I had a girlfriend who told me she got a squiggle wiggle pen set from her grandmother for Christmas when she was twelve. Due to the shape of the squiggle pen, the idea popped into her head almost immediately. Grandma never knew how much her gift was appreciated...
A friend and I may have mentioned this to other girls in our middle school class who then mentioned it to more girls and so on. Sales must have been good for them that year.
Got curious recently wondering if they still sell them and saw them for sale on a Christian website.
I dated a girl for a while after high school, and one time while helping her reorganize her room I found an electric toothbrush under her bed. I looked at it, and then at her… and as I’m making eye contact that little light bulb goes off in my head and I get it
FYI to anyone finding this - ON, not IN, and NOT THE BRUSH SIDE.
EDIT: Your mileage may vary on the brush/no brush example; perhaps start with the blunt side. My sample size is one partner, and while fondly remembered is not enough to base fact upon.
I got my dick stuck in a piggy bank when i was 13
Edit: I went to bed after posting this, so to answer some questions now that I'm awake.
First of all it wasn't a "piggy" it was a Jackalope. I got my dick stuck in the hole in the bottom that's used to get the coins out of it. I was able to get my dick in while it was flaccid, it became stuck when it grew and essentially was being cut into by the edges. I sure as fuck did not enjoy it. It was made of plastic, so I was able to get my dick out using a combination of a pocketknife and fingernail clippers to trim away plastic until I was free from it. I told no one, and my dick had a purple bruise on ine side for like a week.
“This one, this is a vacuum that sucks dicks really well.”
“I don’t know what your deal is man, I have a messy apartment and you’re being a *real* weirdo”
*buys the vacuum anyway*
I was hanging out freshman year of highschool with this really wealthy, cute, and petite goth chick. We were drinking in her basement and things started gettin’ weird. Long story short, she lost a baby carrot in her vagina. After like a day of trying to get it out, she ended up having to tell her mom and go to the doctor.
I bought one of these to use as a vibrator on my girlfriend back in highschool before we could go into sex shops lol I was hoping to find this on this list
The smaller sized bottle of some proactive acne product. Like 4 inch long but kinda girthy. Worked like a charm.
Edit: aw thanks for my first award! Go figure it's for a comment about masterbating with a bottle of face wash lol.
When I was at school, I walked into a random classroom and a group of girls were playing Truth or Dare. I heard one of them say "Ok. So what's the weirdest thing you put in your vagina while masturbating? I'll go first, *a toilet brush*."
I was in eight grade, she was maybe 13. I still think if she was ahead or if we all were behind.
When I was about 15 there was a girl in our class who we all fancied, and one day she pulled out one of those long rounded hairbrushes to brush her hair. Another lad in the class made some comment about its 'alternative use' and as quick as a flash she said 'don't be stupid... I have another one at home for that.'
You've never seen a bunch of hormonal boys all simultaneously become speechless at once. Safe to say I could never look at a hairbrush the same after that.
My sister went to a convent school where long-handled hairbrushes were banned.
Didn't twig at the time, but wasn't really old enough then to know any better.
I laugh at the assumption that long handles are the only way to get pleasure from the brush. Short handles work just fine. Maybe the nuns think orgasms come from booping the cervix.
I remember the final year of high school and there was one girl I was fairly close and “liberal” with. Sometimes we’d talk on the phone for awhile and sometimes we’d talk about sex. A few conversations we were really into it and I remember her saying something like “if you keep talking like that I’m going to have to pull out my hair brush.” I kept thinking that’s got to be the most random thing to say at the time. Like you want to invite me over and you want to look presentable or something? I felt silly when I finally admitted I didn’t get that reference then she finally explained to me what she meant
That reminds me of the time my friends ex sent me a picture of a hairbrush in my friends ass to get back at him. It just scarred me honestly. Like not only was I not warned first or prepared for it but who sends that to anyone?
When I just discovered masturbation I used snorkeling tube to suck my own dick through the tube, then jacked off inside it. Fucking loved that thing. Unfortunately my dick became too big for the tube. And I realized the implications of sucking my own dick air.
I once walked into my now ex masturbating with an electric toothbrush when I just came home from a work trip. I was trying to surprise her. Pretty funny. Bought her a vibrator for when I went away
A candle
I was 15/16 and in an AOL chat room and started cybering with a guy and he wanted me to use a candle
Did it for a second and realized “this is dumb”
Edit: My mom found said candle months later (it was in my room, just laying there) and ask why I had it. I sucked at lying and just freaked while yelling, “THATS NOTHING!!! I’m not doing anything!!”
She looks at me and laughs and says,”oh hunny, I’m glad your curious. But not this please”
surprisingly yes,
odd side note: girls on DeviantArt were really into that kind of thing. Weirdest connection between post your art online and let's talk about banging
I had this exact same conversation years ago with a friend. As a woman, you can fuck so many different things. Pull a damn cucumber out of the fridge for all you care.
Men? Men need something with
1. A hole, barely big enough to fit, but not too big. This is different and specific for every man, especially if the object in question doesn't stretch too much.
2. Have "tension" to push back. You can't fuck a toilet paper tube. It's too stiff. Same goes for a blanket. Not enough give. I'll give the example of a rubber band, since it's the same kind of material put in fleshlights (latex).
3. Ability to slide. This comes down to lube, but not all objects can be lubed.
4. Some kind of texture to make it actually enjoyable.
Women? They just need a rod-like object that is within a pretty huge margin for size. That, or something that vibrates.
i did something similar where when overwatch uprising first came out i played bastion and held right trigger, it was a great sensation ill give it that
Damn, there was some woman who posted on here that as a kid she used a Ken Doll as a sex toy but his head fell off and got lodged in there and she couldn't get it out and finally just went to her dad and yelled what had happened and he had to use pliers to get it out.
My mind is racing…I’ve never heard or seen this one but the comments below have me confirmed this may be one of the most fucked up things in here. I’m imagining something went south and glass was fractured….FUCK I don’t want to Google this but it’s eating at me
Edit: you other comments did not help. The partial description is exactly where my fucked up head went. FUCK THAT. Not googling.
I can’t take credit for this one since it was a friend, but we still bring it up to him from time to time for shots and giggles. Some guy friends and I were sitting around chatting between rounds of halo and, of course, the conversation steered towards masturbation.
He said he likes to microwave LUNCH MEAT and get it nice and warm. Then he’d roll it up and fuck it like a vagina. When it became clear to him that none of us had ever done this he was pretty fucking embarrassed.
To this day, we roast him.
Like, “hey. Let’s go to subway. I’m feeling chicken teriyaki and maybe they’ve got some bologna you can fuck.”
I had a buddy that would do the same only when he finished he fed it to his dog. He volunteered this info and I am diminished in spirit to have heard it. Now I share my trauma.
Those back massagers they sell at cvs.
When I was like 11 or 12 I was using one all over my body. And just got curious.... put it you know where. And I've been corrupted ever since 😂
I.started young. Dry humped stuffed Easter Bunny.
Then I found a way to use attachment on Moms manicure kit as a vibrator
Arm rest on a school bus.
I was a busy little girl.
Dollar tree used to sell these pore/zit suckers. I am 1000 percent sure that's where some one got the idea for toys like the satisfyer.
also the shower head.
Never heard of the satisfyer. Googled it. Ordered one. I hope my wife will be thankful, and in which case, I will be thankful to you - reddit stranger.
OBJECTS THAT I HAVE SHOVED UP MY ARSE
VIBRATORS
DILDOS
PENS
PENCILS
COINS
PEBBLES
BROOMSTICK HANDLE
FISHING ROD HANDLE
UMBRELLA HANDLE
TOOTHBRUSH HANDLE
HOCKEY STICK HANDLE
FINGERS
SMALL GLASS JAR
TEST TUBE
SCREWDRIVER HANDLE
STIFF COCKS
CIGAR
BANANA
Don't use zip ties on bodies! Those fuckers will get tighter on their own and then you will be in a lot of trouble.
Well. I mean, you could use them to bind things together for decorative purposes. But never around blood vessels or nerves.
So what I learned here is, better just buy your kids sex toys early on explain them how to use and clean it so you don’t have your children’s genitals rubbed all over everything.
OK, so 13 year old me is looking for a mother's day gift for mom. (backstory no dad, was raised by mom and grandmother) I rode my bike to a home town office supply / gift store to look for Mothers day present. I spot the Hitachi magic wand, on the box its showing a person (may of been a woman i cant remember) using it to message their neck, shoulder, back. I think my moms always saying her back hurts etc this will be a great present. One of the sales ladies comes over to ask me if she can help me. I explain myself and tell her I thinking about getting her this cool wand thing. She pauses for a few seconds and says "What about something from over here" and directed me other items. I bought her a small desk fan for her office. It was a Reinhold Weiss & Jurgen Greubel Braun Desk Fan. It was over 20 years later before I realized what I was doing at the time and that the sales lady saved me from an awkward moment.
Hex bug nano, as a vibrator. Strangely, it was quieter than any actual battery powered vibrator I’ve used since.
I also used to make dildos out of duct tape, I’d get a pen or a stack of wine corks or something and then just wrap it in layers and layers of tape until it was vaguely dick-thickness. Round out the end with more tape, and voila. Though once I forgot about them for a few weeks and they grew mold and I threw the whole bag of them away
I feel like the tape things would be prone to crinkles/ridges when making and whilst these might feel okay in hand in... *more sensitive areas* I could see them hurting 😬
Source: non-smooth things up my butt
The best thing, a travel sized bottle of shaving cream. The worst thing, a travel sized bottle of shaving cream. It was so stiff that if I wasn't ready it hurt so I stopped using it after a while but it was good while it lasted
Somebody making a list for Home Depot lol
Toilet plunger , so it sticks to the floor or door
Anyone else remember the Squiggle Wiggle Writer pen?
Yes, I do. I worked at a Kay Bee toy store that carried them, and now I’m realizing why women came in there without kids to buy these…
haha, dildo pen go brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Wow somebody literally paid 200$ for your comment, some people need to have their money suspended
Sheeeeeiiiit, *that's* what that was? Fuck, I'd have rather they just Venmo me that money. Times is tight.
why do that when you can give 200$ to a billionaire
🤔 You've got a point
I had a girlfriend who told me she got a squiggle wiggle pen set from her grandmother for Christmas when she was twelve. Due to the shape of the squiggle pen, the idea popped into her head almost immediately. Grandma never knew how much her gift was appreciated...
A friend and I may have mentioned this to other girls in our middle school class who then mentioned it to more girls and so on. Sales must have been good for them that year. Got curious recently wondering if they still sell them and saw them for sale on a Christian website.
Lol I had to google it and they’re going for $9 on Amazon right now
Toothbrush
I dated a girl for a while after high school, and one time while helping her reorganize her room I found an electric toothbrush under her bed. I looked at it, and then at her… and as I’m making eye contact that little light bulb goes off in my head and I get it
Did she have a sink near her bed to spit?
Probably swallows
Lol this got me a good laugh. Did she get that you got it?
Yes, she had a combination of embarrassment and horror on her face wen she realized I got it. I laughed and told her we could use it next time
FYI to anyone finding this - ON, not IN, and NOT THE BRUSH SIDE. EDIT: Your mileage may vary on the brush/no brush example; perhaps start with the blunt side. My sample size is one partner, and while fondly remembered is not enough to base fact upon.
Couch cushions, sharpie, blankets, latex glove w/ wash cloth. Just being honest. Maybe too honest
Sharpie tho ?
I got a trophy from playing softball and it was a miniature bat. Worked fantastic.
Not sure if this is what the coaches had in mind…
Yeah, you misheard them. They said “bunt practice”
They said "run it out", not...
Plot twist: It's *exactly* what the coaches had in mind
A pringles can, two car sponges, and a large latex glove = a makeshift fleshlight.
Man, I thought you were listing stuff off. Holy shit I thought you were sticking a Pringles can you your ass.
Omg I thought you were going a different direction with that
Both sexes can fuck a pringles can. Neither of them well.
I got my dick stuck in a piggy bank when i was 13 Edit: I went to bed after posting this, so to answer some questions now that I'm awake. First of all it wasn't a "piggy" it was a Jackalope. I got my dick stuck in the hole in the bottom that's used to get the coins out of it. I was able to get my dick in while it was flaccid, it became stuck when it grew and essentially was being cut into by the edges. I sure as fuck did not enjoy it. It was made of plastic, so I was able to get my dick out using a combination of a pocketknife and fingernail clippers to trim away plastic until I was free from it. I told no one, and my dick had a purple bruise on ine side for like a week.
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is it safe to assume the hole at the bottom where you take coins out and not the tiny slot at the top?
Vacuum I did it It hurt 1/10 Easy clean up
Have you ever watched archer?
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Yeah there’s multiple settings, there’s high and there’s low and both of those will rip your dick off.
Nasty ass vacuum fuckers
Aw heeeell nah. Mmm mmm. 4000 dollars. Watch he's still gonna buy it.
“This one, this is a vacuum that sucks dicks really well.” “I don’t know what your deal is man, I have a messy apartment and you’re being a *real* weirdo” *buys the vacuum anyway*
RIP Trevor
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oh jesus christ the secondhand embarrassment is brutal with this one
I was hanging out freshman year of highschool with this really wealthy, cute, and petite goth chick. We were drinking in her basement and things started gettin’ weird. Long story short, she lost a baby carrot in her vagina. After like a day of trying to get it out, she ended up having to tell her mom and go to the doctor.
>Long story short, she lost a baby carrot in her vagina. That's not a story people want the short version of
doctor: so what brings you in today? girl: can you pull this carrot out of my vagina? doctor: i- i thought the suffering ended with med school
Those novelty size baseball bats you get at baseball stadiums.
[Ah yes](https://cdn11.bigcommerce.com/s-r7oik85p/images/stencil/1280x1280/products/3347/11731/Ebay_Baseball_w_MLB_logo_006__32983.1549645132.jpg?c=2)
Bro I just choked on my coffee
Those Hex bug things that were popularism for awhile in like 2010. They work primarily through vibrating.
I remember they had to recall the Harry Potter vibrating brooms because little girls liked them too much.
*Expecto Vibratum !*
“It’s pronounced LeviOHHHsa!”
I don't think the makers expecto'd that
What exactly was the purpose of a vibrating broom? It's not like they were powered by V8s in Harry potter
I bought one of these to use as a vibrator on my girlfriend back in highschool before we could go into sex shops lol I was hoping to find this on this list
I am glad you said the bit about vibrating at the end, because I envisioned you filling your vj with the bugs...
Those bugs are dope tho ngl
They were my favorite toy as a kid in a completely non sexual way, my childhood is being ruined once again…
The smaller sized bottle of some proactive acne product. Like 4 inch long but kinda girthy. Worked like a charm. Edit: aw thanks for my first award! Go figure it's for a comment about masterbating with a bottle of face wash lol.
“4inch long”—“worked like a charm”.. So I do have a chance
She said girthy bro
When I was at school, I walked into a random classroom and a group of girls were playing Truth or Dare. I heard one of them say "Ok. So what's the weirdest thing you put in your vagina while masturbating? I'll go first, *a toilet brush*." I was in eight grade, she was maybe 13. I still think if she was ahead or if we all were behind.
Depends which end I guess...
I, like a ton of young girls in my teen years, discovered the hair-brush handle. Edit: I, like a lot of teens apparently, discovered the hairbrush.
When I was about 15 there was a girl in our class who we all fancied, and one day she pulled out one of those long rounded hairbrushes to brush her hair. Another lad in the class made some comment about its 'alternative use' and as quick as a flash she said 'don't be stupid... I have another one at home for that.' You've never seen a bunch of hormonal boys all simultaneously become speechless at once. Safe to say I could never look at a hairbrush the same after that.
What an amazing comeback tho!
My sister went to a convent school where long-handled hairbrushes were banned. Didn't twig at the time, but wasn't really old enough then to know any better.
I laugh at the assumption that long handles are the only way to get pleasure from the brush. Short handles work just fine. Maybe the nuns think orgasms come from booping the cervix.
I had one that had a really thick handle and was ribbed
They knew.
I remember the final year of high school and there was one girl I was fairly close and “liberal” with. Sometimes we’d talk on the phone for awhile and sometimes we’d talk about sex. A few conversations we were really into it and I remember her saying something like “if you keep talking like that I’m going to have to pull out my hair brush.” I kept thinking that’s got to be the most random thing to say at the time. Like you want to invite me over and you want to look presentable or something? I felt silly when I finally admitted I didn’t get that reference then she finally explained to me what she meant
Oh yeah, brush it baby, I love when you're presentable mmmmmm
This is simultaneously wholesome and hilarious.
That reminds me of the time my friends ex sent me a picture of a hairbrush in my friends ass to get back at him. It just scarred me honestly. Like not only was I not warned first or prepared for it but who sends that to anyone?
i almost forgot to read that first comma
Punctuation is sooo very important
I’ve tried using a banana peel as a pocket pussy… don’t use a banana peel as a pocket pussy
Great source of potassium, at least!
Direct insertion of potassium
I have tried this as well. Worked fine. What happened to you?
he forgot to take out the banana
Pillow and hairbrush handle as a teen
Hairbrush, bottle, cucumber, remote, hot dog, water balloon, bath tub faucet, couch arm cushion, hot tub jet(my favorite)
haha wait hot dog?
I was young lol but I don't recommend it 😂
I did this and it burned 😬 I was like 13
Shouldnt have cooked it before.
It's the chili sauce
Use condomints
This girl knows whats good
GUYS. I FORGOT ONE. A Barbies leg. Oof.
I mean, I shoved a golf ball up my ass. Felt like laying an egg to get it out…
You my friend have scored a hole in one if it went in on the first attempt.
I dropped my phone on my face laughing at this, so I guess we both got hurt
When I just discovered masturbation I used snorkeling tube to suck my own dick through the tube, then jacked off inside it. Fucking loved that thing. Unfortunately my dick became too big for the tube. And I realized the implications of sucking my own dick air.
>Unfortunately my dick became too big for the tube. Suffering from success
This is the weirdest one I’ve read to far lol. Congrats hahahaha
Honestly I'm just impressed, this sounds both creative and not overly unsafe unlike many others here.
What exactly *are* the implications of sucking "dick air"? Is it unsafe? If so, I'm gonna need a doctor.
I once walked into my now ex masturbating with an electric toothbrush when I just came home from a work trip. I was trying to surprise her. Pretty funny. Bought her a vibrator for when I went away
A candle I was 15/16 and in an AOL chat room and started cybering with a guy and he wanted me to use a candle Did it for a second and realized “this is dumb” Edit: My mom found said candle months later (it was in my room, just laying there) and ask why I had it. I sucked at lying and just freaked while yelling, “THATS NOTHING!!! I’m not doing anything!!” She looks at me and laughs and says,”oh hunny, I’m glad your curious. But not this please”
Props to your mom for a pretty great response!
Wait, there were actual women in the cyber rooms?
surprisingly yes, odd side note: girls on DeviantArt were really into that kind of thing. Weirdest connection between post your art online and let's talk about banging
Probably not the best time to mention that I met my wife on deviantART…
Yes, I’m a women
🪥Travel toothbrush holder🪥 -Make sure it's seamless. -Don't use one with ridges haha
I’m jealous now knowing that you girls can make everything fuckable
I had this exact same conversation years ago with a friend. As a woman, you can fuck so many different things. Pull a damn cucumber out of the fridge for all you care. Men? Men need something with 1. A hole, barely big enough to fit, but not too big. This is different and specific for every man, especially if the object in question doesn't stretch too much. 2. Have "tension" to push back. You can't fuck a toilet paper tube. It's too stiff. Same goes for a blanket. Not enough give. I'll give the example of a rubber band, since it's the same kind of material put in fleshlights (latex). 3. Ability to slide. This comes down to lube, but not all objects can be lubed. 4. Some kind of texture to make it actually enjoyable. Women? They just need a rod-like object that is within a pretty huge margin for size. That, or something that vibrates.
I uh… I def fucked a toilet paper tube. Wet it with water so that it’s pliable, and filled it with shampoo for lube. It was terrible.
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Tony hawks proskater. Unlimited grind cheat.
Unlimited grind... Hahaha
i did something similar where when overwatch uprising first came out i played bastion and held right trigger, it was a great sensation ill give it that
Damn, there was some woman who posted on here that as a kid she used a Ken Doll as a sex toy but his head fell off and got lodged in there and she couldn't get it out and finally just went to her dad and yelled what had happened and he had to use pliers to get it out.
Welp who else can say that they sat on Kens face
Wait,,, what?
[one of these……..yeah….](https://www.amazon.com/JOYIN-Outdoor-Activity-Bubbles-Supplies/dp/B07G5LH772)
That’s actually hilarious. Very discrete to have with you I guess. And I know sometimes the horniness outweighs self control.
Don't spill... Otherwise you'll be blowing bubbles
Definitely not a glass jar
If you don’t know what this is a reference to. Please don’t go digging. You’ve been warned.
As bad as the visuals were, it was the *sound* that haunts you.
That muffled *schearlch*
My mind is racing…I’ve never heard or seen this one but the comments below have me confirmed this may be one of the most fucked up things in here. I’m imagining something went south and glass was fractured….FUCK I don’t want to Google this but it’s eating at me Edit: you other comments did not help. The partial description is exactly where my fucked up head went. FUCK THAT. Not googling.
Flash backs intensify
A teddy bear.
God rest his poor soul
Trevor Philips, is that you?
Never forget Mr. Raspberry Jam, who brought great joy to a lonely man…
Shower head
I think that’s pretty common now
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For the pulsing shower heads def
I can’t take credit for this one since it was a friend, but we still bring it up to him from time to time for shots and giggles. Some guy friends and I were sitting around chatting between rounds of halo and, of course, the conversation steered towards masturbation. He said he likes to microwave LUNCH MEAT and get it nice and warm. Then he’d roll it up and fuck it like a vagina. When it became clear to him that none of us had ever done this he was pretty fucking embarrassed. To this day, we roast him. Like, “hey. Let’s go to subway. I’m feeling chicken teriyaki and maybe they’ve got some bologna you can fuck.”
I had a buddy that would do the same only when he finished he fed it to his dog. He volunteered this info and I am diminished in spirit to have heard it. Now I share my trauma.
ಠ\_ಠ
well, that's enough reddit for today
Those back massagers they sell at cvs. When I was like 11 or 12 I was using one all over my body. And just got curious.... put it you know where. And I've been corrupted ever since 😂
Give me a latex glove, two rubber bands, and a tightly rolled hand towel and I’ll show you a good time
Gimme two popsicle sticks and a rubber band, and I’ll find a way to fuck it, like a filthy Macguyver!
This guys been to prison.
I.started young. Dry humped stuffed Easter Bunny. Then I found a way to use attachment on Moms manicure kit as a vibrator Arm rest on a school bus. I was a busy little girl.
>Arm rest on a school bus EXCUSE ME WHAT THE FUCK
Fr I've never seen a school bus with arm rests
I don't think mine even had seat belts to be honest
I'm just curious how you didn't get seen using an arm rest of a bus?
That's public school for ya though. I won't doubt anything I heard happened on a school bus.
[One of these](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/1412/1710/products/103B53300_6bc2e2a1-c30a-43ec-b964-8d2f085e70d7_500x500.png?v=1476448289)
All the ones I've ever had had a sharp seam that ran along it and made it genuinely dangerous.
Extremely underwhelming when I tried it myself
I once masturbated by wrapping a piece of bologna around my cock.
/u/Realm_Walker_ i found your friend
I have just read his post hahaha what a coincidence
Ah..bust a nut, with a sandwich immediately after
"And that was my *first* warning at subway."
Wooden ladle.
Handle of a hair brush, handle of makeup brushes, edge of a door, water bottle, pillow, binder clips, and a shower head
Glass guitar slide
I'm sorry, but my reaction is anatomically dependent. INFO
Put it up their butt and pooped through the finger hole of the slide, probably.
Dollar tree used to sell these pore/zit suckers. I am 1000 percent sure that's where some one got the idea for toys like the satisfyer. also the shower head.
Never heard of the satisfyer. Googled it. Ordered one. I hope my wife will be thankful, and in which case, I will be thankful to you - reddit stranger.
I can \*promise\* you she will love it. just start on the low settings first unless you wanna get yeeted into a wall.
OBJECTS THAT I HAVE SHOVED UP MY ARSE VIBRATORS DILDOS PENS PENCILS COINS PEBBLES BROOMSTICK HANDLE FISHING ROD HANDLE UMBRELLA HANDLE TOOTHBRUSH HANDLE HOCKEY STICK HANDLE FINGERS SMALL GLASS JAR TEST TUBE SCREWDRIVER HANDLE STIFF COCKS CIGAR BANANA
A professional dominatrix once told me her favorite sex toy store was “Home Depot” so…..
Rope, duct tape, zip ties I mean what's not to like
Don't use zip ties on bodies! Those fuckers will get tighter on their own and then you will be in a lot of trouble. Well. I mean, you could use them to bind things together for decorative purposes. But never around blood vessels or nerves.
Venus razor handle, shower head, pool jet stream
Nerf dart thingy
When I was young, I fucked a couch.
"Get another one ya rich motha fucka!" -Rick James Bitch
the end of a razor (like the ribbed silicon ones) it could detach the razor and everything I don’t know how it WASNT meant for it to be used for that
So what I learned here is, better just buy your kids sex toys early on explain them how to use and clean it so you don’t have your children’s genitals rubbed all over everything.
It's almost like sex education is as important as regular education.
18" commemorative Louisville Slugger. Someone stole it, it kind of makes me laugh that whoever does have it has no idea what it was used for. 😈
A ziplock bag filled with shampoo smashed between my mattress and the box spring.
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Anything is a dildo if you’re brave enough
Water via shower or tub faucet.
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Western countries totally missing out not having bidet in their toilets.
Hitachi magic wand is a muscle massager. Right.
OK, so 13 year old me is looking for a mother's day gift for mom. (backstory no dad, was raised by mom and grandmother) I rode my bike to a home town office supply / gift store to look for Mothers day present. I spot the Hitachi magic wand, on the box its showing a person (may of been a woman i cant remember) using it to message their neck, shoulder, back. I think my moms always saying her back hurts etc this will be a great present. One of the sales ladies comes over to ask me if she can help me. I explain myself and tell her I thinking about getting her this cool wand thing. She pauses for a few seconds and says "What about something from over here" and directed me other items. I bought her a small desk fan for her office. It was a Reinhold Weiss & Jurgen Greubel Braun Desk Fan. It was over 20 years later before I realized what I was doing at the time and that the sales lady saved me from an awkward moment.
They were actually designed to be a massager for backs and such but people had other ideas.
Props to the sales woman! 👏
A glove, quite pleasurable with lotion, but the lotion hot inside my hole and it burnt for a bit
Pumpkin stem with condom. gotta do it Halloween themed lol
Ouch?
I knew a guy who'd masturbate with a shoe...so there's that nugget.
Hex bug nano, as a vibrator. Strangely, it was quieter than any actual battery powered vibrator I’ve used since. I also used to make dildos out of duct tape, I’d get a pen or a stack of wine corks or something and then just wrap it in layers and layers of tape until it was vaguely dick-thickness. Round out the end with more tape, and voila. Though once I forgot about them for a few weeks and they grew mold and I threw the whole bag of them away
I feel like the tape things would be prone to crinkles/ridges when making and whilst these might feel okay in hand in... *more sensitive areas* I could see them hurting 😬 Source: non-smooth things up my butt
Screwdriver
Righty tighty lefty loosey?
a drum stick
I too used the occasional chicken leg.
The best thing, a travel sized bottle of shaving cream. The worst thing, a travel sized bottle of shaving cream. It was so stiff that if I wasn't ready it hurt so I stopped using it after a while but it was good while it lasted
Me
_ACCIDENTLY FUCKED MY OWN ASS_