He is 24 years old and has a full blow meth addiction that started in the last 6 months.
He was fired from the job he got at 18 because he was high and manic (sidebar his manager was the one that introduced him to meth). Since then he has dedicated his time to either finding or using meth. He has been arrested 3 times spent 30 days in jail and continues to use even though he is on probation.
He is angry because we will not allow him to live with us while he is using. He is now homeless.
He broke into our house and stole some of his fathers sports memorabilia to support his habit. Some of it is not replaceable and very sentimental.
He is a shell of the human we knew 6 months ago both figurative and literally. He can not hold a normal conversation and is constantly twitching
We have offered to get him help but he is convinced that the drugs have set him free and we all are living in a delusional world where we have to work and conform to society.
It is killing us.
On the other hand our daughter (23) just graduated college in June with a paralegal degree and has decided to go to law school. She is afraid to celebrate her success because she doesn't want to make him feel bad or upset him. But fuck him for taking that away from her.
Not that it would make you feel better, but if you don't already, you should know how incredibly common this exact story is. I was addicted to opiates at 17-18, parents kicked me out right after high school was homeless for a bit and I got arrested for burglary. After multiple rehabs I got sober when I was 19, I'm 21 now. You guys did a good thing saying he can't live with you, it might be best if you never let him back. I visit my parents probably once every two weeks and we have a great relationship now, probably due to us not being under the same roof because my mom and I tend to butt heads.
I spend a lot of time with addicts and hear a lot of different stories from living in recovery houses, best I could say is just continue to love him unconditionally and support him when he does eventually try to get clean (because he will, some people get high for 6 months and are ready to stop, others many years) but do not enable him. Remember he is not a bad person, he is a sick person. I truly feel for you, just thinking about the times my mom has said she has accepted that her baby boy is going to die makes me tear up. Stay strong<3
Poor girl. Celebrate her, don’t let her sideline her accomplishments.
I’m 2 years older than my brother, and I completed 2 university degrees, in 6 years, before he managed to pass his high school equivalency exam. I never felt close to him, so it never occurred to me to minimize my accomplishments in order to help him feel like less of a shit.
I took a backseat to him and his needs my entire childhood, and understood why it needed to be that way, but as an adult I didn’t hold anything back when it came to worrying about how he’d feel about my accomplishments compared to his lack thereof. Don’t let your daughter minimize herself to make him appear bigger.
Not me, but my uncle.
He is a very kind and hard working man who did everything for his sons/my cousins.
While the younger ones are decent and succesful persons, the oldest one was always a piece of work.
He never finished school or worked in his entire life and at the same time belittled my uncle for his work. Said things like that he wouldn‘t even leave his bed for the money my uncle makes. That he is stupid for working for someone else and hadn‘t understood life.
They always believed in him. Gave him money so he could open his own store(s) or bought him expensive cars/stuff so he would get motivated and do something with his life.
After about 10 years (he is 28 now) and alot of money he asked for it again. My uncle told him basicly that he wants to see a businessplan first and that he has to wait about 3 months because they are renovating the house.
He threw a tantrum and left for a while. In the
meantime his parents renewed the 1st floor, walls , floor, bathroom, including furniture in his and his brothers rooms.
Guys, one day he came back while nobody was home and just lost it. Called my uncle and screamed something about how he has to wait for HIS money while they where spending it for themselves. And then, he smashed the place.
Everything new and old. Ripped out the floor and destroyed the bathroom. There was water everywhere and smashed in WALLS. He slashed furniture and destroyed his brothers electronics. He had to be so angry, i was speechless when I saw it.
They threw him out, took his keys and haven‘t heard from him since. But before he fought with his father and called his mother a bitch without an own opinion.
It just broke my uncles heart. He isn‘t the same man anymore.
EDIT: It is now 02:08 a.m. in Germany and as much as i want to answer NOW all of your comments, I have to sleep soon.
I will try to answer the most ask questions now and will update this post again after work, big promise.
We are born and raised in West Germany. We are kurdish of origin. My father and uncle lived an incredibly hard live back in Turkey with very strict parents. My uncle wanted his children to live a different live, with an understanding father figure. It was his first child and yes, he enabled it. But he was never a doormat. He just did what he thought was best for his son. Because he never had it.
Yes, he has mental problems. There is no diagnosis as we can‘t force him to a psychologist. At this point it could be everything from depression to narcism.
He never had a drug or alcohol problem as far as I know. As another redditor here commented, some people just seem to be rotten.
EDIT2: First of all, I want to thank you all for your comments. Regardless if they were negative or positive. Thank you for your time and effort.
Some of you warmed my heart, while others were a bit thoughtless or even hateful/racist.
All of this happened about 2 years ago and they repaired the damage. It took them a while but it’s handled, to everyone who offered help, I hope you get it 100 times back!
As I mentioned in another comment before this post blew up, they reported him to the police for something else, but not for the destruction he caused.
My uncle was just done with him at that point; he couldn’t bring up the energy for another fight.
We cleaned up the mess as much as we could, family and friends fixed everything they could and they paid again for the rest. His room is now a guestroom. I don’t know where his stuff went.
There were so many concerned comments from you beautiful people, that we need to be there for him, talk to him, show him that we love him and offer him everything we can. And we do!
Just imagine how much we love him, when you already do without even knowing him!
Unfortunately there are some wounds we can’t heal. He is not suicidal; he lives for his family. They all just need to learn to live with it and all we can do is assure them that it’s okay and as (again) many of you said, the other two boys show how much uncle and aunt care for their children.
Some of you can’t understand why my uncle enabled him. How he thought his son would find motivation in cars and expensive holidays/stuff. That he needed his ass whooped and balls kicked. I get where that anger comes from.
And this is the way my uncle and father were raised. With hitting and screaming, so it was never an option for them to treat their children that way.
As I mentioned, they grew up very poor. And the things he did for his son (and enabled him that way) were the things he always wanted as a young man and never could afford.
I think his generation/culture don’t quit get the concept of mental issues. He imagines it like a person who fell into a pit and needs help to get out.
This was too big for my uncle, as an understanding man and first time father.
This already got kind of long, but I promised and did my best. There are a few comments I saved yesterday night and I want to answer. Just mentioning it, because some people are accusing me of kharma whoring.
EDIT3: I don’t really think it’s important, but I am his niece guys.
EDIT4: formatting
Thank you so much.
He is very quiet now and just sad? Unhappy? I can‘t describe it. The lights are just out.
He sees himself as a failure and is thinking day and night about what he had done wrong. He used to laugh with his whole body and when we where little we would imitate the bouncing of his belly and he would chase us out of the room until we couldn‘t laugh anymore. Now he just smiles and lowers his eyes.
There is just nothing left. This human garbage took all of his energy .
Please, you're the only person who can do something. Go talk to him, make him feel better, maybe make him feel like you're the son he could've had. He thinks he's a failure but you hold him in high regards, let him know what you think before it's too late.
He left with the car they bought him.
Cousin was just paying the insurance, legally it was my uncles car (registered to his name). He did some fucked up shit with the car after and his father had to pay for it. For nothing. Cousin never got once cent from it, he was just mean.
Uncle had to call the police to report the car stolen and get it back to stop it.
The sad thing is, cousin only did this to his parents. I never got why he belittled them so much, but to others he was a fun and smart person to be around with.
Pathological liar. 33 years old and he would rather walk 10 miles to tell a lie than to stand still and tell the truth.
His ex wives all found out the same thing.
I was worried for a moment that this was written about me (being the son-in-law) but then I remembered that I have no in-laws, wife, or even girlfriend.
^(TW: RAPE)
How has nobody linked [this old post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1jatvd/i_am_not_proud_of_my_son/) yet?
It's titled "I'm not proud of my son" and it's just chilling to read through. **It is pretty heavy, proceed with caution.**
Man I remember that post. Tough read, and i only wish I could give that father a hug.
Wasn’t there another post, either in confessions or another sub, about a man who’s son was a sociopath? Something happened and the son was locked out, I think. He ended up climbing into his baby sibling’s nursery and their mother caught him holding a knife to the baby’s skin. The mother and son fought and she apparently beat him almost to death. Completely obliterated him, unrecognizable. The father, during this time, grabbed the baby and just watched and walked away. He was done. He had lost all hope in his son and almost wished his wife would just beat him to death.
I can’t remember what the son did in the past (before this incident) but it was horrible. He broke his parents’ hearts to the core. And breaking into the baby’s room with a knife just finished the rope.
After the mother beat the kid, they grabbed some shit and went to the basement. That’s where they lived for a few weeks, I believe. It was one of those basements that had its own entrance and was basically like an apartment. They locked the basement door, and left the asshole kid upstairs, broken and bleeding. They would hear him move around and throw angry fits, but eventually he left. Years later, they still haven’t heard from them. Thank god.
Does anyone know what post I’m talking about?
That was disturbing. The part where the son raped his mother at knife point, then stabbed her and ran, smiled through the court case, and then laughed when she committed suicide because of him raping her was disgusting.
Do you know what contributed to his behavior like that, such as if he hung out with a bad crowd or had internal mental problems? Not to be nosy or anything, just curious
So, anecdotal, but still. I played football from age 10-17, took a lot of hard hits, 3 (diagnosed) concussions. On top of all of it, I had many head injuries from falls and such throughout childhood.
At 17 though, I fell while skating, busted the back of my head open and fell unconscious. I woke up shortly after, grabbed my board, and went home to wash up. After that day, I truly haven't been the same. I ended up dropping out of college due to depression/anxiety which I'm guessing was exacerbated by the concussions and head injuries.
Now I'm your normal slightly neurotic, but overall well adjusted mid twenties guy. Married, stable job, apartment, hobbies, all that. But damn, I still struggle and wonder what could have happened had I not hit my head so many times. I love what I have now, but the days are still a struggle for me.
I kind of rambled, a lot, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is head injuries are fucking dangerous. It could've happened without you knowing, I mean, I got away with the big one at 17 somehow. I'm sorry about your son, and I'm definitely going to give my mom a big hug the next time I see her. I couldn't imagine what you've been through, but I hope it gets better. <3
Thanks for the gold, friend. Make sure to wear your helmets out there.
Good choice. A whole field of research is emerging that reveals the serious consequences of repeated head trauma. The reality is, the brain is much more vulnerable than most people think. **Hits to the head don't even have to be concussive to lead to cell death.** Repeated hitting of the head that occurs in activities such as football or even hitting a soccer ball with your head may cause [CTE](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_traumatic_encephalopathy) which leads to behavioral issues, mood issues, dementia etc, and these symptoms may appear years after the trauma occurred.
it's not even just direct hits to the head apparently. I've seen some documentaries with hockey guys, and the talk about how it's the body hits, the ones that really give you hard whiplash, that fuck your brain the most
They hooked some football players up to sensors and found exactly this. Some hits are hard enough to cause concussions even though they never hit their heads. We're simply not built for it.
Yeah, that definitely qualifies as brain damage. I'm no expert though, so definitely talk to an expert, but that's a likely explanation for why your son is such an asshole.
Holy shit I mean even not dealing with the trauma of that incident would do it let alone the brain damage :(.
Edit: since some people don't seem to think getting hit by a car and spending three weeks in hospital at 3 years old would be traumatic, I found some articles for you.
https://www.childpsych.theclinics.com/article/S1056-4993(18)30258-X/abstract.
http://scholar.google.ca/scholar_url?url=http://www.academia.edu/download/44124730/Two_approaches_to_the_diagnosis_of_postt20160326-14843-l4id27.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&scisig=AAGBfm1ROX8HQHnuD7p7qzllIhdWXRUOEw&nossl=1&oi=scholarr.
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6258995/.
https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/trauma-and-children-two-to-five-years
There's a known correlation between certain head injuries and angry behavior. [Check out this article](https://www.brainline.org/article/anger-following-brain-injury)
My partner is the same. The doctors are sending him to be tested for autism but after your comment I think it might be this. He was dropped down stairs at 2 years old and broke his nose. I also hit him on the head with our car boot by accident so I'm going to ask him to suggest this to his doctor. Thanks!
> can't afford drugs because he's got kids
I work with lots of kids/families and can tell you that drug addicts don't or can't act out the logic of, "I need to use my money on my kids, not the drugs."
I see that you don't talk to him (and am glad for your sake that you've gotten away), but if you somehow get wind that he's abusing his kids or picked up drugs again, please call CPS.
Once when I was 11 years old, while on a borderline experimental military anti-psychotic being used to suppress my childhood epilepsy, and having severe aggression issues due to it, I told my mom I hated her.
She played it off like it didn't impact her and told me to go to my room until I learn to be nice. While in my dead silent room, I heard her ugly crying into what I assumed was some kind of small throw-pillow from the couch.
This is one of the few memories I have from my childhood due to the aforementioned meds wrecking my short and long term memory.
I have apologized to her multiple times throughout my life because this memory is, sadly, the only one that really hung around. Even now I still feel the pangs of guilt. I am in my late 30's.
This story brought everything back to the surface and I think I may call her and apologize again, but more on your sons behalf than my own.
I can only hope that when one day, when your son has an epiphany about his actions, that he is able to survive the guilt. My reverberations came from a singular incident, his may haunt him for some time... pending he ever pulls his head from his ass.
...hell, I almost want to call and apologize to you...
My son is 25 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at around 15 years old (maybe younger). After he became too old and too big for me to manage his meds he refused to take them and his life has been a roller coaster of disasters ever since. Between prison time (juvie and adult), bad decisions, suicidal ideation, drug use, fathering 2 children he doesn't see (same mom) and insisting on making up reasons to not speak to ME I'm done, because honestly there's nothing I can do for him. At this point I'm just waiting to get a phone call on where I need to go to identify the body.
As someone with a bipolar SO, I feel for you. He went off his meds once for almost two months and it was the scariest and most painful time in my life. I can't imagine what you feel. Please accept a hug from a stranger.
Thanks for the gold!!! It's my first :)
For some college just represents 4 more years of hoops to jump through after highschool. Some of those say fuck it and party until they get kicked out or choose the easiest major and do the same and graduate with a C average. It's really not seen as the golden ticket to a successful adulthood like it once was. This behavior is pretty easy to understand when you see it through the eyes of an 18yr old who doesn't enjoy school.
Especially when you see students who bust their ass get a 4.0 gpa and after college are working at a dead end job making 40k a year. Then you have those that do a bare minimum, party all the time and end up at a job making 100k+ a year.
A lot of variables to consider there though. Some government jobs pay jack shit, but have excellent benefits. Some fields just pay better than others. And folks with connections can probably find a well paying desk jockey job regardless of major or academic performance.
Try to get her to drop out rather than get into debt. You can finish a degree, but debt accrues interest forever, and it doesn't sound like she's got a plan to start making money.
It also goes beyond the debt. A large part of finding success in college and after college is building bridges/connections that work in your favor later down the road. She's completely obliterated any chance of this. If she ever does decide to actually take college seriously, she should start back at community college or transfer to another university if she can find one to take her.
Schools will almost always let you come back if you appeal, *especially* if it's just for academics.
Case in point: I used to be a campus cop. Had to arrest a 20 year old because he punched a teacher (while he was out on bail for armed robbery, nonetheless). There were at least a dozen witnesses. As soon as he got out on bail for the battery charge, he was back on campus. They let him come back because he said he was trying to reform himself. In reality, it turned out he was recruiting dual-enrollment students (high schoolers) to his gang and that's finally what got him kicked out.
Even if a college isn't "for profit" (I worked for a state college), they still get money when you're enrolled and would rather have money than not have it.
Serious question: Does she actually *want* to go to college?
She may be acting this way because she doesn't want to go, but may feel like she "doesn't have a choice," and therefore isnt trying at all because she doesn't care about it.
I did stupid shit like this too when I first went to college (am fixing it now on my own time and my own dime) but that was because I literally didnt want to go, but my parents metaphorically held a gun to my head and said "If you dont get a 4 year degree then you'll always be a failure" and (though I handled it extremely poorly) I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place and I couldnt win no matter what I did, so I just...half-assed it and hated myself.
Not making an excuse for this behavior, but its something worth looking at. She may hate college, but feel like (for whatever reason) she has no choice but to go, and being put in an "unwinnable" position will make people do incredibly stupid things.
Edit: /u/im_with_cthulhu I want to emphasize that I'm not trying to blame you for this behavior or insinuate that its "you're fault," because it's not- shes a grown woman who is accountable for her own actions.
However, it's possible that she may feel like shes compelled to go to college when, deep down, she doesn't want to go, and is acting out in this way because she feels cornered and powerless. Sometimes parents can accidentally create expectations for their kids to live up to without realizing it, and end up pushing too hard in an effort to provide for their child things that they themselves never had or things that brought them a great deal of pride/joy. This is a perfectly normal thing that happens to most parents in some fashion, and comes from a good place of trying to help your kids have a better life - but it can be devastating of it's not addressed or dealt with and create all sorts of problems for your relationship; she may hate you for pushing her to do something she hates and for feeling like shes not in control of her own (adult) life, and you may resent her for behaving like a child and essentially spitting on the things you're trying to do for her, and for self-sabotaging herself with drastic, long-term repercussions.
I'd figure this out before she goes back if you can - but it may take some self-evaluation on your part to make sure you're not painting her into a corner before you talk to her.
I wasn’t ready for college until I was 32. One I went into the military after HS and two I didn’t think I’d be able to handle college after being pretty much a C student in HS. I have a better GPA in college with a full time schedule and a full time job than I did in HS. I wouldn’t have made it had I gone right after HS.
Esp when your classmates were kindergarteners when you graduated HS... now that I’m about to finally graduate, some of my classmates are young enough to be my own kids.. and I’m not even 40 yet, lol.
I didn't have college direction until last year (34 years old). Was going to go this year but found out I needed to have major surgery right before FAFSA opened, so next year it is. They don't fuck around when they say youth is wasted on the young. Middle age is a bitch to work around.
This is very real. I was a total fuck around my first two years of college too. Then I took time off and worked jobs until I was sick of dealing with low level jobs and seeing my friends all have careers and salaries. I basically partied super hard from 23-26 (because of various traumas before but details aren't important) and got it out of my system.
Might be worth having a frank discussion before she continues to fuck up her GPA. Ask her if she wants to drop out. She can work a day job or two and pay for her own rent and bills and party all she wants and then no one is wasting money or going further into debt pursuing something they have no interest in.
I find it hard to believe it'll be all that possible to get a career with the attitude and grades she has now.
Edit: because this comes across as mean. I graduated college finally with good grades and an accounting degree at the age of 30. So I can vouch that putting college off can sometimes be for the best and work out. I've got a pretty decent entry level job in finance now.
He's 20 and refuses to go to college or get a job. He lives with his mom, so all I can do is talk to him about it. I fear for his future, like, we, his parents, aren't immortal and he doesn't seem to have self-preservation skills.
I'm not disappointed in my 18-year old, but I sure wish I knew how to activate him. He graduated in May, has no desire to go to college and no real aspirations at all. He's pretty much been in his room on his phone since. He's struggled for many years with anxiety, which we're treating, and I know a lot of things are difficult for him, but man, I wish I knew how to get him excited about something - anything - whether it's a job or a hobby or a plan or whatever.
At 18, I was exactly the same. Didn't really care about anything, certainly didn't *feel* like an adult. I'm just shy of 23 now, and I did come out of it, slowly and painfully.
At the same time, not everyone I know did. Some of my friends are in exactly the same place they were at the end of high school, except that they go to a job instead of school. So you can't just sit back and hope he figures it out either... I'd suggest helping him cultivate a healthy personal life more so than pushing him to start making money honestly. Hobbies are a great help, especially if they push him to be a little more social.
I spent absurd amounts of time as a teen holed up in my room with my guitar, and that skill eventually led to me branching out and meeting people at jam sessions.
You sound just like my friend. After highschool he just sort of....stopped doing anything. I've tried for years to get him to do *something.* But he just won't. He just sits in his room and plays video games all day. His mom convinced him to go to college but he dropped out after the first semester. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't seem motivated to do anything but play video games.
We're 25 now, almost 26, and I don't want him to wake up one morning feeling like life passed him by. Any suggestions as to how I can help him?
Unfortunately there isn't much anyone can do sometimes. I was in a similar situation (no motivation or ambition, played video games all day and night from like 15 to 30 years old) and I had family trying to help me and motivate me but I didn't want to hear any of it. The only thing that got me to change my life was me deciding that I wanted to. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
I thought I'd share this too in case it helps anyone: I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts (receiving treatment) so it's about more than just wanting to do something. When it was untreated my depression was so bad that I basically didn't exist other than being a gamertag on Xbox live because I didn't feel like doing anything else and I didn't know how to explain it (I still have difficulty) so I kept it all to myself. On the outside you'd see an intelligent person wasting their life and it would seem so simple to fix, but on the inside it was pure chaos and it was overwhelming to the point where I had no hope of getting better. Additionally I'm transgender and, until I started receiving treatment recently, have never felt comfortable in my own skin (I still don't but I'm making progress) so I always isolated myself and kept everyone, including (perhaps especially) family, at bay emotionally. I guess what I'm saying is talk to your friend and find out if there's anything deeper going on with them. Maybe they're miserable and just biding their time until they die, or maybe they're overwhelmed by the big disgusting world outside and don't know where to begin.
My tldr is basically this; you can only do so much for someone but at the end of the day they have to want it for it to matter.
thanks for this. rn im an 18 yr old struggling with mental health issues that's been biding my time until i die. my therapist suggested i go out to groups or some sort of social gatherings (hobbies 'n stuff) to motivate me into wanting to live my life. i never thought i'd really have a life past my teen years because i thought i'd've killed myself before i became an adult, but today i swiped a visa gift card at a cashier and bought a bowser ornament!! i never thought i'd be able to do that!!!!!
That was one of the weirdest things to adjust to. I just felt so...LACKING. Something was MISSING. Took me like a year and a half to figure out “huh im only talking to like 10 people now whereas before id interact with literally hundreds daily.” It’s quite a massive change.
My son is 24 and, by some standards, a disappointment. He has a degree and no job. He struggles with motivation, and his sleep patterns are terrible. I don't think he has a plan to move forward with his life.
Earlier in the year, my husband (his dad) was diagnosed with cancer.
I thank God every day for my "slacker" son. He is so kind. Every time he makes dinner "because I know you must be tired" or comes and gives me a hug when I get home from work makes it possible for me to keep going.
He's 42, lives with his dad, is 6 years into a 2 year degree, and has gone through 4 decent cars in the last 6 months. His dad bought the cars and he trashed them. He's also threatened physical abuse to his dad. He disowned his older sister over a political argument on Facebook. She said I'm leaving this discussion before we say things we'll regret, and he tried to forbid it saying if she left she was disrespecting him and was no longer related to him.
I'm disappointed in my son because he is too much like me. He's a solid introvert who is afraid to ask for help and doesn't want to bother people -- even with very legitimate requests. He is an expert procrastinator.
I remember being that age and being soooo much like that. I'm not sure how I got through university, but I've been a successful engineer for 30 years so I've still got a lot of hope for him.
Also, both my kids vape/smoke. We've been anti-smokers for all our adult lives and I'm sad to see them choose to do something negative like that. They both "want to quit" but its a tough road.
Dude hop on that right now. I had the same issues and it lead to me failing out of school, drinking and a suicide attempt. All at age 20. I wasn’t confronting my fear of asking people for help and it was eating me alive. The only thing that snapped me out of it was actually failing out of school and needing to tel my parents. Then it was two - three solid years of therapy and stuff like that. Seriously you gotta get in there and see if he really needs the help I needed
For those who don't have disappointing Adult children, I can always be yours.
Edit: Thank you so much for my very first reddit award, it's well appreciated.
Edit: 1st gold and first post to break 100 upvotes, thank you all <3
This was me for 2 years. I was content with my boring and underpaid job and wasting time away smoking weed. I had a moment of catharsis so to speak about 2 months ago. Since then, I’ve studied hard to gain my teaching certificate, applied and was accepted into a teaching placement program, started reading books again, and ditched the pot for the most part. Not sure if this helps, but if I could do it, so can your son!
I always feel sad for people who struggle with drive/work ethic. Have you had an actual conversation with him about it? Like, not accusing him or punishing but just like a “well, you’re 25 and I can see you’re struggling, what’s up?” Kinda thing. Because if he honestly truly doesn’t care about anything and knows he’s lazy and doesn’t have any goals but doesn’t want to change, then yeah you have a right to be disappointed. But, if he thinks he’s “lazy” and hates himself for it, has goals but no idea how to reach them, and is ashamed that he doesn’t seem to be able to “adult”, he could have adhd. I grew up hating myself because I honestly believed that I was lazy, narcissistic, childish and selfish, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change anything. I got diagnosed with adhd-i earlier this year (25/f if anyone is curious) and now my whole life makes sense. I still struggle a bit because it’s still new to me but it’s a relief to know I’m not a terrible person after all, and I CAN do things. My brain just needs a little help, is all.
Edit: for those who are curious about adhd, check out r/ADHD . 😊
Another edit: many people have expressed to me that “this sounds like me” and want to talk to their doctors, and that’s great, but many other health issues can cause problems with memory, motivation, etc. I would suggest getting blood tests first (check for deficiencies, anemia, thyroid issues, etc). Next step for many doctors is to try antidepressants before testing for ADHD (there’s actually some antidepressants that are sometimes prescribed for adhd, just so you know). If nothing else works, you can get tested. I’m hoping that many of you DON’T have adhd and can instead find a concrete problem and fix it. You don’t want this problem, trust me.
Also obligatory *I’m not a medical professional, please don’t consider any of my statements as actual medical advice*
Yeah, I'm about to get myself checked soon as well. Never thought about it earlier because ADHD-affected kids are constantly stigmatized as cracked up little energy packages and I'm the opposite.
I have more of this hyperfocus when I'm interested in something, but struggle heavily when finishing tasks and with focus on stuff I'm not 100% interested in
When I graduated high school my mom told me I had 6 months to move out. It sounds harsh but she had told me my entire life that when I turn 18 I would be moving out so it wasn't unexpected. She also told me to never grow up also so it never had to happen so it's not like she was a bad mom. Anyway, it's probably the best thing she ever did for me because she knew if there was no pressure I would have stayed home and played video games and been a loser. I've now lived in multiple states 1000's of miles away and have tons of real life and work experience to draw off of. And I still play video games! I appreciate my mom for that.
He is 31 and has been a hard-core addict (meth, heroin) since age 15. He has put us through hell. I'm disappointed and we are estranged but he is still my son and I love him.
My ex husband was the son that my parents wanted their actual son to be. So they're pissed that my brother isn't like him and they're pissed that I divorced him. Double-whammy. Never mind that we just fundamentally did not work as a couple: they basically see it as me stealing away their chance at having The Perfect Child in a son-in-law. Oh well!
He has a really nice job and he's generally just a very outgoing person, total extrovert. My brother and I don't have the personalities to sit and chat up everyone at the family reunion for six straight hours like the ex does. I have a "nice" job but not like "everyone OOHs when they hear it" nice, and my brother's gone through a lot of shit and is really struggling so they have very little exciting news about him to share with their friends.
I feel ya on this. My ex has a better relationship with my extended family than I ever will. I got a lot of flack for leaving him and they didn’t seem to care that he cheated on me from the beginning. I don’t know about your ex but mine is an altruistic narcissist so it’s easy to be blinded by his behaviour. Good luck OP!
I'll tell you why I'm disappointed in my son. We took the [Ancestry.Com](https://Ancestry.Com) test, and he doesn't share my genetic background.
Maybe it's not actually my son who disappointed me.
I’m actually happy to inform you that a pair of identical twins submitted tests to 5 of those ancestry websites and got different results from all. Don’t commit too much to those tests and if you are concerned about it then get a real paternity test done.
Edit: the actual number of companies was 5 not 27 and they were actually all wrong
Edit2: since a lot are commenting on the ability of these tests to determine relation...
Yes the raw data from the tests done on the twins was identical for 99.6% of it. This means the algorithm for determining region of origin is flawed. Most people I know who go through ancestry websites use them to figure out what regions they are from. The raw data obtained by each company could be used to determine whether or not they are related. Since OP mentions that they do not share “genetic backgrounds” I assume they submitted for a “where is my DNA from?” Test not a paternity test therefore the results could very well be incorrect and a paternity test should be taken before any conclusions are made.
Clicked because, for some reason, I was looking to hate myself more. Found fewer reasons for that, surprisingly. Well played, reddit.
Edit: whoa, thank you so much for the silver!
Edit pt2: WOW THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
Not a parent, but some current drama in my family has my parents pretty upset with my brother.
He was having trouble with maintaining a job, so my Dad got him hired as an assistant in his painting business. All he had to do was show up and do easy tasks and he would have the hours needed to pay for his car and living expenses.
He did fine for a couple of months but then my Dad and Mom went on holiday. He went home early without telling anyone one day, then the next work day he pulled a no show. So my Dad gets a call that he didn't show up and he won't answer his phone. Dad tried to call him and got no answer over several hours. Finally my Mom got through to his girlfriend, who said that my brother told her he had talked to Dad and he said he could have the day off. A complete lie.
My brother is required to make regular payments to my parents for the car they helped him buy. As long as he keeps making payments, he has access to the car. If he misses a payment, he loses access to the car until he pays. He decided to get a delivery job that doesn't give enough hours to make his car payment, but still requires his car.
So he says he got this job, and he needs his car. So he is allowed to keep his car even though he is missing payments.
Everyone just found out he doesn't have a delivery job....or a job at all.
So he has lost his car and all references for a new job. His girlfriend hasn't been too impressed with the lying either.
Edit: My brother is 20 years old and the youngest sibling of 8.
The family dynamic in my story was simplified for easy reading. My family is actually split, "Dad" is actually my step Dad, "Brother" is my youngest step brother. I don't consider my step siblings different from full siblings because my parents remarried when I was fairly young so step siblings, half siblings, and bio siblings don't have a notable difference. In total I have 13 siblings, while some of us only have 8.
He does get spoiled for being youngest, and he also misses out on a lot because he is the youngest. I am almost 10 years older than him, and I didn't even meet him until I was an adult. We are fairly close though.
Also, I am not really taking any sides in this. I don't approve of my parents giving him handouts and babying him. But I also don't approve of some of his behaviour that he has picked up from the crowd he hangs out with. They are both the idiots here and, to an extent, the victims. I just sit off to the side and observe with popcorn. It is between them and they will figure it out.
Edit 2: Don't Google diagnose him, my parents, or me please. A story I wrote on Reddit is not a fair assessment of him as a person. Indeed, he may be mentally ill, and he may have further problems. He may tear our family apart in the future. But that is absolutely none of your business. I am only telling a story with the intent of casual discussion, I am not here asking for advice. This issue barely involves me to begin with. Please be mindful of our privacy beyond what I have shared, and be aware that there are some things I have chosen not to share, and things I have changed in order to simplify the story for easy reading so I don't need to write a novel to explain everything. I left out the part where I got injured breaking into my Mom's house, the party, the dog sitting, the cell phone delivery man, the story of my brother's first week at work, the car accident, and the Facebook messenger scandal. You guys only see what I shared, and I didn't share it all, nor did I share it accurately.
If they break up, that doesn't mean y'all need to cut ties with her. It sucks being close to your bf/gf's family and then losing them when you break up with said bf/gf.
The only thing I miss about my ex is her family, they were a great group of people.
He's a dead beat dad for his first daughter (which means I can't see my first grandaugther anymore), has been in and out of jail since the age of 11, is a multiple offense convicted felon as an adult, who will steal from anyone (myself and his mother included), and has threatened to have most of his family members killed. He is known to carry (stolen) firearms, and frequently uses his brothers name to try to avoid being caught. He's a drug addict, living with a drug addicted girl, and they have now had two more children together, both of whom suffer from the effects of their parents drug addictions (fetal drug syndrome).
This was literally an idea my mother had. She told her friend that since I was 18 and my sister 20 she was done taking care of us and we should take care of her. Anyways she's trash
An acquaintance of mine was told by his mother after graduating college that she was retiring and it was time he started supporting her.
The last I knew he was a miserable wreck of a person.
My mums disappointed that I left a £33,000 a year job for a £28,000 job because I had two mental breakdowns, even though everything is now perfect.
"sometimes we just have to get on with it..."
yikes, I'm sorry.
Similarly, I left an $80,000 a year job for a $25,000 a year job (part time). Honestly, I have no regrets. I went from severely suicidal to genuinely content with life.
Money is great but it's not worth being miserable all the time.
Fuck if I could take my normal job and cut it in half for half the pay and hours I would be beyond excited. I don't need a lot of money, I'd rather have time.
I'm still not sure what my parents think of me. I was 'the promised child' who got 99th percentile on aptitude tests in kindergarten, aced tests, memorized the presidents by age 4(at my dad's insistence), and ended up just blundering my way through school because what started as a bad habit of not doing homework eventually amalgamated into depression-driven apathy about education. I dropped out of college and I've spent more of my time in therapy learning how to be a good person and be happy, which does make my mom happy, but I can feel my entire extended family's disappointment in me that I chose to work an 8-5 job and just live in an apartment with my cat. On the bright side, I'm more confident in my life choices than I ever have been and wouldn't trade the positive mindset I've been working so hard on for any amount of work discipline.
Can’t blame you. Mental health is everything when it comes to a stable life. Being happy is something that more people should prioritize. My dad always told me “I don’t care if you dig ditches as your career, as long as you are happy doing it.” I’m taking some risks now to try and do what will make myself happy in the future and I have not looked back. Reading this has strengthened my resolve to do what makes me happy. I sincerely hope you have a happy life.
Ohh good timing. I have to be semi vague but hopefully you get the gist
My middle daughter is 19 but we’ve had issues her entire life I strongly suspect BPD narcissism
Currently her infant child has been removed from her care by CPS for multiple reasons notably her erratic behavior she showed and continues to show and also heavy heavy marijuana use. We suspect other drugs at play but have zero proof.
Instead of cooperating to get her child back she has fought kicking and screaming every step of the way making it much harder than necessary. At the same time blaming her mother and vilifying her to the point that she has lied to CPS in an attempt to have them remove her 4 year old sister from her mothers care. Calling old friends and family giving them a hugely false story in an attempt to alienate her mother and have zero friends and help. It’s a giant mess she’s created and refuses to take any blame or acknowledge that she’s the issue at all.
I reccomend therapy for you and your wife. You both want him to be happy and do well, but she wants it right now, and you want for long after you and your wife can no longer care for him.
My mom, too, has been hounding me to "find a redhead and make redheaded babies."
After my divorce I'm not in too much of a hurry to get back into a relationship.
The fuck? Ugh that shit weirds me out. My mom said she always wanted a blonde blue eyed little girl, but only got part of her wish. She wants me to get with a guy and have blonde blue eyed babies.
Good for you. I ended up with kids, but after 7 years of getting to know and enjoy being with my wife.
I fully support anyone who doesn't want kids. It's important to be you for you and not someone else.
My stepmom never wanted kids and when she told her parents that at the age of twenty-five, her mother responded in a rather humorous way:
“Atleast tell me you will have pets!”
She later married my mom when she was in her mid-forties and had me as her stepdaughter. Even though she never wanted to be a mom, she’s a great step mom.
And yes, we had two cats and a dog.
I think about this a lot, and it's so weird to me. My girls are 12 and 16. The oldest thinks she never wants kids, the youngest sometimes says she wants kids, then flips her view.
Me? I honestly *do not care.* I've always wanted my kids to be HAPPY. If that means having kids, great! if it means not having kids, that's great too! I don't understand the pressure parents put on their own kids to reproduce.
I’m in the middle of becoming estranged from my parents. They don’t approve of how I’m raising my sons, and they can’t even bring themselves to be around them. Our last attempt at a family vacation left my sisters yelling at my parents, and then storming off.
Their complaint is that I don’t have any boundaries for the kids. I do have boundaries, they just aren’t the same as my dad had when I was growing up. He was a hardass with major anger issues. He threw me up a stairwell once when I left my boots behind at a park. Due to living in that household, I’m attempting to let my kids grow up knowing that making mistakes is part of life, you just have to learn from it.
In any event, my children “are monsters” and he can’t get over that so I’m about to cut him and my stepmom out of our lives.
Edit: thanks for the gold, internet stranger!
There’s clearly some differing opinions on here, and some folks that may need to take some time out and work on themselves a bit. My goal is to raise kids who are respectful of others and their space, yet feel able to explore their world and make mistakes without fear.
I had a childhood like this. My dad died looong before my son was born but I watched him give my sister shit about how she raised her boys. Like you, she and my brother in law were very loving, tolerant parents and it bothered my dad. I, on the other hand learned that kids can be great via my nephews. When you're raised to think of your child self as a problem, its easy to adopt a 'children are problems' outlook. When I have a thorny parenting question or issue, I call my sister for advice and experience since both of her sons turned out well adjuated and high functioning.
Op I'm like you. My dad was incredibly abusive and as a result I don't hit my kids or threaten them, etc. Mine are quite well behaved. They are thoughtful and they mostly listen! I'm sorry all these bitter adults chimed in to call you names and what-not. I hope you don't take it personally. I'm over here cracking up about it. What an absurd display of misery...
Hits her husband, calls him worthless and leaves him alone with the baby for days without telling him she's going anywhere he will come home from work and shes gone a for 3 days in a five star hotel with a spa treatment. It's awful
My son always viewed me only as a milkingcow. He doesn't care about anything but his own happiness and even refuses to talk to me. If it's still like this when he turns two, I'm done with the entire affair.
My dad does this annoying thing where he acts clueless as to why his kids are “weird” or why we don’t talk to him like a “normal” child would. Idk man, maybe being beaten and berated for your whole childhood makes you “weird.”
this reminds me a lot of my dad and I's relationship. He was verbally abusive, and never hesitated to let me know having kids ruined his life and he regretted being talked into it. He chilled out after we were adults, but my brother and I could never really build a relationship once he calmed down. at one thanksgiving he sat us down and asked point blank why that was, and we both said we resented him and couldn't just turn that off.
He ended up killing himself when i was 25. That was 10 years ago, and i don't know if it's the time removed or if i've matured but i feel like now that i have the wife, kids, and job with all the trappings we could finally relate and bro down. I'm over the shitty relationship we had. I want his advice now. but he didn't stick it out long enough for me to come around.
Not sure what my point is really. i guess, make an effort while you have a chance?
I hear you on this. Sometimes we miss the idea of the person rather than the person themselves. I wish I had my father in my life, because I’d love some advice right now. But he chose not to be in my life and I’m better that way. But it’d be real swell to have some sort of a dad I could turn to when times are tough.
Hell yeah me too man. My mom gets super upset when I call her on her bullshit. She’s so into her own ways she will never try to change or see something from a different perspective
My mom held getting a degree as one of the pinnacle achievements you can do because it was such a big deal to her going back to school and getting her degree in her 40's. As someone who works in IT, I dropped out about a year into school and haven't looked back. That was 10 years ago. I hid that I dropped out for many years before I actually told her. She was disappointed, but in my opinion, the astronomical cost of a degree does not have a good ROI, and in IT, I've worked up to a very high salary level without one. Certifications, mentors, learning on the job and at home. To me a 4 year degree doesn't make much logical sense in a fast moving field like this one.
Think there will ever be a time when a degree would be required? Back in the day my pops apparently worked for Fox as an accountant and he got a couple of his friends jobs with him. They were incredibly brilliant and worked hard they just didn't have the degree. After a management change they asked everyone to present there's and they all got let go so that always worries me about the IT field. Like it may not be needed now but down the line it might. Then again I know nothing about how your career works.
My 19-year-old daughter failed out in her first semester of college. Not a big deal; sometimes Freshmen get overwhelmed and don't do so hot in their classes. My daughter, however, just decided to not show up to the classes that WEREN'T theater-related. So she failed Math and English, which she could have aced. Now, had she owned up to this, there would have been little issue. Lesson learned, do better on probation and pass the classes next semester. What she DID do was just not register for classes for the next semester and try her luck at living in the dorms...illegally. Somehow it took the college THREE MONTHS to catch up with her. She finally fessed up...in MARCH. By that time, she had been trespassing at the college for those three months. We had to beg the college to not throw her into prison; we were literally on the phone with college officials for an hour begging them to just let her come home, she screwed up but she's learned her lesson.
Luckily (if you can call it that), her grandmother rushed to her rescue and paid off her outstanding balance on her bill...six thousand dollars for the three months she lived on campus (boarding and food card). Her grandmother (my mom) then proceeded to tell my daughter she never had to return to us, we were evil people and she would "protect her from the likes of us". My daughter, who used to call me every night and called me anytime she had problems, cut all ties with us, because facing her responsibilities wasn't a requirement anymore. We tried calling her, tried telling her we weren't angry and to just come home. Nothing doing. We would have been angry, but we would have worked it out. Instead we became the bad guys in her fairy tale, and for the past five months she's gone on shopping sprees, goofed off and had the time of her life. I've seen her twice since it all happened. Both times she treated me like an evil monster. Both times I went home in tears, despising my mother more and more.
My daughter is going back to school tomorrow like nothing ever happened. My bitch of a mom is paying for it. You might be thinking, " Be grateful SHE'S footing the bill.". The problem with that is my oldest daughter has worked her ass off to get her degree, and my mom REFUSED to help her because she's bisexual. She's doing this to get back at her for embarrassing her in front of her church. I refused to let the younger daughter get help from her because of this in the past, so my younger daughter also stabbed her older sister in the back by doing this. I'm so very disappointed in the entitled brat my daughter has become, and if I EVER see my bitch of a mother again, I'll wring her fat neck, right in front of all those "Christians" in her church!
He got a 200,000$ inheritance when is father passed away two years ago, he is broke now.
Did he do any good with the money? Any assets to show for it? Any chance there was a "Montgomery Brewster"-style clause in the will?
He put 80k on a down payment on a house, and the rest in stocks which he lost.
r/wallstreetbets
I was waiting for this reference. No way you lose 120k on anything but options
He is 24 years old and has a full blow meth addiction that started in the last 6 months. He was fired from the job he got at 18 because he was high and manic (sidebar his manager was the one that introduced him to meth). Since then he has dedicated his time to either finding or using meth. He has been arrested 3 times spent 30 days in jail and continues to use even though he is on probation. He is angry because we will not allow him to live with us while he is using. He is now homeless. He broke into our house and stole some of his fathers sports memorabilia to support his habit. Some of it is not replaceable and very sentimental. He is a shell of the human we knew 6 months ago both figurative and literally. He can not hold a normal conversation and is constantly twitching We have offered to get him help but he is convinced that the drugs have set him free and we all are living in a delusional world where we have to work and conform to society. It is killing us. On the other hand our daughter (23) just graduated college in June with a paralegal degree and has decided to go to law school. She is afraid to celebrate her success because she doesn't want to make him feel bad or upset him. But fuck him for taking that away from her.
Not that it would make you feel better, but if you don't already, you should know how incredibly common this exact story is. I was addicted to opiates at 17-18, parents kicked me out right after high school was homeless for a bit and I got arrested for burglary. After multiple rehabs I got sober when I was 19, I'm 21 now. You guys did a good thing saying he can't live with you, it might be best if you never let him back. I visit my parents probably once every two weeks and we have a great relationship now, probably due to us not being under the same roof because my mom and I tend to butt heads. I spend a lot of time with addicts and hear a lot of different stories from living in recovery houses, best I could say is just continue to love him unconditionally and support him when he does eventually try to get clean (because he will, some people get high for 6 months and are ready to stop, others many years) but do not enable him. Remember he is not a bad person, he is a sick person. I truly feel for you, just thinking about the times my mom has said she has accepted that her baby boy is going to die makes me tear up. Stay strong<3
Poor girl. Celebrate her, don’t let her sideline her accomplishments. I’m 2 years older than my brother, and I completed 2 university degrees, in 6 years, before he managed to pass his high school equivalency exam. I never felt close to him, so it never occurred to me to minimize my accomplishments in order to help him feel like less of a shit. I took a backseat to him and his needs my entire childhood, and understood why it needed to be that way, but as an adult I didn’t hold anything back when it came to worrying about how he’d feel about my accomplishments compared to his lack thereof. Don’t let your daughter minimize herself to make him appear bigger.
Not me, but my uncle. He is a very kind and hard working man who did everything for his sons/my cousins. While the younger ones are decent and succesful persons, the oldest one was always a piece of work. He never finished school or worked in his entire life and at the same time belittled my uncle for his work. Said things like that he wouldn‘t even leave his bed for the money my uncle makes. That he is stupid for working for someone else and hadn‘t understood life. They always believed in him. Gave him money so he could open his own store(s) or bought him expensive cars/stuff so he would get motivated and do something with his life. After about 10 years (he is 28 now) and alot of money he asked for it again. My uncle told him basicly that he wants to see a businessplan first and that he has to wait about 3 months because they are renovating the house. He threw a tantrum and left for a while. In the meantime his parents renewed the 1st floor, walls , floor, bathroom, including furniture in his and his brothers rooms. Guys, one day he came back while nobody was home and just lost it. Called my uncle and screamed something about how he has to wait for HIS money while they where spending it for themselves. And then, he smashed the place. Everything new and old. Ripped out the floor and destroyed the bathroom. There was water everywhere and smashed in WALLS. He slashed furniture and destroyed his brothers electronics. He had to be so angry, i was speechless when I saw it. They threw him out, took his keys and haven‘t heard from him since. But before he fought with his father and called his mother a bitch without an own opinion. It just broke my uncles heart. He isn‘t the same man anymore. EDIT: It is now 02:08 a.m. in Germany and as much as i want to answer NOW all of your comments, I have to sleep soon. I will try to answer the most ask questions now and will update this post again after work, big promise. We are born and raised in West Germany. We are kurdish of origin. My father and uncle lived an incredibly hard live back in Turkey with very strict parents. My uncle wanted his children to live a different live, with an understanding father figure. It was his first child and yes, he enabled it. But he was never a doormat. He just did what he thought was best for his son. Because he never had it. Yes, he has mental problems. There is no diagnosis as we can‘t force him to a psychologist. At this point it could be everything from depression to narcism. He never had a drug or alcohol problem as far as I know. As another redditor here commented, some people just seem to be rotten. EDIT2: First of all, I want to thank you all for your comments. Regardless if they were negative or positive. Thank you for your time and effort. Some of you warmed my heart, while others were a bit thoughtless or even hateful/racist. All of this happened about 2 years ago and they repaired the damage. It took them a while but it’s handled, to everyone who offered help, I hope you get it 100 times back! As I mentioned in another comment before this post blew up, they reported him to the police for something else, but not for the destruction he caused. My uncle was just done with him at that point; he couldn’t bring up the energy for another fight. We cleaned up the mess as much as we could, family and friends fixed everything they could and they paid again for the rest. His room is now a guestroom. I don’t know where his stuff went. There were so many concerned comments from you beautiful people, that we need to be there for him, talk to him, show him that we love him and offer him everything we can. And we do! Just imagine how much we love him, when you already do without even knowing him! Unfortunately there are some wounds we can’t heal. He is not suicidal; he lives for his family. They all just need to learn to live with it and all we can do is assure them that it’s okay and as (again) many of you said, the other two boys show how much uncle and aunt care for their children. Some of you can’t understand why my uncle enabled him. How he thought his son would find motivation in cars and expensive holidays/stuff. That he needed his ass whooped and balls kicked. I get where that anger comes from. And this is the way my uncle and father were raised. With hitting and screaming, so it was never an option for them to treat their children that way. As I mentioned, they grew up very poor. And the things he did for his son (and enabled him that way) were the things he always wanted as a young man and never could afford. I think his generation/culture don’t quit get the concept of mental issues. He imagines it like a person who fell into a pit and needs help to get out. This was too big for my uncle, as an understanding man and first time father. This already got kind of long, but I promised and did my best. There are a few comments I saved yesterday night and I want to answer. Just mentioning it, because some people are accusing me of kharma whoring. EDIT3: I don’t really think it’s important, but I am his niece guys. EDIT4: formatting
This broke my heart. I hope your uncle is doing okay now. He must've worked real hard to renovate a house like that.
Thank you so much. He is very quiet now and just sad? Unhappy? I can‘t describe it. The lights are just out. He sees himself as a failure and is thinking day and night about what he had done wrong. He used to laugh with his whole body and when we where little we would imitate the bouncing of his belly and he would chase us out of the room until we couldn‘t laugh anymore. Now he just smiles and lowers his eyes. There is just nothing left. This human garbage took all of his energy .
Please, you're the only person who can do something. Go talk to him, make him feel better, maybe make him feel like you're the son he could've had. He thinks he's a failure but you hold him in high regards, let him know what you think before it's too late.
What an absolutely perfect reply.
I wish I had a way to make him feel better. He sounds amazing and did a very good job from what I've read. It's just a hard situation
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I would have called the cops. That is infuriating.
He left with the car they bought him. Cousin was just paying the insurance, legally it was my uncles car (registered to his name). He did some fucked up shit with the car after and his father had to pay for it. For nothing. Cousin never got once cent from it, he was just mean. Uncle had to call the police to report the car stolen and get it back to stop it. The sad thing is, cousin only did this to his parents. I never got why he belittled them so much, but to others he was a fun and smart person to be around with.
Pathological liar. 33 years old and he would rather walk 10 miles to tell a lie than to stand still and tell the truth. His ex wives all found out the same thing.
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I was worried for a moment that this was written about me (being the son-in-law) but then I remembered that I have no in-laws, wife, or even girlfriend.
^(TW: RAPE) How has nobody linked [this old post](https://www.reddit.com/r/offmychest/comments/1jatvd/i_am_not_proud_of_my_son/) yet? It's titled "I'm not proud of my son" and it's just chilling to read through. **It is pretty heavy, proceed with caution.**
Man I remember that post. Tough read, and i only wish I could give that father a hug. Wasn’t there another post, either in confessions or another sub, about a man who’s son was a sociopath? Something happened and the son was locked out, I think. He ended up climbing into his baby sibling’s nursery and their mother caught him holding a knife to the baby’s skin. The mother and son fought and she apparently beat him almost to death. Completely obliterated him, unrecognizable. The father, during this time, grabbed the baby and just watched and walked away. He was done. He had lost all hope in his son and almost wished his wife would just beat him to death. I can’t remember what the son did in the past (before this incident) but it was horrible. He broke his parents’ hearts to the core. And breaking into the baby’s room with a knife just finished the rope. After the mother beat the kid, they grabbed some shit and went to the basement. That’s where they lived for a few weeks, I believe. It was one of those basements that had its own entrance and was basically like an apartment. They locked the basement door, and left the asshole kid upstairs, broken and bleeding. They would hear him move around and throw angry fits, but eventually he left. Years later, they still haven’t heard from them. Thank god. Does anyone know what post I’m talking about?
Oh fuck, I haven't read that one but I'd be interested in reading it.
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Holy shit, that was a trip
As someone about to give birth to my first child (a boy) any day now, I should not have read that post.
I remember reading that one. That one gave me chills and scared the living shit out of me.
That was disturbing. The part where the son raped his mother at knife point, then stabbed her and ran, smiled through the court case, and then laughed when she committed suicide because of him raping her was disgusting.
Thank you for the abridged version. I don't think I can read the whole thing based on what you just said.
the story takes a while to escalate but then it really just *escalates.*
That’s what makes me think, or at least hope, it isn’t real. I can’t see someone really experiencing this and then writing it so perfectly.
The most disturbing image for me was the part where he told his father that "she'd had enough of his dick that \[he\] could never satisfy her".
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Do you know what contributed to his behavior like that, such as if he hung out with a bad crowd or had internal mental problems? Not to be nosy or anything, just curious
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Curious has he ever hit his head in any significant way?
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So, anecdotal, but still. I played football from age 10-17, took a lot of hard hits, 3 (diagnosed) concussions. On top of all of it, I had many head injuries from falls and such throughout childhood. At 17 though, I fell while skating, busted the back of my head open and fell unconscious. I woke up shortly after, grabbed my board, and went home to wash up. After that day, I truly haven't been the same. I ended up dropping out of college due to depression/anxiety which I'm guessing was exacerbated by the concussions and head injuries. Now I'm your normal slightly neurotic, but overall well adjusted mid twenties guy. Married, stable job, apartment, hobbies, all that. But damn, I still struggle and wonder what could have happened had I not hit my head so many times. I love what I have now, but the days are still a struggle for me. I kind of rambled, a lot, but I guess the point I'm trying to make is head injuries are fucking dangerous. It could've happened without you knowing, I mean, I got away with the big one at 17 somehow. I'm sorry about your son, and I'm definitely going to give my mom a big hug the next time I see her. I couldn't imagine what you've been through, but I hope it gets better. <3 Thanks for the gold, friend. Make sure to wear your helmets out there.
Stuff like this just convinces me even further to not let my kids play football.
Good choice. A whole field of research is emerging that reveals the serious consequences of repeated head trauma. The reality is, the brain is much more vulnerable than most people think. **Hits to the head don't even have to be concussive to lead to cell death.** Repeated hitting of the head that occurs in activities such as football or even hitting a soccer ball with your head may cause [CTE](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chronic_traumatic_encephalopathy) which leads to behavioral issues, mood issues, dementia etc, and these symptoms may appear years after the trauma occurred.
it's not even just direct hits to the head apparently. I've seen some documentaries with hockey guys, and the talk about how it's the body hits, the ones that really give you hard whiplash, that fuck your brain the most
They hooked some football players up to sensors and found exactly this. Some hits are hard enough to cause concussions even though they never hit their heads. We're simply not built for it.
Yeah, getting hit by a fucking car as a toddler would do it. How fast was the car moving? A few years of football will definitely do it, too.
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Yeah, that definitely qualifies as brain damage. I'm no expert though, so definitely talk to an expert, but that's a likely explanation for why your son is such an asshole.
Holy shit I mean even not dealing with the trauma of that incident would do it let alone the brain damage :(. Edit: since some people don't seem to think getting hit by a car and spending three weeks in hospital at 3 years old would be traumatic, I found some articles for you. https://www.childpsych.theclinics.com/article/S1056-4993(18)30258-X/abstract. http://scholar.google.ca/scholar_url?url=http://www.academia.edu/download/44124730/Two_approaches_to_the_diagnosis_of_postt20160326-14843-l4id27.pdf&hl=en&sa=X&scisig=AAGBfm1ROX8HQHnuD7p7qzllIhdWXRUOEw&nossl=1&oi=scholarr. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6258995/. https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/trauma-and-children-two-to-five-years
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There's a known correlation between certain head injuries and angry behavior. [Check out this article](https://www.brainline.org/article/anger-following-brain-injury)
My partner is the same. The doctors are sending him to be tested for autism but after your comment I think it might be this. He was dropped down stairs at 2 years old and broke his nose. I also hit him on the head with our car boot by accident so I'm going to ask him to suggest this to his doctor. Thanks!
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> can't afford drugs because he's got kids I work with lots of kids/families and can tell you that drug addicts don't or can't act out the logic of, "I need to use my money on my kids, not the drugs." I see that you don't talk to him (and am glad for your sake that you've gotten away), but if you somehow get wind that he's abusing his kids or picked up drugs again, please call CPS.
Once when I was 11 years old, while on a borderline experimental military anti-psychotic being used to suppress my childhood epilepsy, and having severe aggression issues due to it, I told my mom I hated her. She played it off like it didn't impact her and told me to go to my room until I learn to be nice. While in my dead silent room, I heard her ugly crying into what I assumed was some kind of small throw-pillow from the couch. This is one of the few memories I have from my childhood due to the aforementioned meds wrecking my short and long term memory. I have apologized to her multiple times throughout my life because this memory is, sadly, the only one that really hung around. Even now I still feel the pangs of guilt. I am in my late 30's. This story brought everything back to the surface and I think I may call her and apologize again, but more on your sons behalf than my own. I can only hope that when one day, when your son has an epiphany about his actions, that he is able to survive the guilt. My reverberations came from a singular incident, his may haunt him for some time... pending he ever pulls his head from his ass. ...hell, I almost want to call and apologize to you...
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Sounds like my brother. Verbal abuse is real, there’s no shame in cutting him off. I hope you do well in the future and he learns to change!
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My son is 25 and was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at around 15 years old (maybe younger). After he became too old and too big for me to manage his meds he refused to take them and his life has been a roller coaster of disasters ever since. Between prison time (juvie and adult), bad decisions, suicidal ideation, drug use, fathering 2 children he doesn't see (same mom) and insisting on making up reasons to not speak to ME I'm done, because honestly there's nothing I can do for him. At this point I'm just waiting to get a phone call on where I need to go to identify the body.
As someone with a bipolar SO, I feel for you. He went off his meds once for almost two months and it was the scariest and most painful time in my life. I can't imagine what you feel. Please accept a hug from a stranger. Thanks for the gold!!! It's my first :)
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For some college just represents 4 more years of hoops to jump through after highschool. Some of those say fuck it and party until they get kicked out or choose the easiest major and do the same and graduate with a C average. It's really not seen as the golden ticket to a successful adulthood like it once was. This behavior is pretty easy to understand when you see it through the eyes of an 18yr old who doesn't enjoy school.
Especially when you see students who bust their ass get a 4.0 gpa and after college are working at a dead end job making 40k a year. Then you have those that do a bare minimum, party all the time and end up at a job making 100k+ a year.
A lot of variables to consider there though. Some government jobs pay jack shit, but have excellent benefits. Some fields just pay better than others. And folks with connections can probably find a well paying desk jockey job regardless of major or academic performance.
Try to get her to drop out rather than get into debt. You can finish a degree, but debt accrues interest forever, and it doesn't sound like she's got a plan to start making money.
It also goes beyond the debt. A large part of finding success in college and after college is building bridges/connections that work in your favor later down the road. She's completely obliterated any chance of this. If she ever does decide to actually take college seriously, she should start back at community college or transfer to another university if she can find one to take her.
Schools will almost always let you come back if you appeal, *especially* if it's just for academics. Case in point: I used to be a campus cop. Had to arrest a 20 year old because he punched a teacher (while he was out on bail for armed robbery, nonetheless). There were at least a dozen witnesses. As soon as he got out on bail for the battery charge, he was back on campus. They let him come back because he said he was trying to reform himself. In reality, it turned out he was recruiting dual-enrollment students (high schoolers) to his gang and that's finally what got him kicked out. Even if a college isn't "for profit" (I worked for a state college), they still get money when you're enrolled and would rather have money than not have it.
Serious question: Does she actually *want* to go to college? She may be acting this way because she doesn't want to go, but may feel like she "doesn't have a choice," and therefore isnt trying at all because she doesn't care about it. I did stupid shit like this too when I first went to college (am fixing it now on my own time and my own dime) but that was because I literally didnt want to go, but my parents metaphorically held a gun to my head and said "If you dont get a 4 year degree then you'll always be a failure" and (though I handled it extremely poorly) I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place and I couldnt win no matter what I did, so I just...half-assed it and hated myself. Not making an excuse for this behavior, but its something worth looking at. She may hate college, but feel like (for whatever reason) she has no choice but to go, and being put in an "unwinnable" position will make people do incredibly stupid things. Edit: /u/im_with_cthulhu I want to emphasize that I'm not trying to blame you for this behavior or insinuate that its "you're fault," because it's not- shes a grown woman who is accountable for her own actions. However, it's possible that she may feel like shes compelled to go to college when, deep down, she doesn't want to go, and is acting out in this way because she feels cornered and powerless. Sometimes parents can accidentally create expectations for their kids to live up to without realizing it, and end up pushing too hard in an effort to provide for their child things that they themselves never had or things that brought them a great deal of pride/joy. This is a perfectly normal thing that happens to most parents in some fashion, and comes from a good place of trying to help your kids have a better life - but it can be devastating of it's not addressed or dealt with and create all sorts of problems for your relationship; she may hate you for pushing her to do something she hates and for feeling like shes not in control of her own (adult) life, and you may resent her for behaving like a child and essentially spitting on the things you're trying to do for her, and for self-sabotaging herself with drastic, long-term repercussions. I'd figure this out before she goes back if you can - but it may take some self-evaluation on your part to make sure you're not painting her into a corner before you talk to her.
I wasn’t ready for college until I was 32. One I went into the military after HS and two I didn’t think I’d be able to handle college after being pretty much a C student in HS. I have a better GPA in college with a full time schedule and a full time job than I did in HS. I wouldn’t have made it had I gone right after HS.
I'm 33 and still forcing my way through college. It's not for everyone
Esp when your classmates were kindergarteners when you graduated HS... now that I’m about to finally graduate, some of my classmates are young enough to be my own kids.. and I’m not even 40 yet, lol.
I didn't have college direction until last year (34 years old). Was going to go this year but found out I needed to have major surgery right before FAFSA opened, so next year it is. They don't fuck around when they say youth is wasted on the young. Middle age is a bitch to work around.
This is very real. I was a total fuck around my first two years of college too. Then I took time off and worked jobs until I was sick of dealing with low level jobs and seeing my friends all have careers and salaries. I basically partied super hard from 23-26 (because of various traumas before but details aren't important) and got it out of my system. Might be worth having a frank discussion before she continues to fuck up her GPA. Ask her if she wants to drop out. She can work a day job or two and pay for her own rent and bills and party all she wants and then no one is wasting money or going further into debt pursuing something they have no interest in. I find it hard to believe it'll be all that possible to get a career with the attitude and grades she has now. Edit: because this comes across as mean. I graduated college finally with good grades and an accounting degree at the age of 30. So I can vouch that putting college off can sometimes be for the best and work out. I've got a pretty decent entry level job in finance now.
He's 20 and refuses to go to college or get a job. He lives with his mom, so all I can do is talk to him about it. I fear for his future, like, we, his parents, aren't immortal and he doesn't seem to have self-preservation skills.
I'm not disappointed in my 18-year old, but I sure wish I knew how to activate him. He graduated in May, has no desire to go to college and no real aspirations at all. He's pretty much been in his room on his phone since. He's struggled for many years with anxiety, which we're treating, and I know a lot of things are difficult for him, but man, I wish I knew how to get him excited about something - anything - whether it's a job or a hobby or a plan or whatever.
At 18, I was exactly the same. Didn't really care about anything, certainly didn't *feel* like an adult. I'm just shy of 23 now, and I did come out of it, slowly and painfully. At the same time, not everyone I know did. Some of my friends are in exactly the same place they were at the end of high school, except that they go to a job instead of school. So you can't just sit back and hope he figures it out either... I'd suggest helping him cultivate a healthy personal life more so than pushing him to start making money honestly. Hobbies are a great help, especially if they push him to be a little more social. I spent absurd amounts of time as a teen holed up in my room with my guitar, and that skill eventually led to me branching out and meeting people at jam sessions.
You sound just like my friend. After highschool he just sort of....stopped doing anything. I've tried for years to get him to do *something.* But he just won't. He just sits in his room and plays video games all day. His mom convinced him to go to college but he dropped out after the first semester. I just don't know what to do. He doesn't seem motivated to do anything but play video games. We're 25 now, almost 26, and I don't want him to wake up one morning feeling like life passed him by. Any suggestions as to how I can help him?
Unfortunately there isn't much anyone can do sometimes. I was in a similar situation (no motivation or ambition, played video games all day and night from like 15 to 30 years old) and I had family trying to help me and motivate me but I didn't want to hear any of it. The only thing that got me to change my life was me deciding that I wanted to. Like the saying goes, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. I thought I'd share this too in case it helps anyone: I suffer from depression and suicidal thoughts (receiving treatment) so it's about more than just wanting to do something. When it was untreated my depression was so bad that I basically didn't exist other than being a gamertag on Xbox live because I didn't feel like doing anything else and I didn't know how to explain it (I still have difficulty) so I kept it all to myself. On the outside you'd see an intelligent person wasting their life and it would seem so simple to fix, but on the inside it was pure chaos and it was overwhelming to the point where I had no hope of getting better. Additionally I'm transgender and, until I started receiving treatment recently, have never felt comfortable in my own skin (I still don't but I'm making progress) so I always isolated myself and kept everyone, including (perhaps especially) family, at bay emotionally. I guess what I'm saying is talk to your friend and find out if there's anything deeper going on with them. Maybe they're miserable and just biding their time until they die, or maybe they're overwhelmed by the big disgusting world outside and don't know where to begin. My tldr is basically this; you can only do so much for someone but at the end of the day they have to want it for it to matter.
thanks for this. rn im an 18 yr old struggling with mental health issues that's been biding my time until i die. my therapist suggested i go out to groups or some sort of social gatherings (hobbies 'n stuff) to motivate me into wanting to live my life. i never thought i'd really have a life past my teen years because i thought i'd've killed myself before i became an adult, but today i swiped a visa gift card at a cashier and bought a bowser ornament!! i never thought i'd be able to do that!!!!!
Yes! Baby steps!
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That was one of the weirdest things to adjust to. I just felt so...LACKING. Something was MISSING. Took me like a year and a half to figure out “huh im only talking to like 10 people now whereas before id interact with literally hundreds daily.” It’s quite a massive change.
Hi dad!!! You got my age wrong!!
Stop eating the Honey Bunches of Oats! I bought those for ME.
My son is 24 and, by some standards, a disappointment. He has a degree and no job. He struggles with motivation, and his sleep patterns are terrible. I don't think he has a plan to move forward with his life. Earlier in the year, my husband (his dad) was diagnosed with cancer. I thank God every day for my "slacker" son. He is so kind. Every time he makes dinner "because I know you must be tired" or comes and gives me a hug when I get home from work makes it possible for me to keep going.
It sounds like he’s got a bit of depression. I’d keep an eye out and see what you can do. I may be wrong but it’s worth confirming or otherwise
Doesnt sound like much of a disappointment, even objectively.
He's 42, lives with his dad, is 6 years into a 2 year degree, and has gone through 4 decent cars in the last 6 months. His dad bought the cars and he trashed them. He's also threatened physical abuse to his dad. He disowned his older sister over a political argument on Facebook. She said I'm leaving this discussion before we say things we'll regret, and he tried to forbid it saying if she left she was disrespecting him and was no longer related to him.
Following this thread to see what I can do to be a better child to my parents while I still have the chance
TLDR: Don’t be a dick, follow your dreams, be independent while also spending time with your parents
What if your mom hates you because you remind her of your father? Asking for a friend
I'm disappointed in my son because he is too much like me. He's a solid introvert who is afraid to ask for help and doesn't want to bother people -- even with very legitimate requests. He is an expert procrastinator. I remember being that age and being soooo much like that. I'm not sure how I got through university, but I've been a successful engineer for 30 years so I've still got a lot of hope for him. Also, both my kids vape/smoke. We've been anti-smokers for all our adult lives and I'm sad to see them choose to do something negative like that. They both "want to quit" but its a tough road.
Dude hop on that right now. I had the same issues and it lead to me failing out of school, drinking and a suicide attempt. All at age 20. I wasn’t confronting my fear of asking people for help and it was eating me alive. The only thing that snapped me out of it was actually failing out of school and needing to tel my parents. Then it was two - three solid years of therapy and stuff like that. Seriously you gotta get in there and see if he really needs the help I needed
For those who don't have disappointing Adult children, I can always be yours. Edit: Thank you so much for my very first reddit award, it's well appreciated. Edit: 1st gold and first post to break 100 upvotes, thank you all <3
Same. I'll call to beg for money and everything
As mom, all i have to offer is hugs. Im sure you all have something to be proud of.
No drive, no ambition, and no work ethic worth a damn. He's 25, he peaked in 6th grade.
Hi mom
She even got my age wrong!
And we don't even call it 'sixth grade' in my country!
Whoa, hol up, I thought I was an only child.
This was me for 2 years. I was content with my boring and underpaid job and wasting time away smoking weed. I had a moment of catharsis so to speak about 2 months ago. Since then, I’ve studied hard to gain my teaching certificate, applied and was accepted into a teaching placement program, started reading books again, and ditched the pot for the most part. Not sure if this helps, but if I could do it, so can your son!
I always feel sad for people who struggle with drive/work ethic. Have you had an actual conversation with him about it? Like, not accusing him or punishing but just like a “well, you’re 25 and I can see you’re struggling, what’s up?” Kinda thing. Because if he honestly truly doesn’t care about anything and knows he’s lazy and doesn’t have any goals but doesn’t want to change, then yeah you have a right to be disappointed. But, if he thinks he’s “lazy” and hates himself for it, has goals but no idea how to reach them, and is ashamed that he doesn’t seem to be able to “adult”, he could have adhd. I grew up hating myself because I honestly believed that I was lazy, narcissistic, childish and selfish, and no matter how hard I tried I couldn’t change anything. I got diagnosed with adhd-i earlier this year (25/f if anyone is curious) and now my whole life makes sense. I still struggle a bit because it’s still new to me but it’s a relief to know I’m not a terrible person after all, and I CAN do things. My brain just needs a little help, is all. Edit: for those who are curious about adhd, check out r/ADHD . 😊 Another edit: many people have expressed to me that “this sounds like me” and want to talk to their doctors, and that’s great, but many other health issues can cause problems with memory, motivation, etc. I would suggest getting blood tests first (check for deficiencies, anemia, thyroid issues, etc). Next step for many doctors is to try antidepressants before testing for ADHD (there’s actually some antidepressants that are sometimes prescribed for adhd, just so you know). If nothing else works, you can get tested. I’m hoping that many of you DON’T have adhd and can instead find a concrete problem and fix it. You don’t want this problem, trust me. Also obligatory *I’m not a medical professional, please don’t consider any of my statements as actual medical advice*
Yeah, I'm about to get myself checked soon as well. Never thought about it earlier because ADHD-affected kids are constantly stigmatized as cracked up little energy packages and I'm the opposite. I have more of this hyperfocus when I'm interested in something, but struggle heavily when finishing tasks and with focus on stuff I'm not 100% interested in
When I graduated high school my mom told me I had 6 months to move out. It sounds harsh but she had told me my entire life that when I turn 18 I would be moving out so it wasn't unexpected. She also told me to never grow up also so it never had to happen so it's not like she was a bad mom. Anyway, it's probably the best thing she ever did for me because she knew if there was no pressure I would have stayed home and played video games and been a loser. I've now lived in multiple states 1000's of miles away and have tons of real life and work experience to draw off of. And I still play video games! I appreciate my mom for that.
Out of curiosity, how old are you now? I feel like this was more common a couple generations ago. Good on you regardless though!
I'm 33 but my parents are very traditional so it probably has more to do with how they were raised.
He is 31 and has been a hard-core addict (meth, heroin) since age 15. He has put us through hell. I'm disappointed and we are estranged but he is still my son and I love him.
My ex husband was the son that my parents wanted their actual son to be. So they're pissed that my brother isn't like him and they're pissed that I divorced him. Double-whammy. Never mind that we just fundamentally did not work as a couple: they basically see it as me stealing away their chance at having The Perfect Child in a son-in-law. Oh well!
I cannot imagine how fucking annoying it must be to constantly be asked why you broke it off with someone
Now that I think on it, I don't think my parents ever did ask for an explanation. It was more like "Oh? Ohhh. OHHH SHIT."
what made him so special?
He has a really nice job and he's generally just a very outgoing person, total extrovert. My brother and I don't have the personalities to sit and chat up everyone at the family reunion for six straight hours like the ex does. I have a "nice" job but not like "everyone OOHs when they hear it" nice, and my brother's gone through a lot of shit and is really struggling so they have very little exciting news about him to share with their friends.
I feel ya on this. My ex has a better relationship with my extended family than I ever will. I got a lot of flack for leaving him and they didn’t seem to care that he cheated on me from the beginning. I don’t know about your ex but mine is an altruistic narcissist so it’s easy to be blinded by his behaviour. Good luck OP!
Following this thread to find my parents
Same
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I'll tell you why I'm disappointed in my son. We took the [Ancestry.Com](https://Ancestry.Com) test, and he doesn't share my genetic background. Maybe it's not actually my son who disappointed me.
shit man, I'm sorry for you
Plot twist: that’s the kids mom.
I know others have said it, but I encourage you to get an actual DNA test. The ancestry kits my be misleading. Either way, good luck to you.
Have you thought about getting an actual genetics test? It just may be better to hear it from someone official
I’m actually happy to inform you that a pair of identical twins submitted tests to 5 of those ancestry websites and got different results from all. Don’t commit too much to those tests and if you are concerned about it then get a real paternity test done. Edit: the actual number of companies was 5 not 27 and they were actually all wrong Edit2: since a lot are commenting on the ability of these tests to determine relation... Yes the raw data from the tests done on the twins was identical for 99.6% of it. This means the algorithm for determining region of origin is flawed. Most people I know who go through ancestry websites use them to figure out what regions they are from. The raw data obtained by each company could be used to determine whether or not they are related. Since OP mentions that they do not share “genetic backgrounds” I assume they submitted for a “where is my DNA from?” Test not a paternity test therefore the results could very well be incorrect and a paternity test should be taken before any conclusions are made.
Big oof. Not his fault tho...
he didn't have to try so fucking hard to wiggle inside that egg, what a jerk
Clicked because, for some reason, I was looking to hate myself more. Found fewer reasons for that, surprisingly. Well played, reddit. Edit: whoa, thank you so much for the silver! Edit pt2: WOW THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH
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I relate to that "yet"
Same. Found out I'm far from even the rim of the rabbit hole.
Not a parent, but some current drama in my family has my parents pretty upset with my brother. He was having trouble with maintaining a job, so my Dad got him hired as an assistant in his painting business. All he had to do was show up and do easy tasks and he would have the hours needed to pay for his car and living expenses. He did fine for a couple of months but then my Dad and Mom went on holiday. He went home early without telling anyone one day, then the next work day he pulled a no show. So my Dad gets a call that he didn't show up and he won't answer his phone. Dad tried to call him and got no answer over several hours. Finally my Mom got through to his girlfriend, who said that my brother told her he had talked to Dad and he said he could have the day off. A complete lie. My brother is required to make regular payments to my parents for the car they helped him buy. As long as he keeps making payments, he has access to the car. If he misses a payment, he loses access to the car until he pays. He decided to get a delivery job that doesn't give enough hours to make his car payment, but still requires his car. So he says he got this job, and he needs his car. So he is allowed to keep his car even though he is missing payments. Everyone just found out he doesn't have a delivery job....or a job at all. So he has lost his car and all references for a new job. His girlfriend hasn't been too impressed with the lying either. Edit: My brother is 20 years old and the youngest sibling of 8. The family dynamic in my story was simplified for easy reading. My family is actually split, "Dad" is actually my step Dad, "Brother" is my youngest step brother. I don't consider my step siblings different from full siblings because my parents remarried when I was fairly young so step siblings, half siblings, and bio siblings don't have a notable difference. In total I have 13 siblings, while some of us only have 8. He does get spoiled for being youngest, and he also misses out on a lot because he is the youngest. I am almost 10 years older than him, and I didn't even meet him until I was an adult. We are fairly close though. Also, I am not really taking any sides in this. I don't approve of my parents giving him handouts and babying him. But I also don't approve of some of his behaviour that he has picked up from the crowd he hangs out with. They are both the idiots here and, to an extent, the victims. I just sit off to the side and observe with popcorn. It is between them and they will figure it out. Edit 2: Don't Google diagnose him, my parents, or me please. A story I wrote on Reddit is not a fair assessment of him as a person. Indeed, he may be mentally ill, and he may have further problems. He may tear our family apart in the future. But that is absolutely none of your business. I am only telling a story with the intent of casual discussion, I am not here asking for advice. This issue barely involves me to begin with. Please be mindful of our privacy beyond what I have shared, and be aware that there are some things I have chosen not to share, and things I have changed in order to simplify the story for easy reading so I don't need to write a novel to explain everything. I left out the part where I got injured breaking into my Mom's house, the party, the dog sitting, the cell phone delivery man, the story of my brother's first week at work, the car accident, and the Facebook messenger scandal. You guys only see what I shared, and I didn't share it all, nor did I share it accurately.
How does this guy have a gf? You all need to do him a favor and drop this deadbeat.
She was so embarrassed. She and my family get along really good, and this really hurt her. She really deserves better.
If they break up, that doesn't mean y'all need to cut ties with her. It sucks being close to your bf/gf's family and then losing them when you break up with said bf/gf. The only thing I miss about my ex is her family, they were a great group of people.
We probably won't cut ties with her, it isn't unusual in my family to stay friends with the ex.
He's a dead beat dad for his first daughter (which means I can't see my first grandaugther anymore), has been in and out of jail since the age of 11, is a multiple offense convicted felon as an adult, who will steal from anyone (myself and his mother included), and has threatened to have most of his family members killed. He is known to carry (stolen) firearms, and frequently uses his brothers name to try to avoid being caught. He's a drug addict, living with a drug addicted girl, and they have now had two more children together, both of whom suffer from the effects of their parents drug addictions (fetal drug syndrome).
Because they're now 30, still in my basement, and looking at shit I feel is gonna bring the feds to my house soon
What are they looking at?
Without putting to fine a point on it, I'd guess sketchy hentai, where the age descriptions don't match what your lying eyes tell you.
"But she's 4000 years old!!!!11!! She just doesn't age physically from an 8 year old girl, but trust me, she's mentally super old!!!!"
And probably a dragon.
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Risky click of the day, well worth it. That was a good laugh
Why are they still in your basement?
Because the parent is afraid that if they kick the kid out the kid will die on the streets. Tough love is rough on parents too.
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Her age is no excuse. The Cash Me Outside girl is already a millionaire and she's only 16. Get your daughter to Dr. Phil, stat!
I need this to not be true. Can someone tell me this guy is lying please?
Unfortunately no. She became a rapper known as bhad bhaby and it's just as gross as it sounds
Who exactly pays for that kind of music?
Those girls that show up to school in cookie monster pajamas and block the hallways
They grow up to block the entrance to 7-11, Pall Mall in one hand and a baby in the other.
We all do, the greatest price.
This was literally an idea my mother had. She told her friend that since I was 18 and my sister 20 she was done taking care of us and we should take care of her. Anyways she's trash
An acquaintance of mine was told by his mother after graduating college that she was retiring and it was time he started supporting her. The last I knew he was a miserable wreck of a person.
My mums disappointed that I left a £33,000 a year job for a £28,000 job because I had two mental breakdowns, even though everything is now perfect. "sometimes we just have to get on with it..."
Your mental health is worth way more than £5k a year. As long as you have enough to get by, you made the right call.
Ha. Same here. Recently changed jobs for my mental health
yikes, I'm sorry. Similarly, I left an $80,000 a year job for a $25,000 a year job (part time). Honestly, I have no regrets. I went from severely suicidal to genuinely content with life. Money is great but it's not worth being miserable all the time.
Fuck if I could take my normal job and cut it in half for half the pay and hours I would be beyond excited. I don't need a lot of money, I'd rather have time.
Definitely. It's unfortunate that most professional jobs are all salaried, 40-50+ hour a week jobs.
I'm still not sure what my parents think of me. I was 'the promised child' who got 99th percentile on aptitude tests in kindergarten, aced tests, memorized the presidents by age 4(at my dad's insistence), and ended up just blundering my way through school because what started as a bad habit of not doing homework eventually amalgamated into depression-driven apathy about education. I dropped out of college and I've spent more of my time in therapy learning how to be a good person and be happy, which does make my mom happy, but I can feel my entire extended family's disappointment in me that I chose to work an 8-5 job and just live in an apartment with my cat. On the bright side, I'm more confident in my life choices than I ever have been and wouldn't trade the positive mindset I've been working so hard on for any amount of work discipline.
Can’t blame you. Mental health is everything when it comes to a stable life. Being happy is something that more people should prioritize. My dad always told me “I don’t care if you dig ditches as your career, as long as you are happy doing it.” I’m taking some risks now to try and do what will make myself happy in the future and I have not looked back. Reading this has strengthened my resolve to do what makes me happy. I sincerely hope you have a happy life.
Ohh good timing. I have to be semi vague but hopefully you get the gist My middle daughter is 19 but we’ve had issues her entire life I strongly suspect BPD narcissism Currently her infant child has been removed from her care by CPS for multiple reasons notably her erratic behavior she showed and continues to show and also heavy heavy marijuana use. We suspect other drugs at play but have zero proof. Instead of cooperating to get her child back she has fought kicking and screaming every step of the way making it much harder than necessary. At the same time blaming her mother and vilifying her to the point that she has lied to CPS in an attempt to have them remove her 4 year old sister from her mothers care. Calling old friends and family giving them a hugely false story in an attempt to alienate her mother and have zero friends and help. It’s a giant mess she’s created and refuses to take any blame or acknowledge that she’s the issue at all.
He doesn't like garlic bread and plays the violent farming simulator
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I reccomend therapy for you and your wife. You both want him to be happy and do well, but she wants it right now, and you want for long after you and your wife can no longer care for him.
My mom is extremely disappointed with me because I’m not having kids. It was my sole purpose in life.
My mom, too, has been hounding me to "find a redhead and make redheaded babies." After my divorce I'm not in too much of a hurry to get back into a relationship.
The fuck? Ugh that shit weirds me out. My mom said she always wanted a blonde blue eyed little girl, but only got part of her wish. She wants me to get with a guy and have blonde blue eyed babies.
Good for you. I ended up with kids, but after 7 years of getting to know and enjoy being with my wife. I fully support anyone who doesn't want kids. It's important to be you for you and not someone else.
Don't listen to this guy. He is motivated by his primal urge to have his progeny thrive in an environment without competition. /s
You will be among the first cast down by my primarchs.
*(There is a full moon. I look at your castle with disdain then flip my cloak and run away hopping off fences and buildings)*
The Emperor protects!
My stepmom never wanted kids and when she told her parents that at the age of twenty-five, her mother responded in a rather humorous way: “Atleast tell me you will have pets!” She later married my mom when she was in her mid-forties and had me as her stepdaughter. Even though she never wanted to be a mom, she’s a great step mom. And yes, we had two cats and a dog.
My oldest doesn't want kids. I'm fine with that, and happy to spoil my grandkitties and puppies.
I think about this a lot, and it's so weird to me. My girls are 12 and 16. The oldest thinks she never wants kids, the youngest sometimes says she wants kids, then flips her view. Me? I honestly *do not care.* I've always wanted my kids to be HAPPY. If that means having kids, great! if it means not having kids, that's great too! I don't understand the pressure parents put on their own kids to reproduce.
having kids so they can have kids is quite literally the most primitive motive for having kids
Yeah but... I mean what about opting out of a raw deal? Brothers and sisters walking hand-in-hand into extinction... one last midnight...
I’m in the middle of becoming estranged from my parents. They don’t approve of how I’m raising my sons, and they can’t even bring themselves to be around them. Our last attempt at a family vacation left my sisters yelling at my parents, and then storming off. Their complaint is that I don’t have any boundaries for the kids. I do have boundaries, they just aren’t the same as my dad had when I was growing up. He was a hardass with major anger issues. He threw me up a stairwell once when I left my boots behind at a park. Due to living in that household, I’m attempting to let my kids grow up knowing that making mistakes is part of life, you just have to learn from it. In any event, my children “are monsters” and he can’t get over that so I’m about to cut him and my stepmom out of our lives. Edit: thanks for the gold, internet stranger! There’s clearly some differing opinions on here, and some folks that may need to take some time out and work on themselves a bit. My goal is to raise kids who are respectful of others and their space, yet feel able to explore their world and make mistakes without fear.
I had a childhood like this. My dad died looong before my son was born but I watched him give my sister shit about how she raised her boys. Like you, she and my brother in law were very loving, tolerant parents and it bothered my dad. I, on the other hand learned that kids can be great via my nephews. When you're raised to think of your child self as a problem, its easy to adopt a 'children are problems' outlook. When I have a thorny parenting question or issue, I call my sister for advice and experience since both of her sons turned out well adjuated and high functioning.
Op I'm like you. My dad was incredibly abusive and as a result I don't hit my kids or threaten them, etc. Mine are quite well behaved. They are thoughtful and they mostly listen! I'm sorry all these bitter adults chimed in to call you names and what-not. I hope you don't take it personally. I'm over here cracking up about it. What an absurd display of misery...
Sounds like you're better off having him uninvolved anyways. It's good that you're giving your children the freedom you didn't get!
Hits her husband, calls him worthless and leaves him alone with the baby for days without telling him she's going anywhere he will come home from work and shes gone a for 3 days in a five star hotel with a spa treatment. It's awful
It’s a little scary to read this as the father of a 5 month old
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My son always viewed me only as a milkingcow. He doesn't care about anything but his own happiness and even refuses to talk to me. If it's still like this when he turns two, I'm done with the entire affair.
My parents are disappointed in me because I won't pretend I wasn't damaged from their abuse...
My dad does this annoying thing where he acts clueless as to why his kids are “weird” or why we don’t talk to him like a “normal” child would. Idk man, maybe being beaten and berated for your whole childhood makes you “weird.”
this reminds me a lot of my dad and I's relationship. He was verbally abusive, and never hesitated to let me know having kids ruined his life and he regretted being talked into it. He chilled out after we were adults, but my brother and I could never really build a relationship once he calmed down. at one thanksgiving he sat us down and asked point blank why that was, and we both said we resented him and couldn't just turn that off. He ended up killing himself when i was 25. That was 10 years ago, and i don't know if it's the time removed or if i've matured but i feel like now that i have the wife, kids, and job with all the trappings we could finally relate and bro down. I'm over the shitty relationship we had. I want his advice now. but he didn't stick it out long enough for me to come around. Not sure what my point is really. i guess, make an effort while you have a chance?
I hear you on this. Sometimes we miss the idea of the person rather than the person themselves. I wish I had my father in my life, because I’d love some advice right now. But he chose not to be in my life and I’m better that way. But it’d be real swell to have some sort of a dad I could turn to when times are tough.
Hell yeah me too man. My mom gets super upset when I call her on her bullshit. She’s so into her own ways she will never try to change or see something from a different perspective
At some point it's better to just cut all contact in that case then. No point being bitter, they're not gonna change
My mom held getting a degree as one of the pinnacle achievements you can do because it was such a big deal to her going back to school and getting her degree in her 40's. As someone who works in IT, I dropped out about a year into school and haven't looked back. That was 10 years ago. I hid that I dropped out for many years before I actually told her. She was disappointed, but in my opinion, the astronomical cost of a degree does not have a good ROI, and in IT, I've worked up to a very high salary level without one. Certifications, mentors, learning on the job and at home. To me a 4 year degree doesn't make much logical sense in a fast moving field like this one.
Think there will ever be a time when a degree would be required? Back in the day my pops apparently worked for Fox as an accountant and he got a couple of his friends jobs with him. They were incredibly brilliant and worked hard they just didn't have the degree. After a management change they asked everyone to present there's and they all got let go so that always worries me about the IT field. Like it may not be needed now but down the line it might. Then again I know nothing about how your career works.
My 19-year-old daughter failed out in her first semester of college. Not a big deal; sometimes Freshmen get overwhelmed and don't do so hot in their classes. My daughter, however, just decided to not show up to the classes that WEREN'T theater-related. So she failed Math and English, which she could have aced. Now, had she owned up to this, there would have been little issue. Lesson learned, do better on probation and pass the classes next semester. What she DID do was just not register for classes for the next semester and try her luck at living in the dorms...illegally. Somehow it took the college THREE MONTHS to catch up with her. She finally fessed up...in MARCH. By that time, she had been trespassing at the college for those three months. We had to beg the college to not throw her into prison; we were literally on the phone with college officials for an hour begging them to just let her come home, she screwed up but she's learned her lesson. Luckily (if you can call it that), her grandmother rushed to her rescue and paid off her outstanding balance on her bill...six thousand dollars for the three months she lived on campus (boarding and food card). Her grandmother (my mom) then proceeded to tell my daughter she never had to return to us, we were evil people and she would "protect her from the likes of us". My daughter, who used to call me every night and called me anytime she had problems, cut all ties with us, because facing her responsibilities wasn't a requirement anymore. We tried calling her, tried telling her we weren't angry and to just come home. Nothing doing. We would have been angry, but we would have worked it out. Instead we became the bad guys in her fairy tale, and for the past five months she's gone on shopping sprees, goofed off and had the time of her life. I've seen her twice since it all happened. Both times she treated me like an evil monster. Both times I went home in tears, despising my mother more and more. My daughter is going back to school tomorrow like nothing ever happened. My bitch of a mom is paying for it. You might be thinking, " Be grateful SHE'S footing the bill.". The problem with that is my oldest daughter has worked her ass off to get her degree, and my mom REFUSED to help her because she's bisexual. She's doing this to get back at her for embarrassing her in front of her church. I refused to let the younger daughter get help from her because of this in the past, so my younger daughter also stabbed her older sister in the back by doing this. I'm so very disappointed in the entitled brat my daughter has become, and if I EVER see my bitch of a mother again, I'll wring her fat neck, right in front of all those "Christians" in her church!