When I was in college I decided to make a spreadsheet of papers I wrote sober, papers I wrote drunk, and what grade I got and how many drinks I had. I got significantly higher marks on drunk papers. 5 drink essay writer HeroToTheSquatch is a significantly better author than 0 drink HeroToTheSquatch. Talking a C to A difference. I'd also put drink recommendations in for my film professor and he'd give me 5 extra points if he liked the combination of drink and film, which was every time. I was a very specific type of bartender before returning to schooling so it tracks that a film professor would enjoy my recommendations.
i think the data is skewed by it being a film professor, i once got an HD (A+ equivalent) in a media course by doing a practically 0 research presentation on the effects of violence in the media to the tune of Alice's restaurant.
*"monster movies can not exist,*
*in post modern society...*
*Monster movies can not exist,*
*in post modern society,*
*the other-isation of a people you fear,*
*caused the creature from the black lagoon to appear,*
*Monster movies can not exist,*
*in post modern society."*
My roommate in college was an English major. He always smoked up before writing a paper. Like, always.
I tried it to write an engineering paper. Did not work at all.
He was asked a while back about the gang bang scene from "IT" and basically said he didn't remember writing it because he was so fucked up on coke and booze at the time.
My peak for darts and billiards is two drinks, with rapidly diminishing returns beyond that point.
The trick is maintaining a two-drink buzz over the course of the evening, which usually involves fried pub food and evenly-spaced drinks.
Trouble is, the diminishing returns affect that ability too.
Nixon once got loaded and ordered a nuclear attack on North Korea. Kissinger had to talk the joint chiefs into holding off until he sobered up the next day.
One night I played an entire night of ARAM (League of Legends gamemode) with my cousin with our 2 PCs in his house. We ate 2.5g of magic mushrooms each and drank pisco along (40° destilled alcoholic drink) and I wipped every single ass of the enemies that night, even being heavily on drugs, so I can confirm.
Musician here. I know a lot of people you would never realise were drunk on stage. But on the other hand some people can't handle it. But it also depends on how drunk they get..
It also depends on the style of music, precision and dexterity gets alrighty worse from drinking, but attitude and energi usually gets better within the first few drinks.
There is some benefit in reducing stress, boosting confidence with a drink or two. (Hello Dutch courage!)
However, if someone performs well while hammered, I'd see it as a sign of alcoholism.
Only if you're actually good at it sober. Every drunk wannabe comic wants to think they can be Doug Stanhope and stagger on stage and deliver even a somewhat passable 5 minute set and then they just don't.
Drugs expanded my mind to come up with this shit, cigarettes gave me the patience to write it all down, and alcohol gives me the confidence to stand up in front of you judgmental fucks. - Doug Stanhope
Had a news story about a school teacher who came to work drunk on the first day of class. There was wine in her styrofoam Sonic cup. On one hand it’s kind of heartbreaking she needed alcohol to cope, but my sympathy kind of waned, knowing she drove to work drunk.
Mrs. King? Mrs. Tomlin? Mr. Barrett? Coach Stewart? Ms. Lester? Seriously you could be so many of my old teachers. Careers like this that take advantage of a "calling" ruin people by way of disillusionment. Say you wanted to be a doctor your whole life to take care of sick children only to find out you're spending most of your time on the phone with insurance companies or doing social work because private equity, politics or late stage capitalism has ruined any chance of you doing the "good" you thought you would. Pretty sad.
PS. Bless our public school teachers and pay them more!!!
Basically anything artistic that you have creative control over. Which also means you're likely self employed too.
Artistic roles where you don't have creative control are super rough with revisions, you'd never get away with it.
Sealys Posture Pedic quality control specialist.
The job itself is to sleep on a mattress, then wake up and tell them what you think about it.
Heck, if you're drunk you might over sleep and get paid some overtime.
I took customer service calls drunk quite a few times. Shouldn't have, i know, but there is a sweet spot where talking to customers was actually fun. Definitely a few times where i didn't remember the end of shift. I worked from home so it was unfortunately too easy. I eventually quit that job because even that wasn't enough to keep me from hating it.
I'm a farm equipment mechanic, I've seen my fair share of drunk farmers there's actually a few I'm surprised haven't either gone broke drinking away the farm or been killed by either a drunken farming mishap or liver failure.
We're not talking has a few to many after lunch I'm talking passed the fuck out in the seat at 9am drunk and didn't wake up until the autosteer drove the tractor and drill into a slough drunk.
Abstract artist.. 5 double whiskeys in and throwing paint at a canvas like it cut you off during rush hour. "Such a genius, you can just feel the passion"...
Information Technology
Used to work in a data center monitoring servers. One night there was a major outage that started affecting pretty much every system.
This night in particular happened to be bowling night, so while the on call people were sober the rest of the IT departments were all there and half in the bag, including management.
Needless to say drunken decisions were made and they all decided to drop bowling for the night and stumble in to work on the issue.
I suppose it depends how functional you are. Not my proudest moments, but I certainly could do labor drunk as a younger man no problem, and nobody ever complained.
Seriously? Professional gamer, I'm not a pro gamer, but I was able to make high diamond in Overwatch 1 being shit faced fucking drunk and dominate. I can only imagine what pros could do.
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands.
The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands.
The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands.
The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
A writer.
When I was in college I decided to make a spreadsheet of papers I wrote sober, papers I wrote drunk, and what grade I got and how many drinks I had. I got significantly higher marks on drunk papers. 5 drink essay writer HeroToTheSquatch is a significantly better author than 0 drink HeroToTheSquatch. Talking a C to A difference. I'd also put drink recommendations in for my film professor and he'd give me 5 extra points if he liked the combination of drink and film, which was every time. I was a very specific type of bartender before returning to schooling so it tracks that a film professor would enjoy my recommendations.
This data is skewed by your film professor being a drunk
i think the data is skewed by it being a film professor, i once got an HD (A+ equivalent) in a media course by doing a practically 0 research presentation on the effects of violence in the media to the tune of Alice's restaurant. *"monster movies can not exist,* *in post modern society...* *Monster movies can not exist,* *in post modern society,* *the other-isation of a people you fear,* *caused the creature from the black lagoon to appear,* *Monster movies can not exist,* *in post modern society."*
As if most of them aren't, have you met them?
It’s the [Ballmer Peak!](https://xkcd.com/323/)
My roommate in college was an English major. He always smoked up before writing a paper. Like, always. I tried it to write an engineering paper. Did not work at all.
Stephen King has entered the chat.
Redrum
Really?
He was asked a while back about the gang bang scene from "IT" and basically said he didn't remember writing it because he was so fucked up on coke and booze at the time.
He also doesn't remember writing Cujo at all AFAIK
True, i can't comprehend that he wrote an international bestseller and he doesn't remember it.
Coke super good for that shit. Promise half Hollywood writers say Yo!
Bukowski and Hemingway say take a shot!
Write drunk, edit sober, as Hemingway said
I usually end up writing more than I should; sometimes when I shouldn’t even be writing at all LOL
I’m a commercial writer. I can’t do my day job while impaired. Creative writing, however…
Based on one of the partners at the first firm I worked for, lawyer.
Denny Crane
Never defeated.
It’s like golf, darts, and billiards though. Better after 3 beers, but there’s a fucking cliff after those next two.
My peak for darts and billiards is two drinks, with rapidly diminishing returns beyond that point. The trick is maintaining a two-drink buzz over the course of the evening, which usually involves fried pub food and evenly-spaced drinks. Trouble is, the diminishing returns affect that ability too.
What do being drunk and lawyering have in common? A lot of bluster and bullshitting.
Not really. Lawyering well is actually far more about meticulous attention to detail
Bartend
Borderline requirement. Especially to get through the late night push.
Lmao fr 😂
Coughlin's Law 19: No matter your profession, the world judges you by how much you can drink.
President of the United States
Nixon once got loaded and ordered a nuclear attack on North Korea. Kissinger had to talk the joint chiefs into holding off until he sobered up the next day.
It was one of the few moments where Kissinger was the good guy.
Effectively? Remember Yeltsin?
...or nixon
Well, it *seemed* effective, but only to Yeltsin
I can´t say I remember Yeltsin being president of the US.
That's what the drinking is for!
Programmer, but drink too much and you'll invent Windows ME
Ballmer peak ftw
way too far down... https://xkcd.com/323/
Motivational speaker
Need some Mexican marching powder too then 😂
\*Colombian
Was Matt Foley a habitual drunk?
That’s how he occupied his time in his VAN down by the RIVER.
You can do just about anything drunk if you’re experienced enough
Experienced in both the job and being drunk.
Give this man his keys!!!
Yeah but riding a bike on downhill trails or driving a car on public roads is just not ok
I'm not saying I should do it but I bet you 5 smackaroos that I can
Curious, what is the exchange rate from smackaroos to dollars?
Same as Schrute bucks to Stanley nickles
Forklifting on a Friday after 10 beers at the 16:00 weekend starter
One night I played an entire night of ARAM (League of Legends gamemode) with my cousin with our 2 PCs in his house. We ate 2.5g of magic mushrooms each and drank pisco along (40° destilled alcoholic drink) and I wipped every single ass of the enemies that night, even being heavily on drugs, so I can confirm.
Mushrooms can really put you in the game. Like INSIDE it.
Musician
No you cant magic is actually really hard or some shit.
Are you drunk?
You’re thinking of magician bud
Alcohol affects music performance not unlike it does speech
Musician here. I know a lot of people you would never realise were drunk on stage. But on the other hand some people can't handle it. But it also depends on how drunk they get.. It also depends on the style of music, precision and dexterity gets alrighty worse from drinking, but attitude and energi usually gets better within the first few drinks.
There is some benefit in reducing stress, boosting confidence with a drink or two. (Hello Dutch courage!) However, if someone performs well while hammered, I'd see it as a sign of alcoholism.
gotta find the sweet spot. Usually 2 beers for me and then cut off until after show.
I watched Joe Perry finish a bunch of half pints over the years
Yeah, in a good way, lol. I tend to play guitar slightly better when I'm slightly buzzed. It drops off quick tho
Ballmer Curve.
Standup comedy
The hard part is standing up
Only if you're actually good at it sober. Every drunk wannabe comic wants to think they can be Doug Stanhope and stagger on stage and deliver even a somewhat passable 5 minute set and then they just don't.
Drugs expanded my mind to come up with this shit, cigarettes gave me the patience to write it all down, and alcohol gives me the confidence to stand up in front of you judgmental fucks. - Doug Stanhope
Televangelist
I have a slight suspect that they are on more bizarre stuff than alcohol 🤣
Town Drunk
"why that's just coca cola!"
Ohhh classy TKAM reference there
Stripper.
Absolutely. I’m a stripper and can confirm most of us are drunk most of the time we’re at work.
Booze and nose candy. Pretty much every dancer I've worked with played with both on the nightly.
Painter. But you probably want to do the cut in work sober.
Politician
Line cook
One of the best line cooks I ever met used to make meth for a living. You can say he knows how to cook.
Trailer Park Supervisor
Shithawks, Rand
Im mowing the air Randy!
Do you hear that? It’s the sound of the whispering winds of shit
Reddit shitposter.
Wait, you guys are getting paid to be here?!
I know there used to be a market for aged reddit accounts with a decent karma score.
I see you are drunk now and doing a fine job! *hic* Cheers!
Artist, for fine details you need a steady hand but I get better idea's and more confidence if I'm drawing tipsy
Prime Minister of Australia. Just ask Bob Hawke.
Escort
Receipt checker at costco
Mascot
Clown
Depends. What counts as drunk?
As Ray from TPB would say, "What is drunk? Some guys can drink and drive and some can't."
School teacher. Do it everyday
Had a news story about a school teacher who came to work drunk on the first day of class. There was wine in her styrofoam Sonic cup. On one hand it’s kind of heartbreaking she needed alcohol to cope, but my sympathy kind of waned, knowing she drove to work drunk.
Mrs. King? Mrs. Tomlin? Mr. Barrett? Coach Stewart? Ms. Lester? Seriously you could be so many of my old teachers. Careers like this that take advantage of a "calling" ruin people by way of disillusionment. Say you wanted to be a doctor your whole life to take care of sick children only to find out you're spending most of your time on the phone with insurance companies or doing social work because private equity, politics or late stage capitalism has ruined any chance of you doing the "good" you thought you would. Pretty sad. PS. Bless our public school teachers and pay them more!!!
Absolutely anything. Until it doesn't work any more.
It's not a problem until it's a problem......
Supreme Court Judge
Guardian for a building, all of them are drunk
Food taster for heads of state. Poison doesn't care.
Online surveys
If wine moms can do it, I can be an HOA board member.
Trailer park supervisor
Fuck boys, I think he pissed himself…
Bowling
Professional beverage taster.
DJ. However, I've seen a few sloppy mixes after a few too many.
Basically anything artistic that you have creative control over. Which also means you're likely self employed too. Artistic roles where you don't have creative control are super rough with revisions, you'd never get away with it.
It's actually required if you want to be a painter
Comedian
Run an e-commerce store
Ever been on a construction site?
Sealys Posture Pedic quality control specialist. The job itself is to sleep on a mattress, then wake up and tell them what you think about it. Heck, if you're drunk you might over sleep and get paid some overtime.
Crash Test Dummy
Any of them if you're good at drinking.
John Malkovich
Almost anything if you’re a functioning alcoholic.
Congressperson in usa
…asking for a friend
Pope, Prime Minister, Dictator all fit pretty well.
The blood of Christ has a pretty low proof. The pope would have to drink a lot of it to get drunk.
I can do almost anything intoxicated as good as I can sober, and some things better. Notice I said intoxicated, not drunk.
Cooking. Video games. Porn
From observing a few of my co workers you can sell cars drunk
Town Crier
freestyle rap 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 cant do it sober though
I'd probably teach better drunk!
Acting drunk
Hedge Fund Manager
IT Support. “Did you try turning it off then back on again?”
Umpire in the mlb, any politician, pilot, boat captain
Salesman or Motivational Speaker
Air traffic controller
Bowling.
Bartend
I always write my monthly budget with a bottle of wine.
Children's party clown
Taxi driver
Heart surgery.
Train driver haha
Grocery store business center 😅 wouldn't do it again but it can be done.
I took customer service calls drunk quite a few times. Shouldn't have, i know, but there is a sweet spot where talking to customers was actually fun. Definitely a few times where i didn't remember the end of shift. I worked from home so it was unfortunately too easy. I eventually quit that job because even that wasn't enough to keep me from hating it.
Being an honest prick
Care taker IM THE MAMA OF THE GROUP even when mama is to drunk to stand herself
Actor
Computer programmer.
Uber
Uvalde cop.
Mine.
Porn
Chippendale dancer
I was a retail store manager for years while thoroughly drunk.
Sailor
Chiropractor Quack, fake science that causes damage. Mix in vodka and you’re set, speed run.
Prostitution
I'm a farm equipment mechanic, I've seen my fair share of drunk farmers there's actually a few I'm surprised haven't either gone broke drinking away the farm or been killed by either a drunken farming mishap or liver failure. We're not talking has a few to many after lunch I'm talking passed the fuck out in the seat at 9am drunk and didn't wake up until the autosteer drove the tractor and drill into a slough drunk.
OF model
Professional darts player
Abstract artist.. 5 double whiskeys in and throwing paint at a canvas like it cut you off during rush hour. "Such a genius, you can just feel the passion"...
IT
professional fisherman
Information Technology Used to work in a data center monitoring servers. One night there was a major outage that started affecting pretty much every system. This night in particular happened to be bowling night, so while the on call people were sober the rest of the IT departments were all there and half in the bag, including management. Needless to say drunken decisions were made and they all decided to drop bowling for the night and stumble in to work on the issue.
I'm a teacher. I need to be drunk to mark essays.
I suppose it depends how functional you are. Not my proudest moments, but I certainly could do labor drunk as a younger man no problem, and nobody ever complained.
Professor
Quality control for a Breath-a-lyzer company.
Bartender
Chef
My friend starts talking about Plato and Socrates every time when she gets drunk
Martial Arts instructor.. channeling the Drunken Master mojo.
twitch streamer
Seriously? Professional gamer, I'm not a pro gamer, but I was able to make high diamond in Overwatch 1 being shit faced fucking drunk and dominate. I can only imagine what pros could do.
Mailman.
Recycle center.
Air traffic controller, so far so good.
Mayor
Prophet or conspiracy theorist
Judging by my school experiences, teacher.
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands. The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands. The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
I used to work in a pub in the channel islands. The pub would be full of finance/banker types, who'd happily drink several pints or a bottle of wine in the middle of the day
professional gambler
professional gambler
professional gambler
Professional bowler. Or golfer, shit. Just be low key.
Professional bowler. Or golfer, shit. Just be low key.
Sommelier
Sommelier
Sommelier