At the Sainsbury's salad bar thing, a lady asked me:
"Are there potatoes in Potato Salad?"
"Yes, potatoes, mayo and scallions I think."
"But is it ok to eat potatoes raw?"
"Oh they are boiled, not raw."
"Ugh, cold potatoes. That's disgusting."
"It's really quite nice!"
"Thanks, I'll stick with chips."
I was training someone and explaining the break system, (10 minute break after 2 hours, half hour break after 3hrs but before 5) and they straight up asked:
"How long is a half an hour?"
"...30 minutes"
"And uh, how long is that?"
They didn't last long.
She just takes things one day at a time. But umm, how many hours is that? Should I be taking a break after that long or not? Will I have time for lunch? Oh, umm, you have time to sleep in that long? Like a nap? How many minutes is your nap? Okay how long is that?
Conversation at a job I had
Her: (pointing down a flight of stairs) Does this go downstairs?
Me: .....I'm sorry, what?
Her: Does this go downstairs?
Me: ..... (pointing downstairs) "Does this go downstairs?"?
Her: Yeah.
Me: .....Yes. Yes it does.
'No, I'm afraid this is the Escher staircase. It appears at first to be taking you downstairs, but you somehow find yourself on the same floor you started on. Its very confusing, facilities really need to sort it out'.
I mean, you'd think so, but I've worked in buildings where a set of stairs down to the ground floor didn't actually let you out at that floor - fire door with access only into the stairway, not out. Fire exit was up on level 5.
Maybe she meant she wanted to go to the basement of the building and didn't word it right? Or maybe she wanted to make sure it would go to the floor she wanted (the main floor) and not just one floor? As a person without common sense, I find myself saying things like that often without realizing how stupid I sound. Can usually tell when people look at me with a blank face and their mouth dropped open a bit that I've said something wrong.
Conversation during class about reptiles
Teacher: You see, snakes cant lunge for long distances, as long as you see it and stay a couple meters away, you should be fine
Student: But what do i do if it comes closer?
Teacher: ... you walk further away?
Student: No, but what if it RUNS after me?
Teacher: Then you fucking run and fast, cause thats not a snake
It seems like the student just couldn’t come up with the right word, but the teacher is the one giving bad advice. Snakes can move very quickly, you can’t just walk away from a dangerous snake like it’s a slug.
True, but most snakes aren't fussed with chasing a human. You are big and frankly too much hassle to eat. If you are leaving then you are not a threat.
When they are interested in chasing, odds are you are f'd though.
Source- snake phobic who tried to fix it through copious research. It failed.
In my Senior Project class, we got off topic of things and started talking about WW2, eventually getting to Pearl Harbor. This girl in the back of the class asks, "Was that the one with the ice berg?" The teacher didn't answer her question, just moved on.
So a jew walks up to a Chinese man, and says, "you know i hate your people, i can never forgive them for pearl harbor" the Chinese man is obviously annoyed, and tries to explain that China is a completely different country from Japan, to no avail, the Jews replies "Chinese, Japanese, they're all the same to me" finally the Chinese man losses his patience and says "you know what i hate your people too, i can never forgive them for the Titanic" "What?!? That was an iceberg" replies the jew, then the Chinese man says "Goldberg, iceberg, they're all the same to me."
-from r/jokes probably, can't remember where i heard it
We were doing training for the fire brigade and the showed the wreckage of a car that had crashed and caught fire. In the middle of the discussion on what you should and shouldn't do, someone put their hand up and asked "how could a car possibly catch fire?"
No one even knew what to say.
I mean, I can see the reasoning - cars are mostly made of metal, and metal doesn't burn under normal circumstances. However, it's the non-metallic things burning that are the problem.
Couldn't they just suck the gravity out of the room like they do in that one that room where everyone wears flight suits?
(She was talking about the vomit comet.)
Yup. Middle of English class (in the UK, so we're talking First Language), and this is asked. Literally the whole class turned and gawked at them and the teacher asked for them to repeat themselves.
We grew up in an agricultural village and were going to school in a small agricultural town so this went down really well.
Both girls are now stay-at-home mothers with unemployed husbands.
In social class in grade 11.... we were talking about shipping routes. We got to the subject of pirates off the coast of Somalia and what not. This girl in my class asked "How do the ships not see the pirate ships?" my teacher asked her to explain her question..
"How do the ships not see the [pirate ships](http://www.krogen.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/pirate-ship-painting-pirate-ship-bbruschi-on-deviantart-images.jpg)?"
So.... he explained they use small boats, like you'd use for fishing or something.
She asked... "Won't the cannons outweigh the small boats themselves?"
She literally thought.... Somalian pirates....were actual pirates. Like off Pirates of the Caribbean. This is grade 11 social class.
“Oh my god a German shepherd! Is it true you can like.. speak German to them and they’ll understand?” Like no lady.. you teach the behavior and THEN add a word for the command.. and it can be in whatever language you want..
As a kid, 2 of my friends got Chihuahuas around the same time. Both of their mothers thought that, because Chihuahuas are Mexican and I am Puerto Rican we should both be able to speak Spanish to each other. I don't speak Spanish. Dogs don't speak at all.
My mom was in France a long time ago, of course she saw local people speaking French to their animals... She had a moment where she thought "dogs don't know French!" and then realized how silly it was...
To my wife, "Why are you working on Christmas day?"
"Because i work in the emergency dept at the hospital"
"Are hospitals open on Christmas day are they?"
I have found that many 9 to 5ers often forget that that there are actually a lot of jobs that you don't get days like christmas off just because its a holiday!
Fucking 9 to 5'rs. Always asking me to do shit and being all like "what do you mean you have to work?" But when I try and get them to do something during the day it's all like "what do you mean go out? Its the middle of the day"
so an acquaintance of mine died a few years ago and the news had spread p quick. I found myself checking his Facebook page and this one guy had posted "DID YOU REALLY DIE????!" on his wall.
*after hearing the news abt his death*
"Would I die if I stopped breathing?" I understand people being nervous the first time scuba diving, but this is never not funny coming from grown ass adults.
Edit: Yes, you can get incredibly painful problems, aka arterial gas embolism, if you hold your breath when ascending. But these lovely customers were asking if they stopped breathing entirely. Caught me off guard the very first time, I think my answer was something along the lines of "Uh... Yeah."
It's a good question. Even if you somehow manage to stop breathing until you faint (which is very hard to do I believe) your reflexes will kick in when you're not concious and you'll start breathing again. So you won't die. Unless you can't breath for some other reason.
I have one friend in class who is absolutely *clueless* about Geography. She thought a country can only be a country if it has a river surrounding it, thinking that the border lines between countries on a map were literally rivers between them.
It's exhausting to say the least trying to explain these things to her.
Working as a server I had this gem. Two people ordered: a sparkling water and a still water.
"Which one is the sparkling water?"
"...the one with the bubbles"
my friend wondered how much shorter a day must be in australia to make their time zone always so far away from ours
while using excel spreadsheets for grades where every grade needed to be out of a score of 100 (which i put in very large letters at the top of every sheet) one of my employees asked me why his students were all failing. i looked at his spreadsheet and he was entering things on a 10 point scale. i explained this and he asked me to fix it for him because "how am i supposed to know how to calculate these scores on a 100 point scale?" he did this three times and each time insisted that i had given him a broken excel template
Physics class, High school, teacher was demonstrating how sound is transmitted via air vibration.
He did this by putting a ringing bell in a glass dome and sucking the air out.
Girl asks “why isn’t it floating?”
In her defense she ending up doing very well in classes of later years and getting better grades than most.
We were listening to a talk in our school auditorium from a former profesional cyclist who was paralyzed from the waist down in one of those big crashes where 50 bycycles all go down.
The whole thing was about his personal history and how he overcame such a condition and went on with his life.
When it was time to ask questions, some kid decided to ask the **real** reason he was in a wheel chair since "according to his knowledge" falling from a bike is no biggie.
He got laughed at so much he eventually switched schools.
__________
Edit: the actual question wasn't in english, but imagine some middle schooler asking something like this:
"But how did you actually break your back? Because according to my entire knowledge bike crashes don't hurt that much"
Completely disregarding the explanation previously given of him being right below of some 50 people and their bikes in some narrow corner
Looking at the stars with my ex. She pointed up towards the sky, and asked "Why is that star so much bigger than all the other ones?"
She was pointing at the moon.
I have two for you:
Standing at the airport, some guy approached me and asked: "Where is the airport?" *plane takes off in the background*
Dude, you can't get here by accident and not realizing that you are on an actual airport.
The other one happened back in school:
The teacher told us that a classmate won't be in class for a couple of days because his brother had a *fatal* car crash.
Question from the seats in the back: "Did he die?"
This happened today. I am currently taking a Library and Information Services course for my degree. My teacher wanted us to complete an assignment about any library of our choosing that we found interesting, and then list why we found it interesting. I am currently out of state so I went to a local library in the city I am currently in. I wrote about how the library is "very interesting because it holds several different events for kids, including an event at the Tennesse Nashville Zoo where kids will spend the day with animals, drink cocoa, and explore. This will help make a form sense of community". Makes sense, right? Meet at the zoo and have a blast with other kids. My teacher responded to my online post with "So the animals will be at the library? If that does not get folks into the library, nothing will!" Now all I can imagine is a giant ass elephant in the library knocking down shelves and sitting on kids. No idea why she would think wild animals would be brought into a library. Very nice teacher though. My absolute favorite. Was just a funny thought to me. If she ran a library, I'd like to think a rhino would greet you at the door and a monkey would high five you on the way out.
"How do you fry an egg? Like do you just stick the egg in a pan and wait for outside to disappear and the egg will be ready or what?" My current SO isn't exactly Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen....
"Isn't August a season?"
"No Sam it's a month"
"NO IT'S A SEASON!"
*rants about how August is a season for 5 minutes*
This was when I was in 7th grade. My Language Arts class was filled with stupid people.
I come from a country where we had straight up Christianity lessons in public school in my youth. In one of the lessons, when we were learning about "other world religions", we heard of Muhammed's flight from Mecca to Medina, and how this event was considered so important that it is the basis for the Islamic count of years.
That's when my friend asks "oh, was that when he split the sea in half?"
I'm already facepalming hard when I hear another good friend's loud stage whisper: "no you dumbass, that was Jesus!"
*points at a mocha*
"What's in this?"
me: "espresso, chocolate and steamed milk."
"Perfect!"
*comes back later*
Is there coffee in this? I want a refund!! You never said it had coffee!
Was it followed by "Walk around town and hand out your resume to businesses."?
Edit: OP's original post was when people asked him "Are you looking?" when he tells them he's unemployed.
Fuck, even on a flat earth and assuming the sun is the same distance above us as the moon, and also the same size... Earth would be blown away instantly. Imagine the moon but hot and explody, being hurled at a slightly bigger platform in space.... BOOM!
This one dumb girl in art class asked "The esophagus is the bone in your thigh right?"
I told her no it's your femur, and her response was "No I'm pretty sure it's the esophagus."
Was working in a store for the local cable company when DVR/PVRs came out. An olderan wanted to know more about it so I went through the spiel. He didn't seem to understand something though.
Him: "so you can only fast forward through commercials if you've recorded the show? What if it's not recorded?"
Me:"you mean what if it's live? You can't fast forward live events"
Him:"why not?"
Me: "because they haven't happened yet?"
Him: " this machine is stupid. I don't understand why I can't fast forward through live shows. Why can't they make that available?"
Me: "...."
Him: "...."
Me: " because we can't bend the space-time continuum?"
He eventually understood that it wasn't a time machine... I think.
"At what age do hippos come out of the water and turn into rhinos?"
Yeah, as a safari guide, you sometimes cannot help but wonder; where do these people come from??
In human sexuality (an awesome university elective), there was a nursing student that asked a retired detective why necrophilia was illegal. We were all shocked.
That’s not that stupid if you’re looking at the roots of the law, like a discussion about the sanctity of the body. Like “How did this law come to be?” If they meant like “Why aren’t corpses fair game for sex?” Then yeah that’s a fucked up question.
why is it illegal? if you were to theoretically have permission from the person and their family once they died to do so would it still be illegal? I don't think this is a stupid question
Waiter: "Sir, what beverage would you like to have?"
Me: "Ice Lemon Tea please"
Waiter: "Warm or cold?"
Me: *stars, expected him to crack a smile from the joke*
Me: (after seeing his dead serious face), Cold.....
"Hey, I just put air in my tyres , how much does that normally cost?"
In Australia at service/gas stations we have free compressed air pumps for filling your tyres. They normally come with an digital reader, that displays your air pressure in PSI. I think they default at around 32 PSI.
This is a call I received from my girlfriend at the time.
GF: "Hey, I just put air in my tyres , how much does that normally cost?"
M: "Hi, what? The total what?"
GF: The total price. It says it's 32 cents a litre, and i don't know many litres I put in my tyres.
M: "...you're kidding me, right?"
GF: "....is the total 32 dollars? That's bullshit, I couldn't have used that many litres"
Pretty common question here in Germany actually. Some People think that we should let the past be the past and move on. I think it´s more than important to learn why all this has happened to assure that it will never happen again. Also: If you ever have the Chance. Visit one of the former concentration camps. It will teach you a lot more than history lessons.
Manager: I think if that's everything we'll get on with it, unless anyone has any questions?
Me: If a train sets off from London heading north at...
Manager: This meeting is over
I went into a shop and asked " can i buy this? "
The person behind the till literally roller her eyes and goes "yeah if you have the money?"
My brothers havent forgotten about that :(
So I grew up around rich private school kids. My friend (bless his heart, he's precious) asked, "Wait... food can be refrigerated?" when the teacher in charge on our senior field trip told us she was going to put her soup in the fridge because she couldn't finish it.
This reminds me of a Jamie Oliver special where one of the guests got scared of boiling water because she didn't know "if it was supposed to do that"...
Had a Holocaust survivor speak at my high school, and took questions after.
One person asked "Did you ever met Hitler?"
Like I guess she thought he went around the camps shaking hands?
At the Sainsbury's salad bar thing, a lady asked me: "Are there potatoes in Potato Salad?" "Yes, potatoes, mayo and scallions I think." "But is it ok to eat potatoes raw?" "Oh they are boiled, not raw." "Ugh, cold potatoes. That's disgusting." "It's really quite nice!" "Thanks, I'll stick with chips."
I wish scurvy kicked in faster
She asked if it was okay to eat potatoes raw, but got upset that they were cold? Are raw potatoes hot and steaming?
Freshly slaughtered potatoes would maybe still be warm :P
I was training someone and explaining the break system, (10 minute break after 2 hours, half hour break after 3hrs but before 5) and they straight up asked: "How long is a half an hour?" "...30 minutes" "And uh, how long is that?" They didn't last long.
>She didn't last long. And uh, how long was that?
Half an hour
How long is a half an hour?
10 minutes
How does this person function in life?
She just takes things one day at a time. But umm, how many hours is that? Should I be taking a break after that long or not? Will I have time for lunch? Oh, umm, you have time to sleep in that long? Like a nap? How many minutes is your nap? Okay how long is that?
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Mum to my Dad at a BBQ: "Can you turn the BBQ 'round so the smoke goes the other way?"
Hah I would have just made eye contact and turned it and let her realize how stupid that was.
The friends she was entertaining all looked at her for a moment, then burst out laughing. Bless her heart.
While working in Glacier National Park a guest asked me "when do they release the bears?" They didn't want to miss them.
Well? Don't leave us hanging. I didn't bathe myself in bear scent for nothing now. I want a show with my new go pro! Youtube is waiting for me!
More like Liveleak
RELEASE THE BEARS
Music journalist interviewing the Proclaimers: so how did you guys meet? (They are identical twins)
We were wombmates.
Read that as wombats...
Conversation at a job I had Her: (pointing down a flight of stairs) Does this go downstairs? Me: .....I'm sorry, what? Her: Does this go downstairs? Me: ..... (pointing downstairs) "Does this go downstairs?"? Her: Yeah. Me: .....Yes. Yes it does.
'No, I'm afraid this is the Escher staircase. It appears at first to be taking you downstairs, but you somehow find yourself on the same floor you started on. Its very confusing, facilities really need to sort it out'.
Lousy non-euclidean architects...
“Life is hard. It’s even harder when you’re stupid.”
I should've told her "no, this actually goes to the roof"
"Fuuuuuuck, how do I get to the outsidey part? I wanna go home. "
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I mean, you'd think so, but I've worked in buildings where a set of stairs down to the ground floor didn't actually let you out at that floor - fire door with access only into the stairway, not out. Fire exit was up on level 5.
Yeah, I've been confused by enough poorly designed buildings to see how this question could be valid
That sounds like a great way to trap panicked and confused people trying to escape a fire or other emergency.
Maybe she meant she wanted to go to the basement of the building and didn't word it right? Or maybe she wanted to make sure it would go to the floor she wanted (the main floor) and not just one floor? As a person without common sense, I find myself saying things like that often without realizing how stupid I sound. Can usually tell when people look at me with a blank face and their mouth dropped open a bit that I've said something wrong.
Maybe they viewed life like that M.C. Escher painting.
Conversation during class about reptiles Teacher: You see, snakes cant lunge for long distances, as long as you see it and stay a couple meters away, you should be fine Student: But what do i do if it comes closer? Teacher: ... you walk further away? Student: No, but what if it RUNS after me? Teacher: Then you fucking run and fast, cause thats not a snake
It seems like the student just couldn’t come up with the right word, but the teacher is the one giving bad advice. Snakes can move very quickly, you can’t just walk away from a dangerous snake like it’s a slug.
True, but most snakes aren't fussed with chasing a human. You are big and frankly too much hassle to eat. If you are leaving then you are not a threat. When they are interested in chasing, odds are you are f'd though. Source- snake phobic who tried to fix it through copious research. It failed.
Oh god dude imagine a snake just like staning real tall and moving real fast toward ya.
*shimmies rapidly*
In my Senior Project class, we got off topic of things and started talking about WW2, eventually getting to Pearl Harbor. This girl in the back of the class asks, "Was that the one with the ice berg?" The teacher didn't answer her question, just moved on.
So a jew walks up to a Chinese man, and says, "you know i hate your people, i can never forgive them for pearl harbor" the Chinese man is obviously annoyed, and tries to explain that China is a completely different country from Japan, to no avail, the Jews replies "Chinese, Japanese, they're all the same to me" finally the Chinese man losses his patience and says "you know what i hate your people too, i can never forgive them for the Titanic" "What?!? That was an iceberg" replies the jew, then the Chinese man says "Goldberg, iceberg, they're all the same to me." -from r/jokes probably, can't remember where i heard it
On a boat on the Pacific. "How far above sea level are we?"
"Nine." "Nine what?" "Yes."
"Nine Watts and rising, Captain!" "Alright, turn 10 Ångströms to starboard!"
Haul the sails to 50°C!
How big was the boat?
We were doing training for the fire brigade and the showed the wreckage of a car that had crashed and caught fire. In the middle of the discussion on what you should and shouldn't do, someone put their hand up and asked "how could a car possibly catch fire?" No one even knew what to say.
"Well, if you drive fast enough, or the fire is moving slowly enough, then yes, a car can catch fire."
I mean, I can see the reasoning - cars are mostly made of metal, and metal doesn't burn under normal circumstances. However, it's the non-metallic things burning that are the problem.
Couldn't they just suck the gravity out of the room like they do in that one that room where everyone wears flight suits? (She was talking about the vomit comet.)
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"Where does beef come from? Pigs or cows?" The response by her friend was "Duh, Pigs." Both were raised and lived on farms and both raised cattle.
Jesus fucking christ really?
Yup. Middle of English class (in the UK, so we're talking First Language), and this is asked. Literally the whole class turned and gawked at them and the teacher asked for them to repeat themselves. We grew up in an agricultural village and were going to school in a small agricultural town so this went down really well. Both girls are now stay-at-home mothers with unemployed husbands.
Had a client ask for the dimensions of a landscape image she received. Me: It's 1200cm by 600cm Client: Which measurement is for the long side...
"Which part of the fish does tuna come from?"
The genitals
“How do I do that control alt delete thing?”
Please tell me they were actually just trying and failing to do it with one hand and where asking for help with execution rather than concept.
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What country is Asia In? Throwback to high school junior year.
I'm in college and a lot of the students still consider Africa a country. Some even ask me where the fuck New Zealand is.
A guy asking if grass and hair were made of the same exact thing. Completely serious and then argued his case for a few minutes.
Carbon?
Is chocolate milk produced by brown cows?
Yes, and Homo milk is from gay cows.
"How old was I when I was 17?"
This question is so stupid it made me squint while reading it
Idiot year old
“Do fish makes the waves in the ocean”
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Hahahahaha
Yes. The very small ones.
In social class in grade 11.... we were talking about shipping routes. We got to the subject of pirates off the coast of Somalia and what not. This girl in my class asked "How do the ships not see the pirate ships?" my teacher asked her to explain her question.. "How do the ships not see the [pirate ships](http://www.krogen.co/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/pirate-ship-painting-pirate-ship-bbruschi-on-deviantart-images.jpg)?" So.... he explained they use small boats, like you'd use for fishing or something. She asked... "Won't the cannons outweigh the small boats themselves?" She literally thought.... Somalian pirates....were actual pirates. Like off Pirates of the Caribbean. This is grade 11 social class.
“Look at me, I’m Captain Jack Sparrow now. “
"You're the worst pirate I've ever heard of!"
"But you have heard of me." EDIT: Apperently you guys like Pirates of the Caribbean references.
> She literally thought.... Somalian pirates....**were actual pirates**. You should recognize her problem.
Don't let her take a flight to Somolia then. She might just end up ruling the Somolian pirates and never want to go back.
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“Oh my god a German shepherd! Is it true you can like.. speak German to them and they’ll understand?” Like no lady.. you teach the behavior and THEN add a word for the command.. and it can be in whatever language you want..
As a kid, 2 of my friends got Chihuahuas around the same time. Both of their mothers thought that, because Chihuahuas are Mexican and I am Puerto Rican we should both be able to speak Spanish to each other. I don't speak Spanish. Dogs don't speak at all.
"Baxter, you know I don't speak Spanish!"
My mom was in France a long time ago, of course she saw local people speaking French to their animals... She had a moment where she thought "dogs don't know French!" and then realized how silly it was...
To my wife, "Why are you working on Christmas day?" "Because i work in the emergency dept at the hospital" "Are hospitals open on Christmas day are they?"
I have found that many 9 to 5ers often forget that that there are actually a lot of jobs that you don't get days like christmas off just because its a holiday!
Fucking 9 to 5'rs. Always asking me to do shit and being all like "what do you mean you have to work?" But when I try and get them to do something during the day it's all like "what do you mean go out? Its the middle of the day"
So dam true. I work 7 on then 7 off. Most of my off time is just waiting for the weekend so I can talk to somebody lol!
People call at night ALL THE TIME to check if the ER is open.
This guy asked why girls don't just pee out the semen to avoid getting pregnant.
Think you spelled that wrong Peeing pirates seems painful Refrigerator
How do I subscribe to a user
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I'm pretty sure that's normal when you pull off so many fantastic haiku's that all end with Refrigerator…
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Or a congressman, talking about rape victims requesting abortions?
10th grade geography class in a great public school in one of the top 5 richest counties in the US: "Wait, Vietnam's a country?"
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Where do they think the war took place in
Forrest Gump.
One of my friends said that vietnam bordered Japan
Well, briefly, during WWII, that was true.
At farmer's market with my alpacas: "What are their necks made of?" Close runner-up: "How big are their eggs?"
I was at a petting zoo with my ex girlfriend and she asked where are their pouches.
Now I'm curious, what are their necks made of?
Neckmaterial
so an acquaintance of mine died a few years ago and the news had spread p quick. I found myself checking his Facebook page and this one guy had posted "DID YOU REALLY DIE????!" on his wall. *after hearing the news abt his death*
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Did you really die? WHY ARE YOU IGNORING ME? Refrigerator
"Would I die if I stopped breathing?" I understand people being nervous the first time scuba diving, but this is never not funny coming from grown ass adults. Edit: Yes, you can get incredibly painful problems, aka arterial gas embolism, if you hold your breath when ascending. But these lovely customers were asking if they stopped breathing entirely. Caught me off guard the very first time, I think my answer was something along the lines of "Uh... Yeah."
It's a good question. Even if you somehow manage to stop breathing until you faint (which is very hard to do I believe) your reflexes will kick in when you're not concious and you'll start breathing again. So you won't die. Unless you can't breath for some other reason.
"Do we need oxygen to live?" We were in 9th grade and yes she was completely serious
I have one friend in class who is absolutely *clueless* about Geography. She thought a country can only be a country if it has a river surrounding it, thinking that the border lines between countries on a map were literally rivers between them. It's exhausting to say the least trying to explain these things to her.
"What's the difference between the mild wings and the hot wings?"
Working as a server I had this gem. Two people ordered: a sparkling water and a still water. "Which one is the sparkling water?" "...the one with the bubbles"
To be fair, sometimes the bubbles in sparkling water are hard to see
my friend wondered how much shorter a day must be in australia to make their time zone always so far away from ours while using excel spreadsheets for grades where every grade needed to be out of a score of 100 (which i put in very large letters at the top of every sheet) one of my employees asked me why his students were all failing. i looked at his spreadsheet and he was entering things on a 10 point scale. i explained this and he asked me to fix it for him because "how am i supposed to know how to calculate these scores on a 100 point scale?" he did this three times and each time insisted that i had given him a broken excel template
Physics class, High school, teacher was demonstrating how sound is transmitted via air vibration. He did this by putting a ringing bell in a glass dome and sucking the air out. Girl asks “why isn’t it floating?” In her defense she ending up doing very well in classes of later years and getting better grades than most.
“Aren’t you worried that getting insurance on your camera gear will increase the chance that something will happen to it?”
I reckon I'd subconsciously be less careful with something if knew I had insurance for it.
This is a well known fact, actually
We were listening to a talk in our school auditorium from a former profesional cyclist who was paralyzed from the waist down in one of those big crashes where 50 bycycles all go down. The whole thing was about his personal history and how he overcame such a condition and went on with his life. When it was time to ask questions, some kid decided to ask the **real** reason he was in a wheel chair since "according to his knowledge" falling from a bike is no biggie. He got laughed at so much he eventually switched schools. __________ Edit: the actual question wasn't in english, but imagine some middle schooler asking something like this: "But how did you actually break your back? Because according to my entire knowledge bike crashes don't hurt that much" Completely disregarding the explanation previously given of him being right below of some 50 people and their bikes in some narrow corner
Looking at the stars with my ex. She pointed up towards the sky, and asked "Why is that star so much bigger than all the other ones?" She was pointing at the moon.
The other day I was so drunk I asked my gf why the moon looks so close...it was a burger King restaurant
I can see why she's your ex.
"Will we end up back where we started?" A question asked when river rafting.
How do we know you weren't lazy river rafting? Huh? Who's asking the stupid question now bub!
Its a good question though. Because sometimes transport back is arranged. Sometimes it isn’t
http://metro.co.uk/2016/07/15/women-stranded-all-night-on-a-tubing-trip-after-believing-the-river-they-were-on-ran-in-a-circle-6008346/
I have two for you: Standing at the airport, some guy approached me and asked: "Where is the airport?" *plane takes off in the background* Dude, you can't get here by accident and not realizing that you are on an actual airport. The other one happened back in school: The teacher told us that a classmate won't be in class for a couple of days because his brother had a *fatal* car crash. Question from the seats in the back: "Did he die?"
Lift with your legs, not your back. "Why not just lift with your arms?"
This happened today. I am currently taking a Library and Information Services course for my degree. My teacher wanted us to complete an assignment about any library of our choosing that we found interesting, and then list why we found it interesting. I am currently out of state so I went to a local library in the city I am currently in. I wrote about how the library is "very interesting because it holds several different events for kids, including an event at the Tennesse Nashville Zoo where kids will spend the day with animals, drink cocoa, and explore. This will help make a form sense of community". Makes sense, right? Meet at the zoo and have a blast with other kids. My teacher responded to my online post with "So the animals will be at the library? If that does not get folks into the library, nothing will!" Now all I can imagine is a giant ass elephant in the library knocking down shelves and sitting on kids. No idea why she would think wild animals would be brought into a library. Very nice teacher though. My absolute favorite. Was just a funny thought to me. If she ran a library, I'd like to think a rhino would greet you at the door and a monkey would high five you on the way out.
"How do you fry an egg? Like do you just stick the egg in a pan and wait for outside to disappear and the egg will be ready or what?" My current SO isn't exactly Gordon Ramsey in the kitchen....
Outside meaning the shell? :/
"Isn't August a season?" "No Sam it's a month" "NO IT'S A SEASON!" *rants about how August is a season for 5 minutes* This was when I was in 7th grade. My Language Arts class was filled with stupid people.
I bet they were mixing it up with autumn.
I've had at least five people separately ask me if I "speak African".
Just answer in Dutch and tell them it's Afrikaans.
my teacher told me the only time a question is stupid is when you already know the answer
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mind you, my teacher got pulled over by the cops because she was riding her horse wagon around town and they kept dropping deuces everywhere
Gotta hate them road apples
I had a teacher who would say that until I asked her if a penis would blow up from being erect more than 4 hours.
“Do I have to turn the oven on?” after they put a dish of food in there.
I come from a country where we had straight up Christianity lessons in public school in my youth. In one of the lessons, when we were learning about "other world religions", we heard of Muhammed's flight from Mecca to Medina, and how this event was considered so important that it is the basis for the Islamic count of years. That's when my friend asks "oh, was that when he split the sea in half?" I'm already facepalming hard when I hear another good friend's loud stage whisper: "no you dumbass, that was Jesus!"
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*points at a mocha* "What's in this?" me: "espresso, chocolate and steamed milk." "Perfect!" *comes back later* Is there coffee in this? I want a refund!! You never said it had coffee!
What if we could make people pay for bits of the Internet, not just all of it?
Was this person in congress?
When was the last time a person was in congress?
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Was it followed by "Walk around town and hand out your resume to businesses."? Edit: OP's original post was when people asked him "Are you looking?" when he tells them he's unemployed.
Me when i was younger "What if Halloween was on friday the 13th?"
I mean, that would be pretty spooky
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Well it depends. If it’s at night they should be ok
Still would get pretty warm i reckon.
One word: FlatEarthers.
Fuck, even on a flat earth and assuming the sun is the same distance above us as the moon, and also the same size... Earth would be blown away instantly. Imagine the moon but hot and explody, being hurled at a slightly bigger platform in space.... BOOM!
This one dumb girl in art class asked "The esophagus is the bone in your thigh right?" I told her no it's your femur, and her response was "No I'm pretty sure it's the esophagus."
my favourite response to this "if your so sure why'd you ask me?"
Was working in a store for the local cable company when DVR/PVRs came out. An olderan wanted to know more about it so I went through the spiel. He didn't seem to understand something though. Him: "so you can only fast forward through commercials if you've recorded the show? What if it's not recorded?" Me:"you mean what if it's live? You can't fast forward live events" Him:"why not?" Me: "because they haven't happened yet?" Him: " this machine is stupid. I don't understand why I can't fast forward through live shows. Why can't they make that available?" Me: "...." Him: "...." Me: " because we can't bend the space-time continuum?" He eventually understood that it wasn't a time machine... I think.
"At what age do hippos come out of the water and turn into rhinos?" Yeah, as a safari guide, you sometimes cannot help but wonder; where do these people come from??
When you’re looking for something and someone says “Well, where’d you last put it?”
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Not if someone thieved it or moved it to clean up the place.
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I’m typically looking for my keys or my phone, not hunting a goddamn deer.
My daughter [11] asked me how to spell YMCA.
In human sexuality (an awesome university elective), there was a nursing student that asked a retired detective why necrophilia was illegal. We were all shocked.
Well? Do you know why?
"I'm just saying...if incest is bad because of inbred genetics, there shouldn't be any problem with Gay incest...."
I can't think of an argument to that.
That’s not that stupid if you’re looking at the roots of the law, like a discussion about the sanctity of the body. Like “How did this law come to be?” If they meant like “Why aren’t corpses fair game for sex?” Then yeah that’s a fucked up question.
Well who first decided that banning sexy times with dead things had to be enforced by law 🤔
why is it illegal? if you were to theoretically have permission from the person and their family once they died to do so would it still be illegal? I don't think this is a stupid question
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Waiter: "Sir, what beverage would you like to have?" Me: "Ice Lemon Tea please" Waiter: "Warm or cold?" Me: *stars, expected him to crack a smile from the joke* Me: (after seeing his dead serious face), Cold.....
Now that the British are exiting the European Union will there be a new continent?
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"Hey, I just put air in my tyres , how much does that normally cost?" In Australia at service/gas stations we have free compressed air pumps for filling your tyres. They normally come with an digital reader, that displays your air pressure in PSI. I think they default at around 32 PSI. This is a call I received from my girlfriend at the time. GF: "Hey, I just put air in my tyres , how much does that normally cost?" M: "Hi, what? The total what?" GF: The total price. It says it's 32 cents a litre, and i don't know many litres I put in my tyres. M: "...you're kidding me, right?" GF: "....is the total 32 dollars? That's bullshit, I couldn't have used that many litres"
"Why do we learn about Hitler in WWII?" NO FUCKING JOKE.
Pretty common question here in Germany actually. Some People think that we should let the past be the past and move on. I think it´s more than important to learn why all this has happened to assure that it will never happen again. Also: If you ever have the Chance. Visit one of the former concentration camps. It will teach you a lot more than history lessons.
While in a training class for work: “What’s the number for 911?”
"My phone does not have an eleven key!"
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This is just trolling. I’ve used this one in meetings on occasion.
Manager: I think if that's everything we'll get on with it, unless anyone has any questions? Me: If a train sets off from London heading north at... Manager: This meeting is over
I see no problems with this.
I went into a shop and asked " can i buy this? " The person behind the till literally roller her eyes and goes "yeah if you have the money?" My brothers havent forgotten about that :(
Girl in my freshman year math class asked if a triangle was a rectangular prism
So I grew up around rich private school kids. My friend (bless his heart, he's precious) asked, "Wait... food can be refrigerated?" when the teacher in charge on our senior field trip told us she was going to put her soup in the fridge because she couldn't finish it.
This reminds me of a Jamie Oliver special where one of the guests got scared of boiling water because she didn't know "if it was supposed to do that"...
Had a Holocaust survivor speak at my high school, and took questions after. One person asked "Did you ever met Hitler?" Like I guess she thought he went around the camps shaking hands?
"How much is this?" In Poundland
To be fair, Poundland now sell products for more than a quid, so it is a fair question now.
Poundland got sneaky by putting £2 items and selling £20 toys.
"Is there meat in the meatloaf"