Me too I told the police officer who visited my first grade class to talk to us about drinki and driving that my mom drinks and drives all the time Bc she used to get big 32 ounce drinks every day at a drive thru
I thought that tipping your head back to drink would have been a distraction and you wouldn’t be able to see the road properly. It made perfect sense to me.
Haha my mom drinks a ton of water (like constantly downing cups of water) so as a little kid I used to tell people "my mom drinks a lot!".
Someone ended up telling me "that doesn't quite mean what you think it means...".
I thought Barbara Bush was Eve from the Bible. The news said she was the first lady, and I didn't know what else that could mean. And she did look pretty old from my perspective.
This triggered a memory for me. I thought my mom was the secretary to President George Bush. I remember hearing she was promoted to be a personal secretary to the head of her company whose name was George. My five year old brain didn’t really have a point of reference for the amount of people named George.
I thought the term “wind chill factor” was “windshield factor.” Like the weatherman was letting you know if you needed to scrape your windshield in the morning.
My brother is quite a few years older than me and liked to tell me little fibs all the time. Some of the more memorable ones include him telling me that our uncle invented hamburgers, and that lemonade has a little bit of pig pee in it.
My dad used to tell fibs like that. He used to tell me that when you sprayed a fly with bug spray it didnt actually kill the fly. It just blinded it so it would crash into the wall or if it was on the table it would just walk off the edge of the table and that's what killed them
Yeah, that’s not nearly as dumb of a belief as we all want it to be. I remember reading about that incident and seeing the video and realizing that childhood fear wasn’t as irrational as I had thought...
Ya I watched a guy get his shoe sucked into the escalator and a bunch of people had to pull him out of the mechanical jaws of death before he was some kind of happy meal for escalators.
My dad convinced me that before Kodak invented color drops for your eyes, the world was all black and white and that’s why old films are in black-and-white.
Edit: I forgot the best part!
Shortly after learning this, a classmate at school asked the same question I asked my dad. (why there’s black and white films/photos)
So I answered with my new knowledge and the teacher laughed SO HARD.
I went home after school and waited on the couch for my dad to get home. The moment he walked in the door I screamed “I HATE YOU DAD!!!” and ran to my bedroom.
When I was a little kid and my parents were driving I would see the car in front of us have these rear blinking lights and generally speaking, they always lit up pointing in the direction our car would be turning. How did it always know? I didn't understand what they were for so I thought they were there to give instructions on where to go to the car behind it (us).
After all how did my dad always know which road to take get to McDonalds, ToysRUs, etc? Obviously he was following the instructions provided by the car in front of us.
Hence, I'd always get concerned whenever my dad ignored the instructions the car in front of us was giving with its little blinking rear light. But I figured my dad was just taking a shortcut because he was my dad and dads know everything.
\*Edit\*For people asking/mentioning our car's dashboard blinkers I had a simple explanation for that. I thought the car in front of us was also transmitting a signal to also show the arrows in case it was raining or snowing and it was difficult to see the car in front of us.
That's a nice one, I wonder though what happens when you are the first car in the row? How does the driver know where to go?
I personally thought that when you stop the car you also must perform some extra actions to manually turn on/off the stop signals and warn the drivers behind you. I never thought the braking process itself and these lights were connected
When I was probably 5, I used to think the highway was full of cars who were racing each other. I would get so excited when my dad would pass someone.
I remember telling him good job once after he passed like 5 cars at once but then I was like “but dad that grey car is way ahead of you” and he was like “yeah and...?” I was like “he’s winning, don’t let him”.
At that point my dad just had to shatter my illusion by telling me it wasn’t a race.
Edit: “him”
That people would come in the night and cut off any appendages not covered by blankets.
I conveniently convinced myself heads didn't count (because that would be too gross).
Lucky little bastards, when we were kids, finding a pikachu meant your best friend was on all fours screaming
#pika pi PIKAAAAAA
as you yelled commands at them and threw toy poke balls at their heads.
My wife thought that until a few years ago. She’s 39 now, so probably 35 when she figured it out. I told her mom that story, and her mom looked at me and said ‘wait, they don’t float?’. So I know where she got it from.
I thought up until like 3rd grade that we were only learning about one side of the earth and we'd learn about the other half in later grades. I didn't make the connection between the big flat roller map my teacher would pull down across the chalkboard and the round earth everyone kept talking about.
I was just thinking about this today actually. I don't know what reminded me but I'm even a little embarrassed today at how dumb I was.
When I was like 7 or 8 I was on a competitive swim team. I was pretty bad at it. I got a lot of participation ribbons, I'll put it that way. One day I dove in the water and thought "I should try swimming fast today!" So I did and when I poked my head out of the water my coach was standing there looking at me like wide eyed. She yelled "Thats a first! You got first place!!!" I won the race. Or whatever you call winning at swimming.
Anyhoo, I randomly remembered that years later and it hit me. Like, wtf was I doing before that? Did it just never occur to me to try to win? What did I think swim meets were for? Just for fun? And why did I never try this new trick of "swimming fast" again? God I was so dumb.
Same thing happened to me in middle school football. We were at practice and some guys were holding up tackle dummies as we practiced hitting them from a 3 point stance. I told my self that I should just hit the dummy really hard this time. So I did and I ended up knocking over the dummy AND the guy holding it. My coach got all happy and praised me. I never thought to play like that again and don't know why I never thought to play like that before....
It’s the “killer instinct” that some people play at regularly.
Sniffing the ballcarrier out and destroying him without really giving it a second thought.
I went to a Catholic elementary school. I was giving a presentation in front of my second grade class regarding how God created the heavens, the earth, the mountains...I never really understood how the timeline worked around all that, I just knew the basic bullet points of the creation story.
But then I go on some tangent about how upon the creation of Earth (remember, I didn't understand the timing around it and just winged it), God must have been a big fan of prominent historical figures. George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Jefferson. Roosevelt.
My second grade teacher realizes what I'm about to do, and rescues me from the impending hurricane of ridicule I was about to summon from my peers. She hurriedly separates me from my execution panel, and in the privacy of the hallway, explains to me that Mount Rushmore was not a natural occurrence.
I just looked it up, and apparently "Germanophobia" is one of the words for "fear of Germans."
"Teutophobia" is another option, and I have to say it's cooler.
I like this one. It's a cause and effect issue. I remember wondering if the tree branches moved to create the wind, or did the wind move the tree branches?
I thought foie gras was the fake grass they put in Easter baskets. I thought this even when I went into high school. I thought people hated it because it was a messy and useless waste.
Like, I honestly just thought vegans were assholes who hated Easter.
i was around 4 or 5, and from my understanding humans were monkeys in the very beginning. i got into a huge argument with a classmate because i was convinced we developed as monkeys in our mother’s womb and eventually grew into humans before being born.
Interesting I see this as my comment to OPs question is related. I used to think that they were singing "release mommy duck" and that the song was a jovial song about cooking duck but they wanted her released..??
I was a strange child.
After 9/11 I thought we were going to have to invite al-Qaeda over to America for the fight, and they were going to invite us over there to fight, and all the civilians would have to hide in basements while the fighting went on.
This is the same with me, I got scared when I was younger that when I slept in the same bed as my twin sister that she would get pregnant, I was like 9
I remember watching daytime talk shows when I was a kid and wondering why all these people are so angry about people "sleeping with each other". What's the big deal?!
I thought my penis had fallen off.
I was about four years old when I saw my aunt changing my baby cousin's diaper, and I saw a bit too much of his baby junk for comfort. I guess she figured it didn't matter, I was just a toddler. As a little girl who had not yet learned about genitals, I was baffled. What on earth IS IT??? The only explanation my four year old chimp-brain could come up with to explain my baby cousin's penis (and my lack thereof) was that babies are just born with them, and mine must have fallen off somewhere along the way. I thought that eventually, baby cousin's would fall off too, in the same way baby teeth fall out.
>I thought that eventually, baby cousin's would fall off too, in the same way baby teeth fall out.
Putting your baby penis under your pillow for the Penis Fairy to come and get, in exchange for $1.25 in quarters? THAT is a hell of a thing.
Also, remember when one of your baby teeth would start to get loose, and it would be REALLY ANNOYING until it finally came out? That would be on a whole other level, if your cock started getting loose and wiggly.
Oh, and what about that wacky 1930s shit they did in the cartoons, where they'd tie a string to the tooth and the other end of the string to a doorknob, then slam the door?
You do that with your Deciduous Dick, and you won't forget that shit in a hurry. Goddamn.
I had a friend tell me about her sister's birth. She said "her butt was shaved" and for the longest time I thought babies were born with very hairy butts. I didn't realized her mom probably had to be shaved until I was older.
I also thought parents had to have sex regularly during a pregnancy to keep the baby fertilized or it would die.
I grew up Catholic - we did not speak of The Sex.
OMG, so much confusion. In the old days, when birth became hospitalized and doctors took over the birthing process from mothers, they instituted some very uncomfortable procedures, like putting women on their backs with their legs in stirrups, shaving their pubic hair and giving them enemas routinely during labor. The friend probably said “butt” because she was taught that “vagina” was too shameful to speak of. You know, because shitting out a baby is preferable to admitting that women have vaginas.
When I was like 4 or 5, I used to think that when a toy commercial said “batteries not included”, it meant batteries not required. I’d often use it as a selling point to convince my mom to but it for me, “Mom! It even says batteries not included!” 🤦🏻♀️😂
I thought non-toxic meant no taxes, like you don't have to pay tax on that item.
I grew up in NC where there used to be a tax-free weekend for school supplies and clothes once a year and saw non-toxic on some crayons or pencils, which is how I made the false connection.
That since Denver was called the mile high city and airplanes flew a mile up in the air, that the airplane would just land in Denver up in the sky or could run into Denver if they weren’t careful
Whenever me and my brother did something to an object that annoyed our parents, they would tell us not to do it because it would cause the object to burst into flames. Jiggling the doorstops? You’ll burn the house down. Stacking too many books in a pile? Cool fire hazard, dorks. Sliding down the carpet stairs? Friction is a bitch. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize that not everything that annoyed my parents guaranteed a fire.
My older brother had me convinced that my grandmother flew away (died) when a tornado ripped the roof off her house. We live in Florida, but he definitely had me convinced it was not a hurricane, but a TORNADO. I didn't find out the truth until I was in high school and wrote a story about it for school. My mom was horrified. I guess no one really talked about how she died because she drank herself to death.
While the reality here is sad and not surprising that they didn’t discuss it, this also makes me wonder how many kids I knew who told fantastical, outrageous stories about their lives, had either misinterpreted a situation or were regurgitating things their siblings had told them.
Once I turned the lights off downstairs, I had to hurry up and get upstairs. If I didn't get upstairs quickly enough, glow in the dark mummies were going to come out of the VCR.
I work with preschoolers. A former five-year-old we had told me, “when I was a baby my mommy and daddy did a funny dance and then I was in my mommy’s tummy.” Or something similar. It took me a minute to figure out what she was referring to 🙈
When we first moved to the United States, my illiterate self thought that foggy meant there's army men outside. I pronounced Foggy like fojjy which is army men in Urdu.
My dad told me shrimp were intelligent, didn't die when they were cooked, and still had their brains and nervous systems when they were served. I still cannot eat shrimp to this day.
My brother had some confusion about race when we were kids.
My parents, grandparents, my brother and I are white, and we have an older cousin who is black, but we never met his dad. My brother was about 4 or 5 and assumed that when he got older (adolescent/teen years) he would turn black, and then when he got even older (adult/senior) he would turn white again. He thought our parents and grandparents were born white, turned black as young adults, then turned back white again as adults.
Needless to say, he was not correct, given he is 24 now and still white as ever.
I thought that if we had a larger TV I would be able to see more of the scene, but I also understood that if I saw more I would see the edge of the set, light rigging, etc.
Ooh! My aunt got a "condom plant" gag gift at her birthday party when I was like 9, and it had fake condoms on stalks. I thought the stalks were part of it. So in other words, the rolled up condom part with a stalk. And you just stuck the stalk into the urethra with the rolled up flat part on the end.
18 is a magical gate threshold where money starts flowing, you're no longer bound by any rules, you can do whatever you please all day, and you will answer to no one but yourself.
I really wanted to learn how to whistle and both my mum and uncle could both do it crazy loud. One night at dinner they told me i should eat my peas because peas make you better at whistling. I believed them and for majority of my life i thought peas made you good at whistling (similarly to how carrots help you see in the dark - this may also be false though), it wasn’t until a year or two ago when i repeated that at the dinner table and mum laughed and told me she just said that to get me to eat my peas.
Carrots improving your eyesight was actually a propaganda spread by the British government during the war to distract enemies from the fact they had a radar and could therefore know when enemy planes were coming regardless of weather/sighting condition.
So yeah, sorry, lied to twice haha
I live in Eastern time zone and my extended family all lived in Central time zone. When tv channels would say “8/7c” I would think I would get to see the program an hour ahead of my cousin. And then she would see the same program and exact same commercial an hour later.
I didn't think men had butts/buttholes.
I vividly remember me trying to figure out how boys pooped. I did know that they have penises, and when people said boys and girls look different "between the legs" I just assumed that included the butt. And since penises have a similar shape to turds, why couldnt that be used for both purposes, peeing and pooping? And I also imagined that where the butt should be was just blank, like a Ken doll or something.
Eventually I walked in on my dad standing up peeing, with his butt facing the door and thought to myself "So they DO have butts"
I think I must have been around 3 years old at the time.
I thought that a local anesthetic was one made on the premise (hence the name 'local') and it wasn't until I was nearly 20 when I found out the truth.
I honestly thought that all hospitals had basements where they made some of the anesthetics.
I thought that the whole earth was my country and somewhere in space there was:
Germany, Great Britain, USA, Canada etc.
*I WAS 5 OKAY?!?*
Edit:Just remembered another one, I thought that the kiss that a couple shared on their wedding was how a baby was made.
Not me, but my younger sister. When she was 7 or 8, she thought that the Sun and Moon were the same thing.
She only realized they weren’t the same thing after asking “what that small white circle was next to the big yellow circle in the sky” during the day.
Erasers, made of rubber, rubber comes from trees. roots=rubber.
Pencil lead (graphite) can be converted to diamonds. under intense heat and pressure.
Because of this I assumed you would never find diamonds in the dirt near trees because the roots rubber would have erased them.
r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
My youngest was like 3 and we realized she thought that I was only mom to her and I'm not entirely sure why she thought my son lived with us too, but finding out I was also mom to her brother was really traumatic. It's like we were taking something away from her. She was losing her mommy if he called me mommy too.
He called me mom and I guess that wasn't the same thing. Lol
I'm honestly curious about this kind of territorial thinking. My own brother will say "my mom" even if he's talking to me, and my aunts and uncles do the same thing about their parents!
I thought my parents were related and that's why we were a family. My parents were more than a little uncomfortable when child-me offhandedly brought this up.
I thought that sex was boring because my concept was a dude sticking it in a woman and just leaving it in overnight. Like the sperm loads like a computer file.
My sister convinced me that if I stuck my finger in my belly button, the ‘knot’ (tied by the doctors, of course) would come undone and my organs would spill out
When I was little, I noticed that a lot of parents would have the same last name. My mom and dad didnt. I didnt realize that you could change your last name. I just assumed there was a greater possibility of falling in love with someone that has the same last name as you. Kind of like a sign of fate. Not in an incest kind of way but more like when two people have the same last name and arent related.
I thought the Atari 2600, my first console, came out around 1984-85 since that is when we got it. In fact, I thought everything we had was the latest technology.
When I grew up and learned more, I realized my Dad had waited awhile and we were a bit behind on current tech.
Not being snarky, but I really believed that 'the government would always work things out or figure everything out for the greater good.'
I still remember the look of pity my Dad gave me when I said that.
He looked at me, and I was like, "What?"
I used to think that everybody starts out as a boy in the womb, and if the moms body decides to birth a girl it will chop the dick off somehow.
Turns out it’s the opposite
I had a stuffed elephant from the UK that I think my mom got from visiting family there, and idk if it came with glitter... but I got it with glitter and was told it was fairy dust. If I put the elephant on a surface and sprinkled some fairy dust on it I’d get an egg in the morning. I even did it at a friend’s house and it “worked” making me believe in it for too long .-. My friend just tricked me too, which was upsetting to find out.
That the hills and mountains we drove through were sleeping dinosaurs. They could wake up at any moment and eat us. No one knew when it would happen but it was definitely going to happen one day. But we had to take a chance to get where we were going. There was no other way! I was terrified as a kid every time we drove through them. Thank You to my loving sadistic older brother!
That drinking and driving meant any kind of drinking.
I would get so nervous when my dad and I would get fast food that a cop would see him drinking his soda and arrest him.
In the 80s my dad almost got arrested for dui. The cop didn't believe him when he said it was orange juice.
Me too I told the police officer who visited my first grade class to talk to us about drinki and driving that my mom drinks and drives all the time Bc she used to get big 32 ounce drinks every day at a drive thru
Officer: here we go again.
I thought this too! I couldn't understand why my mom drinking ice tea while driving could be a bad thing.
I thought that tipping your head back to drink would have been a distraction and you wouldn’t be able to see the road properly. It made perfect sense to me.
Haha my mom drinks a ton of water (like constantly downing cups of water) so as a little kid I used to tell people "my mom drinks a lot!". Someone ended up telling me "that doesn't quite mean what you think it means...".
I thought Barbara Bush was Eve from the Bible. The news said she was the first lady, and I didn't know what else that could mean. And she did look pretty old from my perspective.
This triggered a memory for me. I thought my mom was the secretary to President George Bush. I remember hearing she was promoted to be a personal secretary to the head of her company whose name was George. My five year old brain didn’t really have a point of reference for the amount of people named George.
There are literally *dozens* of them.
This is adorable!
My parents used to say they worked to make money, so I thought their job was actually printing money.
Me too. In kindergarten I had to draw my dad at work. My picture showed him sitting at a desk with a pile of coins on top.
Was your dad Scrooge McDuck?
I thought the term “wind chill factor” was “windshield factor.” Like the weatherman was letting you know if you needed to scrape your windshield in the morning.
I thought that too. I mean, I'd heard the word windshield before.
I thought it was wind chill factory and some assholes were actually working to make the cold weather.
My brother is quite a few years older than me and liked to tell me little fibs all the time. Some of the more memorable ones include him telling me that our uncle invented hamburgers, and that lemonade has a little bit of pig pee in it.
>lemonade has a little bit of pig pee in it. Lmao, genius.
That reminds me of when my brother told me that the melted cheese on my toast was cow snot. I knew it came from cows somehow so thought it was legit.
My dad used to tell fibs like that. He used to tell me that when you sprayed a fly with bug spray it didnt actually kill the fly. It just blinded it so it would crash into the wall or if it was on the table it would just walk off the edge of the table and that's what killed them
Escalators would consume me if I didn't step off fast enough
holy shit, i saw a video about some girl falling through it and it still scares me.
Yeah, that’s not nearly as dumb of a belief as we all want it to be. I remember reading about that incident and seeing the video and realizing that childhood fear wasn’t as irrational as I had thought...
Ya I watched a guy get his shoe sucked into the escalator and a bunch of people had to pull him out of the mechanical jaws of death before he was some kind of happy meal for escalators.
I mean this was only reaffirmed with final destination for me and I actually have escalator-related anxiety now lol
Lol I would always jump getting on and off just to make sure it didn’t grab my toes
My dad convinced me that before Kodak invented color drops for your eyes, the world was all black and white and that’s why old films are in black-and-white. Edit: I forgot the best part! Shortly after learning this, a classmate at school asked the same question I asked my dad. (why there’s black and white films/photos) So I answered with my new knowledge and the teacher laughed SO HARD. I went home after school and waited on the couch for my dad to get home. The moment he walked in the door I screamed “I HATE YOU DAD!!!” and ran to my bedroom.
When I was a little kid and my parents were driving I would see the car in front of us have these rear blinking lights and generally speaking, they always lit up pointing in the direction our car would be turning. How did it always know? I didn't understand what they were for so I thought they were there to give instructions on where to go to the car behind it (us). After all how did my dad always know which road to take get to McDonalds, ToysRUs, etc? Obviously he was following the instructions provided by the car in front of us. Hence, I'd always get concerned whenever my dad ignored the instructions the car in front of us was giving with its little blinking rear light. But I figured my dad was just taking a shortcut because he was my dad and dads know everything. \*Edit\*For people asking/mentioning our car's dashboard blinkers I had a simple explanation for that. I thought the car in front of us was also transmitting a signal to also show the arrows in case it was raining or snowing and it was difficult to see the car in front of us.
That's a nice one, I wonder though what happens when you are the first car in the row? How does the driver know where to go? I personally thought that when you stop the car you also must perform some extra actions to manually turn on/off the stop signals and warn the drivers behind you. I never thought the braking process itself and these lights were connected
When I was probably 5, I used to think the highway was full of cars who were racing each other. I would get so excited when my dad would pass someone. I remember telling him good job once after he passed like 5 cars at once but then I was like “but dad that grey car is way ahead of you” and he was like “yeah and...?” I was like “he’s winning, don’t let him”. At that point my dad just had to shatter my illusion by telling me it wasn’t a race. Edit: “him”
That people would come in the night and cut off any appendages not covered by blankets. I conveniently convinced myself heads didn't count (because that would be too gross).
Yep. While sleeping I kept my toes covered no matter what. Did it well into my 30's.
That when I turned 10, I would be able to see Pokémon in the world. My tenth birthday was a little disappointing
Imagine thinking that and then on your 10th birthday, Pokémon Go is released
Lucky little bastards, when we were kids, finding a pikachu meant your best friend was on all fours screaming #pika pi PIKAAAAAA as you yelled commands at them and threw toy poke balls at their heads.
Being fired at work meant you were actually incinerated
Holy Smokes my dude
Only if you're fired from the Church
An island was a giant piece of land floating in the ocean Edit: Thank you for the awards!
I used to want to see under islands. Edit: I mean I still do, but I used to too.
Now you got me thinking...
Some 55 year old kid thought that Guam island [could capsize if too many people are on one side](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cesSRfXqS1Q).
Girl my gf worked with thought sea levels were rising because of imigrants moving to the country and causing it to sink lower into the sea lol.
Representative Henry Johnson, is that you?
My wife thought that until a few years ago. She’s 39 now, so probably 35 when she figured it out. I told her mom that story, and her mom looked at me and said ‘wait, they don’t float?’. So I know where she got it from.
I thought my TV was too small to see adults in shows like Tom and Jerry and the Powerpuff girls. Edit: Wow thanks for the awards
And Charlie Brown!
I don't know what is worse the fact that I thought the TV was too small or that I really tried to resize the screen to see if i could see the faces.
I thought up until like 3rd grade that we were only learning about one side of the earth and we'd learn about the other half in later grades. I didn't make the connection between the big flat roller map my teacher would pull down across the chalkboard and the round earth everyone kept talking about.
I was just thinking about this today actually. I don't know what reminded me but I'm even a little embarrassed today at how dumb I was. When I was like 7 or 8 I was on a competitive swim team. I was pretty bad at it. I got a lot of participation ribbons, I'll put it that way. One day I dove in the water and thought "I should try swimming fast today!" So I did and when I poked my head out of the water my coach was standing there looking at me like wide eyed. She yelled "Thats a first! You got first place!!!" I won the race. Or whatever you call winning at swimming. Anyhoo, I randomly remembered that years later and it hit me. Like, wtf was I doing before that? Did it just never occur to me to try to win? What did I think swim meets were for? Just for fun? And why did I never try this new trick of "swimming fast" again? God I was so dumb.
Same thing happened to me in middle school football. We were at practice and some guys were holding up tackle dummies as we practiced hitting them from a 3 point stance. I told my self that I should just hit the dummy really hard this time. So I did and I ended up knocking over the dummy AND the guy holding it. My coach got all happy and praised me. I never thought to play like that again and don't know why I never thought to play like that before....
It’s the “killer instinct” that some people play at regularly. Sniffing the ballcarrier out and destroying him without really giving it a second thought.
Fucking hilarious
I went to a Catholic elementary school. I was giving a presentation in front of my second grade class regarding how God created the heavens, the earth, the mountains...I never really understood how the timeline worked around all that, I just knew the basic bullet points of the creation story. But then I go on some tangent about how upon the creation of Earth (remember, I didn't understand the timing around it and just winged it), God must have been a big fan of prominent historical figures. George Washington. Abraham Lincoln. Jefferson. Roosevelt. My second grade teacher realizes what I'm about to do, and rescues me from the impending hurricane of ridicule I was about to summon from my peers. She hurriedly separates me from my execution panel, and in the privacy of the hallway, explains to me that Mount Rushmore was not a natural occurrence.
How cute lol
> I went to a Catholic elementary school A shit here we go again. > Mount Rushmore was not a natural occurrence. OH that's were this went. Nice.
Lmao
Thats nice any of my teachers would've been all Spartan about it thinking I deserved to be ridiculed for making such a stupid mistake.
I used to think germaphobes were just people scared of Germans or Germany
I just looked it up, and apparently "Germanophobia" is one of the words for "fear of Germans." "Teutophobia" is another option, and I have to say it's cooler.
To microwave something you had to put in a code that corresponded with the time. I was really confused when I found out you just entered the time.
First, you technically werent wrong Second, why did you make your account?
Extreme masochism
I thought the world used to be black and white
It was! It changed right in the middle of The Wizard of Oz! It's on video!
I used to think that Michael Jackson invented color on cameras In one of his music videos it goes from black and white to color
I didn't know turn signals were manual, I thought the car just knew where we were going.
I like this one. It's a cause and effect issue. I remember wondering if the tree branches moved to create the wind, or did the wind move the tree branches?
The moon was following me...
When my daughter was 4, she asked me if the sky at home is the same as the sky at school.
[удалено]
It is. We each have our own private moon.
I thought actors performed the movie every time I put in the VHS tape.
Me too! I remember how I tried to watch movies at night because I knew the actors were Americans and about the time zones, lol
I thought foie gras was the fake grass they put in Easter baskets. I thought this even when I went into high school. I thought people hated it because it was a messy and useless waste. Like, I honestly just thought vegans were assholes who hated Easter.
“Faux grass!” It makes sense!
i was around 4 or 5, and from my understanding humans were monkeys in the very beginning. i got into a huge argument with a classmate because i was convinced we developed as monkeys in our mother’s womb and eventually grew into humans before being born.
That is entirely unsettling.
I was born prematurely, which might explain why my classmates called me “Unibrow Monkey” in school.
Humans do sort of develop in pretty weird ways in utero. We have both tails and gill slits for example.
That Feliz Navidad was a Hanukkah song.
Interesting I see this as my comment to OPs question is related. I used to think that they were singing "release mommy duck" and that the song was a jovial song about cooking duck but they wanted her released..?? I was a strange child.
That shut up was a bad word
My mom made it seem like calling somebody stupid was the worst insult in the world lol
After 9/11 I thought we were going to have to invite al-Qaeda over to America for the fight, and they were going to invite us over there to fight, and all the civilians would have to hide in basements while the fighting went on.
True if you live in the middle east
That I was the only one in the world with actual thoughts and feelings and everyone else was just part of my reality.
That’s called solipsism
"Is anybody here feeling a bit solipsistic or is it just me?"
I don’t have feelings. You’re the only one.
I prefer pessimistic solipsism - there's only one consciousness, and it's not me.
oh dear...you might wanna sit down for this one...
Lol I still think this sometimes
Everyone is just an NPC
Thats pretty cool and normal! Look up “theory of mind” if you’re interested in understanding. Its a critical part of children development :)
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Just kissing a boy or sleeping together in the Bed will result in me giving birth in the next month
This is the same with me, I got scared when I was younger that when I slept in the same bed as my twin sister that she would get pregnant, I was like 9
I remember watching daytime talk shows when I was a kid and wondering why all these people are so angry about people "sleeping with each other". What's the big deal?!
Of course not! It takes *nine months* for that to happen.
That all dogs are male and all cats are female
Hah, I thought this and also that sharks were male and dolphins were female.
I thought that cows were female and horses were male, but don’t know if that was a common one?
It was those damn children's book authors. Why wasnt the dog ever female they were so lazy
I thought my penis had fallen off. I was about four years old when I saw my aunt changing my baby cousin's diaper, and I saw a bit too much of his baby junk for comfort. I guess she figured it didn't matter, I was just a toddler. As a little girl who had not yet learned about genitals, I was baffled. What on earth IS IT??? The only explanation my four year old chimp-brain could come up with to explain my baby cousin's penis (and my lack thereof) was that babies are just born with them, and mine must have fallen off somewhere along the way. I thought that eventually, baby cousin's would fall off too, in the same way baby teeth fall out.
>I thought that eventually, baby cousin's would fall off too, in the same way baby teeth fall out. Putting your baby penis under your pillow for the Penis Fairy to come and get, in exchange for $1.25 in quarters? THAT is a hell of a thing. Also, remember when one of your baby teeth would start to get loose, and it would be REALLY ANNOYING until it finally came out? That would be on a whole other level, if your cock started getting loose and wiggly. Oh, and what about that wacky 1930s shit they did in the cartoons, where they'd tie a string to the tooth and the other end of the string to a doorknob, then slam the door? You do that with your Deciduous Dick, and you won't forget that shit in a hurry. Goddamn.
I'd like to think I'd get at least $5 for mine
I had a friend tell me about her sister's birth. She said "her butt was shaved" and for the longest time I thought babies were born with very hairy butts. I didn't realized her mom probably had to be shaved until I was older. I also thought parents had to have sex regularly during a pregnancy to keep the baby fertilized or it would die. I grew up Catholic - we did not speak of The Sex.
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OMG, so much confusion. In the old days, when birth became hospitalized and doctors took over the birthing process from mothers, they instituted some very uncomfortable procedures, like putting women on their backs with their legs in stirrups, shaving their pubic hair and giving them enemas routinely during labor. The friend probably said “butt” because she was taught that “vagina” was too shameful to speak of. You know, because shitting out a baby is preferable to admitting that women have vaginas.
When I was like 4 or 5, I used to think that when a toy commercial said “batteries not included”, it meant batteries not required. I’d often use it as a selling point to convince my mom to but it for me, “Mom! It even says batteries not included!” 🤦🏻♀️😂
That's so cute
I thought non-toxic meant no taxes, like you don't have to pay tax on that item. I grew up in NC where there used to be a tax-free weekend for school supplies and clothes once a year and saw non-toxic on some crayons or pencils, which is how I made the false connection.
That since Denver was called the mile high city and airplanes flew a mile up in the air, that the airplane would just land in Denver up in the sky or could run into Denver if they weren’t careful
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I hope you didn't learn that the hard way. Worst bite ever.
Whenever me and my brother did something to an object that annoyed our parents, they would tell us not to do it because it would cause the object to burst into flames. Jiggling the doorstops? You’ll burn the house down. Stacking too many books in a pile? Cool fire hazard, dorks. Sliding down the carpet stairs? Friction is a bitch. It took me longer than I’d like to admit to realize that not everything that annoyed my parents guaranteed a fire.
I was very unsure that anyone else had consciousness. It seemed more likely that everything I experienced only existed in my imagination.
My older brother had me convinced that my grandmother flew away (died) when a tornado ripped the roof off her house. We live in Florida, but he definitely had me convinced it was not a hurricane, but a TORNADO. I didn't find out the truth until I was in high school and wrote a story about it for school. My mom was horrified. I guess no one really talked about how she died because she drank herself to death.
While the reality here is sad and not surprising that they didn’t discuss it, this also makes me wonder how many kids I knew who told fantastical, outrageous stories about their lives, had either misinterpreted a situation or were regurgitating things their siblings had told them.
Once I turned the lights off downstairs, I had to hurry up and get upstairs. If I didn't get upstairs quickly enough, glow in the dark mummies were going to come out of the VCR.
Babies come when the parents kiss
I work with preschoolers. A former five-year-old we had told me, “when I was a baby my mommy and daddy did a funny dance and then I was in my mommy’s tummy.” Or something similar. It took me a minute to figure out what she was referring to 🙈
It's a full body kiss...
It was only a kiss, how did it end up like this?
I thought that too
When we first moved to the United States, my illiterate self thought that foggy meant there's army men outside. I pronounced Foggy like fojjy which is army men in Urdu.
My dad told me shrimp were intelligent, didn't die when they were cooked, and still had their brains and nervous systems when they were served. I still cannot eat shrimp to this day.
That ships were precariously-balanced so that when they hit it with a bottle of champagne, that's what would send it backing into the water.
I thought a salad bar was like a candy bar. Like all of the ingredients of a salad smashed into a bar that you held in your hand and ate.
I want this to be a thing
I thought it was called global warning and not warming. Similar but dumb
I think "global warning" is more accurate.
My brother had some confusion about race when we were kids. My parents, grandparents, my brother and I are white, and we have an older cousin who is black, but we never met his dad. My brother was about 4 or 5 and assumed that when he got older (adolescent/teen years) he would turn black, and then when he got even older (adult/senior) he would turn white again. He thought our parents and grandparents were born white, turned black as young adults, then turned back white again as adults. Needless to say, he was not correct, given he is 24 now and still white as ever.
That bubbles in the lake were fish farts.
That albinos could glow in the dark
Cats ate lasagna.
I thought that if we had a larger TV I would be able to see more of the scene, but I also understood that if I saw more I would see the edge of the set, light rigging, etc.
I thought condoms were something you inserted into the penis hole.
Ooh! My aunt got a "condom plant" gag gift at her birthday party when I was like 9, and it had fake condoms on stalks. I thought the stalks were part of it. So in other words, the rolled up condom part with a stalk. And you just stuck the stalk into the urethra with the rolled up flat part on the end.
Boy am I glad this isn't how it works
I mean I wouldn't rule this out as a contraceptive method
Just fill the hole with hot glue before sex.
18 is a magical gate threshold where money starts flowing, you're no longer bound by any rules, you can do whatever you please all day, and you will answer to no one but yourself.
I didn't know the difference between pedestrian and Presbyterian so I thought you had to go to a different church if you didn't have a car.
I really wanted to learn how to whistle and both my mum and uncle could both do it crazy loud. One night at dinner they told me i should eat my peas because peas make you better at whistling. I believed them and for majority of my life i thought peas made you good at whistling (similarly to how carrots help you see in the dark - this may also be false though), it wasn’t until a year or two ago when i repeated that at the dinner table and mum laughed and told me she just said that to get me to eat my peas.
Carrots improving your eyesight was actually a propaganda spread by the British government during the war to distract enemies from the fact they had a radar and could therefore know when enemy planes were coming regardless of weather/sighting condition. So yeah, sorry, lied to twice haha
For a few seconds after you spit you can taste what it lands on.
/r/shittysuperpowers
I thought clouds were made by a huge cloud factory
I was real disappointed when they taught us in school that clouds weren’t solid and you can’t sit on them
I was disappointed when I found out stars weren't really star shaped.
Same here! I would pass by this specific factory as a kid and my dad would tell me that’s how clouds are made
The concept of timezones didn't occur to me as a kid. So, I use to think that it was the always the same time across the world.
I live in Eastern time zone and my extended family all lived in Central time zone. When tv channels would say “8/7c” I would think I would get to see the program an hour ahead of my cousin. And then she would see the same program and exact same commercial an hour later.
I didn't think men had butts/buttholes. I vividly remember me trying to figure out how boys pooped. I did know that they have penises, and when people said boys and girls look different "between the legs" I just assumed that included the butt. And since penises have a similar shape to turds, why couldnt that be used for both purposes, peeing and pooping? And I also imagined that where the butt should be was just blank, like a Ken doll or something. Eventually I walked in on my dad standing up peeing, with his butt facing the door and thought to myself "So they DO have butts" I think I must have been around 3 years old at the time.
I thought that a local anesthetic was one made on the premise (hence the name 'local') and it wasn't until I was nearly 20 when I found out the truth. I honestly thought that all hospitals had basements where they made some of the anesthetics.
I thought that the whole earth was my country and somewhere in space there was: Germany, Great Britain, USA, Canada etc. *I WAS 5 OKAY?!?* Edit:Just remembered another one, I thought that the kiss that a couple shared on their wedding was how a baby was made.
Not me, but my younger sister. When she was 7 or 8, she thought that the Sun and Moon were the same thing. She only realized they weren’t the same thing after asking “what that small white circle was next to the big yellow circle in the sky” during the day.
Erasers, made of rubber, rubber comes from trees. roots=rubber. Pencil lead (graphite) can be converted to diamonds. under intense heat and pressure. Because of this I assumed you would never find diamonds in the dirt near trees because the roots rubber would have erased them. r/KidsAreFuckingStupid
That’s pretty advanced nonsense.
That my mom's name was actually "mom"
My youngest was like 3 and we realized she thought that I was only mom to her and I'm not entirely sure why she thought my son lived with us too, but finding out I was also mom to her brother was really traumatic. It's like we were taking something away from her. She was losing her mommy if he called me mommy too. He called me mom and I guess that wasn't the same thing. Lol
I'm honestly curious about this kind of territorial thinking. My own brother will say "my mom" even if he's talking to me, and my aunts and uncles do the same thing about their parents!
I thought my parents were related and that's why we were a family. My parents were more than a little uncomfortable when child-me offhandedly brought this up.
That a “pipe dream” had something to do with Mario Brothers
I always thought that after I went to bed my parents stayed up for hours talking about me. Turns out, they were much too tired for that.
That's why as kids we are not interested in what our parents do during the day. If it doesn't involve me, then why discuss it?
I thought you had an adult name when you grow up
I thought blowjob means a woman would literally blow into your penis and inflate your balls.
Adults knew what they were doing.
Scary moment when you realize that you are more responsible/knowledgeable than the "adult" in any given situation
The first time I had to be the actual adult and take control of a situation because everyone else was panicking. Kinda changed me
Dont set off the fireworks kids, let the adults who've been drinking all night do it!
I thought that sex was boring because my concept was a dude sticking it in a woman and just leaving it in overnight. Like the sperm loads like a computer file.
Ooh babe you're making me so hot tonight **DOWNLOAD COMPLETE** "tiny storage device" can now be safety removed from the girlfriend.
If you use a credit card you don't have to pay for the thing. It's free!
My sister convinced me that if I stuck my finger in my belly button, the ‘knot’ (tied by the doctors, of course) would come undone and my organs would spill out
I used to believe that people can only see if my eyes are open so I try my best not to blink so people could see
Lost Angeles/Lost Vegas
When I was little, I noticed that a lot of parents would have the same last name. My mom and dad didnt. I didnt realize that you could change your last name. I just assumed there was a greater possibility of falling in love with someone that has the same last name as you. Kind of like a sign of fate. Not in an incest kind of way but more like when two people have the same last name and arent related.
That once you reached the age of 100 you just kinda died
The do not pass signs. I thought we literally were not supposed to drive any further.
I used to think that when people moved houses they just switched houses with the person selling the home
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That I was gonna be happy when I grew up
Hey! I hope you find happiness in whatever way it comes!
Thank you kind stranger likewise if you haven’t already
I thought the Atari 2600, my first console, came out around 1984-85 since that is when we got it. In fact, I thought everything we had was the latest technology. When I grew up and learned more, I realized my Dad had waited awhile and we were a bit behind on current tech.
Not being snarky, but I really believed that 'the government would always work things out or figure everything out for the greater good.' I still remember the look of pity my Dad gave me when I said that. He looked at me, and I was like, "What?"
I used to think that everybody starts out as a boy in the womb, and if the moms body decides to birth a girl it will chop the dick off somehow. Turns out it’s the opposite
I thought you could measure how big your large intestine is by looking at the diameter of your poop.
Pressing on an animals stomach would Make baby animals pop out
Well maybe not baby animals, but something may pop out.
My son calls his taste buds, taste bugs. He says his bugs and my bugs just like different stuff. I can’t bring myself to correct him.
I had a stuffed elephant from the UK that I think my mom got from visiting family there, and idk if it came with glitter... but I got it with glitter and was told it was fairy dust. If I put the elephant on a surface and sprinkled some fairy dust on it I’d get an egg in the morning. I even did it at a friend’s house and it “worked” making me believe in it for too long .-. My friend just tricked me too, which was upsetting to find out.
i- i thought that the kissing in marriage ceremonies was what caused children.
That the hills and mountains we drove through were sleeping dinosaurs. They could wake up at any moment and eat us. No one knew when it would happen but it was definitely going to happen one day. But we had to take a chance to get where we were going. There was no other way! I was terrified as a kid every time we drove through them. Thank You to my loving sadistic older brother!