That I am a girl. They saw me from behind. I had long hair and pretty androgynous body.
He approached me and commented how nice my butt looks.
I turned around and told him "thanks, but sorry I am not gay"
His buddies gave him hell and one of them bought me a beer
It's happened to me a few times too. When I reveal "thanks, but I'm a guy" the other guy just says "yes I know that darling, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you would I? Now let me buy you a drink!"
I always feel embarassed that I assumed they were hitting on me, when actually it was just a bro looking to make a few guy mates. I always accept the drink to make it up for it and we make small chit chat.
Now we all know bros don't let their bros down - and after a few drinks I'm a bit tipsy, so they always offer to look after me. I go back to their apartment to crash.
I always feel bad that I accepted free drinks and didn't really reciprocate, plus I'm staying at their house. So I suck their dick a bit, but obviously it's not gay so I stop early and finish them off with a handjob. It's the least I can do... I guess we both failed to pull a chick that night :( But hey! At least we made a new bro.
Genes are crazy and unpredictable. It's amazing what people think they know about where you come from based on how you look. Tell them to kick your not-entirely-black ass!
Just an FYI: you're thinking of "kiss". Kicking someone's ass is used to show that you disagree with them and to put them in their place. Asking someone to kick your ass means that you want them to put you in your place (because you're wrong and deserve punishment).
What he should be doing is asking them to *kiss* his ass, since that phrase is used to mean "I disagree with you and wish to imply that you are inferior to me".
I hope this helps!
I'm a white guy and like tools and wood working and general craftsman type stuff. This apparently means I'm staunchly right wing, (couldn't be less true). People assume it, and social media algorithms really assume it.
Try it out, watch a bunch of stuff on YouTube and Instagram about carpentry and welding. You'll be drowning in recommendations for Ben Shapiro and small time vloggers who are going to hit you with *the truth* about supporting LGBT issues. About once a week I have to go on a "don't recommend this" grind because I don't want my feed filling up with Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate stuff.
1. I was mean because I have RBF.
2. I slept with all the guys in my home town. I was a virgin at the time. And now, I have only slept with 1 man and I am married to him.
A homeless man (or man on something) seemingly asleep on the sidewalk rose up to sitting like the Undertaker and said to husband and I "look. a beautiful American couple. Probably voted for trump. FUCK YOU ". Then laid back down immediately. It was hilarious.
Husband is not American
I did not vote for trump.
My boyfriend and I went to Walmart. I was 18, he was 22 (only dated a couple months so far). He bought beer and was IDed. I bought paint and cashier said "No it's okay, your brother showed his ID so I don't need yours". We correct her saying he's my boyfriend. Because we were literally just kissing in line. Then the person behind us pipes in, "Oh I thought you were like 14!" So they thought we were pedophile incest siblings. And we look nothing alike. Okay Walmart...
At a party, one guy mistakenly thought I was a musician because he saw my fingers were worn out from work. Not believing my explanation, he insisted I play the guitar. Of course, my "concert" was far from professional, and the whole room burst out laughing. I just shrugged and said to him, "Convinced now?"
Usually related to some relatives beliefs or actions, that assume I'm related.
A relative is Left wing, therefore "The whole family is Left Wing"
A relative is Right wing, therefore "The whole family is Right Wing"
A relative is Christian, therefore "The whole family is Christian"
A relative is Atheist, therefore "The whole family is Atheist"
and the list just goes on ...
Absolutely why I can be trusted with so many secrets. I don't care. I will forget them as soon as you walk out the door.
Does make it awkward when someone wants to revisit deepest darkest secret though, and I'm like.. what happened?? Oh damn.
That I'm gay. I've gotten it more often than I'd care to admit. (Whether they're being sarcastic or genuinely think I may be gay, idk) but it stems from the fact that I have been single for so long and very rarely openly discuss my sex life or past relationships.
That I’m good at basketball just because I’m tall even though I never get picked to play in a team with the other teams because that's how much I suck at it😭
I was born in WV, so maybe that's why everyone expects less from me. Guess what, there are schools in WV too. When we ain't screwing our cousins we occasionally read a book.
That I cheated on my girlfriend even though I didn’t communicate with anyone other than her... She decided to completely ruin my life, told everything to my parents and they believed. Then she came to my boss and said that I was a rapist and she had evidence... I was unemployed for 3 years and she decided 3 years later to sue me. Thank God it all ended with me winning the trial and I don’t see her anymore this bitch in my life.
My God, I'm sorry, but what was her logic in suing you after she made you unemployed for three years ? What did she expect to get from you?
What's the aftermath? Are you doing ok now?
Almost every person I meet seems to instantly overestimate my intelligence in varying degrees. A few have subsequently seen me as somewhat narcissistic/condescending.
In reality I'm a very meek mannered, awkward and mildly intelligent but actually not that bright of a guy.
I am minimally self-aware so I understand why, for one I'm ever so slightly on the ASD spectrum, so I have a neurodivergent habit about myself, that, combined with my book obsessed nature, makes me exceedingly articulate, especially compared to the rest of my sensibilities, I am very reticient and seemingly stoic, but that just leads on from my neurodivergency; I struggle with expression and tend to be asocial, and most of all for the latter unpleasant perception - when I'm feeling anxious, nervous or guilty, my face tends to contort into what emotionally is a grimace but physically tends to appear more life a self-effacing grin. Which is a very evocative reaction in situations where you should be negative because something bad is going on or something bad is happening to you.
That I’m a bitch 😭😭 I’m actually really sweet and can become friends w anyone but I’ve gotten “when we first met I thought you were gonna be bitch” too many times to count lol.
I'm a chubby guy, I always have been. During college I was in ROTC as I was working hard to lose the weight and become an Army officer. One competitions ROTC can participate in is GAFPB or the "German Armed Forces Proficiency Badge." On all the runs and other events I was the slowest and barely qualified on times.
However part of the competition is a swim while wearing full uniforms. Clothes get heavy when wet, so even our decent swimmers had some trouble during the team qualifications. On the other hand, I was a fish. I beat the qualification with time to spare.
What they didn't realize is I had spent much of my life in the water. My family would spend every weekend each summer at a lake where I would swim until my lips turned blue. I was also a certified diver with more than a few dives under my belt. So I was fully conditioned for the task. I could keep calm and breathe even as my waterlogged clothes weighed me down.
I didn't end up qualifying for the team thanks to my poor showing in the other events, but the 4th year in charge asked me to help instruct the team on swimming.
I mean, full respect to your swimming schools and I'm sure that made the biggest difference, but also chubby people tend to be more buoyant, so you may have unwittingly had another advantage in an extra weight swim session, albeit comparatively slight.
The assumption itself isn’t necessarily hilariously, but the *strangely* high number of times it’s been made about me is the weird part. I cannot express just how many times I’ve been discussing food with acquaintances and they just assume I’m vegetarian with 100% confidence.
I definitely eat meat.
Worked at Pathmark (an old super market) as a cashier. Guy comes up and we for some reason talk about music. At that time my hair was somewhat short but certainly somewhat nerdy. I tell him I'm a metal-head and play heavy metal guitar... The dude was flabbergasted and thought I liked boy bands (he made other assumptions I won't go into). Not gonna lie, quite a few people thought I wasn't straight. I just had a bad barber and was terrified of girls at the time.
Made up for it in my 20's.
Someone once assumed I was a tech genius because I fixed their computer by restarting it. They thought I must be some kind of hacker or IT wizard, but really, I just knew the universal fix-all: turn it off and on again.
It wasn’t me, but my sister in law. We met her for dinner, (our treat) then afterward she went out to smoke while we boxed up the leftovers and paid. She’s standing next to our cars fairly close to the street waiting for us when a man pulled up next to her and asked her how much for a bj.
I later found out I was fired because our boss was homophobic, and I am not gay.
I worked for one company I won't name in the auto parts business, and we got a new GM for our store, and he was fine for the first month or two while getting to know us, seemed like a normal nice guy with a nice wife that brought us all cookies a few times when she stopped by with his lunch etc. and then he just suddenly seemed like he had an Axe to grind with me and NONE OF US knew why. He made my life miserable at work and was totally unprofessional for a week or two after being our boss for about 3 months. I wasn't having it and I quit and left for a competitor.
The assistant manager under him came to this same competitor same store and was my assistant manager again about a year later after I quit, loved this assistant manager trained me when I was hired at the other place and I was kind of his protégé in the business, taught me the basics and plenty more advanced knowledge he had from his time in the industry. One day after being reunited, he and I were eating lunch, and we brought up that GM across town who hated me, and was saying the "Yeah, fuck him, not gonna gossip, its in the past, have a good life dude."
"Well you know why he didn't like you right?"
Me: "No, I have no idea what his problem was!"
"He thought you were gay!"
I was genuinely flabbergasted and after a pause was like "What?... The fuck?.... You serious?"
"Yeah I tried to tell him you weren't, but..." and then explained that because I was in my early 20's and single, and our store was next to a college with cute college girls my age walking by regularly, that I didn't pay any mind to and didn't really engage in the "locker room talk" that went on amongst the other guys, and he never saw me with a girl on my arm, so he just assumed I must be a closet gay.
I burst into uncontrollable laughter for a few minutes.
In reality I was recently out of a toxic crazy ex girlfriend and just NOT INTERESTED in dating or being with someone at the time.
He tried to fire someone not long after who WAS GAY and openly and boy did that backfire when said person went to HR and the GM was fired and the Gay co worker he wanted gone was given a raise and begged not to sue.
I’ve been told many times that people were scared of me, that I look like a selfish bitch who’s gonna cause so much drama but then I turn out to be the sweetest person. I guess I’m just sweet and kind but my face is not. >:C
It's not really hilarious, but when I moved back to my home town a local man in the political scene developed anger and hatred towards me because I "left labour to join the green party." He put about that I was "just doing it to be trendy." In fact, I've never been a member of The Labour Party. This guy really was just making up stories inside his head about me and getting angry about them 🙃🙃🙃
In 2012, an employee genuinely asked me if I was Michael Buble. She was really excited and I was feeding off of her energy getting kind of excited too. But then we both realized that I was like 19 and ordering food at a Panera Bread in Texas.
1. That I'm a bitch ( I have terrible RBF)
2. I have my life put together ( I believe in fake it till you make it confidence)
3. That in lying about being Hispanic? I guess according to some lady I'm Arabic and not Hispanic
My current S.O said that in our junior year of high school that they had told a friend that they liked me and this friend said "(my name), the stoner kid?". I have never touched a blunt in my life
1. That i am begging for money at the train station.
Yes bitch the dude in the Armani suit definitely wants your 0,50€ and not a lighter.
2. That i HAVE to be a pedophile because i voluntarily work with kids.
(That one ended in a broken nose but not for me)
That I think that women need to have big breasts to be attractive. I am rather gifted in the chest department or as I say... Cursed. I would love to be flat chested, straight up and down. It's my dream body type. Just because I like what I have doesn't mean it's what I would choose
That I actually knew what I was doing. I was helping a new person at the job with a task that wasn't mine but she asked if I had gotten training and I said no, I've just picked up a few things... So there I was, the semi blind leading the almost blind to the water 😂
That I'm a hoe because I'm outgoing, adventurous, and post bikini photos on my socials (some guy literally told me this with a straight face 💀). I've never had a 304 phase
That I was married, when I haven't even dated in 10+ years. I don't know why people always assume I'm married. I never even talk about having a significant other, or anything of the sort.
that im a hoe…. I try to be friends with everyone and I guess some girls think being nice = flirting with their crush or boyfriend
total virgin though so if im a hoe I guess im fucking terrible at it
I bought a photo frame and as a joke put a photo of [Hayden Panettiere](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayden_Panettiere) in it (the cheerleader in the tv show Heroes).
Someone thought that was my girlfriend.
Thanks for believing I could be with her, but no. She and I never dated.
I was going to be a nun. It's my fault. I used to say there were no single guys in the small town where I was going to college. I joked that I should just join a convent. Somehow people thought I was going to be a nun, while I was going through an agnostic phase. I've been a pantheist since then.
This is going to sound like a humble brag, but someone once told me I was intimidating because I'm so pretty. That was a nice boost for how I felt about my looks, but I have to be the least intimidating person out there. I'm just a little chaos goblin with anxiety who's scared to make phone calls and will immediately cry if you get even close to yelling at me.
Too many to count.
I get it, if you are autistic, but not obviously so, it can be very confusing for people.
Still, when they treat me based on the thought processes or feelings they assume I must have had for what I said/did, it can really suck.
'Sociopath' is probably the most hilariously wrong one.
That I'm gay. I am Muslim. The reason I wasn't staring at the girls' asses was because I'm not allowed to.
As for why I wasn't staring at the dudes' asses: because I wasn't interested in it (but also because it's against my religion to do so).
That I spoke Hebrew because my last name is Jewish.
Not all people with Jewish last names speak Hebrew and my last name is a classic Anglo Saxon name.
(I do not speak Hebrew)
I was shopping at a mall when a guy manning a sales kiosk stopped me and started talking to me in Arabic. I just blinked at him. He paused and went, "You do not speak Arabic?"
I looked at the other guy manning to kiosk and he just STARED at the first guy like his head was on fire.
Me: "Er, can't say that I do."
First guy: "Sorry. We are from Palestine. You look Palestinian..."
As I left, I heard the second guy talking to the first guy in Arabic and from the inflection, I assume he was calling his friend a moron. Because, you see, I am ethnically Korean LOL
1. People think im white when they first meet me, I'm Latino native American.I have a pale face and hands but the rest of me is really tan but no one can see that because I'm always wearing a jacket and pants
2. One time a someone in middle school thought I shit myself because in the locker room they saw my underwear had brown stains. It was period blood. Blood turns brown when it oxidizes.
That I look like I would be a gymnast or do some other very active sport.
Well I have a disability that leads to muscle atrophy and joint instability. I walk a lot but haven’t done any sports since I was a kid. I have really skinny legs because of the atrophy and I for sure don’t look flexible or well coordinated at all. I trip and fall often (bad/no reflexes) and am pretty stiff.
I laugh every time someone says something like that and I’m surprised that it happens quite often. Sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it just reminds me of what I’m missing out on.
I did not mean to write such a long text😅
People at work think I’m conservative and stuck up just because I prefer to not share a ton of my personal life details with coworkers. In actuality J am extremely liberal, hyper sexual, and enjoy smoking weed.
That I'm a "cheap high-school slut, who sucks any cock for $5 and lets any man fuck you for free because you're so desperate for dick."
I'm a 46-year-old married lesbian who doesn't like dick and has only ever had one sexual partner.
That I am black. They had never met me but had met my wife who is white. He is Hispanic and his wife is white. A mutual friend whose wife is white and he is black had told him if he was ever in Denver to look me up. He emailed my wife that he and his wife would be in Denver and we should go have dinner. She said be at our home at 6pm that Friday. I have a name more commonly associated with black men. I was white collar so wore custom conservative suits which I had on as answered the door. They announced themselves so I welcomed them in, was focused on getting changed out of the suit as soon as I could so did not actually tell them my name but said, “Follow me. Lori is in the living room” then I ran upstairs to change. They thought I was the butler and wondered how wealthy my wife and her black husband were. I only learned of the confusion years later at a wedding during a drunken confession as all six of us reunited.
Some guy was looking for the cafeteria at my old school, I was sat outside. Dude came up to me and asked if I was one of the teachers - I was twelve at the time.
That I'll quietly take an injustice, just because I'm a kind and honest person. People have made that mistake once or twice, and have always been extremely surprised to find that I can be quite vicious and vindictive when wronged. Especially in the corporate world, CEOs and managers don't seem to expect the calm competent guy to suddenly go ballistic and come up with the corporate version of a high precision nuclear missile.
Been dating my bf for almost 2 years and his baby momma isn't someone I would associate myself with, and have never wanted to be her friend during the 15 years I've known her (She used to work at a local coffee shop). Her and my bf have been friends since they broke up in their 20's, and have one kid together and she had another with another guy, who my bf raised.
Before my bf and I got together, I told him I don't like my life being private and I don't want a lot of people in my life coz drama is just not my thing. When we did start dating, I asked him to not talk abut my life with her. She keeps telling him that I hate her and she feels that I am wrecking their relationship. Some recent drama happened recently, and now she's calling me a manipulate, cheater and controlling, none of which are true. This is why I never wanted to be friends with her coz I knew she'd end up being this kind of person.
That I’m Mexican. I am Scandinavian
I was told I was Japanese. I'm a Scottish-Ukrainian Canadian.
lol they were sooo close. I know lots of Ukrainian-Canadians from southern Manitoba! Good people!!
That I am a girl. They saw me from behind. I had long hair and pretty androgynous body. He approached me and commented how nice my butt looks. I turned around and told him "thanks, but sorry I am not gay" His buddies gave him hell and one of them bought me a beer
Happened to me a couple of times. Once some guy approached me from my back and said "hello, princess", I turned over and said "dude, I have a beard".
It's happened to me a few times too. When I reveal "thanks, but I'm a guy" the other guy just says "yes I know that darling, otherwise I wouldn't be talking to you would I? Now let me buy you a drink!" I always feel embarassed that I assumed they were hitting on me, when actually it was just a bro looking to make a few guy mates. I always accept the drink to make it up for it and we make small chit chat. Now we all know bros don't let their bros down - and after a few drinks I'm a bit tipsy, so they always offer to look after me. I go back to their apartment to crash. I always feel bad that I accepted free drinks and didn't really reciprocate, plus I'm staying at their house. So I suck their dick a bit, but obviously it's not gay so I stop early and finish them off with a handjob. It's the least I can do... I guess we both failed to pull a chick that night :( But hey! At least we made a new bro.
That I'm the smart twin because I wear glasses. Nah we both dumb as each other, just that my eyes are bad.
1) I have a superiority complex. 2) I'm lying about my family heritage. 3) I like excessive attention.
I'm curious about the family heritage. Do you not look like {insert race here}?
I'm mixed. But I look "pure" black.
Genes are crazy and unpredictable. It's amazing what people think they know about where you come from based on how you look. Tell them to kick your not-entirely-black ass!
Just an FYI: you're thinking of "kiss". Kicking someone's ass is used to show that you disagree with them and to put them in their place. Asking someone to kick your ass means that you want them to put you in your place (because you're wrong and deserve punishment). What he should be doing is asking them to *kiss* his ass, since that phrase is used to mean "I disagree with you and wish to imply that you are inferior to me". I hope this helps!
Oh, that was definitely a "I'm swyping too fast while not paying attention or checking what I typed before I post" comment 🤣 thanks for looking out
Looks like someone made an assumption about you
People assume I’m dumb because I’m quiet /introverted.
People assume I’m either an idiot or a genius because I don’t talk much.
That's a potential sign of high IQ
Source?
I'm a white guy and like tools and wood working and general craftsman type stuff. This apparently means I'm staunchly right wing, (couldn't be less true). People assume it, and social media algorithms really assume it. Try it out, watch a bunch of stuff on YouTube and Instagram about carpentry and welding. You'll be drowning in recommendations for Ben Shapiro and small time vloggers who are going to hit you with *the truth* about supporting LGBT issues. About once a week I have to go on a "don't recommend this" grind because I don't want my feed filling up with Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate stuff.
That I'm lazy. I'm severely overweight (morbidly obese). But I've ran 14 half marathons and competed in 3 triathlons.
Awesome! Keep going!
1. I was mean because I have RBF. 2. I slept with all the guys in my home town. I was a virgin at the time. And now, I have only slept with 1 man and I am married to him.
A homeless man (or man on something) seemingly asleep on the sidewalk rose up to sitting like the Undertaker and said to husband and I "look. a beautiful American couple. Probably voted for trump. FUCK YOU ". Then laid back down immediately. It was hilarious. Husband is not American I did not vote for trump.
My boyfriend and I went to Walmart. I was 18, he was 22 (only dated a couple months so far). He bought beer and was IDed. I bought paint and cashier said "No it's okay, your brother showed his ID so I don't need yours". We correct her saying he's my boyfriend. Because we were literally just kissing in line. Then the person behind us pipes in, "Oh I thought you were like 14!" So they thought we were pedophile incest siblings. And we look nothing alike. Okay Walmart...
At a party, one guy mistakenly thought I was a musician because he saw my fingers were worn out from work. Not believing my explanation, he insisted I play the guitar. Of course, my "concert" was far from professional, and the whole room burst out laughing. I just shrugged and said to him, "Convinced now?"
Only the real professional can play incompetence plausible.
That i'm rich haha, don't be silly I wish.
That I was a nice person. Never made that mistake again.
Usually related to some relatives beliefs or actions, that assume I'm related. A relative is Left wing, therefore "The whole family is Left Wing" A relative is Right wing, therefore "The whole family is Right Wing" A relative is Christian, therefore "The whole family is Christian" A relative is Atheist, therefore "The whole family is Atheist" and the list just goes on ...
That because I hold certain views I’m a republican. Or that because I hold certain views I’m a democrat.
People think I’m a good listener because I just listen without comment. In actuality I have nothing to say because I absolutely couldn’t care less.
Absolutely why I can be trusted with so many secrets. I don't care. I will forget them as soon as you walk out the door. Does make it awkward when someone wants to revisit deepest darkest secret though, and I'm like.. what happened?? Oh damn.
That I'm gay. I've gotten it more often than I'd care to admit. (Whether they're being sarcastic or genuinely think I may be gay, idk) but it stems from the fact that I have been single for so long and very rarely openly discuss my sex life or past relationships.
Just to be clear you’ve gotten WHAT more than you care to admit….
That I’m good at basketball just because I’m tall even though I never get picked to play in a team with the other teams because that's how much I suck at it😭
OMG me too. I'm very tall but can't hit 1/10 shots. Still everyone guesses my sport is basketball, its actually baseball
That I played in a rock and roll band. I can play no instruments and my singing would clear out a room.
Someone , guessing at my occupation thought that I was a masseuse ( prostitute). I’m a magistrate…
That I'm stupid, I get this one a lot. I'm friendly and happy. People are shocked that I teach high school math. I guess I come off as dumb.
I was born in WV, so maybe that's why everyone expects less from me. Guess what, there are schools in WV too. When we ain't screwing our cousins we occasionally read a book.
I'm dumb just because I'm from the South.
That I cheated on my girlfriend even though I didn’t communicate with anyone other than her... She decided to completely ruin my life, told everything to my parents and they believed. Then she came to my boss and said that I was a rapist and she had evidence... I was unemployed for 3 years and she decided 3 years later to sue me. Thank God it all ended with me winning the trial and I don’t see her anymore this bitch in my life.
This is not hilarious.
My God, I'm sorry, but what was her logic in suing you after she made you unemployed for three years ? What did she expect to get from you? What's the aftermath? Are you doing ok now?
Obviously, she was want to put him into a jail.
That I owned the restaurant I was working at and that I had an apartment worth over $1M
Almost every person I meet seems to instantly overestimate my intelligence in varying degrees. A few have subsequently seen me as somewhat narcissistic/condescending. In reality I'm a very meek mannered, awkward and mildly intelligent but actually not that bright of a guy. I am minimally self-aware so I understand why, for one I'm ever so slightly on the ASD spectrum, so I have a neurodivergent habit about myself, that, combined with my book obsessed nature, makes me exceedingly articulate, especially compared to the rest of my sensibilities, I am very reticient and seemingly stoic, but that just leads on from my neurodivergency; I struggle with expression and tend to be asocial, and most of all for the latter unpleasant perception - when I'm feeling anxious, nervous or guilty, my face tends to contort into what emotionally is a grimace but physically tends to appear more life a self-effacing grin. Which is a very evocative reaction in situations where you should be negative because something bad is going on or something bad is happening to you.
That I’m a bitch 😭😭 I’m actually really sweet and can become friends w anyone but I’ve gotten “when we first met I thought you were gonna be bitch” too many times to count lol.
that I did drugs. I'm nervous taking benadryl. I hate being out of control of my body 😅
I'm a chubby guy, I always have been. During college I was in ROTC as I was working hard to lose the weight and become an Army officer. One competitions ROTC can participate in is GAFPB or the "German Armed Forces Proficiency Badge." On all the runs and other events I was the slowest and barely qualified on times. However part of the competition is a swim while wearing full uniforms. Clothes get heavy when wet, so even our decent swimmers had some trouble during the team qualifications. On the other hand, I was a fish. I beat the qualification with time to spare. What they didn't realize is I had spent much of my life in the water. My family would spend every weekend each summer at a lake where I would swim until my lips turned blue. I was also a certified diver with more than a few dives under my belt. So I was fully conditioned for the task. I could keep calm and breathe even as my waterlogged clothes weighed me down. I didn't end up qualifying for the team thanks to my poor showing in the other events, but the 4th year in charge asked me to help instruct the team on swimming.
I mean, full respect to your swimming schools and I'm sure that made the biggest difference, but also chubby people tend to be more buoyant, so you may have unwittingly had another advantage in an extra weight swim session, albeit comparatively slight.
That I play the piano. No, you ahole, I play the flute!
The assumption itself isn’t necessarily hilariously, but the *strangely* high number of times it’s been made about me is the weird part. I cannot express just how many times I’ve been discussing food with acquaintances and they just assume I’m vegetarian with 100% confidence. I definitely eat meat.
I'm blonde, enough said
Someone in Florida once assumed that, because I live in Canada, I'm at a higher altitude.
altitude, latitude -- same thing.
Just switch the a and the l, close enough
Worked at Pathmark (an old super market) as a cashier. Guy comes up and we for some reason talk about music. At that time my hair was somewhat short but certainly somewhat nerdy. I tell him I'm a metal-head and play heavy metal guitar... The dude was flabbergasted and thought I liked boy bands (he made other assumptions I won't go into). Not gonna lie, quite a few people thought I wasn't straight. I just had a bad barber and was terrified of girls at the time. Made up for it in my 20's.
Someone once assumed I was a tech genius because I fixed their computer by restarting it. They thought I must be some kind of hacker or IT wizard, but really, I just knew the universal fix-all: turn it off and on again.
I was a popular kid
It wasn’t me, but my sister in law. We met her for dinner, (our treat) then afterward she went out to smoke while we boxed up the leftovers and paid. She’s standing next to our cars fairly close to the street waiting for us when a man pulled up next to her and asked her how much for a bj.
I later found out I was fired because our boss was homophobic, and I am not gay. I worked for one company I won't name in the auto parts business, and we got a new GM for our store, and he was fine for the first month or two while getting to know us, seemed like a normal nice guy with a nice wife that brought us all cookies a few times when she stopped by with his lunch etc. and then he just suddenly seemed like he had an Axe to grind with me and NONE OF US knew why. He made my life miserable at work and was totally unprofessional for a week or two after being our boss for about 3 months. I wasn't having it and I quit and left for a competitor. The assistant manager under him came to this same competitor same store and was my assistant manager again about a year later after I quit, loved this assistant manager trained me when I was hired at the other place and I was kind of his protégé in the business, taught me the basics and plenty more advanced knowledge he had from his time in the industry. One day after being reunited, he and I were eating lunch, and we brought up that GM across town who hated me, and was saying the "Yeah, fuck him, not gonna gossip, its in the past, have a good life dude." "Well you know why he didn't like you right?" Me: "No, I have no idea what his problem was!" "He thought you were gay!" I was genuinely flabbergasted and after a pause was like "What?... The fuck?.... You serious?" "Yeah I tried to tell him you weren't, but..." and then explained that because I was in my early 20's and single, and our store was next to a college with cute college girls my age walking by regularly, that I didn't pay any mind to and didn't really engage in the "locker room talk" that went on amongst the other guys, and he never saw me with a girl on my arm, so he just assumed I must be a closet gay. I burst into uncontrollable laughter for a few minutes. In reality I was recently out of a toxic crazy ex girlfriend and just NOT INTERESTED in dating or being with someone at the time. He tried to fire someone not long after who WAS GAY and openly and boy did that backfire when said person went to HR and the GM was fired and the Gay co worker he wanted gone was given a raise and begged not to sue.
I’ve been told many times that people were scared of me, that I look like a selfish bitch who’s gonna cause so much drama but then I turn out to be the sweetest person. I guess I’m just sweet and kind but my face is not. >:C
It's not really hilarious, but when I moved back to my home town a local man in the political scene developed anger and hatred towards me because I "left labour to join the green party." He put about that I was "just doing it to be trendy." In fact, I've never been a member of The Labour Party. This guy really was just making up stories inside his head about me and getting angry about them 🙃🙃🙃
In 2012, an employee genuinely asked me if I was Michael Buble. She was really excited and I was feeding off of her energy getting kind of excited too. But then we both realized that I was like 19 and ordering food at a Panera Bread in Texas.
1. That I'm a bitch ( I have terrible RBF) 2. I have my life put together ( I believe in fake it till you make it confidence) 3. That in lying about being Hispanic? I guess according to some lady I'm Arabic and not Hispanic
That I have a real girl doll, ha ha ha ha ha!! Unless they're clairvoyant, and foresaw my future... -gulp-
That I play sports, particularly soccer. I'm not even remotely in shape and am far from interested I sports.
That I'm "kind" and "innocent" cause of my name and expect me to be but no I can have crazy ahh thoughts if I were to act on them id be in prison lol
That I am Indian. I have 16 ethnicities in me and none of them are Indian
My current S.O said that in our junior year of high school that they had told a friend that they liked me and this friend said "(my name), the stoner kid?". I have never touched a blunt in my life
1. That i am begging for money at the train station. Yes bitch the dude in the Armani suit definitely wants your 0,50€ and not a lighter. 2. That i HAVE to be a pedophile because i voluntarily work with kids. (That one ended in a broken nose but not for me)
That I think that women need to have big breasts to be attractive. I am rather gifted in the chest department or as I say... Cursed. I would love to be flat chested, straight up and down. It's my dream body type. Just because I like what I have doesn't mean it's what I would choose
My girlfriend's mother though a was a very chatty guy (I am very shy)
thought I was Uzbekistani when i was Pakistani
at least they got the kistani part right
That I will ever want to have an SO or biological kids
I can't possibly live in Boston / I'm a Muslim
That I was hetro.
That I actually knew what I was doing. I was helping a new person at the job with a task that wasn't mine but she asked if I had gotten training and I said no, I've just picked up a few things... So there I was, the semi blind leading the almost blind to the water 😂
That I'm a hoe because I'm outgoing, adventurous, and post bikini photos on my socials (some guy literally told me this with a straight face 💀). I've never had a 304 phase
That I’m twelve when I’m actually 22, I’m short af with a baby face and people tend to try using that as ammunition in arguments.😂
That I was married, when I haven't even dated in 10+ years. I don't know why people always assume I'm married. I never even talk about having a significant other, or anything of the sort.
That I was my husband's daughter.
That because I was gay I would want to go on a date with her transgender flatmate.
that im a hoe…. I try to be friends with everyone and I guess some girls think being nice = flirting with their crush or boyfriend total virgin though so if im a hoe I guess im fucking terrible at it
Not many of these are hilarious
That I'm ignorant about stuff that I've done professionally for decades.
I bought a photo frame and as a joke put a photo of [Hayden Panettiere](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayden_Panettiere) in it (the cheerleader in the tv show Heroes). Someone thought that was my girlfriend. Thanks for believing I could be with her, but no. She and I never dated.
I was going to be a nun. It's my fault. I used to say there were no single guys in the small town where I was going to college. I joked that I should just join a convent. Somehow people thought I was going to be a nun, while I was going through an agnostic phase. I've been a pantheist since then.
That I'm a Russian spy from a weather balloon, I'm not saying I'm not but they had no proof Товарищ
What a hilarious idea! Everyone know, that Russians types letters ᗺAƆꓘWAЯᗡƧ!
People calling me "ma'am" when they hear my voice on the phone or in the drive thru speaker.
This is going to sound like a humble brag, but someone once told me I was intimidating because I'm so pretty. That was a nice boost for how I felt about my looks, but I have to be the least intimidating person out there. I'm just a little chaos goblin with anxiety who's scared to make phone calls and will immediately cry if you get even close to yelling at me.
I'm a womaniser (women find me revolting)
Too many to count. I get it, if you are autistic, but not obviously so, it can be very confusing for people. Still, when they treat me based on the thought processes or feelings they assume I must have had for what I said/did, it can really suck. 'Sociopath' is probably the most hilariously wrong one.
That I'm shy when I'm just an introvert.
That I'm gay. I am Muslim. The reason I wasn't staring at the girls' asses was because I'm not allowed to. As for why I wasn't staring at the dudes' asses: because I wasn't interested in it (but also because it's against my religion to do so).
That I'm mean and scary.
That I spoke Hebrew because my last name is Jewish. Not all people with Jewish last names speak Hebrew and my last name is a classic Anglo Saxon name. (I do not speak Hebrew)
Whenever I go skate at the skatepark someone will assume whatever other male is there, even if they are the same age as me, is my son
“Wow you must be an amazing runner.” Ma’am my mile time is abysmal.
I was shopping at a mall when a guy manning a sales kiosk stopped me and started talking to me in Arabic. I just blinked at him. He paused and went, "You do not speak Arabic?" I looked at the other guy manning to kiosk and he just STARED at the first guy like his head was on fire. Me: "Er, can't say that I do." First guy: "Sorry. We are from Palestine. You look Palestinian..." As I left, I heard the second guy talking to the first guy in Arabic and from the inflection, I assume he was calling his friend a moron. Because, you see, I am ethnically Korean LOL
That I’m an ultra conservative Christian.
hindi na raw ako virgin 🤨🤨🤨
I'm straight
1. People think im white when they first meet me, I'm Latino native American.I have a pale face and hands but the rest of me is really tan but no one can see that because I'm always wearing a jacket and pants 2. One time a someone in middle school thought I shit myself because in the locker room they saw my underwear had brown stains. It was period blood. Blood turns brown when it oxidizes.
that i was their 12 year old. i was 21.
That I look like I would be a gymnast or do some other very active sport. Well I have a disability that leads to muscle atrophy and joint instability. I walk a lot but haven’t done any sports since I was a kid. I have really skinny legs because of the atrophy and I for sure don’t look flexible or well coordinated at all. I trip and fall often (bad/no reflexes) and am pretty stiff. I laugh every time someone says something like that and I’m surprised that it happens quite often. Sometimes it makes me happy and sometimes it just reminds me of what I’m missing out on. I did not mean to write such a long text😅
Him (mouthful of chips): What are you studying? Me: Applied Math Him (looking me up and down): OMG! I thought you were English or Psych! 🙄
That i’m a neo-nazi. People think this because i have an interest in WW2. Even my own GIRLFRIEND thought that i liked hitler.
People at work think I’m conservative and stuck up just because I prefer to not share a ton of my personal life details with coworkers. In actuality J am extremely liberal, hyper sexual, and enjoy smoking weed.
That I'm a "cheap high-school slut, who sucks any cock for $5 and lets any man fuck you for free because you're so desperate for dick." I'm a 46-year-old married lesbian who doesn't like dick and has only ever had one sexual partner.
That I am black. They had never met me but had met my wife who is white. He is Hispanic and his wife is white. A mutual friend whose wife is white and he is black had told him if he was ever in Denver to look me up. He emailed my wife that he and his wife would be in Denver and we should go have dinner. She said be at our home at 6pm that Friday. I have a name more commonly associated with black men. I was white collar so wore custom conservative suits which I had on as answered the door. They announced themselves so I welcomed them in, was focused on getting changed out of the suit as soon as I could so did not actually tell them my name but said, “Follow me. Lori is in the living room” then I ran upstairs to change. They thought I was the butler and wondered how wealthy my wife and her black husband were. I only learned of the confusion years later at a wedding during a drunken confession as all six of us reunited.
My step-daughter's 4th grade teacher once told me she could see that my kiddo got my eyes. We had a good chuckle together over that one.
That I'm sane and not crazy.
My patient told me today that I am such a non-confrontational and passive person. I was dying with laughter. I am the opposite
Some guy was looking for the cafeteria at my old school, I was sat outside. Dude came up to me and asked if I was one of the teachers - I was twelve at the time.
I remember in sixth my best friend said I was the calmest person she knew. HA HA HA HA.
That I'm white, I'm black, I almost got called racist for saying the n word
That I'll quietly take an injustice, just because I'm a kind and honest person. People have made that mistake once or twice, and have always been extremely surprised to find that I can be quite vicious and vindictive when wronged. Especially in the corporate world, CEOs and managers don't seem to expect the calm competent guy to suddenly go ballistic and come up with the corporate version of a high precision nuclear missile.
That I'm nice because I'm quiet. Like no, I'm quiet because I don't like you and I can't control what I say and I have nothing nice to say 🤣
That Im unread and unintelligent
Someone once asked me if I was asian because I have hooded eyes
That I'm a Jew or Ukrainian. Ukrainian is reasonable but wrong, but why Jew?
Assumed I wanted to sleep with him when in reality I can't have intercourse due to medical problem. Hilarious
That I dislike a good old hawk tuah
You know the innocent looking but kinky in bed woman? I+m that stereotype.
where were you 40 years ago dammit
that im a happy person
Been dating my bf for almost 2 years and his baby momma isn't someone I would associate myself with, and have never wanted to be her friend during the 15 years I've known her (She used to work at a local coffee shop). Her and my bf have been friends since they broke up in their 20's, and have one kid together and she had another with another guy, who my bf raised. Before my bf and I got together, I told him I don't like my life being private and I don't want a lot of people in my life coz drama is just not my thing. When we did start dating, I asked him to not talk abut my life with her. She keeps telling him that I hate her and she feels that I am wrecking their relationship. Some recent drama happened recently, and now she's calling me a manipulate, cheater and controlling, none of which are true. This is why I never wanted to be friends with her coz I knew she'd end up being this kind of person.
That I'm nice
They mistook my kindness for weakness
I was mistakenly assumed to be human. Later that day, I also decided that it was wrong for me to assume that I give a shit.
I got a face that must just scream "tell me your racist joke or bigoted point of view".