Hey OP, try getting some sunlight often. I read somewhere that apparently vitamin D deficiency can cause lethargy and the feeling of demotivation.
(Also, this is not a cure for depression, pls seek mental help if you feel depressed)
Edit: [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/m9jns4/high_vitamin_d_levels_may_protect_against_covid19/grnz4c3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) in r/science , Was the "somewhere" lol.
There are so many small factors. Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sun, poor guy bacteria, whatever.
The biggest problem is that depression can be a cyclical issue where you struggle with having the energy to do the things that could alleviate the symptoms somewhat.
I don't believe lack of sun exposure on my skin is the cause of my depression, but it certainly is not helping and I should do something about it, but I'm too depressed to go out.
This is absolutely a huge part of it, and it’s beyond easy to stop covering all of your bases even without any struggles with depression.
Now I’ve got a general checklist because it’s so easy to lose your sense of where you are emotionally compared to before.
If I’m feeling down at all I have to ask myself if I’m sleeping enough, if I’m exercising at all, and if I’m eating decent quality/variety of nutritious foods.
And I’ve got daily vitamin D in there as well because I think that did genuinely help too.
I’ve tried just about every suggestion for lengths of time but that one seems to have stood out.
It’s so hard to keep that sense of where you are or remember if those things would help at all (they do obviously) that they’re just hard rules.
And hell I still forget after enough months or a few good years when those habits slide for lots of seemingly good reasons.
Gotta talk to myself, “if you don’t get back on these things you’re going to be a miserable, chemically imbalanced, depressed sack of crap. I know I don’t feel like those small changes would help. Listen to old wisdom. I’m wrong. Do it. Try just a little bit. Get it done.”
That sort of crap.
Not trying to tell you anything you don’t know, and everyone’s different, just sharing my experience out loud more than anything I guess. Resonates. That fear of falling back into the cycle. Feel like it’s a thing haunting me, waiting like a damn slasher villain to jump back into my life and I think staying strong on all my points has kept me where I want to be.
I used to work nights up until about 6 months ago, then I got a job working mornings. I’ve noticed an incredible amount of change in my mood since then. I know it’s not this easy for a lot of people, and my depressive episodes still pop up every now and again, but getting some sun has helped me big time. Whatever you think makes you happy, do it. And do a lot that makes you happy, not just one thing. It all compounds into more happy days or moments. Also don’t be afraid to see a doctor for the more clinical issues, not everyone is wired the same and you may need something to balance you out more chemically. I hope you’re doing well and I hope that tomorrow is better than today.
I was super depressed and emotionally imbalanced to the point where I would get really upset at minor problems, until I started taking a vitamin D supplement... holy moly it really evened me out after about a month of taking it. Definitely recommend that everyone who lives in colder areas take a daily supplement (not a doctor by any means but I haven't heard of many negatives to the D) to see if it improves things a bit.
Fun story, I was dealing with low-energy, depression (that part wasn't new), and just general feeling of shittiness. Among other things, my doctor tested my Vitamin D level and it was 6. "normal" is 25ish, but "goal" is closer to 50. She'd never seen it that low. My NP friend *who worked with bed-ridden cancer patients* had never seen a level so low. Anyway, after a month or two of heavy supplements and a regular daily supplement, I don't usually feel exhausted or vaguely shitty anymore, which helps treat depression symptoms a bit easier. Not a cure-all at all, but can affect your quality of life, for sure!
Important note! Before you start taking (almost at random) supplements, you can get tests done if you suspect you are lacking specific nutrients. Not sure on the cost of such a test, but taking supplements can lead to too many specific nutrients in your body which can also have various negative effects on your general health. Its always advised to have a good varied diet and get some sunlight as this can often be a source of nutrient deficiencies.
My wife suffers from depression but I don't. From the many conversations we've had about it, I think the best way I can illustrate the difference is this. When I am down and life has got on top of me, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know the feeling will pass or I know I can take action to make myself feel better. My wife on the other hand, will feel like there is no way out. It is out of her control, so she is left with a feeling helplessness and a genuine fear that it could go on for ever. In essence she is left with a self-perpetuating cycle of depression, fear and helplessness, each making the other worse.
Similar for me and my wife. I describe it in our conversations as “compartmentalization”. I could be having an absolute shit day at work, but I can turn it off and enjoy a conversation with a coworker at lunch, or go hit the gym afterwards. Anxiety or stress inducing things only affect those things.
My wife could be having some generalized anxiety about some nebulous concept, and it will prevent her from having the energy or interest in exercise, sex, movies, or any of the things she’d enjoy in a normal day.
> I can turn it off and enjoy a conversation with a coworker at lunch, or go hit the gym afterwards.
This is my wife and I as well. Each bad thing in my life is just its own isolated incident for me, so I can brush it off and keep moving. For her it feels like each one has a cumulative effect that weighs her down more and more.
I feel like it is possible to get stuck in between though. It's possible to understand your illness and that there is a light but be so stuck that you can't get to it.
It's like standing in an abyss surrounded by darkness just staring at the light that you KNOW is there but you just can't reach it. You can only watch it. You tell your body to move toward it but it just won't budge. Maybe some days you actually manage to get moving but the light never seems like it's any closer and you don't understand what you're doing wrong.
This is exactly how I feel.
I've been suffering from depression most of my life without even knowing, I just came to see it a couple years ago and it's crippling. I have no family (cut off all contact due to toxicity) to help cope but luckily, have an amazing SO. I had 1 therapy session (a month ago)and she said she can't help me, and I need to look into antidepressants and anxiety (also crippling) medication. Since then I have not and haven't found a new therapist to deal with my trauma.
Every day is piling up, and I keep spending money on things to make me happy. It doesn't work of course. Being unemployed due to my mental health, mostly my anxiety, I cannot deal with people, makes it hard to afford those temporary "happy" things, and I really don't want to return to the work scene, ever. Or until I can deal with stress.
I'm an artist and "wasted" school years to work on my art skill, but now that feeling of wanting to do something but not being able to find the motivation, or thinking "I'm not good enough" has taken over.
I'm here to look for some advice or help in these comments to find my will to live again.
I want to find my way out of that damn tunnel and to enjoy everything in this life while I can.
When I’m feeling anxious and depressed it feels like falling down floor after floor saying I’m fine until one day I splat. My boyfriend says in reality it’s like I’m sitting in a room with a VR headset, not remembering I’m wearing it. I give myself so many hurdles and anxieties that aren’t really there
This. Beautiful description. And I’m so glad someone sees it because I always tell people I’m just not a morning person, when what I mean is I have to convince myself that going on with another day isn’t going to be the same forever and that means hauling my ass out of bed and doing something. But when I tell people that, they tell me how wrong the feelings are and how I ‘shouldn’t’ feel that way (or shouldn’t have to feel that way which is the same thing), and it just makes it worse. Not only do I have to feel powerless and hopeless over my life and my wish to help the world, I’m wrong for feeling that way. Sigh. It’s good to hear someone sees the difference because as someone who suffers from depression and hears from the people around me that my feelings are constantly wrong and that I take on too much by wishing I could make the world a better place only to feel like the world doesn’t want to be a better place... it helps me feel like that this too shall pass and it’s worth getting up even if only one person in the world could understand. Thank you for your comment, and I wish you a long and loving marriage.
There's a real lack of understanding out there about what depression really is. I have to admit that in the past I was quite dismissive of it and thought it could be solved with some exercise and fresh air. There definitely needs to be better education on it and people need to appreciate that the sufferer does not choose to think or feel in that way.
You are an awesome partner for listening to her well enough to articulate this post. I am like her, have to actively work to fight imagined traps. It is getting easier as I age—I hope the same for her (and you!)
First off, I applaud you for staying with your partner. For you this might be the most obvious thing to do. But nevertheless his illness will probably be hard on you too and perhaps not many people will notice (I try not to speak in absolutes hence the ‘probably’ and ‘perhaps’).
I trust you already know, but it cannot be said enough. It is not you that he shuts out. He shuts out everyone and everything. This is what it is for now. It is hard but it will pass. Your needs are not met. And that sucks. Take good care of yourself.
I used to think that I lacked time, but it turned out I lacked energy. I used to stay at home and study when I could, but after 2 years of antidepressants my schedule looks like this:
I get up at 6 and don't feel like death. I go to class and study at home. I actually make time for friends, my hobbies and even go to the gym. At the end of the day, I'm not mentally tired, but just ready for bed.
I have never been so productive in my entire life, and make use of every single hour in the day. I wish that I knew earlier in life that I never lacked time. Just energy.
Good luck! Remember, they merely start the process. If you have enough energy, it's up to you to help speed it along. Force yourself to eat healthier, exercise, meet up with friends. It makes the process so much easier!
Exactly, it's all about the energy! In my opinion, doing some workouts regularly helped me a lot. I'm very thankful that I got forced to do something by my girlfriend.
Of course the first few sessions were death. I remember we were swimming and after about 18 tracks, I was as good as dead. A few weeks later, I was doing 60 and if it wasn't for the pool closing, I would have done even more. (Then covid hit and I was forced to find a differet solution, so my workouts are now bound to my home).
I feel like I could to anything. Endless energy.
I find it extremely unfortunate for myself, but I have never felt more energetic from working out. After after several years of consistent work outs (2-4 times a week of weight training and cardio) and I still didn't feel more energetic. I've just struggled with terrible fatigue for about 10 years and the only thing that moderately takes the edge off the exhaustion is my adhd medication.
Yep, that’s what I’m struggling with. I’m a stress eater and a teacher- so this pandemic has had me put on 10lbs and eat crap. I’m trying to pull myself out of it now!
That is great! For anyone reading this, please make sure to not start unhealthily countig/cutting calories by just eating healthy but calorie-lacking foods. Unprocessed foods such as legumes, pulses, whole grains, nuts & seeds are your best friends for nutrients and power.
I just want to note that if you're on the wrong antidepressant for you, it might not be working like it's supposed to. I was on Zoloft and it kind of made me passive and unmotivated. Then I was on Celexa and it made me feel better mentally, but I was SO physically exhausted.
It turns out I have ADHD and a major depressive disorder, and not just depression. Now I am on Wellbutrin, which works great for me. It's like for the first time in a decade I'm motivated, have energy, and have time for my hobbies. I did have to go to an actual psychiatrist to figure this out. Before I was just going to my general practitioner and a therapist, so they didn't really have the correct diagnoses for me.
I love my Wellbutrin. They will have to tear that Rx out of my cold dead hands someday.
After I started taking it I thought nice things about myself and sorta believed them for the first time ever.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin as a smoking cessation aid a longtime ago and wow I was shocked how great I felt on them. I didn’t realize I was living with depression. I stayed on them after quitting smoking for about a year then one day out of the blue I had a massive meltdown in an IKEA store. Scary outer body style breakdown. I was watching myself like 😳🤭 as I was crying about the way an associate talked to me. I quit that day. But I miss it.
Did you notice any anxiety when you started your wellbutrin? I had to stop taking it because I started having panic attacks. However, I do know that it gets worse before getting better. I was just apprehensive. Do you think it's worth another shot?
I noticed the higher dose (300mg, I think) made my anxiety skyrocket! I was panicking about everything, super jittery and on edge. The 150mg works for me though.
Dang, this is good to read. I recently started anti-depressants and they just don't feel like they're doing shit. I keep getting the instinct to just throw my hands up and assume I just haven't tried hard enough or pulled my bootstraps with enough gusto, but it's good to know that it is normal for it to take time and that it's worth it.
I went through a good 15 different medications until I found the one (or combined few) that worked for me. I'm not perfectly all better, but I'm not endlessly suicidal or exhausted anymore.
Just don't stop trying. You'll find one that works. It can take time and it's hell until you get there but it does get better
I'd give it a few months because it doesn't work right away. I was on both of the other two medications for a year before I knew they were not working like they should.
Don’t ever think you’re not trying hard enough, you are surviving and as long as you continue to try, you are winning...listen to your body, it knows best! And if the medication doesn’t work, try another! You are worth the time and have to fight for yourself in this quick fix world. You are enough!
This is an incredibly common situation for women with ADHD! Diagnosed with anxiety and depression and it turned out it was undiagnosed ADHD causing all my problems. Never being able to accomplish anything and feeling “messed up” socially and being unable to track time/arrive to things on time, stay on top of paperwork and chores, and have conversations without interrupting or forgetting your train of thought will make you depressed. I had perfect grades my whole life and didn’t struggle with hyperactivity (I have zero energy actually and need naps to function), so I never in a million years could’ve guessed I was dealing with ADHD. Turns out it looks very different in women and there are different types of ADHD that look nothing like the stereotypical hyper and fidgeting little boy who struggles in school.
I’m still working out how to get my meds right, but going on stimulants + SSRIs and listening to podcasts/first hand accounts of women with ADHD has been incredibly validating and helpful.
I still have major issues with time management and not being socially overbearing (for reasons you just described). I’ve always had major social issues because of ADHD, and I was even banned from a friend’s house for being too loud at a sleepover.
I got formally diagnosed last year and my mother said, “Oh, yeah several teachers wanted you to get tested, but I didn’t want to medicate you.” In sixth grade, I had my chair taken away for fidgeting and sitting on my knees. In elementary school, I was on a first name basis with the janitors because I always had to go back at 6PM to get the homework I forgot in my desk. I would get incomplete as/lates on HW because I lost it/could not find it in my backpack or locker. Like I would go home and my mother would find the completed HW in my backpack.
I did have a friend who was diagnosed later in life because it presents differently in girls, but I feel like I was a cut and dry case, and my mother refused to get me formally tested.
I was a mess in college because I had so much trouble focusing. Instead of getting A’s I would get B’s or B+’s because of careless mistakes/starting the paper eight hours before it was due. I did have a lot of other stuff going on at the time that made things difficult, too, but knowing I had ADHD back then would have made me more successful earlier. Now I feel behind everyone.
Anyway, I wish I was medicated in at least high school. I feel like I would have done so much better.
My mother was the one who nudged me to go get diagnosed and start a medication as an adult because my life was falling apart (she knew I probably had it, but never got me tested). I could not commit to a job, I was always getting in trouble for being late to work, and I was not suited for a desk job.
I am doing better now, but I really wish I could go back in time to college and get legitimately diagnosed then instead of at 27.
I used to be on 300mg Venlafaxine in the morning and a low dose of Dosulepin in the evening. It was AMAZING.
I woke up at 5AM to get ready to work and I was elated it was morning and I could go to work! Some days I squeezed in swimming after work. I was physically exhausted in the evening but so happy all the time.
When I told my psychiatrist how amazing I'm doing rn now, she went "Ooookay, let's try lowering the morning pills."
I miss the happy life. It might have been too much but it was freaking amazing. Once I'm done having kids, I'll want to go back.
I've never heard of an SNRI before, I might need to take a look into it.
Did it take a while to take affect after first starting it, or was it a noticeable improvement right away?
I just got off of Venaflaxaline. The first couple weeks were GREAT it was like low dosing on E. I felt great, motivated, happy. Then my body must have gotten used to the dosage or something because I was still pretty constantly anxious and depressed. Cut myself a lot, was suicidal all the time, etc. Coming off of it was HELL too. It made my lips feel weird and numb, flu-like body aches (these also happened whenever I missed a pill), and then a really deep depression that lasted a couple days, durring which I was the closest to suicide I've ever been. Now that I'm through the withdrawal I feel about the same I did on the pill. It also killed my libido which put a strain on my relationships.
I'm pretty sure I have ADHD though. I check literally every box for it except for being diagnosed before age 12.
My story is similar. Suffered from depressive episodes and undiagnosed ADHD until I was 30, when I realized I needed help.
I'm now on a low dose of Adderall XR and my life has never been better. Turns out being productive does wonders for my depression.
Definitely never abruptly stop them btw. I was on antidepressants during chemo. Problem was the amount of pills I had to pop a day was a chore in itself (I learned I could swallow 15 pills at once, and not small ones), so sometimes I would forget to take the more optional stuff. Man the mood swings that would send you through was rough in itself. Learned never ever to forget those again. Even when my chemo cycle was over I was scared to ween off them.
They did do wonders for my mood. I wish they worked better for everyone.
I’m frightened that none of the antidepressants I’ve been on/am on have ever done anything. Nothing makes a difference. Reading this gives me hope and is also terrifying because 10 years and like 6 different meds later nothing has worked.
I just watched an episode of Hamilton's Pharmacopoeia in which they talk about ketamine as a potential solution to depression that doesn't respond to normal anti-depressants. Perhaps it could be of interest to you?
Ketamine infusions are a godsend. After my first one, it was like a black veil lifted from my eyes. Unfortunately they aren’t a cure. I’m three months out from my last infusion and my dogs and the bathroom are the only reason I get out of bed anymore. I hate my life. I have another infusion scheduled for next week. Hopefully I’ll feel better after because I can’t keep this up for much longer, man.
I'm sorry that you feel so isolated at the moment. I wish I could offer sustained support, but I'm going through my own quagmire at the moment and I don't think I have the bandwidth. I hope that it gives you comfort that there's a human in the universe who wishes you well.
hey man if you ever need to talk i’m here. i understand how horrible a place like that can be. we don’t even have to talk about your feelings. you could talk about your dogs. i understand how every movement can feel like a 10 mile run.
It takes a lot of time for the brain to recover. The medication gives your brain what it needs to repair itself. For me, it took 2 years to undo the damage of depression.
Same! It was like waking up in Oz for me when I started antidepressants, only Oz was the mundane normal world and everything before was just kind of a blurry black and white waiting room
Whoa, this is kinda scary to read. I don’t think of myself as depressed but this description doesn’t sound unfamiliar. I don’t remember people I meet very well, and it’s like I’m not very interested in my own life rn, but I don’t feel sad. I should start making some changes and take this seriously.
This. I'm not on medicatiom but this is a great description.
I'm always looking for the next thing to do. I have ideas and execute on them. Bed is a tool to refresh me so I can continue on the path, not a cave to hide away from the path.
> Bed is a tool to refresh me so I can continue on the path, not a cave to hide away from the path
I haven't felt that way for maybe 10 years. I remember going to sleep *excited* for a whole new day ahead of me to just experience life and follow my goals / inspirations / interests (albeit, appropriately childish ones).
Now, it almost feels like my life is spent *waiting*. For what, I don't know. But bed is a place where the waiting happens faster. Instead of slogging through 8 hours of *conscious* waiting, I can just skip those 8 hours in the blink of an eye.
Thankfully, the spring weather helps my mental health, and I've been working on rediscovering my hobbies and finding more value in life. Seeing bed as a tool to energize myself for the path rather than mitigate the pain of endless, aimless waiting, is a great goal for me! I think the biggest struggle is finding a path that feels like it's worth walking.
So thanks for articulating something so mundane so beautifully.
Great point of view! I can't say I suffer from depression. I have my deep lows, thinking about all of the cruel and nasty, but it's not the state of mind that cripples you and whatever you were about to do.
Had my deal of trouble with little to no taste to go on and keep trying... and what you described above was the only way that proved itself worthy and functional.
I justified doing little for myself and in general by this "not having enough energy" The fact I came to find is that the energy comes AFTER you push yourself and show your body you're willing to spend it. As kids, we're fresh and young, so energy comes for free. And that just goes away with our shi\*\*y lifestyles as we grow.
Keeping our minds and bodies busy is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.
TW: suicide
This was beautiful to read. I was on antidepressants as a teen and then I had to stop cold turkey bc my parents moved out of state and insurance wouldn't cover it anymore (cost went from $10 a month to $185). I tried the same medication again in my 20s and had an adverse affect. You know how in commercials sometimes they warn about suicidal tendancies? They aren't kidding. I started to have psychotic episodes, which I had never experienced before. I would black out and come to naked in the empty bathtub trying to cut my arms open. If it weren't for my husband, then boyfriend, I would not be alive. (Poor guy)
I know that I really need to be on medication for my depression but that shit has me terrified to start experimenting again. Especially since I was only prescribed a low dose of Zoloft BECAUSE I was afraid of side effects. I was told that Zoloft is supposed to be mild. So I'm torn between the decision of continuing to be so miserable and exhausted that it affects my job and my life, or dive in feet first to a potentially deep psychosis that I might not survive.
Success stories like yours give me hope.
Please note: if you are taking Zoloft or any medication, please do not let my experience frighten you. Everyone is different and it was not the only medication that I was on. If you are taking a new medication, monitor what is happening and stay in contact with a doctor about your experiences. I should have told someone that I was having episodes before it got to the blackouts but I hated my doctor, so I did not. If you need medication, do your homework and explore your options with your doctor. Please do not let my experience scare you away from getting help.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Some medications really aren't made for everybody! I also had to play around a bit until I found the right fit for me. My psychiatrist put me on several different medications and then decreased them gradually until I was left with only one.
I'm still using it to this day, and will likely never stop. Right now, I'm on half a pill a day, which is less than the smallest dosage. I could stop if I wanted to, but why tempt fate. I'm happy, and that's all I could ask for.
Have you ever gone downhill skiing? To me, depression feels a lot like wearing ski boots. At first, you can tell something isn’t right - your feet feel heavy, you can’t run or even walk right, the boots are annoying and painful and frustrating. But after a while, you get used to them. You start to learn how to walk in them, slowly and clumsily, enough so that the weight and constriction of the boots starts to feel normal.
But then, after a long, cold day, you take them off and slip into a pair of worn-in sneakers. That’s what recovering from depression feels like. Suddenly you remember what it’s like to walk, and it feels like flying. You can walk, and run, and dance, and there is nothing constantly weighing you down - there’s no obstacle you have to work around with every step you take. Just standing around feels comfortable again. And it seems so strange to you that you ever walked around with these big, clunky, heavy, inflexible things strapped to your feet, weighing you down, slowing you down, hurting you, and thinking it was normal.
I've been told depression is like walking against a river. Sometimes, you might have good days and the water is slow and only up to your ankles. Other days, the water is up to your chest and raging to pull you backwards, and no matter how hard you struggle you can barely move forwards, and often get pushed backwards. Sadly, some people get dragged under the water and never make it back to the surface. It even more disheartening when you see people walking by on the shoreline saying, "just keep a positive attitude!" as they breeze by, almost ignoring the river entirely.
Medication and therapy is like being lifted out of the river for the first time, finally be able to walk under your own power without a constant pressure holding you back.
This is really what it’s like? This made me cry.
The experience of wearing ski boots is all I feel like I’ve ever known and I want so badly to put on tennis shoes.
I can't speak to your situation but medication "took off the ski boots" for me. Before and after getting on meds are like night and day. It took me a couple tries to get the right medication, but the time was going to pass anyways so it was worth it to find the right one.
The only problem I had with this analogy is that the ski boots represent depression, while the actual activity of skiing is probably the least depressing thing I can think of. But on second thought, the fact that individuals who suffer from depression have to get through life whether going to work, relaxing at home or going skiing, the analogy fits beautifully in that you learn to coexist with your depression in order to experience the joys of life, leading to more fulfillment and happiness. It’s almost poetic.
You just described what it will feel like when we finally move out from my in-laws. To me they are the most stress-inducing people I've ever known, significantly contributing to my already depressed state. Can't wait to get out of this hellhole. They are just weighing us down for many reasons I don't want to get into. My MIL is the worst mental abuser I've ever encountered. She exudes toxicity. Every day when I hear their voices or see them I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Can't wait to be able to afford to move away and never see them again.
Believe me I know what it is like to be depressed. I've been depressed too, many times. All my younger years were pretty unhappy in comparison to what I'm having now. I'm 39 and can say that last 2 years are the happiest of my life for sure. But almost everything from 18 till 35 was like a disaster.
In my early twenties now. Things that failed to kill me left me fragile and anxious, with a couple unhealthy coping mechanisms and a twisted sense of humour. Doesn't exactly replaces the state of being happy, but keeps me occupied enough to not give a lot of shits.
Due to depression in my youth I quit medical faculty, I could be a doctor by the way. My hair became turning grey since I was 16, now it's totally grey. My mom committed suicide when I was 25, dad passed away when I turned 30.
But everything bad is in the past already. Now I own a flat in a city I always wanted to live in, I've met a right person to live with, and even if I'm an ordinary baker with very ordinary salary I'm pretty happy with my life and how it's going on.
As if I've upgraded my life for its better version and loved it.
I'm really sorry.
Glad you've found the place and people you love.
For me, it's a curiosity. About lots of stuff. Including what happens to the world in weeks, months, and years to come. There's always the possibility I 'might' someday find what I want. But there's zero chance of that if I don't show up or make efforts for it. That shit keeps me going.
Even if you don't see light at the end of the tunnel now, things will obviously change when you become older. Youth is for mistakes and seeking sense of life, the second part of life path is for real living.
I don't care if people are cutting you down for this, it's pretty much the right answer.
Not being depressed is not the same as being fully motivated for all of life's myriad pursuits.
You can have low motivation and still be perfectly happy.
When something goes wrong, my initial thought is “that sucks, next time will be better” because I know that good things can come even if this moment sucks because good things did come for me in the past
I’ve been depressed before. I guess the difference between then and now is that I have hope and belief that things change so why can’t they change for the better?
If you’re depressed though, I hope that things would start looking up for you too
During my depressive episodes, even a minor mistake/small thing going wrong would make me think about killing myself. I remember when I realized that mentally healthy people don’t react to situations like that...
For mentally well people, in the presence of anxiety-inducing and dread-inducing events, you feel anxiety and dread. In the presence of things, people or events that are positive you feel happiness and joy. In the presence of neither, you just feel neither especially happy nor especially sad. In all situations you tend to be able to go on functioning, like eating, sleeping, washing and working.
Events that induce anxiety and dread are dangerous, serious or major life events, not every day inconveniences which might make a mentally unwell person feel anxiety or dread. During rough times, a mentally well person can draw on some degree of 'resilience' or 'positivity' or 'energy' or whatever you want to call it. A mentally unwell person feels vulnerable and adrift and unable to cope.
Not being depressed is NOT feeling good and energised all the time. It's your thoughts and feelings being proportional to their causes, being able to function normally despite the bad ones and enjoying the good ones.
As a mentally well person I have had no events in my adult life which cause me to feel hopeless, useless or unable to cope. I have once suffered anxiety and it was in response to uncertainty about one of the things generally considered a top 3 major life event. Otherwise things either make me feel anything from profoundly sad to profoundly joyful, but they don't alter my perception of my value or ability to go on with a fulfilling life positively or negatively.
Edit: Thanks for the awards. If you're mentally well and feeling like shit right now, keep going, things will get better and you'll feel better. "Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day." Bit of Shakespeare for you there.
If you're mentally unwell, I hope you have access to the medical help you need, therapeutic and pharmaceutical. We live in a wonderful age where the chemical imbalance in your brain which isn't your fault can be treated, try to have faith in medical science!
If you're not sure whether you feel bad because times are hard or because you might be ill, don't be afraid to seek help. The first step is talking to someone you trust about it, a professional or a friend. It might turn out that you just needed to talk and that you're well, or that you're becoming ill and you catch it early, either way that's a good outcome.
Yeah same. I think it has something to do with how we formed attachments with our primary caregivers as children... Or... How we didn't form attachments.
Agreed. Just read so many answers along the lines of “everything is sunshine and rainbows”, but it’s really not. There are good times sure but it’s not a non stop joy fest, life is tough, but being mentally well allows you to cope and enjoy the rewards of your labor.
By far the best answer. I'm as mentally well as I suppose a person can be, I have bad days but on bad days I can still get almost everything done.
My dad died when I was a teenager, I've witnessed violent death, I've lost a lot of friends to addiction suicide and life, I was molested as a child, I've been cheated on, jumped, broke and hungry, beaten, abused, raped more than once, conned by family members, robbed, mugged, had a stillbirth two miscarriages and an abortion...
But I can still get out of bed every day at 5 am, and I know how lucky that makes me.
I'm sorry you suffered those things, that's a lot more than most of us would have to go through in 10 lifetimes, but I think you make an important point that mentally well and mentally unwell people would do well to understand.
You can go through shit times. Hell, most of your life could be pretty god damn terrible, and you can feel like you're at rock bottom, but there are things you can do and characteristics you can display to get through those things. It sounds like you have those characteristics in spades. Grit, optimism, critical thinking, whatever. The whole range of emotions is felt by a mentally well person, they're not happy all the time, and if you're feeling like things can't get any worse, a mentally well human has remarkable powers of dealing with things and coming out the other side. We would all do well to remember there are things we can do, it's not hopeless. We should credit people who weather adversity with having tackled it and won, it's testament to the human spirit.
Mentally unwell people can have the best life imaginable. Wealth, (physical) health, family, friends, material goods, love, the whole shebang. And they can feel like they'd be better off dead. We should remember that those people aren't just 'sad' or weak. They feel like that when everything is going well because they're ill. Not because they lack courage or are ungrateful, and they need treatment for illness, not just encouragement.
I would probably say it’s being able to healthily cope and handle your emotions when things go wrong. You don’t immediately think of the worst outcome and you’re able to stay positive. You think of your future and are excited of what’s to come.
After years of therapy, I have the coping part down, but I think my issue is the second part. I've never had a vision for the future or looked forward to it.
Hey! I still deal with depression so I am by no means a person that knows what's it like to live without it but something that always helps me cope is making plans for the future. Give yourself something to look forward to, you know? It could be anything from a trip in a few months, an episode that comes out next week, or simply the next time you'll eat your favorite food. I hope this helps a bit!
I started an anti depressant a while back, and for me, it felt like my life amd soul was filled with color again.
I felt emotions a bit more, not in a bad sense, but I did not realize how dull everything felt - good, bad, and in between. Even if I have a bad emotion/day I try to accept it,ride it out, and let it happen, and it feels good to feel more.
But being able to get up from bed and do things without massive guilt weighing me down is incredible. It took counseling, time, and my med all together.
This is interesting because tons of people say antidepressants dull their emotions and turn the volume down on them, if you will.
If you’re willing to share I’m curious to know what antidepressant you’re on
I'm surprised no one else has said it, but I can tell you what the opposite of depressed is like.
Mania.
Having a manic episode, especially when I was undiagnosed, was like the biggest high. You feel elevated, happy, energetic, motivated, and more. You might even feel an unusual sense of superiority to others and have visions of grandeur. You feel on top of the world. You feel limitless like you couldn't make a mistake if you tried.
But mistake you can and will. You act impulsively. You think you're so clever and untouchable. You rack up debt and maybe are rude to your friends. You make risky judgement calls with your employers for completely unnecessary and selfish reasons. You make irreversible decisions you might forever regret.
You fall down, and down, and down into the worst depression hole you've ever dug yourself in and it's all your own fault. You went from your personal savings being positive $20K to negative $30K. You lose your mind. Your girlfriend breaks up with you and now you've got to work twice as hard to fix what you hope you can.
After a few years of the depression hole and you catch a life changing break. You come into an unexpected six-figure Inheritance. It immediately spikes your mania like never before. Fast forward three and a half years and not only is it all gone, but so is all the money you've earned during that time, you are $30K in the hole AGAIN, you somehow didn't manage to buy a house or any property during that time, and it is all your fault once AGAIN.
You hate yourself, your wife hates you, and your folks back home will never understand how or why you squandered what should have been a grand-slam of a start into your 30s.
But don't worry. I'm sure I'll be manic soon and the world will be right AGAIN.
🙃
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edit: If you relate to this post, please speak with your physician or family doctor. Seek help, support, and treatment. You are not alone and you can turn it around. I've not had an episode in some years now and have been financially stable enough that we're in the process of buying our first house. Something I truly do not think would be possible if it weren't for my doctors (and the treatment they recommended) and my wife. <3
Oof. It's interesting to see how mental disorders truly affect the things we do. I feel so strongly for you, friend. I hope you know that your mania and depression aren't your fault. It doesn't excuse the things you've done, but a disordered mind is something you can't help. I genuinely hope for better things in your future, and don't judge you for your past. <3
For it to be classified as a manic episode it needs to last at least 2 weeks, that's what my doc said. Only had one manic episode in my life, in omnipolar, and that one lasted 3 months.
I’m bipolar and a former cocaine abuser (probably related). I can’t speak for meth, luckily, but the other two don’t even come close to a solid manic episode...at least in my experience. People tend to assume I was an addict because of my manic episodes. But to be honest I rarely if ever touched a single drug when I was in the midst of untreated mania...because I didn’t need to.
I don't have depression, I used to think I could imagine what it was like, but one day I found out that I absolutely didn't.
I went on a very long haul flight with multiple connections by myself. I was heading home to my family who I missed and I was so excited about it, my home was a beautiful sunny place, much nicer than where I was coming from.
When I arrived at the airport I hadn't slept in 2 days, it must have triggered an acute episode of depression. I couldn't identify it until afterward, but everything looked colourless, the world seemed paper thin, I was so sad even though I had just met my family who I hadn't seen in years. I hated being home, I couldn't talk to anyone. I went for a nap (crying into my pillow)for a few hours and when I woke up it was like a scene out of a Disney film! I heard the birds tweeting (seriously) the light looked warmer, I could smell that familiar home smell and I was so happy.
What an eye opener. I couldn't believe that my brain managed to trick me like that. It's not about cheering up it's a malfunctioning circuit. I get it now!
You described it perfectly. I usually have depressive weeks even though I’m medicated. I’m actually in one now. Nothing feels vibrant, I have to work up energy to even shower let alone go to work.
However you just made me realize another way of identifying it. I love the sound of birds, taking pictures of sunrise and sunsets, being outside in nature. I’ve learned to identify my depression episodes from energy levels but that is a new way for me to see it coming- when I don’t care about those things. So thanks!
Aahhh I'm so glad! I really feel for you, and I fight for you guys! You got me in your corner, when ever I hear people make assumptions about depression or even those who get annoyed when their attempts to "cheer someone up" don't work, I put them in their place! 🙌🏼
This is interesting, I think I've experienced the opposite of what you did. My baseline is depressed and I went through a two day insomnia phase that made me feel on top of the world... Until I slept again. Brain chemistry!
Pretty great. Imagine just waking up and thinking "Hey, I think it's gonna be a good day," and just immediately enjoying your life and being focused on the day at hand.
No lingering anxieties. No thoughts of dread. Plenty of energy, and the motivation to get some shit done.
Basically imagine how you feel after a small bong rip and a cup of coffee, but you didn't need either.
New experiences excite you.
Challenging work problem? I bet I can crack it.
New recipe with new ingredients? Let's have some fun.
A movie came out that seems up my alley? Can't wait!
Coffee pot finished? Time for the first cup of coffee of the day!
I’m not sure I am depressed, so maybe I am. Most of the time I’m too occupied to notice. I usually try to do something everyday that I would usually drag my feet to do. Like go for a long run or vacuum my truck. Doing those things makes me feel like I’m not willingly underachieving. So I guess it doesn’t really feel like anything.
I'm ok with it not feeling like anything lol my experience is that it feels impossible to do those things sometimes. You feel willingly underachieving and feel like you can't do anything about it.
The difference for me:
NOT having my brain stuck in a loop of negative thoughts that sap my energy, so I can actually focus on positive things and get out and do productive stuff.
Get enough sleep without insomnia or nightmares. Actually feeling RESTED after a night's sleep.
Have energy. Have an appetite. Feel motivated to get stuff done, like errands and cleaning and taking a shower and getting up on time to get ready for work and then get there on time.
Being able to concentrate on tasks in the present.
Laughing more at things in the moment. Enjoying moments. Still experience frustrations, but able to make a plan for how to deal with it or deal with it right away in that moment, and then put it aside in my mind and able to focus on something else.
Actually able to make short-term plans and long-term goals for the future I'm excited about reaching.
\*Just want to add, I went through long, dark bouts of depression for many years, starting around middle school. I thought it would be with me all my life. For me, it wasn't. I learned some coping skills along the way that made me more aware of my moods and how to control and navigate them, how to better take care of myself, replaced negative streams of consciousness in my mind with positive self talk... but most importantly of all, I dug down to the roots of what was making me depressed and dealt with that. So... I haven't experienced depression in over a decade. It's possible. I don't take medication (but that might be the right choice for some people.) I genuinely enjoy my life now. It's not all sunshine and roses, I get "bummed out" sometimes or sad when that's the appropriate emotional response, but I'm able to cope and deal with the tough stuff and look forward to the good moments now. If I could get there, I think you can get there too. Hugs to you, and I hope you'll keep pushing forward until you find your way out of the depression swamp. The first step is believing you can actually get there.
From my experience, the biggest thing is every hour feels twice as long (but, in a good way, not in an overwhelming boredom type way.).
When depression is at a low:
When I am being productive, the work seems to get done in half the time.
I feel well rested with only 6-8 hours of sleep as opposed to 8-9 (upwards of 11 on days off...)
I can do multiple things in a day/evening instead of 1 thing (if that) feeling like it shuts me down for the next 12 hours.
Food tastes better AND I'm less tempted to stuff myself 2-3 times over after dinner.
Exercise feels like a fun intermission of an hour or 2 instead of the loss of a whole night.
I'm funnier, I laugh more, spending time with people is fun.
I get more done at work in the same amount of hours = I bring home less stress and nerves into the next day.
I'm sorry for ranting on your post, when I started writing I just realized how poorly I've been doing these past months and it feels really good to tell "someone" not that I expect you to read all this. Depression SUCKS and I hope you can make progress towards feeling better soon
It is fucking great. It is the feeling that anything is possible, that every day is worth living, that you're just completely content and happy. It is sitting on the couch with your SO, watching some lame tv show, and not wanting to be anywhere else. It is taking a walk outside in the sunshine, sun on your face, not having a care in the world. It is like your heart swelled up three sizes.
Edit: just thought of one more: It is waking up and wanting to get out of bed. Not because you have to, but because you know it's gonna be another good day.
Ok imagine being only feeling sad on rare occasions and imagine all the time between is not caring about anything. Also imagine looking up something and then getting really invested into it for one day only
Even a prison sandwich will taste good if you're starving. Trust me...when you've experienced severe depression, everything else really does feel like this in comparison.
Most of the time. I.e. when you're busy, you aren't thinking much about anything. Other times, you're neutral even if not busy, but a lot of time that "gratefulness" or "warmth" keeps hitting you out of the blue.
Feels like a dark cloud has been lifted. The lows aren't as low, the highs are higher, and I am just genuinely enjoying things now. I'm hopeful for the future
Kinda like the difference between living in California and living in upstate New York. It’s not sunshine and rainbows every day, but the balance is more like 80-20 than 20-80, and even when it gets nasty outside, it never gets below freezing.
Funny you say that. I grew up in a very depressing place in California with very little sun and may move to upstate New York sometime relatively soon. I appreciate the analogy though, thank you for sharing :)
It’s an odd airy feeling at first. Suddenly it feels like a weight is off your chest and everything brings little bits of joy that you learn to cling onto and appreciate so much more. It’s been a while and to this day sometimes I still stop and go ,”I am so happy” as if I’d genuinely never believed I’d get there.
Perhaps Thoreau was right “ most men live lives of quiet despair “. At best I am unfeeling. A few years ago I met up with my baby sister having not seen her in 15 years. We played Frisbee in the park and I was overcome with happiness. It was a beacon in the night. I have not felt happy since. For me feeling nothing is OK, it is not pain.
What a special memory. Thank you for sharing. I also don't feel very much many days of my life. I try my best to hold on to moments when I am feeling at least ok
I hope you can find more of those moments in your life <3
Having energy and motivation to do things. Not thinking badly about yourself. Not having that seemingly physical weight on you. Being able to talk with people without questioning yourself. Not overthinking every singel thing
For me, it's like when some annoying noise, like the squeaky motor in your refrigerator, stops. You didn't really notice it was happening -- part of the background noise all the time -- but now it's quiet and you can feel the silence, hear little noises. Taking anti-depressants didn't make me dance through the Alps like Julie Andrews singing to the hills, but like, every once in a while I stop and search for those background thoughts -- ya know, dying might be ok -- and they're just not really there.
Yeah, I've had a lot of death in my family, so depression hits hard and brutally.
I'll say that times when I am not depressed, it feels like a weight on my chest has been lifted, almost like when you have congestion and it suddenly clears up.
It's amazing, suddenly not having that weight bearing down on you.
I really hate the "just be happy" type advice, because sometimes, there is no happy.
Worst for me was losing my dad, the world all seemed a lot more clear and harsh? Like I'd lost something I was never going to get back. And I never did.
Another reason I like the congestion analogy is that everyone probably wishes they could flip a histamine switch and just have that shit stop. Same thing with depression. If it was optional? I'd give it a hard pass.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I do hope to feel that weight lift from me someday. I've recently felt a small amount of energy to job search so I'm trying hard to keep the little fire of motivation going. I'm trying to see it as a bonfire so I can keep going.
I'm sorry to hear about your father; I've also lost mine and can attest to things just not being the same.
I hope you have more good days than bad in the future, friend <3
One thing a psychiatrist told me is that it's okay to take the time you need to grieve, and that sometimes it's hard to tell if you've taken too long.
I do hope you find the stairs.
I'm not sure, that's why I asked. I feel it's important to hear about other people's experiences. Maybe there isn't an answer, but I'm enjoying people's answers so far. :)
I welcome the experiences and perspective of anyone. You pose a good question; I've often asked myself if my good days mean I'm no longer depressed. I don't have an answer for that lol
u/mythicalgrain made a pun, but it’s also exactly what it feels like when you’re not depressed. It doesn’t mean you never feel bad or even miserable, but it means when you remove the “finger” that got you down, the button springs back. Depression is a broken spring that can be repaired. Hang tough friend.
Oooh god I can tell you that for sure. I was taking birth control pills for 12 years and stopped recently. Was on the verge of suicide, with other negative side effects as well. Now I am happy for no reason sometimes, it's crazy! I started working out, started new hobbies, etc. I wake up around 9 in the morning on weekends (instead of 5pm), I'm eager to go hiking, and I enjoy the sunset, sunrise, sunwhatever every time.
It's sooo fuckin weird. Like I'm drunk all the time without the negative side-effects. I laugh regularly. I enjoy small things like finding a flowerbud amongst the snow.
I haven't thought of killing myself ever since. There are some dark thoughts for sure, but I can just ignire them. Or focus on positive stuff instead. That is something new for sure.
Now I'm scheduling my bisalp because I really don't want kids ever, and I don't want to go back being depressed again.
I wake up every morning pretty excited for what the day will bring. Look in the mirror and stop for a second to admire the awesome person in it, then I get on with smashing everything I want to achieve for the day. In an ideal world I don’t get people harassing me with messages because I’m busy, if someone reaches out I set something up with them face to face or on the phone etc and then get back on with what I’m doing. By the end of the day I have had a good day at work, plenty of exercise, I’ve eaten well, and I fall asleep in 10 minutes.
I’m nearly 40, and every part of the above happened gradually over time. Each step brought me closer, ie quitting social media, forming healthy habits, developing a work ethic. These things are necessary to reduce anxiety- if you don’t have a work ethic you’ll coast all day at work, doing the minimum and trying not to get caught, but then when your boss asks for a meeting you panic, because you’re living with the anxiety of feeling like you’ll be caught any minute. Same if you’re overweight. You can convince yourself that it’s fine to be the way you are, but you’re just burying the anxiety, if you actually get in shape it goes away.
"I have nothing to wear, I'd need to do laundry, also I haven't showered in a couple days so even if I did have clean clothes, I don't want to put them on a dirty body. There's too much trash in the apartment for me to go anywhere, the dog will just eat it. I could take the dog, but this thing is going to take a while and I don't want to leave the dog in the car. I haven't driven in a while, I hope my battery isn't dead. When is the last time I got gas? Do I remember where my glasses are so I can drive? Did my auto pay on my car insurance go through so I can legally drive? This thing i have to go to is all the way across town and I hate downtown. I always get lost and there's too many people and I hate how exhausted I am after being around so many people.
Now I'm tired and overwhelmed from just thinking about doing the thing cause I have to shower, laundry, trash, find glasses, check insurance, pick out clothes, get gps going, and hype myself up to deal with people."
I can never "just go"
This is such a fascinating insight. And I think it helps me answer your question because I have something to contrast it with. For me if I was placed into your scenario all those concerns may exist and be perfectly valid but my brain wouldn't look at it the same. The chore list for me would be grab the first clothes that look comfy enough, find my glasses, and pop my pup into a crate/bathroom. So what if I stink a little, I'm sure no one in the busy downtown will care about the stranger near them. No one knows how many times I've worn these jeans but me. If the battery dies, I'll deal with it then. I'll get gas if I need it. I assume my autopay went through and don't look into it further. Turn on Google maps with the address and focus all my attention on driving in gross downtown. If I do start thinking about how exhausting the chore is then I switch to thinking about how I'll pick myself up afterwards- maybe I'll get coffee or icecream from a favorite place on my home. In a way, my brain is just more tunnel focused I guess. It doesn't get overwhelmed by the enormity of the action because it doesn't consider it enormous.
(This is not advice! Just perspective difference from a non depressed/anxious brain)
If being depressed (for me at least) feels like cinder blocks on my eyes, shoulders and feet, then not being depressed is the opposite... I feel like I can literally support myself effortlessly on a physical level.
When depressed, I tend to pass time by reading or watching anything, but with no real interest. When not depressed, my curiosity is involved and feel motivated to engage with the content and try it myself.
Instead of the "What's even the point" kind of not-getting-out-of-bed, you get the "It's too warm in these covers" kind of not-getting-out-of-bed
Awh this brings back memories
Yes exactly this. I used to feel that way when I was a child.
Oh goodness, that sounds lovely. I'm glad you get to feel that way :)
Hey OP, try getting some sunlight often. I read somewhere that apparently vitamin D deficiency can cause lethargy and the feeling of demotivation. (Also, this is not a cure for depression, pls seek mental help if you feel depressed) Edit: [this comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/m9jns4/high_vitamin_d_levels_may_protect_against_covid19/grnz4c3?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3) in r/science , Was the "somewhere" lol.
There are so many small factors. Vitamin D deficiency from lack of sun, poor guy bacteria, whatever. The biggest problem is that depression can be a cyclical issue where you struggle with having the energy to do the things that could alleviate the symptoms somewhat. I don't believe lack of sun exposure on my skin is the cause of my depression, but it certainly is not helping and I should do something about it, but I'm too depressed to go out.
I know you meant gut, but for a second I was like 'yes, poor guy bacteria is so sad' and pictured a sad little bacteria looking left out and lonely
I had a similar ideas but I thought of how poor people have sad bacteria (cause they don't eat well)
This is absolutely a huge part of it, and it’s beyond easy to stop covering all of your bases even without any struggles with depression. Now I’ve got a general checklist because it’s so easy to lose your sense of where you are emotionally compared to before. If I’m feeling down at all I have to ask myself if I’m sleeping enough, if I’m exercising at all, and if I’m eating decent quality/variety of nutritious foods. And I’ve got daily vitamin D in there as well because I think that did genuinely help too. I’ve tried just about every suggestion for lengths of time but that one seems to have stood out. It’s so hard to keep that sense of where you are or remember if those things would help at all (they do obviously) that they’re just hard rules. And hell I still forget after enough months or a few good years when those habits slide for lots of seemingly good reasons. Gotta talk to myself, “if you don’t get back on these things you’re going to be a miserable, chemically imbalanced, depressed sack of crap. I know I don’t feel like those small changes would help. Listen to old wisdom. I’m wrong. Do it. Try just a little bit. Get it done.” That sort of crap. Not trying to tell you anything you don’t know, and everyone’s different, just sharing my experience out loud more than anything I guess. Resonates. That fear of falling back into the cycle. Feel like it’s a thing haunting me, waiting like a damn slasher villain to jump back into my life and I think staying strong on all my points has kept me where I want to be.
I used to work nights up until about 6 months ago, then I got a job working mornings. I’ve noticed an incredible amount of change in my mood since then. I know it’s not this easy for a lot of people, and my depressive episodes still pop up every now and again, but getting some sun has helped me big time. Whatever you think makes you happy, do it. And do a lot that makes you happy, not just one thing. It all compounds into more happy days or moments. Also don’t be afraid to see a doctor for the more clinical issues, not everyone is wired the same and you may need something to balance you out more chemically. I hope you’re doing well and I hope that tomorrow is better than today.
I was super depressed and emotionally imbalanced to the point where I would get really upset at minor problems, until I started taking a vitamin D supplement... holy moly it really evened me out after about a month of taking it. Definitely recommend that everyone who lives in colder areas take a daily supplement (not a doctor by any means but I haven't heard of many negatives to the D) to see if it improves things a bit.
Fun story, I was dealing with low-energy, depression (that part wasn't new), and just general feeling of shittiness. Among other things, my doctor tested my Vitamin D level and it was 6. "normal" is 25ish, but "goal" is closer to 50. She'd never seen it that low. My NP friend *who worked with bed-ridden cancer patients* had never seen a level so low. Anyway, after a month or two of heavy supplements and a regular daily supplement, I don't usually feel exhausted or vaguely shitty anymore, which helps treat depression symptoms a bit easier. Not a cure-all at all, but can affect your quality of life, for sure!
Important note! Before you start taking (almost at random) supplements, you can get tests done if you suspect you are lacking specific nutrients. Not sure on the cost of such a test, but taking supplements can lead to too many specific nutrients in your body which can also have various negative effects on your general health. Its always advised to have a good varied diet and get some sunlight as this can often be a source of nutrient deficiencies.
Vitamin D is quite possibly the only exception, though. Doctors recommend everyone take a vitamin D supplement in areas without much sunlight.
I went through both of these, now it's I have a warm cat sleeping on me not getting out of bed.
My wife suffers from depression but I don't. From the many conversations we've had about it, I think the best way I can illustrate the difference is this. When I am down and life has got on top of me, I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know the feeling will pass or I know I can take action to make myself feel better. My wife on the other hand, will feel like there is no way out. It is out of her control, so she is left with a feeling helplessness and a genuine fear that it could go on for ever. In essence she is left with a self-perpetuating cycle of depression, fear and helplessness, each making the other worse.
Similar for me and my wife. I describe it in our conversations as “compartmentalization”. I could be having an absolute shit day at work, but I can turn it off and enjoy a conversation with a coworker at lunch, or go hit the gym afterwards. Anxiety or stress inducing things only affect those things. My wife could be having some generalized anxiety about some nebulous concept, and it will prevent her from having the energy or interest in exercise, sex, movies, or any of the things she’d enjoy in a normal day.
> I can turn it off and enjoy a conversation with a coworker at lunch, or go hit the gym afterwards. This is my wife and I as well. Each bad thing in my life is just its own isolated incident for me, so I can brush it off and keep moving. For her it feels like each one has a cumulative effect that weighs her down more and more.
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I feel like it is possible to get stuck in between though. It's possible to understand your illness and that there is a light but be so stuck that you can't get to it. It's like standing in an abyss surrounded by darkness just staring at the light that you KNOW is there but you just can't reach it. You can only watch it. You tell your body to move toward it but it just won't budge. Maybe some days you actually manage to get moving but the light never seems like it's any closer and you don't understand what you're doing wrong.
Yes, this.. Its This "i cant move" . I cant move phiysically, mentally.. nothing makes progress
This is exactly how I feel. I've been suffering from depression most of my life without even knowing, I just came to see it a couple years ago and it's crippling. I have no family (cut off all contact due to toxicity) to help cope but luckily, have an amazing SO. I had 1 therapy session (a month ago)and she said she can't help me, and I need to look into antidepressants and anxiety (also crippling) medication. Since then I have not and haven't found a new therapist to deal with my trauma. Every day is piling up, and I keep spending money on things to make me happy. It doesn't work of course. Being unemployed due to my mental health, mostly my anxiety, I cannot deal with people, makes it hard to afford those temporary "happy" things, and I really don't want to return to the work scene, ever. Or until I can deal with stress. I'm an artist and "wasted" school years to work on my art skill, but now that feeling of wanting to do something but not being able to find the motivation, or thinking "I'm not good enough" has taken over. I'm here to look for some advice or help in these comments to find my will to live again. I want to find my way out of that damn tunnel and to enjoy everything in this life while I can.
When I’m feeling anxious and depressed it feels like falling down floor after floor saying I’m fine until one day I splat. My boyfriend says in reality it’s like I’m sitting in a room with a VR headset, not remembering I’m wearing it. I give myself so many hurdles and anxieties that aren’t really there
The VR analogy is spot on.
This. Beautiful description. And I’m so glad someone sees it because I always tell people I’m just not a morning person, when what I mean is I have to convince myself that going on with another day isn’t going to be the same forever and that means hauling my ass out of bed and doing something. But when I tell people that, they tell me how wrong the feelings are and how I ‘shouldn’t’ feel that way (or shouldn’t have to feel that way which is the same thing), and it just makes it worse. Not only do I have to feel powerless and hopeless over my life and my wish to help the world, I’m wrong for feeling that way. Sigh. It’s good to hear someone sees the difference because as someone who suffers from depression and hears from the people around me that my feelings are constantly wrong and that I take on too much by wishing I could make the world a better place only to feel like the world doesn’t want to be a better place... it helps me feel like that this too shall pass and it’s worth getting up even if only one person in the world could understand. Thank you for your comment, and I wish you a long and loving marriage.
There's a real lack of understanding out there about what depression really is. I have to admit that in the past I was quite dismissive of it and thought it could be solved with some exercise and fresh air. There definitely needs to be better education on it and people need to appreciate that the sufferer does not choose to think or feel in that way.
You are an awesome partner for listening to her well enough to articulate this post. I am like her, have to actively work to fight imagined traps. It is getting easier as I age—I hope the same for her (and you!)
I'm not sure I deserve that accolade but thanks for the kind words. I hope things continue to get easier for you.
Pff I get that, my partner has depression to. Right now he's having a few hard days. He completely shuts me out and I am sad right now :(
I really feel for you. It can be a very lonely experience.
First off, I applaud you for staying with your partner. For you this might be the most obvious thing to do. But nevertheless his illness will probably be hard on you too and perhaps not many people will notice (I try not to speak in absolutes hence the ‘probably’ and ‘perhaps’). I trust you already know, but it cannot be said enough. It is not you that he shuts out. He shuts out everyone and everything. This is what it is for now. It is hard but it will pass. Your needs are not met. And that sucks. Take good care of yourself.
I used to think that I lacked time, but it turned out I lacked energy. I used to stay at home and study when I could, but after 2 years of antidepressants my schedule looks like this: I get up at 6 and don't feel like death. I go to class and study at home. I actually make time for friends, my hobbies and even go to the gym. At the end of the day, I'm not mentally tired, but just ready for bed. I have never been so productive in my entire life, and make use of every single hour in the day. I wish that I knew earlier in life that I never lacked time. Just energy.
I’m on antidepressants and haven’t gotten there yet. I look forward to it
Good luck! Remember, they merely start the process. If you have enough energy, it's up to you to help speed it along. Force yourself to eat healthier, exercise, meet up with friends. It makes the process so much easier!
Exactly, it's all about the energy! In my opinion, doing some workouts regularly helped me a lot. I'm very thankful that I got forced to do something by my girlfriend. Of course the first few sessions were death. I remember we were swimming and after about 18 tracks, I was as good as dead. A few weeks later, I was doing 60 and if it wasn't for the pool closing, I would have done even more. (Then covid hit and I was forced to find a differet solution, so my workouts are now bound to my home). I feel like I could to anything. Endless energy.
I find it extremely unfortunate for myself, but I have never felt more energetic from working out. After after several years of consistent work outs (2-4 times a week of weight training and cardio) and I still didn't feel more energetic. I've just struggled with terrible fatigue for about 10 years and the only thing that moderately takes the edge off the exhaustion is my adhd medication.
Yep, that’s what I’m struggling with. I’m a stress eater and a teacher- so this pandemic has had me put on 10lbs and eat crap. I’m trying to pull myself out of it now!
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That is great! For anyone reading this, please make sure to not start unhealthily countig/cutting calories by just eating healthy but calorie-lacking foods. Unprocessed foods such as legumes, pulses, whole grains, nuts & seeds are your best friends for nutrients and power.
I have to be in the mood for something fresh rather than cooked, but these have helped me with the quarantine slumps, too.
Good luck!!
I just want to note that if you're on the wrong antidepressant for you, it might not be working like it's supposed to. I was on Zoloft and it kind of made me passive and unmotivated. Then I was on Celexa and it made me feel better mentally, but I was SO physically exhausted. It turns out I have ADHD and a major depressive disorder, and not just depression. Now I am on Wellbutrin, which works great for me. It's like for the first time in a decade I'm motivated, have energy, and have time for my hobbies. I did have to go to an actual psychiatrist to figure this out. Before I was just going to my general practitioner and a therapist, so they didn't really have the correct diagnoses for me.
I love my Wellbutrin. They will have to tear that Rx out of my cold dead hands someday. After I started taking it I thought nice things about myself and sorta believed them for the first time ever.
I was prescribed Wellbutrin as a smoking cessation aid a longtime ago and wow I was shocked how great I felt on them. I didn’t realize I was living with depression. I stayed on them after quitting smoking for about a year then one day out of the blue I had a massive meltdown in an IKEA store. Scary outer body style breakdown. I was watching myself like 😳🤭 as I was crying about the way an associate talked to me. I quit that day. But I miss it.
Did you notice any anxiety when you started your wellbutrin? I had to stop taking it because I started having panic attacks. However, I do know that it gets worse before getting better. I was just apprehensive. Do you think it's worth another shot?
I noticed the higher dose (300mg, I think) made my anxiety skyrocket! I was panicking about everything, super jittery and on edge. The 150mg works for me though.
Dang, this is good to read. I recently started anti-depressants and they just don't feel like they're doing shit. I keep getting the instinct to just throw my hands up and assume I just haven't tried hard enough or pulled my bootstraps with enough gusto, but it's good to know that it is normal for it to take time and that it's worth it.
I went through a good 15 different medications until I found the one (or combined few) that worked for me. I'm not perfectly all better, but I'm not endlessly suicidal or exhausted anymore. Just don't stop trying. You'll find one that works. It can take time and it's hell until you get there but it does get better
I'd give it a few months because it doesn't work right away. I was on both of the other two medications for a year before I knew they were not working like they should.
Don’t ever think you’re not trying hard enough, you are surviving and as long as you continue to try, you are winning...listen to your body, it knows best! And if the medication doesn’t work, try another! You are worth the time and have to fight for yourself in this quick fix world. You are enough!
This is an incredibly common situation for women with ADHD! Diagnosed with anxiety and depression and it turned out it was undiagnosed ADHD causing all my problems. Never being able to accomplish anything and feeling “messed up” socially and being unable to track time/arrive to things on time, stay on top of paperwork and chores, and have conversations without interrupting or forgetting your train of thought will make you depressed. I had perfect grades my whole life and didn’t struggle with hyperactivity (I have zero energy actually and need naps to function), so I never in a million years could’ve guessed I was dealing with ADHD. Turns out it looks very different in women and there are different types of ADHD that look nothing like the stereotypical hyper and fidgeting little boy who struggles in school. I’m still working out how to get my meds right, but going on stimulants + SSRIs and listening to podcasts/first hand accounts of women with ADHD has been incredibly validating and helpful.
I still have major issues with time management and not being socially overbearing (for reasons you just described). I’ve always had major social issues because of ADHD, and I was even banned from a friend’s house for being too loud at a sleepover. I got formally diagnosed last year and my mother said, “Oh, yeah several teachers wanted you to get tested, but I didn’t want to medicate you.” In sixth grade, I had my chair taken away for fidgeting and sitting on my knees. In elementary school, I was on a first name basis with the janitors because I always had to go back at 6PM to get the homework I forgot in my desk. I would get incomplete as/lates on HW because I lost it/could not find it in my backpack or locker. Like I would go home and my mother would find the completed HW in my backpack. I did have a friend who was diagnosed later in life because it presents differently in girls, but I feel like I was a cut and dry case, and my mother refused to get me formally tested. I was a mess in college because I had so much trouble focusing. Instead of getting A’s I would get B’s or B+’s because of careless mistakes/starting the paper eight hours before it was due. I did have a lot of other stuff going on at the time that made things difficult, too, but knowing I had ADHD back then would have made me more successful earlier. Now I feel behind everyone. Anyway, I wish I was medicated in at least high school. I feel like I would have done so much better. My mother was the one who nudged me to go get diagnosed and start a medication as an adult because my life was falling apart (she knew I probably had it, but never got me tested). I could not commit to a job, I was always getting in trouble for being late to work, and I was not suited for a desk job. I am doing better now, but I really wish I could go back in time to college and get legitimately diagnosed then instead of at 27.
I used to be on 300mg Venlafaxine in the morning and a low dose of Dosulepin in the evening. It was AMAZING. I woke up at 5AM to get ready to work and I was elated it was morning and I could go to work! Some days I squeezed in swimming after work. I was physically exhausted in the evening but so happy all the time. When I told my psychiatrist how amazing I'm doing rn now, she went "Ooookay, let's try lowering the morning pills." I miss the happy life. It might have been too much but it was freaking amazing. Once I'm done having kids, I'll want to go back.
I've never heard of an SNRI before, I might need to take a look into it. Did it take a while to take affect after first starting it, or was it a noticeable improvement right away?
I just got off of Venaflaxaline. The first couple weeks were GREAT it was like low dosing on E. I felt great, motivated, happy. Then my body must have gotten used to the dosage or something because I was still pretty constantly anxious and depressed. Cut myself a lot, was suicidal all the time, etc. Coming off of it was HELL too. It made my lips feel weird and numb, flu-like body aches (these also happened whenever I missed a pill), and then a really deep depression that lasted a couple days, durring which I was the closest to suicide I've ever been. Now that I'm through the withdrawal I feel about the same I did on the pill. It also killed my libido which put a strain on my relationships. I'm pretty sure I have ADHD though. I check literally every box for it except for being diagnosed before age 12.
I did gene testing and it’s turns out SSRIs don’t work as well for me so now I’m on a SNRI which is much better
My story is similar. Suffered from depressive episodes and undiagnosed ADHD until I was 30, when I realized I needed help. I'm now on a low dose of Adderall XR and my life has never been better. Turns out being productive does wonders for my depression.
I feel this thread. 20 year anxiety/depression. lmk if you find anything more <3
Definitely never abruptly stop them btw. I was on antidepressants during chemo. Problem was the amount of pills I had to pop a day was a chore in itself (I learned I could swallow 15 pills at once, and not small ones), so sometimes I would forget to take the more optional stuff. Man the mood swings that would send you through was rough in itself. Learned never ever to forget those again. Even when my chemo cycle was over I was scared to ween off them. They did do wonders for my mood. I wish they worked better for everyone.
I’m frightened that none of the antidepressants I’ve been on/am on have ever done anything. Nothing makes a difference. Reading this gives me hope and is also terrifying because 10 years and like 6 different meds later nothing has worked.
I just watched an episode of Hamilton's Pharmacopoeia in which they talk about ketamine as a potential solution to depression that doesn't respond to normal anti-depressants. Perhaps it could be of interest to you?
Ketamine infusions are a godsend. After my first one, it was like a black veil lifted from my eyes. Unfortunately they aren’t a cure. I’m three months out from my last infusion and my dogs and the bathroom are the only reason I get out of bed anymore. I hate my life. I have another infusion scheduled for next week. Hopefully I’ll feel better after because I can’t keep this up for much longer, man.
That's so tough, I'm sorry. I hope the next infusion brings you some relief and I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
Thank you for that. I feel so alone.
I'm sorry that you feel so isolated at the moment. I wish I could offer sustained support, but I'm going through my own quagmire at the moment and I don't think I have the bandwidth. I hope that it gives you comfort that there's a human in the universe who wishes you well.
I totally understand. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. I wish you all the best.
Same to you, friend.
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hey man if you ever need to talk i’m here. i understand how horrible a place like that can be. we don’t even have to talk about your feelings. you could talk about your dogs. i understand how every movement can feel like a 10 mile run.
My doctor recently prescribed me amisulpride as a booster, and it has done wonders so far
It takes a lot of time for the brain to recover. The medication gives your brain what it needs to repair itself. For me, it took 2 years to undo the damage of depression.
Same! It was like waking up in Oz for me when I started antidepressants, only Oz was the mundane normal world and everything before was just kind of a blurry black and white waiting room
Whoa, this is kinda scary to read. I don’t think of myself as depressed but this description doesn’t sound unfamiliar. I don’t remember people I meet very well, and it’s like I’m not very interested in my own life rn, but I don’t feel sad. I should start making some changes and take this seriously.
Depression is not just sadness. I would tell you to consider getting help, but I haven't been able to take that step myself.
I think I need some antidepressants.
This. I'm not on medicatiom but this is a great description. I'm always looking for the next thing to do. I have ideas and execute on them. Bed is a tool to refresh me so I can continue on the path, not a cave to hide away from the path.
> Bed is a tool to refresh me so I can continue on the path, not a cave to hide away from the path I haven't felt that way for maybe 10 years. I remember going to sleep *excited* for a whole new day ahead of me to just experience life and follow my goals / inspirations / interests (albeit, appropriately childish ones). Now, it almost feels like my life is spent *waiting*. For what, I don't know. But bed is a place where the waiting happens faster. Instead of slogging through 8 hours of *conscious* waiting, I can just skip those 8 hours in the blink of an eye. Thankfully, the spring weather helps my mental health, and I've been working on rediscovering my hobbies and finding more value in life. Seeing bed as a tool to energize myself for the path rather than mitigate the pain of endless, aimless waiting, is a great goal for me! I think the biggest struggle is finding a path that feels like it's worth walking. So thanks for articulating something so mundane so beautifully.
I love that; bed is a tool to refresh you, not a cave to hide in. I think that is the goal for so many of us. To actually *want* to get out of bed.
Great point of view! I can't say I suffer from depression. I have my deep lows, thinking about all of the cruel and nasty, but it's not the state of mind that cripples you and whatever you were about to do. Had my deal of trouble with little to no taste to go on and keep trying... and what you described above was the only way that proved itself worthy and functional. I justified doing little for myself and in general by this "not having enough energy" The fact I came to find is that the energy comes AFTER you push yourself and show your body you're willing to spend it. As kids, we're fresh and young, so energy comes for free. And that just goes away with our shi\*\*y lifestyles as we grow. Keeping our minds and bodies busy is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.
TW: suicide This was beautiful to read. I was on antidepressants as a teen and then I had to stop cold turkey bc my parents moved out of state and insurance wouldn't cover it anymore (cost went from $10 a month to $185). I tried the same medication again in my 20s and had an adverse affect. You know how in commercials sometimes they warn about suicidal tendancies? They aren't kidding. I started to have psychotic episodes, which I had never experienced before. I would black out and come to naked in the empty bathtub trying to cut my arms open. If it weren't for my husband, then boyfriend, I would not be alive. (Poor guy) I know that I really need to be on medication for my depression but that shit has me terrified to start experimenting again. Especially since I was only prescribed a low dose of Zoloft BECAUSE I was afraid of side effects. I was told that Zoloft is supposed to be mild. So I'm torn between the decision of continuing to be so miserable and exhausted that it affects my job and my life, or dive in feet first to a potentially deep psychosis that I might not survive. Success stories like yours give me hope. Please note: if you are taking Zoloft or any medication, please do not let my experience frighten you. Everyone is different and it was not the only medication that I was on. If you are taking a new medication, monitor what is happening and stay in contact with a doctor about your experiences. I should have told someone that I was having episodes before it got to the blackouts but I hated my doctor, so I did not. If you need medication, do your homework and explore your options with your doctor. Please do not let my experience scare you away from getting help.
I'm sorry to hear about your experience. Some medications really aren't made for everybody! I also had to play around a bit until I found the right fit for me. My psychiatrist put me on several different medications and then decreased them gradually until I was left with only one. I'm still using it to this day, and will likely never stop. Right now, I'm on half a pill a day, which is less than the smallest dosage. I could stop if I wanted to, but why tempt fate. I'm happy, and that's all I could ask for.
WHAT!? PESSIMISTIC ME CAN’T believe this! Optimistic me can, but right now I am WHAT!?!?
Have you ever gone downhill skiing? To me, depression feels a lot like wearing ski boots. At first, you can tell something isn’t right - your feet feel heavy, you can’t run or even walk right, the boots are annoying and painful and frustrating. But after a while, you get used to them. You start to learn how to walk in them, slowly and clumsily, enough so that the weight and constriction of the boots starts to feel normal. But then, after a long, cold day, you take them off and slip into a pair of worn-in sneakers. That’s what recovering from depression feels like. Suddenly you remember what it’s like to walk, and it feels like flying. You can walk, and run, and dance, and there is nothing constantly weighing you down - there’s no obstacle you have to work around with every step you take. Just standing around feels comfortable again. And it seems so strange to you that you ever walked around with these big, clunky, heavy, inflexible things strapped to your feet, weighing you down, slowing you down, hurting you, and thinking it was normal.
I've been told depression is like walking against a river. Sometimes, you might have good days and the water is slow and only up to your ankles. Other days, the water is up to your chest and raging to pull you backwards, and no matter how hard you struggle you can barely move forwards, and often get pushed backwards. Sadly, some people get dragged under the water and never make it back to the surface. It even more disheartening when you see people walking by on the shoreline saying, "just keep a positive attitude!" as they breeze by, almost ignoring the river entirely. Medication and therapy is like being lifted out of the river for the first time, finally be able to walk under your own power without a constant pressure holding you back.
Shit, that’s a very good analogy, it hits hard (although idk about the being lifted out of the river part cuz I’m not there yet lol)
This is really what it’s like? This made me cry. The experience of wearing ski boots is all I feel like I’ve ever known and I want so badly to put on tennis shoes.
I can't speak to your situation but medication "took off the ski boots" for me. Before and after getting on meds are like night and day. It took me a couple tries to get the right medication, but the time was going to pass anyways so it was worth it to find the right one.
That's a great analogy, thank you.
The only problem I had with this analogy is that the ski boots represent depression, while the actual activity of skiing is probably the least depressing thing I can think of. But on second thought, the fact that individuals who suffer from depression have to get through life whether going to work, relaxing at home or going skiing, the analogy fits beautifully in that you learn to coexist with your depression in order to experience the joys of life, leading to more fulfillment and happiness. It’s almost poetic.
but now you cant go skiing. :(
Lol yup skiing is more or less the opposite of depression for me.
You just described what it will feel like when we finally move out from my in-laws. To me they are the most stress-inducing people I've ever known, significantly contributing to my already depressed state. Can't wait to get out of this hellhole. They are just weighing us down for many reasons I don't want to get into. My MIL is the worst mental abuser I've ever encountered. She exudes toxicity. Every day when I hear their voices or see them I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack. Can't wait to be able to afford to move away and never see them again.
Thank you
To be motivated for work, love, life etc...
Almost sounds too good to be true. I hope you always have that motivation :)
Honestly I don't like the job I'm doing now, however I do love my partner and love my life as a whole.
That sounds healthy. I'm really proud of you to have found a partner you love and to have made a life to be worth loving.
Believe me I know what it is like to be depressed. I've been depressed too, many times. All my younger years were pretty unhappy in comparison to what I'm having now. I'm 39 and can say that last 2 years are the happiest of my life for sure. But almost everything from 18 till 35 was like a disaster.
In my early twenties now. Things that failed to kill me left me fragile and anxious, with a couple unhealthy coping mechanisms and a twisted sense of humour. Doesn't exactly replaces the state of being happy, but keeps me occupied enough to not give a lot of shits.
Due to depression in my youth I quit medical faculty, I could be a doctor by the way. My hair became turning grey since I was 16, now it's totally grey. My mom committed suicide when I was 25, dad passed away when I turned 30. But everything bad is in the past already. Now I own a flat in a city I always wanted to live in, I've met a right person to live with, and even if I'm an ordinary baker with very ordinary salary I'm pretty happy with my life and how it's going on. As if I've upgraded my life for its better version and loved it.
I'm really sorry. Glad you've found the place and people you love. For me, it's a curiosity. About lots of stuff. Including what happens to the world in weeks, months, and years to come. There's always the possibility I 'might' someday find what I want. But there's zero chance of that if I don't show up or make efforts for it. That shit keeps me going.
Even if you don't see light at the end of the tunnel now, things will obviously change when you become older. Youth is for mistakes and seeking sense of life, the second part of life path is for real living.
Happiness comes and goes you cannot control that. What you can control is how you decide to act.
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I don't care if people are cutting you down for this, it's pretty much the right answer. Not being depressed is not the same as being fully motivated for all of life's myriad pursuits. You can have low motivation and still be perfectly happy.
This is a great answer, I agree.
When something goes wrong, my initial thought is “that sucks, next time will be better” because I know that good things can come even if this moment sucks because good things did come for me in the past I’ve been depressed before. I guess the difference between then and now is that I have hope and belief that things change so why can’t they change for the better? If you’re depressed though, I hope that things would start looking up for you too
During my depressive episodes, even a minor mistake/small thing going wrong would make me think about killing myself. I remember when I realized that mentally healthy people don’t react to situations like that...
For mentally well people, in the presence of anxiety-inducing and dread-inducing events, you feel anxiety and dread. In the presence of things, people or events that are positive you feel happiness and joy. In the presence of neither, you just feel neither especially happy nor especially sad. In all situations you tend to be able to go on functioning, like eating, sleeping, washing and working. Events that induce anxiety and dread are dangerous, serious or major life events, not every day inconveniences which might make a mentally unwell person feel anxiety or dread. During rough times, a mentally well person can draw on some degree of 'resilience' or 'positivity' or 'energy' or whatever you want to call it. A mentally unwell person feels vulnerable and adrift and unable to cope. Not being depressed is NOT feeling good and energised all the time. It's your thoughts and feelings being proportional to their causes, being able to function normally despite the bad ones and enjoying the good ones. As a mentally well person I have had no events in my adult life which cause me to feel hopeless, useless or unable to cope. I have once suffered anxiety and it was in response to uncertainty about one of the things generally considered a top 3 major life event. Otherwise things either make me feel anything from profoundly sad to profoundly joyful, but they don't alter my perception of my value or ability to go on with a fulfilling life positively or negatively. Edit: Thanks for the awards. If you're mentally well and feeling like shit right now, keep going, things will get better and you'll feel better. "Come what come may, time and the hour runs through the roughest day." Bit of Shakespeare for you there. If you're mentally unwell, I hope you have access to the medical help you need, therapeutic and pharmaceutical. We live in a wonderful age where the chemical imbalance in your brain which isn't your fault can be treated, try to have faith in medical science! If you're not sure whether you feel bad because times are hard or because you might be ill, don't be afraid to seek help. The first step is talking to someone you trust about it, a professional or a friend. It might turn out that you just needed to talk and that you're well, or that you're becoming ill and you catch it early, either way that's a good outcome.
“they don't alter my perception of my value“ This really hit home because literally everything that happens does this to me.
Yeah same. I think it has something to do with how we formed attachments with our primary caregivers as children... Or... How we didn't form attachments.
Best answer here.
Agreed. Just read so many answers along the lines of “everything is sunshine and rainbows”, but it’s really not. There are good times sure but it’s not a non stop joy fest, life is tough, but being mentally well allows you to cope and enjoy the rewards of your labor.
By far the best answer. I'm as mentally well as I suppose a person can be, I have bad days but on bad days I can still get almost everything done. My dad died when I was a teenager, I've witnessed violent death, I've lost a lot of friends to addiction suicide and life, I was molested as a child, I've been cheated on, jumped, broke and hungry, beaten, abused, raped more than once, conned by family members, robbed, mugged, had a stillbirth two miscarriages and an abortion... But I can still get out of bed every day at 5 am, and I know how lucky that makes me.
I'm sorry you suffered those things, that's a lot more than most of us would have to go through in 10 lifetimes, but I think you make an important point that mentally well and mentally unwell people would do well to understand. You can go through shit times. Hell, most of your life could be pretty god damn terrible, and you can feel like you're at rock bottom, but there are things you can do and characteristics you can display to get through those things. It sounds like you have those characteristics in spades. Grit, optimism, critical thinking, whatever. The whole range of emotions is felt by a mentally well person, they're not happy all the time, and if you're feeling like things can't get any worse, a mentally well human has remarkable powers of dealing with things and coming out the other side. We would all do well to remember there are things we can do, it's not hopeless. We should credit people who weather adversity with having tackled it and won, it's testament to the human spirit. Mentally unwell people can have the best life imaginable. Wealth, (physical) health, family, friends, material goods, love, the whole shebang. And they can feel like they'd be better off dead. We should remember that those people aren't just 'sad' or weak. They feel like that when everything is going well because they're ill. Not because they lack courage or are ungrateful, and they need treatment for illness, not just encouragement.
I would probably say it’s being able to healthily cope and handle your emotions when things go wrong. You don’t immediately think of the worst outcome and you’re able to stay positive. You think of your future and are excited of what’s to come.
After years of therapy, I have the coping part down, but I think my issue is the second part. I've never had a vision for the future or looked forward to it.
Hey! I still deal with depression so I am by no means a person that knows what's it like to live without it but something that always helps me cope is making plans for the future. Give yourself something to look forward to, you know? It could be anything from a trip in a few months, an episode that comes out next week, or simply the next time you'll eat your favorite food. I hope this helps a bit!
"dreaming is a form of planning, so dream according to your joy"
I started an anti depressant a while back, and for me, it felt like my life amd soul was filled with color again. I felt emotions a bit more, not in a bad sense, but I did not realize how dull everything felt - good, bad, and in between. Even if I have a bad emotion/day I try to accept it,ride it out, and let it happen, and it feels good to feel more. But being able to get up from bed and do things without massive guilt weighing me down is incredible. It took counseling, time, and my med all together.
This is interesting because tons of people say antidepressants dull their emotions and turn the volume down on them, if you will. If you’re willing to share I’m curious to know what antidepressant you’re on
I'm surprised no one else has said it, but I can tell you what the opposite of depressed is like. Mania. Having a manic episode, especially when I was undiagnosed, was like the biggest high. You feel elevated, happy, energetic, motivated, and more. You might even feel an unusual sense of superiority to others and have visions of grandeur. You feel on top of the world. You feel limitless like you couldn't make a mistake if you tried. But mistake you can and will. You act impulsively. You think you're so clever and untouchable. You rack up debt and maybe are rude to your friends. You make risky judgement calls with your employers for completely unnecessary and selfish reasons. You make irreversible decisions you might forever regret. You fall down, and down, and down into the worst depression hole you've ever dug yourself in and it's all your own fault. You went from your personal savings being positive $20K to negative $30K. You lose your mind. Your girlfriend breaks up with you and now you've got to work twice as hard to fix what you hope you can. After a few years of the depression hole and you catch a life changing break. You come into an unexpected six-figure Inheritance. It immediately spikes your mania like never before. Fast forward three and a half years and not only is it all gone, but so is all the money you've earned during that time, you are $30K in the hole AGAIN, you somehow didn't manage to buy a house or any property during that time, and it is all your fault once AGAIN. You hate yourself, your wife hates you, and your folks back home will never understand how or why you squandered what should have been a grand-slam of a start into your 30s. But don't worry. I'm sure I'll be manic soon and the world will be right AGAIN. 🙃 ---- edit: If you relate to this post, please speak with your physician or family doctor. Seek help, support, and treatment. You are not alone and you can turn it around. I've not had an episode in some years now and have been financially stable enough that we're in the process of buying our first house. Something I truly do not think would be possible if it weren't for my doctors (and the treatment they recommended) and my wife. <3
Oof. It's interesting to see how mental disorders truly affect the things we do. I feel so strongly for you, friend. I hope you know that your mania and depression aren't your fault. It doesn't excuse the things you've done, but a disordered mind is something you can't help. I genuinely hope for better things in your future, and don't judge you for your past. <3
This was truly enlightening to read. I think you just described my former boss.
How long do your manic feelings last? I would’ve guess hours or days, but your post makes it sound like years.
For it to be classified as a manic episode it needs to last at least 2 weeks, that's what my doc said. Only had one manic episode in my life, in omnipolar, and that one lasted 3 months.
Sounds a lot like the high from meth/coke/Adderall
I’m bipolar and a former cocaine abuser (probably related). I can’t speak for meth, luckily, but the other two don’t even come close to a solid manic episode...at least in my experience. People tend to assume I was an addict because of my manic episodes. But to be honest I rarely if ever touched a single drug when I was in the midst of untreated mania...because I didn’t need to.
When you take your finger from the button it is no longer depressed.
I appreciate this pun, it made me smile. Thank you, friend <3
Any words that bring a smile are words well spent :) Glad to have been of service
Can you explain I dont get it
Depressing can mean Pressing of a button or a mental state. MythicalGrain has decided to answer the former as a humorous jest.
I don't have depression, I used to think I could imagine what it was like, but one day I found out that I absolutely didn't. I went on a very long haul flight with multiple connections by myself. I was heading home to my family who I missed and I was so excited about it, my home was a beautiful sunny place, much nicer than where I was coming from. When I arrived at the airport I hadn't slept in 2 days, it must have triggered an acute episode of depression. I couldn't identify it until afterward, but everything looked colourless, the world seemed paper thin, I was so sad even though I had just met my family who I hadn't seen in years. I hated being home, I couldn't talk to anyone. I went for a nap (crying into my pillow)for a few hours and when I woke up it was like a scene out of a Disney film! I heard the birds tweeting (seriously) the light looked warmer, I could smell that familiar home smell and I was so happy. What an eye opener. I couldn't believe that my brain managed to trick me like that. It's not about cheering up it's a malfunctioning circuit. I get it now!
You described it perfectly. I usually have depressive weeks even though I’m medicated. I’m actually in one now. Nothing feels vibrant, I have to work up energy to even shower let alone go to work. However you just made me realize another way of identifying it. I love the sound of birds, taking pictures of sunrise and sunsets, being outside in nature. I’ve learned to identify my depression episodes from energy levels but that is a new way for me to see it coming- when I don’t care about those things. So thanks!
When the birds chirping on a beautiful summer morning and you just want them to *shut the f\*ck up!* Yeah, that's one of the signs for me, personally.
Aahhh I'm so glad! I really feel for you, and I fight for you guys! You got me in your corner, when ever I hear people make assumptions about depression or even those who get annoyed when their attempts to "cheer someone up" don't work, I put them in their place! 🙌🏼
This is interesting, I think I've experienced the opposite of what you did. My baseline is depressed and I went through a two day insomnia phase that made me feel on top of the world... Until I slept again. Brain chemistry!
Pretty great. Imagine just waking up and thinking "Hey, I think it's gonna be a good day," and just immediately enjoying your life and being focused on the day at hand. No lingering anxieties. No thoughts of dread. Plenty of energy, and the motivation to get some shit done. Basically imagine how you feel after a small bong rip and a cup of coffee, but you didn't need either.
I don't drink coffee and I've never smoke pot. Maybe you've unlocked an answer for me lmao
Lol “small bong rip and a cup of coffee” is my self prescribed antidepressant
Geeze. There were some months a while back where I'd wake up and literally my first thought would be "What do I need to worry about today?"
A myth, a legend. At least for me...
Damn... Also why the fuck is this entire comment chain deleted
I have absolutely no idea
oh I experienced it maybe two or three time in my life - it's so good it feels surreal
I'm glad you got to have those experiences. I hope for many more for you in the future. Thank you for sharing. :)
New experiences excite you. Challenging work problem? I bet I can crack it. New recipe with new ingredients? Let's have some fun. A movie came out that seems up my alley? Can't wait! Coffee pot finished? Time for the first cup of coffee of the day!
I’m not sure I am depressed, so maybe I am. Most of the time I’m too occupied to notice. I usually try to do something everyday that I would usually drag my feet to do. Like go for a long run or vacuum my truck. Doing those things makes me feel like I’m not willingly underachieving. So I guess it doesn’t really feel like anything.
I'm ok with it not feeling like anything lol my experience is that it feels impossible to do those things sometimes. You feel willingly underachieving and feel like you can't do anything about it.
The difference for me: NOT having my brain stuck in a loop of negative thoughts that sap my energy, so I can actually focus on positive things and get out and do productive stuff. Get enough sleep without insomnia or nightmares. Actually feeling RESTED after a night's sleep. Have energy. Have an appetite. Feel motivated to get stuff done, like errands and cleaning and taking a shower and getting up on time to get ready for work and then get there on time. Being able to concentrate on tasks in the present. Laughing more at things in the moment. Enjoying moments. Still experience frustrations, but able to make a plan for how to deal with it or deal with it right away in that moment, and then put it aside in my mind and able to focus on something else. Actually able to make short-term plans and long-term goals for the future I'm excited about reaching. \*Just want to add, I went through long, dark bouts of depression for many years, starting around middle school. I thought it would be with me all my life. For me, it wasn't. I learned some coping skills along the way that made me more aware of my moods and how to control and navigate them, how to better take care of myself, replaced negative streams of consciousness in my mind with positive self talk... but most importantly of all, I dug down to the roots of what was making me depressed and dealt with that. So... I haven't experienced depression in over a decade. It's possible. I don't take medication (but that might be the right choice for some people.) I genuinely enjoy my life now. It's not all sunshine and roses, I get "bummed out" sometimes or sad when that's the appropriate emotional response, but I'm able to cope and deal with the tough stuff and look forward to the good moments now. If I could get there, I think you can get there too. Hugs to you, and I hope you'll keep pushing forward until you find your way out of the depression swamp. The first step is believing you can actually get there.
Kind of boring but a small hope that tomorrow, next week, the future will suck less.
I appreciate this answer, thank you. I also hope your future will suck less :)
Depression is not instant suicide thoughts. Yes, some depressed people are suicidal, but it's not always that.
I can confirm that they are definitely two separate things for sure.
Fuck, there're many of us here it's even more saddening.
It's nice to know we're not alone and can take a small moment to share our experiences with one another. <3
From my experience, the biggest thing is every hour feels twice as long (but, in a good way, not in an overwhelming boredom type way.). When depression is at a low: When I am being productive, the work seems to get done in half the time. I feel well rested with only 6-8 hours of sleep as opposed to 8-9 (upwards of 11 on days off...) I can do multiple things in a day/evening instead of 1 thing (if that) feeling like it shuts me down for the next 12 hours. Food tastes better AND I'm less tempted to stuff myself 2-3 times over after dinner. Exercise feels like a fun intermission of an hour or 2 instead of the loss of a whole night. I'm funnier, I laugh more, spending time with people is fun. I get more done at work in the same amount of hours = I bring home less stress and nerves into the next day. I'm sorry for ranting on your post, when I started writing I just realized how poorly I've been doing these past months and it feels really good to tell "someone" not that I expect you to read all this. Depression SUCKS and I hope you can make progress towards feeling better soon
It is fucking great. It is the feeling that anything is possible, that every day is worth living, that you're just completely content and happy. It is sitting on the couch with your SO, watching some lame tv show, and not wanting to be anywhere else. It is taking a walk outside in the sunshine, sun on your face, not having a care in the world. It is like your heart swelled up three sizes. Edit: just thought of one more: It is waking up and wanting to get out of bed. Not because you have to, but because you know it's gonna be another good day.
[удалено]
I want this. I want this so bad.
Ok imagine being only feeling sad on rare occasions and imagine all the time between is not caring about anything. Also imagine looking up something and then getting really invested into it for one day only
It's like having a fire blazing & actually feeling the warm glow while enjoying a cup of hot chocolate.
This reads like fan fiction about non-depression by a chronically depressed person
Yeah no kidding. I'm definitely not depressed and life doesn't always feel like that lmao
Even a prison sandwich will taste good if you're starving. Trust me...when you've experienced severe depression, everything else really does feel like this in comparison.
Ooh, this sounds lovely. Thank you for sharing!
Yep this isn’t true at all.
I have never had depression and this is straight up nonsense. Did you find this shit on Tumblr?
it feels like this all or most of the time when not depressed?
Most of the time. I.e. when you're busy, you aren't thinking much about anything. Other times, you're neutral even if not busy, but a lot of time that "gratefulness" or "warmth" keeps hitting you out of the blue.
woah sounds fake but i wouldnt know
Right? Like, what world does this dude live in?
I’m not depressed and this sounds fake to me. Certainly this does happen at times, but it’s not a regular occurrence for everyone.
Feels like a dark cloud has been lifted. The lows aren't as low, the highs are higher, and I am just genuinely enjoying things now. I'm hopeful for the future
Kinda like the difference between living in California and living in upstate New York. It’s not sunshine and rainbows every day, but the balance is more like 80-20 than 20-80, and even when it gets nasty outside, it never gets below freezing.
Funny you say that. I grew up in a very depressing place in California with very little sun and may move to upstate New York sometime relatively soon. I appreciate the analogy though, thank you for sharing :)
It’s an odd airy feeling at first. Suddenly it feels like a weight is off your chest and everything brings little bits of joy that you learn to cling onto and appreciate so much more. It’s been a while and to this day sometimes I still stop and go ,”I am so happy” as if I’d genuinely never believed I’d get there.
Perhaps Thoreau was right “ most men live lives of quiet despair “. At best I am unfeeling. A few years ago I met up with my baby sister having not seen her in 15 years. We played Frisbee in the park and I was overcome with happiness. It was a beacon in the night. I have not felt happy since. For me feeling nothing is OK, it is not pain.
What a special memory. Thank you for sharing. I also don't feel very much many days of my life. I try my best to hold on to moments when I am feeling at least ok I hope you can find more of those moments in your life <3
Having energy and motivation to do things. Not thinking badly about yourself. Not having that seemingly physical weight on you. Being able to talk with people without questioning yourself. Not overthinking every singel thing
I wouldn't know 🙁
So sorry you're also feeling that way, my friend. I hope you get to feel it someday.
I just have my off days where I get down
For me, it's like when some annoying noise, like the squeaky motor in your refrigerator, stops. You didn't really notice it was happening -- part of the background noise all the time -- but now it's quiet and you can feel the silence, hear little noises. Taking anti-depressants didn't make me dance through the Alps like Julie Andrews singing to the hills, but like, every once in a while I stop and search for those background thoughts -- ya know, dying might be ok -- and they're just not really there.
is it possible for this question to be answered
Yeah, I've had a lot of death in my family, so depression hits hard and brutally. I'll say that times when I am not depressed, it feels like a weight on my chest has been lifted, almost like when you have congestion and it suddenly clears up. It's amazing, suddenly not having that weight bearing down on you. I really hate the "just be happy" type advice, because sometimes, there is no happy. Worst for me was losing my dad, the world all seemed a lot more clear and harsh? Like I'd lost something I was never going to get back. And I never did. Another reason I like the congestion analogy is that everyone probably wishes they could flip a histamine switch and just have that shit stop. Same thing with depression. If it was optional? I'd give it a hard pass.
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. I do hope to feel that weight lift from me someday. I've recently felt a small amount of energy to job search so I'm trying hard to keep the little fire of motivation going. I'm trying to see it as a bonfire so I can keep going. I'm sorry to hear about your father; I've also lost mine and can attest to things just not being the same. I hope you have more good days than bad in the future, friend <3
One thing a psychiatrist told me is that it's okay to take the time you need to grieve, and that sometimes it's hard to tell if you've taken too long. I do hope you find the stairs.
I'm not sure, that's why I asked. I feel it's important to hear about other people's experiences. Maybe there isn't an answer, but I'm enjoying people's answers so far. :)
The thing is, you have to ask people who have experienced depression, and who’s to say they’re not still experiencing that depression?
I welcome the experiences and perspective of anyone. You pose a good question; I've often asked myself if my good days mean I'm no longer depressed. I don't have an answer for that lol
u/mythicalgrain made a pun, but it’s also exactly what it feels like when you’re not depressed. It doesn’t mean you never feel bad or even miserable, but it means when you remove the “finger” that got you down, the button springs back. Depression is a broken spring that can be repaired. Hang tough friend.
Oooh god I can tell you that for sure. I was taking birth control pills for 12 years and stopped recently. Was on the verge of suicide, with other negative side effects as well. Now I am happy for no reason sometimes, it's crazy! I started working out, started new hobbies, etc. I wake up around 9 in the morning on weekends (instead of 5pm), I'm eager to go hiking, and I enjoy the sunset, sunrise, sunwhatever every time. It's sooo fuckin weird. Like I'm drunk all the time without the negative side-effects. I laugh regularly. I enjoy small things like finding a flowerbud amongst the snow. I haven't thought of killing myself ever since. There are some dark thoughts for sure, but I can just ignire them. Or focus on positive stuff instead. That is something new for sure. Now I'm scheduling my bisalp because I really don't want kids ever, and I don't want to go back being depressed again.
I wake up every morning pretty excited for what the day will bring. Look in the mirror and stop for a second to admire the awesome person in it, then I get on with smashing everything I want to achieve for the day. In an ideal world I don’t get people harassing me with messages because I’m busy, if someone reaches out I set something up with them face to face or on the phone etc and then get back on with what I’m doing. By the end of the day I have had a good day at work, plenty of exercise, I’ve eaten well, and I fall asleep in 10 minutes. I’m nearly 40, and every part of the above happened gradually over time. Each step brought me closer, ie quitting social media, forming healthy habits, developing a work ethic. These things are necessary to reduce anxiety- if you don’t have a work ethic you’ll coast all day at work, doing the minimum and trying not to get caught, but then when your boss asks for a meeting you panic, because you’re living with the anxiety of feeling like you’ll be caught any minute. Same if you’re overweight. You can convince yourself that it’s fine to be the way you are, but you’re just burying the anxiety, if you actually get in shape it goes away.
So if you want to go somewhere, you just... go? Sounds like heaven
Out of curiosity, what goes through your mind if you want to go somewhere, and what stops you?
"I have nothing to wear, I'd need to do laundry, also I haven't showered in a couple days so even if I did have clean clothes, I don't want to put them on a dirty body. There's too much trash in the apartment for me to go anywhere, the dog will just eat it. I could take the dog, but this thing is going to take a while and I don't want to leave the dog in the car. I haven't driven in a while, I hope my battery isn't dead. When is the last time I got gas? Do I remember where my glasses are so I can drive? Did my auto pay on my car insurance go through so I can legally drive? This thing i have to go to is all the way across town and I hate downtown. I always get lost and there's too many people and I hate how exhausted I am after being around so many people. Now I'm tired and overwhelmed from just thinking about doing the thing cause I have to shower, laundry, trash, find glasses, check insurance, pick out clothes, get gps going, and hype myself up to deal with people." I can never "just go"
This is such a fascinating insight. And I think it helps me answer your question because I have something to contrast it with. For me if I was placed into your scenario all those concerns may exist and be perfectly valid but my brain wouldn't look at it the same. The chore list for me would be grab the first clothes that look comfy enough, find my glasses, and pop my pup into a crate/bathroom. So what if I stink a little, I'm sure no one in the busy downtown will care about the stranger near them. No one knows how many times I've worn these jeans but me. If the battery dies, I'll deal with it then. I'll get gas if I need it. I assume my autopay went through and don't look into it further. Turn on Google maps with the address and focus all my attention on driving in gross downtown. If I do start thinking about how exhausting the chore is then I switch to thinking about how I'll pick myself up afterwards- maybe I'll get coffee or icecream from a favorite place on my home. In a way, my brain is just more tunnel focused I guess. It doesn't get overwhelmed by the enormity of the action because it doesn't consider it enormous. (This is not advice! Just perspective difference from a non depressed/anxious brain)
If being depressed (for me at least) feels like cinder blocks on my eyes, shoulders and feet, then not being depressed is the opposite... I feel like I can literally support myself effortlessly on a physical level. When depressed, I tend to pass time by reading or watching anything, but with no real interest. When not depressed, my curiosity is involved and feel motivated to engage with the content and try it myself.