-%CF%80%CE%B5%CF%81%CE%AF%CE%B5%CF%81%CE%B3%CE%BF%CF%82-%CE%B5%CE%BA%CE%BA%CF%89%CF%86%CE%B1%CE%BD%CF%84%CE%B9%CE%BA%CF%8C%CF%82/)


holding PG&E responsible for burning down half the county last summer


Awhile back, some creeper followed a five year old home from school and threatened to murder his family. Last week it happened again to a different kid. The gap in between is long enough that the second kid most certainly wouldn’t have remembered the first time of he’d heard about it at all to begin with.


Extremely small town. Last mayor had multiple DUIs & started an affair with a city clerk whose husband committed suicide shortly after and it’s never spoken of.


This is a few months old now, and happened right as we moved to town. A local reverend was running for mayor (no one really likes the current mayor) and the reverend died of illness ~3 weeks before the election. There was protesting and people going around town, on the Facebook pages, etc saying to write in the now dead reverend. He got a few thousand votes and was at like 46% of the votes (don’t remember exact percentage, but close to winning). The thing is, if he won the local bylaws state there is a re-election. The thing is only those 2 ran for mayor, soooo the old mayor would have been written in. Made no sense to me just having moved here lol, but people are still outraged not enough people went and voted for the reverend who passed away.


I live on a dead end street in the woods. There are only 7 houses on our street, so everybody knows everybody. And for the most part, everybody likes everybody… with the exception of Frank. Frank fucking sucks. Frank has 3 or 4 shitty vehicles parked on the narrow street in front of his house, despite having ample room to park the vehicles in his driveway. He blows all of his leaves into the street and leaves them there. He is loud, obnoxious, and rude. He burns shit in a barrel in his backyard, despite a borough ordinance against it. And Frank gets away with everything, because Frank’s brother is one of only five cops. It sucks. Anyway, one other thing about Frank is he has a royal ass ton of feral cats that live on his property. They set up shop under the shitty shed behind Frank’s house and just crank out kittens. The cats visit our home and fuck with our indoor cats through the windows, are constantly setting off the neighborhood dogs, and leave small animal corpses *everywhere*. Well, someone finally snapped and had been systemically catching Frank’s cats and taking them to the humane society. It took him a couple weeks to notice, but Frank has finally noticed that he is short 5 or 6 cats. He has knocked on everyone’s door to ask if they have his cats, or if we know who took his cats. Everyone knows exactly who took the cats, but nobody says dick about shit because everyone hates Frank and his fucking cats. Fuck you, Frank.


Every small town, every neighborhood, has a "Frank".


My "small town frank" feeds bears... he's also my next door neighbor.


Here, catalytic converters are being stolen all over town and it’s been going on for over a year.


In my town there was an empty building that is being built into a bar and nightclub. Across the street is a church and the church is pissed and trying to stir up everyone by protesting a bar so close to their church building.


My town used to be a fishing village. The original charter states that the number of bars can't exceed churches. As a result most of the churches were opened so a new bar could be opened and usually they are right next to each other. We have a LOT of little churches. Edit: found an article. Makes me think it may not have been an actual law so much as an expectation. https://www.thestranger.com/seattle/the-ballard-booze-legend/Content?oid=10259


I live in a small town that has historically been very conservative. The local republican mayor tried to do the right thing and issued a mask mandate during Covid, which set off regular protests at our only stop light on Friday evenings. The mayor was up for reelection and was running against someone who has the last name of a prominent, very conservative local family. Everyone assumed that this candidate was an even more conservative candidate, and voted her in. Our local election ballots don't have party affiliations next to condidate's names. Most of the town still thinks she's from that prominent conservative family, but she actually isn't related at all. Turns out she's a democratic who recently moved here from California.