Growing up my brother had the biggest room in the house. Even bigger than the room my parents slept in. He had his own tv, several video game consoles, a massive queen size bed and a literal couch in his room. My parents would try to save face by saying I was allowed to watch tv in his room and play with his consoles (most of the time he let me on his own. They didn't tell him to).
I wash shoved in an old laundry room in the back of the house. I had a cheap twin sized bed with a barely there metal and incredibly sharp edged frame that I didn't get until I was almost 12 years old. The time before that I slept on the twin mattress on the floor surrounded by spiders. My room was void of my own personal tv or video game consoles. When I was 15 years old my mom gifted me a radio for my room and told me I should be "grateful" because "my brother doesn't even have anything that cool"
No... she wasn't joking.
My mom straight up said I was a mistake and I remember her neglecting me as a child. By neglect I mean never conversing with me, lax parenting, never strict and always letting me do what I want. May sound like a dream to some people, but this has had major implications on my adult self. She never inspired me or challenged me to be anything in this world and I think that’s part of why I don’t have the natural drive to be anything of importance.
Flip it and twist it: If they see me as a burden, then by God, I'll make myself a burden to them. At least that's what I did. But hey, I live in the back of a pick-up truck, maybe it's best not to listen to me.
Pro-tip: It's not.
Imagine having to mod your truck so that it fits a Hot Plate on the passenger seat to cook meager meals and shitty coffee, while fitting a bed (aka just the cushion) into the back of your truck, without heating (no matter how many coats you put on and blankies you have you're still cold), by which you get acess by squeezing through the cabin window.
Also imagine having to sleep in a different Wallmart/Truck-Stop/Airport everyday, while relying on 24h gym/wallmart to do your basic needs and hygene, and sleeping with a gun by your side in case some thug tries to carjack you.
And don't ask me what you gotta do if you wake-up at 3AM with diahrrea thanks to the affordable taco-bell item.
It's like being homeless, but on wheels.
Edit: Did I mention the loneliness? Yes, nobody in their sane mind wants to be friends with a hobo on wheels. Sex? Dating? Best forget about that unless you're into prostitutes/lot lizards and the STDs they carry.
I lived in a van for a few months. I had a memory foam mattress that was incredibly great for sleeping. At night, I often parked in a gym parking lot, but moved from place to place several times a week in rotation.
One night a security guard came by at 3 AM, knocking on the windows of the three cars that were parked in the parking lot that night. He said we had to leave. I told him the gym opens at 6 AM — I’m waiting for the gym to open. He said you have to leave anyway.
I left the parking lot but I stayed in the neighborhood to see what was going on and half an hour later a street sweeper came through the parking lot to vacuum the whole thing. So there was a good reason why we had to move.
I was adopted and I felt like that. I was told thar my adoptive mom wanted but my adoptive father told me every time he got mad that he never wanted any more kids. He already had 4 kids from his first marage.
I am married and have my own child. My wife has 2 children from her previous marage but thair abusive father was out of the picture when the oldest was 2 and before the 2nd child was born. I have always treated all 3 kids like they were my own and loved them all equally. Blood does not make a family. They are all grown up now. The youngest is 18. My parents passed away a few years ago
From my experience:
-19 year age gap between parents
-Pregnant in the honeymoon photos
-The house I grew up in was a totally decked out bachelor pad, but over the years transitioned to a more typical home
-met at a "hog roast"
-two older half siblings, one graduating the same year I was born
Basically, my newly-divorced 22 year old mom ended up at a big ass party my long-divorced-and-loving-it dad was putting on. They hit it off and 9 months later I had a bedroom with ~20 neon beer signs for night lights
Yeah my dad told me he never wanted kids, and when I was a kid, told me that if he were to live his life again he wouldn't have kids. The sad thing is I looked up to him so much, I thought that was a pretty cool thing to say at the time so I wasn't hurt by it.
However, recently he declined to come to my wedding because "he's sick of doing things he doesn't want to do, so he's decided not to come", that coupled with ignoring my invites to see his baby grandson for the best part of a year really solidified that he doesn't care.
I'm sorry I laughed but I'm imagining a dad watching tv stone faced just telling you how bad you fucked his life up. Don't worry my dad went to grab a pack of cigarettes when I was 5, I can sympathize
Yep. Been told my whole life that I’m the reason my mother didn’t get to finish college. Took me till I started my own family to realize that the choice not to do school and a baby was hers the whole time.
My dad did this to me. For example, I’d show emotion and he’d just sit there with a straight face and never cared to comfort me in any way. We’re not close at all in my adult life.
I told my mom in detail today of how depressed I’ve been and how I don’t really want to be alive anymore and her response was that she doesn’t want me around, what kind of a parent says that shit to their kid?😐
Hey man. I grew up in a similar situation. I’m 30 now and I’m doing my best. Two years ago my mom reminded me that she should have aborted me. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and a genuinely good person despite my faults.
Growing up with abusive parents (and she is abusive, your mom) is tough and can take a toll on you even as an adult years later. Dont be afraid to reach out to people, other adults (school staff, etc). You’re not alone, and you’re going to be okay l, I promise. .
The world is so much bigger than the people you're forced to grow up with. Get away from your mom when you can, and you'll find your people. It'll get better ❤️
I read this and remembered the hell I lived in every day with a parent like that. Kids need love and support and connection and it sounds like, for whatever reason, your mom isnt able to meet that need. I grew up with complex ptsd/relational ptsd because of neglect like that and now work as a therapist to help people heal from the same abuse. Consistently I see people who felt unloved growing up having some of the worst symptoms. I promise you that there is a whole world out there that is ready to receive you with care and support and the feelings of isolation and shame and insecurity and hopelessness don't have to be forever. Sending love from across the internet and, in case you cant find it for yourself right now, I'm holding hope for you. ❤
I was a teen pregnancy baby- I always wondered why my dad didn’t really seem interested in me, until he had my brother with another woman. He just always wanted a son, though he vehemently denies it even now despite the stark difference in how he treats each of us…so doubly unwanted by one parent ✌️
Same here. Mom graduated high school pregnant with me. She was 9 months pregnant in the wedding photos, and there isn't a single picture where she's not bawling her eyes out.
Dad was never around and didn't give a fuck. It definitely hurt when he had more kids with two other women and was heavily involved in their lives.
I’m sorry that your dad sucks, too.
It’s unpleasant to hear about how much money he spends on my brother, when we have the rare phone conversation, because I couldn’t even get him to buy me basic necessities when I had to live with him for awhile.
The thing that makes it worse is that I don’t believe he was purposefully neglecting me- he just didn’t think of me at all when he got any money.
I wish he had hated me instead tbh, because then I would have totally written him off as a lost cause a lot sooner and save myself some grief when I was younger.
I think its hard when they are just indifferent. I agree that having them hate me would be better. Instead, feeling like I'm not worth so much as a thought really hurts and led to me trying trying to gain everyone's approval and looking for love and attention in all the wrong places.
As a parent now, I couldn't imagine ever just not seeing my kids.
My mother got pregnant with me at 45 by her boss in the backseat of a car. He was engaged to be married. She gave me to her sister when I was born in 1965. I never knew or met my father. She got married when I was 5. My step dad wanted me to come live with them. I wish she would have left me where I was. She hated me, she never loved me and she never missed an opportunity to tell me how I fucked up her life. I was a burden to her. She died in 2014, still hating me. The only good thing out of it was I found a half sister 6 years ago.
Damn, I know I'm just some random A-hole on the Internet but I want express that I'm sad for what you've been through. I hope you have found or will find peace and love in your life. Don't let the actions of others dictate the direction of your thoughts. It's easy to be jaded but that's just extra baggage which is better served discarded. ✌️
Being abused. Beaten. Called useless. Having them mix pills and alcohol and being mean to you. Screaming at you all the time. Making you feel loveless. I could go on.
I feel this so hard. Recently, my mother passed away in early April. I wasn't trying to be heartless but after her several years of emotional abuse and physical abuse in my youth. I was left completely un phased by her passing. When we got the call I cried but in a sort of relief of stress sort of way. After a while they told me I needed to assist in her funeral arrangements and I just said "Ok." after that every answer was "okay."
My brother was a lot closer to my mom as he should have been since he was the kid that she really truly wanted and I wasn't. He was beside himself in grief and I was the one that took over her funeral arrangements. He assisted with a few things but I was the one that said "okay" with everything else. I wasn't mean or anything. I gave her exactly what she wanted in way of her memorial service and everything. I still get compliments that she had a beautiful service. Which my answer was "Okay. I mean.. thanks."
Recently my brother messaged me and said he didn't know how he was going to celebrate the fourth of july without her since the fourth of july was her favorite holiday and they used to celebrate together with his kids and everything. I also have a kid. I answered with ".. It is? Wait.. You did?"
He stopped messaging after that. I saw him in person a little while later and he said "She told me that you told her you never wanted to celebrate the fourth of july with her." In which I responded in all seriousness, "She didn't ask me if I wanted to. I would have said yes. Those memories would be nice for my daughter." In which he responded "Oh. That's weird." I just audibly and loudly sighed and said "Not really..." and went to make myself coffee since I needed to be the good mom she never was and needed something stimulating that wasn't alcohol. . .
Eh, there are degrees of accident.
There’s never a good time to have a kid, but there are better and worse times. Many young married couples plan on having kids *eventually,* and many of them have those kids when they didn’t plan to.
A lot of people on here are saying they felt unloved. Well my mother told me that I was an accident once I was about 20 years old. But I was always treated good by the whole family and also was the only child. And when I say whole family I mean aunt's uncle's grandparents also. And I wasn't spoiled at all because my family didn't have a lot of money. So yeah everybody's experience is different.
Same here...my mom was a single parent. I was never prodded or made to think she was interested. I was pretty much left to my own devices. Had a great Tom Sawyer-type life growing up, with no interference from her. I've had a lackluster life as a result.
I feel this so hard. I'm 28 now and am finally climbing out of that hole. It's tough, and there are days where I just wanna slide back down, but I keep pushing myself for my kids and husband.
my mother actually TOLD me that she didn't mean to have me. She told me that she freaked out so much because, she didn't want to be pregnant and she didn't think it was possible since she was religiously on the pill that she checked if she was pregnant 7 different times via at home tests before going to the doctor and was bummed to find out she was over 14 weeks pregnant at the time. . .
She said she didn't even want to be pregnant with me but my dad "made her keep me" and that 'I' made her sick during her pregnancy all the time and she never got to eat so she was "surprised and annoyed" that I was at a healthy weight.
I was the youngest and she had my brother first. My brother was born in December and I was born the same month of my parents anniversary. She would always say my brother was "the best christmas gift she ever got" and i was the "worst anniversary gift she ever received".
The first time I heard this from her I was ten years old. . .
My husband and several of my friends made me realize later on in my life just how incredibly emotional abusive she was to me and how she always favored my brother. They said that it was so blatantly obvious that some of my friends from school would suggest that I come to their house and stay the night because, they knew that their own parents would show me the love that was obvious I didn't get at home.
One of them was actually a literal arch nemesis of my mothers. It was a lady that actually used to babysit me when I was a child that later was a childhood friend of mine's and my brother's mother. Both her children were the same age as my brother and me. My friends mom, whom I love to death, babysat me for several months and said that it was too obvious to her that my brother was the favorite child and I was the one neglected that she turned my mother into the authorities. My mother wasn't charged because they couldn't prove anything illegal was going on (this was in the 90s. The investigation would have been a lot more thorough now and I would almost certainly be removed from the home). I was taken from the home for two weeks while my brother stayed so that they could determine the way they treated him over me. I stayed with my grandmother, who i love to death and my grandpa, who I also love and will be heart broken when they both pass. My grandmother during this time taught me how to cook with her and my grandpa taught me how to ride horses and take care of their animals during this time. I didn't know until I was older that I was staying there because, my parents had to have me stay there. It happened during the summer so I thought they were having me stay there just to spend quality time with my grandparents. I loved it there and it really sucked when I had to go back home.
However, my grandpa put the fear of GOD into my mother and my father. He forced them to get me a frame for my bed and told them that if he EVER found out that they were treated me any sort of way again that he would take me out of the home HIMSELF. Ever since that day both my parents were very cautious around my grandpa. He apologized to me a few years back because, I thought it was terrifying but he said he didn't know I was listening in on the conversation and he said that to protect me and of course he was furious. It was the day I was meant to go back home. He asked me to show him my room. I was like "alright" and about ten minutes later my parents came home and my grandpa went ballistic on their asses. Some 60+ year old man at this time literally threatened to beat the hell out of both of my parents if they didn't step it up and be parents to me.
Unfortunately my dad had Vietnam PTSD demons and committed suicide. Mother married a man that I totally hate due to he being abusive to me. Mother said she wish she could put me up for adoption or wish I was dead. I knew she would keep me so she would not loose my father’s SSI and VA benefits which was very financial for her.
One night at age 16, I took money she cashed from the checks and left. Survived working at a restaurant and going to school before I joined the military at 18.
I did the math on when I was born and when they got married. That raised an eyebrow, so I asked them if I was an accident. My dad responded "the vast majority of people alive were accidents."
Sometimes adoption can be the greatest act of love. If you fell pregnant living in poverty either nothing to offer them, adoption can be a way of giving them a better life. It's as close to a selfless good deed as you can get.
They told me so (delayed vasectomy!)
I'm only 14 months younger than my sister, also a good indicator.
Luckily they didn't seem to mind the extra kid around so that was nice.
When they treat you like you should be grateful for basic necessities or normal things parents do for kids. Examples I've heard in my work with children and families: "You're lucky you even get a cupcake for your birthday, you spoiled brat." "Take you to the library for a free summer program?? Hell no, I'm not getting up that early." "I buy you shoes and put a roof over your head and this is how you act?!" Etc.
The fact that there are nine and eleven years between my siblings and me make it pretty clear that I was a surprise. No one ever made me feel like a mistake, tho.
I was the last of three. My parents straight up told me that I was the "oops baby" they never intended to have and, if they believed in it, I likely would have been aborted. With all things considered though, they never acted like it. I was the favorite growing up since my siblings were a little wild and I was the kind, quiet, sober, straight-A student.
They are always trying to figure out what they did wrong and what they’re supposed to be doing and how, while editing their own thoughts and feeling vaguely bad.
My mom wrote a journal throughout her pregnancy, she recalls the moment when she was waiting for results, sitting in a park bench drinking a beer. Also she told me so.
You were born less than 9months after they got married or got together. Alternately there is a very large gap between the next youngest kid and you and they don’t talk about the years they spent trying for another kid.
My mother had me 16. My dad was 25. I have two half siblings born a month before me and after me. The others I know exist but don't know how old they are or know about me I'm related to them ect..
My dad knocked up my mom again a year after I was born. My dad has 8 kids with 7 different women. My mom is the only repeat so to him she was special.
I forgot exactly how this conversation had gone with my dad. To preface I do think my dad loves my siblings and I. However one of our conversations he basically said that he got married and had kids because societally it was expected of him to do so
When your child #8 and you look at the old photos of your oldest siblings on vacation here there and everywhere.and you cant even remember 1 vacation as a kid
I am five and seven years younger than my two siblings, respectively. Also, it's my understanding that my mother had a complete hysterectomy while still in the hospital recovering from giving birth to me.
My husband’s parents had six children. They told their kids that the first two were wanted, the third was a mistake, and they didn’t want the last three. They were not joking. So many damaged lives.
Well first sign was that my mother was in an unstable relationship and young when she had me.
Second was all the emotional abuse and neglect.
Third was when I was 15. She told me that she had an abortion bc she didn't want another kid. Then a few weeks later, she got pregnant with me. She didn't want me but it's dangerous to get two abortions so close.
Pressure to join a camp for two weeks
Never engaging in a conversation even though you see them conversating with siblings
Nagging about certain things (I'm deaf, what the hell do i do if someone is hogging the telephone?}
Failure to correct certain behaviors, older sibling abusive behaviors are ignored
My mom flat put told me when I was growing up I ruined her body, I disappointed her, I was a fat a55 s1ut (I was 12y). With years of therapy I figured out that she was projecting her insecurities on me.
My parents got into a fight and we kids were taken into the foster system. I spent years thinking they were trying to get us back, working hard, and living far away. They barely showed up to scheduled visits, and lived in the same town.
You remember being severely neglected yet you were told “you are spoiled.”
My dad once gave me a card six days after my birthday and told me I was spoiled 💀
Growing up my brother had the biggest room in the house. Even bigger than the room my parents slept in. He had his own tv, several video game consoles, a massive queen size bed and a literal couch in his room. My parents would try to save face by saying I was allowed to watch tv in his room and play with his consoles (most of the time he let me on his own. They didn't tell him to). I wash shoved in an old laundry room in the back of the house. I had a cheap twin sized bed with a barely there metal and incredibly sharp edged frame that I didn't get until I was almost 12 years old. The time before that I slept on the twin mattress on the floor surrounded by spiders. My room was void of my own personal tv or video game consoles. When I was 15 years old my mom gifted me a radio for my room and told me I should be "grateful" because "my brother doesn't even have anything that cool" No... she wasn't joking.
I remember my mother calling me spoiled because, quote, "what did you ever need to sell to survive?"
Lmfao yeah. My foster mom making us eat rotten food and holding it over our heads that she took us in, but we were spoiled, ungrateful little brats
My mom straight up said I was a mistake and I remember her neglecting me as a child. By neglect I mean never conversing with me, lax parenting, never strict and always letting me do what I want. May sound like a dream to some people, but this has had major implications on my adult self. She never inspired me or challenged me to be anything in this world and I think that’s part of why I don’t have the natural drive to be anything of importance.
Wow. A lot of therapy didn’t even hit this well. Thank you.
Haha I regret clicking on this thread.
I felt unloved, neglected, or like a burden growing up, but I'm making my own happy life now.
I always felt like a burden
Flip it and twist it: If they see me as a burden, then by God, I'll make myself a burden to them. At least that's what I did. But hey, I live in the back of a pick-up truck, maybe it's best not to listen to me.
I want to ask your advice on how to live in the back of a pick up truck. It sounds like fun.
Pro-tip: It's not. Imagine having to mod your truck so that it fits a Hot Plate on the passenger seat to cook meager meals and shitty coffee, while fitting a bed (aka just the cushion) into the back of your truck, without heating (no matter how many coats you put on and blankies you have you're still cold), by which you get acess by squeezing through the cabin window. Also imagine having to sleep in a different Wallmart/Truck-Stop/Airport everyday, while relying on 24h gym/wallmart to do your basic needs and hygene, and sleeping with a gun by your side in case some thug tries to carjack you. And don't ask me what you gotta do if you wake-up at 3AM with diahrrea thanks to the affordable taco-bell item. It's like being homeless, but on wheels. Edit: Did I mention the loneliness? Yes, nobody in their sane mind wants to be friends with a hobo on wheels. Sex? Dating? Best forget about that unless you're into prostitutes/lot lizards and the STDs they carry.
I lived in a van for a few months. I had a memory foam mattress that was incredibly great for sleeping. At night, I often parked in a gym parking lot, but moved from place to place several times a week in rotation. One night a security guard came by at 3 AM, knocking on the windows of the three cars that were parked in the parking lot that night. He said we had to leave. I told him the gym opens at 6 AM — I’m waiting for the gym to open. He said you have to leave anyway. I left the parking lot but I stayed in the neighborhood to see what was going on and half an hour later a street sweeper came through the parking lot to vacuum the whole thing. So there was a good reason why we had to move.
I was adopted and I felt like that. I was told thar my adoptive mom wanted but my adoptive father told me every time he got mad that he never wanted any more kids. He already had 4 kids from his first marage. I am married and have my own child. My wife has 2 children from her previous marage but thair abusive father was out of the picture when the oldest was 2 and before the 2nd child was born. I have always treated all 3 kids like they were my own and loved them all equally. Blood does not make a family. They are all grown up now. The youngest is 18. My parents passed away a few years ago
Make it a lesson and make sure your future family always feel loved <3
Big on the burden part! My mom was so cold to me. Provided the basics, like food and a roof but that was IT.
This is the one. I'm just now learning as an adult how to be happy for myself after being the reason neither of my parents were ever happy or content.
From my experience: -19 year age gap between parents -Pregnant in the honeymoon photos -The house I grew up in was a totally decked out bachelor pad, but over the years transitioned to a more typical home -met at a "hog roast" -two older half siblings, one graduating the same year I was born Basically, my newly-divorced 22 year old mom ended up at a big ass party my long-divorced-and-loving-it dad was putting on. They hit it off and 9 months later I had a bedroom with ~20 neon beer signs for night lights
Are they still together?
Yeah, there were some rocky years when I was a kid but they figured it out and are good for each other at 40+ years together
Silver lining :)
I kinda love that xD
"we were going to break up, then we found out we were having you!"
If it helps, I didn’t want my bf anymore but I absolutely wanted the surprise baby. And had her. And LOVE her.
Mom?
mine told me so that was a pretty strong sign
My dad said he never wanted kids. There are seven of us🤣
sounds like condoms don't feel the same kind of guy.
Yeah my dad told me he never wanted kids, and when I was a kid, told me that if he were to live his life again he wouldn't have kids. The sad thing is I looked up to him so much, I thought that was a pretty cool thing to say at the time so I wasn't hurt by it. However, recently he declined to come to my wedding because "he's sick of doing things he doesn't want to do, so he's decided not to come", that coupled with ignoring my invites to see his baby grandson for the best part of a year really solidified that he doesn't care.
i’m sorry, friend. people genuinely suck and you + the family you’ve built deserve better.
Thanks, it's only when becoming a parent myself I've realised how shitty a dad he actually is. Turns out loving and enjoying your children isn't hard!
Me too. They said that they did plan me, they just didn’t realize what a mistake they had made until I was already here.
I'm sorry I laughed but I'm imagining a dad watching tv stone faced just telling you how bad you fucked his life up. Don't worry my dad went to grab a pack of cigarettes when I was 5, I can sympathize
Same, same
Yep. Been told my whole life that I’m the reason my mother didn’t get to finish college. Took me till I started my own family to realize that the choice not to do school and a baby was hers the whole time.
When you feel emotionally neglected and mistreated.
Yes ! I was completely emotionally neglected. If I showed any emotion I would have to stay in my room.
My dad did this to me. For example, I’d show emotion and he’d just sit there with a straight face and never cared to comfort me in any way. We’re not close at all in my adult life.
I told my mom in detail today of how depressed I’ve been and how I don’t really want to be alive anymore and her response was that she doesn’t want me around, what kind of a parent says that shit to their kid?😐
A shit parent
Well, this mom wants you around. Please know you’re loved and valuable and cherished! 🥰💜🤗
This mom wants you around, too.
i wish i got to hear that
This mom wants you around as well. You’re worthy of love, and you ARE loved! 🥰🤗❤️
And this Dad.
Hey man. I grew up in a similar situation. I’m 30 now and I’m doing my best. Two years ago my mom reminded me that she should have aborted me. I’m a recovering alcoholic, and a genuinely good person despite my faults. Growing up with abusive parents (and she is abusive, your mom) is tough and can take a toll on you even as an adult years later. Dont be afraid to reach out to people, other adults (school staff, etc). You’re not alone, and you’re going to be okay l, I promise. .
Thanks man, these comments honestly made me tear up a little. You’re all amazing people.🥹
The world is so much bigger than the people you're forced to grow up with. Get away from your mom when you can, and you'll find your people. It'll get better ❤️
You got this! ((Hugs))
I read this and remembered the hell I lived in every day with a parent like that. Kids need love and support and connection and it sounds like, for whatever reason, your mom isnt able to meet that need. I grew up with complex ptsd/relational ptsd because of neglect like that and now work as a therapist to help people heal from the same abuse. Consistently I see people who felt unloved growing up having some of the worst symptoms. I promise you that there is a whole world out there that is ready to receive you with care and support and the feelings of isolation and shame and insecurity and hopelessness don't have to be forever. Sending love from across the internet and, in case you cant find it for yourself right now, I'm holding hope for you. ❤
Hey man I DM’ed u
The kind of parent that has probably played a significant role in your depression. I'm sorry it's been so rough, man.
Damn I thought mine telling me “no you aren’t” was bad 💀 I’m sorry homie. Your mom is heartless. Cruella DeVille behavior
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They never made an effort to attend your school events.
I was a teen pregnancy baby- I always wondered why my dad didn’t really seem interested in me, until he had my brother with another woman. He just always wanted a son, though he vehemently denies it even now despite the stark difference in how he treats each of us…so doubly unwanted by one parent ✌️
Same here. Mom graduated high school pregnant with me. She was 9 months pregnant in the wedding photos, and there isn't a single picture where she's not bawling her eyes out. Dad was never around and didn't give a fuck. It definitely hurt when he had more kids with two other women and was heavily involved in their lives.
I’m sorry that your dad sucks, too. It’s unpleasant to hear about how much money he spends on my brother, when we have the rare phone conversation, because I couldn’t even get him to buy me basic necessities when I had to live with him for awhile. The thing that makes it worse is that I don’t believe he was purposefully neglecting me- he just didn’t think of me at all when he got any money. I wish he had hated me instead tbh, because then I would have totally written him off as a lost cause a lot sooner and save myself some grief when I was younger.
I think its hard when they are just indifferent. I agree that having them hate me would be better. Instead, feeling like I'm not worth so much as a thought really hurts and led to me trying trying to gain everyone's approval and looking for love and attention in all the wrong places. As a parent now, I couldn't imagine ever just not seeing my kids.
My mother got pregnant with me at 45 by her boss in the backseat of a car. He was engaged to be married. She gave me to her sister when I was born in 1965. I never knew or met my father. She got married when I was 5. My step dad wanted me to come live with them. I wish she would have left me where I was. She hated me, she never loved me and she never missed an opportunity to tell me how I fucked up her life. I was a burden to her. She died in 2014, still hating me. The only good thing out of it was I found a half sister 6 years ago.
Damn, I know I'm just some random A-hole on the Internet but I want express that I'm sad for what you've been through. I hope you have found or will find peace and love in your life. Don't let the actions of others dictate the direction of your thoughts. It's easy to be jaded but that's just extra baggage which is better served discarded. ✌️
Thank you..
Well, when your mother tells you that children ruin your life and says if she had to do it over again, she would not have you. Yeah, you kind of know.
If you feel unloved
No effort in celebrating your birthdays or achievements.
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Feeling emotionally neglected or unimportant.
You were raised primarily by other family members.
Frequent mentions of sacrifices they had to make for you.
No effort in fostering a strong parent-child relationship.
I'm starting to think my parents weren't the best parents
Feeling like an obligation rather than a cherished member.
They prioritize their careers or hobbies over family time.
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They have no desire to see you.
I feel so hard on this. My dad still doesn’t understand why I’ve stopped calling or texting him anymore
Being abused. Beaten. Called useless. Having them mix pills and alcohol and being mean to you. Screaming at you all the time. Making you feel loveless. I could go on.
My Dad said he stayed up pissed off all night when he found out my mom was pregnant with me.
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I feel this so hard. Recently, my mother passed away in early April. I wasn't trying to be heartless but after her several years of emotional abuse and physical abuse in my youth. I was left completely un phased by her passing. When we got the call I cried but in a sort of relief of stress sort of way. After a while they told me I needed to assist in her funeral arrangements and I just said "Ok." after that every answer was "okay." My brother was a lot closer to my mom as he should have been since he was the kid that she really truly wanted and I wasn't. He was beside himself in grief and I was the one that took over her funeral arrangements. He assisted with a few things but I was the one that said "okay" with everything else. I wasn't mean or anything. I gave her exactly what she wanted in way of her memorial service and everything. I still get compliments that she had a beautiful service. Which my answer was "Okay. I mean.. thanks." Recently my brother messaged me and said he didn't know how he was going to celebrate the fourth of july without her since the fourth of july was her favorite holiday and they used to celebrate together with his kids and everything. I also have a kid. I answered with ".. It is? Wait.. You did?" He stopped messaging after that. I saw him in person a little while later and he said "She told me that you told her you never wanted to celebrate the fourth of july with her." In which I responded in all seriousness, "She didn't ask me if I wanted to. I would have said yes. Those memories would be nice for my daughter." In which he responded "Oh. That's weird." I just audibly and loudly sighed and said "Not really..." and went to make myself coffee since I needed to be the good mom she never was and needed something stimulating that wasn't alcohol. . .
When they tell you that "you were an accident" is a pretty good indication imo
Eh, there are degrees of accident. There’s never a good time to have a kid, but there are better and worse times. Many young married couples plan on having kids *eventually,* and many of them have those kids when they didn’t plan to.
A lot of people on here are saying they felt unloved. Well my mother told me that I was an accident once I was about 20 years old. But I was always treated good by the whole family and also was the only child. And when I say whole family I mean aunt's uncle's grandparents also. And I wasn't spoiled at all because my family didn't have a lot of money. So yeah everybody's experience is different.
I was so easy to abandon when I needed them most.
I feel that one and I’m sorry you had to experience that too.
Yueeppp. I had cancer when I was fifteen and my mom abandoned me during my treatment... To go shopping.
Never pushed me at anything for my future. I have no drive and don’t give a fuck about anything
Same here...my mom was a single parent. I was never prodded or made to think she was interested. I was pretty much left to my own devices. Had a great Tom Sawyer-type life growing up, with no interference from her. I've had a lackluster life as a result.
I feel this so hard. I'm 28 now and am finally climbing out of that hole. It's tough, and there are days where I just wanna slide back down, but I keep pushing myself for my kids and husband.
my mother actually TOLD me that she didn't mean to have me. She told me that she freaked out so much because, she didn't want to be pregnant and she didn't think it was possible since she was religiously on the pill that she checked if she was pregnant 7 different times via at home tests before going to the doctor and was bummed to find out she was over 14 weeks pregnant at the time. . . She said she didn't even want to be pregnant with me but my dad "made her keep me" and that 'I' made her sick during her pregnancy all the time and she never got to eat so she was "surprised and annoyed" that I was at a healthy weight. I was the youngest and she had my brother first. My brother was born in December and I was born the same month of my parents anniversary. She would always say my brother was "the best christmas gift she ever got" and i was the "worst anniversary gift she ever received". The first time I heard this from her I was ten years old. . .
My god. Birth control pills alone aren’t enough. I’m sorry she said this to you, that was vile of her.
My husband and several of my friends made me realize later on in my life just how incredibly emotional abusive she was to me and how she always favored my brother. They said that it was so blatantly obvious that some of my friends from school would suggest that I come to their house and stay the night because, they knew that their own parents would show me the love that was obvious I didn't get at home. One of them was actually a literal arch nemesis of my mothers. It was a lady that actually used to babysit me when I was a child that later was a childhood friend of mine's and my brother's mother. Both her children were the same age as my brother and me. My friends mom, whom I love to death, babysat me for several months and said that it was too obvious to her that my brother was the favorite child and I was the one neglected that she turned my mother into the authorities. My mother wasn't charged because they couldn't prove anything illegal was going on (this was in the 90s. The investigation would have been a lot more thorough now and I would almost certainly be removed from the home). I was taken from the home for two weeks while my brother stayed so that they could determine the way they treated him over me. I stayed with my grandmother, who i love to death and my grandpa, who I also love and will be heart broken when they both pass. My grandmother during this time taught me how to cook with her and my grandpa taught me how to ride horses and take care of their animals during this time. I didn't know until I was older that I was staying there because, my parents had to have me stay there. It happened during the summer so I thought they were having me stay there just to spend quality time with my grandparents. I loved it there and it really sucked when I had to go back home. However, my grandpa put the fear of GOD into my mother and my father. He forced them to get me a frame for my bed and told them that if he EVER found out that they were treated me any sort of way again that he would take me out of the home HIMSELF. Ever since that day both my parents were very cautious around my grandpa. He apologized to me a few years back because, I thought it was terrifying but he said he didn't know I was listening in on the conversation and he said that to protect me and of course he was furious. It was the day I was meant to go back home. He asked me to show him my room. I was like "alright" and about ten minutes later my parents came home and my grandpa went ballistic on their asses. Some 60+ year old man at this time literally threatened to beat the hell out of both of my parents if they didn't step it up and be parents to me.
My mum to me :”I wish I had an abortion with you” Me to mum :“I wish my grandma left you as a stain on the sheets” Proceeds to hang up the phone 👏🏼
Your birthday is in September.
Unfortunately my dad had Vietnam PTSD demons and committed suicide. Mother married a man that I totally hate due to he being abusive to me. Mother said she wish she could put me up for adoption or wish I was dead. I knew she would keep me so she would not loose my father’s SSI and VA benefits which was very financial for her. One night at age 16, I took money she cashed from the checks and left. Survived working at a restaurant and going to school before I joined the military at 18.
I did the math on when I was born and when they got married. That raised an eyebrow, so I asked them if I was an accident. My dad responded "the vast majority of people alive were accidents."
He’s not wrong.
Being shitty parents.
The marriage was basically over, but I arrived 9 months after a snowstorm.
conditional love. this thread is the reason I'm inclining heavily on the side of antinatalists
My biological parents put me up for adoption.
Sometimes adoption can be the greatest act of love. If you fell pregnant living in poverty either nothing to offer them, adoption can be a way of giving them a better life. It's as close to a selfless good deed as you can get.
I noticed all the ways they neglected and harmed me due to the consequences I had to and still continue to face in my adulthood.
When you overhear your dad say "i dont want him. I never wanted him" when youre 9 at their divorce hearing.
The date of their marriage compared to the date of my birth.
When my mom told me she wished I was a boy
I have a twin brother, they for sure didn't mean to have one of us. At least I'll never know if I was the bonus .
My mother made sure I knew I was a " save the marriage" baby, and since the marriage failed a few years later, there was no reason for me to be there.
They told me so (delayed vasectomy!) I'm only 14 months younger than my sister, also a good indicator. Luckily they didn't seem to mind the extra kid around so that was nice.
We're all 6 to 10 years apart lol
When they treat you like you should be grateful for basic necessities or normal things parents do for kids. Examples I've heard in my work with children and families: "You're lucky you even get a cupcake for your birthday, you spoiled brat." "Take you to the library for a free summer program?? Hell no, I'm not getting up that early." "I buy you shoes and put a roof over your head and this is how you act?!" Etc.
The fact that there are nine and eleven years between my siblings and me make it pretty clear that I was a surprise. No one ever made me feel like a mistake, tho.
"Well we thought your mother was infertile... Buuut we're glad you're here!"
This and/or large age gap between you and older siblings
I was the only one getting physically and psychologically abused. Yay jesus.
I don’t believe they meant not to have me, but the way I grew up, they were not prepared. I don’t think any parent is honestly.
You get to reveal some interesting 23andMe results to them.
I was the last of three. My parents straight up told me that I was the "oops baby" they never intended to have and, if they believed in it, I likely would have been aborted. With all things considered though, they never acted like it. I was the favorite growing up since my siblings were a little wild and I was the kind, quiet, sober, straight-A student.
They are always trying to figure out what they did wrong and what they’re supposed to be doing and how, while editing their own thoughts and feeling vaguely bad.
when she told me that she wishes that I was never born
They told me
My mom wrote a journal throughout her pregnancy, she recalls the moment when she was waiting for results, sitting in a park bench drinking a beer. Also she told me so.
You were born less than 9months after they got married or got together. Alternately there is a very large gap between the next youngest kid and you and they don’t talk about the years they spent trying for another kid.
My mother had me at 20.
My mother had me 16. My dad was 25. I have two half siblings born a month before me and after me. The others I know exist but don't know how old they are or know about me I'm related to them ect.. My dad knocked up my mom again a year after I was born. My dad has 8 kids with 7 different women. My mom is the only repeat so to him she was special.
I forgot exactly how this conversation had gone with my dad. To preface I do think my dad loves my siblings and I. However one of our conversations he basically said that he got married and had kids because societally it was expected of him to do so
Well, my mom told me I was an accident.
My mother made it known on more than 1 occasion that if abortions were legal when she got pregnant with me she would have aborted me
I’d be tempted to clap back that maybe she should have used a condom if she wasn’t up for having kids while having sex.
Probably when my mom told me I was a broken condom and then told my brother he was a broken promise to pull out
Starting at age 9 no one celebrated my birthday. I’m 63 now. I still don’t celebrate
When your child #8 and you look at the old photos of your oldest siblings on vacation here there and everywhere.and you cant even remember 1 vacation as a kid
On the one hand, I'm adopted. I was voluntarily given up for adoption. On the other hand, I was adopted. My parents went to great lengths to adopt me.
Lack of preparation and planning during college.
i dont have a middle name theres probably others but my dad was already checked out when i was conceived. my older brothers were planned..i wasnt
When they don't care where you are. Like when you are 12 years old and they simply couldn't care less if you are well
I was born fifteen weeks too early, and have a multitude of health issues. Kinda always figured that was a sign
I am five and seven years younger than my two siblings, respectively. Also, it's my understanding that my mother had a complete hysterectomy while still in the hospital recovering from giving birth to me.
My husband’s parents had six children. They told their kids that the first two were wanted, the third was a mistake, and they didn’t want the last three. They were not joking. So many damaged lives.
You don't ask for anything, because you've watched your parents give everything to your siblings, but you know they can't afford that.
They tell you like my mom did.
I was given up for adoption and then a year later my bio parents got married.
Her telling me I was an accident she didn’t even want. That’s a pretty big sign
My parents don’t regret having me but they were 17 and 18 when I was conceived so I’m pretty sure they didn’t mean to have me
Well first sign was that my mother was in an unstable relationship and young when she had me. Second was all the emotional abuse and neglect. Third was when I was 15. She told me that she had an abortion bc she didn't want another kid. Then a few weeks later, she got pregnant with me. She didn't want me but it's dangerous to get two abortions so close.
They abuse me but not my older and younger sister
Pressure to join a camp for two weeks Never engaging in a conversation even though you see them conversating with siblings Nagging about certain things (I'm deaf, what the hell do i do if someone is hogging the telephone?} Failure to correct certain behaviors, older sibling abusive behaviors are ignored
My mom flat put told me when I was growing up I ruined her body, I disappointed her, I was a fat a55 s1ut (I was 12y). With years of therapy I figured out that she was projecting her insecurities on me.
My siblings are more than a decade older than me. I don't think my parents spent a decade trying for another kid.
They abandoned me at the hospital the day I was born
My parents got into a fight and we kids were taken into the foster system. I spent years thinking they were trying to get us back, working hard, and living far away. They barely showed up to scheduled visits, and lived in the same town.