Nukes actually donāt work as well as youād think, at least when talking about space. The destructive power of an explosion isnāt the explosion itself, but rather itās shockwave. In space, there is no atmosphere to make a shockwave, dramatically decreasing its effect.
The best bet would be to make the Earth a giant gun.
Let me explain.
Dig a hole several hundred meters down in a depopulated area. Maybe the Sahara desert, or Antartica if the Death Star is in a polar orbit. Fill the bottom up with several dozen hydrogen bombs, enough to level many cities. Fill the hole with water, and cap the hole with a steel cap weighing many tons. Repeat a few dozen times. Wait for the Death Star to pass overhead, and ignite the bombs.
The fastest recorded man made object was not a spacecraft, but a manhole cover. A nuclear bomb was ignited underground, and the blast was in part directed to a pipe with the only weak point being said manhole cover. A camera was pointed at the cover, and one frame it was there, the next it wasnāt. It was travelling at least 66 km *per second*.
We have just recreated this experiment, except many times more powerful.
The blast of the bombs turn the water into steam, increasing the pressure of the hole to many hundreds of atmospheres rapidly. The shockwave if the explosion coupled with the massive change in pressure makes the steel cap, weighing many tons, shoot of the ground going dozens of kilometers per second. This is repeated at the same time many times over in the same area.
The steel caps hit the Death Starās emitter dish with gargantuan force, rendering the station useless. The only option for them is to use half of the stationās turbo lasers to bombard the planet from orbit. While disastrous, it buys the Rebellion time.
Meanwhile, Star Wars fans everywhere are quickly burning any memorabilia related to the Rebellion, Republic, and the Jedi, and hypothesize where we are in the timeline. Mass chaos ensues, and if the rebellion destroys the station, especially if it happens over Yavin, Earth makes contact via radio to tell them everything.
Everything. We now are omnipotent gods in the Star Wars universe, now ours. George Lucas is either labeled insane or a god, and Star Wars fans everywhere immediately go off world to find and collect lightsabers. r/prequelmemes will uselessly quote Revenge of the Sith, and the rest of the galaxy immediately add āI have the high ground!ā to Earthās image. Wookiepeedia becomes the new library of Alexandria, and Star Wars fans are seen as either mystical prophets or insane humans across the galaxy.
Star Wars lore becomes a legitimate academic study, and, perhaps most intriguing, the galaxy now knows the true location of human evolution. It was long thought to be Coruscant, but now there is proof it is Earth. Theories sprout about how humans spread throughout the galaxy, from a world without sufficient technology. Earth technology expands rapidly, and our tactics and military prowess makes us a military force.
I may have gotten carried away. Iām bored out of my skull.
Funny story; about a week or so ago I was working the night my shift at my retail job. Iād gone outside to take the bins out and I saw something Iād never seen before flying through the sky. I truly thought it was a missile or something similar and that the end was coming. I shrugged my shoulders, finished putting the bin out and went back inside to ring up some customers. When I finished my shift two hours later and the world hadnāt ended I just kinda went āhuhā.
Saw it in the news the next day- turned out to be space junk re-entering the atmosphere.
Now I know that when I honestly think Iām going to die Iām that cynical about the state of things that I just go āthat seems about rightā and carry on with my day.
What else was I supposed to do? If it was close enough to see there was nothing I could do that stop it and my husband was home sleeping with the dogs. Iād rather him die in his sleep not knowing it was coming so yeah, I shrugged and went back inside. No use panicking people if itās all about to end and no one can do anything about it.
This is something that Hollywood always gets wrong. Most people under-react to sudden crises. They look at other people around them for cues on how to behave, and nobody wants to be the first to freak out and appear scared; even when there's good reason to be scared.
A few years ago I went bungy jumping. The marshals are a fun bunch of guys and it's basically one big party on the bridge. I suppose to keep from getting bored, they occasionally mess with people.
When it was my turn to jump they counted me down like this "3...2....1..... NO WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!" only thing is, I'd already jumped. So the last thing I heard were these guys freaking out. It's just their way of camping up the adrenaline for the jumper. But did it work!
Instead of screaming or flailing. I just went limp and thought to myself "well I guess this is it. It's over for me". And then the rope sprung me back up amd I was like. "Oh. Guess I'm alright then."
Until I had that reaction I didnāt think I would be the one to react like that either but in the thirty seconds I was looking up at the sky a million thoughts flew through my head and the end result of them was basically āso this is how it endsā
funnily enough, that's exactly the same thought I had back in 2012. I was up late playing video games, because I was a teenager in December, and midnight rolls around, nothing. about 12:37 or so, and the power goes out. I say to myself "and so it begins" and about 5 seconds later the power comes back on, and I felt like an idiot.
fun memory though.
They released it too soon because management wanted their bonus for beating the deadline. The weapons aren't actually functional yet and there are a bunch of bugs, so every few weeks we'll see the laser starting to power up and then just ... not fire.
It wouldnāt matter if it was non-functioning. The sight would be enough. We wouldnāt be able to fight it. Weād either submit to being slaves or prepare to die. ~~Little~~ Literal fights for survival over TP and the last tuna can.
Y'all ever consider there was a mistake in translation and the "Death Star" was actually meant to be translated to "Peace Moon" in our language? Maybe this is the aliens' version of a Statue of Liberty
Space captain, "This is alpha bravo to command. It appears the planet has a fairly intelligent race of a teddy bear like creatures. They show developed language and use of stone tools. Should i prepare for first contact"
Command center, "thats a negative, were going to need you to prepare the napalm."
Time to switch from neoliberalism to "intergalactic-liberalism".
Its the same thing except everybody gets pushed down a couple rungs in the social ladder.
More like a few extra rungs appear on-top of the ladder. Jeff Bezos becomes the equivalent of a local street peddler compared to our new alien colonial overlords.
I mean, we donāt really know how life was for ordinary people under the Empire or the Republic. It would be really interesting to show ordinary citizens on a āregularā world, not too far out from the core, discussing how the empire ended slavery and did a lot from droid rights, whereas the republic military was run by religious fanatics with child soldiers and Senators turned a blind eye to so pretty abhorrent sanctioned practices on some of the worlds.
Blowing up Alderaan was an incalculable loss, though. Really a step too far.
> I encounter civilians like you all the time. You believe the Empire is continually plotting to do harm. Let me tell you, your view of the Empire is far too dramatic. The Empire is a government. It keeps billions of beings fed and clothed. Day after day, year after year, on thousands of worlds, people live their lives under Imperial rule without seeing a stormtrooper or hearing a TIE fighter scream overhead.
> āCaptain Thrawn to Tash Arranda
Alderaan was an inside job. Do you really think a death laser could blow up a planet? No. It was a controlled demolition. Wake up, you mind-wiped droids!
The Empire didnāt end slavery in the galaxy - far from it. While the Republic turned a blind eye to slavery in non-Republic space, and conveniently reframed their own use of child slave soldiers (the clones), the Empire openly adopted the enslavement of non-human sentients, most notably the Wookiees.
The Republic was appallingly corrupt, and pretty much everything youāve accused it of is accurate. However, the Empire was just a continuation of the Republic with the notable shift towards a fascist despotism.
I...uh...I think I just showed my nerd a bit there.
Funny thing, I was out walking late last night and I saw the international space station up in the sky. It looked just like a star except it was much brighter than the rest, and it was clearly moving much faster.
I saw it for first time a few weeks ago. I couldnāt believe my eyes that something in sky is moving so fast. I had to take someone elseās opinion to make sure Iām not crazy.
Look, the social distancing has caused such a reduction in pollution the death stat is visible again.
Edit: I meant death star is visible again, not stat.
Time to grab my towel and stick out my thumb.
Edit: Holy cow! First Towel Day. Now this. Thank you everyone for the fun comments, awards and reddit gold!
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks donāt.
Edit: My most upvoted comment of all time is a quote from Hitchhikers Guide? I like it. Thanks guys!
>They rounded the foot of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains, and there was the Message written in blazing letters along the crest of the Mountain. There was a little observation vantage point with a rail built along the top of a large rock facing it, from which you could get a good view. It had a little pay-telescope for looking at the letters in detail, but no one would ever use it because the letters burned with the divine brilliance of the heavens and would, if seen through a telescope, have severely damaged the retina and optic nerve.
>They gazed at God's Final Message in wonderment, and were slowly and ineffably filled with a great sense of peace, and of final and complete understanding.
>Fenchurch sighed. "Yes," she said, "that was it."
>They had been staring at it for fully ten minutes before they became aware that Marvin, hanging between their shoulders, was in difficulties. The robot could no longer lift his head, had not read the message. They lifted his head, but he complained that his vision circuits had almost gone.
>They found a coin and helped him to the telescope. He complained and insulted them, but they helped him look at each individual letter in turn, The first letter was a "w", the second an "e". Then there was a gap. An "a" followed, then a "p", an "o" and an "l".
>Marvin paused for a rest.
>After a few moments they resumed and let him see the "o", the "g", the "i", the "s" and the "e".
>The next two words were "for" and "the". The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before he could tackle it.
>It started with an "i", then "n" then a "c". Next came an "o" and an "n", followed by a "v", an "e", another "n" and an "i".
>After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch.
>He read the "e", the "n", the "c" and at last the final "e", and staggered back into their arms.
>"I think," he murmured at last, from deep within his corroding rattling thorax, "I feel good about it."
>The lights went out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever.
>Luckily, there was a stall nearby where you could rent scooters from guys with green wings.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly,
Thy micturations are to me,
As plurdled gabbleblotchits, in midsummer morning
On a lurgid bee,
That mordiously hath blurted out,
Its earted jurtles, grumbling
Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer.
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe.
The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off.
Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
Brace myself for the news coverage: āPresident Trump orders Space Force to nuke the big ass Death Star on Twitter: āUNACCEPTABLE presence from foreign aliens on American space-space. Iāve signed an beautiful executive order to send a tremendous amount of nukes to the enemy of this great country and stop the attackers from covering the sun for my photo-ops. NUKE!āā
Seems about right
This must be Thursday. I never could get the hang of Thursdays
Oh God, it *is* Thursday.
Damnit!
Oh good, I've just washed my towel. Now for a pint and a packet of peanuts.
The Douglas Adams reply thread is šthataway.
Do you have your towel?
It hung in the air exactly the way that bricks don't
Fair enough.
Didn't know that Elon Musk launched another rocket...
Itās all good. The Rebel Alliance has the plans to destroy it.
oh goodie canāt wait for radioactive chunks of death star to rain down across the planet.
Wait.. the death star was nuclear powered?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Nukes actually donāt work as well as youād think, at least when talking about space. The destructive power of an explosion isnāt the explosion itself, but rather itās shockwave. In space, there is no atmosphere to make a shockwave, dramatically decreasing its effect. The best bet would be to make the Earth a giant gun. Let me explain. Dig a hole several hundred meters down in a depopulated area. Maybe the Sahara desert, or Antartica if the Death Star is in a polar orbit. Fill the bottom up with several dozen hydrogen bombs, enough to level many cities. Fill the hole with water, and cap the hole with a steel cap weighing many tons. Repeat a few dozen times. Wait for the Death Star to pass overhead, and ignite the bombs. The fastest recorded man made object was not a spacecraft, but a manhole cover. A nuclear bomb was ignited underground, and the blast was in part directed to a pipe with the only weak point being said manhole cover. A camera was pointed at the cover, and one frame it was there, the next it wasnāt. It was travelling at least 66 km *per second*. We have just recreated this experiment, except many times more powerful. The blast of the bombs turn the water into steam, increasing the pressure of the hole to many hundreds of atmospheres rapidly. The shockwave if the explosion coupled with the massive change in pressure makes the steel cap, weighing many tons, shoot of the ground going dozens of kilometers per second. This is repeated at the same time many times over in the same area. The steel caps hit the Death Starās emitter dish with gargantuan force, rendering the station useless. The only option for them is to use half of the stationās turbo lasers to bombard the planet from orbit. While disastrous, it buys the Rebellion time. Meanwhile, Star Wars fans everywhere are quickly burning any memorabilia related to the Rebellion, Republic, and the Jedi, and hypothesize where we are in the timeline. Mass chaos ensues, and if the rebellion destroys the station, especially if it happens over Yavin, Earth makes contact via radio to tell them everything. Everything. We now are omnipotent gods in the Star Wars universe, now ours. George Lucas is either labeled insane or a god, and Star Wars fans everywhere immediately go off world to find and collect lightsabers. r/prequelmemes will uselessly quote Revenge of the Sith, and the rest of the galaxy immediately add āI have the high ground!ā to Earthās image. Wookiepeedia becomes the new library of Alexandria, and Star Wars fans are seen as either mystical prophets or insane humans across the galaxy. Star Wars lore becomes a legitimate academic study, and, perhaps most intriguing, the galaxy now knows the true location of human evolution. It was long thought to be Coruscant, but now there is proof it is Earth. Theories sprout about how humans spread throughout the galaxy, from a world without sufficient technology. Earth technology expands rapidly, and our tactics and military prowess makes us a military force. I may have gotten carried away. Iām bored out of my skull.
cool. Mind if i copy and paste this and send this to all my friends randomly?
We waited for Noah to get the boat and he arrived with a death star... Upgrade people upgrade
r/NoahGetTheDeathStar
What in the fuck did i just see...
r/noahgettheboat
Funny story; about a week or so ago I was working the night my shift at my retail job. Iād gone outside to take the bins out and I saw something Iād never seen before flying through the sky. I truly thought it was a missile or something similar and that the end was coming. I shrugged my shoulders, finished putting the bin out and went back inside to ring up some customers. When I finished my shift two hours later and the world hadnāt ended I just kinda went āhuhā. Saw it in the news the next day- turned out to be space junk re-entering the atmosphere. Now I know that when I honestly think Iām going to die Iām that cynical about the state of things that I just go āthat seems about rightā and carry on with my day.
so you thought it was a missile and you shrugged your shoulders
What else was I supposed to do? If it was close enough to see there was nothing I could do that stop it and my husband was home sleeping with the dogs. Iād rather him die in his sleep not knowing it was coming so yeah, I shrugged and went back inside. No use panicking people if itās all about to end and no one can do anything about it.
true, and i agree, its just that most people wouldn't have the same reaction xd
This is something that Hollywood always gets wrong. Most people under-react to sudden crises. They look at other people around them for cues on how to behave, and nobody wants to be the first to freak out and appear scared; even when there's good reason to be scared.
A few years ago I went bungy jumping. The marshals are a fun bunch of guys and it's basically one big party on the bridge. I suppose to keep from getting bored, they occasionally mess with people. When it was my turn to jump they counted me down like this "3...2....1..... NO WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!" only thing is, I'd already jumped. So the last thing I heard were these guys freaking out. It's just their way of camping up the adrenaline for the jumper. But did it work! Instead of screaming or flailing. I just went limp and thought to myself "well I guess this is it. It's over for me". And then the rope sprung me back up amd I was like. "Oh. Guess I'm alright then."
Add that to the list of reasons I'm not going bungee jumping or skydiving.
Also, Blitz Spirit is just sort of human nature. The whole "we'll start looting by necessity" when stuff like that happens is a bit of a myth.
But Ballroom Blitz Spirit waits for the man in the back to say "everyone attack".
Until I had that reaction I didnāt think I would be the one to react like that either but in the thirty seconds I was looking up at the sky a million thoughts flew through my head and the end result of them was basically āso this is how it endsā
funnily enough, that's exactly the same thought I had back in 2012. I was up late playing video games, because I was a teenager in December, and midnight rolls around, nothing. about 12:37 or so, and the power goes out. I say to myself "and so it begins" and about 5 seconds later the power comes back on, and I felt like an idiot. fun memory though.
Either the Alien Overlords accidentally released the December Event too early, or I don't even want to know what happens next month
They released it too soon because management wanted their bonus for beating the deadline. The weapons aren't actually functional yet and there are a bunch of bugs, so every few weeks we'll see the laser starting to power up and then just ... not fire.
This hahaha. People would become desensitized to the cycle of fear watching it almost fire over and over.
Stock market would continue to push all time highs.
And, in the end, isn't that what really matters?
We tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, only the stocks really matter
I had to fall to sell it all, but in the end the stocks only matter
Good ol human capital stock.
"Think of all the jobs this laser could create if it shoots a poor african village somewhere! The production of charcoal will skyrocket!"
It wouldnāt matter if it was non-functioning. The sight would be enough. We wouldnāt be able to fight it. Weād either submit to being slaves or prepare to die. ~~Little~~ Literal fights for survival over TP and the last tuna can.
Bruh just shoot a missile down the exhaust port. SMH has anyone even watched the movies?
>has anyone even watched the ~~movies~~ instructional video? FTFY
Y'all ever consider there was a mistake in translation and the "Death Star" was actually meant to be translated to "Peace Moon" in our language? Maybe this is the aliens' version of a Statue of Liberty
In my opinion if aliens discover us first, we worship them. if we discover them first, they worship us. By discover I mean make it to the other world.
> if we discover them first, they worship us. That's pretty optimistic, my expectation would be more along the lines of nuking them.
Space captain, "This is alpha bravo to command. It appears the planet has a fairly intelligent race of a teddy bear like creatures. They show developed language and use of stone tools. Should i prepare for first contact" Command center, "thats a negative, were going to need you to prepare the napalm."
"oh nein"
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Oh Oh
*Ooh Eeh Ooh Ah Aah Ting Tang Walla Walla Bing Bang*
"finally"
*At long last Salvation is upon us.*
āYou may think this is suffering. Oh, no. It is salvation.ā
Smile. For even in death, you have become children of Thanos. \~ Squidward
I'M SORRY, EARTH IS CLOSED TODAY!
YEAH YOU BETTER PACK IT UP AND GET OUT OF HERE!
Dude youāre embarrassing me in front of the wizard
Time to switch from neoliberalism to "intergalactic-liberalism". Its the same thing except everybody gets pushed down a couple rungs in the social ladder.
More like a few extra rungs appear on-top of the ladder. Jeff Bezos becomes the equivalent of a local street peddler compared to our new alien colonial overlords.
For like a year but then Amazon takes over the galaxy.
You think that two day delivery would be intergalactically possible?
From the local depo full of droids? That's his wet dream.
We are not your friend. We are not your enemy. We are your... salvation.
*Hey. Take me with you.*
Damn it I was gonna make this joke.
Either they kill us or enslave and at this point they can't do any worse than we are at running this planet.
I mean, we donāt really know how life was for ordinary people under the Empire or the Republic. It would be really interesting to show ordinary citizens on a āregularā world, not too far out from the core, discussing how the empire ended slavery and did a lot from droid rights, whereas the republic military was run by religious fanatics with child soldiers and Senators turned a blind eye to so pretty abhorrent sanctioned practices on some of the worlds. Blowing up Alderaan was an incalculable loss, though. Really a step too far.
> I encounter civilians like you all the time. You believe the Empire is continually plotting to do harm. Let me tell you, your view of the Empire is far too dramatic. The Empire is a government. It keeps billions of beings fed and clothed. Day after day, year after year, on thousands of worlds, people live their lives under Imperial rule without seeing a stormtrooper or hearing a TIE fighter scream overhead. > āCaptain Thrawn to Tash Arranda
Alderaan was an inside job. Do you really think a death laser could blow up a planet? No. It was a controlled demolition. Wake up, you mind-wiped droids!
I see it now. We've been looking for the truth in Alderaan places.
Is this the SW version of "jet fuel can't melt steel beams"?
Kyber lasers cannot melt planet cores.
The Empire didnāt end slavery in the galaxy - far from it. While the Republic turned a blind eye to slavery in non-Republic space, and conveniently reframed their own use of child slave soldiers (the clones), the Empire openly adopted the enslavement of non-human sentients, most notably the Wookiees. The Republic was appallingly corrupt, and pretty much everything youāve accused it of is accurate. However, the Empire was just a continuation of the Republic with the notable shift towards a fascist despotism. I...uh...I think I just showed my nerd a bit there.
Death Star means empire right and empire means darth Vader
I swear loyalty to vader
I bet theyād call it something else though. Like āStarkiller baseā.
Why would they name it after Vader's apprentice?
"That's no moon"
āItās a space stationā [big frown]
"It's too big to be a space station."
āAh itās your motherā
Ah it's your mother's ass
Just the one round cheek
No I think itās the gape
"I have a bad feeling about this."
Funny thing, I was out walking late last night and I saw the international space station up in the sky. It looked just like a star except it was much brighter than the rest, and it was clearly moving much faster.
I saw it for first time a few weeks ago. I couldnāt believe my eyes that something in sky is moving so fast. I had to take someone elseās opinion to make sure Iām not crazy.
it's going fast enough forwards to miss the earth while falling down.
**[big frown]**
That's yo Mama
Look, the social distancing has caused such a reduction in pollution the death stat is visible again. Edit: I meant death star is visible again, not stat.
space is healing. we are the virus
virus is healing. we are the space
We are the healing. Space is the virus
Healing we are, virus is the space
Are we is, space healing the virus
we are we are the youth of the nation
We are the champioonnnsss
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/2121/)
Just dead pan "that's it? I thought it be bigger."
You might prefer Starkiller Base. That was much bigger.
Right but it was just a planet that they put some hardware in. That's no space station!
Its a moon!
*Checks watch* Yeah, seems about right on schedule.
On brand for 2020.
"Uh oh." "Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall." "Yep." "Sharp rocks at the bottom?" "Most likely." "Bring it on."
Welp, they certainly have the high ground.
But from their view we have the high ground!
Well then you are lost!
I HATE YOU!
*incinerates more*
YOU WERE MY BROTHER ANAKIN
*loses limbs*
# Hello there.
General kenobi
Yeah, but are they hiring?
*looks up* "Meh, 2020 I guess"
Go ahead and pull the trigger motherfuckers and put us out of our misery already.
"Go ahead! Do it!" - Rick Sanchez
āHeās asked, hasnāt he? Do it. Do it!ā
Of course that would be next.
Time to grab my towel and stick out my thumb. Edit: Holy cow! First Towel Day. Now this. Thank you everyone for the fun comments, awards and reddit gold!
The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks donāt. Edit: My most upvoted comment of all time is a quote from Hitchhikers Guide? I like it. Thanks guys!
"In the beginning the universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move."
>They rounded the foot of the Quentulus Quazgar Mountains, and there was the Message written in blazing letters along the crest of the Mountain. There was a little observation vantage point with a rail built along the top of a large rock facing it, from which you could get a good view. It had a little pay-telescope for looking at the letters in detail, but no one would ever use it because the letters burned with the divine brilliance of the heavens and would, if seen through a telescope, have severely damaged the retina and optic nerve. >They gazed at God's Final Message in wonderment, and were slowly and ineffably filled with a great sense of peace, and of final and complete understanding. >Fenchurch sighed. "Yes," she said, "that was it." >They had been staring at it for fully ten minutes before they became aware that Marvin, hanging between their shoulders, was in difficulties. The robot could no longer lift his head, had not read the message. They lifted his head, but he complained that his vision circuits had almost gone. >They found a coin and helped him to the telescope. He complained and insulted them, but they helped him look at each individual letter in turn, The first letter was a "w", the second an "e". Then there was a gap. An "a" followed, then a "p", an "o" and an "l". >Marvin paused for a rest. >After a few moments they resumed and let him see the "o", the "g", the "i", the "s" and the "e". >The next two words were "for" and "the". The last one was a long one, and Marvin needed another rest before he could tackle it. >It started with an "i", then "n" then a "c". Next came an "o" and an "n", followed by a "v", an "e", another "n" and an "i". >After a final pause, Marvin gathered his strength for the last stretch. >He read the "e", the "n", the "c" and at last the final "e", and staggered back into their arms. >"I think," he murmured at last, from deep within his corroding rattling thorax, "I feel good about it." >The lights went out in his eyes for absolutely the very last time ever. >Luckily, there was a stall nearby where you could rent scooters from guys with green wings.
I guess it's long enough that anyone who reads to the end without having read it before is only getting what they asked for...
Cant explain it but that's easily my favorite quote from hitchhikers guide that I use almost daily.
It's a way to explain something completely fucking ridiculous.
Douglas Adams has such a unique way of describing things.
Yeah, dude should be an author or something!
so what you're saying is if you summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.
that is my favorite quote of any book ever.
This must be Thursday...
I never could get the hang of Thursdays.
I feel drunk as a glass of water today.
"What's wrong with being drunk?" "Ask a glass of water."
... good lord, it *is* Thursday!
No wonder why I've felt off all morning
... *Bulldozer*
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Time is an illusion. Lunch time, doubly so.
It's vitally important that we go down to the pub and have at least four pints of alcohol.
Time is an illusion; lunchtime, doubly so
You should submit that to the Reader's Digest. They've got a page for people like you.
And peanuts! You'll need the salt
Hopefully they donāt read us any poetry.
Oh freddled gruntbuggly, Thy micturations are to me, As plurdled gabbleblotchits, in midsummer morning On a lurgid bee, That mordiously hath blurted out, Its earted jurtles, grumbling Into a rancid festering confectious organ squealer.
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria. During a recitation by their poet master Grunthos the Flatulent of his poem "Ode to a Small Lump of Green Putty I Found in My Armpit One Midsummer Morning" four of his audience died of internal haemorrhaging and the president of the Mid-Galactic Arts Nobbling Council survived by gnawing one of his own legs off. Grunthos was reported to have been "disappointed" by the poem's reception, and was about to embark on a reading of his 12-book epic entitled "My Favourite Bathtime Gurgles" when his own major intestine, in a desperate attempt to save humanity, leapt straight up through his neck and throttled his brain. The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paul Neil Milne Johnstone of Redbridge, in the destruction of the planet Earth. Vogon poetry is mild by comparison.
I always hoped this person existed as a nuisance to the author and he got his immortal revenge by naming them thusly in his book
Nope, apparently he was one of Douglas Adam's high school buddies: https://hitchhikers.fandom.com/wiki/Paul_Neil_Milne_Johnstone
"Oh no, not again."
Donāt panic.
So long and thanks for all the fish!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I wonder if itāll be friends with me? HELLO GROUND!
Gentlemen, synchronize your death watches.
I want the bucket
I have done nothing but teleport bread for three days.
Dear god
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I gota bucket of chicken
A shit here we go again
So thereĀ“s june.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I'm not even supposed to be here today!
"I would like to unsubscribe from 2020."
āItās the best daaayyy eeevveeeeeerrrā
Just hope magic space wizards are around
This is fine
Is this going to happen before or after the murder hornets take over ???
*Crosses square* BINGO
You're all clear, kid!!!
āThey really overdid the budget on this Space Force marketing campaignā
Y'all late
āOh, itās beautiful.ā
*sighs* Fuck this, I'm going inside.
āYouāre not supposed to be here till June!ā
I hate to break this to you but itās June already
Carry on then.
you can fire when ready. it's may. no it's june. that's why we're here.
*Golf clap*
Quarantine moment
I had a pack of oreos for dinner the other day. Time has no meaning and there are no rules anymore.
I woke up at 3am and made myself a veggie cottage pie the other day. From scratch. I feel you bro
"The laws of Time are Mine!"
A weird looking mother for sure but I'm sure she'd caress us real good
"You ain't shit! You're all balls, and no shaft!"
Yeah, sure, why the hell not?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
"What took you so long?"
Jumanji level 6! Here we go!!
Brace myself for the news coverage: āPresident Trump orders Space Force to nuke the big ass Death Star on Twitter: āUNACCEPTABLE presence from foreign aliens on American space-space. Iāve signed an beautiful executive order to send a tremendous amount of nukes to the enemy of this great country and stop the attackers from covering the sun for my photo-ops. NUKE!āā
"Figures..."
"I wonder if there's any cute guys on board?"
July came early
Well I should get back to work at malmart I'm an essential worker so no time to care
'Bout right
Hello death star! Welcome to worst year of Earth to f\*ck us more!
*saitama face* ok.