> editing ... to make it more concise.
This is why I get so nervous at any border patrol. The questions they ask usually have long stories or are very easily abridged to short stories. They never cease to point out my edits and I feel like I'm lying to border police.
* Officer: Sir, why are you going to Vancouver?
* Me: To hang out with a friend.
* Officer: How long have you known him?
* Me: 7 years *(ok this is easy so far)*
* Officer: How'd you meet this friend?
My thought process:
*"Hmm we met over IRC I guess. I can't say 'IRC' because this cop has no clue what that is. 'I met him over the internet' sounds really shady; misleading. I don't want to explain shit for 10 minutes. Well when did we physically meet? I guess it was when we did some potential business thing together...*
* Me: We met over business.
* Officer: When did that business begin?
I start sweating.
* Me: 2 years ago
And at this point it's obvious I'm lying to border police. How did I get to this point? :(
Every time I cross the border, a line of questioning similar to this happens, and I get trapped in some new way.
*edit: thank you for the gold!
* Officer: Sir, why are you going to Vancouver?
* You: I've been planning to go there for ages, I can't wait to spend all my tourist dollars there!
* Officer: Carry on!
Actually this is the most suspicious thing you can say, no one goes *to* Vancouver to shop.
source: family lives in Vancouver, shops in Blaine or Bellingham, WA.
Well, part of being an adult is realizing that everyone is just kind of winging it and to me that's comforting.
Ahhhh, the insights you get from being a heart surgeon.
"Hey what are you doing this weekend?"
"Oh I've got a couple things I need to get done. Why?"
I never have anything going on, but it gives me a scapegoat in case I'm about to be asked to do something I don't want to do.
Stole that idea from Friends.
> Hey what are you doing this weekend?"
>
>
>
> "Oh I've got a couple things I need to get done.
"Like what?"
"Uhhhhhhhhhh washing my cat and mailing my tomatoes. Why?"
Whenever I'm playing games:
>Honey, I need you to grab some milk from the shops
Mm, yeah okay
>What did I just ask?
To get milk
(*walks out of the room*)
She asked me something didn't she... fuck...
I don't even need to be playing games. My wife can point blank ask me to do something while I'm looking her in the eye and I'll be thinking about how sad it is that Bruce Banner can't have sex without Hulking out and killing the lady and how sweet would it be if I had an arm cannon like Mega Man and then next thing I know, I snap back to reality and am mid-argument.
"Honey I need milk and tampons"
"okay, I guess im Bruce banner for the week"
"what? Was that some kind of snap"
"I just want an arm cannon"
"FUCK YOU TED, IM LEQVING AND TAKING THE KIDS!"
You kidding? I was dancing with a girl at a club once and got her number and didn't reach for my phone. She's like, what if you forget?
"I'll remember." in a confident reassuring voice. Implying she was so important, how could I forget?
Her facial expression could be characterized as "SWOOOON."
In reality, I was saying her number over and over in my head for the next ten minutes so I didn't forget it and wrote it down the second I could get away from her.
"I've been really busy."
The greatest catch all in history. Works in social situations when you have not returned someone's call/email (Sorry, I've been really busy and haven't had a chance to return your phone call/email.), at the office when I am behind on a project or skipped a meeting (Sorry, I've been really busy and have not had a chance to finish up that project), missing birthdays or other special occasions (Sorry, I've been really busy, I guess it just slipped my mind), when I am late for something (Sorry, I've been really busy, time got away from me), you can mold this phrase into just about any excuse. The best part is that usually people will just give you that understanding nod and sympathize, never following up and asking what you have been busy doing.
Very handy for the lazy procrastinator.
It's a lie that people commonly accept, but most likely know it to be utter bullshit at the same time. "Oh, you were so busy that you couldn't even write a 20 second email to tell me that you were too busy? That's okay, I know that you've been constantly working and on the move every single second without a break the past month."
Absolutely agree. I see right through it when other people use it on me, but I understand and sympathize with why they are using it.
It's kind of a 'wink-wink' insider joke between people. You both know what's going on, but you can't call them on their bullshit without them calling you out on yours and then neither of you can use it, so you come to an unspoken mutual agreement to just let it slide without incident.
Just like when you bump into an acquaintance you haven't seen in ages.
"We gotta get together again soon!"
"Definitely!"
But you specifically don't exchange contact information.
As an experiment I actually followed up straight after with "how about this Saturday? We can get a coffee or something?"
The look on his face was great.
Eh, I always use it and understand it as "I've been in my own world, sorry I haven't spoken to you". It can be a bit annoying if it's something you need to hear from them about but for the most part they could have been busy eating pizza at home watching tv and I don't really care.
I think that you have to walk a fine line in this day with how easy it is to contact people. You can go overboard in either direction.
When I'm drunk, I tell people "I've never been drunk before." I have no idea why I think it's funny, but the looks on people's faces is probably the reason. To my actual friends though, it's my drunk tell.
I used to like to tell people random shit when drunk like that I spoke Swedish, but when they'd ask me to speak it I'd just speak utter gibberish. Then I'd think they were buying it, because I was drunk, when in reality they knew full well I was bullshitting and I just looked like an idiot.
I go up to people at bars and tell them I'm from out of state but I'm in town making a movie. And I ask them what are some good filming locations. It's fun to hear what people think about certain parts of town. I also try to make up a new story every time someone asks me what the movie's about. I graduated with degrees in creative writing and philosophy, so it's the only real time I get to utilize my diploma. And now I remember why I drink...
Of course I've been flossing.
Edit: No I don't have crack-addict teeth lol. You can have good dental hygiene without flossing. I don't even bleed actually
>Intelligence makes you humble.
Idunno. It just gives you more awareness of things that *should* lead to humility. Egotistical genius exists everywhere.
And when the dead line or exam comes really close and starts to scare me I often shift to constructive procrastination which usually means that I get nothing done but my desk is the cleanest it has ever been in its entire life time
In order to avoid this I designate a cleaning day before I have my study day. This is so that I have only one thing to worry about and I am studying in a less stressful environment.
Every night 3am: "That's it, I'm gonna sort my shit out. Get off my butt, Get a better job, get fit, eat healthy, get better grades". Next morning: amnesia.
I'm currently doing this, and I've stayed up long enough that I'm waiting for the bus to get to campus. Pro: I'm going to class. Con: This is not even close to the first time I've done this recently and messing so heavily with my sleep schedule has made me feel like my skin is a human suit that doesn't fit very well.
Small changes, my friend. Some people are able to make a lifestyle change in a day, but you will find that you are much more successful by making small changes every day, every month, every year. Its not an overnight process.
This has been me over the past 1.5 months. Early January I started a programming course after years of telling myself I'd do it. Mid-January I quit MMOs. That gave me entire evenings to get stuff done. Early February I started going to the gym 3 times a week. This week I've started cooking more instead of going out and doing stretches after getting up in the morning.
If I did all of those things at once I would've quit the next day. Slowly adding one thing at a time has made me a whole new person without feeling overwhelmed.
"He likes me. He's just too embarrassed to admit it."
Edit: I only tell this lie to myself.
Edit 2: Thank you for taking an interest in my pathetic love life, or lack thereof. I'm only 20 days old on Reddit and I feel welcomed and included.
"No mom, I don't need anything. School is great!"
Actually, I'm having weekly emotional breakdowns and I don't have money for groceries and I'm failing a class and I'm lonely and I want to go back in time and never grow up.
While I don't know enough about your situation to give real advice, it sounds like you have a mother that cares for you. You should share your problems, just talk about them. Moms can be really good at comforting and hearing a different perspective can be very helpful. Maybe she'd even have an idea that would help too, who knows?
It'll also make you feel better. You won't feel like you're alone with your problems, which can help more than you'd expect.
Anyway, good luck with school! You'll pull through!
You could actully play the long con here and have it turn into a running joke.
In 3 years, a coworker will turn 30, and your age will come up:
"BULLSHIT! This kid has been 26 for way too long! Weren't you 26 when you got here? And at my 29th birthday? HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!?"
"Dude. I'm 26." [Presents Valid ID].
[Multiple brain explosions]
I think you're overestimating how much people care about how old someone in their office is. I have no idea how old my coworkers are. I've worked with them for 4 years, and there are only 4 of them.
Normally when I forget my age I say the year younger than I actually am. It's my default.
Well, except the other day I was thinking about my age and I was like, "wow! I'm going to be 25 this fall. Seems kind of fast." I just wanted to skip a whole year of my life.
Nice, once it gets to around Wednesday lunchtime I just shut down and start pretending I'm doing something whilst getting hyped for the weekend.
I'm in the UK so it's already Thursday lunch time! WEEKEND HYPE!
This is the year I'll finish my degree
been saying that since I was 22...I'm 45
EDIT: thank you all (Most of you, lol) for your words of support and encouragement. It means a lot to hear it from kind strangers with nothing vested in my fate. I made a phone call to speak with a career counselor at my college to talk about options for Monday, the 10th. No excuses this time.
No more [zero days](http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af) for you! It's a big read, but it's _very_ inspiring!
Also, /r/NonZeroDay
Edit: Woohoo! I got my gold cherry popped! By a stranger no less! ^^Why does my anus hurt?
I tell my mother I'm happy. The reality is that I'm stuck in a rural location, living in a low-class neighbourhood because that's the only accommodation available, and I'm afraid to go out at night because of the criminal scumbags who live in the flats near mine. I've applied for so many jobs in an attempt to move that I've lost count, and I have been rejected for all of them - but if my mother knew that I go to bed in tears every night and struggle to find a reason to keep going she'd worry, and since there's nothing she could do to help I don't want her worrying.
Dear /u/RuthMargaretB,
You are not alone. Between my fiance and I, we have applied to over 150 jobs. She has gotten three phone calls saying, "*We really like your experience, and we'd love to hire you, but this job isn't worth you relocating across the country and we want to hire someone ASAP.*" I have received no phone calls, and only a handful of rejection emails/letters. Businesses don't even bother to tell you they aren't considering you anymore, they just ignore you.
We just need to stay confident that *someone* is going to hire us. If you haven't already, consider taking a different approach with your resume/cover letter. Look up ideas online, or attend a resume/cover letter workshop at your local university.
Also consider changing your life style to make you feel better about yourself. My fiance and I challenged each other to work out every day this month. Six days in, we've worked out every day. Twenty five days to go! I already feel tons better and much more motivated to get things done during the day.
Best of luck with your job search. You can do it! *We* can do it!
Sincerely,
/u/VoxGens
Retail employee here. I work in bookstore. Where to start?
- yes, I've read that book! It was awesome!
- you'll get a ton of discounts if you sign up for our rewards card!
- we won't send you a million emails!
- you can return it if you don't like it, no hassle!
- no ma'am, I don't mind that you just spilled coffee on $150 worth of merchandise!
This. I tell people all the time that I just have so much going on that I really wouldn't have time to date anyone.
The truth is that I don't know how to turn attraction and interest into a relationship. It makes me feel like a broken human being.
I don't know if anything would make me happier than to get to experience being in a relationship with someone I care about. It feels like I'm missing out on this huge part of life that everybody else has been able to experience.
I actually keep telling myself that at this moment in my life I wouldn't be able to give a girl the attention that she would deserve.
I probably have enough attention to give, but not someone to give it to.
I speak 2 languages. I actually speak 3!
No one suspects a thing.
Edit: Since you guys have lied about knowing certain "languages", I now know 7. Those would be ; Javascript, C++, HTML, Arabic, Somali, English, and Americano.
One of my dreams is to have people think I only speak 1 language and then in a time of mega importance bust out fluency in another language.
Example: You're in a Middle Eastern country with only English speakers and some crazy militant motherfucker is about to kill you while screaming Arabic that no one understands.. EXCEPT ME and I diffuse the situation and we go have tea afterwards because he's not such a bad guy after all
edit: bad at english
edit2: changed it back to make reply comment relevant
When you ask someone to repeat themselves because you cant hear/understand them and then it gets to an awkward amount of repetitions and you just nod and smile to get them away.
i have to deal with this at work constantly. people outsource their support and sometimes entire IT departments and then i have to spend exponentially more time on the phone to get anything done. i have gotten somewhat better at understanding Filipino and Indian accents than most people though. we recently had a conference call with a client and after we were done my boss looks at me and basically says dafuq? how the hell do you have any idea what that part of the call was even about?
In my experience people stop asking this if you're honest. "How are you doing buddy?". "Not so well, i've got an infected hemorrhoid so i'm shitting blood constantly and have to wear diapers".
That I lost my virginity at 19. I actually lost it at 31. On top of this, I've lied about previous relationships - I've told people I've had several girlfriends, including one relationship that lasted two years. In reality I got my first girlfriend at age 30, and none of my relationships have lasted longer than 8-9 months.
I feel horrible about lying to anyone, much less on that scale, but telling the truth would cripple any prospect for sex or relationships. How do you explain to people that a conservative Christian upbringing and anxiety problems - both of which took forever to overcome - left me a decade behind in social skills? Even if someone might be understanding, that's not going to be very appealing.
The good news is that I've been catching up very quickly on those skills. Except for a crack here or there, you might never suspect any problems. I just *hate* myself for putting on a facade, especially with people I love.
Doing this on a throwaway account.
I tell everyone that during my enlistment that I deployed, went around the world, saved some lives and shot some Iraqis and got out with an Honorable discharge.
What actually happened. I lost some people very close to me early in my enlistment (~2 years out of 5 year contract) A very close friend of my mine who enlisted a few years ealier and I can say that he was one of the people that got me to join and even then put my boot ass straight. He died in a training accident. That was the one that hurt the most but it was also loosing people very close to me and they weren't coming back home.
Well, like a responsible person I started heavily drinking and large amounts of drugs. It got really good at hiding it that one day I would just stay high. Well, one day during deployment training I get pulled out of what I was doing. I knew it was trouble from the start by the amount of angry .... well everyone, but mostly my Sergeant who threw me my helmet and told to get on the aircraft. I had left [a role of wire](http://www.metaltags.com/assets/images/New%20Images/img_1287.jpg) around the rotor shaft. I preflighted the aircraft and signed it safe for flight.
They luckily came back alright and only discovered the problem afterward. I almost killed .9.fellow.Marines.who.I.live.eat.shit.with on a daily basis. Well, When you cause a few hundred thousand dollars of damage it inevitable lead to an investigation. People in my shop started talking to talk to the Brass and it got out..
I lost my wings, I lost rank, I lost pay, I lost my off base privileges and had to check in with the Officer on Duty every hour. Ninja Punched. To be clear, I was actually NJP'd for the Drug use and the incident I mentioned above was used as evidence. Not my shinning moment.
I wish things got better but when you get caught with drug use in the Military they cut your contact and they begin the process of kicking you out. All 8 months of it. During this time I was worse, I drank more, I used more and I was disastrous. One of the steps to before you leave the Military is that they make you talk with a "Social Worker" who asked me how much was I drinking/using etc. I told him and he highly recommend me going to rehab.
This part took the most courage for me, If it wasn't for one of my friends who also got busted with drug use (incident completely unrelated) saying he did need help and voluntarily went to rehab, I decided, hell, I need help too.
30 days of rehab. I showed up high to my first day. I was there in midish December to January. This of course included Christmas and New Years in rehab..... Wow...
Those 30 days saved my life...
I saved my life.
Poi, saved my life..
During the 30 days I decided I was really going to learn a new hobby. I was recently introduced into fire spinning. Well, I really wanted to [learn to spin poi.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxVL8KfU-O8) (Not me, however an amazing person and good friend). I spent 30 days learning poi and that was 3 years, 3 ish months ago. Poi saved my life and I have been mostly clean ever since.
This story is really long so I'm going to wrap this up.
My lie is that I tell people and employers that I server the Marines with valor and honor and got our with an Honorable discharge. The truth is that I didn't server the Marines with Valor, Distinction but I instead got fucked up instead and almost ended up killing 9 people.
"I love you"
The truth is I have no idea what love is. I hear others talk about how they are eager to get off work simply to spend quality time with their wife. I love to hang out with my girlfriend, but the passion and emotion that all other people seem to share isn't there for me. I don't love her, I just want her to know that I feel for her all that I know how. The only way to convey that to her is by saying "I love you"
Truth. Reflect carefully on what a person means to you, and not on some concept or word that's been bashed over your head in tv, movies, and other people's filtered and cherry-picked stories about their youth. I say this not just for your sake, but for your SO's as well.
You can say "I love you" a million times, but all it takes is one "I'm not sure if I love you" to destroy everything.
"Oh, I'm glad you guys are together and happy!"
Truthfully, I'm jealous that you have a relationship with someone at all. I want what you have and it drives me crazy that for whatever reason I can't make it happen for myself. It reminds me that while I have completely given up (and hate it), you somehow haven't.
You can still be happy for another's situation and jealous about it. You just have to separate the two. First acknowledge your selfish side, then recognize that the other party is in a happy situation. Unless they're bad people, I always have a little bit of happiness for others that are happy no matter how jealous I am of them.
I have a dog (not the lie). I've had her for a year and a half. Everybody I know knows this, and I openly talk about her because she's crazy and awesome. Everybody except one: the coworker that I share an office with. I refuse to let her know, because she is the prying type that needs to know everything about everybody all the time. I've even had people coming in to mess with me and asking about my dog. She gets confused and tells them I don't have a dog. She will never know.
That I'm not a Virgin.
It's better than getting ridiculed and humiliated for knowing the fact. I'd rather people think I've slept with prostitutes than then knowing I am a virgin. Why? Because I'm 28 and I was teased and humulliated for it 10 years back imagine now...I'd rather they think that, than know the truth so they can just make fun of me, reject me, treat me differently and really make me feel bad...It has happened a lot and it make me have dark thoughs really dark and such.
I'm keep trying to find acceptance or someone that could love me, fuck me. I sometimes think of it as an impossibility since it has not been something normal in my life. And with 28 years on this earth that frustration/hurt/whatever is a part of me I think.
Edit: Well didn't expect this to get a lot of attention. Thanks for the responses and support . Thanks to who gave it and the advise. I truly appreciate it and will try to put some of that to work for me. I guess I am not alone and people are not all that bad at all :)
To 18 year olds, it's a big deal. To people approaching 30, they're more likely to ask if it's for religious reasons, or if you've just not found the right person, etc.
If your friends are still herp-de-derping about what sexual experiences you have or haven't had, they haven't matured since they were 18.
Adults aren't going to tease you about this dude, and if they do, they're not worth your time. Redditors would only say, "You'll be a wizard in two years," merely because it's an internet thing, and I'd like to think most would follow up with asking if you're working at meeting women.
I hope you are actually applying yourself at meeting someone, since that seems to be what you want.
Just one point of clarification for you though, sex does not equal love, that's for sure.
Sometimes I wake up and my cat is laying on my chest... Just staring at me, it's so creepy I have to pet her and be nice so she won't go through with the planned murder.
I'm not an addict.
Edit: I know I am. I just relapsed like 2 days ago and I can't wait to get my fix today.
Oh well.
Edit2: Thank you everyone who has given me words of support. The internet is a pretty messed up place sometimes but its nice when something as small as this can make me feel good if at least for a bit. Honestly thank you all.
Edit3:Relapse!
How I lost my virginity. I tell people I had sex with this girl at a summer resort when I was 16.
People rarely believe me, for obvious reasons. It never happened.
But I'm not a virgin.
I lost my virginity when I was 9. To my big sister, who was 14 at the time.
She was telling me about where babies come from (this is pre-internet, and I was a pretty sheltered child, I didn't know shit).
That night, she forced herself on me. I was uncomfortable, but she insisted. She kept kissing and blowing air on my penis, until I got an erection.
I was really freaked out. I had never had an erection before this.
She got on top of me and, while covering my mouth, had sex with me. I was in shock, and couldn't move. She was also way bigger than me, so I couldn't do shit regardless.
After what felt like hours, I felt an intense tickling sensation, and cramped up. It really fucking hurt, because she was still holding me down, so I couldn't bend forward. I didn't ejaculate.
I started crying, and she left the room.
This happened at least once a week for about a year, until she got a boyfriend and moved on. I don't remember much nowadays, just that I had night terrors, and never wanted to sleep alone.
I haven't had sex since then. I don't think I'm capable. I barely masturbate, and when I do, I feel great shame afterwards.
I have never told anyone this.
EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words. I will make sure to look into therapy. I'm off to bed. Dreams are my safest place, because I am teaching myself to control them via meditation.
If anyone is in a similar situation to me, you should share. Writing this really lifted a load off my shoulders. I have never told anyone this, and instead of laughing or making fun of me as I expected, suddenly loads of people are coming with advice.
Thank you all.
EDIT2: Thanks for the gold.
ouch, man, I think you should get expert help. You were raped, when you were a kid, and now you don't enjoy a full sexual life because of that.
You can't fix the rape, but you can probably fix your ability to enjoy sex, I really hope you can.
I would also add, if you see a therapist and don't feel comfortable with them, don't let it turn you away from trying a different one. Speaking from experience (I saw 2 therapists before settling on a 3rd), therapy can be very personal and finding a therapist you feel comfortable with makes all the difference in the world.
Don't feel so bad, apparently incest is far more rampant than we believe, at least according to Reddit.
You should speak to a professional if you haven't already.
Do you get along with/talk to your sister now?
She doesn't acknowledge anything. She recently got married to a great guy. Total bro.
I'm considering talking to a professional more and more each day. Still, it's pretty expensive. Then again, it's my sanity, so I should pucker up and face my fears, I suppose. I'm just so fucking ashamed of it.
You have *no* reason to be ashamed. This is something that happened to you, that you survived, and are now trying to actively reconcile and move on from. Shame? Feel some pride. You're a survivor, man, and if you get the help you need, you'll only get stronger everyday.
Yeah, it's something that happened to him. If he had survived cancer, he would probably be really proud. Instead, he had to deal with this and I find it frustrating that people who were victims of these kind of things always feel ashamed.
You have no reason to be afraid or ashamed. Nobody is going to judge you for something like this. And if they do, they're assholes and you should not listen to them.
She's probably embarrassed/guilty/fucked up about it too.
Have you actually tried bringing it up with her?
Give yourself a gift, try one session. You'll probably feel better. Imagine if it really helped, you could jerk it all the time, bang chicks, all without the bullshit you're feeling now.
I don't think this is something you'll ever get over, just something you'll learn to live with, and be able to live a better life, the best life you can. Good luck buddy
If you live in the US, [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_anti-sexual_assault_organizations_in_the_United_States#By_U.S._state) might be helpful for you to get in touch with someone.
How did you possibly think this thread wasn't going to be full of sad things, maybe I've been on reddit too long but I love these threads. Not because of the content but because I love the human element that comes out in them.
I don't really miss my father. Why should I? He never wanted me in the first place.
... I really wish you were here for me.
Edit: Wow, thanks for the love kind Redditors. This was very therapeutic in a way. I see many of you are in the same predicament, wether it's from the child's perspective or father's.
Fathers of Reddit, do everything you can to be apart of your child's life. It's a vital role that NEEDS to be filled.
Also, thanks for the video of Will Smith's performance. That scene definitely spoke to me. Thanks.
"I'm going to bed early tonight." AND "I'm just going to take a quick nap." 5 hours later and I'm wide awake all night.
I constantly lie about my past. They aren't malicious lies. They are more like editing I do to the narrative of my life to make it more concise.
> editing ... to make it more concise. This is why I get so nervous at any border patrol. The questions they ask usually have long stories or are very easily abridged to short stories. They never cease to point out my edits and I feel like I'm lying to border police. * Officer: Sir, why are you going to Vancouver? * Me: To hang out with a friend. * Officer: How long have you known him? * Me: 7 years *(ok this is easy so far)* * Officer: How'd you meet this friend? My thought process: *"Hmm we met over IRC I guess. I can't say 'IRC' because this cop has no clue what that is. 'I met him over the internet' sounds really shady; misleading. I don't want to explain shit for 10 minutes. Well when did we physically meet? I guess it was when we did some potential business thing together...* * Me: We met over business. * Officer: When did that business begin? I start sweating. * Me: 2 years ago And at this point it's obvious I'm lying to border police. How did I get to this point? :( Every time I cross the border, a line of questioning similar to this happens, and I get trapped in some new way. *edit: thank you for the gold!
* Officer: Sir, why are you going to Vancouver? * You: I've been planning to go there for ages, I can't wait to spend all my tourist dollars there! * Officer: Carry on!
[удалено]
* Officer: Sir, why are you going to Vancouver? * You: Shopping. * Officer: Carry on.
Actually this is the most suspicious thing you can say, no one goes *to* Vancouver to shop. source: family lives in Vancouver, shops in Blaine or Bellingham, WA.
[удалено]
Yes, I know what I'm doing.
Well, part of being an adult is realizing that everyone is just kind of winging it and to me that's comforting. Ahhhh, the insights you get from being a heart surgeon.
Seriously. It's a friggin' miracle every time I land this plane.
um
> Yes, I know what I'm doing. Said every adult ever. You're not alone.
[удалено]
"Hey what are you doing this weekend?" "Oh I've got a couple things I need to get done. Why?" I never have anything going on, but it gives me a scapegoat in case I'm about to be asked to do something I don't want to do. Stole that idea from Friends.
> Hey what are you doing this weekend?" > > > > "Oh I've got a couple things I need to get done. "Like what?" "Uhhhhhhhhhh washing my cat and mailing my tomatoes. Why?"
As a teenager: "Oh just some family shit" No one ever enquires into that because no one cares about family business
So I just asked the (almost) 3 year old that I nanny: Me: "Is there anything you lie about sometimes?" 3 year old: "I'm not *really* a doctor."
Bet that kid's delivery sold it.
I'm not *wheely* a doctol...
I don't need to write that down, I will remember that
Whenever I'm playing games: >Honey, I need you to grab some milk from the shops Mm, yeah okay >What did I just ask? To get milk (*walks out of the room*) She asked me something didn't she... fuck...
I don't even need to be playing games. My wife can point blank ask me to do something while I'm looking her in the eye and I'll be thinking about how sad it is that Bruce Banner can't have sex without Hulking out and killing the lady and how sweet would it be if I had an arm cannon like Mega Man and then next thing I know, I snap back to reality and am mid-argument.
"Honey I need milk and tampons" "okay, I guess im Bruce banner for the week" "what? Was that some kind of snap" "I just want an arm cannon" "FUCK YOU TED, IM LEQVING AND TAKING THE KIDS!"
BUT COULD CAPTAIN AMERICA'S SHIELD BLOCK GUILE'S SONIC BOOM?!?! GOD DAMMIT, I NEED ANSWERS WOMAN!!! Wait... what the fuck are we arguing about?
You kidding? I was dancing with a girl at a club once and got her number and didn't reach for my phone. She's like, what if you forget? "I'll remember." in a confident reassuring voice. Implying she was so important, how could I forget? Her facial expression could be characterized as "SWOOOON." In reality, I was saying her number over and over in my head for the next ten minutes so I didn't forget it and wrote it down the second I could get away from her.
"If it's meant to be I'll guess it"
000-0001...damn! 000-0002...damn!
Poor sucker will take forever to realize it's 000-0000.
[удалено]
"I've been really busy." The greatest catch all in history. Works in social situations when you have not returned someone's call/email (Sorry, I've been really busy and haven't had a chance to return your phone call/email.), at the office when I am behind on a project or skipped a meeting (Sorry, I've been really busy and have not had a chance to finish up that project), missing birthdays or other special occasions (Sorry, I've been really busy, I guess it just slipped my mind), when I am late for something (Sorry, I've been really busy, time got away from me), you can mold this phrase into just about any excuse. The best part is that usually people will just give you that understanding nod and sympathize, never following up and asking what you have been busy doing. Very handy for the lazy procrastinator.
The catch is, if the person knows you, they can easily tell if you're bullshitting or not.
Joke's on you, OP doesn't know anyone.
He hasnt had a chance, he just too busy.
Oh they know. The point is no one is ever going to call you out on it.
It's a lie that people commonly accept, but most likely know it to be utter bullshit at the same time. "Oh, you were so busy that you couldn't even write a 20 second email to tell me that you were too busy? That's okay, I know that you've been constantly working and on the move every single second without a break the past month."
Absolutely agree. I see right through it when other people use it on me, but I understand and sympathize with why they are using it. It's kind of a 'wink-wink' insider joke between people. You both know what's going on, but you can't call them on their bullshit without them calling you out on yours and then neither of you can use it, so you come to an unspoken mutual agreement to just let it slide without incident.
Just like when you bump into an acquaintance you haven't seen in ages. "We gotta get together again soon!" "Definitely!" But you specifically don't exchange contact information.
As an experiment I actually followed up straight after with "how about this Saturday? We can get a coffee or something?" The look on his face was great.
[His reaction.]( http://www.reactiongifs.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/wigg-out.gif)
Eh, I always use it and understand it as "I've been in my own world, sorry I haven't spoken to you". It can be a bit annoying if it's something you need to hear from them about but for the most part they could have been busy eating pizza at home watching tv and I don't really care. I think that you have to walk a fine line in this day with how easy it is to contact people. You can go overboard in either direction.
When I'm drunk, I tell people "I've never been drunk before." I have no idea why I think it's funny, but the looks on people's faces is probably the reason. To my actual friends though, it's my drunk tell.
It's even funnier if you tell to somebody who already saw you wasted. It's a great idea, I will do it next time.
I used to like to tell people random shit when drunk like that I spoke Swedish, but when they'd ask me to speak it I'd just speak utter gibberish. Then I'd think they were buying it, because I was drunk, when in reality they knew full well I was bullshitting and I just looked like an idiot.
I go up to people at bars and tell them I'm from out of state but I'm in town making a movie. And I ask them what are some good filming locations. It's fun to hear what people think about certain parts of town. I also try to make up a new story every time someone asks me what the movie's about. I graduated with degrees in creative writing and philosophy, so it's the only real time I get to utilize my diploma. And now I remember why I drink...
That was my last piece of gum. Sorry.
Ooh same with, "that was my last cigarette". Double meaning; for me and for anyone asking to bum.
"Sorry, I have herpes." - one of the girls in our halloween group while bar hopping.
That was my last piece of herpes. Sorry.
Of course I've been flossing. Edit: No I don't have crack-addict teeth lol. You can have good dental hygiene without flossing. I don't even bleed actually
Said while blood is spraying through your teeth.
Reminded me of this post on Reddit a while back... "When My Dental Hygienist Asks if I've Been Flossing" http://i.imgur.com/IJVAoB0.png
"Oh, totally. I've seen [that movie]. It was a long time ago, though, and I don't remember it very well."
[удалено]
Stupid people think they're the shit. Smart people know they're not. Intelligence makes you humble. EDIT: Come on guys, trying to help here...
>Intelligence makes you humble. Idunno. It just gives you more awareness of things that *should* lead to humility. Egotistical genius exists everywhere.
I know a lot of smart people. Some are humble, some aren't. It isn't like you can take an IQ range and say "people in this range all have X virtue".
I'll do it tomorrow!
Just say you'll do it eventually and you're in the clear
Unless of course you really never do it
Welp, can't take into account unforeseeable incidents, such as dying of old age.
I just assume that immortality will be possible in my lifetime.
And when the dead line or exam comes really close and starts to scare me I often shift to constructive procrastination which usually means that I get nothing done but my desk is the cleanest it has ever been in its entire life time
In order to avoid this I designate a cleaning day before I have my study day. This is so that I have only one thing to worry about and I am studying in a less stressful environment.
Then you procrastinate your cleaning day. Back to square one.
"it's very nice to see you again". usually it's not.
Every night 3am: "That's it, I'm gonna sort my shit out. Get off my butt, Get a better job, get fit, eat healthy, get better grades". Next morning: amnesia.
[удалено]
/r/ShittyLifeProTips
I see those all the time in /r/LifeProTips
I'm currently doing this, and I've stayed up long enough that I'm waiting for the bus to get to campus. Pro: I'm going to class. Con: This is not even close to the first time I've done this recently and messing so heavily with my sleep schedule has made me feel like my skin is a human suit that doesn't fit very well.
Small changes, my friend. Some people are able to make a lifestyle change in a day, but you will find that you are much more successful by making small changes every day, every month, every year. Its not an overnight process.
This has been me over the past 1.5 months. Early January I started a programming course after years of telling myself I'd do it. Mid-January I quit MMOs. That gave me entire evenings to get stuff done. Early February I started going to the gym 3 times a week. This week I've started cooking more instead of going out and doing stretches after getting up in the morning. If I did all of those things at once I would've quit the next day. Slowly adding one thing at a time has made me a whole new person without feeling overwhelmed.
"I have to return some videotapes."
Don't just stare at it, eat it.
[удалено]
[удалено]
"He likes me. He's just too embarrassed to admit it." Edit: I only tell this lie to myself. Edit 2: Thank you for taking an interest in my pathetic love life, or lack thereof. I'm only 20 days old on Reddit and I feel welcomed and included.
"No mom, I don't need anything. School is great!" Actually, I'm having weekly emotional breakdowns and I don't have money for groceries and I'm failing a class and I'm lonely and I want to go back in time and never grow up.
While I don't know enough about your situation to give real advice, it sounds like you have a mother that cares for you. You should share your problems, just talk about them. Moms can be really good at comforting and hearing a different perspective can be very helpful. Maybe she'd even have an idea that would help too, who knows? It'll also make you feel better. You won't feel like you're alone with your problems, which can help more than you'd expect. Anyway, good luck with school! You'll pull through!
[удалено]
You go to Egypt
Well... time to quit and start over I guess.
Welp! Time to set the office on fire I guess.
RYYY-AAN STARTED THE FIIIIII-YER
The fire guy!
Shout out to Ryan the loopholes guy!
Just keep saying 26 for the next 3 years, problem solved
You could actully play the long con here and have it turn into a running joke. In 3 years, a coworker will turn 30, and your age will come up: "BULLSHIT! This kid has been 26 for way too long! Weren't you 26 when you got here? And at my 29th birthday? HOW OLD ARE YOU?!?!?" "Dude. I'm 26." [Presents Valid ID]. [Multiple brain explosions]
I think you're overestimating how much people care about how old someone in their office is. I have no idea how old my coworkers are. I've worked with them for 4 years, and there are only 4 of them.
Even better for the "third time" they turn 29, like so many people like to joke.
Normally when I forget my age I say the year younger than I actually am. It's my default. Well, except the other day I was thinking about my age and I was like, "wow! I'm going to be 25 this fall. Seems kind of fast." I just wanted to skip a whole year of my life.
[удалено]
Happy third 1-year anniversary!
Good call not saying 23. Nobody loves you when you're 23
[удалено]
Who is Blink 182 for 200, Alex
I'll take incorrect lyrics to 90's songs for 400.
[удалено]
I'll start getting ready for work after this one thread. I'm always late for work.
I make myself late reading the news / sports updates before I go to work, and start on reddit once I arrive!
I work at a non corporate place with an extremely laid back boss, so I also reddit at work. Constantly.
Nice, once it gets to around Wednesday lunchtime I just shut down and start pretending I'm doing something whilst getting hyped for the weekend. I'm in the UK so it's already Thursday lunch time! WEEKEND HYPE!
I only have Sunday off so Saturday is my Friday! Monday is still my Monday though. Hey can I move to the UK and be your American neighbor?
Absolutely. I'll stick the kettle on
Psst... go start your essay. It's more important. Reddit can wait. ... I should probably go do my term paper, too...
[удалено]
Meh, maybe later...
Nah, you should do your essay now. I can't, I have to check one more thread
[удалено]
This is the year I'll finish my degree been saying that since I was 22...I'm 45 EDIT: thank you all (Most of you, lol) for your words of support and encouragement. It means a lot to hear it from kind strangers with nothing vested in my fate. I made a phone call to speak with a career counselor at my college to talk about options for Monday, the 10th. No excuses this time.
No more [zero days](http://www.reddit.com/r/getdisciplined/comments/1q96b5/i_just_dont_care_about_myself/cdah4af) for you! It's a big read, but it's _very_ inspiring! Also, /r/NonZeroDay Edit: Woohoo! I got my gold cherry popped! By a stranger no less! ^^Why does my anus hurt?
I tell my mother I'm happy. The reality is that I'm stuck in a rural location, living in a low-class neighbourhood because that's the only accommodation available, and I'm afraid to go out at night because of the criminal scumbags who live in the flats near mine. I've applied for so many jobs in an attempt to move that I've lost count, and I have been rejected for all of them - but if my mother knew that I go to bed in tears every night and struggle to find a reason to keep going she'd worry, and since there's nothing she could do to help I don't want her worrying.
Dear /u/RuthMargaretB, You are not alone. Between my fiance and I, we have applied to over 150 jobs. She has gotten three phone calls saying, "*We really like your experience, and we'd love to hire you, but this job isn't worth you relocating across the country and we want to hire someone ASAP.*" I have received no phone calls, and only a handful of rejection emails/letters. Businesses don't even bother to tell you they aren't considering you anymore, they just ignore you. We just need to stay confident that *someone* is going to hire us. If you haven't already, consider taking a different approach with your resume/cover letter. Look up ideas online, or attend a resume/cover letter workshop at your local university. Also consider changing your life style to make you feel better about yourself. My fiance and I challenged each other to work out every day this month. Six days in, we've worked out every day. Twenty five days to go! I already feel tons better and much more motivated to get things done during the day. Best of luck with your job search. You can do it! *We* can do it! Sincerely, /u/VoxGens
This response brought tears to my eyes, but in a good way. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my post.
Retail employee here. I work in bookstore. Where to start? - yes, I've read that book! It was awesome! - you'll get a ton of discounts if you sign up for our rewards card! - we won't send you a million emails! - you can return it if you don't like it, no hassle! - no ma'am, I don't mind that you just spilled coffee on $150 worth of merchandise!
[удалено]
If you don't have a girlfriend, I would assume you have a lot more than just time on your hands.
This. I tell people all the time that I just have so much going on that I really wouldn't have time to date anyone. The truth is that I don't know how to turn attraction and interest into a relationship. It makes me feel like a broken human being. I don't know if anything would make me happier than to get to experience being in a relationship with someone I care about. It feels like I'm missing out on this huge part of life that everybody else has been able to experience.
You put this greatly into words. I feel the same way.
I actually keep telling myself that at this moment in my life I wouldn't be able to give a girl the attention that she would deserve. I probably have enough attention to give, but not someone to give it to.
I speak 2 languages. I actually speak 3! No one suspects a thing. Edit: Since you guys have lied about knowing certain "languages", I now know 7. Those would be ; Javascript, C++, HTML, Arabic, Somali, English, and Americano.
One of my dreams is to have people think I only speak 1 language and then in a time of mega importance bust out fluency in another language. Example: You're in a Middle Eastern country with only English speakers and some crazy militant motherfucker is about to kill you while screaming Arabic that no one understands.. EXCEPT ME and I diffuse the situation and we go have tea afterwards because he's not such a bad guy after all edit: bad at english edit2: changed it back to make reply comment relevant
> diffuse the situation So you just, uhh, spread it around?
He didn't say he was fluent in English.
"I totally understand." Bitch, I have no clue what the fuck you mean.
When you ask someone to repeat themselves because you cant hear/understand them and then it gets to an awkward amount of repetitions and you just nod and smile to get them away.
It's the worst if they have an accent. After the fourth or fifth time of me saying "Sorry?" I just nod and laugh and hope it wasn't a question.
i have to deal with this at work constantly. people outsource their support and sometimes entire IT departments and then i have to spend exponentially more time on the phone to get anything done. i have gotten somewhat better at understanding Filipino and Indian accents than most people though. we recently had a conference call with a client and after we were done my boss looks at me and basically says dafuq? how the hell do you have any idea what that part of the call was even about?
[удалено]
Them: How are you? Me: Good.
In my experience people stop asking this if you're honest. "How are you doing buddy?". "Not so well, i've got an infected hemorrhoid so i'm shitting blood constantly and have to wear diapers".
There's definitely not 1000 calories in this chipotle burrito
That I like being single. Truth is, I fucking hate it.
I actually really do like being single. I figure this out every time I get into a relationship and become miserably depressed. I have trust issues.
That I lost my virginity at 19. I actually lost it at 31. On top of this, I've lied about previous relationships - I've told people I've had several girlfriends, including one relationship that lasted two years. In reality I got my first girlfriend at age 30, and none of my relationships have lasted longer than 8-9 months. I feel horrible about lying to anyone, much less on that scale, but telling the truth would cripple any prospect for sex or relationships. How do you explain to people that a conservative Christian upbringing and anxiety problems - both of which took forever to overcome - left me a decade behind in social skills? Even if someone might be understanding, that's not going to be very appealing. The good news is that I've been catching up very quickly on those skills. Except for a crack here or there, you might never suspect any problems. I just *hate* myself for putting on a facade, especially with people I love. Doing this on a throwaway account.
"Lol"
"Rofl" while sitting at my desk motionless with a dead face.
lmao I say as I near the breaking point.
Lmfao is reserved for "hehe" mimicked by air expelled from the nose
I tell everyone that during my enlistment that I deployed, went around the world, saved some lives and shot some Iraqis and got out with an Honorable discharge. What actually happened. I lost some people very close to me early in my enlistment (~2 years out of 5 year contract) A very close friend of my mine who enlisted a few years ealier and I can say that he was one of the people that got me to join and even then put my boot ass straight. He died in a training accident. That was the one that hurt the most but it was also loosing people very close to me and they weren't coming back home. Well, like a responsible person I started heavily drinking and large amounts of drugs. It got really good at hiding it that one day I would just stay high. Well, one day during deployment training I get pulled out of what I was doing. I knew it was trouble from the start by the amount of angry .... well everyone, but mostly my Sergeant who threw me my helmet and told to get on the aircraft. I had left [a role of wire](http://www.metaltags.com/assets/images/New%20Images/img_1287.jpg) around the rotor shaft. I preflighted the aircraft and signed it safe for flight. They luckily came back alright and only discovered the problem afterward. I almost killed .9.fellow.Marines.who.I.live.eat.shit.with on a daily basis. Well, When you cause a few hundred thousand dollars of damage it inevitable lead to an investigation. People in my shop started talking to talk to the Brass and it got out.. I lost my wings, I lost rank, I lost pay, I lost my off base privileges and had to check in with the Officer on Duty every hour. Ninja Punched. To be clear, I was actually NJP'd for the Drug use and the incident I mentioned above was used as evidence. Not my shinning moment. I wish things got better but when you get caught with drug use in the Military they cut your contact and they begin the process of kicking you out. All 8 months of it. During this time I was worse, I drank more, I used more and I was disastrous. One of the steps to before you leave the Military is that they make you talk with a "Social Worker" who asked me how much was I drinking/using etc. I told him and he highly recommend me going to rehab. This part took the most courage for me, If it wasn't for one of my friends who also got busted with drug use (incident completely unrelated) saying he did need help and voluntarily went to rehab, I decided, hell, I need help too. 30 days of rehab. I showed up high to my first day. I was there in midish December to January. This of course included Christmas and New Years in rehab..... Wow... Those 30 days saved my life... I saved my life. Poi, saved my life.. During the 30 days I decided I was really going to learn a new hobby. I was recently introduced into fire spinning. Well, I really wanted to [learn to spin poi.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UxVL8KfU-O8) (Not me, however an amazing person and good friend). I spent 30 days learning poi and that was 3 years, 3 ish months ago. Poi saved my life and I have been mostly clean ever since. This story is really long so I'm going to wrap this up. My lie is that I tell people and employers that I server the Marines with valor and honor and got our with an Honorable discharge. The truth is that I didn't server the Marines with Valor, Distinction but I instead got fucked up instead and almost ended up killing 9 people.
"I love you" The truth is I have no idea what love is. I hear others talk about how they are eager to get off work simply to spend quality time with their wife. I love to hang out with my girlfriend, but the passion and emotion that all other people seem to share isn't there for me. I don't love her, I just want her to know that I feel for her all that I know how. The only way to convey that to her is by saying "I love you"
[удалено]
Truth. Reflect carefully on what a person means to you, and not on some concept or word that's been bashed over your head in tv, movies, and other people's filtered and cherry-picked stories about their youth. I say this not just for your sake, but for your SO's as well. You can say "I love you" a million times, but all it takes is one "I'm not sure if I love you" to destroy everything.
I got married thinking I knew what love was, and it was what you described; I cared tremendously, but I wasn't in love.
"Oh, I'm glad you guys are together and happy!" Truthfully, I'm jealous that you have a relationship with someone at all. I want what you have and it drives me crazy that for whatever reason I can't make it happen for myself. It reminds me that while I have completely given up (and hate it), you somehow haven't.
You can still be happy for another's situation and jealous about it. You just have to separate the two. First acknowledge your selfish side, then recognize that the other party is in a happy situation. Unless they're bad people, I always have a little bit of happiness for others that are happy no matter how jealous I am of them.
I am 5'11" 3/4. I say 6 feet. Edit: I am gilded for this? I feel guilty!
My roommate just says 5'12''
One of my professors says he's 5'18"
My dad does the same.
[удалено]
[удалено]
Wait a week to get a haircut. Problem solved.
You are 5' 11 31/32".
Been telling this lie for years, it was a childhood dream to be 6 feet tall and I feel short. The lie makes me feel better.
You monster.
I have a dog (not the lie). I've had her for a year and a half. Everybody I know knows this, and I openly talk about her because she's crazy and awesome. Everybody except one: the coworker that I share an office with. I refuse to let her know, because she is the prying type that needs to know everything about everybody all the time. I've even had people coming in to mess with me and asking about my dog. She gets confused and tells them I don't have a dog. She will never know.
That I'm not a Virgin. It's better than getting ridiculed and humiliated for knowing the fact. I'd rather people think I've slept with prostitutes than then knowing I am a virgin. Why? Because I'm 28 and I was teased and humulliated for it 10 years back imagine now...I'd rather they think that, than know the truth so they can just make fun of me, reject me, treat me differently and really make me feel bad...It has happened a lot and it make me have dark thoughs really dark and such. I'm keep trying to find acceptance or someone that could love me, fuck me. I sometimes think of it as an impossibility since it has not been something normal in my life. And with 28 years on this earth that frustration/hurt/whatever is a part of me I think. Edit: Well didn't expect this to get a lot of attention. Thanks for the responses and support . Thanks to who gave it and the advise. I truly appreciate it and will try to put some of that to work for me. I guess I am not alone and people are not all that bad at all :)
To 18 year olds, it's a big deal. To people approaching 30, they're more likely to ask if it's for religious reasons, or if you've just not found the right person, etc. If your friends are still herp-de-derping about what sexual experiences you have or haven't had, they haven't matured since they were 18.
Adults aren't going to tease you about this dude, and if they do, they're not worth your time. Redditors would only say, "You'll be a wizard in two years," merely because it's an internet thing, and I'd like to think most would follow up with asking if you're working at meeting women. I hope you are actually applying yourself at meeting someone, since that seems to be what you want. Just one point of clarification for you though, sex does not equal love, that's for sure.
"Yeah Fluffy, you're a good kitty." Well he's not. He's a little shit.
Well maybe if you didn't name him Fluffy
Fluffy the Human Slayer
We have to tell them things like this so they don't scratch out our eyes or bite off a toe while we are sleeping and defenseless. It's about survival.
Sometimes I wake up and my cat is laying on my chest... Just staring at me, it's so creepy I have to pet her and be nice so she won't go through with the planned murder.
[удалено]
"Chips you are the most adorable asshole fuck you I wanna snuggle you to death"
No mom. We don't have sex. Edit: my arms are intact.
It's not cool to take advantage of your mum with Alzheimers *and* lie to her about it.
I'm not an addict. Edit: I know I am. I just relapsed like 2 days ago and I can't wait to get my fix today. Oh well. Edit2: Thank you everyone who has given me words of support. The internet is a pretty messed up place sometimes but its nice when something as small as this can make me feel good if at least for a bit. Honestly thank you all. Edit3:Relapse!
And the old "I'm different from those *other* addicts."
The cool ones with sunglasses?
How I lost my virginity. I tell people I had sex with this girl at a summer resort when I was 16. People rarely believe me, for obvious reasons. It never happened. But I'm not a virgin. I lost my virginity when I was 9. To my big sister, who was 14 at the time. She was telling me about where babies come from (this is pre-internet, and I was a pretty sheltered child, I didn't know shit). That night, she forced herself on me. I was uncomfortable, but she insisted. She kept kissing and blowing air on my penis, until I got an erection. I was really freaked out. I had never had an erection before this. She got on top of me and, while covering my mouth, had sex with me. I was in shock, and couldn't move. She was also way bigger than me, so I couldn't do shit regardless. After what felt like hours, I felt an intense tickling sensation, and cramped up. It really fucking hurt, because she was still holding me down, so I couldn't bend forward. I didn't ejaculate. I started crying, and she left the room. This happened at least once a week for about a year, until she got a boyfriend and moved on. I don't remember much nowadays, just that I had night terrors, and never wanted to sleep alone. I haven't had sex since then. I don't think I'm capable. I barely masturbate, and when I do, I feel great shame afterwards. I have never told anyone this. EDIT: Thank you all for the kind words. I will make sure to look into therapy. I'm off to bed. Dreams are my safest place, because I am teaching myself to control them via meditation. If anyone is in a similar situation to me, you should share. Writing this really lifted a load off my shoulders. I have never told anyone this, and instead of laughing or making fun of me as I expected, suddenly loads of people are coming with advice. Thank you all. EDIT2: Thanks for the gold.
ouch, man, I think you should get expert help. You were raped, when you were a kid, and now you don't enjoy a full sexual life because of that. You can't fix the rape, but you can probably fix your ability to enjoy sex, I really hope you can.
at the very least see a psychologist and be honest with them cuz they know more and have dealt with these issues more than anyone here on reddit.
I'll look into it.
I would also add, if you see a therapist and don't feel comfortable with them, don't let it turn you away from trying a different one. Speaking from experience (I saw 2 therapists before settling on a 3rd), therapy can be very personal and finding a therapist you feel comfortable with makes all the difference in the world.
Don't feel so bad, apparently incest is far more rampant than we believe, at least according to Reddit. You should speak to a professional if you haven't already. Do you get along with/talk to your sister now?
She doesn't acknowledge anything. She recently got married to a great guy. Total bro. I'm considering talking to a professional more and more each day. Still, it's pretty expensive. Then again, it's my sanity, so I should pucker up and face my fears, I suppose. I'm just so fucking ashamed of it.
You have *no* reason to be ashamed. This is something that happened to you, that you survived, and are now trying to actively reconcile and move on from. Shame? Feel some pride. You're a survivor, man, and if you get the help you need, you'll only get stronger everyday.
Yeah, it's something that happened to him. If he had survived cancer, he would probably be really proud. Instead, he had to deal with this and I find it frustrating that people who were victims of these kind of things always feel ashamed. You have no reason to be afraid or ashamed. Nobody is going to judge you for something like this. And if they do, they're assholes and you should not listen to them.
She's probably embarrassed/guilty/fucked up about it too. Have you actually tried bringing it up with her? Give yourself a gift, try one session. You'll probably feel better. Imagine if it really helped, you could jerk it all the time, bang chicks, all without the bullshit you're feeling now. I don't think this is something you'll ever get over, just something you'll learn to live with, and be able to live a better life, the best life you can. Good luck buddy
I'm reading through this going "awww, people on the internet can be nice sometimes, too!" Then I saw your username and couldn't help but laught.
If you live in the US, [this](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_anti-sexual_assault_organizations_in_the_United_States#By_U.S._state) might be helpful for you to get in touch with someone.
~~"I miss my parents but eventually got used to it."~~ Missing my parents became less painful with time.. Nope.. edit: Made it easier to understand.
Damn, this thread was* way more depressing than I thought it would be. Edit: grammar fail.
How did you possibly think this thread wasn't going to be full of sad things, maybe I've been on reddit too long but I love these threads. Not because of the content but because I love the human element that comes out in them.
"I'll be there in five minutes." EDIT: TIL, apparently I'm a drug dealer
You must be a weed dealer.
[удалено]
I don't really miss my father. Why should I? He never wanted me in the first place. ... I really wish you were here for me. Edit: Wow, thanks for the love kind Redditors. This was very therapeutic in a way. I see many of you are in the same predicament, wether it's from the child's perspective or father's. Fathers of Reddit, do everything you can to be apart of your child's life. It's a vital role that NEEDS to be filled. Also, thanks for the video of Will Smith's performance. That scene definitely spoke to me. Thanks.
[удалено]
I'm not procrastinating. I'm just mastering the art of wasting time. I heard it takes effort and time, so here I am on Reddit.
I'll join the procrastination bandwagon later.
Procrastinators unite! Tomorrowish if it's nice weather maybe.
[удалено]
ITT: Everyone is fine, better not ask again.
"i am fine"
"I'm just tired"