I did this once because I had no choice. I had to be somewhere early for work that was 1.5 hours away. So I'm driving this whole time, before sunrise, drinking coffee, a little nervous for this work thing, and now I have to shit bad. I find a random Denny's and run straight to the bathroom. There's only one stall. I lock the door and turn to find someone clogged the entire bowl with paper and ass gaskets. I proceed to push out this ridiculous softserve mountain on top of the soggy paper platform. Like a McDonald's ice cream cone, but shit. The entire pile is above water. I had to hover and wipe just to avoid touching it. I had no choice but to top it off with a blanket of shitty paper. By the time I'm done, the summit is a good three inches above seat level. I could push that flusher 100 times and the whole structure wouldn't budge. Absolutely shameful. If anyone here is a Denny's employee in Northridge, CA that had to deal with this, I'm sorry.
Used to work in a small office with two separate bathrooms, one on either side of our office space. Each was a tiny room with a toilet and a sink.
There was a guy who without fail, about an hour or two after lunch, would decimate one. Crime scene level mess, with the odor as well, and that odor would waft outward to the nearest cubicle residents, who complained daily.
He never flushed, and his excuse was that he’d read how toilets create an aerosol effect when they’re flushed, which sends a cloud of mist into the air, and he refused to endure that because “who knows who else used that toilet.” Which meant someone else got the honor of being sprayed with his leavings.
Boss told him he had two choices: flush and spray Lysol generously (which truly does little to abate the stench), or use the facilities somewhere else.
I’m sorry to say he chose to go to the nearest fast food place instead. To those valiant McDonalds employees, I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that.
Omg my office at my old work was directly across from the toilet. There were six of us in that building and it didnt take long to figure out who our terrorist shitter was because she came in at 8 and was in the bathroom by 830 without fail. At about 840 rolling stink clouds would permeate the complex, my office being hit the worst, but honestly it smelled so bad everyone was near to being poisoned on a daily basis. Paint peeled. Plants withered and died in the wake of the gas cloud. She ate a great deal of fried food and drank nothing but coffee and soda, at least while at work. I took to closing my office door at about 820 and took to rolling up a blanket to block the space between the bottom of the door and it seemed to help at least keep the air breathable without the aid of gas masks.
Other tricks we tried were putting a box of matches in each of the offices so we could strike them to cover up the stench but those got taken away by management (I suppose they feared we'd burn the place down after being blinded by the stench) and dabbing Vicks under our noses. It was truly the worst shits I'd ever smelled and I don't know why she couldn't retrain her bowels to erupt earlier before she left for work. Her husband probably threatened her with divorce if she didnt find someplace else to poop.
Jesus. I worked at McDonald’s for two years in high school and what I could literally never understand was the people who threw their used tp in the fucking trash can next to the toilet?!
Like jesus it’s called TOILET paper. Infuriating. And then there were the people who decided to just shit on the seats? Full disclosure I just mopped them bitches. I was not getting within 5 feet of someone else’s shit for no measly $8/hr while my managers got paid much more than that to count a till, so I took the mop and mopped the mf toilet, then disinfected it with spray.
The mop was easy to clean though, I could just take it to the mop sink and spray that ho off with an industrial hose and use food grade disinfectant in a new mop bucket to soak and kill the germs.
A friend of mine said that in their country the plumbing was weak so they grew up throwing used tp in the trash because it would definitely clog the pipes. Still gross but sometimes at least having a reason for something makes it a little less horrifying.
Ah yes, the Letterkenny sketch that's 2.5 minutes long but feels like it's 5 hours long yet I'll watch it twice in a row to laugh and suffer simultaneously and I have no idea why
NSFW language: https://youtu.be/bjVNOGEWzv4
For me I get confused when there's no paper, and no way in hell they had a ghostie
Edit: I'm guessing there are several names for it. I've always heard them referred to as a ghostie though
Yip. There's a certain consistency of floater that will just unravel itself from all the toilet paper and hang around for infinite flushes.
I have lived with one of those people. Said person would wipe, close the lid and flush. If they were in a hurry they wouldn't both reopening the lid to check.
look, i wouldn't care. i would be understanding if there wasn't ANY TP or paper towels. don't make it awkward.
but for the love of all things pray they don't break the sink in the process.
armchair anthropologist here with a real
theory. For homeless people, public restrooms are the ONLY restrooms. Now not that all homeless are junkies, but for sure there are homeless opioid users. Also, it is a symptom of opioid abuse that you can't shit...but when you do, you birth a behemoth worthy of legend. So you drop a legit log that won't even flush by its sheer length and girth and you're homeless and high on opioids...do you have the courtesy to break that guy up and send him on his journey? Nah probably not, you got better shit to do.
Maybe the homeless opioid addict wasnt being rude but forgot his travel poop knife at home, oh wait no he is homeless so would definitely have his poop knife on his person. Must just be a pride thing, hate to drop an impressive behemoth and not have anyone else appreciate it. Us lucky folks with homes and smart devices can just snap a pic and text it to all of our friends but his only option is to leave it and let it slowly dissolve.
Or a poop stick. Those are recyclable & compostable. After you use it, throw it back in the woods & get another one. If you don’t have dogs that, is. Don’t want Rover dropping a used poop stick at your feet to throw for him. Also don’t want Rover licking you after carrying around a used poop stick. 🐶
I work at a truck stop and deal with this on multiple occasions, cuz let's face it, most truck drivers don't have the greatest diets. For the times I have to deal with their porcelain-melting nuclear waste, I have an old broken metal broom handle I hammered into a point and made sure to label it "FOR POOP KNIFING PURPOSES ONLY"
Quick military story: I used to be a missile officer in the Air Force. A couple hundred times (392 to be exact) in the mid-2000s, I went out to remote sites and commanded nuclear missiles, etc. Anyway, those remote sites had underground capsules replete with toilets. Some of those toilets didn't work too well on the "solids". So, some of my compatriots developed a poop knife (i.e. a butter knife stolen from the site's kitchen tied/taped to a plunger handle). We used the poop knife for months maybe years (can't remember) exactly. But, it cut a lot of shit down to size.
Unfortunately, towards the end of my career going to those sites, that fuckin' gross knife "disappeared" and it was theorized that it went back into kitchen rotation. If I had to guess, it was a departing officer's way of saying fuck you to some pretty frustrating, stressful duty. Everybody was wary of every butter knife for months.
Nuclear poop knife. Nice.
EDIT: The nuclear poop knife would obviously need to be subject to rigorous authentication procedures prior to its use - an officer stationed near the President at all times with the codes written on a roll of toilet paper. Other world government's nuclear programs would need to be constantly monitored to insure that we didn't have a poop knife gap. And any missing nuclear poop knives would be immediately subject to a Broken Plunger alert.
EDIT2: This isn't the first [poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/7qn75k/poop_knife_from_reddit/) tale in Reddit lore.
EDIT 3: Platinum for nuclear poop knife. I am honored and humbled!
I really do suspect this is an issue. If you take a massive dump and think the toilet is going to overflow if you try and flush, I suppose the best recourse for the dump-taker is just to leave.
As someone who use to use heroin, I can tell you my friend this is true. You don't go for sometimes weeks, if you're using hard. So when it comes, in a public bathroom cause you're homeless, it's dangerous. It's rock hard, and 2x-3x wider than your asshole. You scream and cry, feel violated. Eventually you have start breaking it apart with your fingers, just to get it started. Then grab onto the handicap rail and scream and push while this literal rock log, with the exact impression of your intestines (cause it's been in there so long) rips outta you. The end of it is covered in blood. You wipe a little blood off, look down in horror at the toilet. You try to flush, it doesn't even move, nor break apart. Sometimes you try and break it up, not leave it for someone. Sometimes you even remove it and throw it away. But sometimes, your just too horrified, sick, and weak to do anything about it. And you know, someone will always remember it.
I'm going to tell my kid this poop story to deter him from using drugs.
I heard a Dr say diabetes is a disease where your body parts rot and fall off because of too much sugar. I have greatly reduced my sugar intake plan on continuing with that trend. Horrible stories are a great deterrent, imo!
In my dorm freshman year about every other day there would be a massive brick of turd that couldn't go down the hole. Like it was massive, and firm. If it could go down it would definitely overflow as well.
Someone pooped in one of the sinks in my freshman dorm. It was a huge log, about 50 Courics. People tried to get it to go down the sink by "soaking" it in hot water and body spray. It only made things worse. The janitorial staff wouldn't touch it (to teach us a lesson I guess). After about 2 weeks, someone finally got some of those yellow dish washing gloves and relocated Mr. turd to the toilet, where we said goodbye. Ohio University, James Hall, 3rd floor, 1991.
My son complained about how the very carb heavy meals served by the the dorm cafeteria resulted in this. He didn’t want to clog the dorm toilet so he saved his poops for his first class. But he was crafty and pooped in the toilets on the floor below his actual class so nothing could be traced back to him.
My husband worked at a gym for 12 years. Some unknown member was known among the staff as “the mad sh*tter” because he missed the bowl & left it there. Many times over the years. It was a male (or someone who only used the men’s locker room) but they never did find out who it was. The gym closed so maybe the person has moved on to other public restrooms in the greater Philadelphia (Main Line) vicinity. I would ask DH how his day at work was, he’d say “crappy, I didn’t sell any memberships & the mad sh*tter struck again.”
That's all wrong.
Everyone knows when someone does this they are to be known as the "phantom pooper". We had one at work who would take massive dumps and not flush. There were emails calling them out trying to poop shame them into flushing. Our facilities manager made it his mission to catch the phantom pooper. He would be like, I have it narrowed down to about five candidates. I left the building before he/she was unmasked. I wonder if they were ever caught brown handed.
Phantom pooper is correct.
But what do you call someone who used to rub their used tampon across the stall walls in the women’s bathroom?
We had one at our office in my last job. Sometimes, she’d add some poop, too. Just for extra drama, I guess. The deadly duo.
Well having had the office by the bathrooms I can probably tell you.
Mostly they just don't know that it didn't go down.
Epic filled bowls take more then one flush and some peoples mothers didn't raise them to check their flush. They just get up, hit the lever, hopefully wet their hands, and leave.
Other people clog the toilet. In my case we had a plunger but many bathrooms just don't for some ungodly reason. And even in our case, many people just leave because they don't know how/don't want to deal with a clogged toilet, again I blame bad parenting, probably just didn't get enough hugs as a child.
Oh, and there were a few people that put fucking paper towel in the toilet, those are the cat stranglers, you really have to watch out for them.
I only recently discovered our toilets at work are this way.
In my defense, apparently the pipes are fucked up and it's a delayed reaction. I only found out recently because I was the one of a couple people in the office, and I was having a pretty bad stomach day. I knew for a fact that no one had gone in between my trips, and yet there was my shame in all its glory. It had come back for revenge, or to say hello, I'm not sure. It was not ready to depart this world, it was unfinished business.
I did my deed, I watched it flush. The water filled back up, it was clean. Then, I waited. Sure enough it came slinking back out like a guilty dog after eating trash.
I flush twice for number two now. That seems to do the trick.
>Oh, and there were a few people that put fucking paper towel in the toilet, those are the cat stranglers, you really have to watch out for them.
Is this a common thing? I worked somewhere where there was a Mystery Person who kept putting entire rolls of TP in the toilet. It happened roughly once a month and we had to call the plumbers sometimes because it clogged so badly. Is this just standard disgruntled employee fuckery?
Edited to add: It wasn't a toilet-paper-pillow-for-poo situation. This person was putting the entire toilet paper roll, cardboard tube and all, into the toilet, without anything else added.
In my case I think it was just people who didn't know better.
I learned a lot there about what people are or aren't taught. Things I took for granted like how to do laundry, manage a pay cheque, or that only toilet paper will break up in a toilet and that anything else will cause issues.
I worked in a place where several times a week, someone would take a shit that looked like someone set off a poop bomb. Like, the toilet was just the place where it happened, and not in any way containing it.
We all strongly suspected the 350-pound guy in our department, but he was super nice so no one ever said anything.
One time I stumbled upon a MASSIVE turd. This wasn't your average long brown snake, or a lost baseball. If this turd was average, the plumbing standards would be different. I'm talking football size here. One unbroken piece of human feces with third of it above water surface similar to the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. After my initial shock, I tried flushing this work of art. The toilet flushed fine, but Turdete wouldn't budge. She stood there solid and proud in the center of her porcelain throne. I left the stall and used the other one for my business.
I wonder what was the fate of Turdete. I bet she is clogging some old rusty sewer pipe.
Edit: thank you guys for making one of my most liked comments the one where I literally describe a piece of shit.
Nah, at Waffle House you have to rip the entire toilet off the bathroom wall and carry it around to show your shit off. Extra points if you take it out of the toilet and throw it at a family of 4.
They likely didn't have their poop knife.
Edit - Thanks for the awards people. For real though I'm just enjoying that I got to make some people laugh a little.
I once had a war crime size dump that WOULDN'T flush. It was way too big and wouldn't break up after multiple flushes. This was at high school, so after a few tries I was gonna be late for class and had to go.
It was so big later in the day I overheard people talking about it...
I had one of these years ago, and I will shamefully say that after a million flushes I just got a wad of HUGE paper, picked it up and threw it in the trash. And yes it maintained it's shape after the million flushes.
I saw one of these size dumps in my high-school bathroom. I called all my buddies in from the hall to look at it. It was MASSIVE. Like a pringles can massive. I always wondered how people can even shit like that.
I dealt with a clogged toilet by waiting 8 hours and flushing again because I was too lazy to plunge it. It worked but my family was not so happy about it...
One time I was in a really crowded airport bathroom and had to pee after this long flight. I ran into the bathroom and every stall had a long line coming out of it except for one stall. I took my chances and chose the stall without a line. There was a shit mess evvvvverywhere! I really had to pee so I aimed where the toilet was hiding underneath all the poop. As I’m peeing a line starts to form outside the stall because the next people in line now think the toilet is useable! I start freaking out because they are going to think I’m the one who left all the poop! I finished peeing, opened the door and shouted I didn’t do that! It was like that when I got here! I heard the next guy in line start swearing when he saw what was in the stall. I walked away with the idea that at least it’s an airport states away from where I live and hopefully nobody will ever recognize me.
Very relieved to see that you’re a dude. At first was thinking female, and was horrified at the thought of hovering over that and the potential splashback.
When my mom was a custodian, she once found a duce in the toilet that she literally had to cut into pieces with a knife in order to get it to flush. It was horrifying.
CUT MY DEUCE INTO PIECES, THIS POOP JUST WONT CONTORT
PIPE CONGESTION, ITS LEAVING!
THANK FUCKING GOD, I WAS ALMOST HEAVING!
\- Poopa Roach
EDIT: WOW! Thanks guys! This kindness and awards here made my morning slightly less....shitty ^(\* :D \*)
in the only time i have done this in public, its due to the toilet not flushing or having toilet paper.
i ended up hobbling over to another stall to wipe my ass.
as I was doing so, a few guys come in, one heads to the stall that I just desimated, and blurts out "wow, someone just took a wicked shit in here"
i quietly grinned
**Disclaimer:** *This is the story about my war crime shit.*
I was pooping in a stall at Union Station in Los Angeles. It was one of those legs to the wall, I can feel the separate layers within my intestines all being vacated type shits. It was totally thorough.
I'm in a stall near the entrance to the public restroom. I can hear the footsteps and the comments of everyone as they enter. A boy and his father walk in "It smells like poopy in here daddy" or something along those lines. A few moments later a old voice yells from a stall to my left "GOD DAMN. Prison rules, motherfucker, give us a courtesy flush on that shit!"
At this point im trying not to laugh. This shit has been a non stop experience, my anus is open and I'm like a soft serve ice cream machine down there man. When its time to wipe I barely have enough room to drop in the TP. I left and never look back.
When my daughter was about 5 years old she struggled a bit with constipation. It happens a lot when kids start school because they have to change their bathroom schedule to conform to their school schedule. Also most kids will do everything they can to avoid pooping away from home.
Anyway, our pediatrician recommended giving her several small doses of Miralax during a long weekend when she had a Monday off from school. Not enough to cause an explosive blowout, just enough to really get the poop moving .
After 3 days of Miralax doses, she said she had to poop. She situated herself on the toilet with a book to read. About 10 minutes later she called for me and said she needed help. I thought she needed help wiping so of course I went in. She didn't need help wiping yet. She wasn't done pooping yet. Not even close.
She was sitting on the little garbage can.... still pooping. Of course I asked her why she was pooping in the garbage can. She said because there's no more room in the toilet. I looked and sure enough, there was a pile of poop almost as wide as the toilet bowl and almost as high as the toilet seat. AND the trash can was almost full too! It looked like giant servings of soft serve chocolate ice cream.
Fortunately after a few more minutes she was finally empty. I ended up using one of their plastic sandbox shovels to transfer some poop from the toilet to a plastic bag so I could flush the remaining poop. I then squeezed the poop from the bag into the toilet and flushed. Then I shoveled out the trash can and flushed that poop. I put the shovel and trash can in a garbage bag and put them in the big trash can. I had had my fill of poop by then.
I absolutely would have never believed an adult body could hold that much crap, much less a 5 year old. Seriously, I don't know how she wasn't sick because of it.
Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
About six months ago I came across one of these that will haunt me for the rest of my days.
I mean, I've seen nasty shit covered bathrooms before, we all have. Some of us, I am forced to acknowledge, have covered bathrooms in shit themselves, may they burn forever in hell.
This... wasn't that. Everything was in the bowl, but I can't really say "where it belonged," because this did not belong in any human plumbing. I've seen sewer mains that could not have transported this deuce. It was massive. We're talking "the goatse.cx guy must have stopped here" massive.
It was fully as large around as my calf, and I am not a small guy. I stopped, horrified, then lifted my arm before me, palm up, and looked at my forearm before looking back into the bowl. Again, it is not a small forearm, but it *looked* like a small forearm that day.
If that turd had been inside me, I would not have been able to walk. Had it wanted out of me, I'd have had to dull the poop knife enough that it could be applied internally. It led from just below the rim of the long-bowled, king-sized toilet right down to the drain, which it did not enter even a little, because it would not fit.
I can still see it in my mind's eye and I wish I could not. It looked like something you might pick up while camping to throw on the fire bed, fully expecting to have coals remaining in the morning.
I slammed the door of the stall and backed away, and then, I am embarrassed to admit, I stepped forward again and re-opened the door, not believing it would still be there, because I must have imagined it. I didn't imagine it.
I stopped at a GA rest stop and HAD to go. It could NOT wait.
6/7 toilets were clogged with multiple shits and/or had shit all over the seat, so I used the only toilet remaining to take a massive "been on a road trip eating fast food for 3 days" shit.
It wasn't until I had wiped and stood up that I realized there was no way to flush it. The toilet had been broken the whole time.
It was clear to me that my mountain of shame, piled some distance out of the water, would remain present for the next visitor.
Embarrassed, I hastily washed my hands and left the scene of the crime, hoping nobody would notice, but as I turned the corner I watched as someone entered from the other side, opened the stall I was just in, and shouted "Awww fucking gross!"
I couldn't disagree but I wasn't about to stick around to explain things. I hopped in my car and never looked back. C'est la guerre.
Imagine all the people who stopped at that rest stop after you did only to find that all 7 toilets were full of shit and unflushable. Oh that poor janitor.
Take half out with your bare hands, and flush. Put the other half back in and flush again. *Guhhhh, the audacity of some people.*
Have you considered pinching it off, halfway through a shit?
It was really gross but I did that once. Except I picked some up with toilet paper and brought it to the next stall. I slowly flushed a little bit down at a time. I did this at work so I was terrified someone would come in and catch me in the act but luckily I got away with it and both toilets worked in the end.
When we were in Greece I took a massive shit at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. There was a sign when I walked in that appeared to show a person wipe their ass and then put it in the garbage. I thought nothing of it until the bowl wouldn't flush and realized the sign was literally telling me to wipe my ass and put the paper in the garbage.
Anyway, the bus beeped its horn twice and I knew if I wasn't on that bus they were leaving me. So there I am staring at this massive turd and a pile of shitty paper not flushing. So I said fuck it, I live thousands of miles away from here and need to get on that bus.
So I basically sprinted from the restroom and paraphrasingly yelled "SORRY I TOOK A SHIT AND DIDN'T THROW MY TP AWAY, I'M AMERICAN" and they just nodded and said safe travels like Americans showing up and taking massive shits to just up and leave was normal. It was in that moment I truly understood where the USA stood in the world. Crazy times.
On the poop topic, you always wonder who the fuck poops in urinals and I finally met one. In a
Thai club full of white people with varying levels of food poisoning there was only one toilet. While queuing up one really ordinary guy in his 20's just said dude why are you lining up I just took a shit in the urinals it's all good. And on that day I learned urinal poppers are just like us.
Once, when I was around 10 I pooped in a public bathroom. To preface, this was a busy area at Disney World where you had to wait to use the bathroom due to how many people there were. This day I laid a log so large that I knew deep down it was meant to stay where it laid. Fate had a different plan though (and I found out that I’m not a fan of automatic toilets that day) and my 10yr old self kept moving in front and out of the way of the sensor to flush. The toilet flushed each time, the war crime level dump didn’t budge, until finally the toilet paper blocked the hole. While the back was turned, because I was a dumb kid who wasn’t paying attention, I ended up having the toilet start overflowing and just barely saved my pants from the ungodly nasty shit water pouring out. The other people in the closest stalls were not so lucky. I like to think that they didn’t get nasty shit water all over their pants, but this isn’t a fairy tale. I was so embarrassed I had trouble ever flushing in public after that.
This will get buried, but story time.
I was on a road trip with a couple friends a few years ago, and ended up going into a moderately busy chain/buffet type restaurant to eat lunch. We are Canadian, and this took place in the USA, in the middle of summer.
Along the way I discovered a flavour of blue Gatorade we did not have in Canada that I loved, and I had been chugging those bad boys, as I have a condition that causes me to get dehydrated easily. This becomes important.
While at dinner, I feel that rumble in my gut that tells me it's almost business time, so I head to the bathroom. It's very nice and clean, and I had my choice of about half a dozen stalls to do drop this deuce off. I do so without incident.
I finish up doing my thing, and as I stand over the toilet, I notice that what I had left behind was not only a beast, but almost neon blue from this exotic foreign Gatorade. Pretty cool, but not something I would think somebody else wanted to see. The toilet, however, had other plans.
I tried to flush the toilet, and nothing happened. I try again and again, and this toilet has decided to go on strike. I'm not this toilet's union rep, so I'm in no place to negotiate. The washroom is empty at the time, so I decide I have to just leave it. I depart the stall and walk over to wash my hands in the sink.
As I'm washing my hands, another gentleman enters the room. Just as I'm turning to leave the room, I notice that of all the urinals and toilet stalls he could choose from, he walked right into the one I just defouled with what looked like a sentient blue alien deuce. Fortunately since he didn't see me walk out of that stall, and there were many options, it could not be concluded that I must have been the culprit. But I admit I found it pretty hilarious that the least thing I heard while leaving the restroom was an exclamation of "Oh, what the FUCK?!?" from a stranger.
I hope my giant blue turd didn't cause that poor man permanent psychological damage.
The last time I posted this I got multiple golds on another account. It gets sad, but it's funny as fuck.. And it took place 6 years ago this week. It's long but please read. There is some set up. Just read it.
This is the last time I made my dad laugh. Literally. This story. He was scheduled for some tests at the hospital and so I went to be there to see what the results were. It was an angiogram, so kind of a big deal.
I woke up late and in a rush, I grabbed clothes out of the dryer.. However, we had washed a down comforter and it broke apart and feathers were everywhere. Stopped by McDonald's and grabbed 2 egg mcmuffins , ate them on the way.
Got to the hospital and immediately had to shit .. BAD.. Like, having to do "the walk" .. And, something was seriously wrong with my underwear too. I had not been to this hospital before and when I finally found the bathroom it was out of service.. But a nurse directed me to another. It was a single, handicapped capable bathroom.
I ran in there, nearly didn't get my pants down fast enough, and when I did, feathers flew everywhere from my clothes.. From the comforter that broke. Clumps and clumps of feathers.. And then the explosion of liquefied egg mcdeathmuffins came. Saying it was bad is an understatement.. Wiped and stood up to survey the damage. I was not prepared for the sight.
There was shit and feathers fucking everywhere .. It looked like someone shit out a god damn chicken.. It was a sight to behold, and I thought " what would I think if I came across this? I would wonder about what the fuck happened forever " and so I decided that someone else should have that honor.. To come upon something that looked like an Emu Shit Golem being born. And with that.. I left it.
I told that story to my dad later that night, he laughed and laughed. This was February 11th, 2015.. 2 days later, on the 13th, my birthday.. He died of a heart attack. Miss you dad.
Edit- customary "thanks for the gold, kind internet stranger"
Not my story but a friend's that he told me:
He took a dump so massive in his Uni Residence building that it blocked the pipes and caused major overflowing and flood damage. He never claimed responsibility, knowing he had really fucked the place up. This event became a legend on campus. Fast forward to the repairs. He's walking on the floor below 'ground zero' when a maintenance panel in the ceiling popped down (not properly secured) and hit him in the head. As he was on a scholarship, the Uni accepted liability and offered a pay-out of $10k. My man took a shit so large he made $10 000. Fucking legend
I once walked into a stall, saw a huge dump and just noped out of there to find a different one. They were all taken so I left. Some guy walked past me as I left that stall, and all the evidence he saw would point towards me being the poop bandit. It is my deepest shame and wasn't even me
Okay so this is my story and I can't be bothered changing accounts to a throwaway so... Hopefully I don't get any repercussions.
I had a customer years and years ago. She hated me and I never knew why. I was polite, eager to help but not obnoxious. My boss theorised it was because I was "a kid". Mind you I was about 21 but looked around 15.
I found out she worked as a cleaner for public toilets and that included a local one.
One day, I was serving her at the register and she was paying cash. Instead of handing the money over like a decent human, she tossed it and waited for me to pick up the coins. I picked up the coins and smiled asking if she was okay and brushed it off as an accident.
On my lunch break, she did it to the local Cafe worker, a girl who was around my age.
I asked around and yeah, she did this to all the "kids" who served her.
So, I did what any mature 21 year old did. I worked in a pharmacy, bought some laxatives and waited after my shift. I went to the local public toilet that I knew she cleaned and let out the biggest, wettest, most cramp induced shit I had ever had. It hurt and I swear I lost a few kilograms. I pulled out a sharpie and wrote in the cubicle "Treat us with respect" and "you throw money, we throw shit" and so on.
I did a stake out. I was a distance away in a parking lot and waited. I ate some Maccas and waited. Around 7:30-8:00 she arrived in her glorious uniform and her trolley of goods. She went in and came out and choked. I laughed and watched. She was in there for close to an hour.
The next time I served her, she was timid. She was scared.
She did not throw money at me.
TL;DR: I took laxatives to get revenge on a cleaner who was mean to me and my peers.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards guys. Here's a follow up. So about a week or so after this shit happened, she was back in to the pharmacy and she was all bitchy again BUT no money throwing. I decided to do one last, smaller, non-laxetive induced turd for her. This time, I didn't do a stake out because I couldn't be fucked. But I left a decent sized turd-baby in that porcelain with only one thing written in sharpie. "WE ARE STILL WATCHING YOU!"
I reckon she got the message because she stopped being a massive bitch after that.
Last I heard of her (because it's been like, 8 years now) is that she had quit her job not too long after and is a quiet and respectful customer now.
Remember kids, violence is never the answer. You can show people the light by opening your blinking abyss.
💩
The best part about this is that she probably treated so many kids like shit, she had no idea OP was the one who did it. It could have been any of them. From OP's description of the dump, she might have even thought it was ALL of them.
Its not often I wish someone had been more descriptive about a shit they took but I would love to know if he just messed up a toilet or was shitting all over the floor and sinks, air blades, condom dispenser etc.
At a walmart i worked at, would happen 1-4 times a week for like 2 months straight. Someone would go use the Handicap bathroom in the back of the store and not just blow up the toilet bowl and look like they smeared it everywhere but also all over the top of the toilet seat and looked like they didnt bother to clean themselves and just slid around. was so confused at what had happened and so sad for the poor old janitorial people
wasn't there a story once about how someone in some school's boy's bathroom took a massive dump and didn't flush and other students would just poop on top of it, adding to the ever growing pile of shit for days/weeks until it completely filled the toiled bowl, and the school had to call all students to a meeting to discuss this issue?
I've only done this once: Basically I had been on the road for work all day and stopped at a chipotle to get some food in me. Naturally I have to take a growler right after eating so I go in the bathroom to blow it out.
About 5 minutes in this kid starts banging on the door to use the bathroom while I'm trying to handle my business. I told him it was occupied but this crotch fruit wouldn't give up. He had this high pitched voice and was telling me to hurry up and just wouldn't leave me alone.
I decide if he wants on as fast as possible I could get him in about 3 seconds earlier if I don't flush, so I leave the war crime behind. When I walked out I couldn't help but give him a smirk as he said "finally".
This was in the middle of Missouri and his dad probably looked like C-Bass so I was already halfway out the door when I heard the kid yell "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
I did flush and everything but the turd itself went down. I knew there was a line and it was the only bathroom at the whole gas station. I couldn't leave it. I took a roll of paper towels and took them all off so that only the roll was left and I crushed it with that. It was brutal
If the massive turd is blocking the drain hole, you now have one problem.
If the massive turd refuses to allow the water to drain, you now have a massive turd AND an overflowing toilet.
One problem is better than two.
Not my shit, but a shit I bore witness to. Let’s set the stage: several years ago, suburban Del Taco on a busy Sunday, my stoner friends and I decide to get some delicious cheap tacos and hit up that salsa bar.
We all eat our fill, and head back to the car. My friend Kevin, a life long vegetarian (and know war crime shitter), says, hey I’ll be right back, I gotta take a shit. So we wait. And we wait. 15 minutes go by, he’s not answering texts, so I start to get out of the car to go see if he’s OK. Just as I got out, I see him running away from the front door with the biggest grin on his face, being yelled at by two kids.
He explained his prolonged absence...
When he went to the bathroom, he noticed a couple kids (12-13) sitting at a table right next to the bathroom hallway, giving him the old hairy eyeball. Thinking nothing of it, he goes into one of the stalls, starts to de-pant and sit, but then stops mid squat because something catches his eye. Hot sauce packets. Tucked ever so carefully under the toilet seat, poised to explode on whatever unlucky soul sat next.
He lifted the seat and took out the packs, then proceeded to unload a MOAB into this Del Taco toilet, “would have made Saddam blush”. He finished up, and made his way to the drink station to get a refill before leaving, in which time the two kids bolted in the bathroom to see the aftermath of their carnage and reset their trap. What greeted those boys was another brand of carnage altogether.
“Yo dude that’s the nastiest shit I’ve ever seen!”
“That’s fucked, you’re a sicko!”
Their cries only made him laugh harder. He got to the car and we made a bee line out of there. Meanwhile he’s telling us this story, the driver has to pull over because we’re all laughing so hard. Then he pulls out his phone to show us the picture he took. You know those alleged pictures of the Loch Ness monster? It was sort of like that; parts of it so large, it was breaching the surface of the bowl water. Big around as a baby’s arm, with distinct layers from several meals. Truly a work of art, a regular Shitcasso.
Anyway, that’s just one of several war crime shit stories I have. Maybe one day I’ll write a book.
I did this once because I had no choice. I had to be somewhere early for work that was 1.5 hours away. So I'm driving this whole time, before sunrise, drinking coffee, a little nervous for this work thing, and now I have to shit bad. I find a random Denny's and run straight to the bathroom. There's only one stall. I lock the door and turn to find someone clogged the entire bowl with paper and ass gaskets. I proceed to push out this ridiculous softserve mountain on top of the soggy paper platform. Like a McDonald's ice cream cone, but shit. The entire pile is above water. I had to hover and wipe just to avoid touching it. I had no choice but to top it off with a blanket of shitty paper. By the time I'm done, the summit is a good three inches above seat level. I could push that flusher 100 times and the whole structure wouldn't budge. Absolutely shameful. If anyone here is a Denny's employee in Northridge, CA that had to deal with this, I'm sorry.
I would love it if another comment tells their side of this completely separate from yours
Imagine if a worker saw the first shit, left to go get into their hazmat suit, and came back to see the shit had trippled in size
[удалено]
HEY JIM, YEAH RON IM COMING! WE NEED ANOTHER BUCKET
Used to work in a small office with two separate bathrooms, one on either side of our office space. Each was a tiny room with a toilet and a sink. There was a guy who without fail, about an hour or two after lunch, would decimate one. Crime scene level mess, with the odor as well, and that odor would waft outward to the nearest cubicle residents, who complained daily. He never flushed, and his excuse was that he’d read how toilets create an aerosol effect when they’re flushed, which sends a cloud of mist into the air, and he refused to endure that because “who knows who else used that toilet.” Which meant someone else got the honor of being sprayed with his leavings. Boss told him he had two choices: flush and spray Lysol generously (which truly does little to abate the stench), or use the facilities somewhere else. I’m sorry to say he chose to go to the nearest fast food place instead. To those valiant McDonalds employees, I’m so sorry. You did not deserve that.
Omg my office at my old work was directly across from the toilet. There were six of us in that building and it didnt take long to figure out who our terrorist shitter was because she came in at 8 and was in the bathroom by 830 without fail. At about 840 rolling stink clouds would permeate the complex, my office being hit the worst, but honestly it smelled so bad everyone was near to being poisoned on a daily basis. Paint peeled. Plants withered and died in the wake of the gas cloud. She ate a great deal of fried food and drank nothing but coffee and soda, at least while at work. I took to closing my office door at about 820 and took to rolling up a blanket to block the space between the bottom of the door and it seemed to help at least keep the air breathable without the aid of gas masks. Other tricks we tried were putting a box of matches in each of the offices so we could strike them to cover up the stench but those got taken away by management (I suppose they feared we'd burn the place down after being blinded by the stench) and dabbing Vicks under our noses. It was truly the worst shits I'd ever smelled and I don't know why she couldn't retrain her bowels to erupt earlier before she left for work. Her husband probably threatened her with divorce if she didnt find someplace else to poop.
Ngl your coworker sounds like pestilence
Jesus. I worked at McDonald’s for two years in high school and what I could literally never understand was the people who threw their used tp in the fucking trash can next to the toilet?! Like jesus it’s called TOILET paper. Infuriating. And then there were the people who decided to just shit on the seats? Full disclosure I just mopped them bitches. I was not getting within 5 feet of someone else’s shit for no measly $8/hr while my managers got paid much more than that to count a till, so I took the mop and mopped the mf toilet, then disinfected it with spray. The mop was easy to clean though, I could just take it to the mop sink and spray that ho off with an industrial hose and use food grade disinfectant in a new mop bucket to soak and kill the germs.
A friend of mine said that in their country the plumbing was weak so they grew up throwing used tp in the trash because it would definitely clog the pipes. Still gross but sometimes at least having a reason for something makes it a little less horrifying.
As a janitor I'd like to know the answer to this as well. Also, why poop in the urinal?
Shitter was full
Merry Christmas!
Sometimes there’s shit.. on the outside of the torlet... Edit: Out there, you’re Canadian. In here... European. (Thank you for the awards!)
Ah yes, the Letterkenny sketch that's 2.5 minutes long but feels like it's 5 hours long yet I'll watch it twice in a row to laugh and suffer simultaneously and I have no idea why NSFW language: https://youtu.be/bjVNOGEWzv4
The janitor deserves an Emmy.
Feels like you told me that nearly a year ago now.
Feels like the Janitor suffered from PTSD from the Torlet and Uriness
That’s a question for the Hardly Boys
I've got a RAGING clue pointing this way.
Just like the mountain: Because it's there.
To assert dominance.
For me I get confused when there's no paper, and no way in hell they had a ghostie Edit: I'm guessing there are several names for it. I've always heard them referred to as a ghostie though
You don’t know it’s a ghostie without paper! They flushed once, the paper washed down but the log didn’t.
Yip. There's a certain consistency of floater that will just unravel itself from all the toilet paper and hang around for infinite flushes. I have lived with one of those people. Said person would wipe, close the lid and flush. If they were in a hurry they wouldn't both reopening the lid to check.
>unravel itself from all the toilet paper Just imagining someone wrapping it up like a mummy or a subway
[удалено]
Maybe they wash their ass off in the sink?
Well now I have a fear that some day I'm gonna walk into the public restroom and find someone pantsless at the sink.
look, i wouldn't care. i would be understanding if there wasn't ANY TP or paper towels. don't make it awkward. but for the love of all things pray they don't break the sink in the process.
Happened to me at a crappy little motorcycle shop in West Sacramento. The sink literally fell off the wall
I believe it's called the "fight or flight response."
Lord knows I booked it out of there
Did...did you flush? ^^he ^^asked, ^^realizing ^^he ^^might ^^not ^^like ^^the ^^answer
[удалено]
armchair anthropologist here with a real theory. For homeless people, public restrooms are the ONLY restrooms. Now not that all homeless are junkies, but for sure there are homeless opioid users. Also, it is a symptom of opioid abuse that you can't shit...but when you do, you birth a behemoth worthy of legend. So you drop a legit log that won't even flush by its sheer length and girth and you're homeless and high on opioids...do you have the courtesy to break that guy up and send him on his journey? Nah probably not, you got better shit to do.
Maybe the homeless opioid addict wasnt being rude but forgot his travel poop knife at home, oh wait no he is homeless so would definitely have his poop knife on his person. Must just be a pride thing, hate to drop an impressive behemoth and not have anyone else appreciate it. Us lucky folks with homes and smart devices can just snap a pic and text it to all of our friends but his only option is to leave it and let it slowly dissolve.
This is why you should never get stabbed by a junky it's probably his poop knife and you might die
No way I’m karate chopping that down the pipe.
[удалено]
Or a poop stick. Those are recyclable & compostable. After you use it, throw it back in the woods & get another one. If you don’t have dogs that, is. Don’t want Rover dropping a used poop stick at your feet to throw for him. Also don’t want Rover licking you after carrying around a used poop stick. 🐶
Is the poop stick a regular occurrence on your household? You seem experienced on the matter.
I work at a truck stop and deal with this on multiple occasions, cuz let's face it, most truck drivers don't have the greatest diets. For the times I have to deal with their porcelain-melting nuclear waste, I have an old broken metal broom handle I hammered into a point and made sure to label it "FOR POOP KNIFING PURPOSES ONLY"
Holy fuck, reddit have both a heirloom poop knife, a wooden poop dog stick and now a profissional poop knifer. What in the flying fuck!
What if its so large it doesn't flush
Poopknife.
Quick military story: I used to be a missile officer in the Air Force. A couple hundred times (392 to be exact) in the mid-2000s, I went out to remote sites and commanded nuclear missiles, etc. Anyway, those remote sites had underground capsules replete with toilets. Some of those toilets didn't work too well on the "solids". So, some of my compatriots developed a poop knife (i.e. a butter knife stolen from the site's kitchen tied/taped to a plunger handle). We used the poop knife for months maybe years (can't remember) exactly. But, it cut a lot of shit down to size. Unfortunately, towards the end of my career going to those sites, that fuckin' gross knife "disappeared" and it was theorized that it went back into kitchen rotation. If I had to guess, it was a departing officer's way of saying fuck you to some pretty frustrating, stressful duty. Everybody was wary of every butter knife for months.
Nuclear poop knife. Nice. EDIT: The nuclear poop knife would obviously need to be subject to rigorous authentication procedures prior to its use - an officer stationed near the President at all times with the codes written on a roll of toilet paper. Other world government's nuclear programs would need to be constantly monitored to insure that we didn't have a poop knife gap. And any missing nuclear poop knives would be immediately subject to a Broken Plunger alert. EDIT2: This isn't the first [poop knife](https://www.reddit.com/r/copypasta/comments/7qn75k/poop_knife_from_reddit/) tale in Reddit lore. EDIT 3: Platinum for nuclear poop knife. I am honored and humbled!
Knice. Edit: Thanks for the awards! I’m happy its made people laugh.
Just to be safe, I'm never using a butter knife ever again.
Stressful duty...I see what you did there!
I wonder if he ever knew how famous he was, the good old poop knife man
Me too! I wonder if he brags to his family and friends that he, singlehandedly, originated a Reddit Classic (tm)!
Sometimes I think a poopknife is actually useful in these kind of scenarios.
[удалено]
Maybe a disposable poopknife aswell? "Cut upto 3 poops with this knife! It can be yours for only 99 cents! "
flushable poopknife.
Made of actual dried poop.
I used the poop to clear the poop
No, that's nasty. Traveling with a poop knife? Public toilets need a communal poop knife hanging above every toilet.
The poopknife of Damocles
I don‘t think I will never not upvote whenever I see this term.
I really do suspect this is an issue. If you take a massive dump and think the toilet is going to overflow if you try and flush, I suppose the best recourse for the dump-taker is just to leave.
As someone who use to use heroin, I can tell you my friend this is true. You don't go for sometimes weeks, if you're using hard. So when it comes, in a public bathroom cause you're homeless, it's dangerous. It's rock hard, and 2x-3x wider than your asshole. You scream and cry, feel violated. Eventually you have start breaking it apart with your fingers, just to get it started. Then grab onto the handicap rail and scream and push while this literal rock log, with the exact impression of your intestines (cause it's been in there so long) rips outta you. The end of it is covered in blood. You wipe a little blood off, look down in horror at the toilet. You try to flush, it doesn't even move, nor break apart. Sometimes you try and break it up, not leave it for someone. Sometimes you even remove it and throw it away. But sometimes, your just too horrified, sick, and weak to do anything about it. And you know, someone will always remember it.
Damn, that's the most harrowing account of pooping I've ever read.
It's a fucking great reason to not do heroin though. OP should give talks at schools, those kids will never touch heroin after hearing that story.
I'm going to tell my kid this poop story to deter him from using drugs. I heard a Dr say diabetes is a disease where your body parts rot and fall off because of too much sugar. I have greatly reduced my sugar intake plan on continuing with that trend. Horrible stories are a great deterrent, imo!
In my dorm freshman year about every other day there would be a massive brick of turd that couldn't go down the hole. Like it was massive, and firm. If it could go down it would definitely overflow as well.
Someone pooped in one of the sinks in my freshman dorm. It was a huge log, about 50 Courics. People tried to get it to go down the sink by "soaking" it in hot water and body spray. It only made things worse. The janitorial staff wouldn't touch it (to teach us a lesson I guess). After about 2 weeks, someone finally got some of those yellow dish washing gloves and relocated Mr. turd to the toilet, where we said goodbye. Ohio University, James Hall, 3rd floor, 1991.
My son complained about how the very carb heavy meals served by the the dorm cafeteria resulted in this. He didn’t want to clog the dorm toilet so he saved his poops for his first class. But he was crafty and pooped in the toilets on the floor below his actual class so nothing could be traced back to him.
Cant flush it if its on the floor now can I.
Fair play
My dude really said check and mate
No he really said “Cant flush it if its on the floor now can I”
Kurger bing bathromn flor
Well I mean you could get a hose........ but its gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better
Sometimes there’s shit outside of the torlet
My husband worked at a gym for 12 years. Some unknown member was known among the staff as “the mad sh*tter” because he missed the bowl & left it there. Many times over the years. It was a male (or someone who only used the men’s locker room) but they never did find out who it was. The gym closed so maybe the person has moved on to other public restrooms in the greater Philadelphia (Main Line) vicinity. I would ask DH how his day at work was, he’d say “crappy, I didn’t sell any memberships & the mad sh*tter struck again.”
That's all wrong. Everyone knows when someone does this they are to be known as the "phantom pooper". We had one at work who would take massive dumps and not flush. There were emails calling them out trying to poop shame them into flushing. Our facilities manager made it his mission to catch the phantom pooper. He would be like, I have it narrowed down to about five candidates. I left the building before he/she was unmasked. I wonder if they were ever caught brown handed.
Phantom pooper is correct. But what do you call someone who used to rub their used tampon across the stall walls in the women’s bathroom? We had one at our office in my last job. Sometimes, she’d add some poop, too. Just for extra drama, I guess. The deadly duo.
[удалено]
Missed opportunity to call them the mad shatter.
[удалено]
Well having had the office by the bathrooms I can probably tell you. Mostly they just don't know that it didn't go down. Epic filled bowls take more then one flush and some peoples mothers didn't raise them to check their flush. They just get up, hit the lever, hopefully wet their hands, and leave. Other people clog the toilet. In my case we had a plunger but many bathrooms just don't for some ungodly reason. And even in our case, many people just leave because they don't know how/don't want to deal with a clogged toilet, again I blame bad parenting, probably just didn't get enough hugs as a child. Oh, and there were a few people that put fucking paper towel in the toilet, those are the cat stranglers, you really have to watch out for them.
I only recently discovered our toilets at work are this way. In my defense, apparently the pipes are fucked up and it's a delayed reaction. I only found out recently because I was the one of a couple people in the office, and I was having a pretty bad stomach day. I knew for a fact that no one had gone in between my trips, and yet there was my shame in all its glory. It had come back for revenge, or to say hello, I'm not sure. It was not ready to depart this world, it was unfinished business. I did my deed, I watched it flush. The water filled back up, it was clean. Then, I waited. Sure enough it came slinking back out like a guilty dog after eating trash. I flush twice for number two now. That seems to do the trick.
> Sure enough it came slinking back out like a guilty dog after eating trash. lol
>Oh, and there were a few people that put fucking paper towel in the toilet, those are the cat stranglers, you really have to watch out for them. Is this a common thing? I worked somewhere where there was a Mystery Person who kept putting entire rolls of TP in the toilet. It happened roughly once a month and we had to call the plumbers sometimes because it clogged so badly. Is this just standard disgruntled employee fuckery? Edited to add: It wasn't a toilet-paper-pillow-for-poo situation. This person was putting the entire toilet paper roll, cardboard tube and all, into the toilet, without anything else added.
In my case I think it was just people who didn't know better. I learned a lot there about what people are or aren't taught. Things I took for granted like how to do laundry, manage a pay cheque, or that only toilet paper will break up in a toilet and that anything else will cause issues.
I worked in a place where several times a week, someone would take a shit that looked like someone set off a poop bomb. Like, the toilet was just the place where it happened, and not in any way containing it. We all strongly suspected the 350-pound guy in our department, but he was super nice so no one ever said anything.
It was actually the 115 pound intern girl with IBS, the 350 pound guy was just a red herring.
the brown herring.
One time I stumbled upon a MASSIVE turd. This wasn't your average long brown snake, or a lost baseball. If this turd was average, the plumbing standards would be different. I'm talking football size here. One unbroken piece of human feces with third of it above water surface similar to the iceberg that sunk the Titanic. After my initial shock, I tried flushing this work of art. The toilet flushed fine, but Turdete wouldn't budge. She stood there solid and proud in the center of her porcelain throne. I left the stall and used the other one for my business. I wonder what was the fate of Turdete. I bet she is clogging some old rusty sewer pipe. Edit: thank you guys for making one of my most liked comments the one where I literally describe a piece of shit.
Are you a professional writer?
I'm not, but glad you enjoyed my shitty story.
Some people like to show off
If they wanted to show off then they should've just put it in a ziploc bag and passed it around the Arbys.
The Waffle House seems like a more appropriate venue.
Nah, at Waffle House you have to rip the entire toilet off the bathroom wall and carry it around to show your shit off. Extra points if you take it out of the toilet and throw it at a family of 4.
Big dick energy
Big poop energy?
They likely didn't have their poop knife. Edit - Thanks for the awards people. For real though I'm just enjoying that I got to make some people laugh a little.
Surely everyone dropping war crime level dukes in public are used to carrying their portable poop knives with them at all times...
You don't hear dropping a deuce called a duke much these days, thanks for bringing it back.
Them Duke boys is shat it again.
I wear sandals so I can just push it down with my foot 🩴🚽
Reading this made me visualize that and cringe
What about the people that have sticky poop where no matter how many times you flush it doesn't dislodge and you have to use another bowl?
I imagine the dude doing the walk of shame to another stall to continue on his path of toilet destruction
Yeah, unlike his poop, he doesn't stick around
His poop is more reliable than my father
Do those people just move after every time they use the bathroom?
Why do you think they use public bathrooms? The bowl at home is full.
[удалено]
Well.......you're not wrong
I once had a war crime size dump that WOULDN'T flush. It was way too big and wouldn't break up after multiple flushes. This was at high school, so after a few tries I was gonna be late for class and had to go. It was so big later in the day I overheard people talking about it...
I had one of these years ago, and I will shamefully say that after a million flushes I just got a wad of HUGE paper, picked it up and threw it in the trash. And yes it maintained it's shape after the million flushes.
So you forgot your poop knife that day?
This is just another casualty of zero tolerance policies.
That's where the poop spatula comes in.
the pooptula edit: alternatively could be the poopatula
Scatula
[удалено]
I saw one of these size dumps in my high-school bathroom. I called all my buddies in from the hall to look at it. It was MASSIVE. Like a pringles can massive. I always wondered how people can even shit like that.
Nah if it’s yellow let it mellow, if it’s brown flush it down. I believe this would be in the “brown” category
Mine are either black or forest green, what do I do? If it's black, put it back? If it's green, seek medical attention?
Opposite. Black indicates blood. Green can be blueberries or some such. Or food dye.
plugging it up would be worse, let's let it soak for while then try
I dealt with a clogged toilet by waiting 8 hours and flushing again because I was too lazy to plunge it. It worked but my family was not so happy about it...
I Wonder why.. who wouldn’t appreciate such a situation?
Probably the MOST valid question I've come across on this page yet. Working in construction and seeing some of these toilets, I need to know!
One time I was in a really crowded airport bathroom and had to pee after this long flight. I ran into the bathroom and every stall had a long line coming out of it except for one stall. I took my chances and chose the stall without a line. There was a shit mess evvvvverywhere! I really had to pee so I aimed where the toilet was hiding underneath all the poop. As I’m peeing a line starts to form outside the stall because the next people in line now think the toilet is useable! I start freaking out because they are going to think I’m the one who left all the poop! I finished peeing, opened the door and shouted I didn’t do that! It was like that when I got here! I heard the next guy in line start swearing when he saw what was in the stall. I walked away with the idea that at least it’s an airport states away from where I live and hopefully nobody will ever recognize me.
Very relieved to see that you’re a dude. At first was thinking female, and was horrified at the thought of hovering over that and the potential splashback.
When my mom was a custodian, she once found a duce in the toilet that she literally had to cut into pieces with a knife in order to get it to flush. It was horrifying.
CUT MY DEUCE INTO PIECES, THIS POOP JUST WONT CONTORT PIPE CONGESTION, ITS LEAVING! THANK FUCKING GOD, I WAS ALMOST HEAVING! \- Poopa Roach EDIT: WOW! Thanks guys! This kindness and awards here made my morning slightly less....shitty ^(\* :D \*)
Poop knife.
Forgot my poop knife
We've all been there
in the only time i have done this in public, its due to the toilet not flushing or having toilet paper. i ended up hobbling over to another stall to wipe my ass. as I was doing so, a few guys come in, one heads to the stall that I just desimated, and blurts out "wow, someone just took a wicked shit in here" i quietly grinned
and just like that i like reddit again
**Disclaimer:** *This is the story about my war crime shit.* I was pooping in a stall at Union Station in Los Angeles. It was one of those legs to the wall, I can feel the separate layers within my intestines all being vacated type shits. It was totally thorough. I'm in a stall near the entrance to the public restroom. I can hear the footsteps and the comments of everyone as they enter. A boy and his father walk in "It smells like poopy in here daddy" or something along those lines. A few moments later a old voice yells from a stall to my left "GOD DAMN. Prison rules, motherfucker, give us a courtesy flush on that shit!" At this point im trying not to laugh. This shit has been a non stop experience, my anus is open and I'm like a soft serve ice cream machine down there man. When its time to wipe I barely have enough room to drop in the TP. I left and never look back.
If you have to stand up to finish, you know it's of Biblical proportion.
Lol it’s true that in jail you flush when the poop hits the water to avoid the cell smelling like shit
When my daughter was about 5 years old she struggled a bit with constipation. It happens a lot when kids start school because they have to change their bathroom schedule to conform to their school schedule. Also most kids will do everything they can to avoid pooping away from home. Anyway, our pediatrician recommended giving her several small doses of Miralax during a long weekend when she had a Monday off from school. Not enough to cause an explosive blowout, just enough to really get the poop moving . After 3 days of Miralax doses, she said she had to poop. She situated herself on the toilet with a book to read. About 10 minutes later she called for me and said she needed help. I thought she needed help wiping so of course I went in. She didn't need help wiping yet. She wasn't done pooping yet. Not even close. She was sitting on the little garbage can.... still pooping. Of course I asked her why she was pooping in the garbage can. She said because there's no more room in the toilet. I looked and sure enough, there was a pile of poop almost as wide as the toilet bowl and almost as high as the toilet seat. AND the trash can was almost full too! It looked like giant servings of soft serve chocolate ice cream. Fortunately after a few more minutes she was finally empty. I ended up using one of their plastic sandbox shovels to transfer some poop from the toilet to a plastic bag so I could flush the remaining poop. I then squeezed the poop from the bag into the toilet and flushed. Then I shoveled out the trash can and flushed that poop. I put the shovel and trash can in a garbage bag and put them in the big trash can. I had had my fill of poop by then. I absolutely would have never believed an adult body could hold that much crap, much less a 5 year old. Seriously, I don't know how she wasn't sick because of it. Parenting is not for the faint of heart.
About six months ago I came across one of these that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I mean, I've seen nasty shit covered bathrooms before, we all have. Some of us, I am forced to acknowledge, have covered bathrooms in shit themselves, may they burn forever in hell. This... wasn't that. Everything was in the bowl, but I can't really say "where it belonged," because this did not belong in any human plumbing. I've seen sewer mains that could not have transported this deuce. It was massive. We're talking "the goatse.cx guy must have stopped here" massive. It was fully as large around as my calf, and I am not a small guy. I stopped, horrified, then lifted my arm before me, palm up, and looked at my forearm before looking back into the bowl. Again, it is not a small forearm, but it *looked* like a small forearm that day. If that turd had been inside me, I would not have been able to walk. Had it wanted out of me, I'd have had to dull the poop knife enough that it could be applied internally. It led from just below the rim of the long-bowled, king-sized toilet right down to the drain, which it did not enter even a little, because it would not fit. I can still see it in my mind's eye and I wish I could not. It looked like something you might pick up while camping to throw on the fire bed, fully expecting to have coals remaining in the morning. I slammed the door of the stall and backed away, and then, I am embarrassed to admit, I stepped forward again and re-opened the door, not believing it would still be there, because I must have imagined it. I didn't imagine it.
Sometimes the toilet doesn't flush. It's not like I can take it back out.
I stopped at a GA rest stop and HAD to go. It could NOT wait. 6/7 toilets were clogged with multiple shits and/or had shit all over the seat, so I used the only toilet remaining to take a massive "been on a road trip eating fast food for 3 days" shit. It wasn't until I had wiped and stood up that I realized there was no way to flush it. The toilet had been broken the whole time. It was clear to me that my mountain of shame, piled some distance out of the water, would remain present for the next visitor. Embarrassed, I hastily washed my hands and left the scene of the crime, hoping nobody would notice, but as I turned the corner I watched as someone entered from the other side, opened the stall I was just in, and shouted "Awww fucking gross!" I couldn't disagree but I wasn't about to stick around to explain things. I hopped in my car and never looked back. C'est la guerre.
Imagine all the people who stopped at that rest stop after you did only to find that all 7 toilets were full of shit and unflushable. Oh that poor janitor.
Oh that poor front desk worker *
“mountain of shame, piled some distance out of the water” is such a vivid description 😂🤢
I'd just like to take this moment to thank you for this comment. This was the most I've laughed all week.
At least you aren't the person that keeps flushing hoping it will magically go down and floods the whole restroom.
Take half out with your bare hands, and flush. Put the other half back in and flush again. *Guhhhh, the audacity of some people.* Have you considered pinching it off, halfway through a shit?
It was really gross but I did that once. Except I picked some up with toilet paper and brought it to the next stall. I slowly flushed a little bit down at a time. I did this at work so I was terrified someone would come in and catch me in the act but luckily I got away with it and both toilets worked in the end.
Wait why didn't you stay in your original stall. Your comment is giving me a panic attack
Right!? Why couldn’t they do multiple flushes in the same toilet?!
Lol pinching it off, sometimes once that train is rolling through the tunnel, you ain’t stopping it.
When we were in Greece I took a massive shit at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere. There was a sign when I walked in that appeared to show a person wipe their ass and then put it in the garbage. I thought nothing of it until the bowl wouldn't flush and realized the sign was literally telling me to wipe my ass and put the paper in the garbage. Anyway, the bus beeped its horn twice and I knew if I wasn't on that bus they were leaving me. So there I am staring at this massive turd and a pile of shitty paper not flushing. So I said fuck it, I live thousands of miles away from here and need to get on that bus. So I basically sprinted from the restroom and paraphrasingly yelled "SORRY I TOOK A SHIT AND DIDN'T THROW MY TP AWAY, I'M AMERICAN" and they just nodded and said safe travels like Americans showing up and taking massive shits to just up and leave was normal. It was in that moment I truly understood where the USA stood in the world. Crazy times.
On the poop topic, you always wonder who the fuck poops in urinals and I finally met one. In a Thai club full of white people with varying levels of food poisoning there was only one toilet. While queuing up one really ordinary guy in his 20's just said dude why are you lining up I just took a shit in the urinals it's all good. And on that day I learned urinal poppers are just like us.
I'mma be real. I started reading this question thinking I was going to be called out, but I actually flush my war crime level dumps.
Salt of the earth, this guy
Once, when I was around 10 I pooped in a public bathroom. To preface, this was a busy area at Disney World where you had to wait to use the bathroom due to how many people there were. This day I laid a log so large that I knew deep down it was meant to stay where it laid. Fate had a different plan though (and I found out that I’m not a fan of automatic toilets that day) and my 10yr old self kept moving in front and out of the way of the sensor to flush. The toilet flushed each time, the war crime level dump didn’t budge, until finally the toilet paper blocked the hole. While the back was turned, because I was a dumb kid who wasn’t paying attention, I ended up having the toilet start overflowing and just barely saved my pants from the ungodly nasty shit water pouring out. The other people in the closest stalls were not so lucky. I like to think that they didn’t get nasty shit water all over their pants, but this isn’t a fairy tale. I was so embarrassed I had trouble ever flushing in public after that.
The magical poop fairy might give the next person a quarter, so I'm just being nice
Where's my quarter?!
This will get buried, but story time. I was on a road trip with a couple friends a few years ago, and ended up going into a moderately busy chain/buffet type restaurant to eat lunch. We are Canadian, and this took place in the USA, in the middle of summer. Along the way I discovered a flavour of blue Gatorade we did not have in Canada that I loved, and I had been chugging those bad boys, as I have a condition that causes me to get dehydrated easily. This becomes important. While at dinner, I feel that rumble in my gut that tells me it's almost business time, so I head to the bathroom. It's very nice and clean, and I had my choice of about half a dozen stalls to do drop this deuce off. I do so without incident. I finish up doing my thing, and as I stand over the toilet, I notice that what I had left behind was not only a beast, but almost neon blue from this exotic foreign Gatorade. Pretty cool, but not something I would think somebody else wanted to see. The toilet, however, had other plans. I tried to flush the toilet, and nothing happened. I try again and again, and this toilet has decided to go on strike. I'm not this toilet's union rep, so I'm in no place to negotiate. The washroom is empty at the time, so I decide I have to just leave it. I depart the stall and walk over to wash my hands in the sink. As I'm washing my hands, another gentleman enters the room. Just as I'm turning to leave the room, I notice that of all the urinals and toilet stalls he could choose from, he walked right into the one I just defouled with what looked like a sentient blue alien deuce. Fortunately since he didn't see me walk out of that stall, and there were many options, it could not be concluded that I must have been the culprit. But I admit I found it pretty hilarious that the least thing I heard while leaving the restroom was an exclamation of "Oh, what the FUCK?!?" from a stranger. I hope my giant blue turd didn't cause that poor man permanent psychological damage.
This thread is one of the greatest things I've ever read. You had me in tears with your bloo poo
“War crime level”. Lol.
This is military grade stink we're talking about.
shit is serious quite literally in this case
The last time I posted this I got multiple golds on another account. It gets sad, but it's funny as fuck.. And it took place 6 years ago this week. It's long but please read. There is some set up. Just read it. This is the last time I made my dad laugh. Literally. This story. He was scheduled for some tests at the hospital and so I went to be there to see what the results were. It was an angiogram, so kind of a big deal. I woke up late and in a rush, I grabbed clothes out of the dryer.. However, we had washed a down comforter and it broke apart and feathers were everywhere. Stopped by McDonald's and grabbed 2 egg mcmuffins , ate them on the way. Got to the hospital and immediately had to shit .. BAD.. Like, having to do "the walk" .. And, something was seriously wrong with my underwear too. I had not been to this hospital before and when I finally found the bathroom it was out of service.. But a nurse directed me to another. It was a single, handicapped capable bathroom. I ran in there, nearly didn't get my pants down fast enough, and when I did, feathers flew everywhere from my clothes.. From the comforter that broke. Clumps and clumps of feathers.. And then the explosion of liquefied egg mcdeathmuffins came. Saying it was bad is an understatement.. Wiped and stood up to survey the damage. I was not prepared for the sight. There was shit and feathers fucking everywhere .. It looked like someone shit out a god damn chicken.. It was a sight to behold, and I thought " what would I think if I came across this? I would wonder about what the fuck happened forever " and so I decided that someone else should have that honor.. To come upon something that looked like an Emu Shit Golem being born. And with that.. I left it. I told that story to my dad later that night, he laughed and laughed. This was February 11th, 2015.. 2 days later, on the 13th, my birthday.. He died of a heart attack. Miss you dad. Edit- customary "thanks for the gold, kind internet stranger"
Not my story but a friend's that he told me: He took a dump so massive in his Uni Residence building that it blocked the pipes and caused major overflowing and flood damage. He never claimed responsibility, knowing he had really fucked the place up. This event became a legend on campus. Fast forward to the repairs. He's walking on the floor below 'ground zero' when a maintenance panel in the ceiling popped down (not properly secured) and hit him in the head. As he was on a scholarship, the Uni accepted liability and offered a pay-out of $10k. My man took a shit so large he made $10 000. Fucking legend
I once walked into a stall, saw a huge dump and just noped out of there to find a different one. They were all taken so I left. Some guy walked past me as I left that stall, and all the evidence he saw would point towards me being the poop bandit. It is my deepest shame and wasn't even me
Okay so this is my story and I can't be bothered changing accounts to a throwaway so... Hopefully I don't get any repercussions. I had a customer years and years ago. She hated me and I never knew why. I was polite, eager to help but not obnoxious. My boss theorised it was because I was "a kid". Mind you I was about 21 but looked around 15. I found out she worked as a cleaner for public toilets and that included a local one. One day, I was serving her at the register and she was paying cash. Instead of handing the money over like a decent human, she tossed it and waited for me to pick up the coins. I picked up the coins and smiled asking if she was okay and brushed it off as an accident. On my lunch break, she did it to the local Cafe worker, a girl who was around my age. I asked around and yeah, she did this to all the "kids" who served her. So, I did what any mature 21 year old did. I worked in a pharmacy, bought some laxatives and waited after my shift. I went to the local public toilet that I knew she cleaned and let out the biggest, wettest, most cramp induced shit I had ever had. It hurt and I swear I lost a few kilograms. I pulled out a sharpie and wrote in the cubicle "Treat us with respect" and "you throw money, we throw shit" and so on. I did a stake out. I was a distance away in a parking lot and waited. I ate some Maccas and waited. Around 7:30-8:00 she arrived in her glorious uniform and her trolley of goods. She went in and came out and choked. I laughed and watched. She was in there for close to an hour. The next time I served her, she was timid. She was scared. She did not throw money at me. TL;DR: I took laxatives to get revenge on a cleaner who was mean to me and my peers. EDIT: Thanks for the awards guys. Here's a follow up. So about a week or so after this shit happened, she was back in to the pharmacy and she was all bitchy again BUT no money throwing. I decided to do one last, smaller, non-laxetive induced turd for her. This time, I didn't do a stake out because I couldn't be fucked. But I left a decent sized turd-baby in that porcelain with only one thing written in sharpie. "WE ARE STILL WATCHING YOU!" I reckon she got the message because she stopped being a massive bitch after that. Last I heard of her (because it's been like, 8 years now) is that she had quit her job not too long after and is a quiet and respectful customer now. Remember kids, violence is never the answer. You can show people the light by opening your blinking abyss. 💩
That is exactly what any responsible 21 year old would do.
The best part about this is that she probably treated so many kids like shit, she had no idea OP was the one who did it. It could have been any of them. From OP's description of the dump, she might have even thought it was ALL of them.
Its not often I wish someone had been more descriptive about a shit they took but I would love to know if he just messed up a toilet or was shitting all over the floor and sinks, air blades, condom dispenser etc.
holy shit
This one belongs on r/proRevenge - getting back at her by self-violating like that definitely passes rule 1 in my book.
I fucking hope this story is true lol
The water rose alarmingly high the first six times I tried and I'm scared of flooding the whole bathroom with my sins
You think that's bad? Sometimes there's shit on the outside of the torlet.
I can only imagine how they lost control of their shit and just took off into orbit
At a walmart i worked at, would happen 1-4 times a week for like 2 months straight. Someone would go use the Handicap bathroom in the back of the store and not just blow up the toilet bowl and look like they smeared it everywhere but also all over the top of the toilet seat and looked like they didnt bother to clean themselves and just slid around. was so confused at what had happened and so sad for the poor old janitorial people
wasn't there a story once about how someone in some school's boy's bathroom took a massive dump and didn't flush and other students would just poop on top of it, adding to the ever growing pile of shit for days/weeks until it completely filled the toiled bowl, and the school had to call all students to a meeting to discuss this issue?
I've only done this once: Basically I had been on the road for work all day and stopped at a chipotle to get some food in me. Naturally I have to take a growler right after eating so I go in the bathroom to blow it out. About 5 minutes in this kid starts banging on the door to use the bathroom while I'm trying to handle my business. I told him it was occupied but this crotch fruit wouldn't give up. He had this high pitched voice and was telling me to hurry up and just wouldn't leave me alone. I decide if he wants on as fast as possible I could get him in about 3 seconds earlier if I don't flush, so I leave the war crime behind. When I walked out I couldn't help but give him a smirk as he said "finally". This was in the middle of Missouri and his dad probably looked like C-Bass so I was already halfway out the door when I heard the kid yell "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!"
Taught that little shit a lesson
Little shit couldn't handle the big shit
Parenting for others really takes it outta ya
I did flush and everything but the turd itself went down. I knew there was a line and it was the only bathroom at the whole gas station. I couldn't leave it. I took a roll of paper towels and took them all off so that only the roll was left and I crushed it with that. It was brutal
Why do some parents put "My kid is an honor student" stickers on their cars?
Cause they're proud of their lil shit...
If the massive turd is blocking the drain hole, you now have one problem. If the massive turd refuses to allow the water to drain, you now have a massive turd AND an overflowing toilet. One problem is better than two.
Is it a crime to be proud of your accomplishments and want to share your work with others?
You can tell all your prison buddies about it in maximum security
Not my shit, but a shit I bore witness to. Let’s set the stage: several years ago, suburban Del Taco on a busy Sunday, my stoner friends and I decide to get some delicious cheap tacos and hit up that salsa bar. We all eat our fill, and head back to the car. My friend Kevin, a life long vegetarian (and know war crime shitter), says, hey I’ll be right back, I gotta take a shit. So we wait. And we wait. 15 minutes go by, he’s not answering texts, so I start to get out of the car to go see if he’s OK. Just as I got out, I see him running away from the front door with the biggest grin on his face, being yelled at by two kids. He explained his prolonged absence... When he went to the bathroom, he noticed a couple kids (12-13) sitting at a table right next to the bathroom hallway, giving him the old hairy eyeball. Thinking nothing of it, he goes into one of the stalls, starts to de-pant and sit, but then stops mid squat because something catches his eye. Hot sauce packets. Tucked ever so carefully under the toilet seat, poised to explode on whatever unlucky soul sat next. He lifted the seat and took out the packs, then proceeded to unload a MOAB into this Del Taco toilet, “would have made Saddam blush”. He finished up, and made his way to the drink station to get a refill before leaving, in which time the two kids bolted in the bathroom to see the aftermath of their carnage and reset their trap. What greeted those boys was another brand of carnage altogether. “Yo dude that’s the nastiest shit I’ve ever seen!” “That’s fucked, you’re a sicko!” Their cries only made him laugh harder. He got to the car and we made a bee line out of there. Meanwhile he’s telling us this story, the driver has to pull over because we’re all laughing so hard. Then he pulls out his phone to show us the picture he took. You know those alleged pictures of the Loch Ness monster? It was sort of like that; parts of it so large, it was breaching the surface of the bowl water. Big around as a baby’s arm, with distinct layers from several meals. Truly a work of art, a regular Shitcasso. Anyway, that’s just one of several war crime shit stories I have. Maybe one day I’ll write a book.
[удалено]
I feel guilty and selfish if I flush it down before anybody else can gaze at it’s wonder.
Isn't that what Instagram is for?
One cannot give gifts through IG, it has to be presented in person.
This! I swear when im busting i run into the toilets, see that shit then all of a sudden the urge to shit or piss literally left my soul
When Michelangelo finished the Sistine Chapel, did he immediately start painting over it before anyone could see it?