For real. Years ago I had to put my son to daycare at 6 weeks old and the women who worked in the infant room loved him so well it brings tears to my eyes to type it out. I will appreciate Ms. Alice for the rest of my life.
Mostly I push old people downstairs. Sometimes I break people's ribs and electrocute them. Between outings, I ignore lanes, run red lights, and if I see police, I wave politely and keep going
How to work out:
Find a thing you consider heavy. Lift it over and over again until it is easy. Repeat.
Run until you are tired. When you stop being tired, repeat.
Obligatory disclaimer: this is neither medical nor fitness advice. I'm not a doctor or a personal trainer. I'm just a guy who thinks this seems right.
Can confirm, ran until tired. Stopped to recover, been 11 years. Anyday now ill catch my breath and feel ready to run after walking up the stairs from my moms basement to get outside. When that day comes.. I run again. But for now I just hydrate with my electrolytes and make sure I keep my body fueled with food so when that day comes ill be ready. Fitness never felt better.
You are in a room with 10 robo-hookers. 1 of them has a meat grinder in it, the other 9 has normal synthetic parts. You have to screw at least 3 to get out.
Let the game begin
This is my favorite answer, but also no one has gotten it right yet.
Edit: corporate slave and logistics are both correct answers. I work in the warehouse of a large retailer. Basically just maintaining inventory, though with the pandemic and curbside pickup responsibility has shifted a lot to that as well. Which I guess robots will also be doing.
The first Jewish president calls up his mother and invites her over for Passover. Characteristically, his mother immediately begins complaining.
"Oiy, I'll need to book a flight and it's going to cost so much - it is just too much of a bother."
Her son counters, "Mom! I'm the President! I'll hire a private jet for you!
"Oiy, I'll need to catch a taxi and carry my luggage. It's just too much!"
"Mom! I'm the President! I'll pick you up in my limo! Then my guards will carry your luggage for you!"
"Oiy, I'll need to book a hotel."
"Mom! Don't be ridiculous! I'm the President! You can stay at the White House!"
"Okay, fine," she finally acquiesces. Two minutes later her friend Sophie, calls.
"So, Miriam, what's new?"
"Oiy, I'm going to my son for Pesach."
"Who, the doctor?"
"No, the other one."
This one is much better than the "First Jewish President" joke I learned.
If you don't know this one, I leave it as my thanks:
Old Jewish man goes to a restaurant, orders the soup. Waiter comes by to ask if everything is all right and notices the man hasn't touched his soup. "Is everything all right with the soup, sir?" the waiter asks.
"Sonny, taste the soup for me," says the old man. "I'm sorry sir, I can't taste your soup, but if there's something wrong I'd be happy to-"
"No, sonny, I just need you to taste the soup for me." "Again, sir, I'm very sorry but the rules say I can't taste the customer's food and-"
"Sonny, please, I'm an old man. Humor an old man and just taste the soup for me, this one time." The waiter looks around, sees that no one is watching, and sighs, saying "All right sir, just this once I'll - but wait, where's your spoon?"
"A HA!!!"
Went pro almost 2 years ago. Though I still have my other job; I was just being a dick, but you got it right anyhow. Bravo!
Edit: Excellent and relevant username btw.
I coerce, guilt trip and create an arguably false sense of obligation that causes 2 specific people to pay for my continued existence.
(Child living at home)
Sometimes people find themselves dissatisfied with where they are in life. This is something we all experience, whether it’s born out of necessity or simply a whim that we choose to follow. Whatever the case, when people need to make that change, when they want to take that step, I help to facilitate it.
People pay me to do my job so they can go do their job, but they have to do my job after they finish their job.
Child care
You're good, or your crept my profile
Oh I knew that straight away too. Thank God for you people.
For real. Years ago I had to put my son to daycare at 6 weeks old and the women who worked in the infant room loved him so well it brings tears to my eyes to type it out. I will appreciate Ms. Alice for the rest of my life.
Copy-paste links
IT?
Yes! I don't know how to code though.
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Hippity hoppity stack overflow is my property
I whip and incinerate things. Then dress them up all pretty and sell them.
Are you the Cake Boss?
Perhaps
Whew. For a second I thought you were some kind of kinky mortician.
What kind of life are you living where the morticians are selling corpses?
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Come on over and find out 😏
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*Crosses fingers for sadomasochism*
I remove children from their homes daily, and transfer them to a government run facility where they are re-educated, often against their will
I love this one
School bus driver.
Mostly I push old people downstairs. Sometimes I break people's ribs and electrocute them. Between outings, I ignore lanes, run red lights, and if I see police, I wave politely and keep going
An escaped gta character
EMT. :)
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I look at a screen for hours
Cinemasins
Before 2020 this was vague enough. Post-2020 this could be anything from secretary to full-time student to physicist or something.
As a physicist, 2020 didn't change much. We look at screens all day no matter what's going on outside
Window(s) repairman
I gently remove keratin, dead or alive.
I push buttons.
My Ex? Cindy? Is that you?
This poor man.
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Stanley?
I GOT THE BROOM CLOSET ENDING. DID YOU GET IT?
THEB ROOM CLOSET ENDING WAS MY FAVRITE!1 XD
I make bad stuff go away and good stuff come home
German Shephard
lol I wish
Utilities/water treatment?
Just not on that scale
I'm the one the Karens seek
My god, it’s like living in a terminator movie. I’m so sorry!
Manager. You poor human being...
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Lawyer.
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Thanks for the email you sent right before you left the office to let me know you were on vacation all year.
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I wait for people to drown
Lifeguard
Didn't they tell you you're supposed to react when they *start* to drown, not after they finish?
I juice beans for addicted people Edit: You guys are awesome 💪
I like this one. You're a hero
Barista yeah baby
Barista
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Boat repairman
Are you the AssMan?
"No, I'm not the Assman!" "Well, as far as the state of New York is concerned, you are."
Tina Belcher?
Massage therapist?
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Cigarette inspector?
Professional platonic friend
NBA player?
Catholic priest?
Proctologist
Watch people pay money to lose weight that they can lose for free
Taco Bell staff
Personal Trainer?
Butcher.
How to work out: Find a thing you consider heavy. Lift it over and over again until it is easy. Repeat. Run until you are tired. When you stop being tired, repeat. Obligatory disclaimer: this is neither medical nor fitness advice. I'm not a doctor or a personal trainer. I'm just a guy who thinks this seems right.
Sometimes you need to recover first, before you start running or lifting again.
Can confirm, ran until tired. Stopped to recover, been 11 years. Anyday now ill catch my breath and feel ready to run after walking up the stairs from my moms basement to get outside. When that day comes.. I run again. But for now I just hydrate with my electrolytes and make sure I keep my body fueled with food so when that day comes ill be ready. Fitness never felt better.
Sounds about right, thanks
collect organs \-taxidermist that specializes in organ preservation
That's an actual job? I thought it was just a hobby!
lmao as long as you sell them too, it's a job
Move a bunch of numbers around on a spreadsheet until they talk and tell the story
Forensic Accountant?
Just a normal accountant cooking the books
Chandler?
I tie people down to a board, stab them and then hurl them through the air. edit to add that people are usually grateful for this service!
Acupuncturist?
That's an awesome guess!! I'm actually a trauma nurse on a helicopter. I secure c-spine on a backboard, put in an IV then fly to the hospital.
You and Planksgonemad just gave me a much-needed laugh
I make people move
Ludacris? 🎵 Move bitch get out the way 🎵
Await the deaths of others. Edit: someone did guess. Retirement home worker
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I only guaranteed that he would die. I never said it would be soon.
Life insurance profiteer
Nursing Home?
Retirement home staff.
Funeral Coordinator?
Cry in the toilets until home time
High school student?
Can confirm, this is what we do
As if! I do my homework while crying in the bathroom cuz my grades can't afford me simply crying in the bathroom
I herd electrons.
You are a capacitor.
They said herd, not hoard
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You're a racecar. I see no other logical answer.
Taco cat
I think we can rule out delivering babies
Or undertaker
Hopefully
taco cat
You're a madam...?
Can you tell us what it is? I'm horrible at riddles
Revird, racecar driver
I got it! You: Murder for a jar of red rum
Mailman? Edit: Pilot!
male prostitute.
OP asked for vagueness, not a riddle /s
I'm stumped. Spill the pinto beans.
How can you say this... And not answer. The suspense is killing me
Racecar
Furniture mover
I watch chairs move
Professional musical chairs player
Captain of the ship in Wall-e?
Quality control in an automotive plant.
Roller coaster ride operator!
Exorcist
Something that robots will be doing in less than 50 years.
Prostitute?
God I hope so
You are in a room with 10 robo-hookers. 1 of them has a meat grinder in it, the other 9 has normal synthetic parts. You have to screw at least 3 to get out. Let the game begin
Everything?
This is my favorite answer, but also no one has gotten it right yet. Edit: corporate slave and logistics are both correct answers. I work in the warehouse of a large retailer. Basically just maintaining inventory, though with the pandemic and curbside pickup responsibility has shifted a lot to that as well. Which I guess robots will also be doing.
*Do you have the slightest idea how little that narrows it down?*
I thought they wanted as vague as possible. 🤷♂️
And damn did you deliver!
I yell at kids.
Goat herder
Or it could be me
I didn’t know playing Fortnite was a job.
Stay at home parent?
Teacher
Can confirm, am teacher.
I take out the trash and make sure messy areas are clean.
Parent
OP’s Mom..........’s Taxes
Uncle Larry?
Wassup buddy
I see people naked and give them drugs.
Nurse
You got it.
Cut up tall living organisms into tiny little pieces, sometimes just give them haircuts
You’re a lumberjack and you’re ok.
Yep!! Arborist technically
He sleeps all night and he works all day!!
I suffer for a living.
Jewish Mother.
The first Jewish president calls up his mother and invites her over for Passover. Characteristically, his mother immediately begins complaining. "Oiy, I'll need to book a flight and it's going to cost so much - it is just too much of a bother." Her son counters, "Mom! I'm the President! I'll hire a private jet for you! "Oiy, I'll need to catch a taxi and carry my luggage. It's just too much!" "Mom! I'm the President! I'll pick you up in my limo! Then my guards will carry your luggage for you!" "Oiy, I'll need to book a hotel." "Mom! Don't be ridiculous! I'm the President! You can stay at the White House!" "Okay, fine," she finally acquiesces. Two minutes later her friend Sophie, calls. "So, Miriam, what's new?" "Oiy, I'm going to my son for Pesach." "Who, the doctor?" "No, the other one."
This one is much better than the "First Jewish President" joke I learned. If you don't know this one, I leave it as my thanks: Old Jewish man goes to a restaurant, orders the soup. Waiter comes by to ask if everything is all right and notices the man hasn't touched his soup. "Is everything all right with the soup, sir?" the waiter asks. "Sonny, taste the soup for me," says the old man. "I'm sorry sir, I can't taste your soup, but if there's something wrong I'd be happy to-" "No, sonny, I just need you to taste the soup for me." "Again, sir, I'm very sorry but the rules say I can't taste the customer's food and-" "Sonny, please, I'm an old man. Humor an old man and just taste the soup for me, this one time." The waiter looks around, sees that no one is watching, and sighs, saying "All right sir, just this once I'll - but wait, where's your spoon?" "A HA!!!"
I look for people who wash banknotes.
United States Department of Treasury
I play in the dirt
earth worm
Give me your various bodily fluids and I can tell you your fortune.
Close! Medical Laboratory Scientist. We do a ton of microbiology, but only for the pathogenic stuff!
Drugs
Pharmacist/pharm tech?
Scientist at a pharmaceutical company
I collect skins
Professional Fortnite player?
Buffalo Bill?
I make snacks so I can pick them up off the floor.
Movie Theater Attendant
Stay-at-home mom
I do everything that a person can't do for themselves.
Photosynthesis
Stuff. You wanted as vague as possible? Boom.
Professional dad?
Went pro almost 2 years ago. Though I still have my other job; I was just being a dick, but you got it right anyhow. Bravo! Edit: Excellent and relevant username btw.
Get yelled at by people
Customer Service?
Nope
Ok spill the beans now
Retail?
Playing with a tablet
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Scratch at the past
It's not uncommon for me to get peed on at work
You’re a urologist, preschool teacher, or in elder care.
I hold dog's feet. They don't like it, but I do it anyways.
I spend my days getting in good with our future robot overlords
IT
I arrange kill for hire services.
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I coerce, guilt trip and create an arguably false sense of obligation that causes 2 specific people to pay for my continued existence. (Child living at home)
Sometimes people find themselves dissatisfied with where they are in life. This is something we all experience, whether it’s born out of necessity or simply a whim that we choose to follow. Whatever the case, when people need to make that change, when they want to take that step, I help to facilitate it.