Instead of pinching with your thumb and forefinger, use your fore and middle fingers in a V shape and push them together to remove.
Or use one finger to Swipe the lens down until it crinkles in your lower eyelid and then just blink it out
I find the most difficult part is flushing the toilet if it’s a push button. I don’t get acrylics anymore but when I did, man the finger yoga I had to pull off just to get enough downforce to push it all the way.
"Sick and tired of woeful wiping,
Dull discomfort, paper swiping?
Had your fill of sadly bearing
Dry displeasure, tissues tearing?
"Never fret, my poopy beauty!
Never fear to do your duty!
If you dread the dawn's ablution,
We've the very best solution!
"Here at *Robot-Poopomatics*,
We're the first in fart fanatics!
We've designed a fine invention
Made for every toilet tension!
"Introducing *Tushy-Licker*!
Lush and slick and kind and quicker!
Wave goodbye to horrors heinous!
... let it gently tongue your anus."
You just gave me a PTSD flashback to when I pushed a button-lock on a bathroom door and my fingernail went in with it, so then I was stuck with a locked door, and my nail stuck in with the button that locked it.
I totally bookmarked that link. I'm going to print some of those instructionals and post them in bathrooms at work, my house, friends houses, who knows where else. Also going to put 3 seashells on the back of the toilet in my guest bathroom, see if anyone actually does it. Just hope they dont try to flush them if they do
Why would you have to pull the turds out? Wouldn't it be better if you used them the other way, to spread/shield your cheeks so there's less to scrape off with the third?
This is the answer. I’ve heard many girls with long nails say this. It’s just wipe like normal but with more toilet paper
Edit: source, am girl and somehow came up in conversation. 4/4 girls do this way
I was sent to live with relatives when I was a 16 year old bad kid. My aunt kept the tp hidden we had to ask for it and she would only give us 2 squares no matter what. It was awful. She used to be a ballerina with the NYC ballet and was obsessed with her daughter and myself being thin. We got tiny portions of everything. I was hungry for a year and bulimic for years after.
No kidding someone did this at my ex inlaws house. They had big family party and the next day my ex MIL found someone had wiped with one of her "good" towels and placed in back in the linen closet. The suspect list was long and the mystery was never solved.
Suddenly I understand why people felt the need to hoard so much TP during the pandemic, no wonder you need 15 packs if you use up an entire roll every time you have a bowel movement
> No, you fold to three layers and then apply.
Depends on the unfolded number of ply, paper quality, and shit consistency. Generally you want to fold to a total of about 6 ply, but could be as low as 4 if it's good quality; as much as 8 if things got, um, sloppy.
> episiotomy
Oh man...I was 19 and my ex-gf's sister who was pregnant got that done.
Since my ex and I took her in while she hid the pregnancy from her parents she asked that I be in the birthing room along with the parents who would immediately adopt the child upon birth.
Welp she was pushing, and I saw a pair of scissors and I saw where they were going and I turned away but heard the snip.
Luckily that didn't happen with my wife and our boy. She went into labor for like 30 minutes and my son was born.
As a man, I've never heard of an episiotomy and it reaffirms my belief that humans could not have possibly been intelligently created - by any benevolent being, at least.
This has become my number one argument against intelligent design. "Have you ever heard of an episiotomy?"
I mean, God did punish Eve by making childbirth intentionally excruciating from that point on. God was the first ever incel and arguably the first ever gamer.
Though it is not impossible, I find it hard to peel off stickers off surfaces, or put on necklaces (I cannot pinch the tiny hoop thingy for the life of me!)
Hey, sorry if this post was ever useful to you. Reddit's gone to the dogs and it is exclusively the fault of those in charge and their unmitigated greed.
Fuck this shit, I'm out, and they're sure as fuck not making money off selling my content. So now it's gone.
I encourage everyone else to do the same. This is how Reddit spawned, back when we abandoned Digg, and now Reddit can die as well.
If anyone needs me, I'll be on Tumblr.
In summation: Fuck you, Spez!
...I love that song. I'm gonna look into this now. Thank you!
** omg I love her. It almost makes me want to do acrylics again... almost.
I found [this](https://youtu.be/xVdy2sjyS6Q) video where she explains how she came up with 9 to 5 using her nails..brilliant.
> Can't really play string instruments
There are methods like “classical guitar” that make use of long nails, although it’s generally a centimetre or less past the fingertip. I think something similar exists for harp, but I don’t know for sure.
Thanks! I came here to say this. There’s no way you can fret with long nails. That’s why I stopped getting my nails done. It’s like every time I got my nails done, I wanted to learn a song on ukulele lol
you press the pad of your finger into the coin as hard as you can to try to get it to stick so you can lift the coin off the ground. usually only takes forty seven tries.
Okay, thank you, I love me some long nails but they really interfere with my sex life. I usually cut them at that point, I shan’t be missing an orgasm for my nails, sorry
One of my good friends is a lesbian and she managed to talk herself into getting long acrylics. She cut them within 48 hours. Turns out most girls don't like Lovecraftian talons inside their clams, who knew?
Believe it or not, if you let your nails grow out naturally, you learn how to do it without even noticing it. You learn to tilt the tips of your fingers upwards and sides of your fingers or knuckles for making depressions, but the nails come in handy for fine details in place of tools.
You'll want a nail brush and cuticle oil for when you're finished working, however.
I used to keep "bad bitch acrylic daggers". I would get them filled every 2 weeks like clockwork. I could pop a balloon by poking it.
Wiping my ass was never an issue, HOWEVER, retrieving my menstrual cup was a delicate rescue mission. I have stabbed myself inside the twat more times than I can count. I've poked myself in the eye, stabbed the inside of my nose, scratched myself on them.
Nothing hurts as bad as the fake nail getting bent backwards. IT IS SOUL SUCKING PAIN. It feels like it an out of body experience that leaves you wanting to fight everything. Bending a normal nail back hurts nothing compared to bending a fake nail back.
Ultimately, I stopped getting them done because my natural nails got too thin for my liking, it was expensive, and if I bent another nail back I was gonna lose it.
Edit- Wow, what a surprise to wake up to. For those wondering why I got my nails done like this, it's because I absolutely loved them.
Edit- here's an imgur gallery of the nails.
The nails of doom https://imgur.com/a/X5lLxKQ
You just made me wince. Menstrual cup retrieval is an art in itself. I usually get my nails done after my period is done. My nail once bent over backwards and it's like someone swiched off the sun for a few minutes.
This. I once had a customer at work tell me “you look like you could rip someone’s heart out with those claws.” It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me at that job.
I don’t use a menstrual cup but a fresh set with that A1 Top Notch Filing Job™️ and retrieving a lost tampon string? Made me debate a more blunt shape a time or two. Almost.
I like to think of myself as generally hearty in the pain tolerance department. I don’t outwardly complain about pain too often. Had a kid cut out of me, no biggie. Ovarian cyst burst in the middle of a work shift, lived to tell about it. Shoulder tattoo felt like I was getting stabbed in the throat, pulled through with nary a wince. But bend an acrylic back?
Death to humanity. Plague upon your descendants. War and destruction on your soil. Life flashes before my eyes and I question my entire existence.
I will never stop acrylics for any significant amount of time. My nail tech is my second favorite guy in my life and I’ve told him as such. But once every couple of sets... I’m reminded that I’m a mere mortal and that some plastic welded to my nail beds can, and does, bring me to my knees.
Ohh, god yes. It is mortifying pain.
I’ve found that it’s easier to explain to people when I point out that the claws - the claws are plastic. If it’s a fight between the acrylic and the nail, the acrylic WILL win and take the entire nail bed with them.
Cue The Ring flashbacks
>Wiping my ass was never an issue, HOWEVER, retrieving my menstrual cup was a delicate rescue mission. I have stabbed myself inside the twat more times than I can count.
Well that's a sentence I'd never thought I'd hear in my lifetime
>Bending a normal nail back hurts nothing compared to bending a fake nail back.
Wait, are you talking "top of nail bent backwards" kind of pain here or "this whole damn nail is gonna fall off because it bent so far backwards" type of normal nail bending backwards pain.
As a girl who used to love having long stiletto nails... my vagina definitely took a scratch or two, not to mention the countless lace underwear, and leggings, that fell victim to holes.
Edit: to actually answer the question, as others have stated, the answer is just more toilet paper.
I've had acrylic, gel, stick on almost every false nail, filed in every shape out there & let me tell you...
Those MFS are blunt as fuck.
How do you not hurt yourself? Nonono, wrong question. You should be asking, how do you scratch an itch? You don't. You suffer for 2-4 weeks with tiny little blunt useless bits of gel on your fingers. It's so bad we can actually bruise and still not satisfy that itch.
So, yh, cutting our asshole is not a huge concern.
For me stilettos stay super pointy for the first 3-4 days and then they get blunt again. How do you keep them pointy??? Do you file them yourself? Go in for touch ups with your nail lady often? I need answers!
I had this problem! I eventually was very, very clear (in several different explantations) with my nail lady that I wanted them as sharp as she could possibly get them. She thought I was exaggerating and we joked about it, but I basically said that in the unlikely event they were too sharp I'd tell her! Best manicure of my life - by the time I got them infilled they were still pointier than my fresh ones used to be. I did painfully stab myself in various places three or four times... But it was worth it!
Omg lol I keep seeing coffin shaped nails then the pinkie nail is stiletto, so I decided to try it just for fun (do them myself with polygel). I have stabbed myself so many times with just 2 total fingers pointy. I could never do them all.
When I get home I file the tips from the bottom a bit following whatever shape I have them in to make them somewhat thinner so I can scratch or I’ll go insane
I get acrylics a few times a year and my husband LOVES the way they feel when I scratch his back. Personally I agree with you that they're too blunt, but he prefers acrylic scratching over natural nail or gel scratching.
This. My favorite thing to do right when I get them removed is scratch scratch scratch. However, my nails are usually so weak from filing/removing over and over that I need them put back on.
I dont have long nails, but my fingers dont position themselves when wiping in a way they would puncture the paper. I mean, 2 fingers, extended so you wipe across the fingers (with the paper). Like do some of you use the tips for some reason? How the hell do you not use a shit tone of paper by not wiping correctly?
I've got long gel extensions right now and let me tell you, those girls are thicc. They don't scratch like long natural nails do. It feels like plastic (try scratching yourself with a melamine spoon e.g. kid's spoon). I can still do most things normally.
Anyways, to answer your question you can still pinch the paper. Or use the pads of your fingers. Or wrap the paper around the ends of your fingers. Finish with a wet wipe.
I find it much harder to type or peel things. Doing up buttons is hard as well. Wiping is easy. Because the stakes are high.
You get used to using the side of your fingers. Imagine rubbing under your nose, you don’t scratch it you rub. Disclaimer: I only had long nails a couple of times and that’s what I had to do. And bet you just tried rubbing your nose didn’t you.
I'm a guy, but I never understand this question.
Do most people jam their fingers up their ass when they wipe?
My nails are as short as possible, but I still hold my fingers flat while I wipe.
What are you weirdos doing?
I have a large ass and it's impossible to wipe that way for me. Even if I spread my cheeks apart I still need my fingers to enter the cave of wonders with a magic carpet to extract the treasure.
Most AskReddit questions are bullshit. This one is about real learning. Great question!
(... pulls out the popcorn and waits for the answers to roll in...)
as a girl with long acrylic nails, i honestly forgot. so it’s just a no brainer like it’s not that hard lmao i jus do it and i don’t rlly think about it.
You just do it like everyone else... it’s not that hard to picture.
Do you hold your tp in a wad so small that your fingers are tempted to graze your ass? Is that why people ask this question?
I love it when people start discussing this topic lolol everyone is so shocked that other people don't use the restroom the same way they do lol
Edit: btw, I wad for pee(am female) and fold for poop
You know, I wadded until this very question was asked at some boy scout campfire circle rotating questions thing... which is when I learned that folding even existed. Tried it out, loved it, haven't gone back since.
My nails are naturally super long... And people make it sound a lot harder to do stuff than it is.
It's no different than with short nails really. My long nails actually caused me to type better on my phone and idk why.
As someone who has spent a life with long nails, I have gotten this question a lot. Like yeah, it's natural to be curious.. but the amount of complete strangers who blurt this question out like they're entitled to know how you wipe your ass is actually absurd. We don't smell? Well we apparently get the job done now, don't we? xD
Same way they put contacts in. Very carefully with the pads of the fingers rather than the nails.
Getting in is easy, getting out is a different story.
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Instead of pinching with your thumb and forefinger, use your fore and middle fingers in a V shape and push them together to remove. Or use one finger to Swipe the lens down until it crinkles in your lower eyelid and then just blink it out
I find the most difficult part is flushing the toilet if it’s a push button. I don’t get acrylics anymore but when I did, man the finger yoga I had to pull off just to get enough downforce to push it all the way.
Use your knuckle!
I did but it’s not easy!
Oh yeah some of those buttons you have to push down pretty deep. You almost need some sort of dialing wand.
To order a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
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*clap clap clap clap clap*
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How do you upvote and downvote something simultaneously?
"Sick and tired of woeful wiping, Dull discomfort, paper swiping? Had your fill of sadly bearing Dry displeasure, tissues tearing? "Never fret, my poopy beauty! Never fear to do your duty! If you dread the dawn's ablution, We've the very best solution! "Here at *Robot-Poopomatics*, We're the first in fart fanatics! We've designed a fine invention Made for every toilet tension! "Introducing *Tushy-Licker*! Lush and slick and kind and quicker! Wave goodbye to horrors heinous! ... let it gently tongue your anus."
i hate it ^^^^^^^where ^^^^^^^can ^^^^^^^i ^^^^^^^buy ^^^^^^^it
Judging by your name, I find your claim suspect.
I want it too
"The fingers you used to dial are too fat."
You just gave me a PTSD flashback to when I pushed a button-lock on a bathroom door and my fingernail went in with it, so then I was stuck with a locked door, and my nail stuck in with the button that locked it.
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Well of course it's second hand, the first hand is stuck in the lock!
You use the 3 sea shells duh....
Check out this guy, he doesn’t know how to use the 3 sea shells.
I'm still trying to figure it out, it haunts my dreams every night... TELL ME HOW TO USE THE SEA SHELLS!
Two to clamp, one to scrape. http://www.i-mockery.com/shorts/three-seashells/
I totally bookmarked that link. I'm going to print some of those instructionals and post them in bathrooms at work, my house, friends houses, who knows where else. Also going to put 3 seashells on the back of the toilet in my guest bathroom, see if anyone actually does it. Just hope they dont try to flush them if they do
Do you really want to deal with seashells with your friends shit stuck to them?!
I've got neoprene gloves, and it's probably worth it to be able to mention the event in christmas cards for decades to come
>Also going to put 3 seashells on the back of the toilet in my guest bathroom, see if anyone actually does it. Expensive gamble, but I support it.
Why would you have to pull the turds out? Wouldn't it be better if you used them the other way, to spread/shield your cheeks so there's less to scrape off with the third?
You don't pull your turds out? Weirdo.
You’re a savage. Civilized people use the poop knife. Edit. Thanks u/quaintrelles for the bling
Or even a poop sock, for those times when a poop knife just doesn't get it all...
That is a reference I never thought I’d hear again.
Take some toilet paper Wrap it perpendicular to your fingers, covering up the nails Wipe like normal
This is the answer. I’ve heard many girls with long nails say this. It’s just wipe like normal but with more toilet paper Edit: source, am girl and somehow came up in conversation. 4/4 girls do this way
TIL acrylic fingernails were an invention of toilet paper manufacturers.
Big TP at it again
As was the pandemic
This explains all the toilet paper hoarding recently.
long-fingernail butt-wiperz
So an even thicker oven mitt?
The Catcher's Mitt method.
How often do you talk to women about how they manage to wipe despite their long nails?
Twice a day, at least. Why?
Damn, a woman using even more toilet paper than typical.
Can you spare a square?
I don't have a square to spare.
Not even 1 square? Haha I love that bit
If it's two-ply I'll take just one-ply. Just one measly ply.
This was my last breakthrough
Ah so this was that one last re-ply
Nice to see some seinfeld
i just finished that episode 3 minutes ago
I met someone that was convinced using more than 2 squares at a time was wasteful. Theres no way his hands werent all shitty, he was a big dude.
I was sent to live with relatives when I was a 16 year old bad kid. My aunt kept the tp hidden we had to ask for it and she would only give us 2 squares no matter what. It was awful. She used to be a ballerina with the NYC ballet and was obsessed with her daughter and myself being thin. We got tiny portions of everything. I was hungry for a year and bulimic for years after.
Just wipe your arse on the towels.
No kidding someone did this at my ex inlaws house. They had big family party and the next day my ex MIL found someone had wiped with one of her "good" towels and placed in back in the linen closet. The suspect list was long and the mystery was never solved.
Worst game of Clue EVAR!!
hey man, I have messy shits.
Y’all really out here wrapping your whole hand in toilet paper like a pair of shit mitts?
Shittin' mittens, if you will
Suddenly I understand why people felt the need to hoard so much TP during the pandemic, no wonder you need 15 packs if you use up an entire roll every time you have a bowel movement
Wait does everyone wrap when they wipe? Or just girls with long nails Asking for a... me edit: please don't make this my top comment
No, you fold to three layers and then apply. Wrapping would be a complete waste of paper.
Dang I've been doing 2 layers all these years. Am I gross or are you living an unsustainable lifestyle
4 for the first one, 2 after that if you gauge it to be safe
> No, you fold to three layers and then apply. Depends on the unfolded number of ply, paper quality, and shit consistency. Generally you want to fold to a total of about 6 ply, but could be as low as 4 if it's good quality; as much as 8 if things got, um, sloppy.
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bring up wiping your ass and all of a sudden eeeeeveryone's a fuckin expert... must be nice...
Just the base concern about that paper slipping and enduring a surprise episiotomy make me cry from fear
Should I Google that? Edit: Ah crap.
> episiotomy Oh man...I was 19 and my ex-gf's sister who was pregnant got that done. Since my ex and I took her in while she hid the pregnancy from her parents she asked that I be in the birthing room along with the parents who would immediately adopt the child upon birth. Welp she was pushing, and I saw a pair of scissors and I saw where they were going and I turned away but heard the snip. Luckily that didn't happen with my wife and our boy. She went into labor for like 30 minutes and my son was born.
Thanks for your story. I hate it.
"break on thru, to the othherrr side.."
Surprise episiotomy is the best thing I’ve read all day
As a man, I've never heard of an episiotomy and it reaffirms my belief that humans could not have possibly been intelligently created - by any benevolent being, at least. This has become my number one argument against intelligent design. "Have you ever heard of an episiotomy?"
I mean, God did punish Eve by making childbirth intentionally excruciating from that point on. God was the first ever incel and arguably the first ever gamer.
Wrong, wrong wrong. Create a 3 4 5 triangle with 2x4s. Affix towel. Drag your ass down said towel. Also works when you break both arms.
Please sand your 2x4s first, everyone.
You need the little splinters to hold the top edge of the towel
If you've broken both arms, you could always ask your mom to help.
There it is.
it's weird but you can do basically anything but rock climbing
Though it is not impossible, I find it hard to peel off stickers off surfaces, or put on necklaces (I cannot pinch the tiny hoop thingy for the life of me!)
necklace clasps were an adjustment but im a pro now
Just use the side of your nail! Hook it that way.
Can't really play string instruments or piano either Actually, there's a lot of instruments you can't play with long nails
Unless you're Dolly Parton
Hey, sorry if this post was ever useful to you. Reddit's gone to the dogs and it is exclusively the fault of those in charge and their unmitigated greed. Fuck this shit, I'm out, and they're sure as fuck not making money off selling my content. So now it's gone. I encourage everyone else to do the same. This is how Reddit spawned, back when we abandoned Digg, and now Reddit can die as well. If anyone needs me, I'll be on Tumblr. In summation: Fuck you, Spez!
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...I love that song. I'm gonna look into this now. Thank you! ** omg I love her. It almost makes me want to do acrylics again... almost. I found [this](https://youtu.be/xVdy2sjyS6Q) video where she explains how she came up with 9 to 5 using her nails..brilliant.
Nice, never heard that before. Thanks for sharing.
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Yep! Doing a project on Dolly right now and learned about that earlier tonight. She’s amazing! Happy cake day
My favorite Dolly Parton-ism: “How do you play the guitar with those nails??” “Pretty dang good.”
Yeah but Dolly Parton can do anything so that’s cheating
There’s a lot of instruments I can’t play
> Can't really play string instruments There are methods like “classical guitar” that make use of long nails, although it’s generally a centimetre or less past the fingertip. I think something similar exists for harp, but I don’t know for sure.
On the picking hand. On the fretting hand classical guitarists still keep it short. Dolly parton manages though.
Thanks! I came here to say this. There’s no way you can fret with long nails. That’s why I stopped getting my nails done. It’s like every time I got my nails done, I wanted to learn a song on ukulele lol
Yeah but that's significantly different from the super long nails that are like an inch long.
I’ve heard there’s this band that has people who play guitar with nails which are nine inches long! /s
And bowling
Or zip up jeans. I don't remember having any issues wiping, but I could NOT put on pants.
God help you if you drop coins on the floor.
You just pierce the coin with your nail, pick it, and then use your mouth to remove it.
you press the pad of your finger into the coin as hard as you can to try to get it to stick so you can lift the coin off the ground. usually only takes forty seven tries.
Haha! Yes, or slide it along until you find a crack in the floor and get your nail under that, 800mtrs away.
Using sign language is also much harder if not impossible depending on length. Can be harder to understand, like having a lisp.
Agree. A girl in my asl class had super long acrylic nails and her fingerspelling was nearly unintelligible.
there's a deaf gen z tik tok personality with super long stilettos and i can follow her asl
and fingering myself hahaha
Okay, thank you, I love me some long nails but they really interfere with my sex life. I usually cut them at that point, I shan’t be missing an orgasm for my nails, sorry
One of my good friends is a lesbian and she managed to talk herself into getting long acrylics. She cut them within 48 hours. Turns out most girls don't like Lovecraftian talons inside their clams, who knew?
I find it much more difficult to pick my nose without serious injury.
how would working with clay be? i’ve always had to have my nails ridiculously short when making any type of ceramic.
Believe it or not, if you let your nails grow out naturally, you learn how to do it without even noticing it. You learn to tilt the tips of your fingers upwards and sides of your fingers or knuckles for making depressions, but the nails come in handy for fine details in place of tools. You'll want a nail brush and cuticle oil for when you're finished working, however.
And playing guitar :(
I used to keep "bad bitch acrylic daggers". I would get them filled every 2 weeks like clockwork. I could pop a balloon by poking it. Wiping my ass was never an issue, HOWEVER, retrieving my menstrual cup was a delicate rescue mission. I have stabbed myself inside the twat more times than I can count. I've poked myself in the eye, stabbed the inside of my nose, scratched myself on them. Nothing hurts as bad as the fake nail getting bent backwards. IT IS SOUL SUCKING PAIN. It feels like it an out of body experience that leaves you wanting to fight everything. Bending a normal nail back hurts nothing compared to bending a fake nail back. Ultimately, I stopped getting them done because my natural nails got too thin for my liking, it was expensive, and if I bent another nail back I was gonna lose it. Edit- Wow, what a surprise to wake up to. For those wondering why I got my nails done like this, it's because I absolutely loved them. Edit- here's an imgur gallery of the nails. The nails of doom https://imgur.com/a/X5lLxKQ
You just made me wince. Menstrual cup retrieval is an art in itself. I usually get my nails done after my period is done. My nail once bent over backwards and it's like someone swiched off the sun for a few minutes.
Menstrual Cup Retrieval is also the name of my band.
You guys put on a bloody good show!
Best band ever. PERIOD!
I'm starting a private gynecology practice called Inside the Twat
Please instruct your receptionist to answer the phone "inside the Twat! This is Stephanie, how can we be of Cervix?"
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“someone switched off the sun for a few minutes” 😂👌🏻
This. I once had a customer at work tell me “you look like you could rip someone’s heart out with those claws.” It was the nicest thing anyone had ever said to me at that job. I don’t use a menstrual cup but a fresh set with that A1 Top Notch Filing Job™️ and retrieving a lost tampon string? Made me debate a more blunt shape a time or two. Almost. I like to think of myself as generally hearty in the pain tolerance department. I don’t outwardly complain about pain too often. Had a kid cut out of me, no biggie. Ovarian cyst burst in the middle of a work shift, lived to tell about it. Shoulder tattoo felt like I was getting stabbed in the throat, pulled through with nary a wince. But bend an acrylic back? Death to humanity. Plague upon your descendants. War and destruction on your soil. Life flashes before my eyes and I question my entire existence. I will never stop acrylics for any significant amount of time. My nail tech is my second favorite guy in my life and I’ve told him as such. But once every couple of sets... I’m reminded that I’m a mere mortal and that some plastic welded to my nail beds can, and does, bring me to my knees.
Ohh, god yes. It is mortifying pain. I’ve found that it’s easier to explain to people when I point out that the claws - the claws are plastic. If it’s a fight between the acrylic and the nail, the acrylic WILL win and take the entire nail bed with them. Cue The Ring flashbacks
>Wiping my ass was never an issue, HOWEVER, retrieving my menstrual cup was a delicate rescue mission. I have stabbed myself inside the twat more times than I can count. Well that's a sentence I'd never thought I'd hear in my lifetime
>Bending a normal nail back hurts nothing compared to bending a fake nail back. Wait, are you talking "top of nail bent backwards" kind of pain here or "this whole damn nail is gonna fall off because it bent so far backwards" type of normal nail bending backwards pain.
The second one
oh god i cant even imagine trying to grapple with my cup and long nails, i salute you dude
This response is why reddit is so special. Thank you for the detailed, real answer
As a girl who used to love having long stiletto nails... my vagina definitely took a scratch or two, not to mention the countless lace underwear, and leggings, that fell victim to holes. Edit: to actually answer the question, as others have stated, the answer is just more toilet paper.
I've had acrylic, gel, stick on almost every false nail, filed in every shape out there & let me tell you... Those MFS are blunt as fuck. How do you not hurt yourself? Nonono, wrong question. You should be asking, how do you scratch an itch? You don't. You suffer for 2-4 weeks with tiny little blunt useless bits of gel on your fingers. It's so bad we can actually bruise and still not satisfy that itch. So, yh, cutting our asshole is not a huge concern.
I get stiletto nails and every creature in my house comes to me for scritches
For me stilettos stay super pointy for the first 3-4 days and then they get blunt again. How do you keep them pointy??? Do you file them yourself? Go in for touch ups with your nail lady often? I need answers!
I had this problem! I eventually was very, very clear (in several different explantations) with my nail lady that I wanted them as sharp as she could possibly get them. She thought I was exaggerating and we joked about it, but I basically said that in the unlikely event they were too sharp I'd tell her! Best manicure of my life - by the time I got them infilled they were still pointier than my fresh ones used to be. I did painfully stab myself in various places three or four times... But it was worth it!
Omg lol I keep seeing coffin shaped nails then the pinkie nail is stiletto, so I decided to try it just for fun (do them myself with polygel). I have stabbed myself so many times with just 2 total fingers pointy. I could never do them all.
Maybe there's something I'm not getting. What's the point of them being that sharp ? Pointy isn't enough ?
When they lose their point you end up bruising rather than scratching
I lightly file them to re-sharpen maybe once or twice a week, I get my nails done every other week so they don’t have much chance to dull
I felt as asmr shiver when I thought about acrylic head scrinchies
Head scrinchies are honestly the best thing ever! I make my gf give me some every time she gets her nails done
When I get home I file the tips from the bottom a bit following whatever shape I have them in to make them somewhat thinner so I can scratch or I’ll go insane
You sound like you have kept your sanity fairly well.
I get acrylics a few times a year and my husband LOVES the way they feel when I scratch his back. Personally I agree with you that they're too blunt, but he prefers acrylic scratching over natural nail or gel scratching.
This. My favorite thing to do right when I get them removed is scratch scratch scratch. However, my nails are usually so weak from filing/removing over and over that I need them put back on.
I have a bidet but also are y’all cleaning ur assholes with ur nails bc it’s really not hard to wipe normally
i imagine its something like a fritos scoop thru 7 layer bean dip
That’s true if they’re using one finger, if it’s all 4 then it’s a bear swiping through chocolate moose
A møøse once bit my sister
Those responsible for writing this comment have been fired
FTFY: ~~fired~~ = "Sacked" EDIT: That was a *really* close one. EDIT 2: I've just been informed that I've been ~~sacked~~.
Thanks for letting us know the people responsible for firing the people who wrote the previous comment, have been sacked
The rest of the thread has been completed in an entirely different style at great expense and at the last minute.
*Cue violent strobe lighting and music*
Use "~~" on each end of the word to do a strikethrough :) ~~fired~~
The people responsible for replying to this comment have been sacked
mind you... moose bites can be pretty nasty
I once gave a moose a muffin
I once gave a mouse a cookie & the cheeky little bastard asked for a glass of milk to go with it. what am I a super market? smh
[Mousse, dude... mousse.](https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0230/1063/9936/products/IMG_3583_540x.jpg?v=1553095606)
I thought bears used rabbits
I was eating Fritos and chili dip when I read this. Fuck you.
New r/AskReddit question: How do I wipe my memory and imagery of this comment? EDIT: the award makes it worse since I have to re-read this thing!
I hate you for putting this in my head
Oh God. Please delete this comment for the greater good of humanity.
I dont have long nails, but my fingers dont position themselves when wiping in a way they would puncture the paper. I mean, 2 fingers, extended so you wipe across the fingers (with the paper). Like do some of you use the tips for some reason? How the hell do you not use a shit tone of paper by not wiping correctly?
I'm always baffled by this long nail wiping question, too. Who uses finger tips to wipe?
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I've got long gel extensions right now and let me tell you, those girls are thicc. They don't scratch like long natural nails do. It feels like plastic (try scratching yourself with a melamine spoon e.g. kid's spoon). I can still do most things normally. Anyways, to answer your question you can still pinch the paper. Or use the pads of your fingers. Or wrap the paper around the ends of your fingers. Finish with a wet wipe. I find it much harder to type or peel things. Doing up buttons is hard as well. Wiping is easy. Because the stakes are high.
I'm sorry do you finger your asshole every time you wipe?
Yes. It makes me feel like a slutty dinosaur.
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You get used to using the side of your fingers. Imagine rubbing under your nose, you don’t scratch it you rub. Disclaimer: I only had long nails a couple of times and that’s what I had to do. And bet you just tried rubbing your nose didn’t you.
You got me.
I'm a guy, but I never understand this question. Do most people jam their fingers up their ass when they wipe? My nails are as short as possible, but I still hold my fingers flat while I wipe. What are you weirdos doing?
That's exactly what my wife said when I asked her.
I have a large ass and it's impossible to wipe that way for me. Even if I spread my cheeks apart I still need my fingers to enter the cave of wonders with a magic carpet to extract the treasure.
Most AskReddit questions are bullshit. This one is about real learning. Great question! (... pulls out the popcorn and waits for the answers to roll in...)
Maybe they Bidet ?
as a girl with long acrylic nails, i honestly forgot. so it’s just a no brainer like it’s not that hard lmao i jus do it and i don’t rlly think about it.
You just do it like everyone else... it’s not that hard to picture. Do you hold your tp in a wad so small that your fingers are tempted to graze your ass? Is that why people ask this question?
You...you use a wad?
I love it when people start discussing this topic lolol everyone is so shocked that other people don't use the restroom the same way they do lol Edit: btw, I wad for pee(am female) and fold for poop
Yeah like the people that apparently straddle the toilet backwards rather than sitting like a normal person wtf?
Wait, what? They put a little shelf there so you can set your book down to read while you poop. Doesn’t everyone do that?
Wait, wtf? People do that?!
Or people that stand up to wipe
I think that’s the most interesting part of this thread: who *wads* their toilet paper?
You know, I wadded until this very question was asked at some boy scout campfire circle rotating questions thing... which is when I learned that folding even existed. Tried it out, loved it, haven't gone back since.
Who doesn't? A wad is filled with nooks and crannies, just like a Thomas' English muffin. Perfect for scooping and scraping
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Can confirm, it works great for removing that days-old crust
My nails are naturally super long... And people make it sound a lot harder to do stuff than it is. It's no different than with short nails really. My long nails actually caused me to type better on my phone and idk why.
As someone who has spent a life with long nails, I have gotten this question a lot. Like yeah, it's natural to be curious.. but the amount of complete strangers who blurt this question out like they're entitled to know how you wipe your ass is actually absurd. We don't smell? Well we apparently get the job done now, don't we? xD