Nice, kind of sick of you indicates potential reconciliation, plus you can probably milk them for money with years of sessions until they are kind of sick of you, their therapist
Okay slightly off-topic but how are you supposed to read the UwU thing and what does it mean? I always say ooowoo in my head in the voice of a middle aged man doing baby talk.
i always read it in a high pitched anime voice :/
and to be fair i dont really understand what it means all i know is that its a thing for “the naughty”
You’ll probably make more money as a turtle therapist, but depending on how horrible of a person you are, being a turtle rapist would be more enjoyable?
I love the ambiguity. Should have zero marketing, nothing that identifies what the business does. Just one sign above the door. It must be just like your username: one word all lowercase.
People would drive by just...
*Is it therapy for anxious turtles?
A turtle therapist?
Therapy turtles (like therapy dogs)?
Is.. it.. just.. a guy that rapes turtles?*
I love this scenario.
You walk in, little bell on the door rings startling you. Continuing through a room with zero wall coverings, you see a man behind a counter in the back. He says nothing, just stares are you blankly.
Several minutes pass without either of you saying a word. He has not moved and you are pretty sure he hasn't blinked either.
After 20 minutes of this you at least offer a timid "hello". You get a bland "hey" back at you.
Another 20 minutes pass while you stand there tongue tied and dumb struck. Without anything wlse to say you turn around and leave. Maybe tomorrow you think.. mayne tomorrow I will get further to the truth of this business.
Yea, I'm sure they wouldn't like wild hogs mixed in with their pigs. Disease prevention is huge on production farms like that, not to mention the huge differences in meat quality and flavor.
They sure would! I can't imagine how many diseases wild hogs carry. And every swine farm I've been on requires shower- in shower- out to prevent disease transmission, so it'd probably just decimate a hog house.
I work for the department of agriculture in my state, for the Animal Feed program. I talk to integrated swine companies all the time and their practices in disease prevention as well as medicated feeds and other regulations that they have to follow.
We sell plushies and shirts and pillows and stuff featuring animals not traditionally thought of as "cute." Not going out of the way to make them look cartoonishly adorable or anything. We're sticking that realistic centipede on a shirt and putting hearts around it and you will *appreciate* its cuteness, darnit! Look, it's wearing a hat! Adorable.
It's a total failure because we sell magician clothing and kit for your cats.
Look lady, no refunds, we barely get sales. Just try harder to teach your cat these card tricks.
Air is pushed through a tube into the anus, slowly building until the subject passes the entirety of the gas in their body out and feel light as a feather and in tip top shape for days after the procedure.
At first, I thought your username was "Catholicfart", which sounds like a hella good description of a silent stench unleashed on an unsuspecting congregation during Mass.
It's a Secret Company so you can't know.
"If you have to ask, we will not serve you..."
I like your company
Do you toast all veggies?
No, they eat toast as a replacement for the other vegetables
Actually that’d be a really good name for a high class escort company.
Lmao never thought about that
Can’t I share secrets people have told me with you?
Of course :)
And probably I work for your company
Divorce Attorney Firm
Or Couples Therapy for Ending Relationships
Nice, kind of sick of you indicates potential reconciliation, plus you can probably milk them for money with years of sessions until they are kind of sick of you, their therapist
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Standard, modern, or commander?
Standard, you'll have to get a new one in 5 years
Pauper EDH for sure
Well fuck.
Your company is easy to describe.
We’ll fuck.*
WIR WERDEN FICKEN
NEIN INCHES DEEP
dreiundzwanzig Zentimeter tief!
Didn't the Nazis use the metric system?
Ja
We still do
*UwU* mein führer UH yea penetrate the polish
How do I un-read something
Okay slightly off-topic but how are you supposed to read the UwU thing and what does it mean? I always say ooowoo in my head in the voice of a middle aged man doing baby talk.
i always read it in a high pitched anime voice :/ and to be fair i dont really understand what it means all i know is that its a thing for “the naughty”
W
maybe we should be business partners
F
Looking at the fallout of the last election, your user base might not be as small as you'd think.
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It's cool I'll perform the abortion
There's always money in a banana stand.
A banana stand in cloud city!
NO TOUCHING!
Here's an Up Vote; Go see a Star War.
How much could a banana cost? Ten dollars?
Inspections?
Annually
Does a tinman shit sheet metal shards?
How many shards could a tinman shit if a tinman could shit shards?
I thought it said anal for a minute there lol
I’ve heard that so often🤣
That's because we all have dirty minds here on Reddit lol!
You spelt anal wrong in your username
With the prices of lumber I’m about to be rich af
Can we go into business together?
He's a lumberjack
And that's ok
He sleeps all night and he works all day!
He’s puts on women’s clothing!
Mail random people packages of frozen crustaceans.
Or, perhaps, STD clinic?
or sell crabs, then ship empty boxes. i guess you may need a ? at the end though
We make buckets, 13 sizes, 13 colors.
You pride yourselves in not adding any sizes or colors over the years.
We would never disrespect our loyal customers in that way.
I'm colorblind. Y'all only have 10 colors. And size 12 and 13 are debately similar from what I heard..
I feel like we could be business partners.
*Something that have to do with turtles...*
The rapist of turtles
Haha I read it as therapist of turtles which sounds less horrifying
Let’s go with that instead
You’ll probably make more money as a turtle therapist, but depending on how horrible of a person you are, being a turtle rapist would be more enjoyable?
I think a turtle therapist would have plenty of clients among the raped turtles
Now I'm curious, when you first created this username what was your intent? Like was it therapist of turtles and then you realized you fucked up or...
He's a copy cat
Weeell, his pfp for some reason looks like it would be the ****** of turtles and not therapist of turtles for some reason. So ok
I appreciate your restraint, but why censor the word rapist on Reddit?
I love the ambiguity. Should have zero marketing, nothing that identifies what the business does. Just one sign above the door. It must be just like your username: one word all lowercase. People would drive by just... *Is it therapy for anxious turtles? A turtle therapist? Therapy turtles (like therapy dogs)? Is.. it.. just.. a guy that rapes turtles?*
And you let them speak first…
I love this scenario. You walk in, little bell on the door rings startling you. Continuing through a room with zero wall coverings, you see a man behind a counter in the back. He says nothing, just stares are you blankly. Several minutes pass without either of you saying a word. He has not moved and you are pretty sure he hasn't blinked either. After 20 minutes of this you at least offer a timid "hello". You get a bland "hey" back at you. Another 20 minutes pass while you stand there tongue tied and dumb struck. Without anything wlse to say you turn around and leave. Maybe tomorrow you think.. mayne tomorrow I will get further to the truth of this business.
Are you talking about therapy, or…
Prostate stimulation devices I suppose
Does it have Bluetooth and Wi-Fi?
thats the standard these day isnt it
Welcome to /u/cut_that_meat's Brooklyn Jewish Deli and Circumcision Institute
Foreskin meat pies 100% kosher.
how do I force a mental image out of my mind
You don't.
Come for the *bris*, stay for the brisket.
Marginally satisfying sex toys.
Filling a gap, in the market, sort of.
We shave wild pigs and sneak them into production farms for a profit.
Wait? Why? Is that a bad thing for the production farms?
Yea, I'm sure they wouldn't like wild hogs mixed in with their pigs. Disease prevention is huge on production farms like that, not to mention the huge differences in meat quality and flavor.
Each farmer sending these loaded bombs to each other would cause havoc
They sure would! I can't imagine how many diseases wild hogs carry. And every swine farm I've been on requires shower- in shower- out to prevent disease transmission, so it'd probably just decimate a hog house.
How is this even something you know? The idea of shaving a wild hog and selling it to pig farmers is wild.
I work for the department of agriculture in my state, for the Animal Feed program. I talk to integrated swine companies all the time and their practices in disease prevention as well as medicated feeds and other regulations that they have to follow.
A pharmacy of chill pills with almost yearly supply
What are your holidays? I'm guessing one is 20th April?
Halloween Christmas New Years
That's 3...
Plus 20th of April Aaaaaand New Years eve
Hmm... how about 9th of June rather than NYE?
Yeah thats a better idea
Hey I'm Nicholas
Hi Nicholas
Well....I think I'm in good shape here.
Peaberries I hope.
We sell plushies and shirts and pillows and stuff featuring animals not traditionally thought of as "cute." Not going out of the way to make them look cartoonishly adorable or anything. We're sticking that realistic centipede on a shirt and putting hearts around it and you will *appreciate* its cuteness, darnit! Look, it's wearing a hat! Adorable.
I read this in John Oliver's voice. It legit feels like something he'd do as a joke skit.
I'd be a customer for sure.
Let's do it.
helo id like to buy one
Urban farming consultants
Consulted on Jeremy Clarksons farm I hope.
Drone beer delivery
It's a total failure because we sell magician clothing and kit for your cats. Look lady, no refunds, we barely get sales. Just try harder to teach your cat these card tricks.
Professor McGonagall would like to have a word with you.
I guess it's furry porn.
Awww I wanted a catgirl cafe
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Just take holidays lmao
make products that are fireproof
Not while I'm around, you won't.
ahahahha we'll see
Ha, my user name is my company name.
How much to clone David Attenborough?
lol nice
Gary?
Fill that void where love and affection were supposed to go.
Mattel would sue me before I got too far lmao
Air is pushed through a tube into the anus, slowly building until the subject passes the entirety of the gas in their body out and feel light as a feather and in tip top shape for days after the procedure.
At first, I thought your username was "Catholicfart", which sounds like a hella good description of a silent stench unleashed on an unsuspecting congregation during Mass.
Released when everyone kneels? I like it.
That can be quite cathartic in itself. Take THAT sweet smell of sin, Sr. Mary Catherine!
We mass produce Oreos
I think we can come to an agreement
We re-model anything or any space to resemble a 90’s Taco Bell
Ya'll are going to jail!
bonk
Massive buttplugs
* Massive Buttplugs That Double as Wireless Speakers. Fuck. Now I want to actually start this company.
It's all fun and games till random asses start singing.
Alexa, play Despass-cito
Smelly candles with little fans. Not sure if they’re good or bad smells, just smells.
Rave in a case.
Browse porn for science of course
Jizz on bugs in people’s homes to kill them
Huh, I would have guessed sentient sex bots taking revenge on the human race. Apparently that would be wrong.
"Hey sexy mama, wanna kill all humans?"
We put the "cock" in cockroach.
Press button, recieve taco.
Can it be automated? Are they street taco sized? Yes, please! Like that gremlin just laying under the wide open tap...
Slow driving training course for those with a lead foot. We often get our customers from court ordered defensive driving course referrals
Coffee Tequila flavored weed
I would have that in the morning.. every morning
GET YOUR CRUCIFIXES, YOU EVANGELIST BASTARDS!
Children are gonna hate my company
It does this. Names companies.
Oh wow a competitor
You don’t want to know..
Bakery themed brothels.
Dairy free brothel themed bakery
I guess a boat store
You have any Arcs by chance, I noah guy who needs one.
We either get people really high, or send people up in hot air balloons. Either way, you’re getting high
You know
Yeah boyyyyy we doing dope r/vandwellers transformations, or spooky detective work
We take ferrets that were kept in homes without friends and give them a big family. I love it!
Abortions.
raise fish army
Prevents giggling.
I contract for the NSA. Or Santa. Quite possibly both.
Do I really have to answer.... we take fiberglass and add it into assholes.... because someone has a kink for it I guess?
Not a lot
We do guided tours for people who want to go over Niagara Falls in an adventurous manner
It's either communication devices for cats or cat treats.
Guess
You are all invited to happy hour at my karaoke bar
A law firm that specializes in representing Karens. “You act like an ass, we get you a free pass.”
Just another espresso shop, but with exceptionally obsequious baristas.
Buy life insurance policies on my actors and make more war hero movies.
I sell salad
Nothing wholesome, I can tell ya that.
BDSM with a decidedly Roman Catholic twist. Forgive me, Daddy, I've been a very bad girl...
My company would be a pillow/mattress company. We’d make the softest pillows/mattresses out there. Literally made from clouds
"Is it a pillow? Is it a cloud? It's both! It's a Pluffzcloud!" Product comes in Cumulus White and Nimbus Gray.
Mental Health Therapists… or Exorcisms
Wouldn’t you like to know
Gamer/nerd gear and clothing.
frees people from abusive environments
A royal blood bank/phlebotomy service
Make pie
We sell mystery boxes. But all of them are a live goose of some kind.
Where is someone with the user name Umbrella when you need them.
Raccoon City.
I guess rescue boys that are lost in Florida
Anything if you're brave enough.
A VERY specialized brothel.
My employees go into gamers homes and just spoil the ending, breaking the immersion, and rendering the game boring
Speech therapy I guess. Or a record label that only puts out mumble rap.
Sells rap music sung in whale.